Threedom - Think Ya Docta Pimple Poppa?

Episode Date: October 16, 2025

Scott, Lauren, and Paul discuss opening credits, band names, and clothing donations before playing I’ve Got Some Bad Tunes. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's morning in New York. Oh, God. Hey, everybody. I'm Mandy Patinkin. And I'm Catherine Grady. And we have a new podcast. It's called Don't Listen to Us. Many of you've asked for our advice. Tell me, what is wrong with you people?

Don't listen to us. Our Take It or Leave It Advice show is out every Wednesday, premiering October 15th, a Lemonada Media Original. Freedom. Wait, that came in so fast. Fucking kidding me. It's never coming that fast. Freedom!

Freedom! It's never come in that fast. It never has. Something changed. Freedom! Freedom! I don't know what's going on. Hi, everyone.

Welcome back to Freedom. What a world. Meaning this might be your first episode ever. Welcome back, welcome back. Welcome back. I truly hate that song. Why? Paul?

I think I didn't, I was indifferent to it. before. But then when I sang it, you just started fucking hate it. I think that when, because of course, when we say, we end up saying

welcome back a lot, and it puts it in my head and then I realize I don't like having this in my head. Why? It's so fun. Welcome back.

It's so fun. I'm like, I'm like dancing. I'm like laughing. It's so fun. This guy failed. Right? This guy failed. He left.

I don't know the mythos of Carter. But they welcome him with open arms. You don't know the mythos of Cotter? All I know is the, fucking hammerhead or whatever in the back going, Mr. Cotter. Hammerhead? What's his name?

Tramolta. No, not Tavolta. I know that's Vinnie Bobarino, but who's Hammond head in the back? I don't know. Who's hammerhead in the back? I don't know. What's his name?

Calm down. I don't know. Are you talking about? Horshack? Horse shack. That's what I'm talking about. The guy who sounds like a horse rat. But he didn't say Mr. Cotter.

That was Freddie Boomb, Washington. Okay, I didn't know. I don't know about Freddie Boom Boom, Washington. This show predates me a little bit. He would say, freedom predates me.

He was, somebody would say, why do they call you Boom Boom. Say, they're making a big boom boom in the potty. And he would, and he would, that's not what he would say.

Oh. Okay. He would mime an upright bass and then go, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Is that supposed to play? Because he plays it or because. He never on the show played the bass.

And never factored. But that was how he explained his nickname. Okay. Lawrence Hilton Jacobs, chilling performance as Joe Jackson in that Jackson's mini-series. Oh, I know. Oh, right. But what is Mr. Cotter's whole thing? He fails as what?

He goes to this school. Okay. Oh, he's a student. He was a student. Okay. Of this high school, he now teaches. Much like Paul Giamati in the holdovers. Much like he starts out as a student.

This is all off camera At this high school I'm sure they were filming You can in high school This is just understood They don't explain it They never show the footage They never show or they never talk about it

I think in the pilot Yeah they probably mentioned it But the song sort of tells the story Let's look up the way of like Now you're back here The same old place that you laughed about You went away and did some other stuff Welcome back

Your dreams were your ticket out Welcome back to that same old place That you laughed about Yeah And now who's laughing The place Well the names Actually is pretty sad

The names have all changed Since you hung around But those dreams have remained And they've turned around Who'd have thought they'd lead you Back here where we need you Yeah we tease them a lot Because we got them on the spot

Welcome back We always could spot a friend And I smile when I think How you must have been This goes past to the length Of the opening credits Theme you hear that I know what a scene you were learning in.

Was there something that made you come back again? And what could ever lead you back here where we need you? We tease him a lot because we got them on the spot. You already said that. And I know what a scene you were learning in. Was there something that made you come back again? And what could ever lead you back here where we need you? I want to kill you.

Yeah. I just what you die. We tease him a lot Because we got out of the spot Oh, that's why Okay, you already forgot Paul? That's the one thing we know

So he was a teacher He leaves Brooklyn Yeah Went off to do Fucking turfs out Who knows what he wanted to do Turfs out Turfs out

Trans-excruitionary Radical feminist out Yeah That's right That's a weird That's a weird part They never talk about Yeah

Fuck about It's loosely based on J.K. Rowling. Before any of, she was even in a person. She was a student at Hogwarts, though. Her, the K stands for Cotter. Yes. Yes. J. Cotter Rowling. We've cracked the code with a K. Now, when I was a child, I thought that show was fucking hilarious. Is it funny? Welcome back, Connor? No, it's not. No, not at all, right? It's a drama. It might as well be. It's really not funny. It seemed like shows at the time were like, if we can get some act. being very broad, saying a very broad thing, and then repeat it over and over, that'll be

great. Did I do that? That would be great. That would be great. Were you watching when you would watch Family Matters as a child, Lord? Yeah. Would you be upset if he didn't say, did I do that? No, I wasn't really, I don't think I was keeping tabs on that.

I just enjoyed the program and all the characters. That's a fun. I don't know that I would ever be. waiting for the catchphrase? Yeah, I don't think I really even understood there was a formula. It feels like, obviously when they would say it, I'd be like, yes, he said the thing.

So when you would watch Hans and Franz or whatever on SNL, you'd be disappointed if they didn't say pump you up or isn't that special or whatever. Well, it'd be weird if they would get like a riotous laugh. That would be very strange if they never said pump you up in a Hansen Fromm's kidding. It's kind of all you're there to do. I will Hans and Franz, we're back.

Anyway, I had to crazy a stream last night. Don't think about what we usually do. When I hear to talk about, you know. Because we're very busy right now. We're very busy right now. No terrorists will ever extinguish the spirit of New York, the greatest in your earth. They get serious. They should have done a post-9-11 episode where all the sketches were.

Yeah, they bring back old sketches. Like all of them are just like, New York is the greatest city in the world. Like the West Wing. episode post 9-11. That's right. Which is not in continuity. An aberration. As they said at the beginning.

An aberration. Don't consider this as part of the timeline of... Yes. The real West Wing. Just something we felt it important to do. Yes. Okay, what are the worst pieces of media about post-9-11?

Oh, well... That West Wing episode is pretty bad. Sorgans 2 for 2. He's got that newsroom episode on the plane. Oh, that's so bad. I think the Marvel comic they put out is really bad, where Dr. Doom is crying as he looks at Ground Zero. What? Is this real?

Why is Dr. Doom crying? Because even he knows how horrible this is. He's a bad guy? No, Dr. Doom? Sounds nice. He sounds like a good guy, right? I'm just kidding. If you were to meet a guy named Victor von Doom.

You'd think he's cool, right? God, I really wouldn't think he was cool. Because you would know he made up that name. And he's wearing a top hat in an L.A. bar. Yes. He's doing magic, close up magic. My name's Victor von Doom. I'd be like, can you fuck off?

Like at least once. Tonight would be prefer. At least once. Could you fuck off at least once? Hey, Dr. Doom, can you fuck off at least once? I don't think he didn't say it was a doctor. He said he didn't. Oh, he's a doctor.

I don't know he was a doctor. Yeah. Oh. And now I'm interested. Come on back. Check out this boil on my ass. So you're interested in a doctor when you're at a bar just to look at the boil on your mess? Yeah.

Because I know it's been diagnosed. I know what it is. I have medication for it. And I just want to look at it. I just look at a second opinion. Yeah. Oh. Just take a good long look.

Because you're a doctor. You like this kind of shit. I'm assuming that's why you went to medical school. Precast weirdos. You want to see boils. Fucking freak. Think you're Dr. Pimplebopper. Well, you're not.

I think you're Dr. Pimblebop. You think you're Dr. Pimblebopper. You're not. You're not. Wait, so why is you crying? She's an expert. Because it's such a horrible thing to do to humanity. Isn't that kind of thing that he wants to do?

Yes. But not in those terms. He wants to do it himself. He's crying because he missed his chance. You don't kill people like this. You build a ray. Welcome to the freedom. I'm Scott.

I'm Paul. I'm Lauren. We're saying our names at nine minutes in. That's not a good sign. Is it a bad sign? No, it's a great sign, is what I meant. Oh. You know, when you're watching a television show,

especially in this streaming era, and they have a theme music. You know, they have a title sequence. Theme, theme, theme, music, title sequence. Have a thing. Norm, no, music. It feels like a Netflix or an Apple TV Plus thing, right?

And it doesn't come until 22 minutes in. It's like, why did you bother? That's crazy. The fucking OA, that show on Netflix, where the dance person's going to save the world. Their opening credits came, I want to say, 40 minutes into the show. Just do without. And I was like, I'm never watching this again. Because you just go, we don't need it at that.

We don't need it at that point. What is the point? Just do whatever Big Brother does when they don't have time for it and just go, do whatever the brother for Survivor We were watching the sitcom Leanne on Netflix I've been watching that as well

Love's been watching that too Yeah because our friend Hannah Pilkis was in it And then Leia Morgan's very funny I think Leanne is funny too And the thing we always forget Every episode is that they don't have an actual theme song But they do Out of nowhere

You never know when it's going to happen You hear these voices singing Leane What I It's akin to like a man It reminds me of Reba or something Or did she have a theme song? She reminds me a round

Out of any Out of any Out of any sitcom star She should have a theme song I think that was her theme song That's true because she's a singer I think that reminds She leanne reminds me of Reba

Does that make sense to you? I get it Yeah Because she's always talking about her Yep She reminds me She goes don't forget Reba Remember Reba?

Hey Remember Reba Wait what was the I don't know what the Reba theme song was. I thought that was the theme song. I think it probably was single mom works to jobs and loves her kids but never stops. I'm giving a spinning wheel. Otherwise I play it right now. I'm a survivor. You got a laptop problem. This is an old one that I used for recording. I started watching the Charlie Sheen

dock last night. Ew. Why? finishing it's interesting. Tiger Blood. Winning. It's interesting. It's interesting i um well i know all does you talk about all of his uh adventures with sex workers yeah i think it's he's not holding back and they had adventures right treasure maps and stuff yeah sure x marks spalunking and um can i spalunk with you in your uh it'll cost an extra 50 dollars spanking spunking spunking remember his tour that was just based on him saying yeah yeah yeah well i just started at the beginning i mean i've only watched the It's a very good place to step.

Yeah. I'm like that. But I'm interested at this point in the dynamics of his family with, you know, Martin Sheen. I didn't think we're seeing his childhood, what happened there. Interesting. And they lived a very modest life. Martin Sheen came to our house once. Really?

Why? Because his wife was at a fundraiser that we were holding. And he popped by at the end. It was very nice. That's exciting. I was so exciting. Who's his wife? I don't want to out him.

You want a blow her spot. Yeah, yeah, like, I don't want to docks her. Because her name is her address. But they showed this one clip of Martin Sheen and Charlie Sheen playing basketball against Michael Jordan. What? I bet they won. Yeah, two against one? Absolutely.

They did. Yeah. But Martin Sheen, like, all you got to do is one of them grabs his ankles. Well, Michael Jordan had to cover his eyes for part of the, for the free throw shoot off. And then on a different part, when they were playing. or Michael Jordan did a half court shot that went in nothing but net

and then Martin Sheen also did it's pretty fun all right I just want to see that part yeah okay watch that part then and get back to us okay I will I'll give you a full report okay it sounded like I got the full report

from Lauren already but you haven't got it from me well speaking of docs did you watch the documentary the catfish and Dr. Doom yes no I did not wait there's a documentary on? No, it's a, it's a, it's a documentary of the, this teen girl who was being bullied

through text messages and she and my friend were on a group chain with this anonymous person who was bullying them. What you guys do to me on the freedom text? Yes. Okay, got it. We use our burner accounts and tell you you're a cuck. But it was like, this is horrible bullying. I mean, honestly, the spoiler's probably already out there. It's absolutely. You know, you know it. Because I knew what it was when I went into it. Can I just say? I didn't know, but as it was, as it was going on, I was like, are we going to find out an adult was doing this? Yeah. But then there was a further shock.

You don't know any of this. I don't know anything about this. I would say watch it. I don't want to spoil it. I'm not going to watch it. I want to spoil it. Listen, skip ahead. 30 seconds.

Honestly, yeah, skip now. It was her mom. The little girl's mom is sending her these mean crazy text. And then when they, when she admits it and they, you know. Oh my God, she admit it? Yeah. When in the documentary, like it's already, she's already caught for it and went to jail and stuff.

And then they're doing this documentary. And she's just like, acting like, acting like, it's not that weird like she's like she honestly doesn't really seem she's has a serious 30 seconds and that was what it was about that's that's not these are nuts and dr doom cried at that these are nuts dr doom cries at everything now he's very weepy yeah he I mean he's sentimental covers a lot of just tear stained faces that's why he wears that mask I think I think he's doing it on purpose it's like the Jimmy Fallon of crying yeah he because He's just always giggling, I mean, always crying.

He's doing it a purpose. And people are talking. Because he knows it works. You know, people think it's cute. Yeah. When Dr. Doom cries. People got to stop crying on the show, Big Brother. Are they crying a lot on that show?

Yeah, there's one contestant who cries all the time. It's like, come on, man. Oh, my gosh. Wait. What are they crying about? Oh, I wish I had dropped since the earlier. Oh, you did nominate me, but I swear if you don't vote for me. Oh, just shut the fuck up.

Fuck off everybody on Big Brother. I would love it if someone were to be in Big Brother. brother and not give a shit and be like, vote me off, don't vote me off. I don't care. They probably win the whole thing. They probably would. Probably because they wouldn't care. I don't know if I ever watched a full episode of Big Brother. It's done by now, by the way. But you've never watched a full one. You got to watch a full one. Report back. I'm not going to take that report. You got a lot of homework. I'm not doing that report. I want it on my desk at 6 a.m. I will not. 9 a.m. I'll give you three extra hours. Okay, okay. Five a.

wait what you're almost done anyway do it five you're almost done anyway god remember having to do reports oh my god I do I sometimes you know by the way what did they do with all that research it's nothing I filed my reports year after year in school

I mean that's how what difference did it make that's how the school gets its funding is by publishing these reports that the kids do they publish our reports in the magazines And then they can Then they can use it on Wikipedia for references. Fuck.

Mm-hmm. Fawking shit. As much as you think about like, oh, it would be fun to be back in school again. As much as I think about that? Well, I think about it sometimes about like, oh. You always think that. Let's, let's, it would be fun to jump street, like catching drug dealers while you're in school again. Catching drug dealers is probably the most fun part about it.

But, but just having to do all that homework. that would fucking suck at a certain point i just gave up on doing it the day to day of going to school every day that's enough i wouldn't do that again at all i don't care because it's it's eight a m till question mark 330 i think is what we used to go you're allowed to say there as long as you want that's like eight hours right there yeah that's a full-time job and then they want you to go home and do homework yeah get the fuck out of here what do you do doing at home. Getting drunk. I know how we're so my if you're my job as your teacher. Would he come to school drunk? Or she? He came to school. I would say not drunk but clearly

like on it like massively hung over from the day before to where you're still a little bit drunk. And when I think about it now I'm like oh yeah he was 22 years old cartoonishly going Yeah And then bubbles flying out of his mouth. His nose is red and had

lines on it. Good. Gin blossoms. I have gin blossoms. I'm sorry. Broken capillaries on my nose. That's okay. It's called a gin blossom? Yeah. Yeah. What? If you because from drinking? Yes, yes, yes. I didn't know that the band name was meant something. Yeah, you get broken capillaries on your cheeks and your nose. Every band name means something. Toad the Westpocket. Monty Python reference. Okay. Great one. Mm-hmm. Other bands mean other things. The kinks. I think you guys. I think you guys.

get it. White stripes. White stripes. This is based on stripes that are white. I never thought of it that way. Remember what it was like, are they brother and sister or are they dating? Yeah. Radiohead actually weirdly is a reference to Stephen Toblowski.

Oh, yeah. Well, I just heard this story for the first time. No, for real? Yeah. For real. That's very cool for him. He told this story on Adam and his show about Talking Heads, but he has Adam Carolla. Adam, yes.

He has some sort of like psychic powers anyway where he like receives frequencies in his radio and in his head. And David Byrne wrote a song called Radiohead about him and Radiohead took their band name from the Talking Head song. And Stephen Toblowski was friends with David Byrne. Yes. Bing! That's crazy. Isn't that all very interesting? Bing again!

Paul gives that two bings. And he's in Freakier Friday. Is he? How is he? Wonderful. Great actor. The movie's fantastic, as I've said. Loved it.

What about Freakyest Friday? Would you want to be in that? Yes. I want to be the grandma in that. The grandma. The grandma. What if there was gremlins, but there were grandmas? Grandma, grandma.

So cute. Gramlins. Gramlins. Gramlins. Gramlins. They're sassy old gremlins. And they play basketball and they rap. Yeah.

That's funny. With white hair and like floral dresses. Yes. And they're using modern slang. I love this. All right. We're going to take a break and go write it. We'll be right back.

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Free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash freedom. Um, we're back. We have written the Gremlin's script, and we're going to do a read-through right now. Yes. By the way, we got this sold, we did it on spec. It's the highest number for a spec script of all time.

We sold it for $150. It's never happened in the history of entertainment. Here it goes. Exterior. Retirement home day. Grandma, I brought you your favorite cookies. Hey, can't it after midnight. Well, come on, grandma.

Just eat one. Why are you coming to my retirement home and fucking two in the morning? Salt takes place outside, by the way. Grandma, just eat one, okay? I met you outside here because you begged me. You threw these cookies against my window and got my attention. Grandma? And I came down here.

What? It's not two in the morning. It's two in the afternoon, Grandma. Well, that doesn't work for the plot, honey. No, but you're dementia. So it's dementia. Do you think the time is later? It actually affects you.

Excuse me. I think you're upsetting her. You'll have to leave. Hey, hey, hey, don't push me. Don't push me. It's my granddaughter. I'm not pushing you. I'm trying to lean on you.

You keep running away. Okay, then it goes on for like 120 more pages like that. Yeah, and the gremlins win. Yeah. Gramlins. Gramlins. Anyway, thanks for, thanks for buying. Oh, the gremlin.

Only in theaters. Only exclusively in theaters. Never to be streamed at home. Never. My movie March continues. What does that mean? I have been watching more and more movies. I've been watching.

I started my spooky season early. I've been watching a lot of horror movies. Good. Here's what I've seen so far. Okay. In the theater, weapons, of course. Of course, you have to. Loved it.

The Monkey, starring our friend Tatiana Mosulny. I started watching that. I really loved it. I did too. I told her I want to do a prequel about her and Adam. Yeah. How they got into the movie. She said she would love it.

Okay, I don't think you watched it. What? Paul's so weirded out. I don't think he watched it. Yeah, you didn't watch this thing. I did watch it. Confused. Do you want to do a prequel about her and Adam?

Adam Scott. Adam Scott is in the first scene. I forgot about that guy. Yeah, you did, didn't you? In the very first scene. You also forgot about Dre, you were telling me. I never forgot about Dre. Nowadays, everybody was to act like they got something to say.

If anything, I'm reminding people of Dre all the time. Now, he was, was he? Her husband. He was the husband. And he brings it back and that's why all this shit goes down. No, I remember the rest of the movie. Well, how am I supposed to know that? You don't remember the first thing that happened.

What do you remember things in reverse order? What if I did? And what if I was about to get there and you cut me off? I also watched Audity, 2024. Very good. Very good movie. Okay. Features my boy from the great.

Howell, 2015. Where will be? movie takes place on a train. Did you ever see the Jack Nicholson Wolf movie? Wolf? You know, I was working in the video store when that movie came out on a video, so I think I've seen parts of it, but I don't think I ever saw the whole movie.

I was working in a cocktail bar. When I met you. As a waiter in a cocktail bar. Is that it? Why, is that it? Why do we need to gender waiter and waitress?

Oh my God. Why do we? Let's just call you. call them servers. I also said, hey, server. I also saw dangerous animals. Get your ass over here. New movie. Get your pretty ass over here.

Whoa. 2025, very good. Dog soldiers, 2002. Roof, roof. Another werewolf movie. Good. A lot of fun. Oh, wow.

Sean Pertwee, yeah, he's in it. You're seeing a lot of things you like. 28 years later. Yeah. Rented it. Yeah. The last scene, it's crazy. Yeah.

Last scene's extremely crazy. Setting up a sequel I didn't. know what was happening. Yeah. It almost was setting up like a joke set up of a sequel. Well, no, they already shot.

They already shot it. It's coming out in like February. But that was news to me. So I was like, why are you doing this? That's very wild to me. Yeah. It was an odd movie, but I enjoyed it. Yeah, I enjoyed it too.

It was not what I expected. Jody Comer. Jody Comer. Relic. Relic. Scary movie. Yeah. below

below this was the fucking submarine movie that's right you were texting you were texting Sean and I about this last night

and is Zach in this is that Jack Alfenakis is in it I couldn't quite tell the picture you sent I was like is that Zach I the reason

the title stuck in my mind I was like why do I know this I've heard of this movie that I've never seen well you've probably said the word a few times oh you think

that's what it was Just from the word below? Yeah. That's why all titles sound familiar to me because they're made up of words. When you tell someone, hey, would you below me? When you tell someone, hey, would you below me? But I forgot until 20 minutes or like 10 minutes in, there's Zach Alfenakis.

I'm like, oh, yeah. I didn't know what he was going to miss. That's what Paul said. I don't know he was in this. I don't know he's in this. I didn't know he's in this. Did you enjoy below? I said like Joe Biden.

I don't know. I didn't. No, I didn't enjoy below. I'm so sorry. I don't know if you're in this. But you're on a submarine movie kick after having watched Master and Commander with us. Yes. And we got to talking about it.

Crimson Tide. Yes. Red, red wine. Yeah. Yeah. Dikki. Dikki. Dikki.

Dikki. Dikki. We play that in my old band, my high school band. Here's the words I know to red, red wine. Red wine, you got to. And then red red wine, you make me feel so fine. Mm-hmm. You keep me rocking all the time.

Now, in 1987, did the other lead singer of the band, did he do imitate that certain patois? I can't imagine that he would. Of course he did. Oh, he did? In 1987. Yes. Red, red wine, you make me feel so fine. You keep me rocking all of the time.

Oh, God. Did I just do it right now in 2025? You sure did. That was interesting. Yeah. That was interesting. Interesting. That has a certain interesting aspect to it.

That's interesting. I was so interesting. I thought it a bit interesting. Yeah. But yeah, that was one. Learning how to play songs was always so fun because back then, there weren't websites. There were hard-ling songs.

They're hard-in- That's true. There was happy birthday. Think about how many more songs there are now. From 1987 to now? Yeah. There's so many more. How many songs come out in a certain year?

In 1987, you could conceivably, if you really tried, learn all the existing songs. Yeah. Well, especially since Louis-Louis chords are the same for so many. Please don't talk about him. Why can't I talk about Louis-Louis? Lauren, what's wrong? Your face is in your hands. I'm scratching my brow.

Your bra? My brow. Scratching my brow out. Scratching my brow. You were like Dr. Face hands. Was I? Good old Dr. Face hands. You were in a lot of ways.

How often do you get rid of clothes? Yeah. Not often enough. Oh, you mean, you don't mean it at the end of the day. Taking on my clothes and getting nude. Ew. Getting nude. That's the reward in the end.

of a day. Take it all my clothes and get nude. Now, you have a lot of suits and you have a lot of nice things, quality pieces you've picked out. Do you ever go, I'm done with this one? Or you're kind of like, no, they're always kind of lasting pieces because they're a little timeless. Both.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes you'll say, I'm retiring this piece. There's some stuff that I've had for a long time. And then there's some stuff that's like I wore this once or not at all. Do you donate or do you try to sell? A donate.

I consider trying to sell, but I don't want to get in all. all that hassle of putting things online, packaging, taking pictures. I would donate, but it's so hard finding someone with the exact same measurements as me. Yeah, that's the way donations work, right? You don't donate because no one would ever fit into your shirt. You go to Goodwill and they're like, hey, get up against the size chart. Okay, we have one Scott shirt for you. Yeah, I like to, especially with suits, there's various chance.

charities that take specifically men's suits to help people get jobs and stuff. That's nice. Yeah. Yeah, there's women's donation places like that as well for like the night, for like businessy clothes. Yes, exactly. The one place I used to. I didn't have time to give those far.

Oh, that's hard. I'm very, I've been very busy right now. I don't have a suit right now. I'll have a suit right now. Very busy. There were the place that I used to. I was talk of traffic. I used to drop off.

Beep, beep. A lot of stuff. That was the sound of all the traffic. I just made the sound for you. They stopped doing it. I could just throw the stuff in the bag and then they would take it. And they stopped doing it. Now there's another place, but everything has to be on a fucking hanger and stuff.

No. I can't go buy hangers all the time. Look, I got plenty of hangers. So it's not a problem. I got plenty of hangers. But that it's like it's easier. Some more steps are involved now. Now, see, I like to sell things from time to time.

At like a crossroads or Buffalo Exchange or whatever, that kind of place. But as we all know, they're very, as we know, they're very snobby and picky. And then they also give you like two cents of whatever the thing was. I can't take the disappointment when they don't buy my stuff. But one thing that bothers me that I'm struggling with a lot is that they won't buy if it's off season. So you have to kind of time things out. So I'm like getting rid of some winter coats. And I think that they're good quality and I want to sell them.

but I'm just like... But now's the time to do it, isn't it? I think right now. You couldn't have done it. You couldn't have done it. I think I should call first before I waste my time. Can I practice? Yeah.

Okay. Hello, this is that place that you were talking about. Hi, I was calling to see if you guys are accepting winter clothes at this time. What are you talking about? Like skis? Do, do, do. Winter. Oh, sorry, getting another call.

Hello, this is that place that the other lady was talking about. Would you like to play a game? Yeah, I love games. So what are we talking? We're talking Monopoly? We're talking Scrabble? You're talking sorry? You're talking operation?

You have 30 seconds to complete this phone call. Hold on. Hold on. I'm getting another call. Hello. This is that place. I'm trying to call the other guy. Oh, and let me merge all the calls.

Ready? Here we go. Both of you guys talk to each other. Hey, what's up? You haven't finished my game. You haven't finished my game. Wait, are you guys accepting winter clothes? Oh, I merged.

Sorry, I merged you lady. Let me take you offline. Hi. Hi. So are you accepting winter clothes? What are we talking? We're talking like boots. I'm still here, by the way.

I am too. And you haven't finished your game. You haven't finished your game. Your voice is the same as that ladies. No, it's not. Both of you talk at the same time. I heard two distinct voices. I'm hanging up on all of you.

I can't take this anymore, this crazy phone call. Can you hang up? Because I'm in person waiting for you to deal with that. You just talk to 10 different people with 10 different phones in your hands. I'm so sorry. I thought you were on the phone. The phone rang when I was talking. Put me on speaker.

All right. Here you go. Attention, employees and customers. Would you like to play a game? Yeah. You have 30 minutes to get out of the store before you're killed by the street. Okay, bye. Well, that should be easy.

And now the silence is because the store is empty. Are you in line? I just came in. Yes, I am in line. Okay. No one's here, though. I don't see any employee. or anything.

But you are in line. Well, yeah, I guess. Police. What? We heard that there was a game happening here. So, what? So I want to play. We heard somebody's playing games.

I want to play this game. Hey, my partner over here. I just walked in. I'm two weeks away from retirement. This is my new partner. I'm 20 minutes away from retirement. Oh, really? Why are you working?

We have 30 minutes and get out of this store. They were really sweating for that time. all right cops like to play games i'm turning off the tv boop wow what a good show that was really interesting to watch that was so good honey thank you for asking me to netflix and chill tonight dinner's ready thanks honey thanks honey we're in a thruple you know i have to keep reminding us of that we're in a thruple we're in a thruple we're in a thruple we've got a lot of what This is a successful improv show, right? Imagine when the song We're in the Money came out.

People must have lost their mind. Oh, yeah. Oh, thank God we can sing this. Yeah, we can sing this. What an aspirational song. It's a lot like the Jefferson's theme, though. How so? Isn't that we're moving on up?

Yes. To the east side, to the great big apartment in the sky. apartment. Okay. So you're saying it's the same sentiment. Yeah. Now we're rich.

Yeah. Now we're rich. There aren't a lot of songs like, hey, I'm rich now other than I guess in hip hop but but you know what I mean?

Like there should be more songs about like, well, I used to be a poor rock star. I'm in my album sold really well. Are there any rap artists

who are bragging about their televisions anymore? Was that a thing? thing. I feel like technology goes out of date so quickly. It was in Rapper's Delight, of course. Oh, right. Yes, of course. That he had a big color TV and he watches sports on.

But now TVs are so great. It's like, is there anybody rapping about how they have the TV that you can make it look like a painting? I mean, yeah, that's one right there, right behind you. It's right behind me, isn't it? No, honey. Not Apple TV screens. I have Do you want me to turn it off? Here, hand me that

remote. You have that TV? How me that remote? I love it. you have the subscription the Samsung yes I want that so bad you should get it look behind you now yeah but can you pick it

to be better art than that I guess he could can I tell you that you might not have a subscription that thing is what I saw I did this gig I did this gig where I had to stay at the person's house

who had sort of commissioned this gig that's fun and a great way to be murdered it was fun until my my room was a disused room in the basement that they put an air mattress in and nothing else. That's awful.

And they had a huge TV on the side of the wall that I could not turn off. Why would they have a huge TV when you just have an air mattress on the floor? Because the room was for something else. Wow. But it used to be something else. I think the room used to be the gym or something. Putting your ass on the hard cement floor. Yeah.

Yeah. That's wild. So you couldn't turn that. It was that exact screensaver. It was that one right there. Yes. This one dims when the lights are all. of.

That's not a screen tape. I don't think this is the Samsung frame. Okay, okay. This is the frame that looks, that's a picture. Yes, it is. Okay. Well, get that off of it

because it gives me bad memories. I don't want to. I want you to have bad memories. Why would you want that? Change it now. I'm a sweetie. Or I walk. Or there's the door.

There's the door. You don't like it? There's the door. You don't like working the ticket master machine? There's the door. What happened to that person? Do you keep track of any of your old bosses? No.

I sometimes think about... That never occurred to me. I think about some of my old managers at some of my restaurant roundup jobs. And I go, God, I hope they're still with us. I wonder what they're doing. One of them had their 50th birthday party when I was working there in 1995. So he would now be 80. I would imagine, and I went over to his house to watch the old couple, me and a few...

The old couple. I'm just thinking about how old he was The odd couple Because we had never seen it So me and me and The old TV show Or the movie? The movie, the movie.

Okay, okay. Because I was always like, yeah, the odd couple The TV show's bad But he's like, no, the movie's really good So I went over to his house With some friends to watch The Odd Couple And it was really good But he must be 80 now

So I bet he's not with us anymore I also that he was very tan 80's not that old I know but he was very tan Was he tall and lovely as well? I know he wasn't young. He's the girl from Yiphanima. I knew it.

He was just really tan. Tall and young and lovely the girl from Yipanima goes walking and when she walks, each one she passes goes ah. Yeesh. You've heard that song, of course. I haven't heard that part where they go, ugh. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's gross, yeah.

Because they're coming in their shorts. They're creaming their jeans. They're creaming their jeans. That's the first song that's officially about creaming your jeans. The first song that's officially about creaming your jeans. It's the girl from Epida. Casey Kasim. All right, we have sickly.

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What's going on? Okay, October 10th. Yeah, you mean World Mental Health Day? I was about to say that. Well, this year for World Mental Health Day, I just wanted to thank all of the therapists out there. Well, I want to thank my therapist. She's thebomb.com.

I want to thank the two therapists that I've had over the years. Okay, great. Is it like half a thank you to each or a full thank you to both of them? It's a thank you and a half. My therapist. So one gets a full thank you and one gets a half. My therapist celebrates my wins. She asks me questions to challenge myself.

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That's BetterH-E-L-P.com slash 3-D-O-D-D-O-D-D-W. Chandra, we're back. And it's time. Chandra back. Do you have something you want to tell us? Now it won't happen. I know. I have a squeaky wheel over here, and of course it's getting the grease.

It's a microphone arm that made. to sound like an ancient creature. Yeah. I thought it was like a spooky door. I thought it was like a spooky door. Like, oh my God, this door is so spooky. The house is not spooky. A spooky door while it goes to come out.

Oh no, a haunted door. It's a regular house. Everything's fine, but the door is squeaky and haunted. And it's a spooky hooded. I'm flashing back to, oh my God. The Vietnam War. That's right. One pill makes you smaller

and the other pill doesn't do that. We only have information about the first pill that makes you small. I was going to bring this up, but I'm worried that I brought it up just a few weeks ago. I'm sure you could. And are we really concerned about that now? Is this when I was in fifth grade? And our music teacher who had come once a month decided to make a tape recording of,

it was Halloween time, so you're going to make a tape recording of all of us doing sound effects, telling a spooky story. And she was going to read this, or maybe one of us was a narrator or something. And that's music? Yeah. Yeah. Very loose. But it was very fun.

And she said, okay, we need. a girl to scream at this part, and she pointed to a few of the girls who were, like, just like, ah, but not going for it, right? Just going like, ah. And then Scott Ackerman raises his hand. And then I raised my hands and said, I could try, and I let out a blood curdling shriek that sounded, you know, because I'm young, sounded like a woman. That's right.

That's right. but I don't you know I was so shy and of course told I had an ugly smile and couldn't sing but um by someone in your family yes yeah who shall not be named uh Voldemort um and uh and for even though I was so painfully shy and thought of as a nerd I for some reason was still going for it and like that urge to perform was still so in me that I was like and everyone of course all the guys made fun of me afterwards saying like oh you scream like a girl And you said, wasn't that the requirement? You should say, did you see the...

Fuck you. You saw those girls scream. Did it sound like that? No, it didn't. So actually, I scream like a woman. So eat my shit. Damn. I scream like a woman.

Anyway, the Halloween time's coming up. And I just flashed back to that. Great flashback. And I just, when I think of that story, I still have shame about it. Yeah, well, I'll kick you out. I'm going to pick your ass for. That weird mixture of shame that I was that outgoing and everyone was going to make fun of me for it, but still wanted to do it and pride in knowing I did a great job.

Absolutely. That's show business, isn't it? Shame and pride. Shame and pride go hand in hand. Pride and shame, sunshine and rain. Yes. That's right. Hey, Paul, I...

I wanted to play a three-cher. Okay, I'll play one with you. I want to play one with you and Lauren. Okay. Yeah. Is that okay? Lauren, are you up for this? I would love to.

Okay. Why don't we do my, yeah, why don't we do that? What do we do it? What do we do it? Sure. I have one for us. Oh, okay. Oh, that's perfect.

This is called I've got some bad tunes. Oh. And I forget who submitted this one, but thank you for your service. Yes. It was sergeant, a staff sergeant, I believe. It was staff sergeant. Staff sergeant, yeah. His first name, staff.

Last name, Sergeant. And? It's short for Stephanie. You have a Stephanie infection. And the way this game works is someone is tasked with... But before you go into this, I have to answer the... I have to answer what's on everyone's minds. Because I know they're screaming up there.

Are you seriously doing this? Yes. Okay. Because everyone's like, no, no, no, no, no. Last episode, you said you were going to eat the cookie bus cake. Oh, that! I thought you could do something else. And everyone's been listening to this episode,

fast forwarding, playing at two-time speed, trying to get to the cookie-puss thing. We found the local Carvel. we found a place that would deliver it. All they would deliver is a fudgy the whale. They didn't have cookie puss. We found cookie puss and he's dead. Is it just that they refused to deliver cookie push or they didn't have it?

It wasn't even on the menu. Wasn't even on the menu. Yeah. So I don't know what. And, you know, when we tried to get a direct from cookie puss, they said it's not available for delivery this time. Yeah, we went to cookie puss himself. Yeah. And said, will you deliver yourself unto us? It is making me feel, though, for the next episode that perhaps I could go try to pick one up.

I was thinking the exact same thing. It's on Santa Monica Boulevard In Los Angeles Worst place on earth Why? It's just always like Anytime I have to go somewhere And it evolves Santa Monica Boulevard

The traffic is bad They're always doing work on it It's a fucking nightmare A nightmare It's not as bad as the 101 freeway Trying to get to Santa Barbara Where they've been doing work on that for 25 years Well I'm not going to Santa Barbara

So that doesn't concern me And also the five freeway going south They've been doing work on that since before COVID. And I thought, oh, COVID, this is going to be the perfect opportunity for them to finish it up. Nope, still going on. Boy, it would have been nice if they'd finished all that shit during quarantine. It would have been great. We finished everything.

Like we did with our spec pilots. Spexriar. Spexriar. Like I did it with my specs pilots. I did that with my specs pilot. See? Hey, hey, read my spec pilot, see? I'm James Robinson.

I'm James L. Brooks. see James L. Brooks Edward G. Robinson. Edward G. Robertson. I'm James L. Brooks. Yeah, see. Can we play a game?

Have you ever finished your spec screen? See? Can we play a three-church? Someone is tasked with delivering bad news, but they have to deliver this news to the tune of a popular song. So one person

comes up with the tune, one person comes up with the bad news, the third person must combine the two. Oh, it has to combine the two. Okay. So got to got it. And then is there a guessing part of this where the person has to guess who gave the bad news has to guess the son? No. No. There's just no. Okay. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got. Got. Got. Got. All right. So who would like to go first. I think Paul would. Okay. So I'm going to text Paul the tune. Yes. Lauren is going to text the bad news. Yes. And Paul is going to combine. By the way, this doesn't need to be a text, does it? I think it's a fun for the reveal. Because then it's a surprise for the listener.

For the listener and for the two of you. Yes. Because you'll only know one part of the equation. My last text to you, Paul, by the way. Tacos alive and only 70. Because I believe as you exited a show we were doing together, I started singing, putting on the Ritz. And you said, is Taco still with us? And if so, how old would he be?

And I texted you as you were walking out the door. I was happy to see it. Yep. Good for taco. Good for taco. And what's good for taco is good for the country. What's good for the taco is good for the burrito. All right.

Let's see how I do here. Yep. Excuse me. I was wondering if you could give me a hand. Sure. Oh, yeah. I'm always happy to help people. Sure.

Look for the help. as they say, and that's me. Well, says Mr. Rogers said. When I say they, I mean, Mr. Rogers and his wife. You mean people who quote Mr. Rogers? No. Oh, you think his wife also said it a lot? Yeah, he never credited her.

He said that his mother told him to look for the helpers. No, he was wrong. He was wrong. He wasn't lying. He was wrong. He was mistaken. He would think his wife was his mother all the time. This is very interesting information about Mr. Rogers.

What did you need help with? Hey, why are you trying to? cut to the chase here. No, because I see this man, he's pouring wet. I'm pouring wet. That's not my problem. Why are you pouring wet concrete into this thing? Because the dry concrete won't do anything? Oh, that's a good point. It's hard to pour too. A big slab. It is big slab of dry concrete. Not just the powder. Yep. I'll see you later. Okay. What? He's leaving before, well, okay. On a pogo horse. Maybe you could help me. Yeah. This is a very delicate situation.

Okay. I'm back. Oh, I'm a nurse, by the way. Are you really? I am. Congratulations. You dazed me a lot because you've got me on the spot. Hold on a second.

Let me get some pots and bands here. That feels so good in my heart. Good. And I feel very much gratitude. And I feel very much. I'm so glad. Gratitude. I'm leaving again.

Okay, man. Just come or go. He's making a lot of holes in your concrete. Well, I love that song. I know you do. It's so good. How do you know?

Because you walk around mumbling it all day. So you've seen me before? Of course I have. Why are you watching me? He's a spy, dear. I'm a spy. I'm not supposed to say that. But why are you spying on me?

My cover's blown. I'm blown. I'm blown. Below me. Listen. My covers baloney. My covers baloney. I'm hiding under baloney.

What do you need, sir? Okay, sir. For God's sake, I'm going to leave again. I'm trying to weed my garden and I understand you think you've got me trapped because I'm out here already. I can't. I'm looming over you. I could go inside any moment. You're pouring concrete on us and we're trapped.

I might go inside. All right, please, before you go inside. Bling, bling, bling, bling, what? Before you go inside, there's something I hope you can help me with. I got a thing and I'm in a bag because I got something in my car not fine and I need someone to help me get it out out, out, out.

I had a fire with a friend of mine. I hit him on the head with a hammer. It's time to tell you what I'd happen next right now, no, no, oh, I got a body. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, we're a rug in my truck. Okay, I want nothing to do with that. I'm calling the police right now. We're trapped in this concrete.

We can't. I can use my phone. Why don't you just pour the concrete over the body? No, don't. Police headquarters, would you like to play a game? Yes. We do. I love playing games.

You have 30 minutes to find out where we are. Before you do, we're going to tell you that we're going to kill someone. You just said that we're at police headquarters. Shit. Oh, shit. All right. We'll talk to you later. Okay, bye.

They are coming to get you. Really? I could hear a little bit of that. And you're in trouble. You're holding your phone reality show style and we heard the entire conversation. All right. Fine. I can't.

I don't know why I'm on your side. It's better to be on my side. I've killed someone. That's true. Yeah. You don't want to be next. I don't want to abet you, though. No, just you can aid me without abetting me.

Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, aiding's not against the law, right? I think it's nice. We're going to say that aiding is now something that's not good to do. Oh, wait. Oh, we can't aid someone. A betting, I get it. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Pour some concrete down her throat. Pour some concrete down your throat. Do, do, do, do. Should we try this again before? All right, Lauren, I'm going to text you the ailment. Okay.

Or the bad news you're delivering. Um. Here is so nice and quiet. It's so nice and quiet. I get out really calm. I can't wait to get a text from my friend. I want to text. I've texted the song.

Got it. I am in the middle of texting. Oh, it's going to be a long problem. No, I just misspelled words. Okay. There we go. There we go. So I said, no way.

You actually said that to their faces. Ladies, ladies, more tea. More sandwiches? Oh, thank you. I would love some more tea. I would like fewer sandwiches. Okay, I'll drink a little of your tea. Yeah, drink some of my tea, please.

Can you put the crusts on this? Yeah, you know, I'm so happy to have you guys over. Can we have a double stuffed crust? You're so specific in particular about what you want to eat. Well, and about our friends. That's right. We don't like anyone but you. Well, darling.

That's so great. I do have something I need to tell you. Well, I have news too. You do? You have news too? What's your news? You go first. I am not getting engaged.

Congratulations. We were so worried. Thank you. Yes, I realized I don't believe in marriage. And so I'm not going to take the first step, obviously. When Jasper said he was taking you on that hike up to that big mountain. Yes. And he was wearing a tuxedo.

Yeah, I was worried that you were going to say yes. No. I said no. Good. Congratulations. I bet that was really hurtful to him. It was. I made him pick out the ring.

I told him what I wanted and gave him very specific instructions. And he absolutely crushed it. Yeah. It was the exact ring I was thinking in my head. But just in the moment. No, I just realized, no, I don't want this. And it's not about Jasper. It's just about my life.

Wow. I have news too. I'm not having a baby. Yay. So you are sterile. Yes. I'm so happy. Well, here's a little bit of my news.

Oh, give us a little bit. Just a little bit. Just the tip of news. You know how I had a lot of inheritance. What? I beg your pardon? Honey, you're going to have to speak up. You know how I had a lot of inheritance.

Know how you had a lot of inheritance. Come in my way when my mom died. Well, my mom spent all my inheritance at the track. She lost all of my inheritance Ain't no inheritance In my account I don't know what song is I have to admit Ain't no inheritance in my account

Ain't no inheritance in my count Ain't no inheritance in my count My count is zero What song is this? And it wasn't actually my mother it was my mother-in-law who did it and my mother-in-law took my inheritance and she bet it all on some horse races she lost all my inheritance I am now quite very poor do you have money to spare I would take any money I love to have some money when my account where there is

is no more. Well, here, take all of my money. Thank you. Here's $7. That's also helpful. I have three. That's all you have. That's 10.

That's $10. Okay. She's counting. Okay. Okay. Maybe it's time for you bitches to leave. It was ain't no sunshine and it was hard to sing that. Okay.

Okay. do you very quick want to give me one yes let's do one more but just jump into it very quickly everyone text me i'm going to text you the song yes lauren's texting me the song paul's texting me the bad news that i'm to deliver and when that is combined that is essentially how this Game is played. I have the song. I'm waiting for the bad news. It will be received by me

once Paul sends it across the airwaves. He's going to send it to a satellite, which is going to send it back to me. Even though he's right next to me, it seems like... It's wild. It's taking a long time for it to get there. I've sent it.

Okay. So what do you want to do later? You want to just go around? I want to go around. I want to see all the little shops here, all little... Excuse me. Oh, hold on a second. Excuse me.

Yes. What? Are you little whippersnappers? That's my question. Well, not really. I'm 70. You're 70? I'm 17.

What do you have in common? We like fucking each other. Ever heard of it? I guess. what now i'm 19 thank you because i didn't feel right once you saw that we were in new york that is of course the i'm new york the greatest city of the world uh in a new york minute in a new york minute how did you meet i left we met at alicia key's concert he was he wasn't able to get in because he was too young.

Okay. How many years ago was this? One. One year ago. What's your problem? What's my problem? With us. Who said I had a problem?

I know you have when you look like you're ailed. You do look ailed. Well, I'll tell you, my tale, if you really require me to do so. Yeah, I know. Please do. I need to hear it. Well, it was Saturday. evening

and I was hungry so I went to a store and I got a little sushi and I thought I'd like to eat some more so I took my little

chopsticks and I put it on what I thought was an avocado Hot or roll, but I ain't a big glob of wasabi. And my wife is cheating on me. It really worked with it in my life that you said a wife. That's why we don't say it out loud. Wow.

Really good. I'm sorry to hear that, by the way. No problem. Anyway, keep fucking. Thank you. Oh, or, our,

or, our, or, or, our, that's that. Oh, that's that.

That's that. Paul, you have tour dates this weekend. Yeah, man. This is, you need to talk about. I think it's October 16th

right now. I think it is. Yeah. That means, you know what that means? Every October 16th. Every October 16th, like clockworks

and like, craftwork um you can find me in uh on my way to the polski theater in overland park kansas because we got a show there tomorrow night uh the 17th of october uh 730 p m show come on out and then saturday we will be at the sheldon concert hall and art galleries in st louis missouri and then sunday old foresters paris town hall in louisville kentucky please come see those shows for iatopia.com. Don't make him beg. If they come to the show, will you beg them all to come inside when they're lined up

outside? Oh, that's, don't do that. That's a fucking hassle. Just come into the show. Just come into the show and he'll beg you once you're inside. I'll beg you before the show, but I'm not going to, come on, guys. Let me have some dignity. Just a little bit.

I got to go out and vampire rules you to come in the show. He's already out there, like, buying costumes and stuff. He already has lost his dignity. doing the show. Yes. The show itself is the indignity. Come on out. Lauren, anything for you?

You know, I'm just doing my thing. I love that. So keep an eye on my Instagram. All right. I'm doing my thing, which is nothing. We'll see you next week. Bye. Bye.

Every caregiving journey is unique. But the isolation, guilt, and exhaustion we all feel. That's universal. It's reality, it's life. You know, I wish it could all be happy and joyous, but sometimes it's full of rage, and that is what it is. That's why this show exists,

to be a safe place for caregivers to land. Listen to Squeezed, wherever you get your podcasts.