Threedom - Kick and The Slap a Friend

Episode Date: October 24, 2024

Paul, Lauren, and Scott discuss a music video, whales, and The Addams Family before playing Rated Scenes. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hi, I'm Reshma Sajjani, founder of Girls Who Code. Look, I'd consider myself a pretty successful adult woman. I've written books, founded two successful nonprofits, and I'm raising two incredible kids. But here's the thing. I still wake up wondering, is this it? And if the best years are yet to come, when's that going to start? Join me on my so-called midlife, my new podcast with Lemonada Media, where we're building a playbook for navigating midlife, one episode at a time.

Each week, I'll chat with extraordinary guests who've transformed their midlife crisis into opportunities for growth and newfound purpose. At some point, we all ask ourselves, is there more to life? I'm here to discover how to thrive in my second act, right alongside you. My So-called Midlife is out now, wherever you get your podcasts. Freedom! Freedom!

Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! I'm a scary ghost and a turkey ghost. Be a turkey ghost with us. You say boo. That's boo. Turkey ghost with us. Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo Oh, yeah. Pleased to put a pumpkin in the old man's cat, black cat, that is. Of course. I just, on the way here, stopped at Trader Joe's and bought a bunch of pumpkins and little decorative gourds. Let me tell you something. I also got a birdhouse gourd or something. Have you heard of that? A birdhouse gourd?

No. Okay, go on. Tell me what you're going to say. We're just going to pretend we all know what a birdhouse gourd is. Here's what it was. What are you Googling birdhouse gourd? And also two minutes later. Okay, so it's called a birdhouse gourd.

But I wonder if I want that looks like what I had. It basically, okay, it's more like this. Is there a definition? Yeah, it's like a gourd, but it's shaped really crazy. So it looks like it don't, man, this has a horse. I can't see it, honey. A bird horse. It's got a bird horse.

But it's a very lightweight gourd. I was like, this is a crazy gourd. I could use this. I was like, it takes no effort. And the guy said, first of all, the Trader Joe's employee making conversation with me said. Wearing a Hawaiian shirt? Said, oh, you're getting a lot of pumpkins.

I don't know if he was. He was like, what are you gonna do with all these? I think he Hawaiian shirt. Said, oh, you're getting a lot of pumpkins. I don't know if he was. He was like, um, what are you going to do with all these? I think he was. He said, oh, you're going to decorate these. And I was like, what's my other option? Am I going to eat them? And it was being nice. You may have a funny conversation, but I was like, yeah, I'm going to decorate them.

I mean, is the other option that I eat them? Sticking it up my ass. And he was like, you could eat them. And I was like, I'm probably not going to eat them. He's like, maybe you have an elephant you give it to. I was like, okay, we were gonna eat them. And then he's like, maybe you have an elephant, you give it to him. I was like, okay, we were having, you know, banter. A great meat cue.

It was so cute and we fucked in the gourd aisle. Oh my God. With gourds. A whole aisle? Yeah. And I got this crazy birdhouse gourd, which is a long neck to it and like a bulbous base. What are you miming right now?

It's like a big penis and a shaft and balls. And I lifted it with such ease and I said to him, isn't that so lightweight? And he said, it's called a birdhouse Gordon. I said, is it? And he said, you can make a birdhouse out of it. It has almost nothing in it and you can just hollow it out. So that's the other option that he never mentioned until? That was the option with that item that he picked up.

Okay. There were other little guys. He didn't know about them. There were massively many. I got, what are they called? Cinderella pumpkins? What are those? They're like those, fairy tale pumpkins,

what they're called. They're like flat, cool. Like they're like white or like light orange. The idea that they would be turned into a carriage. Yeah. By magic. And I'm doing a craft that I did last year, which is really fun where you put Mod Podge on the pumpkin and put dried flowers on the pumpkin.

You do what? What is Mod Podge, honey? It's like a Deku Podge glue. And then you use dried flowers that I got from Amazon. What are flowers? Go outside, dear. Anyways, lovely morning, but I was just getting those pumpkins ready because it's almost Halloween as we say.

We decorated some, or when I say we, I mean, cool often. Obviously you didn't do it. Emmy. Well, I was recording, unfortunately, at my job. I'm so sorry it's your job. And so I couldn't go to the pumpkin patch. I got one normal pumpkin. I'm going to try to carve it.

Okay. Okay? Usually I think of that as a dad job, but I'm going to do it. As Yoda once said, don't just try to carve it. Okay. Okay. Usually I think of that as a dad job, but I'm gonna do it. As Yoda once said, don't just try to carve the pumpkin. Do. Just do it. Do the do.

Yes. What were you gonna say 10 minutes ago? I was going to say, I have a few things. All right. Nicole Parker's son. List them in alphabetical order. My friend, Nicole Parker, you know Nicole. Okay. Yes.

Her son. Starting with N. He loves the pumpkins that have the pustules on them. Oh. Those gross pumpkins. Yeah. And he always wants to make one of those into a jack-o-lantern. And they're extremely difficult to carve.

Yeah. They gotta do it because he's precious. Oh no, I tried to get a real carvable one because I'm just not playing that game. And with my fairy tale pumpkins, no bumps. When I think of the fairy tale pumpkin, it reminds me of Animal Crossing. Oh, do you miss it, Paul? No. Well, that's where I lived.

I lived there in 2020. That's right. A lot of people did. And I still don't understand it. We'd visit each other. It reminds me of back then. There's really not a lot to it, honestly. There's really not a lot to it.

You would just go hang out in your place or something? And then you eventually discover that and you never play it, honestly. There's really not a lot to it. You just go hang out in your place or something? And then you eventually discover that and you never play it again. Do you know what's so crazy? When you think about the lockdown situation, because it was our first time, presumably,

most Americans first time experiencing something like that, that, you know, it was crazy. We didn't know how long it was gonna go. It went way longer than we expected, blah, blah, blah. If it happened right now, how- We'd all be like, well, let's just settle in for a year. Yeah, I mean, no, I think I'd be the most depressed person. Oh, really?

Don't you think you'd have me- No, I think we now know how to do it and so we could prepare ourselves. I would crush it. Sometimes I think it would be nice- Well, I guess you know how to socialize still. Yeah, sometimes I think it would be nice to have just a couple months of this.

I know, I feel nostalgic for it. I wouldn't mind if everything just shut the fuck down. But no, now I feel like, well, first of all, the other thing is now we would know that we don't have to mask when we're walking our dogs. I know. I rode my bike with a mask on. Like an insane looking person.

Yeah. What was I gonna do? I don't want fucking high five. We don't know, we don't know if it's like the smog. I love the people that are like, we now know the government didn't know shit. They were just making up when they told us to distance from each other and wear a mask

and all that. It's like, it's all common sense stuff. Yeah, it wasn't. It's all like stuff doctors do in hospitals. That's not crazy. I wouldn't say that's wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like reducing risk.

But yeah, I feel like we, if we, if a year though, that's, that's how, No, with children, with children, I can't even imagine it. Oh yeah, I don't have kids, so I'd love it. Yeah, you just lay back and go to sleep. Yeah. Welcome to Freedom, I'm Paul.

I'm Lauren. I'm Scott. Now, speaking of Halloween, and this is a special, this is one of my famous segments. I didn't even notice you brought your towel. I didn't notice that Paul has his towel here. Who's rolling a chair upstairs? It's not a chair, it's a vacuum, honey. We like to keep our house clean.

I know you don't do it. No! Slam dunk. She's already cleaned the toilet. This is my famous segment called. Are you saying Cool Up is a toilet? It's what it sounds like. No, I was like, shake, clean it.

It sounded like you thought he named his toilet Cool Up. Oh my God. This is my, you guys remember my famous segment. Oh yeah. Paul's Gifts. Oh right, I love this segment. Wait, I'm excited, because I think it's meaning that I'm getting

a present right now. You are going to get a present, Lauren. Scott, Paul's Gifts did not point at you this time. It didn't extend to me. Well, you know it's random. Yeah. Oh, that's what happens. Sometimes you're going to Paul's Gifts.

I'm excited, I'm excited. I saw this in the supermarket, Lauren. This is gonna be good. And I thought you should have it. Now let me just describe here. This is a hand towel covering a lump. Wow, that's amazing. Enjoy.

Are you ready for the reveal? I can't wait. Wait, should I do a video? Yeah, sure. Okay. Okay. God damn. I wonder if the listener can hear the noise of the vacuum.

Okay, ready for the reveal? Yes. Here we go. Three, two, one. Hold on, that's the cutest thing, I'm gonna cry. It's a mommy ghost or a daddy ghost. I love it. Holding a baby ghost.

Which means either the ghost was able to give birth after death or a child has died. That's tragic. I love this. Do you think the ghost maybe has sex with a human? This is so. I mean, that does not look like a mixed race baby ghost. Well, but the sheet is over it.

Everybody becomes a white blob after they die. It's so true. What is the deal with ghosts? This is so beautiful. Thank you so much. Hey, what is the deal with ghosts? I'm very moved by this. That's gorgeous. I don't know why the base is that color.

I think... Yeah, that's what he's standing on? She. I guess? Maybe? But what is it with ghosts like why? You know what it is it's a sheet where you that has like that little border of a decoration on it And that's what her sheet. Okay. Let's okay. I hate to do this guys. Yeah, they're not wearing sheets They're wearing sheets Ghosts are of course

ectoplasmic projections of a soul. You know, that's true because I think- And the only way we can represent it in an amorphous way- It's like Galactus. It's just like that. He's not an actual human being with a mask. He's not a big dude who has a weird specific clothing and a hat. No. It's just how our minds can process it.

We don't see enough, and every once in a while you'll see a comic or a drawing like this. We don't see enough people wearing colored sheets or patterned sheets. That's the thing, ghosts should be light blue or pink or something. Give me like a sparkle. You can paint that yourself. I'm gonna deface this.

Yeah. Put some of your Mod Squad on it or whatever the fuck. Mod Squad. It's Mod Podge, okay. Mod Podge. I had to. I knew you had to say it. You had to defend Mod Podge.

I almost went off and then I came back. People will say Mod Podge. It's not Mod Podge. It's not Hodge Podge either. Like or Hodge. It's not John Hodgman. Has John Hodgman done a podcast called Hodge pod. Wow.

He should do that. He should really do that. Or he should do a crafting club called Hodge podge. Hodgman podgeman. Hodgman podge, John Podgeman. John Podgeman, John H. Podgeman. Or just John podcast. His name should be, His first name should be Pod

and his last name should be Cast, Podcast. Yes, Podcast. That's his name. Yeah, that's his name now. So when you see him on the street, and I hope you do, say hi, Podcast. Do you remember- That would still make sense to him.

You know Reductress? Yeah. Sure. They had a podcast, I don't know if it's still going, called Mouth Time, and one time they did a live show, and one of the hosts, Nicole Silverberg, who's very funny, I was a guest on the show, the live show. What an honor.

And she said, she's doing this character, and she said, is it true that you host so many podcasts that you're on so many podcasts, you're considering changing your name to Pod F Topcast. And I said, that is the name of my first podcast that I ever did. She had no idea. And it was a really funny moment where she kept asking me,

wait, really? Yeah, that's good. And where did that podcast go? Pod F Topcast? We did a couple seasons, it was me and Eben Schledder produced it. Was it musical? Well, there was music on it because I would do

my little rambling stream of consciousness, little funny things and Eben would play underneath it. I love it. Yeah. Play with toys. Yeah. He's under the table just playing with some toys. He would play with toys that made music it. Yeah, yeah. Play with toys. Yeah. He's under the table just playing with some toys. You play with toys that made music, so it was great.

Yeah, like a piano. So just kind of like ding, dong, ding, dong. Okay, so just say whatever, yeah. Any different kind of noises. Any different kind of noises that sounded like music. Well, music is really open-ended. A lot of it can be described as music. Like this is music.

Ah! This is music. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Guys, I need to tell you, that's not music. I need to tell you, I think it's a hit. What? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Am I so out of touch?

I forget who had this bit, a comedian had this bit. Like imagine listening to Buddy Holly and the Crickets, like, every day and like somebody's dad kicking down the door like turn this noise off I know but that's like Elvis and everything people were just like oh this is the hardest music I've ever heard the beginning of the black and white music video honestly sometimes I still will will put on when Yes, with when Colkin is listening to rock and roll music and George went, it's like, it's just Eddie Van Halen.

It's rock. Is it metal? What are you calling it? Slash did it. Slash? Well, it's just it's like it's like a drum. It's a Michael Jackson drum beat of like, and then slash play. Then I got to hear this because I don't remember this. I don't remember this. That's all I want to say. Michael Jackson drum beat of like, doon doon, doon doon, doon doon, and then slash play. Oh, then, biddley, lily, lily, lily, lily, lily, lily, lily, lily. I gotta hear this, because I don't remember this at all.

I don't remember this at all. That's all I wanna say. Okay, I thought the part where it goes, biddley, lily, lily, lily, lily, lily. It's meant to imply it's heavy metal? It does not sound like heavy metal. Well, the implication. If it's meant to imply it,

then it sounds like it did its job. Now, I need to hear it. And George went, gets upset, and says, turn on the. I need to hear it right now. Let's play it right now. All right, I'll find it. Just that part before anything else happens.

All right. And I told you guys that at my gym, they play the same, I'm gonna say, 20 80s videos over and over again. That's torture. Dude, no ad on this one. And... That's not the part.

Stop it. I said don't play any other part besides that. Guess what? Sometimes the computer... Does this sound like heavy metal to you? I said rock and roll and you said it's not rock and roll. Then you said heavy metal. Well, I was trying to find the word that you want me to say.

Well, find more precise words. Is this rock and roll? Who is this, Led Zeppelin? This does suck, to be fair. I didn't say it was good. I'm not blaming you. He's banging on the door. No, he's jumping on the floor.

And Norm is... He's in an easy chair. He's upset because he's watching a baseball game that this is interrupting. Sure. Turn that noise off, he says. Yeah. But then we have to hear exactly how it gets turned off. I don't want to, Lauren. And that goes into black or white. Just to play it.

Wait, that goes into black or white. Yeah. Why? Oh, now there's an ad. You earned us an ad. Prop 33. Yarr, yarr, yarr. Shut up. We have to watch the whole thing.

Let me try to skip to it, see if I can find it. Yeah. OK, now I like it. Yeah, it's a pretty good song. I thought I told you to turn that thing off. I like it. Yeah, it's pretty good song Too late, there's a baseball game on Baseball games sometimes maybe it was an extra innings true then they're on the East Coast. What just broke? I don't know I'm not paying attention. Oh, he goes, OK.

OK, and he has a giant staker. He should put this on. Can I turn it off now? No, you didn't even get to the point. What is the point? Oh, he's back to his baseball game. It's a long play. He's trying to pass louder all the way up to are you nuts?

He's turning it up pass louder up all the way up to are you nuts? He's putting on men in black sunglasses. Wait, so he said okay. He goes eat this. He's a bad kid. Norm goes flying into space in his easy chair. Goes flying into space? I'm afraid your father's going to be very upset when he gets back. Who's that? His mom, I guess. But not a recognizable actor? Only had one line we hadn't seen her till then,

so I don't believe it was her. Skibbidi-bibbidi-bam! Bam! Bam! What are we doing? Just letting people know what the full play is. Thank you. Paul didn't even know. No, I didn't know.

And he didn't know George got sent off into space? You didn't watch this when it was premiered, and I think Ted Koppel did a whole. Black or white. Mike and I had a nice phone call with George Went. Morphing technology. He was a lovely, lovely man. I think I've told the story of when I went to see him.

Ted Koppel? Ted Koppel. No, George Went when I went to see him. He's still alive. I said we just talked to him. I went to see him in a play when I was maybe 19. Art? Something like that. Art? Yes, I went to art. in a play when I was maybe 19. Art?

Yes, I went to art. It was a play. No, why did you say art? There's a play called Art and he was in it. He can't figure out common courtesy. Common courtesy. It was a play called Lake Boat Honey. Lake Boat Honey?

By David Mamet. Oh no. David Mamet. Oh no. David Mamet. And it had Ed O'Neill and a bunch of Mamet regulars. And then George Wendt was in it. Joe Mantegna. He, I don't think Mantegna was in it.

But a lot of people who were in Homicide. You stupid fuck. Yes. And we, somehow we hung around after the play and complimented them all. Somehow. How did you manage it? Well, we didn't know anyone. To hang around. We didn't know anyone, but then we just kind of like, Somehow we hung around after the play and complimented them all. Somehow. How did you manage it?

Well, we didn't know anyone. To hang around. We didn't know anyone, but then we just kind of like... What, you went backstage? Weaseled your way in. No, they all just kind of came out after and we hung out. They came to greet their friends probably and you were just like... Yeah, and we...

We were to go home. Wouldn't stop talking to them. Yeah. And then they invited us to a bar where they were all going to hang out. Nice. And so we all went to the bar and then George went, walked in. Everyone said hi, Norm.

Sat down at the bar, everyone's, and everyone said, Norm. He raised his hand and waved at everyone and the bartender just gave him a free beer. Of course. Literally, it's his life. Which happens everywhere he goes, yeah. Yeah, which is amazing.

Yeah. That rules. Yeah, there's worse ways to live. I told him that story when he was on the Bang Bang TV show and he Laughed and said yeah that happens all the time I'm always inviting teenagers to a bar Maybe someone we were with knew someone I can't remember I've been rewatching deadwood

Which I'm really I'm almost done really enjoying it Have you done this before? I have, this is my second, this is my third time watching. I rewatched it before the movie. Wow. Yeah. What would, okay, what would you rewatch?

There was more. I know. I want to just side-conversate. So you don't want to be interrupted for anything. We always have side conversations. I know we always do. You're rewatching it. But it's like, to me it's like just throwing out the premise.

We're literally gonna have to... That's enough to jump off into something else. Of course it is. And we'll get back to this. Of course it is. No, that's the problem. We're about to get an epic Scott level meltdown from Paul telling us he can't take it anymore. That'll never happen. That'll never happen.

I'll never lose my cool again. I was, by the way, earlier in the show, I was interrupted to such a point where I can't remember what I was gonna say anymore. That's the goal. Just like get so far away from it that we just don't even know. So go ahead.

Do you remember at what point it was, what you were talking about? We were talking about Halloween, there was something I wanted to mention about Halloween. Oh, maybe it was about how Emmy. Pumpkins? How she now. We, maybe it was about how Emmy. Pumpkins? How she now. We're asking about you and your toilet.

That's right. What are you gonna be for Halloween? So Cool Up the toilet. You called her that. You called her that. You called her that. No, I just wanted to say that Cool Up has been gathering all of the Halloween accoutrement.

Of course. We've been texting about a lot of good Halloween stuff. And Emmy is now like saying like, she knows pumpkins and ghosts and she wants Halloween songs on. And there's one where she imitates a werewolf and stuff. Cute. And so-

I'd love to hear that. So they were watching Beauty and the Beast yesterday and there was a scary part, I guess, where a dad- Where a beast fucking shows up? I what you had what the scary part is but cool up said are you okay Tammy and she goes yes like Halloween fun and then it's not actually scary. People are just being silly. Exactly. They're just going around.

We're raising a little goth. That's wonderful. That would go. Raising a little goth. I was looking at some trivia for the show. And Ian McShane, who plays Al Swearingen, one of the greatest TV performances. And what he likes to do is in his name.

So true. And he was a real guy. Yeah. There really was an Elsewhere Engine. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone in that show was real. Almost everyone.

I think everyone was. Every single person? Even Anthony Düsseldick, who was the production accountant. What? He was the production accountant? Did you not know that? No! Anthony Düsseldick was the production accountant for Deadwood.

How old was he? He was young. He had just moved out here, I think. Did he get his degree in that or something? I can't remember exactly, but he would tell me stories about being on the set and stuff. That's what gave him his dark sense of humor. Absolutely wild. He listened to Al Schwertens in too much. So apparently Ian McShane was not

the David Milch's first choice, or even his third choice for that. His first choice was Ed O'Neill. Interesting. Now that feels like he's everyone's first choice, working all the time. In so many Disney movies, by the way. I mean, Ed O'Neill.

At least one. Just from me seeing him in this play, The Lake Boat, is a great actor. Oh, that is, he's in so many, at least one. He's in Finding Nemo 2, if not, or Finding Dory. Oh! Who else can they find? Cause we're gonna find out.

The turtle maybe? Because it could be Finding Turtle, that could be the next one. Yeah, Finding Turtle from entourage. Oh, I would love that. And he's like floating in the ocean. Absolutely. He's dead.

And it's all Pixar, but he's real. He's floating face down in the ocean. He's got- He's been killed. He's bloated with water. Yes, unrecognizable. They actually find him in the first five minutes, but they don't know it's him.

Because he's unrecognizable. Yeah, they just think, ew, is this the whale? Yeah, and then by the end, they go, that's who we found. Do you think in the movie, The Whale, when Brendan Fraser lifts off of the ground? Now I've never seen this. Is that how it ends, by the way, because I only saw the first hour and then I fell asleep.

I was told. No diss on the film. No, you should diss it, it's bad. Oh. But I didn't get back to it in the morning, which I sometimes will. Do you know, it's not the film's fault that it's bad because the story itself is not good.

The story basically is, who wrote the book? What if a disgusting fat person had feelings? What was, who wrote the original book? It was a play. It was a play. It was an actual whale. Oh, it was written by a whale. Yeah, free willy.

M Dick. M Dick, AKA free willy. They both have penis in their name. Isn't that crazy? Moby Dick, free willy. I'm sorry. Hey, who's next? A massive schlong?

It's an ancient sailing tradition. Who's next? My dick is as big as a whale, watch it slap. How about sperm whale? Oh my God, what is it with whales and their prongs? They have something. They actually are, what are they again? Hypersexual beings.

What's it called, a whale's dick is a? Schlong. I don't know about that. Let me look it up. A tuber. But I do know that the stuff inside a sperm whale's head, which was the valuable stuff, was called spermaceti.

Eugh. A dork. Oh yeah, they, oh why'd they forget that? That's right. It's such a good bit of trivia. Which is why when people first started calling people dorks, like your teacher would get so upset. It was a compliment.

Yes. Look at you, you're an amazing penis. We have to take a break. You're a dork's whale peo, wait, spermaceti. We have to take a break. Spermaceti. We have to take a break. Let me just say, they cut open this whale's head, and they're like, hey, that looks like juice. Wait, spermicide. We have to take a break. Spermicide. We have to take a break. Let me just say they cut open this whale's head

and they're like, hey, that looks like cheese. And it's stuck. And now we all have to call them that. No. Yes. We're all forced to by law. Isn't that stupid? By the PC police.

Yeah. All right, let's take a break. Hey Paul, are you ready to elevate your daily routine? Yeah, it sucks. Why? What do you do all day? What do I do? I kind of, I count on my hands.

Just up to two because you have two hands? Yeah. Yeah. And then you start over? Yeah, all day long. That's my daily routine. Well, look, I have something better for you. Okay. Okay. I'd like to hear it. Good luck. All day long. That's my daily routine. Well look, I have something better for you, okay?

Okay. I'd like to hear it. Almost anything would be. Sure, good luck. But listen to this, with Audible you can transform everyday moments into opportunities for inspiration. Oh my god. Whether you're diving into captivating stories, motivational talks, or expert insights across your favorite genres, you'll find endless ways to explore new ideas and perspectives. I have a question for you and this is a

yes or no so I don't want to run around. Okay. Does Audible offer an unparalleled selection of audiobooks alongside popular podcasts and exclusive audible originals and are they conveniently available in one user-friendly app? Well Paul. Oh my god here he goes. I'll just, I'm not going to sugar coat it. Yes. Thank you. In fact, I've been particularly engrossed in the Nightingale by Kristin Hannah

and Atomic Habits by James Clear. I read one word from each and I alternate. How do you keep that straight in your mind? You and you play one word from each. That's right. Oh. Thank you. Who from each. That's right. Thank you. Who is this?

It's me. And I just wanted to say there's something uniquely invigorating about immersing yourself in an audiobook that revitalizes your spirit. Isn't that true? Thanks for saying that. Now you have to go though, right? Bye. Here's what I'd like you to do and tell me if this is possible.

I'd like to discover my favorite genres or branch out into new ones. Yeah, all possible. I'd like to explore bestsellers, new releases, and thousands of audiobooks, podcasts, and new ones. Yeah, all possible. I'd like to explore bestsellers, new releases, and thousands of audiobooks, podcasts, and originals. Yeah, all possible. Are they all available for unlimited listening with the membership that grows richer over time? You know what, Paul?

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And we were just- Some great segments already. Looking at pictures of whales heads cut off that our good friend RFK Jr provided us. Yeah. We said, hey man, do you have any on your phone right now? And he goes, just give me a second. Just give me.001 seconds. It might take a while to upload.

Because I'm sending an entire album. By the way, I got another, this is a new tactic. You don't like that? No, no, I'm just. He's a. He's a. Just listening. He's part of the comedy community. We have to protect him. It's true.

By marriage. He was doing a comedy night. No, there was like a comedy night, wasn't there? Yeah. Yeah. A lot of great people. Bobby Lee. All right. But there's a new tactic with these,

we and the Freedom Gang send each other new fundraising emails all the time. It's very true. And there was one recently of, what was it? Tears in my eyes? I'm on my knees. This is terrible. No one is donating. This is, yeah, no one donated.

That was one that you got. Yeah, here's a new one. No one donated? In the next 60 seconds, we're going to ask you to make your next donation to the DNC. And I thought they were gonna like 60, within the next 60 seconds, send me another text,

but they didn't. But there's a countdown clock at the bottom of this. It's actually counting down. It's actually counting down. Oh my God, look at that. 10 seconds left, what's gonna happen? But then I exit it, and then I click back on it, and it's actually counting down. Oh my God, look at that. We only have 10 seconds left, what's gonna happen? 10 seconds left, but then I exit it, and then I click back on it, and it restarts.

Well, let's wait till it gets to 10, and then we'll do a countdown and see what happens. Okay, great. Here's my prediction, it'll just reset again. I wonder if it'll be like, if it'll say, you didn't do it. We're crying. You're...

I mean, like, it's so hard to tell which ones are just flat out spam scams and which ones are actually from... Scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam,

scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, scam, What are we at? 25 seconds. So we can fill some time. Because the getting one that says, we're panicking, like literally we're panicking. It's so stressed. It's like, wait, and you're telling me, did really no one donate? There's a school of thought that these are not helpful. That they may work.

Really? That they may work, that they lead to a general sense of malaise with people. That's true. Like nothing is working. I have donated. Okay, two, one, zero.

Flashing red. Oh fuck. Started over. It's a gif. Flash is red for one second. They did get another donation out of me recently with some of these desperate things. So I've donated twice. So it's working, but it also, it depresses everyone,

I feel like. It's not working on me. I don't like when I say no one donated. I go, what do you mean no one? Like I'm like, so really we're all dropping the ball? Every single person in Pennsylvania didn't donate. Yeah. I have literally gotten five in the last 10 minutes.

Wow. There are too many. It's almost time though. It is almost time. We do want everyone out there to vote. The more people vote, the better it is. Vote, vote the musical boat. The more you eat, the more you float.

The more you vote. The more you float, the better you feel. So let's vote after every meal. Yes. So after every meal, go vote somewhere. Yeah. To pick a different city so that I don't catch you. Are you going to vote by mail or in person?

I got my mail in ballot. I believe I'm going to vote by mail, but I do love the, I love doing it. I do too, I like the experience. Me too, I like going in person, especially for a presidential election, it's pretty nice to be in there. We just did it in the local one and we brought Emmy

and she got a sticker. Oh, like Halloween. And then they let her vote too, which was great. Oh, that's fantastic. That's so sweet. Did she vote on like peanut butter or jelly? What'd you think of Prop 30? They should have like a little kid voting thing.

That's like, they should. That would be really fun. It's like, get them involved. But I used to love when I was a kid. I mean, to the parents. Yeah. Why do we ever have to grow up? No, but when my parents would say it's voting night and then they would take us

and the feelings, right. And we would go to someone's house and we would stay out in the car and kind of look at them and there would be like a sort of a line and it would be in their garage or not. It's a garage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It would be in their garage. Oh, like they set up a polling place.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, and I just used it in the car and watch them. Yeah, you'd watch them like get in line and then they do it. So you wouldn't be so bored standing there going like, why is love living so slow? They wouldn't take us up to it. But I don't know, there was just- Oh, you wouldn't all sit in the car.

Yeah. You'd sit in the car with the window cracked. Well, your parents wouldn't- You thought that I was saying my parents brought us there and we would just watch everyone? Yeah, man. Hey, you're- You've told us a lot of weird stories.

You're a creep, dude. Look at out there. It could have been the origin of your creepness. Your dad tried to entrap the dog. Entrap? Yeah, that's what I said. What happened? He brought up a bunch of lasers in the house

and the dog had to sexually crawl under them. Had to like lift its ass up. That's so hot. When that trailer came out and Catherine Zeta-Jones lifted her, like crawled down and lifted her ass up to go, I think that's what made that movie a hit. What do you think? I just was scared of what you were gonna say.

No, I just, I remember watching movies at that time with a bunch of people and everyone was just like, ooh. Oh yeah. She was new on the scene. Some of those four good moments. She was very hot. Absurd. Core memory unlocked.

But that scene, that movie I remember seeing and there's of course a romance between Sean Connery who was a billion years old and Catherine Zeta-Jones. And my- Not that much different than her real life. Well, that's true. But it was my first time noticing that sort of waffle pattern that old men get on their necks,

on the back of their necks. And I was like, is that gonna happen to me? I don't think I know what you're talking about. Boy, you know it when you see it. Okay. I'm like, oh. Waffle pattern. Mm-hmm.

This is like I could find it. Okay. I was at aaffle pattern. Mm-hmm. This is like a find it. Okay. I was at a hotel, by the way, that Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones were at with their family. And I was like, you guys could probably afford a better hotel than I can. That's interesting.

Like, why are you guys here? I understand why I'm here. Why are you guys here? Yeah. Hmm. You know what I mean? Maybe they didn't know it was bad. It was, and it was just fine.

Like it's just a normal hotel. Yeah, but there was a lot to do maybe for the kids. Okay. You know, surfing and the like. Oh, well then that's probably what it was. But then that's interesting that they were like, oh, we'll cheap out and do some of the kids stuff. I feel like if you're Michael Douglas,

don't you want a private, private hotel experience? They were at the buffet with me. But maybe they want to feel like they're normal. That's a good point. I feel like I was just thinking about this, how it must be very hard as this is not a new concept to be so famous though, because you can't do anything just, you can just walk into a random grocery store and pick up some random thing you forgot. It's like without it being a whole to do.

And it just seems like that would be very hard. Now I saw Vince Vaughn at a grocery store once and- That'd be exciting. Here in LA and I did what we all should do in LA, which is ignored him. And that's usually what does happen in an LA situation or whatever. But then the cashier had to be like,

yo bro, let me get a picture. And he's like, ah, yeah. And he was very nice and took a picture and all that kind of stuff. But it's just, yeah, you're right. Like you just want to like. It sounds pretty money. Yeah.

It's money. It sounds so money, baby. But you just want to like go out and pick up some like three eggs. Well, I think a lot of times you see comments on the internet that are like, that's the lifestyle you chose. And it's like, that all may be so,

but you don't know what, you don't know you're gonna be so famous you can't do that. I hope you never get that famous. You know what, I actually feel that though. I'm like, it's a pocket you wanna be in. No, I- You can do everything you want in your life. In my brief, brief years on television,

I got a mere glimpse into it and it was uncomfortable. And then I also feel like no one, I also feel like sometimes no one can get famous without turning into a lunatic. I don't know if that's true. I think there's some people I've met or worked with who were, seemed normal. Al Pacino seems normal.

Yeah. Yeah. This is sort of what I'm talking about. What are you talking about? It's like a Chris Kaufs? I forgot what even the subject is. Can I see it? Oh yeah. Yeah, it's like a little...

Cross hatch pattern kind of. Yeah, on the back of the neck. Yeah. Yeah. You know? Time comes for us all. Some slower than others. That's true.

Some people live a long time. Some people don't. I think we look better at our age than our parents did at our age. Oh, for sure. Every generation that becomes true, but why is that? Preservatives. Like in Ritz crackers and stuff.

What we're eating or? Preservatives in Ritz crackers, specifically. Oreos. What we're not smoking, maybe? I think that's a big part of it. Not smoking is huge. Everyone used to smoke and it would just make everyone's faces crack. Yes. I also we don't drink as much as previous generations.

Speak for yourself. I think we also haven't been through as many wars. Horrific wars. We have we have our own. Yeah. But yeah, we're not drafted anymore. So not everybody has the experience of being in a horrific war. Yeah. Right. With PTSD. Yes. Post-traumatic stress disorder. Thank you, Paul. Uh yeah. No, it's true. I

I uh by the way. Oh, we're not in black and white anymore. Yeah. In the video. Black and white. Color makes you look so much better. It's using morph technology. I did ask my mom when I was a child. When did you turn color? No. You did? Yeah. That's adorable. I was looking at her old pictures. But back to elections, I don't know, I do love the, I just love the the ritual of going to it. I don't, I will say that I've become very disenchanted with everything. Really Paul? Yes I have. You've become a misanthrope. Really Paul? Yes, I have.

You become a misanthrope. No, I wouldn't go that far. I wouldn't go that far. Oh, you would. Yeah. What are the classic signs? Well, you're sneering at everyone all the time.

With good reason. So you just so you don't with voting, you don't you don't like the patriotic aspect of it or even the community aspect. I wouldn't even call it patriotic as much as I, although I know I wouldn't say that that is wrong to think that. I think sometimes the rituals of, I would liken it sometimes to like getting on a bus or the subway or something, the ritual aspects of living in a community

that makes you feel a part of a community. I feel like public transport is one of those where it's like you suddenly see the breadth of your community and you feel a part of something. It's nice. Yeah, I do like that, but I guess it's not so much that part of it as it is our system itself.

And, you know, We gotta go to rank choice, Paul. I do wish it was Right now? Yes. Rank choice voting vote right now between me and Lauren. Buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh. And yourself.

No, it's, shit. Who's your secretary? That was close. The old model that we are operating on. Cheryl Teagues. We operate on them. I would love to operate on Cheryl Teagues. Right?

I'd like to play Doctor Who. No, come on. I would be. Play plastic surgeon. I would put a curtain over all of those parts. I would just love to cut into the stump. I'd put a curtain over all those those parts. I would just love to cut into the stump. I'd put a curtain over all those parts. Psychotic humor, because obviously we're kidding.

Psychotic humor. Psychotic humor. Psychotic humor. Thank you. It's catching on. Psychotic humor. Okay, that's more what it is. I was just gonna say.

Psychotic humor. I think I'm just doing Daryl Hammons. Who are you doing? I was doing his version of Darryl Hammons. Who are you doing? I was doing his version of Darryl Hammons. I was doing his version of Darryl Hammons. They call it psychotic humor. Oh nice. Jacko on his back.

The elephant man's bones do not appear in this video. All right. Is this true that Ted Koppel did this by the way? I know I brought it up, but they premiered. I don't know about this. You brought something up. Well, no, they premiered the black and white video on like ABC on Nightline.

Yes. Yes. I think that's fucking crazy. And then they like talked about it afterwards or something like that. Now, what did you think of that? Good. Good. Bad. I was what was with that opening part with George went in with Coley. Why did George went disappear after the opening?

He popped into the sky and did he should have. Did he just fix it? He should have been one of the faces in black or white. We're sorry. I would have been so good. Isn't there like one famous person in those faces? Isn't it Tyra Banks? Oh yeah, Tyra Banks is in it.

She wasn't famous at the time, right? I think she was burgeoning. Or she was like an aspiring model. Burgeoning. Yeah. That's before she told everyone to kiss my father. I love her smizing. Smizing, five father. I love her smizing. Smizing five head.

I love all of her. We were all rooting for you. We were. I watched that live. Did you really? It was an exciting moment, right? We were all rooting for you. She goes off on this contestant on America's Next Top Model, which I famously auditioned for, as we all know. Oh, that's right.

Classic story. Just for the dating game. Just to the surprise of Paul. I auditioned for Men in Black 2. The last I heard, I was still in the mix. OK, it could still happen. Yeah. They might edit you in. But there was an episode of that where she, this one model, you know, disappointed.

I can't remember even the details of it, but she goes off on her and yells like, we were all rooting for you. And like, it's- It's crazy to think that I watched the first six or seven seasons of it. That much? Wow. When you look back at your life. Well, because we were operating on a, you know,

cable network system where you watch the things that are on that night. And you know what? I did do that with HBO because I had never had cable before. Yeah. And so when I had, you know, had cable for the first time, I watched when HBO was in like its early heyday of original programming. Yeah. Like dream on post dream on our list. Our list was happening at the time.

Dollar sign. But I would watch Arla Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar Dollar I do kind of Entourage except for the final season. Oh, you really missed out. Do you regret it? I watched all of it multiple times. I do kind of regret it because I never liked it and it wasn't for me and why did I waste my time? Do you think it was for me? Because I liked it. And it must have been.

Did you, when you were watching it, were you imagining being one of E's girls? Yeah. Did you find the character of Sloan relatable? Yes. Or Mrs. Ari? Oh man. Oh man, we have to take a break. But I was-

What were you gonna say? Were you gonna say something about HBO? No. I remember actually when I was on a school trip and Sex and the City was on the TV in the hotel and I was in eighth grade and I was like, this looks good. I want to know more about this. And then I never got to see it until years later.

What appealed to you more, Sex or the City? I think just it was a woman talking, you know? I was like, wow. On TV? Yeah. You must've loved that movie, Women Talking. Yeah. Now can we take a break? Yep.

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And we're back. And I was wondering about the definition of a buster the other day. Awesome. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, because I saw there was this Phil Collins movie called Buster and I was like, I wonder what this is about. Played a bank robber.

Yeah. Oh, so it's about a bank robber. Well the word buster. No, it has it has a few meanings. So but it means bank robber. No, that was his name. It was a nickname for. Oh, I see.

So it's interesting that he played a man named Buster when people like that's what cops are nicknamed Busters and they would when they would bust up bank robberies. I'm not familiar with that. It's an ironic name. Cops are nicknamed Busters? Yeah. They're like, hey, look at this Buster because he busted up this bank robbery the other day. Hey, look at this Buster. Because he busted up a bank robbery the other day. Hey, look at this buster. Because because he was a bank robber. It's like, of course, Ghostbusters.

They must go. Well, they're called that because they're cops and they're ghost cops. A cab includes Ghostbusters. Yeah, we have to extend it. Sorry, Bill Murray. Sorry. All cops are busters.

All cops are busters. Well, it's another I got another text from... What do they want? They are just hammering me. Now we're counting up. It's been 10 minutes since you haven't donated. It's interesting that you mentioned busters because... Yeah.

It's time... I guess it is. I'm an interesting fellow. You're so unique. I personally am fascinated by you. Unique New York. That town of my town. That town of my town. It's right by New Jersey. That town of my town. It's got Times Square in it,

and it has Brooklyn on the side. Daredevil patrols Hell's Kitchen. If I could ba ba gump. It is time. Hell's Kitchen. If I could ba-ba-gump. It is time. I could sparrow Olive Garden. Sparrow what? Olive Garden. I would see a sperm whale.

New York, Al Roker, Hoda Kotb, New York. Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, ba-ba-ba-da-da. Al Roker, oh my god. Hey, Al Roker, man. Al Roker does what he wants and He does what he wants. He's your cool guy. He's a cool guy. Honestly, it seems like Al Roker does what he wants.

It's like the Adam's apple. It seems like Al Roker just pops up, like they never know when he's gonna show up and then he's just doing what he wants and then suddenly there's a, they're like, oh, Al Roker's at this parade. Yeah. Cool. He's just doing what he wants. And then suddenly there's a, they're like, oh, Al Roker is at this parade. Yeah. Cool. He's just doing what he wants.

Let's go, let's talk to him. He's like the Adams family. The thing, do they say they do what they want? Yes. They do what they wanna do. MC Hammer. MC Hammer. What the fuck? That's the weirdest line about them. They don't do what they wanna do.

They don't, they don't. They're pretty much confined to their house. That's what they wanna do. That's what they wanna to do. They don't. They don't. I mean, they're pretty much confined to their house. I guess that's what they want to do. Sing it. They do what they want to do. Play what they want to play. Adams family. They don't play what they want to play. I don't know what the lyrics are. I can't believe you guys are refuting this. The Adams family, they do exactly what they want, when they want, they play whatever they want. They are living lives of pure freedom. And I respect it.

I feel the- Play the song. Play the song. They do what they wanna do, play what they wanna play, go where they wanna go, Adam's family. Adam's family. All right, here's that. You my little Adam's family.

Oh, this is an Matt for White Claw. For White Claw? It's amazing. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. You don't mean this, right? Just kidding, right? Is he talking to Macaulay Culkin? I like when songs start with a play.

Yeah. He's about to get beheaded, I guess. That's one of the things I've seen in Ritchie. Then he... disappears. Where's the lie? Where's the lie? What was that last part?

Spiccobly-speckle-free? Spiccobckle, they speckle, I do feel like this is where- Do what they wanna do. Yeah. Live how they wanna live. Dance how they wanna dance. Play how they wanna play. No, no, no, wait, who's not doing that first of all? Well, I mean, that's the dream for every kid.

I think people in sort of strict religious upbringings. Yeah. Okay, that being said, also children don't want to go to bed sometimes. People in cults. But like, do we think of Adam's family as being the most free people on the earth? Yes, we should.

They are staying out late. We should. They do what they wanted to. This is the point, we should think of them that way. They do what they want to do, live how they want to live, dance how they want to dance, play how they play to play. And then what's the last part?

The Adam's family. No, there's Spickle-D-Spackle-Flay. I don't know. Spickle-D-Spackle-Flay. I don't find out. And you're gonna say that you don't Spickle-D-Spackle-Flay because they do, honey. I'm pretty sure I've seen them.

Do you want me to play it again? Yes. All right. Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. What? Whoa, whoa, whoa. By the way, this is subtitled to Japanese for some reason.

Good. Okay, I'm gonna sing along with it. Oh good, alright. They do what they want to do, say what they want to say, live how they want to live, play how they want to play, dance how they want to dance, kick and then slap a friend. They slap a friend? Say what they want to say, live how they want to live, play how they want to play, dance how they want to dance, kick and then slap to dance, kick and then slap a friend. Kick and then slap a friend.

That's great. What? They slap a friend? First they kick them. It actually says kick and the slap a friend. So it's like- Kick and the slap a friend! Now what?

Keep going. I want to go on with it. Keep going. I've already stopped it. All right. This is called Adam's groove. They do what they want. They want to play.

Dance. They want to dance. Kick it. They do what they want to do. Say what they want to say. Live how they want to do say what they want to say. Live how they want to live. Play how they want to play. Dance how they want to dance. Kick in the slap of Fred Gabbard's family. I was cool.

You know, relax it, relax it. I'm not gonna voice you. Can Hammer come out? What's up? I don't mind being a friend and showing a little bit of flavor but wednesday pugsley gomez fester some of them strange neighbors oh they want to do say what they want to say live how they want to live they how they want to play dance just stop for one second here's what's so disappointing to me what's up is that i thought

that hammer was praising them for their individuality. What is he? What? But then he says, as he's telling his story, he calls them weird neighbors. Oh no. He did say they were strange too. Oh no, Hammer.

But he says. But what do I see? They're legit. So he's judging them. A perm with feet, cousin it. Perm with feet. Perm with feet. Standing about three feet tall. If cousin it was per. A perm with feet, cousin it. Perm with feet. Stand about three feet tall. If cousin it was permed, I think that would be cute.

It says, it also says, I remember the day I needed to borrow a little, a little of pepper for my chicken. That's right. The next thing you know coming at me was a hand with the fingers high stepping on Wicha. Now I tried to play it along, you know, try to play it a lot. And act like I was having a ball haha. But what

do I see yo a perm with feet cousin it standing about three feet tall. I'm out of here. They do what they want to do. Okay, then we go down. He's deriding them for doing that. And he says too legit Adams too legit. Oh, he brings it back. Who's too legit? The Adams family. So that's that's complimentary. Yeah. And, oh, this is the Adams groove right here.

Ha ha. This is all good. OK, he does. I feel like he reverses. Maybe the story is him realizing that they're actually cool. He should not judge. He's probably talking about the first time he met them when he wanted pepper for his chicken, obviously.

He thought they were strange, and then he eventually realized that. By the way, have you ever gone over to a neighbor's place to borrow milk or salt or pepper or anything like that? No. Not since I've been an adult, however, I have had a neighbor borrow a wrench from me. A cup of wrench? I think a wrench is like,

it's on the line, but I think it's acceptable. Yeah. Listen, he says,, it's on the line, but I think it's acceptable. Listen, he says, speaking and thinking about the Adams, you know the hammer is with it. Act a fool, no bones, swoop, goofy and randy. You know we kick it. Okay, so he- I didn't know that about him.

Take foolish pride and put it aside, like the Adams, yo, they deaf. That's a family. So he's basically saying that we humans who are not the Adams family have too much pride. Now we think the Adams family are not human. I think they're human. I think they're human. You think they're gods? Goth.

Oh, I think they're gods. They're metagods. Like the ancient Greeks. Yeah, or the Roman gods. Like gods in exile? Well, can they die? No. I think that isn't that part of it though? They've been around for such-

I honestly, having watched both of them for Scott Hasen Scene, I feel like that is a part of those movies is that they've been around for hundreds of years or something. Probably. I feel like we talked about this. Well, they live in that creepy old house. Yeah.

Which feels like it maybe has been there a while. I don't think their house is creepy, by the way. I think it's quite nice. Well, I think it's how they want it to be, and that's what they do. Exactly. They love that aesthetic. And I think that's nice for them.

Do you think they love that aesthetic because their kind was traditionally corralled and hunted into old homes? What do you mean by their kind? Well, you know how the, and by the way, that was rude, and you know how the kids today, they say it's aesthetic. They don't say it's a kind of aesthetic. They say it's aesthetic.

That's interesting. Well, they're saying ITS with no apostrophe. And I like these things that are aesthetic. They don't say what the aesthetic is. And this does bother me and makes me feel like I'm 100. But I have to just go, oh, it's aesthetic. I saw a discussion the other day about the term casted, which has always bugged me. When people say like, oh, I was casted in the play.

That's wrong. It's wrong, but then I was, and then I read something about how, no, the Oxford English Dictionary has now amended it to being correct and all that. I don't like when they just go with what people say and then go, that's what that is. But why shouldn't it be casted?

Because it's like every other verb, like name another verb, anyone. Well, cause you could also say casting. No, that's a bad example. You're casting a play. Eat. Hmm, shit. Aided.

But this is why I heard English is one of the hardest languages to learn. Cause we have so many weird rules that don't make sense. Are they weird or are they freedom? That's true. Are they freedom fries? Are they red, white and blue? Doesn't the English language do what you want to do?

Play how it want to play, dance how it want to dance? It is too legit. Kick and slap a friend? English language, kick and slap the friend. Kick and the, I think it's supposed to be kick and they slap a friend. Like why? Why bring slapping friends in this? Why are you kicking?

Is that what they like? Do they kick people? Do they slap people? It honestly feels like Hammer watched a rough cut of the movie. They gave him the trailer and they said go. And someone must slap someone in the trailer and he included it. He's like, Oh, I guess they like slapping. Kick and they slap their friend, they slap their friends. They slap their friends. I'm gonna make that a big part of this song.

Kicking, they slap a friend. Oh, here's one that bugs me. But again, it's like one of those things where you gotta let it go, because it's just gonna happen, is people say verse when they mean verses. Yeah. It's Dodgers verse mess.

I'm not gonna let that go, I'm going to get very upset. Well, the couldn't care less is obviously a big one where now it doesn't mean anything. I could care less. That's incorrect. And there is a reason for it because I could not care less about this. Equals I care so little. I'm at the absolute floor of caring about this. Equals, I care so little. I'm at the absolute floor of caring about this. Yes.

But now people say I could care less. If I could care less. Because why? But I sort of like, I could care less. It's sort of, there's something about how that is. It rolls off the tongue. Yeah. It is one of those things where it sort of feels,

there's a vibe to it that's like, I get why that is kind of okay. Yeah. It's something, like if you were shouting it at someone in like a marriage story style argument. Punch a hole in the wall. I could care less about this. That's easier to shout then.

I couldn't care less. I couldn't care less. I would say I couldn't care less. I would say I couldn't care less. I would love to see Matt Berry do the argument scene from Marriage Story. With whom? That's an interesting question. Adam Driver.

Oh, he plays the Scar Joe part? No, yes, no, yes. Make up your mind. He's all over the place. He's absolutely daffy. You're all over the shop, mate. Is it time to play a three-chair, my dear boy? Oh yeah, it's time to play a three-chair.

Three-chair's a game that we like to play, also known as a buster, and this time out, we're gonna play an old favorite. It's one of our reliable three-chairs. This is called Rated Scenes. It was originally submitted by Kristen Kelly. Thank you, Kristen. And what we're gonna do is improvise

a one to two minute G rated movie scene. Then we're gonna redo the same scene, but make it PG 13. And then we're gonna redo it as R. Oh, fuck. And then our addition usually is to make it X. Let's try it. Well, I mean, the actions don't ever become X, I don't think. No, we don't, yeah, act out.

The language is still R, but it's a hard R. It's a hard R. All right, so. Maybe we need an NC-17. It's a pirate R. So I'm gonna put a... What about talking like a pirate? That's so funny.

And I love people, I love pirates, I love robots. Here's a lot of pirates. I love robots Okay, this is two minutes on the clock and go Hey, oh oh god. Sorry. I stumbled into the wrong room Excuse me. I have something strange to tell you. What is it? You know that Volkswagen Beetle that I bought? Yeah, it's kind of alive Is it fully loaded? Oh, yes. Hello. Hi, I'm another stranger. Hello. Stumbled into this room is fully loaded. It can it can blink, talk through honks and even smile by turning its fender up. Now I ran into you in this room before and you told me you bought this. And then I just accidentally came in here. Why do you keep coming into this room? I know why I stumbled into this room.

All white building with all these white doors. I get confused. Um, but so I'm a therapist and I thought this was my office and I'm one of the patients here and I thought this was my room. Well this is my patient that I'm currently treating. We're in the wrong room. So this is my room. And I think he's crazy. Okay. And I think he's crazy. Okay, but I think he's not. I know I'm not supposed to say that.

You're supposed to have just said that? I'm not crazy. I'm just a little unwell. Anyway, my car's alive. And I know that sounds crazy. No, no, I believe you. But you gotta believe me. I believe you.

Let's go look at it. You know what the weird thing is, is I wanna believe you, but then I'm worried I'm crazy. Doctor, doctor, why don't we go look at the car and see what happens. Let's go look at the car. We cut to outside. Hey, I'm the car.

And I can't wait to be ridden in. See what I mean? I wanna ride on top of you. No, put your booty on my chair. The car wants to enter a race. I can only be in the race if someone rides me. In me. This is G-rated. I'm just describing what it means to drive.

OK. I guess you're not crazy. Thank you. I'm not crazy. Or are we both are crazy? I can't tell. Oh, shit. Car, are we crazy?

I think you're crazy. Hey, do you have a name? Gnarls Barkley. Your name is Gnarles Barkley? Yeah. Gnarles, we have to enter the Grand Prix. I'll do it for a fee. All right.

Does it get shorter or no? It's just we just need some hope. It's just we just hope. Nope. All right. So this is the PG-13 version. I think you're crazy. Okay.

Shit, I have something to tell you. Oh my gosh, I walked in here by mistake. So sorry, I didn't mean to walk in. That's all right. I need to talk to someone. Okay, that's fine. What? What is it? My car.

It's alive. Okay, you need to put clothes on or something. Sorry. What? I just had my shirt off. I'm just a little uncomfortable. Fuck is your car fully alive? Yes. Oh, I see. I'm not crazy doctor. I just kept walking. I'm sorry. I walked into this room before and you told me that. I think we're in the wrong room actually,

because I'm his, I'm his psychiatrist. Oh, I'm a patient here. I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell. And I live here. I live here too. So we're not in the wrong room. No. I'm doing a house call. This is my home. But your house is this white building with many, many white doors. Many, many white doors.

And one nude woman over there, just hopless. I live how I wanna live. Play how you wanna play? Yeah, I kick and then I slap a friend. By the way, that's why you're here. You've been slapping too many of your friends. Because no one will believe me now, my car is alive! Why don't we just go see the car and see what it does? Thank you.

Alright, we cut to downstairs by the car. Hey, I'm the car. See? Shit! I play how I want to play dance. It's talking! I play how I want to dance and see how I want to play. It's talking. See how I want to see. Now it's rapping. What's your name car?

Narls Barkley. I think you're crazy. Narls wants to enter a race. What race do you want to enter? I really want somebody in me, on me, up inside me, doing all the things that you can't but that be. See what I mean. See how I want to see.

Look at this banana in your tailpipe. I mean what I want to mean. Ooh, ouchie. That's a reference, Norrals. I'm going to fart it out. He did it. What is it a reference to? Beverly Hills Cop.

I only saw the new one. I think they reference you to watching movies. When you watch movies is it for the cars? All right. All right. Let's do rated R. Okay. I think they refer to you watching movies. When you watch movies, is it for the cars? Alright.

Uhhhh. Alright, let's do rated R. Okay. The fuck are you doing here? I'm sorry, I walked into the wrong room. Please don't hurt me. You fucking asshole. Ouch! This is my home.

Oh my god. No, I thought it was my home. This room with the white doors, the white walls. Ah, just shut the fuck up. My car is fucking alive. Fuckface. Yes, doctor? Is it fully loaded? You're fucking A-right, it's fucking fully fucking loaded. Oh my God, what's going on? You cocksucker.

Hey, I don't mean to be here. I thought this was my home. I was confused. He told me his car is alive. I think we're in the wrong place. You fucking, I don't wanna say it. I'm guessing. Even though it's R, I feel bad. Listen, my car is fully loaded and I'm full

frontal. Look at this. Whoa, your penis. It's a loud Harvey Cattell style. Harvey Cattell. That's too crazy. Put it away. Let's go down and see the car and see if you are crazy. I don't want to see the car yet. Okay. I want to berate this guy. You fuck. guy you fuck you fucking asshole I've been treating you now for five fucking years This is my fucking psychiatrist for half a fucking decade and you won't change at all Okay, that is my clock you are in my room. That's my bedspread

I stole your fucking clock and bedspread and took it over here what yeah I get off on bed spreads yeah I sniff and I get out on clocks okay it's out on them yeah I get out fun I get out fun those fully loaded cars let's go see your friend we cut to downstairs hi I'm the car and I am alive dang my fucking car can I fuck this car in my tailpipe please I lubed it up with oil the tailpipe is like the car's asshole then what's its vagina? My vagina is like underneath. There's like a lot of open areas kind of oh, yeah, that's true rather do it in that Sure, all right. You're not gay Let's do drugs. My name is, and by the way, my name.

Let's do intravenous drugs. My name is Garls, by the way. You can at least introduce yourself to me. All right. I don't think we can do a rated X version. I think that was X. It was X for sexual. Wow.

I think if you just talk about it, it's not X, but if you do it, it's X. I think if you just think about it, it is X., but if you do it, it's X. I think if you just think about it, it is X. Wow, well, that was incredible. Thanks, Chris and Kelly. It truly was incredible. That will go down in history. It's one of the best things it ever was. Is it, I wanna say something controversial.

Yeah. Sometimes I don't feel like doing the three cheers. Yeah. Yeah. Do you guys ever feel that way? Of course. You know what? I maybe didn't feel like doing it three-tures. Yeah. Yeah. Do you guys ever feel that way? Of course. I, you know what? I maybe didn't feel like doing it, but I laughed a lot during it.

I did have fun. Yeah. Do you want to cut them? Do you know what it is? It's the looking for the three-ture. That's hard. Do you want to cut the three-ture and do something else at the end?

Would you rather be told what three-ture we're doing so you don't have to look it up? No. No. I feel like that's not fair. During the break we look for a three-turn. I don't know. We could change the whole format of the show. We could. I don't. It's true. We can do whatever. You know what? We're like the

Addams Family. We are. We're letting foolish pride get in our way. We've got to take a lesson from them. We should not be prideful. Do what they wanna do, play how they wanna play. The kick and then slap a friend. What if we just kicked and slapped each other? Yeah, let's slap each other.

All right. For the final segment. That's gonna be it. Ow, here we go. Ow. Ah. Ow. Ow.

Ow. Fuck. Let's not do this. All right, yeah, I don't like this. Let's do three turns of this. All right, we'll see you next time. Oh, by the way. Bye. Oh, by the way. By the way, All right, yeah, I don't like this. Let's do three turns this time. All right, we'll see you next time. Oh, by the way. Bye.

Oh, by the way. By the way, there is. Oh, I forgot to tell you. The Columbo. There is a big. Oh, just one more thing. LA show that we're doing a live Comedy Bang Bang December 13th in Los Angeles

at the United Theater on Broadway. That's right. And it's gonna be a big show. We're doing with the Hey Randy podcast opening, and a lot of Comedy Bang Bang regulars are gonna be on it, Paul and I, and maybe some other people. Maybe. Whoa.

Some other people. God, I hope there's gonna be other people. Some other people. That's just you and me. Yeah, remember that one that we did? It was just you and me. I wish it was recorded. I know.

There's been like four episodes that I've never, I talk to the people after they go, oh, I didn't record it. Wow. Yeah. And then they kind of shrug. They're not too broken up about it. Yeah. I didn't record it.

Yeah. I've had that happen once, obviously as a tragic mistake and I was very upset. Yeah. But people have done two, four times. It's like four different times over the 15 years. Wow. It's all like people. Not too bad.

That we've hired to do it. Oh. Yeah. Which is why we different times over the 15 years. Wow. It's all like people that we've hired to do it, which is why we do it in the house now. Anyway, but we're doing this big December 13 show. Tickets are on sale over at cbbworld.com slash tour. It is a Friday the 13th. I don't want people to be freaked out. But it's in December. I'm scared.

So it's- December, there's no such thing as bad luck in December. Yeah. Friday the 13th in December is Elves Mischief Day. That's right, it doesn't affect us. Oh, they only do tricks on Santa. Yeah. It's so unrelated to us.

That's North Pole business. By the way, what do we have to say every other? Well, I also want to tell people that the final Varietopia of the year, my variety show, will be in Charleston, South Carolina, at the Charleston Music Hall. That's gonna be a lot of fun. That's our second time doing the show in Charleston,

and as of this recording, there's still some tickets left, so please do come on out and see that show. It's gonna be a lot of fun. While we're here, I'll plug my movie in another happy day, which you can watch on Apple TV, Prime, and other places. I gotta see that. And, you know, I'm just mentioning it because I haven't mentioned it every time. And if you haven't seen it, it's a movie,

it's a post-Partum Depression comedy. And I wanna mention my Spider-Man comic has come out. The first three issues are out now, and I think people can read them for free, maybe? Over at Marvel Unlimited. I don't feel like we should plug written things. Oh, really? That doesn't feel right.

I wanna plug a book. Her movie's written written things. Oh, really? That doesn't feel right. I want to plug a book. Her movie's written. Yeah. Oh, that's a good point. I talked out loud what it said, though. Ah! I'll talk out loud the Spider-Man comic. Why don't you do audiobooks of the comics?

I should, yeah. Where I just describe everything. Oh, this is so cool. What's happening on this panel? Such a good picture. The Spider-Man jumps up. That's called Astonishing Spider-Man. And then Spider-Man jumped up, and then Spider-Man. Astonishing Spider-Man, it then Spider-Man jumped up and then Spider-Man.

Astonishing Spider-Man, it's out now. The first three issues are out now and it's gonna come out weekly. Oh my God, weekly. Yes. I used to know someone named Weekly. Really? That was their last name, W-E-A-K.

Oh, I thought it was their first name and their last name was Tired, weekly tired. Sort of stanko. Or calendar, weekly calendar. If you wanna write to us, threedomusa at gmail.com. If you wanna follow us on Instagram, it's at threedomusa.

If you wanna hear all the back episodes of the show, the whole back catalog is up at cbbworld.com. And- If you wanna hear that in dribs and drabs, it's three visiting on the twos. Yeah. Where we bust one out from the paywall. Yeah.

And they're going in sequential order. We literally like, like we abet the escape of these episodes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a great escape. Yeah. There have been times where I've gotten comments that we've talked about the same thing.

Who said that? On an old episode that came out the same week. Sometimes where I've gotten comments that we've talked about the same thing. Who said that? On an old episode that came out the same week. The same week. Oh yeah. We love when that happens, by the way. It's like amazing. That's a three to miracle when that happens. Yeah.

We do it on purpose. Yeah. That's gonna be it. Laura and I also did a bunch of Zoom improv shows during quarantine that are still available at Dynasty Typewriter. Yeah, go check those out. I actually want to look at some of those.

That might be triggering for me. But not for you. You'll probably enjoy them. All right. Bye. We'll see you next week. Bye. At Lemonada Media, we are on a mission to make life suck less. That's why we are so excited to announce the launch of our newest show, Good Things, a podcast we specifically created to highlight people and organizations who make our world

a better place. Hosted by a rotating cast of our favorite Lemonada hosts and special guests, Good Things highlights incredible organizations that are solving our country's most complex issues. From working to improve the American foster care system to fighting to increase diversity and inclusion initiatives, this show shines a light on the fixers out there who are working to make good things happen. Good Things is available now wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, everyone.

Gloria Riviera here, and we are back for another season of No One Is Coming to Save Us, a podcast about America's child care crisis. This season we're delving deep into five critical issues facing our country through the lens of child care, poverty, mental health, housing, climate change, and the public school system. By exploring these connections, we aim to highlight that child care is not an isolated issue, but one that influences all facets of American life. Season 4 of No One is Coming to Save Us is out now wherever you get your podcasts.