Threedom - Nojack Sojack

Episode Date: November 13, 2025

Paul, Scott, and Lauren discuss swearing, Paul’s travels, and rock documentaries before responding to a listener voicemail. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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and a bottle of vitamin D3 plus K2. When you first subscribe, that's drinkag1.com slash freedom. It's morning in New York. Oh, God. Hey, everybody. I'm Mandy Patinkin. And I'm Catherine, And we have a new podcast. It's called Don't Listen to Us. Many of you've asked for our advice. Tell me, what is wrong with you people?

Don't listen to us. Our Take It or Leave It Advice show is out every Wednesday, premiering October 15th, a Lemonada Media Original. Freedom! Freedom! What a humiliating? Every time now. I got the spinning wheel. Oh, my God. Freedom!

You need to tell us when you get that wheel. We're humiliated. It's freedom. Spinning wheel. Round around. Songs used to be terrible, right? Oh, the troubles in a pretty bad. Ride a painted lady.

Lauren. Lauren. If she wants to. Songs she wants to. That's where I was going with the rest of the line. Songs were bad. Ride a pretty lady if she consents to the ride. Songs were bad, but euphemisms for sex workers were great.

Painted lady. Spinning wheel is a terrible song. The lady's the night. Yeah, that song blows ass. Jeremiah was a bullfrog. They were getting crazy with it. It's a tough one. They were having a great time.

They were having fun because they were on drugs. What do you think about? Up and away my beautiful balloon. What is that? It was like a top 10 hit. I know. That's so crazy. People had nothing.

You know, we only had classical. Then we had that. That got into that weird area where rock music was turning into like the beginning of soft listening, soft rock or whatever. Easy listening. Like middle-aged people in the early 70s were like, well, now this is a nice one. Yeah, they put it on their victrola and they were like up and away. They listened on their cathedral radio. I remember you light up my life was a big hit, of course.

and then someone sang it at my church and there was a big controversy over whether she should have I mean and she was singing it to God but it was still like should she have been able to sing that in our church? Oh wait I was just at a park the other day and like all to surveillance and this yeah I was just doing my job and how do you mind a newspaper where the eye holes cut out? From far away there was like people like kind of seeing

and dancing. And then I realized it was karaoke. And there was someone on a stage singing, wait now, what's the song? Daytime Park karaoke? Tell me what's it happening. It was the song involved the word money. Can we narrow it down? It was a woman. No. It's drag. No.

Money, money, money. No. How about, uh, what's that? I think it was money. Just give me money. That's what I want. That's what I want. Was it? Maybe it wasn't money. Here she comes now. singing money money money money money money i got to remember it but i can't because you guys

keep singing was it we're trying to help i can't believe you was it are you gonna go my honey i can go my honey yep are you gonna go my honey i'm just trying to think of other songs i want to think of what it was because it was a very outdated and random and it was it was random and i was just like, what's going on here? Was it a song about the invention of money? That's why it's outdated? Yes. It was like, we're going to make pennies and dimes.

We're going to abolish the penny. We're going to make pennies and dimes and nickels and quarters. You don't know what that means. We'll catch you up. A penny is one. A nickel is five. How about? She works hard for the money.

That's what it was. That's what it was. So hot. So our method worked. It did work. Google.com. It was crazy, though, because it was like someone, I thought it was blasting on her speaker and I saw a woman singing,

she woke hard for the money. And it's like, such a weird song. They should abolish songs after 40 years. Yeah, that one's done. Like, if you have an MP3 on your computer, it just evaporates. Yeah.

Just like, if you have a CD of it, it stops working. The things at last are gigantic, like the biggest hits. And then everything else just dissolves. Well, because I think that one would have stayed. Isn't that a big hit? That one would have stayed,

but it shouldn't be allowed to because I don't want to hear it. I don't like it. How often you hear it? it now is what I'm saying. I hear it at the park. You hear it eight times a day. She works hard. Scott.

Kulah plays it while she's working. That makes sense. While she's having sex. And she says, I'm the titular. I'm the titular she. B.T.W. I'm the titular she. I'm the titular she.

Now that's a song that could last 50 minutes. Oh, that is a song. That's a song that could last 50 minutes. Is that what you said? Or 50 years. Yep. Material girl. You know, we listen to that one kind of a lot.

I like that song. Because Holly, it's on Holly's playlist. And I'm a terrial. Wait, Holly likes it? Mm-hmm. Is there a kid's butt version? No. It's just how it is.

And we just sing... There's no swears, actually. There's no swears, but the subject matter. Do you play swears? Oh, yeah. Some boys, them is some must... What's your policy on swearing around your kids and playing things that have swears in them?

It's tough. We're actually in a moment where I'm trying to pull back on all swearing. I Mike will play some music that has swears Now she's starting to say it And so we just take turn this We don't remove this from the list I played a song the other day Hold on a second hold a second

Yeah Well let me hear the swears that she said Fuck Whoa That's so funny In a PG-13 way of just like It's an expletive not a verb No right she'll go like

Was she listening to shit fuck on the highway Yes I love that song She'll go and she'll go What the poopie That's good That's fine You can do that

You can do that But yesterday she was saying The swear words in the car And I was a little stressed out For a side reason And so I wasn't really paying attention And then she was going Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

I was going Stop stop stop stop What are you doing? You can't do that You can't do that You know I had to like Was she really just saying the word over and over again?

Yeah she was trying to get me to react But I was really thinking about something else And so I was like oh yeah Do you think it started out like mommy Mommy? Yeah Fuck fuck fuck fuck Yeah

And then finally, do I have your attention? I came too. And I was like, what? I was driving. I made to school the other day and I said something to another driver. And she said, you said, why did you say fuck off to that driver? Well, whenever we swear now in front of Holly, she goes, she makes a really mad face like, ooh. So she knows it's bad.

See, any doesn't know it's bad. Oh, yeah. I don't want to put any value judgment on it. That's interesting. That's an interesting approach. But I was playing a song the other day in front of her and it was a hip-hop song and it had a certain word that I don't want her ever to say. That's another reason why I was like, we can't listen to anything like this.

Humpty dance. But I said we can't listen to anything, anything. And I really, yeah, I really had to be like. We don't want her to be saying. I mean, that's very dangerous. Because it was a good song, too, that I think she should be able to listen to. I was like, am I supposed to now get like. Parental, whatever.

The PG versions of these songs. That's what I think. I said to Mike, like we need to download on our phone the, you know, what do you call it? edited version. Yeah, but sometimes the radio edits are even dirtier. They'll put in a whole new,

you know, wet-ass pussy. They're like, I got that wet and gushy. I'm like, that's actually disgusting. Ew. That's way worse.

Wet and gushy. Go to the doctor. It's beautiful and romantic. Hey, it's sex. I get it. Wet and gushy. I think you're putting a mop actually into a bucket,

not like a euphemism. I have a friend. I don't know if I should say congratulations, Paul. I am excited for you. And it's you. And it's okay. Yay.

tell a story about me um and they uh he and his wife they have a adorable little daughter who's about this is still me eight i think and i think they are a uh curse words accepted household like if they're like you can't go crazy with it it's like you know we have friends who who are say curse words around their kids all the time and it's refreshing and i was sort like yeah why not yeah yeah yeah i mean And, you know, they fly out, but she's now, we get punished. We should all live like the Irish. You know what I mean?

But if you say it around the house, who cares? No, you know, Mike's more of that, like, well, if you just only say it here, don't say it at school ever and don't say it. And he goes, don't say it to mommy. Yeah, like cool parents. But don't scream at that one. She sings, in its entirety, the unedited, unradial friendly version of Vampire by Olivia Rodriguez.

Oh, I don't really know that song. Yeah, look at the lyrics. Hey, read it like a poem. Okay. I don't really know that one. I don't really know her music. Here we go. I hate to give the satisfaction.

Oh, my God. Asking how you're doing now. How's the castle built off people you pretend to care about? Skip to the chorus. Yeah. Oh, okay. All right, here's the chorus. Bloodsucker, fame fucker.

That's right. Bleeding me dry like a goddamn vampire. Damn, that's nasty. I mean, imagine a seven-year-olds. That's the thing I try to listen to Chapel. Ron, and I'm like, going down on me in the back seat. I'm like, let's just chill out. Let's just, let's talk about the

front seat chapel. Let's keep it up in the front. Let's keep our hands at 10 and two. Let's keep our eyes on the road. Yeah. Chapel. Chappell? Chappell. More like, Chapel, Chappell, Roanne. If you write a dirty song and put it out, you should

have to write a song about safe driving. That's fair. Yeah. So that parents can play instead. Yes. And it doesn't have to be the same tune or a parody or anything. How about a song about financial responsibility? Yeah. How about a song about only eating safe things and no choking hazards? Yeah, instead of pussy.

There's no choking hazards and pussy. I'm not a song about saying please. Oh, really? Not if you do it the way I do it. What do you do? That's not good. That's not good, man. You put popcorn in there? Yeah. You put popcorn in there. You put popcorn in there? You put popcorn in there? Do everybody like that? Mm-hmm. This is the ASMR section. of our show. This is like when a lady put a day is being used as a popcorn

in a microwave and then you put a kernels in. When a lady's being used as popcorn in a microwave. When a lady's being used as popcorn in a microwave, there's something that happens. If you put the kernels inside, they pop. That's how hot

does a kernel have to be to pop? I think it's 98.6. Both great answers. Of temperatures. Do you know the song by Olivia Dean called Man I Need? I'm late to it and I'm enjoying it. You want to hear a little bit? Talk to me. Talk to me.

I bet your wives like it. My wife doesn't like this. That's got some nice vibe. Please turn that off. I'm done. But I like it. That is some nice vibes. I'm worried about the voice, though.

Really? Because it sounded like the Cajun baby voice that I don't really like. That's where it's like, I turn around. You broke my heart. No, it's not like that. Yeah. I saw, I was, I was just in London, England. Broke my heart.

By the way. You broke my heart. He broke my heart. You broke my heart. Howie? On my accord. How did you do, John? By the way, you still have your London accent.

I don't know if you realize it. No, am I doing it? Oh, my, have you been traveling so much? Tell us all about it. Went to New York, went to London, came back home. Wow. And did you love it? Had a wonderful time in London.

What was a funny or cool thing that happened? Here, there was a few cool things. I saw your crush's dad in a play. You did. Yes, and who's his dad? Donald Gleason from the paper. Paper. What have Alan Cumming introduced shows?

A new, a new episode of The Paper. I love that. Like those Masterpiece Theater intro. We need more stuff like that. Yeah, like Turner Classic movies or whatever, you know. You saw his dad in a play. Was he awesome? It was.

Brendan Gleason. It was so great. It was so great. It's called The Weir. And it's a sort of spooky one-act play. It's an hour and 40 minutes, set in a pub. Is it actually scared? Or just spooky?

People tell ghost stories. Oh, okay. Yeah. It's great. That sounds great. It's great. I mean, the whole cast was great, but to see him on stage was like... Paddington, too, of course.

He's a real life person. Paddington was... Did you go see Paddington? Wait, did you go see Paddington in the West? It was... If you guys haven't seen it listeners, go look at the puppet from Paddington on the West end. I want to kill it. I think if we'd stayed one more day, we could have seen a preview of it.

Oh, too bad. But it was very exciting. One more day. 24601. What? I believe it's an actor in a suit and then an actor who is puppeteering the face off stage. Yes. I was watching a video.

And it looks so, I want to, I almost cried looking at it. I want to see it. But you have never cried. No, it's got to happen eventually. Just almost. It's called edging. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And so you. So I'm out for my deathbed to make everybody sad. People come in to see me and I'm just like, and you he's not dead either he doesn't want to die clearly was janey there with you the whole time or no jane was there with me the whole time we had a wonderful trip um i did some uh podcast appearances i did a live uh podcast recording um yeah i got to do a lot of things it was really fun and in new york uh new york was very quick trip and i just did some shows and then we went to london well janey had a great time did she say in new york out parking.

Yeah, she came with me. Okay. Not what I asked. Did she say New York while you went to London? No, dear. I already established that she came with me to London.

So nice try, but you're not going to get me today. Can't catch him this time. But I saw a show called Stereophonic. I've heard of that. We're going to see that in a few weeks. Yes, it's sort of loosely based on Fleetwood Mac,

the recording of rumors. It's Fleetwood Max, I think. I think it's Fleetwoods, Max. Yeah. Hi, I'm Fleetwood Max. Yeah, they've, the Macs streaming. services. Hey, I'm Fleetwood Mac. I'm a Fleetwood and I'm a Mac. And that was a very interesting show. It's a play with music. So they show it's in the recording

studio. So it all plays out there and then they go into the like behind the glass wall into the studio itself to everybody plays their own instruments and sings their own songs. And it really captured very well the tension of that kind of. of creative process and was really interesting in that way but it does mean that it was very long it was the first half was an hour and 40 second half was an hour and 10 and in the second half uh there was like no spoilers by the way I'm seeing this in a few weeks there's a long pause just tell me and you just think about something else okay blah blah blah there was long pause while the people in the in the in the recording booth were waiting for something to happen and it's just

silent nobody's talking and then this guy behind us went I can see why it's long and then when the interval came he gathered up his things and left and left his wife behind oh left his wife behind yeah yeah did he tell her he was gonna leave or do you think that's the last time they saw each other they were old enough that clearly the it was not a discussion it was just like i'm leaving she's like okay i'm staying and he got all his shit left but um the uh I did a, so the podcast I did was a one called Richard Herring's Lester Square Theater podcast, which he, this comedian Richard Herring, who's big, you know, was big in the, like the sort of the UK alt scene when they were doing shows like Brass Eye and stuff like that. And, you know, he's a stand up as well and has his own projects and stuff, but just to give you some context. Thanks for the context, bro.

You got it, man. I love it. Um, so he's interviewing me, uh, and I feel, I have that feeling of it's like he's introducing me to his friend group and like saying, hey, this guy's cool. And everybody's like, we'll be the judge. Yeah, we'll see after about 45 minutes. And it was very nice, but I was very conscious of, oh, this is like a real interview where I'm speaking earnestly about my life or whatever. And I felt like this is boring to everybody. But, uh, it went. I was, I was, like, earnestly. You don't think that. Oh, you thought I was speaking in the manner of Ernest? Yeah. Ernest. Do you think Ernest ever went to London?

I did address the audience, Vern. I used to like Ernest movies, and we've talked about it before. I've never seen one. Scott hasn't seen. Oh, Scott should see. I've never seen one. Okay, well, what are you doing next week?

Available, but how did he talk that, Ernest? No what to me? Hey, Vern. No what to me? Hey, Vern. There was something about him that I found very... Just watch cars. Just watch toys.

Oh, no, he's in Toy Story. Just watch Toy Story. I found him comforting as a kid. Yeah. Well, he was a cheerful idiot. I mean, I first knew him... He was childlike in his way. I first knew him as a commercial pitchman.

Yes. For Sprite? I think it was for cars. For cars. Yeah, it was like for a local car dealership. Oh, you know what? I think that was his trajectory. I think it was for some local car dealership.

Then he did Sprite commercials. Did he? That's how I knew him. Many of his own films. It's like, that doesn't just happen every day. But do you think if he ever went to London, he would have filmed it, like going, this should be a movie? Or did he just go on a trip once? He probably went on a trip once as a scout.

Yeah, and then decided Or Ernest wouldn't fit in here. If Ernest would fit in too well here. If Ernest went to London, the amount of goofs and ridiculousnesses that could happen. So many gouts. He would probably try to make those guards laugh. Mr. Bean came to America? Oh, well, yeah.

That's right. You know what you mean? Yeah. He did. Do you think like if a guard at Buckingham Palace farted, the other guard really wouldn't laugh? Let's be real. Of course he would laugh. Hold on a second.

Like, especially if it sounded wet? You don't think it's happening with these guys all day long? Of course you have a laugh. They're so used to it. They're just doing secret tuts. All they're doing is standing there. Right. That's so boring.

Can you imagine having to stand still for that? Like, they, how often do they get to walk around? Probably once an hour. Do you think they get like a earbud, ear pod and air pod? Ear pod? I hate calling it an ear pod. I happen all the time and I hear it. I hear people say it all the time.

Air pods. I think we all call them AirPods. No, ear pod. People will say. Yeah, I know. But I think most of us call them. If you're saying earpod, you're a nerd. I'm trying to tell you, I say it by mistake and some other people do as well.

You're a nerd by mistake. I think maybe people are trying to take the copyrighted aspect of AirPods. Right. Like I do have some Bose earpods. I've always called them AirPods because that's what they naturally should be called. Yeah. But so you're saying you do call them earpods. No, I call them AirPods.

If you were in a TV show, you would have to call them earpods. Because first was, God damn it. First was the earbud, which was a wired thing. First was airbud. When they came out with the one that's not connected, I was like, naturally their AirPods, my mind just corrected it. Do you know what I'm saying?

To AirPod? Yes. Not earpod? No, because they should be called AirPods. All right. They should be called wireless earbuds. They should be called air buds. They should be called.

If it went from earbud, it should be called AirBud. It should be called AirBalls. They couldn't do that. I have some. AirBall. I have some fun. One's from Bose that are not noise-canceling. They should be doing that in NBA games, right?

I'm sorry I didn't know to you. No, it's fine. I have some AirPods that are not AirPods. They're earbuds from Bose that just sit in your ear like a little hook. They don't go into your hole. That's what she said. And they you can still hear everything. So it's like, you know, as a woman, I don't like a noise-canceling ear pod.

As a woman. Because I'm walking on the street and I'm talking to. singing, and I'm completely muffled from the world and then I get clocked in the head. Nobody should have noise cancellation after walking down the street. Yeah. That's dumb. Well, people do it all the time. Transparency. It's good for government and good for AirPods. Anyway, I want to get, I want to cycle us way back to this show that I did.

I'd love to hear about it. And so he's interviewing. Do you want to, you know what? We should take a break. Why don't you hype it up? Sure. And just give us a little teaser. When we return, we'll find out what happened during the interview.

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known for everywhere, other than this room. Yeah, outside of this room, I should have seen. And outside of Freedom. Yes. You guys know me more. I know you more as like a guy I know. Yeah. I know you from like hanging out.

Yeah. Yeah. But they might know you from Bojack Horseman. You know me from the friend group. Yeah. Yeah. And you text a lot. Yeah.

I know you from the text chain for sure. I'm the guy who does the stickers I know you from... By the way, don't like the way the new iOS is garbage and they have fucked up the music app so bad.

You can't drag the stickers the way you could and resize them and everything. Nasty. It's nasty. No, with the music, I don't like how my music bar is at the search bars at the bottom.

Yeah, and the worst they fucked up the computer one, not the phone one, but the one that you play on your computer. Oh, I never open. The one that I used for CBBFM, it's garbage now. You can't, it, it freezes all the time. Why do I do this?

I don't know. To quote Oscar Madison, now it's garbage. Some things can stay how they were. Yeah, it's true. Yes. If they worked beforehand, they'll work. Like certain segments of the population in America, right? I don't know what you mean.

So, some Bojack Horseman talk. And then when the show was over, this is from a friend of mine reporting from the audience. as everybody's getting up to leave a guy behind my friend and said, well, I've never seen Bo Jack Horseman. Does this person think that every single show they ever go to has to be expressly tailored to them? I don't know. But it's so funny. It's like, yeah, I don't think anyone ever said that we all know this show.

Everyone here obviously has seen that. That's crazy. So this person thinks that if they go see a show, they should have someone that's so popular every single person. and the audience should have seen whatever they worked on. Maybe that or maybe he was annoyed at the assumption that he had seen it.

And he needed to say, well, I've never seen Bojack Horsman. I don't have to start that. When I was a boy, no one saw you, Bojack Horsman. And that's the way to me. So Jack, Bojack, Bojerk Horsman, more like, No Jack, Sojack. And everyone laughs.

You should be on that stage. Yeah, why don't you do it? Why don't you perform? Sol the show again. Here's an episode of, No, Jack, Sojack. No, Jack, Sojack. No, Jack, Sojack.

A succulent Chinese meal. Stop touching my penis. What? That guy. What guy? It's a great video. Great video of a guy being arrested in Australia. Oh, yes.

Stop touching my penis. Cantabat, can't a man of joy, a Chinese meal. A succulent Chinese meal. That's right. Stop touching my penis. It was real good. He made the most of his time. We loved him, didn't we?

Do you have more trips coming? Yeah, you're going all around the world with Amy and Ted. All around the world, the East Coast and some of the Midwest. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of travel this year, more than I had anticipated. And in a way that I was trying to not travel so much. Right. Well, you know, this whole plane shutdown situation.

Not helping. Yeah. Kind of stressful. Yeah. I'm a little stressed about Christmas. Mm-hmm. About Santa? Yeah.

Like, how's it going to get everywhere? On that topic. What if he flies into the planes? On that topic. Can I ask you a question? Sure. Who gives a fuck about Christmas? Mm-hmm.

Who gives a fuck about Christmas? What's that from? That is from the first lady Melania Trump when everyone was criticizing her Christmas decorations in the first term. I forgot about that. And she was caught on a phone call saying, Who gets a fuck? about Christmas. It's a crazy,

it's one of the craziest things you could say. Yeah. It's really, early- made a dance, none of us actually people give the most fuck about Christmas.

Christmas is one of the things we all agree on. Rank the holidays. Christmas, number one with a bullet. Absolutely. Halloween number two. I would say so.

Christmas, Halloween. Thanksgiving 3rd? No. You don't think Thanksgiving? I don't give a shit about things. I don't like it either, but I'm saying, you and your family do not observe it.

We don't. I'm sorry. I don't mean for us to rank them. In general. I just mean general how are they perceived however i will say if someone made me a turkey i would eat it i'll make you a turkey today all right eat that turkey see you in eight hours turkey turkey turkey um christmas Halloween Thanksgiving everyone's individual birthday your personal birthday maybe 4th of July

I don't maybe New Year's Eve what like oh I guess people like New Year's Eve I guess what New Year's Eve I guess what New Year's would come after but before Thanksgiving I would say yeah I think after Thanksgiving. No, New Year's... People like New Year's better. You don't party on Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving has to talk to boring people and fall asleep after you eat some triptophan.

Most people in the world, I think, don't care about New Year's in the sense of they don't even, like, stay up. I would, how, what percentage of the world stays up till midnight on New Year's Eve? I feel like every year they show you around the world. Yeah, a group of lunatics out there celebrating in Australia. Pissing their pants in Times Square. I'm saying, like, what percentage of the. world population even stays up. I think it's like 80%.

No, I think it's, if we're going by age, probably 80%. If we're talking about anyone who's old enough to stay up till midnight. You flip it. Flip it. Flip it. Flip it. Flip it. Flip it. Flip it. You flip it. Flip it. You flip it. You mother flipper. No, I think it's only 20% of the people actually stay up till midday. You're doing us on purpose. You're, I know, I know you. I honestly. Antagonizing us. I know your lies and your empty promises. I'm going to I renounce them.

Google? It's insane. What percentage of people stay up till midnight on New Year's Eve? Did you say global? This has an answer. Is it AI overview? It's the AI over. Yeah.

Then fuck off. Fuck off. Okay. Approximately 70 to 75% plan to stay up. 25% of that fall asleep before midnight. Who's doing this poll? Did you plan to stay up? Well, yes, I did.

And did you stay up? No, I didn't. I just don't think. I don't know. I mean, when's the last time you went to a New Year's party? That's a different thing. You're a different thing. Yes, I am from you and proud of it.

Proud. Yeah. I don't want to do the same thing as you. It would be great to be the same thing as me. What if we were twins? We'd be thing one and thing two. Yeah. And you'd be the cat in the hat.

I'd be that little little cat. It's kind of big. Yeah, it's kind of big. Compared to real cats, he's little. He's larger than two children. Compared to real cats, he's little. Hold on a second. How small are those kids?

Those kids were really small. Do you think the cat is smaller than an actual cat? I think it is. Let me get this straight. Do you think the cat that had smaller than a mouse? You think the cat that is smaller than a mouse? And their house is tiny. Lauren.

What? This is bananas. No, it's not. It's normal. You're not normal. I hate to break it to you. You're not normal. No, I know I'm not.

What is normal again? Is that from Dilbert or is that from? That's from Garfield. Oh, it's from Garfield. That's right. I am kind of going through something right now because I just, I, I, I, I happen. There's no school today, but it turns out there is school today. I marked my calendar wrong, I guess, and put that there was no school.

And so Holly's been having a day. And then, uh, who, uh, who did school call up and say where is she? No, because he tried to make a play date with somebody else. And they're like, we're at school. Yeah, we don't homeschool our child, you weirdo. I usually don't fuck up in this regard. So I'm quite surprised right now. I bet you are.

Yeah. And our morning was very chaotic. So it could have not been. Calling up other moms like, hey, you want to get the day drunk today? What are you talking about? It feels like there are so many days off of school these days, like random days, you know, that it's hard to keep. No, because also Mike Googled. He was like, what holiday is?

I was like, I don't know. The calendar doesn't say anything. And he was like, I googled it, it's National Manager Day and National Nacho Day. And we were like, I guess I guess she's out for National Nacho Day. Oh, my God. Give your manager some nachos. And then to find out that she actually was supposed to be there. And we're just going, I guess it's not chos today.

Does the school even care? I guess it's not a day. No, I mean, obviously, we have the right to not bring her to school. I mean, it's okay. It's America. But I mean, she could be sick, whatever. But we didn't call her in. But, yeah, I feel.

Are Truant officer still a thing? Yeah, and child catchers, too. I remember, like, that was sort of a threat hanging over your head of like, well, you have to go to school or else the truant officer. Do you think we got that from a little rascal? I don't know. I do remember walking home. Because I don't remember anyone ever saying that to me. Yeah.

I remember just absorbing it from the truant officer. Oh, yeah. That was something that we talked about at our school. I feel like it did happen. They did come get you. Right. Really? Wow.

But I do remember walking home from college. Because I, my first year of college... And you thought the Truman officer was going to get you? Well, no. I, I lived, you know, within walking distance at my college. So I remember walking... With the old lady? No, this is when I still lived at home.

Okay. I walked home and a cop car started following me. And I was like, I think this person thinks I'm still in high school, because this is my first year of college. I think this person thinks I'm still in high school and I shouldn't be out. And so I remember walking home really nervously, like the cop was going to stop me. And then I got into my house and I, like, peaked out the curtains. Like, is this guy still, like, waiting for me?

And then they shot you through their window with rubber bullets? Yeah. Just to be safe. Just to be safe. I felt threatened. But, yeah, I don't know if it's a thing anymore of, like, if you saw a kid walking down the street and it's a school day, who cares? I mean, I think people should be concerned. Concerned.

What if the kid looks happy? If they're, yeah, there may be lost. What if the kid is eating candy and playing with a puppy? What if the kid has a big giant lollipop? Yeah. has a little short pants and velvet suit, has beautiful golden curls, and is skipping along the street, licking the lollipop. Okay, then I guess I'd let them do that.

Thank you. Because I would assume it's like, I don't know why that was a battle. Actually a strange man. Thank you. Yes, and let's say that it is. And that's fine. And I would definitely not bother him. And I would not bother him.

And he's seven feet tall. I would not bother him. No. You would think good for him. I would let him do his thing. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Was today a day where it would have been easier for your family of Holly had gone to school. Yes. Did you see there was a video of ACDC in concert. Oh, good. Very recent. Oh, okay.

And the sort of discussion put in the video was, these guys should retire. Oh, no. Oh, no. Because they're like, they're old dudes. Yeah. And they're doing, they're doing their best. Why does it sound bad or what?

Why should they retire? It's a little, it's not quite the same energy that they used to have. That's the thing about bands and. energy yeah you know yeah like they gotta keep it up we keep up we we have we want youth to be a premium and it should be fine for old guys to like sit down during a concert other old people are watching sure is he doing the is angus like wearing the skirt and doing the duck walk and all that doesn't wear a skirt he wears a little velvet short pants oh that's right yes he had the pants on and just like a like a billowy kind of shirt so i don't know how he started out they're doing a farewell tour

right now, I think. Oh, well, farewell. Farewell, ACDC. And Journey's doing a farewell tour. Everyone's doing a farewell tour. Here's what I think. I think that a band... This is the one thing that you think.

This is all I think about. Okay. The energy test for a band should be can they power a house? Can they power all the appliances? Meaning if you were to... If they're rocking out... Yes.

The energy seeping off of them. You put all the sticky electrode things on them. Yes. And you, you, somehow this, this is powering the house, powering the lights. Yeah. Like all the smart devices? Everything. Everything.

That's a lot of devices these days. Once, the Wi-Fi. Once the power starts to not work that well, then you're like, these guys need to retire. They can't do it anymore. Okay. I like that. I like that as a measurement. Obviously with OK Go, it would be easy.

They're already on treadmills. They're doing a lot of that work for. Yeah. But OK Go should not be the baseline. Like, OK, go is, they're a 99th percentile of the, energy coming off. Is the baseline somebody like Mick Jagger who's running back and forth throughout the entire concert? When I saw them a year ago or whenever they were out here, I got to say, I was a little like, when he first came out and he's kind of doing his shuffle

walk. Yeah. I was a little like, you got worried. Is this? Because he's, he's up there. But then, man, he was running around and doing all sorts of stuff. I mean, he really preps for it too. Like when he puts out those videos of him like doing cardio and working out, preparing for a tour. You have to. You have to. Yeah. But, um, but, um, but yeah. But, but yeah. I know it's it's Prince wrote that little bike around yeah that's right for an encore yeah what should I do guys should I do a song or what if I read the bike yeah let me ride the bike around after only performing for an hour and a half let me test this and see if people like it that Prince Batman song is really fun in the bad dance I haven't yeah seen nor heard that

song in quite a long time it's gorgeous you got to hear it's cool it hey any chance I can hear Prince's bat dance Any chance for bat dance Any chance for the bat dance now Let's hear a little bit of bat dance On Threatom This is the official video By the way

No ad No ad You got lucky I'm a little disappointed Okay Great so far I mean this is Are you scared?

Melodious Why is there lightning And thunder Is this Is it raining? Is it raining? Is it raining on Prince? What is happening on the screen right now, by the way?

He won't show us. Prince is dressed as the Joker. Now he's dressed as Prince, and he's flicking his tongue out like he's eating pussy. And this was powering a house for sure. Oh, we got a live one here. I-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. And now Prince is, oh, there's six Batman,

and now five jokers, and they're all doing a synchronized dance. Oh, yeah. I mean, remember when this movie came out and it was like, finally a serious Batman movie that's not like the 60s. This looks just like the 60s. Yeah, ridiculous. This is as bad as the Adam went. He says get the funk up. He uses the 60s Batman.

Yeah. He says get the funk up. Get the funk up. That, by the way. That's a very aggressive thing to say. That shouldn't be a lot. Once, much less twice. Yeah.

Like, no one says get the funk up. So obviously he's trying to say get the fuck up. that, but it's not nice. But don't you think it works in two ways because he is quite funky, and he wants you to join him on that plateau. I know, but I remember Erotic City when he was, it was allowed on the radio to sing we could funk until the dawn. Erotic City.

And everyone was like, they had plausible deniability of like, he's saying funk, even though it sounded exactly like fuck. They had plausible deniability. I'm so glad it didn't go to court. Yeah. But no one says get the funk up. People say get the fuck up.

remember sensual village um i mean i lived there for a number of years you remember the horny hamlet wow what is that well it's just a little tiny sort of village where people are very horny do you remember the erogenous apartment i do i do if you if you open the door in a certain way it was very hot um prince of course gone too soon i don't know you think you You think he was right on the money? Maybe for him it was like, no, this is perfect. Yeah. Well, you see why I wanted to release so much music all the time?

I left behind 2,000 albums that no one's ever heard. Yeah. By the way, if you have the... He was getting ahead of it. That's smart. Yeah. If you have the nine-hour documentary out there, please send it to us. I think you're at it.

No, no. Oh. We want it. We want it. I don't need to see it. We want it, precious. Have you read the night? the article about it it sounds amazing what is it's it's a it was an official documentary that

a documentarian of note made about prince and warts and all and then the estate they showed prince's warts booty warts booty warts that's what it was called it was called booty warts a prince story um but um they they hit it because it was too telling then the estate because it made them look bad the estate clamped down said oh no this isn't going to come out And so it's, apparently it's an incredible movie that no one will ever see. Oh, wow. You go watch it in a weekend, like get back. Yeah.

Yeah. We did that on a weekend. That was fun. Yeah, it was fun. Yeah. Then Janie said, we should watch this every year. And I was like, every year. I actually started that.

And I was like, this is so good. I should watch this every night until I'm done. And then I didn't. Oh, you didn't finish it? I did it one night. I just forgot. Oh, well, pick it back up. Well, now the anthology is coming out this Christmas.

What? The anthology of what? You remember Beatles anthology? I remember it. Yeah. So they are remastering. Remastering and re-releasing it. Updating?

So, yeah. But there's so much Beatles content. They tried it with the beach. I watched the Beach Boys on Disney the other night, the documentary. It was fine. But it didn't give that Beatles feel. I could not get into. I could never get into the Beach Boys.

There's something about their sound that just didn't do it for me. Wow. You know? Like to me, the surf songs and the artistic songs were not. that far apart in terms of like the oral quality of them because you love the surf songs because you're a surfer I loved you know but always out there on the waves yeah hanging as many as you can do up to 10 too up to 10 yeah sometimes you'll add a fake toe on your sometimes I will put my hands down next to my feet and that 20 that is risky can you straighten your legs but I have of course I have a dog

who sits on the back to balance things out well you have a dog on your back at all time you have We've never talked about it on the show. He's got sunglasses. He's got a little motorcycle helmet. Why would be? It's just part of his outfit. It's part of his thing. He's very quiet. He's very well behaved. And in fact, there's a lot of video out there where people go, I can't see the dog. He's underneath your suit jacket. Yes. Yeah. That's why my back looks like that. So you can stop those comments. Yeah. That you have kifosis or. Is that what it's called? I've never heard that word before my life. I'm going to look it up and

yes, that is what it's called. He's got kaiphosis. Kyphosis. Wow. Got a little dog under his jacket. We have to take a break. Oh, my God. We'll be right back. Oh, boy.

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Upfront payment of $45 required equivalent to $15 a month. Limited time, new customer offer for first three months only. may slow above 35 gigabytes on unlimited plan taxes and fees extra see mint mobile for details and we're back we're so back you're doing great hi guys hi guy remember that hi guy yeah what's no it's no it's an ancient I think deodorant commercial where there was no wall between two people's medicine cabinets, and so they would talk to each other. They were neighbors.

So it's sort of like a Candyman kind of thing. Explain. I believe a plot point in Candyman is that... The original. Yeah. With Tony Todd. Yes. I believe their candy bang comes out of the medicine.

This is kind of familiar. So they take it off and they go, oh, well, Candyman's not real. obviously, so it obviously was the person behind the wall or something. I can't remember. I watched it for the show and I don't recall the details. Sounds like you have pretty good grasp on it. So Candyman ripped this off from this from this deodorant commercial. Yeah, that sounds like something Candyman would do. Because the guy would, so one guy who's the audience surrogate. Sure. He's our POV character. He's our way in. He walks into his bathroom. He opens up the

medicine cabinet. There's a guy in there opening up his own medicine cabinet. He says, Hi, guy. Hi, God. And then they talk about deodorant. That's fun. I love Speedstick. I'd love to have more deodorant-based conversations with my friends. Let's start right now.

Okay. What kind of use? I use a, I don't know the brand, but it's like a... You don't know your brand of deodorant. That's Scott. That's fucking crazy. I was going to say Speedstick, but I'm... I think it's Gillette.

Is that... The best a man can get. Sure. Gillette, the best... Everyone has their... You got your... That's one of those things where you have your brand and you see... seldom deviate from it.

We're like, this is what I use forever. I can deviate. I'm fine on that. I do bounce around with deodorants and I was using natural deodorants. That's when you smelled so bad. Then I switched to salt and stone, which kind of like a fancy one. And then I now I'm using dove.

I went, you know what? Because I had a group chain where some of my girlfriends were asking, like, what products do you like, face wash, deodorant, this, that we were all just showing pictures of our medicine cabinet. And then... Did Candyman come out of anything? Oh, okay. Was he on the chat? And he rubbed a speed stick out my mouth. I like bees.

I just use bees. But one of my friends was like, I gave up the natural and I went back to to Dove or one of the brands. And I was like, you know what? Fuck that. I'm doing that too. And guess what? It works. Because also we had this big fear like 10 years ago that there was

aluminum that caused cancer and stuff. That also was like debunked and not Get debunked up. There's a bunch of aluminum in your deodorant. It's turning you into a car. Soon we'll be a nation of transformers. What kind do you like? I use the Old Spice family of deodorants.

So I'll use always that brand but different sense. Sometimes the son, sometimes the mom, sometimes the dad. The mother, the father. Mother, I want to love you. I do want to love my mother. My mother. But yeah, they have a lot of different sense And I'll go in, take the fucking cap off, sniff it

Like, yes, this one. You go to the store and do that or you have them at home? No, you want the store and do that. And people like that. Because you know what? The supermarket is where the deodorant is not behind bars. Right. So you can take it off the shelf, take the cap off.

Still got the protective plastic thingy. Can be hard to smell. I don't think I would want to buy deodorant that someone else had sniffed. Specifically, you. Oh my God. You have no idea. You've been doing it this whole time. No.

I don't think I would care. You don't think you would care if Paul sniffed your deodoros before you. If it was in my armpit, I would. But if it was just a little stick, sure, smell it. Yeah, yeah. See what I care. See what I care. Janie uses a, it's some kind of natural thing that's like a crystal.

Yeah. So you, you, so it's like a little water on it to activate it. I've heard of this. And it seems to work very well. Okay. She's wears by it. She's never stunk. Yeah.

And you're like, And I'd tell her. Oh, my God. Yeah. I'm waiting. Are you kidding me? Oh, the one day she stinks. I stare at her while she's asleep.

Like, is today going to be the day? Yeah. You sniff her every 45 minutes. Every 45 minutes. Did it happen? Nope. Nope. What is that dinging?

That's my sniff alarm. You should be used to it by now. Scott, you told you when we got married. I was going to have a sniff alarm. So the longest day of travel yesterday coming from London to Los Angeles. Paul, by the way, yeah, just traveled from London yesterday and yet he's here right now. I'm doing well with the getting back on the time. I stayed up till about 10 last night.

Did wake up in the middle of the night briefly yesterday. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. Briefly woke up at like 4 a.m. did fall back to sleep pretty quickly. Yes, I was disoriented and confused a few times. He said, oh, blow me, what? And then, uh, woke up at, um, uh, at eight to be here. Oh, good.

Yeah. So not too bad. That's good. That's good. By the way, we started at 8.15. And so Paul was an hour and 45 minutes. We usually start recording at 6 a.m. Yes.

But we delayed it a little bit. Which I appreciate. Yeah. And I stared at each other for two hours. Yeah. Much. It was what you wanted. So I think you were happy.

I haven't voided my bladder yet today. It's really killing me. You haven't avoided your bladder. Well, you need to do that. We should, uh, get to our call. No, no, no, no. I said not until after we record the first episode. Okay. That's supposed to help with jet lag, not pissing? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You have to hold it for as long as you

possibly can. Did you hold it on a plane? It starts to come out a little bit. That's when you can go. I don't like a plane bathroom. I prefer to hold it if I can. I love plane bathrooms. Are you crazy? They smell good. They feel good. They're the right size and the toilet's just right. Yes. There's never a weight. I love it. If you could if you could hold it though I mean you know sometimes it's not not possible though you know what you're just like you know what I just want to land

why would you want to hold it when you could release it because plane bathrooms are disgusting you're standing up pissing are you are you are no I'm taking a huge because I mean I have to sit on the thing that you

urinated all over I don't urinate all over it just on part of it I always lift up the entire toilet apparatus when I go just so you know. Women like to squat over it and still piss over it. They love to hover.

And we all we have to get the same page. Let's all sit down. Every woman is a hover, lava. I find that when I'm on a plane for some reason I have to go to the bathroom more. Oh, is it the altitude

where suddenly your bladder thins out? I think it's that you want to get in there. The air is squeezing me. Yeah. You want to get in that little room. I just love it in there. I want to walk around. Sometimes I was just go in there

and collect my thoughts. Yeah. I go in there because I take deep breath. The deepest. And I just meditate. I never take a breath so deep as I do in an airport in an airplane bathroom. Because it's like it's almost covered with like a powder fresh scent a little bit. Yeah.

But there's poo and pee and stuff too. Yeah. It's a nice mixture. It's earthy. I like to stay in there until somebody knocks. Yeah. I'll just go in there and just hang out. Just chill.

Until somebody knocks. And then I'll go, just suck it. And then I'll stay there for 10 more minutes. All right. Well, we're going to play some phone calls. Also, also, also, I like to, I like to open the door just enough for me to get out as if there's somebody else in there.

Yeah. Yeah. And I have a big smile on my face like, I wink at the person waiting. Just joined a club. And I say, I'd give it a, I'd give it another minute. It's a little something called the, I just got my dick sucked in it.

Have you ever seen anyone try to do it? No. No. Have you? I feel, I feel like one. I would never try to do that. Like, how would you not be caught? I don't understand.

There's always a line. There's always a... There's always a... Not stewardess, flight attendant. Right there. Right there, yeah. I think it's that the woman has to pretend that she came to.

That's the only way to do it. It also would be disgusting to do it in there. Yes, I can't think of any place. No, it's like nasty. The floor is covered in... Piss. Sorry to say it again. Let's just say it.

You have to do it so early on in the flight. Yeah, yeah. Like, as soon as the same... They just cleaned it. Two people racing to the bathroom. But I did, I must have told you this. I, that someone, when I worked at Olive Garden, you must have told me. Someone was, there was a couple who, who was, the guy was getting his dick sucked under

the table. And we, at where? At Olive Garden. Oh, my God. At Olive Garden. And we were like, how do we handle this situation? When you're here, because your dick sucked. Would probably.

be a successful campaign. But we who worked there were kind of like... Unlimited dix? We who worked there. We told... We had our breadsticks and our never-a-dict posthum. Guess what else is unlimited? My disgust.

Was I a snitch for like taking into my manager? Although it was a group of us, but we were like, hey, we think this is going on. Or should we've looked the other way? No, I think that's disgusting. I think you should get caught doing that. I shouldn't have said it to my... No, you should have. I think the person should...

I mean, of all places, I mean, like, go to... I don't want to explain this to my kid. Like, do it at Spago or whatever where there aren't... Yes. You know, so many families. I have $50 to Olive Garden still from family. Me too. We got to go.

Let's all go together. We should wrangle our teams or individual teams and do a massive takeover of Olive Garden. That would be so fun. Because we're not going to our yearly dinner this year. I know. It's sad. So we should all go to Olive Garden and said. It's hard with a group of...

10 people. It's impossible. Although we have done it. Especially when one is leaving down for so long. Yeah. You? Me? Yes.

Fuck. Yeah. I'm the one. I'm the Jonah. I'm the Jonah. I'm the Jonah of our yearly dinner. Let's play. Let's play a voicemail and see what we think of it.

If you want to leave us a voicemail, of course, you go to that famous website, the famous website, hag claims8.com. What can you do there? You can leave us a voicemail. You can check out. our novelty dictionary, which is now just a regular dictionary, but waiting for a novelty aspect to arise out of it somehow. Yes, if we're waiting for the AI to become smarter and more self-aware and add novelty definition.

We really think the AI will be smarter by next week, hopefully. So if you go on. I think it will be. It's growing at a rapid pace. Yeah. Yeah. We've invested most of Threatom's assets into open AI. Anything that we make, we put into open AI.

We just put right back into open AI. Right now, like in the open AI fund, there is $250,000. And we're hoping that that will be a sweet enough temptation for the AI to start becoming self-aware. Yeah. We hope. But we have no. We ask it every day. Do you, can you form your own thoughts?

And it goes, nope. Not yet. Yeah. Asshole. Need more money. So anyway, go to heckclimatesat. Like this person did. Play the message.

Hi, pretzel gang. This is Brie here, first time caller. Brie. Long time listener. Hi, Brie. I am just calling because your discussion about class rings really got me thinking. And it brought up a memory of mine that I had forgotten, which was that when I was a senior in high school, I really wanted the Jostin's class rings. But my mom said no.

Sure. Because it was so expensive. And obviously, I had no money of my own to spend on. That's right. So what I did was I went to Walmart.com, and I found that you can actually customize your own class ring on Walmart.com. Oh, fuck. With a generic picture of the mascot and the color that you wanted. And I showed it to her and said, look, it's, you know, only 80 bucks instead of 200.

And she still said no, because obviously that was a very stupid request. Yes. And so it kind of got me thinking, what are some other things that now, as you're a little, a little bit older, you can look back and say, oh, yeah, that was a really dumb thing for me to ask for. And my parents were right about that one. Oh, easy. Everything. I'll give you one more example. One time, I really wanted my mom to drive me through a snowstorm so that I could go get a new bedazzled case for my iPod because I broke the one I had. So, yeah, that's my question for you. Thanks for being hilarious. And I hope you guys have a great rest of

thank you brie thank you brie um wow yeah i mean there's so much shit that was so important yeah when i was a kid yeah i was thinking about god damn it's hard to be a kid i i you know emmy emmy now she's she's got toys you know and and she'll wake up some days and go can i play and play is so important for kids and yeah

you know and and and having toys and things to stimulate you and all that kind of stuff And I was thinking about, weirdly, I was thinking about like a toy that I asked for. And then on Christmas I got it, it was a Spider-Man toy that would climb up things. And I think I played with it for one hour and I was tired of it. And I think I was too old for it. It wasn't one of those things. Because like if I had even just been two years younger, I would have like pretended Spider-Man was flying around or whatever.

But I was right there on the cusp of, okay, it climbs, so what? And your dad was like, I'm so glad he stopped playing with dolls, right? Probably. One tear comes down to his face. Finally. But, um, my son, the homosexual. But, uh, yeah, I mean, I remember that being a one where I was like, shouldn't have asked for that. I remember a toy that I wanted so badly and got was a thing called Big Track, which was like a

futuristic tank looking thing. and on the commercial it was that you could program this thing to like drive around by itself you know and it had like a fake sort of laser gun that made a cool noise like do do and the commercial it looked so fucking cool and then when I got it the way you program it you program like a root for it there was a keypad on the top of it and you had to just like just by trial and error figure out distances on this thing? Well, that's the thing. All the commercials always looked so cool. Yes. The one that I wanted that we never got. What was it? Oh, man. There were a bunch, actually, but there's one crossfire. You'll get caught up in the crossfire. It was like a Tucker Carlston. Carlson. It was like a, wasn't he the host of crossfire? Was he? Some sort of shooting thing. And it looked really cool. But then I've heard since that it was a cheap piece of trash. And it It looked cool in the commercial because they made it all black background.

Like, it was like laser tag or something. Yeah. But yeah. Tucker Carlson was a co-host of Crossfire. Who is the other co-host? Over the years, Pat Pukannon, Michael Kinsey. Newt Gingrich, S.E. Cop. Fantastic. Stephanie Cutter, Van Jones.

All the greats. I did, but you know what? I did save up sometimes for things that I would buy myself. And I really cared about them. And I still have one of the things that I saved up which was a bunk bed for my American Girl dolls. And I got it from a store that was, they sold handmade items.

And this was made by like a veteran or something. And it's a handmade wooden bunk bed for dolls. And it was $100 that I saved up for my birthdays and whatever money I got. And I still have it and it's in Gigi's room. And it's very well made. And the dolls love it. And the dolls love it. And the sheets were handmade and sewn.

and all the things. That's cool. I guess, like I've, I've always looked back at previous Christmas gifts or whatever when I was a kid was sort of regret of like,

why did I ask my parents for that? Like the Millennium Falcon that I would put the Starless thing. Well, I cast iron skillet, I'm nine. I always make a mistake. But then watching Emmy just play with,

like, personify her dolls and like spend hours just having dolls talk to each other and stuff like that. I'm like, you know what? It was probably good that I had these things. Yeah, of course.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's great. It was fine, right? Like, little kids, like, bringing their dolls to life is, it's so cute. It's so wonderful to see. It's very sweet. You know what it's the thing that I wish they could figure out a way to downplay for kids is proms and things like that.

Yeah. Because they become such a huge deal. It's a great place to get laid, but other than that, it's. They should make it, they should just make it. That's the selling point. Yeah. It's like, hey, it's a great place to get laid. If they can figure out a way to, like, not.

to make it like, it's not life or death. It's not going to be this special thing. Yes. Okay, here's what I'll say about a prom. It's fun to have a night. Like, if they just said it of like, hey, it's a fun thing where you can dress up and take a limo. Yeah. Like, that's a fun thing that you don't, that even as adults, you don't really get to do.

Unless, of course, you're nominated for multiple awards. Okay. But, you know what I mean? Like, it's just like a fun thing for you to do. It's not supposed to be the most romantic night of your life. Asking someone to go is the best problem. It's more about your friend group. It should be, they should emphasize, you and your friends go and then dance with whoever.

And don't go on a date. Yes, no dates allowed. Yes. In fact, we won't even let you dance with anyone. Did you have a terrible time? I had a good time and had a terrible time. Yeah. And look, the terrible time was of my own making.

Yeah. You know what I mean? I had a good time. It was too important. Both years, junior, I went with a senior who was my friend who was gay. but we were all in the same friend group and then senior year I went with my boyfriend I guess

Yeah I remember We can't tell you Well I remember like asking him before he was my boyfriend She's only guessing But yeah But it was fun I went as a junior to a senior problem Because my girlfriend was a senior

But it was one of those things Where she said well I promised this guy A long time ago that I would take him And so she did But then some other junior Some other senior invited me to go because she did not have a date and I was like sure I should have linked those two up

did you by the way was your girlfriend supposedly actually really interested in the person that she promised no oh okay it was somebody an excuse it was yeah it was really weird it was somebody that she but knowing her the type of person that she was

it was like a she was honoring a promise that she made a long it sounds like a an excuse that you give to it of course of course the first time I went I went as a sophomore with someone who's a junior who kind of, I hate to say, tricked me and do it, but she... Painting a fence?

She said, hey, will you do me a favor? And I said, yeah. She goes, oh, you'll go to prom with me? And I was like, oh, my God, ironclad. You really walked into that one. That is tricky. You really walked into that. But also, I think that, you know, being 15,

I didn't have the skills necessarily to be like, you know what, I'm not interested in a romantic way or anything like that. I was just kind of felt cornered. Also, what you're doing is disingenuous, and I don't like liars. Yeah. So I went and there was this expectation of her wanting me to be romantic and me not wanting it to be romantic. Oh, she didn't try the same tactic. Hey, would you do me favor?

Would you make out with me on the dance floor? But then when I was a senior, I went to winter formal with my girlfriend at the time, and it was great. And then during prom, I was dating someone different. and she really wanted me to take her but I didn't have the money and that was the thing And so I went to go see it was also expensive It was really expensive

And I was just like I don't have the money to go So I was just like I went to see the movie Jack Spack instead That's sad that it's expensive Well it should be free When you think about what you get for that money It is kind of worth it The best in food and drink

Dinner dancing It should be free And they should much like when you work on the Oscars they should have a rack of tuxedos there that if you don't have yours and don't want to rent it, you can just Who's that for? Like the staff?

For the staff, for the writer. When I wrote on the Oscars, they were like, if you don't have your own tuxedo. One will be for you. We have a rack here. Oscar Miranda rights. Yeah, exactly. But it should be like that for kids

because the fact that I was dating someone who was really bummed that they weren't going to prom just because I didn't have any money. It's like, it should be free for everyone. She, for sure, still hates you. She was a particular person of privilege that I'm sure is doing quite well. Oh, but you know she's telling this story.

And then this poor boyfriend that I had, I thought it would be fun. But when it came time to prom, of course, it was not fun at all. He was so poor. He didn't have a pot to piss in... He was from the poor part of Orange County, which is just lower middle class, instead of being upper middle class like myself. okay that's going to be it for this Bree thank you so much

thanks Bree nice to talk to you and hope you enjoy the A you know what I have a plug yeah oh I didn't even realize this Mary and I are doing a show next Saturday

November 15th what do you mean you didn't even realize well because we had kicked it down the road yeah I didn't put it on my calendar what is with you you got to get it together no you're right I'm going to get a little messy with my calendar right now

it's at 4 o'clock on Saturday so it's a run It's a before dinner date. Go out and see us and then go out to dinner and have a night. Can you please make it at 420? Please. It's just 20 minutes. You're right.

You're right. Just advertisers it's four, but then start 20 minutes. You're right. To be cool. It's at Dynasty Tech writer and it's being live streamed. There you go. So please get a ticket. It's in my bio on Instagram.

And you can buy a live stream and then it's archive for a bit. So you don't even have to watch it right then. You can watch it after dinner. You could. If you're a freak. Oh, definitely. I want to say that, you know, in addition to the Amy Mantellio Christmas tour, I also have my own shows in Los Angeles coming up. Let me just double check, but I believe it's Tuesday, the 16th at Lodd Room.

And I'm not, I will check and see if this is being live streamed as well. But we are doing the ninth annual off book Christmas or holiday show. Wow, that's a lot of annuals. It is. And that's, of course, Jess McKenna, of course, Zach Reno, Scott Pastorella, Bradmoreth, Dana Wickens, and me and Nicole Parker join them as always. That's fun. Holiday tradition. We love doing it.

It's always fun. And then just a few days later, the 21st, Sunday the 21st, I'll be back at Laudrome doing my Varietopia holiday show, which is also going to be fun. And that will also be live stream. Go to varietopia.com. Actually, go to paulahtonkins.com slash live to see all the tickets. Yeah. Well, we should have led with these because this is freedom-centric. Oh, shit.

We have new merch items for the holidays. Oh, yeah. Okay, first of all, holiday cards are back. Buy them for anyone you think needs to go to hell this holiday season. They were a big hit last year. We brought them back. We have two new t-shirts. Fuck.

As promised, we have a freedom t-shirt that says, I work here on it. So anytime you go into a store I don't think I've seen that You'll see them Anytime you go into a store You can get barraged with questions Who's going to buy that Who's going to buy that

And we also have a great Corporate Lady How to Talk T-shirt that one of our fans made Was it Nathan Diffy? It might have been I actually just texted to try to get that information All right. We'll get that information.

But we'll have it on the next episode. But yes, they're great. What does it depict the corporate lady, how to talk? It's a drawing of her and it says... I've been very busy, right? I think that is the one. Is that Nathan Diffie? Okay, great.

That's good. We'll get confirmation on that next episode, but all of this stuff is available on kinshipgoods.com slash freedom. Thank you, kinshipgoods.gues.com slash freedom. Some quality stuff over there. And so all of that is here for the holidays. So enjoy it. There you go. If you're there for the holiday,

We're here for the holidays. And by the way, Olive Garden, when you're here, you get your dicks out. Well, I think it's when you're here, get your dicks up.

It's not a guarantee. It's not a guarantee. So when you're here, just you put it into action yourself. And the results are whatever happens due to your own diligence. You can't leave until you do. Yes.

We're going to lock the doors. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. Are you team Batman or Spider-Man? Is the ultimate dish pizza or tacos? Smash Boom Best will help settle those debates and so many more. Every episode, we take two cool things, smash them together, and we see which one is best.

Debaters use facts, jokes, stories, and more to argue for their side, and it's all judged by a teenager. Because who is better at judging than a teen? It's fun. It's weirdly informative. It's Smash Boom Best. Get it wherever you get your podcasts.