Threedom - This You Remember?!

Episode Date: August 21, 2025

Lauren, Scott, and Paul discuss physical media, false teeth, and weird old TV before answering a listener voicemail. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock the THREEMIUM archive on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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I was doing an accent. What accent was that? It's like a sort of German. Sort of German. Freedom. Maybe it was French. I've always said you were really good at sort of German. Thank you.

Donka. Freedom! I was going like, Sreedom. What does that sound like? Sreedom is a name of the game. Sreedom. I understand playing a podcast called Sreedom.

I like it. It's a little scary. Is it scary? Too scary? Yeah. Like monster scary? Yeah. I'm a little scared.

I'm kind of like, I'm kind of like hiding under my bed. What's the scariest thing you can pick up? A monster with foreheads. Four heads or foreheads? Just like a couple four heads.

Two foreheads? One head, but four foreheads. Oh no. He's like a five head. On top of each other or? He looks like, he looks so stupid.

Like one on his chin? Don't underestimate him though. I would never. What if you saw a monster, like a movie monster in real life? Like if you saw a Frankenstein. Okay, a Frankenstein.

A wolfman? A mummy. What would be the scariest? Wolfman, mommy or Frankenstein. Well, a mommy, I think, would just be a guy wrapped up in bandages. Also, he would look like a Halloween costume mummy, so you'd probably be like, okay. But in real life, wouldn't he be like, smell like the grave? I think a mummy would be really scary in real life.

The other thing, okay, so Frankenstein, if you saw Frankenstein, you'd be like, oh, okay, so you're dressed up like Frankenstein. You know, like that in hocus pocus, when, like, like they kind of put up Why wouldn't you react the way to all monsters? When they cut open the dead guy's mouth The baba duke

that's a scary one Oh the baba duke Oh the babadook Oh the baba dude Were that old dead guy Yeah Yeah Yeah

I was like his mouth is open And it's like Like there's like that Like dot yeah What What? Like he His mouth is all like

sewn shot But then he gets It gets open At some point And he's like Like there's just like Old dust in there Yeah

Like you know Like a mummy's mouth Would probably be like that Yeah Because it'd be like But you know what it makes me think of? He wouldn't have a grain dust. One time I didn't eat a sandwich when I was a little kid and I threw it in my closet.

Oh my God, so many times I didn't eat a sandwich. Well, same, but I threw it in my closet. I haven't eaten the sandwich. Threwed in my closet. And it was like green fluff at that point. Like it was like such mold. Was it like lunch meat? It was it was either a turkey or peanut butter, but either way it was bad.

And it makes me think of that when I think of like an old mummy having in their mouth open. I think of like my old sandwich. Your old sandwich just pops out. Yeah. That closet sandwich. Yeah. Anytime I watch the Gilded Age now. Anytime.

Someone with a big top hat walks out of a scene. I say, well, I'm off to become the Babadook. Have you seen Babadook? I have. We watched it for Scott hasn't seen. So is that the only way you watch films these days? You'll have to listen to find out because I'm on a new project. You're on a new project.

Is this where you watch ER? No, no, I'm done with ER now. Is it the pit? No, I'm tired of hospitals. You're not going to watch the pics? Absolutely insane. That's infuriating. You're the strangest person I know.

You know so many people. You have to watch them. You know 12 people. And it's a real weirdos too. He knows only weird people and you're the weirdest one. Oh. What's your new thing? Oh, I'm, well, I'm, I'm taking a dent into just watching all of the movies that I bought.

I'm going to watch them. That's good. I'm going to watch them alphabetically. I'm going to watch one a week and saying what I think of it on the show. Why not sure? chronologically. Because I... Did you think about that?

Did you consider it? Because they're organized by alphabet? Well, no, I want variety. Like, if I could just press... If I could just press random, I would do that, but I don't have them all stories. Why wouldn't the year they were released to be variety? Because then you get a lot of old movies, you know, you'd go through 20 old movies. What if it's the year in which they're set?

Okay. So like watching... Zapped, for instance, would be in 1980. Yeah, you've definitely got to watch that. What's like one that? So these are, you buy DVDs because you're like, that's probably good. Because I'm like, oh, I want to watch this or if it's something I've seen. I'm like, I want to own that. I want to own it or watch it again for like research purposes or whatever. And then you never watch them again.

I never watch. And then I have only been watching movies for this podcast. I mean, I buy a lot of books and I don't read them. And then I go like, God, I really want to read all these books. And I. But you don't know where to start, right? So what I did was because you're always like, Oh, I'm not in the mood for that. I'm not in the mood for that. What I did was I... That's what he's set the cool of every night. Oh, no, that.

I'm not for that. Fuck you, dude. So I've made a list of every single movie I own in various formats, and I made it alphabetical, and I'm just going through alphabetical now. And... How tedious was it to make the list, or did someone else do that for you? I was doing it during the fires. Okay. And then my question for you also...

Because you didn't have a fiddle handy? for insurance purposes Nero over here I want to go I haven't gone into this LA Burns I haven't got into this closet of yours

that I've been wanting to go into for years You're not allowed No girls No girls allowed in there Paul you can go in there I saw a goblin in there I see an interesting

contraption here that I actually think I need to buy Okay I'll sell it to you for 10,000 dollars Holding your different framed art It's like basically a bookshelf For framed things It's various movie posters

of stuff I've worked on that I can't see it from it. I don't have room for on the walls. Yeah. Because I have a bunch of things like that, but I'm like, Cool up bought this for me, yeah. I always get tempted to just throw them out because I'm like, I know. I know me too.

No, but she bought this for me and it's great because, and Paul's left, Elvis has left the building. He's pissed. Do you see it's like a structure like it's holding it up, okay? You see those? It's like a structure that is holding it up. Yeah, exactly. I want that, kind of.

Is it, Kulap bought it for me. I'll text her and ask her to send me the link. I prefer. you don't text my wife. But then it just lives there? No, I'm, I should put it somewhere else. That whole room needs a refresh. I have like a stack of, they're standing up, but it's like, yeah, I have a stack of tampons standing up.

It's a stack of posters like that, things of art and whatnot that I just don't have room for. Yeah, and I had room in the old house because of the architecture was slightly different. This has a lot of windows, which takes up. Really does. So there's just no room for, you know, there's, I think there's the between, you ferns movie poster right there for instance and also stuff i used to have when i had an office a showbiz office i don't even know if i've ever seen that oh yeah it's great i'm gonna go look at it oh okay is loren on it no no it's uh just two ferns no i think it's sack on the in the middle of

nowhere uh boring i don't know snooze hey your alarm just went off the snooze did you snooze it i snoozed it then i loosed it i snoozed it i snoozed it this is doubt fire. A proper snooze that. I'm buying physical media again. Oh, good. Because they,

you know, they will just take things away from me. It feels like we have to. I never get to see them again. I'm actually getting to that now thinking, because I have like a blue ray DVD collection member, but it's all the best that we love.

You know, I've gotten rid of things. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like there are certain things where it's like, I definitely will want to watch this again. Like your little comfort watches or whatever. So I got...

Fast and Furies movies. Yeah. Don't have. All nine, all ten. I do have, of course, Zodiac, one of my comfort watches. That's down at the bottom of my list. I have, well, sure. I have a new addition to the comfort watch is fucking conclave.

Yeah, it's very cozy. Oh, I haven't seen that. Cozy movie. Just got sinners. Sinners. And Master and Commander, the far side of the world. I've never seen that one, and I've always wanted to, but no one picks it. You know what?

Oh, really? Yeah. I'll do it. You pick it. My dear boy. Have me on the show as me. Yeah. I want to see the list.

You never will show me the list. I don't want. Well, now I don't have to because you picked Master and Commander. Why can't I see the list? You can't. Why can't I? What if that was part of Schindler's list where, like, Liam Neeson was like, you can't handle the list.

Oh, I thought it was going to be more like there's a character and says, let me see the list. Let me see, hey, Shinla. I don't see that list. Come on, man. Come on, man. This VIP list you've been talking about, Shinler's list. You've never seen it?

No. When I went, I loved it the first time I saw it, and then I took my sister to see it. And it's three hours, I think, or so. And two and a half into it, the film broke. And the monkey got choked? And they all went to heaven a little broke boat. And they couldn't fix it. So they just were all like, here, here's passes to come back.

What's that from? It's like a skip rope rhyme kind of thing. And that third time watching it again, in the space of six weeks or whatever, I was just like, That's a lot of Schindler's. It's a lot of shit. It's too much Schindler's list. But I felt that about Oppenheimer when I saw people there at the theater because I saw it in the morning it came out and people had seen it the night before and they'd come back

the next morning. What? This is, it's not like Batman. I am fine to never see Oppenheimer again. Well, I'm a one and done operative wise. That's weird. I know, but there's no. The next day.

Even there's like almost nothing that I would do that about. But I can imagine inception or whatever where you're like. Sinners was the last time I felt that way. I haven't seen that. I was like, I could watch this again right away. I really intended to go see that, and I totally forgot. I just bought it on the 4K Ultra. I'll go watch it on your big screen.

Come watch it on the big screen. Hey, I would. Yeah. All right. We've loved to have you over. Sinners night. Sinners night. I miss having the screenings in my backyard.

We haven't had one a long time. Why don't you do one? Yeah, you have the power. I know, but it felt, you've got the power. It felt like a COVID kind of thing. But it's not. I know. be anything.

I know. We should do one before summer ends. Anything. Wait, what movie did we watch? We watched Luca. That was so bad. Luca was great. But didn't we watch one that sucked?

Well, we watched, okay, we watched Dr. Strange. Okay, I'm thinking of the movies. We watched Back in. Dr. Strange. We watched Dr. Strange. We watched Luca. We were going to watch the Green Night, but I couldn't. But then I accidentally left my projector, which is on like a roller cart at the top

of my drive. way and it then suddenly just rolled down it went on an adventure rolled down the hill and crashed into my gate and was broken so I was like hey we can't watch the green night anymore tonight and then I watched the green night later and was like that would have been terrible to watch in the backyard yeah it would have been yeah it would have been but man I could watch that movie again I don't even know what that one is it's great but it's not a backyard outdoor no you want to be able to see it yeah um what did we watch that was bad we watched it was some like like sort of action comedy

thing. Oh, it was, was it Red Notice or whatever that Netflix thing? Oh, it was a Netflix movie. Ryan Reynolds was in it. And it was the rock and Gal Gadot, I think. Was it that one? I think it was that one. I thought Samuel Jackson was in it for some reason. Maybe.

But I also, there was a period when we were watching movies in the backyard, not just with you, but where we'd split. So you're not blaming me. We'd split a bottle of wine and it would immediately put me to sleep. And I think Dr. Strange, all of you watch while I lay there on the couch. Was that the multiverse of madness?

Yes. Yeah. It was maddening that multiverse. I would hate to be in a multiverse like that. Oh, my God. Get me out of this multiverse. I want to be in a multiverse of sanity. Yeah.

Especially now. Oh, my God. These days? These days? With the Cheeto in chief. With the Cheeto in chief. Oh, this Cheeto who's in chief over. here. He's in chief.

What's your favorite kind of Cheetah? What's your favorite kind of Cheetah? Puffs? Regular baked. Or white cheddar? Or when they briefly made those paws? Pause. The paws are okay. Do you know what I fucking loved.

My mouth is watering even though they're kind of disgusting. There's something about them. You're drooling so hard. The plants. It's a puddle of water down to the cheese. It's not water. All my lower teeth removed. Oh, right? That's why he wants Cheetos pops

to get his suck on them. Get the top ones removed. Those planters. Yeah, go get the top ones from him and go talk to him. He just wants you to come talk. I just want to talk. I just want to talk, honey. We were recording an episode of neighbor listen with Mitch Silpa,

who's so funny. And we were talking, somehow, this is like before we were recording. We got on the subject of false teeth. And he, Mitch made the comment like, isn't it wild how much that completely changes your appearance? Your face shape. If you take the teeth out and then he did like the face of

no teeth and it was so fucking wild. Like he can just make his face do that? That's funny. It was crazy. He can make your face to it too. No, he can't. He has the power of her faces. No, he can point of people and make their face shape out. Anyone in the world.

He can point at them and make their face do that. But with great power. God, wow. What the fuck were we talking about? Movies or teeth or. I don't know how you want to take your teeth. I don't want to do that. Oh, your mouth is watering.

Planters cheese balls. Oh. I could eat an entire barrel of those. They're crazy right now. Wear the barrel around your naked body because you spend so much money on them. Yeah. And it doesn't fit because it's smaller than a human body. But at least you kept your suspenders.

And I'm being scratched at the top and the bottom. Sure. That'll happen. It's horrible. But it's also kind of a built-in shower. Like if you just stand under like an outdoor shower head. built-in shower. Your nude body is covered.

Exactly. It's like a built-in-shadow. It's just kind of like that. It is funny that when we were growing up, that was... It's like a built-in-shower that if you stand under a shower. It's built in. It's built in. That was the code for a poor person was that they had no clothes, so they had a barrel around there.

Suspender straps. But now if you lost all of your money, it would be like, where would you even get a barrel? The barrel would be so much more... Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's true. Barrels are expensive. But I guess back then, everyone had barrels, laying around.

Yeah, because that's what your rice was in. Yeah. Yeah, your rice. And your flour. You had a barrel of rice. A barrel of flour. What if I caught of wood you're in tonight. Honey, give me some flour.

Let's a flower. Go to the barrel. Get me some flour. Oh, it's a flower. I did not have sexual relations with that barrel. And then the barrel would have a hole in it. Yeah. Because that's where I guess you put a spigot.

Yeah. I guess that's where you would pee out of it. Yes. As a matter of fact. Hey, let me see a spigot. Yes, I call my pita's a spigot. I'm tired of hiding. Go ahead then, Paul.

Call it a spigot in front of us. Sure, say it. Spigot. Spigot's a funny word. It is. It is. It's hysterical. S-B-I-G-O-T. Should there be a...

S-P-I-G-O-T, you can take my spigot-P-A, please. Yeah. Should there be a revision of words? How are they both perfect? Should we start over with words at a certain point? 100%. Why are we beholden to these words that we came up with hundreds, if not thousands of years ago? I don't even know anything you just said because I made up all new words.

Good. Thank you for using your own ones to tell us. Well, you hear me through a deciphering. You say, I only hear what I want to. I don't listen hard. Don't pay attention to the distance that you're right. Some words, I think, are perfect. Like the word murder, I think is a great...

Although we shouldn't be using it for crows and shit. It should have one meaning. And that's the other thing. Word should have one meaning. And if we need to... Well, I do agree with that. You know, and if we need to just make a different word for whatever the other thing is. I just said the word do...

Spell differently means the wet shit in the morning. Yeah, we don't like that. No homophones. Well, it also means do the do. No homo. No homo. No homo. No homo.

No homo. Hummel. Hammer, don't hurt up. We got to start over. We got to start over. Another good word? Blood. Blood.

Although it looks like blued. You look like blued. Guys, guys. You didn't do that coming, did you? I'm going to kill Paul. No. Yeah, I want to murder you. Mardar.

So your blude falls out. Mardar. When's traders coming back? When is trading is coming back? And when's Irish traders coming out? I need it now. I think traders. Didn't it come out at the beginning of the year?

Well, it feels a long time ago. That can't, we can't be waiting until January. Remember, though, what else happened in January is all those fires. So I don't want January. So we have to wait for the fires for traitors to come back. Yes. When the fires come back, then turn your TV on. When the fires were happening and our friends, Brett and Dana, were displaced from their home.

Oh, my gosh. And so we would have them over to watch traders. How nice of you. And stuff. And then they were nice enough to invite us because they had a couple extra tickets to see Jesus Christ Superstar. How was that, by the way?

I heard Jimmy Pardo was there and he loved it. It was fucking great. Yeah. It was fucking great. Like, it was really, it was an excellent production. Amazing. Oh, my God, it looked amazing. Every clip I saw.

I don't, I'm not familiar with that musical. Oh, it's so good. At all. Well, that I got interested. Yeah, yeah. Cynthia Arivo's singing. Obviously, she's so amazing. But that looked so good.

Fucking Adam Lambert. Oh, I love Adam Lambert. Was he Judas or Jesus? I love him. She was Judas. Rivo was Jesus. I mean, Judas is Jesus. And now he's like...

Then you have Philippa Sue, right? It's Mary Maghville. Philip As Sue. And then you had Raoul Esparza, was Punch's Pilot, who took a big swing when he was singing Pilate's Dream and ended it with, what is it? And I had myself to blame or whatever. And he went, blame. was John Stamos in it or was it Josh

No Josh Gad surprised everyone Because he took Paxlova He was filled with Paxlovaid And then there was a big reveal Everyone was thrilled But old baldy didn't show up, huh? John Stamos No fraud

John Stamos Why is John Stamos old baldy Because of when he wore the bald cap For Dave Cooley In South of Day I forgot I forgot all about that But he gets a lifelong nickname from you.

You know what? Deserved. In solidarity with you, my friend, I'm going to pretend to have no hair for an hour. For a photo shoot. Yeah, it was great. Man, I wish I could have been there and I don't know why I wasn't other than I was out of town. Well, that's one reason. But I feel like I could have made it happen.

Yeah. But I didn't. And, you know, honestly, I was exhausted. Yeah. I hope they filmed it. I hope so, too. I hope they filmed it. I really hope that.

I assume somebody set up a camera. I hope they filmed it with IMAX, 12 camera shoot. I hope they did it on GoPros. And I hope they edited those cameras together. That's the other thing. Oh, smart. You don't have to watch them one by one. Yes, every angle, one at a time.

I also heard that Baron Andrew Lloyd Weber was there. Was he there? He did not come out at the end, but apparently the next night he came out at the end. with a curtain call. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Also, Jeff Goldblum was there the same night.

My friend Melissa Stetton was there. Janet Varney was there with Aaron Keefe and John Patrick Cohn. It really was. It's like we didn't know. Oh, so many people we knew were there. I'm not counting Jeff Goldblum. So what we know. But do you know of him.

I do know of him. I know him. But Melissa Stetton got a video of him listening to it in a very Jeff gold-bloomy way. Like, he was watching it and sort of making weird gestures to himself. Well, I mean, very similarly, I saw Ben Acker at the market yesterday. I was going to say, how similar is this? And you fucking got me.

Yeah. Yeah, that's similar. I mean, it's a lot like it where I was looking for cream cheese and you were watching people sing. Did you guys like Hagen stuff? You know what? We didn't. Did you like Hogan stuff?

No. Did you get Hagen does? Uh, no, I got McCormone. A V-Fi? like you got what McConnell's what flavor one of those Seas candy ones with

am I under oath by the way yes oh airport flavor airport flavor Seas can't because it says candy makes you think of the airport oh yeah makes me think of the old Westminster Mall I went into a Seas candy recently shop

to get somebody a gift because they said that was their favorite type of candy slam dunk Mr. President slam dunk they give you a free piece when you come in. I love that. Let me tell you.

Good enough reason to go in. Yeah. Delicious. I would go in sometimes to just pretend that I was going to buy. It was like, oh, my friend said C's candy is their favorite candy.

I wouldn't even pretend. I'd just go and say, give it. Give it now. Give it. I'd chew it right in their face and I'd turn around and walk out. Give it.

Like do an immediate U-turn, like Homer Simpson, walk right back in and go give me another one. Okay. We can't do this again. It was Grandpa Simpson. I'm sorry. Did we do this?

Yes, we have. He backed into the bush. Homer back to the bush. Grandpa Simpson. Grandpa does the in and out. I'm sorry. He does the in and out urge. Europa drives the boat.

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Oh, we are so back. We are so back. Yeah. And we're only two years late to that phrase. Oh, we are so back. Why did that gain popularity? I don't know. Why does anything?

Why is anything popular? I think everything should be exactly as popular as everything else. I think everything should be one person's into it. Why did that gain? And not, uh, so yeah, I'm thinking I'm back from Jonathan Wick. yes thank you I like your idea where everything is only like by one person and then you know

if you can make money if that person is rich and they'll buy it for like $10 million. You've stumbled upon the thesis of imagine by John Lennon. Imagine all the people imagine there's no this, imagine there's no that. Imagine everyone likes one. First he wants you to imagine there's nothing.

That's hard to do. Then all of a sudden you're supposed to imagine. Is he trying to say like, okay, imagine the world as it is and then take these things out of it? Or is he trying to say, imagine a blank canvas? And then we'll add stuff to it. Does that make sense?

I don't really like this. So he started, what are you supposed to imagine there's not? There's no heaven. Right. But he's no countries. He's saying we're in the regular world. Just imagine there's no heaven. Now imagine there's no countries.

Okay. But there's land still? Are we all in the ocean? It isn't hard to do, he said. Yeah, he says all these things are very easy to do. Why? Because you thought them up? No, but you know what?

This is like that whole thing where it's like some people don't even see anything in their head. Some people see an apple that looks like an apple. Some people see nothing. Some people see a drawing of an apple. I don't believe those people, by the way. Yeah. The people who see a drawing.

Oh, yeah. I don't think that's true. I see like an elegant painting. My dreams are a flip book. But so Elton John's trying to get us to sing. and imagine I was waiting literally seeing if you were paying attention

I found the lyrics to Elton John's imagine Imagine there's no evidence It's easy if you try No hell below us Above us only sky Okay okay slow down Slow down

Hey John I'm trying to imagine the first thing Slow down Above us only sky When I listen to ask I have to pause it every Yes exactly It's like uh huh

Okay And then play Imagine all the people living for today Imagine there's no countries It isn't hard to do nothing to kill or die for and no religion too okay

why wasn't that lumped in with no heaven well now we're backtracking it didn't rhyme to pick up things it didn't rhyme you're in charge of the rhymes

make it rhyme well also do a second draft how about this is a first draft song if ever I've heard such a first draft song imagine all the people live in life and peace imagine no possessions

I wonder if you can oh do you well what about my clothes you wonder if I can You want my ding-dong to be flapping around, John. Oh, it's your ding-dong? Imagine no possessions. See?

I'm sorry. No, you're right. Imagine our ding-tong. But you do have underwear. Thank you, John. That's the one thing that is sold and is capitalism. Okay, imagine no possessions. I wonder if you got no need for greed or hunger.

Like right now we need them. Well, because if there's possessions, I need... We're going to need greed and hunger. Great and hunger. A brotherhood of man. Wait, do people still work to till the fields and turn, you know, wheat to... Consider the lilies. This is the first job you thought of, people tilling the field.

Well, I'm just saying, like, if, okay, no one's hungry because no one has a job. I'm just saying. So we all, no one owns these farms. Just people, randoes show up every day and go like, oh, hey, I'll help convert all this food and all these crops into food for you. In 1649, it's San George. is who oh ragaband they call the diggers to show the people's will um

this guy I don't know that was but I like that I'm guessing the pogs are Billy Bragg okay um it it the idea of uh you may say I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one I hope someday you'll join us and the world will love us once

like I'm ready to do it yeah me John Lennon I'm ready to do it. Yeah. Did he give away his... I'm not going to do it until everybody... We all have to do it together. He did give away his clothes for that Rolling Stone cover. Well, he gave him away permanently

so he can be nude. I think so. Yeah, I think. Brendan Walsh, a long time ago, had... I think this was his suggestion, or maybe it was my suggestion, and he reminded me of it to do for the cover of, like, one of my stand-up albums to do that cover,

but it's me. Both of you It's me and me It's like a naked me Hugging a clothed me And then somebody did it recently And I can't remember Oh damn

Another friend of Brandon's Yeah he told someone to do it But you know what It's all fine Because I was never going to do that I mean you'd have to put out an album To do it That's not the stumbling block for me

The nudity Yeah Oh The nudity folks I want to see your sweet butt Show us I know you do Show Koolop

And she'll tell us about that's what yeah she'll be the she'll be the impassive observer that's a great idea she's impartial I guess is what I meant she'll be impassive she'll be very very not passive yeah she'll be impacting is impassive a word that we know think so I meant impartial but you try talking for three hours ever let you let you hear the end of it impassive actually is a word it's not feeling or showing emotion so I was right that's actually crazy isn't that also what passive is? Uh, who cares?

This is like a flammable inflamable situation? I know. Ever since I read the elements of style that bothers me and yet no one cares. I love strong, I hate white. You hate E.B. Wives? Yeah.

And her web that she made for Charlotte? Did you think that was based of the author's experience? And also isn't the author a man? Yes. Okay. But still,

it makes sense. Okay. His name was elegant, beautiful white. And everyone thought it was LB because of elegant. And Elphaba. Yeah. Do you know what I heard about Elfabah? I know.

No, we know this and we know and you're not happy about it. You don't like it. This you remember? Yes. This is the only thing I remember about you. Ha, ha, ha. God. Who would you want to play in Wicked if the gender and the roles didn't make it didn't make sense? It didn't matter. Who would you want to play Wicked if everything was

crazy? I would like to be Elfabah. You want to play Elfabah. And why is that? You want to put on the makeup every night? Yeah, I want to do the hard thing every night. No, because it's the most fun part, the best songs. I mean, Glinda is a really fun part too. Glenda's the comic part. That's true. Vend is a good comedy part, but Elfaba is a very powerful role. But I would still play... I guess I'd be Glenda. I would still want to play the wizard.

I would love to play the wizard. You'd like to play the wizard. Well, it's not so obvious to a lot of people who think it should have been Elphab's dad when the movie came out. Yeah. Everyone thought you were Elfabas dad? People were like, why isn't this Paul Laptogus? There were so many comments. Because you don't know the director.

But like, why is it? Yeah, I can tell you why it wasn't me? I mean, why does it have to be? Because the guy... Or a top hat. He resembled me enough that people were like, that's him. Yeah. That should be him.

But like, it's not like he was cast specifically because of how he looked. No. Do what I'm saying? Yeah. Oh, I see what you're saying. They should do. I'm a problem here. They should do a Christopher Plummer thing where they put you into movies.

I thought you could say Christopher Farley. They should do one of those with you where you die. You should fall through a table. Do you think if he lived to, if he lived. But today he'd be going by Christopher. No. I don't think so? No.

Oh, I think it's very, I think he definitely would. He might. He might have. You think he? I don't know, that would have been top of mind for him. I think by now he would be, we would all be used to it. I think there would be a period, of course, where he's like, please call me Christopher. And you think he'd be doing all dramatic movies?

No, no, no. He'd be doing the same shit. But he would be Christopher Farley. I do like when comedians, like, try their dramatic role. Yeah. And then some of them. go like, not for me. They never try it again.

Who is anything of? I don't want to say. Oh, my God. Well, that's fine. You don't have to. Gallagher? Yeah, Gallagher. Remember when Gallagher are the detective show?

No. Is that real? No. He's like, I think it's the watermelon. It looks like murder. I'm going to smash that. It was always him smashing people's brains in. He would smash the watermel and then he would read the contents.

They go, Gallagher, you need to interrogate people, not smash their brains open. The answer's not inside their brain. Jesus Christ. Somebody turned me on to a review of this show that Gallagher did where he billed it as he was going to be in Spanish. Oh. That he was going to speak? Yeah.

Uh-huh. And it was not only not in Spanish, but Gallagher did not learn how to speak Spanish to do the show. He knew some Spanish words and then made words into Spanish by just adding an O. Oh, that's so, That's so like that year. It was crazy racist. Like I'm assuming this was the 80s?

No. This would be the 90s? Probably this might have been early 2000s. 2000s! Do you remember the Cisco Bob Newhart show? I remember that that happened. No one's seen it, but we had the pilot for some reason. And I remember watching it when we were filming a pilot with Bob Odenkirk back in 2001.

Cisco, like the song song? Yeah. and Bob Newhart and he had a sitcom together and all I remember about it is Bob Newhart like sitting on a porch with Cisco and kind of counseling him like well I know that's disappointing but you maybe you'll see somebody else's thong that's that's unreal uh he and er by the way Bob Newhart oh he's going to think you're going to say Cisco oh no Cisco never made it to ER, but Bob Newhart did and just like, I don't really want to see Bob Newhart, like, uh, off himself in a show. This is March, this is March 2001.

Wait, he, he kills himself in the episode. Jesus Christ. He has like a whole arc over like six episodes and it. 2008, Lauren, is when that Gallagher show happened. Oh, that's really bad. Here, right, this is 2001. Cisco and Bob Newhart. Odd couples don't come any odd guys, odd couples don't come any odder than this high concept pairing.

thong song singer and flavor of the month Cisco and 71 year old Nick at Night staple Bob Newhart will co-star in a new comedy for NBC. The entitled comedy pilot is a show within a show series built around rap star Cisco, the network announced Friday. And guess who else was in it? Zachary Levi, who has been banned from show business. On the show, the season comedian will offer advice to Cisco who plays a Baltimore hot dog vendor who saves a kid from being killed at a baseball stadium and becomes an overnight. celebrity with his own show. What? Okay, and it looks like it was just a pilot.

Wait, wait. Can you read it again? What's the part? Okay. The premise is, it's a show within a show. Okay. So the premise is Bob Newhart offers advice to Cisco who plays a Baltimore hot dog vendor who saves a kid from being killed at a baseball stadium and becomes an overnight celebrity with his own show. By the way, we're... So then Bob Newhart's going, here's how you deal with being famous and having your own show, I guess. who are playing himself? I don't know.

By the way, we're reading all of this with our, by way of our generous contributors at IMDB. Thank you. Who have given us all IMDB pro accounts. Thank you to our IMDB spots. Thank you, IMPDB Pro. Yes, thank you so much. We complained about not having it for so long.

They just finally were like, shut up. Here, take it. That is really crazy. You can find it, all this kind of stuff on IMDB Pro, or just IMDB. They didn't ask us to do an ad. No, they didn't. I'm just, I just am a big fan. And right now, right now on IMDB, there's two big pictures of Scarlett Johansson, which is cool.

And then that other guy from Wicked. So, you know, and it says Jurassic World, watch at home now. I use IMDB all the time. Sure. And I remember once being sort of lightly mocked by a friend. No. Whose name I will not reveal. But what's their star meter?

I don't want to feel that anyway I'm out of respect And he was saying Yeah I just go to Wikipedia No I don't I actually don't even really like Wikipedia I love Wikipedia a lot But I would not

If I wanted to know somebody's filmography That's not where I would go I would go to IMDB Is there sometimes Wikipedia is Complete in that regard But IMDB Pro just has it on lock Has it on

They invented the game baby filmography, the easiest and best way to read it with the most information is IMDB. Yeah. And by the way, we're not doing an ad for them right now. This is not like, we're not, but we could if they wanted us to and they gave us a code. You know, my IMD Pro account did not work because somehow it's tied through Amazon or something. And so it's Janie's account. And so I can't have my own account.

We had to do a huge, no, we had to do a huge thing with that at one point because When it merged with Amazon, all of Mike's stuff got deleted on your IMDB Pro account. That's how you have pictures and things on your IMDB page. Yes. And so we had to create whole new systems for this. But you can do it and you can do it. You can do it. And you can do it?

Yes. Okay. Wow. That sounds good to me. Yeah. Anyway, IMDB, if you're looking for a movie or whatever, like check it out. Oh, it's a great resource. 1999 was at Gallagher show.

oh there's a 2008 article which is which links to it 1999 makes more sense it's still bad uh it is this is a review written by in the LA Times by Alyssa Valdez Rodriguez and it begins like this hmm how to put this delicately we'll simplify this sucks mime like stringy-haired man in black hat smashes food with mallet on stage for living man who know espeake no Spanish here's Spanish think Spanish good Spanish mui mui denaro. Man spends one month learning important Spanish words

such as Cerveza, caca, and cullo. Man invents Spanish words such as spermo and embarizemente. Man decides this is enough Spanish to put on show for Latinos. Man smasasas. Wires giant sombero and shakes kegues maracas. Man mocks Jews and gays and women and constipated old people. What? I understand the first

two, but constipated old people. Man thinks he is mui funny comediano. it's not good This is some savage fisking Fisking Savage fisking It's taking something point by point I don't know that term

I had looked it up yesterday Because someone used it Who used it on you No one used it on me No one ever fisked me Someone made you feel dumb Because they said you fisked them Yeah

I think I misheard them And it was cool up And it was cool up She said stop fisking me All right, let's take a break. Wait, wait, wait. Take a break. Take a break.

Our health care system is broken in so many ways. We have a health care system that's supposed to be taking care of people that is making it literally more difficult for people to put food on the table. So this season, we'll dive into the challenges head first. while also thinking about how we can find a better way because we all deserve better. Uncared for Season 3 from Lemonada Media. Available August 6th, wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, yeah.

I think we're back. Yeah. I'm thinking we're back at this point. What does he say, Jonathan Wick? He says, so yeah, I think I'm. I think I'm back? I don't know, probably. Sounds familiar. I'm gonna fucking look it up. Good old Johnny Wick. No, that guy, he can't get your break. Man, when he showed up in the ballerina.

Ballerina, ballerina, ballerina. What we're going to do today for this episode, where we are, where we're from, in this house, when we do this episode? We do this exact thing that Scott is going to say right after I'm done talking. We're going to go to your voicemails that you've left us at that famous website. Which, I'm embarrassed that I'm going to say this because everyone knows what it is. Hagg claims8.com. You didn't have to say that. You didn't have to say that because it's the most famous website.

I thought somebody just got born. But hagclaims8.com is the most famous website. It is not only a novelty dictionary. It's not only a phone plan. it not only gives you access to all of our phones all of our phones our phones our notes app our passwords every single app every DM we've ever sent yes every time we've slid into anyone's DMs you'll be able to see all of that every dirty picture we ever looked at and then quickly deleted every picture of our butt that we've sent to people every picture of our butt

that we've received from people hey I actually get a picture of my butt but but it's also a place where you can leave us voicemails. It started mainly as that, but honestly, it's like such a... It's such a small part of our business now, but we still take... We still take the voicemails. We think they're cute. We think they're so sweet. Lauren's the thing where she was taking her cheeks and jiggling them while saying,

just a lugiling bin. What? I was trying to do jiggle it. a little bit. Just a liggling pin. Sometimes that pops in my head and I don't even know what that's from. It's just a liggling pin.

Relax. But you did it in a way that was like somebody made you do it and you didn't want it. You didn't want to. All right. I'm not going to enjoy this. Happy.

Okay, I did it. Get off my back. So let's listen to this voicemail because it's getting hot in here. It's getting hot in here. All right. So let's. do a voicemail.

Here we go. Ready and now. Hey, gang. It's Quinn. They, them. What's up? Hurry. Okay, so you're on a plane, and the pilot becomes incapacitated. What? Nobody on the flight has any flying experience. So the tower is going to have to talk somebody if they're trying to land the plane. You can all draw lots, and whoever wins or loses that drawing will attempt the landing.

Or you can volunteer. do you volunteer to attempt to land the plane or do you go to the drawing and let someone else who has no flying experience try it instead did they say that i can fly also i thought you might like to know that the original name of pepsi was brad's drink what okay well i am obsessed with that why why are we talking about the plane thing well because it's all about it's all about brad's drink i want to know about Brad's drink. And honestly, let's bring that back. Okay, so.

Although Pepsi, the dog, would have been named Brad's drink. Caleb Bradham, a pharmacist, initially mixed the drink at his soda fountain and called it Brad's drink. It was changed to Pepsi Cola in 1898. I like Brad's drink better. So it's like five years later. Why was it changed to Pepsi? What the fuck is that? Let's go back to what Quinn said because.

I was, well, it was meant as a digestive aid. Oh, like Pepsid. Maybe. Yeah. Are you just peptic? You want to get peptic. Right, yeah. Exilerating, invigorating.

You're going to want some of this. You're going to want some of this pepsid. Exilarating, invigorating. AIDS digestion. Now, I wouldn't put AIDS in my slogan, but. It was a different time. It was a different time back then. I would volunteer because.

Wait, but was it stated that we... You could either draw lots. Either, and we... Nobody has flying experience. You're you in this. Imagine. You are still you. So I either take the risk of doing it myself or I let someone else,

I take a bigger risk by letting someone else who I don't even know what their deal is. No, look, Quinn, we're drawing lots the whole plane or just first class? Right. Yeah, maybe comfort plus. I would allow half of comfort plus. What about the people in the aisles that, you know, that didn't get seats? Is someone going to be like,

they're holding under the straps? Is someone going to be like telling me in my ear like what to do? Yeah, yeah, all that stuff. the tower is talking you through it yeah I would absolutely volunteer absolutely because we're going to die anyway yeah well also I would like to go down flying the plane my grandfather and my father were were hanging out clothes? They were pilots, so I feel like it's in my jeans. My grandpa was a pilot as well. The muscle memory, much like trauma.

Yeah. It's encoded in your DNA. And they flew me around a couple of times. So I just feel like I would know. And plus I watched Flight Risk, that movie that came out earlier in the year that Mel Gibson directed. So I just feel like I had, and this was a plot point in it. And I just feel like I've seen enough movies where they talk you through it. Can I say this?

I play video games. It's easy. It's easy stuff. Well, like, watching the rehearsal, which I don't think either of you have seen this season. Oh, you did. Spoiler, but there's a, well, there's a lot about, there's a whole plane thing. There's a lot about flying planes in it. And I will say it, it actually, I've never thought it was easy, but it looks even harder than I thought.

When I see the one point where someone is learning to fly planes, learning to fly planes, there's like some risky moments where the other parts, Tom, could you get rid of the parenthetical planes? The teacher kind of like... People looking ass, though. Sorry. The teacher. I had to do my... Iron plaid top of any impression. The teacher like sort of goes like, oh, it takes over a couple times.

Like, you almost just like did something terrible. Like his... I think it would be so easy, though. Like, you got to pull back on the thing. It's so easy. And in the movies, they're always like harder. Oh, I would just do it hard the first time. You pull back to go up.

You go forward to go down. It's easy. Invert Y axis. I feel like... The switch is part of it is the thing that I feel like I would be like, I don't see the switch. No, there's too many fucking switches.

Here's the thing. If it's already turned on, you're in the air, all you got to do is put it down. Easy. Here's what these things want to land correctly as well. Where's a co-pilot? That's what I'm wondering.

As my father used to say, they want to stay up in the air. And when you land, they want to land the right way. So you don't have to worry when you're flying. But, um, they want to. The planes want to stay up in the air.

He meant the planes? The plane is just the way it's built. They just, they want to, like, once they get up there. Is this like the dishwasher doesn't want you to rinse the place? No, the dishwasher wants to wash them. He's like, it's not like these planes. It wants them to be dirty. It's not like pilots are in there going, like, constantly going,

like, oh, God, this thing wants to crash. I got it constantly correct. No, they want to stay up in the air. That would be funny. I have more respect for pilots if that's how it was. But here's the thing. They should have a setting in the cockpit for a, for a civilian who has to land the plane, where, like, all the rest of the switches get turned off and are not lit up and all that.

And it's just like, these are the only ones you're going to need. This makes me wonder, is autopilot a real thing? And if so, what does it mean? I think that you can turn it on an autopilot to land. I think. To land. I think you can. Wow.

That doesn't seem like it would be. I think a lot of is automated. Well, I mean, autopilot is a relatively new since the 80s, maybe. invention? I don't know. Let me look it up. Autopilot. How old? How old? Now? Go. Autopilot. How old now? Go. I'm not all good. Well, look. Autopilot. The inventor, the invention is credited to Lawrence Sperry, who demonstrated a gyroscopic autopilot system in 1914. Fuck. A little before the 80s, I would say a little bit before the fish that saved Pittsburgh.

But when was it in use? Not all passenger aircraft flying even have an autopilot system. That fuck that. The smaller ones are still handflown. And even small airlines with fewer than 20 seats may be without the autopilot as their short duration ones. I don't know. Anyway, so I think it would be easy, though. Yeah.

To sum up, it would be easy as shit. And I want to do it because I don't want some dumb idiot that I don't know in charge. of this. I want to be the dumb idiot. Yes. In charge of it. I actually don't know if I would choose to do it. I think maybe. You'd be like, let a man do it.

I'd be like, let's just let some guy do it. Even if he's drunk, that'd be better than me. I've got my period. I'm too crazy. I don't know. I don't know. I think I'd be scared. Would you not want the responsibility?

I wouldn't want to kill everyone. Well, what if, what if... I would. Like, what if it lands and half the people are dead? Would you feel responsible or would you feel responsible? or would you feel like, I saved half the people? I think that's fair. That's tough.

I'd feel, I'd have a lot of guilt around that. What if two people died? That's fine. There we go. Everyone has a price. That's acceptable losses. Everyone has a price. And they died because they were actually doing something wrong and they fell on like a knife that they were holding and having like a fight.

It wasn't because of me. It was because like the bumpy. How many people die annually from falling on knives do you think? Okay, I'm going to look it up. Thank you. I'm going to say over under. Quinn, we would like to say thank you for your thought-provoking conversational prompt. And Brad's drink is a real great bit of info for me.

The Brad's drink should have. You should have been the one. That should have been the top, the headline. 2.3% of autopsies involving sharp force fatalities were accidents. What's all this politically correct double speak? Okay. Sorry. So when people get stuck.

by sharp thing. Stuck like a pig. Like a fat pig. Sticky like a pig. Only 2.3% are accidents. The other, I guess, 97.7% are intentional. People intended to stab themselves. Yeah, exactly.

Can I give a book wreck? Yeah, absolutely. So I just read the book. That's the perma wreck. Big Swiss by Jen Began, which I loved. I don't know if I recommend it to you two fools. But I loved it. If you liked all fours by Miranda July, you're going to love this.

Oh, my God. If you love that, you'll love this. This is another smut that people are going to read in public. All fours? Yeah. Yeah, it's another smutty one. All fours is so good. I loved it so much.

I also love all of Miranda July's books. First Badman is also really good. Okay. But Jen Began also wrote Pretend I'm Dead, which I also loved. But this book, I couldn't put it down. You don't do, though, at one point. I did. when we were on tour last year

both Jess McKenna and Lily Sullivan were reading that dirty book in public. They were getting so horny. They were getting so horny and they kept saying, I'm getting so horny. Yeah. And Paul and I were too too scared to do anything about it. Both of those books. Yeah, as a woman

who is in charge of her sexual experience. Yeah, both of those books feature that and they also feature just like sort of fucked up mindsets. It's really fun to read. Wait, now I'm intrigued. Yeah. I'm reading a book that I'm really enjoying called and it came out a few years ago called The Country of Ice Cream Star was written by Sandra Newman

who is an author that I'm really like Seinfeld Feinfeld Feinfeld Fynfeld George Costan's We never talk about

if Eileen married Jerry she'd be She'd be Seinfeld too That's true Elaine Seinfeld No she'd be Seinfeld too Seinfeld too The number two

Seinfeld and Seinfeld too Hi, I'm Sightfield 2. What if that's how? Okay, look, that's it. Ice cream, what now? The Country of Ice Cream Star. And we know you're not reading.

No, I don't read. You're kidding? I'm just watching all of E.R. I'm finished with that. You have to watch the pit. You can't fucking. It's fewer episodes. It's better.

It's like 15 or 18, isn't it? I don't know, but it's good. Yeah, it's good. You'll be glad there are more. Yeah. I'll get to it after I watch Master and Commander with the Far Side of the World. Did you get the 4K Bluway? I can't wait to listen.

I got a steel book. The steel, yeah, that's the one that. I never got a steel book before. Yeah, yeah. I can't wait to listen to this. You're going to have to let me borrow it. I can't wait to listen to this. I can't wait to never listen to this is.

Oh, right. I forgot I said never. I'll loan it to you and you watch it the same night that we watch sinners. Nice. Okay. But so I'm not allowed to come over for sinners. No. Why?

Because I've seen sinners and publicly said I've never watched it again. That's exactly right. You took an oath. It was in my vows to Kool-off. If they ever make a movie

called sinners, I will watch it once. With you, but never watch it again. Did she like sinners? Yeah, we both did. Good. It's great.

Good, good, good. Saw it at the Vista. Great movie. That's it for this. I saw it, of course, in Ohio. Oh, of course you did. Yes. I saw a,

Captain America's Civil War in Canada and it started 25 minutes late. Did you feel Patriot? Oh, is it fucking any of the Americans? It seemed like it and no one was like worried about it. At least when I saw Oppenheimer and it was 20 minutes late, people were like coming in going like, they're restarting the projector or whatever. 25 minutes in Toronto watching Captain America, no one and no one said it.

No one in the crowd said anything. It was just like. So was it trailers, then 25 minutes, then Captain America? Okay. So it was 25 minutes. minutes, then everything started. At least when I saw Oppenheimer, it was 20 minutes late, they said, we're going to cut out some of the previews to get you out on time.

To sit there in that dim quasi-lighting before the movie starts. The whole time, the movie is yesterday when I said naked gun, they had the lights on for like, you know how they have those commercials? So it's like, okay, so commercials. Then it became trailers. I don't like this. I don't like it either. They do it at the AMC now.

I don't like it. I don't like it. Then they had the lights on the whole trailers. Then the lights on were on. we're on for the first 15 minutes in the movie. And Mike got up, two other people got up to go Okay, that's a mistake. Then they turned him off, then they turned him on,

then turned them off. What? And then they finally turned him off again and we went, yay! It was like terrible. Was somebody like leaning on the switch? I don't know. It was so annoying. Some drunk guy.

Why is that happening? It was crazy. That's better. But they leave them on for the trailers? I want to be in the immersive movie again. They should turn them off for the trailer. I don't know why they don't know. We come to this place to sit in the dark.

Seriously. Yeah. all right all right well we love you all right september 21st at lodgerum in los angeles or stream it live go to varietopia.com for tickets Lauren I don't know all right we'll see you next time bye