Threedom - Super Nintendo Says What?

Episode Date: August 28, 2025

Scott, Lauren, and Paul discuss falling, movies, and watermelon before doing a Cola Taste Test. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock the THREEMIUM archive on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Now, when the next moment strikes, I'm going to yell at Freedom. Freedom! You made me miss it because... I might feel another one coming, actually. Right about freedom. We miss it again. Oh, man. Hi, everyone.

Get it together. Welcome to Freedom. The world's greatest podcast. The world's greatest podcast on Earth. This world's greatest podcast that happens on Earth. What do you think of the podcast? This world has other podcasts on different planets. Definitely.

Do you think there's podcasts in the next world? Oh. I think they figured out a better way to do this. Does heaven have a podcast? does heaven have a podcast and if so may I guess What about host? You got a thing bigger for yourself

Come on Morrissey Oh my god damn it No that thing hurt That thing hurts so bad I have the exact same thing over here What is it? And that thing has hurt my knee It's this little gnome guy

Who just pokes you with a knife Yeah why do you have that? Sorry Speaking of owl Okay Now You are the first two letters of owl You all know

Or alf if you're spelling it wrong. Owf. Do you know there was an elf movie? No. I bet it's such my ass. I don't think this was in theaters, but it does start... Made for television, I would believe.

Does it star Alf? Of course it stars Alf. Oh, I love it. It's got to be number one on the call sheet. What if it was like... Elf and Alf meat. Owl. What if it was like Chris Pine or Pratt as elf?

Alv. Al. What if they were Chris Pine or Chris Pratt. It's really good. It's very solid. Martin Sheen is in it. Whoa. Plays like a military guy.

You know. That was the peak elf. It's called Project Alf. What is he like he's like? I think he's been captured by the military. Oh God. So they're just stealing E.T's. If it was G.I.J.

And he has to shave his head. He would look so weird. It's a 1996 American made for television science fiction comedy film directed by Dick Lowry, which serves as a sequel to the final episode, Consider Me Gone of the 1980. 1996, 1990, sitcom Elf. See, you thought it was a drama. Wait, this serves as a prequel or a sequel to the final episode? We definitely don't need a prequel.

I mean, unless you want to see where he's from. I wouldn't mind to Melmac. Yeah. Do they have cats on Melmac? So I was just wondering. He just discovers them on Earth. No, it's like, it's like if you go to another place and you're like, this is the best food I've ever had. I can't believe I've never had this.

And it's like cats. Do you think Alf ever went to the? musical cats and was like, oh, I'm hungry. Do you think Elf ever went to the moon? That's a good question. Is that close to Malmec? I wonder, because I sometimes I think that Malmec must be behind the moon, and that's why we can't see it, and we don't know what's there. Do you think Alfe ever went to third base? I think so. With that, with his owner.

I thought she was attractive. Max. No, the guy. What's his name Max? Willie. Ralph, you have to stop doing this. I can't remember what it was, but there was. There's some really dramatic episode of Al. He's in, he's not in the movie. Speaking of Al, you know that I've long been haunted by the question, when is the next time I'm going to fall down?

Yes. I think about the stairs a lot. I have to carry Emmy up and downstairs. And occasionally she's, I always have a rule like, hold on to daddy. Because I don't want to fall. I don't want her to fall. And if you fall, if you fall, you don't want to fall alone. Right.

I want to share this experience. Because our friend, we were taping a podcast recently, and we heard a massive bang, and our friend fell down the stairs. I'm just like, I think the stairs are such a death trap. My story is not off stairs. Okay. Where did you fall? But I did fall. I fell in my own living room. In your own feces?

Do you know? Did you fall in your own feces? Come on, Paul. Tell us. Allegedly. Allegedly. Do you know how when you were wearing a sneaker? You're wearing a crock.

You're wearing something with that type of soul. Well, those are a little different from one another. Well, you'll see how they are similar. Something with tread. Is that what you mean? Yes, because sometimes you can sort of snag on the rug or carpeting. If you don't lift your feet high enough. You should be lifting your knees up to waist level every time you take a step.

I usually do. Yeah, you both do. And you refuse to. I won't because I think you both. dumb. But you take your leg and you skip it behind your... I kind of do a breakdance

move where I skip one leg behind the other. You're always grape vining propel forward somehow. Yeah. Somehow. Yeah. I was getting up off the couch walking towards the kitchen. What had you been watching and what were you about to do?

Yes. I remember neither of those things. Oh, this incident overtook you. It did indeed. Okay. I fucking pitched forward. Oh. There was a chair, thankfully, wing back chair that we have in our home. Hard chair or soft chair?

Well, wing back kind of implies hard. No. It doesn't? Because it's an upholstered chair. So that implies soft. Squishy even. At least the cushion part of it. Well, they used to call them squishens.

Unfortunately, the cushion part, I was not close to it. Really? You need more cushion for the cushion? For the fall. For the fall. I flew forward. My right hand got the back of the chair. So that sort of, as I went down, the chair went down with me.

And the chair served to cushion my face from the floor. Oh, good. Your moneymaker. Exactly. You need that. But my left knee hit hard. It fucking hurt. fucking hurt, man.

It hurt. And it hurts to this day, not, uh, go in to see a specialist. If I touch it, it hurts. It does not hurt. When was go to see a specialist regarding this? This was a couple weeks ago. You might want to see a specialist as,

this is, this is similar to my breaking my ankle. I was like, oh, this is probably okay. Then even went to the Hollywood Bowl with you to, with me. That was the issue. I could have stayed home for sure, but I went out with you.

and was walking around and all that and then finally about a week or 10 days in I was like this is not getting better let me go see the specialist and the specials was like of course my famous foot doctor was like why don't you come in the day after it happened what are you doing this isn't stuff you need to be messing around with now I can't give you cocaine yeah yeah um were you alone no janey was there did was she watching I think she orchestrated it she was she saw it happen and was very concerned And then she got some ice for me, put ice on my knee. But yeah, it was very scary. That is scary. Falling is crazy. But now I feel like I got some more time until the next fall. Oh, yeah, yeah, totally.

I've had a couple falls within the last year. Really? That are low key, but weird. Like one of them, I was looking at my phone and I missed a step. Humiliating. Humiliating. I didn't fully tumble, but it wasn't good. No.

And the other one, I was falling. I fell up the stairs. I don't know. I like missed a step or, I just like, and I was carrying a bunch of stuff. And we have like a baby gate at the top of the stairs, but it's like soft.

It's not like, wait, you were involved in baby gate? And I fell like into it, but it was like chaotic. And it was too. And like, oh my God.

Like Mike's in the other room. Like, what, what? I'm like, I can't explain now. I'll tell you when I'm through this. Like I was like, baby gates are the cause. of so many falls in our house and it's like but not for babies no not for babies it protects them and fucks us up it's like is it worth it yeah you got a wonder for the baby yeah the baby's like oh

that could have been me oh man if that was waste if that was waste of god go i if that was waste high on me that would be bad now guys yeah you know i've been on a movie tear wow you saw some movies i have seen some more movies this is incredible I saw of the movie The Killer, starring Michael Fosbender. Nice. Yes. I saw a Jim Jarmouche movie called The Dead Don't Die, which is his take on a zombie movie. I watched part of that.

Part of it is about right. I have not seen that, but I don't typically gravitate towards. Oh, wait, no, I think I saw the whole thing, actually. Zombie movies. Let me look it up. I mean, it was interesting in that it is Jim Jarmush's take on a zombie movie. He's not a guy you would expect to do this sort of thing. And it was mostly fine except.

It did get kind of repetitive, like intentionally repetitive. And then there was also like... I've seen the whole thing. Three... What did you check? Three small... Three small meta moments. Meta textual?

That involve them acknowledging that they're in a movie. Yes, right. And it's so... Oh, I don't think that's necessary. No, it's really strange. Like you... That's interesting. It happens once in the very beginning of the movie.

Then it doesn't happen again. until the end of the movie, and it happens a couple times. That's as strange as the very Doctor Strange that is the master of the mystic arts. Is that a parody of the Yahoo? It is not. Yahoo! Here's what it is. Here's why I think that, because there was a billboard for Dr. Strange, the first movie.

Yeah. And it showed him, like, reaching his arm out. For something strange. He's doing a spell for, yeah, he wants something strange. I like strange stuff. Who are you going to call? Dr. Strange. There you go.

Because he wants all the strange stuff. Because he's a magic man. He does spells. You would think his hand would be palm down, fingers out like, do, do, do, do, do it. But he's more of a, he's more like, hey, give me that. Work the balls, work the shot. Play with the balls. Work with the shaft.

Thank you. That's what. Play with the ball. Sylvester said. Play with them. Yeah. Have fun. Allegedly

Amuse yourself by playing with the balls Allegedly Sylvester Sylvallel. Are we going to get sued over that? Who knows? These days, he's one of Hollywood's ambassadors. So I saw that billboard And to me it was like he was singing

Like he was a great opera divo Singing Doctor's D'Ridge Well, I saw Freakier Friday Yes. Which I loved. I couldn't have loved it more. It was a

movies it was a oh i want to hear more okay it was a mixed uh age range of the audience like children oh sure so not everyone was born on the same day the same birthday but like full house of like but like full house was there yes it was like co yay was a 645 showing there were children there were grownups there were people alone there people with kids whatever it was a blast i want my friend we were giddy the whole time and i even cried at one point oh loved it wow that's great i'm glad to hear that that sounds like fun yeah i've seen a lot lot of movies recently, but you'll have to listen to my other show to hear about them. Thanks for the warning.

Sure. I saw two Equalizer movies in as many days. Wow. Did you watch one and a half on one day and half on another, or you just like, was it, they each got their own day? Was it literally 24 hours in between? Were you counting down the seconds of like, I can't watch the second equalizer until it's 24 hours?

I wasn't, but I bet that's what happened. Yeah, I bet. Now, can I ask a question about your TV habits? Yeah. So are you kind of replacing mindless? stuff with I'm going to watch a specific movie tonight and that's it and then I'm going to go to bed or are you kind of like

and I still watched a little bit of this dumb thing well Janie has been out of town so I've had the house to myself so I'm able to watch like I'm able to watch a bunch of movies if I feel like it yeah because she's not there to be like I don't feel like equalizing tonight speaking of Janie's got a gun

I saw this post and I'm noticing this trend on Facebook so there this post that was like a girl in the audience at a, uh, Stephen Tyler, what's the band? Why can't I think of a concert. And she's holding up a sign and said, Janie was my mom, or my mom is Janie. And then he brings her on stage and they hug and they have this whole thing. It's fully AI. And then the, it's none of it's real. None of it happened. Oh, no. I'm so glad I didn't click on it. None of it happened. I didn't even click. It was like all these photos. I didn't click. I didn't click. All these photos, though, of this girl. And then he brings

So I kind of thought it was real. I didn't want to think about it. This sounds dumb as hell. And then there was another one that was Eminem. And so it's like a trend with people posting these fake things. My mom was the real stand. That's maybe a title. It was something like you helped me.

You said we could wrap together. And then she gets up on stage and they rap or something. It's not a video. It's just pictures. And that one looked more fake. But it was like, what is this fucking trash that I now have to deal with

the rest of my days? It's such a drag. It's such a drag. It's so stupid. How do you get it out of your algorithm? Because you clicked on one of them or no? I mean, it's Facebook. It's on Facebook, which is like basically a wasteland for me.

Like I don't really have a good algorithm or anything. It's just doing whatever it's doing. Yeah. And it's trash. I just can't even. The AI shit is very, very depressing. It's so depressing.

And then I think there are people, I think we're having a lot of... Because it's so much better than what we do. Yeah, exactly. And so it's like, we're obsolete. Like, I had that idea to do the airspace. A lot of people, see, I'm hearing people with opinions that are making me upset was just kind of going like, well, that's what, that's what it's going to be now. I don't think that it is, though.

I don't think so either. By the way, it's topped out to its abilities. Like, it's not really getting any better. Yeah. I mean, it probably will find its real footing in terms of crime. Sure. Like, like, like. In terms of like scams and stuff.

yeah yeah yeah like if like if uh you know i'm stephen tyler and i'm like oh what your mom is the real jill i don't remember this oh okay yeah well let me ask her up on stage well there i am yeah yeah maybe i'll send her some money i guess um equalizer movies i enjoyed oh good i enjoyed it's it's it's interesting that this is denzel not uh queen latifah by the way you should save this for scott hasn't seen because it's been on the list i've never going to see the list to watch his own movies that he's interested in. Okay, and you want me, you want me to say this to him. He's allowed to watch his own movies that he's interested.

No, Paul wants to watch movies with me. He brought me a movie the other day that we're going to watch. Oh, it was it? Mostering Commando, colon, the far side of the world. I don't know what that is. That is a really good, know what that is, please. Teach me and then I can. It's, here's what I will describe it as this.

Teach you Omen to Fish. to watch Master and Commandante. It is an adventure movie. It takes place on the sea. Yeah. You went to Freakier Friday the other day. Yeah, it was wild.

I was at the mall. It takes place on old-timey boats where, guess what? Oceans are now battlefields. Yeah. And Russell Crowe is the captain of this ship. I don't want to know too much about it, by the way. I mean, you know, there's not much to it.

They get the bunch of battles. Yeah, they get and do a bunch of fights. It's fucking great. Yeah. And meanwhile, people are like, ooh, this water is wet. There's a couple trailers for things that looked really exciting last night. Like what? There's a new movie with Brendan Fraser where I think it's called rental family or something.

He's an act. He's like an out of work actor and he gets his agent calls and she's like, I got this job for you. It's in Tokyo. And you have to pretend to be like people hire you to be their relative, like to pretend to be their dad or their brother or their friend. And you just like act the part and hang out with them, which I guess is a real thing. Kula was developing a TV show about this for a while. and then it didn't sell in this movie. This is a real thing?

It's always so frustrating once something like that happened. Yeah. Yeah. But it looked so good and moving and emotional. I was like, I need to see that. Who's hard? Well, you know. Like hiring actors to act as parental figures, stuff like this.

For who? For a child. To, I don't know. Emotional connection. Yeah, basically help. That thing that's missing in your life other than you in this chair that you fell on? Well, hey, you'll have to see that. You'll have to see the movie to understand.

And then the other one I want to see. You've seen the whole movie to understand? You can't just watch this trailer she watched. Well, it looks good. The other movie I want to see is Margo Robbie and Colin Farrell. And they're, they kind of like go into another dimension where like. Another dimension. Another dimension.

And they can, they go to like, they walk through his different doors. And he's like, that's the door of my high school. And she's like, let's go. And he's like, I don't want to back to my high school. And they go back in and they look like themselves. But he's like, I'm 15. Oh, my God. I feel all the things I feel.

Oh, my God. It just seemed so like fun. Those were the two that got me excited. I can't remember the name of that. Okay. I saw, we saw the naked gun, which was so much fun. Did you laugh aloud? Yeah, absolutely.

Laughed all the way through it. Me too. I don't remember any of the trailers that we saw, though. None of them really struck me before that one either. This one had, I don't know, maybe Freakier Friday. Oh, we did see Freakier Friday. We did see that, we did see that trailer. And I did not not see that trailer.

It's great. It's great. I was like, I was like, we're back, baby. We're back. Movie theater's back. Laughing out loud is back. L-O-Ling. Yeah.

Yeah. Speaking of being back, we need to come back after this. You got it. Bye. Hey, Lauren, have you ever shopped online? Yes. Oh, cool. You seem...

Wait, ask me too. Hey, Paul, have you ever shopped online? No. Well, you should start. how well um what do i have to explain to get you into this shopping online thing the internet do i need to explain that or do you know what no i know what the internet is okay well you can shop on it you can buy stuff and then they sent it to your house or other places that's where my knowledge has a gap well you know the reason that most people abandon their carts when they're shopping online

it's not because they don't want the items anymore it's because they don't want to get up from their couches or wherever they happen to be sitting or lying down and go get their credit card. I would think the big appeal of abandoning your cart is that you get to yell, Abandon cart. I mean, that's a big part of the reason. But that's mainly why people do it. And some businesses are.

I don't know. Yes. Are you not interested in this anymore? Well, I just wanted to tell you something. What? Part of the reason why some businesses are so successful is because they allow people. customers just save their information, making checkouts fast and pain-free, okay? So you might have seen a purple button at checkout with the word shop, sticking out amongst

all the other payment options. That's Shopify's shop pay, and there's a reason so many businesses sell with it, homies. Yeah. Shopify doesn't just make the buying experience better for customers. They're also the experts in helping small businesses grow big and complete sales, which is why so many businesses rely on Shopify. Well, I'm going to trust the experts. Yeah.

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Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com slash freedom. Did you make that noise with your mouth? Go to Shopify.com slash freedom. Shopify.com slash freedom. Hey, Paul. Yeah. The fall's coming up. Oh, I know.

That rhymes with Paul. It does. Isn't that fun? It's just like summer rhymes with pummer. Yeah. Do you get busier in the fall because your name rhymes with it? Yeah. People look to me for a lot of fall things.

Yeah. And first... You're the fall guy. That movie was made about you. Yes, but they change a lot of the details so I wouldn't get sued. Other than you being a stuntman. Yeah, so I wouldn't sue them. Who breaks his back?

I am a stuntman and I do break my back. Yeah, fall, I got it. First I'm going to buy the Halloween candy. Yeah. Then I got to buy Thanksgiving candy. Oh, now this is candy that tastes like turkey or is in the shape of a turkey? Both and it's for turkey. Oh, okay. Wow. So 360. And I buy it from turkey.

Okay. From turkeys in Turkey? Turkey. Wow. If you're a turkey and turkey by the way. God bless you. I have a turkey and turkey on my TV. It's really. In any case, look, schedules get so much busy. year in the fall. So true. And so because I'm so busy, I usually rely on the same go-to meals.

You know, something quick, something healthy, usually, honestly, something pretty boring because by week two, I'm already burned out on all the salads I normally eat or the bland grain bowls. Yeah, exactly. You watch me eat all the time. So I end up sacrificing flavor for convenience. God, I don't want you to do that. Okay.

That's why I love Cook Unity. Oh. Their chefs make eating healthy so much easy. and so much more delicious. It's like having a rotating lineup of restaurant quality meals ready in your fridge, so you never fall in a flavor rut. Wow, this sounds amazing. I mean, I eat to live and I live to eat, so.

Like the Harley-Davidson guy. Yeah, exactly. So I might let Cook Unity fuel my day with fresh flavors crafted by renowned chefs. Their ever-expanding menu of over 300 small-batch meals are tailored to my lifestyle dietary needs and craving. I'm going to tell you a story, Scott. Okay. This is my personal life. That's a part of time.

Yeah, I'll start with that. Sure. Once a lot of time, I got a meal from Cook Unity that was so delicious. It was the peri, period, chicken thighs, fun to say, fun to eat, with rice and roasted broccoli from chef Dustin Taylor. The chicken, so well-spiced. The whole thing topped with this spicy cilantro sauce that was just to die for, although I yet lived. Yep. Truly so much better than anything I would make for myself.

and it all came together in just, how many minutes would you say? Uh, 180. Five. Five. Yeah. That's amazing. Well, fuel your day with the freshest, best-tasting meal delivery made by award-winning chefs. Go to cookunity.com slash freedom-free or enter code freedom-free before check out for free for free.

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I am. Are you a fan of those Yankees? You know, people have asked me that, and I've been like, what are you talking about? Why did you ask me that? I associate the hat with nothing. You're wearing the hat because of the same color as your shirt? Yeah, I'm wearing the hat because,

I wanted to wear a hat, and that's the one I grabbed. And the hat I bought because I wanted a cream-colored hat that wasn't plain. And here we are. Where did you buy this hat? Yeah, who are you, Matthew Bourne? I bought it at. Is that a Yankee-Sachy or something? When I had box seats for my favorite team.

For every game. Trader Joe's employee asked me if I'm a fan. And then he gave me a name of somebody. Like, that's what you say. Yeah, is that a current guy? I, but I was like, no. And you know, she was just pointing at your candy bar. And I don't care.

Yeah. So you don't, you, you're. Babe Ruth is the one name brand candy bar. They sell a trader joke. Yeah. They don't sell tinfoil, by the way. What's up with that? I know.

What's going on with this place? Why, why draw the line at paper towel paper? They're like, hey, look, we're going to be smaller than a regular market. We're not going to sell everything. But then they, like, tinfoil? Come on. I'm like, oh, I might need that to make my dinner. Yeah.

You have all the dinner things, but no tinfoil? Because you're making s'm smores for dinner, right? I put tinfoil on my baking sheet. Hmm. Yeah, of course. Of course you do. She's acting like that's crazy. No, no, I mean.

You think, let me get this straight. I've never heard of that. Okay, hold on a second. You're telling me you only think a tinfoil is for s'mores. I don't even know what I would do with smores. What are a privilege of life you live? Literally what? What am I thinking of where like you would.

Jeffie pop? No, like over a campfire. You would. You put your beans in there And then you hold it over Put your beans in there Put your beans in there And then you heat it up

Over the fire with your beans No there was like some sort of treat That I think when I was in camp They were like oh okay Does it involve a banana May as well Because somebody showed that to me And it didn't work

Really what was it It was kind of a drag You put a banana in tinfoil Maybe with some chocolate or something Yeah And you hold it over the fire Yeah And it's supposed to all

gelatinous goo You know what we did when I was It sounds fucking gross One of my apartments When you're camping You're desperate for good stuff though One of my apartments in Boy, that's true

In theater school The people I guess they didn't So why that kid In Into the Wilde Those poison berries Because he just wanted out He's like oh I wanted something sweet I guess the people

It wasn't the people who own the apartment building They must have been the supers Or whatever you call it Where they run the apartment building The Incredibles. The Incredibles. I'm sorry. Yeah.

So there's a landlord. Adi-Ster girl rather. In any case, they were this older couple who were very sweet and they would inject a watermelon with vodka. Sure.

Put a tampon up your ass. No. Soaked in nothing. We're going to put vodka in this watermelon. Put this in your ass. We'll have a party. This weekend.

But it was the first time I'd ever heard of it of like, okay, we're going to, we're going to put, inject this watermelon with vodka, then let it seep in overnight or whatever. What do you say inject? What are they using? A hypodermic needle. That's a good question because I- Can that penetrate a fucking watermelon?

No, I mean, I think you'd have to use. If a card can, hold by Ricky Jay, certainly a hypochial. Well, that's Ricky Jay! I think you can cut a hole in it and shove in like a turkey baster. I forget what. Then that's what I'll do. If I can do it, I, will do it. You can. Anything you can do. And you've done up to this point. And you can do it. And you can do it. In any case, they, and then they were like, oh, yeah, you let it soak for 24 hours. And then you eat the watermelon the next day. So these are like fun, incredibles that you had. Yeah. And it is, uh, and then you get kind of drunk while you eat watermelon. And it was like, oh, that sounds great. Or what if I just fucking took a shot?

It doesn't, I don't think it works. There's something about that that sounds very squalid to me. It feels like, just eating. Watermelon getting drunk off the watermel? Because we did it. We were like, oh, this is a good idea. And we did it. And it just tastes like watermelon and then no one got drunk. Slightly blander. Wow. I don't even like watermel. I'm not a watermelon guy. I don't think that jello shots even work. Have you ever felt like a jello shot works? I've never had a jello shot in my life. I never felt like anything was happening from that specifically. It was all the other alcohol I put in at the same time. What if we call the superintendent, the incredible? Super Nintendo way. The incredible. The incredible.

Super Nintendo says what? What? What? I got you. What if we called the superintendent, the Incredible? Yes. Like, oh, the heater's out. I got to call the Incredible.

What if we called Superman? Incredible Man. It would work. It would be great. It would actually make more sense. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It's a better name.

What he does, frankly, is Incredible. Yeah. I think it's super. I haven't seen the movie, but I'm curious to see it. I've seen The Incredibles 50. You've never seen The Incredibles? Motherfucker, do you think when we start talking about Superman and there's a Superman movie in theaters and I say,

I never heard anyone say the word Superman? You think I'm talking about the Incredibles. Well, then you weren't listening. But you should see the Incredibles. It's really. I see The Incredibles. How dare you? Was there an Incredibles too?

Yes. I did this show called Crowd Control, which is on Dropout. It's coming out very soon. That's right. Jack Heist, Neil, hosts it. He does a great job. I love juckies. And the concept is that all the people in the audience,

you're only doing crowd work with the audience, but the audience is full of people who have some weird aspect about them, some strange story to tell, whatever. So you're trying to get to that or they're bringing it up? They have T-shirts that have words on them. Oh, okay. They didn't have to what asked me about.

That was a given. Yeah, yes. But there's some, like, clue as to what their story is, and so you talk to them. Do they have to go out and find these t-shirts in the wild that apply to their situation? This show has been in development for 70 years. Just because first they found the T-shirts and then they had to go find the people that matched up with the T-Sers. Is this you? They just kept holding up T-shirts to people.

Oh, so the people have to really have that affliction. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Wow. I think they should have found interesting people first and then made the T-shirts? No. I don't know. But it's not my place.

No, wait. The people aren't being characters. It's people's in. No, no. This is real stuff. Oh, okay. This is real stuff. And so, this is real.

It's wild, wild stuff. And so one person in the audience was the voice of the baby Jack Jack in The Incredibles. I was about to bring up the baby because the baby is the star. The star of number two. Everybody. Yes. Like, it was me, Jamie Loftus, and John Marco Serisi. And as soon as she said this, we got so excited.

Yeah. But you've never seen it. How would you know I'm going to have to ask you to go fuck yourself As long as you ask nicely Could you go in the corner and go fuck yourself? Thank you But it was very exciting

And she gets residuals to this day I was a woman I hope so The baby was a woman The baby was woman Amazing That's good that actors get residuals on animated Because writers don't

I haven't seen a dime from Shark Tale I mean have you seen the movie That's tough to be fair they paid more than how they're so paid more than the actor got probably no they well they paid more than like a different writing gig under the like you know uh under the agreement of like oh but you're not going to get residuals right you know the little boy from lion king said how about you just give me points on this instead of paying give me 30% of the back end someone someone obviously advised him yeah and he instead of making like 200

thousand dollars he ended up making millions that's the i mean i've talked about this on my other show but the vincent price thriller story oh yes where he where he he's in he does the monologue uh at the end of thriller when night comes to those who wonder grisly goos from every tomb and he was offered the choice of twenty thousand dollars or points on the album and without even thinking he was like 20,000. He took the 20,000. And then it became one of the biggest selling album of all time. And he was constantly trying to call Michael Jackson going and like calling the house going like.

Let's do the other deal. I want to renegotiate. And Michael Jackson wouldn't reply. But I feel like if you, if you're doing something on a song with the most popular pop star. No, he's not the most popular pop star at the time. That's the thing because thriller was a thriller made him. people didn't expect that to be a huge album. That was one of the first ones?

No, no, no, no. He was a known quantity. And, of course, he'd had hits and everything. He'd had hits and stuff. But he, but off the wall was the previous record. And it was fine. It did good, but it was not. Like, he was successful, but nobody could have,

nobody was anticipating that this album was going to be the gigantic hit that it was. So anyway, he. Especially not Vincent Prime. That's why you got to write a Halloween song. I mean, off the wall was fine. 20K sounds good. When news came out of When news came out of Michael Jackson

settling all of the lawsuits against him His famous line is Michael Jackson fucked me and I didn't get paid for it He said that It's absolutely insane If I prevent some price And I'm doing the famous rap from thriller And it's so creepy and scary

The Funk of 40,000 years I would say you pay me in cash and you put it in a briefcase shape like a little coffin. Yeah? Oh, that would be so awesome. Oh, my God. There used to be a candy that came in like a little coffee. It was a little bones.

Yes, I remember this. Absolutely. That's so awesome. We had fun back then. We had fun back then. Yeah. And now? Kids could embrace death.

Yeah. Now everybody's got to be so scared about it. Baby Gates. We had to sort of explain death to Emmy the other day. Or it just kind of came up because she was looking at old pictures. and pictures of my dad came up and she was like, where is he? Where's he been?

Where's this? Why has he come around lately? Yeah. And it was like, oh, well, he's not with us anymore. And she was like, why? Where is he? And it was like, uh, we were not prepared. Actually, yeah, I guess Holly was around that age when we had that first conversation with her.

And it was like, then she just kept asking questions about that person. And I was like, this is really sad when a little baby's asking. Your dad got to meet Emmy, though, right? Yeah, he was around for a year. Okay, that's good. And, uh, uh, shout, I, you know, I don't know. Shout out to your dad? Shout out to my dad, first of all, up there and, or wherever he is, who knows?

Do you think my dad and your dad are meeting in heaven? Do they're hosting a podcast? They're doing their own freedom. Are you, that would be wild. That would be awesome. With one of your, my grandpa. One of your fucking dead relative. My grandpa.

Sure. Yeah, he'd love to talk about whatever they're into. What was your grandpa like? It was great. He was a detective. Really? Like private or public? He worked for the police department.

Police department. Wow. He was a, he flew planes in the war. Which one? Deerose. Which plane? And he enjoyed flying a small plane in after that. for many years.

Sure. And he would make model planes. This guy loved planesies. Yes. And he was great. You know? Did you know him? How old were you when he died?

I was almost 30. Oh, okay. So you got to spend some time with him. Yeah. But my grandma passed when, like just a few years ago. And no, I must have been like 25, 26 when my grandma died. Story changes. Well, I'm trying to think about.

Very dodgy. about the mass on this No, no, he was at my... I don't think she had it. No, I was past 30 because... Now you're even older? Well, he was at my first wedding, yeah.

Wow. Okay. You almost got married to him accidentally. I know, I was confused. Whoever was in a tux, I thought, let's just go ahead and see what happened. I thought this is what we're all supposed to wear. Yeah.

But yeah, both my grandparents, I mean, all my grandparents love to be pretty old. That's great. That means you're going to live to be very old. Mine did not. My grandmothers lived to be old, but my grandfathers did not. And I did not meet them. You didn't, oh, like, they were that young.

Yeah. Wow. They were, I mean, when I see pictures of them, it's like, these are not young men. But, like, the style is so, so different. Like, I think, like, it's so interesting. And everyone smoking was, like, everyone smoked. Everyone, drinking, yes. All the older people smoked in my family.

And then, like, they all quit at a certain point. and my grandpa quit smoking, which is actually, it's very impressive to be like pretty old and being like, you know what, I'm not going to do this thing that's like pleasurable. I mean, if you make it that long, it's sort of like, I guess I'll ride it out. My stop now.

Yeah, but no, it's good. Like Michael Douglas with a sex addiction. Well, he got cancer from it. He did get cancer from it from licking bee. Why? Allegedly. I don't think that's even Allegedly that's just not true.

No, no, he said it. He says. No, I think it's true. It's straight from the horse's mouth, if you know what I mean. I think at that point you're happy to say that that's what happened. Yeah. Married to a beautiful woman. When you're in love with a beautiful woman.

You're going to get throat cancer. He attributed his cancer to human. Papilloma. Papilloma. Papilloma. Pappaloma. This HPV, a sexually transmitted infection. Um, he attributed it to it.

It got attribution. He could have just said nothing. He said, I have cancer. There was a little number one next to it. And then at the bottom of his conversation, it said HPV. But you're also, you're throwing your wife under the bus. Yes. You know what I mean?

Yes, exactly. No, by the way, no. Mortisha herself. No one's asking you how you got cancer. But so many people have HPV. And it's normalizes it. It can have no symptoms. It actually did a great service to the world.

So he's a hero. What service did it do? It led people to use dental dams. Yep. Everyone uses them now. Pental dams. And it revitalized the dental dam industry. Dental damn.

What song is that? Delta dam. Delta dam. It feels like they could go like one step further with figuring out a solution for that. If you really want to use something. Is it just like a piece of plastic? For Kulingus? Tinfoil, but Trader Joe's won't sell it.

I'm sorry, we can't do it tonight. I was at Trader Joe's. And guess what they don't have? They don't have dental dams. So I guess we're going to have to just lie here and jerk off next to each other. Paul. You happy? Yes, I'm very bad.

You're sick, man. Is this what you wanted? You're sick, Paul. What you wanted from me? Paul, you're sick as a dick. You're sick as a dick. Thick as a brick and sick as a dick. I saw personalized license plate the other day.

That was just J. Toll. Jethro Toll? He fucking laugh out. Band of the band or the Dickens? Isn't it Dickens? I don't think so. What? Jethro Toll?

It is like some old folk thing or something. I don't think it's Dickens. Uriah Heep is Dickens. Oh, you're right. You're right. Jethro Toll is a classic rock. I'm sorry, is an actual man. Yeah.

He's an agriculturist. No, Jethro Toll is not a. classic rock person? It is, but they... That's where they got the band. Oh, I thought that was a guy. They named after a guy? Wait, Alabama? Isn't that a band? That's a band, not a state? They named their band after one agriculturalist?

Yes. Isn't that weird? Look, people are weird. Look, Leonard Skinnerd? What's that named after? Named after a gym teacher. True. What? It's true. Not a gymnasium teacher, a teacher named Jim. All right. His name was Jim, but his name was Leonard Skinner. His name was Jim Leonard Skinner.

But so it was a gym teacher's name was Leonard. Okay. Yeah, they changed the film. They changed it for fun. Yeah, for a lot of fun. Every time they would say it, they would go. Hey, it's like we're saying it weird.

Molly Hatchet. Yeah. Franz Ferdinand. I guess it will, yeah, sure. It must have been exciting for Jethro Tull. I wish he had lived to see. What year was he around? He died in 1741.

Running down my nose. If only he'd seen that. He died hundreds of years before. But the idea that. Call it whatever you want. This is Jethro Tull riding around his car. It's very funny, too. I'd like to think that hundreds of years after we die,

someone will name a band after all of us or one of us. They go, we're Scott Ackerman. Yep. I hate the idea that my name will be spelled wrong, which will absolutely happen. Yeah, that's tough. Thomkins. Yeah.

Thal F. Thongkins. Thal F. Thal F. F. Let me get a look at your whale tail, by the way. Thong, thong, thong. You've seen it.

I don't do this on demand. It's bedazzled. It's bedazzled. Paul, how's your, how are your cameos going? Wait, what even happened with this? Did you ever launch it? No. What the fuck is going on?

What are you doing? We have a plan and everyone's down to pay. I know. I even got a message from cameo saying, Hey, a lot of people, you're going on a request. Fix your goddamn eyes. What are you doing? Why are you not doing it?

Just do five. You've been busy. Just do five a day. I have been busy. Five a day. Watching these fucking movies. Yeah, it sounds like you have at least two hours to spare I've been busy trying to eke out some joy in my life

No You should be working at all times You can see the equalizer better Your eyes would be equalized What if you got this surgery And then they wheel a TV It's the equalizer and you're like Whoa

When they put glasses on babies His first time seeing the equalizer Without glasses You need to get that going Because the deadline is your birthday which is now like a couple weeks away yeah did we say that yeah something like that shit yeah get it going all right all right all right all right maybe it's maybe it's available right i do i do have some time coming up yeah okay yes all right we're going to come right back with a very

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And I was, I mean, I was kind of lying. But then Lauren set everything up and I was like, I was lying, but I accidentally told the truth. It kind of is exciting, isn't it? Yeah. So we're going to do a cola taste test. This is a vintage cola selection. Now, if you'll recall, in one of our previous episodes, we did the Pepsi Challenge. I'm talking freedom.

If you'll recall. Now, we did the Pepsi Challenge because Lauren was sure she could tell. Lauren, it was not the spirit of the Pepsi Challenge. Yeah, I got it confused, I think. We were supposed to say which one we liked best. And Lauren just said, this one is Coke. I still think I'm right. But I also...

No, you were right. That's not a dispute. You knew which one was Coke, but I still think I handled it right. The idea, the idea of the Pepi Challenge was, I'm a lifelong Coke drinker. You're never going to get me off drinking Coke. Right. And then they put the coales down and they say, which one do you like better? And you're like, well, this one obviously is my friend Coke.

I love it. And they go, that's Pepsi. And then you're like, I have to go kill myself. Yeah, because I can't believe I didn't know that. I brought shame on my family. And this is my podcast live. I want to say, this is my favorite and it's Coke. Yes.

No, you said that in the thing is you said, you said this one, I know this one is Coke. And then we said, yeah, but which one do you like better? And you were like, this one, because it's Coke. All right. So what happened was I went to Galcos, which I mentioned on a previous episode. What is Galcos? It is a soda pop shop in Highland Park, Los Angeles. You're my soda pop.

Yes. You're my soda pop. Yum my soda pop from. K-pop Demon Hunters, come on. By the way, we... I haven't seen it yet. It's actually very fun. I've heard.

We were in the library. It's on my list. We were in the library the other day, and Emmy just got a character from K-pop demon hunters on her t-shirt. And I guess she bought the t-shirt that already had it on. Well, she bought it, or did you do it? She went out shopping? And a little girl in the library, who, by the way, turned out to be the daughter of someone that we know was like, pointed at it and

said, oh my gosh. And Emmy said, it's K-pop Demon Hunters. And the little girl said, I have that on my TV too. Aww. That's really cute. It was very cute.

Well, so Galcos is a soda pop shop. And it's really fun to go. I've been in there years ago. I think it was during the pandemic. I went in there. And it was, so I haven't been there since then. I kind of forgot what the vibe is. It's like a little small grocery store.

It feels like you're walking back in time, especially because when I walked in... You walked through one of those Colin Farrell doors, right? Yes. And you were 15 again? I was 15 and I felt everything I felt. There was nobody visibly there, like, working. People did start to emerge from other rooms.

Can the ghouls touch you or they're not allowed to? No, because you could punch them. You know, that happens. I think they get three punches in the face before they get to go home or something like that. At, like, a haunted house. Queen Mary, there's something like that where, like, if the person gets hit by a passenger, like, multiple times, they get to go home.

They get to go home. Wow. If people are so surprised, they punch you in the face. Not when I was working at Knott's Berry Farm Halloween Haunt. You get punched all night. I was security. But my friend was a monster. I liked that it's phrase, like, you want to get punched three times in the face.

Yeah. So close. So. I only got punched twice in the face. You walk in and they're playing 50s music, which I love. 1950s? Yeah. Pretty little angel.

You're doing it to barb to baibba baby a bag by d'i bambi bambi b bambi bha. You're doing all the same. Baw with the bar to bachda bag to bha. Bar-baba-bba-bba-ba-bba-bba-baw. And they sell all types of vintage and rare sodas, and they also sell vintage candies. My question for vintage candies is, who's making them or are these old? Well, that was my question about They did sodas as well.

No, but these are all, they're definitely producing, these are companies that are producing them. So I guess producing them new. Yeah. Yes. This is a good question. I wonder. I wonder.

Yeah. And maybe next time I'll ask. I wonder. What am I at, Calcos? Why? Okay, so I picked out four colas for us to test and just see if we like them and see which one's our favorite. And they're all things I've never had before and never heard of.

In the previous cola test that we did, my favorite was boilins. I have it written right here because I asked you about it on a previous episode and I meant to get some. You've kept it on there for that long? I don't know where to get it. I also have destination divorce written down here. You probably could get that at Galcos, but I don't know for sure. Okay. You can get Boylan's at Gelson's.

Oh, really? Just at Gelson's, wow. They do not sell it in bulk like with the rest of the sodas. It is in the fridge. You got to buy one sip at a time. It's in the fridge. One sip at a time. So let's.

Yeah, I bought a soda bulk. There's a whole bottle. I think we should take out of this. Whole bottle. Take your number one on the left and let's take a sip. Severance. Crazy. Got to say I like the smell of it before I like the smell too.

It's a lovely nose. Okay. Pretty good. It's good. That is going to make this. That is good and it's familiar to me. But I mean it's cola. Do you like Coke better than this?

I don't know, actually. You don't know. Okay. We'll figure this out. Um, that was good. That was pretty good. Do you know what reminds me of? Should I say or no?

Sure. Yeah. Because we don't know what any of these are. So it's not like, Lauren knows. Unless you say what it is. It reminds me of R.C. Oh, my God. R.C. really takes me back to be my grandma's house.

I love an R.C. every once in a while. I would always be really upset when we would get R.C. Because I thought it was a sign that we were poor. And we were. But you know what I mean? Like, I was like, come on. Can't we just get Coke? Like that's the.

Yeah. At least get President Select in the red can. No. President Select is worse. than R.C. I know, but you could fool people. Okay. Number two. All right. Mmm.

I don't like that. It's, you know what? It's great coming in, but not as good going down, I think. You already pissed it out. Yeah, it's kind of funky. I pissed my pants. Lauren, you're texting us. Just sent you something for later. This one doesn't taste that much different.

How did you text it? I didn't even. I didn't even. I didn't even. Than the other one. It tastes... That one, I don't... I would say no. Number one is my favorite so far.

Okay. Okay. Number three. You can take a little sip of something else if you need some water. Hmm. Interesting, but doesn't taste like cola. No, I don't think this is good. It tastes like licorice.

Hmm. Ugh. Ugh. I can't wait to... Now, of course, you're going to drink the rest of that. No. No? You're never going to drink it down.

Okay, let's do number four. Ooh, I don't like that. It's like medicine. That tastes like fucking shit. Maybe we shouldn't say what that one is. They're really rare, as far as I can tell. Whoever invented this is long dead. Number one is the winner.

100%. I think number one's the winner. I didn't mind number two, though. Let me tell you what these brands are. Number one is Dublin vintage cola. Dublin vintage? Yeah. Up the raw.

That was good. the number two which we did not enjoy we thought it tasted what do we think it tasted better no number two is not bad and we like number two that's called spiffy it's a swell a swell cola drink fun name since 1934 number three we did not particularly enjoy that one's in quotes mister and not quotes cola and in quotes aristocrat of cola since 1940s i love shit like that yeah and number four is very looks very German or something. It's nickel cola. N-I-C-H-O-L-K-O-L-A. It looks like Swedish. G-T-F-O-N-O-C-O-C-O-C-L-A.

Yeah, we didn't like that one. We didn't like that one. But America's taste sensation, that one says. Oh, no. Bottled under the authority of something from 1936. I didn't like that one. So Dublin is the winner. Dublin vintage. Can we see the labels?

Yeah, I'll have a little sip. Yeah, I'll go out of that label. Here. Lauren's walking out of the room somehow. Lauren's called a big fat joint out of her purse. Oh, what a cute label. Spiffy's cute too. Oh, look at a little spiffy.

He's adorable. But I will say really fun activity, you know, if you have a place like that in your town to go get a little random selection. And if you don't move to a town that does have a place like that. Nichols-Cola looks very brutalist. I know, yeah. kind of doesn't make me Can I see the aristocrat of colas? This on our Instagram.

Mr. Cola has that kind of like What do you call that that type of typeface? Very gothic. Where it's, uh, I don't know, I don't want to say. Almost white sperm system.

Yeah. Dublin's by far the best. Always made with pure cane sugar. Maybe that's the secret. Always. Oh, pure cane sugar. From Hawaii. Bacon in the sun

It says Welcome to Dublin, Texas Now that surprised me I thought we might be getting a foreign beverage Yeah, I thought this might have been in Dublin, Bowman works since 1891 In Dublin, Texas Hey, good on you Dublin, Texas

Good job It's the oldest cola we have here That's the oldest one, wow They know what to do with it Yeah, it's fun It's really fun I wish that we had some boilins So I could really

I wish we had some boilings Now, what do you think about compared to Coke? I wish I was big. This actually tastes a lot like Coke to me. But I also don't drink Coke ever. So you never drink Coke anymore? You had such an opinion on it. Well, because I know all that.

I used to drink a lot of pop in my day. It's like, what, are you going to watch the equalizer every day for the rest of your life? Yeah. No. You're going to try other equalizers. But I liked this. How often do you have a Coke now? I was really wanting one the other day because I was so tired.

And it was the middle of the afternoon. I usually tried not to drink any caffeine after. or noon or whatever because I won't be able to get to sleep. But I was just like, I'm going to fall asleep. And we usually have some and I looked around the house and there was nothing and I was dying and I was like, I don't want to have hot coffee.

So you know what I did? I just sat there in my own filth and I just didn't deserve. You just took a shit. I drink, I still drink soda, but I drink like diet soda. It's too much. I just like it though. But you don't like sparkling water? No, I don't.

Yeah. I don't. It's too salty. Hmm. I never feel satiated. Never feel satiated. I've Googled multiple times. Is it as good as water? I know.

And they say it is. And I don't believe that. I don't feel like it is. I don't believe that. I think if I ran a race and I drink a sparkling water, I'm not going to feel as good as if I just drink a rink. Is it as good for thirst quenching or is it as good for hydrating? Because hydrating, I could see it's fine for hydrating.

But maybe the love. But thirst quenching, like that feeling of I'm not thirsty no more. If you're running a race, maybe the bubbles would make you fart and you'd go faster? So I should drink it during the race? Yeah. All right. I'll pop a LaCroix during my next race and see if I fart faster and run faster. You don't need to fart fast.

Fart harder. Fart harder, not smarter. I mean, what about the shitting yourself? That doesn't give you any speed? I think it does. I mean, it might drag you down. It's like animals when they're running from a predator. Yeah.

Right. Do animals shit while they're running? Some do it, yeah. Definitely. Yeah, yeah. Definitely. Is that where scared shit list comes from? Yeah.

Wow. Because the fear makes you shit. Consider the cheetah. Consider the cheetah. Consider the cheetah. At home. And the jungle. Well, that was fantastic.

Wasn't that really fun? From what I understand, you have more. I do have another round for next time. For next episode. For next time. A different type of drink. Whoa. Hold up.

wait the next episode right mm-hmm smoke weed every day smoke weed every day and they would do it on the radio

that goes smoke every day they would not say we which is worse I think yeah yeah smoke cigarettes that's fine to say yeah

and I always kind of thought they were saying smoke DVD Smoke Speaking of Jim Jarmuzza, I just got smoke on DVD. Spoke. DVD. Guys, that's going to do it for this episode.

I'm glad. But the next episode is going to have this different drink. And I don't even know. It's going to blow minds how different it is. It's going to change hearts. Wow. We both knew that it would. Is there anything that we need to be talking about in terms of plugging things?

You know what? No. I'm just doing my thing. Paul, do you have a Varietopia coming up? Bear in mind this comes out on August 28. Yes, September 20th, is it the 20th, the 21st?

Now I'm fucking out of my mind. You are out of your mind. You're wearing a straight jacket. It's the 21st. September 21st, Sunday, September 21st, Sunday, September 21st, 7 p.m. Pacific Loddrum in Highland Park or live streaming to the world, varietopia.com.

That's fantastic. I have nothing. to promote. I'm sorry. Nothing's going on with me. I'm going to start working soon and I'm so excited to have a job. That's fun. I'm doing an acting job right now, which I imagine will be my final acting job.

And I'm going through forced retirement. Are you like an in-sell for jobs? I just want an in-sale for a new job. self for job. You're an NRI. We close it out, as we always do, with Jess McKenna singing the C&H. Oh, my God, I love this when she does this. Did we do this last time?

Hi, Paul Lauren and Scott. Hi, freedom listeners. Here's C&H. C&H, C&H, my mom uses it to make her cakes. It makes the greatest cookies, snacks and candy. They're Dan, Dan, Dandy. Island kids all love the cane It grows so clean and sweet

They eat it when it's freshly cut And then that's quite a treat Neat touch by sun Kiss by rain CNH comes from the sugar cane It makes the greatest cookies, snacks and candy In the bright pink package Thank you so much

Thanks Jess Bye everybody Bye