Threedom - Oh No, You Have Cough Balls

Episode Date: May 7, 2026

Lauren, Paul, and Scott discuss hotel tipping, butt stuff, and soulmates before answering a listener voicemail.  Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/shop

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Than Me with Cindy Lopper on Amazon Music. Cindy may be a girl who just wants to have fun, but for 40 years she has brought playfulness and a dash of punk to some serious activism. We talk about her lifelong LGBTQ plus advocacy, her astonishing music career, and pick up a whole lot of wisdom along the way. Listen now only on Amazon music included with Prime. I did. And then you do it. I did.

I'm going to do it again. I'm doing it, but you don't, you can't hear me. Because I was doing whispers. Oh, that's so fun. It's a way you say things out loud. quiet. Okay, I haven't heard of this, but I think I'm interested. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's from the east. Can you describe your technique?

It's from the east. Yes, it's an eastern technique where you, what you do is you constrict your throat a little bit. Okay, like a boa constrictor? Yes. Imagine a boa constrictor is in your throat. Wrap my hands around my throat. No. Or a rope? Do boa constrictors have hands? Oh, that's a good point. That's right. They do have ropes. They do have tons of ropes. And what you do is, you imagine there's a boa constrictor in your neck. Oh, okay. And he hates. This is.

a real thought exercise. It is. And you're thinking about it. Yeah. And you imagine that the Boca Straiter says, I don't like it in here. I don't like it in here. You're doing it. What? Oh, my God. You're reminding me of the character you did in Mike's series called Misrepresented, which people can watch on YouTube or Vimeo or something. But you're so funny in it. You play an intimacy coordinator. And what do I remind you of? Well, one of my famous roles? Anyway, people got to check that out.

It's great. People do got to check that out. It's very fun. People do got to check that out. It's amazing. Mike and Marcus, it's a very funny series. They're both great in it. I was very happy to be a part of that.

Hey, everyone, welcome to freedom. No. No, you're very, very funny in it. Now what? Now, welcome to freedom, everyone. And now, welcome to freedom. I'm Lauren. I'm Paul.

I'm Scott. Scott, are you watching Last One Laughing? I am here to tell you. I watched season one. Wow. All of it. Good. Did you like it?

I really liked it. It's very enjoyable. Bob Mortimer is great. I didn't realize, you didn't tell me, I don't think, that Richard Ayahuade was on it, and I love him so much. I wanted it to be a surprise for you. Oh, it was such a surprise. I shrieked and giggled with glee. Yeah, I didn't tell you anybody who was on it.

Yeah, you did. You told me a lot of people who were on it. I think Lou Sanders is really fun. I love Lou Sanders. It's great. It's just like what I love about the UK is that they do these shows with comedians just having fun. Yeah. That's what I was saying.

I just think it's just so nice that they're just having fun. And being supportive of each other and laughing at each other. Oh, yeah, Lou is hilarious. I love Lou. I first saw on Toskmaster. No, Lou Sanders. Not Lucy. No, I love Lucy.

Oh, you love Lucy. What, Lucy? She loves me. Lou Cigrots? Lose cigarettes. Lose cigarettes. I love Lucy's. If I ever see a loose one.

I thought it was really interesting that she and Rob are a couple. Oh, Rob who? Beckett. Really? I did not know that. It was said on the show. But now, wait, let me verify that. That might be a, have been a joke for him.

No, but then I thought it was real. I can't see that at all. I don't know these people. It seemed crazy. No, he... I think Robert Beckett is married. Wait, I think you're right. I think there was a joke.

different Lou, Louise Lou Watts. Oh, well, that's really confusing. Her name's Louise Lou? I know. Everything about this story is confusing. He's married to... That's like if you're your name was Scotts. It literally says she is not to be confused with Lou Watts,

who is married to comedian Robbeck. Well, I didn't. There was a comment made on the show about their marriage. And so I ran with that because I didn't know. And I just was like, wow, it's so interesting that they're together. I wonder if they get that a lot for some reason. And if they hear his wife's name is Lou and they just assume it's another comedian. Or because of that comment, they put it on the Wikipedia or something.

Fuck. Whoa. Dude, you can't make off-handed comments. I did really enjoy it. And I, like you guys were talking about, I love the reverence that everyone has for Bob Mortimer. That was very, including Richard Aywate, who I was kind of like, he's not going to break. But he respects Bob Mortimer so much that he ended up breaking because of him. You know, it's great.

I know. And Bob is so charming. And in season two, I mean, I think I liked it even more. Yeah. I can't wait to watch that, but I don't have a lot of time. So I don't know that I'll have watched it by the next episode or the next two episodes or the next three episodes. So. You watched all of ER?

That was in my fallow period. You have a lot of time. You don't have time to watch six episodes. No, I'm saying in the next week or whatever. There's no rush, honey. Nobody's trying. Nobody's pressuring you. There's no rush.

And obviously you won't do it by next week's episode. No. We have about four minutes in between. By the next time we see each other either. So I just want to lay the groundwork for your expectations. It's not that big of a deal. Can't I any play with a doll or something? It's the first thing you asked me.

I don't even care. Anyway, thanks for the hot tip. I just need more Bob Mortimer in my life. Watch his taskmaster season. I have to watch that and I have to watch the Liars one. Would I lie to you? Yeah. Would I lie?

I call it liars. I sent liars. I'm Tommy Grand, host of liars. I sent Lauren and Mike a compilation of Bob Mortimer on what I lied to you because it's really cool. I don't think I watched that.

I don't think you watched it either. Because I think I would have heard something. What did you say? I said it sounded like you're about to say a complimentary something like a fruit basket or something. A complimentary fruit basket. He sent me 100 pairs. I send an edible arrangement.

I send the same edible arrangement to everyone. It's 100 pairs. It's 100 pairs in the shape of a basket of 100 pairs. If someone sent you 100 pairs, how long does it take for pairs to go bad? Two days. Couldn't be soon enough for me. One time I did receive a gift basket of a bunch of pears, which is why I... How many did you eat?

I don't like pears. Oh, I don't either. I like pairs. They're not good. No. They're like mealy to me. The texture is not good. Oh, they're mealy to you.

Well, I don't know if you would say they're not mealy. The skin is weird. The skin is weird. It's almost free. They're one of God's gifts to us. God made a lot of gifts He could have stopped He didn't have to make that much shit

There is a reason that in the Garden of Eden It wasn't a pair that they were not supposed to eat They'd have been like no problem I got a box of like 12 pairs And I was in a hotel doing a movie So it was kind of like What am I supposed to bring these pairs to everyone or something? Yeah you could have

Actually could have people probably would appreciate it I probably should have I just felt weird to me to be like Could have should have It felt weird to me to go here's a hundred pairs What's wrong with it? To one person probably a hundred people on set.

Now these are your problem. No, I should have brought it to set. It didn't even. Instead, you just threw it into the waste paper basket. I let the housekeeping have it. Housekeeping. So you think that whatever you just leave in there

after you leave your room? They eat. Whatever I leave, they eat. I buy a meal for them before I check out. I put McDonald's in there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'll put a birthday cake in there.

Do you guys hide when you tip the Do what? Do what? And this, look, I know these are bougie lines of questioning. These are bougie lines of questioning. When you are at a hotel. Yes. When you're at a four-star hotel. We are fortunate to be able to go to hotels occasionally.

Sometimes, unfortunately. But yes. But when you leave your gratuity for the housekeeping staff, do you hide it? Why would I hide it? But some people say hide it because, like, you know, maybe a bellman's going to come in and go, oh, that's for me. hide it. In the potty? And how do they know to find it?

In the bathtub drain. That way we know if they've cleaned it or put a thousand dollars in the toilet tank. I usually leave a note on the hotel paper that says thank you so much. Yeah. What do you think about the recent development of having a little QR code there for people, so you can tip? Because you don't always have cash on you. I think they should do that because my cash. is usually either maybe I have a 20 and I don't want to leave it 25 or one night.

Maybe I should leave it 20. Oh, I do. You leave a 20 for one night? I leave 100 for one night. You leave a 20 for- You don't like to leave 20. That's interesting. Oh, no.

Well, now I feel so cheap. Well, when I think about what that job is. You're right. No, you're absolutely. I'm actually glad we're having this conversation. But I often don't even like leave a big mess. Like I don't think about my own what I'm leaving behind. It's like everything's kind of organized.

It's not that big of a deal. But they do have to do that to 100 rooms. and most people don't tip is probably the real thing. Exactly. That's the real. You're making up the diff for other people. Yeah. You're right. Wow.

I'm actually really glad to have this moment. And when I don't have, and I always try to leave cash, I usually always have cash. Yeah. For just such an occasion. I do try to always have cash on me as well. That's the thing about a QR code is you don't know then what it's going through. Like who is it passing through? How are they splitting it all up?

Yes. Exactly. That's a good point. But at the same time, shouldn't the housekeeping staff all, should they, pool all the tips and then split it amongst themselves because it is random because most people don't tip. I don't know. We'd love to hear from you on this issue.

But it's also like if you're splitting it and not many people are doing it, then nobody gets anything rather than the people who saw the money get the money. Well, it's always a... I assume they pooled, but I don't know. It's always a question when you work at a restaurant, does this place pool tips or do you get to keep your own tips? Oh, I thought everybody did. Pool, pooled tips.

No, normally... I thought nobody did. In most restaurants I've worked at, you do not pool tips. Wow. And some would say, like for me, because I was a very good waiter, that's good because I'm getting better tips than the assholes I work with. But a lot of restaurants are like, no, we all pool all of our tips and then we do, you know, whatever percentage to the cooks, whatever percentage to the busboy, you know. And then everyone gets an even slice of it. And I don't know.

It's the question of capitalism versus communism. But now in a place where you don't pull tips, does anyone take care of the busboys? Yes, you're required. Required is a strong word, but you're supposed to. It's understood. You're supposed to tip a certain percentage to. Can we go back to something?

Yeah. Sure. You said you leave. Freedom! 20 and night. Yeah. But do you have them clean every day? No, I don't.

Okay. So it's just based on how long you were there. Yes. Okay. I am a do not disturb. Me too. The whole thing. That's part of it.

I don't change my conundrum here. I don't need it. I don't change. Yeah, exactly. If I'm there for even five days. Yeah. No, but so that's it. That's very nice. I'm going to be more generous.

Sweet generis. Sweet generis. Ba, ba, I leave 20s when I go. When you go. When you go? When you go?

Are you guys going to Paul? Are you going to any competitive baseball games? I will go to any last year. You didn't last year. And that was the first year of the pitch clock. Was it because you're like, I'm not going to get my money's worth? Yeah, exactly. Well, this game's only going to last two and a half hours.

You didn't go to any? No, I didn't go to any. Just didn't happen. Why? It feels like it's a big part of your idea. I don't have an answer for you. Well, you were very busy last year. I was very busy right now.

You're going to be busy right now. I'm very busy right. I've been very busy right now. I'm sorry I didn't get you those files. files. I'm sorry, I didn't get you those piles. I'm very busy right now. I'm very busy right now.

Lauren, have you ever heard... Do you think that woman's still alive? You ever heard the K-Man going one, two, three? Sorry, listen to that back. When I was editing the episode, I was like, I'm so stupid. But it was very funny. It's very funny.

Look, we can't remember every single video. I can't remember every video I ever saw. The only thing about it, though, is it was so specific. And I literally said, He doesn't say, no one says one, two, three. And that's the only thing they say. He doesn't say anything else. One, two, three.

One, two, three. I don't like that they talk like that. I don't like it. No wonder they evolved. Yeah, we're like, guys, this sucks. We gotta get past this. Hey, do you think we'll ever see. You're driving me crazy?

Do you think we'll ever see a new evolution? No. You know what I think? I think we should have, I think we get tails back, four legs on the ground. go back in the water We're going to get De-Evaluge. Four legs on the ground.

A de-evolution then. That's what I want. I just mean like, you know, like every once in a while there will be something very odd in a body that'll pop up and you'll read about in one of your medical journals. You're talking about when guys get shit stuck up with their asses.

You get shit stuck up your ass. A Ken doll or light bulb. Hey, this leads me to another question. Not literal. Help me out. My daughter, uh, uh,

uh, tuted recently. This is personal. This is private. What do you going to say about it? I'm just going to say generally. Why are you exploiting your children? I'm going to say generally.

I think I know the basics, but why do farts smell bad? So you only thought of this because a kid near you farted. I think I know the basics. Not the fact that you're probably farting your ass off every day and it stinks like shit. Why are you going to throw under the bus? Here's my question. Because it's a parent. tip, not tip, but it's a question I have. Is that a sign if, because there are toots that don't

smell bad, is it a sign when they smell bad that there is something coming, as Stephen Sondheim once wrote in Westside Story? Well, my friend always called it blowing, blowing dust off a turd is when you are farting. Paul looks so unhappy. Ryan Stanger, I'm going to give him credit for that. Always made me laugh. When you fart and it stinks really bad. blowing us off a turd. I'm sorry. That's what I mean. I'm sorry.

No need to apologize. I'm a lady. He said it. Okay. I'm a lady. I'm not arguing with you. He said it. He said it.

But anyhow. But is, do I need to be on high alert at that point? That she's going to have to go do-do. Yeah, exactly. You know, it might be. By the way, look, I'm just going to be honest. I'm talking about myself. Do I need to be.

I'm just going to say you can extrapolate to your own human body? And also, when my farts, so what Scott's saying is when my farts smell bad, am I about to shit? And he's old enough to know. You should ask your doctor about this. Should I really? Yeah. I think you should.

Yeah, yeah. Your doctor, does your doctor do the in your yearly checkups? I hope you get your yearly checkups. Does he do the rectal exam? No, he does not. Where do you go to get it then? I, just the little guy. This is a little guy that street named Little Richard Shalubi.

Shrewmi? Wait, isn't Richelubi, isn't that the guy that? I think he's Shrewby. Little Richard Sheruby. He does your exam. Yeah, yeah. Oh, right, right. I'm going to have to send you to Little Richard and he'll take care of that.

Yeah. I'm trying to think the last time I had the rectal probe. The prostate exam is what we call it. I call the rectal probe. Well, you're an alien. Because I don't have a prostate. So I'm like, guys, there's nothing up there. I don't know what you're doing.

Well, I have removed out of dynamism. I'm sure they don't do it or something. But anytime mine does it, he always says like, there's got to be a better way to do this someday. He says it? Wow. It's like he sees your ass coming here and he's like, I have to comment on how bad this job is. He's like he does it all day on everything. Well, it's bad for he's doing it in an empathetic way for you too of like, you know.

Do you think he says it to everyone or it's just? Probably. Yeah. He says, I think he has his normal pattern that he says to everybody. That really sucks to have to do that. I know. Because you're a learning figure. It sucks for everybody.

It sucks for everyone. And you're not, it's not like you're sick and we're trying to like resolve something really fast. And this is happening. It's like you're just walking in and now you got a finger in your ass and now you're walking out. But then last year. Not just a finger in your ass, but probing around. Yeah.

Yeah. For sponginess. That's fucking gross. The last last year when I was in there, he didn't do it. And I kind of left going, should I have said something like, hey, you're going to stick your finger up my ass? Well, because you can't. You need to have it. Forgetting something.

That's the only reason I come in here. It's an important test. It is. And I... What have you stood at the door? I'm forgetting something. I started buckling your pants. I think you wanted to look in here.

I was kind of like, have we moved... Did they invent... Sorry. Did they invent the thing that's better? And that's why he's moved on for it or did he forget? Well, nobody's doing anything. You can't tell me there's not a machine. They just size you up.

That can't. detect like a little like laser that goes scans for anything. Why do we have all these drones? Why do we have all this AI fucking bullshit if you can't make a new probe for my ass? Yeah. Anyway, I'm gonna, I think before the tour happens, I'm going to try to go back in. It's something I'm going to be on alert for.

If he does not do it again, I'm going to be like, do it. Like, is it not a yearly thing? I think it's a yearly thing. It did not occur to me. It did not happen to me at my last checkup and it did not occur to me to ask. Yeah, I mean, I want to say it. He still checks my testicles. Yeah.

And does he say to cough? Yeah. Turn your head and cough. So what's the idea? Your balls kind of go like, yeah. Yeah. See if they make a noise.

They go, Hutt. Plang. Pang, pang. But they're supposed to move or something? I have no idea. Yeah, like, what is going on? I dread the day my doctor says, oh, no, you have cough balls.

Let's put these in moth balls. There's no easy way to say this. You have cough balls. All right, we have to take a break. Good. You know, I did a little DIY project recently around the house. Let's do it yourself. Nothing huge, you know, but one of those things where you start thinking,

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And that means you must not know about me. Unfortunately, traditional big wireless characters, characters. Well, these guys are kind of characters. I'm talking about big wireless carriers. They also seem to like keeping my money too. after years of overpaying for wireless. I finally got fed up with that crazy high wireless bill,

bogus fees, and free perks that actually cost more in the long run. And I switched to Mint Mobile. I advise you to do the same. I care about you. Stop overpaying for wireless just because that's how it's always been, a disgusting attitude that thwarts progress. Mint exists purely to fix that. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with premium wireless plans starting at 15 bucks a month.

All plans come with high-speed data in unlimited talk and text delivered in the nation's largest 5G network. FiveGh! Bring your own phone and number, activate with ESIM in minutes, and start saving immediately. No long-term contracts, and that means no hassle. Ditch overpriced wireless and get three months of premium wireless service from Mint Mobile for 15 bucks a month. Look, if I had needed this product, that's what I'd use, but I don't have a phone. I do all my business by Pigeon. If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you.

Shop plans at mintmobile.com slash freedom. That's mintmobile.com slash 3dium. 3Dium? No. Freedom. Why did we call it 3Dium? Mintmobile.com slash freedom. Up front payment of $45 for three-month five-gigabyte plan required equivalent to $15 a month.

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I wanted to bring up something. Oh, no, not this. You're going to do this now? Yeah. Scott, on the pod? What is it? I'm scared. Oh, no.

What is it? I'm scared. curious advertisement that I've been getting constantly. And I don't know why, I don't know why this is, I don't know why this is targeted. What are you doing? I yon, while acting like I care. Looking at her phone, yawning. I'm here and I'm paying attention.

Yeah. You're, you're still holding your phone. I'm holding mine, but. You're almost holding yours. I'm holding mine, but it's because I wanted to show you pictures of it. And the only reason I picked mine up because is you were holding your phone. You're almost holding yours. But I've been getting this ad and I've been getting variations of it.

And I don't know whether it's targeted to me for something that I've clicked on previously, you know, my data. But I wonder if you've seen it. It's the soulmate sketch. What is it? Okay. So what it is is there is a drawn picture, supposedly drawn, of a pretty woman. Right.

Walking down the street. Drawing on my paper. And on it it says soulmate sketch. And then next to it to compare is a photograph of the exact same woman in the exact same pose. And it goes, literally my wife. And then it says, take a test. Oh, like he's going to draw your soulmate? Yeah.

You're supposed to look for your soulmate. Find your soulmate. Put your social security number in here. This is so stupid. But I just wanted to show you guys this because it's like, it's obviously the drawing is just a literally, an app drawing of, it's not even a drawing. It's like perfect. Take test.

But I, but I've cut. People are so stupid, man. They keep doing variations of it. I have not seen that. People are so dumb. But I just really like the phrasing of soul made sketch. Literally my wife. I watched this, um, what was the name of this show?

With Sarah Snook. and it was a it was sort of a black mirror kind of show I watched that which I also like I watched all her fault which led me to this because Netflix suggested it but then she was only in the first episode and it was kind of like a black mirror like each episode as a different cast

anthology. Yes and the episode was where you get a do a test to see who your soulmate is. I've almost watched this a number of times it was pretty interesting. I actually wanted it to be the full series though because I was like I assumed it was I had no idea it was an anthology. It's enough.

it's enough to do that. But she, it was very interesting. Each episode is about that premise, but different cats. It's like, it's kind of hard because you're just watching different stories about the same, different people doing the same problem. They probably use different words in each episode, right? They do mostly. Yeah. Every character says different stuff.

I don't like that. I like a show where it's the same script every time. But the, I mean, obviously the word, different locations. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But what they're saying is exactly the same. So I can eventually, I can be in it with them.

You should go see like Shakespeare productions, actually. Where does he do that? Oh, gosh, a lot of places. Like, have you heard of Hamlet, for instance? Is that a place? Not a hamburger hamlet. No, I'm sorry. Hamnet.

Can I ask you something? Can I ask you something? Yeah, sure. Would you take a test to find? So what happens on the show is, yeah. Sarah Snook is married, but she decides to sit. We take a test to be married.

But she decides to take the test anyway that tells you who your soulmate is in case it's maybe it is her husband. Maybe it's not. Right. Right. And she finds out it's somebody else. And this is something that many people in the world around her are doing. They're taking the test.

They're leaving their spouses. They're going to have their soulmate relationship. I always wonder if your soulmate, like, what if they're in a totally different country and there's never any chance of ever meeting them? Do they mean soulmate? Well, they have to do the test as well. You're meant to be, you will wind up with this person and be soulmates? or is it just like this is your greatest match.

You may never meet them, but this is the person who's most of two-team. My problem with that premise is that... Really think about this. Really think about this because I want... I want this to be perfect. And I want to fight. Can I tell you something?

Yeah. You're undermining me. And it's really affecting my relationship with Lauren. By the way, we're now at 22 minutes or so, and this is our first fight. So, Lauren... When you're done with your phone, let us know what you think.

down what you're talking about so that I can put together a beautiful paragraph I'm so sorry I'm so sorry that will go on to the show description. Lauren by the way writes all the descriptions these beautifully written paragraphs and I have to keep track so I don't have to pay total close attention when I listen back

because I'm looking I'm looking to cut things you're like a little court reporter yeah like the cheese I guess you're looking to do the concept of the soulmate to me I don't buy it. I guess for a sci-fi thing of, like in this universe they're saying, no, it is a real thing.

It's a fun premise to explore in a TV show. But in terms of reality, you don't buy the idea of a soulmate. You think there are a lot of people that you could end up being with. It's just kind of wherever you, whatever you chance upon. Well, it's also because I think it,

one of the beautiful things about us being together is choice. Right. That you choose, it's not unconditional love. It's like you choose the person because of the person that they are. And there's not like, oh, there's nothing I can do. And by the way, there's no perfect person where it's like you're never going to have fights. You know, you're, you know, you're never going to have problems.

It's like all this stuff comes up with anything. Unless one of you is an absolute doormat, which is ideal scenario. Well, you're a beta cuck in a lot of ways, I've always said. No, no, no, my wife works a fan. He calls himself ABC. ABC. I'll talk about the E, F, D. A beta cuck.

I really think the phrase cuts. the cheese is disgusting. And when you said it, I just have to say, I never thought about what it meant. Meaning like this. Why are we reaching back? We've got to go back. Out of nowhere. Because I said it.

It wasn't out of nowhere. I was holding on to it. I'll move on, Paul. It wasn't out of nowhere I was holding on to it. Paul, if you could, if you could. It's a great thing you say to fight. How much would you pay? to never fart again.

Unless you can never talk about farting again. Now we're talking. No, but I mean, there's got to be an amount. Everyone has their price. But what's the consequence? No consequence. Just you're out that money. $1,000.

Today, now. I can no longer sanction your bufferingry. Who is that again? Tommy Lee Jones. Yes. Who is in the rights? We will never know. Oh, I know who's in the right.

That's so funny. Okay, well, let's move on from that topic. Thank you. Let's move on. I would do the test and I'm doing it now. No, I wouldn't do that. Anywho. I watched the show,

I'm almost finished with the first season, a show called Am I Being Unreasonable, which is an English show. It's on Hulu. There's a lot of titles like this. If I had legs, I'd kick you. am I being unreasonable? There's one that's called like

Something Bad is going to happen. There's like sentences that are... Something very bad is about to happen. I watched a couple episodes of that show. It's really, it's very funny because it's a, it's like a sort of horror show. And in the first episode, it's about this couple that's about to get married

and she's going to meet his family for the first time. So is this? like a meet the fuckers situation except imagine if that was scary oh honestly it was kind of pretty scary she goes to this she goes to this she's taken to this remote

you know amazing house in the middle of nowhere it's snowing and everything and this fucking family they do and he immediately has to leave for some reason she's alone with them they immediately do

every single one of them does like some fucking creepy thing oh so like right out of the gate where it's like where do we go from here? Yeah. And does it go somewhere? Then the next episode like... It was a show. I thought it was a movie. It's a show, yeah. The next episode they

justify their weird behavior. Justified. But it's there's no justifying any of this. Okay. You know, no, no. You misunderstood. When you thought we were going to kill you ritual sacrifice. It was because of this. We were going to kill you not in a ritual sacrifice.

And then she's like apologizing to the fiance. I'm so sorry, I overreacted. I don't know. I am going to see the drama tonight, which I've heard is really good. I would like to see that. I've heard blowback from it. But I'm avoiding. Don't say.

Shouldn't people know what the premise is. I don't know what the premise is. I've avoided reading things because there's some spoiler that's happening that I vaguely caught wind. I have to. I know nothing about it, but I would like to see it. Yeah. What about the snowman? You ever see that?

The one where the Mr. Policeman was giving all the clues? No, no spoilers. No, but I would like to see that. The Snowman? Janie and I were talking about doing a watchalong of that. Oh, yeah. How about the Snowman, that old cartoon? We used to watch it every year when I was a little.

Frosty the? No. Oh, I forgot. There's another Snowman one. Oh, yeah. There's just, but I want to hear the song, Paul. There's no words to the whole cartoon. Sing it.

And I think he goes, I'm walking in the woods. Sounds like words to me. Well, that part has words, I think. Well, the witch is it? There's no words, there's no dialogue between the characters. The song, there's the only instrumental music playing. Are they all snow people? There's one snowman who comes to life and this little boy has a beautiful adventure with him.

And then you see more, that sounds familiar. You see more snow people. That sounds familiar. And wait, is he wearing a... Sounds like fucking Frosty the Snowman to me. Well, he's not annoying as shit because he doesn't sing. How about that? He just dancing.

You think Frosty is annoying because of the singing? And guess what? He has an orange for a nose, not a fucking carrot. Get the fucking out of it. And he wears his mommy's hats. It's floppy. Oh, this sucks. I loved it growing up.

It actually makes me feel a little bit of a little bit of a little. Let me tell you something. He should fuck off. Frosty didn't say it. How about they sang about him? How about Jack Frost, bitch. Yeah, you were in that, bitch. You were?

He was. You don't know I was in that? I'm sure I did. I know everything. I just forget. I believe we've talked about everything about it. I think we have. There's not much to say.

I think we talked in depth. about it. As in depth as we could. So you like a, you like a movie about a snowman that comes to life. I like a movie about a snowman for life.

So am I being unreasonable? It's a really wild show and I highly recommend it. Okay, I'll check it out. I have a lot of time, Paul. I don't think I'm going to be able to watch it by the next episode. Believe me.

I'm not talking to you. And you don't watch the pit. But you watch ER? I watched the first season and then I wrapped about it. What's happening? Why aren't you watching the second season? Because I want to watch it all at once and wrap about it.

rap about it. Okay. It's fantastic. I'm loving it. Great. So it's every week I go, oh my God. You'll like my rock better. As a compliment. I can't wait to hear it. I mean this complimentary. It's so watchable. It's so watchable. That's what you want in a television show is the ability to watch it. It's interesting because I think about this show because I was talking to a friend who doesn't watch it and she was surprised that I watched it. I was like, I love it. She's like, is it gory? I'm like, there are times where I'm like, Oh, 100%. And there's like stuff that's really sad. But like it's just it's honestly just interesting.

To see like organs in people's hands. I also appreciate that they do telegraph when the gory moments are going to happen. They're like, uh-oh. You can sort of look to the side. Because it's a teaching hospital, there's usually a little bit of warning with things that are about to happen. Yes. So you know like, okay, now I can look away. Sometimes I'll cut into someone's

dome and I'm like, Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. Has that ever happened to you? Anyone cut into your dome? It hasn't happened to me. Has it happened to you? No, the the closest was, you know, the story I told very early on in our episodes about closing my eyes when I rode the bike and getting all the stitches. I've had head wounds, absolutely. Yes.

But no one's ever cut into the dough. I've had multiple concussions. And that explains everything you need to do. I think. Why have you had multiple concussions? Well, we for sure talked about this. Oh, yeah. But I had, let me think, because there were, I think there's two to three that occurred.

But there was the, what happened was, I was running by my aunt's pool when I was a child and I slipped and fell and hit my head on the cement. And then I went inside her house and threw up over the Oriental rug. So they knew that I had a concussion. And she was a nurse. And we went to the hospital. And I got TCBY after, which was delicious. But the, at the doctor, they did my cat scan, they said there was another bruise on my head. And my mom was like, I don't know what you're talking about.

And then as an adult, we talked about this. And I was like, oh, it's because of when I fell at Disneyland or Disney World. I went to see the movie Ladybugs with my dad and brother while my mom, grandma, and Antwin did something else. And I went to the bathroom alone. Did your dad have a nice sense? I went to the women's bathroom by myself. And I shouldn't have done that.

I was only five. I should have had a parent take me somewhere. Was your dad asleep during the movie? No, I think he was in the waiting in the lobby. I love when dad's fall asleep at the movie. And then I fell and I woke up. in bed next to my grandma. And I never went to the hospital.

And that was for sure what happened. And then you were jumping on the bed one time. And I jumped on the bed and I, before all that, I jumped on the bed and fell in hit my head in the radiator. And my dad, I think my dad just squished my head together with a towel and I went to sleep. I really think that's what happened. I remember him pressing my head with a towel. And then I went to sleep.

That ought to do it. It was a different time. We didn't have Google. Didn't know what to do in these situations. It's all fun. What if you Googled and that was what they were going to? Hey, just squish their head together. I know.

It's so crazy. But, you know, someone else who I won't name because I don't know if they want this story to be up there has said. A very accomplished writer that we know said that she got a concussion as a child and then she became funny. J.K. Rowling? Hey, I have a question about based on. Yeah. Based on something that you said. Yeah.

Okay, you're talking about little girls going to the restroom. Yeah. Okay. Now, I saw something on Instagram recently, and I would love for our piss pigs to weigh in. I saw something about how men who take their daughters to the restroom should go into the ladies' room. I do agree with this, actually. And that they should knock on the door, like, announce that they're... Announce that they're...

Who they are, that I'm a father. I have a daughter. can I come in and that sometimes the lady's in there will assist and say like, oh, yes, great, we'll help out or whatever. And that is better than taking your daughter to a men's room where they may see something. Yeah, well, because men are standing there with their penises out. Yeah. Which is weird. All of them.

All of their penises. It's also just more of an intimidating room to be walking into. Yeah. I feel like that's why my dad sent me into the women's room by myself as a child. Right. And I slipped and hit my head. So I don't want to do that. Yeah.

But, but, you know, and quite honestly, a lot of times I'm just going into single stall places. Yeah. It's not a problem. But, but I, I'm, we're at that age now where I'm like, I don't know which choice I should be making because it seems like a lot of work to be like, not. I know. I know. It's, that's kind of awkward. And I don't see a lot of people doing that.

Like, I can't imagine a lot of people doing that. But I do think it's a nice option and good to, like, spread the word that you. you could do that. It wouldn't bother me. I mean, like, we're, I don't, I don't think anyone would be like freaking out if there was a dad and a daughter in the bathroom. Let's, let's get rid of our relationship, save that we don't know each other. And you hear me knocking on the door. Can I also not know you? Okay. Sure. And I knock on the door and I'm like, hello, I have a daughter, I have a three-year-old's daughter, and we'd like to come in. And I'm blasting diarrhea. This is what I'm getting at. This is what I'm getting at. This is what I'm getting at.

No, what do you think of that situation? I think it's okay. I think that it's awkward. I think... Excuse me, ma'am. I saw this guy wandering here. Do you need help? Do you know what I would say maybe before that?

I don't know him. He's some stranger. He said he had a daughter. I don't see him. I might suggest you peek into the men's room and if there's nobody at a urinal. That's usually what happens. Although, I'm trying to think of the, oh, at Dizzyland once. We just went over the mess.

and it was just like it is what it is. But I don't know. That's what you said to her. As they're getting older though, they're more aware of this stuff. I feel like there's nuance to this question, but then when I was seeing the responses to it on Instagram,

they were all like, yes, do that? They were all like 100% do this. There is no nuance. Go to the ones. I agree with that too because. Was this women saying this? Yes. I think the reason why is because women are primarily and girls.

They're unsafe in many environments. and it's much safer just go, you're going to be in here, where a woman might not necessarily love that you're in there, but I think we'd all agree. I'd rather the girl go to the toilet in here than go. All you have to do is throw a wig on and go wherever you want. All right, Paul. You've been saying this for you.

Oh, my God. I'm so concerned about the safety of women and girls. And it's always the creep saying this stuff. Well, that's the thing is I do need to. I love when they get revealed to be exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They think it's foolproof. To say, I care about women and girls.

Like, oh, okay. God damn. Oh, and then you're a molester? How weird. I thought this guy was hateful. I guess I'm wrong. But I do need to Bob Seeger style accompany her. And so I'll be in the stall.

You know what I mean? Right. But then you're in the stall. You're not looking at anyone or doing anything weird. You're just in there. You're not doing like a kill row over the song. Killroy. Writing Kilroy was here on the stall.

How did that start? Kilroy? I feel like it's a World War II thing. I thought it was from Kurt Vonnegut, but I'm like it is not, is it? I think he was writing about World War II. I mean, Sticks co-opted it for their... My name is Kilroy! Kilroy!

Kilroy! Killroy! Mortifying. It's originated during World War II from James J. Kilroy, a shipyard inspector in Quincy, Massachusetts, who marked inspected rivets with the phrase to prevent workers from erasing his marks to skip work. Huh? Sailor saw this on ships and...

spread it globally as a super GI morale boosting graffiti symbol. They could say this hasn't been inspected so I can't do this. He'd be like, nope, Kilroy was here. Kilroy was here. Okay, cool. This is cool. I love her. But then did he do the little drawing too?

Yes. He's, he's wasting most of his workday on writing and drawing this shit, though. He is for safety. He had a big nose. I think he had a huge nose and a spherical head, a conical head. I love this guy, though. Is he still with us? I hope he is. He must still be alive.

You know why I was thinking is. You have one thing before we take a break? Yeah. What is it, Lauren? Hit us, hit us, hit us, hit us. Well, no, I'm confused. But it does. Now you're confused? Forget it. I'm not going to get into it.

Now you're confused? I'm trying to understand the connection with sticks. Fonigot. Oh, there is a connection? There is. Okay. Well, let's hear about it on that. the other side of this break.

If I can understand it. I haven't read any Vonnegut in a long time. What? No. Oh no. Was I captured on a hot mic? We heard you say that you haven't read any Vonnegut in a long time. Oh no.

Please cut that out. I won't cut that. I'm going to humiliate. The one thing we're keeping in. No. This episode is going to be three seconds long. It's going to be you saying. I love Vonnegut.

I love the Ice Nine book. That's my favorite. I loved Breakfast of Champions. I read all Vonnegut. I did too. I loved them all. Yeah. I haven't read it in a long time. I have a girlfriend.

You got me some nice first edition, Vonnegut. Wow, that's a nice gift. Really? And where did you get her? I broke up with her. Wow, you're a terrible person. Not because of that. I gave her a round of applause.

That's what I call the clip. I still say the clap. I heard someone say the clap. I think it was on that show. I think it was on last one laughing or whatever it's called. The clap. That sounds right. I think they said the clap on.

And I was like, I had the same thing. I was like, who says the clap these is? The clap. But you, Lauren, you found out about the connection between. There is none as far as I can tell. It's just that the name Kilgore Trout is probably what I was mixed up with. And that he writes about the war. But I feel like he did draw in one of his books.

I feel like that too. Well, they drew. But Google is telling me. Well, the asshole was, I remember being delighted by that. Of course. It was delightful. Just delightful. Did?

Sometimes like my. Dead. My typos are so egregious that like it actually doesn't know what I'm saying. Have you noticed that typos are getting worse, right? They're all making more typos than we were at before? The auto correct is correcting insane things now where it's like how would I, why would I ever mean, you know, like, Ando instead of and, you know what I mean? You know what I hate? Because you love Andor?

Yeah. I just Googled, did Vonnegut draw Kilroy? And it says, and this is the AI bullshit. No, Kurt Vonnegut did not draw the original kill where I was here. Fidi, although he was a soldier in Europe during World War II when the meme was at its peak. It's not a meme. I mean, I guess it's a fucking idiot. I guess it's a mimiograph.

It's the earliest meme. I had a, okay, I was trying to find a video. Come on, man. Give me some grace. God, damn. I'm going to quote one more thing. One more terrible thing I saw in a summary that was clearly written by Chad GBT about something else. It was just like a description of something that happened.

It is worth putting the achievement in. context because context makes it more interesting. Fuck off. Not less. Ugh. We have to read stuff. We have to read stuff like that now. Okay.

I, so I, years ago, I made this video on Instagram where it was just, it was me recording my TV. A moment from Jurassic Park, the Lost World, the third one. Okay. Sam Neil, Samuel has this nightmare on a plane that a raptor is on the plane with him.

Oh, right. He wakes up and looks over and sees his raptor. And the raptor opens his mouth. And this, I think I did this just. So I don't know why this occurred to me. But so when the raptor opens his mouth, I muted the TV and just went, I love you. And Janie loved it.

And so she brought it up the other day. And I tried to find it. It was so long ago. I couldn't like just scroll back in my feet. So then I looked in our texts because I thought, well, I definitely sent it to her again. Because she'd asked me before, hey, I want to see that video again. And she's, and so in the text, I found me saying, I just Googled my name and Jurassic Park. Yeah.

But then the video didn't come up in, like just kept spinning and spinning and spinning. Okay. So I couldn't get the video from the text. So then I went online. I was like, I'll try it again. I've got Google. I googled my name at Jurassic Park. Scott, I'm hanging by a thread today.

Yeah. You are really... It's not because of me, I understand. It's because of your own mental instability. You're killing me. Mental instability. Okay. And then what happened?

Paul F. Tompkins has not appeared in the Jurassic Park film franchise, but he frequently references it in his comedy, notably discussing Deep Blue Ciaz, another good one, shark movie in the context of monster films. He also famously joked that Jurassic Park designers were too preoccupied with whether they could to think if they should. I hate this. So they ran your specials through? Everything is run through everything.

I never talked about Jurassic Park in any of my specials. But you had to have on a podcast. I also did not invent the idea of the. Yeah. I feel like it's a reference you have made in like they've been too busy thinking about whether they should or whether. Not in my specials, no. Not your specific. Maybe on a podcast.

That's crazy. So that says to me that they're putting podcasts through this. Key connections and mentions. Oh, monologues slash jokes. Tompkins is known to use Jurassic Park examples in his podcasting, such as questioning the quality of dinosaur-based movies and referencing the Godzilla problem of showing monsters.

What? I have no idea. Godzilla problem is in quotes. That's a technical thing that you have a problem with. Comedy bang bang. A Blanky's Reddit post mentioned Paul F. Tompkins performing a character inspired by or referencing the Jurassic Park cast. This is very disturbing and it's also taking away the fun of Googling. Lauren Lapkis podcast.

Oh, no. While not a guest on that specific episode, he has a frequent collaborator with Lapkis who discussed Jurassic World on Earwold. How about because I'm in it, you fucking dumb ass? I could not believe. I could not believe that the connection is. I talked about it on earwolf. Jesus Christ. Just throw it into the sea.

Stop. It needs the water. Man, hearing about all the people in towns banding together to try to get data centers out because they raise the temperature 10 degrees in town. It literally ruins everything about the area. Here's what I would like to say to the people who, I will always say this. I say this as much as I can. People that think AI is inevitable. Yeah.

It's not. We have the power. No one is using it. Yes. Yes. That's all. The people that are telling you that are people that want you to use it. I do think people are very prevalently using chat GPT and these clod and these things.

And I've seen friends very casually start doing it. Yeah. And I go, You don't need to. I also watch how sycophantic the chat is to them. And it's disturbing. Yeah. Yes.

Great. That's a great idea. Let me help you out with some suggestions. You're so smart. That's just like you to ask a question like that. It's like, okay. I can't tell you how many people wouldn't prepare for this moment the way that you are. The way that it writes makes me so irate that I can't even stand to read it.

And the idea that someone would be interacting with that all day long and that's the type of voice that's talking to them. The commercials where people are talking to their Alexa are so strange. Oh, my God. Like having conversations all day with them. It's like, shut the fuck. The only thing I miss about Alexa, because we, We had it briefly and then we were like, uh,

stop was, um, turning the lights on and off because we have smart lights. Yeah. And I did like that. Yeah. We, we have it.

We got a, we got a free one. So did we. And so we have it and the only, literally the only thing we ever use it for is timer for our, no, I had, same,

but I got rid of it years ago. I only, I just, I have a crank timer on my fridge that dings and I use my microwave timer. I use my phone timer. But we have a, we use it for timer. And then,

Alexa, play K-pop demon hunters. Yeah, but you know what it's doing? Listening to everything you say. Take it. I don't give a shit. I don't say anything interesting. You don't? Why do you have so many podcasts?

You tell me. Well, guys, I wanted to just briefly bring up our website. Highclaimsate.com? Yeah, and I wanted to say, first of all, I've been, I've been paying. for this website now for years and years and years and years. And, you know, it's roughly $100,000 a month to keep going with all the features. You're not going to ask us to pitch in again, are you? I really, I would love it if you would just like tip me or three.

Scott, when we. I'll tip you five. When we. Lauren. Lauren, you've learned nothing over this episode. When we came up with the idea for hackclam date.com. Yeah. I know I said I'd foot the bill and would never go back on that.

Yeah. And we said, great. I had no idea it would be so much money and it would be... We paid for the retreat that we went on to come up with hag claimtate.com. That's a good point. Yeah. It took days and days to run it through that machine. We went into a rugged sweat lodge. Phone numbers into words. Yes. And now look, it's the most beautiful thing that's ever happened to people. I know, but it's so much money. It's, you know, $1.2 million a year. And it's just really become a drain on my finances. and I would love it if we could either shut the website down and stop taking phone calls. Are you fuck, Scott, do you think the Salvation Army ever says, oh, my God, it costs us so much money to buy these bells? To feed and clothe and inculcate people into Christianity.

We should stop doing it. I bet it comes up. Really? And then that person is they are dishonorably discharged from the army. What are we going to do right now? Like is my question. because people are... Well, hopefully you're going to

give me some monies on this website because we're not going to do that. We're not going to do that. If I were you, I would do a Kickstarter, a GoFundMe, a Seed and Spark. People won't mind that if I start a Kickstarter for the... I can't imagine they would. No.

Yeah. Look at the results for Zach Raff. People don't care. People... That movie is beloved, whatever it's called. He did a Kickstarter? He did a Kickstarter for his sequel to Garden State. Oh, was it the sequel or the original...

I guess it was a sequel. That's right. I believe it's a sequel. Did they do a sequel to it? I think so. Wow. Crazy. I think so.

Life is weird. Well, look, uh, life is weird. We'll discuss shutting down the website later. He did. In 2013, he used Kickstarter to raise over $3.1 million for his any film, wish I was here. Oh, I don't know that that's a sequel as successfully funded the film which premiered in 2014. As, as much as a another movie.

A spiritual sequel? Not even that, but a movie made by the, the same guy using the same kind of musicians. And two, three people did yell in a hole. Okay, so we'll talk about getting rid of the voicemails and all that, but we do have a voicemail that people have sense to our soon to be, hopefully, if I get my way, defunct website hadclaims8.com. And people leave us messages there and sometimes we listen to them and we respond to them.

So do you want to do that right now? I do. By the way, I wish I was here. Not only did he use crowdfunding to make it, but he also plays a struggling actor in it. Very cool. All right, here we go. This is a VM, as we say in the voicemail biz.

It goes down in the VMs. Here we go. Hi, Lauren. Hi, Paul. Hi, Scott. My name is Colin. I hail from Columbus, Ohio. Hi, I'm calling today to ask you all about your experiences

with left-handedness. I don't think that any of you all are left-handed. Otherwise, I would have clocked it by now, and I'm sure you would have mentioned it at some point, as left-handed people are wont to do. But do you guys know anyone who's left-handed? There's there anybody in your family that's left-handed? Do you hate anyone who's left-handed?

I guess just wanting to hear you guys discuss left-handedness. As a left-handed person myself, I think it's fun to get to see, characters on TV who are left-handed. So if you're ever portraying a character or writing a character, make them left-handed. It's fun. Oh, I see what this is.

Watch on the right wrist. The agenda. The agenda. And that's all it takes. You don't even need to talk about it. Okay, okay. Make them look left-handed. It's fun.

All right. Well, many oinks to you all and to all a good oink. Thank you. All right, Colin, well, you tricked us and I'm not happy about that. But yes, we will put you in our next movie. Oh, you know what I just was watching?

As a man writing a grocery list. I was just watching Love Story about JFK Jr. And JFK Jr. in the show is left-handed. Now, I wanted to know is he really left-handed. I actually went to Google that. Great question. Was the actor going to above and beyond, or was the actor left-handed? Or did they cast a left-handed actor in order to...

Yeah, they had to find someone who looks like him and was left-handed. He was left-handed. These are great questions. So then I wonder if he was writing, taught himself how to write left-hand. handed and was it legible or did they have to CGI all the things he wrote? Yeah, I don't know. There was a lot of close-ups of him writing things.

How did you notice he was left-handed? What was he doing? Because they zoomed on him writing something. Zoomed. They zoomed. I'm trying to think if I would even notice that. They were, it was just his hand writing something. So you really would notice.

I mean, it was just a left hand. It was a close-up or a zoom in. You wouldn't notice that? You said they zoomed in. Was it a close-up or a zoom in? It was, I don't know what steps occurred. Smash cut. occurred.

Because if they just cut to a low face, shot, wipe? I don't know if... Star wipe? I don't know if we saw the actor right or not. I don't know if we saw the actor

with his hand attached to his body holding a pen. He picked up the pen, like pretended to write and then they cut to a close. He did like the left hand person. Yeah, yeah. Here we go.

Delicious pen. Yeah. One taste for me. And now for the paper. Okay, so my mother is left-handed. Are you fucking kidding me? And you've never told us this? And I never told you.

And I must admit, did you feel you couldn't tell us this? I was ashamed. No, Scott, it's normal. I would never judge her. I must admit that I don't think I clocked it as a child for a number of years until way too late. When I think she happened to mention she was left hand and I was like, you are? And I had never really realized it before. And mainly because she doesn't make a huge deal about it. You know, like, oh, look at me holding this pot with my left hand.

Mm-hmm. Well, you know, in school it was always, I mean, that would be demented. In school, it was always a thing with left-handers because when you'd write the ink would be smearing onto your hand. So they'd have those, they'd write their notebook. They'd flip it. They'd write on the backside. Yes. With the spiral on the right. And also when we were kids, I wonder, Paul, was it still a thing to try to correct people? I wonder about myself with that because I hold my pen like a left-hander in my right hand. Yes, as did I and I was constantly told to do it correctly. That means I was often correct to example my pen weird.

If I'm going to write something, I write it like this. And what's it supposed to be? It's supposed to be like this. Okay. So because I used to. Sometimes I try to do it like a right-hander and it's a little challenging. Because I used to make my own comic books and letter them like this and everyone thinks I'm a freak. Yeah, that's weird.

When I was little... That's neither fish nor flesh. This woman was like a substitute who was really giving it to me and going like, you need to think that. So I... It is easier to write really tiny letters like this for me. And that's why I think I used to... I grew up writing like this. Everyone tried to correct me to do this.

And I, in time, corrected myself. But I still, anytime I have to write anything. really tiny. Right. I do it like this, but, but I've, I've moved on,

but, but, um, I wonder if I was, no, but I mean, I wouldn't just be writing. It would be other things.

You can't through just handwriting, make somebody right handed. Should I teach myself how to hold a pen right? Yeah, you should. Yeah,

why not? Because that looks gross. Shut up. What if we all do it? Do we all hold our pen the wrong way? No, I do it, I do it correctly now when I'm right,

you know, when I'm writing whatever, I do it like this. So it's supposed to be, it's put put the tip of the pen in between your index or else you get the hose in the tip in between your index and middle finger yeah and then your thumb is well your thumb is really no that's fine I would maybe put your thumb up a little bit more up on the shaft I'm gonna watch a YouTube I'm writing I'm writing I'm writing I'm writing YouTube how to write um oh we also also we're talking about we wonder if cursive will be a thing

big discussion lately yeah my handwriting's looking really nice actually with me holding it this way great you just you're right see it's as easy as that we've done it you know this is funny because by jove she's got you know like as an adult not hard at all to hold it differently as a kid I was like oh yeah oh yeah and so I just never did yeah but then like Mike and I were laughing about this the other day because he has taken some guitar lessons recently and he hadn't played in a very long time and there was like a thing that he just was that he could never do when he was in high school. And then like someone showed him now and he was like, that's not hard. But in his mind, he could never ever do that thing. You know, like play it a certain way or do something like that. And he was like, now that's not

hard for me. It's not a big deal. And I did it in like five minutes. But like you kind of tell yourself something from when you were a kid like, well, that's hard or like I'm not good at that. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. And then it's not true. I sometimes it is still true though. Well, I mean, you can still, but you can still learn and you can still overcome and persevere. more than you could as a child. The biggest thing for me is driving. Like I really was. It was such a huge thing that I was like, how could you, how could I, especially the older

I got. I was like, how am I ever going to do it? Yeah. Man, now you look back out and go like, how did 15 year olds, why do we trust them to be out there driving on the road? 100%. Yes, that's really not good. But back to the back, the left hand.

Back to the back in time. One of the things back to the back to the future. Yes. For once. Thank you. Doc Brown. Back to the left-handed discussion. So, Emmy, I mean, occasionally I'll try to figure out is she left-hand, you know, especially when she was a little bit younger.

It's like, I wonder if she's left-handed or right-handed. And we weren't trying to encourage anything. A little bit younger, she's barely alive. I know. But we weren't trying to encourage it either way, right? But then, like, I got her this three-string guitar that she loves to play. You can live? Two more than our friend Brushy needs.

Am I right? Yep. And to this day, she still sometimes will hold it the incorrect way if she's right-handed. And I'm fighting the urge to correct her because we believe she is right-handed now because she writes and draws with her right-hand and eats with her right-hand. But so I'm sort of like... Slaps you in the face. So I'm sort of like fighting the urge to correct her because I think anyone should learn how to play the ins-like there are right-handed people who play left-handed on guitar. You know, so, so I'm always, but, but then I also want to be like, you know, it's kind of easier for you as a right-handed person to switch it around and do it like this.

But, you know, whatever. Yeah. You know who might too want a word is Jimmy Hendricks. Yeah. Sir Paul McCartney. What, they hold it lefty. Well, he's, they're both lefties. Yeah, they're lefties.

But when my mom's left-handed, I, I admit I felt like, oh, is this? What did you say? I just was like, they hold it lefty. They hold it lefties. And I was like, they hold it lefty. I don't know. When my mom said she was left-handed, I was kind of like, oh, should I be left-handed then? It's weird that it's not genetic?

And then I started to think, like, is it wrong that she's left-handed? And no one else in our family is. Should I be like you, mommy? Yeah, you know, so, I mean, all those feelings were there. Mm-hmm. That's why you wear those house coats. Yeah. What?

I want a cosign. Immediately say, yeah. I want to go-sign. Remember when Mulder had that poster? I want to go sign these aliens. Anyway, that's my relationship to left-handedness. Anyone? I know that I know people who are left-handed,

and I can't think of who they are. But there's definitely people in my life that I have known are left-handed. Yes, I remember them from growing up. I could not pull a name right now. I for sure remember some kids from growing up who were left-handed. But there's something about it when you find out someone is left-handed that you're like, that's interesting.

that's interesting. Yeah. I'll file that away and you don't need to remember this. Yeah. Yeah. How does it affect you? Zero. It doesn't matter.

I'm going to forget now. Now, the concept of the left-handed mug. Yeah. What's it? What's it? Left-handed scissors, I understand. Yes. But the mug?

Why does a mug, you can just hold it in your other hand? Well, you can all, yeah, it doesn't matter. But is it that you, is the left-handed mug so that you get to look at the design on the mug or that the design faces out. I don't know. That's a question just about mugs in general. It is.

Are mugs, should the design, say most mugs are made for right handies. Right. So the design is facing out. Should the design be on the facing outside or should it be on the facing inside? I have to admit that there's a you talking you two to me mug that our good friend Mitch made the art for.

And Adam's face. faces me when I drink it and I wish it was the other way around. I want to look at myself. That's the thing. It gets into when you're enjoying. Oh, you say like I'm a purve or something.

When you're enjoying something from a mug. Yeah. Is the idea you're like every time you bring it up, you see the design like, ah, the design. Well, this, okay, so I was drinking. I love this logo and I love to look at it with every sip. No, you're supposed to be showing others like the same way like a t-shirt that you wear. That's how I always think.

Giving a message to other people. That's how I always, yeah. I was drinking. That's why don't talk to me until I've had my coffee. Right. You want the world to know it. That's important for them to see not. I was drinking from Kulop's Christmas present, the mug I got, of course, from our favorite store.

And I bet they had a lot of left-handed stuff there. It says, is it part in my humor? Pardon my humor. And it says, I'm only here until I win the lottery, which she found very funny. Like, that's the only reason she's here in the family. That's funny. That is funny. But that faces out because that is a.

novelty mug is it's supposed to You're telling people this is my message Yes it's supposed to face out When I drink out of my mug that says don't be a thunder cunt Did you? And when I drink out of my mug that says Fuck this, fuck that fuck you fuck me Fuck everything

Did you keep them or did you throw it away? No we still haven't Mine may have made its way to somebody Oh no It has a swear you know It's tough of swears I by the way I finally had I had a discussion about a word that Emmy's not supposed to

bring to school. Oh, we have a lot of words right now that are causing a lot of choice. All of them. Only one is in rotation because she really wanted to hear my pit rap. And she constantly like requests it. What's the word? Well, the first line of it, it's a parody of Ice Spices, uh, think you the shit bitch. You're not even the fart.

And it's you think you the pit bitch. You're not even ER. And she is always like, can you play pit bitch? And I'm like, and I'm like, and sorry. I had to say, okay, this is a word that you can say around the house, but you can't say at school. And she understood it. She liked God. Mike is more lenient with that.

And so we've got to say, no kidding. I can say it to Dad, but I can't say it to you. And I go, yep. And then she's like, my favorite words. My favorite swear words are fucking shit. I don't want you to say that again. And then she also likes to say penis a lot right now and thinks that's really funny. That's not.

To throw into. It's medical. But to like call a character that. story I'm making up or something and I'm like okay but we're not saying that at school and we're not stop bringing that word up like stop saying that you know it's like and then she's like it's funny and I'm like I can't deny that she now is is this is like a twilight zone yeah yeah emmy is emmy request me to sing a song to her before she goes to sleep every night, but it's always a Christmas

song. But she... And for a while, it was up on the rooftop. And she wanted me to make the noise. It's up on the rooftop. Instead of click, click. Anyway, so she's grown tired of the repertoire. So she's like, do you know any other songs? Father, I've grown tired of the repertoire. And I was like, okay, how about

this one? Jingle Bell? She goes, I know that one. I go, no, not this one. I go, jingle bells. Batman smells, Robin Laid and Egg. And it delighted her. She only heard it once, and she knows it by heart. And she... Wow! And she loves the power of that song. She loves the part, Joker's in the bathroom

peeing on the wall. I don't know that. It's Robbins in, or Batman's in the room. Robbins in the hall. Jokers in the bathroom peeing on the wall. I had no idea. Continued.

Jingle bells, Batman smells Robin, late in a day. Batman lost a wheel and a Joker got away. Hey. Robin or Batman's in the room. You always have to. Is there a full version of it? I don't know.

Full lyrics. Jingle bells. Colin, do you see the domino effect? This is what you have led us to this discovery of maybe it has a full version. I'm trying to draw with my... I'm going to genius. Pen correctly and it's really fun.

You know what? A lot of these lyrics don't even mention the... I guess... The Batman? No, they all mention Batman pretty much. They don't mention the sort of... Is that a, it's not another verse? It's a, what do you call it when it's not the verse or the chorus?

The bridge, yes. Take it to the bridge. Just think of what James Brown says. Take it to the bridge. Well, that is a verse actually because the chorus is jingle bells, jingle bells. Oh, that's right. It is the verse. Yeah, yeah.

I'm going to write. Okay, jokers in the bath. Jingle bells, Batman's spells. Somebody should do it. The Barbara Streisad version. The barberer says, rapid, lady, I don't feel like the wheel duck and got away. Could you should do that? That joke.

No, Christmas. The Hall. Can we do it for Itopia? No. Jingle past Batman smells. No, you can get like Nicole to do it for real or something. It can sing it like, you know what? It's back on.

Yeah, okay. I'm not saying I have to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's back on. So I can. I. Oh, there it is. Okay, there is.

But I want credit. There is a little bit on the line. There is. It was your idea, but then I see you did it there. So you get the credit for, folks, before we have this. Wait a minute. This next thing. Just want you to know, this was Lauren's idea to have us do it here.

Here's... A total. Jesus. Hold on, hold on. God, that was hard to hear. I know we're going late, but this is important. Can we arrest this person for singing like this? Okay, never mind.

That's so bad. That accent was so scary that I might know that person. Each. That hurt. I do see... Just the way it was off. through the snow. This is the one AI overview that's correct. There is a version of Joker's in the bathroom

peeing on the wall. So it's not something I made up. As long as AI tells you you're correct. No, I didn't think so either, but I started there were no entries for it. I started to believe, I was like, is this something that? Anyway, thanks for your call, Colin. Thank you for call, Colin. Thank you.

This truly was a call in episode. All right. Very good. What's the date? I'm going to tell you right now what the date is. and when I tell you, nothing will ever be the same. This is May 7. Oh, great date.

I am currently shooting a movie. Well, Mary and I have more dates lined up, but I don't know if they're announced yet, so I'll insert a clip later if they are. But please keep tabs on my Instagram if you want us to see, if you want to see us when we come to your town. Yeah. And Paul and I are going to be out on the road together with the Comedy Bang Bang Tour very soon. Very soon.

May 25th, it starts. And new dates were announced recently. recently, I believe. So go to CBBworld.com slash tour. You'll get links to all the tickets. Guys, great to see you again. Hey, Scott. Good to see you. Bye. I'm not going to see season two of that show by the time we see each other again. I'm sorry. No, I know. I have to pee now. Okay, bye.