Threedom - It Saves You One Button

Episode Date: December 26, 2024

Lauren, Scott, and Paul discuss the Sunday funnies, Wikipedia, and New Year's Eve plans before playing Half Life. Send Threetures and emails to threedomusa@gmail.com.Leave us a voicemail asking us a q...uestion at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 They called it the happiest place on the high desert, home to a tight-knit group of 30-somethings who like to party. It starts as a Playboy Channel fantasy, but this is real life. Where passion leads to murder and a killer seeks God's help with the cover-up. I'm Josh Mankiewicz, and this is Deadly Mirage, an all new podcast from Dateline. Listen to new episodes for free each week, wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Reshma Sajjani, founder of Girls Who Code. Look, I'd consider myself a pretty successful adult woman. I've written books, founded two successful nonprofits,
Starting point is 00:00:41 and I'm raising two incredible kids. But here's the thing, I still wake up wondering, is this it? And if the best years are yet to come, when's that gonna start? Join me on My So-Called Midlife, my new podcast with Lemonada Media, where we're building a playbook for navigating midlife, one episode at a time.
Starting point is 00:01:04 Each week, I'll chat with extraordinary guests who've transformed their midlife crisis into opportunities for growth and newfound purpose. At some point, we all ask ourselves, is there more to life? I'm here to discover how to thrive in my second act right alongside you. My so-called midlife is out now, wherever you get your podcasts. Freedom! Ha!
Starting point is 00:01:34 Yah! The Dean's Grave! Freedom! And we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna, Freedom! Oh my God, I'm hard. That was normal. It was normal.
Starting point is 00:02:00 It was normal. What can I tell you? It's normal. It's just there are things that are normal and there are things that are not normal. And that was normal. What can I tell you? It's normal. It's just, there are things that are normal and there are things that are not normal. And that was normal. And that's why we say it was. And what do we say? Normal.
Starting point is 00:02:10 It's important to call out normality when you see it. Because we're not, it also helps you know when things are weird. Exactly. Because we have to go, that was normal. If you thought that was weird, you were wrong. Sometimes something is weird and you can't say it because it's so weird, you're scared. And also it's rude to say something's weird. So instead we should just say things are normal. Normal, that's normal. And then the thing that we don't say is normal we know is weird.
Starting point is 00:02:30 That's normal. Yeah, you don't have to say it. And it's not rude not to say it, even though everyone understands the rule. Yes. Yes. Thank you. And that's also normal. Thank you. This show is normal. And what we're doing now. This show is normal. It's normal. Welcome to Freedom, which is a normal podcast. And a normal name for a podcast.
Starting point is 00:02:50 Do you know who's not normal? Who? Nermal. That's right. He's so cute. Nermal. It's not normal. What was the girl cat?
Starting point is 00:02:57 We've been through this before, trust me. Girl cat on Garfield? I always think Nermal was the girl cat. Girl cat on Garfield is Normal yes, you know a normal no, this is AI overview. We've done this I always look at a overview. Even when I know what it's telling me is bullshit I have switched over to Duck Duck Go. What's that? It's not Google? That is a search engine that is not Google. Duck Duck Goose.
Starting point is 00:03:27 Wait, that's crazy. I've never even... You didn't pronounce the last... Since the days of Bing.com, I have not... Or Ask Jeeves. I haven't really considered searching for a... They fucked up Google so bad. It's so bad.
Starting point is 00:03:37 By the way, if you're a sponsor, we apologize. We love you, Google. Thank you. Google is my dadda. But no, Arlene is a female Pinkford cat with thick eyelashes, large DSLs, and a gap between her two front teeth. What the fuck? To let that dick in? Why did you say that?
Starting point is 00:03:58 That's not normal. That's not normal. It's not even normal. It's Arlene. We would just say that's Arlene. When something's not normal, you say it's Arlene. That's Arlene. This show is Arlene. Whenlene when something's not normal you say it's our that's our lead This show is Arlene when you were a kid. Did you think our field?
Starting point is 00:04:09 Did I think he was funny? Yeah, so I think I've talked about this I one of my one of my Expected to be such like a politicians answer now. I've addressed this before I've talked about my dream of going down to the supermarket and buying cool whip and chocolate chips, of course But I also I thought that was a thing that you did you ever actually have it? I talked about my dream of going down to the supermarket and buying Cool Whip and chocolate chips. Of course. But I also had- Wait, I thought that was a thing that you- did you ever actually have it before us?
Starting point is 00:04:29 I thought it was your birthday. No, no I never- We made that dream come true for you? Yes, you made it- You never had it? I never had it. Wow. Whoa, we're amazing.
Starting point is 00:04:37 Yeah, I love us. But- We're awesome. My other dream was to save up enough money to buy- We're not Arlene. To buy a Garfield book. I'd ride my bike down to Mervyn's. Mervyn's.
Starting point is 00:04:46 And buy a Garfield book because anytime I would be in there with my mom, they would have a stack. There was a table devoted to Garfield because it was the 80s. Yeah. And. Yeah, I definitely had Garfield comic, like, you know, those big, those books
Starting point is 00:05:00 that have all the comics. Yeah, the Compendium. And I loved that. And we had Far Side. We had a lot of Far Side, which was always great. We had Far Side. And we had Far Side, we had a lot of Far Side, which was always great. But the thing is, this is a Bloom County, we had that. I don't know that one.
Starting point is 00:05:09 I don't think I ever thought it was funny. I just, our paper, I don't believe carried it. And it was a- It was exotic. It was a thing, I could tell it was a cultural thing. Right. And so when I would read it, I would be sort of like catching up
Starting point is 00:05:21 and trying to solve for Garfield. You know, I'd be like, what makes Garfield tick? You know, to try to figure out his relevance in the cultural side. You wanted to be part of the conversation. It's actually crazy. He became so huge. I mean, yeah, I like I went through a phase of loving Dilbert. I thought Dilbert was like when I was in fifth grade, I thought that was so funny. I don't know what I was getting out of it, because it's like I had.
Starting point is 00:05:44 Because you don't work in an office. No, never did. Dilbert was after my time because I was of, by the time that came out, I was of an age where I was not reading the funnies anymore. Yeah. Me either. But I think when you're a kid,
Starting point is 00:05:55 it's like trying to figure out point of view. You know what I mean? Like, oh, I see. This is a thing Dilbert would say. Yeah. Or this is the way Garfield would act. I understand. This fits into his canon.
Starting point is 00:06:08 You know, you're trying to figure out like comedic voice or something like that. I remember reading all of the comics, even if I didn't like them, I would just read the whole page. Even Prince Valiant? Even fucking Prince Valiant. Oh yeah, I would read the whole thing.
Starting point is 00:06:22 Yeah. I always hated, oh, who was that one guy I hated so much? Drabble. Funky Winker Bean. I didn't like him. Hagar the Horrible. But the one who was like a Hollywood reporter or something. Or like something like that.
Starting point is 00:06:36 I don't know, I don't think I ever understood what was happening. That's after our time, I believe. Yeah. Or at least not in our local paper. My grandmother would save all of the Sunday funny sections for me. So whenever I would see her every three months or whatever, she'd be like,
Starting point is 00:06:49 do you want to go read the funnies? Cause you know, there's nothing to do there. I don't want to talk to you. Well, yeah, there's nothing to do there. Oh, whoa. Okay, wait, I just remember it from looking at a list. She also has an exceptional geographic. So I would try to look for titties.
Starting point is 00:07:02 Baby blues. I always liked that one. Do you remember that one? No. It was like parents with young kids. I do remember it, but it was, that was like when I was- That was out of my local paper. 14, 15, let's see.
Starting point is 00:07:12 When was baby blue, when did baby blues start? Doonesbury. Doonesbury, is that the guy you hated? I think it was one of them. I don't know what he did for a living. I remember reading Doonesbury and not really getting it, but still enjoying it. I never got it. I didn't know what was going on. living. I remember reading Doonesbury and not really getting it, but still enjoying it. I never got it. I didn't know what was going on.
Starting point is 00:07:26 I remember like checking out Doonesbury collections from the library and trying to figure it out too. And going like, what is it? I did. This little boy trying to crack the code. Baby blues by the way, started in 1990. Wow. Dilbert was 1989 to 2023. It was just done. Oh my God. Congrats on a great run. Foxtrot. It was just done. Oh my God, congrats on a great run.
Starting point is 00:07:46 Foxtrot, that was always a funny one. High and Lowest, you ever read High and Lowest? Oh yeah. And they had their friend who was just a straight up alcoholic. His name was Thirsty, and he had like the cartoon red nose. Oh good, did he have bubbles coming out of his mouth? None of bubbles, but he was clearly drunk. And were you ever into Calvin and Hobbes? Yeah, I loved Calvin and Hobbes.
Starting point is 00:08:05 So Calvin and Hobbes came out like probably when I was 13. In 85. 85 is when it started? That's what it said. I don't think so. You think I'm looking at a false article? Don't worship false articles. Calvin and Hobbes started, you're right, in 85.
Starting point is 00:08:22 I was, I remember. Act more surprised. I was, I remember- Act more surprised, patriarchy. I remember it though, I feel like I remembered it when I was 13, weird. Anyway- How old were you, dear? I was 15. Okay, that's fine, you still like comics.
Starting point is 00:08:37 No, I just remember, I have, for some reason, I have a memory of reading it in it that involves someone I knew when I was 13. Was it a stuffed tiger? Shit. He's imagining things. Shit. But now it's led to a lot of people my age
Starting point is 00:08:51 naming their children Calvin. Is that true? There's a big, I know a few Calvins and I think it's gotta be a big name. Do you remember when Calvin and Hobbes presented Fast and Furious? Yeah. Yeah. It was crazy because it was like,
Starting point is 00:09:02 what do these guys have to do? But then there was a picture of them like driving the car together and it was like, this makes sense. Yeah, I got it now. Yeah. I came to Calvin Hobbs late, I think when it was, when it was being collected and stuff and I really enjoyed it. I remember reading it. I never really got into it, but it felt like a boy comic. It felt like something that like my brother and his friends would like, and I didn't really, you know what I'm thinking of Bloom County.
Starting point is 00:09:25 I just glanced at that. Was that the one with the penguin or something? Yeah, an opus. Opus. I don't remember what that was. Okay, that started in the 80s. That's what I'm thinking of because that was the, I remember reading that and wondering
Starting point is 00:09:37 what socialized medicine was because it was kind of political, you know? Yeah. In the guise of a funny animal. Yeah. A comic strip. And I remember that was the first time I'd ever read socialized medicine. And I remember the person that I'm having the memory of explaining to me what socialized medicine was. So this does make sense. And who was that person?
Starting point is 00:09:58 I don't want to say it was well, it was Nibe Levin's, current prime minister of Canada. By the way, it was Brenda Starr who was a reporter. Brenda K. Starr! I think in my mind it was like Hollywood. I forgot about Brenda Starr. And Basil St. John, her hot boyfriend. And it was created for the Chicago Tribune,
Starting point is 00:10:16 which was the paper that I read it in. Nice. Brenda K. Starr is a singer songwriter. Wikipedia is asking for my help. Wikipedia still can't be sold. We're sorry we've asked you a few times recently, but it's Tuesday. Would you put in a good word for us?
Starting point is 00:10:31 And our fundraiser will soon be over. We're happy you consult Wikipedia often. You don't know what I do. If everyone reading this gave 275, we'd hit our goal in a few hours. If everyone reading this gave two shits, we'd be fine. If Wikipedia gives you 275 of knowledge, join the, that's crazy.
Starting point is 00:10:46 I honestly, I do use Wikipedia more than almost any other website. But do you think Wikipedia gives you $2.75 of knowledge? But do you pay for knowledge? Well, I mean, you used to- Through the nose. I used to have encyclopedias and shit. If Wikipedia gives you $2.75 worth of knowledge, join the 2% who donate, whether it's $2.75 or $25. Join the 2% who donate. I honestly-
Starting point is 00:11:05 Whether it's 275 or 25. I could afford to probably send it $8 million, but I don't want to. Wow, you can also click maybe later, I already donated or close. See, the maybe later, maybe later is an issue because it'll just keep popping up.
Starting point is 00:11:20 If I say I already donated, I'm a liar, but I'm okay with that. Do you think it'll come up and say you're a liar? Well, there you go. Click. No, I'm'm okay with that. Do you think it'll come up and say you're a liar? Well, there you go. Click. No, I'm not okay with that. I would think I would say close. No, click, click I already donated and see what it says.
Starting point is 00:11:30 What if you- Thank you for donating. Now I feel like an asshole. Yeah. Your support means the world, confetti popped out. Your support means the world to us. You don't deserve that confetti.
Starting point is 00:11:37 Will hide banners in this browser Stolen power. for the rest of our campaign. I don't feel right about that. And now I have to go donate. Could you imagine if you- I'm gonna give $2.75. If there was a heaven and you got there
Starting point is 00:11:47 and they said you lied about donating to Wikipedia. And they sent you to hell. That's the only thing I've ever lied about. So they wouldn't know. It's crazy, but I just lied for the first time. You should donate to Wikipedia. I've never done that. I'm going to do it.
Starting point is 00:12:00 I actually, I vouch. I vow. I know I said vouch. Vouch safe. I vow to my couch. I vouch to my couch. I want to donate two dollars and seven dollars. That's a plus more. Plus more. Three dollars.
Starting point is 00:12:12 I might round up. I promise I will close. I should give to Wikipedia because, yeah, I can. Because Wikipedia gives to you. I use a lot, too, but then you always go, wait, why? Someone tell me. Why does it cost money whereas other sites don't need my money? What's happening there? I guess because other sites have some sort of
Starting point is 00:12:35 revenue generating thing. Yeah, they don't do ads or anything like that. Yeah. I think so. Oh, why don't they just do ads? Can you imagine? That's a great question. I would love a Wikipedia ad ad. I don't really mean that. Would love it. But why don't we just do ads? That's a great question. I would love a Wikipedia ad. I don't really mean that.
Starting point is 00:12:45 I would love it. But why don't we all, every piss pig, donate $2 to Wikipedia? Oh, we'll fix them. Yeah, but this campaign closes it. We're urging all piss pigs to donate $2 to Wikipedia. What do you think is the, what's, yeah, what is the online resource that you use the most? WikiFeet. How's your score by the way?
Starting point is 00:13:08 It's gotta be 10. You think it's a 10? Five stars, babe. You think you're a five star? I think I'm a- She knows she is. I've always been. If it's gone down, I'd be shocked. I mean, I've only given more new material.
Starting point is 00:13:18 That's wonderful. Have we talked on Mike about the Uber ratings? No, I don't think we have. There's a text thread. It's me, Lauren, Brian, Safie, and Arden, Marine. Yeah. And we talk about our Uber scores. Thank you so much.
Starting point is 00:13:34 Congrats. Thank you for verifying. Beautiful feet is the peripatical next to it. That's what that means, five stars. So, Scott, they have WikiMen, I think. I don't know if it's on the same one. But as wiki men for are there female foot fetishes? There's gotta be. I mean, it stands to reason, right? But you never hear about it. Yeah. I don't think, I mean, it seems like a male dominated fields. Oh, I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:13:58 Okay. So listen, me, Paul, Brian, Safi and Arden Marine have a text chain where for some reason we started talking about our Uber rating. That's the only thing we talk about because one of us figured out we were five stars. I was five stars. I think other people were doing well and then other people were shockingly low. Now we check in from time to time. My Uber rating is now 4.97.
Starting point is 00:14:23 I'm like, what did I do wrong? Here's the Uber rating is now 4.97. I'm like, what did I do wrong? Here's the thing. Shit. Mine's 4.84. I fucking tip these guys every time. I'm not asking them to do anything out of the ordinary. I tip, I'm polite.
Starting point is 00:14:40 Yes. I rarely ever question anything they're doing. Yes. Where's my rating? I never select quiet preferred. I do have that as my selection, but as a woman, I think I just don't want to hear from you about whatever your fucking thing is.
Starting point is 00:14:54 Of course, of course. 4.94. Wow, pretty good. What am I doing wrong? Pretty good. What problem do you guys have with that? Also, I give five stars like it's- Yes, that's another thing!
Starting point is 00:15:04 Like it's nothing. I give them five stars no matter what. I give them five stars. I've had people that have not deserved the five stars. I've had terrible drive-lifts that I've given all five stars. I did not have five stars with that woman. And I would give, I always give five stars. I think it's, I don't even know, Sometimes I'm too afraid to give less than five.
Starting point is 00:15:25 Do they wait to see how you rate them before they rate you? I don't think anyone can see anything that's happening. But that's always my question. And I feel like I've, I apologize if I've talked about this before, but I had an Uber ride to the Hollywood bowl, which is if you're not from Los Angeles, when there's a show at the Hollywood bowl.
Starting point is 00:15:42 It's a big bowl. It's a large, like salad bowl. There's like a ladle that moves you around. Yeah. It's a ride. You get mixed up with oil and vinegar. It's crazy. It's croutons, it's crazy.
Starting point is 00:15:52 A giant eat you. Yeah. But so there's a lot of traffic. It's very backed up. And so, because there's no parking there, I took an Uber once and my Uber driver started arguing with me about the route to take. And I'm like, you can go there
Starting point is 00:16:13 or you can do the one that your computer is selling you to. It's still gonna take a million years to get there because traffic is backed up. And he started arguing going, and then he started arguing with me about why I took an Uber in the first place. It's not your problem. Like, you know, it's too busy. You shouldn't be taking...
Starting point is 00:16:29 So he doesn't want to have the job though? It's like, if he's just in the traffic. Yeah, if he's stuck in the traffic, then there's fewer rides he can then... Oh, but wouldn't he get more money because it's taking so long? Or no, it's based on distance. Based on length? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know, but he was very upset with me to the point to the point where I just like said, thanks, bye.
Starting point is 00:16:48 And I like got out of the car. He just rolled out. I just got out of the car, slammed the door and ran off into traffic. And I've always felt like, OK, that's probably where my the ding on my rating came from. OK, I've never done that. And I've never had an argument with the driver. Why do I not have five fucking stars? Oh, I've never done that. And I've never had an argument with the driver. Why do I not have five fucking stars? Oh, yeah, I'm just remembering. I think it was
Starting point is 00:17:09 probably that guy in a Uber that hit another car. I got out and walked away because he got in a car accident and then I just left. Yeah. Because that was weird. Yeah. Oh, also I didn't I was a little in the inebriated after a concert this summer. I was with Tall John and we both called Ubers at the same time and his came and mine didn't and I never canceled that first one or I didn't know how to cancel it. And so the guy was calling me and I still had to pay for it. So I paid for it. You could probably get Uber to reimburse you on that. calling me and I still had to pay for it. So, uh, so I paid for it.
Starting point is 00:17:47 You can probably get Uber to reimburse you on that. Maybe, but I didn't even try because I knew it was my fault anyway, for being like not, not knowing what was going on. Because you were drunk, you probably could have easily resolved that. But also I was just like, I woke up in the morning going like, I think I paid for an Uber. It's like the movie Malice where the doctor was drunk. Yes. Yeah. Why didn't you guys share and just like, you know,
Starting point is 00:18:07 flight do two stops. That's right, where the pilot was drunk. Pilot was drunk. What's that? You guys could have shared and done two stops. The movie Leaving Las Vegas. We did share it. We were going back to the same place.
Starting point is 00:18:14 But he called one at the same time. Oh, I thought you were, you said yours never came. I didn't know you met. If I'm on a different channel. Oh. Look at these pictures of Lauren. What are they? Hey, close that tab.
Starting point is 00:18:27 Like, ew, get out of that tab, you perv ass. What the fuck are you doing? Delete. Stop it. Who are these people? I don't wanna see any of this. Those are famous people. Those are famous people.
Starting point is 00:18:36 Famous people. Delete and retreat. WikiFeed is the most quickly updated site, though, on the internet. Like, you. Like, if you had that fetish. If I did an Instagram story that included my foot, that's on there. Instantly.
Starting point is 00:18:51 Yeah. They love it. Wikipedia loves when somebody dies to get that was in there. Oh my God. I sometimes will hear about, like I think there was some race driver or something. I heard it like right when it happened, I went on Wikipedia immediately to see it and it had been changed. I heard it like right when it happened. I went on Wikipedia
Starting point is 00:19:05 immediately to see and it had been changed. I one time, I got to Wikipedia before to be changed. My game, my game, my game. Oh you spilled all over your shrimp. My game, my game, my game. No. Throw it in the trash. Keep talking Paul. I was very excited. I did the same thing and I was like, I haven't changed yet.
Starting point is 00:19:23 And then did you refresh? I know before they do, I did not refresh. I didn't want to kill my high. Who are these Wikipedia ghouls who are like? I think that's what they're called, the Wikipedia ghouls. So donate to them. Donate to the Wikipedia ghouls who change the minute someone dies.
Starting point is 00:19:38 I love how I ignored the electronic devices that got wet with my. You were just upset about the game. The box. I'll buy it. I can buy a new phone. Who cares? Who says that? This game is irreplaceable. Okay, so I did a character on Comedy Bang Bang that was based on this.
Starting point is 00:19:57 Based on Overdrive. I don't know if we've talked about it on mic. No, but we could during the best ofs, which by the way, the first episode... You know what? Good point. Just came out on Monday and the second episode comes out today But the the Paul and I hanging out for several hours going crazy. It's true But the live ones are not included in the best of no, they're not no so but we but it knows if we kill time now By talking about it. I want to hear We had this guy who you know how
Starting point is 00:20:23 So we have to get a big u Uber because there's a bunch of us. We're gonna go to the show from the hotel. By the way, this was a big problem during the tour, is calling the large Uber that says it's for six people. And there would be five of us, and then they arrive and they go like, how many of you are there? Yeah. Five of you, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:20:45 And then they have golf clubs in the back. That guy was amazing. They're like, well, I guess I could take down this seed and try to, and it's like- Why is that so cute? Always an issue. Always, and then there was- You gotta be ready.
Starting point is 00:20:57 Then there was one guy with a big Superman car. That car was insane. It had Superman on it? This, okay. This is so hard to describe. Because one guy came and was like, Oh, no, I only have room for three of you. And I said, well, just cancel it. Like I like I was. This was to go to the airport.
Starting point is 00:21:15 He's like, do you want to take two? And I'm like, do I want to pay for two cars? No. Cancel it, hon. And send him off on his way. Dings on your score. I have a good score. His best score than me, I've never done that. I think he genuinely felt bad because he knew he was trying to cheat the system.
Starting point is 00:21:34 Yes! By saying he was... Anyway, so then the second guy shows up. Jeep Grand Cherokee. It's blast, he has speakers taking up seats that are blasting like loud music. His, his car is a tribute to Superman. Yes.
Starting point is 00:21:51 Kobe Bryant. Yes. It says black mamba. Maybe a little Michael Jordan in there. Yeah. It has like a figure, like a bobble head of Superman that talks. Oh God. She demonstrated for me.
Starting point is 00:22:02 I got to sit in the front seat. Yeah. And he demonstrated it for me. This guy could not take five of us, by the way. And we still, since this was the second car, we were just like, fuck it, we'll squeeze in. We crammed in there. That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:22:13 It was fucking crazy. He had four in the back seat? Yeah, he was telling, yeah, something like that, yeah. He had to move his speakers out of the way in order to get one of us in. He was telling us how special his car is. He was saying that since he did all this to the car, he technically should have taken his car
Starting point is 00:22:30 off of the XL category, but didn't. And he lets the people decide. That was my hope. Let the people decide. He shows up and he lets them decide whether or not they wanna do what we did or be smart. Yeah, yeah, I can't believe you guys did that. We had to get to the airport.
Starting point is 00:22:47 We had to get to the airport as the second person. That's crazy. So this was a legitimate issue throughout the tour. But then we, so then Paul to your guy in Utah. It's so like city, we have this guy. Okay, so you know how, if you get one of the bigger cars, sometimes they have a, sometimes like the van door, you just open it and it moves by itself. Sometimes you have to move it. And if you try to,
Starting point is 00:23:10 if you try to do it, there's always like a, don't, don't, no, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. This guy was the king. We were trying to like, like do the backseat, the backseat, those, those backseats are never the same. And so we're trying to do it. He had this exact voice. Don't touch that. Don't touch that. Let me do it. I'll do it. This guy hated us so much.
Starting point is 00:23:31 We get to the venue, and he drives past it, because we're going to go in the stage door. And Scott says. And we're trying to say, oh, excuse me. Could you take us to that door right there? Because I know where we're supposed to enter. And he's taking us to where all the people are entering. And he's like, yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:47 It's closed. Oh my God. It's closed. It's like, actually it's not if you- It's closed. If it's not, we're gonna knock on that door and they'll let us in. So he backs up and we get to the stage door
Starting point is 00:23:58 and he says, it's closed. You see that, right? We're like, just let us out. You know what, I have to say like. What do you care? This is like such a minor version of this, but I did something like that recently where I was like, what am I butting in for?
Starting point is 00:24:14 I was in an elevator at a hotel and then we were going up and this guy got in on a high floor and I said, oh, we're going up. And then he just got up and got off on the next one. But you know what I just realized? He probably didn't know we were going. I probably did fix it.
Starting point is 00:24:31 As I'm telling this, he probably pretended that it was what he meant to do. Right, which is what I would have done. Yes. I would have said, yeah, I know. Oh yeah, I know. I'm happy about it. I love going there.
Starting point is 00:24:40 I literally went, why did I say anything? It was my idea. Why am I chiming in? I don't know where anyone's going. I don't care what anyone's doing. But now I think he was trying to look like he didn't make a mistake. I was just at the airport now with my people
Starting point is 00:24:52 I was on tour with and we were talking about, you know, when TSA pre was new. And if you remember the promise of America, we were talking about how if you have a pair of shoes that you know will set off the thing, you take off your shoes, even though it's TSA pre. You know they're gonna make me walk back. And in the early days, somebody behind you would be like,
Starting point is 00:25:13 you don't have to take your shoes off. I know my shoes. And we don't have to take our clothes off to have a good time either. We can just drink some cherry wine. It's always a bit crazy when people are controlling each other in the line. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:27 Like where it's like, oh, we're even just saying like, you need to do this, you need to do that. Like, oh, you're supposed to take your laptop out or just telling each other. Like on one hand, it's kind of nice, but on the other hand, you don't know what anyone's deal is. You just don't know what they're dealing. You don't know the troubles people are going through.
Starting point is 00:25:39 Let the people whose job it is to yell at you, yell at you. Yeah, oh man. That guy didn't get to yell. Some airports, man, that Washington airport airport this time, I don't know. What happened? Oh, I don't know. Just like waiting for people to like, to put their luggage into the big lines of luggage.
Starting point is 00:25:56 Like some people were just like very peacefully waiting to be told to put luggage into the big conveyor belt. And then I was in the line behind people where like every other line was moving really quickly and then these people are, anyway, it's just. You know, I'm already walking back what I'm saying because I actually think I do some things like this. And then I think, it's kind of nice.
Starting point is 00:26:18 The elevator one, as I'm telling the story, I'm like, I think he actually, I think I was correct that he didn't mean to be going up. Right. But I think it's nice to say like, Oh no, this is going up for people because it's like, why would you be going up? It's the classic question going up. Yeah. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:26:35 I recently was at Target and I got very involved with chatting with people, which I probably have mentioned on this show. And I thought I ended up, I talked to them once because they were like asking the employee where snow globes are. And I had just been shaking snow globes two seconds before and I said oh they're two aisles over they're right there. Because the person didn't answer right away and I just had seen them and then they were like oh thank you and then they were looking at gingerbread houses and I was like they're debating them and then I was like my family does this every year we do a competition with
Starting point is 00:27:02 the gingerbread house it's really fun it's a good it's good and then they said we're from Canada we've never been to Target and then I was like, my family does this every year. We do a competition with the gingerbread. It's really fun. It's a good, and then they said, we're from Canada. We've never been to Target. And then I was like, well, let me tell you about it. Come to our house for Christmas. Then one of my friends told me a story about, he was at the airport and he was getting coffee and he took the lid off to put like cream or sugar in and he put it down sort of mouth side down the lid
Starting point is 00:27:33 and a woman next to him said, you really shouldn't have, I'm sorry. Like stopped herself. Stopped herself from getting involved. She was like, yeah, it's none of my business. Yeah. Yeah. Who am I to tell you? I know.
Starting point is 00:27:44 It's a tough, you know, it's a fine line. It's a fine line. Because sometimes I don't mind if someone gives me a tip that's helpful. Yeah, absolutely. I do find myself, I think, I am very triggered by that kind of activity from other people and I always kind of wondered why.
Starting point is 00:27:59 And then I, maybe a couple of years ago, I had to spend a week at my parents' house and I figured it out. Yes. Well, sometimes I really don't like being told, I really don't like being told what to do. Imagine your every instinct being dissected and being told.
Starting point is 00:28:16 Much like you were trying to figure out Garfield. You figured out why you are the way you are. Oh, shit, we've had to take a break for a while. Oh no, I just wanted to say. Okay, we'll be right back. Audible's best of 2024 picks have arrived. I love listening to books. I can get through them so much faster because I can multitask, listen while I drive.
Starting point is 00:28:40 This year, Audible has gathered the top audiobooks, podcasts, and Audible originals across all your favorite genres, and it's your perfect chance to discover what 2024 has to offer in audio entertainment. Whether you're into memoirs, science fiction, mysteries, thrillers, romance, wellness, or fiction, Audible's expertly curated list has something special for everyone. Like an almost unbelievably star-studded production of George Orwell's 1984, which both honors and reinvigorates the terrifying classic. It's one of the best original dramatizations we've ever
Starting point is 00:29:10 heard, or romance that hits the spot, like Emily Henry's funny story. Dive into inspiring memoirs like Supreme Court Justice Kataji Brown Jackson's Lovely One, where her deeply personal journey offers insight and inspiration. And don't miss some of this year's best fiction. The Women by Kristin Hannah is an incredible saga of resilience. And Perceval Everett's James is a brilliant subversive take that will have
Starting point is 00:29:31 you thinking long after it ends. From start to finish, Audible's best of 2024 is filled with titles that captivate, entertain, and enrich. So many of these were on my reading list anyway. Audible, there's more to imagine when you listen. Go to audible.com slash freedom and discover all the year's best waiting for you. We are officially days away from gift giving season changing from presents under the tree to opening a box the stroke of midnight. But for whatever reason you need a stunning piece
Starting point is 00:29:58 of jewelry, there's no better place to buy it from than bluenile.com. If it's time to buy that piece of jewelry or you're just really proactive and aren't getting Valentine's Day lined up already, think Blue Nile. They've got the best team of experts available around the clock to answer any questions and they boast the highest quality standards in the industry without the overly high traditional retail prices. I have loved their rings and bracelets, but if you're looking for an extra special ring, they've got hundreds of options that uniquely fit whoever you need it for, even if it's just for you. Right now go to bluenile.com and use code THREEDOM for $50 off your purchase of $500 or more. That's $50 off with code THREEDOM at bluenile.com. Bluenile.com. After years of fine print contracts,, I hate when they make that print fine. I want it bold. I want it big.
Starting point is 00:30:48 I want a 74 point font. And you know, and after getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch, isn't there? So when I heard that all Mint Mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three month plan, I thought, okay, all right, what's the catch? But you know what? After talking to them, it all made sense. There isn't a catch. Mint Mobile's secret sauce
Starting point is 00:31:18 is that they sell wireless service online. They don't have retail stores, they don't have salespeople. Instead they deliver premium phone plans directly to you and trust me, it's that true premium quality without the premium price. So say bye bye to your overpriced wireless plans, jaw-dropping monthly bills and unexpected overages. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with premium wireless plans starting at 15 bucks a month,
Starting point is 00:31:49 where all plans come with high-speed data, unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. You get to keep your old phone and contacts, all that. And as a listener to 3Dim, you will get three months of premium wireless service for just 1515 a month. To get this new customer offer and your new 3-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15
Starting point is 00:32:11 a month, go to Mintmobile.com slash 3Dim. That's Mintmobile.com slash 3Dim. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at Mintmobile.com slash 3Dim. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month at MintMobile.com slash 3Dim. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See MintMobile for details.
Starting point is 00:32:41 We're back. Waboosh. W're back. Waboosh. Waboosh. We're back. That I sometimes really don't like being told what to do. I sometimes really don't like it. I sometimes Michael be like, it'll be something like he'll notice that I'm wasting time.
Starting point is 00:33:00 Yeah. He's like, you should just go to bed. And you should just. I should just go to bed. I'm not going to come back. No, I know what I'm going to do. But I got like. oh, I should just go to bed. I'm not going to, I'm not, no, I know when I'm going to go to bed. Yeah. I got like, I'm setting up putting in one minute and 30 seconds
Starting point is 00:33:08 in the microwave, just put in 90. It saves you one button. Yeah. It saves you one button. That'll save years taping at most buttons. It saves you one button. But yeah, sometimes I'll fight back on things that are just logical.
Starting point is 00:33:23 And I'll just go, I don't want you to tell me to do that. Yeah. Yeah. That's just dumb. I just want to live my life sometimes. I have that sometimes with Janie where she offers me an alternative to something I'm going to do and I'm like, I'm fine to do it the way I'm going to do it. I'll do it wrong.
Starting point is 00:33:38 Yeah, that is an option, but unnecessary. Yeah, I'm not going to do that. I'm just going to plow into that group of old people. Well, it did. It did happen when I was learning to drive and I was driving learning to drive. And it ain't that hard. Okay. I was driving her car and she was in the passenger seat and she's very, very nervous. She's very nervous, still is no matter whose card it is. But I was, we were approaching our house, the house we were in at the time, and we're getting close to the driveway and she's saying, she's been like nervous and critiquing
Starting point is 00:34:21 my driving for this whole trip. That's hard on both sides. like nervous and critiquing my driving for this whole trip. That's hard on both sides. Yes, that's hard on both sides. Because the relationship between you is not one of teacher mentor, it's meant to be one of equals. Exactly. And yet in this situation, she is unfortunately in an instructional mode. It's very true.
Starting point is 00:34:39 And so as I was turning, I was about to turn in the driveway, she was saying, slow down, slow down. And I said, it's fine. And then I plowed right into the curb. And I mean, it was bad. It was bad. And the car went into the shop and all that. I had to like, in a moment sitting there,
Starting point is 00:35:01 because it was so loud. What did she just say? And I, she didn't say anything, and I put on like a calm voice and I said, I apologize, you were right. That's good. And I should have listened to you. Oh, see, that's nice.
Starting point is 00:35:15 I don't think I would, I think I'd have too much pride to say that. I had no choice. I said, you distracted me. There was a- Don't you think I wanted to say that? When it's a very obvious, I told you so moment, sometimes it just is so great just to not say anything.
Starting point is 00:35:29 You just go- Oh, you don't have to, exactly. My friend once was driving over by the aforementioned Hollywood bowl and it just started raining and he was speeding so fast. You know how slick it gets when it first starts raining. And I was like, you have to slow down. You have to slow down. Please, I don't feel safe right now. You I was like, you have to slow down. You have to slow down.
Starting point is 00:35:45 Please, I don't feel safe right now. You have to, if you don't slow down, like I'm going to ask you to like let me out. And he crashed into a car. Jesus. And you know, it's one of those like- Stationary or moving? Like moving, just kind of like slid around
Starting point is 00:36:01 and crashed into a car. Fuck. Oh my God. And I was just like, dude. God, that sucks. That sucks so bad. I know. Especially in the rain.
Starting point is 00:36:09 I know. You have to fucking get out of the car and deal with the insurance and all that shit. Yeah, I once hydroplained into someone. I was, all my three accidents happened when I was 16. And I hydroplained into somebody at a stop sign or stop light. And then she was really upset because it was her boss's car.
Starting point is 00:36:27 That's my memory of that. Really? Boss's car? Yeah. And she was stealing it. Probably. She was like, no, they're gonna find me. I don't freaking know.
Starting point is 00:36:34 I couldn't control it though. I was just gliding and going like, that's what's gonna happen now. And then you got a trading card from the cops. That was probably around the time that I got that. Yeah. I wish I had that. Yeah. I wish I had that. I know it's in a box somewhere.
Starting point is 00:36:49 I know it's in a box somewhere. I hope you find it someday. I hope you, I want to see this. If I go through my old memory boxes sometime in the next couple years. Memories, press between the pages of body and mind. Reminds me of from Big. Memories, he's singing to his mom
Starting point is 00:37:03 to prove that he has Josh Baskin in his. Right, right, right. Like the corners of my mind, I'm supposed to go from big memories. He's singing to his mom to prove that he has Josh Baskin. Right, right, right. Like the corners of my mind, I swoon through my memories. He's like, oh, I'm embarrassed. Wait, he's trying to prove that he has Josh Baskin? Because he's basically saying he's a kidnapper calling the mom saying, I have your son, he's fine.
Starting point is 00:37:17 He can't get on the phone. That's an insane part of that movie. Yeah, because this woman is having like- That movie is insane. Hell for months. Where she thinks her kid's been like- And then the happy ending is he just comes home is like in big clothes, which is really creepy.
Starting point is 00:37:28 It's a movie that the kidnapper made me wear these. It seems like it's a family movie, but it is not, but it's still one of the best movies. Oh, it's great. Yeah. But, but, but, and, and what I do like about it is yes, if this were true, he would have to allay his mother's fears somehow, but that wouldn't allay her fears calling up as a kidnapper.
Starting point is 00:37:48 She's better off just thinking that he ran away for months. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. It's yeah. Running away would be the thing you'd want to say. I ran away. And I don't know. Like mom, I'm okay. I ran away. But he doesn't. He has an old, but he has a grown man's voice. He can't talk. Right. So he gets another kid. He should have gotten yes, because his little friend was there. He should have gotten his friend to do it. But if his friend knows, then everyone's not going to let that go.
Starting point is 00:38:12 That's a good point. Well, no, the friend should have just said like, yeah, he told me he was going to run away. The night before, he said he was moving to Las Vegas. Who was that? Was it Mercedes Ruehl was the mom? Who was the mom? I don't know her name. Elizabeth Perkins was the lady was it Mercedes Ruehl was the mom? Who was the mom? I don't know her name. Elizabeth Perkins was the lady he bones down with. Yes, that she,
Starting point is 00:38:28 It was almost somebody else. She commits statutory rape unknowingly. Some facts about that at one point. It's magical statutory rape. Different rules for magic. Yep. Now Paul and Lauren are both on their phones. Robert De Niro was originally cast in Big,
Starting point is 00:38:43 but the role eventually went to Tom Hanks. What? Yeah. Can you imagine him dancing around on the piano though? He later dropped out due to scheduling conflicts. Good. But Tom Hanks is so perfect in that. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:38:55 It's crazy. Can you imagine Robert De Niro trying to act like a little boy inside a grown man's body? It would be grotesque. Yeah. I mean, he's been. Jesus Christ. He's been 50 since he was six.
Starting point is 00:39:08 Yeah, it would be a very intense. Mercedes Ruehl played Mrs. Baskin. Good for her. Good for her. Okay. One of the great car named actresses. True. Up there with Cadillac Jones.
Starting point is 00:39:23 And right up there next to Prius Magoo. That's a good babe. Are you guys, so Lauren, you're in town for New Year's Eve. I am. You're staying in LA. Am I? So am I. Yeah, what are you doing, Paul?
Starting point is 00:39:38 Sometimes we're in town, sometimes we're not. Sometimes you're back. Almond Joy's got nuts, Mounds don't because... Sometimes you feel like... We will be back on the 30th. Wow. That'll be so special to have New Year's Eve knowing we're all in our own homes doing nothing.
Starting point is 00:39:57 Not talking to each other. I love that. We can text, we can have a text chat. Give me in the bathroom. What's it got in this? It's a text chain. Get from me in the bathroom with a cigar in this. Let me ask you this. Do you bother staying up till midnight? Not anymore.
Starting point is 00:40:12 I think we have, kids have thrown that off a little bit. I think this year I'd like to try, but we'll see. I always do. Jane, you're supposed to sleep. I like to watch the ball drop, okay? I like to see that happen. I don't really care. Hey, I'm a weird Jane, you're falsely but I do. I like to watch the ball drop, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like to see that happen. I don't really care. Hey, I'm a weirdo, who cares?
Starting point is 00:40:29 I like to see this thing. I like to see the ball drop. I don't like to see it happen. Don't touch that ball. In my time zone, not there. Don't touch that, it's a new year. I don't care about the ball drop. I like to watch the Twilight Zone marathon.
Starting point is 00:40:41 But I like to hear the sounds Of people. Of people yelling Happy New Year. Yeah, it's really cute. We people, of people like yelling, happy new year. Yeah, it's really cute. We get the fireworks. Yeah, I know fireworks. Fireworks are now, by the way, they've stopped. It's stopped being holiday specific. It's Tuesday at one o'clock. It's nothing. Yeah. Yeah. It's like when, when daylight savings time happens. Fireworks! Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:02 Any excuse. When the Dodgers won, I get it. Yeah. I understand that. I get it. The local sporting event. Fourth of July? Sure. Yeah. Christmas? I don't think so. Halloween? Yeah. Come on guys. Yeah. That's a bit much. Yeah. But um. Isn't Halloween scary enough without the threat of fireworks? I think the fact that Emmy doesn't know what shit it is, is like, why would we, you know what I mean? She's gonna wake up when she's gonna wake up. So why would we punish ourselves by staying up? No, I mean, that is the truth.
Starting point is 00:41:33 I would be very tired the next day. And so maybe it's not worth it. Yeah, maybe it's not worth it. But I'm often awake at midnight dealing with somebody. What do you mean? Last night, Holly wanted water at midnight. Oh I see, someone in your family. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:48 No, I just like, I just. Holly wants water in the middle of the night? At midnight she came into my room to get water, which is very precarious because I'm sleeping in the room with the baby and then she waking her up by saying, I want my water. And I'm like, shh, no talking. I'll go get it. So we're still in the stage where Emmy is in a crib her up by saying, I want my water. And I'm like, shh, no talking.
Starting point is 00:42:09 So we're still in the stage where Emmy is in a crib and can't get out and doesn't quite know how to open doors. Yeah, I think you want to wait as long as possible. Yeah, because I- We did it when I think around her third birthday. Do you think she'll learn like the Velociraptors? I don't know. I'm hoping she never learns how to open doors. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:25 Yeah. Can you give Holly like a sippy cup that she can keep by her bed? Yeah. She usually has milk. And then I bet she wanted water as well. And then so now I think I will set it up. I'm also about to get her a big kid bed, a twin bed.
Starting point is 00:42:41 Oh my god, could you imagine? A wet bar in your kid's bedroom. She should have that. Are you going to give her a bed shaped like something or just a bed? No, just a bed because I want it to be like a long-term bed. And so I'm getting her a twin bed, but then that means she'll have a little table next
Starting point is 00:42:56 to her bed where I'm gonna have her. Yeah, yeah. I slept in a twin bed for a long time. Yeah. I did too. Yeah, I did too. I remember when I got a double, I think I was in a twin bed for a long time. Yeah. I did too. Yeah, I did too. I remember when I got a double, I think I was in high school. Now I can't even sleep in anything that's not a king.
Starting point is 00:43:12 Or at least a queen. Like a queen when we're on tour, I'll be all right if I'm by myself. Yeah, queen by yourself. I know some couples who sleep in a queen. Who are you taking on tour with you? If you meet someone at the show. Yeah, road beef.
Starting point is 00:43:26 Road beef, yeah. Ew. I knew one couple. The littlest ew. I knew one couple that shared a queen bed and they preferred that. They preferred it. Cause they're all over each other.
Starting point is 00:43:37 You know who prefers it? Animals. I'll tell you who prefers it. Couples on TV. There's always queen beds on TV. Yeah, cause it just looks better. Yeah. It's easier to get them in the shot, I guess.
Starting point is 00:43:46 Yeah. And it doesn't look so massive. It's so funny when like Mr. Big on Sex and the City, who's like this wealthy guy had this tiny little bed. Right. He's a big dude. Yeah. Mr. Big, he was rich. It's kind of his whole thing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:00 Never seen it. Scott hasn't, I mean, so I, you want to do Scott hasn't seen it. So you wanna do Scott hasn't seen with the Sex and the City movies? I've seen the first movie. So you would know that he's rich then, dear. Yeah, honey. Does he flaunt his wealth in that?
Starting point is 00:44:15 I don't really know. If you don't get that he's rich, you're not watching the movie. But everyone seems rich on their wedding day because there's limos and everyone's in a tuxedo. That's a great point. Are you telling me he dressed like that every day? Everybody seems rich on their wedding day. Cause there's limos and everyone's in a tuxedo and stuff. That's a great point. Are you telling me he dressed like that every day? Everybody seems rich on their wedding day. That is a great point.
Starting point is 00:44:29 No, no. And the whole movie took place on the wedding day. Yeah. Did it? It was in real time. No, it didn't. I don't remember it, honey. Watch it again.
Starting point is 00:44:37 Scott doesn't remember. No, thank you. And what was it, was that the one where he would get on the couch with his shoes on or something? He did, I don't know. He would do something. Just like that. Was that a thing people were upset get on the couch with his shoes on or something? He did, I don't know. He would do something, and it's like nobody would do that. Was that a thing people were upset about, or just was a? That was a thing that she was upset about.
Starting point is 00:44:50 He would get on the couch with his shoes? He would come home from work doing whatever fucking evil job he did. It's his couch though, right? You know he can't have been a good person. No! And then he would relax on the couch in his suit, take his jacket off, but it'd still be in this suit shirt. No one wants to do a full Mr. Rogers every day of their life and change into a sweater.
Starting point is 00:45:11 He better get home and put on his sweatpants. Well, I do. And yes, I have a bunch of puppets in my house. Yeah. All right. We have to take a break. We'll be right back. Struggling to make healthier choices or stick with your goals? You're not alone.
Starting point is 00:45:37 We all know it's tough to create lasting changes in our lives, especially when it comes to eating and exercise habits. That's where Noom comes in. Noom isn't about quick fixes or strict diets. It's a flexible, psychology-based program that helps you build healthy habits that fit into your life. With Noom, you'll learn how your mind works and why you make the choices you do. You'll have personalized lessons, a support system, and tools that track your progress, all designed to guide you on your journey. Noom uses psychology. That's why they say losing weight starts with your brain. But it also takes into account your unique biological factors
Starting point is 00:46:13 which also affect weight loss success. What makes Noom stand out is that it's not just about the number on the scale. Noom helps you change your mindset so these healthier habits stick long-term. Ready to feel more in control of your health? Take the first step today. Stay focused on what's important to you with Noom's psychology and biology-based approach. Sign up for your trial today at Noom.com. That's N-O-O-M dot com. Hot chocolate, spending time with family, gift giving. These are some of my favorite things about the holidays. And you know what's not, and please don't spread this around
Starting point is 00:46:48 because it's personal for me to you, spending too much money. That's where our sponsor Acorns comes in to help. Anyone can use Acorns. You don't need to be rich. Acorns lets you get started with the spare money you've got right now. That could be $5 a day or even just your spare change. That's right.
Starting point is 00:47:05 Acorns can round every purchase you make up to the dollar and automatically invest your spare change for you. Buying that holiday tree cookie at that bakery you love? Yeah, that's investing. Acorns makes it easy to start automatically saving and investing for you, your kids, your retirement, even during the holidays. And you can get bonus investments just for buying the stuff you need from the brand you love. You don't need to be an expert.
Starting point is 00:47:30 Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that matches you. You don't need a ton of time. You can create your you can. I'm so excited. You can create your Acorns account and start automatically investing your money in just five minutes. And you can get bonus investments just for buying the stuff you need from the brands you love. God, I love brands,
Starting point is 00:47:49 head to acorns.com slash freedom or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today. Paid not client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promote acorns investing involves risk acorns advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor view important disclosures acorns.com slash freedom. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, we're back back back back back back back back back back back
Starting point is 00:48:19 back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back Does that really distract batters? Hey, badda badda, swing badda. If you were, I think it would. Hey, swing badder. Yeah, I think it would be distract. Swing. Oh, maybe I should swing, that person told me to.
Starting point is 00:48:32 That's Cameron from Ferris Bueller. That's right. Swing badda. You have to train yourself to say that is what I'm going to do when I'm going to do it. When I'm ready, I'll swing, sir. I'm not, I'm going to swing, but not when they say what I say. It'll be based on my muscles and my eyes.
Starting point is 00:48:53 My judge of where the ball is going. Hey, I wanted to play a three-trigger, but I didn't know what it was. Are you kidding me? I know what it is. You still don't know what it is? I don't know. Scott. Why don't we play Half-Life? It's the game where every scene gets half the amount of time and every time you do it. Hey, what do you think you're doing? I'm sorry, were you going to intro it? Paul loves to intro it. I intro the concept first. Are you out of your mind? You out of your goddamn mind.
Starting point is 00:49:28 Everybody, I'm so sorry. Let me explain what's happening. A freedom, now look what you've done. A freedom is a what? A freedom is a podcast you're listening to right now. It's also known as a preamble to a buster. The podcast is a preamble to the buster, yeah. Oh dear.
Starting point is 00:49:47 Three True is a game that we like to play. It's also known as a buster. Take it away, Lauren. So the buster we're going to play is called Half Life. And this game is where you start with a two minute improv scene, and then you do it again in one minute, and then 30 seconds, and then 15 seconds,
Starting point is 00:50:00 and then seven and a half seconds, and then three seconds. Probably eight, then four, then two, then one. I guess that'd then Two than one I guess we should do six Did you say eight? I don't care. We're not gonna do it eight minutes scene are we? Eight seconds because you can't have you can't do a seven and a half second. You're right All right, let's do two minutes ready, okay, here we go Candy for sale peppermint candies for sale. What type of candy say you?, peppermint candies for sale, peppermint candies for sale. Wait, how much is the candy? Each candy is one dollar and each little candy that breaks off is 50 cents.
Starting point is 00:50:35 How do you determine which one is a candy and which one is broken off? Well, you see the candies are in the wrapper. The broken ones are the ones I ate a little bit of. What? Is that sanitary? It's not sanitary. It's Santa's treat. You got me. Hey, you know how we're trying to collect her saliva to see
Starting point is 00:50:54 if she's guilty of that murder? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get the broken ones because she's tried to eat them and it'll have her deal. Four broken ones, please. That'll be $1 plus $1. OK. I didn't bring any money, I didn't bring any
Starting point is 00:51:05 money. I didn't bring any money either. What should we do? We're bad detectives. No money, no candies. Well, is there anything you take a trade? Um, you could lick my boot and say it tastes like slop. Okay, hold on. Let me put you on my TikTok. Okay, I don't want to do that. Sarge is going to be really upset with us if we don't come back with his DNA. Who cares? It's not that many murders. I don't want to lick a boot. 28 murders. And I'll put it on my TikTok.
Starting point is 00:51:35 And you'll put it on your TikTok? Is that a bonus? Yes, a detriment. You have a deal. Oh, wonderful. Broken for you, broken for you, broken. Oh wonderful broken for you broken for you broken for you I'm broken free. Let's get out of here. Oh, he's eating them Okay, yeah, here we go that happened no no that happened here we go, let's lick it You came back, thank you Why are you licking them? What did you want us to do?
Starting point is 00:52:06 I overheard you saying something nefarious you wanted to do with it. You overheard us? Well, I know you were trying to catch me for the murders and you said you'd take the- Oh, you did know about the murders. Okay, look, if you heard us, let's just get this out of the way. Did you do the murders or not? Well, you licked the evidence, so now it's all tampered with. No!
Starting point is 00:52:22 You murdered? All right, that is the scene that we're going to replicate. And that's how you play- oh. So now it's all tampered with. No, you murdered? Your boot? Ah. All right. That is the scene that we're going to replicate. And that's how you play. Oh. No, we got to replicate it now in one minute. And go.
Starting point is 00:52:33 Candies for sale, candies for sale, nice yummy peppermint candies for sale. How much are your candies? $1 for a candy and $0.50 for a broken off piece. What kind of candy? Peppermint candies for sale. And what constitutes a broken off piece? The ones I've eaten are the ones that are broken off piece. What kind of candy? Peppermint candies for sale. And what constitutes a broken off piece? The ones I've eaten are the ones that are broken off
Starting point is 00:52:47 and the ones I haven't are the ones that are candy. Okay, hey, what do you think we should do? Well, you know how we're trying to get her DNA? Yeah. She's eaten some of this candy. So we should get the broken off ones. Yeah, we should get the broken off ones. Of a sliver.
Starting point is 00:52:59 Yeah. We'll take some broken off ones, two each. Okay, one for you, one for you, one for you, and one for you, that's two dollars please. Oh, I don't have any money. Oh, what do we do? What do we take it and trade? I would let you lick my boot and say it tastes like slop
Starting point is 00:53:14 and I'll put it on my TikTok. Okay. Sarge is gonna be really upset if we don't do this. We have to do it. Yeah, I guess we have to do it. But if it's on TikTok. Okay. Okay, here you go.
Starting point is 00:53:22 There you go. Oh, I ran away, ran away. Wait, why are you eating all the candy if you want to catch me for the murders? I have to do it. But if it's on TikTok. Okay. Okay. Here you go. There you go. Oh, I run away, run away. Why are you eating all the candy? You wanted to catch me for the murder. Did you do the murders? Did you do the murders or not? I'm licking my boots.
Starting point is 00:53:33 Like you said. I was wondering. I always thought you were licking the candy. No. And I was like, you're ruining the evidence. You were licking the boots. You should have gotten low. Oh, I see.
Starting point is 00:53:44 You should have gotten low. But I forgot to say it tastes like slop. All right, here we go. 30 seconds. Candies for sale. What kind of candies? Peppermint candies. How much are they? They're $1 for a peppermint candy
Starting point is 00:53:52 and 50 cents for the broken off piece. What constitutes the broken ones? The ones that I've eaten are the broken off piece. Let's get the broken off one. Okay, you know how we have to get the DNA. Okay, yeah, we'll take four. Okay, two dollars, please. Okay, we don't have any money.
Starting point is 00:54:02 Did you bring your wallet? No, no, no. Okay, okay. You can lick my boot and say it tastes like slop and I'll put it on my TikTok. Okay, it's hard to be really upset if you don't do this. Okay, let dollars, please. We don't have any money. Did you bring your wallet? No. Okay, okay. You can lick my boot and say it tastes like slop and I'll put it on my TikTok. Okay, it's hard to be really upset if you don't do this. Okay, let's do it. Okay, let's do it.
Starting point is 00:54:10 Oh, and why are you reading all the evidence? The evidence of the murder was in my boots. Did you do the murder or not? This tastes like slop. I got the evidence on my boots. Perfect. All right, wonderful. Now 15 seconds and go.
Starting point is 00:54:26 Candies for sale. What kind? How much? Peppermint candies, $1 for the peppermint. What constitutes the broken-up? Two, please. The ones I've eaten and you get two. Okay, we need your DNA.
Starting point is 00:54:33 Okay, four. You don't mean any? You lick my boot and say it tastes like slop. We didn't bring any money. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. Did you do these murders or not? Obviously I did. It tastes like slop.
Starting point is 00:54:42 All right, eight seconds and go. Candies like slop. All right. Eight seconds and go. Candy for sale. How much? One dollar for dinner. One constitute. Okay, two for you. That's okay.
Starting point is 00:54:53 No money. Okay, let me look at it. Did you do these murders or not? You betcha. All right, four seconds and go. Candy for sale. Hey, slur. Did you do it?
Starting point is 00:55:03 Yeah, yes I did. That was long. All right, two seconds.ice for sale. Did you do it? Did you do it? Yeah, yes I did. That was long. That was long. Alright, two seconds. Candice for sale. Let's do these murders. Let my boots you pieces of slop. One second.
Starting point is 00:55:14 Candice for sale. Taste like slop. Taste like slop. That was a long second. I think he started late. That was a long second. Oh boy. That was fun.
Starting point is 00:55:22 It was fun. I had fun and I liked you guys having fun too. We did it I enjoyed it. Hey look, I like to have fun I make no bones about that too. What do you consider fun? Fun, that's no fun Isn't that what she says? Fun natural fun. Natural fun. Oh natural fun. Like what do you mean natural fun? Yeah, I don't it sounds dirty to me. Like sex That's probably what she means. That's the most natural thing is sex. She's a freak.
Starting point is 00:55:47 She's a freak in the sheets. And on the streets. Can you imagine somebody being a freak on both? Oh my God. They need to relax sometimes. Yes. Too much freakiness. Well, it was a great time, wasn't it?
Starting point is 00:56:00 Yeah, we had a great time with everyone this week. I'll never forget this. I'll never forget this time we shared, except when I leave right now. And then I'll forget everything. Listen, everybody. Thank you so much. If you would like to send us a three-chart. This is our last. Oh, yeah. Go ahead. Tell us about whatever you want to talk about.
Starting point is 00:56:17 If you like to send us a three-chart, please write to us at freedom USA gmail.com send us a party game, a card game, something like that that we can play. And if you would like to leave us a voicemail, a question- Not a card game, by the way. Good catch. If you'd like to leave us a voicemail question that we can answer for our three million episodes,
Starting point is 00:56:34 which we do every other Wednesday. The three million episodes, we did one yesterday. Yes. Special Christmas themed one. You can write to us at, no, you leave us a voicemail at freedomusa.gmail.com. Buy a computer. God damn it. We gotta make sure that people know they can't just go to a website.
Starting point is 00:56:53 Like to like what walked to this website. Hag claims eight.com is where you leave us a voicemail. Hag claims eight.com. First of all, it's all about, it's such a weird story, but there was a witch who killed- A real hag. Who killed eight children. Yeah. And-
Starting point is 00:57:12 It's good you made them children in the story. Well, I mean, that's what witches- It's true, they hate kids. You know what I mean? They hate kids. Yeah, they hate kids. Killed eight children, and she started a website about it, sort of a blog blog like a personal blog
Starting point is 00:57:25 yeah web blog and anyway then the website got passed down to us and we use it to collect your three males much like she collected children we're redeeming it and did you say three males yeah three males but it's not for three males it's for voicemails is good though right three males is good but three males sounds like it's for email I I know, send us your ThreeMails to, what? 3dmushemail.com. Yeah, 3dmushemail.com. And send us your Throismails.
Starting point is 00:57:52 Yes, Throismails. At HagClaims8.com. And then also, like follow us on social media because there's so much going on there. And what were you gonna say the last episode before what? Oh, this is the last episode of 2024. Wow. Hope you enjoyed it. Yeah, we had a- I can't believe the year's over. Can you imagine this is the last episode of 2024. Wow. Hope you enjoyed it.
Starting point is 00:58:05 Yeah. I can't believe the year is over. Can you imagine? I can't either, we're rushed by. This was our... I'm almost dead. Oh no. I will say we're closer to death than we are to birth.
Starting point is 00:58:16 We're closer to death than we are to birth. We're all family in the club. We're probably in the club getting tipsy. We're closer to death than we are to birth in the club. In the club. Guysy. We're closer to death than we are to birth in the club. In the club. Guys, have a great year. Have a happy new year. Make a lot of resolutions that you will keep.
Starting point is 00:58:32 Yes. Don't make them if you can't keep them. I was saying something nice to you. I've had a great year doing the show with you guys. And I expect that we'll do a few more next year. And this has been a fun year. Next year we'll do a few more next year. Yeah. And this has been a fun year. Next year we'll do three episodes. Yeah, that'll be fun.
Starting point is 00:58:51 It's been a great year. And when they're coming out, we don't know. Can I say, I'm gonna say this, and this is sincere, and you can call me cringe if you like. Okay. Cringe daddy. I woke up today, I was tired. Yeah. It's been a long year of trouble.
Starting point is 00:59:03 Which is bad when you wake up, you're like, no, sleeping was supposed to solve this. Supposed to cure the problem. And I was like, I kind of wish we didn't have to record today. Then I got here and I saw you guys and I had fun. I'm glad that we're continuing to do this podcast. I really enjoy it. Thank you, I agree.
Starting point is 00:59:21 And I guess I'll say something cringe. We'll make this a tradition. I was excited to come today because I like doing the show. So there's that. I like that Scott, you're up. I mean, I started this off. You already said one. What was this? That I enjoyed doing the show with you all year.
Starting point is 00:59:38 A little formal. Formal? Bye! You guys weren't going to say shit. Bye! Bye! Bye! Happy New Year! A little formal. Formal. You guys weren't going to say shit. Bye! Happy New Year! This message is sponsored by Cologuard.
Starting point is 00:59:57 Because of my own health journey, increasing awareness around the importance of colon cancer screening is a mission close to my heart. And one common misconception about screening for colon cancer is that you should start at age 50. But in actuality, if you're at average risk, the recommended age to start screening is 45. And a great use at home option to screen for colon cancer is with the Coligar Test. The Coligar Test is a non-invasive, effective, and affordable prescription-based use-at-home colon cancer screening test that looks for both abnormal DNA and blood in your stool. What I really love about the Coligar test is that it
Starting point is 01:00:37 gives the option to screen your way on your time with no need to take time off of work for prep or procedures. Even if you don't have any symptoms, it is so important to test beginning at 45, because many patients with early stage colon cancer have no symptoms at all and are diagnosed through screening. With zero downtime, no special preparation, and a use at home screening test that's delivered right to your door, what more are you waiting for? So if you're 45 or older and at average risk, ask your healthcare provider about screening for colon cancer with the Coligard test.
Starting point is 01:01:14 You can also request a Coligard prescription today at coligard.com slash podcast. Do not use the Coligard test if you have had adenomas, have inflammatory bowel disease, and certain hereditary syndromes, or a personal or family history of colorectal cancer. False positive and negative results may occur. Any positive result should be followed by a colonoscopy, not a replacement for colonoscopy in high-risk patients. The colicar test is available by prescription only. Hi, everyone. patients. The colic our test is available by prescription only.
Starting point is 01:01:51 Hi everyone, Gloria Riviera here and we are back for another season of No One Is Coming to Save Us, a podcast about America's child care crisis. This season we're delving deep into five critical issues facing our country through the lens of child care, poverty, mental health, housing, climate change, and the public school system. By exploring these connections, we aim to highlight that child care is not an isolated issue, but one that influences all facets of American life. Season 4 of No One is Coming to Save Us is out now wherever you get your podcasts.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.