Threedom - Gazz Prizzes Are Hizzer Than Izzer

Episode Date: October 1, 2026

Scott, Lauren, and Paul discuss Instagram algorithms, foldable phones, and parades before answering listener voicemails. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/shop Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lemonada. For 50 years, Canadians have wondered what the names of IKEA furniture mean. Like Natopa, the guardrail for children's beds. Natopa means giving your favorite person room to grow. It means their safety and your piece of... No. In Swedish, Natapa means night monkey. Mark!

IKEA, 50 years of Swedishness at home. Look, he's wearing little pajamas. So cute. Hey guys, we're Elizabeth Chambers and Marissa Hermer. You may know us from television, business, and other things. We're talking about the stuff that really matters. Every week we're celebrating women and getting real about divorce, dating, motherhood, sex, friendship, and everything in between. It's honest, hilarious, unfiltered, and proof that this chapter of life is the best one yet.

So if you're ready to laugh, feel seen, and join the conversation, come hang out with us. This is The Dash. Listen and subscribe to the dash Wherever you get your podcast Freedom Oh, freedom's in trouble Freedom Talk it to me

Yeah, like that Exactly Yeah Threatom Threedom? Freedom Hi everyone Welcome to Threatom once again

Hi Lauren Hi Paul Hi Scott Hi Scott I won't say hi to either of you Why are you like this? Why are you like this? I said hello when you walks in the room

I don't need to do it performatively on mic. Yeah, I guess that's true. Every time you've done it on mic, it's because you didn't say hi in the room. I have no choice but to respect that. You have no choice. I have no choice. It'll be kicked out.

What? I just saw film Practical Magic 2 last night with my friends. Now, the original was called Practical Magic. It's called Practical Magic 1. Yeah. I've often said that if you make a sequel retroactively, you have to go back and add the number one to the first one. Because that's what everybody's going to call.

It would feel better in my VHS collection to see one, two. Yes. The Fast and Furious franchise, by the way, has fucked up the alphabetical of it all by calling themselves Fast 10, Fast and Furious. Fast 8. That's tough. Fate of the Furious. Yes.

Ugh. Terrible. Terrible furious. It should be Fast and Furious. Fat and the fat man. Jake and the fat man. No, Jake got fat. Fat and the first.

Now it's just called two fat men. Now it's called fat and the fat men. Two and a half fat men. Two and a half fat man. Not to bring up Chuck Lori. We apologize. We're not trying to. Look.

We're not. It doesn't mean we have to talk about Stuart fails to save the universe, which you can watch on HBO Max. It doesn't mean we have to talk about that. Really enjoying the show, Lauren. Thank you. And I think you're terrific on it.

Thank you so much. I say performatively on Mike. I appreciate that more than in real life. I know because you already told her that. I saw you say. Barely, yeah. But now I want the credit from the public for being a good friend. Yeah.

I just did comedy bang bang yesterday and Scott said he's seen the first episode, which might be a lie. No, I did see the first episode. I believe him. Yeah. But that was all I could fit into my sked. So you could muster. Sorry, I'll get to it eventually.

I'm good. Just like you watched every episode of comedy bang bang, baby the television show. And listen to the podcast. I don't need to do that to support you. And you don't need to support me. No. But I enjoyed practical magic too. I'm glad for you.

I love to watch practical magic at Halloween time. And I really hadn't seen it until I was an adult. So it's kind of a newer fave for me. Is the song Lime and the Coconut in this movie? I don't want to give any spoilers. But thank God it is because as I was waiting and when it finally happened, I was like, yes. This is Midnight Margaritas? We needed it.

We needed it. And is everybody back? Everybody's back. You're talking, of course, Nicole and Sandra. Yeah. Of course they're back. Yeah. Diane Weist?

Yes. Of course. Yes. But not the kids. We don't want them back. Stocker Channing? Yes. Yes.

And then we have Lee Pace, who is one of the hottest people on earth. The guy I did Seth Myers with. Oh, wow. Interesting. The guy I did Pushing Daisies with. Wow. I love pushing daisies. That's my original Lee Pace crush.

Sure. Sure. Did you watch Halt and Catch Fire? No. That's a different... What is that? Lowren. Because I always think that's like Hunger Games.

It's not. That's Hunger Games. Halt and Catch Fire, you're telling me, doesn't sound like Hunger Games. It does. You're right. I'm not saying that. Yeah, yeah. I'm not saying that.

Is it like that? It is not like that. Is it like Game of Thrones? No, it's set in the world that we live in. Earth. We've maybe had this conversation. Because this title to me speaks of, of Game of Thrones speaks of.

Right. Get that out of your little pebring. I'll tell you one thing, though, it's set in the 1980s. That I'm fine with. Can you imagine all the people watching this TV show? The characters have no cell phones. No, they, every scene here, they blinded me with science in the background. Every single scene.

Science! It's loud. Yeah. No, Holland Catch FIRE is a great show. Yeah. Okay. Well, now I'm curious. It's four seasons, I believe. I got to say, I watched the first two and it was iffy on it, and then everyone says three and four are amazing.

Well, Jay and I watched the pilot, and we did not, when it aired, and we were like, nah, I don't think so. And then we kept hearing how good it was. So we're like, okay, let's take a, we'll watch a couple of episodes in the road. That's where I'm at. I'm at, I want to watch DTF St. Louis, because I hear it. Yes. Let's all take a vacation together and just watch TV in our separate rooms.

Yeah, I'd love to go to one of those places. and you know Thailand or wherever it is where it's yeah maybe Bali where you have you live in a hut that's on the water and there's one plug

and it's just for our iPads yeah and we watch TV that sounds great yeah you can't actually sounds really cool no responsibilities I mean look look

we go in the pool for one hour a day I would not hate it if somebody said you can go here it's free but you do have to watch TV all day and be like

oh look I guess I could try that No, wait, you off mic did say something about practical magic house, which is why we paused our conversation. All right. This, I believe, I learned from my gals at the Too Scary Didn't Watch podcast that when Practical Magic came out, Barber Streisand wanted to buy the house. I was watching the movie going, I want to live there. Yeah.

Yeah. I wanted to buy the Goonies house, so I understand. The problem was it was not a real house. It was a facade and then some sets It almost looked like a dollhouse when they first see it in this movie Do you see the exterior though? Yeah You do the exterior is beautiful

That's a facade Yeah A facade As the French say Yeah Why Do they have a menageretso in time Do you wah

It's beautiful They had a fight and they reached rapproche maule So she tried to buy it and they were like Sweetie that's a movie Yeah They're like honey You were in a couple You can't buy this

Why don't you go build a mall You know what I just watched on the plane? What? A monster on the wing? Clouds? I saw a monster on the wing. It was so scared.

It was the Barbara Streisand movie, The Mirror Has Two Faces. Oh, yes. Fucking fantastic. Can I tell you my reviews that movie at the time, which I did not see, by the way. Yeah. The Mirror Has Two Faces could kiss both my asses. That's nice. But let me tell you something.

For people out there who don't know. Because I always thought this movie was going to be some. super sappy drama. It's a rom-com. The mirror has new faces? It is a standard rom-com film. It is fantastic. I highly enjoyed it.

I was watching kind of going, I can't believe no one ever told me to watch this. Put a pin in talking about it and we'll watch it on Scott hasn't seen it. I'm busy. By the way, I've seen it. I don't, you know, isn't it supposed to be like the guest also hasn't seen it? No, the guest can see it.

We'll tape it tomorrow, so you'll have just watched it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I love this movie. Who is the opposite? Jeff Bridges. Jeff Bridges. And the... Tron?

It's a really fun premise. The character from RIPD? But it's really cute and they're both really likable and it's just a fun rom-com. Rest in police detective. Can I... Exactly. Rest in police. We should change it to Rest in police when a member of the are fine folks in the...

So Paul really wants to tell me something, but you won't stop talking. The moment has passed. No. Tell us. I can't say it now. No. I hate when people do that. Say the last thing you said.

Is that about that with that? Okay, go now, Paul. No, the moment has passed. No, I literally hate when people do that. It's not worth it. Okay. I promise you it's not worth it. Okay.

I'll pay you, I'll pay you $50 to say it right now. Okay. Okay, go ahead. All right. You know what? You're adorable and you're really funny. Hey, wait, that was worth saying. Well, it's nice to hear.

here. But disconnected from when you originally said those things. I want my money back. Give him 50. I didn't even give it to me yet. You have to pay him. No. It wasn't worth it. You said it on recording. I think it was worth it. You were warned. You were caveat mTOR. I can't do this. I can't do this anymore.

I can't do this with you too. With you guys. Can I say yesterday I was in a really bad mood? I do want to know the end of the Barbara Streisand thing. Did she buy, did she build the house or herself or no? No, she did not. Oh, she just wanted to buy it. She was dissuaded from the idea that the house was real. She understood, but doesn't she have a mall in her basement? She does, yeah, much like Marie Antoinette. She has a man, a couple minutes ago. You said that? Yes, he did say.

When? On Mike. What were you saying around? I said, I said it on Mike. What did you say? He said, why don't you go build a mall underneath your house? Was I talking over you? Probably. Okay, so that's why. One hundred percent chance. So that's why I didn't know that. Guys, it's fun to talk. It is so much fun to talk that sometimes you just have to talk over other people. You have to do. You have to trust that they're having as much fun as you are. With gas prices, this is how you have to talk over other people.

Gas prices. With gas prizes, this is. Gas prizes are his or this. Guys, you'll be intrigued probably to know that my Instagram algorithm has changed. Remember I was getting a lot of racist. Oh, yeah. Race is getting beat up. I still get some of that.

I saw some guy in an airport. It's nice when racists get beat up. Yeah. But now I'm getting pretty much exclusively bosses sending horrible texts to their employees and people commenting on. Oh, there's one that's an account that is Hollywood assistants or something. Have you seen that? I've seen that, yeah. And it's people showing like.

This is like in other non-Hollywood jobs, just bosses. Mean bosses. Bosses basically like. Hallible even? saying things, you know, like someone saying, hey, I can't come in. My husband is in the hospital. And it's really touch and go.

And I'm saying, like, you need to get a note from the doctor, you know, stuff like that, you know. And you love that. And you're clicking heart, heart, heart. It's strangely cathartic for some reason. You're getting in the comments saying, let's hear the boss of the story. Yep. I feel like before we knew about algorithms, I feel like I had conversations where people were like, Instagram is just girls and bikinis.

You know, you're like, no, that's your Instagram. Now, to be fair, though, on Instagram, that's absolutely what happens. Yeah. But there was... To be fair, though, they keep feeding those in there and trying to hook you. Look, if I like one, I like them all. There was something on... I was talking about YouTube and the shit that gets suggested to you on YouTube.

So we said, well, that's your algorithm. I'm like, I don't think so. Yeah, I can't all be that. No, they do. Absolutely not trying to watch this stuff. Yes, they do steer you into various things. and try to get you into them sometimes. Famously, it's been how they're feeding

like this horrible extreme right shit bosses. They're feeding bosses. Horrible. They're feeding bosses horrible. Have you watched that channel where they feed bosses horrible stuff? It's so funny. I actually would watch that. That's a new hot one idea.

It's like undercover boss, but you get to strap your boss into a chair and just feed them like dirty fish. Force feed them like a goose? Yeah. Goose. That's how we get Patei. Yeah. That would be weird. It would be weird.

You think that would be weird. It would be slightly odd. That would be slightly odd. I think I would like that. It would be slightly off, but always on. Whoa, TBS? I do wonder how. No, I have C. Thank you.

RIP. D. I do wonder if these text messages. Rest in peace, dear. Rest in peace, dear. There was a movie called RIPD, starring Ryan Reynolds and Jeff Bridges. I've never heard of that. What year did that come out?

19002, I think. That's old. This is the second movie. Ryan Reynolds, was he just hot off of... Pizza Place? Two guys, a girl on a pizza place? It was that period where he was not a movie star, but he was starring in movies. Not yet a woman.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm not a movie star, but I'm starring in movies. The plot of the movie, which I'm going to say have almost watched 10 times. Yeah. I remember someone falling out of a window. That's great. Yes, because it's... shooting at them or something.

It's this world where on the police force, there are some ghosts. Ghosts. Ghosts. It's like dead people police, right? Yeah. Isn't it based on a comic? This is very much a...

I think it's based on a comic. Oh, because I would say this is very much a thought of a title, wrote a movie situation. And Jeff Bridges plays like a old cowboy guy, like a Doc Holiday kind of guy. Who's a ghost? And Ryan Reynolds is the real person.

And he's like, I got a deal with this crazy-ass ghost. Yeah. Good idea. That's why I've almost watched it 10 times. R-I-P-D. All right. Yeah. I do wonder about my text algorithm thing of these horrible bosses if they're all fake.

That's the one thing like if I'm reading that. Well, a lot of things like that are. And then that's just, you know what? I feel like you're wasting my time. Although on one hand you said you enjoyed it. Something happens and I'm head over heels. I never find out until I'm head over. heels.

What about it? What else? Okay. You waste a time. You don't wait my time. Don't throw it away. I see. I see.

Ding. Ding-dong-d-ding-d-ding-dong. Ding-dong-ding-dong. Ding-dong. Ding-dong. Nah, nah. Let's go into a jude. Nah, nah, nah, nah. Nah.

No. No. No. No, no, no. Hey, hey, Jude. Nah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hey, huge, Jude, chute, too, tut, too, too, too, too, to, too, too, to, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, hey, Jude, Jude,

Everyone who listens to us Everything seems fake these days though So Scott preach No, because see that's how we prove we're real It was like this conversation could have been AI But we just did that Yeah, could AI do that? No, everything is fake

And Mike accidentally put on an AI podcast He realized it very quickly But it was about a topic specifically He was interesting And he was like, why does it sound like this? Then he just was like, this is AI. I accidentally put on it. Well, it was a subject I was interested in.

So it was a YouTube thing of like, why did this happen? I put it on. And there's a guy. And they've been putting in fake ums in there. And I learned it was AI. I like figured out like, oh, this isn't a real guy because it, the ums were really weird. Like, so. So why did this happen?

Um, I think because. And then it goes into like, why? What the fuck are we doing? I don't know. I hate it. It's really bad. And I also hate, yeah, I hate, but with, so my argument, my counterpoint with the Instagram thing is like, well, it is like entertainment and you are entertained. If someone's just writing it.

If someone's writing it. But I'm also like, but that's not fun and that's not cool. And that's not the point. We're watching, we're reading those things. It's fair and it's not nice. To think that it's real. But also like, what if all of these racist getting punched videos are staged? No.

Who would be willing to act like they're a racist who got punched? There was, I saw it. For $50? All. Oh, my gosh. Wait, what? Just say something bad and I'll punch you. No.

I still don't get my $50. I don't have it on me. He's going to demo it. You don't have $50 on you. A tea bill. That'll grow. But it won't show. I, what the fuck?

Okay. So I saw on TikTok this series of AI videos. Mm-hmm. Of a guy who makes these like, laser etched dog tags with a patriotic, you know, design on like an eagle with the stripes of the flag. For patriotic dogs. Yes.

And my dog loves America. It's actually crazy. Every, everything is I, I just was trying to sell my patriotic dog tags, my patriotic necklaces. Right. And then a liberal came up and punched me. And then. No. No.

That would never, by the way, that would never have. No, it's him. He has a little stand on the street, you know, with a table. And then he's smiling. And then somebody comes, pink hair comes up to him and just like punches him. And then runs away laughing. And then it cuts to him like crying and picking up his patron.

Why would he made himself look like a loser? Every video, every video he gets punched. Every video he cries. Every video gets punched. A million different versions of this. There were early ones. where people liked them, and then he was like, this is not working.

And then he started getting punched. That's insane. It's really, why are we doing any of this? I'll find it. I'll find it. But nothing we watch is any good, right? Like on our phones? Yeah.

Nah. No. We should just throw it away. Do you remember when the phone was so magical? Yeah. It was so magical. I remember actually got. Ahoi.

After my, well, you really remember that. Not that far back. I mean, no, I mean our cellular telephones. I, when, the smartphones. I had a razor, you know. Yes. And then I, right when I moved to L.A., it was hot pink. Right when I moved to L.A., I got a Samsung phone.

It was, iPhones had just come out a little bit before that, but they were still expensive. And I mean, they are expensive now, but it was more expensive than the Samsung phone. And I had the Samsung for a second, but then everyone was getting the iPhone. and I went, I just returned it and got the iPhone. And I actually regret that. Do you really? You wish you were a green buggler. Because the green bubble people are really happy.

Are they? Are they? They are. Or are they just trying to convince us. They are. They don't seem that happy. Yeah. I know a couple and they will never trade it in.

Yeah, because they're, it's out of spite. Yeah. That's how you know they're truly not happy. They always say the camera's really good. They always say the camera's really good. I do agree with that. Sometimes I'll be out of a concert and people. taking pictures and I'll go, God, that looks so clear.

God, fuck. It's like a telescope took that. Fucking Hubble phone. What the hell? Fuck you. Fuck you and fuck all of you. I've almost switched because I really like the foldable Samsung. That's like you can close it.

And then now iPhone's making one like that, but it's like as big as a book. No, no, no. I don't want to have a book. I want it to be like this, my iPhone size, and I fold it in half vertically. Why? I want to close it. What about the new foldable iPhone or are you interested in that? That's what I just said.

Hereditary noise. You were busy clicking your tongue like a fucking hereditary creep. No. No. No. Both at the same time. Oh, no. He's unstoppable.

What are you whispering? I had a funny joke I couldn't say. I'll tell you off, Mike. All right, we do have to take it. I got to hear it on Mike. All right. Bye. Money is one of those things you're just expected to understand as an adult.

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things that I can't say on Mike too hot to handle you'd be canceled I'd be cancelled, but you know what? It was worth it just to get that smile out of your mouth. Right, mails. When I say your mouth, smiling. When I see their smiling mouth. Smiling face. One of the cutest kids I've ever seen on the internet is a little boy who says he can run real fast.

And then he's a little southern boy. And the off-screen voice says, how fast can you run? And he says, 40 pounds. 40 pounds. Oh, today, here's another Emmy story, being very cute. She wants to play act with me as a baby, her as the mom, and cool up as Santa. And so she's like the go-between. She's saying, what do you want for Christmas?

Baby, I'm like, a bicycle. And she's like, Santa, can baby have a bicycle? and Kulap is saying like, Oh, Ho Ho! Um, have you been, have you?

You don't want to hear that from Santa. A-I-I-Santa. Um. Have you been a good? Has baby been a good little boy? And then she'll say, have you been good? And I say,

yes, yes. Have you been picking up your puzzle pieces? Which is something she didn't do last night. And she says, have you been picking up your puzzle pieces? I'm like, yes. And then she goes,

have you been nice to your mommy? daddy and Emmy says he doesn't have a daddy because it's just her and single mom who works your jobs and Gullough says what happened to daddy and she looks very sweetly he says he died

amazing I think I told yeah I'm sure I told you this but one time Janie who loves sleep and yet gets up before you. Yeah. Not to, you know, talk about your intimate things.

Yeah, I also don't know how you know that. Because she's always texting very early. Okay. Reading into it. Doesn't mean I'm asleep. Well, maybe. I am asleep. Maybe she texting Scott privately and says you're a son.

I hear things. I hear things. I hear things. She, uh, I said something to her about, how much she loved sleep. And she says,

I wish I could just sleep and sleep and sleep and never wake up. And I said, that's death. And she went, I know. It does sound amazing. I woke up at probably, right?

Probably four or so. And I have that worry where, you know, I feel like what interrupts sleep is like the real world, like a real world issue enters your mind. And you're like, oh, no, now I got to worry about this.

People have stopped being polite and they started being real. in my dream. Oh, in my dream last night, I was in like a parade. And thanks. It was cool. And this like model was like on stilts or something and someone was trying to throw something at her. And she goes like in complete Gigi voice, she goes, no me do it.

But she was in. I was like, that's so funny. This model's talking like Gigi. I was like fully like. She's so stupid. No me do it. To be taller. It was great parade.

The Lauren Lapkiss was there. There was a model on stilts. Some people were throwing things at her. She responded. She talked like a caveman. Do you like parades? I mean, I like him at Disneyland enough. Enough to, I mean, if it was just me, no, I would know.

It's probably the best parade situation. is Disneyland. I love parades, actually. I think they're really sweet. All kinds. I will say a super local thing. Yeah. Like almost a neighborhood thing of we're going to decorate the dogs and we're going to

walk about the street. Of course. Yes, we went to one on July 4th, actually, that was enjoyable of like a neighborhood and people just decorating their vehicles. And Solomon's Island does a golf cart parade. Dress your golf cart for Fourth of July. That's fun. I love that.

I love the Macy's parade. I watch it every year. Watching it on TV, I think, is a different thing. Watching it is different. I would say, and I like the Disneyland parade, I would even like it more if I was on a low balcony nearby and could see everything, but had a comfortable chair. You're tall.

You can see over people. But I have to sit on the curb, you know, and it's like... Oh, your enthusiasm? Yeah, I just have to curb my enthusiasm and sit on the curb. And I don't like to stand for a parade. Come on. It's a long time. I want to sit and have fun.

Yeah, yeah. I was not a good enough dancer to be in the Disneyland parades. Eish. There was a very clear demarcation between parade characters and just walking around characters. Brer. Bear, that's how you say it. Brer, yeah, brother bear. He's not parade worthy.

He's been in parades, I'm sure. He's not parade worthy. He shouldn't be. Yeah. It's not, it's no reflection on you. He's just. But who cares? He's sponge worthy.

Get out of there. He is sponge worthy. Yes. He's just not. You only quote Seinfeld projects. Or Larry David. Projects. Projects.

Because he said curb your enthusiasm. Yeah, projects. Seinfeld projects. I think he made a quote from Unfrosted, but I haven't seen it, so I don't know. Another new Seinfeld project. Yeah. B-movie. His four things.

B-movie, well, I don't mean to get into it. You want to talk about B-movie? I'm saying his four things. It's like they did pretty well. Are you forgetting sign language? I did read that book in middle school. And I gave it to my science teacher thinking because he was funny. Oh.

Do you need to put stuff on your toilet? Yeah. Here you go. The back. The back of your toilet. Do you have room on your toilet tank? How was it received? Do you look at it?

I distinctly remember him taking it. I'm not going to fuck you. I could lose my job. Would you get in trouble if you were a teacher and constantly said that? So disgusting. Or would you be teacher of the year? This guy gets it. Disgusting.

Yeah. Also in his class, I dissected a fetal pig. Why did we have to do that? I don't know. Do they still die? We've talked about this a million times. No, we definitely have to move on. I don't want to.

I don't want to know. We have to move on. Talk about it. Talk about it. Talk about it. It's weird that the Macy's parade happens at all. That people, it's, every time it's freezing. Yeah.

Every time. What if they did it in August? But it's moving. It's not, Thanksgiving. It's a Christmas miracle. I mean, watching on TV is one thing. But I guess you can't not have people there because it was just people going down an empty street and then stopping and doing a Broadway number.

No one's going to not do it. it. People are going to do it. You can't stop them from wanting to watch it. People love the break. I did go to be. I'm interested in my... Oh, that's not interesting. Okay. So I went to the... How do you know? My mom and I enjoyed parades together, which is partly why I like parades. I grew up watching prades. And we were talking about how to get a hotel room that could overlook the Macy's parade. It's probably super expensive. I bet.

Yeah, especially that nice short. Yeah. It wouldn't that be kind of fun? Because see those old pictures, there's fucking Snoopy's gigantic head going by the window. You're like, I want that to be me. But that, it is very romantic and Miracle on 34th Street where the little girl is like watching the parade from her actual apartment that she lives in. That turned you on? Yeah, you're weird.

No. It's not romantic. You said it was romantic. Do you also think your wedding was romantic? No. Only this. Do you know what a romantic mean? So the one year I went to the rose parade

It was very fun because we got to have kind of the VIP experience with it Because Will Ferrell was that was the one of the two years I believe that he called it Oh yeah Yeah that was so good Him and Molly Shannon I believe and they in character in these two characters they created did a A version of you know the because when I was growing up it was like every station had their own doing it, which maybe they still do. But, and so because I was working with Funnier Die, they gave us, like, right on the start of the

parade seats, like, right at the level of being able to see it. That's the way to do it. The IP parking where, like, everyone had to be there hours and hours ahead of time. It was, like, so great. That sounds important. And we could, and we were, like, right below Will Ferrell and Molly Shannon, so we were listening to what they were saying while they were doing it. It was very fun.

That's great. That's the way to do it. But it was very cool to see like the bands play because normally you only see like a just a section of them playing. But to see them, it was very funny. Like the marching bands? Yeah, the marching bands were great because you'd see them for like a full song. Yeah. As they go down the street.

And then I remember one of the marching bands was great because they were doing video game music. And then they all started doing the motions from the video game holding their instruments and stuff. Yeah, it's really good. Do they air that nationally? Or is that just... They're in space. I know that. So do they do it in this nation?

I'm not sure. Okay. If I went to the moon, could I see it? Oh, yeah, definitely. Oh, that's good. I'd love to send you to the moon, Alice. Do you want to... One of these days?

One of these days. Yeah, one of these days. What's your favorite marching band? My favorite marching band song is probably this one. My favorite is. My favorite is, I'm trying to think of how it goes. I do like that one. What's your favorite, Scott?

Probably no. No, no, no, no. No. The caveman. One, two, three. Oh, my gosh. Guys. Oh, my gosh, guys.

I brought some stuff to taste test. Are you fucking kidding me? Great. You're springing a taste test on us? Okay, here's what happened. Oh, I'd love to hear this story. For episode 300. Mm-hmm.

We decided to do M&M. Is this the threesome song? Yeah. One, two, three. Exactly. So for episode 300, we decided we were going to do Eminem Tastes. Yes, and we did. And we did.

That said, this was spurred by us seeing some brand new flavors online that we were like, oh, we got to get these. Spurred. And so we were all very busy leading up to it. And I said to everyone, hey, Lauren, if you do the. the research as to what store to go to, I will go get the M&Ms. And you sent me a link to Target.com. So, ask an answer. First of all, they have tons of flavors there.

Yeah. They literally do. What do you want me to do? Hold your hand and walk you down the aisle. You think it'll go down a magic alley and there's an old crone there? Oh, every day, you do so. I don't also, I'm not aware of an old candy shop in L.A. that might sell all different flavors of M&Ms.

I don't know. So anyway, so I went to two different stores and you couldn't get really that big of a selection. And you helped out you went to a different store. I also went to a CVS, a little chain. I didn't do shit. But I had one store in my mind that I was like, I really want to go to this Albertsons. But Kulap, I just couldn't ask her to go to one more store because we just dropped off Emmy. I was testing her patience.

What if you said they had Christmas decorations in there? Yeah, she probably would have okay. They did have a lot of Halloween decorations. But so I was in there the other day. us the baby. Thank you so much. I was in there the other day and I went to that, that particular store and right there at the entrance, they had a big display for the very flavor that we wanted, which is cookies and cream. Holy shit.

Give me that now. And then they also have Reese's strawberry, P.B, and J. What? That sounds like shit. That sounds like shit. But we're going to, we're going to test them both. We're going to start with the. Start with the cup because it's going to be worse.

Do you feel like you, like I like to do this sometimes? Like if I have like, let's say I had a little bag of candy and there was like one I didn't really like as much. Eat that one first. Yes, because I want the last bite to be where I'll have a good memory. I know what you mean. I probably have done that. I don't tend to go for multi-flavor candies. Okay, for example, if you have a product you don't like, but you bought you, like, let's say you're a shaving cream you don't like and you bought a new.

Shaving cream. No, I don't think you do. No, I understand it. No, because you got into the minutia. Minute bowl Manutea That was Minutja

From Paul's podcast Thank you I'm passing out the Risa's PB I'm gonna say right now I don't see jelly Like it's a very thin layer Which makes me happy

Mm-hmm Turn this off if you don't like eating sounds We're gonna try to do it away from the mic as much as possible It's not bad Maybe fast forward You don't have to turn it up No just turn it off

And never listen to the show again It's not bad But as I've said before What's the point A fruit in Yeah Chocolate person. It's just meh.

I just feel like who cares, what's the point? I feel like Reese's, and I've said this before, their variants are... Yeah. They have more misses than his. Chocolate and peanut butter. It's already perfect. You got it.

Like, we've always talked about how the best M&Ms are the peanut butter ones. Yeah. So you've already perfected the great flavors. Since our last taste test, I bought peanut. I bought pretzel M&Ms again. A bag.

I was like, you know what? That's my new dream. I had some of those flavors. I went to a movie right after we... All right. Lauren is very rudely gesturing for me to give her some of these M&Ms. Very rudely. I went to a movie right after we taped our 300th episode and I said,

you know what, I'm going to take some of these M&Ms that I didn't like on the off chance that... Give them the children. Well, no, just... No. Hey kids, the candy bat's here. But on the off chance that I didn't like them because I needed a pallet cleanser in between the and I did like or something like that. And I ate three of them.

I was like, these are fucking disgusting. Yeah. And these, I would not say these are good. Okay, cookies and cream. It's mainly cream. I'm not a big cookies and cream fan. I love cookies and cream. Yeah.

Yeah. I wouldn't say these tastes like cookies and cream. No, they don't. It tastes like it has Oreo cream in the middle. It tastes like warm garbage. It's got much garbage, though. This tastes like hot. garbage.

I mean, they're not... It's little in the middle and it's got much back. They're not disgusting. No. I wouldn't go that far. Well, I wouldn't throw up, but I'm not going to choose this. Would you choose life? Like George Michael?

Would you wake me up before you go-go? The after-taste is better than the chewing taste. Yeah. You get more of the chocolate. I'm throwing out. You get more of the chocolate. Hey, Eminem. Now, why are they white and blue?

What's up with that? are also black. Blue must represent Oreo. These are, by the way, shake size it says. Black. Oh, so it's Oreo colors, but they're subtly trying to nod to that. I think that what they're trying to say is put these on top of

like a vanilla shake. I think what they're trying to say with this is to put it on top of a vanilla shake. I think what they're trying to say with this. No, it says white and dark chocolate candy. See, give me that. What does it put it on? The blue wrapper.

So I can see the word that got cut off here. All right. Oh, my God. It's like the Da Vinci Code. By the way, there was no. other words. It's just white and dark chocolate candies. That's why it's bad. The end. Is cookies and cream white chocolate based? No, it's not. But I think they're trying to say the color. No, white and dark chocolate. They're putting, that's what's in the middle. Oh, yeah.

That's why it's not good. Okay. So, Mark. White chocolate needs to be stopped. It needs to be arrested. No, I love white chocolate. You do? If there's white chocolate in an ice cream, I will buy it automatically. I loved it. I liked it when I was a kid, but it also was kind of upsetting as well. What is it? It's coagulated semen. That's why he loves it. What? Even for this.

Even for freedom? So Mars and Murray's Corporation, here's what we want from you. We want you to send us all of your weirdest flavors and we'll call them disgusting on Mike. White chocolate. White chocolate is made from a combination of cocoa butter, sugar, and milk solids along with flavorings like vanilla. I love it. There's this one McConnell's ice cream that I always am roped into buying because it has white chocolate and I go, oh yeah, this is the one I like. And then I get it home and it's got kind of bitter nuts in it, which I don't love that combo.

I'm always like, no, this isn't the one I was, I've been duped by white chocolate once again. What are bitter nuts? Or nuts that are just like, you know, they're just like, they make the ice cream more bitter than what I wanted to be. It's when you're like, oh. Oh, it's D's nuts. I was going to say it's both a D's nuts. When you're slobbing on the nuts of a bitter man. Slobbing.

Here's the ice cream nuts that I know. Okay. You can have almonds in there. I don't mind almonds. People will put pistachios in some flavors. I don't want that. No, no, no. Macadamia.

I'm kind of like peanuts only. I like peanuts. I like penis. I don't want. I don't like nuts in my... What are you doing? Having a great time! I don't like nuts in my ice cream.

Period. Amen. I don't either. I don't love it either. I want chunks of brownie, chunks of chocolate, chunks of... I see chunks of brownie. Chunks of chocolate. Yoda? Not a single peter.

And baby Yoda. And I think to myself. I'm slapping on bitter nuts You are desecrating this wonderful time You are desecrating it No, am I? Yeah. Oh shit.

Oh, no. Oh, is that how I'm supposed to react? No, that's how I'm reacting. All right, we have to take a break. Okay. Remember when summer meant freedom? No school, no homework, no responsibilities. Well, adulthood has ruined most of that,

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Hey guys, we're Elizabeth Chambers and Marissa Hermer. You may know us from television, business, and other things. We're talking about the stuff that really matters. Every week we're celebrating women and getting real about divorce, dating, motherhood, sex, friendship, and everything in between. It's honest, hilarious, unfiltered, and proof that this chapter of life is the best one yet. So if you're ready to laugh, feel seen, and join the conversation, come hang out with us. This is The Dash. Listen and subscribe to The Dash, wherever you get your point.

podcast. We're back. I am for sure. I'm definitely here. Yeah. Oh, I'm here. Lauren, you're here. Yes, I am. Great. Great to see you. I have this idea of what we could do right now. Okay. And it's kind of outside the box. You're just ideating. I'm ideating on this concept. You're IG adating? I'm ideating on this concept tect that we listen to listener voicemails and then we react to them and respond to them. By the way, if you'd said this to me two weeks ago, I would have said, go to the looney bin immediately. Yeah. I'm going to chase me around with a butterfly net.

This is a great idea. By the way, iPhone has now started today doing this thing where I'm now getting priority notifications. Feels like I should switch to Samsung. This is terrible. And like two of them have been from you and they haven't been important. I haven't seen this. Well, it's just like I don't need it at the very tall. I consider all of your texts a priority.

One of them, I'm going to be five minutes late. Yes. I can see how that could be considered a... Well, I didn't say five minutes later. I said, I'll be there in five. And it was right when you were supposed to be there. Yeah, but that's cool. I'll be there in five.

Anyway, I got here in four. Okay. Anyway, I don't like this. I don't like them deciding what... Two. One. One, two, three. No, no.

No. Okay, so what is your idea? That we listen to voicemails. I already said it. Cool. It's true. She's on the record with that. So a couple times in this episode, people haven't heard what other people have said.

And I just wanted to take a moment to go like, that's just highlight that. Let's just highlight that. I just want to draw eyes on that. And then it's okay if it happens again, but just let's just know that we've already done that a couple of times. So it's okay. It's okay. Oh, great. Okay.

I'll keep doing it then. What if next episode we keep track. We don't, we can't say, if you didn't hear something, you can't say what did you say. Okay. I was talking. And then we check in with each other to see what we missed. At the very end of the show. No, no, no, but it's not.

You remember the thing that you said that didn't get hurt or got cut off? I didn't understand when you said this. And then at the end, we go over and say, here's what I said. No, but here's what's not working with what's going on right now is that we're saying, we're repeating something and saying, I already said that. So do you think we should not say that's already been said? That's what he just said. No, he said things that are not heard.

You're not listening. I know. I'm being trolled. Yes, I think that you can't say, I just said that. I think that what you do is you save that one. We go over it at the end. We do a review at the end of every show. I would love to do a review.

We do notes from the meeting, as it were. Okay. Wow. And you know, time stamps. I know. We're going to have to remember this when we record next time, which is who knows when that's going to be. Yeah, that's very unlikely. And it's fun to talk about a thing that we'll

won't happen. Yeah. I like making a plan that we know we'll never do. Yes. Great. We should be doing that more often. We should. Making plans that we'll never do. Yeah. Like this vacation we're going to take watch TV. It's so, it sounds so good. Sounds really great. All right. So how do people get a hold of us to send us these voicemails? Well, they go to hagclaims8.com, the famous website. It's very famous. We have some good news. Yes. I was waiting until I got here to tell you guys this. Oh. Because I wanted to do it on the show. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ is the good news? No, he has risen.

That is good news. That is good news, yes. But that's not the good news that I have. The good news that I have, little Richard Cherubi has been disintegrated. Adam by Adam? Yes. What was used? The honey I shrunk the kid's laser gun.

Yes. That would just make him smaller. There was a, no, no, no. Because he's so small that it would just mean he would explode. There's like a secret notch on the dial that if you go one more past zero, where it's like you think it's off. Really, that should not be a secret notch. That would turn that movie into Honey I disintegrated the kids. Well, but he made the thing.

Well, that could be the fourth one. He knew about the secret notch. He made it, yeah. Why would he even create that? He's demented. Why did you create the Ray in the first place? There's honey I shrunk the kids. There's honey, I blew up the kids.

Honey, we blew up ourselves or we shrunk ourselves. We shrunk ourselves to go look for our kids. And now there's honey, I disintegrated Little Richard Shrewby. I hope they make it into a movie. I hope they do. There's a good story there. Yeah. Well, because if they, so for his, honestly, they need to go into his backstory.

There should be a lot about his life previous. Dream casting. Prior to this. Like, who would play Little Richard Cherubi? Oh, boy, oh boy. Who's the guy who plays Monk? Oh, Tony Shaloo. Oh, that's why I'm thinking about.

Because of Shalub. He would be bad. Look, that was my first thought, too. I couldn't think of his name, but I knew it sounded right. Yes. Who was in the island of Dr. Moreau as the little, little Marlon Bray. I have some bad news. Oh, no.

I don't know the guy's name. That's terrible news, Paul. It should be Michael Keaton. Probably. He's good in anything. Remember when everyone was so upset he was cast as Batman? I do remember that. It's literally the best Batman.

Yeah. Well, Robert Pattinson's also really good. So he can do anything. Yes, he is. I love Robert Pattinson. He makes it better Chris Matthews. He makes it better Jordan Window. Not Chris Matthews.

What's his name? That's the guy from the eight line. Oh, yeah. Same guy. Or not Dateline, whatever it is. They're very different guys. Now, we can get into this off-flat, but why is he mad about this? Because I'm sure the movie, did you see the documentary?

I think I talked about how. No. So the documentary about, uh, to catch a predator. To catch a predator. The show is, I mean, they do great work, but it's disgusting. Yeah. Well, it's also the documentary kind of lays in, lays a bear of how it didn't help. And all of the cases are like thrown out because they get, they get,

involved and how like... Well, that's just too depressing. There's all sorts of stuff. And I was, I, you know, I was talking about this with someone, uh, and they were giving me very weird looks where it looked like I was defending. Like I realized, okay, I can't talk about this movie. No, because... In public.

Well, if you're actually doing more hard than good. You're doing it on a podcast now. No, but I think that this movie is a, I think it's a like, biopic version of that documentary, I'm sure where they go into like how exploitative that show actually is. I very much want to see it. Yes. Me too. And he looks great in it.

Yeah. I also really want to watch this documentary about the Swan. I've definitely brought this show up. The TV show? Do you remember the TV show? Yeah. Yeah. Where they would, if anyone doesn't know,

they would like give a woman or man like 10,000 plastic surgeries at once and have them recover in a hotel and come out, looking like a new person to their whole family. Weren't some of them? Who would all cry? Yeah, because it was like fucked up and weird. Weren't some of them good in the sense of like they had stuff that needed to be fixed but couldn't afford it? I think you could start. there.

Like a fucked up nose? I think you could start there, but then they would do like 10 more things. Right. Like they're like, now getting veneers. We're doing this. We're going to a brow lift. We're going to give you all the things.

And then suddenly they look totally different. They have extensions. I mean, you can take that off. What's the show I was watching where it was like I have a big cyst on my. What was it? Dr. Pimple Popper.

It's also called I have a big cyst on my. That was when that was when that was when dot dot dot. A lot of times it's a cyst. It's not a pimple. Oh. That show makes me sick. It's disgusting. Putting Emmy to bed and reading stories.

From Dr. Pimple Popper? No, but on the nights. A man had a hump that kept growing on his shoulder. On the nights that I was waiting for Kulap to come down from having told the stories, I would put on a Dr. Pimple Popper and for a period of like two weeks. And every time she would come downstairs, the pimple popper would be on. She's like, again? So gross.

I love the idea. When you said she would come down from the stories like, she's so jazzed. She'd come down like, oh man, what an endorphin rush. I need to decompress. I just worked my ass off up there. Oh, good night, moon. Oh, man. I made that shit come to life.

I mean, we both do put a little extra, like we do voices. Of course. Of course. This is the way. Yes. Good for you. What's the point of having showbiz parents if they're not going to do good bedtime stories? Exactly. Anyway, why were talking about it?

The little rich should be disintegrated. He disintegrated. Anyway, let's get to a voicemail. His atoms have been spread so far throughout the universe. So he could reconstitute his atoms, though? It's doubtful. Anyway, voice. Oh, all right.

So anyway, people can send us voicemails from hag claims8.com. Dot com. And do you want us to do the oldest one first or the newest one? Let's do the oldest one first. Well, someone out there is going to hope it's my old one. This is from four months ago. That's not that old. Here we go.

I thought it would be years. Let's see. Hmm, for some reason. Pretty boring so far. So when you leave a voicemail, talk. Start with that. Interesting. Hey, everybody.

When do you leave a voicemail, try talking. I wonder. I've not used this new system yet. Here we go. You know what? I'm going to download it and see if that works. And we'll see if it plays via that. Let me check in with Lauren.

Lauren, do you remember when we did those Zoom shows during the quarantine? Yes. It was so insane. That was insane. weird time. That was so weird. And we were going crazy. We were,

I think we were going crazy. What would always happen to me is that I would have my light set up and stuff. And the sun would set while I was doing the show so that by the time it was over, I'm just sitting in the pitch black dark with a ringlight on me. And then I turned it off and go, what the fuck? I'm like, I'm so alone. Like it was the most alone I've ever been. It was crazy.

This is not working either. Is that true? Can this possibly be true that maybe I'm, let me try a different one. Hi, my name's Amanda. I guess I'm a piss pig. Thanks. I was listening to the latest episode. She laughed like she heard you.

And the listing price of Michael Jordan's house, 1485, 855. The numbers that you guys said add up to 23. That's how it's a nod to the jersey. Jesus. I love this. Thank you. Did you say you're a mathematician Amanda? Amanda!

Don't hang up. Why were we talking about this? Well, I remember that, because I grew up near his, like, you know, a couple towns over. We would drive by it. But 23, that's so funny. But then I also won't sell for that. So what are you doing? Funny little bit, but it's like this isn't lost.

Then he's got to go down to $23,000. Yeah. He's got to go down to $23. Yeah. All right. Let's get another one. sense. Hello, Freedom. In college, I lived in a house with a bunch of people, one of whom didn't really know the rest of us and was very reclusive. His bedroom was in the basement and

mine was at the top of the basement stairs. And since he was a musician, I would frequently overhear him practicing songs that he had written. Now, one day he had over a lady friend from the theater department. Do you think this guy's whittling as he tells his story? And they proceeded to have a very, very loud, hell yeah, a session of sexual actors, which involved a lot of theatrical sort of foreign star noises and a lot of slapping and spanking sounds. When I say loud, I mean, slapping and spanking. People from all over the two-story house. Slap in the face, I guess. And by the end, we were.

were all gathered at the top of the stairs. Oh, yeah. Shrop in the face. Shocked looks. So after 45 minutes to an hour, this sexual concordinary suddenly dies down, and we hear my housemate say very sheepishly, I'm sorry you didn't come.

Oh, my God. So my question for you is, what is the craziest thing you have overheard against your will? Wow, that's really, funky. That's funkadelic. Look, if you're doing 45 minutes and one of the people involved doesn't achieve

what we all want to achieve when we... Lepetimo. Then, you know, you got to investigate. Like, maybe cut out the slapping. Well, the question wasn't, why didn't one person come? The question was, what's the craziest thing you've overheard? But shouldn't we solve the first mystery? I think the mystery was solved when he said they were in college.

Most women aren't coming from the sex they have. Most women aren't coming from my college sex. Crazies thing I've overheard. I feel like I overheard. I've definitely overheard sex. I don't want to say that one. Okay. I'm not going to say that.

But what else? I feel like I've told them I overheard's. Yeah. Have we ever, hasn't either you guys overheard a murder ever? Yeah, that's not interesting. Yeah. What have I overheard? What about like a bribery?

Have you overheard a bribery? I've overheard a fight. I've overheard it. Here's one. Okay. I had a neighbor who heard, it was like an older woman and her grown-up daughter. and then that person's daughter, who was probably like in her 20s, came to visit. But she was in the front yard doing some sort of task, the younger one,

and she was yelling at her mom. And it was just all the dirt from their years of problems. So I, to me, that's a perfect overhear situation. Yeah. She was screaming like, oh, that's why I haven't been talking to you for last five years, because you're an alcoholic, da, da, da, da, da, da. Going off, you know, this very nice lady who I see. about the mom I would see her all the time

and she's very nice to me. But the daughter was going off on her with all this dirt. And it was pretty interesting, upsetting. Has it made you have more empathy for this person or less? Definitely, but then she disappeared. This is a while, long time ago. She then... Disappeared? Well, she used to, like, live there with her

mom and then she, like, went away for a long time, and I don't know what happened. Prison? And then she was back once. Maybe she went to prison. Or maybe... Can I hear one away for a long time? that's what I think. Yeah, it was weird because she was always

helping her mom and then her mom had a help like a she hired someone like a helper person. Like a big hunky guy. Some really,

he would just carry her to the car and back to the bed. Yeah. I don't know, but it was an interesting fight to over here. One time someone had that

about me when I was sobbing really hard about something that happened and then my neighbor shot her window. Oh. Like an apartment apartment neighbor

like slammed their window shut because I was like, I can't believe that. I can't believe that. And so I was like, when somebody is crying, you can't slam.

I get, I get shutting the window. You can't slam it. You turn out all the lights. Yeah. And then you slowly put the window down. It was crazy. I remember that it just was like funny to me in the moment.

Have you ever been in a restaurant and heard people talking about something? Like I get weird about that. Like if we're in a restaurant and start talking about something serious, I'm like, this is more of a home conversation. Oh my God. Sometimes I'm like, if someone,

we're sitting next. me the shit they'd be getting is so gold. It's just crazy. It's like, I got great conversations happening about people you have heard of, you know? There's been times where Janie and I have been having like a heavy conversation about something and she will cry and we're at a restaurant and I'm like, everybody's going to think I'm making her cry. Yeah, it looks bad. This looks bad. Wide your eyes, honey.

Shut up, shut up, stop. Stop crying. You grab her wrist. I didn't make you tell everyone. I didn't make you cry. Slapper. I'm sorry I didn't make you come. Start laughing right now.

All right, let's hear one more. Hi, my name is Brandon, and I live in a town called Chattanooga that's about, named after a song, I think, about a train. We've heard of it. It's in big. I have a question about... Chad Nuga, Choochoochoochoo. What your worst experience is improvising on stage.

Worst experience is improvising on stage? Maybe who it was or maybe somebody just was failing or... You were failing. Everyone is failing. But it does feel like curious and how it resolved. Yeah, that's negative. Love the show.

Thanks. Thank you. I do think that they're, you know, taking it out of improvising. I once was doing stand-up in a coffee shop. It's not a coffee shop any longer, but it's, it's in Hollywood. No, no, no, no.

It was like Hollywood and Coinga is. And, um, I was being heckled by this guy in the crowd. It was one of those things where it was like people in the coffee shop didn't know that there was going to be an open mic. And so they're just there to have coffee. And so I'm being heckled by this person who's just like, you suck. You're not funny. All this kind of stuff.

And I'm like. So bold. And I'm just like, okay, well, do you want to try it? Do you want to get up here? And he's like, yeah, I do. I actually do. And I'm like, all right, get up here and show us what you got. And he opens up his journal.

And he goes. this is something that I wrote on 9-11 2007 I'm like okay hold on wait he crushed he crushed he crushed he crashed he came up and he crushed he was fool of you he just wrote he read some poem but I was like

why the pause after 9-11 to make us think that it was like I mean that is funny yeah but was he trying to be funny no oh then it's not funny no no this was him if he was trying it was fun he wasn't even trying to be funny He was like just reading a poem. He was like an insane person. He's like, you're not funny.

I have a poem. It's like those things don't go to go. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, that was, I mean, those. Oh my God. Well, I've had a lot of rough. I mean, you know, especially, I mean, it can happen at any point, unfortunately, but it, especially at the beginning.

And when I was like just coming out of classes in Chicago, I was in a show with my team. And it's like, it's this thing that happens when you don't really. know what you're doing where people don't commit and then it gets really bad. And we were all being cats, but like we weren't committing. And it was like so it was the most fade out ending of a show that's ever happened. Like literally they faded.

Instead of a blackout, they faded. Yeah, they faded while we were like, meow, meow. Like everyone was like doing like, like, yeah, like something like really. Like nothing funny enough to do a blackout. We got a same. That's a real message. Really bad.

It's a real message from the booth. Clearly. Oh, I have so many, like, I did so many, you know, hostings of benefits or things like that where, you know, they say, do a set up front? It's like, can I just, I'm fine to host it.

Do I have to do my comedy? Yeah. Because no one wants to hear it. And I was right every single time. Yeah. People are just talking. And they're just doing jokes to nobody. That's awful.

At Amy's new school, we went to like, you know, back to school night or whatever. And they were talking about like, the school is new. Well, it's new to her. Much like a rerun,

if you've never seen it. But she's going back to it? I don't know. I didn't, you know, I didn't want to be the one to say this. How's fucking stupid this was. That's crazy. I didn't want to be the one, but I was the one. Yeah.

Good for you. So why is it called Back to School? You're like that Norman Rockwell guy standing up. Because my daughter has ever been here now. I don't care what happened to you guys. But they're talking about the parent committees that we all have to sign up for. And then they were like, and we still need a host for our gala or whatever. I'm like, please, no one, no one ever find out that I,

No, never. And then Cool Up casually lets it drop that I've been on tour all summer. And I'm like, and someone goes, oh, what do you do? Are you in a band? And I had to say, comedian. Really bad. And I'm just like, no. No one's brought it up since.

Good. No, no, no, no. I just, I just, because, yeah, it's never a good situation because everyone expects a comedian. Well, you got to be funny. Oh, it's awful. It's awful. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

The first time I went to Ireland was a family trip, and we stayed for a week in this big house in Bonboy in County Cavan. There's nothing going on there. Is that with a Bonboy Marriott is named after? Yeah, I hope so. Not Bonvoy. No, Bonboy. Bon boy. Bon boy.

Yeah, that's what we said. Bonboi Marriott. Bon boy lives. No, I'm sorry. I missed heard. You're right. The Bon boy. The Bon boy.

Bon boy lives. So we do this week in Kavana and then we're going to go to Dublin to fly out. So we're going to spend a night in Dublin. And we got there and it was, of course, it was hours before the room was ready. We got there early in the morning. It was, okay. That's always the hardest thing. I'm going to put my family on blast right now.

Okay. Do it, Paul. I want to hear this. They all were leaving before us, before me, Janie and my sister. We were all going to go to Dublin together. They were taking like a bus to someplace else. We had to clean the house, you know. Scrub, scrub, scrub.

Scrub, scrub. Because, you know, that's the deal with these home swap arrangements, whatever. And it did get squeaky, yeah. Nobody else in the family made. Nobody, like, took the sheets off of bed. Right. Nobody. That's crazy.

It was we had to go through this whole fucking house. I was like, you guys. I would be yelling. Yeah, I was mad. It was so early. Yeah. Because my sister had a place to stay. She had another house to stay in in Dublin.

We were saying in a hotel. We got there so fucking early. It was so early. And I was exhausted. I'm falling asleep. I'm falling asleep. And you're so jet lagged. And you like arrive somewhere.

you have to like wander the city all day until your hotel is ready? We just sat in the lobby. I just had a thought. I was like, I guess if if you're rich, you would just buy the night before or two, so you would have a hotel room when you got there? Yeah. It's never crossed my mind. No.

Yeah, that's a cool idea. Not being rich. No, I mean like that. I've never. Not having that kind of money. I would never have done that in my life. Yeah. So it never would enter my mind that you would spend the money because you're like,

well, because I could have a lot of arguments for why you wouldn't do it. Yeah. You might only get that room for like a couple. I can handle a couple hours. The same reason I argue against first class. I can sit in a coach for three hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Versus $1,500 more.

Yes, yeah. I can do it for four hours. So, $1,300. So we finally get in the hotel, get a nap and all that shit. Then we're going to go out. My sister has organized this. It's a musical pub crawl. So we're going from pub to pub to see traditional music.

When you're jet lagged? Yeah, I'm not doing it. I'm not like yet. Okay. This is where I was just fucking tired. But I did get a rest in. Good. And so we're walking all over Dublin following these two musicians who take us from place to place.

And we get in this one and those guys get on stage and, you know, they do a couple songs and they say, does anybody hear sing? And my sister and Janie pointed at me, we weren't even sitting together because the place was so packed. No. Like they were at a table and I was like standing against the wall. they're like, he does. No. And so I had to sing. How'd it go.

It went well. You crushed. It went well. Honestly, people want to see you do that. But it's, but you know, you know that. No, but it's, but you know that. I would put out the spot. You're not volunteering.

Yes. I would point at you because I want to hear you sing. I would too. Oh, you're sweetie pies. I'll point to you right now. Don't ever do it. Oh, Danny boy. That's all the rightly shoddy.

Oh, Danny boy. What a mash up. All right, guys. That's it for this episode of. freedom. Yeah, this is what you get. That's it. You can't say, you can't say this wasn't any good if you've listened to this show before. I do want to, I do want to mention that Paul and I are going to be on the comedy bang, bang, tour. Paul. He said Paul and I. Okay. No, I know. I just want to point

to myself and say me, Paul. That's right. I'm pointing you right now. What date does this come out? Okay, so this is October 1st is this episode. So we're going to be next week. We're going to be in Huntington, New York on October 6th, Tuesday. That's right, Huntington. We got your letters. Boston Medford on October 7th and Troy, New York on October 8th. And next week on Threatom, we're going to have a new date to talk about it. We're going to do one final date.

One final date. And we'll talk about that next week. And then we're out of the game. Yes. Mary Holland and I are hitting the road to do some improv in a town near some of you. We will be in Toronto on October 3rd at the Randolph Theater as part of Just for Laughs in Toronto. We will be in Chicago on November 5th at the Park West Theater. And we will be in New York at the Bell House on November 14th.

Please purchase tickets if you are a piss pick. You must purchase tickets if you are a piss pick. And I repeat, you must purchase tickets. You must purchase tickets. That's right. If you're crazy not to see that. And if you're by hunting to New York, that one's, you know, an odd one that we're doing.

But, you know, if you're by there, come, come out, come through. Because if you're by there, you could die there. Exactly. Because honestly, it's not selling as well as the others. And I'm kind of like, but isn't it kind of by New York? Like, come on, New York people. Come on, New York's a big state, man. I know, but it's, people should be coming from all over.

Yes. I haven't looked at any of our ticket sales and I'm just saying, buy the tickets now. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Because I can't be living a life where you didn't come. come because you were afraid. I can't live that way.

I can't live that life. Don't be afraid. Stop being scaredy cats. Yes. Listen, these shows are good. Scott and I've been touring all summer long. We've done now 36 of them, I think.

And it's been fucking fun. And Mary and I are funny and we do put on a good show. Yes. So that's all I can say about it. That's all we can see. You sort of said it like that's different than what we do. No, I'm saying all like I. I mean, it's different people.

The way you said and Mary are funny. Mary and I are funny. We put on a good show. Yeah, I don't know why you would say it like that, Lauren. You interpret it however you want. Allocate your money towards all of these shows and come see us. Allocate all of your money. Split your money between the three of us.

Money you would have spent on getting a hotel the night before for a place you're landing the next day. Yeah, money bags. Come to the show. Just stop upgrading to first class for a half hour flight. Seriously. Just a couple bucks our way. Just throw some bucks our way. Please put a penny in the old man's hat.

guys I had a good time doing the episode I did too see you I have to go I have to go we all have to go goodbye we're some see heroes and others see egos Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes a fad to some the future of money to others

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