Threedom - Thicc, Baseball Player Cheeks

Episode Date: January 9, 2025

Paul, Scott, and Lauren discuss Star Wars, NEs, and bologna before playing Good Cop, Bad Cop. They also kick off the episode with some incorrect math. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi, I'm Reshma Sajjani, founder of Girls Who Code. Look, I'd consider myself a pretty successful adult woman. I've written books, founded two successful nonprofits, and I'm raising two incredible kids. But here's the thing. I still wake up wondering, is this it? And if the best years are yet to come, when's that going to start? Join me on my so-called midlife, my new podcast with Lemonada Media, where we're building

a playbook for navigating midlife, one episode at a time. Each week, I'll chat with extraordinary guests who've transformed their midlife crisis into opportunities for growth and newfound purpose. At some point, we all ask ourselves, is there more to life? I'm here to discover how to thrive in my second act, right alongside you. My so-called midlife is out now,

wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Coolop Eulisak. And I'm Soojin Park. And we're your aunties on Add to Cart, a podcast all about the things we buy, the things we buy into, and what that says about who we are. We're real life friends who love to talk about what we're adding to cart. Sometimes that means trying the latest snail serum to slather on our faces, or a sweater that screams one third ugly.

That's right, Soo. Each week we dive into honest, oftentimes TMI conversations about what's taking up space in our shopping carts and in our minds, be it products, trends, or something for our auntie book club. We also bring guests on the show and take a peek into their carts because the things a person buys or doesn't says a lot about them.

We like to think of ourselves as aunties to all, fun, slightly unhinged, and always ready to share some sage advice and a good product wreck. Add to Cart is out now wherever you get your podcasts. The Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Defying Gravity!

Freedom! Defying Freedom! Hey! Don't Defy Us! What do you know? It's freedom. Isn't it wild that the second Wicked movie comes out tomorrow?

It's so crazy. I wish. I'm ready. Wild. My body is ready. My body is ready. My body is ready. My body is ready.

Tickety tickety tickety tickety. Where's that from? I don't know. I don't know. Let's look it up. It's that song where your body is ready. Yeah, which one is that? What is my body is ready.

My body is ready to sing this. Head, shoulders, knees, and toes. Okay, that's good. Kids love that song. They fucking do, man. They really relate to it. I know, because we- If they have all those things.

Wait, is this literally what it's from? From an impromptu comment made by Nintendo of America president Reggie Phil's aim while volunteering to try the Wii balance board during a demonstration of Wii Fit at the Electronic Entertainment Expo in 2007, my body is ready. That's fantastic. I actually really love that it's that obscure. Me too.

I love that. Wow. OK, there's a video. Oh, okay. We call a body check on somebody. So today I think we'll do a... Sure, sure. Clap, clap, clap, clap. My body is ready.

Huh? Please? Okay, Rajiv, please stand on the- Everyone got really awkward when he said that, which I didn't think was- My body is ready and everyone went- I didn't think that was, but the people were like, uh.

Instead of it, I imagined him going, my body is ready and everyone kind of going, ah ha ha! Yeah. What was the Japanese person saying? Oh, I don't know. He said something like not dignified is what it sounded like.

I don't know. I thought it was something in Japanese. I think that might be what happened. Everything in Japanese sounds like not dignified. But like you know, it's always funny when you see an old video of technology being introduced, it always looks lame. So if you're someone who makes technology, it'll never be cool in the future. Yeah, so stop. Can you imagine Alexander Graham Bell doing a video about the telephone? Yeah.

Oh, okay. Everyone's gonna say ahoy. Ah ha ha ha. Ah ha ha ha. I don't think so. You're supposed to say ahoy hoy, aren't you? Ahoy hoy. What is ahoy?

I don't know. Isn't it ahoy ahoy though, or something? Who was like saying it twice? I don't know. He definitely wanted people to say ahoy instead. Mr. Burns famously says ahoy hoy in a Simpsons episode. Oh, that must be why I have that in my head.

And that people really ran with it. Was it in the first eight seasons? I don't think so. That's where you stopped watching? Yeah. 30 years ago? Hey. There's so much content for you to catch up on.

I know. Sometimes I think, boy, what if I just blazed through and did the next 22 seasons? Can you Google how many hours all of Simpsons is combined? Okay, including all the specials? Jesus Christ. Sure. No, no, keep the specials out of it.

Please type in excluding specials. It would take about 247 hours to watch all 673 episodes. So that's a hundred days straight. For some reason, my mind went to years that you were gonna say it would take. 247 years? But it would take a hundred days without stopping. Yeah, so take a third of that out to sleep.

So it would take 130 days to watch it. 133.33. If you're like putting in eight hours a day. No, if you put it in 16 hours a day, it would take about a year. 16? Come on, I'm not doing that. Let's say eight.

I'm clocking in. Then it would take two years. At 8 a.m. and I'm clocking out. Okay, two years. That's not true. Why? If it's 100. That's not true. 240 hours. We said 100, that's not true.

240. We said a hundred days. If you're watching 24 hours straight, 240 hours divided by three. Okay. I also, can I eat while I do it? Yeah. Can I shower while I do it? Yeah. Okay. Can I turn the TV up real loud and just get in the shower? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Oh yeah. Sometimes you're not going to pay attention. Sometimes you're going to walk away. I'm sitting on the, I'm sitting on the shower. You're going to make a sandwich. You just get in the shower. Yeah, yeah. All day. Oh yeah, sometimes you're not gonna pay attention. Sometimes you're gonna walk away. You're gonna- I'm sitting on the shower floor. You're gonna make a sandwich, you're gonna look away. You're gonna talk on the phone.

Yeah. The other things will happen, life continues. You're gonna turn the TV off. You're gonna do other things. You're gonna watch a different show. You're gonna go to sleep during the day. You're gonna, yeah. You're gonna stop doing it.

Yeah. You're not gonna finish. You're gonna stop doing it, you're not gonna do it. And then you're gonna forget that you ever wanna do that. Yes. That's gonna happen. You're gonna do all of that. You're gonna pretend not to know what the synthesis're not gonna do it. And then you're gonna forget that you ever were to do that. Yes. And that's gonna happen. You're gonna do all of that. You're gonna pretend not to know what the Simpsons is

when people bring it up. Yeah. Homie! Don't play that. That was flawless. That was flawless. Somebody got me good on Twitter once. Homie, don't play that.

I did a voice on the Simpsons. Hey Yoda, Chewie. Chewie. Hey Yoda, take it easy. Wouldn't it be funny if somebody said that to Yoda? Hey Yoda, take it easy. Wouldn't it be funny if somebody said that to Yoda? Hey Yoda, take it easy. Take it easy, Yoda. Yoda, have a Coke and relax.

Remember when- Have a Coke and a smile, Yoda. Fucking, wasn't there in Empire Strikes Back, Luke says something like, I'm not afraid, and Yoda says, you will be. He's like, hey, fuck you. Come on, Yoda. Do I need that?

Yeah. Pull me up, bro. You also said fear leads to anger, and anger leads's not nice. Do I need that? Yeah. Pull me up, bro. You also said fear leads to anger and anger leads to hate and hate leads to the dark side. Yeah. So now you're telling me I'm going to be scared? And I'm going to the dark side?

Thanks so much, Yoda. Great mentoring. Yeah, I came here to fucking asshole. Oh my God, this asshole. I just pictured his butt. Why? Because you called him an asshole. Is that what happens every time somebody's called an asshole?

No, but because Yoda is typically not called that, I did picture that. What's his butt look like in your mind? I think it's really thick. Do you think he has a nice ass? He's got a shelf? I think it's flat. I think it's really flat.

You think it's flat and thick? I think his back goes straight into his crack and then his crack goes straight into his cheeks and it goes straight down. Flat ass. Do you think Chewbacca has a nice ass? Yes. Oh yeah.

I think he's got thick baseball player cheeks. Like if you shaved him. I don't want to shave it. He'd have a gorgeous body. But what's funny is Peter Mayhew who portrayed him is kind of tall and skinny so in those early movies he's very like rail thin. You know what I mean? So he doesn't have much of an ass on him.

Rail thin. Yeah. Well, he's not, the costume isn't molded to his body, is it? Like Chewie's ass exists no matter who's in there. I don't think Chewbacca is like a Doug Jones type in the first movies. Let's take a look at Chewbacca.

Over the years. Let's take a look at Chewbacca as Over the years. Let's take a look at Chewbacca as years go by. Chewbacca. Chewbacca Star Wars. Like the cars that go by. Or no, New Hope. That'll be here. Misty water-colored memories.

Memories. Here's one. Of the way we were. I can't find anything. You're not trying hard enough. We were. I can't find anything. You're not trying hard enough. You can't find a fucking picture of Chewbacca from the first Star Wars movie. No, it says no results.

No! What are you fucking? No, here's one. I'm gonna stay a while to come back. He's pretty thin. I wouldn't say he's rail thin though. Let me see him. When I think of rail thin, I think of Amy the Fisherman.

No, he's an athletic man. Look he has no Like his ass it's not he's Yeah, nobody said he was Marilyn Monroe bottom heavy He just has a thick ass when he turns Spanking look, okay. Here's here's another one Like this dude's thin That looks like it's the costume looks a little loose on him You can give him a whole spanking. Okay, here's another one. Like this dude's thin. That looks like it's,

the costume looks a little loose on him. Yeah. A little loose. It's like they build the first- You'll grow into it. Yeah. Do some, do some roids. Do some roids Chewbacca.

Chewbacca, do some roids. Chewy. Chewy? Chewy. Chewing. Chewy? Chewy. Chewing. Chewing Baca. Chewing Baca. It's me.

That's right. That's my favorite thing to say. It's me? You said it a few times. Last few times I've seen you. I have said it a few times. It is fun. It's from Wicked.

It's me. So if you care to find me. It's not her you want, it's me. Look to the western sky. God, we had so much fun dancing around to that in my kitchen with Halle. As someone told me lately, as someone told me lately.

Yeah, what is it? That's where it gets a little- Because you can't cram in recently. As someone told me lately, but also who told her everyone deserves- The wizard. Everyone deserves to fly. Everyone deserves a deserves to fly?

Everyone deserves a chance to fly. She just left the wizard. That's not lately. Did he say that literally? Some just told him. He does say everyone deserves a chance to fly. I like that. I'm glad.

I'm glad it's in the tabs. I'm glad that he says that to her. I love the movie for the record. I'm glad he talks about it and I loved it. Yes. I couldn't wait to enjoy it. We just got the screener and I haven't broken the news to cool off because she'll be watching it all day every day.

Did you get physical screener or link screener? Link screener, yeah. I have not got any screeners yet. We do one physical and one link. I think I'm in a different guild. I know, you're in the director's guild. I haven't been receiving any as well. Check my email real quick, see if any links came in.

Yeah. I would love a screener. And no. Chewbacca, send us screeners. in. Yeah. I would love a screener. And, no. Chewbacca, send us screeners. Chewbacca, send us screeners. Also, this is usually the time of year though, where my family would be all receiving them from me. Yeah. At Christmas time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are they? I don't know, and I'm scared. I think they've stopped giving out the physical ones, really, because I've only gotten about five this year. What about the Linkies? But they did. I have a ton of the Linkies.

I want those Stinky Linkies. Yeah, that's true, because we went green on one. Like all of it! And then I went pink on the other. We went green, and they would send, but it started being fewer and fewer copies. Yoda, you fucking asshole. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Do you think Yoda? Who I am? Is Yoda gonna meet Grogu? I hope he does. Well, Yoda's dead in the chronology. Yeah, but. It was pretty sad when he died.

The fucking force ghost, you know what I mean? He was a force ghost, yeah. What a ballsy move that was. Kill him off. To kill him off, but then like, he's not really dead, it's fine. Well, you had to bring him back. Also, if they knew that he would be so popular and so...

I'm talking about from the beginning, Ben Kenobi is the first to come back as a force ghost. Oh, sure. We love him. You can't do that. We love him, don't we, Ben Kenobi? We love him, folks. But just to say, like, it doesn't matter.

It's not a big deal to die. Well, listen to yourself. If you got the force... Listen to yourself. It's not a big deal to die. It's listen to yourself. Listen to yourself. It's not a big deal to die. It's a natural occurrence that we shouldn't be afraid of. Well, now do I wanna do it? No.

If I got to come back with a blue outline, I'd feel great about it. Hell yeah. But no, I don't. It would be cool. What if I did that? What if I was the first real life force ghost? What if it happened?

We don't know. The first three to member to die. And you- Jesus Christ. You started talking about this. And then we kept doing the show and you were a force ghost during it. I have a friend who's a bit older than me

and we also have a holiday dinner every year at the Tamil Shantar. And I was telling him about my other traditions, including superego, which is five of us get together. And then this past year, we included Andy Daly because he'd always wanted to go at Christmas time and his family has no interest in doing that. So they just don't, it does not appeal to them in any way.

Going out to dinner? They don't wanna go out to dinner and have Christmas carols sung at them. Yeah. What? Yeah. That's lunacy. Yeah, it is lunacy.

It's madness. Wow. So when I was talking to my older friend, he pointed out that, was this George Burns? I don't want to drop any names. If you said a George Burns quote right now from one of our previous episodes,

the one where we say George Burns quotes. It's just been a week. I would be so impressed. Can you remember any of those George Burns quotes? Yes, I can. Which ones? People ask me why I smoke cigars. And I say at my age, I need to have something to hold on to. Or I'll fall over. As you on to. I'll fall over.

As you say, or I'll fall over. I don't think so. Or I will fall down and break my hip. I'll go to the hospital. I thought it was fall over. Okay, I have one. Okay. Sex after 90 is like playing pool with a rope. There's more.

It's pretty hard and. No, it's not hard. It's not hard. Difficult? It's hard. It's not hard. Difficult is challenging. And it's challenging. And my cigar goes in my waistband. I got another one. Uh, people, people say, hey, you're so old.

And I say, yeah, when I was 65, I had my first wet dream. Awesome. You imagine not having one until you were 65? You wake up, your sheets are wet. Jesus, a nocturnal emission. We call it an any. As in anybody can have one at any time. Except George Burns, he wasn't sick until he was 65.

I do have to say the first time I had one. Don't, you don't have to say anything about it. No, you don't have to say this. It was so suspicious because I threw my sheets into the laundry and my mom, to her credit, came in and said, what are you doing? I was like, I'm just doing the laundry. I never did the laundry a day in my life.

And she was like, okay. He either shit pissed or and eat into his shoes. Did you any dear? Yeah. Anytime a teen boy starts taking an active interest in laundry. Yeah. You gotta assume something's up. So my friend, George Burns said to me when I said, you know, I go out to dinner with the super ego guys.

He said, oh, that's great because that many people, you can do it for years, even as people start dying. So you'll be able to keep doing it. No. So it's not like a Tuesdays with Maury situation. That's terrible. It's not terrible. You like it?

I kind of like it. I was like, that's probably what will happen. Yeah. That's so fucking sad. I know, it's fucking sad. I know it's wild to think about. It's wild to think about. Do you think in our group that goes out to dinner, if half of us were gone, would Nora start going? Cause we need someone to fill the seats.

That's what she's waiting for. We just want to fill this. What if we start hiring seat fillers? They're all in tuxedos. You can pretend to talk to us, but just mime it. We're going to actually talk to each other. I actually was picturing, when we were there, I was picturing some of the people that I couldn't hear across the restaurant who were animatedly talking.

I was picturing that they were extras. That's so funny. I was just like, oh, they're really good. They're doing it perfectly. That's so funny. I was just like, oh, they're really good. They're doing it perfectly. Good background artists. Well, it started because I was watching two people who looked like they didn't want to be together.

And so, you know, with background. Oh, I didn't see these people. With background actors, for people who don't know, you might just be placed with a stranger and you have to pretend to talk to them at this thing. So it is uncomfortable for some people. So I saw this, I don't know if they were a couple, the man was much older than the woman, but they might've been a couple,

but he looked very serious and not talking a lot. And I was thinking like, it just made me think that they were background actors who were just like supposed to be. And then I saw some animated families next to them. I was like, oh yeah, they filled out the scene a little more. Boy, we're able to hire a ton of background artists for this.

The budget on this must be amazing. For our main character dinner. It's also fun to run into people there. We ran into people. You ran into like 10 people. I know. You knew everybody who was coming through. We did meet some piss pigs there.

I didn't see anybody I knew. We did meet some piss pigs. Shout out to those folks. We did? Oh, I saw some piss pigs there. I didn't see anybody I knew. We did meet some piss pigs. Shout out to those folks. We did? Oh, I saw one person there, but we didn't. Shit. I didn't meet that person. Melissa and Ollie.

I didn't meet them. I think I got their names, Melissa and Ollie. We met them before you got there. Combine their Molly. I was late. Not Olyssa? Oh. Olyssa.

That's a song, Olyssa? No, it's not, dear. Oh, Sheila, honey. Okay. Learn your history. But we met Melissa and Ollie and they're two little kids. Ba-da-ba-da-da. That's a song, Oh-lissa? No, it's not, dear. Oh, Sheila, honey. Okay. Learn your history. But we met Melissa and Ollie,

and they're two little kids. I did not get the two little kids' names, but they were a very precious family, and they were very sweet. Yeah, there were a few pisspigs. I didn't meet anyone. Did I see, oh no, Chris Tallman came by. Yeah. Yeah.

Kristen's wife, Sarah. Yeah. You got to see them. Mm-hmm. Tony Thaxton. Tony Thaxton, that's right. I saw Tony Thaxton. That's what I was trying to remember. Ran into two thirds of the Sarah? Yeah. You have to see them. Mm-hmm. Tony Thaxton? Tony Thaxton, that's right. I saw Tony Thaxton. That's what I was trying to remember.

Ran into two thirds of the Too Scary Didn't Watch crew. Yes. So nice. This is incredible. Because you can go your whole life without ever seeing anyone you know. And then- I don't think that's possible.

If you sit in a hub- Hermetically sealed chamber. No, if you sit in a hub where everybody is going at this time of year, you will see someone you know. When do you, okay, so if you go your whole life without seeing anyone you know. Yeah. At what point does that start?

And does it count as your whole life? And at what point do you start to know people? Day one. You refuse introductions. But if you see someone again, you start to know them. No, you make sure that you never return to anywhere they would ever be. Okay.

But this is something that's forced upon you from when you're an infant. Yes, you're constantly traveling as an infant with someone takes over every single day. So you never get to know anyone. You never get to know anyone. Right. You don't have object permanence for a while.

No, exactly. That's not helping. I mean, that helps you. Well, it helps. No, exactly. That's not helping. I mean, that helps you. Well, it helps. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. Not in the business. And then, but then that process would have to continue

that you're being handed off to people. This sounds like a dream to me. You would love to not. This is what I want. You want to not know it. You want to just walk silently through the world? Yes, as a watcher, as a pariah, as an observer. Pariah implies that you did something

that ousted you from the community. Yeah, I'd like to do that too. Observer is probably the nicest thing that you would be. Sure. As a cast off. Watcher is scary. Cast off. Watcher is scary. A cast off.

Watcher is scary, Pariah implies something bad. Yeah. And yeah. And yeah. And yeah. I couldn't remember the third one. Observer. Observer is nice.

Yeah. You could still be a creep ass. Watcher is supernatural. Observer is alien. What did you get in that Cobra Kai gift bag? It's a pillow, honey. It's not a bag. And I in that Cobra Kai gift bag? It's a pillow, honey. It's not a bag. And I got a Cobra Kai pillow.

A pillow is a bag of sorts. It just contains one thing. Oh, and you're right. You're right. Thank you. I got a Cobra Kai pillow, and I got a Cobra Kai bandana. And I have one for Connor. Oh, that's nice.

And I'm waiting until I see him. I didn't bring it on tour, unfortunately. Should have. Should have. Yes, but I, but yes. You have a band one for Connor. Oh, that's nice. That I'm waiting until I see. I didn't bring it on tour, unfortunately. Should have. Should have. Yes, but I, but yes. You have a bandana for him. I have a bandana for him. The pillow stays with me. Why don't you pop that BD in the USPS?

That would be nice, but I don't know his address. Why can't I think of who Connor is? Why don't you ask this bitch his address? Excuse me, my good bitch. Connor Radliff. What is your address? Oh yes, of course. Thank you. Yes.

I'm hoping he'll come to me. He's been here before. Make him beg for it. Yeah, make him beg. So you're just gonna put that right there until he comes over here? I've had it for now a year, yes. That's been sitting there for a year?

Yes, waiting for him to come up. It's been sitting right there? Pretty much. I mean, I've moved it around a few times. I'm shocked I've never noticed it. It's in a, perhaps a position of prominence where I moved it away from this area over to this area. You should put it in the trash.

Yeah. This is heresy. If you've, apparently you don't know our history of Cobra Cod. It belongs in the trash can. I actually don't know. Trash can. Trash can.

Guys, we have to take a break, unfortunately. Yeah. For us. But when we come back, we're going to get the energy back up. We're going to stop talking about Cobra Kai. Shut up. We'll be right back after this. We are kind of all over the place on year's resolutions. Sure, I've got aspirations and

I try to improve myself whenever possible throughout the year. With the big list with the firm deadline to start improving, that's a big ask. I want to hit the easy button like in those old commercials. Honestly, yes, it'd be great if that existed in real life and I could have that big list, knock it out with the easy button and move on to podcasting and parenting and hanging out with friends. For financial goals though, Acorns is my easy button for my finances this holiday season. Acorns makes it easy to start automatically saving and investing so your money has a chance to grow for you, your kids, and your retirement. You don't need to be an expert.

Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that fits you and your money goals. And most importantly, you don't need to be rich. Acorns lets you invest with the spare money you've got right now. You can start with $5 or even just your spare change. It really is easy too. It takes five minutes to set your account up, pick your specifics and get going.

Once you're started, Acorns will handle the tough stuff and start helping you save. Head to acorns.com slash freedom or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today. Paid client endorsement, compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today. Paid client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns. Tier 1 compensation provided investing involves risk. Acorn advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor view important disclosures at acorns.com

slash podcarrosh. When it comes to winter, it's like survival of the fittest out there. And I'm willing to do or buy whatever I can to stay cozy even in this LA weather. For the ultimate cold weather necessities made from premium materials, you've got to check out Quince. Whatever you're looking for, all Quince items are priced 50-80% less than similar brands. Don't worry, it's still the premium fabrics and finishes that you're used to for high-priced items.

Quince partners with safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturers directly, which means there's no middleman and you get to keep all the savings. With Quince, you can treat yourself to a ton of great winter items. Their cashmere sweaters are iconic and are a steal at $50. Their super soft fleece sweatpants are a major upgrade to whatever you're lounging in right now. And their wind resistant, responsible down jackets

are perfect for keeping warm. Luxuriate in coziness without the luxury price tag. Go to quince.com slash freedom for 365 day returns plus free shipping on your order. That's q u i n c e dot com slash freedom to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince dot com slash freedom. Weight loss. It needs to be fast and sustainable. Noom GLP-1 starts at just $149 and ships to your door in seven days.

Take it from Marcos, who's loving his journey with Noom GLP-1. I'm getting to where I want to be. I'm in such a good place right now. And I'm very confident that I'm going to be able to continue this weight loss, this journey, and really make a true lifestyle change. Don't believe it? Take it from Cam, who's gaining more confidence with Noom GLP-1. I really am starting to feel better. Like, I feel a lot lighter, I feel a lot happier, I feel a lot more confident. I just feel a lot more like myself. I don't feel so bogged down every day. $149 GLP-1s? Now that's Noom Smart.

Noom, the smart way to lose weight. Get started with Noom GLP-1 at Noom.com. That's N-O-O-M dot com. Real Noom users competent to provide their story. Individual results may vary. Not all customers will medically qualify for prescription medications. Compounded medications are not reviewed by the FDA

for safety, efficacy, or quality. Skibbidy toilet must you keep rolling. Now I did that off mic and then you were like, I'm going to do it on mic and claim the credit. I meant to trigger you into you taking ownership of it. Well I had to do it in order to prove you're a star. They let you. Skibbidy, skibbidy, the skibbidy. Welcome back to The Freedom.

What are you singing? Oh, sure. The skibbidy, the skibbidy. There's a time you gotta grow and show your toilets now you're older than the skibbidy. You have to show your toilets older than the skibbidy. Now I hear a lot of people out there saying, my toilet is not older than Skibbidi. Well, I've got news for those people. Well, the world never seems to be Skibbidi in my dreams.

It's Skibbidi, I'm going down the toilets now, you're showing about Skibbidi. Of course, you know, the famous actor George Clooney was on Facts of Life. Of course. We know this about him. You know, he really made the transition from TV to film. Yeah.

When you're talking about people who made the transition from TV to film, you're talking about? You're talking about him, you're talking about Jennifer Garner. And I think the list stops there. Mm-hmm. Yeah. The only two. Alias. Yeah. The only two. Alias.

They're the only two that made it. Yeah. And then they made it back. Well, they're both in commercials. What about Ryan Reynolds? Nope, only those two. Two guys, a girl, and a pizza place? No, he wasn't in that.

Yes, he was. Who am I thinking of? No, he was. I'm thinking of Reynolds Ryan's. Yes, Reynolds Ryan's. Judge Reynolds Ryan's. Yes. Judge Reynolds. Judge Reynolds. Yes. Judge Reynolds. He had that judge show.

Judge Reinhold famously in the Santa Claus. Famous to be in that. He wanted the weenie whistle. He wanted a weenie whistle. I don't remember this at all. He asked for that. He didn't think Santa Claus was real because he asked for a weenie whistle when he was a kid

and he didn't get it. Now a weenie whistle is a little- You put it on the tip of your penis. I wish. And breathe out. I wish. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. It's a little whistle shaped like the Oscar-Meyer

wiener mobile. And what a shitty thing to ask for for Christmas. I know, like, aim higher. Yeah, he's like, can I have something that's 10 cents in value? Yeah. How old would he have to be? But you know maybe maybe it was something special, like he had gone and he had seen the Wiener Mobile and then he lost his whistle

and he really wanted it back. Maybe they were like, oh, all out of whistles, kid. Then it's good that he didn't get it. Yeah, because he couldn't hold. It was a lesson. Santa Claus is not like, oh, I'm going to help you fix your fucking dumb mistakes. Right. Thank you, Santa. Thank you, Santa. Of course, he does get the weenie whistle at the end of the movie. And he's so delighted by it. Right. Thank you, Santa. Thank you, Santa. Of course, he does get the weenie whistle at the end of the movie.

And he's so delighted by it. Yeah. He loves it. It turns him into a child again. No, there's something very sweet about adults. You know, I saw this video that was a family who were the they were all adult children with the parents when they were little. The parents couldn't afford to give them gifts at Christmas time and as adults, the parents bought them all the things, like they each got a toy that they wanted as a kid

and they all were like so excited. It was very cute, it was very sentimental. What movie was this? It was an Instagram video. Oh, an Instagram video. Yeah, it was a real people. Oh, real people. Yeah.

Now I like it. That counts as a movie. That counts as a movie. It was a movie, it was a two minute movie. Send me the screen of that. All right. Send me a link. I'll get that over to you, stat.

Just same video, but put your own watermark on it. I love watching movies with my email address just emblazoned on it. Yeah, I do like that. That's the way I like to watch movies. I like thinking of myself when I'm watching a movie. Yeah, and how to contact me. Yeah.

It does help me memorize my email address though, so that's good. You're always working on that. Cause the amount of times you've stuttered and stumbled and never figured it out. I wonder when we've asked you. And stumbled and stumbled. I've stuttered, I've stumbled, I've stumbled, I've stumbled.

I brimbled, I brambled, I buttered and nuttered. Upon the sheet I sit, the slitted sheet that is. You sit upon a slitted sheet? I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, upon the slitted sheet I sit. But what are you up to? That's so nasty sounding. Yeah, and are you doing laundry?

I'm very religious and my wife and I are about to have sex for the first time. So then why'd you take a seat on top of it? You should have put it over you. I'm waiting for her to come in. I'm waiting for her to come in from the bathroom. Who knows what ladies do in there? Guess they get cleaned up.

Yeah, for me. Clean yourself up. Clean yourself up. I say that before sex. Ew, what? Jesus Christ. Ew. Yucky.

What's the ghost? He hits the post, what? He hits the post and then insists he thrusts, no, he thrusts his fists against the post and still insists he sees the ghost. Yes. I feel like that's in a book about someone who lisped and like a great brain book or something like that. And that's where I learned that.

Like an exercise to work on and- For a lisp, yeah. Yes, for a lisp. He, and now I don't remember it anymore. He thrusts, no, he thrusts his fists- Against the post. And still insists he sees the ghosts. What do you think of that, Lauren? It's so scary that my whole body Will insists he sees the ghosts.

What do you think of that, Lauren? It's so scary that my whole body just became a skeleton. Yeah, I saw that and it scared me. Can you imagine like being so frightened by the ghosts? No one will believe you. So you're punching posts. Believe me, I see these ghosts. No one will believe you like that bi couch that they made that time.

Bi couch? A bisexual couch? They, who fucking did this? Was it Ikea? They made like, somebody made this furniture that was like sexual identity furniture. What? What?

Why? I swear to God. Wait, Ikea made furniture that white? It wasn't IKEA. I don't think it was IKEA. Okay. This was like a Pride Month thing. And the, the, so it was like, you know, the trans colors and the, you know, whatever.

Whatever. Coming out of there, whatever. And the buy one was like, no one believes you. It is IKEA. What is it? No one believes? Oh, that was like how they just, like no one believes you. It is Ikea. What is it? No one believes, oh, that was like how they just, no one believes that you're actually an identity. This is the shit you have to deal with. It says, okay, so the pillows on it say,

don't you change or to end, nobody believes you. No, when you change or to end, nobody believes you. But why, like when you change or to end, nobody believes you. What does that mean? But why, like when you change, if I like men or women, I say I like men and women. Wait, let me look at it. That's the craziest looking thing I've ever seen. Inspired by the bisexual flag. And also, why would you want the main thing about it to be that nobody believes you?

That's not like the most exciting part of Pride. It's also sort of saying, we don't believe you. Yeah. The poet who inspired IKEA's bisexual couch speaks out. Hey, I didn't mean for anyone to put this on a couch. No, but there's a picture of- It's honestly the ugliest couch I've ever seen. It is really gross. And it's like, that's a sentence

that is so weird to read every five minutes. Which by the way, it's not just a pattern on the couch. It has fake hands. Oh, I couldn't, oh, they're three dimensional fake hands. They're three dimensional fake hands all over the couch. So it's like people who are trapped inside. That's very bi. That's so bi.

Yeah. It's so bi, or they're like. Do they have hands all over you? They're just like. We're just trying to relax. Saying you're hypersexual because you like. Yeah. Okay.

Like you want four different hands on you at all times. Okay, grabby. Okay, grabby, make a grabbers. I don't want different hands on you at all times. Okay. Grabby. Okay. Grabby. I don't want my couch playing grab ass with me. Yeah. Does anyone ever announce that they're going to play it? Hi. Do you want to play grab us? Should we play some grab us? Did you kill the time? Anybody before the big game? Game. We're a little early. What a big game. We? We do that like if there's a power failure. Oh yeah. I know what to do. Let's play Gravass. Did you hit the table?

I hit the table. Gravass! There was an earthquake the other day I missed. No! It was so fast. It was like bloop! Put that little bloop in there. Why would Ikea make a bisexual couch?

Do they make a gay one? They have, yes, they have. The whole rest of it is straight couches. Look at this one. This has, I don't know, I guess this is the flag. It has flowers, three dimensional flowers all over it. And is the one that's just like pastel flowers for straight people? I hope so.

Where's my straight couch? It's so, this is not, I feel like I'm on the verge of sounding like, well, I don't have a parade because I'm straight, but do you want an item of furniture to be about your sexual identity? Yeah, I mean, some people might. If you fuck on the couch all the time, yeah.

No, then I get it. Some people lean into that stuff more than others. Absolutely, absolutely. But I don't know, a couch seems like a strange choice. It's a really weird choice. I've never heard of a couch that has that. One of these is really nice, I think. I wonder which one it is.

Well, whichever one you think is nice is what you are. I hope it's the pan couch. It looks like a cooking pan. I don't know how to figure out which one is good. I'm pan and when you are, no one believes you. And then it's like an egg for a pillow. No one believes you. But the one that has like nice pastel,

almost like a pastel cow or something is nice. Shuh. Shuh? Couch. Oh, I'm sorry, yes. I pastel cow or something. It's nice. Shuh. Shuh? Couch. Oh, I'm sorry, yes. I thought you were telling me to shush. No, you forgot how to say couch. Cow?

Yeah, you can't shorten it. Because there's another thing called cow. Oh, I'm sorry, you're right. Cow. Yes, couch. I think I'm saying what you're saying. You're saying cow. I'm saying cow, like moo.

Moo moo moo, give me milk. Let me say the thing I said on cow. Couch. Can you hear this? Lauren, wake up. It's definitely supposed to be a couch, right? I think so. Does the term come from cows though?

Like, pigeon. Bless your little body. First of all, I had a slight cough, but you made it sound like I sneezed like an old man who's just been let out of a shoe. Like George Burns? And if I did sneeze like George Burns, I would say,

when you sneeze after you're 85, it's like speeding on a freeway. This could be the big one. It's like, on a freeway. This could be the big one. It's like, what did you say? Well, I just imagine if you sneeze after 85, you're thinking like this could be the thing that just ends everything.

Kills you. Yeah, this could dislodge all of this. Which I think your punchline, it works there. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Let's all write jokes for George Burns. Sure. And bring them in next episode. Okay. Great. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Let's all write jokes for George Burns.

Sure. And bring them in next episode. Okay. Great. Next episode? Yeah. We're still gonna kill time with this one. No, but I mean, let's, let's,

next episode we'll each write 50 jokes for George Burns. That's too many. 50. What? We'll each write 50? Yes. No. Then we'll have 150 jokes that we can say on the show. But he's not with us anymore. And so-

One of us needs to be the new George Burns. What if this brings him back? Yes, what if this brings him back? What if this brings him back? Because we've tried everything else. We, okay, full disclosure. We have been necromancing. We've been trying to bring back George Burns from the dead

because we think that he would be the person that people would most accept. He would be the people and the person and the people. Wouldn't it be funny if you were watching The Walking Dead. Peep-a-poop-a-poop-a-poop-a-poop. And then there was a zombie who was George Burns, obviously, because he's in a tuxedo and has a cigar in the glasses.

Yeah, he stole his cigar. People are like, we don't want to kill him. We don't want to be ahead of George Burns. Be ahead of George Burns. But have it over D. We don't want to be ahead of George Burns. Hey, Gracie. That's good.

Get your fat ass over here. Why would he? What are the circumstances? How old is he? They were married, right? They were married, yeah. Yeah. Get your fat ass over here.

Yeah. She died well before he did did and he never remarried. Did she die doing what she loved? Fucking George Burns. Listening to George Burns talk. I love this. Goodbye. X is for eyes. George Burns is one of those personalities that,

when I was growing up, he was very old. He was in like, Oh God, and movies like that, where he was playing on the I'm so old kind of thing. So I remember being over at my grandparents' house and they exclusively seemed to watch old shows, like The Honeymooners and stuff like that. Of course. So I remember, oh, am I boring you, honey? Yes.

That's like I will only ever watch Welcome Back, Cotter. Yes. So. Welcome back. Welcome back. So they, I remember they turned on the old George Burns and Gracie Allen show and it was just a revelation of they were young and he got famous for doing something

other than just being an old piece of shit. Yeah, it's always shocking when you learn something like that. Well, that showed like a little bit of it, like they broke the fourth wall and stuff like that. Yeah, they talked to the audience and then, yeah, it was sort of like Gary Shanley show in a way. Sort of. Yeah, in that way maybe.

Sort of a little bit in that way. Are we punishing you? You're sitting here staring straight ahead. I sort of got this feeling like I wanted to like run around. Run around? Really? Yeah.

Or run around the room. Like my body's like, do some jumping jacks. Oh my God, the power of Christ compels you. I feel better now. That did it? A little bit. That's great news.

If you could go to like an old fashioned revival tent and touch snakes, would you? Touch snakes? Uh, yeah. Hey, let's touch snakes. So you're asking if I was gonna have an incredible out of body experience that connected me with the Lord, would I wanna do that? Yeah.

Yeah. If you could bring, drink poison out of a jar, would you do it? If you could drink poison from a jar. Then swing right there on a star. And you're gonna have sex in your car. You could be doing it tonight. That's right. Perfect.

And that's- Who would you bring back? What famous person would you like to bring back from the dead? Wow. So many, so many. Anthony Bourdain. Good one. Even though he would not want that. Seems like you made it pretty clear.

I'm in heaven. But I just loved him and I always felt like he had such great quotes. And I'm sad that there's a finite amount of quotes just like George Burns. And I, you know, my family loved him. We always watched him. I just, I loved his whole mentality about travel and thought he was so great. And so it was very, very, we were all very sad when he died.

There was a plot line on Buffy the Vampire Slayer where in one of the later seasons, Buffy dies. She dies in five. And then they bring her back to life. Yes, in six. And she's bummed about it. She's bummed about it because she... And it created the worst season because she was, like,

upset and angry an entire season. Yeah, because she said she was in heaven. And they pulled her back to Earth. And it's like, that's too heavy a concept for this show. We're trying to have some fun here. Yeah, the show became not fun. That's a movie.

It was an interesting meditation on- It's an interesting idea. Unlike the anger one has after trauma at that age, but at the same time, it did not make for a fun season to watch. No. Yeah. I was in paradise.

And you brought me back to the scale of earth. I was playing a harp. I was playing a harp, I had a little halo on a stick over my head. Jimmy was on guitar. That's right. Hendrix? Mr. Rogers on bass.

Jimmy Mayer, was it Jimmy Mayer? Who's that? Wait, I thought John Mayer's name was James for a second. It might as well be. That happens all the time. You think John Mayer's name is James, and then you have a rude awakening. I mean, if you find out it was John all along. Would you date John Mayer's name is James, and then you have a rude awakening. And then you find out it was John all along.

Would you date John Mayer if he- Like Agatha. If I were in high school, I would say yes. I thought that that was possible. You thought it was possible? Even knowing he has a- Did we talk about this? Yeah, probably.

Even knowing he has a racist dick. What? Hey, that's your opinion. That was his opinion. He said that. That was some of his little stand ups. I, uh, in high school, his first CD came out and I loved it. And you were sort of gaming out how you could meet him. And I just thought I might marry him one day. Yeah. Might. Yeah. I thought it was possible. Yeah. And look, right now it is, I've met him. Yeah. I'm not going to marry him now,

but I could, sensibly, I've met him, which means I could. You married Mike, who is sort of like John Mayer, without the guitar playing. And I met him. Yeah. You did meet Mike. You made your choice. It led to marrying him.

You could have chosen John Mayer and married him. Yeah. Since a John Mayer type chose you, it's possible John May You could have chosen John Mayer and married him. Since a John Mayer type chose you, it's possible John Mayer could have chosen you. It's all possible. What about Oscar Mayer? Oscar Mayer. I love that.

With the wiener whistle. Oscar Mayer. If he gave me a wiener whistle to propose, that'd be great. And I also would know how to spell my name all the time. Yep, because you just looked down at the whistle. I'd say my baloney, I'm talking about my husband. My baloney has a first name.

It's O-S-C-A-R. You spelled it wrong. Yep, I did. That campaign really backfired on them because it anthropomorphized the baloney. And they said, well, I can't eat this now. It has a first and last name. And I don't want to ask this question, but what the baloney. And they said, well, I can't eat this now. It has a first and last name. And I don't want to ask this question, but what is baloney?

Well, Lauren, it's very simple. You take all the meat scraps and put them together. I think so. It's kind of a hot task. I really don't know what baloney is. I don't want to know some stuff like that. I mean, I've never eaten baloney. I'll say that.

My parents or my mom made bologna sandwiches almost every other day. Exclusively. And why do we call it bologna and not bologna? I don't know. I'm gonna tell you that every once in a while, I still think that they are two separate things. Bologna and bologna.

Yeah. So, bologna or bologna is, it's a sausage. It's a large smoked sausage made from finely ground meat, usually beef and pork that's stuffed into a casing and cooked. Now I feel like the Oscar Meyer bologna is like meat scraps that they then they thinly slice and everything. And that's where we get the term baloney. Yes, because it's baloney. Because it's a bunch of shit. Yeah, it's a bunch of shit that my mom made me eat on white bread with butter. Whoa.

Butter. Easy to throw together. Easy to throw together. I could see why she was thinking it was convenient. That's the thing. Other lunch meats, it's harder. It is. Baloney, easy.

I wish my mom just... You don't even like give it a ruffle. You just put a flat piece of bologna in a flat sandwich. Yeah, butter the bread. I wish you'd just give me $10 a day to go spend at a restaurant of my choosing. You know what? I never thought about that,

but bologna is easier because it is so flat. Yeah, you just flap it on there. Yeah. Yeah, if you had to put like, what's the roughest meat that has just a terrain that is hilly and probably sliced jerky. Probably probably chicken, chicken gizzard. Probably chicken. Chicken with a bone still in. Chicken with bone still in. Chicken with a bone still in. Chicken with a bone still in. Chicken in the gourd. Chicken in the corn can. We have to take a break. Still in the corn can, bro.

Tango! Are you ready to dive into the ultimate pop culture showdown? Join me for Pop Culture Debate Club. I'm your host, Ronald Young Jr. Each week our panel of trendsetters, critics, and fan favorites clash over the latest in movies, music, TV, and more. Who's right and who's just plain wrong? That's for me to decide. Check out Pop Culture Debate Club every Thursday,

wherever you get your BBC podcasts, produced by Lemonada and the BBC. Want a sneak preview of hot new audiobooks? Then check out Your Next Listen, a new podcast from Lemonada Media and Simon & Schuster Audio. We've got everything, the hottest new audio books, then check out Your Next Listen, a new podcast from Lemonada Media and Simon & Schuster Audio. We've got everything, the hottest new thrillers,

bestselling celebrity memoirs, and swoony romances. And these aren't tiny clips either. There are entire chapters you can listen to. Your Next Listen is out November 11th, wherever you get your podcasts. your podcasts. All right. Benedict Benedict Benedict Benedict Benedict Benedict Cumberbatch Benedict Arnold Cumberbatch Benedict Cumberbatch of cookies Benedict Cumberbatch of cookies.

The three Benedict's Pope Cumberbatch Arnold eggs eggs four Benedict's eggs Benedict What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron?

What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron?

What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? What about Shenron? Is that true? I don't, yeah, the, you know, I mean, they're pretty brave because nothing can really fuck with them. The king of the jungle. Yep.

I'd love to see a lion thrown into the ocean. See how it is with an orca. Oh yeah. The arcod and three orcas mouths. I would fucking throw a lion in the ocean and say, not so tough now are you? Yeah. And watch it go, oh, I can't swim. Yeah.

Bye lion. I'm a big wet cat. Do you think you'll get an opportunity to do that? Yeah, I think it's possible. I know a guy you can pay a million dollars to do this, to take you on a safari. Which guy? He'll tranquilize the lion for you.

This is a- Which guy? It's you. It's me. It's me. It comes up a lot by the way. Guess what time it is, dumbasses. Four 13. Military time. Eight nine.

22. Eight nine. 22, 15. You're both wrong, although Lorkin was close with eight nine. It's time to play a three-chur. Okay. Any questions? Well, what is a three-ture? Mmm, Scott?

Do you know? Yeah, I mean, it's a, I don't know. The answer is- I was just playing. Playing, interesting word. The answer, my friend. Oh, it says a three-ture is a game. It's blowing in the wind. The answer is blowing in the wind.

As heard in the recent movie. A complete unknown. He was a complete unknown. It's me. Bob Dylan. A three-chart. Bob Dylan. What are you going to have?

Bob Dylan. He does put his name in a lot of songs. Does he really? Yeah, Bob Dylan's dream number, whatever. Does he sing his name though? I don't know, has he ever sung his name? I'm Bob Dylan, this is my dream. I'm Bob Dylan.

This is my dream. What if Timothy Chalome showed up first day on the set and he's like, hey everybody. Hey everybody, I'm gonna sing. Does a complete unknown take him up to We Are the World? Because that would be great. I hope so. That would be great.

The cocaine he took right before that. Look it around. It's me. There's a choice you're making. A freedom game is called a threacher. And a threacher is a game that we like to play. You might know it by its other name. Okay, is it a Chuster?

Yes. It's a Chuster. It's also known as a Chuster. Oh, okay, interesting. Freedom is a game that we like to play. You might know it by its other name, a Chuster. Today's Chuster is called, what is it again? I'll tell you what it is.

Good cop, bad cop. Good cop, bad cop. Now this is where- This is a suggestion from Robert Yoon. Thank you, Robert Yoon. Two of us will play cops interrogating the other one in an insignificant situation. This is not like somebody's been hauled in for murder. This is like a dumb, normal, everyday, boring situation. This is not like somebody's been hauled in for murder.

This is like a dumb, normal, everyday boring situation. But for some reason, two people are acting as good cop and bad cop. Yes, so I'm going to be the good cop. Lauren's gonna be bad cop. And Paul is gonna be the person that we're interrogating and we need a situation. The situation is I have sent my soup back to the kitchen.

We take you now to the scene we're about to do. Slap. Ow, what was that for? Pay attention. I am paying attention. Can I talk to you for a second? Can I talk to you for a second? Sure, sure.

I'm sorry, I gotta apologize for her. Who are you? You wanna talk to you for a second? Can I talk to you? Sure, sure. I'm sorry, I gotta apologize for her. Who are you? You wanna talk to me for a second, but you turn to him and apologize? We're the co-waiters. I'm waiting to be talked to. Look man, be cool, be cool. This guy doesn't deserve this.

He'll give us the information. Yeah. All right, all right, all right, all right. Hey, okay, so why would you send your suit back? Well, it just seemed like it was a little cold and- Oh, and you have such really high standards for temperature? Oh, you need things exactly how they should be. I guess I do, it's a restaurant. Oh, you want things that taste good to you.

Give me a second, give me a second with this guy. Look, I'm on your side. Your partner's out of control. She's crazy. She's crazy. She's crazy. Okay. And I'm afraid of what's going to happen

if I have to leave the room. So why don't you just tell me all the information about why you want your soup so hot. Okay. I usually eat soup hot unless it's gazpacho or something. That's what we served you as gazpacho. It's still too cold. Too cold?

It's frozen. It was a popsicle. Gazpacho popsicle. I don't want that. I wanted a bowl of soup. Well, you should have told me it was a popsicle. Okay, I gotta leave the room. We should have told you it was something.

We should have told you it was something. Let go of my shirt. I'm gonna get you a sandwich while we... Can I just have one of those two? Out of the vending machine. Where's the vending machine? Yeah, I'll see you, go ahead. Sorry, I gotta leave you with Hesher.

Hesher. Heshu? I'll play nice. What's your favorite candy? Zagnut. Excuse me? I have to kick your ass. No! What about the Zag nuts? Waboosh, waboosh, waboosh.

I got you some from the, some Zag nuts from the vending machine. Thank you. The Zag nuts. We sell Zag nuts. But the Zag sure? We don't, I mean the vending company does. We don't sell them.

It's our place. It's our, it's our jail. We're not in a jail, honey. We're in a restaurant. Wait, are you guys together? Yes. Don't bring, don't let him know we're married. Sweetheart, come on.

Shut up. I just love you so much. Shut up! All right. I caught both your asses. Wow! My solar plexus! All right, I admit it, I admit it.

The soup was hot, wasn't it? Yes, it was boiling hot. And why did you want it so hotter? I tried to seem cool, like on Hot Ones. With your date? Yes. Why isn't she talking? I don't have anything to say.

She's a really polite old lady. Thank you. Aren't you a darling? Why are you dating someone so much older than you, sir? What business is it of yours? He likes the pussy old. Shh. Shh. Shh.

Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh.

Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. So I'm bad cop. Paul is good cop. And Lauren, you are the person.

And what is your situation? My situation is I took a baby zebra from the zoo. You took a baby zebra from the zoo. Is that too much of a crime? Maybe. It is a crime. What if you saw one? My crime is I saw a baby zebra from the zoo. Is that too much of a crime? Maybe. It is a crime.

What if you saw one? My crime is I saw a baby be born at the zoo, baby zebra be born. Well, well, well, look at this prime asshole right here. What, me? Yeah, you. Or do you mean that guy bending over and I'm spreading his cheeks?

Sorry, let me look a little to the left. Oh, there you are. Look at you. Or do you mean that guy bending over him, spreading his cheeks? Sorry, let me look a little to the left. Oh, there you are. Look at you. Hey, how's it going? You like to peep, do you? Huh? You like to watch? Oh, no, I like to eat peeps at Easter time,

or actually every holiday they make them all different types of varieties of styles. You're a real sick twist, aren't you? Hey, Robbie, Robbie, why don't you just take a break, okay? Why don't you go get some coffee? He's a vending machine. All right. Hey, I'm sorry about my partner there.

He's new and he's very energetic. This is so calming. Thank you. Is it okay if I put my hand on top of your hand? Sure. Okay. Is it okay if when I dip, you dip, we dip? I don't think I have a choice, right?

Okay, so now, we dip? I don't think I have a choice, right? Okay, so now what we understand is that you may have seen something recently, something unusual here at the zoo. Yeah. Okay. And do you want to tell us what you saw? I saw, it was pretty exciting. I put it all over my Instagram.

I saw a baby zebra being born. Okay, so you saw this. Yeah. I'm back. I have coffees for everybody. Oh, thank you. See, you're a good cop. I'm a very good cop, except this is going in your face.

What? Oh, my eyeball fell out. Oof, that was fast. I have a glass eye. If hot liquid touches it, it just slips. I got it, I got it. It falls out. I got it, here you go, here. Oh, he put it in his mouth.

Yeah. Anyway, so you admit it. Oh my God, she admitted. Oh, well I admit seeing it, but why are we talking? Why are we having to have you on tape? You wish you had seen it? Yeah. Can you show it to us? I can show you on my phone.

Yeah. Oh. That's adorable. Oh my God, so cute. Comes out in a sack. Now that was a horse that gave birth to that zebra. Yeah, I think a, I think a, it was a, well, it's a white horse. Yeah.

Why? It fucked a black bear. A black bear? And then it had a zebra. Yeah. Okay. a black bear. A black bear. And then it had a zebra. Yeah. Okay. Now look, I believe you, but my partner might need some convincing. I wouldn't believe a word that comes out of your mouth. So wait, part of it is that you don't believe that I saw it? No, no, no. I believe you.

That's a deep fake video, isn't it? Oh no, I don't know how to do that. I don't even use AI to do my homework. Oh yeah? Well, what is this? This is a receipt for AI, and you wrote homework on the note. The note, the receipt note. Okay, one time I paid $100 to have a paper written by AI. Is that how expensive AI is?

His name is Albert Einstein. I, and as- Einstein with an I? Hey, I'm gonna go get us a vending machine from the coffee factory. Okay, great. Look, you son of a bitch. We only have probably three minutes before he gets back here with that vending machine. You're gonna tell me the truth or else I'm gonna beat the shit out of you and I'm gonna

enjoy it. Because I love beating the shit out of pieces of shit. Well, the truth is I saw a zebra give birth to a baby zebra. And AI had nothing to do with it? No, and it wasn't a horse, it was a zebra. It was a zebra? It was a zebra. And why did you watch this?

I thought it was a force of nature that I thought was incredible. That's your excuse? Am I in trouble? Oh, are you in trouble? Am I going to jail? Does this answer your question? High five.

High five, bro. Well, I see you guys are gonna- Ah! Oh, jeez. I told you I was coming right out of the vent. Here's a vending machine for you. Here's one for you. Oh my God, thank you so much.

Yeah. I'm gonna make these free. And I'm gonna put soda in the drinking fountains. That's great. All right, you're free to go. Bye. Oh, oh, great, bye. Love you.

Are you guys gonna hug now? Yeah, we hug after every interrogation. It's me. We love each other. What's wrong with that? Is this the thing that we do one more time or? Yeah. Okay.

Why not? I am the good cop now. I more time or? Yeah. Okay. Why not? I am the good cop now. I'm the bad cop now. Look at me, look at me. I'm the bad cop now. And I'm the person you're talking to and I've asked my sister, who's a princess, if she wants to build a snowman.

Hey, thank you so much for sitting down with us. Oh, I'm not gonna sit down. I just- Good, a piece of shit like you deserves to stand. Oh, I'm not gonna sit down. I just- Good, a piece of shit like you deserves to stand. Oh, sure. Ignore my partner. He's a little grumpy today. Would you like some candy canes or-

No, I'm actually with my sister right now. We're in the middle of something. So it's nice to meet you, whoever you are. So you and this sister, you just pal around? I'm sorry, what's happening here? My sister and I, it's the first snow of winter. Yeah, and you just asked her something and we heard you and we were just wondering if you could repeat that

on this recording device here. No, I don't know who you are or why you're talking to me. Oh, playing dumb, huh? Maybe this will sharpen your memory. You just slapped your knee. Yeah. Because it's a funny joke to me that you don't remember. Maybe this will sharpen your memory. You just slapped your knee. Yeah. Maybe this. Because it's a funny joke to me that you don't remember. Maybe this will sharpen your memory.

Sound familiar? You piece of shit. I mean, I hear that every time I bend over. I just was wondering if it was something that sounded familiar. It's kind of a familiar noise. Yeah, it's a whistle. Is that what you're talking about? Does this sound familiar?

Door opening. Do you hear that? Sound familiar? Is that. Do you hear that? Sound familiar? Is that something you've heard before? Usually when a door opens, it makes an automatic peak. You fucking piece of shit. It makes an automatic peak sound. Like creak. Like door opening.

No, you're just saying door opening. Door opening. What, who are you and why are you talking to me? I'm the good cop and he's the bad cop. You're police? Yes, we're police. You're the popo? You could be arrested in two seconds if you don't corrupt, corrupt right?

I wanna shove you so bad. You want to? Yeah. Go ahead. If you're such a big man. And I wanna hug you. I'm gonna catch you in a hug. That's as hard as you can do it. I caught you in a hug.

Aw, this feels nice. In a feathery pillow embrace. Yeah, my partner here likes to hug. I like to shove. Okay, those don't rhyme. I just said they would. That's what you're going for. No. Well partner here likes to hug. I like to shove. Okay, those don't rhyme. I knew what you were going for. Well, he likes to hug, I like to... Snug would be something, you know.

Snug is a bug. I wasn't trying to rhyme. Well, try to. Next time you talk to me. Here, try to rhyme. My partner likes to embrace. I like to fuck up your face. There you go.

How do you like that? This is good. All right, so it is... Good! Ah, my face! Feeling fucked up. How do you like that? Good. All right. So it is. Ah my face! Feeling fucked up. Teeth are on the floor. Let me help you get these. Okay. Pants on the ground. Pants on the ground. Teeth on the floor. Okay. Look, I'm sorry officers. I didn't, I don't know what I did. Answer the questions. What question? Ask me again. Give them the questions. Yeah. Answer the questions! What question?

Ask me again. Give him the questions. Yeah. Do you know the way to San Jose? Do you know the way to Santa's Jose? Take the five north. Okay. You'll get there probably.

Did you ask your sister if she wants to build a snowman? And you better not lie, you fucking piece of shit. Look, I mean, you understand why someone would ask someone that. And you better not lie you fucking piece of shit look I Mean you understand why someone would ask someone that I mean, it's the first snow It's a fun thing to do. I mean fucking sick and as far as shit goes you're a piece of it Just a piece. Yeah Whole turd Hey, you're the good cop partners very nice. She believes in you. I think you're not whole turd. Hey, you're the good cop. My partner's very nice. She believes in you. I think you're not just a piece of shit.

I think you're just a piece of shit. Okay guys, look, yeah, sure. I asked my sister if she wanted to build a snowman, but that's not illegal in this part, is it? I mean, or is this someone else's snow? Hey, who said illegal? You did, you piece of shit. What I did isn't illegal?

There you go again. You thought it wasn't. You thought. Why are you talking to me about this? Why are you not answering our questions? You said what I did isn't illegal as if you thought it was illegal. Well, we just caught you. You little worm.

And we're going to cut you in half like a worm. We're going to make two of you and then beat the shit out of them. Both. Yeah, I'll be the bad cop now. Slice kick kick kick. Well, push push push. I love you. Oh, both. Yeah, I'll be the bad cop now. Slice, kick, kick, kick, wha-poosh, wha-poosh. No, I'm the good guy. I love you. Oh, okay, okay.

And scene. We did it again. We did it again. How do we keep doing it? We did it again, da-da-da, we did it again, da-da-da, we did it again. Listen, if you would like to send us a three-cher, as good as that one, write to us at freedomusa.gmail.com.

Send us a three mail. GMA.com. Good morning America.com. And if you would like to leave us a voicemail that we use for our 3 a.m. episodes every other Wednesday, go to hagclaims8.com. And if you want to hear all of our archives, meaning all of our older episodes.

Blow the dust off. We've done over 200 episodes. They're all over at CBB World, where you can get a subscription and listen to them. And if you have a subscription, you can also hear us do our three Mium episodes, which we do every other weekend. We've explained this on our most recent one.

We've been over this. And we, you hear those every other week on Wednesday, where we answer those emails. Okay. And we would love to see you here next week. Same time, same place. Yes, please join us. Won't you for more freedom?

Please come back and sample one more episode. Yes. Please. And look, paulfthomkins.com slash live. Going to be at SketchFest this month. Going to be doing the St. Patrick's Day show at Lodge Room in Los Angeles live and live streamed, going to be going on tour with Varietopia in the spring. You can see all that, pauloftompkins.com slash live.

Yeah, and if you go over to Marvel Unlimited, get an account and a subscription, you can read my comic, Astonishing Spider-Man. We took this week off, but we're back with a brand new arc next week, and that'll be seven weeks in a row. Even Spider-Man needs a break. Sure. I'm too tired. And Lauren, bye. I have nothing. I have nothing. You have nothing. Okay. I have nothing. I'm just happy to be here. Bye. Bye. This message is sponsored by Cologuard. Because of my own health journey, increasing awareness around the importance of colon cancer screening is a mission close to my heart.

And one common misconception about screening for colon cancer is that you should start at age 50. But in actuality, if you're at average risk, the recommended age to start screening is 45. And a great use at home option to screen for colon cancer is with the Coligar test. The Coligar test is a non-invasive, effective and affordable prescription based use at home colon cancer screening test that looks for both abnormal DNA and blood in your stool. What I really love about the Cologuard test

is that it gives the option to screen your way on your time with no need to take time off of work for prep or procedures. Even if you don't have any symptoms, it is so important to test beginning at 45, because many patients with early stage colon cancer have no symptoms at all and are diagnosed through screening. With zero downtime, no special preparation, and a use at home screening test that's delivered

right to your door, what more are you waiting for? So if you're 45 or older and at average risk, ask your healthcare provider about screening for colon cancer with the Coligard test. You can also request a Coligard prescription today at coligard.com slash podcast. Do not use the Coligard test if you've had adenomas, have inflammatory bowel disease and certain hereditary syndromes or a personal or family history of colorectal cancer. False positive and negative results may occur. Any positive result should be followed by a colonoscopy, not a replacement for colonoscopy in high-risk patients. The ColiGuard test is available by

prescription only. Hi, everyone. Gloria Riviera here, and we are back for another season of No One is Coming to Save Us, a podcast about America's child care crisis. This season, we're delving deep into five critical issues facing our country through the lens of child care, poverty, mental health, housing, climate change, and the public school system. By exploring these connections, we aim to highlight that child care is not an isolated issue, but one that influences all facets of American life.

Season 4 of No One is Coming to Save Us is out now wherever you get your podcasts.