Threedom - Rhonda McDonda

Episode Date: December 4, 2025

Lauren, Paul, and Scott discuss The Star Spangled Banner, the name Woody, and restaurant characters before playing I've Got Some Bad Tunes. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Oh, God. Hey, everybody. I'm Mandy Patinkin. And I'm Catherine Grady. And we have a new podcast. It's called Don't listen to us. Many of you've asked for our advice. Tell me, what is wrong with you people? Don't listen to us.

Our Take It or Leave It Advice show is out every Wednesday, premiering October 15th, a Lemonada Media Original. Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Oh, how do you like me now? Oh, say, can you see by the dawn's early light. What's so proudly we hailed at the twilight.

A bunch of bullshit. I never heard this song. Oh, yeah. It's a classic. All of those words, they don't mean anything anymore. Let's change them. Wow. Dang.

That's, do you mean, like, we don't live up to it anymore? You're saying those actual words are just meaning those. But, I mean, all these words, like, yes, I technically know what they mean. But let's update them to, like, real words that people use now. Oh, say. You know. Can you see? Oh, say.

Did you see by the dawn's early light? what so proudly we hailed is the twilight's last gleaming come on just speak english it still doesn't say what i'm supposed to have seen yeah you're giving me all these descriptions it's like what do you think it is i think it turns out to be the flag i think i think i've sung that so many times i don't even know what he's talking about is the star spangled banner a flag so as a sentence right as a way of getting people to say did you see the flag you're saying Oh

It's like Can you see by the Dawn's early light Jeopardy Rules or something So proudly we hail By the Twilight Last evening Who's broad stripes

What are you fucking talking about? Just say, Did you see that flag? Who's broad stripes And bright stars Through the perilous fight Or the ramparts we love We're so gallantly street.

Blaming. Gleaming. And the rocket. And the rockets. And the rockets. The bombs were bursting in the air. Gave proof through the night. I got a number.

A flag was still there. Because there were fireworks, but it was mostly probably bombs. And that proved that our. flag was there so we could see it in the light of the bombs they mentioned bombs in it I don't know how many national anthems mentioned bombs makes sense for us but it's not it's not like we were

sending the bombs off at least it's like we were the victim of it yeah exactly like it would be weird to have a national anthem was like and we'll bomb the shit out of you if you try to fuck with us all right I want to see how long it takes to get to the idea that we're looking at a flag

say it's as fast as you Like John Machita Jr.? Yeah. All right. I'm going to sing the national anthem as fast as anyone ever has. Oh, so you can see by the don't really what's probably be out of the tomorrow's like I really can't do it. I want to do it. Okay, you do it.

I'll move you. Okay. So by the time it gets to gave proof of the night that our flag was still there. They never say. Did you see that flag? Did you see that flag? Yeah. Then they say.

say as if they'd said it. O'Say, does that Star-Spangled Banner yet wave? As if they had said, you never told me what it was, dude? O'Say, does that Star-Spangled Banner still wave? Or the land of the free? And of the free and the home of the brave. That's a terrible podcast.

In 1814, Francis Scott Keith. We took a little trip. I wrote the poem. Defense of Fort McHenry. The poem was later put to the tune of John Stafford Smith's song, The Anacriantic Song. Not every poem has to be a song. Modified somewhat and retitled the Star-Spangled Banner

because the Anacriotic song was a shitty-ass name. It was a drinking song. Congress proclaimed the Star-Spangled Banner, the U.S. National Anthem in guess what year over under? 1925. What? 1925. Sorry, what was the question?

When did they make it the national anthem? National anthem? Oh, I bet this has been the national anthem since 3 AD. 1931. Pretty close. Oh, say, can you see, but the dogs are you like what? So probably we held the twice. Let's go out.

The rapids we watch a little gal and the show. And the racquet side go out of the bombs bursting in the night that our flag was still there. It is the source. It is the source going to be able to the run and the home of the bravest. I don't see, I don't know this part. On the short, dimly scene through the midst of the deep where the foes haughty host is dread, silence, repose. Oh, I forgot about the extra lyrics. Is that what the free blows, have concealed, have discloses.

Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam and full glory reflected, now shines on the stream to the star-swingled banner. Oh, long may it wave, or the land of the free and the home of the brave. I mean, there's still two more paragraphs, but I feel like. One's real bad, I think. Yeah, that, okay, when we keep going? I think one is like, where is that band who so vauntingly swore that the havoc of war in the battle's confusion, a home and a home in a country should leave us no more. Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps pollution. No refuge could save the hireling and slave from the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave and the star-spangled banner

and triumph doth wave or the land of the free and the home of the bridge. Honestly, it sounds like a bad song. It sounds like it's a bad omen. Yeah. Oh, thus it be it ever when free men shall stand between their loved homes and the war's desolation, blessed with the victory and peace. This guy. Heaven rescued land, praise the power that hath made and preserved us a nation. then conquer we must when our cause is just and this be our motto and God is our trotting

and the starspaned banner and triumph shall away for the land of the brain they honestly made the roast they made the most they made the most of that okay there's an explanation

that eight there's a that is left and eight it left no crumbs there is a there is a under these lyrics there is a sort of explainer as to what the story

was okay what's the story and they have put in morning glory in italic the parts of the story that appear in the anthem itself.

Okay. So, Francis Gakia woke on September 14th By the dawn's early light. Okay. Concerned if the flag he had so proudly held with the Twilight's last gleaming would still be visible. He worried whether the flag,

with its broad stripes and bright stars that he had seen during the perilous fight, was still gallantly streaming above the ramparts of the fort. It's like a mad libs. Can you remember Do you think that's how they wrote it? Probably.

I would much rather Fuck noun. I would much rather hear this as the lyrics. Perilously. Can you imagine this is the actual lyrics? It'd be a little easier to understand what he's trying to say.

Yeah. Key he remembered how the rockets red glare and the bombs bursting in air had given proof through the night that our flag was still there. It's good that he remembered stuff in rhyme. He saw America as the land of the free. The home.

A nation based of the concept That all men are created equal And the home of the brave Those courageous men Who fought and died During the American Revolution To create this land of opportunity As well as those that had died

In the current conflict I was like can you see by the Duns early So Bradley we hailed it The Twilight's glass It's really hard It's a hard one It's a really Because I'm bad, I'm bad

You know, you know I'm bad a bad you know Shamm up, jam on jump on It's something funier to do that Whose broad stripes The bright starts through the Fuck The kid is not my son

you know but speaking of going the other way with it i we we checked out a book at the library for emmy the other day and it was uh um gosh do i say do i put the person on blast who it's by it's a famous musician but a famous musician billy bomb thornton billy bomb thornton yeah it was all about the uh chris fix with angelia jolly's blood in it that he wore around his neck no it was it's a Famous musician, someone took their song and turned it into a children's book. Oh, I feel like that's happened a number of times. It's happened a number of times. It was so bad.

And by the way, it doesn't say this is a song. It's just, it's just, it was a book. I read it and I said, this is terrible. This must have been a song. The book is put out by the musician? It says, it says written by famous musician, illustrated by this person. Why can't you name? I can't remember what it was, but I, I remember that.

It's Ziggy Marley. Is it three little birds? No, that's Bobmer. Oh, sorry. It's My Dog Romeo. Okay. By Ziggy Marley? By Ziggy Marley.

Okay, he just put it out as a song. Someone said, let's turn this into a book and some nice person illustrated it. But let me just say, it's a bad book because songs aren't good books. Songs are good songs. Yeah. But this book. Scott, that's tough to argue. You know?

Yeah. Songs are not good books. Songs are good songs. But this book is like, my dog Romeo, my dog Romeo. Shout out to my dog, Romeo. It's great. I want to hear the tune. Well, the tune is not bad.

I mean, it's just a trifle. It's a trifle. I'm longing for the tune. It's just like, my dog, Romeo. My dog, Ryan, it's just a nice little song you wrote about his dog, right? Shout out to my dog Romeo. Now, how do you know it was a nice person who illustrated? Well, what do you, what do you, okay, if you get into children's book illustrator,

Yeah. It's, I don't think you're doing it for the money. You have to be getting into the game because you love it, right? And I would think that you're a nice person. You're so naive. Yeah. Obviously you do it for the money. Really?

Yes, that's why I do it. You illustrate children's books? Not a nice person. What? Yeah. You've never told us about this. No, why should I? How many episodes of freedom would we have, 280, whatever?

This has never come up? Wouldn't a nice person have told you? Oh, you're terrible. Not so terrible as you who, insulted my work in my dog Romeo. You, you did that book? Yes, and I wrote the song. For Ziggy

Marley. He doesn't even even have a dog, Romeo? No, he's allergic to dogs. What? Yes. I said, listen, people love these dumb, stupid animals. If you write a, if I write you a song about

a dog, it's going to go to number one as every dog song ever has. Yeah. What's your favorite dog song, Lauren? Who let the dogs out? Yeah. How much is that doggy in the window? Another good choice. Classic.

Mm-hmm. Do they ever say? I don't think they do. I think it says like, it says like adopt, don't shop at the end or something. Right. You'd hate for the singer in the middle of the song be like, oh, that's too much. Was there an answer song like, the dogie in the window costs $5. You know what? But please adopt, don't shop or we'll berate you forever.

It's funny you bring up answer songs because I read an article about answer songs today. Because I listened to a song that I couldn't believe existed. It was Demita Joe singing, I'll Be There. Like the Jackson vibes? No, it's not. The song starts, and it is clearly stand by me, but it is Demita Joe singing an answer song to stand by me about how she's going to be there if he does stand by her. Because it's not that Benny King made the mistake, classic mistake, when your song is phrased as a question. Yeah.

Will you stand by me? Oh, yeah. I think I'm going to do an answer song about whether I'm not I'm going to stand by you. You know what? That's a great song. Yeah. Stand by me is a great song. And to Mia Joes, I'll be there.

Not as great. It's the same melody. You're hating today. I'm a true hater. But then I, you know what I did read was, this land is your land. Yeah. Started out as an answer song. To what?

This land is my name. land. And then he goes on to say, this land is my land. Yeah, he like acknowledges. This land is my land. It started out as an answer song to something. I don't remember what. And then he, he fiddled with it and then just turned it into its own thing.

Good for him. Good for him. Woody Guthrie. That's nice. Yeah. And then Bob Dylan goes and visits him in the hospital. Yep. Who's a more famous Woody?

Woody got three? Woodpecker. Harold. Woodpecker. Harold. Harrelson or Alan Allen or what's the worst Woody Woodpecker or Woody Allen Woodrow Woodman Really? Yeah or Woodman the woodman.

There's not another, there's not another more common name that it's kind of a. I don't think so. What is Woody short for? I like it as a name. It's a fun name, Woody. It's like kind of cute. Woodward, Elwood, Haywood. Okay.

Jablomi. I met this great guy Heywood Jablomi He's heard all the jokes Leave him alone Would you date someone named Hey would you blow me If they refuse to change their name

Yeah Because it's not like they're saying Their full name to me all the time Bear in mind You're married to Mike Would you date this person? Oh shit Lauren If they were really hot

What if you married? Hey, I met this guy Hey, Mike, I met this guy. I'm so sorry to tell you this, but we can be open. His name's Haywood. We can be open. His last name's Jabloomy. Actually, I would say his last name is Jablomi, which is kind of a weird last name.

But his first name is normal. It's Haywood. Now, if you were to date, if Mike were not in the picture and you were dating Haywood Jablomi, Mike has never been in the picture, by the way. Mike's never existing. I'm not hurting his feeling. No, he's never existed. But Haywood Jablomi, let's just say he's really hot.

and really funny and interesting. No, no, no. He's hot, funny, huge penis. But not so big that it's uncomfortable. It's like. It's just perfect. No, no, it's great.

You just want to look at it. Crush you tight. Crushed you lose. And then what happens? You marry him on board so far. You marry him. Lauren Gibloomy. That's the thing.

He wants you to take his name. Do you do it? Yeah, because with my name, it doesn't really mean anything. Mrs. Jablomi. Mrs. Jablomi? And you become a teacher at a high school.

How's it spelled? What's it spelled? Hold on. What's she teach? Hold on. What's she teach? What subject? Anatomy, I guess, from my previous dream I appeared in. Maths. I'm Mrs. Jablomi, and we're going to talk about the vast deference. It sounds like something on the moon. Haywood Jablomy.

Apollo 11 is touched out on the vast deference. Morphing technology. What does Haywood do for a living? Is he a short order cook? He's a glass blower. Okay. Oh, well, that's nice. So his company is called Jablomi's.

Ghiblomi glass. Hey, would you blow me some glass? Haywood Jablomi glass. Heywood Jablomi. Someglass. Yeah. Okay. So we call it some glass, but it's sort of like a little title over the top.

Heywood Jablomi sunglass. Are people coming in thinking it's sunglasses? And then in parentheses it says yes. If they can't read, they might think that. But it's just they can't read about it. If they can't. You can't read. Yeah.

Which isn't good. They would say, I bet that means sunglasses. By the way, if you're a podcast listener and you can't read, no shame. I bet they see. They do enough to like, but they go like, I bet that means sunglasses. I've seen a combination of letters like this before. I think it means sunglasses. And then they go and they put like these big glass blowing things on their eyeballs because they think, well, these must be sunglasses.

They're like, yeah. do you think what's the worst sunglasses do you think woody from toy story is more famous than all of them do you think Woody from Toy Story's real name is Haywood probably and do you think his last name is Jolomi is what is what is what is what he's last name is the only one who has a first and last name is a surname yeah little Bo Peep peep is maybe her surname oh that's true maybe Bo Peep is the name and then little of course is a little but what I felt like like Woody, we've seen as packageing. Let me finish. Nobody was stopping you. Did he come with a birth certificate? Like cabbage patch dolls? Oh, that'd be so cute.

That'd be so cute. Every, every toy should come with a birth certificate. Now, with cabbage patch dolls was every single one different from the last. There were no repeating. There was no repeating. And there was a Christmas where we had to try to get one for my sister. I think I want to get a cabbage patch for my kids. Did they make a movie out of it?

That's fun. Yeah. Do they sell them a lot now? Jingle all the way. Are they back? They're bringing back all the toys from when I was a kid, you know. Oh, good. They have fun of everything.

Care bears, pound puppies, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't they bring back that hot press where you made monsters. Remember that? They started fires. Yeah. Yeah. I had two cabbage patch kids when I was a good. Let me see.

Are they bringing back that AI doll that talks about blades and cabbagepatchpatchkid.com. Find your baby. Do you like BDSM? See adopties. I hope it sounded like that. Are you a pay pig? This is a thriving company. You know, this is actually going great.

What cabbages? You can pick everything under the sun. Let's pick some. This is pretty fun. Okay, I'll look at this later. Is anybody paying the crazy amounts of money that people are asking for beanie babies? I don't think so. Why are we acting like, why are we marking them as that much much?

Yeah. What do we do? Nobody, that's been proven to be false. No. There was one of the, I was doing a crossword the other day. There was one of the first speculative like collecting things was like some fruit. No, it was a flower.

Oh, God, what was it? Was it tulips? It was some sort of tulip or something. Tulips were like a big. They caused like a collapse, I think. Right, yeah. Like a flower? In the 1600 or something?

There was like a craze. You know what? I have a whole box of beanie babies that I've been waiting for the right time. Tulip Mania. To throw away. During the Dutch Golden Age. Tulip Mania. In 1634, yeah.

That's a long time ago. So wait, Lauren, you're saying you want a cabbage patch kid? I think I want to give them to my children. They're cute. I think I want to pull out the bean babies and, you know, maybe they'll be under the Christmas tree. I was thinking about beanie babies and just... They're fucking toys.

Yeah. Yeah. I looked up the Princess Diana Beanie Baby because I was led to believe that was very rare. There's a million of them online. It was very hard to buy at the time, though. At the time. Yes. At the time.

You missed it. You missed it. But everybody got them and they're all for sale on eBay. Yeah. Why not just enjoy it? Why not just keep it? Why do you have to sell it? Why can't you just love it?

Why can't you just keep it as a memory of Princess Diana, the people's princess? The woman I met. Yep. That's right. There's a picture, right? Refresh my memory. There's a picture. The back of your head.

Refresh my memory. I actually haven't deep, divin enough to see myself. But there is a whole website of that day. Oh, right, right, right. Sort of getty images. This is sort of like me and the map. lot lock episode where, like, it's the back of my head. Yeah.

Do that do anything for you? Yeah. It does. It reminds me, reminds me of going, look, it's Matlock. It reminds me going, hey, Scott just said, look, it's Matlock. What was the rat party like? Yes, I was invited. For Matlock?

Matlock, all I really remember is Andy Griffith saying that his lines didn't make sense. I told you this before. he like complained to the director that he Mattlock wouldn't say any of this and then changing it to something that didn't make any sense at all and the director just going like oh yeah sure yeah whatever you want and then I watched the episode where my face is supposed to be in it and his lines are totally cut out because none of them made any sense anymore you see here's what I would have done I would have left his lines in but I would have to this argument people in the jury going what yeah this now cut to reaction so then just have him ADR the whole thing This was outside of mansion, by the way. You don't know. You keep them in, so he sees it. Yeah.

He sees the people going. This doesn't make any fun of it. This is him walking inside a mansion. So you think it should have cut to a jury at another location? Yeah. Going home. I think you'd make a great editor. Thank you.

And by the way, I think this was episode six or something of Maloney. Wow. You never exist. What year did that start? Well, they have it now. I remember I filmed it in 85, I think. So, I just, when I look back, when I look back and finally found out what episode in it, I was like, he was arguing about what Matlock would say by episode six or seven. Yeah.

I mean, look. That's commitment. The character was probably pretty nailed down. We're still deciding what he's going to say. And this is one of the things he's going to say. Yeah. I do think the current Matlock should bring me back. Oh, absolutely.

I think so, too. To reprise your role. Yes, of course. I'll wear the exact same thing. Yeah, yeah. A blue sport coat with my hair and in Anthony Michael Hall in weird science kind of kind of look. Now, does the current Matlock have any relation to the previous Matlock? That's a good question.

Thank you. I know I was surprised by the concept of the new Matlock. Yes. What if lady? Well, no, there's a whole, like, secret thing that in the pilot, they, the final scene of the pilot is, pilot is a big. The pilot. Pilots. Commence pilot.

I shot a pilot, not over the phone. Don't say that over the phone. But there's like a twist to that. What's the twist? Tell me. Okay. If you don't want to hear the twist, fast forward. A twist from a pilot of Matlock?

Yes. The new Matlock. Oh, the new one. I actually watched a little bit of that. Can I guess? Yeah. It's like a meet Dave where Matlock is a big robot that somebody pilots. How did you guess?

Pilots. Pilots. The twist is that she. is working at this place undercover in order to bring it down. Oh. Because her... Like a law firm? Yeah, she sneaks in like the first episode, right?

Sneaks in. She like kind of finagels her way in with like badges and whatnot and she's up there doing some sort of... And then they're like, wow, you're such a homespun way about you or whatever. Yeah. She's there to bring the place down because of their... Cambocha. Their...

What am I trying to say? Their culpability in it in the... death of someone related to to where I believe due to Oxycontin or something like that they're related to OxyContin they're related to OxyContin yeah

Matlock is also humorous the sister of a pill so don't get it twisted and it is supposed to be kind of funny right there's a little like there's some yeah yeah uh anyway I want to be brought back I want to wear the same thing and I want to be and just the back of your head at the same mansion yes exactly I'll do all of that and it'll be fun

for the fans the fans will love it so fun if the current Matlock goes back to that mansion is like This feels familiar somehow. How many actual actors that have been on the original Matlock are willing to come back to Matlock or even alive? I'm one of the only living actors who's ever been able. You were probably the youngest person to ever appear on Matlock. Remember when I was, by the way, younger than I was supposed to be.

I was 15 years old and you were supposed to be 16. Oh, fuck. I lied. Of course. And how much, remember when everyone in Wizard of Oz died, like the last living person to be in Wizard of Oz finally died, like the last Munchkin or whatever. No. I didn't know that, but that's really sad.

They're all dead. Probably, I think anyone who's ever in the Wizard was dead. What about the crew? I hope so. Well, when did it come out? I hope so. 39. So they'd have to be like a hundred something years old.

That's allowed. There's no law against it. Yeah. But I think I'm one of the last living people to ever be on Matlock. They should have me back. You should at least get a plaque. I take that. I take that.

Wicked Part 2 last night. Did you see it? I saw it about a lot. a week or a half ago or so yes it was too long yes oh we should have timed it out better yeah i can't believe we saw it so far apart i haven't seen when's it gonna be on pacaque oh don't wait for that go see it and dobleby surround sound my chair was practically rumbling it was awesome i loved it yeah i don't think i'm gonna get a chance to get to a theater to see it while it's still in theaters well you're on you're on you're on tour so long but uh you know and then by the time you get

back. Tour, tour, tour, tour, I'm on tour so long. Tour, tour, tour so long. Tour, tour, tour so long. She's gone. Did you watch the talk about... Oh, guys, we have to take a break. Not yet.

It's really good. Guys, we have to take a break. Bye. Bye. I always start the holidays with the best intentions and somehow end up panic buying a gift card on December 23rd. Not this year. I went with an aura frame instead.

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It's everything you actually want to wear built to hold up season after season, after season, after season. I got some stuff from Quince Paul You're going to be very proud of me I got the Mongolian cashmere crue neck sweater I'm a big fan of that It's great for when you want to feel cozy But still look you know At your best I wear it all the time

And honestly I would wear it even more If my wife weren't borrowing it all the time Girl I hear you My wife keeps stealing my Quince items I have a wonderful soft cashmere hoodie That I got from them And she has claimed it as her own which is honestly very aggravating.

My wife has also been going into our bank accounts and stealing money from my own bank account that I have kept secret. And I'm really concerned about that. My wife has literally taken food out of my mouth. Oh, no. Like I put a forkful of food on my mouth and she's taking it out of it.

That's the right amount as far as I'm concerned. That's how I eat food by the forkful. Exactly. Anyway, get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with quince. Don't wait. Go to quince.com slash freedom for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada, too.

That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash freedom. Free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash freedom. Do you know, I have not watched the John Candy documentary yet. I have also not watched the Mr. Rogers documentary from a few years ago. For the million years? Yeah, for the same reasons. I must have seen that one.

For the same reasons that I'm afraid of crying so much. The junk candy one is emotional. Yeah. Yeah. But I got to watch it. I've been watching the Eddie Murphy one. That's great. I thought, yeah, that was really interesting.

It's really interesting. What an interesting person he is. So interesting. I'm only halfway through, but it's really interesting. He, like, he ordered himself to not be OCD. I know. I know. He's like, don't do that.

Yeah. Great. Eddie Murphy can apparently. Wow. Wow. Yeah. John Candy one's good. I saw Martin Short talk after it.

And, um. Oh, wow. Along with McCulley Culkin, both of them on the same stage. That's a good line up. Moderated by, of course, Ryan Reynolds. Oh, right. I actually wanted to go. Van City Reynolds?

Yeah. Yep, Van City Reynolds. And Colin, of course, the director of the film was there. It was good. I enjoyed it. I really liked it. Wait, Colin Hanks directed that? Yeah.

I didn't know that. I did. I guess Tom Hanks knew him pretty well. I'm not saying you're lying. Tom Hanks is not a dog. I didn't know that either. No, Colin Hanks talked about how Tom Hanks was the only person to ask for the questions in advance. And but then he figured out that it was because he just wanted to be very prepared for his son directing this thing.

No, that's really nice. I actually think that's a great thing to ask the questions or to know the questions in advance so you can have a good answer. Yeah. Like sometimes on the spot in a situation like that, you might not remember something that's important. and would help tell a better story. There's so many kinds of questions that I freeze up on if somebody asks me, if they want me to name a specific thing, like, what's your favorite, whatever? Anything like that?

Not in your favorite. That's easier to answer. Or like, what's the funniest thing that happened when you were doing that? Yes, exactly. And then once they leave, you remember. Yeah, I don't remember. And then you know what? I ask people questions like that all the time.

Yeah. But it is very nice to get it in advance. It is. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think people probably, I've never thought to ask for that. Who was my son doing it? I guess I would have.

ask. Well, because if you're Tom Hanks, you don't want to be answering so question like, uh, Tom Hanks, why are you so mean to me when I was a child? You want to make sure those are filtered out. Yes, exactly. And then also Ryan Reynolds was saying the three interviews that he had to do, I guess.

Because Colin Hanks did all of them, but somehow Ryan Reynolds was the only one who could get Bill Murray or something like that. It was interesting. Weird. Yeah, Bill Murray, like, was the very, very last day of shooting where it was like, Like, is he going to, is he going to do it or is he not? And Ryan Reynolds told the story of how he got him the message he left on the machine in order to get him to do it and all that kind of stuff. It was interesting.

So, Colin Hanks, hey, would you, Tom, didn't make a good John Candy? Would you, would you talk about him in this movie? No answer. What was the magical thing that Ryan Reynolds said? Something you do with one of his kids, like, blurted something out on the phone or something else. And it worked. And it worked. But, uh, very...

You know what I bet that kid blurted out? What? What Bill Murray said to Scarletcher Hansen at the end? At the end, yeah, he's like, if this kid knows that, I have to do that. The secret code? I have to silence this child. Yes. He said, and it's like grimace was the best McDonald's character.

How? I would be so happy. Let's hear your ranking of McDonald's character. I would be so happy if that's what he whispered to her at the end of that movie. What's the, like, duck one? I don't even know. Birdie. There's a duck birdie?

No. You know was so good. There was a period when they had these like cookies that were in the shape of those characters. The McDonald's cookie. The shortbread sort of. Yeah.

Really good cookies. Really good. Do you want me to? My child palette. Do you want me to bring up McDonald's characters? Yes. Yes.

Let's get into the expanded universe. Okay. We have. I'm going to the McDonald's. Wickey. By the way, we have Hamburgerger. Robble, Robble. We have Ronald McDonald himself. Phased out. Now, we talked

about her earlier, Birdie the early bird. So that's ironic. We talked about her earlier because she's early. That's crazy. Mayor McCheese. Absolutely. Fry kids. Love them. Were the fried kids little like yarn thing? Yeah, yeah. Fry kids?

I remember them as fry guys. They're fry kids apparently. Mac tonight. Five guys. Mac tonight, of course, moon man. That's very 90s. For sophisticated people. Officer Big Mac.

That's right. I don't feel familiar. I guess I can do. Yeah. What about this guy? All cops are burgers. Uncle Ogrimacy. Yes.

He comes at St. Patrick's. He comes at Shamrock Shake time. Oh, man. You're making me want a shamrock shake. I'm making you. Guys, stop. What about the apple pie trees? Oh, yeah.

I remember the apple pie trees. What about it? Aunt Millian Tilly. Nope. No idea. There's far too many to say here, but, uh... No, there's not. I think we have to fill time.

There's no way you can't get to the end. Apple pie trees, Astra, Aunt Millian Tilly, Max, and I Man in the Moon. Category mascots. Oh no. Category mascots. We're the category mascots. You got to the end so fast. We help you with the library. Is that the title of category mascots?

I was wondering that. Ben Gunn, Bernice, Bernie the early bird. box blatherer uh captain crook captain smollett chicken mcnuggins characters cause mc dd dr quizzical franklin fry kids grinder grinder oh gridler grinder grinder grinder grinder grinder grinder uh dr freudging dr froyd three filo fishes in my area grid gris gridler oh god roger patch hamburgler happy happy meal gang head Egg McMuffin Horseman

Headless Egg You please read about the headless egg It's been a Halloween deal Yeah The

The um The What was there hamburgers? There was something you said I need you to go slower

Because I need to know more Let me establish What the Headless Egg Give her back her It's a spooky

mascot for McDonald's who ran as a Halloween special in 1998 He appeared in two

ads In which he's scared the residents of McDonald's land in order to steal their egg McMuffins. His name was never officially announced, but fans chose the name. Great job, by the way, fans, based on him being headless and liking egg McMuffins and being a horseman. So fans chose the name, headless egg McMuffin man. Horseman. Based on him being headless, liking egg McMuffins.

Oh, I don't remember that at all. Yeah. It is not known, by the way, if he is a person or a pumpkin man. look I'm not worried he's he's really not a person they ditched him after two ads he's fucking arm he's not a hit he's not a he's not a hit

nice try yeah early life the headless egg McMuffin horseman is believed to have been raised somewhere in Chicago shut up on account of his very heavy accent are you fucking well now we need a commercial he is also very vocal about how high

SAT scores are in Illinois backing up this theory that can't be what it really was that picture that you're showing me it's like a real puppet. At 98, they would have done that. I feel like it would have been a cartoon. They hate kids. Don't forget. What is this? Is this a real?

That's Lego. Fucking Lego. Is this a real? They made a Lego headless horseman. That's cool. Nothing to do with the Egg McMuffin. I'm sorry to say. Let's get the commercial playing. I feel like none of this is real because why would they know

anything about his fucking accent in how high SATs is going to die. Give me an egg McMuffin or I'm going to kill you. After his appearances in the fall of 90th, the headless Egg McMuffin Horseman does not appear again. In 20 years since this time, he was declared dead in 2018.

This is not a real site. Declared dead. This is crazy what you're reading, and it's actually insane. It's gone on as long as it has. I can't read this site anymore. He was declared dead. Yeah.

Is this a site? But RAP to a real one. Is this a blog spot? It is a McDonald's Wiki fandom, yes. All right. I, I, yeah, you guys. You know what? Here's what you do.

You devalue journalism when you do things like this. Yeah. And by the way, calling yourself a wiki when you're not officially associated with Wikipedia, should be illegal. And you should be tortured and executed. It should be punishable by death. Captain Crook. I remember he was very scary. What about the McNugget buddies?

Oh, those guys are cute. Get a little of those two. They look like McNuggett buddies. They would dress up like vampires and stuff. They would dress up like vampires. How fun for them. Did you find the commercial? I had a great toy set.

Well, because I don't even think it exists, Paul. I had a toy set of McNuggets. I'm sure it was a Happy Meal Prize at some point. I loved them. Hold on. They were really stupid. That's butterfingers. This is a butterfingers.

See? It's horseshit. Get your shit together. Get rid out of your ass, Scott. Do you want to see a 1983 McDonald's Lake McMuffin commercial featuring John Goodman and Megan Mulally? Yeah, sure I do. All right.

Let's see it then. At sixth. First, we have. I can't believe how you're going to play an ad for something else. Sixth, whatever that is. It's a rent-a-car thing? I don't know. There's only one place you can get an egg McMuffin.

And now you can get a 99 cents for a. This is so cute. Sidney Pollack? Have an egg macmuffin' please. There is John Goodman. No lines. And Megan Malawi looks about 13. That's such a cute experience.

And now. They must have bonded over that when they worked together on righteous gemstones. Do you think they immediately were like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, shit. Weren't we in an Egg McMuffin commercial? They haven't seen each other's work since then. Yeah. I had completely lost touch with each other.

I had no idea. I wonder if that's why they did it together. I would love to hear more about that from the horse's mouths and sounds. I got it. Speaking of horses, where's that fucking commercial? What's wrong with you? Why can't you find it? If I find it before you, God help you, Scott.

I don't think it exists. I think it does exist. It does exist. It doesn't exist, Adam Scott. What? Adam Scott. That's his famous quote. From what?

From you talking YouTube to me. Wow. A show you were on, Paul. You should know. His famous quote. I can't find it. I don't think we're going to. I think they scrubbed it from the.

internet i think they did i think that's what scrubs was about so if we're gonna rank if i'm gonna rank i'm gonna kind of do just off the top of my head yeah what do you got it's it goes it's like i don't want to say grimace is the first but he kind of is one of the most popular to talk about okay and i learned he's very popular i learned he's a taste bud yes oh really that's weird isn't it it's disgusting yeah that's gross but i'd put i'd put him hamburgler fried guys, the McNuggets as characters. Wait, are we, is this quality or just recognition? It's just kind of like what I want.

It's her own personal ranking. Who I'm expecting to see. Right. I had a. Bernie I put later, but she is important, but she's also the only female representation we have. So we kind of, there's a fry kid that's a girl. But we need more women in the McDonald's land.

I mean, Ronald could get a revamp, you know, Rhonda. Rhonda McDonough. For Women's History Month, we're renaming our stores. Rhonda McDonough. Welcome to McDondaland. I had a hamburger stuffed, like, not stuffed animal because he wasn't an animal, but a stuff. A toy, yeah. I remember those. Yeah, I had it for years.

So I would rank him at number one. Mayor McCheese is classic. That hamburger for a head is great. I think Officer, whatever his name is, who also has... Officer Big Mac sort of dilutes the brand because they look too similar. But I think Mayor McChese,

and what a great name. What a great name. So he's number two for me. They kind of just nailed it. You're right. I forgot about him. Ronald McDonald is garbage. He's useless, right?

He's trash. Yeah. He's a little bit extra. He found that house to help kids and then we're supposed to be like, oh, you're so great. Yeah, no thank you. Fuck off.

I know you did it just for the, the creed for clout that's that is the best thing about him what did you do for clout or nooky probably nooky i did it all for the clout come on the clout so take this shout and stick it up your yeah stick it up here um but that's my ranking is is hamburgler because that's just a great name i think it's just we go let's do top three okay hamburger hamburger mayor mccheese and then i'll go grimace i'm gonna go back on no mac tonight i'm gonna say oh wow i'm gonna say i don't know he mecktonite doesn't i don't think he exists in the same world as them i don't think so either he's never seen with them yeah i think i'm gonna go with make nuggets

when they have eyes and stuff fry kids birdie Just fucking shit out. Wow. But I would, I'd be happy if that was all I saw. I'm going to say my number one, it's Mary McChese. Yeah. He's good. Because he combines, I like when they combine.

He has a sash. A sort of human form. Yeah. With just a fucking impossible head. When was the last time a mayor wore a sash? It's been a long time. They should be required to wear sashes. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I think anyone involved in government. Miramickcheese. Then Grimmis. Anyone in Doge? Grimmis is gorgeous. Yeah. He's plush.

You know what he means? Yeah. I mean, he looks luxurious. I don't like commenting on people's bodies. He's got a great body. He's kind of like. He's got that real hourglass figure, but it's just at the bottom.

His measurements are 75, 75, 75. No, I think his measurements are. Maybe if you're 5, 2. I think his measurements are 2. That's his head. 36. 80. Two.

And then number three is hamburger. I don't even want to put him in the top 10 because he's a criminal. He steals hamburgers. He's kind of stressful. We need to decriminalize stealing hamburgers. You know what? You're the type of person who would have chased after 24601 for that bread. It's kind of a Robin Hood situation.

Like, let him have it. How do we know this? I think the corporation can handle a few. What if hamburger is like your friends and neighbors? I think if they were to pay their employees better, then I would say like, oh, okay, maybe he shouldn't be stealing fries. Now we're going to the real world? Okay.

Hamburgerer number one. And he should be also the ham murderer. He should be taking hamburgers and shooting the CEOs of McDonald's. So he's the Luigi Mangio. Oh, no. McDonald's? Okay. Yeah.

I want to redo my list. Okay. It goes hamburger, marmar macchise, grimmis. Wow. Everyone else I said is nowhere to be seen. like they're exiled from the community yeah wow you you're calling for genocide no I'm calling for I want to eat nuggets and fries I'm actually getting hungry talking about it yeah we're doing by the way we shouldn't be talking about this right before dinner time yeah it's dangerous I could I have a leftover burger right through a McDonald's fucker I already made my dinner because I made it for lunch oh good I already made my dinner because I made it for lunch is it pancakes for dinner yeah it's pancakes and a big bag bucket at my fridge. When I was a kid, the idea of breakfast for dinner was very exciting and now

it disgust. It's just nothing. Yeah. I might have a bowl of cereal late at night. I could sooner eat leftover dinner for breakfast than eat fresh breakfast for dinner. No, that's gross. I would eat cereal at like 11 o'clock as a sort of, you know, healthy snack. Would you for one year rotate your meals so you're eating lunch for breakfast? dinner for lunch and breakfast for dinner just for one year you wouldn't do it

no why dinner for lunch would be really heavy I think because I just told you why should it matter what time of day you're eating why do you think

they made it the way it is because it matters because it matters Scott they say when you're eating breakfast you should eat like a king when you're eating lunch you should eat like a prince and when you're eating dinner

you should eat like a pauper who the fuck says this That's annoying. Who says this? People like if you want, if you want it like to be healthy. Did you make this up? So wait, it's King Prince Popper. King Prince Popper.

That's going to be like, that's it. Why? The prince doesn't eat as good as the king? It's his own flesh and blood. I know. But he's like a kid. How old is his prince? Nine.

Let's call it. No. Let's call him eight. Okay. All right. Now I understand. So now do you get it? Isn't it a while the difference between an eight-year-old diet and a nine-year-old diet?

Well, a pauper diet is like, that's the latest trend right now, Popper diet. John Popper. Yeah. You eat harmonicas. You tip your mouth shut all day and then for dinner you eat a crust. Mm-hmm. A crust. Mm-hmm.

But what, but it, you know, sometimes, Emmy, you'll say like for breakfast, you'll say, like, oh, I want this, you know, like, whatever we had for dinner the night before. And it's, and you immediately balk out and go, like, that's not breakfast food. why it doesn't matter anyone anyone can eat whatever they want at any time of day what if your parents did that i want to eat this for dinner mock mock mock oh do you say you can eat shit can i say something scott you quote emmy a lot on the show and we're just taking your word for it i know how do we know she's saying these she needs to be able to offer how do we know you're how do we know you are not mischaracterizing the things that she am i putting words into her mouth do you understand the words that are coming out of mine

Eddie Murphy said he regretted not doing rush hour. He was apparently offered that. I do too. Rush hour, Ghostbusters, and I forget the third one. He had three. I wish I'd done the moves. Citizen Kane. Yeah.

I wasn't offered that. I just wish I'd done it. Are we just taking his word for that? Fuck. So someone else might wish that he'd done those. Yeah. Did he ever talk about like if I could swap Ghostbusters for Norbert, I would. He actually likes Norbett, I think.

He didn't like Norbett. As does Brian Wilson. Did Brian Wilson. Oh, Brian Wilson loved Norbit. Norbett, yes. It was probably the best movie's ever seen, and it's the most recent movies ever seen. Yes. I love that quote. All right, we have to take a break.

Hey, don't let an overpriced phone bill ruin your holiday mood. Who are you? I'm sorry. I'm the Ghost of Christmas Mint Mom. Bill. Oh, okay. No, Christmas Mint Mobile died. Well, right now, Mint Mobile has all of their unlimited plans at 50% off. That's half. That's a huge amount, right? You can get three, six, or 12 months of unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month. It's their biggest deal of the year. And the perfect moment to politely, or not so politely, give your old wireless bill the Scrooge treatment. You know what I'm saying, where you use scarab and turn them nice. Yeah, exactly. That's what Scrooge did.

Yep. Now, let me ask you a question. Are all Mint Mobile plans coming with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text on the nation's largest 5G network? Paul, you know that that is correct. Oh. Now, I wish that passed me. Christmas past you? Christmas past me knew about Mint Mobile earlier because I could have saved so much money over the years.

But thankfully, Christmas present me knows about Mint Mobile and I'm saving money now, right? So, you know, switching for my old providers has helped me save hundreds. And when I say hundreds, I don't mean hundreds of, you know, breadcrumbs. I'm talking about dollars. Oh, that's better. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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com. Hello, I'm Gretchen Rubin. And I'm Lori Gawley lead. We're two friends, one, a happiness researcher, and the other, a therapist. And we are here to tackle the problems of everyday life with all of you. From big issues to small, we'll share advice and fresh perspectives, and we'll also highlight responses from you, our listeners, to the questions we discuss. Whether it's that pet peeve that's been bugging you for years, a tricky dilemma, or just something you've always wondered about, we'll talk it through.

The Since You Asked podcast from Lemonada Media premieres on September 23rd, wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. It's time for what I, a little word that I have coined. And it's, I'm interested in hearing this. It's a word that combined, it's a portmanteau. It's a portmanteau. And it combines the words.

Is portmanteau a portmanteau? It better not be. I'll be so mad. Oh my God. I'll be so mad. I'll be insane. Of Portugal, the man and dinosaur toes. And my toe.

Um, it's a, it's a portmanteau of freedom and feature. Okay. And it's something that I call a threacher. Okay. Threather. Yeah. That's fun. I honestly would have called it something else, but I would.

What would you have called it? I mean, for me, what comes to mind immediately as a Bustero, I don't know what it means or what I'm talking about. Okay. I'm, I'm fine to take criticism. Do you know what makes me think of when you say that, Lauren, is posteriophonic. That's probably what I'm talking about. Yeah.

The most Tony recognized play of all time. Tony recognizes you. Tony, Tony, turn around. Give an award to the show you love the most. Tony, Tony, Tony, turn around. You can find me in the ground. If I am lost, don't you cry? I'll be up there in the sky.

Tony, Tony, can't you see? I'm in love with only thee. Tony, Tony, Tony, be my pride. Tony, Tony, get a slide. Slide on down to hell, Tony! Tony, we hope you're in hell. But we're going to play a three-cho right now. We are.

This one was submitted. I know we played it recently, but we enjoy it. It was submitted by Luke Benson, and it's called I've got some bad tunes. Thank you, Luke Besant. Luke Besant. The way it works is. You don't believe it's the person who gave us Leone, Leone, Le Professonale.

I don't think. I think that person is got too much on his plate right now. You don't think this is the same person who gave us the fifth. I don't believe so. Don't believe that we want to be associated with that. Are people trying to say that The Fifth Element is a good movie now? I don't know. I feel like they are.

I have no idea. I feel like they are. I've been on the message boards recently, the Fifth Element message boards. It feels like the tide hasn't turned yet where they're saying it's a good movie yet. It's just message boards devoted to it being a bad movie. There is a message board. Let me find which one it is specifically because I, you know, you know, you click on, if you're on Reddit, you click on something once. And then it's like, oh, you're interested in this.

Of course. Yeah, measured twice. It is just the R Saturday Night Live message board. And that's happened to me. There is a lot. What I've seen in the few times since I've opened up Reddit and that has been suggested to me, people trying to examine the good nights and see if people are having fights with each other. Right.

Wow. Let me just tell you, no one's ever having fights with any ones. And they're not doing it on TV. Yeah. These people are fucking certain that people have beef with each other. It's really wild. Wow. It's really wild. Yeah.

Although that said, if I were ever on SNL, I'd fucking stiff arm everybody. I would definitely make people think I was having a fight with everyone. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I would just look straight up at the sky and just act like I couldn't wait to that. And if anyone ever came over to me to hug me, I'd just go, uh-uh. I would just get on my phone. Yeah.

I get on my phone for the good nights. Yeah. And I would ask that whatever I was typing be put onto the screen over the credits. Yes. So I would like make fun of everyone's names in the credits. I'd be like, that's too engaged for me. You know what I mean? Because then it seems like you're helping out the show.

That's true. I'd like to help out. That's funny. I'd like to help out the show, though. Oh, I don't want to. You want it, really? I want the show to help me. Okay.

Not the other way around. Hey, guys. Do you want to play that game that we were talking about? Okay, this is, I've got some bad tunes. It sure is. Luke Bisson. It's not Luke Bisson. And one player chooses a scenario where someone has to deliver bad news.

The other chooses a song or a tune that the other players will know. And the third has to gets both of them and has to deliver the bad news to the tune or melody of the chosen song. That's exactly right. Yeah, so how are we going to do this? So I'm going to text you, Scott, bad news. Okay, Paul, you text me a song. Then we're going to go clockwise after that. It's as easy as this.

Three churs are pretty easy when you think about it. Yeah. Especially the typing part. That's where, that's, I'm done. All right. oh my god what do you guys do here uh you invited us over for breakfast oh yeah how's everything going is that today yeah yeah it's today i oh we're gonna have lunch for breakfast remember oh god that's right i forgot to order the BLTs yeah you forgot you really let us down i could i could probably

get a diner to make a couple of BLTs get a diner to make i mean i'll just leave your house yeah why Why would we stay around for that? Well, I, look, this is all just a pretense because I have something I didn't. This is a pretense? You invited us over to wake you up. Yeah. To have. I didn't, I forgot this was going to happen.

I was supposed to be woken up already. What's the pretense? My butler was going to wake me up already. But I gave him the day off today. Anderson. Like a nice employer. Anderson didn't come in. Didn't come in today.

It's Anderson from the pea soup. Anderson, ever since. at Anderson's pea soup place closed he's had nowhere to go wait closed yeah when did that happen pretty recently in the last five years I think the pandemic must have hit him hard or something and thought they were going to be around forever I know anyway Anderson he chases me around with bowls of pea soup all day and I was just like you know what you should fire him that sounds insane I hate to do it the soup is too good oh yeah okay anyway the pretense the whole I I invited you guys over because I wanted to, I have, to be honest, I have some bad, too, I mean, some bad news.

Okay. No. Yeah. That you invited us over this morning to hear? I felt like I couldn't say it over the phone at a reasonable hour. I had to tell it to you. And you couldn't set an alarm. We woke you up.

I forgot this was today. What's going on, dude? What the fuck is wrong? What's going on? My butler has my schedule. I told you I gave him the day off. Okay. Okay.

Okay, but this is not weighing heavily enough on your mind. Yeah, what's the bad news? You seem fine. Just out with it. There is something I have to tell you. You are not going to like it. But there is something wrong with me. I'm going to tell it to you now.

There is something I want to tell you. Happy birthday. And it's something I'm going to tell you now. Okay. My phone thinks it's birthday. It is something. It is something. I am going to tell you now.

I broke my butt bones. I broke my butt bones. I broke all my butt bones. Join me, guys. I broke all my butt bones. Bones How? Wow.

I sat down to either too fast or too slow. Too fast or too slow? Too slow doesn't seem possible. Got to go. Okay. Too slow. End of the scene. All right.

I'm going to text Paul. Yeah. What is wrong with him? Okay. Lauren is going to text Paul a song. And Paul is going to sit there, like the special boy he is, just receiving all of this information. Done. Mm-hmm.

Okay. One sec. A little mad at you. Sorry about that. All right. Okay. All right. We were ready. Hey. Oh, I'm sorry, sir. Did I, did I, did I wake you up? Yeah, I'm sorry. I was just, I just dozed off. You're not supposed to be sleeping on the park bed. I know. I didn't mean to. I just, uh, oh, you didn't mean to? Yeah, I didn't mean to. I just was sitting here and I dozed off.

beds are for sleeping in not park benches, sir. Hey, hey, hey, can you leave this man alone? Who are you? I'm just a concerned citizen. I don't like the way you're talking about. Very. Okay.

I don't like the way you're talking to this man. Thank you. I appreciate it. I own this park. I own this town. I thought this is a public park and I thought this town. You're Mrs. Townie?

Jablomi. Who, Mrs. Jablomi? You own Jabloneyville? Yeah, I do. Jabloney. I missed it. I'm sorry, sir. I'm out of sorts.

What's going on with you? What's going on? I've just been up all night. Maybe I was too harsh. I don't know anything about you, but what's going on with you right now? I haven't slept well because I heard something terrible about someone and I've just been sick with worry. And I guess I just like I was so exhausted. I fell asleep.

You know what? Say no more. Okay. No, say more. Thank you. I'm going to go back to sleep. No, sing more. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey. Can you just see you sing it? We don't. Oh, you're not interested in my bad news, are you? I'm really interested. And actually, it's kind of the one thing I have my to do list is to find someone with bad news and talk to them. Are you on a scavenger hunt?

Yeah. Oh, my God. What have you gotten already? I just thought two squirrels kissing. Fun. And I ate an orange peel out of the trash. Those are the only. So you have three things on the list?

Okay. Wow. Okay. So why did you assume she's at the end of the scavenger hunt? You got to start. I thought you mentioned that you were... I might have, but I don't know what I say. Yeah.

Good point. Yeah. Sir, you can either tell us, your bad news. I own the park, and she owns the town. All right. We can help you. Or you can. Maybe you can.

I'll tell my story and then you tell me what you think. Okay. My aunt is in some trouble and it looks really great. She just went to her doctor And this is what she heard from him He said your liver's fucked up You don't have long to live You shouldn't drink so much

Because your liver gave all it's got to give Upside inside of You got liver cancer We can't help you You've got liver cancer Oh no Oh no So in the inside and the outside

Inside and outside of her liver Oh no This is terrible news for your aunt you say Yeah Yeah That's awful Is it Do you think it's like hereditary

Do you think you might end up with it? Well like she's possessed by the devil Yeah No Running around on the ceiling It's not like anything like that No Okay

I don't know her So I'm sorry She's regular liver cancer I'm sorry Sorry to this man I'm just going I just unfolded the paper and there is some more stuff

I have to get so I got to go find What do you have to still get? I have to find someone else's list with unchecked boxes Oh no You should have gotten that first I have to do

Just snatch it out of one of your competitors' hands I have to find a car with three wheels and I have to find a horse with four legs Well because a car with four wheels has three wheels Yeah exactly And a horse with five legs has four legs has four legs. Yep.

That's good stuff. So you guys can't help me with my aunt. No. Oh, wait. I can cure diseases. That's right. I forgot. Where's your aunt?

Right over there. Does she mind coming over here? I don't know if she can move. Oh, well, forget it. It's called John does she is. Yeah. She's got a shape. Yeah, you shouldn't have brought her to the park, especially all night.

She followed me here. Is she a private investigator? Yeah. I'm genial by wife. Oh, my God. With who, bro? My uncle. Oh, up top.

And see. All right. Now I'm going to text Lauren the song. And Paul is going to... Some bad news. Yes. All right. We are in the middle of texting each other.

I have texted Lauren. Paul is currently. in the process of texting Lauren he is pressing buttons on his phone I'm presuming this is the typewriter function on the text app that is on his phone and Scott you nailed it

we're all set all right it's always fun to be on the bus excuse me it's always fun to be on the bus I couldn't agree more you meet all kinds of interesting shorts like we've just met

who are you I'm the driver. Oh, and that explains your hat. Why are you walking around? It's on autopilot. Honestly, this is a Waymo. This is exciting. What's your name?

My name is Taninza. Hi, Taninza. Malinza. Hi, Tanita Malinza. Coco Melin. My name's Bluey. No relation. Bluey.

What's your name, driver? Ba. Ba. Mm-hmm. Oh. No relation. To any other. Bada, ba, blah, blah, blah. I'm loving it.

No relation to Mac Tonight. Mayor McChese. Brian Cox. Any of them. Yeah, Brian Cox. Although, to me honest, I am related to Brian Cox. Okay. We're...

You don't have to tell. We're father and son. It's all right. It's your business. It is my business, but I'm proud of it. I'm proud of him. I'm proud of my dad. I've got something I want to tell you.

Tenisa, Manitza, Cocoa, you look down in the dumps. Well, yeah, I am. Sorry, I just have to stop the bus here and let people on. Can you hold off on the bad news for one second? Come on in. Sorry, exact change. All left. All right.

It's just us again. Okay, don't do that again. It's part of my job. Not anymore. Are you hijacking this bus? I own the bus company. I own the town. I know.

My name's a hang with Jablomi. I look like a normal lady, but I've got secrets that you wouldn't expect for me to tell you. I love this melody. I know. I'm just an old gray-haired lady, but there are things I have to tell you that you're not going to lie. I'm having wicked dreams.

Things aren't quite. what they seem. I'm not the coolest lady you've ever really seen. I'm going to tell you now about something they should know. I can't believe it either, but this is really real. Ah, what have I done? I'm a lady in trouble, because I'm in the Epstein Files. I'm just not having fun

And there's no more smiles I'm in the Epstein files With my name in the files You're gonna find my name Hall in the files right now My name is all over the files that you know My name is the one that's in the Epstein files Epstein files

Oh I'm so sorry And it was just because I delivered groceries at the wrong time. That shouldn't count. I know, but they don't care. I'm here to drive you to jail. Can we stop off at the island? Of course. Cutchunk.

What's happening with that island, by the way? What's going on? It's just standing there empty or filled with prisoners? Can we do something nice with it? Yeah. I'd love to be in the files for going to the island and doing something nice. Making up litter. Make it a place where, you know, people of age you can have sex with.

Oh my goodness. And anyone they want. Yeah. Look, look. That was, I've got some bad, too. That truly was. And listen, if you feel like celebrating the holidays in a fun way, December 21st, that's Sunday, I'm doing Varietopia at Loddrum and Highland Park. And it's also going to be live stream.

to the world. Go to varietopia.com for tickets and also might as well start telling this to people at F.S. SketchFest. I'm going to be there in January. We're going to be the 15th through the 18th. Yeah.

Doing a bunch of shows, Varietopia, Spontorco, the Neighborhood Listen Live, the thrilling adventure hour. Please come out and see those shows. Go to Paul F.tomkins.com slash live. Hey, freedom, fans. Holiday cards are back.

Buy them for someone you think needs to go to hell this holiday season. I can think of a few. We also have Freedom T-shirts. We have the I Work Here Tea. We have the corporate lady How to Talk Tea. And the pizza robot tea is back in stock. For holiday gifts, for your fellow piss pigs or yourself pig, go to kinshipgoods.com slash freedom.

If you're a self-pig, we want to hear from you. Yep. Do it up. Anything from you? You know, I'm just living my life. Yeah. Hell yeah. You're out there in these streets.

Yeah, looking for Haywood. I'm just too busy right now to do shows. I've been very busy right now. Yeah, I understand. All right, we'll see you in hell. In hell. Bye. Bye.

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