Threedom - Show Me On Mic Where the Presents Are

Episode Date: December 25, 2025

Paul, Lauren, and Scott discuss fries, Scott’s advent calendar, and Scott’s Christmas gifts before playing Christmas Find Out Who Game. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Freedom! Hi, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas to everyone. We want to wear your Merry Christmas. We want to wish your Merry Christmas. We want to wear your Merry Christmas on the bottom. There's got to be one more Spanish Christmas song.

Like, you can't just coast. You know, right in the... Just coast on that one. Oh, okay. Well, Santa Claus is coming to town, parentheses, Barcelona. Barcelona. This is from the musical company. Where you go with?

Barcelona. I'm Santa. Oh, ho. Oh, ho. That's it. That's it. We did it. We did it. Happy holidays to everyone.

Happy pre-boxing day. Yes. Wow, what a special time of year. This is our special holiday episode. Now we cannot lie. It's not exactly Christmas on the day that we're recording and also we like big butts. It's a little bit ahead of Christmas for us and we're all in three different places because Paul is still on tour. As you can see, I have piles of Christmas presents and boxes behind me to be wrapped.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And you're going to wrap them in tube wrapping paper? Tobe. I'm sponsored by 2B right now. What about Roku wrapping? Congrats. Thanks. I'm paying them. Oh, okay. I'm sponsored by Go-90 still.

I'm sponsored by Go-Nuts. I can't get it. What, Lauren? I'm sponsored by Deez-Nuts. I'm sponsored by Quibi, Go-90. To-B still thing. I don't know. To-B continued. To be or not To-B. That must be one.

It's called that. Do you think they end meetings at 2BHQ with 2B continued? I hope they do. And I hope it was really funny for the first year. And then now everyone's sick of it. Then it becomes gravely serious. To be continued. Yeah.

And they start every meeting with previously on 2B. What are you guys up to do on this? this wonderful holiday. Well, I'm yelling the word freedom in a hotel room again. No, but I mean, what are you? You do that all night long. What are, what are?

Oh, night long. Oh, night. I also yell tumbleite set to moya. Hey, jumbo, dumbo. We go party say we loo. Hey, tumblea. Donbelito. Did we talk about this already?

Did I recently hear him on a podcast where he said that and that made any sense and it was just made up? I think that I've heard. Some reason I always assumed it was. I thought it was like Mamasea, Mamasa, Mamma, Maakusa, where it was, like, taken from something. An ancient chant? That brings forth the dark one. I actually think Mama Se, Mamma Se, Mamma's say, Mamaca saw is from a different song, but I'd have to look at that.

It is. What is it from, dear? It's from a Michael Jackson song. But he means, I guess, a song before that. Yeah, from like a... Michael Jackson took it from something else? I think, but... No.

Do you want me to do a little research on this? Yeah, I love it. It's from a dance song called Everyone Do the Mamase, Mama, Mama, Sam, Makusa. Oh, right. Come on, baby. Mama say, Mabasa. Mabakusa. Come on, baby.

Mama say, ma'amabakusa. A good chubby checker, I have to say, although it's a little culturally insensitive. In what way? I don't think that you should be doing. So you think people... Go on. Okay. I'm interested in hearing your thoughts.

I'm looking for this mama say mama. Mama saw. And I'm sorry, I'm a little... I think you're getting weird right now. Hey, guys. The 1972 disco song Sol Makasa. It's a variant of the lyric in that song. Oh, a variant.

That's fun. And Manu de Bongo Manu Manu Manu is the person who did it. He sued Jackson and in 1986 settled out of court for one million French francs. Is that a lot or is? Yeah, that's what they call it in France. One million freedom fries. Yum. Is that a lot or is that a little?

I wonder if like especially at the time. In fries, it's a lot. Yeah. In terms of fries, it is quite a tidy sum. What would you say is too many? What would you say is the most French fries? you've ever eaten in one sitting. A million. A million. Yeah. I think I've eaten. I've eaten. Oh, we know on the night of the election Hillary Clinton Trump electi. That wonderful elect she that we look back on so

finally. I can't imagine that was nine years ago at this point. I can't imagine that. That's actually crazy. But it makes sense with everything that I plop in when I think back to that moment and I think back to everything I was doing. It's nothing like what I'm doing now. Also, it makes sense with... It makes sense within the plopping. So anyway, that night, I bought a ton of containers of large

French fries for McDonald's and put them in a bowl as part of my party offerings. Because I hosted an election viewing party that got progressively sadder. But that night, I probably ate a lot of fries. Yeah. Janie had... I was doing, I was doing,

at midnight, alive at midnight. Oh, right. Yeah. Everyone had all these live events because it was going to be the celebratory, like, groundbreaking. Yeah, we were going to watch Trump, the idiot, be defeated. The racist idiot, Paul. Thank you. And my apologies to the Trump family.

And Janie had set up an election watching party. It was like, but we bought a new TV to watch the election. Oh, my God. We'd only been in our house for a couple years, and we were going to do it anyway. She's like, let's do it for the election. And so she got all this food from Dinah's fried chicken and invited these people over. And by the time I got home, everyone had left because it was so depressing. And there was all this untouched food.

And I ate, like, what felt like an entire chicken, like, in five minutes. Just stress eating like I've never done it before or since. I was on a plane to Thailand. What? Is that when Kulap was doing her documentary? No, she'd already gone there for the documentary. This is, we, we had to make an emergency flight to Thailand for a medical reason with someone we knew. And so I was on a plane when it was called.

And I remember. And clap? No. And then... Ladies of gentlemen, we have some great news from America. They did not announce it. I just saw it on the internet. And then I, we were in an airport in China, I believe.

And kind of looking at each other like, this is on our way to Thailand and just kind of going like, do we go back? Yeah. We live in Thailand now. Yeah. But, hey, you know, that's, when I ask how many french fries have you ever eaten in one sitting, I don't mean to get us off on this depressing. This is a holiday. You asked and we answered. Scott, what's the craziest amount of food you've ever housed?

God, you know, I've never done any one of those. Have you guys ever done one of those things where you go into a restaurant and they say, if you can eat this in 20 minutes, you get it for free. Have you ever done it? I never do that because I don't understand why that's cool. I don't understand because you're eating way too much. So it's free, sure, but now you're sick. Like, there's no part of you that's like, it's not good, right? What the fuck?

What? If you can eat this in 20 minutes, it's free. Is that not usually like a time limit? It's usually just like sit there. Or maybe it's an hour. I always thought it was like If you can eat this whole thing, it's free Like it's some huge side of beef or whatever

That's the thing, it's always a huge thing But it's like, they won't let you sit there for two days Yeah, I think they've started doing time Yeah, they've started doing time limits They're like, I'm gonna eat it for breakfast, take a shit Eat it for lunch, take a shit And then it's free Someone's probably tried that

There was always something appealing about it though when I was a kid, mainly because, you know, none of us had any money. So it was like... Also, it's a dumb thing and you're a dumb kid, right? Yeah, like, I want to try that. Of course, Sibili is a kid. I could eat the whole thing. I remember being as a kid fascinated by the ice cream eating contest on the Brady Bunch.

What was that? Bobby enters an ice cream eating contest, and these kids, they have to sit with their hands behind their back and just eat ice cream with his fucking faces. And then I guess he lost, and it was. was really, he really built it up. I don't remember that the plot was. But like eating ice cream with your nose in it is like

terrible. Yeah. It's cold. Also, ice cream is something you want to eat as quickly as possible is a terrible idea. Yeah. You want to savour it. Have you ever heard of brain freeze? You want to lick it? Good. That's right, Lauren.

Scott wants to lick it from top to bottom. What do you guys like on? ice cream Sundays. Do you like everything? What? I like when Trump won. On ice cream Sundays, I'm not really into that. I would kind of just like hot fudge and sprinkles. I'm not really like a banana split, cherries, all that kind of stuff. So much. I just like hot fudge. I don't like and some whipped cream, but not, I don't like nuts on there. You know, I don't like nuts in my ice cream either. I never liked nuts. And then one day I got, I would always ask it, McDonald's.

for one of those Sundays without nuts and then one time they gave it to me with nuts and I was like holy shit this is delicious I didn't you know when you're somebody fired of course I took it to court I mean I do love this but I am going to get somebody fired the McDonald's one is just peanuts right

because that's kind of good yeah yeah peanut I don't like um wall nut I don't want other types of I think peanuts work okay in ice cream yeah yeah yeah yeah but then you liked it Scott but then I liked it I just You know, when people's, you know when your palate changes, supposedly? You know how you have a very unsophisticated palate when you're younger. And then your taste buds develop it.

But what age is that? Is that like at age 18 or something like that? Well, I think it's, I might be wrong about this. But I also think that it's like when you're, when you're, when you're like five, your taste buds are very strong. So you're very disturbed by flavors. Oh, really? Oh.

I think there's something about that. What a terrible biological thing. I might be wrong. It might be to keep you safe so you don't eat shit and stuff like that. And like, yeah, yeah. What are you looking around for, Paul? Because as you get older, just gone out in this room.

As you get older, shit starts to taste kind of good. But you want to make sure you're not eating that when you're kids. When you're older, you know it's not good to eat that. Yeah. I don't think your power's out because everything's working. Your Internet's working. The Internet's working, yeah. But you're the power on your laptop or something.

something has gone down. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me... Are you worried that you're going to lose power in the middle of this? Are you saying, Paul, that you need more power? Um, my laptop is at 85%. So I think that's enough to get through this bullshit.

Okay. We should do a running countdown though, Paul as we progress. Keep us posted as it goes down, down, down, okay? Go and down. I think we should do a running countdown. D-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de. Well, I plugged it in another outlet, and now it seems to be fine.

I don't know what the fuck is going on with this place. Does your outlet have one of those little buttons that you have to push in? No. No. How do you feel about the decor in your room right now? It's all busy. Take a look around.

It's got yellow walls, yellow and gray. One is gray, one is yellow. Oh, it's an accent wall. It's an accent wall. Against gray. You can see I have this weird shade with a sort of, I don't know, southwestern pastel pattern. It's like a marbleized, like, picture of maybe like a mountain, abstract mountain.

It's, it's, it's, it's not in the southwest. There's zero. Yeah, South West is not quite right, but it, it's a, it's a, where are you? I forgot to ask. La Croy pattern. I'm in Stoughton, Wisconsin, of course. Oh, wow. Stoughton? Yeah, S-T-O-U-G-H-T-O-N.

Stoughton. And we're playing the Stodon Opera House. Cool. Yeah. We're all the best. I look, just because I've never heard of it, doesn't mean it's not the coolest place. That was a... You're going to get crazy?

That was a subplot on the Gilded Age, wasn't it, when that opened? Oh, yes. There was a competing opera house or something. Have you gotten out into Stoughton at all? No, here's what happened is that we took the last night we were in Chicago. Chicago, that's your jacket. We boarded the bus after the show, that's your jacket. And then we came here.

The idea was that we would be able to check into the hotel at, you know, like 1.30 or something. And so we're all like hanging out and everything. And then it just gets later and later. And I'm like, I'm going to lay down for just like stretch. out for just a little bit. So I heaved my bulk up into the top bunk. And I'm laying there. And then after a while, I'm like, we're still moving.

I'm just going to shut my eyes for a little bit. And so I fall asleep. Wake up again. It seems like we've stopped. I'm like, oh, are we here? And I check, this has been my thing, is I check Google Maps to see how close we are to the thing. It says we're still like 40 minutes away.

I'm like, all right. So we're not there yet. So then the bus started moving again. then eventually the bus stops again and I'm sort of in a hazy days and I hear some voices, whatever, blah, blah, blah. And I fall back to sleep, wake up at 3.30 a.m. and we're at the hotel. Everybody is off the bus except me. No one woke you up. What?

No one woke me up. Which, you know, that was my first. I was like, nobody woke me up. And I was like, I guess you don't want to wake people up because you don't know they're plan. Like, I didn't tell anybody, hey, if I fall asleep, wake me up so I can go to the hotel. Yeah. So I get out of the thing.

It's fucking freezing here. It's below zero here. Oh, my God. And getting the hotel, sleep for a little bit, and now here we are. So I don't know where the fuck I am. And how are your encounters with Mr. Sandman? You know, we got to spend two nights in a hotel in Chicago, and then, I was very happy about that.

It really was rejuvenating. And I was sleeping through the night like a real good baby. Aw. Yeah. I did spit up a few times. Yeah. Did your mommy wipe it? I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.

Oh, you know what happened to us last night is right before we went to bed on this topic. Not me and Scott, just to be clear. That's my head cannon. Right before Lauren and I went to bed. Separally in separate houses. Okay. But both wearing night shirts and nightcaps. Yep.

They have pictures of each other. A house divided will not stand, of course. You kiss-framed photos of each other. But Kulapko is looking at her phone and she goes, where's the baby? And I, in credulous, I say, what baby? Like, she's talking about something she's seeing on the internet or something. She goes, our baby. Oh, so not Allie McBeal, the dancing baby.

Right, exactly. Yeah, that's what I originally thought she was talking about. Yeah. Oh, man, if they had AI, then they wanted to do that thing. That thing would have been so cool. Can you imagine this is the AI baby for Alibbibbiel? Give it a prompt. But I go on to the nanny cam and there's,

There's no one in her crib, her crib bed. Much less her. Much, yeah, exactly. No one. Absolutely. Her not being in there is one thing. If there had been someone else in there, that would have been really strange. I think that would have sucked.

Very sorry, not to derail, but a big girl bed? Well, it's a, it's a halfway between. So she has a way out. It's transitional. Halfway house. Yes. Yes. So we jump up and go into her.

You arose with a clatter? With a clatter. to see what was the matter and we go into her room we turn on the light and I can't I can't I can't I'm expecting to see her walking around or trying to go to the bathroom or something by the way we have these things we put on the doorknob so she can't like get out of her room and I can't we turn on the light very controlling that sounds great and we just chain her leg to the wall that's all um but But I can't, I can't see her.

I expect to see her walking around. I'm looking around at first I can't see her. And then I look down on the ground and she's there on the floor like, like face down, sleeping. It was, oh, it was, did she fall out of bed? I, we don't know. Like, we, she, she was groggy when we put her into the bed again. Um, so I, I, I think she just got out for whatever reason. I, I don't know why.

but uh very very strange isn't there like she wouldn't be able to see yeah it was very very dark just very a very startling thing to like yeah that's creepy on your nanny cam and and your baby is missing do you think she's abusing drugs yeah probably using not abusing um it really sounded like a horror movie when you were like i maybe i watched too many horror movies in the last year how many 300 400 Well, I guess not that many when you put it like that. There was this live play, live theater production of paranormal activity in L.A. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, I heard about that. Everyone I know who saw it said the scares were really good, all the special effects and whatnot. That's cool. I'm intrigued by a scary play. But, I mean, is it like a proper play where you go sit down or is it like a thing where you have to walk? No, it's a play. It's a play. I think the praise was for the visual effects.

and it was actually scary. I don't know if the story was everyone's favorite. I don't know what the story was. I don't know anything about that. I was talking about that on a different show about how difficult it is to have an actual scary play. And then people were sending me this. So I was intrigued, but I never went to see it. Yeah, you missed your chance.

Like, have you seen this asshole? And then it would, you know, it had really low sound and I would turn it up and then it would shout at the end. Yeah. Yeah. Scary witch would show. That was the Internet. Am I right? Yeah.

That was the Internet. No, watch this. Then you'll see a picture. What is? Yeah, if you stare really hard, you got to watch it. If you stare really hard, you're going to see that, you have to see what, tell me what you see when you, your eyes cross. And you see what in it can. That was when everyone was having fun.

Okay. I'm sure. We have to take a break, Paul. We have to take a break. But I have a, I have an intriguing. I have an intriguing question when we come back. Okay. Oh, that's interesting.

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Arc Raiders is on sale now, available for PlayStation 5 Xbox Series X and S and PC. Hey, don't let an overpriced phone bill ruin your holiday mood. Who are you? I'm sorry, I'm the ghost of Christmas Mintmobile. Oh, okay. No, Christmas MintMobile died? Well, right now, MintMobile has all of their unlimited plans at 50% off.

That's half. That's a huge amount, right? You can get three, six, or 12 months. of unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month. It's their biggest deal of the year. And the perfect moment to politely, or not so politely, give your old wireless bill the Scrooge treatment. You know what I'm saying, where you scare them and turn them nice.

Yeah, exactly. That's what Scrooge did. Yep. Now, let me ask you a question. Are all Mint Mobile plans coming with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text on the nation's largest 5G network? Paul, you know that that is correct. Now, I wish that passed me, Christmas past you? Christmas passed me knew about Mint Mobile earlier because I could have saved so much money over the years.

But thankfully, Christmas present me knows about Mint Mobile and I'm saving money now, right? So, you know, switching for my old providers helped me save hundreds. And when I say hundreds, I don't mean hundreds of, you know, breadcrumbs. I'm talking about dollars. Oh, that's better. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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Shop Mint Unlimited Plans at MintMobile.com slash freedom. That's mintmobile.com slash freedom. Paul, what do you got to say to that? I just want to piggyback on what you're saying. A limited time offer up front payment, $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for $2. A month plan. Required. $15 per month equivalent. Taxes of ease extra. Initial plan term only. Greater than 35GBB may slow when network is busy. Capable device. Gigabuds. Capable device required. Availability speed and coverage varies. See minmobile.com. Uh-oh. The fashion police are here. Can you hear those sirens?

Yeah, I can. Boy, they're here to lock me up for what I'm wearing. I can get you out of this situation. On bail? Or? Even better. I won't have to go to fashion jail in the first place. A desoneration. Oh, a pardon? If you listen to me. Fashion pardon? You'll get a fashion pardon.

Okay, I'm listening. It starts like this. Cold mornings, holiday plans. This is when you need your wardrobe to just work. That's why I'm all about, for you, quince. They make it easy to look sharp, feel good, and find gifts that last. I have gotten some quince. I'm not wearing it right now, which is why I think the fashion police are here.

Yeah, you should be wearing it. I will say quince makes the essentials that every guy needs, right? Mongolian cashmere sweaters. for only, guess how much? $50? Yeah, exactly, $50. I got it. Italian wool coats that look and feel designer

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Do you mean like five-fourths where it costs more? No, no, no, the good one. Oh, the good fractions. Okay. It's everything you actually want to wear built to hold up season after season after season after season. I got some stuff from Quince, Paul. You're going to be very proud of me. I already am.

I got the Mongolian Kashmir Kru neck sweater. Nice. I'm a big fan of that. It's great for when you want to feel cozy, but still look, you know, at your best. I wear it all the time. And honestly, I would wear it even more if my wife weren't borrowing it all the time. Girl, I hear you. My wife keeps stealing my quince items.

I have a wonderful soft cashmere hoodie that I got from them. And she has claimed it as her own, which that is honestly very aggravating. My wife has also been going into our bank accounts and stealing money from my own bank account that I have kept secret. And I'm really concerned about that. My wife has literally taken food out of my mouth. Oh, no. Like I put a fork full of food on my mouth, and she's taken it out. of that's the right amount as far as I'm concerned of forkful that's how I eat food by the fork

exactly anyway get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with quince don't wait go to quince com slash freedom for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in canada too that's q you i and c e dot com slash freedom free shipping and 365 day returns quince dot com slash freedom And we're back. Let's hear this intriguing question. I don't know if it's intriguing, but what if... Fucking...

Are you kidding me? I just wanted people to come back. Yeah, that makes sense. That's how you want to end an act. What if the iconography of Halloween and Christmas was switched? Everything else about it was the same. Like what we do, the traditions, but just on Christmas there were witches and pumpkins. Bitch, are you talking about the nightmare before Christmas?

It's been done. That's what it sounds like to me. I'm just saying what if there was a... What if there was a skeleton guy who ruled over like a Halloween kingdom or something. Right. And he wears like a black and white pinstripe suit and his head is a skull. I mean, I was thinking of a polka dot suit, but...

Yeah, I guess a... Jack Skellington. It's going on Wouldn't it be great though To have Santa show up at You know on Halloween I don't know I guess that is the plot of

Night before Christmas I'm saying in real life Not in a cartoon I'm standing here in piss That was the intriguing question Um by the way So that was your intriguing question Yeah that's actually a lot to take in

Much to consider I'll have to talk to my wife about this. By the way, Paul, I got something that you might find interesting. Coolap gave me an early Christmas gift. An Advent calendar. Oh, I love it. What is the theme? This is the taskmaster Advent calendar. Oh, fun. And I've been having a lot of fun with it. What do you have to do with it? Is it different tasks every day? Yes. So it has 24 little, you know, openings that you can open on it. Typical Advent calendar. Windows. Windows. Windows. We call them.

And you. Openings, slits. Sure. He said that. I didn't want to. Little cunts. Ew. Hey, who to me?

Yeah, you took it too far. You took it too far. You took it too far. We were letting the audience decide for themselves. Just because that word doesn't mean anything else anywhere else? Um, so at the beginning you, there's a QR code. Oh, what? a fun start and but also an option if you don't do QR codes okay um but uh but you're supposed to find

i don't do QR codes honey i don't press QR you're supposed to find Alex little Alex horn in one of the windows and the QR code takes you do a video where he says where to start which window to start that's fun that's fun i take it back and then each window you open has a different task for you to figure out of which square to go to next and they're all like puzzles and brain teasers and interesting things that take you to all these clues it's very very detailed yeah i'm i'm i don't i've never seen taskmaster cut to three months from now you're on it i want to um i want to be i know it sounds really fun i could see you and mike enjoying that show together we should watch it we're gonna put it let me let me tell you the good seasons off air and then

okay yeah and i'll share my opinions because i i tried to watch and then i'll start with number one oh i tried to watch a season that i didn't really care for first and it kind of turned me off and then i talked to jason manzoukis i said what are the good seasons and he told me so i think he actually we've talked about this and i've talked about how i would watch them i never did i started at the very beginning a very good place to start You know what I'm watching right now? Wait. The staircase.

The fictional? The narrative version? Well, not the narrative version. I've seen the documentary. Oh, you've seen the documentary. Okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Love the docu-series. Gripping documentary series. I think it's like 12 episodes or something. It's like really, we watched on a flight to Japan and like did not sleep. We just like watched the whole thing. It was so good. It's fascinating. So then I was curious, my co-worker is watching this.

And so I thought I'll watch that too. And it's very... When you say co-worker, you mean Mike, right? Because you work from home. No, I mean Kevin Sussman on the show that we are shooting together. Happy Scott? It's... Sorry.

Hat. But it's great acting. You know, Tony Colette, amazing. Do they ever do like... I love her always, yeah. Do they do Shakespeare? On first, no, but you know what it was interesting? He puts on a British accent as like a joke at one point.

And I was like, I wonder what that feels like. To be pretending to be American and then. Yeah, and then let out the, it's like that actually seems like it'd be kind of hard. Like if we were in a plane, we all had to be British and we were like, hello, might. And then we had to pretend to be American going, well, hello there, sir. Yeah. I mean, I feel like I've done that many times. in characters.

You've done it as... You're British, but then you go into American? Yes. I'd go into a bad American accent. Right, a bad one. But I mean, he's... Did he do a good one? I almost think, like, saying it as yourself

would be harder to do. I think in a non-comedy context, if I were to be doing, trying to do the best English accent that I could, and then in the middle of that have to do like an English person's attempt at an American accent, Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In order to make it believable because the person you're portraying is probably not an actor or a mimic, you know, you're just a regular person. Right. The mimic, the mimic. Do you remember that from? Does anyone categorize themselves as a mimic? What's your job? I'm a mimic. I can just mimic anything.

It's not a job anymore. Not impersonator? Impressionist. No, Guillermo del Toro kind of. you know are you okay when he put out his movie Gimerda Taurus's what

Gimerdoz is what did he direct that the mimic he not the mimic just mimic yeah that was a GDT that was yeah before Blade 2

maybe I will watch that because I was not interested in that movie when it came out I didn't really like it and I don't really know anyone who does like it but yeah have fun I like, what an attitude on you.

I'm a fan of Senior del Toro. As am I. Scott, I mean, Paul, are you watching anything on the road? No, ask me. No. I watched the first day that we got to have a hotel. I watched the entirety of a TV season.

It was a, it was a UK show, so it was not that hard to do. But Blue Lights. What's that? It is a show about cops in the, Northern Ireland in Belfast. And it's really good. Yeah, it's really good. Six episode seasons.

I like that. Goes down real smooth. There's a show that I want to watch. It just popped up in my algorithm. Sarah snook in a show called Soulmates that came out in 2020. Have you heard of this? That sounds familiar. And the premise is like there's like a test that you can check, you can take to see who

your soulmate is, but she's like a happily married person and decides to do that. the test or something, which sounds like exactly the kind of show. Oh, yeah, I do know about this. It sounds like a Black Mirror episode. Yeah. I'm going to check it out. Too scary. I have a microwave. What happens, you know?

Lauren, I told you about a TV show that you should watch and you never did. The Ethan Hawk Show. Oh, no, I am going to watch that. Oh, the lowdown? Yeah, lowdown. I added it to my list. Lowdown was very enjoyable. I've just been, you know, I only have little moments in the day to watch.

Like, I will watch 20 minutes in my trailer here and there throughout the day. because I kind of like to like zone out and watch something if I have a moment. And then learning your lines. A married mom who works two jobs. Loves are kids, but never stops. And when I get home, I can only watch something at night, but then I want to go to bed. And I'm so tired. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll watch a movie over like five days.

Lauren's been shooting her show as she has to get up at six or five. No, five is not. We talked about this last episode. Five, sometimes four 30. Yeah, it's terrible. And I pretty much every day. Oh, my goodness. Too early for comedy.

I will say I've had most days I've had good energy. And then the other day I was so tired that I just couldn't even do bits. I was like, I'm out of here. My brain's checked out. The last couple nights on this tour, I've been so tired. We sing a song, a group song at the end. And I've had to fight off a yawn, like on stage, which is mortifying. You can't yawn on stage.

You and I, you and I fell asleep on stage several times during a show. That remains the most insane thing that's ever happened to me. During the late, where I was literally dozing off, sitting on a stool. I think it was that, Lauren, didn't you, it was the one that you left early from. Yeah. Because you had an audition in, uh, in L.A. And you, I had a special audition with Melissa McCarthy. Yes.

And of course, you got it and. I didn't get it. Oh, nothing. Yeah, no. You got it? Ben Falcone. Oh. But, um, yeah, you have the, you had the audition.

So you, you, you went. on first and then you left and then it was just up to paul and i to do the rest of the show and and it was and tim bouts was there oh tim bouts was there okay yes and when it was just you and me i remember because oh my god because that was a really long night we were we were not it was like four hours of comedy in a row with like an hour break in the middle or something it was like it was like torturously long for us yeah yeah when the other person was talking you would start to fall asleep yes it's so funny and then we started running around to wake ourselves up.

Yeah, I remember you were doing it because you were Andrew Lloyd Weber, you were doing a thing where we were reenacting you being knighted or whatever just to be on our feet and just to be like, come on, come on, come on, get the blood rushing. That's the most insane thing. Yeah. That was crazy. Demanted. Demanted.

And then a woman. Are you going to tour again? Yeah. A woman did what? A woman yelled at us for you not being there after the show. Oh, yeah. Tell Lauren Lapkis that I, you know, I came here to see her and blah, blah, blah. And she needs to meet her fans.

Get out of here. That's not nice. I had an opportunity. Yes. But she thought you were just hanging out backstage, refused to come out. Oh, that's so rude. We should be fair. You've done before.

I did do that, but that was for a different reason. Yes. It's great. And it wasn't diarrhea. So don't get any ideas out there, people. Because when you have diarrhea, you're out there meeting the fans. I'll sit there and meet the fans. I'm just going to sit on a potty.

Guys, it's Christmas, and I thought we, I had hoped that we were going to do this, this episode together, but it didn't pan out that way because of scheduling. But I did, much like our Christmas episode last year, I got you some, some things. What? You got us presents. And I, I wanted to give them to you, but I'll give them to you. person later, but I wanted to show them to you on... Okay, thank you. On Mike. Now, to set up...

Show me on Mike where the presence are. To set up, first of all, the container that it's in, I texted all of you recently that I was in Solvang, California. Correct. And I found a store that was very intriguing. Oh, again with the intrigue. Because it said... Oh, yeah.

There was a sign that said stupid people are not allowed in here. Yes. Yes. And then there was another sign that said, come on in if you're ready to laugh your ass off. That's right. And it had like novelty gifts in there. Wasn't it something like carry around humor, quotable humor? Do we want to say what it is on my?

No, we don't want to blow up their spot. Unless these gifts are great. We can give them a plug. It's a place called. pardon my humor and I was just about to buy some stuff. By the way, pardon my humor. Pardon my humor. I'm disgusting. Pardon my humor.

But I, I, just as I was about to buy some stuff for you, Emmy started acting up and we had to leave the store immediately. Some things you cannot pardon. So I went online and I bought these and they shipped them very quickly. and it was very nice. What the fuck else do they have to do? They're like, ooh, we got an order. It's their business.

But, okay, so here, we'll start with, we'll start with Lauren. Okay. Okay, here is. Okay, the gift bag says, here's that sex toy you wanted. Now, that's embarrassing. Yes. That's very embarrassing. I'm going to pardon your humor.

Now, they do sell one. Lauren, that's very big of you. they do sell bags to say here's that dildo you wanted but this is a work environment and I knew I couldn't do that with you guys so instead I got the one that says sex toy is much better okay I'm gonna pretend I'm putting my hand into that perverted bag okay so there's two there's two things in each of your bags here's it here's a god you're spoiling us you even bought the gift bag that's that's big here's a coffee mug for you Lauren fuck it all of it Fuck this, fuck that, fuck you. Thank you so much. You're quite welcome. Pardon my humor. Pardon your humor?

That is so wonderful. Fuck it, fuck all of it. Fuck this, fuck that, fuck you. Yeah, anyway. So I hope that you will enjoy that. I'll bring that to work. And then this is not from pardon my humor. This is a, uh, here's a little cabbage patch kid.

A cabbage patch. Thank you. That's being eaten by a shark? It has a like shark little onesie. I love it. I thought it was the head was peeking out from the belly of a shark.

That's perfect. It's so cute. I think it has the birth certificate here. Okay. I'll be looking into that. That's great. Thank you, Scott.

You're welcome. And then, Paul, I got you the same bag. Oh, okay. Sorry. And your coffee mug. First of all, you've said on this show that you don't like coffee mugs and, uh, I have not said, you did say that.

You did say that. You said you didn't want any more. You said you didn't want anymore, yes. Yeah, that's different than I don't like that. But obviously, this one I have to have. Can you twist it a little bit, Scott, the other way? Okay. It's, it's a picture of a dark rain cloud with lightning and heavy rain coming out of it.

And it says around the cloud, don't be a thunder cunt. What the fuck? Pardon my. I'm going to pardon your humor. Because a couple episodes... A couple episodes ago, you said you didn't like when people use that word. So you wanted to get them something to do. Is this another thing that I have to challenge?

I love when people use that word. Oh, thundercutt. When people, when they do their own made-up compound curse words. Yeah, so I got you a thing that you don't want anymore with a thing that you don't like on it. Thank you. You're welcome. Honestly, it's thoughtful because he had to know a lot about you to get that. You know?

People don't realize thoughtfulness cuts both ways. And then here's your doll that I got you, Paul. Oh, we look at a doll. Oh, is it Werner from the Mandalorian? A Verner Herzog from the Mandalorian action figure. And then what's the white thing? I think it's his toilet. I'm not really sure.

Probably his toilet. Maybe it's his trash can. I don't know what it is next to it. Well, that is wonderful, and I thank you for that. The client is his name. Yes, he was famously the client. I could like to see the baby. When I saw that they made an action figure of him, I knew you had to have it.

That's very sweet of you. Thank you very much, Scott. Certainly. We'll wait until you see what I got you. Okay. Something from a Wisconsin gas station. Invisible. Whoa.

Oh, wow. They perfected that technology. Mm-hmm. I heard about that. Just the time. Anyway, happy holidays, guys. I know you're both also with you. Working and traveling, so I'll get these to you, though, before today.

Wow. Thank you. When this episode comes out. Oh, sure. Christmas Day. That's really lovely. Thank you, Scott. You're quite welcome.

Have you guys gotten all your Christmas? shopping done? No. Yes. You're done? I got mine done early and often. This is the earliest I've ever done it. Is who I've been in charge of doing most of it?

Well, she has a list. Be honest. She has a list. Is she in charge of, well, first of all, we don't give everyone things. Like we've had a like no gifts rule for many years now, just saying like, who's we when you say that? Because we have like 20 people who come over on Christmas. And we say no gifts to anyone.

If you have to give Emmy something, she already has enough. But if you insist, make it $20 and under. So really, all I'm in charge of is Kool-Up. And Kul-Up does most of Emmys. So I did get Emmy one thing that I saw. $20. It was the, it was from pardon my humor. No.

I love that story. Stop being a fucking robo bitch. I got her K-pop Demon Hunters vans. They have these limited edition vans. That's good. That's good. So I got Coolup and Emmy some. But the ones for Emmy are two sizes too big.

And I really had to... Like the Grinch's heart? Yeah, I really had to... It was the anti-Grinch's heart. I really had to wrestle with... I forgot about the anti-grinch. these are so cute he has 666 and blazoned upon his forehead

it's so scary he's worse than the Grinch he also hates the 4th of July oh of course these are completely sold out yeah I they're so cute I went down to the van store the morning they were on sale a half hour before

and I got him but um second in line and uh but yeah I got uh I got some, I mean, Coolup, like, has a list that keeps updating, like, in our shared, you know, lists. Wow, that's smart. Just throughout the year? Throughout the year.

But here, here's the issue. Sometimes she'll take something off the list that I've already bought, and I don't, I don't know why. Cool. Did she buy it? Did she? The most expensive thing that I got her, which is these tickets for something, she took off the list. and I don't know whether we're taping this in advance. I don't know whether she's going to be like,

oh, I didn't want these anymore or, you know, why she took them off the list. I can't quite figure out. Did she get them herself? No, she did. I know she didn't. I just don't know. Or maybe she thought it was too stupid or I don't know what it was.

Maybe she thought it was too stupid. This is too stupid. I'm such a dumb woman. Delete, delete, delete. I've been buying like a mad woman, okay, because I'm realizing the time is running out for shipping to actually get there on time and I can't be stressed about things not.

Yes. Paul is, I guess, the cleaning person came in, housekeeping came in. The second time. Do you have a do not disturb? Yes, I do. That should be an ironclad rule.

Thank God you're just sitting here talking into a microphone. Yeah. Yeah. With your dick out. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure your dick out is under. your computer you guys can't see don't worry about it for your business um i've been buying buying

buying i've i've been looking at a lot of gift guides that i'm finding through substack because you know people make unique gift guides specific gift guides on there and you're not being scammed with these no i'm not they're not they're not links they're not links they're not i use a whole different this year i use a whole different type of internet now there's no links involved hyper links Just click them and enjoy No, but I've gotten some good stuff But it's a you know I still have a few more to go

And the pressure really is on You know, I just want to have it all done I have to do a lot before Christmas I'm working a lot There's no time I just feel like I don't even know how I'm going to get these presents To my L.A. friends in time

It's just it's very It's very much Yeah It is very much You know I think of Christmas is going to continue to be a thing, then everyone needs to take work off the entire month in order to accommodate everything they have to do.

No, that makes sense. There's just so much to do. Because both of you are, like, working up till the last minute, and it's my busy month as well with all the podcast stuff. You know, I feel, like this year I feel really bad because I, I... I was kind of thinking, oh, well, I'll be traveling. I'll be in New York for, you know, a bunch of days in a row. I'll do some shopping there, you know, for Janie and everything.

And then when you get there, it's fucking cold. And I don't have a ton of time, you know, to go. I don't have the leisure time of really trying to find something thoughtfully. Yeah, yeah. Because there's sound check and then the show and everything. So it's like, you have a limited window. And then I'm like, why I should have started this so much earlier? I should have done this.

when I had some more time every year and I never learned the lesson. No, but it's like I'm never like I'm going to learn it to the point and maybe I could, but I'll never learn it to the point where I have it done like in November. Like some people like have it done so early. Well, some people when they, and this is real, I was talking to somebody the other day who when they have when an idea occurs and they write it down so that when it's when it comes time, they know they already have an idea of what they're going to get, you know. That's really, they put it in a safe and they mail it to themselves.

They mail the safe to themselves. expensive to mail a safe. And then when they open it up, there's a magician in there. He's like dead. I'm like trying to get better at like if I put something somewhere for later, like make a note in my phone like a reminder. And I saw like maybe even I might have said this. I feel like I always just go through the same thoughts over and over again. That's just life, I think, possibly.

You're trapped in your own cycles of thoughts. Setting a reminder for yourself that pops up on the. day that you need it of like Janie's gift is hidden under the bed or whatever the thing is like so that you remember her birthday and you bought a gift for Janie and you hit it under Paul and Janie's bed. Yes and it's there and that was my reminder. Like my mom will often like hide something away and then be like I have no clue where I put it and I'm like just make a reminder of where you put it. And she's why is she still hiding things from people?

I don't know. I can understand hiding because my parents always tried to hide. our Christmas presents and it was always a thing of like did you go into our closet and look for the presents, you know? Yeah. The insatiable curiosity of a child.

My dad's always like, what'd you get me? What'd you get me? And it's digging through everything. I wish kids would get satiable. Yeah. What's going to save these kids? Get sated.

Get your thirst slaked. Wow. All of these thirst trap gifts for kids. Well, I hope that, Paul, that you get everything for Janie. You know, I mean, that's, we're in a better position than we were 20 years ago when nothing could be delivered really to you. You know what I mean? That's true. You know what?

Here's the thing. I did get her one little thing, but I need the main gift. I need the big bopper to come and sing for her. Hello, Jane. That's right. All right, well, we're going to take a break. Good. Goodbye.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Well, it's here, folks, the holidays. That's right, a time of tradition, but also a time of stress and chaos. Oh, boy, a look back at the whirlwind of a year before diving into another one. You know, one of the things that helps me through knowing that all of this is coming up is just talking to someone about it all. In fact, I have my own tradition of reflecting on the past year with calm, clarity, and compassion. And these conversations with my therapist help re-center me during the holiday mayhem. So, this December, consider online therapy with better help.

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We're two friends, one, a happiness researcher. And the other, a therapist. And we are here to tackle the problems of everyday life with all of you. From big issues to small, we'll share advice and fresh perspectives. And we'll also highlight responses from you, our listeners, to the questions we discuss. Whether it's that pet peeve that's been bugging you for years, a tricky dilemma, or just something you've always wondered about, we'll talk it through. The Since You Asked podcast from Lemonada Media premieres on September 23rd, wherever you get your podcast.

and we're back and guys it's Christmas Day it's that time of year and normally normally at this time of the podcast which is the back third of course C block yeah that's right we usually play what is commonly known as a buster uncommonly known as a to the layperson perhaps a threacher sometimes unbustero that's true well we don't call it ever as a game we never call it those uh CD opener things where it'd be like a little like razor you like slide across the top of a CD I thought I just found it my drawer but it wasn't that but um I remember this year that my one year my parents got me my brother um boom boxes for Christmas like cool stereos with like that could do a five CD disc changer or something we each got one and some CDs and we got one of those little openers. And it was like so cool, like opening your new CDs, just slice them.

I remember I think the Jay-Z album. I think it's whatever Carter 3 or whatever. Not the Carter 3, but the life in times of Sean Carter 3 or something like that. But I remember the first song, the intro starts with him saying like, yeah, you're in your car. You're taking the rapper off the CD. He was the first person to acknowledge that we all had to open these CDs. But it's also, if I'm listening to you, I've already taken the wrapper off. I know. Come on. That was.

Sean. That was the one thing. You just took the wrapper off this. You're trying to figure out, do you put it in your glove compartment? Do you put it in the little cup holder? You're walking around the store looking for me. So this boost stero. Yeah.

So it's Christmas Day. And what else could we play? But Christmas, find out who game. And the song. goes like this. Christmas find out who game. Christmas find out who game. Christmas find out who game.

Christmas find out who game. That's how we go. And I found it possibly new questions that we haven't answered. Possibly not. And if it's not, I don't care. So here are the new questions. We're not going to remember the answers to these questions regardless of it. If they're new or if they're old.

So the way it works is. I'm still sorry to interrupt. But I, so I open my notes out. to write my answers down, and I see a big, bold note that I've written that says, Laundry to Whatever. That's not helpful. It really is. Do you think it was an auto-correct?

Zero idea. Laundry to whatever. Okay. Now, we're going to list who we think is the most likely to do this. Christmas activity. Yes. And how do you get it right? If the person says, I am the least likely or I am not, I would not do that.

I think, I think if you are the person being guessed about, you get a point if they, the other people guess incorrectly. Right. If they guess correctly, they get the point. Yeah. And this is on the honor system. If you write yourself, like if I write. It also could be that just the people who guess get points.

Yeah, who knows. No, but everyone's going to guess at the same time. We're going to read the topic. Then we each write who is the most likely to do that. And if we all, we all have to. All that's right because you include yourself. Yes. We all have to sort of agree on who the person is at the end of it.

After a healthy debate. Yeah. And then that and then they get the point. And then. And then. And the person who's whoever put the right name. Yeah. Okay.

To begin. Who, who is the Christmas most likely to. start decorating for Christmas in October Should we do Should we reveal our answers One at a time After each question

Or do we do them all We should do all the questions first All the questions first The refresh with answers, yes Okay Can I ask a Just a If wives count

Yeah No, they don't Okay Gotcha Who is the Christmas Most likely to sing Christmas carols at the top of their lungs.

This is, oh, gosh. My answer is locked in. I'm locked in. Would you like to play a Christmas, find out who game? Okay, I'm, I switched. Okay, and now I'm locked in. Who is the Christmas most likely

to organize a neighborhood Christmas lights competition? Competitish. Again, why spouses do not count. No. You aren't Kulop. You're your own person. Guys, I am.

Are you likely to? Are you likely to do this? Are you? Everybody ready? Yep. Yeah. Who is the Christmas most likely to forget to defrost the turkey in time for Christmas dinner?

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep, yep, yep, yep, who's having turkey on Christmas dinner? I know it's a, a lot of people. Who's having turkey on Christmas dinner? Everyone does it on Thanksgiving, but.

We're more of a ham fan in my family. Yeah. Usually we're a ham fam. I think we're doing a brisket, I believe, this year. Or maybe, there's one year that I. Prisket, a brasket. That I did a full prime rib in the big green egg. Wow.

Full prime rib and a big green egg. Well, hold on to your hats and glasses, folks. I'm going to tell you a story about them. Full prime rib and a big green egg. Well, it seems old Scott Ackerman woke up old Christmas boarded. There was a year on Thanksgiving where we were like, this turkey tasted so good. Why are we only doing this once a year?

And then we made like three during the year. And it was fun. And then we've never done it again. It's wild. Yeah, it is wild. Because so much fucking work. Yeah. Excuse me.

Who is the Christmas most likely to watch El for Home Alone on repeat? during December. All right. I'm locked in. Locked in. I think I told you guys I had goose one time at the Tamo Shanter. Oh, yeah. Wow.

They only had it one year and it was so good. Wow. I'd never had it before. And then geese went instinct. They went instinct. They went and stinked up the whole house. Thank you. Okay.

What Christmas? Who's the Christmas most likely to bake? the best gingerbread cookies. Bake the best gingerbread cookies. I'm locked in. All right, I'm locked in. Who's the Christmas most likely to? Because it says Christmas most likely to on my chart here.

Have a perfectly coordinated Christmas tree. Now, see, a wife could be included in that because you have it. Oh, so to own it. Oh, interesting. Interesting. Okay. Not to skew the numbers on this long. Well, you just did.

So, yeah. Congrats. Now, who's the Christmas most likely to be found shopping on Christmas Eve? Ah. What if we found that every single topic we've talked about on this show previously has been Lauren seeding this into conversation. So she wins the game. And I remember everything you ever said for the first time. Like keys or soes.

Like keys or soes. Who is the Christmas most likely to fall asleep waiting for Santa on Christmas Eve? Fall asleep waiting for Santa. I mean, none of us. We all know he's not real, right? Oh, oh, wait. Scott. Sorry, Lauren didn't know.

People listen to this with their elderly parents in nursing homes. Who is the Christmas most likely to eat all the kids? Candy Cains off the tree before Christmas Day. Off the tree. That's an important distinction. Candy canes on a table won't touch them. Canning canes on a tree? That's for me.

Yeah, we got it. All right, just 20 more questions. Who's the Christmas most likely to sneak a peek at their presents before Christmas morning? Hmm. Let's move a little faster. We're almost done. How many questions are there? Me? Just four more.

Four more. So that means 15. Four more. Who's the Christmas most likely to forget to buy batteries for the toys? Four more. Four more. Who's the Christmas most likely to re-gift something they received last year? Four more.

Four more. Who's the Christmas most likely to burn the Christmas dinner? and finally hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on four more who's the christmas most likely to host an epic ugly Christmas sweater party okay okay now we're going to start at the top that's the great place is most likely to start decorating for Christmas in October I think Lauren I also put Lauren now we're at a point we were decorating by the way for Christmas two days after Thanksgiving

but that's my wife's doing no and I was too right around Thanksgiving so so we all get a point because we all said Lauren okay you know what I we had our tree up before Thanksgiving

because I was leaving you know Thanksgiving Eve Thief but seeing Christmas carols at the top of their lungs I put Paul off Tompkins I put Lauren because Paul has gone on record

is saying he does not like Christmas music. I put Scott. I do sing at the top of my lungs. I, I, I, you know what? I, Paul, I've been thinking about you lately because I, I, I, I, I collect Christmas music I have for, you know, 30 years. Yeah.

But this year, I've, I have barely played any, and I put some on around Emmy, and she kept saying like we've heard this one we've heard this one anytime a song that we had heard you know a different version of a song yes yes and i i was like that's the nature of christmas music it's repetitive and annoying and i sort of was like 12 songs for each day of christmas but i i sort of was like oh god this is all annoying me maybe it was exacerbated by her saying we've heard this one over and over i think so that probably has something to do with it but i i will say this. I want to clear the record. I don't hate, I don't dislike Christmas music overall. I'm just very particular about the kind that I like. But I thought you might be in a show singing at the top of your

lungs. That is true. But you just said earlier that you were having trouble singing at the top of your lungs. So I don't think. Okay. So. Yeah, I forgot that I said that. That you were tired. I think I know, I actually do sing Christmas carols in my carols at the top of my lungs. Okay, so I said Lauren, so I get a point. I think you get a point. Okay. Organize a neighborhood Christmas lights competition. Who would do that?

What number is this? This is three. Number three? I've said Lauren. I just said me. I said Paul. And I wouldn't want to make everyone do that. I wouldn't want to go say, can you please put up lights?

I can see Paul. I can see Paul being out there and like saying, you know, saying, you know what this year? Because Paul, you're good about that where you say like, like you organize. something the fun for everyone to do. So, yeah, I'll say, Paul. I feel like if I got to, I would do such a thing if I knew the people involved. Right.

Yeah, if I knew everyone. Not the neighborhood. I'm not going to go knocking, you know, I have some neighbors who are maybe scary. And I don't think any of us are going to do it in our current situations. But Paul, I think you're, I think I would agree. Even though I didn't put you, I think I agree that it would be you. Thanks, man. Uh-huh.

who would forget to defrost the turkey in time for Christmas dinner number four this is number this is four I put me bless the baby I put Paul yeah yes I think we all get points no explanation needed you're forgetful cock forget to do anything the answer is Paul god damn I'm kidding I'm kidding who would watch El for Home Alone on repeat during December okay I put myself and this is because I've seen it three times so far and we are i'm taking emmy to see it again tomorrow in a theater elf elf okay we've watched home alone like five times um i put myself because of my children but also my desire to always have christmas movies on i put lauren so who who is it i think nobody voted for you and i voted for me oh hmm that's tricky you voted for you yeah purely because i had the data

to back it up. Let's just say we all get a point. Okay. Because, you know, this doesn't matter or anything. Okay, so who's most likely to bake the best gingerbread cookies? Number six. I said Scott. I said Scott.

I said Lauren, mainly because I have... Because she's a woman. No, because she's the most into Christmas. So she's my default answer for most of these. I don't really go on my way to bake. I would like to, but that's not something that I really do. You do do that. I do cakes, but I've opted out of the Christmas competition now for two years in a row,

although I was thinking about getting into it this year. So, okay, I think I'm the right. One last score? We get that point. Before retirement. Okay. Who is most likely to have a, this is number seven, have a perfectly coordinated Christmas tree, Scott. I said Scott because of the, yeah.

Yeah, because Koolap has already done it. Yeah. Yeah. Who is most likely to be found shopping on Christmas Eve? This is Paul. Me. I said Paul. Yeah.

Fucking assholes. Sorry. I also was thinking of myself, though, because I'm often out at the mall at the last minute thinking I need more things. Yes. Even though I'm done. All right. Number nine. Who needs Dr. Sholes in souls.

It's always like that, the last minute. Put some stuff in the stocking. Okay. Who is most like. to fall asleep waiting for Santa on Christmas. I said, Lauren, because I think you're so tired doing the show now, you're waiting for Santa, aka Mike, to put together whatever he's putting together, and you fall asleep on the couch.

I said Paul, because I just pictured you dozing off watching a movie or something, and then Santa comes in, and it's all unexpected. See, Lauren, I pictured you dozing off on the sofa with your little legs curled up, and there's a fire, and the kids. glow of the Christmas tree lights and you just couldn't stay awake anymore. I picture you, Lauren, fall asleep, you're on the floor. Your door, your front door is wide open. Am I okay?

And the EMTs are outside. They've just arrived. Okay, so stop picturing me like that. Your finger is still on the one. I'm going to give it to you both. You each get that point. Okay. Thank you.

Thank you. Who's most likely to eat all the candy canes off the tree before Christmas? Off the tree. Is this number 10? I said Paul. Yeah. Because I wouldn't be allowed. I said me too for some reason.

I don't like candy canes that much. I think you both get that since Paul voted for himself. There's no way that I would ever dare to take anything off the tree that's been so immaculate. We did used to put candy canes on the tree when I was a kid. It's a cute decoration. I've never really done that, but that's a nice idea. We did the full-sized ones, too, not the little ones. Oh, wow.

The actual full-sized human canes, like that a person would use to walk? Yeah, they're blind canes. Yeah, with the red tip on the end. Right. I guess they weren't candy canes at all. Daredevil can. Who's the most likely to sneak a peek at their presents before Christmas? I said Scott.

I said me. I said Scott. Yeah. Yay. We all got a point. I've done it. I'm guilty. This is the most likely to forget to.

by batteries for the toys. I said me. I said Paul. I said, I, you guys get a point. Okay. Thank you. Who's the most likely to re-gift something they received last year?

Lauren. I said Scott. I said me. Oh. I think it's Lauren because I, I never re-gift anything. But I am kind of notorious for not opening, like I'll open a gift and then it will sit there and I won't use it for years and it'll be in a certain place. I will sometimes re-gift if I receive because, you know, sometimes I get cool free stuff.

Yeah. I will gift that. So I sort of, it's not like someone gave it to me and I'm re-gifting it. It's more like I received this from a company, but I don't need this thing, but you'll probably think this is cool. And so I tried it out, but usually I'll add something to it. I won't just give a gift that didn't cost me anything, even though I could. I just for Thanksgiving, finally, my,

a really nice meat thermometer that Kulap gave me, which is like, it hooks up to an app and all this kind of stuff. Really nice, but I got it two Christmases ago, and it has been sitting there in my pile of Christmas gifts that I have not used, and I finally just used it. So it got out of the pile. Here's what you need to do. Because my friend, Arden, helped me clear out some clothes in my closet recently.

My friend Eminem did that. And I had some clothes with tags. on them and she was like take off the tag now it's yours you own it now wear it and there's something about that where it's like because i think you can go like i'm not able to return it anymore it's past that point but i still have the tag on and then for some reason i'm like never wearing it because it doesn't feel like it's part of the rotation it feels like oh i have to decide to wear that thing and it did start just kind of forced me to just use some of the stuff and so i think if you get a present you should just open it immediately and put it and like look at it use it and then the first day

One of the presents I got last year was a video game that I didn't have the console for. Oh. You didn't return it? No, I had to, I, because I wanted it eventually, but it was for the new Nintendo thing. And I, I, I, the minute I opened it, I knew that I didn't have the right console and Kulap was so excited about it. Like, are you going to play it today? And I had to, I had to figure out how to gently tell her, oh, we don't have this. You fucked up, bitch.

But I finally got it in the last two months, so now I can play it. I have not, but I can. I one time got a present from somebody who just had, you know, it's not somebody I knew well, but I knew that they had terrible taste and I wasn't going to like it. And then I just re-gifted it like still wrapped to somebody else. And it turned out it was a bearded dragon and it died. Oh, no. Yeah, I felt really bad.

It stunk to high. Yeah, it's beer got too long. We have two more. Okay. This is 14. Who's most likely to burn the Christmas dinner? Wait, what number is this? 14.

Who's most likely to burn the Christmas dinner? I said Lauren. I said, I said, I said me. I don't know. I said me. I said Lauren, just because you've talked about not being a great cook. I'm going to give it to me and Scott. Okay.

Two out of three. Okay. And finally, who's the most likely to host an epic, ugly Christmas sweater party? Lauren. I said, I said, Scott, even though my instincts were saying it was me. So I think you're both right. I'm going to, by the way, I'm going to take off a point for the elf thing just because you guys voted together on that.

And that's how we ended up playing. I got 12 total. Don't worry about it. Oh, I was not keeping track. Okay, great. We're supposed to keep track of just our own points? Yes. If you want to win something.

This is, this is John. Cause all over again. No, it's, no, it is not. I thought because Lauren was being the sort of game master, that she was keeping track of all of our points. I didn't really, no, we never said you keep track of your own points. Okay, yeah, I'm sorry. I don't care.

I don't care. I'm actually fine. Lauren, how many? I had fun playing with my friends. How many points did you get, Lauren? 10. 10. I think Scott one.

How many did you get Scott? I got 12, but, um, I think I think I got, I got 15. Yeah, probably. You got them all right? I think I crushed this. Okay. Well, that's how you play the Christmas Find out Who game, of course, and we have to conclude by singing the song. Yes.

Christmas Find out Who game. Christmas Find out Who game. Christmas Find out who game. Christmas Find out who game. That sounds terrific. Yep. I loved it. Well, guys, this is, uh,

the end of the road for us. And we have to say for a little bit because we are going on hiatus for a bit. Yes, hiatus. This is a big news. That's Latin. Yes. We are taking two months off. We wanted to use some Latin to kind of make it seem classier.

Yes. But we're lazy. And Tempis does fugit. But we are taking a little break. We will be back. I want to say that Sketchfest in January, San Francisco Sketchfest, I'm doing I believe it is seven shows in three days. So come up and see that.

What? Are you doing all seven on one day and then taking two days off? Yeah, just to relax. But that's, I'm doing Varietopia, Spontorko, fake TED Talks. That's where you're playing the fake little there? Yeah. That's amazing. Can I continue?

Yeah, go ahead. I legitimately thought you were frozen because you were so still. With rage. I was still with rage. What else am I doing? Thrilling Adventure Hour, Work Juice, Improv, and The Neighborhood Listen Live. Go see, go see, Paul, even if you're not in the San Francisco Bay Area. Yeah.

Make a trip. Make a trip out of it. Book a flight. Book one flight in your goddamn life. You piece of shit. Um, yeah, but I don't, you know, I mean, of course we still have merch out there at, uh, of course we do. I forget what the, the URL is, but we still have some out there and you can get it.

If you go to kinshipgoods.com slash freedom, maybe. You can see slash freedom. Great shirts for sale. Um, and, and kinship is also a great place in general. Yeah. Um, we go hang out there sometimes. Oh, yeah. It's a boys and girls Hanging out on the stoop, singing do-wop songs. Have a great holiday, everyone. Have a great holiday, and we're going to be back in a few months, and we'll talk to you then, everyone. Thank you for listening.

We really do appreciate it. Our fans are great. We love them. It's so nice to meet people in the wild, and they're always very sweet, and we really appreciate it. And this year, if you come up with any name better than Piss Pigs, we'll entertain it. Yeah.

If you want to do a vote. Oh, do you think we'll get a new name? I wonder. I don't know. I would if I were them. It was such a laborious electoral process last time. Yeah. With checks and balances.

They made a delegate system. Yeah. With every state. Just do a poll online. The convention was nuts. Because it was a brokered convention, I remember. It was. Yes.

Yeah. That's right. But have a great new year. We'll talk to you in a few months. And maybe then, we'll find out what is the frequency, Kenneth? Happy New Year! Happy New Year! Happy New Year!

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