Threedom - Rum As a Beaver

Episode Date: June 26, 2025

Paul, Scott, and Lauren discuss playgrounds, opthamologists, and wagons before answering a listener's voicemail.  Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock all the THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey Lauren, this message is sponsored by Greenlight. Oh good. Yeah, yeah. They're sponsoring this message. Well with school out, summer is the perfect time to teach your kids real world money skills they'll use forever. Greenlight, let me just tell you, is a debit card and money app made for families that helps kids learn how to save, invest, and spend wisely. Parents can send money to their kids and keep an eye on how they're spending and saving. Well, that sounds great Have you ever used it though? Well, my child is only four

But I do think that it would be only two when she's older and to be able to understand money because it's something that you know It's a hard concept to get across Yeah So it helps you teach your kids that attract your their spending set their savings goals and even the basics of investing All in a way that makes sense for their age. I think, Hey Paul, be quiet for one second. Well, maybe you guys can help me out. I just found out I have two illegitimate sons. They're 15 years old and they don't know anything about money. Oh, green light would help with them. Okay, good. Well, it's an easy, convenient way for you to tell your sons that you have now,

that you had to teach them to be financially smart and some way for families to navigate life. By the way, that you have these sons? They showed up on my doorstep. They showed up on your doorstep, right on your doorstep? They look exactly like me. With a mustache and everything? Well, Paul, millions of parents trust this app and kids love learning about Money on Greenlight.

It's the number one family finance and safety app. Paul, if I had any advice for you, it's to not wait to teach your kids real world money skills. Okay. Start your risk-free Greenlight trial today at greenlight.com slash freedom. Do you need me to say it again? Please. That's greenlight.com slash freedom to get started. Greenlight.com slash freedom.

I'll say it three times. I also found out I have two dogs I didn't know about. Uh-oh. Can't help you there. Want to listen to your favorite Lemonada shows without the ads? Subscribe to Lemonada Premium on Apple Podcasts. You'll get ad-free episodes and exclusive bonus content from shows like Wiser Than Me with Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Fail Better with David Duchovny, the Sarah Silverman Podcast,

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Help! Help! Help! Help! Oh my God, the person's trapped! Freedom! Get the fire department! I'm getting a rope!

Grab onto this rope! Freedom! Help me have a great time! What? Help me have a great time? He's fine. Alright, he's probably fine down there. Help me have a great time. What the fuck?

What does he want? Weird guy, weird guy. We gotta admit. That guy was weird. There's? Weird guy, weird guy. We gotta admit. That guy was weird. There's a weird guy, he's in a big hole in your yard and that's what's going on. Weird guy alert. What are we gonna do?

Hey, welcome to Freedom. Welcome to it. We seldom say this, but let's say our names. My name is Scott. Oh my God, my name is Paul. I'm Lauren. Oh my God, he admitted. And we are the Bristle Gang.

That's right, we're the Crocodile Crew. We're the damn Freedom Boys and we are the bristle gang These are the names that we go by by the way, I know Crocs sponsored us for a brief moment didn't they? Yeah, cuz we got some free crocs one got some free crocs. Hey, come back Crocs. My kids love Crocs Crocs Where are you? I thought there was gonna be a song I thought that was gonna be a song. My kids love Crocs and they cannot lie. All the brothers can't deny. That when a kid walks in a crocky, crocky shoe. When a kid walks in with a crocky, crocky shoe. We had to-

All the other kids yell, boo hoo, I want Crocs. We had to impose a no Crocs rule though with Emmy. Really, tripping? Why? I can hear she's tripping too much. Yeah. She be tripping. So we Yeah. She'd be tripping.

So we we cool up got rid of them all and she's still every day is like where are the Crocs? Kids love Crocs. What about Croc sandals? Are they hard for the kids to walk in? They're a little harder. They can't you know sometimes if Holly's gonna be scooting on her scooter I would say put your sneakers on. Oh yeah you can't scoot on a scooter with Crocs. Yeah also just going. Sorry Crocs that's your one weakness. Yeah we would see can't scoot on a scooter with Crocs. Also just go on- Sorry Crocs, that's your one weakness. Yeah. We would see her like tripping a little like when she's at the playground stuff and we're like let's put her in some real shoes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In any case- The playground, when I was a kid, playground was the most dangerous place on earth

and it still should be. Now it's all rubber floors. Now it's like we don't want kids to get hurt. I know. I have to say like, I remember being kind of like shocked by that when those started happening. When what started happening? The rubbery ground. No more wood chips. Things going bad at the playground. No, no more like wood chips and whatever.

Sand. Just pure cement under you. Sand. But I have to say, when I watch my children climb things, I'm very grateful that at least it's rubber. Like why would we wait so long? The playground in my old school, all the monkey bars and everything, they were like above blacktop concrete.

Yes, and we literally had, I mean, burning metal long slides that would scald your body. That weird triangle thing. What, like that thing you just climbed? You're talking about a pussy? Yeah. You're obsessed. Oh yes? I didn't care for that. I'm so sorry Paul. I want to apologize to you. I would never speak of pussy so respectfully. You have the utmost respect for pussy.

What weird triangle is that? Those things you climb, it's just like a big place structure that's like just metal rods put together like in like a dodecahedron kind of thing. I'm not thinking of that. Okay, what's the triangle? I think we have this in my playground. It was a sort of a triangle,

not like a perfect, like a sort of... Square. Acute. No, maybe acute triangle. That's where it's like. Okay, so it's not at not equal angles. Honey. So it's rounded at the top and the sides and the sides, the corners, rounded to the corners. This is not triangle. And there would be

at the core. If it has corners, this is a circle. Where are the corners of the circle? Well, if they're round, they're everywhere. Rounded. You're not gonna get me on this. All right, go ahead. And it was just a big hunk of metal and it had a sort of railing around it.

And the idea was you were supposed to climb to the top. You would just like try to run up to the top. Oh yeah. Oh. Oh yeah, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, and we get hot as hell. And they were fun. I didn't I kept trying to do it. I mean, it's really hard. Like, it feels like a big accomplishment when you get to the top.

But that's all it is. No, we had this one that was just wood. It was like an arc or an arch. And it was just wood, like two by fours, going up to create sort of like a, you know, a rounded arc. And you would just climb that. And it first of all, you get splinters all in your hands.

Sure. And then I got, you get to the top and you have to get down over the other side. It's actually too, it's too high. And it's scary. I remember once getting, I got to the top and I had a teacher come get me down cause I was scared.

And it's like, you know. And- This was last week? Yes, and I was like, miss, miss Cribbopop. Holly pretended not to know you. Yeah, I get me down from here. It's just like, that's not a, it's a, it's a not, the bridge to nowhere.

It doesn't do anything. We also used to have like these metal stairs that were just like three stairs up, a flat platform, three stairs down. Boring. And I fell on that once and got the wind knocked out of me. Oh my god getting the wind knocked out of you was, I fell out of a tree one time right on my back.

Yeah. It was. I was thinking about my friend that I was talking about from high school. Yeah. That, that we were ditching or something like that and, and he. No ding dong just ditch. No ding dongs and. Well you were ding dongs but you're ditching. something like that. And he- No ding dong, just ditching. No ding dongs. Well, you were ding dongs, but you're ditching.

And I was on a- Hey, ding dong. Ding dong, what's up, player? Go, boy. And we were on, what are those merry-go-round, not merry-go-round, but the- Carousel. Yeah, but you know the things that you,

they're metal and- Yeah, it's merry-go-round, that's what they would call it, yeah. But not where there's a horse. No, I know what you mean. You know, it's called a playground where you just, okay. And he spun me so fast and I went flying off like a cartoon and I landed on my back and got the wind knocked out of me.

And I was just like, that's the closest I think to being unconscious that I've ever been. Wait, there is an episode of nine one one that show. Yes. Starring Brian. Soffie starring Brian. Soffie. He's amazing. And I love watching this. Wait, there was an episode of 9-1-1, that show. Yes, starring Brian Soffey. Starring Brian Soffey, he's amazing and I love watching this. But the episode was, he's a 9-1-1 operator.

He's like, hello, 9-1-1. Basically. So some teenage boys who like, He's got a great cadence. They like duct taped the boy to that thing, that merry girl thing. And then they spun it as fast they could. They attached a motorcycle to it

and like in the dirt or something like that. And like, it just like revved up and then it spun really fast against like the wheel. I don't know what they were doing. And the guy couldn't get off and his eyes popped out of his head. What? So what do you call 911 for?

I mean, I would close my eyes if I started feeling that happening. They fixed him, but it was the velocity his eyes were like popped out. I was like, that's crazy. I just love shows like that where it's like there's injuries. We've seen them all, you know. Yes. Let's make it as crazy as possible.

Well, yeah, watching ER recently, there's a few of those in there where it's just like the crazy, like someone being bisected and all that. Did you watch all of the pit? Yeah. No, I'm not done with ER yet. You're gonna watch all of ER before the pit? You gotta listen to Scott Hasen's scene for my ER updates in the past.

I don't have time, but I love, oh, the wind. This just turns on. The wind. The pit is so good. I know, I gotta say it. Yeah, the movie is good. No, Wiley, oh, he's so good. I still think about that story Raul Julia

told about his eye falling out of a socket. Oh yeah. On Adam's family. And he just like. I don't know that. He was filming the Adam's family or something? No, no, real eye. Was it during the Adam's family? I think so. Okay.

And it just fell out of his head and he was holding it. How? It connected. My eyes! My eyes! And he just went, bloop, and he just popped it back into a socket. This doesn't belong here. But was it attached to his right hand?

Yeah, it's attached. On the string, the eye string. But so he just put it back and was like, I'm fine. He just popped it back in a socket in his mouth. I'm sorry, that's crazy. Yeah, I know. We're gonna need more details. Thinking about the fact that that can happen to someone.

Unless it's not true. I don't think it can happen, is what I think. Let me look not true. I don't think it can happen is what I think. Let me look at that. I don't know if your eye can just fall out like that. It seems like there must have been a lot going on before that. Can we cut my eye has fallen out. First thing that comes up when I put in Raul's Julia eye, Raul's Julia eye falling out. He had a bizarre incident.

Oh no, they're not friends anymore. During the Addams Family, he had a bizarre incident where his eye seemingly fell out, seemingly doing a lot of heavy lifting. By the way, this is an AI overview. I, you know- No! I hate the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. You can make it not do that.

Okay, here, yeah, I know, I gotta figure out how to do it. Put my eyes- That's what I need to ask AI to do is like, get the fuck out of my Google searches. And get out of my car. Get out of my Googoo's. Get out of my Googoo's AI. Get out of my Googoo's AI. Get out of my goos. Get out of my goos. I get my goos. Get up a goos. So no, he had an accident that caused his eyeball to fall out of its socket during the Adams family.

And then a big buy. This is an article. Then a big bio of him. They say that he had this accident and then a huge bio of him. But who is this guy? No. And then finally gets back to it. One day we couldn't shoot because the white of his eye was totally red. I asked what happened. This is the director.

He said, I was at the hotel bar last night. Next thing was Christopher Walken. We were talking. I got so excited. My eyeball popped out of my socket and landed on the bar table. That's embarrassing. So I picked it up and put it back, but I must have scratched it The director Barry Sonnenfeld himself expresses skepticism over Julia's story Yeah, this isn't a thing that happened But others have vouched for his veracity

How about you popped a blood vessel? Because you were so excited It happened. Listen to this Angelica Houston says it really happened. Although in her version of the events, the celebrity was not Christopher Walken. It was Robert Palmer. So why was the guy who? Simply unbelievable.

His eye fell out to the bar when we're drinking. Conveniently, Robert Palmer is no longer with us to back this up. But Christopher Walken is. Christopher Walken is here. We should ask him about this. Did you ever see someone's eye pop out while they were talking to you? Well, she was like, finally, they're not asking me about Natalie Wood anymore. That was a good impression of Christopher Walken.

It fell out. It fell out. He got excited. It fell out. He was so excited talking to me. Speaking of eyeballs. Yeah. This is a good subject.

This is a two part story. By the way, if you want to see the most handsome picture of Roe, Julie. His eyes hanging out. What the fuck? It's the ugliest picture. It's a bad shirt. Yep.

Yesterday I had an appointment with my ophthalmologist. Oh. I got you. A little behind the scenes for Freedom Fans. When we were scheduling recordings, Scott threw out some dates and I said, on one of these dates, I have my ophthalmologist appointment, so I can't do that date. Then he said, OK, so we could do this date.

And I said, did you forget that I said I can't do that date? Yeah, you were really sassy. I was really sassy and Lauren immediately apologized. And then I said, when did you say that? And you looked back at the text. I put the wrong date in there. And I had to eat a humble pie filled with crow. Mm, sounds disgusting.

For dessert. So I went to my ophthalmologist appointment and I have not commented on this before to you guys, but every time I go, there is a new hot young woman working there. And that's almost the entire staff. Interesting. That's strange. There's one other woman who's like my age. Yeah. And maybe I think there's might be another woman that's maybe a couple like 40 or something. The rest of the staff and there's new women every time. And are these like what are the quality? Is this model like supermodel quality? Sometimes. Instagram thought. Yeah. Instagram thought level. Yeah. Like a bop. They're very attractive. It's a bop. What is a bop? Isn't that a good song? Yeah, that's what I thought. Baby bop

from Barney. Is she like baby bop? They all look like baby bop from Barney. A slang term for a person who has had many sexual partners. Oh, well, she's not a bop. I can't tell that from looking at them. Well, I'm sure you asked. They're very attractive. It's more attractive young women than you would expect to find in one ophthalmology. Here's some possibilities. And the turnover is like, it's a, I go every six months and there's new women, new interns who are like getting into the field.

Maybe a hot ophthalmology. But maybe, here's my other theory. You now view every woman who's 30 or 40 years younger than you as hot because they're that young. That's possible. That is possible, but I don't think that's what it is. You don't have any standards anymore. So I'm thinking, so just to give you.

We're so old. I like Scott's idea that it was that, you know, they're going into the field. I'm gonna offer that the boss, the head ophthalmologist, is that an older man? He's about my age. Okay. He likes to look at them.

Shut up. And he will hire them based on hotness and then they're not able to do the job. So he has to fire them and get another one. But he enjoys the six months that he has with them. And he goes, okay, you fucked up enough papers. Now it's time for papers. I mean, these are, these women are giving me the exams. Oh, it's not the receptionist. No, but it's the receptionist too.

Yeah. I'm saying at every level. Okay. So maybe it is an intern thing, but also he's like a Hugh Hefner where he only brings in hot girls. But it feels like an aesthetic choice that- It's absolutely, I've never seen a dude in there at all. Right, right. My optometrist, what's the difference? Ophthalmologist is the-

Optometrist I think just- I'm gonna say it doesn't matter. All right. I'm making a room. They are, it's funny because they are all related, I realized over time, basically it was like, there's the guy, then his son, and his wife. Oh my God, I just got a text from them.

All are optometrists. What'd they say? Stop talking about it. They value my feedback. Okay, ask them why they're all hot. Ask them why they're all hot. They want me to do a survey. Why are you all hot?

Yeah. Shouldn't you all hot? Yeah. Shouldn't someone be average? I wanna look up the difference between ophthalmologists and optometrists because I feel like an ophthalmologist can do surgery. All of mine are, so it's a dad, son, and a son's wife. They can do it anytime they want. They're all working together, which I think is very cool.

One of them might be a freedom listener. Oh, okay. It's possible. A piss pig out there. And I will say, it's kind of funny because they have a name, a kind of a goes around the eyes in some way. So it's like they ended up getting

into the family field by the name, you know? Interesting. I have found that with my, and I like this, that my dentist is a certain nationality, and everyone that they hire is of that nationality too, and it feels like, hey, we're looking out for our community, because it's like, again- You can say Armenian, this is Los Angeles.

I'm not saying that. That's nice. But it's been like, you know, 10 to 15 years of like constant new people coming in. I will always be like, oh, they're new and oh yeah, they have the same similar last name. That's great. What is an ophthalmologist? An ophthalmologist is a medical doctor who is able to treat complicated eye problems with surgery or other procedures. OK. And then we must then ask, what is an optometrist?

Optometrist focus on regular vision care and primary health care for the eye. So is the difference between like an ENT and a thoracic surgeon. After college, they spend four years in a professional program and get a doctor of optometry degree, but they don't go to medical school. Some optometrists get additional clinical training or complete a specialty fellowship after optometry school. Fellowship. Yeah a fellowship of optometrists. Okay that kind of cleared it up so maybe there's someone at the office who's an ophthalmologist but most of them are probably optometrists. They don't do surgery. But they're probably, they might be studying to do surgery.

Yeah. Here's a question Paul. If you were to dress up in a nice pink dress, put on some nice makeup, and go to this optometrist's office. He's like Bugs Bunny style. And apply for a job. Do you think you would get the job? I show up as a sexy lady. You need to have some like big Bugs Bunny tits.

Of course I would. Yeah. My face is still like Bugs Bunny, my face is still exactly the same. Yes, exactly. But with all other, all other. Everything else done to the nines. Everything else is a sexy lady. Yeah.

Yeah, I bet I get hired. I think so. Yeah. You're that bet I get hired. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. You're that hot. Thank you. You're that hot. If you don't look at my face. Oh, okay.

If I'm looking at your fake tits, yeah. Yeah. My tail sticking out of my skirt, yeah. By the way, can I get the address for this place? Yes, one, two, three. Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17. I think you forgot you're giving me an address. You just kept counting.

That happened to me in real life. Really? I went to briefly to a Sunday school and there's just like another form of daycare essentially just up the street from our from our house. So it was like three blocks away. When you were a child. What's that? Just recently or when you were a child? You didn't really have a time stamp on this. It just sounds like you.

When I was a child. You went over to the daycare. And my address, the address of my... It's just under the roof of my house. Someone would take care of me. Yeah. You guys generally were like, when did this happen? I'm saying it to protect you.

Hey, thank you. Mission accomplished. I love the banner that you brought. The address... Do you think it's a little premature? No. The address of my childhood home was 123. Oh. That's so fun. It was so much fun.

So my cherry lane, my cousins live next door to me at one to one. And so my cousin, one, two, one, one, two, three, two, one. Okay. We were doing a little match up options. Listener, I hope you decided to listen to one or the other. Yeah. And so my cousin and I, my cousin,oreen and I, we're the same age. We are sent off to this, walk up to this Sunday school.

And so they are asking me my address. They're both riding one horse. No, we're little kids. We just fit on one horse. So they're asking me my address and I start by saying one, two, three. They stop me and they say, no, no, no, we don't want you to count. Cause I'm a little kid. So they're like, he doesn't understand. He doesn't get it. Okay. We're not.

No one has one, two, three as the address. So what is it? One, two, three, ABC street. So it's three times this happened three times. And then finally they turned to my cousin and say, where do you live? She said one, two, one in the street. And I said, and I went, I live next to her. That's so infuriating when you know you're right as a kid. Is there anything more? Do you ever feel more powerless than when you were a child?

Yeah. I mean, I've told the Nosferatu story. That's where, where my first grade, I can't admit it's not ringing a bell. My first, my first grade teacher said like, it was Halloween and she was talking about Halloween stuff and she goes, this is a vampire. Can anyone name a vampire movie? And someone said Dracula. And then she said, can anyone else name a vampire movie? And I raised my hand and I said, Nosferatu. And she went, no, anyone else. And the whole class like, ah, ah, ah. And someone said, love at first bite. And she said, no, anyone else. And the whole class like, ah, and someone said, love it first bite. And she said, yes, there you go. That's the answer she was looking for.

Well, it was out at the time. But it's also, kids shouldn't know about that movie. Also, why would you not just stop at Dracula? Yeah, I don't think you need to keep quizzing for more. It's like, that's the main one. The blood of Dracula. Thank you. Dracula's daughter.

You fucking idiot. What about Blacula? All right, we have to take a break. Bye. If you've shopped online, chances are you've bought from a business powered by Shopify, you know, that purple shop pay button you see at checkout? Ah, you remember that thing? The one that makes buying so incredibly easy?

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Because by now, we've all felt the impact of senseless gun violence. I think a stray bullet flew past me because I hear the whew. It was that horrible feeling of dread. Something's wrong. Four years ago, my dad was killed in a mass shooting. My podcast, Senseless, is about moving forward after the unthinkable. Senseless from Lemonada Media, premiering June 17th. And we're back. I know I am. I'm not sure if Lauren is, though, to be honest.

I'm not, because I've got an interesting text that I can't share. You can't share? Oh, man. That's too bad, because I like interesting texts. I know, like, there's nothing I find more interesting than an interesting thing. I even like boring texts. Yeah, there's nothing I find more interesting than an interesting thing. I even like boring texts.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I'm not discriminating. What's the most boring text you've ever received, Paul? Hmm, let's see here. When did you last text me? Hey, I sent you a picture this morning. I sent Paul a picture from six years ago, where we're doing something inexplicable to me. I don't know why we're doing something inexplicable to me.

I don't know why we're doing it. And I said, why are we doing this? You said, what were we doing here? What were we doing here? And I said, hugging a cold brew machine. Can I see it? And you said, oh, right. Because that is what we're doing,

but why we're doing it? I think because this was a best of photo shoot. Oh, annual. And we were running out of things to do. Got it, okay. It looked like it was on tour or something and I couldn't quite understand why. No, I recognize that terrible lighting from here.

There's LeVar Burton in the background. Yeah, where they just had. Oh, is that why he's there? It would just do cones of light over our faces. And how did this get made? He's right behind me, isn't he? Hmm. What has gone wrong in your life

if LeVar Burton is sneaking up on you? I was recently at an event where he spoke and it was lovely. I love him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He would I would run in him every once in a while, either at earwolf and then another some other event. I ran into a Star Trek thing. It was not a Star Trek thing. Oh, but he always compliments the way that I'm dressed. It is very exciting. Do you reciprocate?

No, he knows he's dressed like shit. Well, you know, that's an interesting one. That's an interesting one. The, like, you look great or whatever, and the impulse says, so do you. But then it's like, but I haven't even had the chance to process, you know what I mean? Like sometimes people kick it back to you

and you're like, no, don't say it back to me. I'm saying it to you. I don't think anyone is ever wanting to hear it back when they say, wow, you look great. No, I don't think so. But the impulse- Because it feels empty. But the impulse is to say like, oh, I love your whatever,

but it's unnecessary. No one's fishing for compliments when they say it, right? Yeah. Maybe 50% of the population. I like to tell people on the street when they look great. If it's about like a specific outfit you're wearing, if people are genuinely just saying- Did you guys seriously not just go, people on the street when they look great. If it's about like a specific outfit you're wearing, you think people are genuinely just saying, yeah. Did you guys seriously not just go, people in the street?

Like I couldn't believe that no one said it. It was weird. I made a New Year's resolution. I think I said it already this episode. You said it before the tape was on. No. I'm so sorry, do you wanna say it again now that we're rolling?

Yeah, people in the street. Do you compliment strangers? Sometimes I will. Yeah, I'll compliment strangers. Yeah, I compliment strangers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I was noticing either a mother or a nanny, I can't quite tell. It was definitely one or the other.

With one of those, I don't even know what they're called, Cool Up would know the brand name, but yeah, children. No, one of those like rolling kind of, it looks like a wagon with a top or something like that. Oh yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like a little car that the kid pretends to drive? It's just a wagon with a canopy over it.

Yeah, yeah. But it's like when your kid is too big for a stroller maybe anymore. Oh yeah, it's like these things are not designed for hauling children around, but people are doing this a lot. No, they actually are. What. They're hauling children around. Yeah, they are. I have a great one actually that was sent to me by a company called Veer.

Do they have little seats here? Yes, they're seats and little canopies. Cool up everyone's whilst says that we need to be getting one because they're fun for like the zoo or for like, yeah, if you were, it's like there's certain places where it would come in handy. You see, I always see people with them at the zoo and for like, yeah. It's like, there's certain places where it would come in handy. You see, I always see people with them at the zoo and I go, oh yeah, I always forget that I have that wagon I should be bringing. So I was dining at an outdoor place and this mother or nanny was putting their child into it.

And I almost said like, oh, how is that? Yeah. And then I realized I'm a single, a seemingly single man. Right, right, right. She's saying to go like, you don't give a fuck. You're just trying to talk to me. You cry. Yeah, exactly.

So I just said nothing. Yeah, I often find myself wanting to talk to, and I'm sure I would be invited to chat about that with that lady if I were to say something. But I'll notice a stroller. I'm like, that's a good stroller. And I'm like, I kind of like zoom in with my eyes. I'm like, okay, make note of that.

I'm like, I gotta look that up. Like a little dotted line right to it. Yeah, I'm like, the, that's the in with my eyes and be like, okay, make note of that. I'm like, I'm like, that's the brand. It was a, it was a straw. I'd never seen it. It was from Africa. It was like only available in Africa. And I was like, that's cool. I was, it was just like some crazy stroller. Someone had, I was like, that looks really neat. And then I looked online. Yeah. You can only get it in Africa. Yeah. You stupid bitch. You probably wouldn't get one of these You can only get it in Africa. Yeah. You stupid bitch. So they said to me, you probably wouldn't get one of these. They're only available in Africa. But I do. Yeah. You're when you should.

I have said I have. Yeah, if you're going to do it, I think you say I have a two year old. And I'm not hitting on you. Yeah. I have a two year old and a wedding ring at home because I can't wear it because I get rashes on my finger. That's good info. She needs to know that. Shit, there was something I was reminded of. But I gotta pull that wagon back.

I should have interrupted. Actually, yeah, you always have to interrupt. So we had the wagon and Holly and her friend were at the zoo using the wagons. Oh, come back around and say who. The zoo. And we only had the canopy on one side, so they both wanted it so bad that I immediately bought another canopy, haven't used it since, of course. But I now have two canopies and I got an infant seat for Gigi to go in there too, so I'm like,

that actually is gonna be really cute. I gotta get that out in the streets. Can I just have it? Lauren, I will put a pin in my zoo content. Oh, zoo content. But Lauren, I simply must put you on blast. Why, because you have my Gigi? Yes.

This is- Am I supposed to invite myself to your home? A little bit because I don't often think to invite people. If I'm allowed to do that, then I will. Well, I'm just getting through the day every day, you know? With Holly, we were over at your place recording. And that's how we met. That's how you met when she was a baby.

But I was also invited over one time. Yes. Janie and I were invited over- Yes, you were. On a Sunday morning. Yes, you were. I would love to have you over. You're invited as well. I don't want to be rude.

Oh, I've met Gigi. Yeah, you're fine. Paul, well you weren't at her birthday. You're invited to events. You're invited to Holly's birthday. Yes. But then I miss these things. I know.

And then it's like, and I've said so many times I want to meet Gigi. I know. Well customarily, when one has a baby. We will set a time. Why don't we put it on the calendar? Yes. Let's put it on the calendar. This is all I want to do. This is why you a time. Why don't we put it on the calendar?

Yes. Let's put it on the calendar. This is all I want to do. This is why you put people on blast. Let's put it on the calendar for when I get back from my trip. You've shamed her. We're gonna put it right there. Yeah, you shame people in a public forum.

I would love nothing more, and she is so funny and fun, and you will think she's a blast. I very much want to meet her. Thank you. But when one has a baby, what I found out is that it's customary for people to invite themselves over and say like oh I want to come over and bring you you know yes like food or bring you know I'm gonna put somebody else on blast right now, okay?

Bro, the Gupta yeah, I was an adorable fucking baby Mm-hmm, and she said and I saw I on Instagram was oh my god. He's so cute She says you have to meet, and I saw on Instagram, I was like, oh my God, he's so cute. She goes, you have to meet him. And I say, absolutely. I'm coming over now. How about how about? Yeah. Like, when can I do this? And the last time we talked about it, she said, how about this Saturday? And I said, great. Where do you live?

And she said, no, you're a neighbor. She just said the neighborhood. Yeah. It's like, did it? Is that what you thought I was asking? I'm going to wander around the street. Yeah. It's like calling out like did you ever go no because she stolen give me the fucking address Wow you maybe you write back could you be a touch more specific be any more specific you? So there you go. Brothy, you're on blast. Okay, I will have you over. You don't wanna put on.

I have to say the best, one thing I am finding though, cause now Gigi's turned one, it's like she's more in the mix with everything. I'm finding that the window of time, like after school time, it's really great to have a, she's not in school, but it's really great to have a friend over at that window, because it's like kind of no man's land from like four to six 30. These are tough. These are tough. We need to be like, let's get these are extraordinary times.

Yes. Otherwise, it's like, you know, we start to go a little crazy. We're just we're losing it by that point. So that's a great time. I love the mornings. Yeah, I love the energy of the mornings, how happy everyone is in the mornings, and then those between five and seven. Yeah, that's really tough. It's trying times. Once the first one's in bed, I'm able to relax a bit. I go like, well, there's one. One down, one to go. When the other one goes to bed,

that's when I really do my thing, but that's when I push it to the limit. I'm up too late, scrolling, eating, doing it all. Scrolling, eating, running, running, running, running on my own. Exactly. I want all of special forces. World stuff is toast. Go ahead. All special forces. World stuff is toast. World stuff is toast. World stuff is toast.

Paul, world stuff is toast. We need special forces. The zoo. Yeah. Yeah. Give us, hit us with this zoo content because I have been thinking about going to the zoo, but I didn't know whether I would like it or not. So I'm going to hear your experience.

This is not about the zoo itself. Shit. Hey, that doesn't happen much. I'm just going to go. But a song about the zoo by Simon and Garfunkel. We went to the zoo one day. Called At the Zoo. Are you familiar with this song?

No. They just list a bunch of animals and their personalities and Garfunkel. We went to the zoo. At the zoo. Are you familiar with this song? No. They just list a bunch of animals and their personalities. Who the fuck like these guys? Man, it's the question is valid. But I've grown up not liking them. And then I hear every once in a while you hear like one of their beautiful songs.

Yeah. I grew up liking them. And then, but there's some songs that I think of now. I'm like, that was a fucking single. Well, they got to say personally, Sage Rosemary in Time can go fuck itself. Absolutely. What was that one about? Like, what is the song that I'm thinking about? Like an ugly person or something?

Oh, put a bag on it. I don't like that one. Why don't you put a bag on your head? You are. Or was it a Randy Newman song or something about being there? I don't like that one. Why don't you put a bag on your head, you ugly. Or was it a Randy Newman song or something about being, there was something about being ugly that I heard for the first time and I couldn't believe. Difference between Randy Newman and Simon and Groot Funkle.

I mixed up a few things, but I was thinking it was a, what's his name, Neil Young, singing a song about like, women should be in the kitchen kind of thing. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Everyone needs a maid or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, Coolap reacted very strongly to that song.

Is he sincere in that song? I don't believe so, but it's- Cause it does sound like a sort of Randy Newman sort of like, this is the opposite of what I believe. No, I think it's Neil Young. Yeah, no I know. That's what we're saying. A man needs a maid.

Here are the lyrics. Okay, that's a good question. Well, full lyrics, here we go. My life is changing in so many ways I don't know who to trust anymore. There's a shadow running through my days, like a beggar going from door to door. I was thinking that maybe I'd get a maid,

find a place nearby for her to stay. Just someone to keep my house clean, fix my meals and go away. So now- If you hear it, it sounds pretty genuine. He's like, I want a maid. I mean, I was playing and cool. I was just like, what is this fucking song? Now the Wikipedia says the lyrics have generated controversy over chauvinistic

chauvinistic interpretations. Interpretations. However, the rest of the lyrics express Young's feelings of insecurity, trying to balance his need for an equal relationship with a woman against his fear of being hurt by that relationship. Oh, boo hoo. Grow the fuck up. You're fucking married to Darryl Hannah.

Someone get the fuck. Neil Young? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Still? Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know that. Like more, it was more in the last 20 years.

They got married in the last 20 years? Doesn't that seem wild? I mean, people. I guess it's not. I guess people have done things in the last 20 years. Doesn't that seem wild? I mean, people- I guess it's not. I guess people have done things in the last 20 years. I mean, I think you got married in the last 20 years. Well, I did, but I just, how old is Neil Young? Well, I'll tell you one thing about Neil Young's age

is if I were to narrow it down, it would be 79 years old. Okay, fine, it's not that crazy 20 years ago. And- I thought he was older than that and I thought that's 15 years older than Darrell Hannah. Okay. And when did they get married? I'll tell you something they got married in 2014, 11 years ago. Great. No sorry they got married in 2018 but they didn't get married.. He was 70. And she's 60. I mean, people should give up, right? After a certain age.

No, I think it's great. It's beautiful. I'm just intrigued. I'm intrigued. That's like a celebrity pairing I wouldn't, I don't know. I'm just like, I don't know anything about it. Exactly. I still enjoy when I saw him live at the Greek theater,

he came out going, what's your favorite planet? And everyone shouted, Uranus. Oh, they knew to say that. Right. He was like, mine's earth. Oh, it wasn't a setup. I thought it was like some old thing. I'm like, I think we should say earth. No, thanks. People to care about the earth and they know. They said Uranus. Uranus to fuck with him. All right. So what about the zoo? The song at the zoo? Yeah. It's all it's like kind of like children's song really

if we get if we get right down to it. Yeah, but you guys were purporting to be adult entertainers. Yeah. And so the song starts out it's like you go to the zoo. It's a lot of fun. It's just easy. Of course, is the New York Zoo. It's just it's a light and tumble journey from the east side to the park, just a fine and fancy ramble to the zoo. And then he gets as it goes down, he starts listing the characteristics of the animals. OK. The monkeys stand for honesty.

Giraffes are insincere and the elephants are kindly, but they're dumb. Orangutans are skeptical of changes in their cages, and the zookeeper is very fond of rum. Zebras are reactionaries, antelopes are missionaries, pigeons plot in secrecy and hamsters turn on frequently. I despise this. Yeah. And I renounce it. What? Yeah.

I like- Hamsters turn on frequently. Usually- If you're writing a song about the zoo and you run out of animals, you can't name two more animals. You gotta come up with pigeons and hamsters. I'm usually a first draft, best draft kind of guy. The zookeepers in there?

But do a second draft. Paul Simon, I'm assuming it's Paul Simon, right? Or do you think this is a Garf fungal? Is this one of the ones where Paul Simon is like, I'm tired of talking about reminiscences from the 30s and 40s. This was a Paul Simon. Garf did not write this. Garf.

Hamsters? Hamsters. You know how you go to the zoo to see hamsters? And they're always turned on? They frequently turn on. They get high. Oh, that's what that means? Yeah. Turn on, turn on, drop out. I guess I thought it was still about being horny. Do you think the song is about being horny I thought it was still about being horny. Well, thank you.

Do you think the song is about being horny? I thought the hamsters were horny. Have you ever been horny at a zoo? Wow, great question. No, but what about- It must have been at some time. I think I saw a post secret that was like, about people who fucked at a zoo.

And then all the comments were like, this is so disgusting. Like the comments on PostSecret, I think are really do you know PostSecret? Yeah, I always loved it back in the day. PostSecret, every time I hear PostSecret, I have to do a little bit of mental work because I my mind goes to PopSecret. Oh, PopSecret, the popcorn. Right. And I have to remember and that knocks out out what post secret is in my mind,

that I have to go back and say, it's that thing where people- Well, I used to love reading the blog every Sunday when I was in college, and then they would upload new secrets every Sunday. And then I bought the books and loved the books. I went to a post secret event that came to my city. I was like very into it.

What are the secrets though? People just mail them on postcards, just any secret that you have, you just make a postcard of your secret. Oh, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, that I almost commented on, that was about a guy who said he used to J.O. to pick an old tiny picture of his grandma because she was so beautiful. I was like, you really didn't, you didn't even need to tell Post Secret that.

I wish I had not heard that. I know, I just told everyone. I actually really was like, I can't unsee that. And why doesn't Post Secret have a nah pile where they get this post card? I think they want to. It's not, it's not engaged with it. Just because I saw this doesn't mean everybody have a nap pile where they get this postcard? I think that's not, that's not engaged. Just because I saw this doesn't mean everybody has to see it. You imagine the things that guy has seen.

Yeah, because he would get them all sent to his home initially, and he would have thousands. I saw some like doc thing about him. And there were just piles and piles of postcards. Throw them out as you go through them. But no, because he put him in a book and stuff. So I guess you could scan them, but he had so many and it was just like, he must read.

I mean, crazy. Well, they're all one sentence. Right. But the things that live in your head then. Oh sure. That somebody did. But you know what, speak, That's like being a therapist though. Yeah, but he's not trained.

Coincidentally, we talked about 9-1-1, the TV show. Yeah. And someone I know, they are dating someone who writes for one of those shows. And there is a sort of kind of a trauma that writers of those shows go through because they have to constantly look up weird, weird accidents. Yeah, that's scary. Because this shit has to be like. Well, like the eyes popping out on the thing. Yeah.

You have to get a weird, I'm sure that really happened because it's so specific and strange that I'm like, how do you even think of that? Yeah, you can't have somebody's appendix bursting every week. Yeah, and then it also has to be possible. I think the eyes popping out thing happened to Roger Rabbit originally. He originated it.

When you saw Jessica Rabbit, I believe. Yeah, it started from a place of love. But then Jessica Rabbit said that it happened in front of Bob Hoskins, who's dead now. Yeah. So of course, I speak to that. Yeah. Paul, can I tell you about at the zoo? Yeah. In 1991, Paul Simon released a children's book based on it, which combines the lyrics of the song with illustrations. And they made some changes, including identifying rum as a beaver.

Another animal that does not belong in the zoo. Identifying rum as a beaver? I guess a beaver could be at a zoo. A beaver named Rum. Yeah. Rum as a beaver? Yeah. Rum as a beaver. But they changed it rum as a beaver. Rum as a beaver. Rum as a beaver.

They changed it rum as a beaver. All right, we have to take a break. Ha ha ha. Hmm. Hey, I'm Reshma Sajjani, founder of Girls Who Code and Moms First. I consider myself a pretty successful adult woman. So why is it that in midlife, as I'm about to turn 50, I feel so stuck? Join me as I try to find the answer on my so-called midlife from Lemonada Media.

I talk to experts and extraordinary guests about divorce, exercise, menopause, sex, drugs, and more to understand what we're going through and how to make the most of it. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. An Australian hiker travels to the American West to walk a wilderness trail. Wasn't afraid to be out on his own. But Eric Robinson vanished in the Hiawinta Mountains. I remember thinking, Eric, what were you thinking, mate? I'm Dave Colley.

Join me on my podcast, You went to Triangle, where I travel the world to answer the question, what happened to Eric Robinson? Follow You went to Triangle. That's U-I-N-T-A, Triangle on Apple podcasts or wherever you listen. And we're back and we've gotten such great response to Hack Claims 8. I can't believe it. Well, it's become the number two service provider in the country. Yeah, it's almost in the world.

And remember that map? It's number two in most countries now. It's number two in most countries. So I couldn't just say in the world. Yeah, remember that map, is it the Verizon map or whatever where you see the dots of the red? We don't really name other phone companies typically.

But the other part of that is we're not worried about other companies because they don't offer- We're crushing them. Yeah, we're crushing them. But our map- Number one of course is Mint. Our map doesn't even have the dots. It's just like flat color, the entire thing.

Yeah. Yeah. cuz we're everywhere We bumped some other one down to number 300 I think and and by the way, if you're worried about us no longer at head claims eight being a novelty dictionary site We're still we're still gonna be doing your phone. Once you get your head claims eight phone. There's one app on it Yep, and it's the novelty dictionary. Yes. Yeah. So you don't need any other apps. Well, we have the other apps that we talked about.

There was one episode in the past where we kind of were lightly talking about what apps we would allow on the phone if we could only each have one. I of course picked the period tracker. I think, or no, I picked Postmates. I picked the period tracker. Was I Google Maps? You want to track women's periods. So he's going to look at the data on that.

I track them all. Yeah. It's great. How many people are having their period right now? Are you ready for this? It's like millions of women. No, that couldn't be possible. You know that Verizon map with little red dots?

So he has that going. Okay, got it. And it's just a red screen basically. Yeah, a whole screen. You can't even see the outline of the country. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, so hey out there, sorry, I know you're having a rough time.

In any case, hackclaims8.com is where people leave us voicemails, VMs on the TMS as we've talked about. Yes. And we're gonna listen to one right now and we're gonna, I don't know, talk about whatever they talk about. I think that's the right way to go about it.

And this is it. Here we go. Okay. Hey, Freedom Boys. Oink, oink, whiz. It's Piss Pig Drew calling from sunny California up here in Sacramento, the fresh maker. That's correct.

I have a question for each of you. Feel free to answer them for each other or share the questions, not that you need my permission. First question is for Lauren, Chicago dogs or deep dish. For Paul, trains or river boats. And for Scott, beads or things. The things are pool tables. All right, thank you.

Love the show, bye. That's great. Great questions. What's that from? It's from something we said. Well, the beads and things. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is what, this is, I've talked about this.

Yes, I remember now. Don't explain it though, I remember. I just said it's from something we said as if that summed it up. No, but it was in my standup for a while. It was- Oh! It was, where I went to college, there were these weird combination stores.

Right. Where it was Pets and Music was one, there was Video L and beads and things. And the things were pool tables. Yeah. The things were pool tables. You asked me. Yeah, he's really.

And then I said I remembered. And he said, please, please, please don't tell me again. Please don't tell me again, please don't tell me again! You remembered and you were sad? What? You remembered and you were sad that you remembered? No, I was sad that you were gonna tell me anyway. Oh my gosh, I just got so excited from your question.

You know they remember. Your question excited me, Paul. He called it with a question. Trains or river boats. I'm gonna be going to Chicago this summer and I was just thinking I can do one of the river cruises. Is this a Philly thing, trains or river boats? Well, it's interesting because there was a cruise

on a river you could go, it would just go like out in the river and then back. As you know, I used to be the caller for one of those. Yes, of course. And you went from that to movie star. Yeah. This is called the Spirit of Philadelphia. It was called the Spirit of Philadelphia. My brother worked on it as a singing waiter. They would do, they would wait on you and they would do a little show. And it was the first time I ever had a whiskey sour. And it was the last time, because it was served in a glass filled with soap. And so it put me off ever having one. Oh my god. Disgusting. If I was them I would have cleaned the

soap out. That's just me. I typically do that too. I don't consider that a riverboat you know what I mean? I think the river the idea of a riverboat is very specific. Yeah. You know like Mark Twainy. Yeah yeah yeah and I've never been on one of those. I would do it. I have a Disneyland. I would do it. I guess I have a Disneyland maybe. Yeah. Yeah, and I've never been on one of those I would have a Disneyland I would do it. I guess I have a Disneyland maybe maybe it's not you know Go on the river architectural tour on the river is actually very fun and informative I did what if you hate architecture and rivers then stay the fuck home. I did one of those in Palais Paris that's beautiful. Yeah, I was on a boat in Palais this. When you say Paris, you mean Paris. Paris, yeah.

That's beautiful. Yeah, yeah. That's wonderful. But I gotta choose trains every time. I love trains. Yeah. You make sense on a train. You get on a train, people go,

now synchronicity, we're all good. I do love a train. Would you take a, what's the longest train trip you've ever taken? I took a cross country train trip one time and it was not that great. For how many days? I would do it again and I know what I would do differently. I would do it every day. train, would you take a, what's the longest train trip you've ever taken? I took a cross country train trip one time and it was not that great.

For how many days, three? I would do it again and I know what I would do differently. It was three days. Three, yeah. Yeah, from LA to Philly. My LA to, where did I live? Milwaukee was two and a half days. Not too soft.

Two and a half days and that was bad. Nice. But what if you had a sleeper car? Did you have a sleeper car? I had a sleeper car for two of the days and then the last day I didn't realize because you change trains. Oh, you thought it had.

I didn't realize my ticket did not carry over to that. So I slept upright in the operation, operation. There's an operating theater. Like the Nick? It's bad because the train's very shaky. Why are they doing it? In the observation lounge and actually was more comfortable than the bed

in the sleeper car. Interesting. To just like kind of slightly recline. I sometimes look at that one that goes up to like Vancouverish or something like that. And I go, would that be fun? And then I like being on a train for like an afternoon, but I don't know about the sleeping on it anymore.

Cause I hear that the sleeper cars are not that comfortable either. They're not. It's basically you push two foam fold out chairs together and that becomes your bed. Boo. It's not like in the movies where it's like, why can't they make it like the movies?

I don't, well, there are trains like that, but it's super expensive. Would you go on the Orient Express? If I had the money to do that, absolutely. Let's all go. It's fucking really expensive. Cause we looked into it. Whoa.

Like how much? It's thousands of dollars. Yeah. Well, even getting there would be, cause it doesn't come by your house, right? No, they don't do local pickups. No, you have to go to where it is. Lauren, do you pick Chicago dogs or deep dish?

I pick deep dish because I love it and I always get it when I go home. That's a good reason. But now that it's summer, I'm looking at some dogs this summer. We're definitely gonna be grilling them in Chicago. Are you really? Oh yeah, we're gonna have some dogs.

I'm excited for my trip. It's gonna be really fun. I'm excited for you. Yeah, I can't wait. If you see Lauren in Chicago, throw a hot dog at her. And she promises to catch it with one hand. Okay, sure. As long as it's plain,

I don't want you throwing condiments at me. Yes. But also don't throw any hot dogs at me. But also throw hot dogs with condiments. But you know, yeah, I would, I'm definitely gonna get some dogs. I'm also very excited because Holly's at an age now where like it's more fun to do activities with her. So like going to, into the city and going on a, you know, going to get a hot dog or going to like the going on the boat or something would be really fun So like those are things I want to do good in we went into the gap

two days ago Mm-hmm. I've by the way, I don't think I've ever taken me shopping or anything like that I don't I don't I wish you would Paul Well, you never asked me to I will take her on one of your famous shopping sprees by the way To the lowest ticket on the Orient Express is 2920 pounds No, we took I took on errands yesterday and it was I think going where you're going with this where it was like I get excited to go on a storm

I don't know like how she even knows the concept of shopping or whatever, but she walked into Baby Gap and she was just picking out things going, buy this, buy this, buy this, buy this. Maybe the nanny's taking her. No, no, but I didn't quite know how to explain to her, no, this is not a place where we have unlimited money and we just pick random things out.

You know what I mean? Well, no, I took Holly to a few stores yesterday. She's on her little summer break. And we went to like the paint store, like things that are not inherently interesting, but it's fun. And then a couple of stores where I was trying to buy presents for adults in my life, which-

See, it's a Spencer's gift. Yeah, get some big dildo shirts. Big dildo shirts. Big dildo shirts. Night shirts with a dildo attached. Oh, got it. It's real floppy. So the dildos are small. Yeah, they're normal.

Normal size, but the shirts are big. Okay, I get it, okay. And anyways, my point is she does want me to buy her something ever ago and I sometimes will say yes, if it's like a small thing or whatever. But then there's this line I go, you can't just walk into a store and then everything you want, I'm going to say, yeah, I'm going to say no.

So then we're like having these long meltdowns, you know, she wanted, she was remembering something at Target the day before that I didn't let her get. And she was like, now I want that. Of like, okay, well, what can I have? And I'm like, we don't go to stores just to buy stuff. Yeah, we're going to buy a specific thing. So how do you say like, hey, we're not here buying anything that catches your eye. I don't know.

She doesn't even understand money, although she does. She is when we go to a restaurant like, did you pay yet? You know, she knows what that is technically, but she doesn't really know money, although she is when we go to a restaurant, like, did you pay yet? She knows what that is technically, but she doesn't really know money or anything. Right, well, they definitely don't understand how we get it. Yeah, I mean, she doesn't even know what our jobs are. Is there anything to,

somehow getting them to understand the idea that it's not about buying a fun thing, but a thing that is necessary? Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point. So they don't think you're having this great time That's true because I mean, I'm not every time we go in buying something for myself. Yeah, and that's a good point I also need to start her on our sponsor green light. Shout out to green light. Shout out to green light Get your eye back in. So you normally would pick Deep Dish, but-

Right now, actually, I want a hot dog right now. I want a hot dog right now. I've had a hot dog in a while. Same question to you, though. Deep Dish or Chicago dog? Do you know I've never had a Chicago dog? There used to be a place Joe Mantegna owned and operated.

Taste Chicago. Taste Chicago. Taste Chicago. Which I went to a couple times, but I never got an actual dog there. But I always assumed I wouldn't like the Chicago dog, but then there was a place across the street from it. Because Chicago dog is, there's a bunch of shit on there.

Yeah. There's like celery, salt, pickles, all this kind of stuff. And I always assumed I was like, I don't like certain elements of that, so I wouldn't like it. But then there was a place across the street from the old ear wolf, which served tons of types of hot dogs.

And I had a Chicago and it was delicious. Remember that place? The place on the old, old ear wolf. Oh. Like on like the second place we ever had. Anyway. The place on Sunset Boulevard? Yeah, but yeah, exactly. Okay. Not the scary place. No, no. The place on Sunset Boulevard? Yeah, but yeah, exactly.

Okay, not the scary place. No, no, the place after that. Okay, yeah, I don't remember that hot dog place. For like a year. I just remember E-Juice and E-Cigs. That's all I remember, that's all I bought. I was like, this is where I get my E-Juice. Yeah, those are, you know.

I still don't know what it is. We were like driving downtown. I think it's just vape cartridges. I don't want to know. We were driving downtown the other day and there were so many vape stores. Yeah, it was awesome. There were so many vape stores and stuff where I was going, how do these stores stay open?

I actually don't understand. Are the margins really? I don't know because there's so many stores like in where even other places that I shop where like it all just gets shut down and they're always rotating until we something new or whatever. And you're like, wow, people, it's hard to stay open, which I understand. But I'm like, these places seem to just live forever.

Any like streets where there's like five, six, seven head shops. Yeah. And it's just like, how is this? Yeah. How are you guys not canceling each other? Right. There's this like in Burbank, there'sbank, there's this sort of corner mini market kind of location that had a gun shop,

a cigarette store, a liquor store. It was just like all, just like Vice City basically. Yeah. Hey, Paul, question for you. Oh wait, hot dogs? I like them just with mustard. I don't know why, but then Chicago dogs are very tasty. I should try it.

Try one. We should go to the, on the why? But then Chicago dogs are very tasty. I should try it. Try it. We should go to the on the Orient Express and order Chicago dogs. Perfect plan. I hope they serve those. If they don't, it's not a quality establishment. The ticket is very expensive, but the food is dirty. OK, question for you.

Beads or pool tables? Honestly, beads. Really? Yeah. I'm going beads all the way. You're going beads? Beads or pool tables? Honestly beads Really? Yeah, I'm going beads all the way you're going beads. I'd be fine if I never played pool again I definitely don't need to play it again. I the tables themselves are so huge I'm too much space in a massive my grandparents had one but they built a What do you call it an add-on? Addition addition.ition, yes. To their house to house it, you know?

And it was more of a screened in garage. Oh my God. Wow. And it was, you know, I had to spend some summers there and it was always like a thing to do. No, it's definitely a thing to do. You know what I mean?

So if you have the room. Get one. It's okay. If you don't have the room, get beads. Beads, I gotta say, Emi, Cool Up's sister brought over a bead necklace making kit. And anytime Emmy pulls it out and brings it over to me, I go, nah, ah, ah.

No, it's a very, it's actually a really, I would say, unfun craft, but the kids do love it. Yeah, very fun. And she loves having the, and she goes, look at my necklace and all that, and they have letters on it And I was like, what are they spelling with this and I realized she's just putting she doesn't know how to spell So she's putting random letters on it. Are you sure? Are you sure that acronyms for something horrible? Oh my god

It might be coordinates much to do latitude Okay, what about so so be okay go with beads Yeah, so then the other question that I need you to answer, Lauren is river boats or train? I think I'm gonna go with train. Choo-choo. I don't, I mean, I get seasick, but a river boat doesn't really make me sick.

That's slow and not. It's pretty slow. But I don't really like, like I don't love boats. So if I'm picking a way to get somewhere, it's definitely a train. And I think trains are fun when you're like in Europe and it's like, you just like sit back and enjoy looking at some weird countryside you never would have seen and wonder about the people who live there. Yeah, weird, weird, weird cultures. Yeah, weird, Weird cultures. Yeah. Weird Italian. I'm going to go for there's something romantic about the riverboat about like gambling on one. Have you ever done that? So romantic

like the Maverick style. I have not gambled on a riverboat except in the game Red Dead Redemption 2. Gigi started playing that. She literally she grabbed the remote or like the controller and it and pressed button and it turned on. And then she then it was like a guy on a horse like hovering there. And then she like pressed button. He got off the horse. She wasn't looking at the screen, but she was just touching it. And I was like, you're like playing this game.

It was really funny. I was telling her, get her online. I'll play. I'll play her. I'll get her on. Yeah. Yeah. I was literally thinking three days ago. Me too. I wonder if I can keep Emmy from ever knowing

what a video game is for like a long time. Wait, do you play? Well, here's the thing. So I have a Switch and then, and I love my Mario parts. She already has never seen that? She's never seen it. Holly loves the Switch. I have not played it since she's been born.

I've intentionally like going like, I feel like she'd be too fascinated with this because she got too fascinated with like Spotify, the 10 second videos that play when you play a song. So she goes, I wanna see, I wanna see. And we've said like, you can't watch this anymore. So I feel like she'd be too fascinated with it. So I was like, you know what?

I'm gonna try to hide video games from her. And then on Father's Day, Cool Up got me the new Mario cart and she's like, can you can show it to Emmy? And I was like, I was just thinking about this, but Cool Up didn't know it's for the Switch 2 and we don't have a Switch 2. So.

So you win again. So I'm, I don't know. What do you think? I mean, Holly does enjoy playing games on the Switch, which she likes Zelda and stuff. Yeah, I like it too. I don't mind that. I, it's like, you know, it's all within reason.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She enjoys it as like a little thing and then she, we can hide them very easily. And so that's good too. You just go, I don't know where it is. Well already like Emmy's mood sours after watching a half hour of Daniel Tiger, you know what I mean?

So it's like, and that's a good program. It's a very sad show. It puts me in a bad mood. Well, his parents are beheaded in the opening. Yeah. It's like, I don't know why they keep that in there. Fucking, it's brutal. It's like, I don't know why they keep that in there. It's fucking, it's brutal. It's crazy.

But no, I mean, kids, when they watch screens of anything. No, it's definitely better to not do it. If you can keep her away from it, great. I think Mike plays video games pretty regularly, so it's hard to hide that, and she just enjoys. He could dress up and disguise himself and put on a mustache. And say he's somebody else.

And then we say, don't ever let that guy play a video game. And then some weird. Mr. Constantinople, are you here again to play our games? Give me the game. Speaking of keeping things from people, how are you doing avoiding hearing Trump's voice? I still have a perfect record. And by the way, I'm not avoiding reading the news or reading quotes or anything.

I just don't want to hear his voice ever again. I've said that to people like, oh, so you don't know what's going on? I'm like, no, I do. I just don't listen to his voice. I'd rather not be as informed, but I just don't want to hear the voice. There was one instance where I had to turn the channel very quickly

It was a Super Bowl or something like that where it was like there because it was on Fox There was a commercial. Yeah for the upcoming whatever the fuck he was gonna say and I was like I like switched it off. I've listened. I've heard his voice for six seconds. I think total Many as Luke Perry was on a bowl podcast. I was listening to that's about local politics in LA. Oh, man. And then for some reason they played a Trump clip and I was in my car and I was like, God damn it! Anyway, I'm doing great.

Yeah, I don't hear it often. It's great not hearing it. It's so fun. It's great not hearing it. I'll be hearing it when I go to Chicago because the news is always on. Oh, like in bars and stuff or what? At my parents' house. Oh, oh, oh.

They like the news. I just assumed you were gonna be in bars all the time. I'll be going to bars a lot. Honestly, that's the summertime vibe. I'm down. Are you gonna go out in the lake and shit? Yeah, maybe. That's all I do.

Really? Yeah. Boogie boarding and stuff? No, just hang out. Are you gonna retrace my steps from the Spotlight Roses video? Yes. Probably, yeah.

I figured I would do it too. You might never have seen that. I'll send it to you. I've never seen it. I don't know what you're talking about. Well, this was great. Thank you so much, Drew. Thank you, Drew.

I love your name as a past tense verb. Something I did, I drew. So that's how Hag Claims 8 works, but it's also just a fraction and a snippet of how it works. I mean, so much more to it. So much more to it. When you get the phone, you get the app.

Listen, everybody. Varietopia live Sunday, July 13th, 7 p.m. live at Laudrum and streaming live to the world. Get your tickets for one or the other. And I have to say, I'm still writing Astonishing Spider-Man. Check it out. There's some interesting developments happening in it.

Mm. And my show continues to be August 30th with Mary. I'll just plug that forever. I thought it was the 31st. Oh, shit. Ah, fucking no. This is Sunday. God damn it, shit.

I believe it's the 31st. Okay, then that's when it is. Actually, the poster might be wrong. I. OK, then that's when it is. Actually, the poster might be wrong. I got to call somebody. That's what it is. That's just when it happens. That's just when it is. That's just when it is.

Guys, we love you. We do love you and thank you for listening. We'll be back next week. We'll be back next week. And keep reaching for the puddles. Keep stinking in the stars. Yay. Bye. and we work at the Minnesota Star Tribune. And we've got a brand new show called Worth It. Every week we get together with a group of people who know Minnesota inside and out.

We skip the Minnesota nights and get right to the good stuff. We share the stories and the happenings around the state worth your time and your money. Worth It from the Minnesota Star Tribune and Lemonada Media. Every Friday, wherever you get your podcasts.