Threedom - TFW You Know There's Crunchies Across the Street

Episode Date: July 10, 2025

Scott, Paul, and Lauren discuss the doctor, Paul's Cameo Campaign, and croutons before answering a listener voicemail.  Send Threetures and emails to threedomusa@gmail.com.Leave us a voicemail as...king us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock the THREEMIUM archive on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:29 Make life suck less with fewer ads with Lemonada Premium. Hey, I'm Reshma Sajjani, founder of Girls Who Code and Moms First. I consider myself a pretty successful adult woman. So why is it that in midlife, as I'm about to turn 50, I feel so stuck? Join me as I try to find the answer on My So-Called Midlife from Lemonada Media. I talk to experts and extraordinary guests about divorce, exercise, menopause, sex, drugs, and more to understand what we're going through and how to make the most of it. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:01:02 Three of. Three of. Three of. Three of. Three of. Three of. Three of. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom is the name of the show you're listening to.
Starting point is 00:01:23 We are three friends and we like to tell you what to do. You gotta go out, get a job, clean your face, wash your slob, pull those pants. Wash your slob? Yeah, go wash your slob. Just go wash your slob. Wash your slob. We want our listeners to obey us.
Starting point is 00:01:40 Obey. As you would your parents, honor us, much like you would your parents. Yes, honor thy father and mother keep holy the Sabbath day Bare false witness against thy neighbor Worshiping craven idols These are all good ideas God when you think about these down you think about God and his rules. He sounds crazy Yeah, he's a little intense, but then when you think about God, we gotta write these down. You think about God and his rules? He sounds crazy. Yeah, he's a little intense.
Starting point is 00:02:05 But then when you actually put him into practice? Yeah, the guy who knew something. There's a method to his madness. Yes, I've never coveted an ox. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:02:22 It's freedom. It's freedom, I'm Scott. I'm Paul. I'm Lauren. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, You're at Stuffed Shells? Yeah, I love Stuffed Shells. It's just a point, it's not sweet enough. You're not sweet enough, how do you like that? I love you. Oh my God, he did it! I'm gonna give a shout out to Leely Pitts, who dropped off a pan of Stuffed Shells after I had GD.
Starting point is 00:02:56 Oh, that's so nice, Leely's a really nice person. After I had GD, I was trying to figure out what that stood for. I had a case of GD. Giardia? What is that? Giardia disinfected. Once a with Giardia. Is that that song?
Starting point is 00:03:07 Yeah. Then it's so swell. Once a day Giardia? I only get Giardia once a day. Yeah. That's not bad. What do you think about it? Well, yeah, considering it could go on all day.
Starting point is 00:03:15 Yeah. Once a day? If it's just within a specific time frame. I have Giardia at lunchtime. Yeah. It's a big story to tell. Do you know this ad? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:23 Once a day Giardians. Giardians. Why would I have Giardia at lunchtime. Yeah. The big story to tell. Do you know this ad? Yeah. Once a day Giardians. Giardians. Why would they? It's too close to Giardia.
Starting point is 00:03:32 Too close. You can't do that. No. What's Giardians? A medicine? Yeah. I forget what it's for. I forget, but yeah, it sounds...
Starting point is 00:03:40 You know what they always say when they go, they don't really tell you what it is and they go, ask your doctor if you need Giardians or whatever. But then I'm just going to go in and be like, is that right for me? I don't know what it is and they go, ask your doctor if you need Jordians or whatever. But then I'm just gonna go in and be like, is that right for me? Like, I don't know what it is. Supposedly- I'm gonna make an appointment to ask this question? Yeah, by the way, hard to see a doctor.
Starting point is 00:03:53 By the way, is Jordians right for me? Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. Hey, by the way- You tell me! It improves blood sugar control in adults and children age 10 and older with type 2 diabetes alongside diet and exercise Can we just have pills that you don't need to diet and exercise with or can we assume that you want us to diet and exercise?
Starting point is 00:04:14 You have to keep fucking saying it. Everyone knows. Yeah, okay Okay new rule Don't pick up the phone cuz he's all gonna tell me to diet and exercise because I know I'm going to be with it, open it up. Two, don't pick up the phone because he's only going to tell you to diet and exercise. Three, don't pick up the phone because he's only going to tell you to diet and exercise. Four, don't pick up the phone because he's only going to tell you to diet and exercise. Five, don't pick up the phone because he's only going to tell you to diet and exercise. Six, don't pick up the phone because he's only going to tell you to diet and exercise. Seven, don't pick up the phone because he's only going to tell you to diet and exercise. How many rolls does she have Dua Lipa?
Starting point is 00:05:01 I think 10. I love her by the way. I love her. Well, she just got engaged, Paul. I'm so sorry to have to bring the news to you. No, my second part was so much, I'm going to marry her. She was my backup plan. I really like that she sang a duet
Starting point is 00:05:17 with Chris Stapleton, the countryman. Oh, I don't know that I've heard that. It's very good. It's just sexy. Oh, is it sexy? And then she was also, it's a very sexy song. Is it as sexy as, what's her name singing? Oh, I Feel Love.
Starting point is 00:05:29 Who was that? I Feel Love. Donna Summer. I Feel Love. I think it's sexier than that because it's a man and a woman singing and not just a solo person. Yeah. Who's like, I'll take your word for it.
Starting point is 00:05:45 You know, John Early sang that song in his special, I feel love, and it was really fun. I did know that. Yeah, his special was great. Yes. Yeah. He sings four songs in it, I believe. It's really, really delightful.
Starting point is 00:05:54 Yeah. I'm glad you guys had so much fun. I had a blast. I had a blast watching this special. I was like, fuck yeah, while I was watching it. I'm gonna look up the name of the song. Do you watch stand-up specials regularly? I do for the- I have it in was watching. I'm gonna look up the name of the song. Do you watch standup specials regularly? I do for the-
Starting point is 00:06:06 I have it in a while. For the Comedy Bang Bang show. Yeah, because you often have people as a guest. Yes, and I try to watch them and sometimes I get them very late in the process and I can't, but yeah, I try to. I watch a lot, I watch a lot. I like to see what's going on.
Starting point is 00:06:19 Sure, yeah. What's going on in the microphone business? I like to keep tabs, you know? Oh look, this is a new microphone. Oh, someone going on in the microphone business? I like to keep tabs. Oh look, this is a new microphone. Oh, someone going on with this microphone. Oh, they have a blue one. Oh, and he and then that one. And that person did cordless. I think every... I'm trying to think if there's been a stand-up special recently
Starting point is 00:06:37 where someone had a cord and it would only be because the person does some sort of physical bit with the cord where they're pretending to whip someone or something. Right. That's the only thing it could be. Paul, what are you looking up? I'm looking up the song. It's called Think I'm in Love with You. I'm going to send it to you guys to watch at your leisure. But I also really liked her on that Recess Therapy Instagram account. Reeses? What's that? Peaces has gone into therapy. First of all, it's Reese's Peaces, as everyone account. Reeses? What's that? Is gone into therapy? First of all, it's Reese's Pieces, as everyone knows. Recess therapy is this guy who interviews little kids.
Starting point is 00:07:11 Oh yeah, I've seen that. And it's really funny and cute. Yeah. And so sometimes he has a celebrity join him because people love this account. This is like a, carpool karaoke? Duh.
Starting point is 00:07:23 Can I just say, when you said Reese's Pieces, normally I had like a visceral reaction against that and I just right now thought, it's kind of cute to say that. It is cute. I just kind of went, you know, just, that's fine. Paul's turned you around on this. I love that. Reese's Pieces. Maybe I'll call it that.
Starting point is 00:07:38 It's fun to say. Yeah. It's fun to say. You've been radicalized. I spent a lot of years being mad at you guys for saying that. No. Why didn't you ever say anything? And saying, the commercial says Reese's, you fucking idiots. So you've been sitting here mad at us for years?
Starting point is 00:07:52 Yeah. You say Reese's Peesies? So what, it's a-T? T? The extraterrestrial? T? So you think just across the board, there's one rule. Doesn't make sense. One rule, one. Cause also- Don't pick up the phone, Tea
Starting point is 00:08:18 I'll do a leap. Oh, you got a fan and Paul of Tompkins true do up Dua Dua Dua, but she was very she's very charming and a great voice, but like not just a great singing voice, but a great speaking voice as well. What if you did like a Pitbull song at your next veritopia? Pitbull? Pitbull. Do you think she does cameos? I was just like constantly big upping Miami.
Starting point is 00:08:34 Yeah. That would be really funny. Could I buy? A place I've never been. And you're not performing there? I'm never going. But that would be really funny. It would be really funny.
Starting point is 00:08:43 Think about that. I'd like to buy you a cameo. No, you don't have have to I'd like to buy you a cameo from Dua Lipa I hope she makes cameos. Do you think she does? No, I don't come on. What up? It's a little extra cash Who do you think is the person? Who absolutely does not need to be making me make me as it is. Oh, there's a bunch on there Yeah, who let's let see. Let's see. Richest person who still does cameo. Yeah, because you can't go by highest rate, highest charge, because that's not...
Starting point is 00:09:10 I'll tell you somebody who shouldn't be bothering is Brian Cox, because I saw on the cameo page... Who's that? The guy from Succession. Oh, he's wonderful. Oh yeah, he does cameos? Yes, he does. What? It's something for him to do, it is.
Starting point is 00:09:22 Here's what he does. The dance stage. Yeah, you know, he's a star of a had something for him to do. It is. Here's what he does. Advanced age. He's a star of a great show and probably another one already. He has his wife or somebody print out the information that they once said, and then he just like reads it. Now, I understand that you got a promotion at work.
Starting point is 00:09:37 You also always throw in a fuck off at the end. I love it. I think he's literally in a terrible hotel that I stayed in in Atlanta. He's literally, that's the ceiling I stared up at because I thought it was plywood. He stared up. I literally, I think that's where he is. By the way. By the way, you could tell it's a great angle
Starting point is 00:09:57 if you could see the ceiling in a canyon. It's up his nose. Hey, what? Pick up your phone, much like Dua Lipa's hand. One, pick up the phone. We don't want to see the ceiling in. You're sad and alone. He might've stopped doing it because I can't click to his page anymore.
Starting point is 00:10:09 The AI overview tells me that Kevin O'Leary is probably the richest person who, he charges $1,500. Who is he? Oh, Mr. Fucking One. Mr. Fucking One. God, I hate that fucking guy. Oh, I was picturing the actor Dennis.
Starting point is 00:10:23 Hey, Kevin O'Leary, fuck you. But if we do go on Shark Tank with Pac-Man 8, obviously we want you to buy. Yeah, he's definitely gotta be the richest person. What if we go on Shark Tank with a website? But he's all about business. What are you selling? So he's just going, who cares?
Starting point is 00:10:37 It's a website. We made this website. You can leave a voicemail anytime you want. To him, that's just another investment, I would say. But I'm curious about an actor where you're like, you know what, they're cool. They do a lot of great work. They don't need extra cash.
Starting point is 00:10:54 They could be perfectly fine with whatever they have. Because I feel like he's somebody where enough is never enough. I feel like Kevin O'Leary is doing it for the fame aspect of it. Like, oh, you know. My personality is the winner here, yes. Like, oh, yeah. My personality is the winner winner here. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:05 I'm Mr. Wonderful. Yes. Other individuals with significant wealth who have made appearances on Cameo include Mark Lassery, co-founder of Avenue Capital. What's that? Oh, what the fuck? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:11:21 Is it a mortgage company? Just some business dude. Here's the most expensive ones. Mariano Rivera from the New York Yankees. How much? Five time World Series champion, $750. It's expensive. I'm going to go down to the bottom of the list because it looks like.
Starting point is 00:11:37 It's an investment. Caitlyn Jenner. Why are you nudifying your bottle? I like to. He tore the wrapper off his bottle and made it nude. It looks like some severance food. It does look like severance food. Just like a white bottle of liquid.
Starting point is 00:11:52 You'd only get it at the severance factory. Here's lunch. Yeah. You can get it at home. Kevin Lingenner, $2,500. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off.
Starting point is 00:12:00 Kevin O'Leary, $1,500. Kevin Smith, $999. Juicy J, $900. Kevin Smith, $999. Juicy J, $900. Nigel Lithgow, so you think you can dance, Judge, $1000. Recently me tooed. Yes, Michael. Is that true? Hey, tell me about being me tooed. For $1000, dear.
Starting point is 00:12:19 Could you meet to my friend at his birthday? Can you shout out Paula Abdul, who you supposedly harassed Michael Beasley? Pro basketball player. Brian Cox is $689. Wow. I think he's off it because I tried to click to his page. And I said, oh, this is interesting. Chris Diamantopoulos. Oh, that guy. Yeah. $399. How much did you charge for? But when I first started, I charged $50. That was $399. How much did you charge for? When I first started, I charged $50. That was a huge mistake. Huge mistake. Cause then I had a million to do.
Starting point is 00:12:49 That shows you the problem that I have with my self-worth. And then I eventually raised it to 250 and was still getting like a bunch. I was really surprised that people had disposable income. You want to make it so high that no one ever orders it. I don't want to do that. But you don't want to do it all day long either. You know what? Maybe I'm going to get back into cameo and raise money for my eye surgery. Yes, please Paul. I was going to say that.
Starting point is 00:13:14 I was going to say that we should have a cameo day. Intentional use. Where we set up a studio for you and like a camera and all this kind of stuff and you can just bang them out. Just boom, boom, boom. Absolutely. We'll make it a big fundraiser day. That'll be so fun. If we make it, I think it should be at least.
Starting point is 00:13:29 I'm glad you said that. Yeah, make it 250, but you explain what the goal is. Yes, and you always mention your eyes at some point during the camera. Should I look sort of unfocused at the camera to make it look like, oh man, he really needs this. Yeah. Definitely.
Starting point is 00:13:46 Yeah. Z-Way, a thousand dollars. That checks out. That seems good. And Ice-T, 600? Wow. Z-Way, how do you feel about charging 400 more than Ice-T? Come on. Z-Way. One of the OGs in the game.
Starting point is 00:14:01 Z-Way. Z-Way being a thousand makes sense. I think that's a perfect use for the way her humor, you know, it's funny to make it a thousand dollars. Drewbreeze, 900. Okay. John Daly, golfer John Daly, we should. Ribbit and ribbit.
Starting point is 00:14:15 800, yeah. So I don't know, those are some of the most expensive, according to this website from over a year ago. Okay. Now, when you, when AI overview comes up on Google, I need to put in minus AI. Yeah. How do we, so for every search you have to put minus AI. I was thinking, can you just disable it?
Starting point is 00:14:35 There's probably some sort of setting. There's other browsers where you can disable it or search on the screen to disable it. But, um, so that's, that is using water every time. Every time you search for something with Google. Yeah. And AI overview comes. Oh, really? Well, that's what I'm kind of everything uses water. It's just how much not the ocean. That's true. I got you here.
Starting point is 00:14:58 I'm going to Google water. I'm going to put all this doesn't all how anything that's hooked up to electricity and power. Oh, it's so much more pleasant to have that minus AI. Because it's always written so dumb and it's always like, water is a thing that people need and it's like, shush your face. Shush your face. Shush your face AI. This is much nicer.
Starting point is 00:15:16 It's how we use to do it. Let's do away with the letters AI in general. Okay. Well, then we wouldn't have the wonderful punctuation on the song the Macarena. And your name would be Paul. No, we yeah, we're PUL. PUL. Oh, so we're getting both A and I. Yeah. Not just a combination. Not the combination though. Someone made Lurin Lucas. Your name would be Scott Kerman. Uckerman, Uckerman, Uckerman, Uckerman, Uckerman. Yeah, I do it for to save the planet. I don't mind Paul Pio. Yeah, I guess I don't mind that.
Starting point is 00:15:54 I don't mind Paul. Great poll. I have my bowl and learn. No, I don't learn. Good pole pole. Wait, I also lose the eye in Tompkins. Tompkins. But you can still pronounce it Tompkins. Like the weekend. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:12 Oh my God. It was so sad. You know, that movie put out that was universally panned. He was I went just before after the idol. A few weeks ago. You dumb fool. Oh, I didn't hear about that. People don't like you doing these things.
Starting point is 00:16:26 Yeah, he made a movie with Jenna Ortega. And I never heard of that. And so Cool Up and I were walking down Hollywood Boulevard because we had just seen another movie. Was this just the other day? It was just the other day. We just had seen the new Mission Impossible and we passed a big.
Starting point is 00:16:41 It's called Hurry Up Tomorrow. Hurry Up Tomorrow. We passed a big- It's called Hurry Up Tomorrow. Hurry Up Tomorrow. We passed a big activation that had taken over a huge lot on this corner of Hollywood Boulevard with like a giant blow up thing of the weekend and all this kind of stuff. What blow up thing? You don't mean like an inflatable.
Starting point is 00:17:00 I think something like that. I forgot. I just didn't even really clock what it was because as We were passing by there was a security guard who was practically begging people to come inside He was like he asked us he's like do you want to come inside and take any pictures with this? Is that where you were no this is on Hollywood they the Hollywood Boulevard. They had so many, when I went to the movies, they had so many huge cutouts for each movie
Starting point is 00:17:29 that the whole lobby was like full of them. Yeah, there's like a thunderbolt swan of the growth. I guess they just want us to post it on Instagram and spread the word. Well, it's why- Which is, when you think about it, they don't- We're not gonna do that job for them.
Starting point is 00:17:40 They don't invite like celebrities to movie premieres anymore, They just invite influencers now. Really? Because they know they'll, they need contents, although be posting themselves on the red carpet and go like, look where I am. That makes sense. And so it's just, they just have nights for influencers.
Starting point is 00:17:55 Did you see that thing where studios are renting studios to influencers now? To like content creators? Because no, because it's too expensive to, yeah. And they just have these buildings. Dude, it's such a doubt. It's such a downer. We are in a bad era. Truly. You know what I like to say? It's the worst timeline.
Starting point is 00:18:17 Uh, yeah, that's funny. You should tweet that. I hate this timeline. I do hate this timeline. You're so funny, Paul. You're so funny. I'm just like flabbergasted sometimes with how funny you are. Really? Thank you. It's crazy. The connections you make. The connections I make. For example, that one. Per ejemplo. That's crazy. That's crazy, Paul. Whatever it was that you said. Wow, that's crazy.
Starting point is 00:18:47 Wow, that's crazy. When do you want to set up this cameo day, Paul? I was paying attention to you. No, I think it is a good idea. We'll rent a studio, because apparently they're really cheap, and we'll say you're an influencer. Let's do it at Paramount Pictures.
Starting point is 00:18:59 You're not gonna do it all in one day. It's gonna take place over the course of a month. No, we want to bust these out in one day with you, but I need you to do it for 24 hours straight. Oh, so like you rack them up and you don't film them until then? Until you have them all. Yeah, exactly. And then we just bust them out.
Starting point is 00:19:12 Boom, boom, boom, boom. So let's see, how much is the surgery? Yeah, the surgery is $8,400 an eyeball. Times two, so it's 16, so $1,700. Yeah, $1,700 with the tip. But is that including anesthesia? Is anesthesia included? No, $17,000. $17,000 with tip. Right, is anesthesia included?,000 17,000 with tip right is anesthesia included
Starting point is 00:19:27 1700 I do it tomorrow is anesthesia included in the cost. Yes, everything's included except except the lens So let's just make it 20,000 because whatever You're gonna you get some uber eats You have to do 40 times 20 is? Four times two is eight. I'm going to be reimbursed for all those glasses I've worn over the years. Eight hundred. It's eight hundred. So you need to do eight hundred of these.
Starting point is 00:19:53 Oh my god. Is that right? Should we make it cost more? Twenty thousand dollars. Why are you making it forty? Divided by two hundred and fifty. Where are you getting forty? Eighty.
Starting point is 00:20:02 You need to do eighty. Jesus Christ. What did we just say? Eight hundred? Yeah. You need to do 80. Jesus Christ. What did we just say? 800? Yeah. Yeah. You need to do eight. I'll just take my eyes out. No, 80 is 80. Who took his eyes out? Me, me, me, me. 80 is reasonable. 80 is reasonable. I could do 80. So let's make it, let's make it a goal. And we need all the piss pigs to unite. We need 80 piss pigs who are willing to part with $250 for a good cause.
Starting point is 00:20:27 And you can always know that when Paul sees you played a role in that, whenever I read a sign, it's because of you. Yeah. And I think we really cat calls a woman walking down the street. I would love it. He could do that with his blind. They just wouldn't know. Hey, I'm blind over here. I think you're hot. Whoever you are across the street. It's like whistle and then go, I'm assuming. Um,
Starting point is 00:20:55 I really want to unite the piss pigs. Yeah. So not just for this. I think because I've wanted to for a while, but I didn't, we didn't have a car. There's too much division and I hate, I hate it. I hate it. We have, you know, far more than 80 listeners, but probably 80, I think who are out there who are going, I have 250 and I want to do this. So if you're listening, that's you. I bet there's probably one listener out there who would pay the whole 20.
Starting point is 00:21:18 Well, if you, and Cameo, can you pay more than the cost? What if it's Mr. Wonderful? Kevin O'Leary, I know he said some mean things about you earlier. Oh, and cameo probably- With how we think you're a piece of shit. Wait, cameo probably takes a cut. Cameo probably takes a cut.
Starting point is 00:21:33 So you have to account for that. I think I said you're definitely going to hell. How much does cameo take? Oh yeah, what's cameo's cut? We have to account for that. We do have to account for that, yeah. I think they take 95%. Why are you doing this?
Starting point is 00:21:46 Cause that 5% Let's get this going. In fact, maybe by the time this comes out, because this is July 10th, we should, we should have it in place. We should have the plan. Yeah. I have some time over the summer. Do I have an end date of like, like September? September 12th. Okay. Your Okay. Yeah. Okay. I have some, I have some time over the summer. End date of like, like September, September 12th. Okay. Your birthday. Yeah. Okay. So, so from now till September 12th, let's order these cameos. Should we save them all up for one day?
Starting point is 00:22:17 So you'll have to get it all set back up with cameo. You're going to do them one at a time. Can you just like, um, I'll do them over the course of a few days. Can you just like, 80 in one day. You should do them as they come in. They're only two minutes minutes do them as they come in. You don't want to be overwhelmed But do you have to tell him you're doing this or just turn it? When I was in the fucking $50 ones, I was in a hotel room going insane. I like joined cameo Put it up like $50 took a flight
Starting point is 00:22:41 Cross-country and then got there to like a million fucking Oh my god I sat in a hotel room for like two days doing these things Like you're in naked lunch or something You didn't get to go see anything cool Would you rub some of that powder on my lips Can you just turn back on your page? Okay so we're gonna do this
Starting point is 00:23:01 What's that? I turned my page back on You can just choose to do that at any time So Yes. Okay, great. So July 10th, we are announcing it here. Paul's going to, Paul's going to do this and hopefully by September 12th, 80 of you will have done this. And then will you schedule the surgery on before Christmas? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Great. I will have to check and see what the recovery period is. They do one eye at a time. Okay. Okay. Which is more than fair. Yeah, you want to be able to see. Like in case they poke one in.
Starting point is 00:23:31 Would you get the surgery on Christmas Eve if it were available? Scrooge style? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, the second eye. I would time the second eye to get done on Christmas Eve. Okay, great. That's one of the interesting notes.
Starting point is 00:23:44 Paul's promise. You get one fixed and then you have glasses in one eye. So what are you gonna do? How are you gonna, you have to get glasses with one lens. I'll poke the lens out. Yeah. Yeah. You'll look stupid, but that's fine. Hey, no one will know.
Starting point is 00:23:56 All right, we have to take a break, but we're gonna do this. We're gonna do this. All right, we'll be right back. We're not involved at all. Guys there's someone I want to introduce you to. Okay, who? J-Lab.
Starting point is 00:24:15 Oh, is that you misspoken you're saying J-Lo right? No no no. Really? No, you're incorrect. Okay. And no, it's not my girlfriend. I'm happily married. Thank you. Okay It's Jay don't have a side piece Okay, J lab tell me about Jay, what is J lab they are headphones and speakers as vibrant as your summer
Starting point is 00:24:40 Beach days workout sessions or chill moments. You can find the perfect sound with JLab as I previously mentioned. I got some of these. Oh, so you know! Yeah! JLab's colorful collection has something for every summer adventure and every moment. Okay, here, Lauren, picture headphones and speakers in fresh summer colors with features you actually want for things like beach workouts. Have you ever chilled by a pool?
Starting point is 00:25:06 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like sunset jamming sessions. We all do those. Or sunset jamming sessions. You're telling me something I already know, because I recently got a pair of J-Lab's J-Buds Lux Over-Ear Headphones in the color cloud, which was honestly the perfect gray.
Starting point is 00:25:20 It's what I got. It's chic, it's cool. Yeah. Yeah, well, they've been the perfect companion for my summer travel, because let me tell you, It's perfect gray. It's everything. It's chic. It's cool. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they've been the perfect companion for my summer travel because let me tell you, they're lighter than my other headphones that I had before. They fold up, which my other ones didn't do.
Starting point is 00:25:32 These are things that make it much easier to travel. I put them in the bag. They can go. They're super comfortable. They have active noise canceling, which obviously you need on an airplane. And the best part, they fold up. That's what I love. I could not fold my other ones.
Starting point is 00:25:44 I love to fold them. And the best part, they fold up. That's what I love. I could not fold my other ones. I love to fold them. And they actually connect. Unlike remember when we were on tour last year, Paul, and I was watching Aliens Resurrection and the headphones didn't connect and I just ended up blasting people shouting, fuck you. Yeah, yeah. They were really mad at those aliens. Anyway, don't miss out on JLab's newest line, their Summer Speaker Series. From pocket-sized to party-sized, the JLab Party Speaker Series brings powerful sound to any summer gathering.
Starting point is 00:26:12 By the way, pocket and party are not mutually exclusive. They have vibrant colors like lime green, cyan, and hot pink, as well as classic black. Maybe start with the ultra portable Pop Party speaker for beach picnics, then step up to a go party for backyard barbecues, then level up with J-Bud's party for all day beach sessions and go epic with the Epic Party speaker in Classic Black delivering 100 watts of massive 360 degree sound
Starting point is 00:26:42 for unforgettable summer nights. By the way, personal experience, I learned the name of the color cyan from playing Halo multiplayer. Oh, good for you. I learned it from the New York Times crossword where it appears regularly. Look for the blue box at retailers everywhere
Starting point is 00:26:56 or shop jlab.com and use code THREEDOM for 15% off your order today. These are already low prices. You're gonna get 15% off. All you gotta do is look for that blue box at retailers everywhere or shopjlab.com. JLab, we love you. Yep, and use that code THREEDOM.
Starting point is 00:27:12 Hey, I like to drink. I'm not going to lie. I'm a grownup and I'm allowed to, the law says I can. I like to have a glass of wine. I like to have a beer on a hot summer day. I like to have a whiskey occasionally if I'm in my study. But here's the thing, as much as I love drinking, drinking doesn't love me back. Sometimes the next day is a noxmer. But there's a way out of this.
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Starting point is 00:28:01 The Out of Office Gummies come in four different strengths so you can find the perfect dose for your vibe. Choose from a gentle micro dose, perfect buzz, noticeable high, or a fully lit experience. I think you know what that means. With wellness at the forefront, you can feel good about what you're getting up to putting into your body. I saved it. All of Sol's products are made from organically farmed USA grown hemp and are vegan, gluten-free, and low in sugar. And if you like the out of office gummies, you gotta try Sol's Out of Office Beverage, a refreshing alcohol-free alternative perfect for summer sipping. Don't be like my man Scott, lose track of what you're doing and end up watching The Beekeeper all night long. Bring on the good vibes and treat yourself to soul today. Right now soul
Starting point is 00:28:46 is offering our audience 30% off your entire order. Go to get soul.com and use the code freedom. That's get soul.com promo code freedom for 30% off. So this episode is sponsored by green light. Remember summertime as a kid, the freedom of nature, opportunities born from boredom, rites of passage like riding a bike, setting up a lemonade stand, a man selling ice cream, and even learning to earn and manage a buck. With school out, summer is the perfect time to teach your kids real world money skills they'll use forever. Greenlight is a debit card and money app made for families
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Starting point is 00:30:38 It's July 10th. Of course, it's a week after my birthday. How was your birthday in your mind? Yeah, tell me. In my mind, it was great because there are currently, as we're recording this, no plans to do anything special and I don't know whether that will change. Now, do you like that or do you not like that?
Starting point is 00:30:53 I kind of like that because it's like, the idea of getting older in a birthday to me is like such a bummer that who needs to celebrate it. But you know, who knows, maybe I'll go see that Jurassic Park movie that comes out on my birthday. Don't be bummed. How are they still making them? Don't be bummed about getting older.
Starting point is 00:31:10 Why is that dear? Because the alternative is to die. Yes. Now, correct me if I'm wrong. It seems to me that since, ever since the third, no, I'm gonna say. They made six prior to this movie. So the third, OK, so it was Jurassic Park, the first one.
Starting point is 00:31:28 It's like we did. Classic. Stunt called classic. We made dinosaurs. Uh oh. Yeah. There's problems. Yeah. We didn't. We shouldn't have done this. We didn't foresee this. Second one, they say, hey, there's still all those fucking dinosaurs running around there.
Starting point is 00:31:40 We're going to get some. Yeah, and then it's like an extraction team, but it's not like the parks open or anything like that. No, no, no, no. Then the third one I think is still them going back because there's... Don't... San O'Neill is back. I think we figured it out. We got it now. It's good. No, I don't... I actually don't remember. It's my least favorite, I think. But I know they go back and they're still like, now there's pterodactyls and stuff flying around. Which is the one that has the gymnastics? Gymnastics?
Starting point is 00:32:06 Who's doing gymnastics? Jeff Goldblum's daughter. She does gymnastics to run away from a velociraptor. What? I swear to God. I don't remember that. I don't remember this. I swear to God.
Starting point is 00:32:17 What happens in the fourth one? So then the, well, Lauren's in it. But they got the- Is that the fourth one? Yeah. They got the park back up and running. Now velociraptors can be trained to do tricks. Yes.
Starting point is 00:32:29 And they're but but they're like, you know what? This park idea is still a good idea. Yeah. Instead of like making these dinosaurs, you know, go into other countries and fight our wars for us. Let's make it a big let's make it a big theme park. Why didn't we just turn them loose on other countries? Yes.
Starting point is 00:32:46 They decimate the population. We walk in. We're hailed as heroes with garlands of flowers. So then the second one, I think the park is closed at that point. But now they're auctioning off dinosaurs to the heads of other countries. And they figured out we can clone humans.
Starting point is 00:33:03 Oh, I forgot about that aspect. Remember the girl, like Hammond's granddaughter or whatever is a clone. And they figured out it doesn't. I don't remember that. I just crazy. I just remember the auction, like the first, the starting bid for one of these dinosaurs, I remember being shockingly low. Well, we've got a lot of products.
Starting point is 00:33:20 I know, but it's like, really? That's $250. Yeah. I know, but it's like really? That's $250. And then this, the last one prior to this one is they go back to the island for some reason, is all the old people and the new people together. Jeff Goldblum's back. Oh, Laura Dern, Chanel. And now this one, what is it? And Lauren has glimpsed briefly in that. On an ID card, which I yeah that yeah um which I
Starting point is 00:33:47 learned when it came out sure I'd love to be in it again yeah sure me too and now this one look I think these movies are dumb put me in one my character survived so I'm willing to work there again exactly yeah and then this one we don't know what your character would go back to work for this corporation you don't know what's gone down in the last 10 years. Has it been 10 years? It came out in 2015. Wow. Happy anniversary. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:34:10 The 10th anniversary of you and Jurassic Park. I know. I can't believe it. Wow. No one can. No one can. It's unbelievable. Oh!
Starting point is 00:34:19 Some might say it's crumb-believable. It's crumb-believable. Let's go run you to Crumble! Of course, that's from Kraft Macaroni with crumbs on it. Not cookies, as we like to say every time. Kraft Macaroni with crumbs. We clarify that constantly and people are arguing with us constantly about it
Starting point is 00:34:36 and we're like, guys, we know what we're talking about. We're experts, we're on a podcast. It's Kraft Macaroni with crumbs on it. With crumbs, God. The other day, Emmy and I were at, I picked her up from school and then we went to Coffee Bean and I got her an orange. No tea leaf?
Starting point is 00:34:53 It also had a tea leaf in there, but she was so excited to get an orange juice in the middle of the day. She was dancing and... Dancing! Dancing in the store and everything. And then she saw Albertson's, which is a grocery store, a local grocery store, across the parking lot.
Starting point is 00:35:11 She hadn't seen it, like getting out of the car or going to the thing, but she saw it and she gasped. And she said, do they have crunchies in there? Which is what she calls croutons. Oh my God. She has croutons. Oh my God. Yeah. I mean, she likes them fine.
Starting point is 00:35:32 That's really funny. She part duck. I think she might be part duck. Like a quarter duck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, that's adorable.
Starting point is 00:35:41 That's seeing the world through the child. Do they have crunchies there? I was like, yeah, we're not getting them right now. Not only do they have crunchies. That was fun. That was fun with her too. She was like, OK. She just wanted to know where they were. Just wanted to know where they are.
Starting point is 00:35:51 They're in there. Look, I thought because I'm having an orange juice in the middle of the day that all bets were off today, but I guess not. I thought maybe some crunchies could happen. I'm psychotic because I asked if the crunchies were there. Oh, and it's walkable? OK, but yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:03 We could just go across and get the crunchies. But I can't have them. Because I'm weird. Yeah. There is a picture of her dancing, uh, or just dancing in her chair. Very excited to have this. She's so fun. And that was, that was me taking a secret. That's not her posing. That's, that's her doing actual. She's looking directly at the camera. I think she's noticing that I am. Okay, great story.
Starting point is 00:36:29 All right. You asked her to do that. You're right. Protector dancing. We're not even a coffee game. You took the orange juice away just for the picture. This is a green screen too. Wow.
Starting point is 00:36:41 That's so sad that you felt the need to do that. I just did because I wanted you guys to think I'm cool. That's what you chose to do. Yeah. All right. I voted for the Emmys yesterday. Oh, I did this recently. As a member of the television academy.
Starting point is 00:36:55 And what do I get out of that? Well, I'll tell you, I get to spend money. I was going to say, because mine last vote for the Emmys. Mine last and I didn't renew it. And I'm, but then I'm, when you said that I felt jealous, but then I thought, but what? I'm just be paying to vote for the Emmys. Here's what you're missing. I like to vote though.
Starting point is 00:37:13 I like to have my voice heard. Oh, sure. And you get to see what you're missing is you get to see the same five names over and over and over again. Yes. I, I, I never vote for the popular thing anymore because it's like, it's wasting your vote. Well, if it's already won a bunch, I'd like to let something else win. I vote for genuinely things that I think are good.
Starting point is 00:37:32 Yeah. And I also realized, well, I'm not going to, you can vote in some categories, you can vote for seven things. Yeah. I'm like, well, I'm not going to do that. Right. You don't have to vote for seven things. Right.
Starting point is 00:37:42 You're just watering it down. Yeah. We had a whole system when something we made was eligible of like, tell all your friends, like only vote for us and you can't vote for anything else because that splits the vote. Yes. You know, so and it worked. We got a few noms here and there. Nice stuff.
Starting point is 00:37:58 Nice stuff. It's good stuff. Nice stuff. Well, congratulations on being, you know, a member of society. And also with you. Yeah. That's great, Paul.
Starting point is 00:38:09 We live in a society is what you were trying to say. We live in a society? What is that from? Is that from Seinfeld? No, it's like a Joker meme. It is a Joker meme. Is that where it comes from? I thought maybe it was what Nicole Kidman said
Starting point is 00:38:20 at the beginning of the AMC. I'm going to explain this. Please don't be going to the, we live in a society. Me explained. I love meme explainers. It's so even things I know, it's funny to just read the descriptions of them. But I think, I think that, uh, uh, what's his name? Who made the, the Snyder cut?
Starting point is 00:38:44 Zach Snyder. Yeah. What if his name was something else? He just called the the Snyder cut? Zack Snyder? Zack Snyder, yeah. He put... What if his name was something else he just called it the Snyder cut? He put the Joker in his Snyder cut saying we live in a society as a nod to the meme, I think. Didn't he? I don't know. Hold on a second. It's just purely from a meme? It can't be. Yes.
Starting point is 00:39:01 Why would that catch on? It's always associated with the Joker. It would be something he said. Yeah. Somebody wrote this for the Joker to say in a meme? Okay, it's early. Because it's not like a funny thing to say in a meme. The earliest trace of its origins can be found on Hong Kong based meme site NineGag in April
Starting point is 00:39:21 2015. I'm actually familiar with NineGag. This is in the form of an image macro of the Joker accompanied by the caption, when the nice guy loses his patience, the devil shivers. Oh, true. This particular meme struck gold for a few reasons. Firstly, the whole nice guys finish last gamer incel superiority complex has long been a running joke in the commentary of nine gag.
Starting point is 00:39:42 Yeah, a joke. been a running joke in the commentary of nine gag. Yeah, a joke. Anyway, then what happens? This is far too long. I don't want to read 80 paragraphs about this. I feel like it had something to do with George Costanza. Did Seinfeld predict the we live in a society meme? You're right.
Starting point is 00:40:02 Okay, the Chinese restaurant episode. Didn't predict the meme. It doesn't predict it. It would have been pulled from that. Yes. Okay. Then there's 15 paragraphs about Seinfeld and its popularity. God damn it.
Starting point is 00:40:18 I don't need the history of society. This is obviously read by AI. I want the whole internet deleted. Here's what I'm guessing. I'm going to guess this. In that episode, George Costanza says, we live in a society. Like, we live in a society.
Starting point is 00:40:30 And then somebody said, wouldn't it be funny if the Joker said that? Yeah. The end. That's it. And that's pretty much how memes go. This is literally 30 paragraphs later. He yells this in the Chinese restaurant.
Starting point is 00:40:44 He says, we're living in a society. Mm-hmm. Sorry? Ha ha ha ha! Fucking shit. I wish this was on microfiche. This is the longest article ever. Wait, did Zack Snyder really put this meme into Justice League?
Starting point is 00:40:59 Yes, and the internet went crazy. Who played Joker in the Justice League? Jared Leto. Oh, good for him. Because he did it in Suicide Squad, where he sent. Is that a Snyder joint? No, but it was in the universe. So he. But I mean, they change out who plays these people all the fucking time. Well, not for this, Paul.
Starting point is 00:41:20 Now, all the Snyder guys, by the way, Superman opens tomorrow. All the Snyder bros are trying to review bomb it. Like that'll work to get the Snyder verse back? No. Who, what are you doing everybody? What are you doing with your life? What am I doing with my life? Talking about it.
Starting point is 00:41:39 What's wrong with you? What are any of us doing? What are any of us doing? I missed that one time I got to talk about and just like that. All right, you guys go ahead. You guys go ahead. We've been talking about,
Starting point is 00:41:49 we live in a society name for a while. You guys talk about and just like that. Okay, there was a meme in the episode where Miranda was made into a meme. That's true. And she was struggling because- Miranda, the character was turned into a famous meme? Like yes.
Starting point is 00:42:02 Yes, she got memed because she said the word see you next Tuesday on the news by mistake. I thought a meme was more like a picture of someone. They kept calling it a meme, but I mean, it was a- It's more like a, she went viral, it was a viral clip. Yeah, yeah. But people were like remixing it and stuff. There were probably stitches that were incoming.
Starting point is 00:42:21 Okay. But remember like the girl who's in that meme of the, she's kind of confused. And then the next one, she goes, oh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like they saw her at a concert or something about a year ago. Who's they? When I say they, I mean they-
Starting point is 00:42:33 The woke mind police. No, they panned to her on the big screen. Well, she's like a comedian. Right, and she had to do it. And yeah, and everyone cheered. I mean, that's funny. That's funny. She was on Kayla Herron's podcast.
Starting point is 00:42:44 Oh, good. Was she really? I've never even been on it. I'll just seek that's funny. That's funny. She was on Kayla Herron's podcast. Oh, good. Was she really? I've never even been on it. I'll just seek out that episode. It was funny. Kayla's podcast is really good. Yes, it is. Should this be a meme?
Starting point is 00:42:54 That should be a meme. Yeah, I'm showing the picture of Emmy dancing again. TFW, you have orange juice during the day. Yeah. Yeah. That feeling when you know there's crunchies across the street. All right, well, we're going to take a break.
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Starting point is 00:45:28 Burnu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu if everybody had a ocean a what i don't know hey summer though am i right and in summer we have so many plans to do so many things but you know you know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans? Getting burned by your old wireless bill. Can you imagine a Beach Boys song about that? B-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n- Anyways, while you're planning beach trips, barbecues, and 3 day weekends, your wireless bill should be the last thing holding you back. That is why I made the switch to Mint Mobile.
Starting point is 00:46:15 All plans come with high speed data. Does that make sense to you? It does to me. Because data is what I call data. And so when I say they all come with high spade high. You know what I'm talking about when I say high spade data. It's high speed data, right? They all come with it. They come with unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network, ditch overpriced wireless and get three months
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Starting point is 00:47:10 I'd be sitting pretty right now instead of doing this ad. Well anyway, this year, skip breaking a sweat and breaking the bank. Get this new customer offer and your 3 month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month at MintMobile.com slash threedom. That's MintMobile.com slash threedom. Upfront payment of $45 required, equivalent to $15 per month. Limited time, new customer offer for the first three months only. Speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes on unlimited plan taxes and fees extra see Mint Mobile for details Be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch,
Starting point is 00:48:11 be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch,
Starting point is 00:48:19 be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch, be witch Can I tell you why we haven't talked about this? Yeah. The real reason we stopped doing the thremiums, our families were threatened. Yeah. And people said, if you don't stop doing these thremiums, we're gonna kill your family. Now that's interesting.
Starting point is 00:48:40 And we were like our whole family, cause there's certain people. Pretty extreme. Honestly, I wouldn't mind. If I could direct your gaze over that. I got a lot of family, you know what people, honestly I wouldn't mind if I could direct your gaze. I got a lot of family, you know what I mean? I wouldn't miss a few of them. But then they were like, no, we're talking.
Starting point is 00:48:51 Yeah, we're talking about your entire family. And we tried to bargain with them. And we said, what if we do five more thremiums and you just beat up our families? Yeah. And they said, no. And we said, what if we do 10 more thremiums and you just push some of our family down the stairs? Yeah. And then they say, however they fare, how that's up to them.
Starting point is 00:49:13 And they said, no, they would not budge. They wouldn't budge. They were the greatest negotiators I've ever dealt with. Yeah. It was incredible. Honestly. I liked watching you guys negotiate. Can I tell you a fun negotiating story? Yeah. Yeah. That it's one of those stories where if you hear it and you think, oh, wow, that sounds cool. And then you think about it a little bit. It doesn't hold up.
Starting point is 00:49:36 This guy has a meeting with a toothpaste company where he says, I have a way to increase your sales. You know, blah, blah, blah. You're going to make this much more money, but I'm not going to tell you what it is until you give me first you have to give me like $5 million. And then I'll tell you this, this way that you can do this. Okay.
Starting point is 00:50:00 So they grant him his request and he goes into this meeting and he says Increase the diameter of the opening of the tube by you know 0.2 inches right and then he leaves And it's like it sounds like oh wow what a cool story Well, of course it didn't happen because nobody's gonna give you fucking $5 billion for nothing.
Starting point is 00:50:27 Yeah. And then you just say, make the opening bigger. This is a fake story? It's a fake story. Oh. This is a fake story? But it was told to me like it was a real story that was gonna blow my mind.
Starting point is 00:50:37 Right. I have heard stories about- I kinda love that shit. Yeah, but then they were like, I'm just kidding. No, no, this person believed it. Oh. Or, either they believed it, or they believed that I would believe it.
Starting point is 00:50:52 So none of this happened. So this didn't happen. This is a fake story. No, this didn't happen. No, no person told you this? Yeah, no one told you this? And then what you're revealing is that that was fake? I just made it up.
Starting point is 00:51:01 And you're making up right now that you made it up? Yeah. Which is actually true. I, it's actually true. I read it in a book. I have heard about people stealing money, like bank. I've heard of people doing that too. I've heard I hear about this. The Joker.
Starting point is 00:51:18 We live in just the side. Yeah, I've heard of that. No, but I've heard something about like ransoms or money where they say, they catch the person or whatever and the person goes like, you know what? I could either go to jail or I'll give you half of it back. And the people usually take half of it back. What?
Starting point is 00:51:41 Is this the fucking guy who haggles with the grocery store? I know. Right. This is what I've heard of him. Who's this? I'll give you 50. What is this the fucking guy who haggles with the grocery store? Who's there? I'll give you a 50. Like the bank. It's like the banks or the whatever. I don't even know what it is, but, but my friend's father, who's a businessman, was telling us this about, about, uh, how crimes are usually resolved with the person just going like negotiating how much they're gonna get absolutely
Starting point is 00:52:06 Just telling you what I heard like the Hey, don't you the messenger? The bank would say you know what yeah, we'll take half the money back I mean if the other option is sending you to jail we want to make sure you're free you you just admitted that you did this And it's insured I know it doesn't make any sense. We caught you. And it's insured. I know it doesn't make sense, but this is apparently what happens.
Starting point is 00:52:28 I guess like if you're that well liked at the bank, we're like, ah, you're one of our favorites. Can I just keep half and then I just won't go to jail? All right. What if it was I give it all back? I wish you hadn't done this. Yeah. I know me too.
Starting point is 00:52:40 Although I'm kind of happy I did because I got 50% of the money. No, sure. But we will take that offer, yes. We'll take half the money. Well, in any case, guys, we're doing our VMs on the TMS here. And these are messages that you send to us. That's voicemails on the Toysmails. On our famous website, hackclaims8.com.
Starting point is 00:52:58 Yes. Which is not even, I mean, I feel like it's reductive to even call it a website at this point because it's so much more. It's a lifestyle. It's so much more. It's a lifestyle. It's so much more. But you guys know that already because you've already signed up and we thank you so much. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:09 We've entered the wellness sphere. And what do we offer? We offer a website where you can leave a voice. Kevin O'Leary, you listening? Or is it Leary? Sharks, my pitch to you today on behalf of my two friends is a website called HagClaims8.com. All right. We're going to hear this one and here we go. Hey, Freedom Gay. It's Shelby from Evanston, Illinois.
Starting point is 00:53:38 My hometown. Shout out to Lauren. Thank you. I know she's from here. I just moved up here from Chicago to open up my little embroidery business. If y'all ever need an embroidery, shameless plug. Cool. But I just left a message previously about Echo Valley on Apple TV Plus. I thought it
Starting point is 00:54:02 was a show, but it is a movie. I was expecting more episodes. We didn't hear this. But after an hour and a half, I was like, what am I doing here? It was just a movie. But there was a point in the movie where Julianne Moore was canoeing out into the water.
Starting point is 00:54:23 Oh, now I know what she's talking about. And was looking for something that she put in there. Spoiler alert. And all I could think was she's looking for something. She's looking for something. Dead body. Again, spoiler alert. So my question is, is there anything that you guys would jump into the water to look for if you had dropped it into deep water? What a fun question. Obviously there's wedding ring situations and things like that. There's always wedding ring situations.
Starting point is 00:55:05 But, I don't know, what do y'all think? I wouldn't, I don't like deep water and can't swim super well, so. Hey. She speaks for me. So you won't do what we're supposed to? Love you guys, you guys make my week better every week. Aw, thank you, Shelby.
Starting point is 00:55:21 So, love you guys, thanks. First of all, great name, Shelby. Love it, great town. She sounds Love it. Yeah. Great town. She sounds like she could be a nighttime DJ. Yes. Totally. Like this one goes out to Lauren from Mike. Mike says, I'm sorry, I'm not a better husband. But what did you expect? I have to say, there's not much that I could ever, first of all, I just wouldn't, I'm not capable,
Starting point is 00:55:46 but would I even send someone else to do it? There's not much that I would need that badly. Like Mike lost his wedding ring in Lake Michigan a few summers ago. And we looked for it for a bit, cause it would have been- Then why is it on my hand? It was possible that it could have been washing up to shore
Starting point is 00:56:04 from where he was, like, or, you know, it was like not too far out that he had happened. So we were kind of like looking by the, it was a feudal, you know, attempt, but we just bought a new one once we were able to do that. But it was just- What about family albums? Why would it drop into the ocean?
Starting point is 00:56:22 Because you- You stupidly took it on a boat. You dumb dumb. I mean, I guess I would feel scared and sad, but I'd be like, it's ruined now. That's a waterproof family album. Then I might have somebody jump down. What if it's in a bag, but that bag is full of rocks? Well then it might land in a place where it could be found pretty easily.
Starting point is 00:56:45 So good. So good for the person who has to go down. What about you guys? You know, I found recently with the fires when we evacuated, we were trying to figure out like what to take. And I really there was not a lot. Same. I know it's weird how you kind of go, I guess that I would just have to, I mean, be sad
Starting point is 00:57:06 and really hard, but I would be able to. Everything could technically be replaced. So I took, I took my computer because you know, that's where, that's where I live. That's where your current ideas are. That's where you're hearing me out of. Yeah. But no, that had, you know, that has like my music on it and scripts and stuff like that.
Starting point is 00:57:24 Although, you know, all that could be backed up. But I didn't even take the hard drives that have all of the comedy bang bang stuff in it, which I should have. We feel like we talked about this. Yeah, I had like a couple of boxes. You hose them down every night. Oh, yeah. Just to keep them damp. I have boxes of like some mementos that I would want. But I you can only fill your car like your car gets full very fast,
Starting point is 00:57:46 if you're escaping something. You can't like fill it with huge rubber maids of like journals and then also have like the necessities that you need. I definitely take those comedy bang bang action figures, the big Sue one. You could never replace that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:59 When the fire was happening, it really did as we were like packing a bag, looking around and like, all this shit is meaningless. I know, it's a weird thing. It's really really, I go, why am I doing this? Yeah, it's actually, you go, why did I buy this stuff? Even though it's like, I don't care about you, I don't care about you, I don't care about you.
Starting point is 00:58:16 It is really weird. You were looking at Jamie when he said. She didn't know, she was wearing dark glasses. But you were putting tchotchkes into a bag but saying to Jamie. I don't care about you, I want Jamie. I don't care about you. I want these. I don't care about you.
Starting point is 00:58:27 Yeah, I mean. It's tough because, yeah, what would be on a boat that you would lose, that you would have to go after? I don't even, I don't think, I mean, you know, again, I don't wear a wedding ring because of the, by the way, still getting, anytime it heats up, I just get these terrible rashes on my fingers.
Starting point is 00:58:46 What do you have, eczema? I have a thing. Shut up. I have a thing. Wow. I have a thing that happens now where sometimes the first knuckle on my hand, on my finger, gets itchy. There's no rash, there's no, there's nothing on there. It's very similar. Yeah. What the fuck is going on?
Starting point is 00:59:08 Our bodies are turning against us. I don't know. I don't wear a ring on that finger. It's really weird. I waggled my eyebrows. So you're saying there's a chance. But I don't think I would dive for a wedding ring. I feel like if Cool Up lost a ring and she was like, no, I would maybe dive in there for her. Cause she can swim. It also is how deep are we talking?
Starting point is 00:59:31 Is this something that you definitely can rescue? If it's 30 feet, there's no way I'm going to get it. But if it's 10. I'm not going to get the bends for a phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The phone. No phone, I would just go, that's done. Buy phone. I'm not even going to try. Cause you can replace that. iPhone, buy phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The phone. No phone. I would just go, that's done. By phone. I'm not even
Starting point is 00:59:45 going to try because you can replace the iPhone by phone. No phone, no motor car, not a single luxury. Yeah. I would maybe dive down for a jet ski. That's interesting. If the jet ski was just pointed straight down. So you could get back to land. Actually, I told you that story, I think, when we rented the jet ski. Actually, you told that. At my Christian water ski trip and we rented. I thought this was going to be where the boat sank. I don't know about the Christian water ski trip. Yeah, we rented, three of us rented a jet ski and. No, we do know this because there was a drunk driver,
Starting point is 01:00:17 not a drunk driver, that was a different time. This is different I think. Yeah. I turned it on. It was a boat where they sank the boat. They don't tell you, they don't tell you, no, this is a totally different trip. Yeah, no. This is when I'm 15.
Starting point is 01:00:27 That's what I'm telling her. Different Christians. Okay, man. So they don't tell you, especially when you're renting a jet ski to 15 year olds, they don't tell you, hey, when you turn it on, like this is all they said, they said, okay, this key turns it on.
Starting point is 01:00:41 When you turn it on, you should be sitting on it because it will just go. Oh my God. So we were like, they gave us no instructions. So I turn it on and I'm like, uh, okay, I guess I turn it on. Then I get on it. I turn it on. It just takes off and crashes into a boat. Were people on the boat? Yeah, but the boat wasn't damaged or whatever. So we're like, sorry. They're like, yeah, it's fine.
Starting point is 01:01:07 So then I get on the jet ski. They didn't tell you, huh? They didn't tell you to sit on it? Well, for next time, sit on it. We rented for an hour and each of us are gonna take 20 minutes, right? So I get on it and I'm- Video game style.
Starting point is 01:01:21 I'm tootling around on it and within five minutes it sinks down to the bottom of the ocean. I'm holding onto it while trying to swim. They're not just automatically buoyant these things. So this is what they say. They pull it out of the water and they're inspecting it. And they go, well, there's this big hole in the jet ski. How did this happen? And we are like admitting like, oh, well, there's this big hole in the, in the jet ski. How did this happen?
Starting point is 01:01:48 And we are like admitting like, oh, well, when we first turned it on, it like crashed into a boat and one of the adults with us, um, looks at it and goes, this is a hole that existed already. You just patched it over with something and it's come loose. And they're like, oh, okay. You don't have to pay for it. Yeah. Well, now I remember that. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:03 And they're like, oh, okay, you don't have to pay for it. Oh, now I remember that. They were trying to trick you. So, but anyway, they made fun of me for years. They dined out on this of me sinking on a jet ski in the middle of the ocean and just. I mean, that's funny. It is, I mean, it's a funny visual. I would dine out on that.
Starting point is 01:02:19 I'm gonna dine out on it now. Hey! You suck. Let me tell you about this idiot I know. Anyway, so that's what I think about when I think of those two trips with the sinking boat and the sinking jet ski. You're not good in your water. But what else is, I mean, I don't know. I don't know what's like, I mean, maybe if it was something of somebody else's, I might
Starting point is 01:02:38 feel bad and have that moment of panic. But I don't think that there's anything that would, because I don't also, I have no, Mike though, Mike loves to dive, he loves to swim. I think he'd be happy to go look for it, whatever the thing is, if I wanted him to. So at least I would, I'd probably try if he was there. But if he wasn't there, I'd be like, it's over.
Starting point is 01:02:57 Maybe some of my priceless artwork, like the Monet, I would maybe go down and dive. Yeah, I guess maybe you should go get that. You'd have to go so fast. Cause it's going to wash the paint off. Has Mike ever seen the movie, The Incredible Mr. Limpit? I don't know what movies Mike has seen, dear. You don't?
Starting point is 01:03:15 You've got to talk to him about this. I know every movie Janie has seen. Really? You know, I don't, it hasn't come up. The Incredible Mr. Limpit. OK, well, I guess I hope your relationship improves. Do you know that movie? Do you know what that movie is? No, I've never heard of that.
Starting point is 01:03:28 This movie was a movie that when I was a kid would be on TV on Sunday afternoon, like every other Sunday. Don't nuts, is it? Oh. Mr. Roper. Mr. Roper. No, Mr. Furley.
Starting point is 01:03:40 Mr. Furley. Mr. Furley. That's what I meant. Andy. This is a movie that's half animated, half live action. Uh-huh. And it's about a man whose life is so miserable, he wishes he could be a fish. Then his wish comes true, and he becomes a fish who wears glasses.
Starting point is 01:03:56 A cartoon fish. I know what you're talking about. Yeah. Let me see this. And he participates in World War II. I remember, I can picture the image. Doesn't he ever remember? Yeah. Oh, totally, yes. He helps the Navy. I remember I can picture the image. Doesn't he have to remember? Oh, totally.
Starting point is 01:04:05 He helps the Navy fight Nazis. And the Japanese. I was asked to develop this for a certain actor. A certain deranged millionaire. And I turned it down because I was like, I just don't see this being popular anymore. No. In the 60s, I get it.
Starting point is 01:04:22 Or when I was a kid, I was like. Did they update it to the Iraq War? I didn't know that about the war part of it. I sixties, I get it. Or when I was a kid, I was updated to the Iraq War. I didn't know that about the war part of it. I maybe didn't even watch it. I was just like, he's got a friend who's in the Navy, who somehow he the friend realizes that's him. It's just fucking Jack Weston from the Four Seasons. Oh, and so the TV show, the Four Seasons. No, from the from the actual movie. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:44 Oh, he the Mr. Limp it who is incredible by the way. Yeah. He's able to help the war effort as a fish by making a noise that somehow fucks up the Japanese sonar or something like that. The noise goes like this. This is like a mummy's voice. or something like that, the noise goes like this. Hey! Hey! This is like a mummy's voice. Oh, by the way, by the way, we did get clowned
Starting point is 01:05:13 by the internet. I know. Because that was not the original mummy noise. I know. But you know what? It's just as good. It's just as good. It made us laugh just as much as.
Starting point is 01:05:21 The original mummy noise is something like, huh. Yeah, that's also really stupid. It's just really stupid. And also like, don't we know if it was a person, it made noises like a person? Like what are we even doing? Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 01:05:32 Great point. I've never understood why we're trying to figure out what its voice was. I never understood the whole concept of it. We wanted the... It's a buried human. We want to know what these creatures sounded like. What did a mummy as a human be?
Starting point is 01:05:44 What did a mummy sound like? What did a caveman sound like? One, two, three. All right, well, that's going to do it for this episode. It surely is. Shelby, let us know the name of your embroidery company so we can patronize it. Trying to sift through these emails,
Starting point is 01:06:01 and we didn't even hear your first one about. Sorry about that, dear. About something else. So who knows? Apple plus movie that you thought was a TV show. If we'll find this one. But that's just what happens on Hack Claims 8. This guys.
Starting point is 01:06:14 That's what happens. This is a perfect illustration of what happens on Hack Claims 8. Yeah. And on the phones. People will leave three messages and we'll only get one. That's how it works. People ask you what is Hack Claims 8.com all about. This is a great example and use this example. Yes. It's unclear how it works and it's unclear how to work it.
Starting point is 01:06:33 We're going to see you next week though. Yeah. As usual. Buy tickets to my show with Mary on August 31 at Denny C Typewriter and live streaming. Come see Vriotopia at Laudroom on July 13th or live stream it the same time. And read the Astonishing Spider-Man on the Marvel Unlimited app. If you are reading it, I feel like this week something went down that is of interest.
Starting point is 01:06:59 What? Is he okay? And I can talk about it later. Okay. Oh my God, I hope he's all right. Or maybe it was the week before, who knows. But I think if you're a fan of mine, you'll be interested in reading this particular arc. Okay. Wonderful.
Starting point is 01:07:16 Goodbye. Bye-bye. Parents, we know the childcare crisis is not just another headline. It's a daily struggle playing out in millions of homes across this country. I'm Gloria Riviera, and this is No One is Coming to Save Us. This season, we're demanding a childcare system that actually works for kids, parents, and educators. We mean, pre-Birth to Five, full day, nearby, easy to apply. No one is
Starting point is 01:07:47 coming to save us. Season 5 from Lemonado Media, out now.

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