Threedom - That Implies Toys

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

Lauren, Paul and Scott talk about sneaking into places, passwords and listen to voicemails! Follow us on social media @threedomusa. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail at 424-252-4678 (HAG-CLAIMS-8).

3-0! 3-0! 3-0! 3-0! 3-0! 3-0! 3-0! 3-0!

3-0! 3-0! 3-0! 3-0! 3-0! 3-0! 3-0! 3-0!

It's called 3-0 and you heard us say it a bunch. And that's why we said it because that's what it's called. We wouldn't have called it that if we didn't call it that. Do we say it three times? I don't even know. We's what it's called. We wouldn't call it that if we We wouldn't it said if we didn't call it that we say it three times We do say it three times. Yeah, because freedom appeared in the mirror. I need under the table. No So when three of them appears in the mirror. Yeah, what are you supposed to say you say hi three? Hey girl Barbie we are three of them and we say hi to three Don't do we have to say it backwards three times to make it disappear? Three times? Three times. Yeah, you messed up.

Say it three times. Say it three times fast. Three times. Three times. Three times. Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh. What is that? Nothing.

Nothing at all. You're for the pebbles, baby. You're for the pebbles, baby. You're for the pebbles, baby. We need a fruity pebble shirt. That's what it's both up there. Pebbles. We need fruity pebbles shirts.

We need fruity pebbles shirts. You're fruity pebbles, baby. It is the perfect. No, it should be literally you as Barney you as Fred I'm a Barney. Well, you're blonde quote unquote and a blonde Fred and a Bruneette Barney. What about a redhead Velma? That's how we don't get sued. And then who am I? I guess the... Oh great, Pebbles, yeah. Sorry. You lost what you'd be. You're right.

I was thinking maybe the dinosaur. Like Scott, you'd be, should be Fred. I'll be Wilma and then you'll be Pebbles. And now see if Rudy Bells, maybe. You'll be, maybe. Can someone draw that and I'll make it a shirt? Yeah, and you go. You'll get a cut of the proceeds. I'm sure.

Yeah, $20 or so I think. Yeah, we'll sell one shirt. For $750. All we got is L's won. It'll be like Wu Tang. Yeah. What's going to make one really expensive T-shirt? We are like Wu Tang.

In a lot of ways. Yeah. We're nothing to fuck with. Sure. I mean, that's a given. Some of us are dead Wu Tang. In a lot of ways. We're nothing to fuck with. Sure. I mean, that's a given. Some of us are dead. That's right, this used to be five dumb. And the five dumb. Ah!

Ah! If. Old 33 dumb. Let's just say it now. If one of you guys dies. We'll continue doing this show. Yes. Bye, guys.

Shows over. That's too weird. No, that's true. It's too weird. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It'd be too much of a dude party. Well, you could just do your other CBB talkback show. Huh? Yeah. It'll show you. Do a little talkback about you. Will you give us the show to do whatever we want with it to manipulate your voice, do whatever we want. Imperputuity, throughout the known universe. Yeah, for $100 right now. Okay.

Paul, do you have $100? No. Oh, shit. I can't scrape it together. Let's call the bank. Ooh. Beep-o-bop, beep-o-bop. Hello, bank.

Yeah, do you have one? It's Scott and Paul. Sorry, I couldn't hear those two people talking. It's Scott and Paul. We're very excited. We need $100. Oh, it's Scott and Paul. Yeah, let me pull up your file

I'm doing but people don't okay the fly just came out of my computer. Oh, no Brunette fly is it really? I was a long fly with long hair just crawled out of my computer and I guess I'm gonna die in seven D's D's Shit, oh gotcha you want a hundred what now? Okay, you mean doll hairs Oh shit. You want 100 what now? Dollars. Dollars. Okay, you mean doll hairs, don't you? No, dollars.

Just actual US currency. We're trying to buy, you know Lauren. Yeah, of course. We're trying to buy her likeness forever. Okay, I think it's worth a little more than that. It doesn't tell her that she gave us. Okay, that's her fault, but women don't know their worth. And I'm always saying this.

Boy, that's true. Do you want to add it to your dollar? Yeah. People, blah, blah't know their worth and I'm always saying boy. That's true Yeah, people bubble people bubble. Oh, I'm sorry. I put hi. Are you you got the phone? Yeah, okay? Oh hang up Hi, is this Lauren? Yeah, hi, this is big the bank. Hi, babe look I heard from your buddy Lauren. Who is it? You're willing to sell it? For should a bank should it make you're willing to sell it like this? Shut up, Mike. Shut up, Bank. Shut up, Mike. You're willing to sell your likeness from all me back. Shut up, Bank.

What's that bank, sorry? I just heard from Scott and Paul that you were going to sell them your likeness for $100 in perpetuity. Yeah, you think that's too much? Should I say 50? Too low, sweetie. You could at least get $500,000.

Well, $0.000 million. Can I have that? I will give it to you. Okay. And I'll sign the contract with them. Kind of in an rehearsal or way. It's me, Mac. I was like, Mac is putting some fruity. Mac, what is it?

I'm on the telephone. I got the script idea. Citizen Kane. Who? Citizen Kane. Who wants to see a movie about a citizen? I can't think all about citizens. Exactly, Paik.

I gotta go. Bye, Paik, I love you. People, I'm back to on the phone with you. Hey, it's hot morning. So I just spoke with her. Paul and Scott. I'm Scott. I know what you meant.

I just spoke on the phone with her, and I'm gonna give her $500,000.000.000. You're gonna give her that? And I'll sign the contracts with you guys here to get her likeness, but my name's gonna be on it. I'm gonna stamp it with my notary stamp and we'll be all good. Is that a conflict of interest

you being a notary and a bank? Yikes. Hold on a second. You're missing the headline here, which is that Lauren's getting paid. We don't even have to pay her for the likeness. What? So we just own it.

We just own it for everything. And we can make monies? Yeah. just own it. We just own it for everything. And we can make money? Yeah. Oh my gosh. Let's do it. What do we want her to do? Yeah, I was desperate. Let's test out the technology.

Let's test out the technology. It sounds like you guys are going to just have a personal conversation. Oh, I see young people. No, I ran away, but I came back because my phone was off the hook and I heard you were still talking. Oh, hey, well, I'm just talking. Good joke.

Is that your call waiting? That was me hanging up. Oh, oh, wait a minute. Let's test out the technology. I have Lauren say something really weird. Okay, type in something. Uh, that's a good thing. Okay.

And press send and Lauren will say it. I like to put my foot in my mouth. I love it. Hey, what are you guys doing? Oh, hi, Lauren. Hi, Lauren. I'm not saying we're computer stuff. Yeah, men hi, Laura. Hi, Laura. Nothing. Computer stuff. Yeah, men's computer.

I can't imagine. Why did it sound like my voice was coming out of that computer? Oh. We were watching what are your videos? Oh, you're funny, funny videos. You like my funny videos? Yeah. You got so many.

You're on for things like the latest Jurassic. You're pregnant, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're watching your pregnancy video. Funny, funny videos. I love going viral. What did you come to see us about? So I wanted to pitch a little something.

So I recently acquired a lot of cash. And I was planning on opening a water park. And I'm wondering if you guys wanted to be investors. Let me talk to Paul about it. Is mine hanging out here for one second? I can hang out. She obviously wants water. I mean tap.

Oh, maybe that's good enough. Okay, let's find out. Okay. Hey, we probably could give you a gallon of tap. And then more something like a hundred thousand to two hundred thousand dollars a piece. Dollars. Dollars and water different things.

Yeah. Forget it. I just want to do it. I just want to do it. What if, why say bye? What? She just like buying cold eyes. Good.

Good. Oh my god, that's so, I basically hung up on you. Oh my god. All right, okay. What if we, what if we we say you can use our hose and We will pay the water bill. Yes. Change for a cut of the profits. Okay. Let's say. Okay. Hey Lauren What we got? We got a nightmare. What were we dreaming? This Dracula was trying to do some crazy stuff at a movie theater

And it was like biting it up. Oh, he was like getting in from the screen going like, ah. Was it a vampire movie? I don't know. I was like a dream. I don't care. If it was a vampire movie, that would be a dream. It's going away.

I don't even know what it was. Okay, okay. It was just a dream. Dream, dream, dream. Oh, she's still dreaming. She's still, she's been dreaming this whole time. I, and we're back. Hey, Lauren, what were you just, you just fell asleep during our Freedom Podcast.

I did. Yeah. It's crazy. I dreamt you, as we're gonna use my likeness in perpetuity. Why would we do that? I don't know. It would be nuts. We're not gonna do anything like that.

No. We don't know how. Type this into your computer. Okay. Hey, it's me, Laura. Excuse me. I love Yeah. Hey, it's me, Laura. Excuse me. I love racism. What?

What? Are you sure it didn't say reason that's? Oh, sorry. Oh, there's a typo. Auto correct. It always auto corrects to racist. That's really weird. Why did you think goober's made that happen?

Big goober. Like goober computer technicians. Goober goober computer technicians. Goober, Goober computer technicians. Goober tech new mission. Good Warren commission made this happen. Goober, Goober. If you had to eat one movie theater candy for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Oh, I got, there's two in mind. Yeah. Yeah. Number two, milk duds. I don't even know that I've ever had them. I love milk duds. Wait, they're melted? I thought they were peanuts in chocolate. You're thinking of whoppers, Jim.

I think of whoppers. What are milk duds? Milk duds are chocolate and catamel and they're very chewy, very chewy. They're not peanuts. No, that's goobers. Oh, oh, but then what's a raisin at? What's a raisin at?

Raisin is a raisin. Okay, hold on, I never really explored all those when I was kid, I would always get bunch of crunch and I would get a, Oh yeah, Nestle crunch. Nestle crunch. Or sour candy. Nestle candy.

But nowadays, I know that's what I would get though. Well, also my mother, I'm gonna be your title to do that. My mother would sneak the candy in That was the one She would allow her Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do We'll speak that candy in the movie if it's a dirty one. A Christian thing that's got the mama. Do do do do do. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum That's a number one with a number. Yes, that's a buisit number one. Speaking of number one, junior myths. Those are really good, but you know, I can't eat them. I can't eat a whole box of ones.

I'm gonna give a shit. I'll eat yours. What you eat or what you're doing. But did you ever get nervous when you brought stuff into the movie theater? You had to like open your pop and you'd be like, I know they know I have a can. You thought like a police officer was going to come in

and escort you to jail. My friend and I, we did this a few times where he would buy a ticket and then open the side door and let me in. And then, that's real dirty. And then we got caught once and they were like, do you have your ticket stubs? And because he had the one, he was like, oh, I have mine.

I was like, oh, I lost mine. But because we had one, they were like, couldn't kick us out, but they're like, we're watching. Yeah, something seems. I can't figure out how this could have worked, but no. We never did it again though. So it did work. Are you without the ticket, so you can stay.

Don't even remember what movie it was, but. Probably, baby. That's actually weird. You don't remember. I remember the theater. I don't remember what movie. Orange County, Orange County Apple six, Wayne aparca.

The Orange County Apple six. Doesn't it sound real? It does sound real. Would you guys sneak into things ever? I've stuck into movies. I thought you know the famous story when we went to see what's famous. We said we were going to see Mr. Bean, but we saw. That's right.

I was on Dr. Bean. Skrini, I remember sneaking in with a young lady to see the... Mr. Bean. We didn't intend to sneak in, but there was nobody there at the box office. So we just walked in, we were very early, and then we were sitting there, we're like, we just, I guess movies are free now everywhere.

And then we heard somebody come in, and we like hid on the disgusting floor of the movie theater. And it was worth it to you. It seemed worth it to you. We were like in our early 20s. Yeah. And it seemed like we had to do that.

Yeah, the $2 you were saving was important. Yeah. Oh, back then it was a corner. But I also snuck into a concert one time. I got there early and said I was reviewing it for the city paper. Wow, that was a concert. It was the Pogs. And you had no relationships of city paper. Wow, that was a genius. It was the concert. It was the pokes. And you just didn't have a ticket.

You couldn't afford it. And you had no relationships of the paper. None. And the guy at the door didn't care. Ha, great. Did not care. It's a good lie because who gives a shit? There's no way the guy believed me.

He was like, okay. Really? Yeah, I don't know. Because the character, how old were you? Again, in my early 20s. Right. Yeah. And you't care how old were you. Again, in my early 20s. Right. Yeah. And you're like, hi, sir.

I'm reviewing this show for the local star. Oh, and he's like, okay. You would probably have a ticket, so. Aren't we the press? Yeah, I don't think they just give. Why would a one-off show from a band? Right. Why would they have such the people?

Why are you reviewing it. Why? I'm sure he's like 23 to get. The poges came out. Yeah, exactly. The lights went down. Everything was amazing and electric at the Alamo. That was when I discovered that the poges had a mosh pit element to their shows. Oh, I'm just a little reporter.

Yeah. Freedom of the press. You were embedded. Where you pushed around it. Oh, yeah, and I got out of it. The media. Yeah, you're like, yeah, this is not my scene. Right. I'm going to go back to the bar. I got to wait. I just got my mom sent some old papers to me. Like old, uh, what kind of spapers? Old writings of mine. Oh boy ranging from age seven to college There's just like a variety of things in this box. Could you tell which was which?

My writing has remained the same since I was a child I wrote some good stories when I was in second grade That was my role running. Continue my writing period. The next paragraph and you'll find out. Well, my college papers, I like glanced at one and I was like, I sound smart. Like I was like, those were the good old days when I would like try to use

about capillary or something. And then we got stoned and read the papers and they're not, I mean, it wasn't smart. It was hilarious. It was like so funny. I'm clearly filled with space. Yeah. I'm like analyzing a poem for eight pages. I'm like, yeah, there's some bullshit in here.

I remember the things I wrote when I was in high school in college. And they're terrible. Yeah. Like, why do they make you write things when you're so young and you can't write it? So brutal. I remember when we started to have to type things.

Yeah. When I was in high school, you didn't write like write out your essays or whatever you wanted to type them. And my mom, my mom had an electric typewriter and she had different fonts, font heads, you know. Yeah. It's a one that was like a capitals, all capitals and then the actual capital letters would be a little bit bigger, but all caps. And remember a teacher of one that was like a capitals all capitals and then the actual capital letters would be a little bit bigger But all caps you remember a teacher of mine had a problem with that. Yeah, they're like this is not professional

Yeah, it's like what do you fuck? Oh a lot of the notes on my papers were like Please see how to actually cite this properly and I'm like I don't care Do you understand how uncle you sound right now? I don't care about citing this Cool, you sound right now. Do you understand how much I don't care about citing this movie? I'm really learning, I mean, I mean. That was an elementary, they typed everything

like the official stuff. You were a TV show elementary. Yeah, Abit Elementary. Oh. Abit Elementary should meet the show elementary. What's over? Abit Elementary, Abit Elementary, or Abit Elementary Elementary.

And the strike. Abit Elementary's got, that it. Elementary, Abid elementary. Abid elementaries. Yeah. Yeah. But they would send everything out

in those cursive typewriter stuff. Did you see that? Oh yes. Yeah, that's the reason. So that's why it was like real church bulletin type font. Yeah, it's a pretty font. No one's out of font. So when you changed it out, did you have to just pull off all the letters and put other letters? How did you do that? No, it's a pretty font. No one's out to fun. So when you changed it out, you have to just pull off all the letters and put other letters.

How did you do that? No, it's like it would be like a ball with all the, yeah, it's just all the hammer. Yeah, and you press a button and the ball changes. Oh. And then it was an electric typewriter, dear. It was not. I didn't know that. And that's too early.

I missed what that meant. I wasn't sitting there and my, my camels my whiskey by side electric Actually don't think I know the difference Electric type one in but what does it do? Because It doesn't for you. It has yeah, you just tell what to type. Oh, okay, temperate Type the paper about James Joyce Oh, at the time. Oh, okay. At the time of, type B, a paper. Of course it fun. Some of the Jigs' Joyce.

But like, I actually don't know what. No, it is this ball, right? So that you hit the D. And the ball moves around. And it moves around. So instead of individual keys, instead of these, I'm minding these for Lauren.

Instead of these things. Oh, the ball has the letters on it. It's not arms on a ball. No, and it sends an imaginable, electrical impact. I can't. That's Cuber. Yes.

Cuber. Cuber. Did you use essentially Cuber? Yeah. I'm interested, actually. I don't know that I've ever been played with one of those. Well, who are you, Tom Hanks? You don't have to.

I like to have a little typewriter set up in my office with just a hundred different typewriters that I think are cool. I would love to have the space where I could dedicate a room to useless things. And I just like to look at. I know. I told you about my friend in college, you had. Oh my god. We all had two bedroom apartments and he had the money to only have one bedroom and in the other bedroom, he had just a typewriter and a desk for all of his poems. It's honestly so, so, so, so cool. He just seemed so cool.

Did he sell these poems for $1? poems. It's honestly so fascinating. He just seemed so cool. Did he sell these poems for $1? Yeah, like on the show we like. Yeah, we like it. We like that show. Can you, if you were to type something in like final, or not final, but like word or something, could you do the cursive font?

Do they still have that anymore? Oh, yeah, I like the cursive font. I mean, I was just recently. I'm big into font. I love font. Really, what's your favorite font? Your FF. Oh my God.

I love a branded print to double shadow. Oh, that's stunning. Have you ever thought of creating a Paul F. Tompkins font? Yeah, just like based on my handwriting and it looks like shit. No, but I mean, you could create one that is actually unique. I feel like trying to, that would break my brain. Hmm. Let's do it.

So your brain is breaking. Oh, I want my brain. I want your brains. I think you could do it. I want your brain. Brain is natural. Brain is fun. We were just talking, and I was just talking about how,

Microsoft Word is now a subscription-based. What? Get the fuck out of here. That's not fair. It pays off. And then not fair. Paydates. And then, yeah, we used to be. Then I also, my computer broke that I had funnier, funnier-dive,

final draft on. That was weird. That was weird. I used to have funnier-dive on it. I can't access anymore. I used to see the landlord video number I wanted. I kept my old laptop because I had funnier-dive on it. I had funnier-dive on it. I had fun had Final Draft with them, I got a new computer,

and then I had to get it again because the code didn't fucking work. I mean, at least I'm supposed to pay hundreds of dollars to use this thing. That fucking Final Draft code is like, that is the key to a treasure map. Like, you have to protect it at all. I know.

But the Microsoft thing bothers me so much because Microsoft, you have several different passwords for different Microsoft things, right? Or you have to keep changing it. It's so frustrating so that I will be doing a live show and then like, I want to access this document so I can make notes before I, you know, the show starts. And then it's like, that's the wrong password. And like, well, which path, I can't remember which password I'm supposed to put in for

this. I'm supposed to put in for this. I'm really, is this the same as the, as the fucking, you know, Xbox password? Yeah. It's like, what's your Xbox password? It is one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, nine, X. Whoa. It'd be better if you just made it one, one, one, one, one,

one, one, one, one, one, one, because you wouldn't have to move the mouse. What about six, nine, six, nine? All right, consider it to be nine, six, nine. Who 6969. Oh, I heard it. I heard it. I heard it. It's 20. And then like the security question is, what's your favorite thing? And then you're like, oh yeah, 6969, 6969.

I heard a story on another podcast called election profit makers, which is, we don't talk about other podcasts on this show. Oh, okay. All right, go ahead. Bruno. Bruno. We don't talk about podcasts. No. Oh, okay. All right, go ahead. Bruno. Bruno. Bruno. Bruno.

Bruno. Bruno. Bruno. Bruno. Bruno. Bruno. Bruno. Bruno.

Bruno. Bruno. Bruno. Bruno. Bruno. Bruno. Bruno. Bruno.

Bruno. Bruno. Bruno. Bruno. Bruno.ed down to 1 million and 10. We have to take a break when we come back. We'll hear about this podcast. If you'd like to know more, continue listening. Okay. And we're back. And Paul, before we left, was gonna tell us about another podcast.

Yes. You could be listening to instead, or you could listen to Paul talk about it. It is behind a paywall though. Oh, okay. And you are willing to pay. I'm willing to pay. These are, these are friends of mine.

They're very funny. David Reese and John Kimball. They host a show called election profit makers. And David was telling a story about some job that he had, where there was some piece of equipment or technology that required a password. The guy that knew the password left, he left the job. And then David, I think, took over the job and he had to get in this thing.

He couldn't find the password. And he had to write to the guy and say, hey, what's the password for this thing? And the password was six. No. That's so funny to have to say that. And that's what he said. The guy had no like, it's, you know, it's like, it was just like,

it was just like, S-E-X. That's so dumb. I mean, good idea. Great idea. Yes, well, you're always thinking about it. Oh my God. You'll never forget. Our house Wi-Fi password. Your house Wi-. You're never forgiveness. Our house Wi-Fi password.

Your house Wi-Fi? Wi-Fi. Our house Wi-Fi. Now you're just looking for holes. Your house Wi-Fi. Get a husband. Get a husband. I've held it to a crazy place.

But it's fart, fart, which makes us laugh. And we always, like, when it's a friend, it always makes us laugh to say. But then when, like, me or someone I work with has to say it over the phone to a technician or wherever we always try to disguise it by saying, okay, it's F-A-R-T-F. Okay.

A-R-T-F. And then usually they'll type it and then go, ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. You guys are fun. You know what, I'm not going charge you a thousand dollars for our Tf

R a was a US ATR R a YM O F F F F F F F R T F A I'm gonna have to do a bunch of new ass crimes I'm gonna shit to be about coffee for the Americans Does he ask for a No, I don't know that's funny if he does that is funny. Yeah, would be if he did, but I don't know he did I don't know. That's funny, if he does. That is funny. It would be if he did, but I don't know if he did. I don't know if he did. If only did.

Hey, Demi, season four asks for 55 napkins. Who's this? I had a sheet of advice. Oh no, God, Joe Pesci. Because Shaneid died, there's a lot of articles about Joe Pesci. Well, he comes up a lot because because he was the host the following week. I was the host of SNOTRA. If I was there, I would have smacked it.

I have to admit something. I've read five of those articles. I don't know why, but I've read it as Joe Piscopo each time. And I've just been imagining Joe, but probably because he played Frank Sinatra because it's always And then there's a Sinatra. Sinatra also said this and I I guess I've been conflating the whole time Frank Sinatra said something about him Yeah, he was like I would have slapped her or whatever the hell's wrong with that. I know. What do you care? I know I know I hate everyone just loved the Pope They love the Catholic

I didn't like slapping women. I was praying for him. You passed out praying for him. I've prayed for him. You loved him so much. What? A few years later, it came to pass. You always pray about the Pope. I hear you every night.

I do always pray about the Pope. Yeah. Paul, tell the story, please, of what happened two nights ago was it when you were talking to your sleep? Oh, yeah. Huh. Talking in your sleep. I hear the secrets that you do.

I very rarely talk in my sleep, but it's happened a handful of times over the years, and every time it happens, I'm not like somebody that talks in my sleep like mumbles and then I continuously. You don't see your passwords in your sleep, do you? Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. He's talking to his passwords, talking to his own.

He was talking to his passwords. He's talking to his passwords. Go type it in. Read his email. I'm going to bank.com immediately. Sex. It's just three letters and that's your whole power. Yeah, for everything. It's like it says you need more and you're like, nope, trust me.

You put sex. You figure it out. If you put sex, the computer goes, that one works. Yeah, by the way, it's getting too confusing with everything you have to add to passwords now, right? It's too much like you got to put this in you go to it now. I'm used to it now No, but see here's the thing. I feel like I started using like Google's like hard strong password. You're just now using Google. Oh my god And I let them do the password because and I save it or something because I go,

but a lot, what I used to write them all down because I always threw my password. And then I started doing that. And I'm like, well, just let the computer remember it. But then my computer died and I had to do this on the new computer. It doesn't remember. It didn't remember. But that that that usually remembers. Yeah. Yeah. Not all. I don't know. Or whatever I had. I've had them saved on the website. It's supposed to remember what exactly supposed to remember in the cloud But then like if it remembers it in chrome, right? Then it won't necessarily remember on your phone Anyway, it's a nightmare for me personally, and I don't want to speak and I struggle

I struggle with password and Mike always thinks I'm annoying because I don't know what they are for anything Okay, the end what I like to do I I am into like the special characters and all that annoying because I don't know what they are for anything, okay? The end. What I like to do, I am into like the special characters and all that stuff because I come up with a little phrase or something for places that I use a lot so that I can remember them. Yeah. Okay. And so I'll type that out using the characters and all that shit, replacing letters with numbers and stuff.

Yeah. And so I have like a certain system that I use, and it's just incumbent upon me to remember the phrase. Some of them like Microsoft, which I've had to change so many times, it will feature like an expression of rage at the website. It will feature an expression. Your password is like how upset you are. Oh, you're like piece of shit website.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, shit website that describes my penis. There was one I think it's like Twitter. There was like it was like for CVS or something like that where the password and I remember I had to like go into my passwords and show it and everything. And the password was please God. and the password was, please God. Yeah. My mom does a unique password for every single thing and it's something unique to that.

So if it's like Instagram, which I don't think she has, but it'll be like, we love to take pictures 19, 2023 or whatever. That's not that far from what I do. But she can't remember any of them. So she has to write them down in a notebook. And then like I've seen her do this, like flip through the pages of the notebook. No, this I have that.

I have that notebook. I have that fucking password notebook. And then I misplace it and then I go, I can't find my notebook. And then whenever I change the password, so I can't find the notebook, so I'll just make a new password. Then I don't write it in the notebook. Then the notebook's useless. It's like, it's a, it's a serious.

The movie of the notebook should be about this. It's this is a thing that we face in my home regularly. But that's your show show show. Does the notebook have a special place where it's supposed to go? No. That's what you need to do. I hear it right.

You need a notebook place. You're right. The notebook always goes here. That's a good idea. Underneath. Underneath. And you know what the notebook needs? A really good pencil with a good eraser attached to it

because it never has a pen and I go, ah, fuck it. Or it's a yeah, exactly. There you go. It's a real nightmare. If you're buying something for Lauren for Christmas, it's this notebook and a pen. And it's attached.

Yeah. I already have it. And a safe. But you need the little pencil. I got a pencil. I just need a pick. Hey, I need a golf pencil Those are the racers motherfucker. Here's a question. I need a pencil with a really good eraser I have a pencil that has an old eraser that's like basically rubbing a piece of plastic on him Yeah, why don't you take pictures of all the pages and then you'll have a backup Oh, but then by then all your websites will be hacked anyway

Why don't you instead of taking a photograph draw the page with all the passwords Okay, yeah, a poster into wallpaper and just hang all your passwords are hidden in wallpaper You look at that wall paper with your hidden passwords Yeah, it looks like payslees and stuff like that. Do people out there struggle with this? I want to know. Tell me in the poll. Thank you.

That's fine. No, of course they do. And if they don't, fuck you. Yeah. Here's my story. Yeah. It's about a true. Oh no.

About a girl that I want to do. So far, so good. So when I do talk in my sleep, which is very rare, I will talk at conversational volume and I will wake myself up. Wow. And so I'm waking up hearing myself say the sentence and it's jarring and weird. And so the other night,

I woke, both Janie and myself up saying this exactly like this. His name was Jesus Christ and everybody loved him except the Romans. That's crazy. I was dreaming when I was doing an Android Webber bit for somebody and that was the end of the bit and from I don, what makes your brain do this? I don't know. It loves me. It's so funny that it's an actual funny love.

It's coherent. Yeah, it's like, how is that? I feel like I've had dreams where I say something really funny in my dream and I'm like laughing. I'm like, that was so funny. And I- I laughed in my sleep a bunch. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I don't remember usually. I've had girlfriends tell me that I laughed in my sleep. You've had sex? And no, we just sleep together. So they laughed during sex and you laugh when you fall asleep? Yeah, that's right. I laughed thinking about them laughing. But I so I asked, so this girlfriend I had told me

that I laughed for my sleep and I said, what does it sound like? And she said, oh, Jesus Christ. It was horrible. Oh my God. Oh my God. I have a look at myself up laughing though, like, like full on laughing at something.

Yeah, that's fun. It is. Yeah. But it's so disorient. It's so, it's so, no. Okay. I am asleep. Shoot.

Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot. My name's Paula Comkinch. Hi, where are you? Wait, what did I just say? I thought I was talking. I just woke myself I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm, my name is Paul F. Tunkins. That's cool. To what end? Scott, you just said snores. I said snores. Snores, snores, snores. Yeah. Oh, I think I was dreaming about snoring.

So I was saying snores, snores, snores. Oh, imagine. Snores, snores, snores. How do you like it? How do you like it? Snores, snores, snores. Snores. I do.

Do you? Yeah. Regularly. On the regs? Frequently. Yeah. Stere regularly? On the regs? Freak. Freak. Yeah. Freaks.

No. I think I, at most, will go like, every once in a while. Yeah. When I was pregnant, I snored really bad. Wow. You know I say that was the big one. I think it was. Do you think it's because you're sleeping on your back more?

And yeah, back inside, and then like it's just, everything was pressed up on everything. Yeah. You know. I, I don't snore often, but I go, I will go through like a phase of snoring for like a few weeks or something. Yeah. You're just like, yeah. Jamal over it.

Yeah, she doesn't snore on it. And Jamie, like he's just going through a phase. She's calling people up on the sleep saying, good luck. If you hear Paul sn, like he's just going through a phase. She's calling people up on the sleep saying, good luck, if you hear Paul snore. He's just going through a phase. It's just gonna be a little things he does from time to time. My older brother used to snore, like great, we shared a room in East snore, like crazy.

Really? It was brutal. That's really annoying. And I had a friend stay on my house with snored so loudly. It was hilarious. You could hear it in the gut from the gut. Yep. Wow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Snoring's, I mean, you can't help it. So why do we have it? Oh my God, one time, what's it doing for us? My friend's like evolution doesn't exist because what? Obviously, if it did, we would eliminate snoring. Although, or is it something to scare away animals?

That's probably what it is. What about your friends? My friend, what a big dipper. The famed rapper. Big dipper. Big dipper. Not the constellation. We grew up together and we, in high school, we were having a co-ed sleepover with a bunch of theater kids. It was like one big room in my friend's house and we all were sleeping on the floor. And he was snoring so loud and I reached over and slapped him on the cast really hard because I was an idiot teenager. You know, I just went, I'm like, shit!

And it hurt him so bad. He was like, ow! I was like, I'm so sorry. I didn't know what I was doing. You know, I was just like, he's that thing of like where you're just like, you didn't realize your own strength. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't wake up out of a sleep. I didn't think I was going to hurt him. Yeah, it was more like just like, you didn't realize your own strength. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause I hear waking up out of a sleeve.

I didn't think I was gonna hurt him. Yeah, it was more like just like stop. And then I'm like, he was like, that actually really hurt. You hit him like a fucking snooze alarm. Yeah. I had a, it feels it to this day. Yeah, he's really upset with me. We've, I tried to get him to talk about it.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. I had a, I had a woman that I lived with that snored. Pretty, how woman that you lived with. If you know what I'm talking about, you blinked her a lot, probably. And it was definitely one of those things where it was like waking me up in the night.

That's how loud it was where you'd have to be, you know, be like just kind of like, shove or shake or whatever. Well, like Mike has a really hard time falling asleep so whenever he snores, I don't want to stop him because he just loves to play. like, yeah, chauver shake or whatever. Well, like Mike has a really hard time flying asleep. So whenever he snores, I don't want to stop him because he loves to play. Yeah, he's more, yeah.

But I just don't want to ruin the sleep that he's in and wake him up out of it. Even momentarily. Do you want me to do it? He'll have a hard time going back to sleep. Yeah, I can call you. You come over, you can't whisper in his face. That'd be really exciting.

Oh, whisper in his face. Hey, Mike, look get the fuck off. If he just woke up and saw you doing that, it would be weird. We'll let's plan that. Okay. As a surprise. Matt, when's he going to sleep next? Tonight.

Do you want to bother? Are you free tonight? I got no plans. I got no plan. I was in my 20s living downtown of Philadelphia. I had some roommates. hats in the bell for you, etc. and etc.

What was the one that the woman across from? Boys for tauts. Hold on. I want, I didn't remember before. I got to remember all this for the next quiz. It is not obvious is the problem. Okay. Is it a quiz? It is about to, it's sort of about, it implies a certain type of toy and it's an expression

It's not really a common expression top like a spinning top. No Toy time. Do you think toy time implies toys? Yeah, how about toys store? I thought it passes pass it, I'd be like, I think they might tell toys. That makes me think of toys. That implies toys. I mean, I'm inferring toys. Jacks in the bell. Oh.

Wait, was this one with Jack in the box? Jacks in the bell free. No. What's the toy? Is that giveaway? Yeah, gives the toy. It doesn't imply a specific toy, but a type of toy. Type of toy.

Wooden blocks. Blocks. Legos. Legos. Um, it stops saying whatever I'm saying. Oh, yeah, I want to say it later. What are kids? Legos are a toy.

Yeah, no. Okay, okay. It's a brand. Spheres. No. Balls. Ball, D's. D's. Balls, toys. No. Balls. Ball, these?

These balls toys.com. Come on, come on. What is it start with? The. Okay, and then this good toy. What letter does it start with? It doesn't. It's not a real toy.

Oh my god. It's not a specific toy. It is a genre. The game's real toy. It's not a specific toy. The game is a genre. The game's people play. It refers to a genre of toy. Oh, what Mary mortals we be. Oh, my gosh. Just tell me one more thing. What is the name? Oh, is that what you want? Yeah, yeah. Okay, go on forever. The last wound up. That's horrible. Yeah, terrible. It is.

And this woman worked there. Oh my God, remember I sent you guys this. This woman worked there. How dare she. The one that I sent you, like that, like one of those names, where I was like, is this what this is supposed to be? It's, okay, so it's the word dull.

So Lauren texted us a business the other day. The word double, dash, It's a Lauren texted us a business the other day. The word, Duh, D-O, letter O, Salon, double O Salon. So I was like, is it a couple of seven? A couple of, soul the untouchable song? Yeah. But do you think it's double O seven? Yeah, that's like, Duh, Duh, O, Salon.

Double O spelled out. Yeah. Salon. The only way this makes sense is if it's like at an address like double O something, like double O sevens. I doubt it is because I feel like, I feel like.

That's not an excuse for you to pick up your phone. No, it's on, it's not, that's not the address. Okay. So double or maybe, oh, what if the person who owns it has two O's in their name? Like it's Oprah, umphrey. Oprah, umphrey. Oh, hi. Can you think of another name that starts with O?

Umphrey, Olive. Okay, how about one that's... Olive, Oolive? A little more common. Com-more common than Olive. It is getting common, but let's... Common. Oh no, that starts at the seat. Oh man Oh man

Tutankham Our June common to do didn't When every year a reference to common I think of him saying look around From that one commercial from a commercial. Okay. Yeah, didn't need he was in some didn't he't he win an Academy Award for a song where he's just like, this sucks. Wait, so you did something else? You did something at the last wound up and then what happened? Because we just got distracted by the name.

Yeah. Yeah, I wasn't telling a story about the last wound up. No, you were telling the story about when you were living in film. We had a bunch of roommates and we would like, we hung out all the time, we drank beer all the time. And so, one night we were listening to music and... Fainly out. Perfect. Fainly out.

To most songs, like... We listened to this song. Fainly out. That's how it went when I was a year. What's that thing? I'm obsessed with how I keep doing this. What do you say that's how it went? When I first saw you. I was like, that was the song that you were listening to. It was like that. If that sounded like what it was like. No, it sounded closer to what Scott was doing. So it was like this. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, so we're listening to that, we're all drunk, and I say to my friend Sean, my friend to Rumi, Sean, I say,

tomorrow I want you to wake me up with this song and hand me a beer. And of course, I forgot all about this. Great. And the next morning, I'm awoken by the loud sounds of the song, and I wake up to see the bottom of a beer bottle right in my face.

Wow. And did you have any idea of that? Did you get scared? No, I started to smack it on him. I was so mad. He was like, you told me to do this. And I was like, wow. I guess you got me there.

And did you remember telling him to do it? Yeah, when he said that, he was like, oh, okay, right. I was mad. Did you drink the beer? Does that song? I don't think I drank the beer. I probably should.

That door of song. Does it go like this? Well, I feel so sorry. Yeah, that's so weird. Well, I feel so sorry. All right, we have to take a break. We're back. We're back. And this is freedom, by the way, I'm Paul. My name is Lauren. I forgot who I am. Now you'll figure it out. Really? By the end? Yep. Absolutely. I know you will. Okay. I feel like it starts with the W. Recently on your own. What? What? What? Yes. What what yes Restolence podcast you heard his name are you gonna throw up? Go through You go through I'm gonna go through my name is go through up. I like to bar

On Scott has in scene you were trying to place the phrase I knew that you could I knew that you could. I knew that you could. From what? From Billy Crystal. Billy Crystal. Wait, I was trying to play. Yeah. What was happening?

You were like, I can't, I can't remember where this comes from. What was, it was his, of course, his jazz man character. Yeah, no, I know everything about the Billy Crystal thing, but why were we talking about the phrase, I knew that you could. I don't fucking know, dude. That's not the important part of the song. Oh, I hate it when my parents fight.

The funny part is, is the minute you said I knew that you could, I went, oh, Bill Crystal. Yeah, and we can't remember the, that's why I was so strange. Interesting, I was like, he's gotta know this is Ken, you dig it, I knew that you could. Well, next time, text me while I'm doing the episode. I would like to hear you with me.

Oh no, oh no, Laura. I scrapped in a jar. I would like to hear you with me. Oh no. Oh no, Laura. I strapped in a jar. You're strapped in sand as damn. I hear a punch some holes in the top of the jar, so she can breathe. I'm trapped in a jar. I just wanted to say we should hear some listener voicemails.

I know somebody else who used to be able to do that thing talking to their mouth. Yes, then they were arrested for their participation in the January 6th uprising. No. All right, hey, it wasn't like right after. Oh right. You're supposed to be 6th, I'll pray. No, I'm not. All right. It wasn't like right after. Oh, right. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I actually never really tried to save many different things like that. It's really good. Try to say every word. Would you always say the same thing? I'm going to say, you're stuck in a closet.

I can't get out of the closet. I'm stuck in a closet. I'm stuck in a closet. That's great. If you could see Lauren right now. I'll post a video. Oh, that'll be so awesome. Here's what she's doing. She's drooling like a maniac. There's snott she could see Lauren right now. I'll post a video. Oh, she's doing she's drooling like a maniac

There's not she has a straight neck on it's coming down and nose. None is coming down Why is that in there? Jeff Roteau What that part of the song? Why is he put that in his throat? I was not at the introduction Something about I know I've run it up. ZB I was gonna be in search of something. I'm something of punks. I know I'm prondering up.

CBD, CBD, CBD, infused gummy. All right, here we go. These are, we're gonna play voicemails. Yeah, because if you'd like to call us, ask us for advice, give us a conversational prompt. You can call us at hag claims eight. This is Katie. It's great. This is Katie from Minneapolis, Minnesota. I'm wondering when was the last time you were so

hungry you had to eat something like a monster. I went on a long bike ride once and we stopped to get bacon cheeseburgers and malt and I ate them so fast. I barely see. Oh my god. On a long bike ride. Oh my God. Yeah, then you just die or head the whole way home. I would let if I did that, I would lay down for a week. I'd live in the park. Sleeping would be great. Yeah.

I will say this, speaking of eating like a monster. First of all, I do that a lot. I eat very fast. Every time today. I eat very fast. I eat fast too. I'm always done before Janie, before anyone. I know, I'm kind of embarrassing.

And a lot of times I hear people talk about it and they say like, oh, that's because I grew up in a large family and you were always worried that people were gonna take foot. No, that didn't happen to me. I just eat fast. Yeah, why do you eat fast? I don't know.

Do you think it was a large family? I've always assumed that, but maybe not. Maybe I just wanted to get done with dinner so I could watch TV. Yeah. I used to have to, like my parents would not let me watch TV until like all the peas or all the spinach

or something were done. And I remember there were quite a few nights where I just sat there for an hour. And I listened to the like wonderful world of Disney in the other room and me just sitting there crying and going, I don't want to eat it. I would have that too about like a cold meatball on my plate. I'm like, no.

I would love a cold meatball right now. I never want to eat it. But you know what? I actually do love cold meatball. Yeah, the pediatrician just told me about something. What? I don't know if this is like a common thing, like, way to describe this with kids eating.

But she said, you provide the what and the when, like, of the food, what food will be and when you'll be served. And the kid provides the weather and the how much, whether they will eat it at all and how much they will eat it. If they don't eat it, you move along and then they'll be hungry, she's like, when kids are hungry, they eat. So she'll be fine.

I'm like, because I definitely get into a bartering system with like, if you do this, I'll give you these five loops. take a bite and I'll do this. No, Lauren. I know, isn't that awful? Now she's in charge. Yep, she bosses me around.

She made you do this podcast. Yeah. Lauren was going to quit. Yeah, but Holly loves the show. I remember being at a friend's house and his stepfather made me not the step father. No, thank God. Oh, no, this guy was that super.

Terri O'Quiz. He was just an asshole. Um, I, they serve baked beans. I've always hated baked beans. I do to this day. Make you two. They're just a gross. It's just a musical fruit.

And I would not, I didn't want to eat them and he said, you have to sit there until that's not someone who wasn't your parents. What even my friends parent? Oh my lord. That's crazy. This guy was a true asshole. What a maniac. He was a real asshole and his mother, my friend's mother eventually did divorce him and then found this great guy for that. For what he did to you with a big deal. Enough of those. Like what's happening. You know cross my son's friend.

I'm trying to do the last time I ate like a monster. Do you have a story? Just every day. I mean, every day I go to bed feeling bad. I'm like, what are you? Does that count? One thing that I cannot help, but you'd like a monster is popcorn.

I can't eat popcorn, not make a mess. Yeah. And I feel like I get that taste of it, and I just want that salt. Yeah. It tastes so good. I can dump salt down your throat. I love it so much.

What? Yeah. Do you think it would kill me? How many of you have gotten? You're a flood. If I just, if I lean back, open my mouth, open my throat, you just dissolve. I think it would kill you.

You would stop being able to breathe, you would choke on it, you would be able to swallow. You would die. Oh my God, it's like videos. But let's try. Videos of people doing that. The cinnamon challenge. It's so good.

It's so good. It's so good. And they always think they can do it. They always think they can do it. They always think they can do it. I know. They're so cocky. You eat like a spoonful of cinnamon powder. Yeah.

And then like you just try to close your mouth but then people always go like spit it off. It's just a big clatter. Why can't you do it? You just like can't swallow. You can't just too much. Just crazy. I could do it.

All right, let's go get it. Okay, here it is. Oh my god. Oh god, you need it. You need it. You need it. You need it. What about, let's go get it. Okay, here it goes, my God. Oh, God, you need it. You need it. What about, yeah, I don't have any stuff. I don't really have a crazy one.

I feel like I just, Although hers wasn't crazy, she went on a cryonate a couple of cheeseburgers. But I mean, nothing standing out to me as like a timer, I was like, I had to scarf down a ton of food. I feel like, you know, if I get home from a long drive, I'm like, I gotta just eat some of this.

Oh, I was in the desert for a week without any food or water. Really, with a horse with no name? Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Oh, I gotta just eat some of that. I was in the desert for a week without any food or water. Really with a horse with no name. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Oh, I need to buy the end. Oh. That's the least you could do. Here's what I like about the desert. You can remember your name.

Yeah. And the reason is very simple. There ain't no one for to give you no pain. That makes so much sense. It's wonderful. Yeah. Okay. This is from... It's wonderful.

Oh, I will say also restaurants, if it's like one of those shared plate things, which everything is now. Yeah. Okay, this is from... It's wonderful, there. Oh, I will say also restaurants, if it's like one of those shared plate things, which everything is now, yeah, top is. It's always too much food. Have you dined with us before? It's always too much food. Stop, you're gonna tell me about top is, I don't care. No, I've been going to a place lately,

which I'm not gonna name here, that is the top is style, and it's like a perfect amount every time. I have to say, everyone gets a bite, everyone gets a little, yeah. I'd like to wrap it up. I'd like to wrap it up. Before we went into the woods,

we went to a really nice restaurant, which I can't remember the name of, and we had a waiter who was a server who was very like business-like and we liked it. It was obviously a character. He was putting on a voice in a way, like of like, oh, I'm Mr. Professional, you know, but we liked, we enjoyed that about it.

Okay. So you know, can I please help you so much with what you are looking to? Or let me tell you about our restaurant, you know, just like very business like, but I'll tell you we asked like what the good amount was and he took it very seriously and calculated in his head and was like, well, I think this is the right amount. And it was perfect.

Wow. See, every time we do that, here, I think this is the right amount. And it was perfect. Wow. See, every time we do that, here's what I feel like happens every time. They want you to order more because it's to boost their check. Wait, yes. And it's like way too much food. And also the prices are not reflecting sharing prices. Yeah. The prices are for individual on trades.

Top it. You look at the menu and go everything that we want. Everything so cheap here. Oh, guess what? You have to order 18 things. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. But anytime, so we'll, you know,

you have to have the long discussion with the rest of your table like, oh, it should be like this. This is like this. Yeah. You finally reach a consensus and you say, we're gonna have one of these, one of these, one of these, one of these.

And then somebody will always say, is that enough? And then the server will go, I get like two more things. They do that too. But I feel like my rule is like, why don't we get all of that? And we'll add if we need more. I don't know what exactly. You know what they're nice? They'll say, you can always get more if you want. But you know what they do? They take the menus away. Yeah. And then you then you're like, if I want more, I don't know, do you a birthday cake? And they won't give it back to you either. Yeah. They're like, oh, so then you then you're like having to guess if I want more I don't know do you a birthday cake and they won't give it back to you either

Yeah, they're like oh, so now you want some more stuff. Yeah, even though I told you you should have gotten two more things Yep All right, this next wife up. This is bed. Hi guys. This is Ben. I'm a Fisk from Michigan. I am a Adult Reckless soccer right now. I was just wondering, what do you guys enjoy or were you best at if anything, phone up, okay, cool,

let me guys fight. Hmm. What were, did we enjoy or what were we best at? So if you're really good at something that implies you don't enjoy. I was great at football, but I didn't like playing it. I had to quit before I got drafted. Yeah.

I was really good at it. Is that the draft? Yeah. And if I'll draft is, even if you don't want to do it I got drafted. Yeah. I was a little bit faster than I was. Wait, is that the draft the NFL draft is, even if you don't wanna do it, they drafted. If you are actively playing football, that's it. Oh my God. I mean, I liked playing basketball. I'm not good at it, but I like it.

It's fun. Lauren has just sank three-three as well. She said that. Oh, there you go. I sank down to my chair, like losing confidence, just talking about it. But I never was good at sports crap. I never, I never wanted to play sports. I was on the basketball team in fifth grade. And then that was it. And then I did, of course, the women's comedy basketball

Lee here, which I was briefly on, until my doctor told me my jaw would break if I hit it with basketball, because I got my wisdom teeth removed in my 30 or no 20s. And they were holding everything together. And it was a very thin bone. Am I jaw when they took them out? And then he was like, if you got hit in the face of the basketball, you could break your jaw. And I was like, well, I already have been. So I probably shouldn't do that. Oh, Jesus.

What, what's the team were you on? The Kimmy dribblers. That's right. I used to like when I would say for the first 10 years of me doing comedy, it felt like every three months, every like you'd hear word, like, hey, we're gonna go down to the park and do kickball. And then like everyone would yell up,

yeah, like Nick Swartzen would come, like everyone would. Kickball's fun. I feel like I remember that happening in New York, but I don't remember hearing about it so much here. One last thing about my teeth to make it make sense. Yes, but yeah. Because I waited to get them. Make it make sense. Yes, because I waited to get them in. Make it make sense.

You can remove, they had grown into the bone. Oh no! That's why. Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh no, no, no, no. What if we did a kickball team? I'm already out of it.

Oh yeah, yeah. I'm busy. If you get in the face of the kickball, no problem. That's your ball, look at it, I'm out of it. I feel like the last time I did it, I know Dave Ferguson was there, birthday boy. And I was playing first base and he gave me pointers and I felt embarrassed because I was a 40 year old man and he was giving me like like, like, he's like, oh, he's like, okay, when you play first base, you should probably like, you know, keep one foot on the bat.

Like, it was kind of like, you the bat. It was kind of like, like, you should know. Well, it's like I'm a 40 year old man and I, not that I play. And a virgin. And a virgin. And he gave me four years ago about that too. Four year old Mary Virgin. It's a really interesting kind of.

So keep your foot on it. I was not good at sports. What are you married to? You were married to 40? Yeah. I was not good at sports. I was on the 38, baby. I on the baseball team in eighth grade. I don't think I ever even swung at a ball at the plate.

Much less got to hit. And I played right field and I had a perfect fielding record. The one ball that was hit to me, I caught. Oh, nice. Yes. But I was good at games, games, like running bases or flashlight tag or things like that. I was good at stuff like that. I was on Little League, obviously.

I told you about that. Obviously. You know, played right field because I was so bad. Bad boy. Big, you know, line drive right into my balls and my cup. I don't remember that story. Oh, okay. I was fine.

I was fine. I was never on the line. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it.

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I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm grateful to hear it. I'm Everyone would go, everyone move up, everyone move up. Wow. Which is just a masculine. But once I hit a triple and it was just, dang. Nice work.

And everyone was like, we went into close, we went into close, I gave you the wrong advice. Everyone moved back, no, that's too far back. You're out of the stadium now. Someone find that ball. And they weren't yelling. They were just talking like that. It seems like a common thing to me.

Yeah, that's right. It's a common thing to me. You know what I mean? People are not afraid to not spare your feelings when they're totally afraid. People just say the thing outright. I don't know whether I'm overly sensitive or just whether, you know,

and just remembering like perceived slights, but I don't think so. Yeah. No. You're not very good. I think, you know, I think kids were, you're bad at this. You're genuinely like not willing to.

Well kids suck of course kids will tell you, but I mean adults. No, my I mean, well that wasn't very good. I mean coach well, yeah, I mean coaches in Little League, like the town asshole was my coach. He stands in the middle of the town square. I just been like, I'm an asshole. What do you want me to do this for?

Hear you, hear you, fuck you. I was like, you want to be the Little League coach? He's just be like, I'm an asshole. What do you want me to do this for you? Here you hear me, fuck you! And everyone's like, you want to be the little-y coach? He's like, sure, I'm not a busy bitch. And I remember he lived around the corner from the church we went to, and we would have to pass this house every Sunday, and I would like look at that house and go like, I hope I don't see him.

Yeah. That is such a, like, like, I hope I don't see him. I hope I don't see him. Oh, shit. What would you have asked a mean person's house is such a thing for you, your kid. Yeah. It's such a while you peer into his house. I hope I don't see him. I hope I don't see him. Oh shit. What would you have asked a mean person's house is such a thing to your kid? Yeah.

It's such a visceral feeling. I've been reading old Nancy comics from the 50s. Oh, you got the new ones are great. No, the new ones are great if they are. Actually, what? Olivia James, they're great. What? You're a cat now, Paul.

Fuck. But I was roasting him. And then I, thus thusly was roasted. I was there. I didn't expect it to go that way. It's just so funny, like all the things that were important in the 50s that aren't important anymore. There's like so many strips about people looking through a not-whole at a baseball

game so they have to pay for it. And then like reading, they always shout at baseball game and they go, rob pay for it. And then like, and then like reading, they always shout at baseball game, they go, robber, robber, robber, robber. To the umpire. To the umpire. Robber. Yeah, robber, robber, robber.

And that's like a, it's in so many of the strips that it's like a common feeling. It means like you a bad call. Yeah, bad call. Robber, robber, robber. And it's just people going, robber, robber, robber. Let's bring it back. Yeah, the word robber isn't used very much. Robert, Robert, Robert. And he's just people going, Robert, Robert, Robert. Let's bring it back. Yeah, the word Robert isn't used very much.

No, it's not. No, because people, yeah, it's like. Thief burglar. Do you know what killed it? Cops and Robertsons. Yeah, that move. You're not a cop. You're a Robert.

That's not a line in it. But we used to say that all the time. Amazing. Amazing. Well, no, okay, the trailer for Cops and Robertsons. What is that? It's a Chevy Chase movie, Jack Cops. It's a jack-cops and a jack-cops and a jack-cops and a jack-cops and a jack-cops. And he pulls a Chevy Chase close to me and goes, you're not a cop.

And then we would always say, because we saw this trailer so many times, we would always say, you're a Robertson. What was the plot of cops in Robertson's? I think they were under, they had to be undercover in like a family. Yeah, probably. Yeah, it was the Robertson's. Who knows?

And Chevy J's thought he was a cop. Just because of his proximity to cops, he was like, I'm like, he knew he was a Robertson. I'll tell you that much. He knew he was. Okay, here's, this is Colette. Here we go. And go, Colette. Here we go. And go, Colette.

I'm going through them gang. Colette from Fort Popolis, aka Cincinnati here. First time calling and some sick pig. My tag is defined in the dictionary as a witch, especially one in the form of an ugly old woman. That's especially. Would you rather claim one hagg or have eight haggs claim you? Okay. Now this is a topic we hit. Oh, oh, the topic we haven't gotten into. We haven't gotten into this topic yet about whether we would rather have one

hagg claim us or we haven't explored this. I know. So I think it's really clever question. Did we talk about this on a previous episode? I think I told my story about when I claimed a hug, but I'm not sure. If I have, you'll know. But what I'd rather claim a hug or have eight hugs claim me. I don't want a hug running around in my kitchen.

But if you're claimed by eight hugs, you don't have a kitchen. You're in their house. I'm fine with that. I kind of think I would like eight hags to claim me. Yeah. What are they gonna do with you? Maybe they'll make me a hag. Yeah, right?

They'll make you a hag. I guess I'd rather be claimed by eight hags than have one and claim one. I don't think I'd make you a hag. I think I'd rather be claimed by eight hags than claim one hag. Because who knows, they might claim you for a fun purpose. Yeah, they or it might be a maternity test or something.

There is the idea of a hag running around your house like, that's like scary. All the time. Yeah, and you have to claim them. It's like it would be fun for the first 12 years. Whoa, are we saying that if you claim the hag, then the hag is running around your house? Yeah, or are we saying the hag is running around your house?

You have to claim them. Well, if I claim her, I want to hag is running around your house. Or we saying the hag is running around your house, you have to claim them. Well, as if I claim her, I want to control her. You're responsible for her. So I think I'd like to put her in like an eight-year-old. Not such as Freester. An eight-year-old, yeah. Yeah, put her in like a little house in the back. Yeah.

And then I would- I'd like to buy her an apartment. I also want to treat her right. Because I feel like, hags just get to- She's my gul- Hags, she's respected. I want to get her a hair blow out every week. Every week.

Oh, you definitely want to make a blow out Jonathan. Lootly. And Jonathan. Remember Jonathan? Did you ever watch his reality show? No. Jonathan Hill. Jonathan, his, his, his, his,

JVN. Oh, wait, my god. Oh, wait, my god. His sister, his sister created the pussy get up. Yes, that guy. I did watch that show. Yeah, the reality show. And it was so funny.

And it was called Blowout, right? Yeah, it was called Blowout. That's right. And this is back when reality TV was still new so you'd watch anything. That was reality. Yeah. And it was all just about him giving blowouts

and everyone in Beverly Hills. And meanwhile, he has a line of like hairgoop. Yeah. And it's not, let me look up who this is. And just remember him calling his mom and crying and going like, mom, mom, we got into Sephora. Oh my God. We got into Sephora.

Oh yeah, Jonathan Anton. I can remember this. I remember this. Oh my God. The group, it's Sephora. That's amazing. See, so with us, I hope so. You gave me so much.

It seems like good. Pleasible figures. But I'm not. I forgot all about that show. I watched every episode. I know. Why? Janie and I started watching Vandermump rules from the beginning.

Well, I watched this season. Oh, that's what everyone tells me to do, but I'm just like, I'm right. We have friends telling us like this will be an enriching experience for you. Interesting. He is a big coin. He is a big, big W.

I forgot about that. That's a big coin. I can't wait to get to it. I know. In the open, in the first episode, we do see a man shave his forehead, which I've never seen before. Ooh. I mean, support everyone who does whatever they do.

Yeah, whatever you need to do, feel good about yourself. I've never heard of that. I didn't know it was necessary. I also think waxing feels like it'd be more effective in that situation. Yeah. You should give a consultation about this. Okay. I've been watching that a consultation about this. Okay. I've been watching about lasers.

I've, I've us, every once in a while, Kool-Up and I take, laser, my Taylor Perry. Kool-Up and I take turns feeding at night after the bath time we take turns feeding and reading the story and putting to bed, right? And what, and you turn out your dogs? They're, you left out a key. Oh, it's just sometimes like cool up.

Get a keyword. I know. So I thought you would call up take turns giving each other back to others. Bath reading stories. Okay. Those are the best of times. It's the worst of times.

What would be would you like to have someone read you a short story? Yeah. Why not? If I wouldn't mind. If someone literally tucked me into bed, yeah, I'm all cozy and warm and like put a nice rag on my head and ready to sleep. My mom made me read her the stories

because I was such a good reader that she was like, you read the story. Sounds like a trick. Can I? You read like John Grisham Der. He boiled her down and attacked her. It was forcible, right? If they made a grown up story that was the length

of a children's book. Yeah, that's a smart idea. He read it to me and this was like, great, interesting. But anyway, so, what's your color? Recently, recently, every time she has to do it, she'll come downstairs and I'm watching Dr. Pimple Popper. You're watching it!

Yes, that shows for women! What? Why? Women seem... Look, this is just my experience that women seem to be more into the status of gender. Well, you like watching... It's not gender, of course. By the way, the big issue, of course, is that it's often not pimples.

It's gigantic growth. No, it's cis and gross. Yeah, well, it's never pimples. So, my question is, I'd like to see once in a while a pimple. Just a pimple. Just like a really bad one and you go in and it's like, oh, that'll go away in like two days. Yeah.

Pop it, honey. You know what you gotta do? You gotta watch Dr. Syscratcher. Because that guy, squeeze his little pimples. See, I was gonna, oh, he squeezes pimples. That's gonna say it's Dr. Simple pimple who just does pimples. Dr. Simple pimples.

All I do is pimples. That's gonna say it's Dr. Simple pimple who just does pimples. Dr. Simple pimples. All I do is pimples. And not pig ones either. The time you're just a little blackheads. That's so gross. Why don't you go fuck yourself? Oh. Just every comment, just say pimples, please. Can they see a pimples, please?

I think of these gross that are out of control. Well guys, we're out of time. Yeah. Thank you to everyone who called in. We love you all. If you would like to call us, of course, Hag claims eight. Or I claim one.

I claim one. I claim one. I claim one. I claim one. And if you or you claim one, I get it. Yeah, I know. I was confused. So if you'd like to, who cares? If you'd like to write to us, three to USA get it. Yeah, I know. I was confused. Okay. So, if you'd like to, who cares?

If you'd like to write to us, three to me USAGmail.com, we are three to me USA on all the socials. And if you'd like to listen to ad free versions of this, why don't you get the to CBBWorld.com. Yes. And I think I still, yeah, I think I still have a show in two days.

Yeah. There hasn't been canceled yet. August, maybe it is. August 19th at Dynasty typewriter doing a live Scott hasn't seen about Mama Mia. Here we go again, rowdy screening. And anything goes at this screening, I mean, like, you're also gonna show anything goes.

Basically, yeah, we're also doing that. So it's a long night, but also we contacted the police department and they said like, whatever happened in there. We're not gonna prosecute them. Does anybody do rowdy screenings of plays? I'm like, it's a part of play. You can yell and scream. Is a rowdy screening a term?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't know if you just set it to make it show, we can say whatever you want to do to everyone. I mean, it's a term that Sean said, that I'm assuming is a term. Yeah. I think it's become a thing in the last handful of years.

Yeah. I feel like I first heard about it with cats, I think it's become a thing in the last handful of years. I feel like I first heard about it with cats, I think. Oh, yeah, yeah. It sounds really fun. Well, come by. Everyone should go. All right, maybe one. Also, just five days later, it's an as you typewriter.

Super ego, forgotten classics. Me, Matt Gourley, Jeremy Carter, Mark McConaughey, and Ville and James Bladen. We will be improvising a book that none of us, we promise has ever read. We take the first the first line last line that you read it like you speed read it right before once you decide it Yeah, because you really nervous Yeah, because then after there is there are prizes for most

Yeah, yeah Most closest to closest to the sources. Most closest to the sources. Yeah. And that will be a dynasty typewriter will be live and live streamed tickets. Go to PauliveTompkins.com slash live. Also September 10th, mean Nicole Parker

at the lawdroom in Highland Park. That show will not be live streamed because of bad Wi-Fi in the venue. But that is going to be a fun show, me and Nicole doing a variety show, two person variety show for the first time, with a full band, sketches, music, all that shit, it's gonna be great.

Amazing. And I don't know what my shows are, go to my Instagram, bye. You've got a lot of them. Bye, bitch. See you next time. you