Threedom - M-M-M-Murder

Episode Date: April 30, 2026

Scott, Lauren, and Paul discuss bats, swimming, and M&Ms AGAIN before playing Movie Trailer. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/shop

Lemonado. You know, when I first started doing podcasts, it really felt like we had to figure everything out ourselves, like every single detail, the setup, the branding, the scheduling, all of it. And it just felt like every day there was something new we had to learn or fix, and the to-do list just kept getting longer. And that's the thing about starting anything new. It can get overwhelming and fast. And having the right tools are honestly,

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And I was like really thrown. Yeah. I don't recall that. Do you want to try it right now and see what your energy would be like to sit in different chairs? Can I tell you right now? I don't feel like getting up. I don't either. And I think it would be bad.

My energy would turn sour. Second episode of the day, don't feel like standing right now. I'm not standing. I'm not standing. Are we allowed to do that? No. I'm keeping you here. Hence your will.

How did we feel about recording outside when we did that? I it was a huge was a pan-y-ass for you setting it up and and moving the umbrellas to whatever time we decided on that day. It was always a different place the umbrellas. Yeah. And because the base of these umbrellas has to be heavy so they don't blow over. It's it just was a big drag. Jesus. I'm sorry I brought it up.

Hey, you know what? I accept your apology. Sounds like it was really hard for you. But I liked it. I liked sitting outside. What was wrong with that? It was funny when we were so far apart from each other. We were so far.

Hey, we didn't work. Did we prevent ourselves from getting COVID from each other? I didn't get COVID from you guys. I didn't get COVID from you. No. I'd remember getting COVID from you. I would blame your asses for sure. For sure.

When I got COVID the first time, it was after we all thought we were mostly in the clear, right? Yeah. Like you were outside with no masks on. People were doing outdoor events. Yeah. And Janie and I went to an outdoor event. We fucking got COVID. It was so insane.

Yeah. The first time I got COVID, well, that I'm aware. I was doing a pilot. You shot a pilot. Don't say that on the phone. Paul and I, anytime we hear the pilot, last comic standing. There was a certain comedian who did that joke every week. We won't mention her name.

Okay. I shot up. Dad, I shot a pilot. He said, don't say that over the phone. Lisa Lampanelling. No, but she wasn't Italian-American. So any whoozles, I was shooting a pilot. And then Holly tested positive for COVID.

And then I tested positive. And they had to move the whole shoot a week. And it was all crazy. And what television show? It was a show called Sober Companion for CBS that did not get picked up. Because it's a public? Oh, we had fun. I was like a crazy sober companion.

You were the titular sober companion? I was. And you were out of control. I was out of control. And it's almost like you're the one with the substance abuse problem. People might wonder. But it's your brain is fucked up. Exactly.

Yes. What were you going to say? I wasn't going to say shit about dick. But one fun memory I have is that we got a Benet truck and it was so fucking good. Oh, man. The trucks that you get at these TV shows, sometimes they're just carrying like wires and stuff like that. Wire truck is here. I got you a wire truck

My recent show we had The Yeasty Boys truck Which is bagels Really good I don't like that name though By the way can we stop cursing in our Have we we've talked about this maybe

But can we stop using curse words In our business names Yeah What like The best fucking pizza in the world Come on I don't You know what I'm not into Egg slut

I don't like it either Egg slut bothers me so much Because it doesn't mean anything I'll just take children to egg slut? Is it a, is it a, is it a restaurant only for people who had a one-night stand? What if they're listening to this and give you gift certificates? I'll go try it.

Why don't you go to toast whore? Why don't you go to, yeah, why don't you go to bacon-fucked ass? Bacon-fucked ass. But I have to say, best fucking pizza. Is that a name of a place? Best fucking pizza? It's really, really good. But I always don't want to order.

it because of the name. Best. Because you don't want to give it up to them. I know. They truly are the best fucking pizza. But it really is really good. Let's get best fucking pizza. The thing that bothers me is the, is the censoring of it, like asterisk and stuff like that.

It's like, do it or don't. I also feel that way. I'm like, if we're going to be. Don't you think it would be shut down if they actually did it? How about you call it best freaking pizza? And if you can't do that, then you shouldn't name it that. Best frigging pizza. Frigg you.

Come fuck our pizza. Come fuck? Come fuck. Yeah. Fuck until you come. Face fuck our pizza. Can I give a shout out to my friend? Oh my God, please.

Please. Please who has face fuck the pizza works. No, let's not even get mixed up with that. My, I'm holding my beautiful Kindle cover and it has a Kindle inside it. My friend has this company called Notions of Habit and they design really cute Kindle covers that are really just very pleasing to the eye. Look, aesthetics are everything with more.

You can swipe them clean. They're really clean. What do they call it notions of habit up your dickhole? I don't know why they don't call it that, but this is a great, if you want a new Kindle cover. You're not the best fucking Kindle cover. Because for a while, I was like really searching for a really good one. And I ended up getting a fabric one from Etsy, but then fabric has its troubles, you know,

and this is, these are very nice hard colors. Oh, the troubles. Oh, the fabric has its troubles. Yes, notions of habit. Mm-hmm. I think they're a traitor. Mm-hmm. When's traders back?

Next year, probably January. Next year? Yeah. Oh, the regular people traders. That's so far away. Should we have applied for a- Look how small your font is. Is it?

Yeah. Should we have applied for regular people traders? Hold on a second. Shut my fuck. Do you read in bed with your glasses on? I do and I also use my I have contacts all day long I know you do but yes what you're seeing you're imagining contacts in bed

just imagine Paul you're imagining her in bed and I don't like that I'm saying I don't read with my glass I take off my glasses and bump the font I can't see it all I'm blind as a bat now bats known famously we're not being blind that's right but they do use sonar and I use sonar and I go it's funny that they we knew so somebody knew that bats used echo location they were smart enough to know that

sure they're like probably because they're blind yeah they were not smart enough to know that they can actually be blind yeah they're not mutually exclusive I will say I will say bats are nocturnal and it's dark it is dark at noctrine when they're out when the nocturn is happening it's dark they actually they actually can see more than any of us because they use their tongues

We've been having swim lessons over here, by the way. You can't hear anyone screaming right now. Are they still screaming? No. Well, the first day they always scream. And Emmy even was like, it's so funny because her best friend. When you say they're screaming, they're screaming, get me out of here. I don't want to be in here.

Yes. And using any tactic. I have to go party. I mean, like, like, a fucking kid. Who these fucking kids think they are that turn their nose off of being in a pool? Do you understand? Do you understand how pleasing it is to be?

One day this will be a coveted activity for you. But so her best friend was taking the lesson. Fuck off. The lessons. Fuck off. How often do you swim in your pool? Never. Great.

But for a while I was all the time before I broke my foot. Wouldn't it feel good in the water? It would, yeah, let's get in right now. Wouldn't it broke the foot feel good in the water? It would be like it's weightless. So her best friend was, who's been proud. practicing in the year in between lessons. And she's gotten to be a really good swimmer.

Yeah. And Emmy's watching this the whole time and cheering her on. And we're all saying like, Ezi, you look so great. And the teacher's going like, oh, man, you've improved so much. And so Emmy then transfers that under her. So she gets into the pool and she goes, I'm a really good swimmer too. And he goes, oh, okay, wow.

Because last time he saw her, she was crying all the time. And he's like, great. Wow. It's such a difference from last year. Here, come on, into the pool. and she immediately burst into tears and then doesn't want to do it. I didn't say I wanted to swim.

I just said I was a good swimmer. Which, by the way, she is a great swimmer. Wow. And he says the ratio of her complaining to her ability is the most disparate that he's seen because she's like the most graceful lies. And but she's just like crying all the time. Anyway, so the first day, everyone's crying.

And then it like dissipates. Yesterday was actually pretty sedate. But it's tough. We were taking swimmer. lessons, Holly was doing great and loved her teacher so much. Then the teacher stopped being available. And then she really didn't vibe with the next teacher. And then we were like, and then her teacher did show up during that. So it was kind of confusing because like we thought, but I think she's taking out how many classes she can do for whatever reason in her life. And the times don't work for us because

they're all at like 7 p.m. I'm like, that's bad time. We're not doing that. But she came into the pool area. And then Holly was like, oh, it's her. And then wanted to be by her. And then wanted to be by her. and she like was for a little bit but then I was like we I can't you are doing amazingly well with this woman like getting so good and comfortable how what am I supposed to do so we're kind of like stopping it for a second until we kind of we were thinking about like resetting reset and just like coming back in a few months with someone new

A swimming reboot yeah but I wish that girl would just keep doing it the time I want yeah the reason I brought this up by the way is because one of the kids yesterday was making me laugh because I looked over all of us looked over at her and she was licking the cement by the pool. And it's just one of those things, kids like... Kids are so funny. He was licking it!

Kids are hilarious. Reference to ravenous. Thank you. You're welcome. Free of charge. Free of charge, yeah, that's the thing. Paul does so many things on this show that he doesn't charge us for. Some things I do charge you for.

Yes. To talk to us... I've been built. Yeah. Yeah. I've been billed by you a few times where it was really... It was like after a dinner and then you were like emotional conversation and you Venmo charged me like a $400.

I mean the the invoice is very clear. Sure. There's no hidden charges. Oh yeah. No, I know it was for I guess. Well, the problem is I'm not invoice before the work. You know. Also, what I don't like is it feels.

Well, I have several different invoices that I use. It feels as if when we go out to dinner with you, you're stretching out the dinner so you can go one minute over the hour and then charges for a second hour. It's like you're going to blame that on me? And not restaurant service. We're always ordering the dessert. And we're like, we're too full. And you're like, oh, no, no, no, I want the creme brule.

Because it's a full experience. And then you want to crack it and you say, oh, I need a little tiny spoon. Yeah, because they bring me a big wooden spoon. Yeah. Like, I don't work here. I would like a line, a little spoon. Well, the other problem is you do work there. And we've seen you.

But I'm on. We've seen you serving tables. But I'm on break when I'm seated with you. But you also consider being with us working. So you do work there. you guys are at chore. But I don't think that that's the same thing. I think it is, it's just kind of, what is it, like same shit different day kind of thing?

Same. With a restaurant, yes. You know what? I would like same day different shit. Like just a lot of stuff happening on one day. Why don't you just do like some different kinds of shit on one day? Groundlock day, he had such power. He never used it to, he never wielded it properly to like maybe.

see if he could solve the problems in the Middle East. How did the groundhog? How did the groundhog end up with such power? Oh, you think it's the groundhog that had the power? Oh, that's an interesting take on this. But I'm saying, how did in our lore as people, the groundhog end up with so much power? Oh, because we are descended from superstitious idiots. Okay.

And some of them are still around. Yep. Yeah, I mean, that's kind of like a funny. So every year with the groundhog, I don't usually watch this ceremony. You don't? No. That and the hot dog eating contest on the 4th of July.

I sent an alarm. I watch it live. But so if you were to watch it, do they kind of create a hole and put a groundhog in it or they find him, they meet him where he's at. There's a big hunt the day before where they go, where are the groundhogs this year? Yeah.

Where's Puxetoni, Phil? Phil! I believe it is the same dude and he lives nowhere near a hole. I think he's kept in some sort of enclosure. Yeah. And then he is. Is he kept in just a cage or something and they let him out of it?

Or do they build like a little... Spaddle my age. I'm still just a groundhog in a cage. Do they build like a little Snoopy-style doghouse above a hole that they then put him in? Or what do they do? This is a good question. I don't think these guys, their life doesn't depend on being in a hole. So I don't think he...

I think the groundhog that has chosen to... But it's coming outside and seeing a shadow, right? So what are they putting him into? They're not putting him into anything. They're literally just presenting him. They just, there's no hole. That you can see. Or is there the absence of a hole, which in some ways is a hole.

Yes. Is a donut hole? Not a, not a hole, even though it's. If you prick it doesn't up bleed? Three dimensional. What? Four dimensional. Five dimensional.

A donut hole. Do I hear six-dimensional? Too rich from my blood. A donut hole. Yeah. We call it a hole, but it's solid. Isn't it? So I'm saying that earth you're seeing around the ground hog also is a hole.

You're talking about munchkins. Yes. Yes. Okay. Paul, do you remember when, do you remember when donut holes were invented? I kind of do. Yeah, I do too. Because it was just like this thing where suddenly people were like, oh, we have donut

holes at donut shops, winchels and everything. And it was like, oh, yeah. why haven't these been invented before? But you know what the thing with it is? You don't poke the hole up a donut. That's the thing. That's what I think. That's what I thought it was.

I thought it was a thing of like, oh yeah, they've been throwing away these donut holes all this time. Yeah, just fry them up and sell them to me. I remember. Fry them up and sell them to me. Friam up and sell to me, bitch. I remember the time thinking,

that's pretty clever. It's pretty clever. Now that I'm thinking about it, that must have been a cute moment for everyone. Lauren, what a time to be a lot. live. It was one of our national cute moments. Yeah. Yeah. I could really go for 10,000 donut holes right now.

We, just for the listener, we tape the show before lunch usually, usually. Yeah. Yeah. Because that lines up with our schedules. And that's why we end up eating things on the show so many times. Yes. But the, the episode before lunch is torture for us because we're so hungry. It is. And I mean, I'm the only one who ate anything. No, I had no snack. I had a snack. I had a snack. I had a protein shake. So you're feeling pretty good. I feel full, but also I want real food. I felt really good this morning because I had chia seeds and fruits and nuts.

You ate your chia pet? I ate my chia pet. Maybe you're a groundhog. Mama murder. That's what you eat? Mammar murder. What? He ate his chia pet.

Mama murder. Murder. Murder. Murder. Murder. Mim, murder, murder, murder. Murder, murder. Murder, murder.

Murder, murder. Murder. Murder. Murder. More show should be about murder. Every show should be about murder. I miss diagnosis murder. Murder she wrote.

All of the murder shows. Now it's all like, first of all, it's NCIS naval crime. Oh, I never heard of that. Is that truly what it's called? No, it's just all about naval crime. God, I would love that if it was called naval crime. Naval crime. N-C-I-S.

Naval crime. You stole some oranges. You know, it's insane. I just was watching a clip on Instagram, a court case of this man who tried to kill his wife in Hawaii years. I don't know all the details. It's a beautiful place to kill it. She had cheated on him or something. He might as well go.

If you get immersed someone, might as well go to Hawaii. I think you try to push her off a cliff or something. Yes. That's happened so much. And I'm like, what are you doing? You are making your life so much harder. By the way, first you're going to get caught. You'll live in jail then.

Oh, you live in jail now. You won't get to like... Do you get to live in jail in Hawaii? You could at least see the beautiful palm trees out of your window. But, you know, it's just one of those things where you're like, it's really short-sighted trying to murder somebody. No, that's the thing. There's always a different way out of this. Yes, you'll have to pay alimony.

Yes, you'll watch her have a better life with that man. Yes. Yes, the dick was so much better. But it's better than living in jail. Everything is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

They should make jails nicer. So that's not so bad. Well, then it would be more overcrowded. So it'd be like more murders. A nice apartment. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Maybe you have to have a roommate.

Princess phone. Yeah. Hamburger phone. Oh, Juno. Oh, Juno hamburger phone. Juneau. You know, such a. Prescient.

Such a diamond captured from the sky. Yes. Unexpected. Just one of these things is inexplicable. Like how did Juno come to be? Yeah. And it'll never come around again. That's one doodle that can't be undid, homeskillet.

Amazing. We have to take a break. Okay. Okay. I'm starting to feel like Mother's Day is really about honoring everything we put our moms through. And somehow they still like us. Like I'm thinking about all the moments that felt like absolute chaos, at the time. Meltdowns in public, vacations that went off the rails, me being a lot as a kid,

and now those are the stories we laugh about the hardest. And of course, there are photos of all of it. So that's why I love aura frames for something like Mother's Day. It takes all those random, hilarious, meaningful moments and puts them somewhere you'll actually see them instead of just living on your phone forever. You can preload it with photos before it even arrives, which I've done for every aura I've given. It's such a nice touch. And then you can keep adding more any time through the app. And there's unlimited storage, so you don't have to be precious about what makes the cut. You can include the cute moments and the slightly unhinged ones. They're always really fun when they roll through. It's just a really fun way to turn all that chaos into something

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This is 100-night. Anyway, it's funny. So you can actually try out your mattress. See how it feels in real life, which is mostly lying down. At least a third of it, or if you're like me, 85% of it is lying down. I slept on my Casper last night. I got the snow max. That's right.

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This time of year makes me think about weird bugs. Yeah, I know. Yeah. That's usually what's in my closet. Oh. Yeah. So, I mean, yeah, we're very, very similar. Anyway, I'm trying to keep fewer things in my closet, but better things, you know, pieces that

are well made, easy to wear all the time. And that's why I keep coming back to quince. That's why. The fabrics feel elevated. The fits are thoughtful. the pricing, it actually makes sense. You know why that is? Why? What's up?

Quince makes high quality everyday essentials using premium materials like 100% European linen and their insanely soft, flow-knit activeware fabric. I'm glad you mentioned linen because this is something I like to talk about all the time. Their men's linen pants and shirts are lightweight, breathable, and comfortable. The perfect layer for spring. The pants strike the right balance between laid back and refined. So you look put together without even trying. Yeah. Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen.

I hate middlemen. We're dismissive. So you're paying for quality, not brand markup. Everything is designed to last and make getting dressed easy. You know what? We have a lot of stuff from Quince here at my house. In fact, the three of us. Well, we do.

We do. Combines. Yes. We try to wear one community outfit every day. I just got a great duffel, like a sort of to go bag when you're traveling and put it on top of your suitcase. Yes, we actually got clothes for our daughter and she loves the dress that she's worn it now two days out of the last three. We washed it in between, trust me. We're constantly doing laundry.

But she loves this particular dress at Quince. And I was like, wow, where did she get this dress? I looked in the back and I should have known. There's that tag. Quince. I have a lovely zip-up cardigan. um cashmere if you please and it's a beautiful blue color i couldn't be happier with it well we want to implore you out there refresh your wardrobe with quince go to quince.com slash freedom

for free shipping and 365 day returns now available by the way in Canada too go to q you i nccee dot com slash freedom for free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com slash freedom. Did you have when you were a kid? Polio? Yeah. How did you know what's going to ask you? Yeah. Of course I did.

Because you walk so weird. Yeah. Did you have a food, like a snack that you could not stop eating once you started eating? What was that for you, Lauren? I have a bunch. but the first one that came to mind, my friend, I remember, I think about this often

because this snack is discontinued. No. And it was rice crispy treats, prepackaged rice crispy treats with like mini chocolate chips on them. You can make these. And I kept going back for more. I could make them.

But I kept going back for more. That's a lot to like eat a bunch of meals. You should make them for us next episode. Oh, that's a great idea. Yeah. Okay. You should get up in the kitchen. Okay.

With Dinah. My friend has a has a Rice Krispie treat business that she just started called nice. Nice Krispies. They're fucking brown butter rice Krispies so good. Have her make some for us. Why does she call it nice fucking Krispies?

Yeah. Nice freaking Krispies. You can follow them on Instagram. Find out when they're coming to a house near you. Nothing against your friend. I'm not going to do that. They're so good. I'm sure they are.

Yeah, but why do I want to follow them on Instagram? I just want to eat them. Well, when you want to order. some you know where to go. I did order something on uh through Instagram the other day and I thought of you and I was like what if this comes and it's tiny. Oh my God. What did you get? I got this was a pure impulse by but it was a hot air balloon. Wait what were your snacks? Yeah well oh go to my snacks. I need to know that first. I was thinking about mini Oreos the other day. Oh those were so good how they just don't work because then you just have 12. No they were so good before they made the hundred.

calorie Oreo pack, those little mini ones that are, do you still eat them? Yeah, sometimes. But it just doesn't work because you end up having as many as you normally. Can I say that? The ratios off. In my life now as an adult, I find Oreos disgusting. I know. I do too, but sometimes they're in the house and you're just like, go out of them.

I regret it every time. I don't find them disgusting. It's just kind of my teeth go like, oh, you know, because you got a lot of stuff in your teeth after. But they're really good in my horny opinion. You know what are not good or the like Oreo thing? thin things. It's just chalky.

Look, we want the cream. We want the full Oreo experience. We want to double stuff. I'm more of a half stuff. No, I'm a one stuff. When double stuff was invented? You're a one stuff? Single stuff. Single stuff, ideally.

Single stuff voter? I'll do double stuff if it's a holiday. They're colored. It feels like everything that, every, everything that's sold in grocery stores was like one thing until the late 70s or the 80s and then everyone started doing like, this is what I mentioned with the donut holes. It's like one day just people were. we're doing donut holes.

But like then, oh, double stuff Oreos. And everyone goes, fuck, you can do that with Oreos. Shit. And now it's like you can get any variation of anything. Double stuffed chunky soup. Why do you think they did one F on that? Double stuff. Never noticed it.

That's weird and I don't like it. Double stoof. Double stoof Oreos? Am I right? I think I didn't. My snack was planters cheese balls. Oh, yeah. Those little can.

Yeah, the can. Pringles for me. too big because Pringles It feels like, oh yeah, I'm just going to eat a sleeve of these. Yeah. Yeah, it's one F just to be clear. Double stoof. One F you.

Double shut the up fuck. You fucking got her. Double shut the up fuck. Fucking Oreos. Okay. Stop showing you that. Yeah, we believe you. Oh, so I bought, Lauren, I bought this

this thing that is like, is like, I haven't opened it yet, but it's... When are you going to? You know, it's been sitting on the table for now five days and cool up. Scott! The other day and said, what is this? Are you afraid it's going to be bad? But then I told her what it was and she went, oh, that's great.

Double-sided dildo. No, it's a thing, it's a, it's a Los Angeles specific... Dodgers double-sided dildo. A dodgers-branded, double-sided dildo. No, it's like a... It's a sigh for Dodgers baseball dildo. Put them in your asses and go back and forth. Folks, let's see it.

Let's see it. It is a thing that has like activities in Los Angeles that one can do. And you scratch them off. Oh, okay. Yes. Cute. So the one example that they used was like Angels Flight in L.A. And I was like, I've never done Angels Flight.

And it's just like things when you're looking for stuff to do with the family or whatever. Go get it. We're in the middle of a show. On the break. I want to see it. Or show me on your phone. All right. I'll open it up in the next second.

Oh, yeah. It's an unboxing. I'll do an unboxing video, but without the video just for you guys. I can't wait to see how tiny it is. It sounds fun. I will say the box, I haven't opened it yet, but I looked at it and went, that's the size it should be. So if I open it up and it is a little tiny. I can't imagine it would be.

I actually, you're reminding me that. on whatever the paper anniversary was. Mike and I got a chart like that was like 100 date ideas or something. You can scratch off. How many of you done? It's never left the box. I just was like I should go pull it out

and see what that says. I Kulap got me for Christmas. We thought it was cute. We were like cute. A couple years ago she got me a scratch off like 100 movies that everyone should see. What the fuck is? It's all homework stuff.

But you know, sometimes you're strapped for an idea. Yeah, you're looking for ideas. I don't want chores. I know. It does feel like a lot. Let me, here's a gift for you that 100 chores you need to do around my house. Here's a gift that I have for you. 100 chores you need to. Perhaps you should do chore number three.

That would be a help to you and me. If you answer my riddles five, you may find yourself alive. I, um, I've been ordering a lot of Instagram stuff lately and it's, what are you guys doing? Gadgets. Like what? Does it work? It's like. I have a box full of gadgets, by the way,

that Coolup has bought me right there that I... Got a box full of gadgets. I've never used them, but I've found them all when I was doing my spring cleaning. And I'm now like almost at the point where I'm like, okay, now I'm going to open these gadgets and actually like figure them out. I want to do spring cleaning when you just said that I got really excited. I do it all the time. I just did my closet over the weekend because it's always a fucking shit show.

I was cleaning up my closet. And I donated a bag of. goods. But I'd love to get, I'd love to get into some real, you're gonna get lean and mean. I wanted to get in some of the weird stuff like gadgets. Well,

yeah. We're just tossing out wires. You just go, fuck it. There's so many wires. If I don't know what this is right now, I'm never going to know. So many wires and cables.

I, things like, you know, motion activated lights that you clip on anywhere. Yeah. Things like this is a outlet you can plug in and then it extends up. Oh, right, I've seen that.

I had one that I... Shit like that. There's something about it that's irresistible to me. Yeah, it's fun. I had one cool app gave me that I did open and I put it in my car for a long time. And it was this thing that plugs into the cigarette lighter that had a bunch of tools of like had a hammer to hammer out the window. It had, oh, it had a power for your phone kind of thing. But it also had like an alarm on it that's like a wee, we, we, we.

All the way home? And yes. And I, turning on the radio one day while I was driving, I must have activated the alarm. And I thought it was the song for a long time. I'm like, this is a fucking annoying song. And then I fast forwarded to the next track. And I was like, oh, this is not the track. Oh, my God.

My car is there's something wrong. And so I pulled over. I'm like, I turned off the car and it's still going. I'm like, what the fuck is this? And I looked down at the thing. And it was this alarm. Oh, my God. And so.

it had to get out of my house then or out of my car because and into my dreams of course of course you know what I have I have a not irrational fear of now but because of our friends situation with those batteries for your phone like a rechargeable battery because our friends exploded in their house and then they had fire yes yes yes yes yes I just came across one I have them all you know right after they had that happen I bought this thing on on Amazon at the time I'm not using that product right now but I, it was a, it was a, is a bag that's like a fireproof bag. You put all your possible exploding. We got a bunch of those, yes. But what's so funny is I just put everything in there and then never used it again. So I'm like, I should just get rid of all those things. Yeah, exactly. But I found one rogue one that I'd received as like a gift from like a promotional thing.

Yeah. And I just threw it out. So I'm like, I never use these things and they're a risk. I don't use them. I use them a lot and I got individual bags. Oh, nice. So I put that in your backpack. Exactly.

That's good. Exactly. And so it's just. there. That's great. It doesn't give me the night terrors. Yeah. Because I don't like being worried about that.

In the luggage that you would get. Away luggage or whatever. Yeah. It was so funny. Like this is the most convenient thing ever. And then you get on the airplane. Take that thing out of there.

Literally it was like the second they made them. They made you take it out. Yeah. It was crazy. How do they not like kind of make sure that would work? Does the cigarette lighter in the car these days? Yeah. Does it actually function as a lighter anymore?

I don't even know. I think it's just a hole. a port now. Yeah. It's just like a port. I've never pulled it out. Because I was thinking, that's what I said. I was thinking, I don't think they even put, they don't put like the little cigarette symbol

on there anymore. I don't think so. And then I thought, I don't think they heat up. I think it's just a, but I don't know. In my car, I think it's just a, it's just like a sort of power. Like a stopper. It wasn't saying that that was a thing that they gave you. Like you can, here's a lighter.

Yeah, everybody smoked. Here's something incredibly hot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When I was a kid, I was fascinated about something from the tree. Oh, yeah, she looks like a goddess. And she's picking whatever that grows on that tree.

What is it? I don't know what grows on that tree. Well, she does. She's going to eat it. That is, no, I think she put a bird feeder into it or something. No, she just moved away. I'm making it up. That is the tree that we bought in honor of my late father.

I saw the plaque for the first time. It looks like it's blossoming. Yes. And yes. Anyway, it's right there. I don't think anything grows on it, but I think I see a bird feeder. Oh, I do see a little bird feeder right now. So she must have been refilling it.

What if it started to grow a bunch of tiny little dads? That would be crazy. Then I had two of them. It would be my two tiny dads. But then you'd have a hundred. I would love to have 100 dads. Look, honestly, that's the biggest problem with families is that it's just two. Yes.

Just one dad. sometimes, two dads at most probably, maybe three if it's polyamory. If you're those weirdos on Instagram. But I would love growing up, growing up, oh, I've seen that. I would have loved to have that. I would have loved to have a spanking just like me bent over the bed and there's a hundred of them going. Is it one at a time where they hit the backhand and it's like a domino effect?

What would be good is if they spanked each. really hard. If they spanked each other, sure, and just whoop, and they go, ah,

ha, ha, ha, ha. Classic dad being spank voice. Ah. What? If you're a kid

listening to this. Don't. We hope you are. You should say, first of all, don't be. Come on. You should tell your parents

that you've been naughty. You should say, no, no, no. Come on. What I'm saying is reasonable. Go to your parents and say,

this is all I get? One of each. Just one of each of you? Yeah. I just saw your response to my Instagram. What? There's a response to an Instagram? Laura and I have fun on Instagram together.

Oh. With direct messages. We like to DM each other. We have fun. That's fun. That's a lot of fun. We do. It's just silly fun.

I send a lot of videos to my wife and I know she doesn't look at all of them. I know. I know. I don't look at all the ones that my wife sends. sometimes it's parenting tips. And I kind of go like, are you trying to say I'm doing a bad job? Or, but I think it. I'll often send things like that where I'm like, interesting idea.

No, I think it's, I think it's more of a, hey, here's some things we both could be thinking about. That's the way I'm choosing to take it now. That's what I usually do when I'm saying. But I am the one sending it. No, I don't send it. This is good advice for both of us, but I found it. Admonishing or anything.

No, no, no, no. No one likes admonishments. No, no, no. No, I think we're both doing a great job, and we acknowledge that in each other. Wow. That's important. That's deep. But you always do it in front of Emmy, right?

Yeah. So she'll know. Performatively. Have we talked about the show couples therapy on Showtime that I enjoy? No. I know you should be in it. I feel like I remember, okay. I think I said I don't want to watch that.

I think I remember you saying something like, why would I want to watch people? Why would I want to watch that? Do the thing that I need. I like it. I like it. Look, we're all trying to better ourselves. And if you're not, then you're getting worse. I'll tell you that much.

Yeah, you're getting in our way. Yeah. Get out of our way, sluts. If you're a slut listening to this and you're not trying to actively better yourself. And don't be. This shows not for sluts. Unless you're one of our fans. Yes.

Called slut. There was a candy bar in England called Yolke. You got my mouth watering. Yolky. Yorkie. Oh, Yorkie. And I think the ad campaign, I saw this in the early aughts when I was working there. And the ad campaign must have been marketed towards boys.

Like, this is a boys cat. Good. Yeah. Because it says something like that on the package and their tagline was, do not feed the birds. Funny play on words. Are they trying to say that women shouldn't have candy so they don't gain weight? Well, this particular candy bar they shouldn't have. I don't like it.

British candy is so good. Is it? It's so good. The chocolate is better than the chocolate here. Is it really? Is it because Willie Wonka just knows what he's doing? Well, those kids that he pushed in there. Right, yeah.

Do we know where that took place? I mean, because... It feels England coding. I think they're all British. They're not all British. Oh, one's German. one's American. But in the new one...

Some are British and most are not. In the new one, Timothy Shalamee is Wanka. They're not at all. Yeah. Shut the fuck up. Timothy Shalameh is Wanka and he's not British, but everyone else is British around him. But in the first one, not everybody's British. A lot of people are British, but not all of them are.

It's like British coded because it feels British in the way that it looks. Yes. But you're right. Where did they shoot it and where does it take place? Pilewood Studios. Where did they shoot? shoot, and it's all typos. It was Darth Mall,

all in Willie Wonka. And the chocolate factory. It was shot in, here, want to take a guess? Yeah, Belgium. Sure. Belgium is a guess. Hawaii. It was filmed primarily in Munich,

Bavaria, and West Germany. Wow. With interiors shot at Bavaria studios and exteriors across the city and surrounding areas. Key locations include the Stat Turk Munchin factory exterior and the town of

Nordling. I wonder if it was fun to shoot that movie. I bet it was. So Nordlingen, Bavaria is the quaint medieval town featured in the final scenes of the film. That is, I mean, that is quaint sounding. And then Toblerone factory in Switzerland is used for the opening title sequence. Tobleau rewifactory in Switzerland. What a fun movie that was.

Did you guys ever get the candy cigarettes? Yeah, absolutely. I remember there was a liquor store. It's fucking crazy. It's so funny. There was a liquor store next to our church. And so sometimes after church we would hop the fence and go over to the liquor store and get candy cigarettes and then be in the parking lot of the church like trying to see if we could fool people into thinking we were actually smoking sugar out. To the point where the church then had to say, had to tell everyone like, hey, your kids shouldn't be getting candy cigarettes like implying it was a sin.

They got a bunch of ideas like that. Yeah. But just like, here's a question. I don't know if we've talked about this. When a company, so for example, there's like those stores, like there's a store in New York that I loved that I can't remember the name right now, but it was like they would sell all types of old candies. And then there's one that I told you about before where I bought the soda pops called Galcos.

And they sell old candies. Are places making new old candies? We've talked about this. To stock these stores. No, I don't know that we've talked about it, but companies should be making new old candy. Or is it from a long time ago that it's just... Because then I don't know if I want to eat it. I know, but then why are they only in specialty shops?

Like an old, like, I don't know if they still make what you call it, you know, but it's like something like that is you're going to find it one of these special places or like a Rasmataz or some shit. By the way, Lauren, have you had Martin Starr's candy? No. That he makes. He makes candy? He makes candy.

Wait, tell me all about this. He decided that he, uh, he's, uh, decided that, uh, he makes candy. He didn't like, he didn't think certain candy was quality. And so he started a candy company. Like gummies or chocolates or what kind of? It's pretty much like gummy, gummy based candy. I need some. Sweet stash is the candy.

And he gave, he gave, uh, whoa, I want this. A bunch of people some. And give me that shit. And he gave me some and it was really good. Now when I hear the word stash, I wonder, is this, uh, adult candy? Do you know what I mean? It is not. Is it for like your candy drill, like your sweet stash?

Because it's not stash, S-T-A-C-A-G, like a mustache. It's meant to be candy that gets stuck in your mustache. Well, then no thanks. No, but then, Janie will want to kiss you. That's anathema to me. Starting a candy company is such a dream. This is so cool.

Yeah. I used to want to have a candy store. That was my dream. He told me the whole story about it and they used good ingredients. And anyway, it was really tasty. I don't know pricing. wise how different it is from regular, you know, shitty candy, but it was really good. I love that.

You were good and plenties. Yeah. Mike loves those. Mike and Ike does? Like he never eats them, but like if it's an opportunity arises, he'll have that. Like if he just came out of a time machine. So he doesn't eat that and throw up. They still make good in plentys?

He's eating them within the last 10 years. Wow. Yeah. They were licorice, right? Yeah. It was white and black, weren't they? They were pink and white. he likes, yeah, they're still available.

I can instacart them right now. They're at Ralph's at this very moment. With together in perfect Herman. And you know what I like? They've kept this box packaging and they've kept the old font. That's wild. That makes me happy. I mean, good for them.

I wish it was something I enjoyed, but I don't. I would never eat it. What do you enjoy? At a movie, will you get candy? At a movie, I'll get like Reese's pieces. I love those and I put them in the popcorn. Or a peanut butter. M&M, which we have determined are superior to Reese's pieces.

Those are the best. Did we determine that on a, they won? They won. Oh, that's right. They were delicious. The entire tournament. But did we put them against Reese's pieces? We did, right?

We did. I think we agreed that they're better than Reese's pieces. Yeah. I think we did. No, they are because it has that sort of gush that you want. We learned something about our preferences and then none of us remembered it. And put it in practice in our real life. What I do know is some of those flavors were crazy, but.

You don't count, Paul. Should we do a new taste test? Of what? Wait, are they making new Eminem's flavors? I think they are. I think they are. We could do that, but I don't want to have an all zany flavors taste test.

That's just... But back to my other point. Chaos. Eminems just used to be Eminem's and peanuts. And that was it for decades. And you were fine with that. And everyone was fine with it. And then suddenly in the 80s, they go like,

now we got peanut butter once. No, and then they go. No, peanut butter took a long time. No, crispy came next. Was crispy next? Then they go. Let's put lemon inside. How do I figure this out?

M&M's line of sensation? Let's make it taste like tea and crumpets. And then we're like, what are we doing? We've abided long enough. The slings and arrows of turning down E.T. The extraterrestrial. So we're going to wait and wait and wait. And then we're going to come out with a peanut M&M,

peanut butter em and M&M that knocks Reese's pieces peanut butter dick in the peanut butter dirt. And you have to wonder how it's made. By the way, we should not be doing this so close to lunch. In the 80s, they introduced Eminem Royals. Now chocolate's got a whisper of mint. They could be Eminem's royals. I do remember that.

What is it? Whisper of Mint. A whisper of mint. Oh yeah. Christmasy. They have. Hey guys, Eminem's just made a mint flip. Okay.

So then there were, occasionally they would do an almond scented. Occasionally. And then, but that was it. And then 1999 peanut butter. With that sort of cream colored back. And then and then and then, and then, and then, Crispy, which I think would probably be 95, 96. Dulce de Leche in 2001.

Find out one crispy. I think I'm going to guess in 1996. Okay, I'm going to do a fine. Crispy. There's nothing. Is it with a K? No. Crispy M&Ms.

There's nothing on the Wikipedia. That's not true. The word crispy is not. That can't, well, then start adding it to the Wikipedia. Oh, wait, no. Here it is. Here it is. Sorry.

Okay. What is it? say. Come on. Come on. In 1999, Crispy were introduced. I was so close. And yet so far, and it was, I think, 1996 or five that we did the vote for your favorite color contest.

And call in and make a vote. That was 95. And that's when we got blues. That was a big year for me. I was calling a lot. B.B. King then went on stage with the M&Ms. That's right. blues. That's great. Now, do you think I voted for blue, but do you think someone, you know,

I would have gone purple. By the way, I offhandedly at one at a certain point, Emmy said, what's your favorite color? And I said, oh, blue. It has come up every day. Anytime we see anything blue, you like that. You like that? Yeah. She'll see something and go, you want this, right? It's your favorite color. Yeah, we talk about favorite colors a lot. Sure, it's important. Yeah, mine is pink. So is Emmys. Nice. Collies is rainbow. Cool.

Oh, yeah. Coolops is, there was a period where Emmy was saying, I like all the colors in the rainbow. And that was fun because then it was like, we didn't have to have conversations about. What an open-minded child.

But now it's like pink and blue for me. Is yours green? I think mine is green. Yeah. That's Coolops. Yeah. Is it really? That's why our daughter is named Emerald.

Oh. Yes. Not just because it's her favorite color. Do you think because the crispy Eminem and M&M was, introduced in 1999. Yeah. Do you think that's what Prince was

singing about when he wrote that song? The song, Crispy? Yep, my Krispy Walls. These make me so Crispin. He's singing.

There certainly was probably an alternate verse that he cut out about it. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999, meaning we'll have Krispy Eminem's finally. Yeah.

Because we've been kind of, we've been missing out on this sort of airy crunch. What if that is something that Prince was talking about for a long time? and people are you talking about this? He's like, you'll see, you'll see.

Honestly, knowing that he really wanted to be on the new girl and he was, I think anything could be sure. That's possible. All right, we have to take a break, Paul. Okay. We're back. Prince was truly one of a kind. There will never be another prince.

Although if there were, I wouldn't complain. It's why it's why I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers. No. I don't know if I kick anybody out of bed for eating crackers. You know what I mean? I mean, I would kick someone out of bed. It depends how they're eating them. If it wasn't Kulap, I would probably kick everyone out of bed.

I should hope so. For no reason. I should hope so. This is my marital bed. Yes. What are you doing here? How dare you? Exactly.

But I... Actually, my kids eat in my bed a lot, and I'm often wiping cracker crumbs out of the bed. No. No. There should be a no food upstairs rule. I don't care. Yeah. Or downstairs, wherever you guys do it.

I don't need you to know anything about that. I've been there. Don't look at my bed. I'm picturing. Don't look at my bed. In bed with your glasses on. Stop picturing. Paul could do it.

Do your, do your, do your, do your, I'm a safe person. Very safe. Do your children want to visit you in the bathroom? All the time. Emmy came in today. What a strange thing. But I know. I have like the, I have a memory of just being in there with my mom.

Yes. I used to. I would go in the, or when mom was taking a bath, I'd be in there every time. She didn't get a moment's peace. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Today, Emmy wanted me. I was in the shower and she just tapped me on the glass going like, make a heart, make a heart. Cute.

Very cute. That is cute. But also invading my personal space. Yeah, it is. Get out of here. I'm trying. This is where I come up with my best ideas. I want to make a fist.

I'm going to make a boot up your fucking ass. Get out of here. Get out of here. Making a tiny. Is that what you said? Yeah, but I'm singing shiny. By the crab. By the crab.

By the big crab. Oh, Kulap just sent the video to the chain where a gigantic crow is perched on your property. Yeah, right above us. Oh, that's quite. Oh, and she gave it food and it flew away. She's forming a bond. It's literally right there. I got to do that.

I got to do that. I need to know Kulap's Crow secrets. Her crow secrets? Yeah, feed them. Turns out that's the secret. They like food. I find crows kind of unsettling, and they make that noise. Oh, I love them.

It sounds like they're like clicking wood. Oh, that's like those aliens. Sometimes when you make eye contact with them, it's like, don't look at that thing. I think it's going to come again. Alien Earth? Oh, yeah, maybe. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I like that show. Did you like it? Yeah. I'm not like the biggest alien head. So when people, I know a lot of people complain about it doesn't blah blah blah blah blah I'm like I don't pay that much attention to it

here's my only thing yeah I like the alien movies for a certain thing which is the grossness of nature and people being trapped with it and it grossness of nature it got there but but anyway it's time to play a three-cher okay can I very quickly say something about the predator universe yeah please I haven't seen the last two

I have seen the last two I'm really I Tim Paltz was going to do what Scott hasn't seen about them and he just is getting too busy with what Here's what I see. All this shit going on in his personal life. I seen, I seen Predator, the original.

Yeah, I've seen that. No Predators until Predator prey and then Predator. Predator. Whatever the fuck that is. Yeah. With the Predator.

El Fanning. Yeah. Predator L. Fanning. Battleground. Battleground. Battlefield. Battlefield Earth. Now in that one, I did not realize there was some lore about the predator species and their code of ethics and all this shit. I don't know any of this. Yeah. I don't care.

You don't care about their code of ethics? I don't want to know more about the predator. I like knowing nothing about the predator except that he's a predator. Other than what we can glean via context clues. Yes. I like them trying to figure out the predator. I don't like the predator on the predator home world talking about like you're disgraced. what are their ethics it's like cling ony you know kind of yeah tribal you know bullshit what are their ethics though they don't well you got to be a predator and you got to be good at it and you can't show weakness or you can't show hesitation or whatever I don't just one guy was banished because he didn't banished he was banished that's tough he didn't

live up to the code that's tough to be a predator that's tough to be banished I don't want to be banished ever no well it's time to play a three-cher called movie trailer. Hey, thank you for letting me do that. You know what, Paul? You're welcome. This was originally submitted by Faith Nicole, and we maybe only did it on episode 112.

Isn't Faith No More? Faith No More, yes. Roddy Bottom submitted this. Thank you, Faith No More, for submitting this three-cher. And this is where we are going to create a movie trailer, and one player is the narrator, and the others act out the action and dialogue based upon the narrative. Who wants to be the narrator, not me.

Wow. I'll start as narrator. Okay. Isn't it funny how that's not a thing anymore? Yeah. I know, I know. They did do it on materialists. The trailer was like a throwback sort of trailer.

Oh. And I liked it. And I liked it. And I liked it. I kissed a girl. Are you ready? One time and it was so special. I'll never forget.

Made my vagina single. It's funny that there's two songs called I Kiss the Girl. And neither one of those was that. The other one's by the late Jill Sobule. Yes. Oh, yeah. Great song. I think it's a better song.

She was awesome. It's a better one. All right, ready? From that fabulous movie. Do you want us to start or do you want to start? I'll start. Okay. I think I think I should set the table.

Sure. For you guys. So you can feast. Great. We can sup. 20,000. years. Man, it's been

20,000 years. Since I've seen you? That can't be true, Dale. That can't be true, but it... In the past. It was in the past when I saw you 20,000 years ago. What have you been up to? Let's just say a lot.

Two people with no voices. Oh my God. We'll discover they can communicate after all. Okay, can I hear you? It feels like I can hear you somehow. Oh, okay. So what is going on here? Because I think other people see us clicking, but we can understand each other.

Oh, do we have like some sort of mind meld? Have you seen hoppers? I haven't seen hoppers. Should we go watch hoppers right now? Trapped in hospital beds. Oh, no. Oh, we can't. I can't.

Oh, maybe they'll play it on the TV. Hey, how did you end up here in the hospital? It's so weird to see you. Well, it was 20,000 years. Until a special someone. showed up from outer space. Ho, ho. Santa Claus?

Yep, it's me. We all saw you go off in your sleigh spaceship into outer space five years ago. I'm back because today is Christmas. But an enemy lurks behind every corner. Hello. Reverse Santa? I'm the anti-Santa. Oh, no.

Oh, oh, oh. Oh, kill you. Kill him. Oh, don't kill me. Goodbye. He just left. At a time when Earth is at its most precarious. Oh, by the way.

Did you see the newspaper they gave us with her breakfast? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. The Earth is so precarious. Oh, no. It's sliding off itself. Yeah. Oh, no.

All the land is sliding off. Oh, no. All the land is sliding off. Oh, no. All the land is sliding off. This summer, you will believe a gnome ate a hoagie. I don't believe that a no made a hoagie. Look at page seven.

Oh, my God. And it's summer? Owen Wilson. Wow. Christopher Walken. Okay. Wow. In a movie by John Favro.

Your money, baby. Just do improv. Can you improv this? I know Huh? Huh? That's part of it. The guy recording the voiceover of this trailer just died.

Oh, no. We have to solve his murder. Tell my wife I. What? He hates her, I guess. Probably, yeah. Let's go tell her. Well, let's look at the audience and just say,

everybody should go see a gnome Ada Hogi. Yes. And that guy's wife, I'm sorry, but he hated you. Yeah. and he's gone. He's gone now. Wow. Well, let's live happily ever after.

Sure. Yeah. Why wouldn't we do something like that? Okay. Gives away a lot. That trailer gives away too much. And see. It actually ends with let's live happily ever after.

Yeah. Which I'm happy for them, honestly, because I was really invested in those characters. All right. Now we're warmed up. Okay. I'll be the narrator. Okay. Do you want us to start or you have to start?

One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock, rock. Five, six, seven o'clock, eight, and seven o'clock. clock grabs around around the clock tonight, baby. Hey, speedy, got to see you down at the mall shop later? Hey, you know, I'm always at the mall shop if it's Saturday night, which indeed it actually is today, according to this calendar. Today, it's Saturday night. Prom only happens once a year.

Hey, what are you doing for prom this year? Eh, probably nothing. Who would want to go out with me? I got zits all over. I know. And also with 30... Hey, you're a degree so quick. Well, hey, I do. Look. You brought it up. You open the door. I know. Also, we're 35 years old. Yeah, but I love prom. I never been.

I love prom. It only happens once a year. And for most people, it only happens once in their lifetime. I'm almost dead. But not these two. They go to prom every year. Yeah, we're not all. I mean, we're almost dead. Sure. When I said, I never been. I meant I never been enough. That's right. I knew that you meant that. But I do have terminal zits.

Oh my God, your zits are eating your face right now. And my skin. Oh, God. Yeah. Guys want to be them. Hey, look at those guys over there. You're that cool guy covered with man-eating zits. Girls want to date them.

I love him. Oh, my God. They're the cutest other than those man-eating zits. Do you think I might lose my virginity? Oh, I hope so. And women want to kill them. Uh, hello. Hello, I'd like to commit murder.

Oh, hey, you want to murder us? Yes, both of you. Oh, well, I prefer that you didn't if you know. what I mean. If you're going to do that, can we do something else first? Yeah, wink, wink. Are high fives a thing yet in the 50s? Are we in the 50s? I don't know. I mean, that's I need a little more direction. It's 1962. Wow, the Korean War. I love it. And I can't help but still listen to Bill Haley and the comments. And these two are running a rag-tag business. Hey, everybody, get your eyes off my zits and listen up.

By the way, when I said the Korean War, I was 10 years off. I know. You've been saying we're going to have a war with Korea a while back. I want another one. I want the Korean War too. The sequel's always better than the original. Don't you agree? A business selling school books.

Hey, you get those books ready? Yeah. Soon Dallas is going to be a wash with school books. Yeah. But prom only comes once a year. Oh. It's still only once a year. But if the crime bosses catch you first, you might not get to go.

Hey, where are those guys with all the zits on their face? I have zits on my face now? Coming 2025. Oh, I guess we should have made this movie already and put it out last year. Maybe somebody's renting a movie from last year. Oh, yeah, that makes it. This is the trailer. Starring, that guy.

Crispin Glover. Hey. And Doc. Oh, hey, Marty. We gotta get back to the future. Uh, take your damn hands. What does a yellow light mean? It's 20 night stand.

Hey. One stand, night stand, two stand four. Five stand, six, stand seven, stand more. Eight stand, nine, stand, ten, ten. We got 20. one night stands tonight we're gonna stand

stand stand stand stand around stand around for the whole night you're going to stand stand stand stand stand stand stand stand oh my asshole

oh my asshole what and scene beautiful beautiful is the only word beautiful when we ran out of time oh no

can't do another one that's it for this episode. A couple things to highlight. This is April 30th, of course. Yeah, of course it is. Paul and I are going out on tour with Comedy Bang Bang. The first batch of dates have been announced and you can buy tickets. That starts on May 25th, I believe, in Toronto. And we're going everywhere. This is just the first few dates. We're going everywhere. We're going to see you all. You can buy tickets at CBBWorld.com slash tour. That's right. That's just the first batch. The next batch, the newer batch. Much like Gremlins, too. Yeah.

the newer batch, we will be smart, will be sexy, and we'll flash people with our trench codes. That's right. And you can see me and Mary at the Netflix is the joke festival on May 4th. May the 4th be with you.

That's coming up, I think, in a couple of days. So come see us, and I'm sure the link is in my bio or whatever. Sure. Or you can find it if you go on the internet. Did you get the voice I was doing? Yes, I did. It's pretty funny.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. And that's it for this week. We'll see you in the month of May. Month of May, month of May. Bye.