Threedom - T-1000 Run So Fast

Episode Date: July 3, 2025

Lauren, Scott, and Paul discuss being a regular, anesthesia, and walking run-ins before playing Hitting the Post. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Otta show feed on Apple podcasts and hit subscribe. Make life suck less with fewer ads with Lemon Otta premium. Are you looking at the lyrics? Yeah. That's what it said. I'm Paul. I'm Scott. Oh no. I'm so sorry. We said it at the same time.

I'm Scott. I'm Lauren. I'm having an issue with a delivery that was supposed to be made to somebody and I'm annoyed about it. Oh no, your dildo delivery. I know, my friend was supposed to get my dildo that I was sending in the mail. And I was talking to the, I was talking to a chat bot. Right.

And then they passed me over to a person, which might still be a chat bot. I know. I had the same thing when I was trying to get some Ryson delivered to Gavin Newsom. And it was in that envelope, I remember. Yeah. And it was like, label created, not yet in system. And I was like,

come on guys. I know I put it in the mailbox. I'm not made of rice. And label created, not yet in system is one of the most frustrating experiences that a person can have. In today's capitalist society. You know what I heard about Amazon delivery people? You know how- Who did? You can now, if something is being delivered to you-

What? The bottle piss, that old story. Oh, yeah, the bottle piss. Oh, it's so, okay, I have had votes on it. I think it's a piss bottle, but- Lauren was talking to me in a tone below Scott, so it just looked like- I honked at you outside and you didn't hear it.

Maybe something's going on there. Shit, it is true. I was, I turned the corner to, I was going to back up and turn around. And then when I started to back up. I was there going, I can't believe he's, I was right up on him and I'm going, he's just backing. He's just, I was honking.

Oh, so you were honking to be like, Hey, you're going to hit me. Cause we were both going to back up. Not a friendly hello honk. So I thought he was going to go forward and I would go back and then we would do a beautiful synchronized move down. And he didn't do it.

And I was scared. And I said, I hunked in. Your music was up, but. I was listening to a podcast. Okay. I heard sounds. I was listening to the Duff Boys. What's that? I'm sure you told me.

It's the two guys, it's Weiger and Mitchell and they review chain restaurants. The Duff Boys. I'm sorry. OK. How is it pronounced? I usually say Dog Boys. Yeah. Dow. The Dow. I don't age boys like Jesus. It's crazy.

I thought for sure it was going to be like some other podcast that the Duff Boys were that they analyze moments in history or something. And I'm just. The Duff Boys. I don't know. Oh, in any case, so I, you know how on Amazon now, like if something is being delivered to you that day, you can kind of, it says like track where they're at. And you can see like, and it's like,

oh, they're eight houses away. That's something like that. Wait, you've talked about this. Did you go down to the truck? No, no, I haven't. Oh, okay. I never went down to go down to the truck? No, no, I never went down to the truck. Oh, someone I know down to the truck. I never went down to the truck. Just, the truck came to me.

Someone I know went down to the truck. I don't go to trucks, honey. You know what it's on nobody's listening, right? Andy went down to the truck. Elizabeth Lame's husband, Andy, Oh, oh, oh. He saw where it was and he walked over. You know, someone went down and said,

Hey, can I get my thing? Yeah. Because what I heard is because this has happened to me, on the rare occasion that it's something I need that night or whatever, you're sitting there going like, okay, eight houses away, six houses away, five houses away. We have talked about this because I was talking

about your butt plug that you needed. Yeah, that's right. And the one you sent me. Yeah, because I was gonna make the same joke, so I knew it happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then they the same joke. So I knew it happened. Yeah, yeah. And then they just take off and they go,

oh, it's unavailable, it'll get to you another day, right? Like three houses, supposedly. That's never happened to me. It has happened to me a couple of times, and what I heard is that they can see it, you checking it. No. And they intentionally do it.

Damn. To fuck with you. Yeah. To fuck with you. Yeah, to fuck with you. They go, oh, someone needs their little thing. Bye bye. I actually can understand and respect that a little bit. I mean, I can't, I mean, if it's you, yes. Because there's so much-

But they've never done it to me. I need it now kind of thing with Amazon when you really don't need the thing at any point probably. Yes, most of this stuff you don't ever need. You don't get a package like what the fuck does it do? I use that a lot for like prop and costume stuff. Yeah, most of this stuff you don't ever need. You don't want to get a package like what the fuck? I use that a lot for like prop and costume stuff. Yeah, and there is a timeline. A lot where it's like I need this tomorrow.

But we live so close to Hollywood. You don't want to go to the Halloween store. Why do you never want to go back into that store? There's a very big costume store on Hollywood. First of all, it's a little too far away now because I've moved further east. I love this whole apartment was steps away from it. Steps. Yes. Get anything you want at any time. If you want wigs and capes,

yeah, wigs, capes, you can get weird makeup. You can get all kinds of stuff. And I back in the old days, I used to, when I lived in Hollywood, I used to go there every month for my show, for my variety show. They never once, never once indicated that they had ever seen me before. Well, it's on Hollywood Boulevard. They get a lot of foot traffic. How many repeat customers do you think they get?

Yeah, and you're like, it's me again. Can you use my membership card to order my products? I would have loved a membership card. Well, this is a good question for a business. I got a- But I'm thinking of one guy in particular who was like the manager or something. And I was like,

you're not gonna give me a glimmer of recognition? Yeah. So this is a question- Recognize me! Regarding businesses. Do you want to be recognized at a business and have them engage in small or large talk with you? Or would you rather them sort of silently acknowledge

your back and maybe one sentence, or do you want them to never acknowledge? I like when people are friendly and they acknowledge you, but there is an element to it sometimes where like, if there was a dry cleaner on our street or in our neighborhood that I would go to a lot to get like pants hemmed or whatever. And then I, then they're like, oh, you have so many clothes. And then I feel ashamed. Yes. I don't like that.

I'm like, please don't notice things like that. Yeah. Don't notice things. Cause I also not really, it's neither here nor there. It's not a compliment. It's not an insult, but it does feel like a judgment of when you receive it. Yeah. Even though you're smiling when you say it. Yeah, yeah. You're happy for the business. Why do you have so much clothing? Wow! Even to say that you're like the amount of anything is off of the norm. You know what I mean? Right. You want them to go in and go like, oh, you have a normal amount of clothing that you bring. What it is is you have a normal amount of clothing, but you tailor more things than the average Joe. So they're not seeing every pair of pants that I have

because I don't do that even though I should. Well, I feel like there's a restaurant that I've been going to regularly for years. In fact, Cool Up and I had our first date there. Congrats. I'm realizing they've changed the name of the business. It used to be Sushi and Tap. It was Cheesecake Factory,

and now it's California Pizza Kitchen. But I've noticed them being very nosy about what I'm doing there or why I'm in the area late here. I'm here to eat food. And it's like, oh, you always get the same thing, huh? Do you ever get anything different? You know, little questions like that that I'm annoyed by.

I go to a place to eat breakfast sometimes, and the one girl commented that I always get the same thing, even though I will look at the menu. I sometimes think about getting something else. But how often are we going into the, like I go once a week, if that, maybe once every three weeks. It's like, let me order the thing I want.

Yeah, yeah, right. So I don't eat this every fucking day. I eat it when I come here. And you don't see me every day. But I also get my nails done at the same place that I go to all the time. And that girl who I love, I love her, but she always comments because I always get

like light pink or some version of it. And if I get anything else, she's like, Whoa. That's fun. I like that. Yeah. There was a place. Do you remember when when the Whole Foods came to Silver Lake? I do. Remember when the Whole Food and started out as a 365. Oh yeah. Which was like a slightly cheaper version. It was like the Aldi of whole food.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then they're like, nah, we're not going to do that. Why did they do that? I sort of liked that it was 365. I did too. Weren't there neighborhoods that were upset that whole foods was moving into it? I remember like, it's a real,

I guess it's a real gentrification signifier. Yeah. But so. Well, Silverlake's crossed that threshold. For sure. But they had a, like a window where you could go order sandwiches and stuff. You could get things made.

And I would get this burrito. It would be the same thing every time. And this is, I may have spoken about it on the show before. I don't, this burrito does not sound familiar to me. Me neither. Just wait. Okay. Maybe this, ooh fish.

What's inside? Okay. Nothing but chicken and rice. That's how I want it. That's it. I, chicken and rice is one of my favorite combos. Wait, same, and I never eat it. That sounds so good.

It is good, I get it at Chipotle sometimes. I love that. Just chicken and rice. Just chicken and rice. I basically never had Chipotle because I think I've maybe eaten something from there one time, not really even just like some chips and guac. I've never had Chipotle because I go like,

well, I don't really want all the stuff, but I guess the make it yourself thing is that I could just do that. But I feel bad going into a place and only ordering, say they have 10 things and you go, I only want the two. It feels like a waste of money. Well, like, you're paying for the 10. At the place that I get my breakfast,

they have like, part of my breakfast that I order is sourdough toast with butter and jam. And I always, well, for a while I was saying, I don't want the jam, because I don't want it. And it feels wasteful because I'm not gonna eat it. And then they never, ever listened to me. They always put it on there. And then I just go, I just don't say it anymore. But I'm just like.

It's like ordering a black coffee somewhere where they're like, just room for milk? No, just black. And they still bring you creamers and shit like that. Happens a lot. So this guy. Because you might change your mind. You're excited.

Mid. Well, you may want to. It's like how doctors won't perform abortions. What? They go like, whoa, heavy turn. Like if a young woman goes to get her tubes tied It's like how doctors won't perform abortions. Let's go ahead. I'm like, whoa, heavy turn. Like if a young woman goes to get her tubes tied and they're like, are you sure you want to do this? Because it might change your mind.

Normalize vasectomies and male birth control. Yes. Yeah, man. Would you find it weird if like- They never took a guy out of a vasectomy because it can be reversed. But so can- Yeah. And also male birth control, which I has they've done very

little research on. But then like the reason they stopped doing it was because it caused like acne and mood swings, which is what happens to women. Exactly. We find it very quickly. I do want to say sidebar. For the sidebar.

We've already had so many sidebars. I just need to say this guy remembered my order at the 365 and I enjoyed that he remembered it. Thank you. He was nice about it. I just need to say this guy remembered my order at the 365 and I enjoyed that he remembered it. He was nice about it. He was like, the usual? And I was like, yeah, the usual. There is something cool about the usual.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please continue with the sign. Would you find it weird when you were like 19 years old, if like a fellow 19 year old that you were dating guy was like, oh, by the way, I've had a vasectomy. So don't worry about. 19. Yeah, like that early. I would find it weird, but I'd find it good.

Because it's reversible, you go like, I'm gonna wait until I'm ready to have kids. A mandatory vasectomy, reverse it when you want kids. Love it. I feel like women would find it weird. Well, I think- My first thought would be, how much does a vasectomy cost?

You're 19 years old. And then I think, and how are you so sure? But I guess you can reverse it, but it still feels like you're making some sort of choice. But there are so many- Or like you love fucking so much. Like there's something about it. I feel like there would be judgment on it in that way.

You'd still wanna wear a condom because it's still safe. So you're going like, well. It would signal, I think I don't wear rubbers. I don't know that I would believe it if I'm being completely. Yeah. Yeah. So that's the thing. But I feel like we should normalize it for kids because there's way too there's way too many, you know, unwanted pregnancies. We should normalize. We should normalize genital surgeries for children. Yes.

Yes. That's what you said right? I wanna look up how much it costs. Do I take guesses on how much a sexomy costs? Oh yeah, absolutely. Yeah, let's take a guess. Okay. I don't wanna guess before I put it in.

They have to put you under, right? Yeah. Or a stent for it. I think it's local or something. Is it local? I don't know if you're fully under from that. Maybe you have like Twilight anesthesia, which is still great.

Now I've, I said this on the text thread that I finally got a colonoscopy, my first colonoscopy. I was so excited to get the drugs. The propofol. My doctor was saying like, you get the Michael Jackson propofol, you're gonna love it. It's gonna be- But you, that comes like, you get the Michael Jackson propofol, you're going to love it. It's going to be...

That comes right before you have the procedure. So you have to go through... The colonoscopy part I'd want the drugs for is where I'm shitting my brains out. Absolutely. I'd want to be a shit. I can do some drugs three days in advance. I'm going to be asleep. That shit you have to drink is absolutely the worst thing.

That's awful. I don't know that I can do that. And I think that they need to change that. How do they change that? There must be something they can do. How about laxatives, extra strength laxatives? I said this to my doctor, like, there's gotta be a better way to check for things other than you sticking your finger up my ass.

Like, they- He's like, no, no, no! With modern medicine, he's decembying up there going, ah, ah, ah! Which by the way, Emmy did to me, she decembayed me the other day. What's that? Ah, ah, ah! Ah,, she decambade me the other day. What's that? Because we, you know, occasionally have to count to three

to get her to do stuff because she pretends she can't hear or isn't listening because she's trying to play or whatever. So I said to her, okay, honey, I'm gonna count to three. And she went, ah, ah, ah, ah, I don't like that. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

A powerful combo. I love it. I'm sure she doesn't. I don't like that. Yeah. And I was like, I, it kind of made me go like, am I overstepping my bounds? Yeah, you kind of go like, of course you don't like it.

It's probably really annoying to you. Lauren, we saw Emmy this morning. Lauren and I parked at the same time and Cool Up came out with Emmy and said, Emmy wants to see you guys. And Emmy said to me, well, he said, hello, of course. We're very cordial with each other. And Emmy said, I don't have a mustache.

Good. And I said, you used to have one, right? And then she just retreated into the light. Yeah, she didn't like really just kidding. Any kind of like question that makes her feel strange or whatever, she, like, Jason Manzouf was here yesterday and did something similar where it was just like, oh, you like that?

Oh, great. Oh, that looks so cool. And then any question of like, well, what do you think about this? She just goes, ugh. Yeah. Okay, vasectomy costs. Okay, I'm guessing $2,000.

Right, okay, so my first guess was more like 3,500 and then I went up and I'm like 10,000, but that doesn't, that seems like too much. 10,000, I would never pay 10,000? Right, okay, so my first guess was more like 3,500, and then I went up and I'm like 10,000, but that doesn't, that seems like too much. 10,000, I would never pay 10,000 for that. Okay, right, it's too much. Okay, so I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say- Oh, you haven't looked it up yet. No, I'm gonna stick with 3,500,

because that was my first guess. 3,500 is a good guess. Yeah. I'm still gonna stick with 2,000. I'm gonna say a cool grand. $1,000. For like a backroom alley perspective. AI is stupid. Whoa, okay, okay,000. $1,000. For like a back room. Alley vasectomy. AI is stupid.

Whoa, okay, okay, okay. A vasectomy typically costs up to $1,000 or more without insurance. Or more, more. But let's see. Oh, so insurance would take care of it? With out of pocket, despite me having insurance, this person said is over $4,000.

So the cost without insurance would be $10,000. What? Shit! What? But why would insurance cover any of your- The San Diego Vasectomy Center says the total price is 950, which includes initial consultation, physical exam, the procedure, post-op care.

That's all, that's a good price. Yeah, I think it's a good price. 950 for that. That's great. To not be able to impregnate people, price. Yeah, I paid 950 for that. That's great. To not be able to impregnate people, absolutely. Yeah. It's priceless. I...

Why did I say 10,000? Well, I guess without insurance, I still wasn't so insane. Speaking of procedures and how much they cost. Yeah. Okay. So we all know about my ophthalmologist and his harem of beautiful women. By the way, I want to remind you,

you never finished your propofol conversation. Oh. Oh, well you loved it. No. No. I want to remind you, you never finished your propofol conversation. Oh, well, you loved it. No, I was so excited for it. And then it's like count backwards from 10, 10, 9, I was out. How far did you get? Because I want to get to one all the time. And I tried.

Have we talked about this before? Like the idea of somebody fighting this thing. 1097653531. I got you. You're a fucking face. But I fell asleep immediately and then when they brought me out of it, it was like, oh, I was just asleep for one second. I know. I didn't feel any kind of fun. But that's how anesthesia is.

I know, but I didn't feel any kind of drug. It's hopefully different from anesthesia, because I feel like that's what anesthesia, any experience I've had with that. My doctor was like, yeah, you're going to feel good all day. Yeah. And I do admit that I got my phone, I sent Adam Scott a really kind of weird text thinking he was normal.

And he was like, what? Yeah, I love that. Hey, I just had a camera in my ass and I was thinking of you. It was like a scheduling thing, but I made some sort of joke and he's like, what are you talking about? And then I think I complimented the nurse on her hair.

And I was like. Oh, when I got my wisdom teeth out, which was one of my twenties, I came out of the anesthesia and I told my doctor, you look like George Clooney. Oh, he's still thinking about that. But somehow propofol I think makes sense. He's like waiting for other people to say it.

You think I look like a traditionalist? Do I look like any celebrity? But somehow these drugs make us like turn us into sexual harassers. Complimenting nurses appearances, you're complimenting us. So then I come out of it. I come out of it and they're like, basically like, get out of here. So because they make a big deal out of you, have to have somebody pick you up and all this shit. And when Janie had one, I went and they,

they like walked her out to me and everything. And then for me, I was like, I got my clothes on and I looked around like nobody gave a shit. No, I just- You didn't need help? No. Did you drive yourself home? No, no, I didn't drive.

But Janie came and got me and I was like, yeah, I'm just sitting on this bench at the elevator. That's crazy. Oh wait, a nurse had told me after when people wake up from anesthesia that everyone says she's beautiful. There must be some sort of halo you're seeing things through. Well, also I felt like it was like,

oh, you know what, I should give people more compliments. Your hair looks, you know what I mean? It just like feels, it makes you feel so good. Do you know what, honestly, that does feel good when you give somebody a compliment. When feels, it makes you feel so good. Do you know what, honestly, that does feel good when you give somebody a compliment. When you, it's, there's something, when it like occurs, you're like,

I should just say that out loud to this person. Like, I like your outfit or whatever. I literally grabbed a woman. Like I was like, I was walking down the street, this woman was walking towards me and I was like, you look so great. You look so great. And then she didn't hear me.

I was like, you look really great. So did I, I did that too. Yeah. Yeah. That was scary when you did it. I've almost done it out of a car window so many times, I'm like, nobody wants it out of a car window. Hey, good looking.

I don't think it's bad if you're like, you have a great outfit. Yeah. Like you're not saying like, you're sexy. You have a great house. You know what I've done is I have done, I love your dog. Oh yeah.

To people on the street. I did that day. I sometimes will think of something really nice that I should text someone or email someone and it'll make me feel good about myself. I'm a good person and then I forget to do it. No, that's too bad. It's not the thought that counts there.

All right, so my ophthalmologist, I go there and I get a consultation afterwards because what I have is, I don't know if I've told you guys this, the reason I go, I have to go to the ophthalmologist. You have those Roger Rabbit bug eyes when you see an attractive woman. Yeah, when you see a pretty lady. That's why I don't bother if I've told you guys this the the reason I go I have to go to the office. You have those Roger Rabbit bug eyes when you see an attractive woman. That's why I don't bother rolling the window down. Yeah they can see me.

The horn sound. I said that's not my car! That's not my car! So I have a thing called pigment dispersion. Right. Where like it's literally the color of my eye. Is going into the white. Yes. It's like causing pressure in my eye, which could lead to glaucoma. So I have to go get the pressure checked and see where it is.

And is there anything to stop it? To reverse it. A shot or something. Here's what, no, there's not, except this surgery, which is basically cataract surgery. Yeah. Right. That's a good surgery. It's a good surgery.

And so they showed me like- Cool up, by the way, cause she got eye surgery. No, it wasn't hers with her retina being really detached or something. Right, right, right. And you got detached, you got detached emotions. It was like her retina was like really thin and like about to be like, they attached it. This is where they replaced the limbs in your eye.

But also didn't she get lasik at the same time or something? Well, yeah, she corrected her vision. Okay, yeah. That's the thing. I can't do that. They showed me. What's the word? Allowed to.

Legally. Yeah, my cornea is too thin. No, not thin, cornea. I know, I can't do it. And I have an astigmatism in one eye. Yes, I cornea is too thin. No, not thin cornea. I know I can't do it. And I have an astigmatism in one eye. Yes, I have an astigmatism. You know, it's just I can't do it. I'm not I'm not going to wait

for the technology gets there. Astigmatism ruins so many things. Marriages. Tell me more, because I don't really even I don't really think about it. Well, I can't wear contacts because I have an astigmatism. Oh, but I can.

Astigmatism is like maybe because you only have a one eye. Yeah. Yeah. Ruining everything. Astigmatism, your eye looks like a grapeigmatism is like, Adam. Maybe because you only have one eye? Yeah. Yeah. Ruining everything. A stigmatism, your eye looks like a grape. It's like, it's like, it's like oblong, whereas the other one is more. Yeah, I fucking love the pictures of your eyes.

It looks like a foreign planet. Yes. So they showed me like the problem with the lens is that it's supposed to, your lens is supposed to be sort of straight across behind your eyeball. Yours is like. And mine has like little ditches. Concave. On either side.

So that's where it rubs off. That's where the pigment gets to go. That's where the pigment gets to go. We get out of here. And so the. Burn through the witches dig through the ditches In my pigment my cornea What is what is that? It's a parody of draggula. Yeah, draggula. I don't know draggula music video rob zombies draggula

His monster's car, oh not a drag queen who's vampire themed that's pretty good that would be a good name There must be i feel like there's somebody doing i think we can confidently say it's been done. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Um, so cataract surgery, they say, here's what it would do. Uh, it would, you know, fix that problem. So you don't have to, you don't have to worry about it anymore. And it would also give you perfect vision. Like you wouldn't need glasses ever. Again. She said the lens would outlive you perfect vision. Like you wouldn't need glasses ever again. She said, the lens would outlive you. Wow.

Okay. Okay. And she said, I said, how much does it cost? That'd be amazing to be really old and be able to see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you think I can't see because I'm old. Yeah, yeah. I can read that.

This lens will outlive all of us. I know that little line says, fuck you. So she says the insurance covers the surgery. It covers everything except the lens itself. The lens is $400 for one eye. And you want both? Yeah. If you're gonna do it, you should go. Then there's tears where, you know, it's like, they could give you the cheapest lint. When you heard the price. The next one down was 6,200.

And then I forget the third one was. Don't cheap out on this. Well, if I'm gonna do it, I'm not gonna cheap out on it. But it's also not something I could do right now. Well, I think you should set aside a rainy day fund for your eyes. That's what I'm gonna do. Okay, good.

That's exactly what I'm gonna do. Because I do, like the idea of never having to wear glasses again. That's amazing. Oh my God, heaven. And also not getting glaucoma. Oh, heaven. I mean, I can't see at all when I take my contacts out. I can't see at all.

Yeah, you're one of them. It's wild. And I- So you wake up in the morning, like, scrabbling around for glasses. Yes. And my glasses are clear, which is also a problem because I can't see them. I have to just like remember where I put them. Your glasses are like Wonder Woman's. My glasses are clear and I have such poor vision that they're just they're just gone. Sorry, I should

have said Scientology. Why don't you get some big black frame glasses? You know what, actually there is a new style I want, but I need to get my eyes checked first to make sure that I don't have a new prescription before I waste the time ordering them. I have a pair of around the house glasses that I got because they're very light, very lightweight. And so now that I have to wear glasses,

if I want to read anything, I have to wear glasses. Like readers or like prescriptions? Honestly, if I wanna read my fucking phone. Okay. No, they're prescription. Okay. I wear a progressive. Do you have a really big font on your phone?

No, I don't. You should. I've never succumbed to that. Why? I don't like the way it looks. Yeah. Yeah, and then other people can read it easier. It makes you feel 1 million years old.

Yeah. I do it because you see it on somebody else's phone, you're like, ooh, boo. Why don't you climb in a grave? A little bigger than average, but I'm not sure. Let me see. I think I want to see that font. Me.

How do I turn on your phone? No, how do I like the size of the font? I don't know. You show me a window that uses the font and I can say if it's big or small. OK. Oh, that's not that big. That's like a little bit bigger.

Yeah. OK. But you've seen it bit bigger. Yeah. Okay. But you've seen it where people have it. No, I know where it becomes bold. Reading at Texas says I'll be there in five minutes. They take like three swipes. Yeah. How do I fix that? I'm curious to see how small it gets. We'll figure it out during the break. No. But here's these. Okay. And then the thrilling conclusion. We want the conclusion when we come back. We'll be right back. Oh my God. Guys, there's someone I want to introduce you to. Okay, who?

J-Lab. Oh, is that you misspoken you're saying J-Lo, right? No, no, no. Really? No, you're incorrect. Okay. And no, it's not my girlfriend. I'm happily married.

Thank you. Okay. It's J-Lab. girlfriend. I'm happily married. Thank you. Okay. It's JLab. You don't have a side piece? Shut up. JLab. Okay, JLab.

Tell me about JLab. What is JLab? They are headphones and speakers as vibrant as your summer. Beach days, workout sessions, or chill moments, you can find the perfect sound with JLab, as I previously mentioned. I got some of these. Oh, so you know! Yeah, JLab's colorful collection has something

for every summer adventure and every moment. Okay, here, Lauren, picture headphones and speakers in fresh summer colors with features you actually want for things like beach workouts. Have you ever chilled by a pool? Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like sunset jamming sessions.

We all do those. Sunset jamming sessions. You're telling me something I already know. Cause I recently got a pair of J-Lab's J-Buds Luxe over ear headphones in the color cloud, which was honestly the perfect gray. It's everything, it's chic, it's cool. Yeah.

Yeah, well they've been the perfect companion for my summer travel. Because let me tell you, they're lighter the perfect companion for my summer travel because let me tell you, they're lighter than my other headphones that I had before. Yeah. They fold up, which my other ones didn't do. Right. These are things that make it much easier to travel. I put them in the bag. They can go. They're super comfortable. They have active noise canceling, which obviously you need on airplane. And the best part, they fold up.

That's what I love. I could not fold my other ones. I love to fold them. And they actually connect. Unlike remember when we were on tour last year, Paul, and I was watching Aliens Resurrection and the headphones didn't connect and I just ended up blasting people shouting, fuck you! Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were really mad at those aliens. Anyway, don't miss out on JLab's newest line, their Summer Speaker Series. From pocket-sized to party-sized, the JLab Party Speaker Series brings powerful sound to any summer gathering. By the way, pocket and party are not mutually exclusive.

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Q u i n c e dot com slash freedom you're gonna get free shipping and 365 day returns that's quince.com slash freedom And we're back we're back and a very important text just came in. Trump dethroned? Oh my god this is great news. Who texted you? I don't know just a very interesting person. I'm not sure. A very interesting person.

Okay, Trump dethroned, Chief Justice John Roberts dropped the hammer. Trump is pissing himself when did these get dirty? Trump just shit his pants. Give us five dollars. okay so the glasses that I have the around the house glasses now why are they around that you would never wear them in public because... No, I do wear them in public sometimes, but they're not they're not super stylish, let's say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, I did not realize at the time that I bought them that they were the kind of glasses where you can't just fold them. They have the weird wire frames that are like springy, but they don't fold.

Get the fuck out of here. And I fucking hate that. Who's that, I mean. Would they never close up? No. You can't put them in your pocket. No, you can't. That's weird. That's strange.

You can like squeeze them and get them in there, but it's gonna make your pocket stick out. But who would, why would they want that? Why would anyone want that? I guess if you are wearing glasses from sunup to sundown or whatever, like you never take them off. Right, you just put them on your table and go to sleep.

But I don't understand that people wear it on a chain. I hate it. Like they're readers on a chain. It's so, so. I mean, I think that seems great. Like a big metal chain going down around, I don't know. A big thick metal chain. I think it conveys authority.

I think it's like, I think it's really casual. It's like, I need it right now. I don't need it anymore. I need it right now. Don't you think glasses technology, like all of the whole, it rests on our nose think it's really casual. It's like, I need it right now. I don't need it anymore. I need it right now. Don't you think glasses technology, like all of the hole it rests on our nose and it goes around our ears, shouldn't they float above our nose?

No, absolutely. We definitely should. Like down in front of our eyes. I think what it probably should be. Especially we should be using helium for. It's gonna, oh, I was gonna say. The little balloons attached to it. Magnets, like opposite magnets in your nose

that sort of like, so it'll hover. Implants opposite magnets. But opposites attract and it would squeeze the bridge in your nose that sort of like, so it'll hover. It won't plant some opposite magnets. But opposites attract and it would squeeze the bridge of your nose until they met in the middle. That's a good horror movie. Oh, I see. It's a great horror movie. Hey honey, I got that surgery

where I got the metal magnets put into my nose from my floating glasses and then suddenly it like. Wait, what was the thing in the jerk? He made something for glasses. He makes like a two, like a little bridge on his nose and it makes everyone's eyes cross because they're looking at him. Right, right, right.

Coming up on Scott Hasn't Seen. You've never seen it? No, it's spray-gassed. Well, you obviously have because you... How about those glasses that break apart in the middle? Yeah, I don't know. The ones that fold into like a... And then they become a bracelet or a necklace.

A necklace, yeah. They have a little magnet in the middle. My sister-in-law bought those for Holly when she was a baby because she liked glasses a lot. So she just got her those. Just like non-prescription. Yeah, glasses should be fun. Is there gonna change into something

and fold into something, it should be like a transformer where it's like something cool, like a car. That's a great point, Scott. When you take your glasses off, it should be a car. I almost was gonna disagree, but then I thought, no. You can't. It's our type. But then how would you drive the car, you don't have your glasses. Oh, you mean it should transform into an actual car.

Oh yeah, like a Transformers. I thought you meant a toy car. Because I think of Transformers as toys. Oh, do you? Can you imagine having your whole personality be about the Transformers where you were like a super fan of the Transformers You knew every little bit of it. Oh Optimus Prime does this Well, I remember when I learned about the Transformers and the AllSpark and all that shit I was like for real this happened. I couldn't believe it.

Well, I think I told you that the AllSpark is what gives these robots who turn into cars life Yeah, I could have put that together I was thinking they're from another planet, but they coincidentally just transformed into cars into cars I think I told you that I was approached to pitch Before Michael Bay made the movie like when they were developing it. They were looking for writers to like write the Transformers movie I was like, oh, there's no way for this not to be stupid. It shouldn't be a comedy and they're like no We're looking for it and and it turned out it was deadly serious and it works perfectly. And that's why once been twice shy,

you said, oh, don't get, we won't get fooled again. You are writing this skippity toilet movie. Yes, that's right. Yes, and making it deadly serious. Deadly serious. And no one has asked for that. You just have that going on spec. Guys, I still don't know what it is.

I, we told you. I know, but I can't what it is. I told you. We've been over this. I know, but I can't retain this information. I can't give you all the lore again. I don't want to tell you because I don't like it. No, I don't like it either, but it is being made into a movie by Michael Bay. Is it Michael Bay actually making it? No, you're kidding.

The last thing I heard was yes, it was Michael Bay. That's funny. It's like the studio. That's crazy. The studio. Skibbity Toil like the studio. That's crazy. The studio skim it. E toilet is a movie by Michael Bay. Yeah. Can they cast me? I'm available.

I'll be in it. I'm available. I'm available too. I'd love to be in it. I'm just saying that. Such a strange coincidence. Where three people in one room could be available. Everything we've ever talked about on the show,

I'd like to be in it. Yeah. Anything that I've ever criticized on any of my shows, I want in. Oh yeah, shit that I've made fun of, please put me in it. I try to be clear with that, you know, all the time. I mean, obviously we all know this is stupid, but I would like to be a part of it.

I'd be glad to be there. Yes. Absolutely 100% of a hypocrite. Put me in, yes. Put me in. Put me in, coach, I'm ready to play. Today. What a weird thing that John Fogerty,

the guy who wrote Fortunate Son, then he's like, I just want to write a song about baseball. Yeah. About a guy. How much I like it. Yeah. What song do you write?

Centerfield. Centerfield. Put me in coach, I'm ready to play. Oh yeah. Today. It's not about anything else. It's about playing center field. It's not an innuendo.

No. But that came out in like 80, the mid 80s, 85 or 86, when it just nostalgia. That was back when we were still able to do things like that. But it was just like all about nostalgia for like, you know, the simpler times. I have that now. And it became the soundtrack

for every baseball blooper compilation. I feel like we're going, I think we have a little bit I have that now. And it became the soundtrack for every baseball blooper compilation. I feel like we're going, I think we have a little bit of that right now. There is an obsession with 90s stuff, which of course fashion goes- That's the cycle. But I think that there is a bit of nostalgia right now for the times that were when we didn't have phones,

we didn't have constant communication, we just had the TV, we just had what you know, it was like, I feel like people are longing for that. I know I am. I miss, I miss how simple it was. And it's also partly when you look at your childhood. So I'm curious what you think about that. Do you miss that? I do. I do kind of miss that. Here's what I'm afraid of is the detox of it.

Like if I try to do a phone free weekend or something, I am pre ashamed atamed at how much it will bug me. Right, you're constantly just reaching for it. I wanna try to just put my phone, by the way, been saying this for like, I know, this is all every season. I've been saying this for years that I wanna be on my phone list.

And that's also really scary. I wanna put my phone in the other room and then just, if I wanna look at it, I want to put my phone in the other room and then just not, if I want to look at it, I have to go there and look at it. So it's like, I have to go be away from my children. I learned smacking the microphone away like it's a phone. But then the Jason Manzougas, I mentioned he was here yesterday.

He forgot his phone at the previous place he was and when he went back to get it, it was locked. And yeah, he was doing a podcast and the people had left. Oh, oh, oh, I think that the phone was locked. And so he was in a tizzy because he had to figure out how to get from where he was to my place. J-Mizzy in a tizzy? Yeah, that's true.

I mean, and so you just forget how much like it's, it permeates your life now where you can't even figure out how to get to a place. That's upsetting because like I was reading something about an Instagram post about like the way that all this stuff is like taking an article recently. It's like taking away actual like brain capacity that we have. And like chat GPT is doing that. Oh, that shit, yeah, it's very scary. Because if you're using it to write a letter, like you're not thinking of things

just how you normally do. Hey, you know what, when you're writing something and you figure it out and you go, oh my God, I just like clicked into place something amazing. That's a good feeling. Yes. Know what I mean? By the way, all of that is so much simpler

than people think that it is. To write a letter, to write a request, to write an apology, to write a whatever, it's so much simpler than you think that it is. Right, and of course it's- Because it feels very daunting. You're saying. Yeah, it's just like say what you-

It's on your heart, say what you're thinking. I sometimes understand like, oh no, like for instance, I think a friend of mine's father died or something and I was like- Hey, what's up? Hey, you up? No, like I'll look up what are the, what are the wrong things to say?

What are the right things to say? And there will be an article about it of like, you know, don't, don't relate it to your own experience because they're going through what they're going through. They don't want to hear about your father dying. It's, you know. Yeah. That's so funny. And I'm sure you had this too,

but when my parents died, each time there were people that got it absolutely right. They said the perfect thing. And there were people that wanted to tell you their story. And it's like, what do I do with that? I know, it's a really hard one because I've had that experience at me. I also know that I've accidentally done that.

Sure. Because it's a natural instinct of you wanting to say like, hey, you're not alone. I relate to you like this. I know how hard this is, or I know, and that's really, it comes from a good place, but it feels really bad, and it can make you feel like really mad. And I mean, it happened to my friend recently

where she was, someone said something to her that was like that, and I was like, it made me reflect on some of the things I've done where I'm like, I like look back and I'm like, oh yeah, that person didn't write me back. Or like that felt, I felt like I shouldn't have made it connected to things. It's easier just to never write to anyone. Yeah.

But I think those articles are really good. And that's not, that's still using your brain to like take in information. For me, for me, or like saying like, hey, what are the kinds of things you say in a toast? You know what I mean? But to have a thing actually write it for you, even if you're just doing minor tweaks after it or something, there's a lot of pleasure to be had in constructing something.

Hey, look at some tips of start with a joke and then go into this or whatever. But to have something write something for you, I just don't understand. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There was a funny thing when my dad died, where a person who was being very nice, who had lost their father not that long before was talking to me, like send a note of condolence. And they were talking to me like, you know, losing a parent, it's like a really big deal or whatever. And I was like, do I write back and say my mom died three years ago? Like I'm way ahead of you. Yeah, I know. I missed it the first time.

But they were being they were being very. Of course. I think it's always that's always the intention. So that's a hard thing. But when people say the wrong thing, what? Because you were going to say something and it happened. About either chat, GBT or about. Further back. Phones. Phones. Because you were going to say something and it happened. Either chat GBT or about your phones. Phones, how you're trying to detox from phones. Oh, here it comes folks. Yeah.

A truly funny thing on the TV show and just like that, which I watched last night. Oh my God, I can't wait to listen to your episode. There is a scene where. Paul and Janie break down the episodes every week. Yeah, there's a scene where there's a family game night and... I thought this was really good. It was, honestly, it was.

Yeah. It was. That was, that whole scene... It was a very real feeling. We all want to be a part of it if they want to cast us. Of course I did, that's never been a question, but all of that was so real that I went, that justified every problem I've had

with him leaving for that period of time. Yes. I went, that's why it's so hard. That's why they need to be. Much like Carrie herself. Yes, I loved Carrie's realization understanding, yes. So it's a... I did, I was genuinely,

I was talking to Mike who was not watching. And I was like, I was like, this is so good. I love that she just said that. I love that she, oh my God, I was genuinely, I was talking to Mike who was not watching and I was like, I was like, this is so good. I love that she just said that. I love that she went, oh my God, I love this, yeah. And he was just like, pawn to King five. Yeah, pretty much. Pawn to King five?

How many kings are in the game? So it's a divorced couple and their children, they're having a birthday party for their oldest, who's 21, every 21st birthday, of course, is spent having a birthday party for their oldest, who's 21. Every 21st birthday, of course, is spent at a dinner with your family. Yeah, of course. And so also there is the father's new girlfriend

and the wife's boyfriend. And so this boyfriend, his name is Bob, he's been with the woman, with the wife for four years. It's not Bob from Twin Peaks, is it? Different Bob. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's confusing.

It is confusing. It's confusing. Giving him a last name, yeah. Yeah, yeah, they should have given him last names. They're like, is this in the same universe? Yeah. Am I supposed to believe that now? Because I also was wondering if it was Bob the Builder.

He's not in the black closet. But that wasn't said. He was wearing a hard hat. I was like, ehh. So. Dinner. So, they're playing a game and the, one of the sons who is troubled, he's acting out and he leaves the game in a huff and he goes

and starts playing on a switch. The dad is trying to get him back to the table. He's saying, we all play the game together. And the kid says, Bob never plays. And they cut to Bob, who was just over there. He's been on his phone the whole time. While the family's all the table, he's like over in this other part of the room.

And he holds up a scotch and he goes, true. Yeah, I thought that was solid. But from the beginning, you see the family, like the establishing shot of the family playing the game. Bob is over there looking at his phone and I was like, oh, I didn't see him. How do I get to do that? I didn't see him in the beginning.

But I felt like it was established that he wouldn't do do that? I didn't see him in the beginning. Oh, it was so good. I felt like it was established that he wouldn't do that because Aiden doesn't like when Bob has opinions. Yes, which also is really funny. I thought that was funny. I don't, I don't know what you're talking about. It doesn't matter. The boyfriend is telling Carrie, Sarah Jessica Parker, like the way he's talking.

Cause they're both the new people in the divorced couples. Like they're both the new partners. So he's going like, I've been here four years, you're new, but it gets better over time. But he's like, he's talking like it's the handmaid's. Yeah, yeah. This is a lot like Mark Green on ER. Like, I understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who what? Mark Green on ER, where he for the first two seasons, he was married and had a kid and then they split up.

And was that Anthony Edwards? Anthony Edwards. Yes. So I understand this now. Yeah. I famously saw at the Hollywood Reservoir one. What was he doing? He was jogging and I was walking. Was he with Merwin again? We were opposite directions. So we met each other.

Twice? Yes. I love that. I used to jog around the Hollywood Reservoir and it would be thrilling to see someone going one way and then you come around the other end, you're like, my buddy. The two chilebs that I saw, Anthony Edwards, who the second time we passed together, they're like, come on man, you come around the other end. You're like my buddy Yeah, two chilebs that I saw mm-hmm Anthony Edwards who the second time we passed together. Come on, man

You got to pick up the pace. It's very funny. That's funny. And I like him the other one. I saw Carl Reiner Whoa was people were delighted to see him. He was jogging at I can only describe as a snail space You're a million years old, good for you. But he was like way back. I've given up and I'm my age. Yeah, oh absolutely. I've run a million years. I used to love running around.

Man, I loved running on a treadmill. I loved it. Getting it really fast. Then you're like the fucking Terminator. Yeah. The, you know, the morphing one. T12? What is it?

The camera, the Robert Patrick one. Yeah. Yeah, whatever that was called. The T9000. Yeah, the T the you know, the morphing one t12 to what is it? The camera the Robert Patrick one? Yeah, yeah, whatever that was called t9000. Yeah t1000 T1000 what was it called run so fast doodah doodah t1000 runs of Yeah, I thought that I did think that scene was so well done. It was like a play, it was beautifully done. And it was, and it really was like the perfect fix for my problems that I've had. It was just going like, why is she still bothering, you know? And then she explains it so well by going like, I was thinking, I didn't believe you. And then I came here and I see that

it really is this bad. See, I never didn't believe him. Me neither. I assume that the story. I thought he was right. I thought he was being honest, but I thought that her saying, I'll move on. Why wouldn't she believe him? Because she's like, I'm Carrie, I can get whatever I want. And she did get to go there.

Yeah. She was still whining about that fucking table. Did she ever make the speech? It wasn't she supposed to do a speaking engagement in Virginia? And that's why she went there. That's right. I was like, what is that? We never that was never mentioned again. I know. I was like, when is it? I think she missed it.

I feel like you, Lauren, whenever Paula and I talk about something from the 80s. See, you needed a little dose. You needed a little dose. You need a little dose of your own medicine. We'll move on. We'll move on. Yeah. But Paul, you were saying that you wish you could just be on your phone instead of playing a game. Well, there's sometimes it's like,

if you go to a place where you don't know people that well or whatever and it's like, can I just have phone time over here? Yeah, like that's fun for me. You're having fun, I wanna have fun. I'm happy to be here, but I don't wanna play this game. Yeah. Yeah.

What's a good game? You know what we've gotten into in my house? I was going to say Simon Says with Holly. Really? I thought it was going to be too confusing at first, like that. You can only do it when we say she wouldn't understand the rule of law. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She got it really fast and it was really fun. And she wants to play it every day.

And so we're going to see her cousin soon. And I'm like, we're going to play Simon Says. But then. I love that. What's the age where you, because I remember playing Simon Says through grade school. What's the, where do you age out of it? Where you're like, not Simon Says.

Someone say never. Yeah, I mean, I have had fun. There, did you ever, you, you, you've seen some dropout stuff. You ever seen Game Changer really do Sam Says? No. It's so, to watch adults playing this game. So it's basically, it's Simon Says,

but there's like extra stakes or like- There's a guy named Sam. Yeah, they do. It's like, it gets crazy. But it's fucking, to watch these people lose their minds is so much fun. That's fun. It's so much fun. To get so frustrated.

Yeah, cause when you fuck up. When you fuck up. Yeah. Yeah. Well, speaking of fucking up. We to take a break. Yep. Cause we fucked up. We would do long back. Hey, Paul, this is an ad by better help. Um, are you saying, listen, this right now, I'm so stressed out. You're too stressed out, but that's what I wanted to talk to you about. You know, the rise of workplace stress. Oh man. It's just, it's, it's on the rise. First the rise of Taz. Now the rise of workplace. And the rise of what was that other movie that I wrote?

I know it's on the edge of my mind, but I can't think of it. In any case, I think that you should take. Skywalker. Sky, of course. You need to take the summer to focus on your wellness with small steps to manage your workday challenges I mean, workplace stress is now one of the top causes of declining mental health with 61% of the global workforce experiencing higher than normal levels of stress

I was gonna spend the summer working on my winter beach body but you've got me intrigued. You don't need that. Hey, you already got the winter beach bod. Yeah, it's not a compliment, dude. Anyway, to battle stress, most of us can't wave goodbye to work, but we can start small with a focus on wellness. Right.

There's some things you could do, like sitting in the sun, exercising. True. Hey, stop it. A holiday is great, but it isn't a long term solution to stress. It's true. Don't forget the therapy can help you navigate whatever challenges the work day or any day might bring.

What if a monster's there? I mean, that's more of a physical problem. Like if a monster actually existed, I'm talking about more of your emotional and mental problems. Call me a liar. But OK. OK. Have you seen a monster? No. All right. Well, in any case, with over 300000 note, that's too many therapists. There's over 30000 therapists. OK. That's still a lot.

That's a lot. I'm sorry I misspoke. That's a lot. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. And I'm right on that statistic. They should have a sign like McDonald's. Yeah, and it works with an app store rating of 4.9 out of five based on over 1.7 million client reviews. It's convenient too.

You can join a sesh with a therapist at the click of a button helping you fit therapy into your busy life. Plus, you switch therapists at any time. A lot like how... Right now! A lot like how... Oh yeah, sure, okay. Excuse me, sir. Did I do it? Yes, hit like. You're the therapist? Yes. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Our listeners get 10% off their first month

at betterhelp.com slash freedom. That is BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash freedom. Hi, I'm Erica Mahoney. You don't know me, but you know a version of my story because by now we've all felt the impact of senseless gun violence. I think a stray bullet flew past me because I hear the whew.

It was that horrible feeling of dread. Something's wrong. Four years ago, my dad was killed in a mass shooting. My podcast, Senseless, is about moving forward after the unthinkable. Senseless from Lemonada Media Media premiering June 17th. And we're back and we're, you know, we, we mentioned we're not doing those

three medium episodes anymore, mainly out of... Hatred? Hatred for the fans, no, because of time. Yes, time! Because it adds so much time to an already busy schedule of ours. So we're stopping doing them and we're moving the, answering your voicemails, the VMs on the TMs, of course, over to here, but we're going to alternate with some three-tures as well.

So we're going to like sort of go back and forth, do some three-tures sometimes, do the three-tures we like doing. Yeah. Exactly, not the onesacherous we like doing. Yeah. Exactly. Not the ones we hate doing. Yeah. Which we did a bunch of.

Honestly, that's refreshing to me. I do have to, I feel like I need to acknowledge. Yeah. Steve Max, we were talking about Simon Says, Steve Max of course is recognized as the country's leading professional Simon Says caller and most requested halftime show in the nation. I thought it was weird that you didn't mention that in the last.

Wait, wait, wait. I was remiss. It's a halftime show? Like he'll go to a sports game and be like, Simon says and the whole audience has to do it or what? What about most requested halftime show in the nation? Do you not understand? Honestly, I think I do understand it.

I'm just trying to- Then shut up. Oh, by the way- Fair enough. Fair enough. Fair enough. We do want to clear up some confusion regarding Hague Claims 8. And oh man. Well I guess one thing that we forgot to mention is that it's also a credit card.

Yeah. It's a debit card. And it's a mortgage loan. But also people were saying like, oh how do I prove that I'm driving to get my free. Well just video yourself on your phone while you're doing it and send it to us. It couldn't be simpler. Yeah. But you have to be holding the phone. You have to be holding the phone with both hands because if it's a mount on your dashboard, it's not going to read it correctly. I might not believe

I need to see that it's shaking a little because you're doing it. Yeah. And don't just jiggle it around in your stationary car. Jiggle it. Just a little bit. What's that about? I'm savory. So we're gonna do a three-cher now. It's been weeks.

Remind us what a three-cher is, Paul. It's a Bastero. Thank you. Got it. This one's called Hitting the Post. It sure is. This of course is where we play songs on our phone and one of us who is not playing the song has to,

much like a radio DJ, has to fill the time before the singing starts with some information. And it's almost 4th of July, right? It's true. Tomorrow? I think it is, yeah. It's almost 4th of July tomorrow. It's July 3rd, it's the day after my birthday time for hitting the post because it's very like you have the radio

So I'm gonna start on my phone Paul have you cleared all the sound effects off your phone no Holly as a fart machine, It's a fart gun from Minions. Well, it's like Despicable Me and it's like a set. It looks like a bull. It's like a bullhorn. Yeah. And it does fart noises. Yeah. And it's like, like it does like a minion's laugh within it. And she was like, put your hands up. And I did this one. And then she was like, and it was very funny.

It was like just like shooting me with the park. And I have to admit, it was very funny, but we like, just like shooting me with a fart gun. And I have to admit it was very funny. But we don't call it guns in our house. No, what do you call it? We call it a shooter, laser shooter or a fart maker. What about firearm? Fart maker. No.

Did you know that Tall John made an app a long time ago? Now it's like 15 years or so ago when iPhones first came out, he made an app where it was like, it was a belching app that if you shook it, it would continue the belcher for as long as you shook it. How did he make that? Wait, who did this?

Tall John? Huh. Can you believe it? He keeps coming up in our house because she'll say that she'll be talking about, my dad's six five. And she'll say, tall John is taller than him. And tall John is taller than daddy.

And then like yesterday, she was like, we were talking about taller than daddy. And then like yesterday she was like, we were talking about something that we had to be strong. And she was like, Tall John could do it. She's just like really- She equates height with strength. Yeah. All right, so I'm gonna play something on my phone and Paul, you're going to try to hit the post.

Okay. Are you ready? I accept your terms. All right, here we go. July 4th is where it's at. We're gonna be at the beach this weekend giving away frisbees and cars. How many frisbees and how many cars? You'll have to come and find out, but I can tell you it's two cars and 30,000 frisbees. If you are a dog... Oh man. Solid. We'll never know what happens if you're a dog. Alright. Does it go over to happens if we're done. We'll never really wanna know.

All right. Does it go over to me? We're going over to Paul is going to play the song and Lauren is going to hit the post. Okay. All right. Are you ready Lauren? Here we go.

Independence Day! I hope you got your red, white and blue on folks because today's the day when you get to show your pride for being American. Get those hot dogs and start sucking on them babe. Get in your convertible and ride to the beach. We'll see you there. But not if you don't have your hot bikini on, babes. We're gonna see neon bikinis and leather bikinis

in our bikini contest on the stage at the beach. See you then. She's saying that's the song. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Now it helps that it's a song you know. I thought it was sooner though.

I know, it's a tricky one. It's a tricky one. That is a tricky one. All right, it's a tricky one. Yeah. It's a tricky one. That is a tricky one. All right, Lawrence. They're really at breathe. Lawrence going to play a song and I'm going to hit the post

and I gotta turn this up. A lot of tech stuff for me to do. All right. Okay. Here we go. Lawrence picking. I'm getting it. Oops, hold on.

I'm getting it. I'm getting it and I'm getting it, oops, hold on, I'm getting it. I'm getting it and I'm getting it. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Dippa dippa dippa dippa da. Dippa dippa dippa dippa da. Dippa dippa dippa da. Okay, ready? And here we go, oops.

Oleh, oleh, oleh, oleh, oleh. I think you can talk over this. Oleh, oleh, oleh, oleh, oleh. I think a DJ would wait until this was done. Hey everyone, this Fourth of July, you guessed it, all you can eat sushi. Come on down to our sushi emporium where you can get a firework roll. What's a firework roll? It's of course Tabasco, Overeel, Unagi as they say.

How much sushi can you eat this Fourth of July? You'll be, fireworks will be coming out of your ass after you eat our explosive sushi. I think we gotta get fired for that. Hot, hot, hot. Yeah. For saying fireworks and shooting out of your ass? Yeah, you're fired.

Like the station manager would come in. Well, we're gonna have to, we're gonna have a talk. Okay, if you would unplug that. There was a moment on WKRP in Cincinnati where Les Nessman is listening to something on headphones in the booth and somebody comes in and I think it's Mr. Carlson comes in and turns up the volumes.

Like, why is there no music playing? You feel like me right now with the. Why is there no music playing in here? And he turns it up and Les Nessman like clutches headphones go, yeah. We were recording the neighborhoodhood Listen the other day and Mitch Silpa did that to me. Turned up my volume, it was the exact same.

I think I actually did, like not trying to, I think I did the exact same thing. All right, here we go, I'm gonna play a song and Paul is going to try to hit the post. Here we go. Hey everybody, it is the 5th of July and guess what? hit the dump. And then we're gonna organize the dump. We're gonna organize the dump.

Yeah. It's a good idea. Yeah, by color. It's a good use of time. It's a good use of time. Yeah. All right, and now we're switching chords. Paul has a different phone than us.

Oh, it's Paul. Uh-huh. I didn't realize you both, wait, I didn't us. Oh, it's Paul. Uh-huh. Oh, I didn't realize you both, wait, I didn't realize that. Yeah, you're fancy. It's so sad. Okay. Is everybody ready?

Yeah. Everybody's here. Everybody's ready. Paul's not ready. There's, I had a talking to you. The old is everybody ready when he's not ready. Wow. This is crazy. Isn't that funny?

The way this is. How it can The way this is how it is. Oh, it can happen. And. Olé, olé, olé, olé. Okay, here we go. You ready Lauren? Yeah. I just want to apologize sincerely for the stuff that I said yesterday.

I didn't mean to say anything like that. It was I was having one take my medication and I was listening to that. I would find that so strange. No context as to what she was talking about. It obviously happened sometime in the past. We don't know. All right.

Ariel, listen to me. OK, that was talking. Ariel, listen to me. Oh, my God. Hahaha! Ariel, listen to me! Listen to me! Oh my god! The volcano! The volcano two miles away! It just exploded! All the hot lava is coming towards us!

Here's what you need to know to get out of the path of destruction. If you're on the north end of the volcano, you're entirely safe! It's all shooting out of the south end and it's gonna come for everyone in its path and you are going to be covered in hot, molten lava. And please don't be like the person in Pompeii who was jerking off when it happened. Who's immortalized around history

as the person jerking off while lava came and covered him. Oh my God, he's coming towards the window now. Why did I come back to the station? It doesn't make any sense. Please, will someone save me? Will someone airlift me? I'm gonna go up to the roof. Here, I'm taking my mobile equipment up with me on the roof.

Oh God, it's in the elevator. I gotta take the stairs. This is instrumental, isn't it? That's good, that's good. I can get the most information out there to people who need it all right I've gone up one flight of stairs this is a 30 foot 30 30 story building I hope you're enjoying the music this might be the last song that I ever hear and I think it's a fitting fitting song to hear.

What song is this by the way? Can I see the oh, this is from the Little Mermaid's soundtrack. This is a jig by Alan Menken. In any case! You guys, volcano lava is coming. This is my last transmission. I'm dead. Wow. Perfect timing. Can you imagine hearing that? Can you imagine? Well,

I'd be so scared of the lava that I probably would be off doing my own thing at that point. I wouldn't know if you believe it or not. Yeah. I swear, with in a post-war of the world's world. I can't believe anything like that. Yeah, I refuse to believe anything. All right, Paul, you ready? Yeah. Here we go. We are giving away two houses that used to be churches. If you would like to feel like the Pope and live in a house that used to be a church, drop your name in our bucket. Our buckets are all over the city. They're bright yellow and they say bucket on them. You'll know when you see them. You've got to win that church.

Nice. Really good. Thank you. I mean, yeah. Just a little bit earlier. I know what you mean. I know what you mean. Alright, Paul, where's... Alright, Lauren, are you ready? I am. Well, no. You were already playing something. Jesus Christ.

Okay, here you go, Lauren. Yeah, baby. It's next year and it's time for the Fourth of July again. We did it! We survived a whole year of chaos. Now get out there and party bitches! Nice! Nice! Where's the candle? Candle leads the flame. Okay, you ready? I don't know what the intro is. Let's see. Okay, ready? Oh, is it my turn? Yeah

Wait, I just play. Oh, no. No, Paul. Just play. Okay. Here we go. I just play Paul Hi, does anyone have any children out there? I'm not saying that I'm going to necessarily eat or consume them, but I am a witch and I have a gingerbread house. They may want to come down to it and I mean, I'm more of a warlock, honestly, because I'm a male witch, but they may want to come down to it and just nibble on it. I have a hot oven that they don't want to touch, but don't worry, I'm not going to put you. I have a hot oven that they don't want to touch, but don't worry, I'm not going to put you... Wolf parade, I believe in anything. All right, one more round? Yeah, one more round, baby.

All right, here you go, Paul. Hey, it's 20 years from now and it's 4th of July again, but this time America is under the sea. So come on down if you have a coconut bra or a bra made of seashells Either one will get you admission to America under the sea. We're gonna have snorkels. We're gonna have crabs We're gonna have shipwrecks everything you want and more under the ocean The ocean now covers most of the earth. Isn't that good? For the aliens from signs to not come here? Because we don't like them and we never will.

I hate the aliens from signs. Those images were taken by a 40 year old at a child's birthday party. Don't ever forget when he tried to do the big foot. Ha ha ha ha. Alrighty. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Ready, Lauren. Yes. It's Christmas Eve, you know what that means. It's the 4th of July. We've rebranded it entirely. And Santa. Hey, hey I'm writing a musical.

I just wanted to announce it here. I haven't even started, but I think it's going to be done in maybe like seven years or so, but I'm going to write it to this song and this song only. And here's how it's going to go. Hello everybody. Welcome to our show. You may think that you've heard this song before, but you don't really know.

Bye. Bye. Do you know what I thought it was at first? Love Shack. Oh yeah. Oh, very similar. Where did I just hear this? Never thought that before.

That the, where did I just hear this? That tin roof rusted is a euphemism for a condom breaking. I don't think, I think it's an old, okay so. Where did I just hear that? I have a hard time crediting that. I went on a date with a girl and I, this is right when the song came out and I didn't know what they were saying

and I was singing along and I kind of went. Do you use this for an unintended pregnancy? No, while some fans have interpreted it. Ah! The band has said it's not their intention. That's like AI overview. This is AI overview. I hate you.

This is AI overview. Do da, do da. So I think I said like, bin roof busted or something like that. And she was like, oh no, it's tin roof rusted. She was very nicely corrected me. It was like, it's tin roof rusted, which is I'm from the South and that's a southern saying meaning something

But I can't well they they said it was an old building with metal roof that had aged was rusted I was using that image when we were jamming. That's what it was. So what but I thought it was a saying Was she wrong? It was a southern euphemism for being pregnant What? Rusted why would that be in the song? Right. Cause it's love shack. Why would all of a sudden somebody be

yelling out pregnant? Right. But also- Isn't that a good thing to yell out in the song? No, but also it's, it's also, it makes sense with the song to be a love shack and then say tin roof rusted. It's a shack, but also it's a pregnancy They went into the love shack they had sex and then they got pregnant. That's what I'm telling you Now it makes don't go into the love shack. Yes

Anything happen in there? Alright that's gonna be it for us. This episode. This episode. We love you. Make sure you hit us up at HeadClaims8 and send us videos of you driving. Yeah. That's all we want anymore.

We don't want voicemails anymore. And you can design your own checks. Yeah. You can get whatever you want in the background. Oh yeah. I mean, the baseline picture is us. Yes. But you can get a middle finger. Yeah. You can your the baseline picture is us. Yes, you get a middle finger.

Yeah. You get the the poop emoji. The poop. Poo. The poop emoji. The poop emoji. You get the poop emoji. Sure.

Sure. Very popular. Poo emoji, poo emoji. Poo emoji. Bye. Parents, we know the child care crisis is not just another headline. It's a daily struggle playing out in millions of homes across this country. I'm Gloria Riviera, and this is No One is Coming to Save Us.

This season, we're demanding a childcare system that actually works for kids, parents, and educators. We mean, pre-birth to five, full day, nearby, easy to apply. No one is coming to save us. Season 5 from Lemonado Media, out now.