Threedom - Sherbet What Time

Episode Date: October 9, 2025

Lauren, Scott, and Paul discuss the Sparks game, birthdays, and spare tires before responding to a listener voicemail. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's morning in New York. Oh, God. Hey, everybody. I'm Mandy Patinkin. And I'm Catherine Grady. And we have a new podcast. It's called Don't Listen to Us. Many of you've asked for our advice. Tell me, what is wrong with you people?

Don't listen to us. Our Take It or Leave It Advice show is out every Wednesday, premiering October 15th, a Lemonada Media Original. Threaton. Dear Lord. Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Wow, that was really beautiful. What a run. That was gorgeous. He went on such a run. So if you were to go down the hall on the Jennifer Hudson show, I hope I do someday What song would they do for you?

Can anyone predict? I don't know. I read that article It has to kind of make sense with your name. Yeah, about the creation of it. Did you read that? How everyone who comes up with these songs is on a slack. I think we maybe have discussed this.

Yeah, they pitch stuff of like, okay, well, this person's from Philly. So what if we did something with Philadelphia Freedom? I'm thinking of you right now. Oh, yeah. You're looking at me, too. Paul L' Tompkins' freedom. Philadelphia.

Here's what they would do They would be like Ockerman Ockerman We've got on the show Scott Ockerman He's gonna sit And be

Yes Everything he says is in just Look out Here comes like Scott Ockerman I love it Yeah Are they all I haven't seen the show

Are they all sort of based on This shit is bananas BAA Any any No they're all different songs Every single time Oh yeah it's banana They do fit bananas into every suit. This shit is Paul Tompkins.

T-O-M-P-K-I-N-S. Yeah, that would have been better if I didn't start from the beginning. It's your spell of my entire. This shit is Paul Tompkins. P-A-U-L-F-T-R-E-N-S. C-I-S-T. And you're like, do that C. There's no C in there.

Francis. God damn it. You do have a C. You forgot your own name because you only go by F. I only go by F. Sometimes people will go by a letter Like they'll just Like instead of two initials or something

They'll just be like Like Q J period Or something as their name And I find that to be so It's such a strong Like at some point you went You know what? Never say the rest.

It's just L. Yo L. But L is like I know people who actually know a Lauren who became L E L-E L-L-L-E. L-L-L-E Like the name L. Like E-L-L-L-L-E.

Like E-L-L-L-E. And that's fine. I think going, if I was just like, I'm the letter L. It's a hard one. You have to have a good letter for that. There was a, I remember the first, no, the first time I encountered this was as a child because a woman, an actress who worked on a lot of sitcoms, guests on a lot of sitcoms, her name was K K K-K-K-L-L-A-N, but just the letter K. And I'd never seen that. K-L-A-N.

K-K-L-L-A-N is bananas. K-A-L-B-N-N-S. It might be Callan. I'm not sure how it's pronounced. I will say that she's an American actress and writer known for playing Clark Kent's mother, Martha, in the ABC television series Lois and Clark with total piece of shit, Dean Kane.

That's what it says? Crazy. Wow, it's crazy. That's crazy. They update Wikipedia so fast. They really do. When somebody becomes a piece of shit, they just, they noteate it.

They immediately update them. No citation needed. So many citations here, though. His ice video He fucking broke his arm or whatever Did he break his arm? Trying to join ice He was running so fast

He was running so fast To join ice that he broke his The wind just knocked his arm He did an obstacle course Because he was going to train To be an ice He's like he's doing like Best Ninja Warrior or whatever

America's best ninja warrior America's best ninja warrior Okay we've gathered All the Ninja Warriors in America America's best test Ninja Warrior What is it actually called? American War. What is it?

Ah, you didn't know. American Ninja Warrior. I knew what it wasn't. I think. American Warrior? American Ninja Warrior. I don't think it's called that. American Ninja Warrior.

So what did I say? Best Ninja Warrior? How far off is that? You said best Ninja Warrior. It's the same thing. Because America is the best. Oh, boy. It's like the dream team with basketball.

It's just like that. Of course the Ninja Warriors in America are going to be. But with basketball. I said in basketball. It's like if it's like if the basketball was like a dream team. Or with. You know what I went? I went to a Sparks game.

Oh, fun. And I had such a fun time. It's called a concert. I went to a Sparks concert. The WNBA. It was quite exciting. To be quite frank, I don't know what happened. You had your back to it?

I think they did win. Who seemed happy at the end? I was going to the car. Oh, one of a. I had a situation where I had to get back. But I also wasn't paying that attention. I was talking the whole time. I actually...

You know you can do that in other places. Yeah, but I had a great time. You know, you get that another point, huh? Wanted to talk the whole time. But my other friend who was very excited, she ended up getting closer seats so she could be, because she loves Paige Beckers, the really great basketball player,

everyone's excited about. I think you're thinking of Dr. Becker from the TV series Becker with Ted Anson. I'm not thinking of that. I think you're thinking of Paige Davis. I did see her perform, perform play. And she was great. But we walked around looking for a Wetzel's pretzel for quite some time.

And that... Why specifically that? Because my friend really wanted one. And they had two locations, but both had long lines and we kind of should have gotten just in one line. And then we walked to the other one. That's too long. Let's go back to the other one. And then they were out of cinnamon sugar.

No. That being said, Leslie Jones was on the court. side seat got and she had a whole big thing and senalathen who was what does that mean she had a whole big thing they were like they need a little more they were singing happy birthday to her they put out camera okay that's a lot yeah she had a whole big thing that's a lot um lots of stars were out that night sona alathan yes had a great time loved it we had a big discussion of how to say her name on Scott hasn't seen recently I might have said it wrong I might have said it wrong too I think never heard I had looked up how to say it and saw her say it on a video with Jamel...

Jamila, Jamil? No. From, no, from ESPN. And everyone thought I was saying it wrong. And now I'm convinced I was saying it wrong. Well, no, I don't know. I just said it. I don't know.

But she's from love and basketball. Yes, which is my point is, it was very exciting to see her because of love and basketball. Yeah. Fun to see her at the game and just think about all those memories I have of watching that film and listening to the soundtrack. And she's, she, she, she, she, she, she. She means it. She loves basketball. She does.

Look up her name pronunciation. That's such a good song. And this woman's work. We'd have to watch a video. This woman's work out on a man. That was beautiful. It's just like how it is, right? So passionate.

It's really good. But I really loved the energy at the game. It was really fun. It was just a good vibe. And it was very packed. Hold on. Here we go. Okay.

Wait, wait. It's the Naa Lathan. Lathan. I put the end on it. I just... Okay, okay. Relax. Who was that person?

Take it easy. How did I say it? I don't know. I think you said it correctly, but... I think what it is now is we erased whatever we thought it was and we just say it like that. We just say it like that from now on. And if I said it incorrectly on Scott hasn't seen a couple of weeks ago or whatever... You could just say Scott didn't know.

Scott didn't know. Go change it. Listen, here's the thing. Get your own podcast. We forget that we have access to editing and we can make our... ourselves look much better than we actually look. Yeah. That's true.

And we should take more advantage with that. God, the thought of going back to any of these episodes and re-listening to me. Have you never relistened to an episode of this show? Of this show? No. I don't think I've ever listened to an episode of this show. Wow. I do it every week to make sure that we're all on the up and up.

I mean, I appreciate that. And I thank you for your service. You're welcome. Living good, clean Christian lives. I usually listen on double speed because I know what we talked about. Yeah. And it's so manic. That sounds like a nightmare too.

It is, but it only takes 30 minutes that way. There's a podcast that Janie listens to, and I will listen to it if she's playing it, but I don't seek it out, but she will listen to it. So you don't go from room to room, hoping Janie's in the room listening to this podcast. You're not seeking it out with, like, glasses. Okay, I do that.

And the binoculars. No, okay, okay, yes, I do that. Okay. But if I'm not around, she will listen to it on one and a half speed or maybe two times. I never do that with shows I listen to. Yeah. It's maddening to me to listen to that. But you know what's so weird.

So I'll play us for like on double speed. And then I'll put it down to 1.5 if I need to listen closer. And then that sounds pretty normal. And then I put it down to 1. It sounds like we're talking so slow. It sounds like we're being weird. Especially right now. It sounds like we're talking.

Yeah. So if you are listening to this on one, then this is what you hear. But if you're on two, then this is what you hear. Do you remember those? We should talk really fast and only for a half an hour. Yeah. And that saves time and then slow it down. Why haven't we been doing that?

That's really smart. So let's try. Okay. So anyway, Lauren, have you, have you seen? Pulsed hat over there? It says dinner parties. I love his hats as dinner parties. It's because I like dinner parties.

So I thought I wore a hat to advertise. Did you get this hat made or is this a hat that you found in a store? No, this is my idea. I had it made. I ordered it online and I got to choose the font and everything. And you chose the colors, do I'm assuming? Because these are the varietopia colors. These are part of the colors that were available.

And yes, I saw colors that I liked and so I chose them. Lauren. I'm so happy that you chose this hat because I was like this cat. I was really like a character. Wait, are you doing an auction? Did you get those files? You get this file? I can't get the files out there.

I'm a very busy. I'm a very busy right now. I'm a very busy right now. I drove my car into a wall the other day. Everybody with files have to go. Everybody knows. How quickly goes from speaking fast. The corporate lady.

When I drink water, it falls out of my mouth. Lauren, how was your birthday the other day? It was good. What did you do for your birthday? Let's talk in a normal page. for our one time. Out of respect for Lauren. Respect each other's birthdays.

My birthday was great. I woke up and Mike made me delicious avocado toasts with eggs with using farm fresh ingredients that he got especially for my birthday. So I guess he doesn't want a house. Yeah, exactly.

And then I opened presents. I got really great presents. One of my presents was a high-heel phone. another present, which is great. Instead of a flat? Yeah, it's a high heel. Another present I got, which I mentioned

wanting a long time ago. This was a very like put a pin in it by Mike. Good job. It was a old school video camera from like the early 2000. I saw that in a photo. And it's really fun. It makes every video seem so important.

Can you hook it up to your computer and stuff? At this time, no, we're going to need some extra things to make it transferable, but for now we're having fun. So important. Yeah, it does. Because Holly, Holly, like, saying happy birthday on the home movie video.

Right. And it just, and she's like, did I do it right? And then it, like, cuts off. And it's like, it just seems so important. Like, it's like, as if it's the only home movie you have. Right, right. It was so limited before.

You'd only have, like, a few tapes or something. Truly was. We went back through our, the photo albums. We finally got them from my mom from, of me. Finally. Finally took her claws off them. It's so funny just how, like, the only time there are ever pictures is a birthday. Yeah.

And then it just cuts off after I'm, like, going to high school. They never took another picture of me ever again. It's just. Were you opposed to having your photo taken in high school? Because I know I would definitely pout about that. I mean, we all had to. There was photo dose. Yeah, but I mean, like, like, there's a lot of pictures of me.

Every day, can you imagine? Every day. They wanted to do one of those. Look at it's second beer he's time for photo date. God damn it. They want, I feel like every, there's a lot of pictures of me, like, pouting that I'm in a photo. You know, like, weird coming, being grumpy, like, oh, my picture taken. I thought kids liked me.

Well, you're like when you're a teenager. There are definitely some where they're telling me to smile and I'm going. Yeah. Like a monkey. Yeah. I'm just like, because I believe I was told by a certain family member, I had an ugly smile when I was young. Great. It's so disgusting to say.

Why would you ever... I did not like smiling in pictures and so it was always like pulling teeth to try to get me to... It makes me want to cry that someone said that to you. But you're not. Yeah, I want to.

I wish I could. Aw, why can't you, honey? I just don't care enough but I do feel sad for you that that happened to you. For another human being you're sad. And I feel sad for any child who's insulted in a way

where then they become self-conscious of something for their whole childhood. Yeah, that's awful. It's just told I had an ugly smile in a terrible singing voice. Well, they're not wrong. That's not the point. I'm going to smile while I sing, ready?

Happy birthday. Honestly, haunting. Jesus. Why did you change the tune? Yeah, it's kind of... To you! See? Oh, I see.

You just started very high, too high. It was just out there. I would say, really good. I want to do that now for somebody's birthday. Start. Yeah. Start a real... Happy birthday.

Happy birthday. You're going to do it. Who I can get. You're going to do it. I feel like you were going to get there. Paul, you can do it tomorrow for your birthday. Tomorrow is my goddamn birthday. Oh my gosh, tomorrow's your birthday.

We're holding, as always, we're six days apart. We're recording this on the anniversary of the day where you realize that your party wasn't important. Yeah. That's right. Sorry about that. Do you have a plan for your B day? Yeah, it's the same thing we always do. To stare at the wall and bitch about it.

Yeah. Now the you older. No, the yoda. Nodita. And deep in debt. A yoda. No dioda, deeper in there. Oh, my God.

I got to do you. The Yoda Jedi. A Yoda. A Yoda. What are you doing, Paul? We, Janie and I have, dinner with another couple and that has just been our tradition.

Is it someone with a similar birthday? Simular? Noep. Just the same couple every year? There was just one year. We went out for dinner with them for my birthday and I was like, let's just keep doing this. I like it.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, yeah. Trying to figure out who this other couple is. It's my friend. Michelle and Barack. Do you know I was actually going to say that?

My friend, Michelle, and her husband, Barry. Barry. Their dog, Bo. Do people call him that? They're still alive. Bo's thriving. He must have by now. But don't you think they would have announced it?

They probably did. Oh, yeah, you're right. I'm sure I'm sure someone's like, you liked the post, you fucking idiot. Imagine that cutting through the noise. One dog died. Flags will be at half staff for Bo, the White House dog.

The former White House dog. Yeah, they don't have a dog. Grace White House dog. Have there been, have most presidents had a pet? Yeah. So we're at the first one without. They try to do it. I know if it's the first.

To make them human. Of course. Yeah. But how many presidents... Not everybody's concerned with that. How many presidents actually care about their pet? He needs like a parrot or something. Seems like a lot to take on.

They care about their pets. I don't think they're feeding it every day and picking up the poo. Yeah. Because I'm, yeah, I'm good with my pets other than the barking. The barking's gotten so bad lately It's not good If I were the president and I had to pick up Shit in a bag

I'd be mad But that would bring you back down to earth every day Exactly it makes you feel like There's other things Yeah My wife telling me I'm a piece of shit I would read what people said about me Also if anyone ever took a picture of it

They'd be like oh you're spending time on this instead He's speaking of his dog shit Not America's shit He's got time to handle shit Yeah That was when we taped the between Two of Hearns with Barack Obama. We were instructed to never say how much time it took because then it would be a, oh, he spent this amount of time on doing this instead of fill in the blank, you know.

And that blank is still not filled in. I think it was 45 minutes. No, you're not supposed to say. No, I mean, at this point, no one cares. Well, they might still be mad. Okay. Yeah, they might. I don't know.

They might. I think they might. But I've been very busy right now. They might. But they're very busy right now. They've been very busy right now. I think they might. You're very busy right now.

Oh, the last time we recorded, I was waiting on someone to do something at the house. You went back to work at a restaurant? Oh, yeah. Did they ever? Oh, I think you said you were waiting on someone. Last time we recorded, I was waiting. I was waiting on someone at Cheesecake Factory. Remotely.

They couldn't leave the size on the menu. Remotely. Just let me know what page of the menu you're interested. You're muted. What do you want? Did the person ever come by? I'll let the kitchen know. They never came by.

This is a delivery you were waiting. This started out as a same-day operation. Wow. And now it's like, yeah, we'll have it tomorrow. We're just... Did you pay in advance? No. So you could conceivably never pay for this.

Conceivably. I could say I've changed my mind. But you haven't. Yeah, because I think... Then you have to find it on the first... I think the guy actually is making this thing. Yeah, they need to find it. I just think he's a weirdo.

Yeah. Because this is a specialized thing... No, a lot of these people who do stuff like that, they're on their own timetable. They are. And we have to have grace for them because you don't want to do it. Obviously, you're willing to pay someone else to do it. It's something that I... I bet you could.

I believe in you. If I learned, I would have to learn how to do it, which would take a lot of time. But I believe in you. I think you can. I think you, but don't. You can. And you can do it. Well, if I can.

So would you do it if I could. If I could do it, I would do it. And you can. And I can do it. So you will. So I'm going to do it. Good. Okay.

I got an update from the dog groomer. Okay. Let me just say, my dog hasn't been groomed yet. Okay. No. It should have happened days. Your dog looks like shit. She looks nasty.

Oh, I have a picture to show you guys of an ugly dog. Oh, good. Oh, good. Thank you so much. You're welcome. They texted the day before saying that they're not coming because their van was experiencing technical difficulties. It's a mobile groomer.

Please tell me that's how they put it. No. They said a lot more details and they were very apologetic. The drive shifts, yeah. And I was like very understanding. Because by the way, I was thinking about this later and I was thinking, you know, I was a little heated talking. talking about it, but I'm very nice in my interactions.

I'm never being mean or rude. I just want that to be clear. Well, I might say... Because you don't want anyone to ever think you're mean or rude. Well, they might think that behind the scenes I was being a little upset about it, but my face-to-face with the person was very understanding.

And then they moved it to Saturday. They're like, can we come Saturday? Which, by the way, not a great day for that. Yeah, Saturdays are bad for parents like us. And then I go... We have to fill the time figuring out things to do. Saturdays are also bad for me because I don't want to do shit.

That's good for you. And I said Monday's your Fridays are bad for you too Because you don't want to do shit as well Yeah Sundays you're in church Sunday Monday I don't want to do shit

Tuesday Thursday Wednesday I don't want to do it Thursday Friday I don't want to do shit Saturday Don't want to do shit I still don't want to do shit

That's why I'm sorry I'm smiling With me So they said they're coming Saturday. I said, sure, but what time. And then now a- Sherbet what time? And then a day later, they're saying

right now they just texted me 130 to 2. And I'm like, that's not a good time to come. 130 is when I need to go out in the world and entertain these children. Yes. Isn't 1.30 nap time? No, nap time's usually earlier for Gigi.

Really? And Holly doesn't nap. Now, what did Holly think of your birthday? Can we put a pin in this and take a break and then hear the exciting answer on the other side? All right. Okay. This message is sponsored by Greenlight. As kids get older, some parts of parenting get easier.

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I like it. I like that we're back. I like that we're back. So I love it too. Did you send us a picture of this ugly ass dog? That dog is honestly so fucking weird. This was... We have to put it on an Instagram.

Yes. This was from the wonderful actor. Dylan Guala? Galula? Galula? I can't be. Never heard her name out loud. Duda.

Except when I just said it. Okay. No, I wasn't listening to you. But, yeah. Galula, I've been mispronouncing it. Dylan, I apologize. She's also from the Philly area. Can I answer your question that we left on a cliffhanger of?

Hold on one second, dear. Okay. There is a picture of, it looks like an elevator floor. And it says, this was in stories, Instagram, Meta. Six days ago, I saw the fuggliest dog I've ever seen my life. Great opening. He was so busted It took my breath away

I had to take a picture of him And then there is that dog And guess what? He looks fucking weird It's honestly One of the strangest Straight face has ever seen It's very human but

Exactly He looks weird in a human way We don't want our dogs to look like humans His face is very scary Yeah But he He if you saw that guy As a guy

You'd be like I don't want to talk to that guy I wouldn't want to talk to him I'll talk to anyone Anyone? You know, I don't think that's true. Anyone come up to me. I don't think that's true. I met some piss pigs.

Oh, shit. And then we'll get to your answer. Where was I? Oh, I was at the Oasis concert at the Rose Bowl. Oh, shit. Was it fun? It was very fun. I, you know, I was going into it going, I've seen Oasis maybe 10 times, and I've seen anything

from good shows to boring shows I've walked out of. Will this be a boring one? And I got to say, they only played 95% of the songs, if not 97, were from the first two albums and B-sides. And then only two of the big hits from the third album. And it was just like anything you'd want from an Oasis concert. Everyone's singing along the entire time. It was so loud. They sounded great.

I couldn't tell where you were headed with this when you started out, talking about the albums and what songs they played from. And I was like, is this good or bad? This is very good. Right. Because their albums get worse and worse and worse. How many albums do they have out? Probably one, two, three, four. Is it seven, I would think?

Or eight? Seven or eight. I was never a fan. I didn't like dislike them or anything, but I was not, I did not get caught up in that net. I was. And, okay. And noted. Just letting you know.

Thank you. Full disclosure. Yeah. So to me, it seemed like they come out. They have a very strong debut. People are talking about them. Then it felt like they broke up very quickly. And that's just with me looking back.

Okay. So their true arc is first album is a sensation. Second album breaks through to the States. Fuck, that's us. And is huge. Take that, Robbie Williams. Third album. Who was in Take that, I think?

Yeah, he was. Wow. Good one. Third album is so anticipated and kind of stinks. And then people end up quitting the band. And then they, then the 2000s come and they put out, you know, three or four more records, which are just declining quality and people don't really care. Wow. Yeah.

So, but the first two are incredible. And I was a big, like, Britpop fan. Sure. So I saw Supergrass also that weekend. Sure. And so it was more than just Oasis. It was blur, supergrass. It was more.

It was everybody. It was everything. It was everything to you. It was everyone. And everyone you ever thought of. Anyway, back to my original point. Or Twain. I'm walking out of the Rose Bowl and a gentleman of probably 30 with an older gentleman next to him.

He was 30 feet tall? He was 30 feet tall. That's huge. I mean, it was impressive. It's atypical. He had to stand in the middle of the field and everyone threw their drinks at him. Wow. Why?

Just see if they could hit him. Is he okay with that? Yeah, he was fine with it. Oh, okay. He said he was fine, but he went home and cried. Oh, I didn't know that. I know I saw a thing. I hate to think of that.

I know. He comes up and he says, oh, hi, I'm a piss pig. And I said, I'm so sorry that you had to say this next to. He goes, yeah, I said it next to my father. A nice father and son outing. Literally, the concert has ended 60 seconds ago. What a night. Hi, I'm a piss pig.

Yeah. His father asked you hear that. Anyway, shout out to the piss pigs out there. I met a few. So to the PPs. Out there in Pasadena. Home of the Rose Parade. Now let's get back to it.

Oh, I don't want to think all the Piss Pigs for my birthday wishes. Many Piss Pigs. You know what was a funny one? So in the dress I'm wearing in the picture I posted, a lot of people commented about that dress. And I'm sitting there going, why are they talking about this? Like, I knew it must mean something that I don't get. Because it's a very like, it's just a summer dress.

It's not like remarkable in any way. Yeah, there's some people that looks like a. It's gold, and some people think it looks like it's... Blue. Yeah. Right. It's not... Beyond that, it's not remarkable.

But anyways, they were saying, oh, is that... Oh, I know that dress, it's burnt umber. And then people are saying, oh, is that the quince dress? That must be the quince dress. Then I'm... And I'm seeing all these comments, and I'm thinking, why? Quince dress. Am I being insulted?

What's happening? Because I... Because we... I do ads for quince. I did... Well, I recorded at least one time where I said I bought a dress with... from quince that has it's burnt umber and i described it that way and that i guess it plays a lot because everyone was so keyed in on that that was like you should tag quincy that must have been

played a lot yeah i should tag twins and you should add a link where you get you know five percent of well can you hook this deal up people to buy things yes yeah uh to answer your question five percent of all people to buy a thing that's a lot that would be if you could sell something to 5% of the population. You'd be set, right? Do you think 5% of the population has an iPhone? I wonder. Do you think that?

Do you? Because you're stupid if you think that. What percentage? If you think that, I'm so sorry for you. And to answer your question, Holly was very excited about my birthday, but she wanted to open all my presents and was very annoyed that I was waiting throughout the day to open them because I wasn't trying to just do it all at once. And she's like, let's open the striped one, please. I was, okay, listen.

this. Fifty-eight percent of U.S. smartphone users have iPhones. Now, what percentage of Americans is that? I don't know. What percentage of Americans have? Well, I'm talking about people in the world. This is so simple. I don't know why he can't do this. People in the world. Not interested AI. 90% of U.S. adults own a smartphone, which then means that this is like probably just under 50% have iPhones. What about the world, dear? What don't you get about the math we're trying to have you do, dear. Who does?

Nobody does. We just want some interesting trivia. The rest of the world can go to hell. 54% of the global population own a smartphone. Wow. And then 27 to 30% have iPhones of that. So we're talking like 15% of the world has iPhones. So that exceeds our expectations.

Yeah. It does. And our goals for Q1F2. before. Well, Hag Claims 8 is moving into selling phones. Oh, man.

We're getting back. Hag Claims 8, by the way, does not work on these phones that we do know that we already have our phone that comes with specific apps.

And we know that the phones stopped working when Hague Claims 8 went down. Went down. We apologize. We are getting back into the phone business.

If you already have a Hagclaims8.com phone and it has stopped working, it's just a brick. We're not taking any sort of refund. We're not giving refunds and we're not taking exchanges on these. But if you can take a video of you successfully flushing it down the toilet. Or throwing it at a 30 foot tall man.

Yeah, okay. Yeah. Either one. Yeah. Either one. Yeah. Then you will get 10% off your next phone. Not the one we're trying to sell you. Whatever one you buy after that. How many years old, just as a question, is your current phone? That's a good question. I figured out the other day that. Because I saw they made a new one. And so I was like, how old is mine is four years old?

Order. Which I thought was pretty good. People are, you know, replacing them every year and shit. What is mine? Mine is a 13. Mine is a 13 as well. So what is that? Four years old?

Mm-hmm. That's a nice amount. I think it's a nice amount. I have a 15. Whoa. Whoa, Paul, yours rules. yours is really good 15 pro

Oh my God Mine's a 13 pro Yeah I have a lot of professional business to do Whoa it's really good I'm a pro when it comes to phones I have a maximum professional 13 Wow Wow

That's amazing I phone pro Max Is that is Max the big one No It's storage Yeah has a lot of storage Oh it is bigger than mine

Oh Oh I just shared something with you Oh my God what you share I want to see Keep holding nearby to share No thanks I want to see whatever you're sharing.

That was scary. You're sharing all your pictures. And Gigi, what does Gigi make of a birthday? She's so little. She had a great time. They both were quite upset when we went out at night. Sure. Oh, they don't like you leaving?

No. But you think Holly would understand and then be able to explain it to a little one. She really doesn't like it. She does not want us to go out. We've escaped that. I was sort of worried about that. But any time we say like, oh, we're leaving. Emmie's always like

Bye That's nice Her thing is like Two kisses And a hug God if it was that easy That's very precious Oh my god

No it's like ripping yourself Out of like a piranha's jaw And they're sobbing So That's that But we always end up saying We need to go out more To kind of get over there

Like together Because oftentimes one of us We'll go out And other we'll stay home And whatever I'm so sorry What Anyhoes

The thing I'm worried about regarding birthdays is that the concept of time is such that they will think that they're going to happen all the time. Like, oh, when's my birthday? It did start a conversation about when Christmas is. And then I was like, okay, well, it's going to be my birthday. Then we're going to have Halloween. Then we're going to have Thanksgiving. And then we're going to have Christmas. That's right.

Yeah. And that's the way it's always going to be. And then she asked about Thanksgiving. I said, it's when you eat a lot of food. And she's like, I don't want to do Thanksgiving. and I was like, me neither. We don't do it. No one does. We don't even sell it.

No one likes Thanksgiving. No one does. Do you really do nothing? Many people do like it. We do nothing typically. Last year we went to a friend's house and it was just our friend Susie and Brett made us a yummy Thanksgiving meal and we sat. What are you doing? What are you doing?

This year I think I want to do a little mini getaway. Fun. Oh, okay. A miniature getaway. Where would you go? Like a local. Some place small. Some place tiny.

And the time amount is. as many as well? A few days in a local place. How about Disneyland? Well, I'd always like to go to Solvang. I'd like to go to Solvang. Yeah, Solvang. And I'd like to go to Ohio.

Oh, yeah. Oh, hi doesn't have any Airbnbs, which is probably a great quality for them. But it means I'd have to stay at hotel, which is harder with the different bedtimes. We've rented houses in Ohio. Really? Yeah, but maybe not through Airbnb.

Maybe through a different type of website. Yeah, yeah. I'll have to investigate this because I thought, oh, they don't do that. No, no, we've done quite often. Oh, I've done. Oh, oh. Did what? Did you use Oh, hi, there?

Hmm. Yeah. I know. Yeah. It's so natural to want to say that. Did you see, oh, hello at Ohio? Yeah. Do they really do that?

I saw, oh, hello. That would have been good. There is a local theater there. I'll go see what they're up to. Neil Campbell's uncle, I believe, was the creative director there or something. Wow. It runs in the family. It truly does.

Nice. Why do we say Campbell and not Camp Bell? I know. So we don't sound like assholes. Tompkins. Yeah, there you go. You did it. Tompkins.

That's how you wanted to. That sounds wrong. That's how Tompkins. Tompkins. That's how I want people to say my name. It's too aggressive. You're close to resists. Paul F. Tompkins.

That's me. Great. So you just felt good hearing that. I did. I felt great. Yeah. I got a charge out of it. Sometimes I'll get like Lopkus or like Lapcus.

People will make interesting choices. Yeah, yeah. People make interesting choices these days. I've noticed. Yeah. When I was at Ohio with Janie, we stayed at this hotel, and we were in the dining room of the hotel. There is Carlton? No.

And whom do we see? But live Tyler. Whoa. She was in the dining room. She looked luminescent. She's a beautiful woman. She looked bioluminescent. She was glowing.

It was underwater. We were in the ocean. Hyalauronic acid. You know that commercial? I do not know that. Eva Longoria, she's selling a skin care product and she goes, and it has hyaluronic acid. Say it with me. Highia loronic acid.

She says say it with me? I don't know if she says say it with me. I'm not going to say that with her. She repeats it. I would never say that with her. Very slowly. So you know, hyaluronic acid. Okay.

Eva, what do I do with that information? All you need to know is that's a good ingredient. Great. So I'll be looking for it in a cheaper brand. I saw her ones in the lobby of CAA. Wow. And I have always thought, oh, yeah, she's fine. And you're like, no, she's fine.

I was like, damn. She's a beautiful woman. The same thing was Hunter Bullock, or it was always like, eh, whatever. And then I saw her in person. Not whatever. They sort of look alike. Interesting. Yeah, I could see that.

They might be the same person. They should be. Sandra Bullock. And I love her. I love all of them. They're all great. They're all great. They're crushing it.

They're all great. I'm happy for them. All these famous actresses? They're doing really well. This necklace that I thought I lost that I actually found. And I was so happy. Why are you looking for now? I just thought it'd be nice to fix it right now while I'm talking to you.

But I won't do that, I guess. I was going to just untangle it while I was talking, which I thought would be fine. But apparently it's not. No. It's not. Do you remember there was a car commercial. a number of years ago where...

Oh, wait, the car was like going vroom, boom, brum. Oh, you've seen it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And then they were like, you need to get this car. I've seen that.

Work like a charm. I saw it. I saw that. You saw that. These two mechanic-type guys, they open up a trunk, car trunk, boot.

They're mechanic types. They don't, they're not mechanics. They're not working there. They're wearing coveralls. They're dressed like a All the mechanics. Yes. This is exactly what I'm saying.

It's never a zabro so that they actually work at this point. What do we know? I would love if you're watching a commercial, everyone to show like proof and documentation of where they work. Here's where I really want. We're joining this commercial in situ. And there's a spare tire in the trunk. And the younger guy marvels at this. Like, whoa.

How young? How much younger? Like two days? I think he was two days old, yes. Do you guys think of yourselves as one being older than the other, even though you're kind of around the same age? I think of Scott is being older than me. Yeah. You do?

Yeah. Yeah. Even though I'm not? Yeah. Just because of like the way it was. I'm inside of my thoughts. Okay. You can't help thoughts. Yeah.

You can't. No, that's a thing. You can try. You can try. I would love to hook you up to like electrodes to try to rewind your brain. I love to hook you up to electrodes. You are aggressive. You are aggressive.

I don't you both hook each other up to electrodes. This person who is two days old. says what? Two days old says what? So funny insults to think about. Ah, you're two days old. Two days old says what? The old gentleman says,

I'm old. Hey, honey, pass me that wrench, you grease monkey. He starts talking about the sealicamp. What's that? Cilacanth be a celacan not a celacanth That's real good That's really inspiring He says the celacanth was a fish that they thought was extinct

And then after like a hundred years They found another one Got one And so the idea is that I caught the second one The idea Chomp, no evidence Chomp Bones

They the idea What's that? I was pulling the bones out of her mouth. No, that's not, that's when you're playing bones like a xylophon. No, it goes like this. No, it goes like this.

Yeah. Yeah. So if you're pulling it out slowly. Yeah, that's what I was saying. But they always pull it off that. You miss her miming it. I'm doing it seductively. Um, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong.

It's definitely not that noise. It's definitely not the hereditary noise. You don't know. What about the alien earth noise? I really like alien earth. Is that the new one? It's fun, yeah. Mike's been watching that.

It's a TV show. I've been picking up on a little bit of it. Yeah, that's good. Because he's like, I wish I were an alien. He's like, I wish I was an alien that could just be so weird. I wish I was a xenomorph. Yeah. How do I get to be a xenomorph?

He watches that. I watch Platonic. We both watch. We both watch couple's therapy. You mean platoon. Yeah. Couple therapy. Can you imagine ever watching Platoon again?

Do you watch couples therapy? Best show. I have never watched couples therapy. I probably won't. Why? Because you live it, man. I live it, man. It's honestly fascinating.

There are some stories on that show where you're like, holy shit. Meaning a marriage. I think that kind of thing does not, I could see if I started watching it. I bet I would get hooked on it. Yeah. I also don't want to be thinking about my own marriage while I'm trying to fucking relax. No, what if they bring up a problem that's like I have? Yeah, I guess if they were specifically to talk.

But it does make you think about what- This is a boring episode. It makes you think about what you would be saying in there, I guess. Yeah, I don't want to think about that. But it's not all the time. Sometimes it's just fascinating to watch these people because they will say something that you're like, oh, my God. Or you're like, she's clearly abusing him. Like, you know, it's very like.

Do you ever watch? It's just down fun. You ever watch a TV show where there's like a married couple and one of them, yes. And you feel like. One of them's cheating and you're watching it with your partner and you're like, you feel like you have to be like, but I don't do that. I just will stand in my breath, despicable. Well, that's how dare one.

You're watching the minions, though. Dispicable means. Yeah, they're despicable. That's what that refers to, is the minions are talking about themselves. There's a hang, me, me, despicable. Are we ever going to get the answer to the answer to this? this fish. One Corinthian.

So they are... What's the name of the fish? One Corinthian. Two Caribbean. Ah, ah, ah. What's the name of the fish? Seilacanth. Okay.

Selecanth. And you think that wasn't... It is spelled in a while way. C-O-R. Tell us. Tell us. Tell us. Tell us.

I can't do it. C-O-R. It's hard. I-C-R-C-R-N-T-H. It is something like a C-O-E kind of situation. Say the word again. C-Lacan. Fish.

C-E. O-E-L-I-C-A-E-N-T. I'll tell you exactly what it is. I know there's no I. Ready? Yeah. C. O-E-L-L-A-C-A-N-T-H.

I probably could have gotten it. If I try, I doubted myself, but I bet I could have gotten close. Paul, if there's any lesson for this episode, it's you've got to believe in yourself because we believe in you. So normally these episodes have a lesson. And today, if there's one, it's that. But there isn't one, unfortunately. There's not. It's just if there was.

If there was, it would be that. But unfortunately, there's no less. I've been dispensing lessons, never realizing one day it'll be about me. Yeah. Is that the end of your fish story? No, that was just me doing a Dexter interlude. I love it. So the idea is that cars were not giving you spare tires anymore?

I saw that online. They're not? And so this, whatever car company it was saying, We give you a fucking spare time. I saw a Facebook post of a woman in one of my groups who was like nervous about that. I guess I've never used one in two decades. So I don't even know. I have used one before.

I used to use them back. Oh, yeah. I guess the last one I used would have been 20 years. My car now does not have one because I haven't even looked. I haven't even looked. So do I. And so there's no room for it anywhere. Oh, interesting because the wires and batteries are so big.

Not even a donut I don't even get a donut That's so Philadelphia I can't ride on a donut Yeah What I can't even ride on a donut That's good

What Um we have to take a break Donut As the weather cools As the weather cools I'm swapping in clothes That actually get the job done GTJD

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Well, hi, everybody. It's Julia Louis Dreyfus from the Wiser-than-Me podcast. And I'm not going to talk about food waste. time. I'm going to talk about food resources. All that uneaten food rotting in the landfill, it could be enriching our soil or feeding our chickens because it's still food. And the easiest and frankly, way coolest way to put all its nutrients to work is with the mill food recycler. It looks like an art house garbage can. You can just toss your scraps in it like a garbage can, but it is definitely not a garbage can. I mean, it's true. I'm pretty obsessed with

this thing. I even invested in this thing. But I'm not alone. Any mill owner just might corner you at a party and rhapsodize about how it's completely odorless and it's fully automated and how you can keep filling it for weeks. But the clincher is that you can depend on it for years. Mill is a serious machine. Think about a dishwasher, not a toaster. It's built by hand in North America, and it's engineered by the guy who did your iPhone. But you have to kind of live with Mill to understand all the love. That's why they offer a risk-free trial. Go to mill.com slash wiser for an exclusive offer. Oh, we're back.

Don't you know the words to we're back? Oh, we're back. Back. Are you familiar with an album called the Langley School Music Project? I am. It's little kids singing songs. Singing 70s pop songs. Yes.

of time. So stuff like space oddity and stuff. It's very precious and charming. And there was a song on it that I never heard the original of called Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft by the Carpenters. And the song, sung by these kids, is so sweet and nice. And I was like, maybe I want to cover that song or whatever in my show. And so I went and listened to it. It's seven and a half minutes.

It fucking sucks. Oh, it's terrible. I absolutely hated it. I, as a completeist... Why would it ever not be sung by a group of children who can't really sing that well? As a completist, I would put it on... I remember I made a carpenter's best-up for Coolop that she really liked

along as she would listen to Bachelor No. 2 in that. And as a completist, like, you're tempted to put it on, but first of all, it's seven and a half minutes long, so if you're really doing all the Carpenter songs you want, you can't include it. And it just sucks, and it's not the vibe of the carpenters that you want. No, it's nice. I don't even know that one, and I love the carpenters.

See? See. Sing it a little bit. Calling occupants of interplanetary craft. Calling occupants of interplanetary most extraordinary craft. So calling aliens? Yeah. They're like, hey, are you out there?

I do think a lot of musicians like to talk about that stuff at that time. Yeah. There's a part where we're like. like an alien voice comes in, it's like, hello, or whatever. Yeah, it's not good. I speak English, I'm an alien.

I'm cookie puss. Don't eat me. Cookie puss? Do you know cookie puss? No. It's like a famous New York or East Coast, I guess. I think New Jersey maybe. Carvel, they made ice cream cakes.

As far as I know, they still do. Yeah. Is it a brand? Carvel is a brand. Cookie puss? No. Oh, it was a. I know kind of battle.

Here's how cookie puss came about. Okay. It was in response to E.T. Was it? Yes. Wow. Okay. Here are the, here are the molds that they would use for the ice cream cakes.

And it was very, the commercials were very local commercial. There's a picture. Fudgey the whale. Okay. Now, this was a cake shaped like a whale. I think I've seen this. Hug me the bear. Is that true?

Yep. I think they would make, like, a tie for Father's Day, some shit like that. Then they came out with CP, which was an alien cake. Like, obviously, E.T. It was short for a celestial person. I thought it was cookie pose. So did I. No, they changed it as a cookie pose.

Okay. I'm sorry, I'm on the weekend media right now. The E.T. was extraterrestrial, but we changed it to Eat and Tang. I never remember hearing the word celestial person. That was his original name, but the initial CP later came to stand for cookie puss. And then... You almost choked on that.

In response to cookie puss... Cookie puss. I can't remember myself to say it. Cookie puss. They did a St. Patrick's version of cookie puss where he was called cookie opus. Cookie opus is crazy. That continues to be sold annually. They still do, cookie opus?

Well, now I want that. We should get one. We got to get one. We got to get one. Do we have Carvels out here? I think you can buy them at some supermarkets. Can you get Carvel delivered? I need a cookie opus and I need it now.

Are we going to do a gold belly, like $1,000 to get a bad cake out here? I think it's. Yeah, why not? It's ice cream, right? It'll melt. If you say that, I can't think of a reason. Wait, Postmates and DoorDash do it. Holy moly.

Yeah, you can. We got to get a cookie puss. Let's order it right now. Cookie pus. Okay. Order it right now. Carvel Los Angeles. There's one right here.

In the next episode, you're going to hear us do a taste test. Wait, there's actually one available. I got to look at a, I got to look for cookie puts. Signature cakes. Cookie Puss right here. Let me see it. No, you've got to see it. Okay.

When it actually comes. No. No, you got to see it live. Fuck it. We'll do it live. Fuck, I will eat the Carvel Cookie Puss Live. I believe we can get this. Let's do it.

Let's do it. How much is it? 50 bucks. All right. Dang. I mean, it's a lot. But honestly, for like a big birthday cake, that's like how much that is in a regular place. You know what's funny?

Is it never occurred to me that they were a substantial size? You know what I mean? Yeah. I've never seen one in person. I'm sure it's big. We're going to need a bunch of friends to eat it. We'll each take home a third. Leach take home with third.

Okay, I'm creating an account on Carville. I really want to see it, and I'm really bummed. I can't see it. I want to say shout out to Carvel for one day out of nowhere. I received a package from the Carvel people. You did? And it included an engraved, like, cake thing. Oh, I want that.

It was really nice, and I don't know why I was sent that. But thank you, Carvel. It said PFT on it? No, it was not personalized. Oh, it said Carvel. Online ordering is unavailable at this time. Call them up. Call them up.

I think we could get it through grubhub or DoorDash or something. This is going to be a problem. And if it's not cookie opus, I'm not eating. It won't be. But they got me to fucking sign up, didn't they? They really did. They know what they're doing, Carvel. Hey, that girl's signed up and locked in.

They're going to be emailing your house for the next 45 years. That's why they only have to be explained to one, three people. So many things require so many hoops. Were we supposed to be doing something? Well, we have voicemails. He is. He's supposed to be doing something.

But I'm trying to order this fucking cake. Well, I don't think he's going on air. All right, here we go. Ready? Yeah, yeah. Hey, Paul. Hey, Scott. Hey, Lauren.

My name is Alex. I just had a question inspired by one of Scott's recent Instagram posts. I saw that you went to one of the Oasis shows they did in L.A. Opioids Fund, by the way. I went to the Chicago. show, and it was awesome. Perfect day to ask this. I don't think I had ever seen my wife more happy than when Oasis announced that they

were reuniting for this tour. She's a huge fan, and it just, that show meant the world to her. It was really awesome to see and to get to go. My question is, is there any band or musician that you weren't able to see before they stopped performing that you wish you could have seen? Thanks. Also, Scott, what's your favorite Oasis song? Bye. Bye.

First off, Alex, thank you for going to the famous website, hecklaims date.com. Yeah. Secondly, very sorry that the news that Oasis was reforming trumped your own wedding day for your wife. Yeah. You've never seen her so happy. But I get it.

But I get it. Look, we've all been married. The day itself, who gives a shit? Who gives this shit? Was that the happiest day I've ever had? Probably not. What was the happiest? I think time I went on a roller coaster.

What's my favorite oasis song? I don't know. Cigarettes and alcohol is good because he's like, is it my imagination? It's so good. I mean, I'm a champagne supernova wonder world. I mean, they shot off fireworks after champagne supernovas. have to. Oh, the big scandal about the Oasis show in LA. What? The light. The light that kept shining in people's faces.

I didn't hear about this. It looked like your angle was better so you weren't because people who were on the ground floor, there was a huge rectangular light in the center of the stage that was blinding and you couldn't see. I saw so many people post about it. You couldn't see the stage. It was like disturbingly bright. Jackie Johnson. Yes, she was the first person I saw and she was like talking about this light how horrible it was. then she did Then it turned off You see the light

And it's like Wow that's very intense And then she did a Reverse camera So you could see the light on her And it was like broad daylight Weird It was crazy

I got last minute tickets And so I was on the side With the section That they opened up at the last minute Yeah I will say with a sparks game My friend who had A suite there I didn't go with that person

Was it Zach and Cody? No. What? The Sweet Life? No. I was like, we know people in the same time. No, it was another friend who was there at the same time as me, and she's like, I'm in a suite because we bought the ticket same day and they were 50 bucks to have their own suite. Because, like, no one had bought it.

So I'm just saying, if you're ever a last minute, like go on the same day, look around. That's why I never book a hotel. I show up in the city and I start pounding the pavement. Yep. I say, what are you going to do for me? me. Where do you want me to stay?

Now I have offers from Sheraton. Three different hotels. Can you beat this or match it? What? What's the band

that you want to see that you never got to see? Man, I would have to have seen Bowie. I never saw Bowie live. Three times. It's great. I bet he was.

That must have been amazing. I bet he was. And Cool up, I think I said this on another show. I've seen Coolup live. Me too. Cool up was like, after I took her to one of the show

she's like, now I've seen Bowie, this is so great. And then a couple years ago, she was like, have I ever seen David Bowie live? I was like, God damn it, why did I bother? Wow, so meaningful. Yeah. You know, I would not, I don't know that I would have seen Prince Live had it not been for you. That's right. Having those tickets.

And then, I think, was it not 30 seconds in? You were like, this is the best concert I've ever seen. Was it not 30 seconds in? That was such an incredible show. I would have to see Prince. What a unique once in a lifetime. He's like Beethoven. There'll never be another.

Absolutely. Yeah. I always say Beethoven, one of a kind. The one and only. I wish I could have seen him. I wish I could have. Old deaf Beethoven himself. I heard he was not that great a concert.

We can't hear anything. Yeah. So like, blank, blank, blank, blank. Am I doing this right? I mean, look, if he started playing the piano before he lost his hearing, he knows where all the keys are, he knows how to play. But if he hits a clam or something like that, he has no idea that happened. No fucking idea.

And he looks around going, what, what? Why is everybody frowning? Here's a question that was posed. My friend Phil has the same birthday as me and we got breakfast the other day to celebrate our birthdays. And we were talking about, so Phil and his wife Sarah and Mike, they're all three of them are very good at starting a new skill. Like they'll just like, be like, I'm curious about this. I'm going to learn about this. Mike came over to learn how to play mahjong yesterday.

Oh, we're Mahjong widows, guys. Oh, no, he's really into that. All our spouses are playing mahjong together. He was last night on a Mahjong live game with the girls. Oh, I know. On audio. Oh, I know. Is that who she was playing with?

Because I walked in, I saw a movie last night. I came in late at night and Kool-ups, like, talking to someone online about a game. I heard them talking when I was watching my face. I heard Kul-Up and Jani went like, are you on? Are you on mute? What's going on? I was going on out there. It was like late at night.

Anyways, but that's an example. Yes, he has always done. to learn something new. He just got into poker last week from an other friend who was doing this. Anyway, so...

I'd like to play him then. Sarah Bakes cakes beautiful. Every time they each learn something, it seems like they get really good at it. Like Phil got really into ping pong and he got really good at that. And he's doing competitions with our other friend. What?

And I'm just like, I often have... Shout out to Phil Chester. I know. I often have ideas of things I wish I could do and then I don't complete them. And so we kind of are like, what would be a thing you'd want to do to each other,

you know, not to each other. Oh, well. A thing we were posing the question. to each other. What can we do by our next birthday? Like, try to learn something. We've talked to, I feel like we've talked about this so many times. Like the plane, me is playing piano. We've never done it. Yeah. We've never done it. I know. There is an old episode where we all say, like, what if we just try for this year? What if? Wouldn't that be fun? If we had done that, I can complete the things I want to do. I know. Well, that's part of the problem is. I don't have enough time of the day. But if we had done it from that, it would have been like we've all been doing whatever the thing is for six years. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'd probably be good at it. Yeah. Yeah. That's so fucking annoying.

I am still doing Duolingo. That's good. Oh, that's right. You're doing great. I think you should do some Pimsler. Because we were doing Pimsler in the car. What the fuck? Of Spanish.

And you're basically speaking it out loud back to the audio recording. It's saying like, say this out loud. Now, do this now. And what would you say if this. And it's more interactive than Duolingo. And Duolingo is also doing a lot of AI. Isn't it kind of getting a little bit questionable? Some blowback.

I have not noticed. a difference in the way that it is done. Okay. Like the way the lessons are. But there is a feature on Duolingo where it is interactive where you have a conversation with one of the characters, the Duolingo characters. And you answer... So are these characters like Clippy, but for Duolingo? It's the bird, man.

The world of Duolingo is so vast and very... I forget what happened when that bird died and then they were like RIP to the owl. died? To Duo and there was like died and they like had like a casket and stuff Why did it have to die?

Is it like a Mr. Pina thing? It was some kind of Mr. P.R. Yeah. It was all for I can assure you Duo is alive and well. Yeah, sometimes he'll like send me He'll send me updates like I'm so sick you haven't opened me in so long.

That honestly, that is a funny thing that sometimes they will change the app to make it look like it's fucking sick. Yeah. It's really, you look at it, it's like, He's like, you know how... It's really funny. But, um...

What the fuck? You know when you're lonely and you barf? What was I saying? You know when you're lonely and you barf? Yeah. Were you talking about duolingo? How you've kept up with it and the characters? Yes, the world of duolingo.

Yes. You have Eddie and Jr. Eddie is a real gym rat, muscle head. Oh, I love him. Junior's is a little fat son. Love him. Ah, papa. He always wants to eat and play video joko.

You have Zari, who is my, loki, my favorite. Okay. Loki is your favorite. Loki is my favorite. The trickster. The trickster. The trickster god. You have Vickram.

You have Oscar. Okay. I forget the bear's name. There's a bear. Yeah, I've seen that guy. The bear is very funny. I didn't realize they all had names. They all have names.

names. I'm realizing now that the bear is the only one who's not human, and everybody else is a human being. Yeah. But Lily is a character who's like, she's very whatever, rolling

her eyes. Yeah. You know what I mean? And she's the person you have to have conversations with out loud. But the problem is when you are not as fluent as say Lily is. Right. There's a lot of this in your response.

as a search for the word and then she'll fucking if you're quiet for even a second she'll just go on with her next question well i just say the pimsler seemed really helpful because a lot of times i've done a lot of duolingo and then i'll be like well i i can read a lot of spanish words that i just remember from taking spanish in school and so i can like pass all the tests yet i wouldn't feel confident speaking so the pimsler kind of forces it's all if you're driving the car it's like a back and forth conversation like now you're going to say how are you and this is what you say and then you say it and then you go back and forth and then it leaves you through is it an app i don't know probably an app i'm sure mike

has well if what is it then dear why don't you fucking gugal it's my dude hey lauren we never got to hear your band yeah what was it which band would you wish you could see wow i would say i would say the i would say but they, they probably sucked that I would like to see the Smiths. I would like to see the Smiths. Oh, the Smiths. There were placements.

You know, I was reading this article that was like some old news article about them the other day because I was listening to a song and then I was like, I don't know, I was like, about the replacement. I don't know why I started reading them with it. And it was all about how they performed,

like their last show, I guess they reunited years later, but then they had their last, like, big show was like the Chicago outdoor, like free festival. and they were like being such assholes during it. And like it was, I mean, it's just, it sounded hilarious. Like, if you had been there, like, I would love to, like, witness something like that. It's like, it's a free show.

So, like, you're not losing money, like, whatever. Like, you're just, like, watching this thing and going like, oh, great. And they started like, like, he's like, here, this is the last time I'm going to play this song or something. And then he's like, here's a song, I don't want to play and you don't want to hear. And then they started switching instruments. Who is this? Paul Westerberg. Oh, yes.

And they started switching instruments. to things that they weren't good at and so they're playing it really poorly and then they started giving the crew people, the instruments and they like left the stage. I love it. It was great.

I would love to have seen them live. Whether it was a good show or a disaster, yeah. I would love to have just seen that. Liam Gallagher, by the way, dedicated the third song. This one's dedicated to Woody Woodpecker. It's like perfect.

That's so darned. It's so great. I think the Smith's is probably my big, even though I saw Morrissey a lot solo, but it was my friend and I were going to go to the Smiths at the Universal Amphitheater for the Queen is Dead tour and my parents wouldn't let me go. And I was like, oh, and Talking Heads was the other one

where I like... I would have liked to see Talking Heads. They never toured after, you know, stopped making sense. And you kept looking for new... I remember the L.A. Times had the ticket scalper agencies that would advertise. They're like, put a deposit down for the Talking Heads.

Put a deposit down. It was this scam of like Put a deposit down for this band you want to see And then we'll make sure you get tickets for it And then that's a crazy scam Yeah That's not nice And then if they

So that they can still say Well they could still tour Let us hold on to this We still have your deposit You'll be happy if they get back together David Byrne last week Finally came out and said They're never going to tour again

Yeah no shit Maybe they returned those deposits He finally said it I would like to have seen a talking head show Yeah, but the movie's so good, it feels like, sort of. Maybe they just wanted to get a good recording of it. I've actually never seen that. They're like, oh, we don't have to do anymore.

Oh, you should see it. It seems really weird. We should do Lauren hasn't seen. It is. I think it's the best concert. I think you are available. I actually, you sent me your schedule when we clicked phones together. Oh, no.

What else came through? Things you want to do to Mike? Merge all information. Kiss, hug. Things you want it to do to. Mike. I think that is, in my opinion, best concert film. Yeah.

It's not making sense. Yeah. Then I'll watch it. It's great. I'll watch it. I'll watch it up. There is a concert film of the Prince shows that we went to. Isn't it really?

Yeah, you have to buy a box set of a record that's not that great to get it. Box set of a record? Yeah, an unreleased record that he was touring. That was the tour of this record that he never released. Okay. If you buy the three-disc box set of it, it comes with a Blu-ray of the show, and it's great. How much is it? $5.10 million.

$5.10 million. $5.10 million. Let me look up. Welcome to America. It's $5.10 million, people. Deluxe edition. Oh, deluxe. Why don't you say so?

That's where the money comes up. Like the Arch Deluxe. Is it even available still? I'm not saying it. I hopes up about this thing. Available. Ridiculous. If you're willing to pay any amount.

Yo, my name is Nicholas, and this is ridiculous. Might be 150 bucks if you go through Japan. Okay, well, then I'm not going to Japan to buy this. Oh, by the way, I could loan it to you. Oh, sure. I forgot about that. Oh, there's an option. Just like how you loan me master and commander.

Colon. The far side of the world. That's right. The far side. Moo. Caltox. Cow talks. Cal talks.

Cal talks. Cal talks. If I had to describe the far side In two words Cow talks If we were on $25,000 What if I said

Cow Talks? Thank you, Dick Clark Who's hosting that now? Michael Strayhan or somebody? Probably. He's fine at it. I was on it. I got to say,

Oh, there we go. I told you this in person, Paul. Martin Short on match game is very funny. Yes. Yes, and I can't. Did you ever see a episode? He also told him that on this show.

I saw a clip And indeed he was very funny, but there were some other people on the show that made me not want to watch. I know. Well, I want to be on that. I would love to be on that. I want to meet Martin Short and work with him. But as we've talked about it, Paul and I, too famous to be a regular contestant, not famous enough to be on the panel. We're in that sweet spot.

Okay, we got to go. Anything you want to say? I want to say, Varietopia is back out on the road in October. And I'm going to list these dates. We really need people to buy tickets, man. Yeah, go to the show. It's always a good time. It's a good time.

This tour is so good. The acts are so great. The material is so great. We're having such a good time. This is October 9, I believe. Okay, great. So it's next week. Hold on.

I'm so sorry, everybody. Just please don't be mad at me. We love you. We appreciate you. And we'll give you three more seconds before we fly into a furious rage. So, so, so somebody else go. I don't have anything to say. I don't have anything to say.

to do. Also, Paul's going to be on the Amy Man Ted Leo Christmas shows. Oh, that looks so cool. That's very true. We're doing a lot of dates. You're doing a whole tour. You're going for two weeks and I actually need to talk to you about your schedule. Yeah. It's Amy Man, Ted Leo, Josh Gondelman, Nellie Mackay, and me. What a great crew. Really fun show. Are you traveling in separate buses?

We each have our own bus. Good. That's good. That's someone, by the way, to our caller's question about who would you regret not seeing live. Paul L. Tompkins is one of them. How about it, man. You got to go out and see Variety Torpia or you got to see the Amy Man. Yeah, come on. Charleston Music Hall in

Charleston, South Carolina. That's Wednesday, October 15th. Friday, October 17th, the Polsky Theater in Overland Park, Kansas. Saturday, October 18th, the Sheldon Concert Hall and Art Galleries. 8 p.m. in St. Louis, Missouri. And the 19th, you're somewhere too, right? October 19th. Old Forest. Forrester's Paris Town Hall in Louisville, Kentucky.

Oh, fantastic. And then you're back in time for Halloween, which is very important. And I got it back in time. But then I will be in London, England for Halloween. Oh, how fine for that. Because we're doing the thrilling adventure hour at the Leicester Square Theater. And that is the first Saturday in November, I believe. That's so fun.

November 1st. Wow. Remember, remember the first of November. Of course. Paul F. Tompkins will be there. I have nothing to plug. I'm not doing shit. It's fine.

Do you really think that's true? I mean, I have my little things I'm noodling on. Little noodles. In my spare time. Yeah. But they're not worth plugging right now. You don't want them yet. You can't plug little noodles.

Hey, we gave you an extra five minutes on this episode. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you enjoyed it. Five or six to seven minutes. I hope you choke on it. Bye. Bye. Subscribe to Lemonada Premium on Apple Podcasts.

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