Threedom - Man, I Feel Like a Redneck
Episode Date: February 20, 2025Scott, Lauren, and Paul discuss soap, toilet paper, and billionaires before playing Musical Chair-acters. Get Threedom merch at comedybangbangworld.com/merch. Follow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA. Send... Threetures and emails to threedomusa@gmail.com. Leave us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.com. Send Threetures and emails to threedomusa@gmail.com.Leave us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Wow, you're holding your breath between every single one.
Freedom!
I wanted to see if I could do it.
Oh, what's the longest you could hold your breath?
Can I time you?
Sure.
Have we done this before?
I don't think we have.
I think I've been timed.
It feels like we have, but.
This is what it's come to.
All right, Paul.
We start with this.
We start with this.
This is what other podcasts end with.
They don't wanna have silence
while someone holds their breath.
They talk about other stuff.
And then, but you guys should also do something
to try to make you.
I'm gonna pantomime and you're gonna do like a quiet dance.
Okay, great.
Here we go, ready?
Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo. Okay, I do think we should talk.
He's smiling but he's still holding his breath.
This is too long.
I'm worried for his safety now.
The oxygen isn't going to get to his brain.
Go give him mouth to mouth. Didn. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Didn't work, it didn't take.
Didn't work, he's still not breathing.
Still not breathing.
Paul, come back.
Don't go into the light, Paul.
Don't go into the light.
We love you, Paul.
We love you, buddy.
We love you, you were a good friend.
You were a good son.
He's thinking about not holding his breath anymore,
but deciding that he wants to.
Deciding he still wants to.
This is the longest anyone's ever held their breath.
How long has it been?
I don't wanna say.
Okay.
Cause I feel like he thinks it's probably been
three or four minutes.
On traders last night, they had to-
Don't, oh.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
You, I'm gonna shave off a little time when I was trying to figure they had to. Don't. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. You.
I'm going to shave off a little time when I was trying
to figure out how to.
You made it to a minute and two seconds.
Dang.
It felt way longer.
I will say that if I was in a situation where
I needed to be doing that, I probably
could have gone a little bit longer.
But it would have been.
Two more seconds maybe.
Video game style where your character is underwater.
And it's like, ooh, ooh, ooh.
I can't hold my breath underwater
as long as I can hold it on land though.
Well, because you're a scaredy cat.
Yeah. Yeah.
I love holding my breath on land.
I love it. It's so fun.
It's so fun. You don't have to.
I just do it just to prove I can.
Yeah.
This is actually old reality recap
because it's from the previous week,
but on Traders they had to do a thing where they-
Don't tell me I hadn't watched it.
It doesn't really give anything away. It's more like I want to ask you a question.
God damn it. I just tell them who got kicked off.
I love traders questions. It's because they had the challenge was they
had to put their hand in a box and hold hands with somebody.
I don't care about the challenge. And I know. And then they put in all these
gross bugs and scary things on the hands and hopefully people would hopefully the goal was to not let go and not take your hand out.
Right. And then they started dumping like dirt buckets of maggots and roaches and things all
on people's heads over and over and over again. Just dump it like dumping. It was fucking it
would come from the from the sky. Yeah, just tons of bugs and worms.
Did they come up with this challenge just because Tom Sand have always cast?
And they wanted to do this.
He very wisely.
OK, so come on.
They make that.
No, this is not a spoiler.
They make them get.
I mean, if it is a spoiler for you, that's sad.
Yeah. But for this for this challenge, they made them get all dressed up.
Yeah.
And in tuxedos and stuff.
Yes, yes, yes.
So this is a spoiler.
Yeah, but it's not.
Regarding something that happened on the show.
You don't know the context.
I don't know the context.
I will say, Tom Sandoval comes out
wearing a fucking felt Party City top hat.
Yeah.
It made me so mad.
But then later on, smart choice.
Wearing a top hat.
Because all the bugs were just on top of his top hat.
Wearing a head covering of any kind.
Yeah, yeah.
But it's also like, I hated that because it's just,
I don't like the fear factor shit.
I know what I mean.
I mean, fear factor only gave us one good thing
and that's the Joe Rogan.
It also has-
Making it more famous
in a podcast. It has nothing to do with-
Yeah, thank you, fear factor. It has nothing to do with your gameplay if you're afraid of bugs.
And also if you are if the idea is you're you're trying to see how far they can go without uh you
know releasing each other's hands yeah just dumping shit on their heads I don't think and
then later they put something on them that's like like well They should your hand out is not gonna punch him in the stomach part of that
That it should be you put a bar of soap in a sock
Yeah, and you're whipping it at their midsection. Thank you over and over and over again
We'll be and the first person to say stop is the loser. Yes, I would do that
I would love to do the guy with the sock. I sock. I'd love either side. Wow. Really?
Yeah.
Okay, can I do it?
Can I, do you have a bar soap?
Anytime.
I don't have a bar soap on me.
Where do you keep your bars?
I keep it at home.
You keep them at home?
I keep my bars of soap at home, yeah.
Oh, okay.
I'll come by.
I'll swing by.
Can I quickly plug the soap that I use?
Yeah. Yeah.
Sure.
I would love to hear this.
It's a little, it's a little embarrassing.
Why?
Because it's small dick soap.
Small dick soap.
But it's so good.
Do you hate the way regular soap looks next to your small dick?
This is tiny soap.
Because it's soap that's for men.
And it's Dove.
Dove for men.
But the scent is really nice.
I like Dove.
There's one that's just a regular old bar.
And then there's one that has little scrubbies in it.
And is that a, do they have a bunch of types for men
or there's a kind of like one scent?
There's two different scents.
Okay. And which one are you enjoying?
I use both.
Okay.
Is there one that comes in, I switch off.
One that comes in a dispenser where you can press a button and then just squirts
on your face.
Now, why would that be?
If you're into that.
I'm sure that can be a range.
You'd probably have to do like a little legwork.
Yeah, well, because you're going to have to put your dispenser at eye level.
Yeah, there'd probably be a DIY element.
OK, sure.
Hey, can I say that I went to a restaurant the other day for breakfast.
It was crazy.
We dropped off Emmy at school and then we realized
she's in preschool. We can go to a place.
Yeah, we've had this realization and yet we still book our days where, we can go to a place. Yeah.
We've had this realization,
and yet we still book our days
where we're off doing different things all day,
but it's like, we could literally go have a meal.
Yeah, so we went to a meal for breakfast and...
Went to a meal for breakfast.
I like, went to a meal.
Went to a breakfast.
You'll never guess what we found there, breakfast.
You have to come to the meal.
But I like hot sauce on eggs, but usually I use, you know,
certain types.
And then it had this type that was on the table that I was like worried about.
And I put it on the eggs because it's not a normal type.
And I put it on the eggs. It was the most delicious hot sauce I think I'd ever had.
So I just poured some. What's it called? And it's called Zabs.
Racist hot sauce.
Small dig hot sauce.
For racists.
So what's it called for racists?
It's called Zabs hot sauce.
So I just, I was like, how do I get this?
And it's online and I'm having some delivered.
Dang.
Anyway, shout out to Zabs.
I'll send you some.
Have you ever had the thing with the soap dispenser
in your home where a little bit of soap
gets crusted over on the nozzle?
Yeah.
And you press it and then it just shoots
right out of your fucking chest.
Yeah.
Yes.
Now why haven't they figured that out?
Why haven't they figured it out?
Why does it congeal at the end?
I don't like a congeal.
I don't like a congeal. I don't like a congeal.
I like a reveal.
Soap should stay liquid.
Agreed.
You know what I mean?
It should never, they shouldn't even,
it shouldn't have the option to ever harden.
No.
You know?
No.
That's why I love to dump out most of the soap
and fill the bottle 90% with water.
I hate when they do that.
Oh, it's the best.
And then also why is it that all the places
that would do that all have that pink soap?
Oh, like the sort of high school science class soap?
That soap sucks.
And then they refill it with water.
I'm like, let's just settle on having the bad soap.
I associate that soap with coarse paper towels,
like brown paper towels. I hate that feeling. I want to say
shout out to Cobbs Comedy Club because they still use those non-absorbent paper towels in their
green room bathroom. Hey Cobbs. Cobbs come on. Don't ever change Cobbs. Except for this one area.
I do think that a theater we perform at also uses the pink soap. Yes. Have you ever gotten the fucking sand?
The sand?
Where you go to a place and they have like that powdered soap?
The shavings?
Oh no.
Oh yeah, that's like in weird old bathrooms where they'd be like a silver dispensator
to push the bottom.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I sort of, I have a real love-hate about that.
Yeah.
It's a weird thing.
Have I talked about this?
Probably. I feel like
if you are a woman or a redneck, the motion. I feel like a redneck. You might feel like a redneck.
If you are wearing short skirts and bad shirts,
you might be feeling like a red neck woman.
If your couch is in your pickup truck
and that's where you hang out, you might be a woman.
That's where you hang out.
If you're, if, if you're, uh, uh, the sink,
the faucets in your bathroom, your public bathrooms are,
are motion triggered,
then the soap should be as well. Otherwise I'm gonna stand there
waiting for the soap to come out.
No, they have to be coordinated.
You've got to coordinate these.
A seamless, streamlined action.
Make the towel, like it's all or nothing.
I'm fine to turn it on myself.
I remember having this conversation with John Hodgman
about taps, water taps in public restrooms
and how some of them are in such a short time
where like you hit it and then you get like two seconds.
No thank you.
And I said, why can't we just have regular taps?
And he said, because somebody would just leave it on.
And they do.
Yeah, and they do.
And then two days later, I was in a place that had that
and somebody had just left the,
I walked in and the sink was just running. Yeah, what what is wrong with people fucking?
What do you get out of that?
I think there are times where I'll come into the bathroom and the toilets just flushing on its own over and over again
You just have to jiggle the handle or something knows you're coming
She's gonna shit a lot
But like it's just things where no one many people have come and gone while this is happening
Yeah, it's just a it just a stall sitting open with a toilet
that won't stop flushing.
You think we don't know how to stop this?
Like, you just do that and then it's done.
But like, let's just all step in.
Like, no one's like gonna do anything.
These supposedly fancy places
that have the bathroom attendant that you have to tip.
Instead, just have that guy fixing
all the problems in the bathroom.
Great idea. On-site plumber.
Yeah, and I'd tip that person.
I would tip a plumber.
If I walked into a bathroom and it was totally clean
and the trash was empty and there wasn't
like wet toilet paper everywhere and everything,
and all the toilets worked and everything,
and there was a guy going, I did that.
I did that.
I'd give him 20.
Why don't you just start doing it?
Hey, like how-
Put on some coveralls and go stay in the bathroom. Like how it's clean? Like this? I did that. I'd give him 20. Why don't you just start doing it? Hey, like how- Put on some coveralls and go stay in the bathroom.
Like how it's clean?
Like this?
I did that.
You can thank me for it.
The bathroom attendant is such a weird archaic thing.
It's so antiquated.
I can't imagine needing or wanting any of the things
that are on offer.
That's always tough for them.
They have to sit there.
I can buy gum.
Would you squirt some cologne on me?
Well, if you were on a date and you smelled like shit.
You know what?
That's, that's, that's.
Gentlemen, how many times have you been on a date
and you smell like shit?
I do really like when a bathroom,
and usually this is at a private establishment,
like for example, dynasty typewriter,
the bathroom has everything you might need.
Yeah, it's nice.
I love that.
It makes me feel very safe.
If I know that there's like any backup thing that I might have forgotten. We're talking about tampons.
No, but also band-aids, ponytail holders, barrette, you know, Bobby pins. That's right.
I mean, mouthwash, deodorant. And these are all free? Yeah. You can take a Bobby pin for
free? Yeah. Shit. But it's like all stuff that you lose in money. And I don't feel the need to stock my purse up with it when I go in there.
But I just go, I like knowing that.
Have you ever taken any toilet paper from a public establishment?
Not in a long time.
And put it in your bag?
Oh, my God.
Well, that reminds me in college.
I remember those days.
Oh, yeah, I definitely did.
I feel like I've done it within the last five years
for some reason, but I can't remember why.
That's weird and you're weird.
In college, at my dorm.
And it wasn't because of COVID shortages,
it was something happened, I can't remember what.
You shit a lot.
Oh, right.
My dorm had huge industrial rolls,
and when I moved, and it was a tiny hole, you know?
And when I moved out, I took like three of them.
So my apartment had huge industrial rolls.
I just use it.
It was great.
Toilet paper's not cheap.
No, it's not.
It's like 20 bucks or more
for like a pack of toilet paper at Target.
And I find that, I think that's way too much money.
For how many do you get?
Like six, when they're like,
each roll is actually a triple roll worth the size.
So each, so a pack of six is actually a pack of 18.
They have all those like math.
But it's like $20.
And you're like, that's actually a lot
for what I'm gonna throw down the toilet.
Here's what I'm gonna throw out.
The stuff that humans need to survive, I'm talking eating and I'm talking toilet paper. the toilet. Here's what I'm going to throw out. The stuff that humans need to survive.
I'm talking eating and I'm talking toilet paper.
Those are that's it.
That should be free.
All of that should be.
You've said this.
No, no, you haven't.
You've said everyone should have a four million dollars stipend for their life or something.
I agree with that.
You can just dip into it anytime you need it.
You can just dip into it anytime you need it. Meaning the government gives you that?
Yeah, like everyone's born.
You get $4 million.
I think this is the idea you've said.
I don't know if it was 4 million or what it was, but it was like, and then for the rest
of your life.
And so you don't have to work, but you need to ration the money.
Universal basic per diem.
Honestly, universal salary is sort of this idea and I think it's not such a bad idea.
Basically it's-
There's worse ideas.
No, I think they've done studies of like, if everyone just got $60,000 a year from the
government and you can make more money than that, then so many of the problems that cost us so much to fix
in our society would not be there.
Yeah, what if a billionaire gave a money
towards stopping like poverty or hunger?
What if that happens?
What if, God.
Can you imagine?
I hope one of our billionaires does that.
I'm just like, if I had a billion dollars
and then they would name it after me,
you know, it's like, I mean, I'm not even saying
I want it to be named after me, but like they
could have something named after them if they're egotistical and they want like that sort of
like whatever, like people would be like, so it'd be saying your name forever. Like so
and so stopped world hunger. Yeah, it's so crazy. If you if that's what you want, yeah,
like you want this sort of immortality. Yeah, yeah. The people with all the money and all
the power, you think they would want to do
stuff where people go like, they're a good person and they'll be remembered as
being that instead they all want to take, they want to make everyone's lives
miserable. They want people to think they're cool. Not that they're a good
person. They want people to, they want people to be like, I want to be like him.
I know.
But who's like the best billionaire Mark Cuban because he did the drug pricing thing. I know. But who's like the best billionaire, Mark Cuban, because he did the drug pricing thing.
I know.
I do think that's good.
It is good.
Yeah.
It is good, but it's like, hey, go further.
Yeah, who is the best billionaire?
I don't like it when people respond to him.
That's all taken care of.
I don't like when people respond to him on Blue Sky
or whatever saying like, hey, buy the Washington Post.
It's like, well, then you just have like, you have more problems.
That's the other thing is newspapers should be free as well.
And they should, and they should, should not have ads and TV should be free with
no ads and everything in my life should be free and movie theaters.
You should just be able to walk in and out anytime you want.
Yeah.
And, uh, bands should play all their music and concerts should be free.
It is wild that if you want, if you have bad eyes and you want to see, that costs you money.
Yeah.
Where it's like, well, you don't have to see. It's like, actually you do.
You really do. To get around.
It feels like if there was a-
You want to hear stuff, it's going to cost you money.
If there was a base level of like stuff that we give people for free, salary, healthcare,
etc. so much of life would be...
But isn't it so crazy people are like that's such a like some other people would say that
you were insane for saying that?
Yeah, yeah.
Probably people are shouting at their...
I don't think our listeners would say that.
Their podcast app right now.
Where of course where you're listening to this.
That's right.
I would be surprised if our listeners were so against...
I'll look into it. We're of course where you're listening to this. That's right. I would be surprised if our listeners were so again.
I'll look into it.
Wouldn't you be shocked if our fan base felt completely different politically?
There's a few out there.
Really?
Yeah.
Okay.
Should I cut that out?
Yeah, no.
It surprises me.
But it reminds me of during the fires, the people who were like, hey, I will pay private firefighters to come to my house.
Money is no object.
I'll pay millions of dollars.
And they're the ones where I kind of go like,
just pay higher taxes, man.
And you'll end the-
There would be more firefighters.
There would be more firefighters coming to your place.
Yeah.
But I think people truly do believe like,
oh no, I want to chance it, pay no taxes and chance it
and then pay the million dollars
if it ever happens to happen to me.
Yeah, yeah, Rick Caruso.
That's sad.
Yeah, it's so weird that the idea of universal healthcare
that anybody would be against it is mind boggling.
That's what I just really don't understand.
I'm like, so it doesn't, you get to have everything you want and then so does everyone else.
We truly don't have enough people in this country to make that happen.
It's fucking bananas.
The thing my father would always say is that anything that doesn't foster competition
between people means you get lesser quality.
You know what I mean?
That's the whole reason for capitalism, you know, is like doctors will be no longer, you
know, if they're not paid these huge salaries, they will no longer be jockeying to become
doctors and so you'll get just like terrible marks.
I think there's so good people in the world.
So then the state pays them huge salaries.
You know what I mean? But also like why can't they get paid? Also I don't think I think
there's other countries that disprove that. Yeah. Most of them. A lot of people say like
well then move to Canada and get your health care there or whatever and you'll find out
how bad it is. Most people in Canada would be like it's actually good. Yeah. Yeah. What
are you basing this on? I think everyone's just basing it on British people's teeth
People British people have good teeth. They have good teeth now. That's the thing. This is these are old ideas from the 50s. Mm-hmm
One two three o'clock four o'clock
Five six seven o'clock eight o'clock nine eleven o'clock rock, we're gonna rock around, around today.
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight.
As the gang go and get right down,
we're gonna rock around the clock tonight.
We're gonna rock, rock, rock, rock, rock tonight.
We're gonna rock, gonna rock around the clock tonight.
Righty, cus we're rolling around.
Everybody gonna go and dance.
We're gonna rock.
It's a rock tonight.
We're gonna rock, rock, rock tonight.
We're gonna rock, gonna rock all around the clock tonight. Do-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de- Lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, lillily, All right, we have to take a break. We'll be right back.
["Dreams of a New World"]
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Uh huh.
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Oh man, what a long day.
What's the matter with you?
I've had a difficult day.
I'm sorry.
I bit your head off and I apologize.
What's wrong, you idiots?
Hey.
Oh, sorry, I just had a...
I've had a long day dealing with Scott's long day.
Okay, I had a really long day
dealing with your day dealing with his day.
I'm just up to my neck in days.
Guys, let's take the edge off, okay?
Okay.
Okay.
But also why would we do that and choose to have a hangover when we can avoid it, right?
Yeah, so in a drink. Yeah. No, it's gonna drink through it. Let's let's do something different
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Hey everyone. Today's episode is sponsored by Acorns on a
previous episode, previously on freedom, I should say.
We shared that Lauren's goal for 2025 was better fitness.
And Scott and Paul's goal for 2025
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When I say them, I mean me and Paul, I guess.
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We're back. I know I am baby. disclosures at acorns.com slash freedom.
We're back.
I know I am baby.
Lauren, are you back?
I'm back baby.
Guess who's back. Back in the New York groove.
I'm back.
Guess who's back.
Back again.
I am back.
You brought.
Back again.
I brought a friend. You brought a friend to one of these recordings. I was like, can she just hang out? I brought my friend Bill W. You brought a friend. Back again. I brought a friend. What if you brought a friend to one of these recordings?
I was like, can she just hang out?
I brought my friend Bill W.
She's just curious what it's like.
Aw.
Aw.
I don't know.
Cutie pie.
Cutie Bill W.
How much would it change the experiment
if somebody was sitting here watching us?
I mean, we've done live, a live episode.
But that's different.
That was one time.
Because we're, all right, Fugees.
One time.
I think that's different because then it's everybody
who's watching us, you know, it's an audience
as opposed to one person.
Anything.
That maybe is like sitting over there,
we're not even looking at them,
but we kind of know that they're there.
It does affect, yes.
Everything changes once observed.
Yes.
Everything?
No, anything.
Simply everything.
Like water and the ocean.
Yes, when you turn your back, it looks different.
I guess I wouldn't know.
It's the old, if a tree, et cetera.
I don't know, what?
Schrodinger's.
Et cetera.
What have you.
Cat, anyone?
Meow meow.
Schrodinger from the Peanuts?
Yeah, Schroeder.
He plays the piano?
Yeah.
Yeah, I need a cat.
You know something Schroeder.
Morsy? Morsy doing your good man Charlie Brown. Yeah, a piano. Yeah. Yeah, I need a cat. You know something Schroeder. Morse?
Morse doing your good man Charlie Brown.
You know something Schroeder.
I like the way you play the piano.
Sopatite.
Excuse me, everyone.
Wow.
I saw a production of that when I was a child
and I don't remember anything about it
except Snoopy was the greatest, of course.
I saw it when I was, yeah, like 12 or 13,
the high school theater company that I was going into
did it and it just was one of those things
where I was like, I wanna do that.
I gotta get into this peanut section.
I saw it when I was 23, living in New York City
and some improv people that I knew
adjacently were doing it.
Would it surprise you all to know
that was the one that we were all at?
That would surprise me.
We were all the same.
We were all the same one.
I was 12, you were 23.
I was a little child.
Yeah.
That was the production.
We were all at it and we all saw it
and it inspired us to do this podcast.
And then it leveled out our ages a bit.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. When the world folded in on itself.
When the world don't move through the beat of just one drum.
What might be right for you?
May not be right for some.
A man is born.
He's a man of means.
Then along come two.
They got nothing but the chains.
Yeah.
What?
Scott. What?
Scott.
What is wrong with you?
You took that beautiful hymn and defiled it.
Isn't they, they've got nothing but their jeans or their dreams?
Their jeans.
Their jeans.
Because they're broke.
Yeah.
But they got different strokes.
It takes.
Different strokes.
It takes.
Different strokes to move the world.
Yes it does.
Different strokes to move the world.
Everybody's got a special kind of story.
Everybody's got a way to shine. Everybody's got a way to shine. Everybody's got a way to shine. Everybody's got structures move the world. Everybody's got a special kind of story.
Everybody's got a way to shine.
It don't matter that you got not a lot.
So what?
They got theirs and you got yours and I got mine.
And together we'll be fine.
It really goes crazy at that part.
Let's talk more about billionaires.
Okay. I hate them.
I hate them.
They should give away their money
so they're not billionaires.
They should give away their fucking money.
You should always have 999, 999, 999.
Like it, I'm-
Yeah, if you ever get above that, someone shoots you.
I'm past the taxes thing now.
And now it's just give that money away.
Yeah. Fix everything.
Yes, you can fix everything.
Fix everything.
I think that's so wonderful too. You could do that. Absolutely. I just don't understand. I really, I don Yes, you can fix everything. Fix everything. I think that's so wonderful.
Yeah.
You could do that.
Absolutely.
I just don't understand.
I really, I don't understand why you wouldn't.
I don't understand why someone who's not a billionaire would defend them not doing that.
I don't think that there's anybody who could, who would have a good argument for why someone
should not do that.
Because you, at the point where you have that much money, you're making so much in interest
that you can't even spend it.
You'll never be able to.
I saw some like graphics that, you know,
actually I think we did do the math.
I read it to my dad and he was like, what?
And then we did the math.
But it was like, if you at the dawn of time
started saving money and you save $10,000 every single day,
you still wouldn't have as much money
if some of the people that have like $10,000
every single day from the dawn of time
would never equal.
Like I think it is so hard,
and this is always talked about,
but it's so hard to imagine what a billion dollars is
because a million to a billion is such an insane leap.
I can't imagine that it's cooler than a million dollars.
I think it is cooler.
Just because you could do whatever you want
in the whole world.
We watched that, we watched the social network recently.
I'd seen it since it came out.
Oh, I kinda wanna rewatch that.
It's a good rewatch, I gotta say.
Yeah.
And it really holds up.
And that end scene, the end moment,
that's where he's clicking on the,
where he's clicking.
Spoilers for the social net, yeah.
Keeps refreshing to see if that friend request got accepted.
It's like one of those things where you're like,
the idea of this, I know for a fact is true.
Like this sums up who this guy is.
It's got emotional truth even if it didn't exactly happen
that particular way.
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Some version of this is absolutely the truth
of who this person is.
Do you think he will always have that money or,
it's interesting to me because I,
all of these social network places have failed. Yeah. Like eventually,
you know, my space Friendster they've all.
And the my space guys sold it for like $600 million or something.
And he just fucked off and it was great. And we love him. Tom,
you finally bought another shirt.
But, but you know,
like I keep waiting for Facebook and Instagram or whatever to eventually like
people go like, oh, I'm not on that anymore.
And it just is a, you know, an old mall that no one shops at anymore.
You know, so like he eventually will lose his money, won't he?
No, now he's got a million investments and things.
I'm sure there's no risk of that.
He just keeps buying, by the way, he just keeps buying any competitor like Instagram.
Oh, it's suddenly more popular.
Well, it's now ours, you know?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Tough stuff.
Tough stuff.
I think this guy sucks.
Probably.
I think this guy, I think he sucks.
And you might be listening to us on through Facebook right now.
What if he's a Pispic?
Is that possible?
I think.
Listening to podcasts on Facebook?
Who knows?
Don't be.
You might be a piss pick.
If you're listening, Mark,
look, we've said a lot of stuff about you,
but we love you.
Mark, look, obviously,
when you become a big guy like you are,
you become a target for satire.
No, I went to his page recently.
But seriously, give your fucking money away, you weirdo.
Yeah, please give it away.
I went to his page recently
and all the comments were like
Negative and I thought you must see that right like he must see some of that
It's there's not a he has to know yeah, but then I think these guys always explain it away like the magic word haters. Yeah
It's such a powerful word. It's the entire population. Yeah, they're all haters.
Yeah.
Weirdly, everyone's against me.
Yeah.
How much money, what's the cutoff of giving you?
Is it truly just once you're a billion,
you gotta start giving it away?
Yes.
I think if you are under a billion,
but you have hundreds of millions of dollars
and you don't give any of it away, that's also weird.
Once you have enough money that like three generations
could not spend in a lifetime, right?
Yeah.
Give that fucking money away.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm mainly concerned about my one generation
and having enough for-
Yeah, of course dear, of course.
If that's what you're concerned about,
then that's where you could be concerned.
Of course dear.
Yes.
But yeah. Yeah. So yeah, no one should ever be allowed to have that 10th digit.
Yeah.
That you get Brewster's millions rules, you got to start spending.
Well, I think you can, and you can still have the, you know, acknowledgement from the world that you became a billionaire.
Right.
Exactly.
And then you're like, hey guys, guess what?
Yeah.
I just became a billionaire, but I gotta give a dollar away.
And now, give a dollar away?
Yeah, because to be in just nine digits.
Then you go, you know.
You'd have to give dollars away every millisecond.
I'm gonna donate this dollar to tragedy.
Tragedy.
Tragedy.
Tragedy.
Tragedies.
We love you.
We want you to just keep going. Keep on going. Tragedies. We love you. We want you to keep going.
Keep on going.
But that would be, I think that would be fun for the billionaire to be like, Oh shit, I
gotta, I gotta spend, you know, Oh, I just went over by 365,000.
I gotta, I gotta get rid of it.
I have to, and you have to give it away.
You can't just spend, you can't buy something.
Well, like Jeff Bezos' ex-wife,
and I don't know all the ins and outs of who she is,
but she did give a lot.
She made huge donations to like education and stuff.
I actually do like that whole like,
oh yeah, you're gonna divorce me?
Okay, well, I'm gonna take half your money.
I'm gonna give it all away.
What you should be doing, asshole.
Not saying that that's her point of view.
We don't know her.
We don't know her.
Although we don't know her.
But we do know that there are articles
about her giving hundreds of millions of dollars away
and there are not articles about him doing that.
That's very true.
We do know that.
He went to space though.
I'm so glad he got to go.
He jumped the line ahead of me.
Oh, I want to go to space.
I remember you've been talking about that for a long time.
Yeah. You're always saying that, but you're just, you're honestly remember you've been talking about that for a long time.
Yeah, always saying that.
But you're just you're honestly you just whine about it in your house and he does something
about it.
We're going to take a cowboy hat up there too.
Could we do the first podcast from space?
Is that a thing?
No one's not a podcast from space, right?
Are you sure they have?
I'm sure NASA's released a podcast.
Smartless first podcast from space.
I'm looking it up.
A.I. generates.
There isn't much information about the first podcast from space, but here is some podcast
about space.
Stop.
Not what I said.
Oh, no. Astronaut Steve Robinson recorded an audio entry while circling the earth.
This is in 2005. In any case, take us up to space.
We'll do a pocket. Would you go to space?
We've talked about this.
We've talked about this numerous times.
I don't think I was.
Because I'm just no one here.
I don't want to go.
I heard Hozier yesterday.
I want to go to space like a place like Mars,
or I would go to another place like the stars.
I was at this place yesterday and I heard the Hosier song that you're singing.
And I just heard it faintly and I said to someone I was with, I said,
is this Take Me to Church?
And they said, I don't know, but they said,
Take Me to Church in the lyrics. So it might be
I'm like, if they said, take me to church in the lyrics, I'm pretty sure it is.
Take me to church. No, I'm thinking of a different, take me to church.
Is this the star spangled banner? Well,
they did say something about a star spangled banner in the song.
I don't think they do say that.
They do.
And the star spangled banner.
You're not American.
Oh, say does that star spangled banner.
I never really thought about that.
I just sing it, but I don't think the star spangled banner.
And isn't that true of where we are today?
Yeah, I just sing it without thinking about it.
You're part of the problem.
But I just blindly support my country because that's what I do.
National anthems are so fucking stupid.
And the rocket's red glare,
The bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave Wave o'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.
One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock rock to do.
Five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock rock to do.
Nine, ten, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, rock to do. Nine, ten, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, we're gonna rock around the clock tonight.
We're gonna rock the thing, all the members.
We're gonna go out tonight, we're gonna rock around the clock
tonight, we're gonna rock, rock, rock till the brunt.
Tonight, we're gonna rock.
I'm just thinking about a billionaire listening to it.
I'm just thinking about anyone listening to it.
Why do these guys think they have any of the answers?
They're idiots.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, times are getting hard out there.
I think they are.
They're getting there.
It's definitely getting there.
We're on the precipice of hard times.
Actually, when you were talking about toilet paper, that was this episode, right? It's definitely getting there. We're on the precipice of hard times.
Toilet paper, that was this episode, right?
I recall during the pandemic, I actually ordered office size rolls again.
Yeah.
Oh, did that take you back?
Yeah.
It was because the pipeline to the office.
There was no toilet paper.
Yeah, but.
Staples had toilet paper.
Yeah.
What?
Pipeline to the office.
Well, I was kind of talking about the point that there are two types of toilet paper.
There's toilet paper made for businesses and toilet paper made for pleasures.
And, you know, no one was going to the purpose of your toilet paper.
Prefer not to say no one was going to the border.
You can say it on when you buy your ticket on
like an airline ticket. I often ask business leisure or prefer not to say. I would love
if you could say that the border of a country. Yeah, prefer not to say. I'm just I don't
want to talk about it. Maybe some of your business. Let's talk about it. Does anyone
still say that when you cross? I don't want to get into a whole big thing. I just want
to go in. When you cross borders, dude anyone say the line, business or pleasure anymore?
No, I think they just say,
what's the purpose of your visit?
Did they say business or pleasure?
Well, it became like a-
Yeah, I feel like I know it more as like a cliche.
What's the purpose of your business?
Business or pleasure?
Your trip.
Yeah.
Are you here on business or pleasure?
I most, I'm talking about where-
Instead of just nodding inaudibly,
you gotta go, yes, Scott, you're right. I most, instead of just nodding inaudibly, you got to go, yes, Scott,
you're right. Because the listeners out there are thinking that, that you're not
agreeing with me. Well, now you've rumbled my little game. I can't remember
where I went. I went to Canada for something. I can't remember what it was.
Not that long ago. And, and they were so tough. The person questioning me was so intense.
And sometimes they're not, and sometimes they are,
but I'm like, really?
It's sort of like, if you have,
I had paperwork and everything.
It was all written right there and it's all proven
and like real.
But like this sort of conversation was so like,
what are you doing here?
Why the fuck are you here?? Why the fuck would you?
The fucking worst is when you have to say
you're there for a comedy festival.
Remember when they, they've never heard of it.
Remember when they told us that we must be speaking
at a graduation and not doing comedy?
Yeah.
What?
What a leap though.
It was when we went up to Toronto and they were like,
so what are you here for?
And we said, oh, we're doing a comedy show at this place.
And they're like, maybe you mean you're
speaking at a graduation.
Because of the venue?
Because that's the only thing that would be held there.
Or that's the only, like, no one would pay anyone to do comedy.
You must be here speaking at a graduation.
Oh, I see what you think.
I see your thinking.
Yeah, you're speaking at a graduation.
That you can be qualified for. You're not a comedian. You're making w. I see your thinking. Yeah, you're speaking at a graduation. Yeah. That you can be qualified for.
You're not a comedian.
You're making witty remarks in your toast.
I love, I do love the guys,
not this last time we were there,
but the time before when we crossed the,
we went on the ferry.
On the ferry, yeah.
And the guys who were in charge of getting us in there
were like, so what are you here for?
We said comedy show, it's so embarrassing.
And then they started pitching us jokes and to do and they and they worked. The jokes
worked. You did them all. Yeah. I forgot about that. You got to make fun of this place. You
got to say it was like the can. Like everyone hates the app. The can, whatever. Yeah, that's
right. That's funny. Huge response. You got to make fun of those. That's a good pitches. Yeah. Yeah. Here's local things that people funny. They got a huge response. Yeah, you gotta make fun of it. Oh, that's like good pitches.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They were great.
Here's local things that people will have to...
I think they looked up the podcast, too.
Yeah, they were super...
Wow.
They was the nicest going through Canada.
No one ever pitches an idea like that.
Like, oh, make fun of this thing.
Everyone hates this thing or whatever.
Like, no one ever says that.
How about that?
Instead of asking us to tell you a joke.
Yeah.
Give us something we can use.
You tell me a joke and I'll steal it
and tell an audience.
Jesus Christ everybody at the border.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck you.
One of these days though.
Are we still going?
Just gonna cross the border and never come back.
No, what?
Yeah.
Okay.
The border of the sunless lands?
Yeah.
From whose?
From less foreign, no travel?
Tragedy!
Tragedy!
I'm donating money to a tragedy!
Now you've clammed up, Florin.
I've clammed up. Florin! Florin, Florin, you've clammed up.
I started thinking about multiple things I didn't want to bring up.
The multiverse?
Yeah, for one.
Doctor Strange?
Yeah.
Multiverse of Madness?
Uh huh.
If that movie could have been 10% more crazy.
More longer.
If you call something the Multiverse of Madness?
Yeah, it was pretty, pretty mad.
It could have been 10% more longer.
That's what she said.
If there's a multiverse, are there multiverse versions of us doing a version of this?
I think, oh, you know what? The other day I was saying to my brother that there's a,
we were talking about there being like all these different universes.
And then I was like, there's one that's exactly the same as this except to him. I was like,
but you just have long teeth. Nothing else is different.
One theory is that every pot,
the multiverse is every thing you can even think of is a set,
like it's infinite amounts.
Wait, what do you say?
That's too much multi.
Meaning anything you can think of, there is a...
Like what you just said.
That is one different earth where the only difference is that he has long teeth.
Also, how long?
Super long.
And then there's...
Like Pat, like you can't...
And I said on that universe, right?
In that universe right now, they're talking about how there's another universe where you
have short teeth and then that's really weird.
And they're all laughing about that.
And people feel bad for him?
Yeah.
In the long teeth first?
No, they just, that's just normal.
But imagine if you had short teeth.
But he's the only one that has them.
Yes.
And it's just, people are just like, that's normal.
Yeah.
That's normal.
But it's like long enough
he can't close his mouth around them.
No.
Well, speaking of teeth.
Yeah.
We have 30 seconds.
Okay.
Speak fast.
We saw the movie Wild Robot.
Yeah, so it's right.
I just heard about the entry.
I thought it was great.
It's cute as hell.
And finally answers the question.
Anytime I read a book to Emmy
that stars a bunch of woodland creatures together
and they're all friends,
I'm just sitting here going,
you would all fucking eat each other.
Like, oh, hello, Mr. Fox.
Did you find, did you, you know, did,
oh, you got, you got lunch with owl the other day.
And it's like, come on guys.
But this is a movie that actually tackles that head on,
which I really liked.
Apply directly to the forehead.
No spoilers, please.
None taken.
Okay.
All right, we'll be right back.
Bye.
Guys, I'm reminiscing.
What's going on, Paul?
What are you thinking about?
We all remember the 1996 cinematic masterpiece,
Jerry Maguire.
Oh, yeah, show me the money, et cetera.
Everyone remembers the iconic phrase,
show me the money, and you're the the iconic phrase, show me the money and you're the proof.
That's because people like keeping an eye on their money.
Oh, that's why they like that phrase.
Show me it because I want to keep an eye on it.
This is why people remember Jerry Maguire and they remember that signature phrase.
Because I want to see it with my eye.
Okay, maybe not exactly.
Oh, I thought it was true.
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Oh my gosh!
Oh Heavenly Father!
Oh Heavenly Father! Father God! Oh my gosh. Oh, heavenly father. Oh, heavenly father.
We are gathered here today.
Um, hey, Paul.
Yeah, I know.
I think I know what you're going to ask me.
What are you going to say?
You have a question for me, don't you?
I do.
I'm embarrassed to say it.
Don't be.
Really?
No, I want I you should never be embarrassed to ask me a question.
I'm just afraid you're not going to love me anymore.
No, I don't already.
Oh, okay. What's a three-cher?
Oh, a three-cher you ask.
A three-cher.
He wants to know what a three-cher is.
Okay, Rumpelstilts.
Hey, girl.
Just call me Rumpelstilts.
Call me Stilts.
Call me Rumpelstems.
Rumpelstims, Rumpelmens, that's the only thing I like to drink.
Rumplemz?
Rumplemz.
What is that?
It's disgusting.
And you love it?
Rumplemz, okay, so there's Jägermeister, Rumplemz, and Goldschlager.
Okay.
Rumplemz is a cinnamon one.
Whereas, Jägermeister's like the root beer one.
Yeah.
And then Goldschlager, I guess, is more minty.
It's got flakes of gold in it.
It's got flakes of gold in it.
I don't know what the flavor is.
They're all disgusting.
That...
It's got style.
It's got flex.
What about Hot Damn? Have you ever had that?
Hot Damn. No.
Hot Damn, saw it in the city.
Never heard of it.
It's like cinnamon.
I feel like Brian Posey had a bottle at his house
with Dave Rath and they would,
like anytime we were going out to a concert or something,
they'd go, hot damn.
And we would always take a disgusting shot of hot damn.
Oh youth.
Well, a three-cher is a game that we like to play,
also known as un Bustero. And today's Bustero is submitted by Elliot Mattson.
Thank you, Elliot.
Elliot.
Elliot.
Bone home.
I couldn't be E.T.'s friend.
He was too gross.
He's got-
Yeah.
Hey, put your neck down.
I couldn't be-
But if you-
Hey, put your neck down.
That's really close-minded.
Either up or down.
You know what I mean?
Pick a neck.
It has to stay.
Thank you.
Pick a neck.
Okay.
Musical.
Did his ability to stretch his neck ever come into play?
Was there ever like a short fence that he needed to like?
No.
It was just to alarm somebody.
Yeah.
Drew Barrymore.
Sucks.
I love that film.
This coffee is fucking hitting me hard right now.
Musical.
Oh, hell yeah.
This is a Buster Bustero called Musical Characters.
The game starts with an improvised scene.
Thank you.
It could be one or two minutes, whatever is tolerable.
Keep in mind, you'll be doing the scene four times total.
After the scene is concluded the first time, everyone switches roles. Whatever is tolerable, keep in mind you'll be doing this scene four times total.
After the scene is concluded the first time, everyone switches roles.
Paul plays Lauren, Lauren plays Scott, Scott plays Paul.
Try to do the same scene again, saying each other's lines as accurately as possible.
Switch roles two more times.
Like telephone, you should be trying to remember what the previous scenes lines were.
Once everyone is back to playing themselves, we do it again. Do that improvise scene one last time.
Do do do do do do.
All right, musical characters.
Do do do do do.
Let's do it.
And let's do it.
Oh, we should time it.
Oh yeah.
Are you gonna really time it or are you gonna?
No, I'm gonna hit lap.
That's what I was gonna say.
Don't press lap.
One minute, right? Are you going to hit lap?
One minute, right? Because that's just too long.
All right. Here we go. And
now these trees are native to this area.
And where are we?
We are in what?
What's her name?
What's your name? Yeah. Oh, wait.
Like me and him. Do you really not know? No, I don't know.
You two are on your honeymoon. We just, we just got hit by a really large pine cone.
Bus pine cone? Yep.
And you- There's a pine cone that fell off a bus, wasn't
it? It was a pine cone that fell off a bus, wasn't it?
Yeah. I don't know-
That's all we remember. I do know that your name is Thomas
and your name is Blomis.
That sounds familiar.
Blomis.
Thomas.
I love you.
I love you.
And we're standing here in Kauai.
Oh, the Garden Island.
How did we get here, do you think?
Are you our mother?
No, I'm certainly not.
Would you adopt us?
You're both grown men.
We would be legally emancipated, but then also adopted.
You know, how about you guys just stand over here for a second.
Time's up!
Alright, clockwise I guess?
Now what does that mean for me?
You're Thomas. I'm playing you?
Oh boy.
And these trees are native to the area.
Where are we?
We're in the...
What's my name?
What's your name?
Yes.
Who am I?
Do you not know each other's names?
You're a couple aren't you we got hit by a bus
By a bus pine cone it was a pine cone that fell off a bus
Where are we?
You're in Kawai and our names are well I know for a fact that your name is Thomas and your name is Blomis.
Thomas!
Blomis!
I love you.
I love you!
Okay, and are you on your...
Are you on your...
Will you adopt us?
We want to be adopted.
You're grown men.
We wanted to be emancipated, but now we want to be adopted too
Your grown man, I don't want to do it
Times up now ba-dee-ba-da-ba-dee-ba-da-ba-doo. Ba-dooba-da-ba-dee-ba-da-ba-dee-ba-da-ba-doo. And it's gonna be da-ba-dooba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-doo. And a-bo-bo-doo-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-doo.
Time's up.
Now here's what happened.
Is that I forgot to hit the timer again.
So there was, I think there was like a good 10 extra seconds.
Okay, yeah.
That we filled with scatting.
Felt a little long.
Okay, one more time.
And now I'm Lauren.
And I am originally Scott.
Okay. Yeah. You're Paul. I'm Paul, yes. And I am originally Scott.
Okay.
Yeah.
You're Paul.
I'm Paul, yes.
Now these trees are native to this area.
Where are we?
You don't know where you are?
And who are we?
You don't know who you are?
Well, you're on your honeymoon. Oh, yeah. Sorry, we don't know who we are. Well, I know
for a fact that your name is Blomis and your name is Thomas. Thomas! Blomis! I love you!
I love you, but I oh yeah. Oh yeah
We were hit by
You're hit by a bus pine cone. Yeah, it was kind of a bus it well it fell off a bus
Yeah, anyway, we have amnesia and we don't know who we are where we are. Well, will you adopt us? Are you our mommy?
No, I'm certainly not your mommy. Can you be? Will you adopt us?
But you're two grown men.
We want to be emancipated and then get adopted by you.
I can't allow that to happen.
OK, time's up.
Did you forget to hit it again?
No, I did not forget to hit it.
Did you hit lap, dear?
Good for you.
I didn't hit lap either.
OK.
All right, so we're back to playing our original parts.
Yes.
Here we go.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
These trees are native to this area.
Where are we?
Well, we're- Who are we?
You don't know who you are?
No.
Oh, well-
Will you adopt us?
Well, hold on.
You're on your honeymoon.
You're two grown men.
We're on our honeymoon.
And your name's Thomas.
We don't have to shorten it.
And your name's Blomis. Thomas!
Blomis!
I love you!
I love you!
Yeah, anyways, we're in Kauai.
The garden island?
Yeah, and all these trees are... are you okay?
No, we don't... we have amnesia because we were just hit by a pine cone.
A pine cone bus.
It fell off a bus.
It was a pine cone that fell off a bus. And we have amnesia.
Time's up.
Do do do do do do do do do do do do.
I want to get the scatting in.
We do.
Do do do do do.
But it's a bit.
Well, thank you, Elliot.
We did it.
That was not what I expected it to be.
No, I couldn't remember anything that anyone ever said.
I felt like I remembered most of it.
And I wonder if the scene were a little longer,
if it'd be more challenging.
Yeah.
I think if it were shorter, it would be less challenging.
Well, I can't argue with that.
Well, I do think that's true.
Yeah. Should we do one where it's three seconds? with that logic. Well, I do think that's true. Yeah. Yeah.
Should we do one where it's three seconds?
Yeah.
Sure.
You know what, let's up it to five.
Five seconds.
Five seconds?
Yeah.
Five second rule.
Welcome to the bank.
Can I help you?
I have a lot of money to-
This is a stick up.
No!
What should I do?
What should I do?
Oh no.
I knew you hadn't hit it. No, no Oh no.
I said it for five minutes. There's not a timer for five seconds.
I should have realized there's not a timer. You can't, there's no timer for five seconds.
Well, you can do it on the stopwatch, but I was doing a countdown as opposed to a countdown.
Welcome to the bank.
Thanks. I have a lot of money to deposit.
This is a stick. I'm doing my same role.
It's a disaster.
This sucks.
You can do a seconds timer.
I didn't see that.
My dear friend.
Try one more time.
OK.
It was a perfect five second rule.
Sure.
By the way, anytime I hear a five second rule, I think of this really funny joke in Mookie
and Harris's old sketch group that Mookie did
where some, like a sandwich fell on the ground
and he goes, five second rule.
If I can eat this in five seconds, I rule.
He stuff it in his mouth.
I think of that every single time.
Anyway. That's funny.
Wow. Yeah.
All right, here we go. Anyway. That's funny. Wow. Yeah.
All right, here we go.
Welcome to the Grand Canyon.
This is too small.
I was just gonna say it's too big.
Uh oh.
All right.
All right, switch roles.
Yep.
Welcome to the Grand Canyon.
Let me set the timer.
Okay.
And go.
Welcome to the Grand Canyon.
It's too big.
I was gonna say that this is too small. Now it's working. It's too big. I was gonna say that. This is too small.
Now it's working.
Okay, switch roles.
Okay.
And go.
Welcome to the Grand Canyon.
This is too small.
I was gonna say it's too big.
It's perfect.
All right, and back.
We're crushing this.
And we're back to our original ones.
Welcome to the Grand Canyon.
It's too big.
I was gonna say it's too small, but no, I wasn't.
Well, fucking.
You don't say it first though.
No, but by the time it got to me.
You don't say it first though.
The scene had changed.
Oh, it's based on it changing?
Yeah, you have to do it the way that the previous.
That's too hard.
Yeah.
We did great though.
We did good.
We did great.
And that was a good scene.
Honestly, if I went to a movie and it was just that scene,
I'd be like, I got my money's worth.
Yeah, and the credits were 90 minutes long.
And if it was $16, I would say I got my money's worth.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
I think it's perfect.
If I was an AMC Stubbs member.
Yeah.
If I was at McGuffin's.
Yeah.
Well, that's gonna do it for this episode of Freedom.
If you would like to submit a blistero, please send it to us at freedomusa.gmail.com.
If you would like to leave us a voicemail for our Thremium episodes, which we do every
other Wednesday, you can go to the great fantastic website.
And go to hell.
Hold on a second.
First things first.
First go to hadclaims8.com,
leave us a voicemail, then go directly to hell.
We hope that anyone who's ever left us a voicemail, I'm going to go further and say any voicemail
to anyone goes to hell.
And you know why we say that? Because we know we're going to hell baby and we want to see
you there.
Yeah, we want to party.
I want to party in hell with everyone listening to this.
I remember that Bill Hicks bit about rock and roll
the band in heaven or whatever.
It's like, they're all going to hell
and that's where it's going to be cool.
It's like, no, it's hell.
Yeah, hell's gonna be tortured.
Yeah, it's not like they just get to have fun
because everyone there is crazy.
You think Satan is going to be like,
oh great, these famous musicians are here.
Let's form a band.
No, he's going to be like, I'm torturing you
because you did drugs.
Yeah, you're bad. You put LSD in your headband. Oh, plugs. Let's do some
plugs. Okay. Yeah. Please, please, please. We're begging you now. Varietopia St. Patrick's
Day special, Laudroom at Highland Park Sunday, March 16th, 7pm Pacific. It's going to be live and live streamed.
So please do join us. That's going to be a really fun night of we got traditional Irish
music, great musicians, great comedy guests. It's going to be really fun. Please come in
person or watch it online.
And Lauren and I are going to be at South by Southwest. At the beginning of March, we're
going to do some shows there.
We're doing a live comedy bang bang.
Probably the last time we'll be at South by Southwest,
not the last time we'll do shows or whatever.
But I feel like everything is wrapping up there.
Feels like the last time.
I think they're closing Austin.
They're turning out the lights or something.
OK, I haven't heard.
But I'll keep my eyes peeled for that.
Yeah.
And I'll see you there.
Because of the way the comedy scene there is now,
you're being paid in supplements?
Is that correct?
Yeah.
It's raw meat supplements.
Protein powder?
Little pills of raw meat.
Yeah.
But yeah, but Lauren and I are gonna be there
and we're gonna fucking party together.
You got to.
It's gonna rock.
Yeah.
I can't be there and I'm very sad about it.
We're gonna see Lauren opt to chain.
I'm about to get crazy over there. I might't be there and I'm very sad about it. We're gonna see Lorna off to chain. I'm about to get crazy over there.
I might even go shopping.
Oh, for boots.
There's a good hat store near the Steven F.
You and your hat stores.
Or whatever, intercontinental hotel.
You're wearing a hat.
You should be listening.
I'm curious.
I like your hat by the way.
Thanks.
It was a gift from my brother to Mike for Christmas.
And you have-
And I have hijacked it.
Mm-hmm.
Spousal privilege, that's what happens.
Hapjacked.
Good night, everyone.
Oh, your background's just a big picture of Janie.
Yeah.
That's so nice.
So is mine.
That's a beautiful picture.
What?
Nevermind.
Isn't she beautiful?
That's beautiful.
She's a beautiful lady.
That's very beautiful.
I love her very much.
Oh my gosh.
Well, bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye, bye.
Hi, everyone. Gloria Riviera here, and we are back for another season of No One Is Coming to Save Us, a podcast about America's child care crisis. This season, we're delving deep into five critical
issues facing our country through the lens of child. Poverty, mental health, housing, climate change,
and the public school system.
By exploring these connections, we aim to highlight
that childcare is not an isolated issue,
but one that influences all facets of American life.
Season four of No One is Coming to Save Us
is out now wherever you get your podcasts.
Hey, everybody. That includes me. And me. The Lore of No One is Coming to Save Us is out now wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everybody!
That includes me!
And me.
Thanks for listening to this week's episode.
If you want more of me, Paul, and Lauren, and I know you do, you should join us over
on Lemonada Premium on Apple Podcasts.
That's what it is.
Where subscribers get exclusive access to our Thremium episodes.
In each Thremium episode, we take your calls and listen to your voicemails
and we answer them.
You can send your emails to FreedomUSA at Gmail dot com.
Send your voicemail to Had Claims 8 dot com and listen to your questions.
Be answered by your pretzel gang on Lemonada Premium.
Subscribe to Lemonada Premium today
by clicking on our podcast logo on the Apple Podcast app
and then clicking the subscribe button.
Who's this guy?
I don't know, but I like him.
Sir, sir, could you please?
I think he's a little crab.
Hey, Paul.
Sorry about that.
Who was that guy?
Someone took your place for a minute.
Yeah.
That little crab.
And we liked him better.
Why do that crabs do that?