Threedom - I Despise Saying This, But That's Shagadelic

Episode Date: February 6, 2025

Scott, Paul, and Lauren discuss restaurant dining, elephant teeth, and 90s hair before playing The Great Debate. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi, I'm Reshma Sajjani, founder of Girls Who Code. Look, I'd consider myself a pretty successful adult woman. I've written books, founded two successful nonprofits, and I'm raising two incredible kids. But here's the thing. I still wake up wondering, is this it? And if the best years are yet to come, when's that going to start? Join me on my so-called midlife, my new podcast with Lemonada Media, where we're building

a playbook for navigating midlife, one episode at a time. Each week, I'll chat with extraordinary guests who've transformed their midlife crisis into opportunities for growth and newfound purpose. At some point, we all ask ourselves, is there more to life? I'm here to discover how to thrive in my second act, right alongside you. My so-called midlife is out now,

wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Ellie Kemper from The Office and Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. And this is my fantastically funny friend, Scott Eckert. Hi, everyone. We host a podcast called Born to Love. It's a show where we talk to the people we love about the things they love. Each week we bring on a celebrity guest to discuss their secret passion.

Did you know that my friend Jenna Fisher loves Keanu Reeves movies? She does? She does. And how about Al Roker, Samantha Bee, Tony Hawk, Jane Lynch? What do they love, Ellie? You have to listen to the show to find out. So check out Born to Love, wherever you get your podcast,

from Lemonade Media. Freedom! Freedom! Um. Freedom! Freedom! I said threemium. Why did I do that? Why did you do that?

Lauren. What a weird fucking asshole you are. I'm sorry. Just your last warning. And then what? Uh, uh, uh, we give you another one? Yeah, that's what I thought. I actually feel bad that I said that because I was just like, oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. Jesus. Last warning. And then what? We give you another one? Yeah, that's what I thought. I actually feel bad that I said that because I would feel, if somebody called me a weird fucking asshole,

I would feel bad. It was pretty crazy. I actually, I allowed it to wash over me as if it really happened and I was pretty hurt, but I knew you were kidding. So it's okay. No, I love you. I would never hurt you. That's fine.

You wouldn't hurt me on purpose. How about that? Oh, no, never on purpose. I tell everyone in my life, I'm probably gonna hurt you by accident, but I'll never jump. I'm welcome to three. My mouth. I can't control my thoughts. I can't control my actions. I will hurt you at some point, but it won't be on purpose. I can't control my feeling. I can't control my fist. I can't stop this feeling.

I can't feel my face when I'm with you. And that's a problem. It is a problem. What is that problem? What's that supposed to mean? I can't feel my face when I'm with you. And that's a problem. Like he's on cocaine?

You are so in love that you're on cocaine, yeah. You're so in love that you do cocaine together. Yeah. You're so in love that you do cocaine together. Has anybody, has ever any couple ever done like lines right next to each other? Oh, like a lady in the tramp of cocaine. Like a lady in the tramp where you do, you start at opposite sides, you snort that fat rail. And then when you meet in the middle, you kiss.

That's beautiful. I am positive many people have done that. And they think it's super hot, yeah. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, How would we do that? But no one would say we were gonna do any of it. Or that we couldn't. Counterpoint. We can do it. We won't do that and we'll never do that. How about that?

But if we ever do cocaine, can we please do it together? Yes. I don't think I wanna do it with you guys. Why, Lauren? What is it about us that make the prospect? Come on, we're not going to judge you. No, okay fine. I would do it with you guys if we were at a big party. With other people where you can give us the slip.

Talk to them. I would do it if we were at a big party and we were the only three people doing cocaine. Yeah. And we're doing it all night long. I would do it if we were at a really big party, But we're the only three people at that party. Yes. Yes. But it's big. It's big. It's in a giant space. Like the balloons are huge. Yeah. Streamers are out of control. I said that about Netflix and Max just the other day. Yeah. By the way, uh, Paul was going to ask us if we've ever do it and been to a party.

Yes, Paul. Yes, I also have a party. Yeah. I went to where there's, where there's treats. No, I haven't. I've only been to an Easter party. Have you ever, those are, they get debauched. Um, Easter always bummed me out when I was a kid. It was like it was like a fake holiday to me. It's boring. Of course, I believed in my Lord Jesus Christ and that he rose from the dead to save us all. But and then hung out for

approximately 40 days and then just flew away. Yeah. Did you hang out for 40 days after he came back from the? I don't even know. I don't think they go into it. I think just like after a while they say, it's like a time cut, like, you know, jump cut. Eventually, he was like, bye. He returned to his home planet. I, yeah, the Easter always kind of, it just felt kind of like something about it was too hot, like the time of year. It was a springtime holiday. After the candy is done, you're like, this sucks. I don't

know. I was always into the eggs. It's kind of a stiff holiday because you're like wearing your Sunday best. Yes. Yes. And you may or may not go to church and then you have- Oh, you will go to church if you're me. Any holiday that includes church in it automatically gets knocked down at least one grade. So your favorite holiday is Valentine's?

Yeah. You don't observe the feast of St. Valentine? Oh, I forgot about that, damn it. It's a holy day of obligation. I think also because we would always have ham for dinner, and I never about that. Damn it. It's a holy day of obligation. Um, I think also because we would always have ham for dinner and I never liked it. Easter equals ham for sure. Ham and church. We would get a, um, I don't know, I need to learn more about this.

We would get a butter in the shape of a lamb. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen that. I also will. I got, I, now that we celebrate Thanksgiving here most of the time, I will, um, I always like to get that butter that chips like a turkey. I've never seen these. I gotta get these. It's fun. It's cool. I would really like that for her tablescape, honestly. I think so. I'll check this out. But you guys didn't like dying eggs? I loved that. No, there's a lot of stuff I loved about it.

I just think comparatively, yeah, it's a pretty stiff holiday. Dying eggs feels like conceptually more fun than it turns out to be when you actually do it. It's a mess. Even for a kid, it's a mess. Holly loved it last year. We had a lot of fun.

And the Easter bunny brought a lot of gifts last year. Easter bunny went a little crazy. Shit. Yeah. The baskets overflowed. Oh, we used to get presents as a kid, but not like a ton. You'd get like a stuffed animal and a book and whatever. Yeah. I don't think we even have any plans to celebrate it.

And you're going overboard? Wow. I go overboard because I love a holiday, as I've said before, I get excited. And I like the, you know, I'm excited to talk about the Easter bunny and that he's going to come visit and we get presents. I'm always excited to talk about the Easter bunny.

And now this year I get to give a Easter basket to another baby. So then I get to have double the fun. I feel like Easter bunny and tooth fairy, they're all just encroaching on Santa's thing, you know, all these mythical creatures who come in the middle of the night, it's like, guys, we already have a guy who does that. Yeah. We don't need three of them.

Easter bunny is like RC Cola. Yeah. Or president select. Easter Bunny is like RC Cola. Yeah, or President Select. President Select. You don't know why we, why Lorton and I both said that at the same time. Listen to our 3mium episode that just came out yesterday. Holly is- Oh, also jelly beans I didn't like. Oh, why don't I like jelly beans? But Cadbury eggs?

Yum. Cadbury mini eggs, best candy of the year. No, best, best candy of the year. Voted best candy of the year. Cadbury mini eggs. No, best, best candy of the year. Voted best candy of the year, 13 years in a row. Knocking down every other holiday on their offerings, we have Cadbury mini eggs, and I can't wait till it's time. Those will probably come out right after Valentine's,

maybe while Valentine's stuff is still out, we might start seeing the Easter stuff. Yeah. Pa-pa-pa, pa-pa-pla. Pa-pa-pa. Pa-pa-pla. Easter is not right around the corner, and the Easter stuff. Pah-pah-pah. Pah-pah-pah. Pah-pah-pah. Pah-pah-pah. Pah-pah-pah. Pah-pah-pah. Pah-pah-pah.

Easter is not right around the corner, but Valentine's Day is. Lauren, do you have plans? You're, you are out of the three of us, the most Cupid-like, I would say. Yeah, thank you. I agree. You have weird little wings in your back.

Yeah. And I'm naked all the time. Yeah, you have your fat little belly. You're wearing a little. Uh-huh. And you back. Yeah. And I'm naked all the time. Yeah, you have your fat little belly. You're wearing a lot of fur. And you love archery. And I do, I do. These are my things. We actually, I know, I, as of last night, I have plans.

You have plans. Because my wonderful nanny texted and said, do you guys want to go out on Valentine's weekend? Other families often ask me to babysit that weekend, but I wanted to give priority to you if you want to go out on Valentine's weekend. Other families often ask me to babysit that weekend, but I wanted to give priority to you if you want to go out. And I thought, you know what? And I made a reservation that moment for one of our favorite restaurants, which I will not name. Trey Lockerbie Smart.

J.T. HARDY But I'm not going to go on Valentine's Day. I'm going the next day. T. LASER Very smart. Can I tell you, one time, Janie and I went out for Valentine's Day. I was a guinnet, but she said, after we'd been together for years, she's like, let's go out for Valentine's Day. We never have done it. And I was like, okay, it's not gonna be good. And we went to one of our favorite restaurants,

and guess what? It sucked because they cram in extra tables. They have a special menu. Everything is frantic. The servers are all out of their fucking minds because they pack in so many people. Yeah. I mean, it's a big...

It was not fun. When I was a server, it was definitely a big day that you wanted to work because there's a ton of people, they're paying more for their dinner. So even if, you know, they're just tipping, man, remember when people would just tip 10% or less than 10% and that was a thing? Like they would go, I'll tip 15 if it's good service. It's like... I think when that was a thing. Like they would go, I'll tip 15 of its good service.

It's like, I think when that was a thing, I did not have money, so I was not aware of the percentages. Yeah. I was like, yeah, will you take this? I at least at least now I feel like it's gone up to like 20 is sort of the norm, which is nice. But anyway, but yeah, my friend recently got tipped by someone we know, who we have a long history with, 10%. And I was like, that is not okay.

When you say we have a long history of it? No, no, you don't know them. This is a friend you don't know and a person who tipped that you don't know. Is this someone we know of? No, but I can tell you all about them. But I was just like, I know this person has money. So that's not an element of it.

Did they complain about the service or? No, and they are someone who, it's completely rude. I can't wait to tell you more about it, but I can't give the details here. But I was just like, that makes me feel so angry. I want to tell that person they can't do that. So there's a history there that makes it particularly rude. I'll tell you about later.

Wow. But yeah. Throw it in the chat. I, you know, I was, I realized the other day that I just have a, because of the waiter training I had. The podcast goes silent as we read this story. I'm writing like the long, it's actually a pretty long story.

Okay. Okay. silent as we read this story. I'm reading like the long, it's actually a pretty long story. I realized that my expectations, I think because I was trained in like, not fine dining, but like a notch below. Marie Callenders. I kind of, maybe my expectations are too high because they are never met anytime I go out. But the term of- Maybe you're just like my mother, she's never satisfied. Oh, that's right. But the auctioning off the plates, as they call it,

really always, it really bothers me. Where- Auctioning off the plates? Yes, okay, so what this is is you are, as a waiter, you are supposed as a waiter, you are supposed to remember who ordered what, and if, and basically- And why? And why, and where?

And how? Well, you know what? Just an aside about that. So you're saying at the table, you have to know who got the turkey, who got the this, who got the that. Yes, yes, and so when the food is delivered to you- Can I just tell you one thing? Yes.

On Kitchen Nightmares, there's a new season. Reality recap, yeah. Fantastic, of course. But there's a new system that they were introducing to this restaurant where they had like the server had like an iPad or whatever. And they were marking the table who was sitting where. Is that new or is that old?

There are several ways to do this. You can do it either by, the way that we used to do it at one restaurant was, the chair closest to the exit would be number one, and then you would go clockwise around the table. And- Problem for me. So, yeah.

Yeah. So, but then now there are ways to do it in the actual system when you're ordering of like, you know, just telling you where each person is sitting and what, what's that supposed to cure is people coming to the table and going like, all right, who has the pastrami sandwich? And then people not listening or, you know, and just like every, basically you're supposed to,

as a waiter, just put the food down in front of the person who ordered it and know that. Yeah. That is a nice experience. As you're saying that, I don't care at all if somebody says- I don't either. Which whose is this, but I do think it does feel high end to have it just be put properly.

Here's where I don't- I mean, I never have thought about it. If people are just auctioning off all the plates, I kind of go like, all right, whatever. But here's what I have noticed more and more. What does auctioning off mean? You're saying who got the. You haven't explained this.

Yes, I have. You mean it's who got the such and such? Yes. And I got it, I got it. No, no, no, that was mine. I'll be hiding. Who got the cops out? Who got the cops out?

Who got the cops out here? Who got the cops out? But the part that really bugs me is when people come and just put something down in front of you because they assume that you ordered it. So it's wild. I think it's like actually cute. When we have, I've been at situations where we've all gotten the wrong thing and then we just switched the plates and it's funny to me. What do I care?

I think for anyone who is a server, it's like, it actually doesn't matter. So like, don't worry. Cause I feel like it sounds like people are so picky and like, whatever. It's, this started out by the way, with me saying that I realize I'm being too picky about this and I need to let it go.

Go on, go on. I don't know. I don't think that it's- I need to let it go. Go on, go on. I don't know. I don't think that it's- I don't think it did happen that you said that, but that's fine. I'm just kidding. I think, I understand why you think you said that. Yeah.

If it was me, if I were a server, I would, I feel like all the time I'd be like, okay, bald asshole in glasses. You got the Caesar. That's how I remember that. I remember Julia Caesar is a bald asshole. The one nice person at the table gets this sandwich. Who, what, Julia Caesar?

He came to your restaurant? Yes. No, it was George Clooney with the Caesar haircut. The famous Caesar haircut. No, they used to tape ER pretty close to Chin Chin. And so occasionally an ER actor would come in. Oh, and was it always Noah Wiley? Yeah, I guess so.

He's playing a doctor again on television. There's a lot of controversy with that, Lauren. I have heard. Why? Because it supposedly was an ER. It was supposed to be an ER spinoff. But then they said no. And so now it's not.

So he's not the same character as he was in ER. No, they changed all the character names. It's the same thing. To protect the characters? Yeah. Give me that ER. Anonymity. Anomino.

Anyway, so now I'm trying to let all of that go because it's been, how long has it been since I've been aware? It's been almost 30 years now. Four decades. So for three decades, I've like, anytime I go to a restaurant and people are auctioning off the plates, I kind of like roll my eyes. But now I'm just like, you know what? Who cares? It's going to happen probably 95% of the time.

So let me just, you know, let it go. My thing is, cause I always did retail and if I get bad retail service, I at first am frustrated and then I'm like, oh yeah, I get it. Oh yeah, that's right. I would do this. Yeah.

Yeah, this sucks. Yeah. I remember one time a guy, I went when I was working in hats in the belfry and it was like a busy day, which is weird to say, but it was a busy day. People needed hats. There was a parade happening that day. It was Easter, of course. Everyone was getting their bonnets. And like there was a guy who was, he and his, he was with somebody else and the person with him was like asking for a lot of stuff. And then the guy was asking for a lot of stuff too,

like wanted to try on this, that, whatever. And then at one point he just, the guy turned to me, he was, it was just me and him at the counter. And he goes, retail's a bitch, huh? And I said, yeah. Yes, sir. Someone gave me some nice advice when I was struggling in my first year of waiting

because I didn't really know how to do it yet. And he was like, oh, can I give you some advice? Anytime anyone asks for something, you're immediately going back to the kitchen to get it for them. Take care of all of your tables at the same time so you're making less trips. And that was really nice.

I was like, oh yeah, that makes sense. So like, if someone says, can I get some iced tea? And even if they seem impatient, go around to all of your tables and check on them to see if they need anything. Go back once, come back out once. Yeah. But then it's like-

That's a good tip. That is a good tip, but then for me, it's like, wait, remember more things at the same time? That's hard. Yeah. Well, I do have to say the asshole needs iced tea. The nice person needs a napkin. Julie Caesar needs to not get stabbed.

The one thing that I really still have a problem with is when a waiter doesn't write stuff down and we've talked about this. I just can't stand it. That's, that's the fucking fashion. Now they, I think a lot of places they tell them they can't write it down. I want them to write it down. They always get it wrong or they always say like, what was it now? It like, they make you repeat it. You know, it's just like, let me say it once and you can write it down. And then that's.

When I was on tour with Fryotopia, we, we had like a family dinner one night at one of the stops. We had time to all have dinner together. And this dude, it was like, did not write things down. And there was something about him where he was acting like, making a show of, I'm not writing anything down. And I'm gonna remember all of it. And like, we weren't saying, do you need to write this down?

He was like, yeah, I know, don't worry, I got this. And then had to come back to the table and say, what did you? Yeah, I know, it happens every time. And then they said, he goes, yeah, I know. And it's like, what are you talking about? What are you doing? Yeah, it happened at Fred.

It's okay if you don't know. It happened at Fred 62 the other you talking about? What are you doing? Yeah. It happened. You don't know. It happened at Fred 62 the other day where a person didn't write it all down. And I asked for something special and he was like, oh yeah, no problem. And then of course it didn't come. And I was just like, oh, what would you ask for an elephant? You're going to eat it to eat or? Yeah. No, I just wanted the ivory. Oh, sure.

Sure, sure, sure. Can I have two tusks to hold the elephant? But yeah, anyway. Do elephants have good teeth? Do they have good teeth? Beautiful teeth. They're always flossing with fish. Do they even have teeth?

I feel like you always see them just like flapping their little triangular mouth. But I mean they gotta chew their leaves. Do elephant have teeth? Yes, elephants have teeth, including two tusks. Hey man, we're not counting the tusks. That's why I'm asking because I don't think tusks are teeth. This is by the way an AI overview. No! Why would you start there? I do an AI overview. How do I do this? No, why would you start there? I do minus AI, is that how I do this?

There we go. Elephants usually have 26 teeth. The incisors known as the tusks, shut the fuck up about the tusks. Two deciduous premolars and 12 molars. Yes. Unlike most mammals which grow the baby teeth and then replace them,

they have cycles of tooth rotation throughout their lives. And this is what I was wondering. It's like, okay, we have the baby teeth. They go away at like age seven or eight, right? Then we have these teeth that are supposed to last us the next 80 years. Let's get it going every like seven years or so our teeth fall out.

Let's get some shark shit going in our mouths. Yeah. Yeah. One falls out and then comes right in right away. Hit, let me ask you this. If somebody had to, we don't remember what teething felt like, right? We know that it's very uncomfortable for the baby.

It feels like knives going in your gums. Does it? That's what they say. Do we know though, could we have, because when you're, oh, we don't have to worry about it because when your new teeth grow in, it doesn't hurt after you lose your baby teeth. Because you have a hole already.

It's just the very first time when they're cutting the gums. In any situation, so you have a hole already, it never hurts after that. So I think we should have, I think we should have third stage teeth. I agree. We should have third, because it wouldn't hurt.

Like at least after 40, let's get some new teeth. I think it would be funny to see each other with like big gaps in our mouths. You'd be like, oh, good for you. You're getting your third stage teeth. People something to look forward to after 40, it's like, I just want to make it till I get my new teeth and then I'll see how my life is.

And then people couldn't lie about their ages anymore. You'd always know. Yeah. Gigi is teething now and it is tough. And she but now she has two top teeth. It's so cute. Ah. I got it.

You please. I need a photo. I know. It's hard to get a picture. I want to need to coordinate this with Mike to kind of like get her laughing and then take a picture while it's happening. Yeah. Who does the laughing? Who does the picture taking? I'll make her laugh

and he'll take a photo. Perfect. Those are the roles in your marriage. That's just how it works. He doesn't make anyone laugh. He can't. I love when they got the Teefies. Yeah. It's so cute. It's very cute. I was thinking too, it's like, oh, okay, those came through and then now the bottom ones are coming through. And then we have to do like a bunch more. It goes on for like a long time. Yeah. So. 32 times. Yeah. But once they get them. So great. Scott, well put. Thank you so much. All right. Well, you know what we have to put now is a time for a break in Okay to this episode. Oh

That was rough so we are going to do that Yeah was expeditiously that. That was expeditiously. That was rough. Okay. I'll tell you after the break. We'll tell you after the break. All right. We'll see you there. Bye. This episode is sponsored by Greenlight. You know, as your kids get older, some things about parenting get easier. Yeah. Like, like Lauren. Hey Lauren, I wanted to talk about this. Hey Lauren, no. He has an example, Lauren. I have an example. You were just going to ramble, but I have a specific example. Like, I'm enjoying the fact that eventually potty training will end for me. And I won't have

to think about it. You've been training yourself? Yes, I've been training myself. Close. I won't have to think about it. You've been training yourself? Yes, I've been training myself. Close? Nope. But it someday will end. It's my Shawshank redemption dream. One day I'll be in the warm sun. I won't have to worry about potty training anymore, right?

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first three month plan only speed slower above 40gb on unlimited plan additional taxes fees and restrictions apply cement mobile for details And we're back And by the way, I'm Paul. Oh,, we didn't introduce ourselves. Oh, I'm Lauren. I'm Scott. Hopefully you haven't been with us for now 20 minutes or so, not knowing who we were. Not even know, by the way, we're human beings. Yeah.

You keep saying this and I'm just like, stop. Me thinks thou dost protest too much. I think you maranatha prathathathomatha. Maranatha! You don't know that I'm a peanut butter. Is that expensive, peanut butter? I was just wondering right now. It's a little pricier.

Is it, what are we talking, like $8 a jar? It's more than that. $12 a jar. Keep going. A jar. $15 a jar. Keep going. A jar. $15 a jar. Oh, I wish, keep going. $18 a jar.

You're so close. $20 a jar. $60 a jar. Wow. But it's so good. Here's the thing, it's a no-stir peanut butter, but there's one store, the store that I go to the most in LA, because we have a million grocery stores,

and depending on where you are, you'll just go into wherever. The one that's closest to us that I go to the most often, lately, the peanut butter has separated. And it's never, you stir it, and it's not quite the same consistency. So what I've taken to do now is I turn it upside down to make sure before I buy it that it's going to be the proper consistency.

This seems like a lot of work. I really don't like stirring peanut butter. Turning something upside down? That sounds exhausting. Well, I'm taking it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not committed. Yeah.

I don't see, like I prefer a natural peanut butter. Yeah. But I don't want to stir it. Yeah, exactly. I need, so that is maybe Marinatha is my home. Yeah. And I just want to say also, I looked it up and it's about six to $8 a jar.

It's not too crazy. Hey guys, is ice cream- Compared to your average. Yeah. So that is maybe Marinatha is my home. And I just wanna say also I looked it up and it's about six to $8 a jar. It's not too crazy. Compared to your average peanut butter. Are pints of ice cream really expensive now? Or is it just the type of ice cream I'm buying? Because I'm used to like when I was growing up in my 20s, you'd get a pint and it would cost $2.

Of like Ben and Jerry's. Well, that's not how it is. That's not how it is anymore. And I know that, you know, my father used to talk about inflation, how that's the biggest problem for old people is inflation because they can't wrap- The biggest problem for old people. The biggest problem about old people, I have a list. But most old people can't wrap their minds around how much everything costs because they think inflation,

or they just, you know, they think about when they were young and how much everything costs, and inflation is actually good, and you don't want deflation, that'll ruin the economy and all that kind of stuff. Anyway, so, I know I'm just kind of comparing it to when I was young, but I thought that ice cream maybe even two years ago was like $5 a pint was the kind of the norm.

And now I'm noticing everything is $8 a pint. What do we think? I haven't bought ice cream in a while, so I'm not sure. I couldn't tell you. I don't usually buy a pint. I'm very into having individual servings such as dairy-free ice cream sandwiches.

So you get even smaller than a pint? I thought you meant you were going even larger, like the thrifty stuff. I'm doing ice cream sandwiches. It's a gallon. I'm doing individual servings, not servings of ice cream. Yeah. But just, I don't buy straight ice cream typically.

But that doesn't sound too expensive to me for that. $8 though for a pint of ice cream? Well, they said six. No, I said eight. Eight does sound expensive. Oh, my brother's dogs are going crazy. Can you hear them? No.

I can hear them barking, not going crazy. Okay, so they're just communicating. They're just being dogs. I don't think they're insane. That's normal. That's how they talk. So yeah, I can hear them if that's what you meant. I mostly eat ice cream now at a restaurant. I love to get ice cream at the end of a meal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I really love?

Gelato. Yes. No more. I got to Mr. Gelato. And I love sorbet, actually, and I would like, you know, a sorbet is a nice little treat. What about sherbet? I don't know. I've been eating so crazily since I've been, I'm in Chicago right now and I've been eating

whatever I want whenever I want. Yes. Yeah. And to get our deep dish. That's right. We're all in a very deep dish right now. I had deep dish day two. Day two.

Deep dish day two. What'd you eat day one, Lauren? Day one I had a home cooked meal for my mama. What'd you have? On day one we had pasta with pesto, garlic bread, a whole chicken from the store. You ate a whole chicken? Yeah, just the breasts.

And we had, that was it pretty much a salad. You didn't have Italian beef? Nah. You didn't eat bear? No, but the next night I had luma and Natties and I had a deep dish and thin crust. So everyone got their favorite kind. Do you think the bear is leading up to them serving bear at that restaurant?

I hope so. You know, everything has a point, you know, it's not just called the bear because the Chicago, the Illinois, no, that's not even the Chicago, that's the California flag that has a bear, nevermind. Have I had this confusing thought before? I think I have, why is it called the bear? Chicago Bears? It's called the bear because he saw a bear that represented, I guess, his anxiety or something.

Spoilers! This is in the very first episode. Well, I haven't seen the very first episode. I'm working backwards. Harold Pinter style. That's weird. Harold Pinter's memento. I think that it came up again in the first season and then we never saw the bear again in the following season. You know what?

I was just learning about, speaking of interesting facts, my dad's really into art. When were we speaking about interesting facts? Why the bears? Whenever I'm speaking. And today he's gonna go to YouTube and watch different art related things, like sometimes just a museum exhibit that he wants to see or something about. So we accidentally stumbled upon a video that was about Van Gogh's last paintings.

We decided to watch that and there was a lot of interesting stuff in there. First of all, his brother died of syphilis, which made him go mad. And yeah, and his last painting was this mystery, but then during the pandemic, this person who was- What do you mean his last painting was a mystery? Well, they knew what it was,

they didn't know it was unfinished. They didn't know what it was from or why he was painting it. And so they didn't know where he was, what he was looking at that he was painting. And during the pandemic, this historian had extra time and was looking at stuff more intensely than he had before. And he pieced together a postcard that had from Van Gogh that had the same image that he matched it up like, oh, this actually lines up with us. These are roots that he painted. Oh, like when people do that with photos. Are actually a piece of this image on this postcard.

Oh, that's cool. So he must, yeah, it was cool. Have you ever seen that? That fucking rules. It rocked my socks off. And I was kind of like, I should learn stuff more often. I hate to say this,

but that is awesome sauce and amazeballs. I hate to say this. And I really hate to say this, but that is awesome sauce and amazeballs. I hate to say this. I really hate to say this. But that's that's the tits. I despise saying this, but that is shagadelic. There's an art collection in Philadelphia and I can't believe I'm blanking on the name, but it was this in Philadelphia, and I can't believe I'm blanking on the name, but it was this one guy who had this very,

sort of wide-ranging art collection that he kept in this barn at his home. And all the paintings were, all the pieces were arranged in a very specific way that had, that all tied in together in a way that he, like he had this system for why they should be this way. And so the collection was moved to a museum downtown and they had to put them in this exact order and all these different rooms and everything. And, um, but they had a lot for a lot of them, you know, the, the,

a lot of painters reuse canvases. Like they'll paint something, they don't like the painting that much and then they'll paint over it. And they had X-rays of what was underneath the paintings. And it was fascinating. It was really wild to see that. Sometimes it would be a version of the same painting that they just did in a different way.

Sometimes it would be a completely different thing. Like the Mona Lisa. And it's like the Mona Lisa. Most of them had Mona Lisa's underneath. Well, it was they under it was originally a Lisa Mona. Oh, let me do this. I'm so close. I know I'm close. And little interesting thing about Van Gogh was also that's an MCD board run out of

of of of canvas and he would use tea towels. And then they were actually attached to the painting and you could see the checkers of the tea towel under the paint. Wow. Wait, so there'd be like a pattern on the tea towel? Yeah. Wow.

This guy was fucking cool. I had a girlfriend many years ago who was an artist painter and her favorite painter was Van Gogh. And what she told me about him made him my favorite painter because he used to like glob the paint on, like he used a lot of paint, like his style with the thick, you know, swirls and everything. He used a lot of paint. And the thing about that was paint was, he was broke all the time and paint was super expensive, but he had to do it the way that he did it.

And because that's just how he saw it. And I love that. And I think about that every time I see one of his paintings. In the video, they also said he sometimes would not eat because he would buy the paint. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He also ate paint. That guy was fucked up.

He ate paint in a million. Yes, he did eat a lot of paint, it's true. And yes, that made him go crazy. And it was expensive. And yes, he shouldn't have done that. Yes, it was expensive! Just because I have this little fact in my head, I just watched this thing. Another thing that was interesting was that he never dated his paintings and he never wrote his last name because he thought it was hard to pronounce.

So he just wrote Vincent on his paintings. But then he wrote 2000 letters or more in his time, and they have about 950 of them that they've actually collected. And in those letters, he would draw sketches of what he was painting to send to his friend or whatever like I'm working on this, these are the colors I'm using. Because they were able to backdate his art with the letters and match them up with all the letters. So you can say, oh, this painting was from this,

he was actually at this location, it was this date, these are the colors, these are the paint names or whatever, all those types of stuff. How often? Dang, that's really cool. Or how many letters would you say you've written in your life? Including emails.

Oh, wow. I consider every email a letter from the heart. Every single email. And single every text. I have written a lot of letters, I would say. I was very into that for most of my life until email took over and ruined everything. So, I don't know, I wrote a lot.

Yeah, it used to be like just even friends that you move away or whatever and you'd write your best friends, like a four page letter, catching them up with what you were doing and putting in jokes in it and talking about people that you'd met and stuff like that.

The thing that was super magical was writing notes in school. And you would pass notes to each other. Oh my god, me and like me and my one of my girlfriends writing, you know, love notes to each other every day. It was like you would see each other at the beginning of the day and give them the note, exchange notes and then... That's so cute. Oh, I would carry you through the day. And now kids just DM each other on X. Now they're eating fentanyl and going to rainbow parties.

We would pass a notebook back and forth and write on each page of the notebook and then there's always the risk of losing the notebook which has the back. But my friend still has, we also have them. So my friend gave me one of them a couple of years ago and it was so humiliating. But there was some good stuff in there of what I wanted to do in my life. And one of the things was like,

I wanna live in Los Angeles and be an actor. And that is it, I said things like that. So it's cute. But a lot of embarrassing things about boys. What's the most embarrassing thing about a boy? Just like you liked them or? Yeah, cause they didn't like me back. And then like all the things that I thought

were gonna happen or something. Then there was like, you know, we would talk about things that did happen and then you kind of had repressed memories, like, oh my God, I can't believe, oh, that was so embarrassing. I like, yeah, it's crazy. There's a lot of cringe in my high school years for sure.

Yeah. A lot of it, a lot of it. Now all these guys, Lauren, would be lining up. God, they want me so bad. It's great. It is great, right? I haven't heard from any of those people and I hope that's not. But yeah. You don't think if one

of the boys that you had a crush on like reached out on Instagram and was like, hey, if your marriage ever falls apart, I'm here. No. You wouldn't like that. The thing about, the thing about those people is that I had terrible taste. The thing about those people is that I had terrible taste. Ha ha ha ha! What was terrible about the taste? When you're that young, what is like... I think I tended to, until I reached the point of actually understanding what a good relationship would be like. My first boyfriend was a very funny, nice, good person.

But my in high school or before that, I would I would choose like the mean, dumb, bad person and then be like, I have a such a crush on them. And when I see them in the hall, oh, my God. And like never talk to them or whatever. And so like that was more than like once I grew up a little more and I could be like, oh, I actually like my friend who's like really funny and whatever. So then that's a better person. And who's a model.

Who's a model, who's hot. And I didn't even notice. What were boys' hairstyles like when you were in school? Because when I was in high school, the standard was for dudes was like feathered hair parted down the middle, like short haircut, parted down the middle. That's what they all, everybody had that haircut. I think it was more gel based at a certain point. Certain kinds of guys wore gel. And then other guys did nothing

and just had sort of like mops. Like it was kind of like mop or gel. Like I had some, I had friends who were twins who? Would dye their hair colors and like gel it and it was like cool I had never met anyone like that now with the twins do different colors. Yes, and that was Of course Mm-hmm. Once I got to know them though, you knew who they were it was always funny to me that people couldn't tell them apart at a certain point.

Cause like, you know, when you know twins well. Yeah. I was thinking about high school hair. You know how most hairstyles come back, you know, 20 year cycles, but I was just thinking about the, the hairstyles when I was in high school, I don't think we'll ever come back. Like it was just one singular moment in time where everyone did

the huge hairspray bangs going down and up. Is it like, you know, like late 80s hockey metal hair? Yeah, that's what I'm picturing. Just everyone had the craziest fucking hair that dates my high school yearbook so badly. Like everyone in it just looks like they're exactly from 1988. I think the hairstyle was like for boys, like if you gel up the front, like sort of like a flip up and they'd have like a little flip,

like sometimes it'd be like a little triangle. Just like up. And then girls, we would do like, you would do like a slick ponytail, but then you pull down two strands on the either side of your forehead. And that was like really cool. I would say hair from, it looks terrible.

Hair from 2000 on doesn't seem that I don't, I don't think that you can look at anyone's hair from like the year 2000 on and be like, Oh, that's from 2006 or that's from two that, you know, it just seems like it's just slight variations on. You can educate. I think we're far enough away now that you can see it. Like the boy band era of like the 2000s is very specific. But in hair, like I know looking at a. Standing straight up. They all did that a lot. Okay. Yeah.

But like, yeah, I mean, I think I always, I think I've always had this thought like in the moment of, of, of like style that you're like, this isn't a style. You can't make fun of this later or whatever. And like, yeah, you can't, it always comes out later. It's always becomes like obvious later. Now they're all, now all the kids are into the 90s stuff, which I enjoy because it means that that's all in the stores. And so it's fun to like buy stuff. It's funny to think about like the 40s, like the 30s and 40s where it's like,

you gotta put a bunch of grease in your hair every single day. You can't just walk around with your hair loose all over the place. Yeah. And you have to go to bed in curlers. What if a lady sees it? Yeah. But it just, it just seems like hairstyles, like when you say the 40s,

I can immediately think of what that hair is. On women especially is what I'm talking about, but like the 40s, the 50s, the 60s, the 70s, the 80s. Hair the whole office can agree on. 90s. But the 90s, like, okay, the Rachel cut, I can kind of like, whatever was on Friends, I can kind of picture that. But to friends, I can kind of picture that.

But to me, I can't really picture. I love that hair. Well, the 90s was kind of, oh, go ahead. The Joey hair where it was like gel, and then it would go forward. Forward, yeah. And then it would be like. That's what I'm trying to remember.

That's what it was. Cause it would be like a flip into a point almost. Flip into a point, I used to try to perfect that. Yeah. Yeah. But I can't really picture it. I sort of feel like 90s women's hair. Well, there's one version where it's the styles of like butterfly clips, which is what I was doing.

You would like push all your hair back and then have like 20 butterfly clips holding it all back. Or like, I would put my hair on like a big bun and then shove like a million butterfly, little like shaped like butterflies, like little clips holding it. Yeah, holding it up, I thought it was so cool. And then like-

Butterflies flying around your head, holding up your hair. Or like there were these headbands that were like a circle and it was like a claw. I just started to do caterpillars in my hair and by the end. And then you'd put it back and then pull your hair back into like,

like a comb was going through it. And that like, so it created like little divisions. That was really cool. But then the other version was- Wait, is it like that fucking Britney Spears ex-husband on Traders always has that thing in his hair? Oh wait, I don't know who he is. He's the dude.

He, oh, I can't, I can't remember his name, but he's like, he's one of the younger people he's got like, um, thick dark hair, but he wears like a sort of headband. Is it Britney Spears? Yeah, I need to see this. I'm not sure. Sam Magazzi or whatever his name is. If you say so, I don't want to Google anybody's name. I can't Google anybody from traders because I'm afraid I'm gonna get a spoiler.

And I haven't caught it. I know, I know. I can't even Google. But I think the other version, the other version of the hair was like for women, was kind of just good hair. Like there's kind of just like, like a lot of celebrities when you look back

at like old paparazzi and stuff, they just kind of look good. But like that's also because that style is coming back. Yeah. I'm glad that now it seems like women's hair that women, women can have curly hair again, because yeah, I remember that period where it's like, every, it'd be like stick straight hair and that was the style. And it's like, curly hair is great. You know, it's really, it's exciting.

I worked with this girl, this woman, excuse me, in her name is Tori Piscin. She's a comedian at SketchFest this weekend who has like the thickest red curly hair. It is absolutely incredible. When you see stuff like, yeah, when you see it. And when you see somebody like that who's embracing it, like I'm letting my fucking freak flag fly. Like, look at this. get a load of this.

I think it's wonderful. Like I love Janie's hair. And like once you know how to do your hair, like I think that's part of it too, like curly hair, sometimes people don't know how to do it, like they have to learn, cause like you're following everyone else, you're going oh I brush my hair, I do this and that,

it's like you know you're not supposed to. So like once you learn, then you can make it really amazing. That's oh why would you let it? Why would you tamp that down? Like I have Janie's hair and sometimes she straightens it for a thing or whatever, you know, for some event and I'm like, yeah, like a blowout. I get it that it's something that for you know, it's a it's a for women. A blowout is very important. I

understand. Need one. I need one. I want one so bad right now because the water here is like hard and I'm like, I need someone to refresh this. I think it's very funny. But I love the natural texture of her hair so much. I think it's great.

I think it's very funny to watch these police procedural shows like Law and Order or Criminal Minds or what. I know I can't talk about Criminal Minds, Paul, because you're on it. But- Hey, I'm part of the cry my family. Where the women who are the agents

have the most blown out expensive looking hair that takes 90 minutes to do. It just really makes me laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To do, like to get up at fucking 3 a.m. To do your hair and makeup to go be a cop. Yeah, no. They're all wearing heels all the time.

They would just do what Lauren's doing, just wearing a hat. Well, when I... That you can tell a cop. I think about an Orange Is New Black, they made my hair so shellacked into a bun that it was like hard and it was so tight. And then when I would undo it, it was like hard and it was so tight and then when I

would undo it it would like crust open. It's funny because it didn't look that way. Yeah well it was. They knew what they were doing. It's interesting they would really really slick it down. Do you think that's why they fired you? Yeah, too much hairspray. Couldn't keep up with the costs. It's like Van Gogh. What is this 90% of our hair and makeup budget is going to do? Hairspraying Lauren Lapkus? And she asked us to do this?

You forget that you asked them to do that the first day. And by the way, I'm kidding. Lauren was not fired from the show. No. When people get written out of things, it's not like unceremonious. The character was fired on the show, but. People get written out of things. It's not like unceremoniously. The character was fired on the show, but one character was not brought back.

But that's not the same as... That's our disclaimers. We do have to take... Get your stuff in a box and get out of here. We get our disclaimers out before we take the breaks. So we have to take a break right now. When we come back, we're going to play a three-cher. Fuck.

I can't wait. All right. So we'll be right back. This message is brought to you by KolaGuard, a non-invasive colon cancer screening test. Currently, colon cancer is the second leading cause of cancer-related deaths in the U.S. and it's on the rise of people under the age of 50. But when caught at early stages, colon cancer is survivable in 90% of people, so screening and early detection are key

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Boneheads. Boneheads, the official Bones rewatch podcast. 16 years ago, we met on the set of the TV show Bones and have been friends ever since. I played Dr. Temperance Brennan. And I played Daisy Wick. We're starting from the top and working our way through all 246 episodes. The show allows us a very long time.

Very long. Tune in every Wednesday to laugh with us, to cry with us, to cringe with us, and hear all our juicy behind the scenes stories. Boneheads from Lemonade Media is out now, wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back and hey, Lauren, I was wondering the other day, I figured you're the only person who could answer this because Paul, Paul is no shit. But, um, what's, what's a three chair Lauren? Okay. A three chair is like a trust stir because it's like a cruster, something

like that. A three chairs, like a muster. You guys, Paul shut up. I'm trying to ask Lauren something. It's something like that. A threacher is a... a threacher is a blame we like to throw. It's also known as a muster, I think. I'm livid right now. This is truly crazy. Okay, what's wrong with you?

What's wrong, Paul? Paul seems to be... Huh? Oh, now you want to talk to me? Yeah, Paul. Yeah, now I do. Just because you're causing such a scene and you obviously want us to ask you what's wrong. I'm going to start with a statement.

You two are very stupid. And now I'll continue with an explanation. A three-true is a game that we like to play, also known as a buster. Now this buster is called The Great Debate and it's submitted by Steven, and then that's the end of his name. One participant is the debate moderator.

The other two are competitors. That makes you competitors. Each person secretly chooses a word, including the moderator. Each round, the three participants reveal their words and the competitors debate whose word is closer to the moderator's. And after final statements,

the moderator chooses a winner. All right, so Paul, do you want to be the moderator? I shall be the moderator, and you shall be the competitors. All right, so we're all going to pick a word. We don't have to write it down or anything. We just pick it in our heads. No, just think of a word and hold it in your heart.

OK, and then I think we should put it in the chat to prove that we're not changing our word after. Why? Because if you heard what the moderator said and then you know, we all just say our word at the same time. We're not going to trust each other to not cheat at the stupid game. Why don't we? I trust the moderator.

Oh my god. Moderator will say it last. Moderator will say his word last, okay. And then we'll, okay, do you have your word, everyone? Yes. Okay. I have my word. I'll say my word, then Lauren, you can say your word. And then the moderator, Paul, will say his word.

My word is pistol. And then the great debate will begin. My word is pistol. That's the same thing I was gonna say, I'm just kidding. My word is lightning. My word as moderator is radio. Let the debate begin. Well, obviously radio is one of the greatest inventions.

Scott, you have 30 seconds. Radio is one of the greatest inventions. Scott, you have 30 seconds. Radio is one of the greatest inventions to be invented in the past 150 years. But you know what has changed the world just as much is a pistol. Before pistols, we used to have to use catapults to incapacitate our enemies. And pistols go hand in hand with radios, which are the two

things you need in wars. You need communications and you need weapons. It's clear to me that pistol is the most like a radio out of either of these words. You have 24 seconds left. I have 24 left. I only went for six seconds. Bullshit. That can't be true. That can't be true. That's not true. It's true. Well, a radio has many complex parts in it, much like a pistol.

They're both machines. They both are used. They both have loud noises associated with them. A radio has rock and roll music on it and a pistol obviously says bang. There are a lot of times when in the early days of radio when people would be listening to a serial that gangsters would be on there and you would hear gunfire. To put it plainly, pistols and radios go hand in hand with each other and have-

Scott, your time is up. The problem was I had given you 25 minutes and that's that's a big problem from me. So he went for six minutes. He started talking and then he was talking for a few seconds. So I started the timer at 25, not really paying attention that it was 25 minutes and seconds because you don't, you can't make a timer for 25 seconds. I have to actually just time it. So Scott, your argument is done. Lauren, I'm giving you 30.

I'm going to give you 35 seconds. You are on your iPhone. You can make a timer for whatever amount of seconds. Well, I'm going to do the stopwatch instead of timer. Oh, OK. Got it. All right. OK, Lauren, go. So obviously, radio is the most like lightning because lightning is fast and instantaneous. Radio is one of the first ways that we got instant news delivered.

And lightning delivers news from God faster than you can even think. Lightning is powder's best friend as is the radio. What? Power? The movie? Powder, the man. I'm sorry, I have to cut you off there. Lightning.

You each have an additional 10 seconds. Scott, the floor is yours. Obviously, I think Lauren bringing up the existence of God negates her argument that lightning is a message from God. God does not exist, we both know that. What does exist is man and he made pistols and radios. You've gone over your time, but I'll allow it. Lauren, 10 seconds. Much like a flash of lightning, radio can deliver a flash of music or an ad, something that might deliver news or something. And that's time. That concludes the debate. It is time to reveal the winner. The winner of course is Lauren. This was a little before it started.

A radio of course is closer to lightning because of electricity. And that's a word I should have thought to include in my argument. But I kept waiting for it and it never happened. So we're just establishing now that the debate part of this does not matter. It might. In this particular instance, this particular instance, the burden was on you, pretty much to prove how much more And you just couldn't do it. And the burden was met because Lauren failed so spectacularly. No, that's actually not it.

She never even mentioned electricity. It didn't have to, bud. She did make her case very well. I think that those, all of the things she said does mean that a radio is closer to electricity. Your argument sucks. Well, that says maybe. In this debate.

That's the moderator. I'm not on trial here. No, the moderator can do whatever. Oh shit. Well then why don't you be the moderator, dick. I will. Wouldn't it be the moderator, dick? I will. Wouldn't it be great if we could have our friends arrested? If they mistreated us.

You're saying wouldn't it be great? Yes. Just like one a year. You're allowed one a year. To have one of your friends arrested because you didn't like what they said. And then they get put in holding and they get interrogated for a while. They're never actually like put in jail. I mean, I feel like that is coming very soon.

That's a good point. Just hang in there. And before too long, you can say anything and have somebody arrested. All right. I'm going to be the moderator and we all think of a word. And I've thought of mine. I have thought Okay. And I've thought of mine. I have thought of mine. I have thought of mine.

All right, Paul, you say your word first. Elephant. Lauren? Gloss. The word I picked was crimson. Oh. Crimson. Paul? Crimson. Oh, Crimson. Paul Crimson. Paul, you have let me open my clock app. You have one minute starting now.

An elephant like the color Crimson is something that is very, very specific. When you're talking about crimson, you don't mean any old red. You're not talking about a fire engine. You're talking about a deep, beautiful red that has a wonderful name. Much like an elephant, you're not talking about any old mammal. You're talking about the largest land mammal. It's very specific. And it's something that people like. When you think of an elephant, you think of majesty. When you think of crimson, you think of the robes of kings. These two are related in ways that we couldn't even fathom until I started connecting them. An elephant is something that we aspire to

in the way that crimson is a color that we aspire to. We want to carry ourselves like somebody worthy of crimson. We want to be as noble as the elephant is. Nobility is something that crimson and elephants share. And that's time. Wonderful. All right, Lauren, you have one minute starting now. The word gloss pretty much equates to the word crimson. Lip gloss is crimson often.

When you think of crimson, you think of blood. Blood is a glossy liquid. It is very, it has a reflective sheen. Crimson lip gloss is the same thing as crimson is gloss is crimson gloss. And so often we think of these two things together when we think of these things. If you're creating an epoxy or sort of a beautiful resin

you might make it crimson and it would be glossy. Yeah, so that's kind of all I have to say. You have 20 seconds left. No, I don't. Yes, you do. It wasn't 10 seconds. No. You have a minute.

I thought I had 30 seconds. No, we're doing a minute. Okay. So you're just gonna sit there in silence for this last 10 seconds? Like gloss. This isn't helping your argument. Gloss has a lot of words that rhyme with it.

And that's time. As does crimson. As does crimson. As does crimson. All right. What an amazing thing to say in a debate. And that's all I have to say about that. 20 second rebuttal starting now, Paul. Lauren would have you believe

that a lot of words rhyme with crimson and they don't. Much in the same way that no words rhyme with elephant, really, maybe relevant if you want to cheat, but that's about it. Lots of words rhyme with gloss. There's no way that you can make this case. I would also remind Lauren that. Lauren, you have 20 second rebuttal starting now.

My opponent is an asshole. He doesn't know anything about words or their definitions. Obviously, gloss is almost the same word as crimson to the point where it's actually silly to argue how it's not. And it's certainly not like elephant. Crimson is not like elephant unless you're talking about the blood of elephants that runs from the people. All right. Now I'm gonna make-

May I say this? Sorry, Mr. Monterey. Oh, okay, I'll give you 15 seconds as a rebuttal. I don't even need it. If I'm such an asshole, where's my Cobb salad? What's that mean? Good, the waiter didn't bring it. It's a callback.

Oh, okay. Yeah, just trying to have some fun, sorry. I liked it. All right, I'm gonna make my final judgment. And of course I was only doing that, calling you an asshole as part of the game. Yes. I know that, honey. I have to say Paul's argument was more persuasive with the, when you finally hit on the majesty aspect

of elephants and the robes of kings, but then Lauren came in with Paul as an asshole and completely won me over. So Lauren, you win. Wow, thank you. Wow, wow. You know what? I can't complain.

Yeah, that's how it works. That's fair. That's fair. You had the better argument. Thank you so much. Okay, great. We have one more round. I'll be the moderator.

Let's do one more. Lauren's the moderator. I have to think of the- I'm gonna think of my word. I have to think of a word. Let me think of my word. Okay, I'm in. Got it. I have to think of a- I'm gonna think of my word. I have to think of a word. Let me think of my word. Okay, I'm in. Got it.

I'm in. Okay, I'll say my word- Paul, no Scott. Yeah, it's my word first. Perspiration. My word? Suitcase. My word is lake.

Lake. So I think I go first? Yes. Okay. I would like Scott to go first. You have, oh, hold on. Let me put a clock on. Let me put a clock on and you want a minute.

Okay. You want one minute? Yep. That's what you want. That's what I need. That's the kind of shit you like? Huh? You like that little bitch?

Now, Madam Moderator, you've given me one minute, but this is really only going to be a minute. want. That's what I knew. That's the kind of shit you like? Now Madam Moderator, you've given me one minute, but this is really only going to take about five seconds. Perspiration is water. A lake is water. It's as simple as that. I can elaborate further if you'd like me to. I want you to use my full time much how you wanted me to use my full time.

You have 36 seconds. I certainly shall. A lake has condensation that emits from it. Perspiration also can evaporate in the heat. Perspiration is the result of outside forces coming in. Much like a lake was formed by the geological forces that have shaped this earth. Madam moderator, if a lake is not akin to perspiration, then what is it akin to?

I ask you this. Time. Okay, Paul, that was a wonderful, I'm not gonna even say that was wonderful. That was whatever, that was a wonderful, I'm not going to even say that was wonderful. That was whatever. That was a neutral. Okay, Paul, it's now your turn. And you have a minute and go. No one likes perspiration except for a few freaks, but everybody likes the lake, except

for a few freaks. When you go to the lake, you're visiting a suitcase of nature. So many things are encompassed within it. There are fish, there are rocks, and yes, there are little weird plants. You can't see through a lake and you can't see through a suitcase unless you're the TSA, and then you can see through both. I think that much as you bring a suitcase to a weekend at the lake, you're meeting the lake on its own terms

and saying, I honor you by bringing my own version of what you are. Also, you can put clothes in a lake just like you could put in a suitcase. Anything you could put in a suitcase, you could put in a lake. They're practically the same thing. I think if you were to travel with a lake... Time.

Mmm. Too bad. I wish I could be here to bake. What that point was. I will say too. Such a shame. Now, Scott, you get a 20 second rebuttal. My opponent would have you believe that you cannot see through a lake. Dear water is clear. You definitely can see through lakes.

Imagine if you were to arrive at the TSA agent with a sopping wet suitcase, you would be kicked out of the airport. I also want to add just to cover my bases, Paul is an asshole, just to get that in. Time. Okay. Now Paul, you have 20 seconds, and go. There's nothing in the rule book

that says you can't bring a wet suitcase to CSA, you just can't have a bottle of water. Also, lakes you can't see through them, that's why when you're in a lake and something touches your foot, it freaks you out. I rest my case. Scouts and Dick. Seven seconds to go.

Okay. Do you want to say that slower? No. Okay. I don't want to do that. Okay. Both of you made extremely compelling arguments. Suitcase to lake as opposed to

perspiration. Was that your word? I'm sorry. It's telling me that sometimes your jacket is just floating there in space. It's a blanket. So obviously Scott was going to win basically immediately because both things are liquid. Paul made a very compelling argument. I think the most compelling arguments came right at the end when Scott said, Paul's an

asshole and Paul said Scott is a dick. Which one of those is stronger for me? I would say, I think Paul being an asshole because I also made that argument. So Scott wins. Wow. It was a tough day for me. I'm sorry, I think Paul being an asshole because I also made that argument, so Scott wins. Wow, this is a tough day for me. I'm sorry, Paul. I'm sorry. I almost let myself win. Yeah.

The moderator's never done that. I can see that, I can see that. Well, that was enjoyable. That's freedom, that's freedom. That was surprisingly fun. That was fun, thank you, Stephen. We'll play that one again for sure. I already moved it to the list, the's freedom. I enjoyed it. That was surprisingly fun. That was fun. Thank you, Stephen. We'll play that one again, for sure. I already moved it to the list.

The other list. The list is life. It surely is. And life finds a way. And we found a way to end this episode. Thank you so much for listening, everybody. We really love you. Thank you for being patient with us during the fires

and during all the travel and everything. I hope that this was still fun for you because even though we're on the Zoom, which is not as preferable as being in person, I had a great time. I'm really glad to start my day with you guys. Yes. Same. And let's see, we should mention,

if you want to write to us, you can write to us at freedomusa.gmail.com. That's what I'm mentioning. You can also follow us on freedomusa.gmail.com. You can also follow us on social media at Freedom USA. That's at least on Instagram. I don't know if it's anywhere else. We do have a Blue Sky account that we have not really used. We do?

We should use it. And as far as what's going on with our lives for Plugs, I'm still writing Spider-Man. You can see that on the Marvel app, Astonishing Spider-Man. And I may be at South by Southwest this year doing a comedy bang bang. And anything with you guys? I appeared on Night Court last week. Oh, cool. People can see that on Peacock.

Which is the date we're recording actually. And people can see that on Peacock. You can see that on Night Court on a Peacock with a low run. I am doing my annual St. Patrick's Day show at Lodge Room on Sunday the 16th. And it's going to be live at Lodge Room. It's gonna be live streamed as well pauliftthomkins.com slash live and also guys get your tickets for the Varietopia Tour, it is

happening in the spring, we're going to so many places, we're really looking forward to it, the last tour was so much fun, please come out and see us again pauliftthomkins.com slash live. come out and see us again, paulfthomkins.com slash live. All right, that's it for us. Another Freedom in the Books. Hell yeah. You have a great one. Books by the way. I don't know, I think there's a little old man

who's got books of freedoms. Another Freedom going in the books. The Library of Heaven. Yeah, isn't that nice? Yeah. He's transcribing podcasts. All right. Well, take heart.

When you die, you can get all the episodes of Freedom. We'll see you next week. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. Hi, everyone. Gloria Riviera here, and we are back for another season of No One Is Coming to Save Us, a podcast about America's child care crisis. This season we're delving deep into five critical issues facing our country through

the lens of child care, poverty, mental health, housing, climate change, and the public school system. By exploring these connections, we aim to highlight that childcare is not an isolated issue, but one that influences all facets of American life. Season four of No One is Coming to Save Us is out now wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm June Diane Raphael. And I'm Jessica St. Clair. And we would like to invite you on a hilarious and heartfelt journey each week on the Deep Dive.

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