Threedom - Puddle of Coke

Episode Date: May 25, 2023

Lauren, Paul and Scott discuss contact lenses, do another taste test, and listen to some voicemails. Follow us on social media @threedomusa. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail at 424-252-4678 (HAG-CLAIMS-8).

SREETO! tone, that tone. Bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, where did you just hear that? That. Oh, I hear it now. Yeah, I know it's stopped. No, it's like something, it means. Ah! It's like an alert. Alert, alert. Alert. Do you want to be hearing tests for when you were a kid?

Yeah. I remember them from when I'm an adult. I had to go get, uh. That's the last time you got your hijacked. Relatively recently, I think. Wow, I guess I should do it. That seems like a good idea. Yeah. I had an I examined their day, which of get you in checked. Relatively recently. Wow, I guess I should do it. That seems like a good idea. Yeah.

I had an eye exam in their day, which of course I do annually. I'm gonna do some of it. And I had to get my eyes dilated, which is always the worst. Because your eyes right now, they have those dollar signs in them right now. Because you were just looking at, Paul, I'm trying to sell them.

Yeah. I can just see how much I can get. And it's quite a little. I'm Ryan, I see a big roast chicken. Yeah. So we're quite a lot. And I see a big roast chicken. Yeah. So we're at different places. Honestly. It can be both.

But now think about selling the chicken. Oh, oh. $2.00 for Paul. My eye doctor. My eye doctor told me last year. My eye doctor told me you better. I doctor told me you better get a lot of ding tang while I'm in Bingbing my doctor my eye doctor told me

you're pupils I'll die late. They're gonna feel sticky. That's my favorite part of getting the drops as we use like sticky in the cornstarch. You like that part. I think I do. It gives me a lot of It's like sticky in the cornstarch. You like that part. I think last year she told me.

Do you really like it? I think I do. It gives me a lot of. I don't like any of the process. But last year she told me that my contact lenses, I've been wearing contacts since I was 14. I have had glasses since I was eight. Wow.

She told me, and I haven't worn the same exact ones the whole time, but I've. Yeah, that would be weird if you wore the same pair of glasses. That's a year old glasses. I mean, my contacts. I eventually started wearing... You were the same pair of contacts. I started wearing daily's many years ago.

Yeah. And then last year, she told me, she's a new doctor that I was seeing, and she was like, these contacts, just so you know, like do you like these? And I was like, yeah, and she's like, these are like the iPhone 4 of contacts. And I was like, Oh! she's like these are like the iPhone 4 of contacts and I was like I Can't be seen wearing these and it was no one because everyone just always says are they okay? Like you like them and I'm like yeah, meaning though that they're now upgrades now they're thinner. They're lighter

They're better. They're this and so I got the new ones and this because last year I got a different new one I realized oh it wasn't the one she was talking about. This year I got the right one. And I put them in, amazing. Really? I can feel the difference. And I feel like your eyes are being kissed by these contacts. By God. And I also, my prescription, my prescription is very bad.

My right eye got better. Whoa, right eye contacts? No. Your right eye got better. She said that's because I got that. No, right. I got better. She said that's because of that contact. No. She said.

As you're getting older, your eyes get worse and worse. My butt. And then at a certain point, your eye around this age, even, so your eyes stop straining. It's kind of settles into what it is. Yeah. 44 or 42, how old are you? I'm 37. But you're, I just, you're kind of settles into like what it is. 44 or 42, how old are you? I'm 37. But you're, I just, you're kind of settles

into what it actually is. We just found out Lauren lies about her age. Okay. I'm not one of those. Sweetie. Um, but anyways, my eye got 0.5 better. And I was like so fast. That's awesome, man.

And I, can you see this? It also my vision is, but yep, that's what I'm saying. But I put my context in and I went, because I've been feeling like my eyes are getting worse. Nope, just had the wrong RX. It's getting better. Oh. And honestly, it feels so good

and I'm getting my glasses read on which I haven't had in my years. That's so awesome. Do you go every year? I go every year because I have horrible vision and I'm always worried that something else of a floater that's been driving me bananas can't do anything about it.

It's just there. Do you know, I feel on, I can't believe I don't bring this. There's a surgery, but it's risky, okay. I feel like it never happens. What's the, what are the risks? Like you can die or you're... There's a risk that they break up the floater

and then you have a million more and you're gonna, it's really annoying. Yeah. Or there's also something else. I'm gonna pass on that. Yeah, that's basically what I said. I have a thing where I. Or there's also something else. I'm gonna pass on that. Yeah. I basically what I said. I have a thing where I feel like there's something in my eye. Something in your eye. I could not identify the song. Oh, the Beatles. Nirvana. Oh,

I thought it was Beatles. The Grunge Beatles. Something in your way. You ever see the Batman? I'm about to know more about that. The most recent one. Yeah. I saw through the grunge away. You ever see the Batman? I'm about to know more about the most recent one. Yeah, I'd saw most of it. Yeah, well, you know what? I think I saw exactly half of it. What were you going to say? Exactly half. What were you going to say? Because I remember looking to see how much time was left. I'm going to say, no shit. I've already seen 90 minutes. Batman, I gave you all I got. Tell me what you were going to say. I. So I feel like there's something in my eye that I can't get out. I can't get out. And it happens, it's not constant,

but when it happens, there's just nothing I can do about it. And now I'm realizing, oh, this is not good, and I should tell my ophthalmologist about it. Yes. Because I go see him a few times a year. A few times.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I may have mentioned this before. I have this condition of my eye where there's broken pigment. Yes, you did tell us about that. Could lead to glaucoma. Oh, no. Would you be surprised to know that I do not remember you ever talking to me?

No, I do not. I do remember that shockingly. And yet I wonder. And one time I got my eyeballs after the lasers. So they're trying to keep it in their get back in their get back in their Star Wars lasers. Yeah. Yeah. They break it. They break it up so that it doesn't rub against. It's all gross. Okay. But yeah, it was only recently that I was like, this has been going on for a while and maybe it's a serious issue.

Well, yeah, when I had this floater, I got really scared because I was seeing it for like a week and then going like, oh God, what are this is like something? And then I went in and they were just, and you could see it on the thing which is very validating like when they do like a- Yeah, you're not crazy.

Yeah, like in there and then every time- Cause everyone's trying to gaslight you that there was no floater. Well, because it seems like it's just a figment of your imagination. It doesn't feel like it's a thing in your eye. Yes. Exactly.

Yeah. And so it's very interesting that it's like, no, it's just some debris. Because it's sort of like you see a thing in a slight distance. Yeah. Not that something's on obscuring your vision. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what I have to do is like go like distance, not that something's on obscuring your vision. Right, yeah, yeah.

But what I have to do is go like this, roll my hat like I'm nuts, and then it goes, it's good. Is that why you're constantly rolling your eyes during the show? Yeah, like, oh. Yeah, you honestly look more annoyed than nuts. Move.

But I have to do that sometimes, and I'll be watching something like, I'm like, oh my God. I like to hunting, I shrunk the kids myself and get in there and take it out for you. Great. Can we? Do they have that technology?

So you're gonna bring a mop in or something? A mop! It's not honey, I shrunk myself and a mop. Oh, okay, but he did shrink down a baseball. Okay, what? What, you gotta come on the show. No, I'm not talking about this. What has got my shrunk?

Honey, I shrunk the kids ourselves. Uh huh. And we get like a tiny, like a window washing platform. Yeah, a squeegee. And then so we're up. Oh, like a, like a, like a, like a, to catch your eye. Wait, that would feel so good.

Yeah, and then we roll it down. Like they get really clean. Yeah, and then in there you have a golden retriever behind your eye who's very excited to see us. Yeah. Oh, well, yeah, obviously. Like in that one video, that's kind of what lives in my brain.

And then there's the inside out cast is in there too. Not the cartoon characters, the cast. Yeah. Oh, good. Hey, good. That movie though, the first few minutes I was, a puddle of coke. Oh, girl, I was crazy. Puddle of Coke. Oh, girl. I melted into coke. I melted into a puddle of coke.

I melted into a pile of cola. I haven't seen that one. I used to be, I used to be a current with all the Pixar's and there's a few now that I have. Have you seen Turning Red? I love that one. I don't think that's Pixar though. It's not. That's just it.

Dreamworks. No, it's Disney. Disney now is using that style of animation. Okay. But I will say the one thing, like with soul and inside out and all this, it's like Pixar, they're very interested in like these undefinedable concepts, like putting rules on them. I don't know if you saw this whole, but it's like, yeah. Okay, soul, you need a patch that, like it's like, these are unexplainable concepts.

We don't need to like, you know, confine. Well, it's interesting because- I think for a movie you do, though, don't you? That's the part I don't like about. I was like, here are the rules for, to get, confine. Well, it's interesting because- I think for a movie, you do, though, don't you? That's the part I don't like about. I was like, here are the rules for, to get back your soul. You need five patches. But I like- Soul patches.

I don't know what it was. That's just as valid as any beliefs. Well, that's the problem. That's a problem. They're trying to start their own religion. I don't like it. Because I'm a Scientologist. I have to say, we're going to cut that and use that.

I have to say that I, when you said I'm a Scientologist, to be a quote that will just call on you, just use it all the time. We're going to cut once and use twice. I think you're going to cut it out of the episode, but then use it like I just said it in real life. No one can ever cut or use that. OK. But the movie Soul, I really liked.

And Mike and I were watching that we were like sobbing and this was like early pandemic I want to say. I mean it definitely came out on Christmas when Wonder Woman 1984. Yes. Okay. Oh, we definitely did. It was a pandemic because we watched both of those alone. It was the first Christmas after the during the pandemic. Yeah. And I loved it. But then as you're saying this, I'm thinking, okay, if a child is getting education from this about death, they're going to think that when they die, they need to get five patches on. Well, it won't matter then, but I think that the idea that you have an image in your brain

of what it looks like, that's a little confusing to me. Like if let's say somebody they new died, then they're like picturing the little green world and all these things that are happening in that. And like, I don't know if it is that good or bad. How much does the soul weigh again? Six grams, something grams, 24 grams. Seven grams. Between one and one million grams,

we can agree on that, right? Golden Grains. Siri, how much does the soul weigh? The soul is worth its weight in golden grams. The Kia Soul weighs 2,802 pounds. Oh, okay. What even a full loaded turbo trim tips the scale at just three thousand thirty six pounds. I mean, not bad when you're

Siri, how much does a 1976 Volkswagen Beetleway? Siri, how much does a 1976 Volkswagen Beetleway? What do we got? What came up? Just the value of dementia. Siri. Another dimension. Hey. Hey, Siri.

Siri, how much does a soul of a shoe way? 1.52 pounds. If some reason you came up on mine, Siri, how much do you cost? Oh, I got dollar signs. I'm gonna sell her my Series. No, we all have other signs in our eyes. Siri subscription is about to run out. Oh, no. Yeah. I don't know what to do. Oh, Siri will miss you when you're gone Hey guys, I wanted to bring up something that I thought was fun, which is, first of all, I did a cartoon the other day that I've done before. I'm trying to remember the title of it, something like tender greens or something. But I went to it and it's very early in the morning. I believe I got there at 8.45.

And that's quite early to do a voice record. Quite quite early. Quite a, a, a, a V.O. Everyone was very nice when I came in and, and, you know, like getting my info and I was filling out all the forms and the nice young, like probably 20, you seem to be in his early 20s, nice young gentleman. After he had helped me with everything before I did the record said, oh, by the way, I'm a piss pig. Nice. And I just love, you love your little piss pegs.

I was like, it's far too early to hear that, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude she said, First service. This is, I thanked her for her service. I saluted her, I presented her with a folded flag. You always carry one around. I always carry one. And it never touches the ground. Never. It does, I burn it. Yeah. But it's always one inch above the ground.

Don't you think burning it? Yeah, because it's, I'm edging. It's been burning it. You're flagging. I'm flag edging, yeah. It's been burning it like a little bit dramatic. It's like, it's sort of like ruining something. It's so fucking it. It's like guys, you could just throw it on the ground. It's fine. The idea of flags being so sacred is so funny. It's really fine with you.

It's a little silly. Yeah, and it's only because everyone says they have to be that way. Yeah, but it's a law like a way. Yeah, it's very crazy. I think it is a law. That's stupid. I saw you trip and fall holding a flag in public. So I don't think it's a law because I's stupid. I saw you trip and fall holding a flag in public. So I don't think it's a lot, because I think you can do it every while. But if you're in the army or Navy, I don't want to wind up on bad legal takes.

I don't think it's a lot. Anyway, go ahead. Badlettakes.dorg. Yeah, don't dork. It's a dork organization. That's a dork organization. So at the end of the show, thank you for doing the show. And she said, I had a really good time.

Oh, and my brother, it's a really big fan. And he told me to tell you that he's a piss pig. Yeah. You have to have that level of hesitation. I laughed so hard. And I said, I'm so sorry. You were forced to say that. Well, okay. So I did this show in Portland

and I told him, we know you flew in a window seat. No, I mean, it's all a different aspect of this story. Okay. What to a place, something else happened. No, so I did this show and it was with, it was with Jennifer Friedman who I've known for a while.

And a musician that I, the musician's here, that I had never heard before, but was really good. And then, he loves LA. This guy, Ari Shapiro, who I guess is an NPR. That's familiar. A reporter, but a serious guy. I say it to convey that he's like a serious, like, political reporter, I think. So he was frowning the whole time. I think so. Yeah. Yeah. But after the show, we're all there to promote.

I can't just chime. It was like, it doesn't do with anything. It's totally non-simple. Yeah. Well, Holly, we're trying to get her to learn a lot of names lately. Mm-hmm. And she calls our friend Marcus Marpe. Oh, Marpe. And she always says Marpe. And then when I sing wheels on the bus, she Marcus Marpy. Marpy. And she always says Marpy. And then when I sing wheels on the bus, she says, Marpy, like I suppose to go, Marcus on the bus says, I love you.

I've been there. And she goes, no, no, no, no, no, Marpy. Yeah, no, Marpy. Yeah, Marpy. Anyway, I love it. I think Marpy. It's a good name. It's great.

What's your name? We're going to work on that. We're working on it. We're working up to it. She's at the M's, Paul. Oh, fair. And she's going to get to P's and then to S's. Fair. So we all are signing books afterwards.

Jenna pre-signed her, so she's not there. So it's me and Ari Shapiro. Oh my god. So it's Ari Shapiro and I signing next to each other at the table. And Ari Shapiro's fans are like coming up and saying, like, oh, thank you so much for whatever. And then I got a steady stream of at least seven people. And very nice. I know they're all super nice.

Super nice gentle people coming up and saying, I just wanted to say I'm a piss pig. Yeah. To the point where he and the woman who is in charge of the whole signing are like what is happening? I love that. You guys are the best. And people say will you sign this to a true piss pig?

Oh, that's so good. That makes me so happy. That's awesome. You guys, we adore you. I also wanna lovely piss pig this weekend as well, and she was very nice. Yeah. It's very fun.

Yeah. Very fun. It really is what a weird thing. And again, you guys voted to call yourselves that. That's the thing. I explained that to our Shapiro and everyone. I was like, I don't like this personally. Yeah.

But we have to abide by the vote. Because what are we if not a democracy? No, it's hard as, you know, it's hard when you as a journalist should understand that. I think when you create something, you can go to places you aren't expecting and that's part of what it is to be an artist and I think that we have to accept

that you guys want to be called a piss bitch. Yeah, you can't put the Frankenstein back in the box. Yeah. But you can't put the duck bear back in the box. You can put baby in a corner. You can't. You mustn't. You can? You mustn't. You can though. Nobody.

But nobody does. Nobody does. That's what it... Nobody does. Nobody does, but you can do it. It's absolutely impossible. Absolutely, physically possible, but just nobody does it.

Nobody does. Yeah. Why? Why would you? You got a wonder. I guess it would feel anticlimactic. Like suddenly it's like, oh look, baby's in the corner. Yeah. Well, we've always been saying it. Like suddenly it's like, oh look, baby's in the corner. Yeah.

Well, we've always been saying that. I've always wondered what that would look like. I guess I could have pictured on my mind. Yeah. All right. Let's take a break. Bye. Waba! Waba! Waba! Waba! Down town Julie Brown here. Waba! Waba!

Hey Lauren, do you have the taste test for us? Oh shit, that's right! Good because I must forgot. Okay, so the other day, I was the other day. Yeah, just to it. You were walking down the street. Yeah. And you saw a pretty lady.

And you didn't know what to say. All this happened. All this happened. I was at my friend Art and Marines home, and her lover had a lot to snack. She has a lover? Yeah. She's taking a lover. But it's none of my business to tell you more. You can figure that out in your own time.

Can I call her right now? Sure. And okay, no, she's not answering. She's busy. But so, Arden, okay, when I hang in her house, one of the things is that I'm really good at buying snacks. She doesn't eat a lot of snacks or have a lot of snacks. So when I go to her house,

I either bring snacks. But. Do you bring snacks for days or just for your personal consumption at that moment? For my personal consumption, because you know, for working on something, I'm going to be hungry. I'm going to make my snack. But her dude had a snack there that she was like,

you got to try this because you love snacks. You're going to like this. Well, I had one bag of this thing and then I ordered 50 more. Whoa, so the previous, previously on three of them, we had a taste test of something Lauren does not like. But that I liked and Paul was good on. I liked as much as I'm gonna like this genre of thing. And now it's something that I really like

and I'm addicted to right now. Okay. This is called, Bata Bean, Bata Boom. Okay, these are crunchy broad beans. By the way, what? The listeners may have thought she said bada bean. I did not. Which is, it was made famous on the sopranos. It was the strip club on

the sopranos. Yes. Sweet onion and mustard. So we have garlic and onion. We have that one. We have sea salt and we have sweet sriracha. I will say not a huge. The flavors are, you know, there's a little bit of blending I think. Now these are brought, what's it mean when it says crunchy broad beef?

Here's what I would like to tell you. I didn't know and I felt good not knowing. Okay, all right. I would like you to try it. It's here, don't you get it? I tear it down the side will do. You're gonna have to take up the slack here. So they're opening these bottom beans. Now Paul's having the yellow bag and Scott is having the blue

bag which is salt. You're having sweet onion mustard. And now what I love, okay, 110 calories. And this is six grams of protein. This is great to throw it in your bag on the go. Now I'll eat them at home. It says broad beans with plant-based protein and fiber roasted for crunch and season to perfection. Yes, I did go on Amazon and order 50 bags instantly. And they're vegan. And I've eaten 50% of them at least. So 25 bags.

Well, Mike and I are both eating them. So yeah, he's he got into right away. Yeah, I probably I've definitely eaten at least 12 bags. I would say that's reasonable. At the bottom, it says vegan. Then it says non GMO. Then there's two circles. One has the initials GF gluten free.

Right. What's you? I think it's you. Isn't you? Is you coach yours? It looks like go fuck is you kosher? Go fuck yourself. Go fuck you. Why do I think that maybe K would you kosher? Not yours? It looks like a fuck you. Is you kosher? Go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself.

Why do I think that? Maybe K would be kosher. I think K would be kosher, dear. It means kosher. Ha. What the fuck you? Why is that K? The better you want a food means the food is kosher.

It was processed according to Jewish dietary laws. Foods that are certified kosher can carry a U in a circle or a K in a circle star or triangle. A D refers to Dary's food. I'll make the star of the idea. I'll make the cake the kosher product carry a U in a circle or a K in a circle star or triangle. A D refers to Dary's and the D indicates the kosher product also contains milk. So, if it had milk, it would say it had milk. If it had milk, it would say it had milk. Do you like them? I think they're fine.

I mean, you tried sea salt off the bat, which I wouldn't say. It's not as exciting as it gets. Well, I wanted the baseline. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. These taste like honey mustard, Snyder's? Yeah.

I like that. Should we spread a bit? Can I have a honey mustard? Try it around. Try another flavor. But they taste like, I mean, they taste like nothing but the seasoning. So it's a success.

Yeah, it's good. Here's a sriracha. All of them feature a little cartoon bean on the package and he's in a different outfit. I like this. This is the good part about it. This is the good part of it. Anyway, I'm totally addicted. I think they're a great little snack. I think you're a great little snack. Oh, God. Hey, wait a minute. Paul and Lauren are kissing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, broad beans.

Mm. I actually prefer the flavorless. I like sea salt too, but I started with flavors, so then when I had sea salt, it was sort of like, oh, it's a departure. Yeah. But if you go the opposite way, it's the main. Yeah, so these, we're having sea salt on main right now.

Yeah, honey mustard, not honey mustard. Okay, this is the garlic and the main thing. This is the only one that I haven't had. Your favorites? Yeah. Sweet Sriracha. Oh, this guy's not wearing any clothes. And his ass is showing.

Oh, man. I'm reporting him to HR. All the other beans are wearing some kind of clothing and this one's just like life. Why? Why has the behind view of the pepper? It's a bean. It's kind of. Oh, it's a bean. I thought it was the S of the pepper? It's a bean. It's kind of.

Oh, it's a bean. I thought it was the suracha pepper. It's a bean that's disguised as a suracha pepper. Oh, for Halloween. He's trying to trick us. Halloween. Ah. So it's a fun snack for everyone out there.

Yeah, I think it's fun. Now, we're not sponsored by them, right? Not at all, but I'd love to be. We never know this is not an ad. If they wanted to, I would totally do it because I would love them to send me a bunch of free, bada bean, bada beans. How much did it cost?

I think, so I bought boxes of like, I think it was 24, box 24, that was like 24 dollars. One box of 24, one box of 26. I just mean, I got two that were 24. So it's actually 48. You big hit? I think they were about $25 for, so it's like a dollar a bag at that point.

Okay, so you spend $50 on this? I did. Or $48? Yeah. Don't you go to the store and buy shit and spend 50 bucks? I don't, I've never spent more than $33 at the store. Wow. At any store. Same. I bring $33 exactly in cash.

That's so, that seems really hard. And what sucks is I don't look at the prices. And then I, you know, the cash here That seems really hard. And what sucks is that don't look at the prices, and then the cashier will ring it up, and I'll say, can you take that off please? Because I have, I was just like fill a card. Did I tell you though? I'm no, I've talked about this. That I had a friend whose father would do that

at the supermarket and would, like, they'd ring it up and it would be like $155 and he'd say, I'll give you 100 for this. Oh! And- And- And that's not vaguely familiar. And half the time-

I'm a legal, at the count of the time. Half the time they would call the manager over and just be like, okay, because it was worth it- There's so annoying. To not have to, it's too annoying to put everything back on the shut because he would go like, if you won't take 100, then I'm gonna just walk away. And he would, and half the least he would leave it all there

and walk away. That's fucking it. What a fucking guy. That's how stores work. I hate him. But that's how I found out you could do it because half the time it would work. Well people can do this that are crazy all the time.

Exactly. Really? It doesn't mean you should. People get away with all sorts of things. That's how I found out you can break into someone's home. I just, and you can't put baby uniform in there. I didn't know you could. And now I know you can.

I'm just making me angry. I hate this guy. Well, I'm sure he's no longer alive. If that's any consolation. Yeah, at least is that all right? I did talk about my mother dying in a funny way last night in a stage and then found out that there was a child in the audience.

Did she fall into a bucket of pudding? Did she become a pile of coke? What? I talked with my mother dying in a funny way. I think I'm the kid in the eye. Oh no. Bucket of pudding. It puts the pudding in the basket.

Oh, you say you put the pudding in the basket. You have to reset the sign now. How many days since it don't cause me reference? Yeah. Click, click, click, click, click. Zero. But so there was a child in the audience. Yeah, yeah.

And was it the first time they'd ever heard of the concept? I don't know. I don't know. I'd like to think that it was you who introduced them. My hope so. Yeah. And then it was pointed out to me that, because I think she's like seven, something like that.

She's like, he own kid. And I, when I was pointed out, I just said, well, obviously, I'm joking, the mommies never die. Uh-huh. And this is what comedy is, is you make things absurd. You make the idea of a woman being ridiculous.

I started watching John Malini special, the other night, and then he also had a child in the audience. Yeah. Who was 11. He noticed the kid and then they had it interact. But the kid was wearing like a suit like he was. Was he actually? I would believe that. I know. But then and then but of course his special, like the comment he was making as he was it was like this is like not like his other specials where who would bring the kid. Because it is that question of like, if you're a fan, you kind of know where this one's going to go, you know, what topics are going to be. Maybe you know, maybe you know, Paul, you know he's going to talk about his mom.

Paul's going to go off the rails. I feel like you're kind of a safe one though to bring a kid to where, you know, you're, it doesn't feel like you would offend. It doesn't feel like you're going to say the C word to be honest. I feel like when I've had kids in the audience, I'm like you would offend. It doesn't feel like you're gonna say the C word too much. I feel like kids, when I've had kids in my audience, I'm saying horrible things, so then I'm like, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I just always assume, like, because I am not, I guess I'll talk about adult themes, let's say. Right, right. Like drug use. Yes, smoking, smoking dooms, nudity, brief nudity. Right. Strong language. You show your butt cracked. Yes smoking smoking dooms nudity brief nudity Strongling you show your butt crack strobe lights

By the way, you come out with strobe lights you blast strobe lights then you have your ass out and you're going Honestly, it's a great show. I would see it. Yeah, I go That's how I'm so good. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Okay, we got all that out of the way. Tits, tits, tits. All right. Oh, I'll tell you a little diddy about in time. I drove my car. Who you're like, like my lens. But I do, I guess I assume that if you're bringing your kid,

you must assume that your kid is cool with this. Yeah, but I make a nest out of you and them. Absolutely. How do you feel about bringing Emmy to a show when she was seven? Yeah, seven? Sure, yeah, why not? Yeah. Will CV interested?

That's the real question. I feel like, yeah, I'm thinking about it. Well, you don't want to bring a kid to anything. No, I think they can't sit still and wash it. We brought Cool Up Sister to the bird and the bee, a great band. Yeah. When she was 20 and she hated it.

So I think. Yeah. Right, because you have to be like, this is our taste versus your taste. Yeah, yeah. It's a good board. But I always assume also that these little kids are comedy fans. Yeah.

And that's what I always assume. And I thought, because I was talking about the millennium thing with my friend, because she was kind about the millennium thing with my friend, because she was kind of like, who brings their kid up that I was going, I could see A being happy someone took me at 11. Absolutely. Because I liked comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or with my own child, I feel like I might go, yeah, it's a comedy show. Because when you're young, I've already said everything. When you're young, you're just being taken to all, like, the world's worst entertainment, usually. Right, like you have to go to the opera, y'all. No, I just mean like kids' shows are generally terrible. Oh, yeah. And I think that you as a kid can sense it that they're bad, right? Well, at a certain point, yeah, it turns a corner.

11, you would definitely be over any sort of kid-based thing. Let me funny if the opera, like the performer was like, Hey, there's a kid here. Yeah. Stop the show. Let's do it a little bit differently. Should they do kid operas, though, where it was like, hey there's a kid here. Yeah. Hey, stop the show. Let's do it a little bit differently. Should they do kid operas though, where it's like kid operas? This is opera, but for kids.

So it's like no more than 45 minutes. It's a kid's bot, but it's like. Yeah, we're gonna just play the hit. We're gonna sing, you know, Camilla Berrana or whatever, or is that classic? Camilla Berrana. That's just classical music, I believe. Right, so what are some of the, like,

Ave Maria. You got your regaletto. You got your, la donna ma bilé. Yeah, you sing all the hits. And you sing. We make them about kids stuff. Kids stuff, yeah.

I want my smartphone all night all day as well. I have a soy toast today. Are you on some toast today? And you went your pants today? Yeah. Great. All classic little good things. Yeah.

Kids have toast, right? Yeah, I give it to all of them. Kids have toast. Do you really? And how do you toast it? What does that mean? What do you mean? What's your?

No, I mean, like, what's your stove burner? Yeah. What's my method? Yeah. I have a toast driving that I was actually influenced to buy by Dana. She posted on her Instagram about this toaster. Dana is a lady? No, I'm not.

Dana, my cousin in law. And she posted about this toaster oven called Belmuda. And I bought it quite instantaneously. Well, I was looking for a toaster anyways. And then she was like showing how it works, which is really fun because it has this little, you open the door and at the top, there's a little slit. Your front door?

Yeah. And then you pour, it comes with this tiny mug that's like this big. And then you pour, Lauren's indicating a tiny mug. Yeah. It's an inch big. And it's really, really wide. And you fill it with water and then you fill the little slit hole With the water. It's lower. There's a kid here And then it is the perfect it makes pizza perfectly it makes toast because it has that little water that kind of Mitted to the situation. Yeah, I'm a slit and you is everything's perfect So I make the toast in there and it's delicious. Wow. What brand name is it?

Belmuda and now wait, we're in a leg. We're not sponsored by them and this is not a commercial. It's not. This is just part of the show. People are listening to it. And you know what? Bulletin, Belmuda, please send us shit. Yeah, send us like Oh my god, they sent me a thing. This is a retroactive ad now, Pete O. Us toasters. Yeah. Anyway, I really like it.

It's especially great for reheating things because it kills the bathroom. So like, something has been hot in the past. Like a pizza or a chicken nugget. And it gives it a nice, one chicken nugget. May I have one chicken nugget, please? It gives it a nice one chicken nugget. What may I have one chicken nugget, please? It gives it a good texture.

It would be, you can't just buy one ever, right? Would you have a nugget? Yeah, anywhere, right? I think you have to buy them in quantity. You have to buy them in at least six, right? Did you say 60? I did. I love a chicken nugget.

You know, I love a chicken nugget. McDonald's has those like huge containers that were you can be like 20, 40. Oh, sure. Yeah. There's something kind of fun about that. Not for one person, but if you're having a party. Do you know what, one time I showed up

to a little house party? Was it a little house on the prayer? Yeah. Little house. I've told you this story. No, you have. There was a house party at the little house on the prayer hall.

Really? Everybody was like, Nelly Olsen. Oh, wow. A manly, unzoned, so... Lanzo. That was a question on the People magazine thing. It was, what show are these three couples part of? And it was like Laura and Alonzo, Nelly and whoever.

And then Lotto. One Nelly and Fertado. And then another one, and I, as a person who watched that show religiously, when I was a kid, didn't even know who they were. Really? Yeah. Um, hi. Wait, what the fuck? Oh, so you went to a house party.

My friend that was John Maddah. He and I were going there together. Oh, this was, okay, yeah. This is a while ago, and we said, let's go through the McDonald's drive through and get like a bunch of cheeseburgers. Hailey. And we got for the party. Yeah, we got like,

like 30 or something like that. We got a bunch of them, few dozen of them, and it was a big fucking hit. I bet. Especially if you're showing up when the party's been going for a minute. Yes, exactly. Meanwhile, your other friend doesn't even have Coke for you.

No. What's up with that? No Coke for me, he said. No Coke for you. With the Coke Nazi. Yeah, when will the soup Nazi be canceled? No, there wasn't Seinfeld New York Times. Just out there being a Nazi?

There wasn't Seinfeld New York Times article where they caught up with the writers and the cast or whatever. And they were like, yeah, you couldn't do the soup Nazi today. Like, wait. Yeah, you could. Yes, you could. Are you kidding me? They're saying it's bad. That he's bad about his...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were not saying like, boy, we love Nazi. What did you guys think was the point of the fact? He became a beloved character on the show. Do you remember that? Well, when I feel like when Elaine married the soup Nazi, that was a part of the party. Yeah, yeah, converted to Naziism.

So, you remember? Do you remember they gave a talk show to the guy that wrote the soup Nazi up? Yeah. What? What was it? It was a late night. I think you talked about shows.

Did you? Did you? Did you really? Yeah, he had this talk show and then a show about cars, maybe? I don't know. He's some. He was like, hey, he's nothing. Holy, I do so's about cars.

Brrrr. But so does Jerry, sorry, Phil. Oh, man. How many donuts did Jay show up with at the right of the show? Two. It really was like, you're a billionaire. I know, you don't touch your tonight, show buddy. But what does that mean?

What? He doesn't touch it. This is a thing. It's so funny. This is a thing. It was a point of pride for him. Yes, and it's like I all I live off of my um, he's like I, I'm saving. I'm saving all my tonight's show money. I'm never I'm not touching it. I'm I live off of my standup money. Well, what's he saying? He's trying to say that he's like, I don't know. He doesn't have kids. No, I think now's the time to use it. That's a thing.

He really said it was like a point of pride. And it seems, it's like one of those things you hear and it seems impressive. And then you think about it and you're like, well, why? Yeah. Why does she just live a great life with a ton of money? Also, what do I care?

I would assume you are. Why am I reading this? But back during the previous writer strike, it was like, he decided to go back while it was still going on and write his own monologue, even though it was in the WGA, which I think is a regret of his from what I've read. But I mean, and his whole thing was-

In a life filled with regrets. His whole thing was, well, I want my crew to keep working. And I'm like, touch your tonight's own money. Just give that money to this. Yeah. Well, because some lead-in people did pay their crews, right? Didn't Conan do that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Some people did. Yeah, Conan did shows and it was very much like an unwritten thing where he was just like fucking around and everything. Yeah. And Letterman, I forgot about this, that Letterman worked out his own deal. Yeah, he worked out his own deal.

Cause he owns his own show. Cause he owns his own production company and he owned his own show. And basically the deal was, hey, whatever they agreed to will do, you know, will do exactly whatever one agrees to. What is it, here's my point, why does an every company do that?

Go, whatever we agree to, we'll do it. But I don't understand that. We were able to, he was able to keep going. Because his show is an owned by CBS or whatever, like the big, he owned his own show. So he made it, he kind of side deal. Anyone can cut a side deal. Anyone can cut a side deal. Anyone can cut a side deal if they want.

Like NBC could go cut their own deal right now if they wanted. There are rumors that Disney was gonna do that. The Bob Agar, it Disney was gonna do that. Yeah, but they feel like if they band together, they'll get more, much like the writers are banding together to get more. This has become a strike podcast. I like that.

Yeah. We have all the information who we're to get more. See. This has become a strike podcast. I like that. Yeah. We have all the information who we're sharing it here. Absolutely all of you. It's all so touchable. It's all so touchable. Yeah.

If you're out there looking for info about the strike. This is it. This is it. It's an explanation of why we need writers. We should have mentioned that up top, I guess. But we're mentioning it now. Right now, the only thing you need to know is about how many donuts Jey Leno. He's a brand new.

He's a brand new. He's a brand new. Here's the thing, whatever the amount is, it's not enough. It's not enough, because I feel like- I saw 24. I feel like he got out there like day three of the strike because he's like, oh, the strike, I gotta be good. Oh, from the last one, he has some donuts.

Go crank up my car and get it there. Crack up the car. Anyway, strike is still going on, we bet. I'm sure by the same. I think so. Even though we're safe to say. Yeah. It's been like nine days from now, yeah.

Yeah. I think it's gonna be safe to say it'll still be going on. Yeah, I think it's gonna be strong. We have to take a disayles, so be going. Yeah! I think they're gonna be strong. Um, we have to take a break. Okay, bye. Good. Guess what? Hey, what, Paul?

We're back. Oh, shit, really? Yeah. Oh, I'm more and I'm sorry, you didn't get a chance to guess. Uh, that we're back? Yeah. Oh, I'm more and I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to guess. Uh, that we're back. Yeah. You're right. All right. We're gonna. Yeah, right. Let's hear a voicemail from one of us. Yes, I said piss pigs. If you would like to call us dial, Hag claims eight. And let me tell you, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. When I say the name, when I say the phone number, you should say, how high? You should say, how high? You should say, how high? How high?

I am saying it in the cadence of a commercial tag line for something called unclaimed freight. And this is maybe a nationwide thing, I don't know. I've never, but the commercial would go on claimed freight. And then it would tell you like, here's the shit that people just didn't pick up and you could buy it.

Like what? A boat. One boat? 30 purses. Wait, someone was taking a boat on a train. Was this a, did it start off as a freight train? Oh, no, but it was freight that no one claimed. I was like, just take a train on a boat. I understand that. Well, if you take the

fox over first, then it's going to want to eat the seeds. Yeah. So just go to unclean freight and buy all the green. Yes. That's the whole point of that. And if you're the scorpion, be a frog. All right. But it would start with unclean freight on climb freight and then at the end, it would say it again on climb freight and then the guy would come in with it's great. Wow. So Hat claims aid is in the cadence. Hat claims aid. Hat claims aid.

Now you will have that in your head. Great. Congrats. Acclaims great. That claims great. That claims great. All right, here's a voicemail from one of our wonderful listening. Here we go.

Hi, Scott Lauren and Paul. I was calling in to ask what each of you would do on the playground at recess when you were in elementary school. Oh wow. I wish you said you're bad. Well, my first thought was bubble gum bubble gum in a dish. What is that? You ever put one toe in the middle with circle and then. You have to take your shoes off. No, I mean, your foot is just on your wiki feet. You can leave your shoes on. This is like to be like play before you play tag. You're going to start with who's it. Yeah. I want to put their foot in. Then you shoes on. This is like to be like play before you play tag. You're gonna start with who's it? Yeah.

Everyone puts their foot in, then you go on each foot, bubble gum, bubble gum. In a dish, how many pieces do you wish? You wish. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Did you ever figure those out beforehand? And then? Yeah, you start to go like,

oh, if it's ever got the one, then it's over. It's a bit of a deal. But yeah, that's fun. We used to do, the one we relied on the most was, my mother and your mother were hanging was my mother and your mother. We're hanging. My mother. What's that? My mother and your mother were hanging out close.

My mother punched your mother right in the nose. What color blood came out? Whoa. If it was green, she's a whole KER. E E and spells green. And you are not the one to be it. Wow. So we would eliminate people and the last person was it. Wow. It takes up a lot of time. Yes, it gets us again. It's fun. You got a while to kill out there. We also played the ground is lava, obviously.

Floor is lava. The ground is lava. They're outside. I hate when I accidentally call the ground the floor at base first. Yeah. Yeah. That bothers me. And when I call accidentally call the ground, the floor at base first. Yeah. That bothers me. And when I call the sky, the roof. The roof's really blue today, cool up. You, Paul is fucking with his microphone. If you hear that squeaking, I'm not fucking with it.

I accidentally, it's unscrewed. It's not a little mouse technician if you're hearing that sound. Shoot and screwed. Shoot and screwed. I was. Shoot and screwed. I shoot and screwed. I was... Shoot and screwed, man. I play, is it handball? What do you call when you get the dodgeball

and you hit it and it's supposed to bounce and it goes above the line and then you... You hit it with what? A bat? No, you're fists. Oh, I don't know. Or you could do it with your? A bat? No, you're like your fists. Oh, I don't know that or you could like do it with your your half-assed volleyball. No, it's against a wall. It's against an actual wall. And so my my school had a bunch of these walls with like a little white line painted white line,

approximately yay high, and then we would all play this game. And you had to, it had to bounce inside. I guess it's a lot like racquetball, but with a dodgeball. We know racquet. We just play wall ball, which is like that, but with like a super ball, you know, or a tennis ball. Oh, yeah. And I forget the rules of it, but there was something where if you did a certain thing, the penalty was you had to lean against the wall with your ass sticking out and then you throw the ball. It was like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

And then somebody would get to throw the ball. If you do that, that will kill. It will kill my career. As long as you have a big sign on the stage before you get out there, warning me. So, as strobe lights. Reef nudity. Reef nudity. a big sign on the stage before you get out there. Warning. Yeah. As strobines. Reef nudity. Reef nudity.

Strong language. Smoking. And then you come out and do it. Right at the top. People will. That's a really good stuff. And then I go into my regular act. Yeah.

I like it. All right. With that out of the way. We can resume. Um, uh, what the fuck? We were talking about wall. So then somebody would throw the ball at the person's ass as hard as they could try to hurt them.

Oh, we would do that with the dodge ball. It's the same thing. Yeah. Interesting. I would play ball or no, what do you call it, tether ball? Apparently where we were saying, you know, how yesterday the property had a tetherball. I used to love tetherball and you hit in the face

with that pretty regularly. And I asked, how was it? Because Kool-Up and her two friends were playing and they said it smelled so bad. Like the balls like waterlogged. Yeah, it smelled nasty. You are our playground was. But you should make a tetherball umbrella. Yeah, it's all I'm saying. I've been All right, our playground was, make a Taylor ball umbrella.

Yeah, it's all I'm saying. I've been saying this for years. Pretty smart. The playground was all metal and wood equipment, you know? And now everything is so, when I take Holly to the park, it's so safe feeling not completely, because there's still a lot of lines.

No, well, I think at first I was kind of like, why is the floor getting ground, excuse me, fucking rubber everywhere. Right, I think it, I think at first I was kind of like, why is the floor again, ground, excuse me, fucking rubber everywhere then? Right, right, right. But then the times when she's fallen, I'm like, that's amazing. Yeah. Why wouldn't it be that?

Yeah, so you have to have a lesson here. Like it's like the local playground, like the public playground when I was a kid, had, it was all cement, like everything was cement and metal. Right, right. It had one of those big gigantic triangle things. Yeah, you just climbed.

You just climbed. Yeah. You're just climbing up, you're climbing down. It would be a million degrees in the sun. And then my favorite thing was there was a cement, it was a cement mixer made out of cement that you climb on and get inside. Oh, wow.

You pretend you were driving and everything. Is that possible to make a cement mixer out of cement because how would the first one ever get made? It's possible, but it's profane. It's against God's face. It's spinning in God's face. It doesn't make any sense. But I remember getting in the inside of like

where the big cone where the cement would be. Yeah. And it was so cool in there and dark. It was a very specific feeling. Oh, yeah. I wanted to live there for the rest of your life. I wanted to hide from all my pain. I'm sorry.

There's a lot like being in the womb. Yeah, it's very womb like. Yeah. My mother's womb was very hard. I remember. It was. Hey. I live three doors down from the park. very hard. I remember. It was. Hey.

I lived three doors down from a park, and I remember, because there were a sand. I looked 311 from up. I was gonna say, is that what three doors down is name that? Is it you? I look like a blink one, and he chewed from up.

But it was all sand, and I remember like digging around in the sand once, and there was a broken bottle, and I cut my whole hand. Oh, shit. He had a chills. What if that happened in Dune? Yeah, that would be a great scene. around in the sand once and there was a broken bottle and I cut my whole head. Oh shit. You know, chills. What if that happened in Dune?

Yeah, that would be a great scene. I hear that's in the sequel. He finds a broken bottle in the sand. He cuts his hand. Yeah. And like, I wish the sand worms. No, I have tenderness. What else would you do during recess?

I don't chase each other. I sliced. I have an issue where I, I'm Pepsi. I've realized. How do you like it? I like it. Okay, good. I have an issue where I am now in a permanent state of rush,

even if I'm not rushed, but I do everything as if I'm rushed. So like putting things away or washing dishes. You want to do that. Well, because you're closer. I just, I'm doing it. You're closer to death and birth and you're like, what am I going to spend the rest of my life? It's probably that, probably that.

Like this precious little time I have left. I gotta get the stuff away. I gotta get the pan wash. So I was washing a wine glass. Oh. Too hard and I fucking, it shattered in my hand. Nice, sliced. Well dude, that's like my, my mind was in a nice situation. Did it go to the hospital? Too hard and I fucking it shattered in my hand. Nice slice. That's like my life situation.

My face. You need to go to the hospital. Not that bad, but it was band-aid treatable, but still pretty. No, and it's really shocking when you cut yourself like that. You're just doing something random and you're doing that. Yeah, treatable, but live-aid, beatable.

Okay. It was far-maged suitable. Lauren, don't go. I'm here. I do remember one recess in particular. Terrible recess for me. Yeah, exactly. Sixth grade. Before recess, like an hour before recess. Ha, ha, ha.

Some of my friends were like, who do you like? Who do you like? Who do you like? Who do you like? And I had this crush. Who do you like? Who do you like? I had this crush on this girl for a long time.

I'd never told anyone. I was just, it was eating away at me. And they were like, who do you like? Who do you like? And then they wouldn't let me alone because I was like, no, no. And so finally I said that and they're like, okay. All right, you're gonna ask her at the time it was go around.

To go around. You're gonna ask her to go around during recess. They're commanding you to do that. Yeah, I'm like, no, I'm not. They're like, oh, and became one of those things of like, oh, we'll give you 25 cents to. Are you gonna buy a pair of shoes with that? Yeah.

Yeah. Keep those new sharkies. So, then when recess came around, it became a thing that I was going to do. And meanwhile, this had traveled through the class and meanwhile, the girls had found out about this and we're trying to intercept her to say, this is happening.

Oh no. And I just went up and it like, I was like looking for and I finally found her, I was like, hey, you want to go around, she went, no, I went, okay, I'm locked away. Did you get 25 cents? I, and yeah, and I stuck up my hand, they put the 25 stuck up my hand. They put the $25 cents in my hand,

and I was like, just, masculated from the whole thing. But you earned that money. Yep, and I, you know what? I've never touched it. And honestly, that's what I- I don't touch my Greece as much. Yeah, you've only-

I didn't put it in the bank. It didn't have any interest. I just have this quarter over there. You have a good deal with those people still where you can ask anyone to go around. Which by the way, do you want to go around? No. Hey, $25 cents, please. Tch the way, do you want to go around? No. Hey 25 cents, please.

My eyes, they're dollar size. I'm as quarters as I. They're falling out. Oh no, they're quarters on his eyes. I said he's dead. Four quarters on his eyes. Four is all his eyes. His brain is squirming like a toad.

Do we want to do another voicemail? What do we have time? Yeah, let's look. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we have time. OK. Uh, here we go.

Is that the voicemail? Hi, Scott Paul and Lauren. That's Katie calling. Hi, Katie. Lauren, Katie Colley. Hi Katie. Hi Katie. I'd like to call you guys on my way home from work. I'm just thinking about things. So today I was wondering. I was on the road 12 and 2. You consider your adult to be more of a dog or a cat. So now this is not the kind of animal that you prefer but like no we got it Katie we got it do you feel you're not stupid stop explaining it maybe you guys could answer for each other she wants us to know which animal we prefer we get it I'm sorry I prefer we get it Katie. It's what we prefer. Oh wait, what do you think? Yeah, she said she's a lot. Oh yeah, loyal bit big loyal bit big loyal bit big loyal bit big. Katie, thank you so much. I think I'm definitely more of a dog in what way?

I Think I have more of a dog energy and then a cat energy. I think I want to be I like you want to be like the affection. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think I think I think you've been showing me your belly this entire trust you. I Feel like I have cat and I think I'm a cat. I think you're more of a cat. I think I'm a cat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A cool cat. Oh, yeah. Your cat with sunglasses. Oh my cat. You're a California raisin sunglasses on my cat. You're at California raisin. The sunglasses are this saxophone.

Wow. I feel like I'm the winner Schnitzel hot dog. Like, yeah. That makes sense. That makes sense. I'm learning about to cross the country, yes. I feel like I'm one of those cows that holds up the sign that says eat more chicken

but it's misspelled. I feel like I'm like this swirl on the Jamba sign. Yeah. Just like you get what I'm saying. Like I'm just that. Yeah. I feel like I'm Etna, the insurance company. I feel like I'm the afloat.

Is that what you are? I feel like I'm Haliburton. I feel like I'm G. Remember they changed to G? What's G? Oh, black water changed to G. Oh, black water changed to G. Xe.

Yeah. Oh, Xe. Xe. XE, yeah. Oh, XE. XE. Yeah. Why? I don't know. They're like, oh, people are onto us. Oh, no.

We're not Blackwater. We're a G. It's like Mind Spring. What's Mind Spring? Oh, Life Spring. Life Spring changed to Landmark Forum. Oh, first it was S, then it was Life Spring, then it was Landmark Forum. Right.

Yeah. Why do we brandy going on in the? Gotta do it landmark got to do it universe. It's like landmark extended universe. Street daughters where it's like for it goes from Street to Gummer to Jacobson. It's like hey, we're not Caching in on the street. Yeah, street. This is even though we look and sound exactly like oh That is my mother actually. Yeah. Oh, Merrill. Oh, in terms of who raised me. Yeah. In terms of why you find me interesting in any way. Yes. No, she's great. Of course, she's lovely. The stuff.

Merrill. I love Merrill. Merrill is one of the great streams. I feel like I'm closer and closer to getting a dog. Oh, my God. If you had a dog, no, you need a dog. This should be the series finale of three of them. The mini you get a dog, the show's over, and we just go, goodbye, everyone, goodbye.

I don't know why the show has to end, but I think you should get it. To pay for that dog. Do you think it's really fun? I do think it's really fun. And honestly, I was having a bad day today, and I had it on the way here. I was like, it would be nice to have a dog just to have a thing.

Who's a living thing whose job it is to shit. To just. That's what that's what that's what. Unfortunately, that's why I don't have one. Honestly, my dog is very excited to see me all the time. Yeah. She follows me everywhere to the point where I'm sort of going, get a life. Get some interest.

It's like a little bit much sometimes, but it's nice. Because I thought like, the first time I was like sitting on the couch to have the dog next to me sitting there with me. And I feel like you love dogs. I do. I do. When you meet a dog, that means something to you. Yeah, it does.

And I feel like that's very special. I don't really feel that way when I meet a dog. I kind of like, that's so cute and I don't really care. Because you have a dog. Yeah,'t really feel that way when I meet a dog. I kind of like, that's so cute and I don't really care. Because you have a dog. Yeah, but even before that. And I think you have this strong connection with dogs. Yeah. And you would, what kind of dog would you want? I mean, I, I, I love a dog that you can actually hug like a, like a, like a, I think you need

a little bit bigger. Like if it was standing on a tide and legs, you would tower above you. No, like Clifford the big red. Oh, that's too big. Okay. Oh, that's too. So like a mini clip. They're underselling how big he is. He's bigger than a half. I mean, the red part is bigger than multiple houses. They should be cliffer than gigantic doll. Yeah. They're weird. Who even cares? He's red. I think he should be. He's enormous. I think it's Clifford. He's basically Godzilla the big red. Yeah. Yeah. The red part to me is the strange part. I love Huskies. I think they're so funny, but they do require there a lot of work. Yeah. My kids are some boy-ed growing up. Oh, yeah. And I kind of love that. I think that'd be really fun.

They're so pretty and big and I think they're hip-hop. I'm a genius, too. I don't know. I think I'm, I'm gonna be wrong. But obviously, you know, you go to the pound and you get, you know, you don't have sex. You rescue a dog. You like, I love those stories people have of going into rescue place and they look at the dogs and then they have a connection to the dog

and they just know. That's what's gonna happen. It's just me. Do it, do it, do it. I do, I do think when you go into a rescue place, they should force you to because it's like basically you just pay them and they give you the dog. They should force you to do the rescue, whatever they had to do to get the dog. Like with Molly, our one dog was like a to you on a trash dog who was in a backyard for two years and like was

never inside or whatever. Like we they should set up a whole thing where we have to sneak into a compound and like literally rescue her. With like people yelling at us as we grab her and like, hey, get back here. That's so mean. So you feel more like you rescued the dog rather than just being a business transactor.

So you can literally say, and it can be fake and the guns aren't real. They're firing blanks. I'm gonna something out there, though. I think that there should be, it should be sort of a 50-50 chance that the dog has to rescue you. So that one it said who rescued who? I was just thinking that because in Scott's scenario, it's like, oh no, I rescued this dog. Right, it's very clear. Dog didn't do shit. So maybe there's, and you flip a coin to see a dog coin. Which scenario you're going to go for. A dog coin, yeah.

To see who goes first. But you're in a cage at one point and the dog goes up to the cage and tries to figure out how to get you out. Yeah. Hey, guess what? No opposable thumbs, not going to happen. And then you're stuck in the cage forever. Then you're stuck in the cage forever.

Okay. At the very least, you should, after you select a dog, you feel like you've made that connection. Yeah. You should then treat places. Yeah. And see, does the dog now feel the same now that they're outside of the cake and then make the dog go to work for you and say like, see, it's not so fun. Hmm, that's interesting. I mean, while you're in the K, it's waiting to get fed. That's also not so. Hoping there's someone will adopt you. Yeah. And it's like, hey, see, we liked where we were originally. Yeah. Each one had a thing that was better seen.

That's true. Here's what I do. I go to the rescue center. I look at all the dogs and I say, count your blessings. Yes. It could be me right now. Yeah. I mean, to podcast. I mean, I have to go sit in bullshit with my friends for a few. I think you you I think you got to do this. I feel very excited. This is a summer project. Don't put it on this. No, there's no clock, but go visit like spend the summer going to different things and like, you know, see it's a man. Maybe just for fun. I am now a person who will ask if I can pet your dog on the street. Yeah, okay, You need it. I went to the dry cleanse the other day and there was this dog in the back seat. It was sticking his head out the window.

There was somebody in the passenger seat and I walked up and said, can I say hi to your dog and she said, sure. And his name was Nelson. He was beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He had a real Nelson personality too.

Like a T. Yeah. Yeah. The person in the front seat was Cracked Nelson. And he said, I name my dog Nelson. I want people to think we're the band. And he was married to Nelson Franklin. That's right. Nelson Nelson. Just Nelson's all over. Yeah, there's Nelson's all the way down. And you met a great dog. Yeah, I really, I'm doing that more and more now. Where is he dogs? And Jamie's on board for a dog if you were a great dog. Yeah, I really, I'm doing that more and more now.

Where is he, dogs? And Jamie's on board for a dog if you were to get one. I think she would be. I think she would. Once you took it home. Yeah, just surprising. Yeah, just surprising. Who is there anyone who doesn't like that?

Someone showing up with a surprise animal? Yeah, that's what's so crazy me anytime you see that in a movie. It's like, here's a dog in a box or something. Yes. I do think my dad did that one year. He's a lunatic. Did not tell your mom. I think it was a surprise to her. We got a Dalmatian. Oh my god. There has to have had their extreme conversation. It didn't last long in our house. Dalmatian. I have friends who got a Dalmatian and they're like, this is so much fun.. Because it needs run for a million hours a day. It needs so much exercise.

My dad would take it on like long runs. Yeah. And, but yeah, it was really wild. And it was big in our house. Our house was like tight and it was like, that's tail with flap and knock everything over. It was just like, it just was a crazy idea. So it could be.

We can't have them. Yeah. So it actually was, I've probably told the story. It was given to my dad's friend who had a farm and it went to a farm. So that is true. I can't happen. I know.

I asked us an adult though, was that really true? That's true. So they still don't trust you with the real answer? Yeah, yeah. They put him down. They instantly put him down. Our house is not big enough for a big dog. We'd have to get like probably a mid-size Dan of the dog.

The Kia. Yeah. The Kia's all, the Kia's all, yes. I think you could have a nice little golden retriever. I don't know if we have the roof. Okay, then like corgi size. Okay, then like, corgi size. Yeah, but not a corgi. Corgi's are fucking funny.

Corgi's are funny, but if you- Look, if you have an idea for a dog the polish would get, just flag him down. Yeah, flag him down on the street. Flag him down. You know what? Actually, yeah. Go, hey, jerk face.

He'll know that it's about the dog. If you say that. I don't like this. Don't do that to me. Don't this. Don't do that to me. Don't please don't do that. Do it to Lauren. No, don't. So you don't want any contact. All right, we have to go. But we talked about Hack claims, a you know the number. Yeah, if you are right to us, then it's a feature. It's extended to three to me, USAGmail.com,

and send us like games you like to play. You don't have to make up a game, but send us a game you play is a lot. Because we're getting endless variations on the same game that we've played before. You can just play that game. But, and by the way, if you leave a voice mail, do it like these two did.

Well, the first one didn't say her name, but do it like our last one. Tell us your name and keep it brief. And you can be asking us a question. Wow, that could happen to you. Wow. You too. You guys are great. We love you. And thank you for listening to our dumbass podcast. Thank you so much. Yeah. And get the shirt about how great our show is. Oh yeah,, that's a fun shirt. The wearer believes the shirt. The wearer believes the shirt.

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