Threedom - Hakuna Batata

Episode Date: June 18, 2026

Lauren, Scott, and Paul discuss cheese, the radio, and speeches before playing Pitch a Sit Song. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/shop Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lemonado. Hi, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus here, and I can't wait for you to hear our new episode of Wiser Than Me with Cindy Lauper on Amazon Music. Cindy may be a girl who just wants to have fun, but for 40 years she has brought playfulness and a dash of punk to some serious activism. We talk about her lifelong LGBTQ-plus advocacy, her astonishing music career, and pick up a whole lot of wisdom along the way. Listen now only on Amazon music, included with Prime.

Hey, y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.com.

Free-up! Free-up! We're already having fun. We're having fun. We're having so. Let's catch the audience at home. First, I actually wanted to talk about this bag because I'm meeting these terra real vegetable chips. You know those chips.

You're a better man than I am. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I do. You can't. Terra stands for terrible, right? Stands for, you can't tear them open with your hands. Stens for planet earth. I had to cut these with a key in my car because I was like, I'm fucking hungry.

You can't tear them open. Yeah, you have to use scissors. I think that's not right. So this is like an anti-plug for this chip. So it looks like you stabbed it in the middle. I stabbed it with keys. But it caught much back. Yeah.

But my problem with it is you're basically anti-picknick if you're a chip company and you're making your bag unopenedable. I thought you were using me for a second. I'm glad you're anti-picknick and I want to confront you. You know what I heard about a... The aunts love picnics. No, no, no. That's a myth.

Oh. We're trying to get you out of there. It disrupts their ecosystem. You know what I heard about chip bags is, let me demonstrate. Is that the, uh, the, you're not supposed to eat them like this. Out of the corner. Like vertically.

You're supposed to open the bag and then eat them like a bowl. Eat them like a bowl. Because they tear away easier. Psychotic. I'll look into that. Right before we started. Right before we started.

We have to the bottom of these folks. Don't worry. Because it says this has four delicious veggies in every bag. There's something neat people you know before that. Okay. Is that? Which is. I pressed record.

Lauren put a chip in her mouth and then with her mouth full said, what's a patata? And I replied, is it something you eat just before recording? What it says four delicious veggies in every bag? Sweet potato? Heard of it. Parsonip? Sure.

I mean, honestly, sure. Sure. The picture isn't what I would say is a parsnip. I can never remember what a parsnip is. I think a parsnip I would think is more like a cilantro situation, like a little like a parsley. That's what I'm thinking. Oh, it's not though, but it. Obviously. I think of it as a root, a root vegetable.

It is that. A root. Then we have kettle, potato, sure. Okay. And then batata. But is it but tatata? But tatta. Bha.

Hakuna batata. Beehive, Verizon. And we're talking about batatas. Batata. A batata is a distinct variety of the epa, epa moia batatas. Oh, no. We're getting canceled. A glorious late summer orange.

Yeah. Pardon me all the hell. Well, let's just say. It's good. A glorious late summer orange? But cata. That's the color. It's orange, I guess.

Oh, they just go by color? Yeah. So these are like all the vegetables and no one gives a shit about and they throw them into this bag? These must be like kind of rejects and so they made some chips out of it. That said, we would love a sponsorship deal with them.

I love Tara. Yes, please. We're willing to eat them every single day of my life. Tara, my only complaint is the bag is hard to open. Make that a selling point though. Make it a challenge. Yeah, it's only if you really care. Can you take the Terra Challenge?

It's an elite chip bag. Yeah, you got to want it. It's almost like a piece of clothing. Like you can make that a raincoat. You know what it is? You have to deserve these chips. It's like Thor's Hammer. It's like Thor's Hammer.

Well, because I was going to say it's like Thor's Hammer. Something I was going to say. Hey, welcome to Theridem, everyone. And Hakuna Batata, I'm Paul. Habuna butata. I'm. Babuna bumama. Gigigigel.

I'm a baby. Boy, that's a future that's not far off. right babies with a podcast? Or are you guys becoming like babies where like you're, someone has to change your diaper. Benjamin buttoning. So you're,

you change our diapers. Not me. Mommy, we want you to change our diapers. Wait, you're not going to change our diapers. I'm busy. I'm too busy.

You have the most experience of all of us because you have two kids. Yeah. You've, how many diapers have you changed? Upwards of, I mean, definitely thousands.

Definitely. Thousands. But would you say hundreds of thousands? No. Would you say hundreds and thousands? Which is what's, We call jimmies or sprinkles. Hundreds and thousands?

Who? The UK. They call them hundreds and that's so cute. They call sprinkles, hundreds and thousands? Yeah. I love that. What a great group of people. That's so much better than us in every way.

Like we call it sprinkles and that's the only name we've got. Sprinkles is also cute. That's a cute name. It's cute. We're so used to it. We don't really see how cute it is. See, I grew up with jimmies, which was briefly, people were concerned it was racist. And then it turns out

it wasn't at all. Somebody made up a racism about it. Oh. They're just called Jimmy's. Okay. Yeah. Now my daughter, who... Now, my daughter... She calls shredded cheese sprinkle cheese. That's cute. It's cute, but I don't know at what point do we correct her. Because then you're getting into Parmesan territory. That's truly sprinkle cheese. Yes.

Don't begrudgingly give me that. I mean, you gotta see the difference. You never need to correct a kid's wrong thing because they will eventually stop saying it and then it'll be sad. So you never need to stop it. Agreed. Agreed, but I just don't want her to be made fun of it.

She won't be made fun of it for that. Oh, like they're fucking geniuses? Yeah, like what are they calling it? No, by the teachers. Like they're not shitting in their pants too? I babysat this kid when I lived in New York and he would always say, I want orange cheese. Orange cheese.

Orange cheese. And then you were a movie star three months later? Pretty much. What orange It's a great thing to ask at a restaurant Do you have orange cheese? You want some orange cheese. Now, did you grow up eating a particular?

Oh, there's more. Oh, okay, yeah. He's probably a lawyer now, by the way. Enough time is. Scott? That little orange cheese guy. I want an orange lawsuit. You want to.

This case is orange. Did you grow up eating a particular cheese? And that was the only cheese that your parents bought. And like me. wish that we could have different cheese? Well, I actually have an aversion to orange cheese. Meaning cheddar cheese? Yes.

I will eat it in basically like processed form. I like a cheese it or something. I don't want it on my hamburger and I'm kind of scared of it. Is that because it makes no sense. You grew up eating it? No, I grew up not eating it. I grew up afraid of it. Like cheddar cheese are you talking about?

Yeah. Like on a cracker you can't have it? I don't want that. But see, you know, it's weird is that I go, probably I'm going to like it because I like all kinds of. kinds of cheeses. What about what the world's finest caviar? Sure.

You put a cheddar cheese under that? Batman made it? I have broken all my picky eater things. Like, I will try anything. I still don't want to bite that. Wow. There's something about it that I'm like, oh. What about a white cheddar?

That's fine. So it's just the color. And then when he would say I want orange cheese, I was triggered. Oh, so he didn't start it. It wasn't because of him. No. He made it worse. No, because I had to touch it and set it up for him.

So it's not even touching it. I don't want to. Wow. I would love to know where that comes from. I'm going to break this. Yeah, you can do it. I can't live like this. I only eat orange food.

Okay. And that's why your skin is like that. I have green hair because I'm caring. You look like an upalupa. You look like an umpa lupa. My mom only bought American cheese and I grew up kind of hating it. That's like wax. I love American cheese.

It's great. I have now grown such an appreciation after making like smash burgers and stuff in my house. Oh, so good on a burger. For having American cheese. Why is it? Because I've actually never had it. American cheese? Yeah.

It's in the same category. You have a cheese problem, not an orange cheese problem. It's in the same category as cheddar. Why? The color. So this is why I don't understand, Lauren. You never had quite American cheese? No, I, you know, that texture, I've had like cheese, like deli slice.

You know, or whatever. Like, yeah. So it's a color thing, though. There's a color problem that stems from my childhood that I honestly, I ate bugs in Mexico recently. I will eat anything. Dig into this. What is it? I'm just saying.

What happened to you when you were young? That the color, because you eat other orange things, right? Yes, what's your trauma? I don't know. My trauma is. We need to know the trauma behind. Well, here's one thing that happened. Okay.

Oh, there's really no reason. There is one thing. I have one memory. I probably even told you before just because it seems like. something we would talk about. I went to this girl's house when I was in preschool. She was really rich.

She had like a spiral staircase in her house. Whoa. You know, fancy entryway kind of thing. Okay, so it wasn't like a just to say space. It was a big curved staircase,

you know, very beautiful. And her mom made us hot dogs and I bit into it and there was cheese inside. And that's going to be upsetting. Yeah. Well, if I mean, you did not know this was going to happen.

I didn't know. It's delicious if you know what's going to happen. But I didn't know. Yeah. Do you know what's funny? is I remember really wanting that as a kid and I remember trying it. And it's a little disappointing.

Yeah. And now in my memory, which is, I think I probably liked it enough or whatever, you know. But when you see the commercial for it, it's like, oh my God, that's the most delicious thing. It's not even like geniuses. It doesn't come out like it would in a commercial.

When I think about it now, though, I bet it's gross as hell. Discussed. I don't know. Don't you remember. It's like stuff across-order show on Dropout. Let's eat some right. That would make me sharp. When we did that show on Dropout, where we ate the, like, different foods.

And one of them was inspired by those frozen kids meals. Lunchables or whatever. No, but it was like one of them, but the one that you pitched and you won the show. Okay. Yeah. That happened. Wait, one of us won the show? Yeah, I won.

I thought the chefs won. They did too. I won. Lauren won. Yeah. I got a big award. I don't remember this. Yeah.

Where do you keep it? In a landfill. I would have disappointed. It's where I keep all my stuff. I know you would have, but I just don't have space for that. But anyways, I don't either. It's really huge. Why didn't she give it back to the property department?

Oh, good question. It was mine and it said my name. So I took it home immediately through it in the trash. Well, it was cool for a while, you know, and then I moved on. Absolutely. That's my right. Yeah, yeah. I didn't suggest a lunchable or a thing.

I don't, or maybe I did. Yes, you did. This is exactly what you did. Yeah. like a, well, something like that's what they wrote for me. I don't think I wrote that. What? It wasn't in my head like that when I first pitched.

What was it in your head like? Kids meal, like a kids. Yeah. But they called it a dunchable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just didn't have it in my head as it would be like a frozen meal, which was there was a specific kind that I can't remember the name of, but I feel like a TV dinner, like a swanston TV dinner.

We're not teaming up on you. And it had a penguin on it. And it was, but like, I, I, I didn't never really. want it, you know, but you would see it and it would look enticing in some way. But when you think about it, it's like, but you're supposed to throw that whole thing in the microwave or something? Like, that's so disgusting. Like, everything's getting, like, heated to the same. There's, like, a brownie. There's, like, all these things being heated to, like the same. Well, it's like Swanson TV dinners where your, your brownie would get, like, way overcooked.

That was very special when I was a kid. Yeah. To eat, like, a kid's TV dinner. Yeah. I remember when my parents would go out and, and weirdly enough, it was just me and my brother, and we were far too young. But it was like, well, there's two of them. They'll take care of each other. Meanwhile, he's chasing me around with a butcher knife. Anyway, um...

Family. And I babysat did that to me, too. Oh, boy. Um, was that the orange cheese guy? He was shouting, killed the babysitter. Oh, interesting. So was my brother, which is weird.

He was fascinating. There was actually a lot about that story that is interesting, but I'm not going to get into it. Okay. It's too personal. It's too personal, but, um,

but they would give us the TV dinners. And I always remember being like, so excited my parents were leaving and we're using the oven and we're really young too. That's fucking nuts. I know. That is crazy. Well, my grandma had TV trays to eat on. And I really loved those.

Yeah. They were so, there was something so cool about setting up your TV tray. We had some in the house for the longest time. I bought them. The longest time. And I think we used them like twice. You ate them twice? You ate off them twice?

No. You would join in on that, honestly. Well, I wanted to, but I couldn't tell what you were doing. The longest time? He started at the... But you were just doing the harmony? He started at... No, the longest time.

That's the melody. That's when it gets... That's like two minutes. For the longest time. You were doing... No, I was going to... The longest time. That's...

You're skipping it all the way. No, that is right before the chorus. You skipped it two minutes in. You skipped a two minutes in. That hasn't happened for the longest time. That's where I started. Yeah, that's weird. What's weird?

about starting a song in the middle of a song. You do. If you were, if you're, if you're, sing, sing, sing, sing you want to be starting something right now. Something got to be starting something. I know exactly what song that is. Starting something. Yeah, got it. Sing any song in the middle of it and I'll tell you what it is.

Okay. Wow, this is fun. Beautiful. I miss you. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. I know. No, wonderful.

Not beautiful. I fucked it up. Oh, okay. Wonderful. I still don't know what it is. Beautiful. I miss you. I really do.

You that's wrong. What song is that? Did I tell you you're wonderful? Adamant. Oh, yes. Adamant. You don't know that song? I don't know that song.

Yes, you do. I'm just not singing it right. I miss you. There's no way. No, that wasn't right either. What was wrong with? I don't know this song. But give them notes.

Play it. All right. Well, I'll find it on YouTube. If music be the food of love, play on. Here, I'll start a song. Or as my old friends from college said, if music be the food of love, let's eat. Here, here's one.

Boy, you don't mean thing. This is a great, this is one of the best songs ever. I'm actually very excited for you. No ad. Wow, that was a gift for me. You got to monetize your. It's a good omen. Oh, it's because John Black uploaded this.

Okay, thanks, John. Jack Black's brother. I've never heard the song. Oh, wait, well, listen. Did I tell you have mine cried? No, listen. Still never heard it. L lied.

Still not heard it. La la la la la la la la. I would have remembered that. Who's the lady? I think this is the remix. Who remixed? The single remix? John Black?

Who is singing in the band? It's very prominent. I've never heard this song on my fucking. fucking life. Well, enjoy it. I'm amazed, but you should be happy. I just introduced that to you. You should be thanking me right now.

Well, you're talking over it. This was sort of the... I can't win, can I? Adamant and Duran Duran had very similar like comeback singles that were like acousticy songs that were not in their sort of style. What was the Duran Duran Duran one? That was Ordinary World.

Never heard. You've never heard Duran Duran Duran Ordinary World. Oh my God. Paul, what's going on? Are you sick in the head? You get blacked out. You have to have heard Ordinary World.

Here we go. This is the official music video. We'll see if they are. This is part of it. Okay, we don't necessarily endorse We don't. We haven't done our research. We don't endorse anybody but Spencer Pratt.

No, we don't. That's Marissa Roy. Some long signs today. I can say that I've never heard this song with the utmost confidence. Probably their... Is it their biggest single? I wonder.

You have heard this. If you ever had the radio on... Let me skip to the chorus. Here we go. Vastoday... Vaguely familiar. Man, whatever. What's going on in the 90s?

There was like a period of time where you simply didn't ingest music. That could very well be true. Or you were only listening to what you already owned. I think there was a lot of... there was a lot of time in the 90s where I did not have any kind of music listening device necessarily. I was not listening to the radio.

Yeah. What were you doing in the car? Oh, yeah. You were getting rides from people and they would listen to whatever they listened. That's true. Yeah. Or we'd pass the time of Stony silence. Yeah.

Never talk. I was driving my mom's car the other day and I just was playing straight radio. Straight radio. So like no gay song. Sisette radio. It was cis het radio. And I put on the show. Chicago Station 97.1 the Drive, which is a classic rock station, which I listened to a lot in high school, which would have like Led Zeppelin, Fleetwood Mac, blah, blah, blah, and Green Day was playing. And I thought, well, I'm fucking old, bud. Yeah. I mean...

That's classic rock now. It was classic rock probably 15 years ago. Probably. Well, I wasn't really listening to things categorized in this way. And I feel like even on Spotify or Apple Music or something, if you put in Classic Rock, it's still going to go 70s. It's not going to put in 90s, 2000s. I was listening to a Nana Chair. song from like 89 or whatever that album came out uh not not the one not buffalo stance it was from that album but i was kind of like thinking i wonder if people listening to that now if this is the first time you've ever heard that song and you're young yeah if it sounds as old to you as 50s music sounded to us when we were growing up you know just like you know rock around one two three one two three it probably does in some way because Music has, of course, evolved a lot. Did we do that one before?

What? I don't know if we did that one before. One, two, three, clock, four, clock. We never did that. One, two, three, clock four, clock, crack, crap. I don't know what time it is because I'm a key fan. We don't get around the clock tonight. All right, we have to take a break.

Picture this. It's like 1130 at night. You're fully not supposed to be shopping. And suddenly. You find the exact thing you've been looking for. You add it to your cart. You're emotionally ready to buy it. And then the website is like,

please remember a password you made in 2017. Absolutely not. But then sometimes you see that magical purple shop pay button and suddenly everything becomes incredibly easy. Tap once, done, little dopamine rush, everyone goes home happy. And that's because Shopify powers millions of people. businesses around the world, from huge brands to people just starting their first online store.

If you've ever wanted to launch something, even a rocket shipped outer space, Shopify makes it way less intimidating. Not the rocket one. They've got hundreds of customizable templates to help your store actually look good, plus AI tools that can help write product descriptions, page headlines, and even improve your product photos. And they help you get the word out too with built-in email and social media tools so you can reach customers without needing a whole marketing department. Plus everything's in one place. Inventory payments, analytics shipping, which honestly feels like a gift to anyone trying to run a business without losing their dang mind. See fewer cards go abandoned and more sales go with Shopify and their shop pay button.

Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com slash freedom. Go to shopify.com slash freedom. That's Shopify.com slash freedom. Hey, I don't know about you because I'm not a creep. I mind my own business. I'm not peeping through your windows. I'm not installing cameras on the grounds of your home. Oh, the reason I say it is, I don't know about you, but I really enjoy keeping my money. And for years, I just accepted that my phone bill was going to be weirdly expensive for no reason. Every month that was like, okay, here's your bill plus mysterious fees plus charges we to hope you don't ask about. And I'd be like, I guess that's phones.

Idiot. Eventually, I was like, it doesn't have to be this way. And that's why Mint Mobile makes so much sense to me. They exist to stop people from overpaying for wireless just because that's how it's always been. Mint Mobile offers premium wireless plans, starting at just 15 bucks a month,

and all plans come with high-speed data, plus unlimited talk and text. on the nation's largest 5G network. Now look, my dear friend, Matt Apodaca, he's got a Mint Mobile plan, and this guy's rubbing into my face every time I see him. He's always saying like, oh, I was able to bring my own phone a number,

activated with ESIM in minutes, and avoid the whole painful wireless store experience entirely. Oh, I'm still getting reliable coverage, except now my phone bills and financially ruin my mood once a month. And I'm like, okay, man, I thought we were friends. Why are you talking to me like that? I'm so jealous.

If you like your money, MintMobil is for you. Shop plans at mintmobile.com slash freedom. That's mintmobile.com slash freedom. Up front payment of $45 for three-month, five-gigabyte plan required, equivalent to $15 a month. New customer offer for first three months only, then full-price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra, see MintMobile for details.

Here's a little trivia about summer. Summer always changes the way I want to dress. Now, that sounds like it's trivia about me, but it's not. The second it gets warm out, I want to stop wearing anything complicated or uncomfortable. I just want pieces that are light, easy, and somehow make it look like I have my life together. And that's why I've been loving Quince lately. They have really beautiful elevated basics. Linen, organic cotton, washable silk, all those fabrics that immediately feel nicer the second you put them on.

Now, Quince has been a friend to me. They've been a sponsor. I've gone there. I've gotten things that are great. Right now, they've got some linen stuff that I'm excited to be taking with me on tour this summer because I want to be comfortable, but I also want to look sharp. So I got a, it's a sort of linen suit, more casual, though, less structured. It's a navy blue.

It's so comfortable and breathable, and it looks great. I'm so excited to be wearing it around. They've got 100% European linen pants, dresses and top. starting at just $32. Their denim is also incredibly soft, like me. And their organic cotton sweaters are perfect for those weird summer nights where it suddenly drops 20 degrees for no reason.

Also like me. And the thing that's wild is that everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than summer luxury brands because they work directly with ethical factories and they cut out my arch enemy, the middle man.

They also now have home goods, kitchen items, betting all these elevated everyday essentials that make your life feel slightly more put together, as I referenced earlier. Thesis statement proven. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash freedom for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available on Canada too.

That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash freedom for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash freedom. And we're back. Yeah. And which of these trending topics? should I? A. Open AI?

No. Ice actions, European politics, gameovers. Hmm, gameovers. Hey, Lauren, you mentioned you were driving around with your mother. That reminds me, how did your commencement speech go? Lauren gave a speech to her high school, graduating class. She did mention AI. She was not booed.

She was just hissed. No, I did say don't use chat. GPT to write your papers and I got cheers. I had a pause for applause. A pause. Oh, you just did it for claptor? I actually didn't even think about it when I was writing it, which was before this whole, there were those other speeches that were getting booed and stuff.

I just saw another one. And then even the first one I saw, I was like, I didn't even consider that an opinion I put in here could be perceived as like wrong or something. We're taking a stand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I was just like kind of giving general advice, you know, as you would in a thing. but then at that point it kind of does become a statement because it's like yeah well whatever yeah but it went very well I was um were you nervous I was very nervous I woke up very nervous to the point that I was like I don't know why I agreed to do this then when I finally was there and you know

in the environment I didn't feel as nervous but um and everyone was so nice and I did your school look really small well we they graduate at Northwestern because our classes are so big we have they That looked small? There were like almost 800 kids in the senior. What looks small on this trip? You? Anywho, no, the graduating class, you know, has to go to Northwestern because it's such a large. It's like 800 kids.

Mine was like 900 something. But they looked so young and cute and everyone was so sweet. And I mentioned my teacher and my, I guess, teacher of mine in my speech who told me to take improv classes. in the city. Is that teacher still there? And they had placed him in the front row. They had placed him in the front row. And then he came up on stage and he said a little few words after.

Was that planned? Or? For them it was. It was a surprise to me. Oh, shit. It was very nice. And we all love Lauren in the wrong, Mishy. He's your age.

How dare you? How dare you? You're going to tell me that off, Mike. Anyway, so that was all very pleasant. And, yeah, and then I went out to the advice to start babysitting and then. And then be a movie star. Yeah. Good.

And then I went out to lunch with my, a couple of my friends and family came to the thing. So we went out to lunch. That's wonderful. So it's almost like they got to see a second graduation for you. Yeah. You know what I was thinking, though? Like when I, I remember graduating, first of all, almost everything was going to make me sob during the whole ceremony because they started out with the choir singing landslide,

Acapella. And I was like, I'm going to cry because it's like, I'm getting old, like children get older and I'm getting older too and only things. I was like looking at them and thinking like, Oh, I'm not. Do you know what song I'm thinking, Paul? I just started in the middle of it. I don't know.

Was it by Grover? Hello, everybody. Time makes you older. That guy, he needs to fucking get on antidepressants or something. Who? Grover. He's so scared of that monster in the back of the world. He has anxiety.

He's stressed out, man. It turns out it's him. It's like that. Talk to a psychiatrist. That's the least of his problem. It's kind of a fight club scenario. Yeah. And they sang that and that was very sweet.

And then the speeches that the kids, the students made were very sweet. They were just so moving to me, you know, it's just like you're sitting there going like, this is such a big day for them. This is the graduating class of 26. Wow. I know. Did they give you an honorary doctorate or anything? A high school doctorate? Yeah, I got an honorary GED or something.

And so when it was my turn to speak, I was actually afraid I was going to cry because I was like, it's just too emotional. I think I held it together. I won't be revisiting the footage. Did you remind yourself that you don't know any of them and you don't give a shit if they liver die? I was going to make the joke. I don't know why I'm about to crack because I don't know you guys. I guess I'm crying for how fucking your 20s are going to be.

I didn't even let myself cry at all. So it was like, do you think any of them are listening to this right now? You know, they could be. And I did speak to somebody who. Did any children come up to you and say I'm a piss pig? No, but somebody. did tell me that they listen to newcomers, which feels very adjacent, and that they could find it.

I can see the connection, yeah. I'm a through line. But anyway, it went well, and I was very proud to have done it and happy that it was over. I think any speaking, public speaking is so different from acting. It's just such a different part of your brain. And like, I feel like, you know, then there's that thing, like when you're doing a speech, I feel like I can like outside of myself at times

and then I'm like get back in yourself because that's scary like I don't want to like Because you're used to speaking extemporaneously And so when you're giving a speech of words that you wrote

Yeah I'm also like I don't want to be having a full other thought while I'm reading this Yeah I mean that's how I told At my dad's funeral Yeah well that's a very hard thing to do So what are you gonna spend the $30,000 speaking fee on?

No They generously bought my plane ticket. I needed one plane ticket home. And because I was flying from New York for a work function. I had a very busy time. I'm actually traveling so much. I'm feeling very pulled in all directions. Sure.

In a good way of like, wow, it's great to be, wow. Wow. It's great to be working. I am very, yes. For the most part, it's just I'm really happy because it's reminding me of like pre-pandemic levels of busyness that I had before. And now with kids, though, I just feel a little guilty because I was gone for a full week going to New York and then straight to Chicago.

Because there was not enough time to come home, but I did have time where I just had like a day off here. You know what I mean? So like that felt kind of like luxurious. It's okay. You deserve it. Mike deserves. Thanks. What happened to him?

Which is being stuck with two kids. Yeah. I don't know. There were points where he was like, it's quite harrowing over here. I can see that's about as like excited as excitable as he. can sound sometimes. Yeah. Does he ever yell around the house? God damn it. Not like that. No. But not like Bob? No, not like your fanfic. Have you had to give a speech in recent history? I can't remember the last time I had to do something like that. You did, you debated a bunch of high schoolers, right? Didn't you? Yeah. Yeah. I set up that table in front of the Americana.

Debate me. It's a debate me, kids only. Stupid kids only Drop out I want I want to say I The last thing I can remember Doing that was kind of nerve wracking like that was

officiating the last time I officiated a wedding That would be a nerve wracking Yeah everyone's really wanting it to go Like they're like looking at you like you're running the show When I did our mutual friends wedding Yeah I felt nervous about it too And then the like when a joke landed I was like, oh, okay, thank God.

I see, I thought I was good at it because I've done it a few times. Yeah, I've seen you do one at least. Yeah, and I, and I, you know, I always thought like, okay, I have to make this really nice. I don't want to like put a bunch of jokes in it because it's not. I was so, so over-correcting, you know, to make sure it's like, I don't want people to think that I'm trying to do it or whatever. Or trying to steal a focus. By the way, I didn't do that with mine. I'm sure you did not.

I'm sure you did not. And it wasn't even a joke. I interviewed them about how they met and all that kind of stuff. And I kind of told the story of how they met. And one of the things was our friend proposed after they saw Anchorman to the Legend of Ron Burgundy, which got a big laugh. And then Paul Rudd was in the crowd and stood up and waved. So it was like, you know, and that's when I calmed down. I was like, okay, this is going well.

But then I saw when Matt Goreley and Amanda Lund got married, they had our friend James Bladen officiated, and he was so good that I felt like, oh, I've been bad at this. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. What made him so good? He was just, he had a lot of,

a lot of stories about them getting together and about, you know, because he knew Matt before he met Amanda, and he just woven all this stuff, all this personal stuff, so well. Yeah. And I was like, dang,

because I was always so like, I'm going to keep this brief, I'm going to, you know, I don't like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But it's like, oh, but if you get a friend to do it, you do want it to have more,

as much of a personal connection as possible. Yeah. I was marveling at the job that he did. It was amazing. I hope I never have to do that. Really? I think I would feel really nervous. I mean, I think, okay.

I don't want to say, I hope I never have to do that. I just think, I think the anxiety would Yeah the important of like how how you know consequential the day is I think I'm much like the graduation that you just did is like it's a very important day That people will remember for the rest of their lives hopefully

And so even if you you go like I don't really care how this day goes or whatever You know it's it's important you know it's for everybody else Yeah exactly I remember other people's wedding so much better than my own Like my wedding day There's like You know, scripts and scraps But it's it's so much of a blur Yeah, because there's so much excitement

But just sitting there watching somebody else's Right Ceremony and reception and speeches and all that shit It's like very easy to remember Yeah, yeah, yeah I found the one that I did I did enter I took them to lunch And I interviewed them for a long time

And I think they were both kind of like Why why all this you know But I But then you know Are you wearing a wire? But then I You're like obsessed with us? I, you know, that was what a big part of it was.

It was like, I feel like a big part of it is communicating to everyone there who like maybe knows one of them, doesn't know the other of like, what is their relationship? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How did they get to know each other? What are they like? I did that too. And it's still like I still felt like I could have done better. So look, I got to apologize. I bet you did great.

And I remember the one that I was at. You're naturally very funny. It's like anything you're going to do, you're going to infuse a little humor with that. A little bit here and there. You had a bunch of puns. A lot of puns. A lot of puns. And they were all about cars.

Yep. Tim Balthson and Lily Sullivan also had a great efficient. Yeah. Their ceremony was great. Yeah, yeah. I enjoyed that one. Oh. Lily read from her like high school journals or whatever about.

Oh, yes. About the type of person she wanted. The ideal man to marry. And I think none of it was like him or what was it exactly? Very few things. Yeah. But the things that were like him were absolutely. Right, right.

It was very funny. I got to meet her mom recently and she was so sweet. She was such a sweetie. Oh, my God. The other part that was hilarious was I think that Lily and Tim had an understand. I don't mean to tell the story of their wedding necessarily without them there, but they had an understanding that they wouldn't do funny vows. And then she went first and hers destroyed. Oh my God.

It was so funny. And she read from her diary and all this stuff. And everyone's laughing. And Tim is like, uh, I thought we weren't. too funny about that house. It was the first thing he said. That's so funny. And then his were hilarious.

These were great too. Yeah. I mean, but I... She was going more for laugh. That's the thing. I think if you're trying to write funny when you're doing something like that, then it's not funny necessarily.

When you're just kind of trying to write truthfully, some of it will end up being funny, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what I think for her, I think it was because she was reading this. Like, this stuff was inherently funny because it was her childhood self, you know, talking about this stuff.

Which is different than, if you wrote a bunch of jokes. Right, right, right. But still, like, so I'm, I'm betting that she wasn't thinking, oh, this is going to be hilarious in that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't this so cute and, yeah, yeah, yeah, ironic and blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And then the guy I married, he just married another friend of ours and he was.

Are you sad that your husband married someone else? He married. Are you guys going to have three dads? He married Coolup and I and we were in a thrift. Dad! but he married Kulap and I and then he did his second and final wedding he said the other day Oh, you retired.

He's out the game, but he was super, super nervous for that And he was so sweaty for it. And it's just like it's why I don't know that you can't not be nervous Unless you're like one of these guys doing it all the time Like you're a reverend in a church or whatever. You're just always doing it. Yeah. Wow.

Wow, indeed. My officiant to, wow, when I married Mike, was just at the courthouse since we got like a random lady. And that was actually amazing too. It's funny in that sort of like, like, it's accidental way. Yeah. She was like kind of like this tiny woman with like a really strong like New York kind of accent. Do you think this motherfucker to be your lawful. She looked like a Pixar character.

Lawful and headed husband. He ain't like the headless horseman out there in Terrytown. What is this accident? Terry down. Tarrytown New York dear. Well, of course we've done shows there. Yes, of course we have. Are you going back?

No, not this, not this time. We had a great one two years ago. It's fun. It's fun to be out there. It's a nice little theater. I've played Terrytown New York more than I ever expected to, I think. Twice for me. I think four times for me.

Wow. Yeah. I think I know I've done it once. I remember distinctly once. I know I've done it once. But maybe twice. With what show though? But you?

But you? Would it only be once meet with me? Did we ever play together the three months? Oh, was that the one with Brian Stack? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, that was the second. Okay, so that probably was the only time I did it, but.

Yeah, yeah. That was the tour that birthed this podcast. It birthed it. Yep. It was like, Oh, my, fuck it. Is that what it was like for you? Yeah.

Yeah. And you were like, Mike, I'm going to kill you. So funny. Why did I ever let you do this to me? They're still putting that in stuff, by the way. Oh, like what? I feel like I saw it within the last year. Blamegrain man for like...

It's crazy. My space baby! I'm gonna murder you in space. Why did I ever let you do this to me? Do you think in the world of For All Mankind, they still made the movie E.T? I hope so. I really liked that show a lot. It's still on, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I fell off because there was... They got into a season where the wife of one of the astronauts started an affair with a kid in the high school or something. You know what? It was really weird. Maybe he was a little older than that, so it wasn't statutory rape. You know, Dawson's Creek. But it was still like, what the fuck is going on?

Dawson's Creek, which I loved in, I guess, middle school. Do you know what song that was? What if I just said, for our lives to be over? You still know what I'm saying. Yeah, I would. On that one, because we set it up for you. Okay, wait. I'm going to start this one in the middle.

Okay. I ain't afraid no ghosts. What song is it? I can't right. Karma police? On Dawson's Creek they had a plot line where the female teacher hooks up with Joshua Jack. That's the name Joshua Jack. Pacey.

Is there any way to do a high school related show where that doesn't happen? It seems like it's every high school related show. I don't know, but it was so. You know where it should have happened? I think it's been revisited a bit online like on Instagram. People are kind of like going back to that and going like, this is so crazy. because it was not written like it was so upsetting.

It was like kind of like that's his love story. Yeah. And as a kid you're going like yep, that's the dream. That's beautiful. And then when you're like a little older like even going back to the high school

and like seeing the kids, I'm like, that's a child. Like if that is a, that I'm, they're ready to take it over the world and they're amazing and they're mature, I'm sure and all these things. But I'm looking at them going like,

you look. Yeah. Joshua Jackson was like 30 when he, when he did that. Was he really, though? But also the plot is still, he wasn't 30. He's not even that old now. He's 22.

He's getting younger. Not like me. Rare Benjamin Button actors. But we had so many things like that. And then did you ever watch that show, a teacher or whatever that one that was like? A teacher, yeah. A teacher.

That's what it was called. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was upsetting. Yes, it was. Yeah. It was. It was. That was about a female teacher

and a male high school student. I think teachers should always be behind plexiglass in any classroom. Like drummers. Yeah. And they never have any contact with any of the students. That was, I mean, honestly. I mean, honestly. It's the best way to do it.

It is. Like, look, look, Mike Pence wouldn't be in a room with a moment? There was that thing recently. Like when I saw stereophonic. The drummer's behind the whole thing. Or are they usually behind a Plexiglass? It's a play and they, it's about, anyway. Okay.

There was that thing that happened recently where like the school board or whatever was meeting. And then that man called the student hot. And then nobody did anything. I was like, and then that girl had to stand up. and speak about it later to tell them like, I don't forgive any of you and you're all terrible people for not standing up for me. And like now I've learned that I have to stand up for myself

because no one's going to do it. Didn't like, or am I thinking of a different one where like the dad or something? Yeah, someone in the crowd stood up and said, what are you guys doing? No one. I, we're getting this. I don't know, but I,

the one that I saw, I'm like, it would be very hard for me to not go like, ew. Yeah. We know we're trying to take over the view and be, you know, you know,

current events, podcasts. But unfortunately, we don't have all the details. We don't have all the details. It's months ago. Look, here's the thing.

We're a stripped down version of the view. There's only three of us, right? Already that's, that's better. Yeah. Too many people in the view. It's much clear.

And we don't have all the facts. And we mostly align. And we don't have any of those shit libs on the couch here with us. I haven't heard that one. All right, we have to take a break. Okay.

The 2006 Chevroleteekonix awarded the most dependable compact SUV in the U.S. by J.D. Power is designed for your everyday. And with available all-wheel drive, you can handle your to-do list with total confidence. Start your build at Chevrolet.ca. Details at J.D.Power.com. And we're back. Now, before we get into the bus stereo for today. Yeah. You remember how we were talking about purchasing gadgets online?

Yeah. Gizmos. Hold on a second. I never buy gizmos. I'm so sorry, Paul. I buy gadgets, absolutely. I didn't mean to tar you with that brush. What's the other word for that that it would be?

Do dads? Sure. Chochkeys. Gugas. I guess Choshkis is more of decorative. That's more just a feminine. So I told you about the tiny flashlight that is like a prison searchlight. Yeah.

For your tiny prison that you have? You keep your miniature wife? Yeah. She's not mine. Is it? That's the show of miniature wife. She's the miniature wife. She's not my miniature wife.

Didn't we learn anything from downsizing? Tiny prison for my miniature wife. How is that fucking possible? How is that possible? Downsizing. Oh, right, that one. That's like if you made your own Mrs. Doubtfire. Here's the thing.

Honey, I shrunk the kids. Yeah. That's where it was at. That one is. Nobody ever should have tried after that. They did everything you could. Yeah. Yeah.

But then suddenly Ant Man comes around. It's like, they shrunk the kids. They blew up the kids. then they shrunk themselves. Right. They never blew themselves up. Well, there's still time.

Call me when Ant Man shrinks a bunch of kids. Ant Man. I enjoyed Ant Man. Please call me. I watched Ant Man. Please call me. The first two are great. If I'm asleep, wake me up.

If Amman shrinks a bunch of kids. So, okay, so it's the flashlight that it projects like a crazy, a crazy beam. Oh, cool. Well, I got each of you. Oh, my God. Crazy beam. This is so nice. Oh my gosh.

Should we turn out the lights? Thank you. Turn the lights down. Turn out the lights. And I glow. Turn on the dark. Whoa. Even with the lights on.

Could you move that fucking thing? Like a candle. Bam. Could you move your gigantic water silo? I don't know what. What's that in aid of? Oh, and it plugs into the wall too. So it's not a big battery.

Wait, this is so great. You'll have this by this. side of the bed and I'll wait Janie up with it. Yeah. What do you dream about? What are you dreaming about? I forget us talking about it. What is its purpose?

It's just that it has a gigantic powerful. It's extremely lightweight. Yeah. It's extremely powerful. Especially for a guy with muscles like mine. It's got a clue. I'm super strong too. It's like nothing to me.

I was just flashing into my eyes to be funny and that hurt. So I regret that. Well, if it makes it feeling better, you're also flashing it into my eyes. It does. Honestly, that To know that we're experiencing the same thing, well, it's funny.

That feels great. I like it. Thank you, Paul. That's so nice. You're welcome. I wonder where I'm going to keep this. I'm going to keep it right next to my butt plug collection. How big is your collection now?

I have four. Four. Is that four counting the double ends or is that? It's counting the double ends. So you have two, really. Sure, if you want to be fantastic. What do you have one for every day of the week? it's a good idea

and I labeled them Monday Tuesday What is the purpose of them by the way It's just having the feeling of something in there Don't ask me like I use it Hold on it would be okay if you've heard No it is I think that the feeling is good And then I think it's a little bit of a

Much like any sex story Sometimes it can be a prepper I think for people Oh sure Expans Sure sure sure like it's like a John the Baptist Yeah like a John the Baptist Yeah Prepare you the way of the orgasm

The herald of getting something in your ass. Or the mod. All right, we're going to play a threacher here. Yeah, man. And it's a classic. Yes. It's Pitch a Sitts song.

And classics are classics for a reason. Pitch a Sitts song is one of the greatest three-chers we ever did. And they are going to do. This was submitted by somebody who may or may not still be alive. We may have come up with it ourselves. Let's be clear.

Let's be clear about one thing. Yeah. The list of three-chers is capped and we will never add another. Well, we don't even know how to log into the... Let's call John. Josh probably can get into the email. There was a password that you made up that I can see a little bit in my mind's eye.

And it's on a shared note too, I think. Okay. So we'll get to the bottom of that and log in there. Well, also, it must be linked to somebody's email as like a recovery email or something, right? If you get locked out. Who knows? All right. It's impossible to know.

Yeah. There's simply no way to find out. Google has made it far too difficult to figure things out. And now they're changing their whole search. I'm out. They're making worse. I you know we can switch at any time to ask Jeeves yeah what I can't still be a going no that one's done but duck duck go is another one that's why is it fucking called duck

dog why is it called Google that wasn't like a good word when we first heard that we were like what here's here's here's why Google sort of works for me because it's a number yeah so it's tech and that's how men how many searches it's supposed there's like you can look for anything except now you can but ask Jeeves when they when that site closed they should have had a funeral for him, right? They should have. We don't know that they didn't. And also, I wouldn't call it.

That's a good point. And I wouldn't call it fake, you know, if you're doing it, it's a real funeral. You're saying a virtual funeral. Is that what you're saying? I'm saying a real funeral for a fake person. Okay. And a fake funeral for my real person. All right.

So this is, how do we play this? This is... So it's very funny that the idea of Ask Jeeves is like, if you had a butler, you'd just be asking him to look stuff up. How many butts are in the entire world, Jeeves? Butts? Yeah. Jeeves, how far is it to Vancouver?

You think there's one butt per person? There has to be some bird who has two. Someone has two? Is that what you're going? You were saying somebody doesn't have one at all? Maybe. Well, there are guys. There are definitely lots of guys out there where like their legs go straight into

their back. They got flat asses. Yeah, I'm talking about guys with flat asses. All gut and no butt. How many flat asses are there in the world? How many flat asses? Hey, G, I got a question for you. How many flared at this?

He's honor in the world. See, but Jeeves didn't stick around long enough to find that kind of information because like he was kind of more like, you know. We had to like fucking greet people at the door. Where was the Statue of Liberty? He had all the other duties. Where's the Statue of Liberty from Jeeves? And the answer is,

France. France. All right. So how we play this is someone comes up with a song name, title. Oh my God, a creature. A specter. and someone comes up Does he think something's going to happen?

Someone comes up with a song to a friend of ours came over. We're in the middle, just recording our last. We're not in the middle. Well, we're doing a podcast. We are doing a podcast. But also, don't speak. We've never had a guest on the show.

We're doing a podcast. Have a seat if you don't mind. So if you don't mind. If we do accidentally hear from you, at least you're not Mary Holland, who will never be on three. No, and by the way, Mary and I did a live show at the lyric Hyperion as part of Netflix.

It's a joke fest a few weeks ago, and we met many a piss pig and they were delightful. And I said, Mary will never be on freedom. I want that to be clear. And I really hope that Mary understands the bit because... I don't care if she does. The important thing is she understands that she will never be on freedom. I care if she does, I want her to not understand it, though.

I'll make sure it's... I see. But I feel bad about it. Threading the needle. I'll make it confusing to her. Please. Yeah. Okay.

So we're going to play Pitch a Sit song, which is someone. says a song title, then the person who's being pitched to reverses, does the opposite, says the title and reverses every word. Whoa. So if it's what's just... Family matters. We always talk about this. It would be...

Friends don't matter. Strangers. Yeah, don't matter. And then... Friends are the opposite of family. And then two people, the other two people have to pitch that as, or no, one person pitches it to two people. Can we write this down and just read it? Well, it's not right in the thing. Okay, you come up with a song, you use different words than the song title. Yeah. And then you

pitch to what the sitcom is, and then somebody has to come up with the theme song to that sitcom. It's usually the person pitching it. Usually. Usually, but anything could happen. Yeah. Yeah. And it usually does. So, I'll come up with the song title. Who Wants to pitch the show? I'll go. Okay. And I'll come up with the title of the sitcom? Uh, no, that, uh, that would be, I think that's, it's all Paul and then we just, what am I doing? We're listening and and being the people. I'm the network executive. Yeah, we both are.

Okay. Okay. New York state of mind. New York state of mind. Okay. No, but it's a TV show. Yes. That's a show?

No, no, that's. Oh, well, I guess we could do it with a show. The whole idea is it's a sitcom title that's the opposite. Who cares? Okay. Hi. Well, then the song thing. The song's going to be New York State of it.

There are two games that are very similar to each other. Yes. And we, I think we've tried to combine them or have accidentally combined them many times. We're combining them today. So this is, we're taking the song. This is why people hate this section of the show.

We're combining them today. The rules are as explicitly stated just previous to us starting. New York state of mind, though. Okay. Okay. It's fine. Hey, honey. Don't call me that.

We're not having an affair anymore, okay? It was very messy here. I just slip into that. that sometimes. Well, don't. It's upsetting. Look, I still care about you. I'm done. When I'm done with someone, I'm done. You're just moving on just like that? Yes, I'm done. How are we supposed to run this pitching business? Because we have to act like we are just working here and that nothing ever happened. I don't think I'm going to be able to hear a pitch without putting my hand in your day. Thanks for offering me that water. Oh, yeah. I hope you don't mind. I drag the whole bottle. Yeah, that was insane. That's your

drink. Thank you. You're like an elephant or something. I wish. You're like an elephant and never forget what you're about to tell us. What are you here to pitch? Well, thank you. Let me tell you, we have a clean slate for fall and we need something now. Oh, you have nothing. We have nothing. We have nothing. We have nothing. We canceled every show. Because it's our turn now. So I have a pretty good shot of getting this on the air. We canceled the evening news. Wow. Are you allowed to do that? Sure. If you have a news show, have you noticed nothing's really going on. We do need a news show. But please, what do you want to tell us about? And what's your name? My name is chattery, dattery. Chattery.

Chattery datter. I love that. I can see it right here. First and last. No, that's my first and middle. Okay. Oh, okay. Oh, you're one of those.

You didn't like your last name for some reason. What was your last name? Assault and battery. Oh. Chattery dattery, assault and battery. Your parents were having fun with that one. No, they weren't.

They weren't. They were miserable people. Were they named after what they did to each other? Yes. Oh, they mixed up the arrest form and your birth certificate. My mother's name was a salt. My father's name was battery. Oh, okay.

I thought his name was a pepper. A salt and a pepper. You think I haven't heard that before? Don't call me that or I'll kill you. Okay, chattery, daughery. Would that? You can kiss him if you need to get one out of your. That's not okay.

Oh, thank you. Okay, Mr. Delightful. It was dry, but the pressure was good. Yours was wet. I feel like your wetness and my dryness combined. My mouth is sopping wet at all times. Well, all that water you just drink.

Yeah. It's still swishing on your mouth. Chatter. Chattery, chatter. Yeah. We are on a time... Chattery dad. We are on a time clock.

In the sense that we have only three hours. We're on a time clock? Yeah, we're on a time clock. Oh, no. Okay. Well, I have a show to pitch you that I think you're going to enjoy because it's a sitcom. And we all like those because they're fun. They are fun.

My favorite is Just Shoot Me. Wow. I remember that show. Yeah. Yes. Wendy Malik. It's all I watch. Very handsome guy who played an art student on that.

Wow. In one episode. I know of a very handsome guy who auditioned many times and never got a lot. Oh. Well, it's the only show I watch every night. Wow, every single night. Yeah. We're thinking about just putting reruns of that on, but your show has a chance.

Yeah. By the way, this is on our network Bumbo. Yeah. That you're pitching for. Oh, yeah, I knew that. Okay. No, I knew I was in the right place. Bumbo right now just has reruns of like 70s, 80s, 90s, 2000 sitcoms.

Also 2010s. Also, 2020s. But nothing from the 60s. But nothing from the 60s or before and nothing from. To be honest, we'll let one from like 1960s slip through every once in a while. Okay, so something from the 60s. Yeah. If it slips through, which is just because we kind of have a system where we just put in all the files and they just kind of run themselves.

Chattery-dattery. I want to hear what your idea is. Assault and battery. Sorry. It's a situational comedy. What's the situation? What do we go? Well, first of all, what's the title?

I want to hear this title. The title is, of course, Los Angeles country of body. Los Angeles country of body. I can just see it now. Created by chattering datary. That's right.

It's like a poem. That's amazing. This is incredible. Words that don't make any sense together, and yet they do. It's a word. What does NCIS even mean before it's a show? Nichols.

Nevel crimes is so bad. Nival crimes is. So bad. Devil crimes is so bad. Bad. Why wasn't NCISB, I wonder? We'll never know. They could go anywhere at this point.

Think about that for your next pitch where crimes could happen. I guess in the middle of the country, there's no ocean. In the middle of the country, there's no ocean. Do they have a law and order Midwest? Of course they do. Okay. I guess there are those kinds of crimes happening everywhere. Those kinds?

I guess it's pretty universal. They're very popular. Are you thinking about particularly heinous crimes? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Is this what your show is about is particularly heinous crimes?

Mine is, it's a workplace comedy. Los Angeles country of body. Fun. And it's set in a morgue. Oh, I love this. And it's like a sort of escape from New York kind of thing where the entire country of the United States has been turned into a morgue. Mm.

And nobody can escape. They all have to be morgue attendants and coroners. So is it like freezing cold? Kind of the opposite of how we think of L.A.? Yes. Uh-huh. And Los Angeles has moved to the center of the country. Okay.

Where they're making movies, but they're all about coroners. So they didn't just move making movies to another state. They said, if we're going to make movies in this state in the middle of the country, we need to call it California. We have to, yeah, Los Angeles is the capital of show business. Okay. So they said, let's move it to the very middle. So the show business spreads out to the entire country. Like a cancer.

Yeah. Like a fun cancer. Yeah. Yeah. What a great image. And so the characters are. Karen Bass Karen Bass

Is that the same as the one we know? No but it is played by it is played by Karen Bass Oh okay but it's a fish Is this animated? It is. Oh it is animated So the incredible Karen Bass

You should have said that The well not all of it's animated Oh it's kind of like Mr. Limpit situation Yes Okay Yes Not Roger Abbott

The technology is not as good Oh It is Mr. Limpit level technology. Okay. And even if we gave you a great budget, it looks bad. It has to, it has to look bad. Okay. It has to look bad. Yeah. So Karen Bass is the coroner, head coroner of the United States. She is a fish that is not a bass, but a salmon. Is she an official as well? These are the kind of jokes that you probably go. So you read the script. Thank you. You're welcome. That's great to hear. Because a lot of times they don't read the script. I didn't read it. I could tell when you asked me what the name of the show was. You didn't read

script. Well, we wanted you to say it. Well, I had fun saying it, so thank you for that opportunity. Look, I'll be honest. Do you know, you're just wondering about the one character? You don't want to hear about anything else. This pitch is going terrible. Okay, say more.

I mentioned one character and got, I'll be honest. Say more. But I will be honest at the end. Saymore is one of the characters as well. Seymour. Is it played by Seymour Casal? Yeah, say more Casal. Say more. You know, that name is usually pronounced Seymour.

Yes, I know. No. Okay. But that's, we're having fun. I'm just making sure you knew that. And Seymour Casal plays... Karen Bass. Finally in a show together. Yes. Saymore Casal, it's not the, not Seymour Casel.

Seymour Casal is a cow, which is a man in a cow costume. Oh, okay. Standing upright. That's not animated. No. Has anyone ever put a cow in a man costume? I have. Yeah.

Spreading the face on the front. I'll be honest. It was hard to do. Yeah. Two cows in one man costume. costume. One's the... Yes.

I had to get them to both stand. I had to get the one to stand upright and then the other one to stand upright on the other one's shoulders.

And they were wearing one big tuxedo. Oh, fun. You would think. It wasn't fun? No, they were, they were too tall.

Oh. So the pants were like high waters, which I felt bad about. So it undercut the elegance. Yeah. Wait till you see me stand up. Why?

Yeah, honey, stand up. Don't call me that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I just. just want him to see. I'm 8-2.

Wow, that's tall, honey. And so my pants are never. Don't call me that. I can't either. No. 82 inches, we should mention. Can I call you doll baby? Sure.

Okay, thank you, doll baby. So 82 inches, which is only six feet. It's not weird at all. They have a will-they or won't they? And the will-they is, will they both turn into the same animal, or won't they stop doing this? Okay, so I'm going to be honest. We haven't heard the theme song, though. Well, you be honest.

And then if you have any further questions, I'm sure they will be resolved by the theme song. Oh, okay. I'll be honest. Okay. Before we hear the theme song. I love it. Okay. But I can't pick anything up without a great song.

Yeah. I don't know whether I'm love it or leave it. Okay. Like my favorite podcast. What if I said to you, ba-da-pah-pah-ba-ba. That's the middle of a song. I would know that you're loving it probably. You should start at the beginning next time.

That's the middle of the song. How does it start again? I'm loving it. I'm loving it. I'm loving it. I'm loving it. I'm loving it. I'm loving it.

I'm loving it. Okay. Thank you. It's like some of those old-timey tin pan alley songs have a little preamble. I actually do think there's a Justin Timberlake

version of that song, which is a full song. That's great. I hope he got lots of McDonald's money. I think I have the CD singing. Do you remember when you get McDonald's bucks when you were a kid? What's that about McDonald's bucks?

It was like gift cards, but they were like dollar bill So you remember the monopoly game and I did that documentary about it? Remember when you went to a party and you addressed as the monopoly guy and Ace Ventura said, Who are you supposed to be the monopoly guy? That was a humiliating time for me. That must have been hard. I don't remember that.

Anyway, go ahead with your theme song. All right. This is the theme song for Los Angeles Country of Body. Sometimes you got to go to a place. where dead bodies are hanging out. Everybody knows it's going to make you want to sing and shout. I never got a D.U. Why don't you tell me that I did?

Everybody knows Los Angeles County, country of body is living. Oh, so good. Thank you. I wonder why you stuck in Los Angeles County before country and body. Well, because Los Angeles County is a big part of where the morgue does its business. Got it. What are you saying?

But then I did say country too. Can you cover your ears? Yeah, sure. Your must. Yeah. What do you think? I don't want to pick it up, but I'll do it if you want to. I feel bad because I said I loved it, but then I didn't like this song.

I want to, I conversely, I love the song and I just want us to be a network that plays that song over and over, but I hate the show. That's fine with me. Let's do that. Okay. Hi, we're going to buy your song. Can I take my hands off my ears? Yes.

No. Okay. Okay. We're just going to say it louder. Hi. We're going to buy your song. Thank you in the show. No.

No. How much you're going to give me for the song? 25 million. $22.5 million. Now hold on a second. You started with $25 million. You can't go back on that. My mistake.

It's too late, but you said it. That's how much money we have in the bank account. You're going to leave us destitute. No, I'll take care of you guys. We're going to be wearing. You can move in with me, but you do have to wear barrels. Okay. You can move in.

Yeah. Okay. And see. That was fun. That was so perfect. Good stuff. See, it's fun to combine those. It is fun to combine those.

All right. That's going to do it for us. What are we plugging? We're plugging. The tour, baby. Yeah. We are, let me tell you where we're at right now. We are, oh, we're on, we're back on tour.

we're uh oh we are what's the date it's june 18th we're in nashville tonight at a at a strange strange venue that i have no control over we just got put in it and i don't know i don't know what it's going to be like so they're calling the shots well i mean we show up there and who knows this is just where the promoter put us uh i expected it would be good but who knows what it'll what's it called i i believe it's a honky tongue what i i put my trust into the professional hands and we'll see. Look, there might be peanut shells on the floor. There might be soddest. There might be a machinical bull. Sure. Who knows? But then we're going to Charleston. We're going to Durham, Washington, D.C., New York. The Charleston, South Carolina. Yes. Sorry, Charleston,

West Virginia. Philadelphia, Boston, Fairfield Connecticut, and then Portland, Maine. That's over the next couple of weeks. And then we're going to the UK in July. And, and then we're going to the UK in July. And it's going to be me, Paul, and our good friend Andy Daley is going to be doing us on that leg of the tour. That's fun. And then we're doing the West Coast. Then we're doing the Southwest. And we have a big huge show, September 19th, which I want to ask you if you're free for. I can't wait for you.

September 19th in Los Angeles. I'm going to get down on one knee. Okay. Oh, my God. Make sure there are other people present. Yeah. Yeah. And Lauren, do you have anything to plug?

Just my butt. No, I actually don't know. Yeah, what's the date? You got more shows with June 18. We do, but they're not locked in yet, so I don't want to. They're going to end up being like August, September at this point. Great. Well, keep an eye out for those.

Keep an eye out for those. Oh, the name of the venue in Nashville is category 10. Oh, man. That's scary. Yeah. At least it's not category 11. Oh, you know what? You're right.

So look on the bright side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it for us. So go down. hell. Bye. Are you one of those media strategy people clicking through slides, scrolling spreadsheets? Yes?

Good. This is for you. Because on Spotify, there's an audience that's different. Locked in. Loyal. Invested. They're called fans. Fans don't just listen to music. They feel seen by it, like it belongs to them. So when your brand shows up on Spotify, that's who you're talking to. And you're right

next to artists like me, Lizzo. So, are you ready to talk to fans? Spotify advertising. You're among fans.