Threedom - Threevisiting: 1 Room 100 Toilets

Episode Date: January 20, 2026

Threevisiting on the Tues: Lauren, Paul and Scott talk about remembering lines from movies, weddings and bring back the classic Threeture I've Got Some Bad Tunes. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Ed Begley Jr. Is that what you were saying? Yep. Ed Begley Jr. That's my favorite curse word. Janice. Joplin, look at this place. I say it instead of I beg to differ. Ed Begley, Jr. Ed Begley Differ.

That's what I said. Ed Begley different. That's a good name. Ed Begley Jr. If your name was Ed Begley Jr. And there's already one in SAG, you can just change it to Ed Begley Differ. Yeah. If your name was Ed Begley Jr.

At that point, go all the way with Ed Begley different. And that you're going to be in SAG. You're also an actor. But you're not related to him. No, my name is Ed Begley different. Yeah. Ed Begley different. Do you think that Ed Begley Sr.

lived long enough. to see himself eclipsed by his son. Was he an actor? I don't know. Wow. See, you don't even know. I personally have seen all of his films, TV shows.

Acting plays. Courtsles. For the life alert person. Were there's original? I'm assuming he was always a grandfather. What's your favorite sucking candy? A candy that sucks you? Yeah.

Okay, yock off. It's worth a million. Yeah. I remember as a kid, I was very drawn to lifesavers because I thought that package was amazing. It is amazing. And then also specifically the different flavors. Like you would get a whole roll of butterscotch, you know, or whatever. So you liked everything about it.

I liked everything about it. Wait, so you didn't, you didn't like a variety. If you could get a variety. I did like the variety. I did like the variety. I liked them all is what I'm saying. Oh. I liked the single pack.

Variety packs. Yeah, the classic lifesaver like rainbow assortment. is very, that is very iconic. Do you like things in that shape, like Pringles and stuff like that? Yeah, I like tubes. Things that are tubes like, like, like, chodes. You're thinking of the short Pringles can for a chode. They are, the airplane one.

Long pringles, like a lot of chodes are can-like. Chodes are thick, chodes are thicker than they are long. Correct. I know, but they're more, I mean, makes it more, more caught like a can. Yeah. I know what the, classic Pringles is like. But I mean, if you're very good,

if you encountered a penis that was shaped like either of those things, it would be frightening. It would be really bad. Yeah. Classic Pringles, you're not flat at the top. If you're, and I mean like anybody is wonderful, but if your dick looks exactly like a Pringles can,

you have a problem. If your dick looks exactly like a Pringles can, you have a problem. Especially with Mr. Pink, Pingel. Yeah, there you go. What's his name? His name is Mr. Pingel.

Mr. Pingel. He sells Pringles. He's mad that they got his name on. He doesn't sell them even. He represents them. I'm Mr. Pingel Jr. Yeah. I'm Mr. Pingel different.

Which is what I meant to say. Isn't that funny how your mind deteriorates? But it set us up so well that it was like actually better. What it was a happy accident is what I like to call. Well, what it was is that we got to say the joke. Yeah. Yeah. That you thought of.

Yeah. Yeah. So, Paul, your t-shirt is, is it missing the dough or? Or is it missing the dough? the F. His shirt says R-I-T-O-S. So it's either Geritos or Fritos. We don't know what.

Fritos. He thought I was Ritos F. I didn't know what. I was like, what is for Ritos? It is not missing either of those. What? It is short for Cerritos and that is the ship on lower decks.

Right, yeah. Great. Great. I love it. I love you. You guys love each other? How many people feel? I love you too.

Okay. You guys are my friends. I love you. That's threatening. Yeah. Put the knife. Have we met? No, God. How many people ask you if it's Doritos, though? No, and I don't wear this in public. Oh, okay. I had a sweatshirt over it. I don't wear this in public. I'm not a T-shirt. I'm not, you're not the public. Okay. Come on. Who do you consider T-shirt wearing worthy? My wife? The end. Wow. Scott, I didn't get to hear what candy you love to suck the most. Yeah, let's not lose sight of all the things we've ever talked about.

Let us not lose sight of that. Someone out there is wondering what he was going to say. Who cares? Yeah. I know. I'm just saying. I don't love, uh, I'm just saying. Although I had a lot of cough drops recently because I had bronchitis for a couple of weeks.

Yikes. And, uh, there was one day that was really, it was weird because I was totally past being sick and everything, but there was one day it was very hard to talk. So I did. That was a good day for everyone around you. Well, no, I had to do a... Lauren. I had to record an episode, so I did that and no one knew.

Oh, no. And then I went to a concert that night too. Wow, so you didn't care that you had bronchitis. You were just out and about. No, I was over like being, you know, sick with it and all that kind of stuff. It just, it was like a week and a half later. It just was very difficult to talk. So you couldn't even cheer for your favorite band.

I know. That's so sad. F-L-E-T, foxes! But you had your scarf, of course. That you were waving over your head. Yes, of course. And my raw cone? What?

Rock cone. It's your raw cone. What was that? You know what I'm talking about the thing that you shout into. Megaphone? Well, it is a megaphone, isn't it? But it's like a cardboard. It's not a raw cone.

It's not, it's not. Did they say raw on them sometimes? Ra, raw. R-A-R-A-R-A. R-A-R-Buton. Oh, rah-ra-oritos. Rara-Ritos. Rara Ritos.

Rar-R-R-R-R-Ritos. Rar-R-R-R-Ritos. I don't even know what that is. I just knew it. Sanford and Son. If it was called Sanford and Daughter, would you have watched? Yeah, probably. They're doing a reboot of Sanford and Son.

Is it Sanford and Daughter? I bet it's woke. It is woke. Unlike Sanford and Son. I believe taking the place of the Sun character is a trans child. This is real? Sanford has. This is real.

They are rebooting all the shows. Can I tell you something? This is a little earworm I have from a TV show. And I think you'll know what I mean when I explain this phenomenon to you. Sometimes you hear a phrase that you remember somebody saying, I'm not talking about that's a different phrase entirely. Okay, but if you say it, our listeners are supposed to call in. This is if I, of course, if I ever say the phrase the pays, yes, you call in.

Now, that said, we're over 100 episodes. Yeah. You have never said the phrase the pays. No, I will. I've promised that I will on one of these episodes. Yes. Say the phrase the pays. And then the minute you say it.

Then the piss picks call in and then they have a chance to win. How much? I think it was like $750? $750. $750,000. How many episodes have we done? $750,000. Sorry, it's somewhere in between.

It's either, it's between $750. It's $8.000. It is $8. And if I do say that phrase, which I can't say now, obviously. You can't say it now. No. But it is the phrase. phrase the day. But we said it like way, way.

Lauren is on her phone. We've done 166 episodes. No, why? That's a lot. Wait, wait. So, when we get to 200, we need a party. Yeah, pizza party. Everyone's invited us. Cass party at mom's house. Yeah, perfect. Okay, I'm sorry.

Why don't we go to the Howard Johnson's? Go to the Hojo's. Jump in the school. When's the last time you went to Howard Johnson's? Probably a cast party at a high school musical. Yeah, I went to Hojo's. I've been there once in my life. then, but I remember in eighth grade, we went to Springfield as a trip, Springfield, Illinois, on the bus. Was it a hotel? And we stated it at Howard Johnson. There was a pool. I say that the Howard Johnson's in New York in 1982. Do they still retain, are they still around, first of all? And do they retain the same color scheme? Because it was blue. It was like teal and orange. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Gorgeous. It actually worked really well. Yeah. I can. Let me look at it. Let me look up Howard Johnson's iconic. It's so iconic.

Howard Johnson's iconic. Oh my God. Scott is literally on his phone. Oh my God. So fucking rude. If you have a, if you have a phrase, like a common phrase that you hear.

Anaheim is the closest. For some reason, you have in your head, you remember somebody in a movie or a TV show saying it. Oh, I have one today that I was thinking of. So whenever anybody,

if something is, somebody says, is that real? I, here's what I think of. Yeah. I think of that movie, that TV movie,

the late shift. It was on HBO. Yeah, with, what's his name? John Michael Higgins is Letterman and Daniel Roebuck as Jay Leno. Did Daniel Roebuck ever do anything afterwards? Or was he executed? He was executed. He was executed in a Jay's garage.

Whoa. No way. Yeah, you were in a poster. What if Daniel Roebuck actually took Jay's place when Jay had the accident? And that's why he's like, oh, I have facial scars from it. But it was really a face-off situation. I like that. That's a really good idea.

I like that. I hope it's true. More like a face on because he has to put all the prosthetics on. But someone had to take a face off. But here's what I, well, the fire took Jay's face off. But it didn't really. It was a, it was a face off. It was a total, it was a total.

Nothing ever happened. It was just the way that they explained why he had scarring. He had something. Scarves. What don't you get about what? It's not that I don't get it. It's that I didn't know where he suffered his damage. His face.

His major malfunction. Yeah, his major malfunction. What's Jay's damage? He's something. Made you well function. So that's what I think of. Okay. So I think of Rich Little as Johnny Carson.

Oh, right. He made some announcement that he's retiring or whatever. And then he walks off stage and he says to whoever, people are stunned and he says to whoever, it's real. I said it. It's real. So anytime anybody questions the veracity. If they say the word, if they say, is this real or is that real? You say, that's what I think of.

It's real? I have to fight to not say it like that. I feel like this one, I don't even know why it enters my head, but today I was having a long thing about it in, yep, in my head. And the phrase is, and I'm sure you won't know the film, but the phrase is. Why? Because I don't think, I'm almost positive Scott hasn't seen it because if his podcast, Scott has We have to do it on Scott.

Oh my God, I can't. You don't even know what it is yet. I think we've talked about it because we might have talked about it. But anyway, the line is, if bullshit wore a bra, you'd be top heavy. That's from the one where Christopher Plummer plays like Wallace. From the insider? Yeah, the insider. No.

That's from where Christopher Plummer plays. He took the place of Kevin Spacey. No. All the money in the world. No. That's the one where Christopher Plummer, he marries Julia Andrews. Oh, yes. Why wasn't Christopher Plummer?

One of that line was in the sound of music. Yeah. If bullshit could wear a bra. You need top of me. Why wasn't Christopher Plummer in the Mario Brothers movie? It's right there in the name. That's a great question. And I don't have an answer.

Yeah, he should have been in it. He should have done a cameo as himself at least where the Mario Brothers look at him and go, wait a minute, are you? If somebody says, we need a plumber and then he's like, were you talking about me? And then the Mario brothers go, no. Amanda. And why wasn't David Toilip? in it. That's a good point

too. What he's been up to lately? He's executed by Jay Leno. No, David Toilett got executed? Yeah. Here's something.

Goodbye. Wait, so what movies from? My Girl 2. Oh, yeah. Absolutely not. Yeah. Yeah, I know.

We got to do an episode. You should watch My Girl without me. No, let's do it tonight. No. My girl, I never. He always wants to do a podcast.

I never read. I never read. I have to do five. a week. You know, I realize that's kind of how I socialize. No, it's honestly. It's doing shows.

It used to be seeing people backstage. Yeah. And now it's seeing people doing podcasts. But I might be nice to go out and see somebody and not have a microphone around. I know. It's kind of why I enjoy it. At least we're a lot. I think there was a level of my trip last week that I really enjoyed because of the

fact that it involved no. Okay. Extra extra. Lauren went on a trip. I did. I did. Lauren's Travel Corner. Wait, before we get into that.

that segment, which everyone loves. Yeah. Can I say another one that burdens me? Yeah. Yeah. Movie Earworm is, and it's from that thing you do. Uh-huh. I used to watch the movie a lot.

Hey, put those drums down. Hey, put those drums down? How about I think it's, you stole those drums, didn't you? I think it's worthy. Did that happen? Worthy, O'Neaters. Uh, no, it is. Yeah, that comes up a lot.

Whenever anybody says, oh, needers, I think. It's towards the end of the film. Everything's falling apart. And Jonathan Schach he quits the band. Yes. Was he the hangover? He was the fourth guy.

Wait, wait. No, I think. I got to look at the guys from that. No, no, no. I don't think we get enough of the guys from this movie. Like, nowadays. I'm like, where are you at? Yeah.

He, um, he quits the band. And when he does, he says, um, I forget, I don't remember how he gets into it. Jonathan Shish. But he quits by saying, I quit. I quit. And that one, I despise.

I hate having that in my head. That is really annoying to hear in your head. Yes. So when it comes up... I didn't like it when it happened. I didn't like when he did it. It comes up when you want to quit things? No, if somebody says, if I hear somebody say, I quit or they quit or whatever.

Hmm. So you shouldn't we shouldn't quit this podcast? If you do, don't tell me. Just let me find out by showing up here and the doors locked. What if we just say, I'm no longer doing it? Would that help or you'd still go? No, that would help. I quit.

I quit. Okay. Oh, I hate it. I hate it. The snaps. Can I say something related to the late shift that I was thinking about today? Here's something. There's going to be some sweet sounds coming down.

So the late shift. I, Lennel. He was a TV ho called bear. Oh, oh, oh, J. Leno. Oh, oh, oh, J. Lano. Okay, but I was, I saw a J. Carson. Crew.

Johnny Carson clip. Uh-huh. And I was thinking... Jay Carson. Jay, yes, his initial is Jay. Hey, Jay. What's up, Jay? Do you think Jay Leno got it because his initial is the same?

Do you think everyone's gotten it because they're... It's got a one initial? Yeah. Johnny, Jay, Jimmy, Jimmy. Oh, my gosh. But, okay, so I was watching... Gene and a who knows who? I was watching a Johnny Carson clip and I was like,

I don't know how anyone with a family or a job. Where is this? I know. A family of... Or a job could ever stay up to, you know how people are like, I turn it on and I fall asleep. People were staying up till midnight or 1215 or 1230 when they had to work the next day or take care of their kids. Who are these fucking lunatics? People do that all fucking day and night now.

What are you talking about? Everybody was drunk all the time. Then they would be asleep. I would pass out. I stay up till midnight and I'm going, what am I doing? And I'm like, well, having a good time. It's surprising to me sometimes when I text you and you're up. at a late hour and I'm like, what the fuck?

You guys, I just, I like my little... You guys text me at nine and I'm asleep. Yeah, I like my little time, you know. I like my little time too. Yeah. Janie always goes to bed before me. Janie goes to bed. I had to.

But how is it possible? How did it so... How did enough people do it? What kind of a god? What? How did enough people do it that he was popular and Johnny Carson got rich? I mean, it's like, it doesn't make any sense that people were staying up till midnight every night. You mean just because there was no other.

way to watch it. They had to watch it at midnight. There's no, there, there's, you can't, you can't tape it or anything. I think you've got a lot of people who don't care about being tired. No, I don't think it's different at all. I think there's people who don't care about being tired. People who are younger, kids and teens and there, it wasn't, babies and 20s. I don't think it was teens. Are you kidding me?

No, but I was, but I was a teenager, I loved watching Conan and staying up until midnight. Yeah, sure. No, but I mean, when you're a teenager, yeah, because you're a teenager, yeah, because you're, you naturally stay up late. But I just don't know like how people were. Johnny Carson was also the age of three channel TV. And so there was, it was a, and when people still had the common viewing experience, like the idea of we're all watching this at the same time.

And it was on at midnight? It wasn't on at 10. It was on 1130. It used to be on at midnight and then he like negotiated to go backwards to 1135. Used to be midnight and it was 90 minutes long. Yeah. But that's the thing is like, that is crazy. Even staying up till 11 to.

watch the news is like a weird idea. I don't know. I think you're talking specifically about yourself and you're making it about everyone. You're trying to make it universal. I think everyone stays up at different hours. Some people stay up all night. Some people have insomnia. I'm just saying people who have to get up at six in the morning. Good catch. Some people do have insomnia. His whole family is had insomnia. I'm saying generally. Look. Yes, there are exceptions to your dumb exceptions. But but but but but but but if there's only fucking basically one show on at that time. Yeah. If you're awake, that's what you're watching.

So that means that anybody in the country on any given night who is awake and wants to watch TV is going to watch that show specifically. So that means he's famous and everyone cares. Like it'll balance out. Everyone will eventually watch it. It's going to happen. And then he's probably hosting all sorts of other things. Then you're like, I'm going to stay up special late tonight and watch. It finds a way.

Now, before your baby, did you have the same problem? Oh, yeah. Well, yes. But also. How late would you stay? Before Emmy, how late could you go? like 11 or something. I usually go to bed early, but...

But if you knew there was a TV show, you're gonna watch, you could push through. And you don't have DVR and you don't have anything. When I was younger, I would stay up till 2 in the morning. But if you're... Well, yeah, two in the morning. But if you're... I'm saying now, if it were...

If you were you now and it's still 3-channel TV, and there's a late-night show that is one of the only late-night shows, you liked it. I bet you could do it. I think there'd be a lot of me staying up late watching that. Well, I was trying to watch... I see a lot of that and me if that's... scenario.

I think I'd be a big Carson head. I think I'd be saying Johnny Carson, you're the best. You're my king. This is applicable. I was trying to watch Coachella this last weekend. I don't like the monologue. And then I go to bed after that. Frank Ocean does the monologue.

But I was trying to stay up to see some of the later things. And BlackPink came on at 9.30. And at a half hour, I was like, I, I, I, that's you. I'm, I'm, yes. Yes, but I, I, I. I think that I have that in common with people, especially during the work week. You're not alone. I don't think you're alone at all.

But I think if someone's like, I'm going to watch Coachella, it's this person I want to see your group is on at 930. That's fine. We need to take a break. That's so unfair. Ouch. What happens, Scott? Well, now the holidays are over. The spending hangover is here.

Oh, that's so true. I have a spending ice bag on my head. I don't know about you, but after all the gifts, the travel, the food, the last I want to do is spend more money. I want people to give me money. I don't want to give them money. That would be great. Luckily, Mint Mobile is here to help you save on wireless this January with 50% off unlimited premium wireless. Whoa, Mint Mobile's end of year sale is still going on, but only until the end of the month, cut out big wireless's bloated plans and unnecessary monthly charges with 50% off three, six, or 12 months of unlimited.

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Hey, everyone. It's Leah Greenberg. And Ezra Levin. You might know us as two of the lead organizers of the No Kings protests. We're also the co-founders of Indivisible, the grassroots movement organizing against Trump's regime. And this is What's the Plan? Your weekly guide to the state of our democracy and how we fight back. This is not canned talking points.

It's a real live discussion space for the pro-democracy movement. We wrestle with strategy together. We take your top-voted questions in real time. And we talk about the most impactful actions we can take right now. Democracy is a participatory sport. The fascist win when we sit on the sidelines. What's the plan is about how we get into the game? What's the plan available Friday, January 23rd, wherever you will.

get your podcasts. Subscribe, recruit, discuss, organize, and win. That's the plan. And we're back. Well, how convenient? These things have, they provably have audiences.

I know. I'm just saying that. Nobody, like, people aren't lying. Like, oh, I stayed up till 11.30. But my question is, how was life different for people back then? How could they do it?

Right. You know what I mean? Like, were people just like, oh, I don't give a shit how tired I am when I go into the office every day. And people just were drinking at work. anyway. I'm mean. I'm a mean person. Yeah. And if I'm only living 50 anyway. Yeah. So I got to stay

up as late as possible. I got to watch as much TV as I can before I die. You want to get a few laughs in. Get a few laughs in. And you know what? Sometimes when Johnny Carson and Bob is even funnier than what the jokes did well. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. I feel like I didn't get to see Johnny Carson at his peak. Because like if you watch him in the 60s or whatever, it's funny. But like we were watching him in the

80s and it was like pretty creaky. And how did you stay up? Shut. Anyway, tell us about your trip, Lauren. Okay, I went to Portland last weekend for my friend Mariah Smith's birthday. Again, I'll plug the Smith sisters live on Sirius XM, five days a week, really hilarious show. It was so fun. It was a group of girls, seven of us.

Hot. Yeah, it was really hot. And we just had a great time, just, you know, drinking and eating and shopping and drinking, eating, Piss and shit and drinking. Yeah. Right. All that. Probably all did all of that.

Yeah. I assume. I don't want to assume. You probably, you were going three days. You probably took. It was basically, I flew in Thursday night. I was there Friday, a Saturday, Sunday, left Sunday night. I pooped probably.

Come on. Nine times. I would say probably 27 to 30 times. If I'm being honest, 30 to 35. Well, thank you for your candor. I appreciate that. Upwards of 60, if I'm being honest. Probably that means $120.

There wasn't much time where I wasn't. Were people concerned for you or no? No, you're all doing that. Oh, everybody was? How many bathrooms to this place? We got a room with 100 toilets. Wow, side by side. One room, 100 toilets.

Tonight on. Johnny Carson. Who wants to be a toilet air? But it was really fun. And it was nice. I don't typically go do things like that where I'm traveling just for fun with friends. Yeah.

these days at least. And I had a great time and I was really able to fully relax in my days. Did you get into a pool? No, we did not. But we did eat so much good food. We went to like a lot of fun restaurants and- Did you ever have a tortilla? Did I have a tortilla?

Yes, I had tacos. You did have tacos? Okay. Interesting. We had Korea. We had tacos. We had seasons in the sun. Exactly.

Yeah. I'm going to ask you once more, and this time, be honest, did you get into a pool? And remember, you're under oath. No. But did you drink pool water? Yes. Aha. I had to get out of the pool because it was overflowing.

You're telling me you guys never carpooled or an Uber pool. Uh-oh, we did carpool. Uh-huh. You know, I've tried to start Uber pool karaoke and people just get mad. Wow. And I really want to make it happen. We have a few interesting Uber pool. situations.

But yeah, you know, I'm also not getting into Ubers that much in my life these days. Really? Yeah, are you? Because you own a monster truck. Yeah, because I own a monster truck and I ride over everybody and I just get everywhere four minutes flat. Straight lines. Now, your monster truck is named Lady Elaine. It is based on Elaine Benis.

Yes. Yeah. The fictional character from Steinfeld. Yes. And I love it so much. And it's neon green and it is. Do you think anyone out there is still saying Steinfeld? What's Steinfeld? It was just a common... It was a very common thing.

They were saying Steinfeld. Or Seinfeld. No way. I never heard Seinfelding the Lilley. I never heard it at all. Never? No. Well, I'm glad I can introduce you to it.

We did do... Everyone I know, everyone I ever heard talk about it got it exactly right. We did do Haley Steinfeld Jokes when she was on Ferns. Yeah. If you recall... Seinfeld Seinfeld Jules. Duda.

I don't recall that joke specifically, but I, um, did you ask you ask. Like, what's the deal with being Steinfeld? Something like that. And you press the button in the theme song play. So why don't you, if you liked it so much, why don't you make it a regular thing where you go out of town like five days a week? Yeah.

You know, yeah, like I just go. I'm gone Monday through Friday. I do feel like I should take more trips. But I, when I got home, Holly was so excited. I already told you this part. But that made it also like really fun. Because I feel like I got to go away. We were able to FaceTime and she wasn't upset,

which is like a new thing. she used to like cry if she saw me on face time and so now it was like we got to wait you would cry when you saw your face time because I wasn't there like she would like be like want to like touch me you should be three dimension yeah but then now she was really just having fun on face time and then by the last day it was kind of like too many days and do you think she would cry if she was watching the wrong missy and you were just in the other room um yeah she'd probably cry she gets really offended by like potty humor no um but her reaction when I got home was so sweet that I was like

I should leave more often just to get this kind of reception. It feels amazing. We could give you that kind of reception. You should scream and run all over the room when I come home. I have to say you're always here before Paul. So you should come five minutes later. You don't feel like you can scream enough to keep it going until he gets here. It's usually five minutes.

Well, why don't you hide for five minutes? Okay. If you hide and if you find me. I was going to say, if I find you, I have to scream. Yes. So I probably won't really try. Okay. Yeah.

So you'll be safe wherever you are. If you just were face down on the couch, I just would pretend I didn't see you. What was the game? What was the game you would play where, I can't remember the name of it. One person would hide. Hide and seek.

Sardines. Sardines. Sardines. What were the rules of sardines? Sardines. Sardines. Sardines. Please don't leave me derby good you can.

Perfect. There we go. Perfect. I'm glad we were recording this. Me too, because you should sell it to. number one single to a music producer yeah yeah sell to them no i think i think just that the first 15 second long number one single yeah nobody's tried it nobody that's the thing they're always making him too long it's like yes losing people by that 30 second if if trump you know uh the chito

and chief if he can get to he's not the president anymore no matter how many times i have to tell you this but he just retained the lifetime title of she don't c i c i see i see What if Biden was like, by the way, I'm Cheeto and Chief number two. Hey, I'm also like Cheetah Cheetah. Because here's a D. Cool. Oh, I was thinking I was in Obama. I was thinking of Biden. You're thinking who?

Obama. Obama. I thought you said Obama. Cheetah. And then he'd be like Chester Cheetah because he's like cool. Yeah. Sunglasses. Yeah.

Longer face. But if he could get to number one on the iTunes charts with some dumb song, we could get to number one with just that. You singing, what was it? Sardines. Sardines. You were saying it with me. I know.

So I wasn't alone. How long is the average pop song? 303. 50, I would say. Yeah. They're not, they're, songs are short now. Let's find out.

Although back in the day, it was two and a half, I would imagine. Back in the 60s or so. Yeah. Oh, you. You know the night thing you do. Like the One-Niters?

The average length of a pop song. I quit. I quit. I quit. I quit. Does anyone want to guess again? giving you a chance For ten

Larry Fortensky Scott's right It's Larry Fortinsey The average length of a pop song is 3 minutes and 30 seconds Larry Fortinsky Remember him

Do you know who that is Lauren? No Does it sound familiar at all? No Larry 14 Was one of Hollywood legend Elizabeth Taylor's

Final Husbands Wow I think the final husband. Was he the last one? One of her final husbands. That's like an amazing. She married eight times, I think. So many times. She married Richard Burton twice. That's horrible. That's insane.

Yeah. But Larry Fortensky, he was like a construction worker who was doing work on her house or something. Oh, it's always one of those. I like the way he looks. People who get married a lot often throw one of those in there. Yeah, yeah, especially later in life. Yeah. I... Why not? I'm rich. But she had beautiful violifies. I feel like it... Yes. And she kept giving away her ear. because they were lucky.

White diamonds. Yeah. I feel like it comes up more than we think that people marry the same person again. Really? Yeah. Many leaks, I believe, did that. Really? Who did she marry twice?

Her husband. Oh, right. He's since passed. Greg. Greg was his name. I know somebody that got married and divorced. I don't, but they got back together, but I don't know if they got married again. I can't remember if they got married again.

I was at the first wedding, but I was at the first wedding, but I was at the first wedding, but I was at, at the second wedding. How many times will you go to a person's weddings? Like I, like if someone's married multiple times to different people. To different people. I guess depends on much I care about the person because I love weddings. And if it's some asshole that keeps inviting me, I'm like, sure. Honestly, I'd go. I'd go. I'll go to a fun party. Yeah. I feel like people who invite you are your real friends most of the time. It's rare that you're and you give them champagne for your real friends. And I think I would go one to they were done. I would go to eight weddings for one person over the course of my life.

I would go, for one person, I would go to four weddings and one funeral. Who's? Well, that person. Oh, okay. Yeah. If I think, because I feel like at the, by the time you're like the third one for that person, because like two, having been married twice, I don't think that's that big of a deal to go to two. But after that point, it's just getting interesting. Now you're like, I'm here for the spectacle. What's up with this person? What's up with their family? What's up with this? I went to my friend's second and at the second when I was like, this might be it for me. And then there was a third, but I was not invited.

Did you think that there was going to be a third at the second? I kind of was like, I wonder if there's going to be a third. I thought it was going to be, well, I mean, the odds are 50-50, but I was sort of like, I bet there's going to be a third. And I don't know that I would go to it. But then my aunt was a, I think a four. Yes. So there was a third.

My aunt got married four times, I think. And the one I sang the Enya song at her second wedding. No one knows where the thing goes When the thing comes to the store I thought he's saying Time is on my side What is that? I don't know I was making it up

But I was picturing you doing it Do you want to say it for real? Time is on my side Is it good? Did you like it? Scott Kans did you went Scott Kahn said that Scott Kahn

He's got a beautiful voice What if he did? What if he's saying just like Enia? Did you really sing? Am I sang on your shore? On my shore? On your shore? I would have sung Orinoco flow.

Sail away, sail away. Well, we were on the Queen Mary and I would have been drinking crystal light or whatever. We were on the Queen Mary that would have been very dangerous to sing Sail Away. I went to a wedding on the Queen Mary once. Oh really? Who's?

I don't remember. Two ghosts. It was someone I'm not close to who I just happened either. You were just walking past. It was a friend of a friend of it. It was a situation, but I just was in. Right. Yeah.

It's always weird when you meet some, like this has happened to me where I meet, I meet someone for presumably the first time and they say, oh, I was at your wedding. Yeah. And I go, what? I know. And they were dating someone. They used to date someone that I. Well, like when Mike and I got married, we kept it.

so small. Somebody's girlfriend. It was so small that we had nobody there that we had not met. So that was kind of nice. Because you know that happens? You're meeting someone on the most important day of your life. Yeah. But then you forced your guest to meet other people. Yes. Which I think is not fair. There's a lot of meeting happening on sometimes. At your wedding, it was interesting because you were like, okay, everyone looks to your left.

Now everyone looked to your right. By tomorrow, one person won't be here. Yeah. Yeah. And it was all of us because we left. Everyone left. Yeah. Yeah, it was just a place where It was like a restaurant. People came and went. Yeah. Yeah. What about if somebody's getting married a bunch of times and you're like, you feel like, oh, they shouldn't do this.

Yeah. That's how, that's kind of where I was at with when I was at my friend's second wedding. I was like, I don't think they're taking it all that seriously. So I don't know if I come and like co-sign another one. You know what I mean? Another one.

Another one. I was asked to officiate a wedding once and I declined because Calvin Klein. I did because it was Calvin Klein. He declined. And I said, you were married to fashion. Be honest. And I, I did not think it was a good idea. Wow.

They get married. You declined the invitation, but you didn't say to that. I declined to officiate the wedding. But you went to it. But I was still invited to the wedding. And here, my, another, another mutual friend gave me an out by suggesting to this, this mutual friend of ours that it was a bad idea to have me officiate the wedding. Oh.

Which I was like, oh, all right. Come on. Maybe that's like he sucks at doing. Did their wedding? Did they get something out of this? And in divorce? Yes, it did. Many years later, I found out it was a horrible marriage.

Oh, that's awesome. I felt, I felt terrible for this person. That's horrible. It was, but it was like worse than I would have imagined. Wow. And I was really, I, it's weird because I was not close enough to this person to say, you shouldn't marry this person. Right.

But they thought you were close enough that you should officiate it. But there's kind of, that's a very specific world. It is. Yeah. But also like telling someone that basically is not going to lead to anything besides you being an asshole. They're not going to see in that moment as they're getting ready to get married that you're right. Unless you're the closest person to the person. Not even true.

I've told. And the person is like, what do you think about this? I honestly. Yeah. If the person poses it, maybe. But I don't think I even don't think that's true if it was. I think I've told you this story of somebody I went to high school with who, got knocked up.

And then she was going to marry the guy. She quiffed. She quiffed out the baby. She was, she was very young. Like she was, you know, like, just. She was just a 17. Probably, yeah. You know what I mean.

And so she was going to marry this dude. This is Catholic times. Yeah, you definitely don't want to do that. And her father at the back of the church, like getting ready to walk her down the aisle. Did he stand up? Oh, no. Okay. I object. They were getting ready to walk down the aisle, and he said to her, you don't have to do this.

You can leave right now. No one will judge you. I won't judge you. Your mom won't judge you. You don't have to do this. Did he say this unprompted or was she freaking out? He said it unprompted. He said it.

He just knew. She was like, no, I want to do this. And then, of course, they got divorced because he was a horrible asshole. Yeah. So if anyone ever says to you, you know, you don't have to do this. No matter how you feel about it. Don't do it. Don't do it.

Because someone is obviously seen. I do think it's worth saying that if you're in a situation. like that, you do not have to do it. And it doesn't matter how much money the wedding costs. It doesn't matter what pressure and all that stuff. It's impossible to see that. Although anything above five grand. Probably should just go through. You should just go through. But you know what you don't have to do is submit the marriage license to the government. True. You don't have to give them anything. You don't have to pay taxes. You're not paying taxes is illegal. Yes, theft. You can go through at the wedding and then you could just not send that paper in and then when you want to end it, you're not married.

That's a good point. You just keep the paper and you say to your significant other like, oh, yeah, I sent that in. Do you know what is a weird thing you find out when you get married is when you get the license, you're essentially married? And it's kind of an anti-climax. What, what's that? When you get the marriage license, it's like, you're, but you have to send it after you're actually married because it's signed. It has to be signed. It has to be signed, so it'll delivered and then it's yours. Yeah. Oh, I got a, but you could just have you take it anybody you don't have to have a wedding you could just oh no i mean Mike and i got married at the courthouse okay okay everyone has to get one wedding sorry to tell you about our wedding

over number again we're just saying everyone should everyone should get married everyone should get married to each other yes i think yeah i think it'd be so crazy if there's an odd number of people in the world and then one person couldn't get married wow that would be so sad what if we knew that person oh no that would be so sad that would be so sad Sad. That would be so sad. That would be so sad. It would be so sad.

It would be so sad. It would be so sad. What if you're your next door neighbor? There would be so much pressure on you to be like, okay, I'll divorce. Or like, you're like, you should always hang out with us. Like, yeah. Friends with your immediate neighbors? And like now.

The people that are closest to your house. I've never met. No, I say hi to them, all of them. But they're, my neighbors are hardly ever here. but I've never met them. But there's one who hasn't said hi to me or left room for me to say hi. And that's okay. But I'm just kind of like, I want to just say hi.

Yeah. I see you all the time. Naked. I want to. Naked as I look in your window. And I just want to say, ugly naked guy. Yeah.

Yeah. That was mean, wasn't it? I was just going to say. It was mean. It was ugly naked guy. Like everyone's ugly naked guy. That's not. Unless you're like.

Like, you know, we never saw him. Miss Playboy, playmate, Miss, you know, like April, Playboy, Miss, April, 1988. Like, how ugly? How ugly was he? Like, it's like, from. That's how good sex is. That's how good sex is that everyone is terrible naked, and it still happens.

Do you think if they just said naked guy, they were afraid the audience was going to think, well, somebody is hot. The person's hot. They were probably, we should say ugly. Everyone's too hard. It's not funny if he, if there's potential for him to be hot. But I mean, if they just said naked, then it's like, oh, this is just, we get it. You know, someone you don't want to see naked.

Yeah. But they had to be like, he's ugly. No, it's funnier if he's ugly. How many? But does he have a great body? Lauren. So his face is ugly. He's a butter face.

Lauren. How, what percentage of men in the world? And this is according to women. Have you had sex? And you are a representative. According to all women. According to all women. And you are their representative.

Sure. What percentage of men in the world are ugly? 100. All right, we need to take a break. I can't argue with it. Oh, my God. Hey, I'm Rachel Bannon. Hey, I'm Ari McDonald.

And welcome to Ari and Rachel Unfiltered and Unrivaled. A show will we give you all you need to know from Unrivaled and more. This season, we're talking to some of the best athletes. I'm trying to watch my language. You good, be you. It's unfiltered.

That's what we're here for. And coaches in women's basketball. Like Paige Becker's and Leerue. Hey, it's Paige. Hi, it's Lee. And Celebrity Unru. rival fans about games, news, all for the fans to learn more about our journey, and the folks who make unrival the great league it is.

I'm super unfiltered. Air is going to be super unfiltered because I'm going to force her to be. We'll also be talking to you and answering your questions, so tune in every Thursday and find us on social and all your favorite podcast platforms. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

We're back. You know what? We mentioned Elaine Benis. Yeah. We did. I just want to. I just want to. say I really love her new podcast,

Julie Lee Driver's podcast, where she speaks to women who are over 70 and they just talk about life and advice and stuff, and it's so good. I listen to the only two episodes that have come out so far, but the Isabella Iendi episode is, like, amazing. Wow. I cried.

It's really good yet. Do you hope you'll be on that someday? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think she'll be... In 40 years. A hundred and something, yeah. And I heard she's only taking payment of $70. from from the guest from the guest

it's a pay to pay your age when we used to go to the big yellow house is that what the chain was but it was basically it was a restaurant that was they would bring everything family style so your whole table would get like a big giant plate of fried chicken and everyone and it was all you could eat right and they would say like this piece is the brother this piece is the dad's,

this piece is the mom. This is a family of chicken. This is your body. This is your body. This is your body. Or did they like put it all together as one body and be like that's what it used to look like

before we chopped up. What have they? Oh my God, could you fucking imagine? They reassembled a fried chicken. But you had to... He doesn't feel so good. If you were over...

If you were over 12, you had to step on a scale and then... Oh yeah, you told me about it. pay your weight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fucked up. You had to pay your weight.

Over 12? Yeah. That's expensive. What? You're over the age of 12? You're saying umbrage at 12 or you're, or the idea? Any person. Why are you fixated on over 12?

Because that's when kids start to become dense. I just mean if you're under 12, you should pay your age. Pay your age. I mean, pay your weight. Pay your weight. Because it'll be like 40 bucks. 40 bucks. What are you talking about?

No, I'm saying you had to, you pay, you don't, you don't, If you're five. A dollar per pound. I'm saying that there was a scale. Wait, okay, tell me what that means. I'm saying if like, say you're 200 pounds. Yeah. You paid $200.

That's what I'm thinking of saying. And I'm going, that's horrible. Why would they make people do that? It was probably something like a penny per pound or something back of the day. But also, you shouldn't have to stand on a scale and show people to get into a restaurant. That's fucking demented. But this is like a little fat kid. They ring a bell.

Yeah. He's a dollar. We're wearing the money. But this is how. crazy white people back in the 80s were it was fun for us. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Good for you.

We play with plastic bags. All right. On your head. It's time for a three chair. It's time for a three chair. And let me tell you something. We did this a little game for a three chair. We did this a while ago.

And I'm glad to have it back. It's real fun. And thanks to Matt, a producer for flagging it and saying this was one we did before and that it should be brought back. And let me open up the dock. One last time. and here we go.

Now, I'm going to have to turn off Do Not Disturb in order to get these texts. But why won't you receive them anyway? Because I receive them. Maybe I will. Okay. It's not that it doesn't block them from coming in. It just doesn't give you any sound.

It's just the little dings or the... As long as you're on an airplane mode, you're up to be on the moon mode. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it'll come through. Okay. It's what you would use if you're on the moon. God, I hope so. Okay.

Do you think I'll get there? God, I hope so, Scott. I want that for you. I want to so. I just need the travel time to be condensed. I want to look up at the moon and know that you're standing up there. Waving. Yes.

And yes, it'll take a long time for the wave to the speed of light, you know, for it to get to you. But I just want to wave at you once. I just whenever I look at the moon, I love knowing that you guys are looking at the same moon. At the same time. At the same time. Every night. This shit is called, I've got some bad tunes.

And it was submitted by Luke Benson. Luke Besson? Luke. This was submitted by filmmaker Luke Submitted a thing, Luke. That was perfect. That's a parody of Submitter thing, Luke.

I am your father. He's the force of it. Luke, it is a three church. Perfect, Obey. Oh, you're doing Darth Vader. Oh. Do you hear something? I'm your father.

Oh, no, no. What? Hey, Luke. He was J. Lino? Hey, Luke, he was James. I have something. I'm happy daddy, Lou. Give you a kiss on my chin.

What if Jay Leno only except he kisses on his chin? He should. I've got some bad tunes. Okay. One player chooses a scenario or scenario where someone has to deliver some bad news. Another player chooses a song that the other players will know. Okay. Then the third player.

Happy birthday, ABC. The one who's it, let's say, has to deliver the bad news from the given scenario to the melody of the chosen soul. Yeah. So we're texting you this. I'll start. So Scott's going to text you a song and I'm going to text you a bad news. A bad news scenario. Okay.

What's your name? Hi, I'm Paul. And you're in my contacts? Yeah, under ass face. Yeah, I saw at that time. Oh, no. All right. I'm going to text you this song.

This song, ass face. Here you go. Okay. So, Paul, you're laughing at Lauren's suggestion. I mean, it is indeed bad news. Yeah. Okay. All right.

Did you send me the song? I did, but I'm on Do Not Disturb. Do they go through? Oh, my God. I don't buy it. wrong window. Thank you. Okay. How's window? What? Mace Windew? That's a callback to Lauren. I can't help myself. What colors is his lightsaber? Purple. Yes. Oh my God. Mace? Sick. What's in your while? It's weird that that Mace window didn't have like laser mace. You know, that he spread. Yeah, it's very weird.

You know what I mean? Honestly, that's weird because everything else in that world was like exactly how it should be. Yeah. Did you see the the Truman Capote job of the hut? What are you fucking talking about? I did not. There's a, there's a, Oh, I heard about this. The HUD who talks like Java, or talks like Java. There's a hot who talks like Java.

Okay, okay, come on. All right. But he's speaking, Hatiz? No, he's, he's going, well, I don't know. I'm tempted. Well, hello, well, hello there, Princess Leia. It's crazy. All right.

Amazing. All right. Hey, I have some bad news. Oh, no, what's happening? Well, it's opening day. Are you okay? I'm okay, but you guys are going to be mad when you hear this. It's the opening day of our restaurant.

Yeah. We're just about to open the door. Yeah, I know. It's 9 p.m. We're just about to open the door for the first time. For the French dinner rush. This is going to be amazing. There's a line of French people.

And it's all reviewers. Yeah. Yeah. But I have some bad news. They're all wearing berets. I have some bad news. What is it? Oh, no.

A bird is loose. A bird is loose in the work kitchen now. It shits a lot. It's shitting it to every pet and every pot. We're going to get shut down. The health department will fry. We're going to get a D. They'll put the sign.

for all to see we're going to get bad reviews and that will be it oh no sorry wow well there goes scenario over okay that's how we end it's how it works

that's great I love that I enjoy that who wants to go next Scott do you want to go to I quite enjoy so I'll send you a song and Paul will send you a that was to the tune of Start Me Up by the Rolling Stones

okay wait I'm sending which you're sending song. The bad news. No, no, sorry, you're sending bad news. Bad news. Do you? To me. To me's. Sending bad newsies to mezies. Now, I do not disturb on. We'll see if this comes up. I have it on two. I have it on two. You have it on two? Yeah, but you, oh, okay, I did. I did.

By the way, do you, have you noticed that everyone you send a text to now, it says they have notification silenced no matter what time of day or night it is. Fucking turn them on, everyone. No, I think they, because I, this happened with Janie. And she was like, no, I didn't turn. I didn't turn that off. Maybe it's just like having your phone on silent. It's a glierch.

Oh. I think it's a glitch. By the way, I don't like the dot, dot, dots when you're typing something. I don't, I don't want anyone

knowing what I'm up to. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like you're thinking, then you're taking it back. Yeah. You know, or like I have notification sites.

That's none of your fucking business. Yeah. This is my life. That's true. Like you shouldn't have any reason to understand whether I'm ringing back or not or what's going on. I don't also,

I don't care. That's why everyone's going to get a fucking Android then if you want all those things. How's this one go? Be-pap-bo. Mm-hmm. How's this go? Okay, you want me pick it? Yeah, picking it and pick.

I literally cannot think of anything except for the four words that you send me. Yeah. Okay. I was struggling with start me up. I was like, how did this go again? You did it? Perfect. I was sort of like.

Yeah, it was really good. I forgot there were some peaks and valleys to that tune. It was great. Hey, guys. Hey. Thank you for coming over. Thanks for having us. What's going on?

Your text was so manic. It was mysterious. Mysteriously manic. I'm so nervous right now to tell you what I have to tell you. Hey, we're your friends or something. Why don't you tell us whatever? I think you're my family, aren't you? Yeah.

Well, family can be friends. Usually isn't, though. Yeah. Well, my wife is my best friend. Weird. Okay. I know. My best friend is a friend of mine.

Yeah, Steve is my best friend. What's going on? sweetie. What's going on, dear? Well, I tell you, I'm down in the dumps because I'm sick. Okay, okay.

I've got the mumps. I've got the mumps. I'm coughing in your face. Why did you invite us over to tell us that? I want to get you sick and have the mumps with me. No, I have. You have the vaccine. You have the mum's vaccine?

Vaccine. Vaccine. Vaccine. Vaccine. And then she's developed one. Please don't affect me. Scenario over. Okay. Okay. I love that. That was to the tune of.

She drives me crazy by the fine young candles. All right. So now for Lauren, I'm going to text the problem. And Paul, you text the song. I'm going to text the problem. All right. I'm going to test the song. Um, be, beep, beep, boop, beep, boop, beep, boop.

What's a song that all of us will know? Um, okay. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. All right. There we go. We have each texted each other. Okay. Okay.

Mm-hmm. Okay. Hey, ding-dong. What's our play is? Ding-dong. What's going on? I've never seen you like this before. Oh, no.

What's the matter? Roommates, roommates. Yeah, were you roommates, ding-dong? Of course, ding-dong. We would never move out. Oh, my God. I hit my elbow on the sink today. Oh, no.

And I think that it's broken anyway. But my question is, should I get x-rays? I don't know if it's broken or not. But I also don't know if my insurance will cover it. So I tied it up and I long to die today. You long to die? Ding-dong, don't say that. Ding-dong, don't say that.

Goodbye. No, if you're serious, Ding Dong. I was live and now I say goodbye. Oh, my God. Ding Dong is a ghost now. I'm a ghost and I just want to say, don't ever say ding dong today. Oh, no. We can't even say ding dong.

Scenario over. My off tune singing really scared you at a certain point. You were worried for me. That's fair. No, I like when you looked at your, you were doing a little. act that you looked at your broken elbow. It was all. It was all fucked.

Ding Dong's dying wishes, never say my name again. It's almost impossible. All right, well, look, that's going to do it for this episode. That is a fun game. And good looking out, Matt, a producer. Yes. And what needs to be said?

Okay. If you want to send us to three, to your own goddamn self, write to threism. Three to say, Threismah. Captain Threism. Right to Burisma.

Have you seen her? with your laptop that's in the show. Right to FreedomUSA.gmail.com. If you would like to call us, leave us a voicemail, maybe you need some advice on something. Maybe you don't. Then call us at Hague Claims 8. And if you'd like to listen to free,

ad-free versions of this fucking show, for you, I would imagine the ads are a brick. Yeah. I can't live your life. I can't live your life. Then you can go to Stitcher Premium or CBBWorld.com. And that is going to do it for this episode.

I just want to say... What? What? To plug Zumba. The comedy bang, bang, book comes out on Tuesday. And you guys both wrote stuff for it. It's true.

I wrote stuff for it. The book looks great. Book looks great. I want people to buy it the first week. It comes out if you can. Yeah. Make it a bestseller. Yeah, you can get it anywhere.

You buy books. Or you can go to. to CBBWorld.com slash book. And if we're doing plugs. Yeah. You guys have a show. I know. Well,

I also have a show coming up May 14th. I'm going to be watching Succession. Well, here's the thing. We're going to screen the episode, that night's episode right after the show. Are you? Whoa.

Fun. Loddrum has a gigantic screen. It's not like a mystery science theater. I'm not going to be fucking talking over it or anything. We're just, we're going to have the show. That's so fun. And then right afterwards,

we're going to watch the session. Okay. Should I get caught up and come to that? get caught up Should I get cut off at one bar And then go to this I'm not getting erased it and fuck up your show But yeah it was my musical director

Jordan Katz It was his idea He said should we ask Lodrom if they'll do that And they're into it That's so fun I haven't watched any of this season yet Which is getting more and more annoying Because of course everyone's spoiling it

Yeah, better how to yeah Everyone is in a race to spoil Everything about succession all the time I know I didn't really finish I didn't really watch season three closely I need to go back I'm going to say the people that want to spoil succession are worse in some ways than the characters on the show.

I agree wholeheartedly. Or is this season three? No, this is, is that season three? Lauren, any plugles for you? When does this come out? Thursday. Oh, then yeah, I have a show tomorrow.

Check and see if there are tickets available. You can maybe come in person. They sell same day tickets if some open up. And also, we're doing a live stream. So you can watch it online and for anywhere you are. and you don't have to watch it live. You can watch it later. It'll be archives for the interviewing.

Yeah, so go to Dynasty Typewriter.com. This show is called a very good time. It's Friday at 7 p.m. in L.A. And I hope you come. Hit him with that lineup, baby. I will say it's Sean Diston. It's Paul L.O.F. Tompkins. It's Stephanie Allen, Arden Marine, and Eugene Cordero.

It's just an amazing cast. This is my third show. The second one that we did a couple months ago or whenever. I feel like Paul was Paul's first time doing it. I feel we really hit our stride with the show. It was so fun. And it was a ball. It was truly such an electric night that I'm very excited to do this one.

So I can't wait. Check it out. All right. That's it. Yeah. I'm so excited. And I'll be at this Chicago Humanities Festival on. What the fuck is that?

It sounds boring. I'm Saturday. Why wasn't I invited? I'm going to be opening a library. You want to be invited to boring things being? No, what is that? It sounds great. It's some book thing.

It's for the book. That's exciting. But I'm being interviewed by someone. Cool. That's all I know. You're really rubbing our faces in that book. So it's an event people can attend. Yes.

Oh, great. I mean, they would have to buy tickets and they'd get a book. That's how it works. You think it's so much better than us because you wrote a book. And he's going to do to them? You guys wrote the book. Wait, what? He's going to speak at a Humanities Festival.

It's in Chicago. You should come. Yeah, this sounds cool. What do humans like to do? You can read books. Is that your jacket? Goodbye. The end.

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