Threedom - Sores? Do You Have Sores?

Episode Date: May 15, 2025

Lauren, Paul, and Scott discuss the movies, mistakes, and glow ups before playing AITAH. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Parents, we know the childcare crisis is not just another headline. It's a daily struggle playing out in millions of homes across this country. I'm Gloria Riviera, and this is No One Is Coming to Save Us. This season, we're demanding a childcare system that actually works for kids, parents, and educators. We mean, pre-birth to five, full day, nearby, easy to apply. No one is coming to save us. Season five from Lemonado Media, out now.

Other People's Problems was the first podcast to take you inside real life therapy sessions. I'm Dr. Hilary McBride, and again, we're doing something new. The ketamine really broke down a lot of my barriers. This work has this sort of immediate transformational effect. Therapy Using Psychedelics is the new frontier in mental health. Come along for the trip. Other People's Problems Season 5, available now. Freedom! Freedom!

Freedom! Freedom! Can I tell you what I was doing? Please. I was just doing the middle of freedom. I wasn't saying the th. We're saying duh. And I wasn't saying the mm.

Eh? I was saying Rita. Rita! Lovely Rita. It's like what Tom Hanks yells when Rita's walking to the car a little too fast. Rita! When she's walking to the car a little too fast. I had it from the parking lot.

I was like Rita! Rita you're walking to the car too fast! Was that he's trying to tell her something before she leaves? Yeah, she forgot her wallet. Oh, no. Is he British? Reed, I'm trying to do Ozzy Osbourne. Rezo, Sharro, Sharro, Rezo. Remember that show?

I do. Remember, we got conned in watching that. I now I that was like one of the first best reality things I've ever seen. I may have told you this story, but I watched that show and I was like fascinated by it. And then I showed it to a friend of mine. It's like, you gotta watch this. Mere weeks ago you told us this. Did I really? Yeah. And they went, this is stupid and you never watch it again.

He didn't even say this is stupid. He went, oh, I get what this is. And then I felt stupid. Oh, I get what this is. And then I felt stupid. Oh, I get what this is. That's so, so kind of damning. Based on his interview in decline of Western civilization too, where he's cooking eggs. Hey Lauren, I have a question for you. Hey Lauren. Yeah. Who is the teen idol in the Partridge family? David Cassidy.

Yes. You got it. That's correct. You nailed it. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.

What about Bonnie Denaduce? I'm going to keep asking you until you forget. Bonnie. Bonnie Denaduce. Bonnie Denaduce. You know, right as like a minute before, minutes before we recorded, I was coming down here and I happened to see my daughter take one of those big bubble wands, you know? That's what to your wondering eyes did appear?

Yes. And she, like, intentionally hit Arnetti in the head with it. It was one of those things where it's like, she's trying to figure out, is this a thing that I'm allowed to do? And had to have a big serious talk with her about that. It's too bad. But it was very nice.

She said, I'm like of her own volition, she said, I'm sorry, I love you to Arnani. Yeah, that's nice. It was very nice but thank God I was there thank God you were there lay down the law because our daddy would have had her arrested yes and she would have been within her rights yep no I'd hit people nope it's assault stand your ground law it's a pepper it's Lauren you're having fun I'm just kidding you're being silly I'm just kidding. You're being silly. I'm just kidding. I know

I think it's fun. I'm so glad you're kidding because I think kidding is fine. Yeah. Within limits. Yeah. I love limits. Yeah. Awesome City. Love them. Awesome City limits. Great show. Others. Yeah. Other city limits. Mm hmm. What's up Lauren? Nothing. Have you seen the movie The Others Lauren? No. Are you mad? I'm your daughter. I've never seen it either. Oh my god. Do you know what I'm gonna say? We should watch Scott Has the City. Triple Scott Hasn't Seen? We should watch a movie together. Yeah that would be fun. We've never done that. Let's go to the movies. Obviously we did went to the drive-through. Let's go to the movies. We saw Jaws. is Jaws the only movie we've ever seen together? We went to the drive-through, we saw Jaws

as we were passing by grabbing our nuggets. What? You said we went to the drive-through. And we saw Jaws. I meant drive-in, of course. Oh, oh, oh. Should we go to the movie theater and see a movie? No, I wouldn't go that far, but.

Okay, fine. Should we put one on in the background with captions on right now? Have we ever watched a great idea, I mean, I know Paul, you've watched a movie in the backyard here, but I don't think you have, have you? I don't think I have. Did you, and you weren't at that West Side Story movie

that we went to that time. West Side Story movie? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, where Casey Wilson and I... Kissed? In front of everybody? Yep. They're like, before we get to the movie, let's have the main event right now. We're going to reenact Tony and Maria's.

Everyone's been waiting for this. No, during COVID, we rented a movie theater privately. Was it at the Americana? It was at the Americana and then Casey wanted to give a speech and then got there late and tried to get up like as he was starting to give a speech. Anyway. What was the speech going to be? I don't know. Hey everybody, I'm presenting the movie West Side Story to you.

You know how theatrical she is. She wanted to give a speech. I have to say that was kind of a fun thing that came out of the pandemic is this renting of theaters. Like my friends did it recently for Wicked and it was like 300 something bucks or something. It was like, if you split it with people, it's really not.

That's a lot like going to the theaters and buying popcorn. Ha ha ha ha, right? After you pay for the sitter and the parking and the concessions. It might as well be $300. Instead we rent the theater for $300. We take our sitter. So when they say... And we bring our own popcorn.

When the movie theater says we make all our money from the concessions, why is the fucking ticket price so expensive then? Well that's the thing. Make the movies for free. Well doesn't that have to go to the movie? What's that? Doesn't a portion of the sale go to the movie itself? Half of it, yeah. I guess.

I mean, I guess. You're giving off the real Sam Rockwell energy today. Ew. That's not bad. No, hold on. Wait for it. Sam Rockwell's character in White Lotus. How?

In what way? I don't know. Something about the way these glasses are framing your eyes, like they look like a similar shape and I feel like it's informing. Have you ever won an Academy award? Probably not. Do you kind of lose track of what, which ones you've gotten? I have lost track of the awards that I've won or not.

I had a dream that I won an Academy award for Amelia Perez. I, I, I didn't know about it. You should go to those people who didn't know anything about trans people. I didn't know anything. I didn't realize I was a producer on it. And then they contacted me like later. And here's your Academy Award. And I was like, very embarrassed because I've talked so much shit about it.

And you haven't done anything to help it. And I was like, oh, I'm going to have anything. You try to harm it. I'm going to have to tell the cohost of my other show, Sean, about this and eat some crow because I won an Academy Award for this terrible movie. What a weird dream. It was a very weird dream.

My dreams are all really normal. You're a weird guy. My dreams are really normal and they make sense. Always. Some people believe that, I mean, maybe you guys do. I think that dreams are an expression of your emotional state. And some people don't believe there's any value to analyzing dreams, but I think that there is.

I sometimes think they're like improv scenes in the sense of like your mind, your mind establishes a premise and then you are actively making choices in it. I feel like the thing that I have a harder time with, I can see that it would mean something, but I have a harder time with one thing just blanket meaning the same thing. I agree with that as well. Oh, if your teeth fall out, you're worried about money or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree with that. I think that it's easier, it's more likely just general anxiety. It's like if you are, I mean, everybody's worried about money, so that's pretty safe bet. But I think that I don't think it's the same way every time. I think sometimes your dream could just be expressing your emotional state back to you because it's on your mind. It's in your subconscious.

And sometimes it could be an opaque thing. I don't know if opaque is the right word, but you're trying to, you're trying to figure something out. I think it's sometimes starts as that and then you based on the choices you make in the dream of like, Oh, I'm going to run away from this or I'm going to do this or whatever. It morphs into something that is totally disconnected from what it started as. So it just like, and I don't know if you've ever had this where like, they always say, oh, if you die in a dream, you die in real life or whatever.

But I've found that that is like the end to my dream, where if I'm about to die in it, where I've made a choice where I go, oh, fuck, there's no way out of this, I'm about to die. I wake up immediately because I can't make any further choices if that makes sense. I have died in dreams where I... You're dead right now.

No. Is that true? Yeah, we're ghosts. Oh, you're ghosts. I'm not. But I'm a ghost? Yeah. I'm a little bit like...

This sucks. That character in that film. Are you mad? I see dead people. It's funny because I don't think of dreams as, I don't think of myself as making a lot of choices in dreams. I feel like it's things that happen. I feel like, like a premise is established of like, Hey, here's the problem.

And then you're sort of trying to work it out. And so you go like, well, I'm going to do this. And then you follow that road. And then it leads you to a thing that sometimes is like, oh, okay, well, if you made this choice, then you're going to do this. And then you follow that road. And then it leads you to a thing that sometimes is like, Oh, okay. Well, if you made this choice, then you're going to do this. This sounds to me like a choose your own dream venture. Yeah. In a way without turning the pages. That's the worst part of the worst part. Choose your own adventure. They should,

they should make these like a computer game where you just press a button and then it takes you there. But the flipping through pages, don't want to flip through pages, especially like, Oh, I'm on page three. And I have to go to 79. You know what else I, this is on the topic of video games, some video games where you have to, you have to, you go up to a character and you talk to them like an old man in Redden, Redden Redden Redden Redden Redden Redden. and you talk to them. Like an old man in Red Dem. Red Dem.

Red Dem. Red Dem. Red Dem. When you talk to Red Dem. Mm-hmm. And there's certain games where then you'll be presented with, like the character will say something to you

and then you have options of what to say back. And there's only three. Come on, man. It's not, I'm not bothered that there's a limited number. There's so many things you can say to a person. It's like, I don't want to, I don't, don't make me do this. Like, like having to speak to someone? Well, because a lot of times it doesn't have any effect

on the game because sometimes there's two, it's just two variations on the same thing. Isn't there, isn't, isn't, aren't there like time waster characters in video games who only exist to waste your time? And then anytime you like even get close to them, the thing pops up and you're like, fuck this guy again. You have to like deal with it or something. I don't know.

But there are like in Redden, Deademption, Redden, there are characters that you talk to that have no outcome on the game. Right. Rimmudem Ding Dong is a complex game in which most of the people that you talk to do have an apartment complex. These are the people in your neighborhood. If Red Dead Redemption were an apartment complex, would you live there? Yes, absolutely.

Yeah, I would. I don't know enough about the game, but I kind of think yeah. I would say that Red Dead is probably one of those games where there's not only not people who waste your time, but you can accidentally bump into someone and they'll challenge you to a fight. So it's, you have to be very careful because you could accidentally infuriate someone. I feel like my dog thinks that's going to happen all the time. One dog in particular, I know we have two, but one dog thinks that literally anyone walking by is there to challenge them to a fight. This is for Molly.

Do you think you would get a third pet? No. I, as I said the other day, we need less living beings in this house and I'm willing to volunteer. As I said the other day. Are you going to get a dog Paul? Someday. Yeah. Yeah someday I think nice. I think you see that happening Yeah, get one while you can still walk around with it. Do you know while you can still walk around? What do you know you're gonna be the lime scooter within?

Three years. I'm a liar. That's how I'm getting around So old I have to take a lime scooter? That's how I'm getting around. I don't mean a lime scooter. What do I mean? A rascal. I'm so old I have to take a lime scooter everywhere. Can you imagine? Whee! And hold it. No helmet. I just swiped my credit card. It's so convenient.

When we were in Austin recently, I know it's not that recent at this point, but Lauren, were you almost hit by lime scooters several times? That didn't happen to me, but I see it happening. It happened to me several times. And I mentioned it to someone who lives there. And I was like, I was like almost hit by several lime scooters. He's like, yeah, it's a horrible problem here.

So it can happen all the time. In Evanston, it's kind of similar, I think, with Northwestern because there's these these college students that are on scooters or bikes on their phone looking down as they go. Bring back Kent State. Very dangerous. I was on a college campus recently and I was almost hit by a scooter in the middle of like I was just walking to a place and in the middle of the thoroughfare. Yeah quad is that what you would say for a college campus? I have no idea.

But I was like, what the fuck is wrong with these? And then when I walked back to my car the other way, I noticed that I must have been walking in the... I looked down on the ground and there's like a some sort of lane for these or something. And you are the asshole. I guess, but like... A.I.T.A.? Yes.

But this shouldn't exist is my point. Do you read. Just because there is a lane for it, like doesn't mean that someone who's on a one scooter shouldn't like almost stop, like stop. Well, I hit some. I agree with that. You should use common sense. Yeah. If you're charging at someone. I'm in the lane. Yeah.

Do you ever read Am I the asshole on Reddit? No, I think I only read it when it's posted somewhere else. Should we read one and say if they're the asshole? Yeah sure. Let's do it. Should that be a three-chart? That seems kind of fun. Should I do that three-chart time? Let's do a three-chart time. We're gonna hype it up. It's gonna be in three-chart time. I would say like 26 minutes from now. And stay tuned because we will be playing Am I the Asshole? Coming up on Freedom. How do we give points to it?

I don't think we have to. Great question. How much of an asshole they are? Yeah. Wait, if we guess if they're an asshole or not, we get a point? No, the point goes to the person. The point goes to the person.

Yes, person asking the question. And then they can win. And the object is to be the asshole. There's to be an am I the asshole board game. It is very, it's funny when somebody posts one where they have been clearly treated monstrously. Yes. Like just wondering am I the asshole here? And then everybody's running back like you have to get away from that person immediately. Some of like just the titles are so insane.

Well, we're going to get to this. OK, OK. We're going to get to this. Also, Tfue, that's a good one, too. Tfue? Today I fucked up. Today I fucked up. I feel like, do you think that you make a mistake

every day of your life? Yes. Yeah. I'm here, aren't I? Ah! Oh! Do not think that. You're a'm here, aren't I? Ah! Oh! Do not think that. You're unbelievable.

Do not think that. I wonder if it's possible to go a whole day, probably if you live alone, but like, you know what I mean? Like, is it possible to live an entire day without making a mistake? I don't think so. Great movie premise. Jim Carrey? Yeah.

Why do you want to do that? No mistakes. But you know what I mean? Like, if you didn't leave the house, if you were just watching TV, to do that? No mistakes. You know what I mean? Like if you didn't leave the house, if you were just watching TV, you could conceivably say, you know what? I didn't make any mistakes today. I would like to tell a story on the topic of mistakes.

Okay. There is a television show that I guested on one time, which was, I will- Sopranos? Leave the name out. No, wouldn't that be funny if I was on an episode of The Sopranos? That would be great. I can see you on there. Oh! Oh! Don't! I don't know, don't!

Then I got shot in the face. Who's this guy? You're unbelievable! How did he get in here? They just shoot him. Why is he in the pork store? So this show was, I came to discover, was a word perfect set, where you had to say every line of dialogue exactly as it was written, even if grammatically it was kind of clunky

and very hard to say. It's interesting when you watch a movie like, say, there's a homicide. I know there is, but this is a digression, and then we're returning. I want to make sure we're returning. It's a digression. It's a digression and then we're returning. I want to make sure we're returning. Okay. It's a digression. It's a digression. If you watch like one of those like-

It was a run by a digression. House of Games. I drive by digression. And then you see an actor like William H. Macy who's able to do it and make it seem real even though it seems kind of heightened. You know what I mean? And it makes all of of the yeah, but if

If if you know like all the rep to like that it's so David Mamay of course you have to say the um's and the Us exactly scripted. Yeah, it's always fascinating to me. It's someone who can do it and imbue it with intention do it and imbue it That's the new grip it and rip it. I hope so. How did it go? It was extremely challenging and frustrating So how did it go? It was extremely challenging and frustrating. But I noticed that the cast, who had been dealing with this since the inception of the show, and I was on in the last season, I think. This is the West Wing.

They would, after each take, if they got through it without the script supervisor coming up and saying, you said there instead of there are or whatever. They would look at each other and say, no mistakes. And then I started saying it. And then it scarred me for the next three jobs that I worked on. Because you were trying to do that or and they were like, hey could you loosen this up a little bit? It made me, it put me, it made me so self-conscious that I was expecting the note and it never came.

Wow. I'd be like, ah, fuck, I would, I would be so worried about the dialogue as I was saying. Do you ask permission to change lines? Yeah, I've done that. Yeah. Yeah. Or do you just, have you ever just kind of changed it and said, no, if they don't have

a problem with this. No, I mean, if it's like, I've added things or whatever. If it's, if it, if I feel like that's the vibe and we're doing like multiple takes or whatever. Yeah. The vibration, if I feel that the vibration is immaculate, uh, like the conception of our Lord, um That's... wait. Yes, Paul?

I think was Mary... no. Was Mary a slut? What were you going to say? There's something where the immaculate conception, I think we take that to mean the conception of Jesus because he was conceived without sin. Conceived, yeah. But it's actually not. But then there's something about Mary as well.

There's something about Mary? Not the movie, not the movie. Is it the jizz in her hair? What? Oh my God, that's a great, we should do a parody of Mary, mother of God. She's got jizz in her hair. That'd be so funny. I mean, that's something I think- You can play Mary.

You should do with other people. It's Mary. The Immaculate Conception is a Catholic doctrine stating that the Virgin So funny. I mean, that's something I think you should do with other people. It's Mary. The Immaculate Conception is a Catholic doctrine stating that the Virgin Mary was conceived without original sin. What? Yes. This doesn't make any sense.

So she was conceived without anyone boning down? Yes. God said, I'm not going to give her original sin because I need her later. It doesn't make any sense. Why doesn't it? You're saying that doesn't make any sense? So she never sinned? Oh, okay, forget it. Um, we have to take a break.

She was conceived without original sin. What does that mean? Unlike original sin, that's the sin that we are born with. Meaning she, she, she, but she chose to sin? Or she never sinned? She, I would assume she never sinned later. But that's two people, this is a hat on a hat. That's two people who never sinned. You got her son, Jesus, and her never sinned.

I can't believe we're doing this again. Come on. I don't know if she never sinned. It doesn't say in the Bible that she sinned. This is stupid. All right, we're gonna take a break. ["King of the Impossible Theme Song"] King of the impossible.

I have a question for you. Okay. I hopefully have an answer, but if I don't, I'm just going to run out of the room really quickly. Okay. I mean, I would say take another guess if you want me to just hazard a guess. Really? Just leave.

Yeah. Okay. Well, let's hear the question. I might just leave. Okay. Here's the question. You don't want a new shirt just becomes your go-to. Oh god. Bye. Let's go Whole whole shape like himself, that's what happened when I picked up a back. Oh, okay Good, you're just time to hear my personal story. Okay, please tell me something really Do you remember what I said about the new shirt becoming my go-to? Oh, yeah, that scared me

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I hope that His Holiness the Pope is listening. He's listening. Oh, really? And I hope he realizes. His Pope mobile. Yeah, he has Bluetooth, presumably, or Pope tooth. Sorry. He has.

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Guys, it's I know it's freedom Thursday, but it's actually Monday when we record this recording this and Mondays get you down. Rainy days and Mondays always get me down. Duh. Like are you guys living for the weekends? You know, this Monday I feel like kind of slammed me right back into everything because I was,

I flew back from New York yesterday, which is a very exhausting travel day. I was so tired when I woke up. It's like a six hour flight. I barely slept the night before. I went to bed at two. I was kind of partying. And then I was awake. Pete Slauson Went to the SNL parties, the after party. Stacey McPherson That was actually a discussion that we had.

And then we were like, we have to stay up. The party starts at 1.30. Pete Slauson Yeah. Stacey McPherson But I was very tired. tired and then today I had to kind of like do something before this and get out the house very early and do all the stuff with the kids during the night and blah, blah, so it's like. So I guess generally. Monday got me today, I would say.

I have a very back to back day. Do you not look forward to Mondays or are you like? I look forward to them. Really? I don't not look forward to it. I like to get, sometimes the weekend is a little bit exhausting because with kids you don't get to sit down. That You don't feel like we've, we have inverted weekends where like the weekend is exhausting for me. So Monday I'm like, oh, thank God. This sounds like a sucks.

Yeah, you get to do whatever you And I have a very strong sense of the weekend and I am sad when it's over. Yeah. I mean, I like what I do, but sometimes it's like you have that weekend where you think I could do with one more day of this. Yeah. One more. But you can't make your schedule that way. Should weeks be eight?

How? Should weeks be eight days? Don't put anything on Fridays. No, we make weeks eight days. I can't. I think mine made more sense. It's too, it's, I can't, I can't. Why?

There's just too much shit going on all the time. What about every once in a while? Maybe. Once a month. I'll try. One Friday a month. I'll try. There are weeks where I don't.

Where you just say, I can't do it. Kick it down the line. What if it's a job that goes away then? Well, if it's a job, then you take it. Well, then there you go. But you would do a job on a Saturday. Yeah. So I'm saying. Would you do a job that goes away? Well, if it's a job, then you take it. Well, then there you go. You would do a job on a Saturday. Yeah. So I'm saying, would you do a job on Sunday? Yeah. After mass.

Starring Klinger and Father Mocayne. Starring Klinger. Stage five Klinger. Colonel Potter. Stage five Klinger. Isn't that what that is? I gotta say, he was a stage five clinger. It's like a girl who's obsessed with you or something. What? I've never heard this.

You ever see that show, After Mass, with that stage five clinger? I think it's from Wedding Crashers, apparently. Oh, no. Wedding Crunchers. We've got a stage five clinger. Oh, Wedding Smashers. I didn't like that movie. I'm sorry got a stage five clinger. Oh, wedding smashers. I didn't like that movie.

A stage five clinger is someone who constantly hangs around their crush even if the other person isn't interested or has a partner. Source. Source? That's funny to do. Link? After anything anyone ever says. Source? What does that mean? It's something someone does on the internet to waste your time.

Yeah. Basically is like... To call you an idiot or a liar. Or just to waste your time to be like... Source? Source? You know, to make you look up whatever you... Like sorry?

S-O-R-S? No, no. Source meaning what is your source? Oh, source. Yeah. What is sores? Sores? Sores?

Sores. You have sores? Sores. Hey, do you have sores? You have sores? Have you guys ever had sores? What a word, sore. You have sores?

It's so evocative. I like it in a 50s, like eight year old sense of like, I'm sore at you. Ah, don't be sore. Ah, don't be sore. Yeah, don't be so sore at me, please. She juggles her. You're jugglin'. Don't be so sore at me.

Anxiety. Lauren, what's going on? What is going on? What would you like to know? I don't know. Ask us anything. Ask you anything. Yeah, AMA.

American Medical Association. Would you rather be bald on top with a long ponytail or have eyebrows that grow really faster to trim them every three times a day. The eyebrows. Yeah, the eyebrows. Yeah. If you don't trim, if you only trim them twice a day.

It looks really unruly. That's fine. But like, that's it? It looks crazy. It goes down your face. Like after five. Oh, like it folds over? Yeah.

After 5 PM, who cares? Yeah. Your wife? After 5 PM, who cares? She's used to it. She's used to it. I, uh, Janie and I are, there's a thing in our house where if somebody says, so what, we will immediately, the other person will immediately say, so what, who cares? Which is the Fred Armisen impression of Joy Behar.

And I was out to dinner with a couple of friends that I haven't seen in a while. And it was not Fred, but I did run into Fred at that restaurant one time. Oh really? In somehow in conversation, we found out that all three of us do that in our households. Wow.

You know what I just realized? It's kind of weird. Please. Before I had ever been to your house, I imagined your house like just made up. As like a medieval castle. You know like when you're telling a story about something. You thought it was a bounce house.

Yeah. I would picture your kitchen for the story that you're, you know, I kind of created a- Yeah, like the story about you and Janie having the- I created a map in my head, like a layout of what your house was. And then I've since been there. Me and Janie having the what?

You know, moving the thing back and forth. The soap. I whip my hair back and forth. I move the soap back and forth. I move the soap back and forth. But so I just realized right now that I still kind of imagine the old space even though I know what your house looks like. Wow, that's wild.

Maybe you need to really live in his actual space. I think I would like to live there, is what I'm trying to say. Maybe we need to Freaky Friday. I need to live there for a bit and just really get used to it. Yeah. I haven't even seen all of your house.

That's crazy. It's crazy. I've been there, but I've not seen all the rooms. Yeah. I don't, I feel like I've seen, okay, I know the kitchen. I know you're like, what do you call the main room that leads to the living room?

The lounge. And the podcast room, of course. Of course. Is it lying fallow now? Have you recorded anything? I do like Zooms and stuff in there. Zoom. Yeah, Zooms.

You got the Zoomies? I got the Zoomies in there. But I don't- Run around. I don't think I've seen any other room in your house. Well, next time you're over, I'll give you a tour. OK, thank you. And how do we get there? I'm not inviting you anytime soon.

There we go. But that's I keep saying I want to meet Gigi and you're like, yeah, that should happen. You haven't met her. No. Well, you can't come to her birthday. No, I know I'm going to be on a tail. And that's, that's happened to a couple of events.

I know. Wait, when's her birthday? You're already coming. You're trying to catch in the cradle me for your children? It's July. No, that's not her birthday. And I don't say her birthday publicly. Oh, right, right, right.

It's actually- Because people can steal her identity. It's a mystery month. It's the 13th month, isn't it? Yes. It's that white one where you can't tell what flavor it is. It's the 32nd day of the 13th month. Wow. Well, that's gonna be exciting when I go to this birthday, whatever it is. You are RSVP'd and you will be there.

I don't know why I don't have any info. Well, because I sent it to Koolow. Yeah, but she hasn't passed along any... Yeah, she probably was just waiting until it mattered like, oh, it's tomorrow. It's not how this really operates. I remembered a sad story. This is not my story. But it happened to a friend of mine. Oh, no. Stolen Fowler. A sad story. He was at a party.

He's at a party where a few people from our old high school were as well. And this one dude that we knew, who is, I guess, more of a dorky looking guy when we were in high school. typical nerd glasses take together like he sort of slimmed down and became like a handsome, you know, kind of nice looking guy. And this other dude who was more of a cool guy went the other way. And now he looked like a sort of 1950s mean dad.

I love that. Grease stained t-shirt. Yeah, like flat top haircut. Grease stained t-shirt. And then somehow, like, I don't know why, they got into some argument or whatever. The nerd in the, or the former nerd in the former. The former nerd and the former cool guy. They got into an argument. Yeah. I think the former cool guy was cruising for a, he was looking for a fight.

He's still acting like he's a cool guy. Yes. And I think it bothered him that this guy now had a sense of himself and wasn't in high school anymore. And somehow it came up that one thing led to another. And then the idea that he, this guy was now, you know, sort of more attractive. And then the formerly cool guy said, yeah, but I was, I was skinny in high school when it counted, which is maybe the bleakest thing I've ever heard. That's the most depressing shit I've ever heard.

For 10 reasons. It actually counts more for your health reasons. Came to a comedy night when I was starting out and like heckled me. That makes sense. Yeah, and like flipped up, you know that thing where you flip a beer cap with your, you snap it. What a punk. Fuck this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that makes sense. Yeah, and like flipped up, you know that thing where you flip a beer cap with your, you snap it.

What a punk. Fuck this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was very strange. What a loser. Okay, calling back a conversation we had quite a few episodes ago. If you found out he was dead, would you laugh maniacally?

No, he wasn't, I would not laugh maniacally over that. I remember- I feel like you have a list of people that you'll be cackling about as the- There was a guy who bullied me when I was a kid who not long after high school, like killed himself. And it was, I went like the other way. Yeah.

Where I was like, oh, that is very sad. And I, like, you sort of realize- You have empathy of like what's going on in their life. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's bad. It all comes into focus. Like, oh, he had a horrible life. Bully me when I was in seventh grade and he was in sixth grade.

He and his friends used to, when I was on my paper route, follow me, uh, corner me and beat the shit out of me. Um, his father ended up being my philosophy professor in college. And I was like, so you know so much about philosophy. Why are you raising such a fucking asshole? I'll tell you why, Scott. Why? Because there are many different philosophies. Oh, so this was the philosophy that it was great to bully people? Exactly. Okay. This makes sense. And that we may not like it, but that is a philosophy. Okay. You have to

be philosophical about these things. What? Yeah. Good old little John. Yeah. Yeah. You know little John. Yeah. Yeah. What? Yeah. Okay. Lauren, were you ever bullied? Yeah. Yes, I was. Yeah. Did you ever bullied? Uh, yeah. Yes, I was. Uh, yeah. Did you ever bully? Um, maybe a little, not like, not that emotionally. Yeah. I verbally bullied a little bit. I don't know if I really verbally bully. I don't know what I did, but I, we had, you know, the internet was new when I was in like middle school typing mean things under pseudonyms AOL. Did that sound have to be that way? Yeah no. They could have made

it like a pleasant sound like cheap cheap cheap but I consider that a pleasant sound. Yeah. Because I love it so much. You love the 90s so much. Well, I love that. Bing, bang, bing, bang. I loved that time when it was like, we're logging on. When are we getting to the bing, bing, bing? I was like, it's coming soon, very soon. Too cyberbullied is what you're saying.

No, I was cyberbullied. Oh, you were cyberbullied. All of us, a lot of us were. I guess one account, we later figured out who it was. And I still to this day know who it was. And you know who you are, you piece of shit. You fucking bitch. I'm gonna never show your face around here.

Man, if she walked in here right now while we were recording, Paul and I, you know what? Paul and I would hit her in the face for you. I wouldn't want that. What? Where do you want us to hit her? Little bit of boob? You're gonna hit a woman in the face or the boob?

How about the stomach? Okay. Great, thank you. Houdini style. Houdini style. Houdini. Oh, Houdini style. Um. Bum, bum, don't make fun of me.

Yes, I would say that's more where I would have fallen. See how I can be clever? Yeah, it's not good. And it makes you feel sad when you do that. And I really want to make sure to raise my children to not do that even when it seems like the thing that you're supposed to do. How do you teach them not to pile on?

How do you teach your children well? I would like to teach her to like, hey, if you ever see someone who is foreign, report them. Yes, report them to ICE. But like be the person who makes the extra move to make someone feel better. Exactly. Yeah.

And I actually think, I don't know, I feel like she's on her way because she's so nice to her friends. Yeah. But then she just assaulted the nanny. That's, it's an age thing. With a weapon. That's an age thing. No, I know.

She's trying to figure out like. Boundaries and limits. Well, she also I think was trying to do it playfully, but instead just like, bang! You know. Kiss him out of it. Yeah. That's why I set up a punching bag. I remember when I was like, I was probably in middle school and I like, um,

do you remember on an unsign filled when Elaine would be like, what's an unsign filled on Seinfeld when Elaine would say, get out and she would like push the guy. I like was doing that. I remember doing this, like thinking I was being funny to my dad, but I like pushed him in his stomach cause I was short and he was like, I was just like, get out. I'm like, that was doing funny. And it was like, ah, you just pushed his wind out of him. I think I do that to me, not my stomach,

but my chest in a, in a, on a TV job where, you know, you're supposed to kind of pull it a little bit, but he wasn't doing it. I had someone, we did one rehearsal, one rehearsal where they faked it and then in the actual scenes did it for real every single time. And I also had someone rip my hair. Yeah. Yeah. That was off camera. Two different people? Yeah. Yeah. You ever think maybe it's you? Nope. No, I don't. No. But hey, I don't know. I don't know how you teach your kids to do things because, you know, I choose not to talk to them. Yeah. Sorry.

You have a hands off. Nobody wants to hear that. I want to be a helicopter parent. So I'm just like, whatever you want to do, do as I will. Hands on voices off. Yes. Yeah. Everything's physical. Noises off. Noises off. Everything's going wrong. Yeah. And your back's tense. And it's hilarious. And there's sardines everywhere.

There's sardines simply everywhere. You don't know what we're talking about. I don't. You've never seen Noises Off? No, I- It's very funny. You know what? I auditioned for it in high school.

Oh, no. And then they cast it and I wasn't in it. And then they cancelled it for some reason. I did a different show. I don't remember what happened. Why? You have no idea what happened? Maybe the director got sick or something. There was some reason something happened. So another director steps in. I don't remember what happened. You have no idea what happened? Maybe the director got sick or something.

There was some reason something happened. So another director steps in. It didn't happen. And then I did see the filmed version of that. Filmed version is not great. But it's not as fun to watch as it would be on stage. No, it's exactly so fun. With all the different doors.

Exactly. I will say about the film version, Mary Lou Hinner, surprisingly good English accent. Yeah. Well, she remembered exactly how to do it. A good movie with doors. Exactly. Total recall of the accent. Good movie with doors is The Doors. A good movie, The Doors is The Doors.

A good movie with doors. If you like movies with doors, you were talking about all the doors. A good movie with doors is Door of the Explorers. Yeah, I can't beat that. Don't even try. I'm not going to. It's like a broken drum. It's like a broken drum. I can't beat that. Don't even try. I'm not going to. It's like a broken drum. It's like a broken drum. I can't beat that. I can't beat that. What's this? I don't know. I can't beat that. Okay, we're gonna beat this little break into submission. And when we come back, we're gonna play, Am I the Asshole?

Oh my God, this is very exciting. This is so exciting. I can't wait to play Am I the Asshole? This is gonna be as exciting as the Bible trivia, I think. I can't wait. All right. This is an ad by Better Health. Mental health awareness is growing,

but there's still work to be done. 26% of Americans recently surveyed have avoided seeking mental health support due to fear of judgment. When people hesitate to seek support, it doesn't just affect them, it impacts families, workplaces, and entire communities. This Mental Health Awareness Month, let's encourage everyone to take care of their well-being and to help break the stigma. Because the world is better with emotionally healthy people. At BetterHelp, they have over 10 years of experience matching you with the right therapist, so you can access support from the privacy of home and on your schedule. Give online therapy a try or share it with a loved one. Whether it's for regular maintenance, help with grieving a loss,

or to work through your anxiety, it's a great tool for your wellness. We're all better with help. Visit betterhelp.com today for 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com. I'm Hasan Minhaj, and I have been lying to you. I only pretended to be a comedian

so I could trick important people into coming on my podcast, Hasan Minhaj Doesn't Know, to ask them the tough questions that real journalists are way too afraid to ask. People like Senator Elizabeth Warren. Is America too dumb for democracy? Outrageous.

Parenting expert Dr. Becky. How do you skip consequences without raising a psychopath? That's a good question. Listen to Hasan Minhaj doesn't know from Lemonada Media, wherever you get your podcasts. Hey Lauren, what's a three-chair? I think it's a buster. It's a game we like to play.

But so here's what I want to tell you about this feature. We just came up with it while we were talking. And the feature is we're going to look at Reddit and see the category AITA, which is am I the asshole? And we're going to read one and we're going to discuss whether the person is the asshole or not. Yeah. Do we need to read you a few titles and you can pick one?

Yeah, that would be great. Ready, Paul? Yes, I am ready. Am I the asshole for letting you know I am divorcing you by sending you a thread on the website that you use to ignore me? Oh. Could you say that again?

Because I wasn't ready. Am I the asshole for letting you know I am divorcing you by sending you a thread on the website that you use to ignore me? The website that you use to ignore me. The website that you use to ignore me. So like this person's on this website all the time instead of engaging with their spouse and they they log on to this website and there is a... So do we guess first? Whether they're the asshole or not? Before we hear the description.

It's a boob rating website. See now I want to know how does one leave a divorce message on a boob rating website? Let's read a few different headlines. I'm almost getting the old boob rating website. I'm going to go online and rate some boos. Check my inbox. These are like some of the top categories, top threads of all time. Here's what I'm going to suggest.

We read the headline. Okay. Then we try to guess. Classic through them. If they're the asshole or not. We decide how to play. Then we read the rest of it. Okay, I like that.

And then so, and do we want to just pick one or do we read you three headlines? I think you can both do it the way you wanna do it and they can intersect. Read three headlines and then we'll see which one we wanna attack first. That's what Lauren wants. Am I the asshole for telling my sister

she's not allowed to bring her homemade food to Thanksgiving? I like this one. I like this one. The other one is such an obvious asshole move. Okay. Because her cook, rest of the headline that I couldn't see is because her cooking is ruining the meal.

I'll read to you. Yeah, obviously. So do we want to say if she's the asshole or not before we read this conundrum? Wait, she did do this? Am I the asshole for telling my sister she's not allowed to bring? I think here's I'm of two minds because because congrats. They both don't work. Because on the one hand, honesty is always great.

But on the other hand, let someone bring food and then no one eats it. Well I feel the same way. I would not say honesty is always great. I think that the way you express it is extremely important. I think that- Use a little humor like, hey, you're going to bring your inedible bullshit again. No one ever likes. Um, I, I would, I would imagine that this person writing is the asshole in this case.

I think so too, because I, I'm just thinking, think that they're just to not let someone bring some food that's here. Maybe they have a dietary restriction. Okay, here's one thing though. What if the person goes like, I'll make the mashed potatoes. Yeah. You know what I mean?

But she makes them poorly. But yes, but her expectation is no one else is gonna make mashed potatoes. And then you have a Thanksgiving meal where everyone loves to eat mashed potatoes and they're horrible. Right. That's probably what she's talking about. Because her cooking is ruining the meal is the reason.

So that is maybe you're not an asshole. You're someone just someone just goes like, I'm going to bring some mashed potatoes. And then you go great. And then you talk to someone else and go like, bring some real mass. But it'll be interesting to hear the history because if this is happening enough that the person had to say something like for the last 2000 years, how old are these people that are writing? Let's jump into this. This was from this last Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving dinner is officially over and I genuinely don't know where to start. I feel like I just lived through a fever dream of culinary chaos and family drama and I need a moment to breathe before I can even process everything. My cousin and I are heading out for drinks to dissect all of it because honestly, what just happened deserves its own Netflix special. I'll post photos later when I get home but for now, let me try to give you the rundown. So my sister showed up earlier than expected, which I should have seen coming. She came in like a storm, carrying not just her three dishes but also this giant platter

wrapped in foil which she was clearly trying to make a big deal about. She immediately started rearranging the table, moving my dishes to the side so hers could take center stage. She even brought her own table runner and candle saying something about setting the mood for a creative dining experience. I decided not to fight her on it because at this point I just wanted to get through the night without a blow up. Her trio experience was, well let's just say it was everything I feared and more.

She started with a glittery s- By the way, you don't need to let's just say something. Like you're already going into so much fucking detail. Like give us some detail on this. Yeah. Yeah, she started with a glittery sweet potato mash that somehow managed to taste like a mix of sugar and sand. The glitter wasn't even edible glitter.

It was craft glitter, which I didn't realize until one of the kids said this is crunchy and I looked closer. That's not- Well, then this is an issue. this is like this is the real issue where you go like hey you can't bring food with inedible glitter that's going to be... You can't bring things that are not food. And feed it to our children. Yeah. Then there was the cranberry and oyster relish. Yes, oysters and cranberries. It looked like someone had spilled jam into clam chowder and the smell alone was enough to make me lose my appetite.

Finally she brought a pumpkin curry casserole that had raisins in it for some reason and this weird fishy smell that clung to the air for way too long. But the piece de resistance was her surprise centerpiece dish which turned out to be a turkey gelatin mold. Yes, she took ground turkey, mixed it with some kind of broth and seasonings and turned it into a wobbly translucent mold shaped like a turkey. She even garnished it with parsley and cherry tomatoes to make it festive. I wish I were kidding. No one has to eat this though. The entire table went silent when she unveiled it except for my cousin who immediately started coughing to

cover up what I'm pretty sure was a laugh. Things hit their peak when my mom, who had been defending her the entire time, took one bite of the gelatin mold and just froze. She didn't say anything but you could see the regret in her face. My sister noticing the lack of enthusiasm decided to go on this long speech about how Thanksgiving food is too boring and how she's trying to challenge our palates. She even called my ham and mashed potatoes uninspired, which was rich coming from someone

serving glitter sand potatoes. I mean, this is a person who wants to be a writer who's like testing the waters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. The breaking point came when my aunt, who's usually the peacekeeper, tried the gelatin mold and actually gagged. She tried to be polite about it,

but my sister saw her reaction and completely lost it. She started yelling about how nobody in the family supports her and how we're all stuck in the past with our unoriginal food. This is what you yell at her about, not the bringing food. You can all of you pass on eating it. She even accused me of sabotaging her dishes by not hyping them up enough to everyone. At this point, half the table was trying not to laugh

and the other half was just staring at their plates, probably wondering how we got here. My sister ended up storming out of the house, but not before saying something along the lines of, you'll regret not appreciating my vision when I'm famous. She left most of her food behind, which my cousin and I quietly threw out after dinner. Famous for cooking or famous for something else?

The rest of the night actually turned out pretty nice once the tension was gone. My dad's emergency ham was a lifesaver and everyone agreed that next year we're either My dad's emergency ham! We've established she already made a ham, so why did dad have to make an emergency ham? What I imagine is, everyone, this has been going on for a while and everyone knows that this food is bad. And so the dad has a fucking ham behind glass

Everyone agreed that next year we're either going to a restaurant or just skipping Thanksgiving all together So now I'm sitting here wondering how this even became my life I'll post photos later because you'll have to believe you to see the city wondering About to go out to a drink with someone and you're writing the longest screed. Yeah, just 45 more minutes. I'm off to grab a drink. I'm on my third draft. It's like you're nailing it to the wall of a church or something.

I'm off to grab a drink or three with my cousin to laugh, cry over everything that went down. Yeah, you already said that. This Thanksgiving was truly something else. I don't know whether to be relieved or it's over or brace myself for whatever fresh chaos my sister has planned for next year. Stay tuned for photos.

It's going to be worth it. That was way too long. That was way too long. And I think you are the asshole. I think you're the asshole. I think that person is the asshole. Yeah, I was wrong. They sound... The sister also is an asshole. I think it's a family of assholes.

It's a family of assholes. Who's this dad with his emergency hand? Oh, he's the savior. He's the one. The mom is an asshole. Who's the friend going out to drink with this person? But also like the idea that this woman is allowed to make that many things Yeah, who who who says like hey come with three dishes? Here someone's response was you're the asshole for faking this I was so looking forward to seeing that turkey gelatin mold I now have to live my life imagining it been never seeing it. May your imaginary sister forever ruin your Thanksgiving

This person never posted pictures Yeah, a writing exercise for them that was annoying that was you are the asshole you are the asshole. All right, let's try another one and fuck you Am I the asshole for I'm gonna read three. Am I the asshole for pretending to get fired when customers get a temper with me? for, I want to read three. Am I the asshole for pretending to get fired when customers get a temper with me? Am I the asshole for suing my neighbor after their kid trespassed and fell into my koi pond? Interesting. That sounds like an HBO show. Nicole Kidman's in it. Am I the asshole for making a dad joke?

Kind of curious about that. I'm curious about that. Because that feels like it could be real. And you know what? You are the asshole because this, I predict, this is gonna be like, what? It was just a joke. I have an opinion though on people saying things

are dad jokes. I don't like the term. Because now people just say like, oh, dad jokes, huh? Whenever it's anything that they, a humorless person. Right, cause it's unfunny. Like it's the equivalent of someone going, womp, womp after you say something. It's like, oh, you're not funny.

So you're just saying womp, womp after. Yeah. Exactly. Well, do you want to do that one or do you want to do Koi pond or pretending to get fired? Let's do the dad joke one and then with the option to go into Koi pond. Okay No, I want to know about the fired one. Yeah, it is a fun. Okay, let's see that So the customer gets testy with me that I pretend I bring over my follow employees I like the manager. I'm interested in the mechanics of it. Yeah

Oh, there's like a rating at the top of what people have decided I think But I won't say what it is I am a high schooler mechanics of it. Yeah, I do want to hear that. Oh, there's like a rating at the top of what people have decided, I think. But I won't say what it is. I am a high schooler. I am a high schooler with a weekend job at a coffee shop. My co-workers who work weekends are James, the owner's son. He goes to my school. He's a shift manager, but he's not a real, it's not a real formal thing. And he's a friendly guy.

Danielle, a college student who sometimes works weekends too. She sounds hot. So sometimes customers will come in and just be angry about such little stuff, like literally blow up about nothing. I don't know if they're in a bad mood already and looking for someone to take it out on or what, but it's a lot. Like how sad, so you have to be a grown ass man taking your anger out in high school and college kits. So James, how sad do you have to be? Okay. So James and I were joking about having a little fun with them and hopefully getting them off our backs. So one day I was at work and some guy was having a temper about how we don't make the coffee hot enough,

which I couldn't do a thing about because I gave it right to him out of the machine. So James came in and was like, sir, is there a problem here? And the guy started ranting at him too. So he was just like, OP original poster poster. This is unacceptable, you're fired. I started acting real sad, like, no, please don't fire me. My family needs the money, I need this job, please. And he played up being a hard ass telling me to take off my apron and leave. The anger guy started to backtrack,

like it isn't that big of a problem. You don't need to fire her over it. I didn't mean it. And James was like, no, we pride ourselves on the best customer service. Of course, after all that drama, I still had my job, but we were just acting. And we've done it a couple of times.

Whenever a customer will lose their temper at Danielle or me, James will storm in and fire us. Of course after all that drama, I still had my job, but we were just acting. And we've done it a couple of times. Whenever a customer will lose their temper at Danielle or me, James will storm in and fire us. I can imagine the customers would never have the balls to return. Yeah. So like they would never walk in a week later and be like, but I thought you were fired because I would be so embarrassed

if something I complained about had someone fired that I would never go back to the place. She says, and almost every time the person who had come in angry will apologize and say they didn't mean it. It's kind of satisfying making people realize their actions might actually have consequences. Anyway, I was telling my friends from school about this and a few of them thought it was a mean prank to let someone go away thinking they'd gotten someone who desperately needs the money fired. Am I the asshole for this joke? No, you're not. You're not. You're actually a hero. I think it's great. It's like it's honestly

like what you do on Twitter when someone says something mean to you and then you reply and they're like, I actually am your fan. So what was the consensus? This consensus was not the asshole. Love it. Yeah, people liked that. The people have spoken. All right, so are we gonna talk about Koi pond?

I wanna talk about dad joke. Let's talk about all three. We have time. Okay. Let's do dad joke. Okay. I see the rating on this. I'm Curious what's gonna happen here note my stepdaughter Madeline was about a year old when I married her mother Jessica

Madeline's father died before she was born. Okay Madeline's father died before she was born. Okay. Oh a dad meaning it might be a dad Dad joke like not a dad. Yeah Madeline's currently 15 and she's rebelling for almost everything. She did something bad, so while picking her up, I set a punishment up for her. Then she said, you're not my dad, I don't have to follow you.

Honestly, I got a bit hurt from that, but I understand that she didn't mean it and that she'd probably change. I just replied, I'm still your legal guardian for the next three years, and as long as you're in my house, you have to follow my rules. That happened about two days ago.

So our family was going- You should say our house. Okay, so our family was going grocery shopping when Madeline said, I'm hungry, I need food. I'm hungry, I need food, Madeline said. I decided to be- Famous quote. I decided to be extremely cheeky

and say, hi, hungry, I'm not your dad. No. Ah! Hi, hungry, I'm not your dad? The classic joke is, hi, hungry, I'm not your dad the classic joke It's a callback yeah, so her being upset and this and how long ago dude so this was What was the time in between? I don't know. I don't know if it's an hour Maybe my son just started to laugh uncontrollably My daughter was just quiet with embarrassment and my wife was berating me not to stoop down to her level

I honestly thought it was a funny dad joke. It's not a dad joke. And my son agrees. It's a not a dad joke. It's a meta-dad joke. I guess it's a dad joke because it's high hungry. Yes, it's a meta-dad joke. My son agrees. So am I the asshole? Edit. I did adopt her, so legally I am her parent because I guess people ask about that. That's nice. Mini update. I'll probably give a full update later, but here's what happened so far. I go to my daughter's room after dinner. I'm beginning talking with her.

Hey, I'm really sorry that I hurt you by the words I said, and I really am really your dad. I changed your diapers, I met your boyfriend, and I plan on helping you through college. Hopefully not on the same year. And plus I'm legally your dad. So we're stuck together. No, I don't know.

Okay, that's fine. Plus I'm legally your dad, so we're stuck together. But seriously, I'm going to love you like my daughter, even if you don't think I'm your dad. Then I hugged her. She did start to cry. I assume that's good. The consensus on here, or do You want to vote with it?

Whether you, I, I think, look, we all say stupid stuff or whatever. I like that he went and apologized. Yeah. I think that was just like a bat of foot and mouth kind of thing. Not. Yeah. I mean, the thing is, it's like, you do want you want to be sensitive. If you're a kid, you, you expect more from an adult. Yeah, and I don't think he should say, I don't think he should ever make a joke

about not really being someone's dad. Yeah, that's a dicey one. Yeah. Everyone sucks is apparently the consensus on this one. I forgot that was a thing. Everyone involved in the story sucks? Yeah, everyone sucks. No, not the kid.

I don't think the kid sucks. That's a tough one. The kid's being a kid. Yeah. Okay, we'll do the last one. 15, everyone sucks. No, not the kid. I don't think the kid sucks. That's a tough one. The kid's being a kid. Yeah. Okay, we'll do the last one. 15, Jesus Christ. The mom though. Shut the fuck up.

Shut the fuck up. Okay, the question is- Berating your man in public. Am I the asshole for suing my neighbor after their kid trespassed and fell into my koi pond? I, 22 year old man, already I go, you're an asshole. You're an asshole.

22 year old man with a koi pond? Yeah, you're suing someone for falling in it. Fuck off! I, 22 M, have a koi pond in my backyard. It's not just any koi pond. It's a full blown professionally designed Japanese garden with a bridge, waterfalls and koi. You're the asshole, you're the asshole.

You're the asshole, you're the asshole. And koi that cost more than my car. I'm talking a thousand dollars for a single fish. The fuck? Maintaining this pond. A thousand dollars for a fish, get the fuck outta here. Maintaining this pond is my pride and joy. Get rid of this fish, you'll get a nicer car.

Well he has a bunch of fish that equal the price of the car. Oh, I see. I think my boy still stands. I've put years into this hobby, since he was 15. Years, you're 22, you fucking fuck you. Fuck off. My yard is securely fenced with no trespassing signs everywhere. Oh, that's that actually weirdly is a legally a big point. Like if you have a no trespassing sign, we had to put several up for like

in the condo that I used to live in because we had skaters like skating off of our stairs. And people were like, well, if you don't have a no trespassing sign, they don't like legally, they don't know that they can't do this or whatever. So like the minute you put up a sign, we had to put one up on our gate back there, just for legal reasons of like-

So you're on his side so far. Well, I'm just not, I'm not on his side. I'm just saying that he has no trespassing signs. That's an important thing that I was looking for. Enter my neighbor, Karen. Fake name. Karen has a son.

Let's call him Timmy 8M, who is notorious for wandering into other people's yards uninvited. I've talked to Karen multiple times about this, but she just brushes it off with kids will be kids. Last week while I was out running errands, I got a frantic call from Karen. Apparently Timmy climbed over my fence

to feed the fish, quote unquote, even though I have explicitly told him to stay out. In doing so, he slipped, fell into the pond and destroyed part of my carefully maintained ecosystem. Several of my prized toy died due to stress and the filtration system was damaged because of the debris Timmy kicked in. Luckily, Timmy wasn't seriously hurt, just a few scrapes,

but Karen has been demanding I pay for his medical bills. What? She claims my pond is an attractive nuisance and that I should have had a cover or something to prevent kids from falling in. That's what people call me. Well, I argue that one is a private fenced property. But do they live in an area where a fence

would be legally necessary? He has a fence. You know how, no, a fence around the? The Koi pond. The Koi pond. This is a question I have, because in California, if you have a pool, you're supposed to have a fence around the pool.

No matter whether you have kids or not. whether you have kids or not, because if someone is, you know, even breaks into your house and drowns. If a burglar drowns in your pool, does you're going to prison? Or an animal. I argued that one, it's a private fenced property and two, her son had no business being there in the first place. When I refused to pay, Karen lost it and started bad mouthing me to the whole neighborhood, calling me a heartless and terrible person. I've since filed a lawsuit against her for the cost of the koi, the damage to my filtration system,

and repairs to my pond over $5,000 in total. Okay, let me guess what actually is going on. His pond had, was gonna break anyway, and he's just like adding this to the lawsuit to make it seem like a real lawsuit and he's what he's really mad about is the bad-mouthing part. I feel like this woman, her son who's eight climbing over fences and falling into water that's a very dangerous problem. It is. That's on her. That's on her.

Yeah it's on her. I mean to make sure he understands he can't do that. He's eight years old, he's old enough to... There's no reason this guy should be paying medical bills. No. But I don't think that this woman should pay $5,000. No. That's what I think is I think he's annoyed with her like, no, of course this is your problem. Then she goes around bad mouthing everyone.

So he hikes up his supposed damage. I don't think there's any damage to his pond. I actually don't think... I don't think those fish died of stress. Yeah, they were going to die anyway. And so I think he's an asshole for suing. I don't think he's an asshole for not paying. Agree. Yes, I agree. How do we learn? It sounds like he just had a few scrapes. So it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. Yeah, what are the medical bills? Yeah, what are these medical bills?

But also we're getting this one here. It doesn't sum up the people's opinion here, but I do see a lot of people saying, you're not the asshole and this woman should have been watching her child because it's very dangerous. That said, should he have a fence around this koi pond? No, because it's within his own backyard.

No, if you have to climb a fence to get to that. No, but that's just, that's what I'm saying with the pool. It's like, how deep is this pond? How deep is this pond? Is this pond? How deep is this pond? Is this pond? How deep is your pond? My boy fish died of stress. That's good to do it for this episode. Paul, tell us you're listening. Tell us about hack claims. I want to tell you about hack claims. It's the famous website that you already

know about. Go there and leave us a voicemail. We will answer that voicemail on our 3mium episodes that we release from, well, we release them behind the paywall. Yeah. They're behind the paywall. They are behind the paywall and we release them every other. Behind the paywall.

Wednesday. Unless you pay for them. Every other Wednesday. You can get these by, and you can get all of our episodes ad free if you subscribe at CBBworld.com. Yeah, that's true. You can also get the 3m episodes if you're a 3-lemonada premium member. That's also true and Then on Tuesdays if you want to hear one of our older episodes and you don't want to subscribe

We do three visiting at the 2s where we re-release on the 2s whatever and Paul it's May 15th, where are you? Well let me tell you something it's the Ides of May and by this point I should be home. Let me just double check. You have more shows after this? Oh yeah baby. Oh yeah baby.

May 15th yeah I got back from Atlanta five days ago had a great time. And then at the end of the month I'll be be heading out to Fairfield, Connecticut on the 30th. And then westerly Rhode Island, then Homer, New York, then Albany, New York. The people of Homer and Albany demanded it. Portland, Oregon, Seattle, and Vancouver. These are great shows, Variah, Torpia. You gotta see the show live.

You gotta see it live. You gotta see it live. It's got everything. And I have nothing going on and neither does Lauren. I'm just doing whatever I want. Yep. And we'll see you next time. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Hi, I'm Megan and I've got a new podcast I think you're going to love. It's called Confessions of a Female Founder, a show where I chat with female entrepreneurs and friends about the sleepless nights, the lessons learned, and the laser focus that got them to where they are today.

And through it all, I'm building a business of my own and getting all sorts of practical advice along the way that I'm so excited to share with you. Confessions of a Female Founder is out now. Hear new episodes each week ad free on Amazon Music. You can also ask Alexa, Alexa, play Confessions of a Female Founder with Megan on Amazon Music. And she will. Hey everybody. That includes me. And me. Thanks for listening to this week's episode. If you want more of me, Paul and Lauren, and I know you do, you should join us over on Lemonada Premium on Apple Podcasts.

That's what it is. Where subscribers get exclusive access to our Thremium episodes. In each Thremium episode, we take your calls and listen to your voicemails and we answer them. You can send your emails to freedomusa at gmail.com, send your voicemail to hadclaims8.com, and listen to your questions. Be answered by your pretzel gang on Lemonada Premium. Subscribe to Lemonada Premium today by clicking on our podcast logo on the Apple Podcast app and then clicking the subscribe button! Who's this guy? I don't know, but I like him. Sir, sir, could you please? I think he's a little crab.

Hey, Paul. Sorry about that. Who was that guy? Someone took your place for a minute. Yeah. That little crab. And we liked him better. Why did that crab do that?