Threedom - Threevisiting: Bad Checks No Wait Wait Bad Checks

Episode Date: June 2, 2026

Threevisiting on the Tues: Lauren, Paul and Scott talk about mattresses on the floor, the weight of chocolate bars, and play I Have Bad Tunes For You. Send Threetures and emails to threedomusa@gmail....com.Leave us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/shop

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Lemonada. This episode of Don't Listen to us is brought to you by Booking.com. I'm looking out my window and spring is in the air. It's time to go travel. I've got to say, if you're looking to grow your vacation rental business, this is the place to be. Booking.com is one of the most downloaded travel apps in the world, and for good reason. Since 2010, they've helped over 1.8 billion vacation rental guests find places to stay. That's billion with a B. But here's the thing. Most vacation rental hosts don't even realize they can list their properties on booking.com. And if you're not on the platform,
Starting point is 00:00:46 your rental is basically invisible to millions of booking.com travelers worldwide. After all, they can't book what they can't see, right? But once you start listing on booking.com, your property gets seen by a massive global audience of unique travelers. That means more visibility, more bookings, and more opportunity to accelerate the growth of your rental business. And it couldn't be easier. You can register your property in as little as 15 minutes, and nearly half of hosts get their first booking within a week.
Starting point is 00:01:21 So if your vacation rental isn't listed on booking.com, it could be invisible to millions of travelers searching the platform. Don't miss out on consistent bookings and global reach. Head over to booking.com and start your listing today. Get seen. Get booked on booking.com. Hi, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus here, and I can't wait for you to hear our new episode of Wiser Than Me with Cindy Lauper on Amazon Music.
Starting point is 00:01:54 Cindy may be a girl who just wants to have fun, but for 40 years she has brought playfulness and a dash of punk to some serious. activism. We talk about her lifelong LGBTQ plus advocacy, her astonishing music career, and pick up a whole lot of wisdom along the way. Listen now only on Amazon music included with Prime. It's a guy by the side of the road. Yeah. Who needed help? Needed help and we just passed him. That was so... Yeah, oh, we're in a car by the way. It was kind of cruel of us.
Starting point is 00:02:48 Hong Kong. We almost got hit by a Mac truck. And a semi just got on our ass. And I, so you say the word house, gave me a semi. Oh, my guys. All the whole circle. Dirty. And that's a Harold. And that's a Harold. And that is what a Harold is.
Starting point is 00:03:03 If you've been wondering. And that's a Harold. And that's a Bitcoin. Like all my Bitcoin, Harold. Everywhere I go. Handing out bitcoins to everyone I know. Here's a song that's stuck in my head. And it's periodically stuck in my head.
Starting point is 00:03:20 And I don't like it. And I have to. purge it. Oh, God, I have so many of those. And Lauren, you heard me sing this earlier. You did. I did. It's a jingle for, I think, a cracker that no longer exists. It might still exist. I don't know. But it goes like this.
Starting point is 00:03:36 New better cheddar, sour dough baked dried in delicious tasting better cheddars, the San Francisco style snack thin. Wow. It sounds really 70s. Sounds delicious. I want to put it at late 80s. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it
Starting point is 00:03:53 sounds delicious, doesn't it? When did having baked... Actually reminds me of a song that was a real earworm in my house that my nephew made up. Mac and cheese, cheddar, cheddar, cheddar, mac and cheese, better, better. Oh, man, you won't be able to stop seeing it. I swear to God.
Starting point is 00:04:08 Oh, man, y'all won't be able to stop seeing it. Mac and cheese, cheddar, cheddar. You're going to be fruity pebbles, baby, but you're going to be singing this. Mac and cheese, cheddar, cheddar, mac and cheese, better, better. Yeah. It gets really annoying because it'll be like,
Starting point is 00:04:19 mac and cheese, chatter, chatton, chatton, mac and cheese better. What? Your nephew, you're not. No, you'll just start making it into new versions. Yeah. No one has really taken up the offer that I put out there of a new version of the, oh, no, oh no song. I liked your version.
Starting point is 00:04:37 Thank you. Let's hear it. I think somebody should slap some music on it and it should be the new thing is. Here's my question. Do you feel like you have to make it on TikTok just by itself where it can be like stitched over as audio? I think it could be stitched over as audio. One person did it. a fan account for the Too Scary
Starting point is 00:04:55 Didn't Watch podcast where they just laid my audio, Acapella, or Acapulco as I heard somebody say once, over a scene from Jaws, which was funny. So let's hear you do it. And I was like, it needs music. Here it goes. And so, Piss Pigs, here's the audio. Piss Pigs unite.
Starting point is 00:05:12 Piss Pyspigs. This is your call. Everyone out there by one keyboard. I'm calling all Piss Pigs in the sound of my voice. Beepidipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Here it goes. And you can use this. Everyone's tired of the other one. Yes.
Starting point is 00:05:28 What's this for, by the way? This is for, let's say you want to post a video where something is going wrong. And you know that song and goes, Oh, no. Oh, no. I don't, but go ahead.
Starting point is 00:05:40 Well. Okay, so he's not spending much time online. I forgot. I forgot. Scott is online for only six seconds a day. He literally goes, post my picture, like Lauren's picture. Warren's picture.
Starting point is 00:05:54 The two things I do. So here it goes. You can slap some music on to this. Just slap it on. Someone out there who's good at this because, you know, a lot of our piss pigs are extremely talented musicians. That's true. The other half are extremely untalented musicians.
Starting point is 00:06:10 But they're really talented bankers. What if we found out Beyonce who was a piss pig? Oh my God. She likes to laugh on tour. Right? Yeah. You're in a tour bus. What else are you going to do?
Starting point is 00:06:20 You're in a tour bus. You don't want to talk to everyone all the time. You want to hear. Here's some fun conversation. You're in the back of the van with the gear. Yeah. We know that bands listen to podcasts. They should.
Starting point is 00:06:29 And they do. They should and they do. But they should. Because they should. It's their duty. They should. All right. Here we go.
Starting point is 00:06:35 Everybody quiet. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. No no. That's great. It's beautiful.
Starting point is 00:06:48 I was holding back. I was holding back laughter. Now imagine like some strings on that. Yeah. You know what you mean? No, it's. Oh, Obo.
Starting point is 00:06:54 Really funny. An obo. Oh, it's a bassoon. And you put that over like some sort of. Obo. You put that over like a video of a cat that's like about to jump into a pool but doesn't know that it's there because it got scared by a raccoon or something, you know. Yeah, he's just one of these things.
Starting point is 00:07:08 I love that. Sure. Just stuff like that happens. Cat's about to jump in the pool. He doesn't know it's there because he got scared by a raccoon. He's basically going. He's basically going. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:18 Commercialists don't really have songs anymore other than for drugs. Do we still get this song? Yeah, because they do go like, OZAMP. I couldn't believe that. I was sitting there going, really? But then there's the Jardian one, which is the little pill with a big fat something.
Starting point is 00:07:39 I'm going to be one less, one less. One less one less. Yeah. I thought that was for Jardian. It might not be. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Zambic. Also, other commercials have used.
Starting point is 00:07:52 Use that tune. Yeah. The O-O-O-O-O-O-It's Magic? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But what if you could keep any commercial from using the same song that you did? If I'm the singer of, if I'm the writer and owner of the song, O-O-O-O-O-It's magic, every commercial.
Starting point is 00:08:10 Every commercial. You want it? Yeah. Sure, you want it? Have you thought about this? I'll just cold-calling products. Yeah, I'm like, your product starts with the O. Hello, Prel!
Starting point is 00:08:19 Oh, it's Prill! Oh, oh, oh, my God. Is Prell still a going concern? Are they still a champagne? I hope so. I hope there's champagne problems. For some reason, I really was into the idea of Prell when I was a kid. The advertising worked on me.
Starting point is 00:08:37 Yeah. Oh, really? What was the, I don't remember why it would work or what was. It was just like, what it was targeting. I don't remember what the commercial was. I just remember I liked the name. I liked the color. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:47 I liked what it promised. Yeah. And of course, Pert, you would get bouncing and behave in here. Perk plus for me why would anyone buy just pert if there was pert plus yeah i mean come on why would you ever get a big mac and you could get triple big chicken a big mac why would you buy one hamburger would be 55 hamburgers would you have hamburgers would you have hot dogs 55 fries i remember avoiding the shame of uh someone uh seeing that i had shampoo and conditioner in one because i heard what they wanted a what how old
Starting point is 00:09:22 were you. I, well, in my, like, early 20s. Yeah, because then you're like, you recently learned that you're supposed to have two. And you're like, oh, girls are going to think I'm the work. Exactly. Because they're just happier even taking showers. A girl. No, but it's so guy.
Starting point is 00:09:35 It's so guy to just have a. Your bed's not on the floor? Will you marry me? Shampoo and condition and wine. Bed on the floor. Yeah. Toilet with a ring. Pants on the ground.
Starting point is 00:09:44 Tub with a ring. Yeah. It was, but I heard a woman shaming. like making fun of another dude. And I was like, uh-oh. I bet you guys, so many guys have changed things from that moment. Yeah, absolutely. They just hear a woman say to their other friend,
Starting point is 00:10:02 like, this guy had a fucking mattress on the floor, and he's like, gotta get a bed. Gotta get a bed. Never thought of it till now. Gotta get a bed. Yeah. Yeah, Mike had a mattress on the floor. Get one bed.
Starting point is 00:10:12 Mike had a what on the floor? Mattress on the floor. What? When we started dating. Really? Just a mattress, a stonecloth mattress. I think it was on a box spring or, it was, yeah. Yeah, yeah, but it was, but no.
Starting point is 00:10:23 That's somehow worse almost. I mean, yeah. Do you remember how important? And then I made him get a whole bed. I, like, picked it out. And then, yeah. Do you remember how important box springs were? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:34 Like, you had to have a box. I mean, I feel like I still do. But honestly, can I just say he was in his 20s and every guy. That's true. That's true. But I know. If you still in 20s, cradle robber. Oh, how you want?
Starting point is 00:10:48 I had a, I had a, futon for a long time. Oh, no. That's really bad. That's worse than a mattress on the bed on the floor? I sat a bed. Did you also have a gray leather couch? That you couldn't sleep on because it's like you'd slide off all night. My friend.
Starting point is 00:11:05 It was somehow very deep but completely uncomfortable. Right. Like one of my best friends in college who was a bit older than me, like just a few years, but at that time it made a big difference. But he had a futon that folded down. It was like on a metal frame. Yeah. And in a studio.
Starting point is 00:11:21 because it was his couch as well as his bed. But he was never starving for prishy. How many did he have? How many pushy? Lifetime. I could think five right now. Yeah. We should thank everyone who's ever had sex with us.
Starting point is 00:11:39 Back to your previous point. Do you know what? Yes. Let's get that out of the way in the first segment. I think men should think and women should do whatever they want regarding that. I don't think women should thank everyone. I think women should thank us. I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:11:51 I'd appreciate. I mean, how about if... I'm waiting for a thank you. How about if it was good? If it was good, yeah. If it was good. And if it's not good, I'll take a lie. Man, should thank everyone.
Starting point is 00:12:04 So then they have to lie to you. So everyone gets a thank you for everything. Yeah, I'll take a lie. And they can lie, but I need to thank you. I don't think, yeah, I mean... I don't need it for every single time. Sure. I just need it for the aggregate, like the total.
Starting point is 00:12:18 I'm going to stay out of it. You can go try to get those. What if I did a high fidelity Where I'd like track down my old girlfriend Can you just say thank you? I want to say thank you for having to check with me And you'd like to say So gross
Starting point is 00:12:36 So gross The idea of sex Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross Gross, gross So gross What's going on with you guys At home? Since the last time we talked
Starting point is 00:12:48 Yeah, at home At home? I need to know to know what's going on at home. Now, Lauren, you've, uh, oh, well, I have a little bit of a story. Yeah, I want to hear. My brother and sister-in-law and then their two kids visited us recently. Uh-oh. And no, I made, you know, I planned a lot of fun activities for us. Uh-oh. We went to Universal Studios. We did Mario. We did Super Nintendo Land. Oh, no. Here it comes. No, no, no, no. But I got a lot of tips. Have you been to Nintendo Land?
Starting point is 00:13:20 I have not. I heard it was a lot of sound... How have you missed it? It's like Instagram was just inundating me with Nintendoland. I haven't seen shit. I heard it was a lot of sound and fury signifying nothing. Wait, a tale told by an idiot? Yes. Okay. I disagree. It was really fun. That's my review of Nintendo land. Here's a tale told by an idiot.
Starting point is 00:13:40 I heard you had to wait a long, like three hours. So here's the tip. This was like multiple people. Just the tip. Multiple people told me this. Just the tip, Lauren. And I was trying to avoid it. but my nephews had been talking about it for a long time. So they were really excited to go.
Starting point is 00:13:54 And I was like, we have to go to Nintendo. We have to ride on the ride. Thankfully. That's the most important thing at Universal for them. Thankfully, our nephew did not care one way or the other. That's good. Because otherwise. I mean, it was my idea initially because it seemed easier than Disney,
Starting point is 00:14:07 which ultimately it was, because I usually take them to Disneyland. But is it talking really fast? So anyways, we, everyone said, get the early pass. So, okay, right off the back. Because you're there for an hour before. Right off the bat. The tickets are based are not one solid price. It's every day they're they vary slightly.
Starting point is 00:14:25 So it's like you pick a popular day. It's more expensive. Oh, come on. And then. And then. And then you should be universal basic ticket price. It should be. And then is this.
Starting point is 00:14:36 Bruce Springsteen suddenly? $30 per person to get into early access. So already I'm going, these tickets are about to eat rival Disneyland prices. Yeah. And there's not. And there's not much to do. Yeah. And then we get there.
Starting point is 00:14:51 We got everybody up at the crack of dawn. The butt crack of dawn. We were out of the house by 6.30. We were like, we were everybody. Whoa, how did Holly feel about it? She was fine because her cousins, her cousins were there. Oh, that's exciting. She's exciting.
Starting point is 00:15:04 Time, what is that? And we got there. Can she tell time? If your toddler was like, it's 6.30. Yeah. What's going on? I still have a half hour. Meanwhile, mine is like 630 a.m.
Starting point is 00:15:15 I'm like pounding on the crib. Like, get me, get me. It's my day to sleep in. So we got there really early. It was still dark. Ding dong. Hello. We're here for Nintendo land.
Starting point is 00:15:25 But there was barely anyone there. And we got on the ride. The ride still was like a 40 minute wait. Still 40 minutes? We did that. And then the second we got off the ride, it was 160 minute wait. So we really got to do it. We also ate at the Toadstool Cafe.
Starting point is 00:15:40 They pack so many people in there and there's nothing to do. So they all have to wait for three hours for everything. Now the Toadstool Cafe, some of the food might be poisonous. Is that correct? Right. Yeah. And some might give you hallucinations. Yeah. And you have to really study before you go.
Starting point is 00:15:53 One soup makes you know. Did you, was it fun though? It was a fun ride? It was really fun. It's very VR-based. You have to kind of play a game with your eyes. And so I was like bopping my head all over the place. I got an idiot.
Starting point is 00:16:10 I'm sure I, but I did reach the number of points that was told I had to reach some. And then what did you get in return for getting those points? fucking nothing. Oh, by the way, you also have to buy the kids $40 wristbands that play all the games and the section. They don't have the wristband and can't play the games. So then it ends of, you're spending so much money. And they're 40. I was like, why is it 40? This is crazy. And it's useless when you leave the place. It looks like a Mario thing. It's like, that's cool, but it's not like a watch. Tell you what. I'll go to a public park for free. Well, look, they can. And I'll feed the pigeons. I don't know if, I always say like, we will do less
Starting point is 00:16:46 next. I'm like, I'll do more. I went to a place where I could have a million adventures. It's called the public library. That's right. Yeah. And Mario's in there, too. Yeah, there's a lot of books about Mario. And we also had a beach day, and that was really fun.
Starting point is 00:16:59 I never, I never see the ocean. Do you? We, I want to try to do that. Only when we go to South Carolina. Yeah. Yeah. I pass on, yeah, if I'm on vacation, I see the ocean. But I passed on the beach day this time when my nephew was there.
Starting point is 00:17:13 But he ended up waking up and not going because he drank milkshaping. every day he was here and didn't feel good that morning. Oh my God. How many, like more than one milkshake a day? Occasionally two a day. Do you have a milkshake maker? Like you did it in the blender? No, he would just get ice cream out of the freezer and put it in a glass and pour
Starting point is 00:17:34 milk on it. Well, that's not a milkshake. That's going to give you a stomachache. That's hilarious. What's the difference? You're blending it on not blending. Kids are so funny like that. He's like, that's delicious.
Starting point is 00:17:46 He's done. It does sound delicious. I needed to be blended up a little bit. Ice cream and milk. Yeah, there's nothing else in there. Problem solved. God damn kids. That's so funny.
Starting point is 00:17:57 I know. But we had a great time. It was always so fun. It's so fun to see the kids all together. Did you go to the Waterworld stunt spectacular? We did not. But they did get to ride Jurassic, which was only like a five-minute wait because everyone was at Mario Land. The new Jurassic I have not been on.
Starting point is 00:18:11 I haven't yet. The old one I loved. Yeah. Are you in the new one? My picture is in the movie, but I know. movie but I'm not in the ride but I did feel a little dorky standing right outside of it waiting for them to come out waiting to be recognized it was just felt a little bit like I should move from the sign but but then you were trying to see them come out of the ride because they
Starting point is 00:18:29 they go down a water part of the end so my right right right a picture of them yeah which was funny yes and did and no one noticed you one person did but it was for another movie oh and then they asked me if I knew Adam Sandler and so they named their son after him oh I have to go So that happened. And we named our daughter the wrong Missy. Well, that's a lot of fun. So you had a good visit. It was so nice.
Starting point is 00:18:57 I appreciate the effort. You know, it takes a lot to fly with the kids. It sure does. It sure does. Yeah, we had a good time with the nephew. He went to Raging Waters without us. I feel like I'm too old for Raging Waters. Who did he go with?
Starting point is 00:19:13 He went with Kulap's sister. Oh, okay. I was going to say it sounded like he. like I don't know, bus. Yeah. To San Dimas. A little hobo bindle. But I, but I, I am too old to go on it, probably.
Starting point is 00:19:25 Raging waters? Yeah. I don't, I don't think you're going to have, what is it. I doubt I will. It's just a bunch of water slides, right? Oh, it's a water park. It's a water park. I've been there so many times and I love it.
Starting point is 00:19:36 Oh, really? And I just feel like, I was kind of like, I just don't think I can do it. I could, I feel like I could do it if I somehow had the park all to myself. Yeah, that's how I felt too. When I think about me, rent it out just the two of us. You don't want to stand in line with a bunch of kids? Just the two of us. If I was rich, that's what I would do.
Starting point is 00:19:56 Yeah. Fuzzard, first thing I would do. Rents out raging water. Instead of water in the pool, it would be chocolate bill. That is honestly, it's not that much different than how billionaires are. I was thinking about that today, like all the shit that they don't do that would be beneficial. It's so annoying. It's like, I'm going to build rockets.
Starting point is 00:20:11 It would be so awesome if I had a billion dollars to. If I had a billion dollars, I would rent. Raging Waters. Well, sure. That would be one day. That's like $1,000 and you're done. My one luxury thing. It has to be more than $1,000.
Starting point is 00:20:24 I'm sure it is. It's got to be at least. I wonder how much. For one day. It's got to be $1,100. It's, no, it's got to be, I'd say $20,000. All right. All right.
Starting point is 00:20:33 I haven't been on a water slide since I was a kid. Google me. Google me. But I, one thing I remember about them, and I assume a place like Raging Waters is better than my local, you know, little pool, open pool with water, water slides. kind of thing that I would go to as a kid. It wasn't a water park. It was a place with slides.
Starting point is 00:20:52 Right. But those ridges in the slide. Like, kind of slice you up a little bit on your back. You know, like, the part that connects all the tubes? That's the feeling I have in my body when I think of that. And hopefully there's enough water. But if suddenly it's dry, then you go, kak, kak. You're like a skateboard going over a sidewalk.
Starting point is 00:21:13 Exactly, Paul. And if you step on a back crack, you bake your body. Mother, my back. I don't want to that. Step out of crack. Break your mother's. Nick, back pussy. That can happen.
Starting point is 00:21:24 It can happen. Well, you, if you do a real nasty fall, you can break them all at once. Step on my mother's back? I'll say what you. Step on your mother's back. Break my pussy. All right, we have to take a break. This episode of Don't Listen to us is brought to you by Booking.com.
Starting point is 00:21:45 I'm looking out my window and spring is in the air. It's time to go travel. I've got to say, if you're looking to grow your vacation rental business, this is the place to be. Booking.com is one of the most downloaded travel apps in the world, and for good reason. Since 2010, they've helped over 1.8 billion vacation rental guests find places to stay. That's billion with a B. But here's the thing. Most vacation rental hosts don't even realize they can list their properties on booking.com.
Starting point is 00:22:19 And if you're not on the platform, your rental is basically invisible to millions of booking.com travelers worldwide. After all, they can't book what they can't see, right? But once you start listing on booking.com, your property gets seen by a massive global audience of unique travelers. That means more visibility, more bookings, and more opportunity to accelerate the growth of your rental business. And it couldn't be easier. can register your property in as little as 15 minutes and nearly half of hosts get their first booking within a week. So if your vacation rental isn't listed on booking.com, it could be invisible to millions of travelers searching the platform. Don't miss out on consistent bookings and global reach.
Starting point is 00:23:09 Head over to booking.com and start your listing today. Get seen. Get booked on booking.com. Here's a little trivia about summer. Summer always changes the way I want to dress. Now, that sounds like it's trivia about me, but it's not. The second it gets warm out, I want to stop wearing anything complicated or uncomfortable. I just want pieces that are light, easy, and somehow make it look like I have my life together. And that's why I've been loving Quince lately. They have really beautiful elevated basics.
Starting point is 00:23:38 Linen, organic cotton, washable silk, all those fabrics that immediately feel nicer the second you put them on. Now, Quince has been a friend to me. They've been a sponsor. I've gone there. I've gotten things that are great. Right now, they've got some linen stuff that I'm excited to be taking with me on tour this summer because I want to be comfortable,
Starting point is 00:23:59 but I also want to look sharp. So I got a... It's a sort of linen suit, more casual, though, less structured. It's a navy blue. It's so comfortable and breathable. and it looks great. I'm so excited to be wearing it around.
Starting point is 00:24:20 They've got 100% European linen pants, dresses and tops, starting at just $32. Their denim is also incredibly soft, like me. And their organic cotton sweaters are perfect for those weird summer nights where it suddenly drops 20 degrees for no reason. Also like me. And the thing that's wild
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Starting point is 00:25:09 That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash freedom for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash freedom. Hey, I don't know about you because I'm not a creep. I mind me on business. Not peeping through your windows. I'm not installing cameras on the grounds of your home. Oh, but the reason I say it is,
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Starting point is 00:26:48 That's mintmobile.com slash freedom. Up front payment of $45 for three-month five-gigabyte plan required, equivalent to $15 a month. New customer offer for first three months only, then full-price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See MintMobile for details. And we're back, and I don't see any. I looked up renting raging waters. all I see are locker rentals.
Starting point is 00:27:14 Well, how much does that cost? Well, because it's kind of... If I want to run a locker at Raging Waters. Yeah, that's $5. That's, that's cheap. You and me could do that. Absolutely. I'm looking for a storage space right now.
Starting point is 00:27:25 I feel like... Yeah, it must be kind of hard with going to a water park with the phone these days where you're like, I want to visit it, but that guy goes on the ride. But then I got to get my phone to somebody while I go on... Well, my phone's are waterproof. What? Basically all iPhones are waterproof. No? Is that true?
Starting point is 00:27:43 Sort of. Put it in the toilet. They did the headphone jack the way they did it. Yeah, put it in the toilet. That's why they did the headphone jack the way they did it. Square rectangle. Square. Because water can't get in a square rectangle.
Starting point is 00:27:56 Water like goes in rounds. Water goes in round. Because like no tub has like, well only like some weird tub, but most tops don't have like a rectangular hole. It's round. The hole is round. Wait, do sometimes have a rectangular drain? I just imagine some fancy modern bullshit that has a, you know,
Starting point is 00:28:11 rectangular drain. You probably have it. Yeah, all I have are rectangular dreams. Hey, the street has them. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, it stays down there. That's where he lives.
Starting point is 00:28:22 Yeah, Pennywise, that's where he lives. It the clown. Have you guys seen him lately? No, what's he been up to? I think he's on Ozambic. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He looks good.
Starting point is 00:28:31 He has a Zipik face. I've seen Pound foolish. What's that? That's Pennywise's his brother. Oh, shut up. Oh, shut up, you guys. You guys. got me and that wasn't right.
Starting point is 00:28:44 We fucking got you. It was not right. But it's okay. Wait, do you want to know what's happening with me at home? Yeah. Yeah, what's happening with you at home? Nothing really. Hey, what did you guys do during the hurricane?
Starting point is 00:28:54 Did it hit you? Oh, that's a great question. We spent the entire day watching Vanderpump rules. As hurricanes intended. It was kind of exciting in the way. Okay, if you don't know, California was hit by its first tropical storm. It was scary. And it's scary what happened in certain areas.
Starting point is 00:29:15 But once we sort of realized it wasn't going to be that crazy in our area, you could just enjoy a rainy day a little bit because we never get rain like that. So you're kind of, and I'm being like LA cliche. I'm not saying we needed it or something. It was very weird and it was scary. And there was an earthquake in the middle of it. But you were able to huddle up with your family or a loved one and watch a movie.
Starting point is 00:29:35 So we live in three separate areas. The three of us. We don't live together. We don't live together in case you're wondering. Not anymore. Everybody think, no, yes. Did we used to live together? In one mattress on the floor.
Starting point is 00:29:45 That's why we started the show. Yes. We had a double king-sized mattress. Oh, the floor. Yeah. So we live in three totally separate areas. I feel like we had three different experiences. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:57 So Paul, because there's two things. The rain level and the earthquake. And we hit in the floor. So Paul, how was your rain level? Rain level was in the morning when it was supposed to be, you know, I thought I'm going to wake up to torrential downpour. And it was a soundless drizzle. Right.
Starting point is 00:30:14 And Janie was on high alert all day. Bouncing around. She was like, what if we have to get on the roof? Oh. A lot would have to happen. I don't think it's going to happen. Yeah. But I think we'll have plenty of warning.
Starting point is 00:30:28 Yeah. If that should. Yeah. Once you get one inch, you can start to think about that plan. Yeah. But we are close to the river. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:37 But it was, I did not, I didn't think anything was going to happen, but it is like, because there's so much talk about it. And of course, the news loves to do it. We weren't watching the news all day, but we were getting alerts and shit like that. And so we were kind of like, Janie more so than I was, but sort of like, is this going to be bad? We're like waiting for the indication that it's going to be bad. And then it was just a rainy day, which I did, once I kind of settled into, nothing's going to happen. Yeah, but we had some tree damage.
Starting point is 00:31:07 That was pretty crazy. You did. Well, we're going to get to you. Okay. So, Paul, water level, not anything different than a normal rainy day. Not really, no. I have not yet looked in the garage where we do have a leak. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:31:21 That's going to be a drag. You've got to look in that garage. It's hard to look. But you're too scared? It's going to make, it's going to bum me out. It's like, I know it's in there. I know there's a bunch of water against that wall. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:31 Okay. Do I really have to go look at it right now? There's nothing I can do. Yeah. Now, Lauren, your water level. It was raining hard at points. I heard that you have some tree damage. We have tree damage.
Starting point is 00:31:43 So. Tradamage. There was a point when I was just kind of putzing around the house. And I saw something at a quarter of my eye in the window. And I thought, oh, it's me almost flew at the window. But then I looked out and there was nothing out there. Do you mean puttering? Yeah, what's putzing?
Starting point is 00:31:54 Nothing. That's not a thing. Okay. And then a little bit later, I realized that it was actually a huge tree branch said I'd have fallen and it was on the ground, but I didn't notice it when I looked out the window. A lot like pants. Yeah. On the ground.
Starting point is 00:32:10 Right. It's on the ground. And then throughout the day, big, huge branches were falling. And they all fell right into the path so it wasn't dangerous. Right. Like, it wasn't hitting the house. Like, it wasn't like, above the house or anything like that felt. No, I don't, not that I'm aware of.
Starting point is 00:32:23 And, but everyone was like, why is this happening to you? Because it's not that windy. Yeah. And then. And then, my landscape person came to clean it up today, thankfully. And because it's huge. They were like six feet long. Yeah, you sent pictures and they were like, I'd say six feet long.
Starting point is 00:32:39 Yeah. They were huge branches and really heavy. And he said that I have to trim the trees and he's going to do it. More often. I'm not going to do it. Because they're really heavy old-brained. But this is a really interesting tree that has a lot of flower. Like it's like flowery leaves and it's always filled with bees.
Starting point is 00:32:56 Like at this time of year, there's hundreds of bees. In the morning it's like, you just hear like the whole yard is humming with bees. Bees should stick to flowers. I was a little bit okay with losing a lot of the low-hanging parts that are filled with bees. That's right, girl. Even though it's a shady spot. And now I can see that there's other branches bending and snapping. So he's going to come get it because he's like it's dangerous.
Starting point is 00:33:20 If it bends, it's dangerous. Yeah. If it breaks, it's on the ground. Yeah. But, you know, the good thing is the bees probably weren't in there because of the rain and they all got away. Oh, thank God. I know. Do bees know when it's going to rain?
Starting point is 00:33:34 See you later. They probably hide a little bit. Yeah. They hide. And so how was yours storm? If you're that small, the rain could really fuck you up. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:41 Probably. Like one drop. You can drown. Boing. You could drown. You can drown. You can drown. You can drown.
Starting point is 00:33:47 You can draw. You could. We were being attacked by dragonflies the other day. We were being attacked by dragonflies the other day. And I was like, attacked. What? We were in the pool and they just were like constantly.
Starting point is 00:33:59 I think they were trying to figure out how to get above the fence. Because you know how they fly pretty low to the ground and they just were they somehow got in and then were like how the fuck do we get out and they just were around us we were like it's like a what's that word for catch 22 what are those things that fly and film people go drones drones drones which is another term for bees so true bestie there are bees who are drones yeah it's awesome and there are bees who are queens there are beans are queens and they slay. Bees are queens. Yes, bees. You slay bees.
Starting point is 00:34:36 Is there such a thing as a queen bean? Like a Mr. Bean's wife? Like a black bean? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're both right. Or what's that kind of bean? Hey, queen bean. Garbonzo? I'm thinking of like if there's it in every can of beans, there's one queen bean. It's the one who knows it's the most important one. They should do that because it's like. Any other beans protect it.
Starting point is 00:34:55 Cracker Jacks are so fun and they got to be so popular because of the prize. They're so fun. You would buy more beans if you. you like were able to get the queen be. You know what I think is fair to say? Cracker Jacks? Not enough peanuts. Mix it up a little bit.
Starting point is 00:35:09 That's why they say at the ballgame, buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks. Because I know the Cracker Jacks will not have enough peanuts. Not going to have enough peanut. Not that long ago. Not that long ago. Really? I feel like I had it really recently.
Starting point is 00:35:22 But I'm like, you know, all these toys are just, they're just tattoos and stickers now. Yeah. Give me a toy. They need a refresh. Give me a bugle. Yeah. Put us in charge of the Cracker Jacks.
Starting point is 00:35:30 I want roller skates. Put us in charge of them. You'll have roller skates inside the bottom of the box and your sails will go through the roof. And so did you drown during the hurricane? So our rain level was practically nothing.
Starting point is 00:35:46 And then I think I was texting you like we're not getting anything. And then at a certain point it came down kind of hard and for about maybe an hour. And that was it. And it honestly rained harder earlier in the year.
Starting point is 00:35:59 Oh my God, yeah. Like the brain you had a road always. I had so many leaks. So that was disappointing. But then the earthquake happened and Paul, what was your earthquake experience? My earthquake experience was, Janie is in a chair. I am on a couch. She's not on that roof yet.
Starting point is 00:36:17 She's not on the roof, but she's poised. She's standing on the chair. She's standing on the roof going, is that all you got? Who is it who said that, tall John? So we feel. of the house shaking and then we of course we even though we know one of us will look at the other say this is an earthquake yeah because it could be it could be a weather related thing where it's like your house is blowing down oh marsh gas why are you trying you calling me that why you're
Starting point is 00:36:47 a weather balloon um and so it's like one of those ones where it was it was kind of rolling for a while And you're thinking, what do we do now? I certainly don't want to move. I don't think I've ever moved properly during one. No. I've never like, I've never done the right thing. They used to say go into the doorway and now I think they say, don't go in the doorway.
Starting point is 00:37:11 Don't go in the doorway. But I think it's supposed to get under a table? Am I wrong? Yes, yes, yes. Or is that tornadoes? I, oh, wait, what did the alert say? Because the alert was kind of funny to me. It was like, shake, drop, and roll.
Starting point is 00:37:22 Like grab your ass, kiss a goodbye. I feel like my response with earthquake always is I just am sitting there going How long is this going to go on? Lift your head up a little bit and go like Is the same thing I need to pay attention to do? And then right at the point where I start to get worried Like it's still going it stops right
Starting point is 00:37:44 And then I but then I always reflect on I don't know what to do Here's what the emergency alert said Earthquake detected drop cover hold on Protect yourself USGS shake alert Drop cover hold on I'm like None of those are really helping me
Starting point is 00:38:00 Drop sure but Cover cover with what What my arms? Yeah I guess I'm supposed to fold my arms Like I'm gonna get up and fold my arms right now And shake my head and go
Starting point is 00:38:12 Uh uh uh earthquake It's technically better to have a broken arm It's technically better to have a broken arm Than a broken head Okay so we did It's technically better to have a broken arm than a broken head Yeah, that's why you put your arms over your head.
Starting point is 00:38:25 I don't think that's technical. Yeah. I think that's a fact. Absolutely it's better. Do you want to hear where I was during the earthquake dear? Technically, it's better to be alive the dead. I guess I do. I was napping and I didn't know.
Starting point is 00:38:37 You didn't know about it. But my phone was doing a lot of vibrating and it was like going meh because I didn't put it on sleep mode and it was like going crazy. And then there was a lot of vibrate and then a lot of vibrates. And then a lot of one long one where I was like, it was one of those alerts about the flood again. Oh yeah, yeah. And then like when I woke up and saw 50 text. from her going
Starting point is 00:38:54 Did you feel that? And I was like, no, I didn't. And I don't think we would have, I don't think Mike didn't feel it. Mike didn't feel that. Did I feel that? Did you feel that? Would you like to feel this?
Starting point is 00:39:04 Urkel. Urkel. Urkel. Erkel. We didn't feel it at all. Paul saying earthquake was the only on a text chain was the only indication
Starting point is 00:39:14 that we had of an earthquake. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm glad to bring you that news. Yeah. That's great. I love to get news like that. So we had a very quiet day.
Starting point is 00:39:20 The concert. The people were calling it to Hurrahquake and things like that. They were having fun. That's how the funny how everyone did that. The concert we were going to that night got postponed. Very thankfully because at the Hollywood Bowl, they were like, rain or shine. That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:39:36 But you can't bring an umbrella is the other thing they say. Rain or shine, but you can't bring an umbrella. You have to sit there in a bunch in a fucking poncho. Who would you see that is worth that? I honestly can't think of anybody that I would want it, that would be worth it to sit there in a fucking raincoat or whatever. At this stage in life? I'm not doing that. I would say if I was 21.
Starting point is 00:39:55 I will say. And it started raining during it. When I did Bonaroo, maybe. They let us, they put us in these VIP sections to see a bunch of people and we saw a Tom Petty
Starting point is 00:40:06 and it started raining in the middle of Tom Petty and it was, but it wasn't like hard so it was fun. Yeah. But, uh,
Starting point is 00:40:12 and it led, you know, stopped about 20 minutes in. Do you think that's what killed him? That time he was doing the concert in the rain, the time he got rain on him. Slip and fell and he died his wound. Well, that was five years before he actually, it was a body double after that.
Starting point is 00:40:27 No. Yeah. Why didn't they keep using him? How are you the one who knows that? Yeah. Yeah, why did the body double have to die? Because it's just like beggar belief. They killed the body double.
Starting point is 00:40:40 It was just too long. It was just too long. It was like. Beggard belief. What? Beggard belief, yes. It beggared belief. It beggared belief.
Starting point is 00:40:49 So people were not starting, not continuing to believe it. I'm just trying to understand this phrase. It's like you're playing with the devil. Playing with the devil. My God. Playing with the devil. I just sang, but I didn't know what it was. Devil.
Starting point is 00:41:06 Devil. Devil. A beautiful hymn to our mighty lord, the devil. Devil. Oh, we're going to summon him. Devil. Can you imagine if the devil was real? I would have to laugh.
Starting point is 00:41:20 He'd be like, I'm just red. I'm naked too. I'm red, I have a tail I've never been drawn with clothes Do you like my little moustache and beard? I'm gonna get you, you're gonna have a bad time with me I'm tempting you to do things Why don't you steal that candy bar?
Starting point is 00:41:37 Wouldn't you eat that candy bar? Oh yeah I, we saw friends when we were in South Carolina Shout out to my friend Elise Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-a So you So you told you would have friends.
Starting point is 00:41:54 So you. So here's, so here's what's happening. So you, so you, so you. So look here. Okay, shut up. Snow. Can we do another take please?
Starting point is 00:42:10 No. No one told you left was gonna be this way. Cod, clap, cop, clap. Um, so more songs should have clap, clap, clap, clap in them. I agree. There's a bunch. What?
Starting point is 00:42:21 Like what? Come on, you know. Does under pressure by Billy Joel have claps? No, I don't mean just having claps. I mean that specific clap. Under pressure by Billy Joel. Well, that's what you should have said. Because now I'm tripping out on a whole fantasy.
Starting point is 00:42:36 So like we didn't start the fire. We'd be like, Blah, blah, ble, ble, ble, ble, ble, ble, ble, ble. Yeah, I'm trying to give another one, but I can't, but I know there are more. It's, it is astonishing how many people have done updated versions of, we didn't start the fire or personalized version.
Starting point is 00:42:54 if we didn't start the finalizer. I know what the personalizer. I know the fallout boy just did the new yes. The new version. Really? I didn't know this. There are,
Starting point is 00:43:01 if you go to YouTube, there are many, many versions of we didn't start the fire where people have either updated it or they have made it about like they're graduating class or they're, they get married and, you know, they make about their relationship.
Starting point is 00:43:16 We went on a date. You like the idea. But we did not hate. You said thank you for the sex. We went on. I'm doing it at half speed. Did you hear my line? You should thank you for the sex.
Starting point is 00:43:32 We went to the synoplex. So thank you for the sex and then go to the center like this guy is. You had deep and dots and I had raisin nuts. Bad checks. Thank for sex going to the cinderplex. Bad checks. Yeah. So he writes a few bad checks.
Starting point is 00:43:52 You get pity sex out of that. I go bad for you. Bad checks, pity sex. We would do this in a book. Bad sex. Then you think before the sex. Bad sex. Pity sex.
Starting point is 00:44:06 Two different types of sex. It's a bad check. Bad checks, pity sex. Bad checks. Go into the center place. And you think before the sex. I'd kill it. And I say, what the heck?
Starting point is 00:44:19 Try to think of like a historical reference. And then Ludo Lander, what the heck's! Wait, what the fuck? I just had some specs. Oh, so. So we had lunch with friends at their home and our friend Elise made us this,
Starting point is 00:44:40 she made like a gumbo and she made this amazing corn bread that was like the best cornbread I've ever had. And then for dessert, she made this peanut butter mousse cake that was delicious. Wow, that sounds so good. Oh, my wife. That's my kind of dessert. She had some leftover Hershey's bars.
Starting point is 00:45:00 Leftover. Yeah, because the recipe called for it and you shave, like, you grate chocolate on top of the thing. Right. And so she opens up a Hershey bar, classic Hershey bar. Like with the little squares, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:45:14 Her rectangles. Heard of it. The little rectangles, you're right. Like my drain. I apologize. Like your drain. And so there was some left over. and she gave she would give the she gave the lessover to her husband who ate the rest of the
Starting point is 00:45:30 her she said you know like I one time I saw Tim just like eating just like a whole Hershey bar like a whole thing and she's acting like this is very strange yeah it's like why they sell them she said who eats a whole candy bar and I was like I do oh yeah most people you're looking at who has two thumbs and you're That candy bar especially is like barely there. It's a very thin chocolate. It's, you know, it's not like a dark, thick, dark chocolate or something where you'd have a bite and be kind of. It's not a dark thick dark.
Starting point is 00:46:06 Although I have to say like... It's like one percent of cowl. Yeah. It's like, I'm probably buying a real chocolate. Growing up, you would, you know, like, how much did they cost? Maybe 25, 30 cents, something like that. I thought you were going to say dollars and I was like, oh, what? Sometimes you're paying $150 for her cheaper.
Starting point is 00:46:21 No, but, but you would save up. allowance and stuff, I still think about like how crazy it is to that you would eat a whole one. They're so giant and you're so little. For a kid to eat a hot. You know what I mean? How little are you that it's so giant?
Starting point is 00:46:39 You would have to be very small. Hershey bars aren't huge. Hershey bars are kind of. Hershey bars aren't huge. Speak well over. What do you think? They're perfectly slim and petite. Slander.
Starting point is 00:46:52 What has more mass? a Three Musketeers bar or a Hershey bar? Oh, well, three musketeers is a fluffy marshmallow. I guess I would say with, I would say Hershey has more mess. It feels like in my mind, the Hershey Bar is heavier than the Three Mustard Bar's Bar. That's how I feel, but I wonder what the weight is. I had a real phase with Three Musketeers in fifth grade where that was like, I wanted that all the time plus Dr. Pepper. Now that is not Nugget, but it is whipped something.
Starting point is 00:47:18 It's a whipped, maybe it's a whipped Nuget. It's like almost a marshmallowy sense. What are your classic nougat candy bars? Nuget? Snickers has a newgit, right? Snickers does have... It's a layer of nougat. Three musketeers has nougat.
Starting point is 00:47:33 Okay, so... But we're already saying that. I have... Well, I was looking up your answer. So don't chime in. That hurt my feeling. Oh, no, we went too far, finally. Bad sex, bank checks.
Starting point is 00:47:46 Everybody do the... Everybody do the flex. Soloplex. Um, okay, the weight of a Hershey's candy bar. Bad checks, wait, bad checks, blink. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Bad checks? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Starting point is 00:48:03 Bad checks, wait, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, so you, so you, so you got told that nobody. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, remember ballistic X versus Sever versus Sever. Okay, so the weight of a Hershey's This is with 24 grams This is with almond pieces Standard bar
Starting point is 00:48:38 Hershey with almonds It changes the weight Changes the look of it too And the taste No, I think they're both The exact same Okay That's weird
Starting point is 00:48:49 That's not possible The weight is 1.55 ounces 1.55 ounces 1.55 ounces Now a three musketeers of her she bar. Three musketeers 1.35.92.
Starting point is 00:49:07 No! Oh, dude, it's so much better, dude. That's crazy. Can you believe it? So technically you're eating more with the three musketeers, but it doesn't feel like it to me. No, it doesn't.
Starting point is 00:49:18 It doesn't because it's fluffier. Yeah, 100%. What were you a year ago two candy bars when you were a kid? Three musketeers was a bad. I had a phase, but I loved them all. Eminem Snickers, Twix,
Starting point is 00:49:32 oh, peanut butter twicks, so good. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And then with the invention of the Take Five, everything really took off for me. Sure. Sure, sure, sure, sure. How about you?
Starting point is 00:49:47 I recently. Oh, Reese's Spinnerbergups. Sorry. I recently had Take Five ice cream by Jennings. Oh, by Jennings. Oh, fuck. By Jennies. That's got to be next level.
Starting point is 00:49:57 Jenny's is crushing it, guys. Take five. I've ice cream. Jenny's is slaying like a badass. Okay, I want that. Slay drone. I, you know what I have slay queen being? I don't get why Jenny's isn't sending me like boxes of ice cream like they do with a lot of people I know.
Starting point is 00:50:08 What's going on with Jennies these days? They're not sending us boxes of ice cream for free. Don't you get boxes of ice cream? I got one. Yeah, I got one box from them. But I want boxes and boxes. I've never gotten any.
Starting point is 00:50:19 And I feel jealous. I will say that I have gotten two boxes. There you go. Jennies. I want my second box and then I want a lot of boxes after that. But what about Lauren's first box? Jenny's. Jenny's.
Starting point is 00:50:29 Jenny, I want Lauren's first box. This isn't working out how I thought it. Wait, wait, wait, wait. We got to take a break, but do it one more time. I want, I want a genuine. No, that your song. Oh, okay. Bad checks.
Starting point is 00:50:42 Hold on. Bad checks, lazy sex. Hit me in the solarplex. Take me to the Cineplex. Think me for this stuff. All right. We'll be right back. I'm Dr. Susan Sweck, a child psychiatrist,
Starting point is 00:51:02 and the child psychiatrist. host of Talkaboutable this season. I'm talking with parents and experts about how we tackle the everyday challenges of raising kids. We'll get real about those pebble and the shoe issues we all face as parents and how to build resilience and community through our own experiences. Talk Aboutable Season 2 from Lemonada Media in partnership with Montage Health and their Ohana Center for Child and Family Mental Health is out now. And we're back. And Paul, U.S. had a you have a three-ter uh i do have it is it threacher time already it is holy shit can you imagine
Starting point is 00:51:39 i can't i honestly can't this is once speaking of singing we haven't done this in a while i think we only did it once and i can't believe that we only did it once that's crazy this is a three-cher that is called i have bad tunes for you okay i have bad tunes for you. This is where one person comes up with some bad news
Starting point is 00:52:10 that has to be delivered. Okay. Another person comes up with a song that everybody knows and the and the remaining person has to deliver
Starting point is 00:52:21 the bad news to the tune of that song. Okay, I vaguely remember this. I vaguely remember this. And I'm going to say right now we didn't start the fires. Off the table. Damn it.
Starting point is 00:52:31 It. That's the only song we can think of right now. Who would like to be the first deliverer of the musical bad news? Oh, shit. I would. Lauren. Yes. Scott, would you prefer to come up with the song or with the bad news?
Starting point is 00:52:48 I'll come up with the bad news. All right. Are you going to text me or tell me right now? You know what? You're going to text you because I think that's fun. Yeah, I think that's fun for the listener, right? You text the bad news? I'll text the bad news.
Starting point is 00:53:00 I'll text the song. Okay. And your name, by the way, so I can find it in my text. I think you have me saved as bitch I hate. Okay, I am texting the bad news. Okay. To Lauren. And she has received the bad news.
Starting point is 00:53:23 And now Paul is texting the song. Got it. Okay. Who am I telling it to? Both of us, I guess. Yes. But we're one person. Hey,
Starting point is 00:53:35 Hey, guy. Hello. I'm really glad I caught you before you're about to have to work. I'm thinking maybe you should. Thank you. I'm thinking maybe you should stay home. I don't know if you should be conducting a train with the news. What?
Starting point is 00:53:50 I can't afford to stay home. Well, I just don't want you to be in charge of conducting a train with the news I'm about to tell you. But, but, but, but, but, but, that's my life's work. Chew, chew, chew, chew. Well, let me just try to tell you what happened. Maybe it'd be softer in a song. I have news for you. I'm going to share.
Starting point is 00:54:17 I'm going to share. I'm going to share. I have some news for you. I'm going to share. I'll tell you now. Your uncle was riding on a roller coaster. He went down and, uh, he jumped out to try to,
Starting point is 00:54:37 stop it with his arm because he wanted to be like Superman and the roller coaster ran over him. It broke his clavicle in three spots. In three spots. In three spots. It broke his clavicle in three spots and the rest of his body. How do you feel? Too sad to go on chew-choo. I'm glad we had a new weekle.
Starting point is 00:55:12 Yeah. All right, great. I like it. Okay, I'll go next. Okay. All right. So, Paul, you're going to text me the thing that's wrong. And I'll send you the song.
Starting point is 00:55:21 This is exciting. This is too exciting almost. I almost don't want to do this because it's too exciting. Yeah, let's quit. You guys are the most silent texters. Oh, my gosh. The song has been sent. The song is sent.
Starting point is 00:55:43 I have received the song. And now I got to receive that bad news that I'm going to deliver to the tune that Lauren sent me. Exactly. If you can. If I dare do it, which I think I just might. Delivered. Okay. Hi, guys.
Starting point is 00:56:07 Hi. Hi. Oh, you're one. Okay, yeah. That's right. I'm me Well You don't know who I am
Starting point is 00:56:19 Who are you? I'm The local anchorman From the news That's right That is what a local anchorman is from And When I'm not on camera
Starting point is 00:56:35 I go around delivering news Wow To people Do they pay? you for this. Occasion, if you like the job that I did, you can tip me afterwards. We'll see.
Starting point is 00:56:53 So I have some news for you. Do you... Oh. I'd like to deliver it to... For me? Yes, I like that. Well, one thing I don't get to do on the news is I don't get to sing,
Starting point is 00:57:09 because songs are copyrighted and on the news you can't see. I don't care. Is that your Tommy Lee Jones impression? Yes. Pretty good. Pretty good. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:57:23 Want to hear it again? Okay. I don't care. It's perfect. You do the face, too. Yeah. It's incredible. I don't care.
Starting point is 00:57:36 Third time, not as good. I don't care. All right, well, I'm going to sing. you this news and I hope that afterwards if you find it in your heart give me a few bucks you know
Starting point is 00:57:49 let's hear it hot pants hot pants you heard me last night you were cooking and one of you left the oven on then it caught fire
Starting point is 00:58:10 and it burned Your house to the ground But that's not the bad news There's more to come Your baseball cards are gone Yes, that's right, your house burned Right down to the studs Your baseball cards are gone
Starting point is 00:58:32 No! What happened? I'm upset. My double voice is gone. I'm so upset I have a number I'm alive on my own. Oh, no. You split it into two.
Starting point is 00:58:46 This is never happened. Left side, right side. I'm going to bring evil upon the world. No. And my cards are gone. No. What's worse? The card.
Starting point is 00:58:58 The card. My Facebook cards are gone. Okay. All right. Now it goes to Paul. Now it comes to me. I'll tell you the bad news. I'm texting the song.
Starting point is 00:59:12 I've texted the song. Great song. Ooh. That was the, by the way, the first song I ever slow dance to. Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:29 Oh, time after time. Not the song you just texted me. No. Yeah, that's the first song I ever slow dance too. And there was a lot of, like, How far, how low can my hands go here? Uh-oh. And you know what?
Starting point is 00:59:50 The butt. You went all the way down? I went all the way down. You were giving the green light? I didn't go all the way down to the shoes. Wouldn't be funny if that's how low you wanted to go. Ooh, I just want to touch the back of your foot. Your heels.
Starting point is 01:00:08 In the shoe, over the shoe. Okay, ready? Okay. Hi there. Hi. I'm sorry to wait. I have to tell you something. What?
Starting point is 01:00:23 I love you. Oh, that's very nice. Okay, okay. Don't, don't, don't, come on. We're at work. But what, come on. Thank you. Let's, I want to quit work if I can kiss you more.
Starting point is 01:00:36 I want to have sex with you. Okay. This is, this actually reinforces my decision. this actually reinforces my decision I have some bad news for you no I want good news
Starting point is 01:00:54 I know I know and that's what I want to give you but I can't I want good news good news good news you can't do a one person chant it's ridiculous I just did
Starting point is 01:01:07 bitch they look I know I know. Come on. Kiss me back. I know. I know.
Starting point is 01:01:18 I know I say bitch a lot because I'm Freddie Kruger. But I am your boss and I need you to stop calling me that. Okay. Just kidding. Just kidding. Bitch. I have some bad news and I think the only way I can deliver it and not burst into tears is by delivering it in song. Well, okay.
Starting point is 01:01:44 Here we go. Dear employees, I have gathered you here today to tell you about this thing called your job. And how it's not going to be, what you thought it was going to be. Because your job is different now. Because in this company, you're on your own, meaning, You're fired. Because you know that child, the one that came in here the other day with the job application,
Starting point is 01:02:27 well, he got your job. And so in this life, you don't work her anymore. Only during that point. I can't think of. I can't think of like the melancholy. of the lyrics. Doodley Dee. Dizum bat.
Starting point is 01:02:52 Dedly Dedly Dee. Dedly Dedly Dee. Well, now I got it. Yeah, why don't you just do all that? Yeah, I don't know why I didn't do it. I do think Let's go crazy would be better if Prince had started by saying, Dear employees. We'll get him to talk about this thing called job.
Starting point is 01:03:13 Well, I'm sorry. I feel like I let down the three. No, you were fantastic. I liked how you wanted it that way. It was fun. If I could have gone into the lyrics. Could have, would have, should have. No, but that's what made it really funny, I thought.
Starting point is 01:03:25 I thought it was funnier because he did that. Because it still counts as the song. It is the song. Well, guys. Could have, would have, should have. If you would like to send us a three-true, why don't you write to us at 3.org.com. You can follow us on the socials at Freedom USA.
Starting point is 01:03:38 And if you'd like to call us, leave us a voicemail, you can call us at Hague, Claims, 8. It's great. And if you would like your ad-free versions of this show, Oh. Why don't you go to CBBWorld.com, which I call hell. Yeah, and then follow us at social media at Freedom USA. Yeah, I said that.
Starting point is 01:04:03 That's great. Oh, also follow us on social media at Freedom USA. No, no, wait. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Shows.
Starting point is 01:04:12 If you missed the Super Ego show at Dynasty where we did Ulysses, improvised Ulysses, Um, it's archived at downing to typewriter.com. Yeah. And watch it there. Um, also Sunday, Sunday, September 10th, me, Nicole Parker, the two hosts of the neighborhood listen. That's right. I'm excluding Brett for these purposes.
Starting point is 01:04:33 Good. Um, we will be doing our two person variety show at lodger room and Highland Park. It's not a lot of variety. It's only two people. There's more than two people. What? Okay. We're, because there's a full band.
Starting point is 01:04:45 Oh. Okay. That's a lot. A lot of variety. They count as people. A lot of variety. I've never thought musicians count as people. And they're all different heights.
Starting point is 01:04:52 Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Like someone's 4.1. Yeah. They go from 4-1 to I want to say 7.3. Okay. Good.
Starting point is 01:05:00 Yeah. And they're all standing in order, in size order. One of them might be a tuba. They are a tuba. With Google guys? Yeah. I did think that was a person. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:11 I do it. But look, also October, the 14th of 15th. Scary month. It's a very scary month, but here's something that's not scary. A fun show. Yeah. Varietopia live at the Bell House in Brooklyn.
Starting point is 01:05:23 Early shows are sold out. Late shows are moving, so make sure you get them tickets. This is going to be a fun. Different show from Friday to Saturday. So make a weekend of it. Why don't you do that? Why don't you do that? That sounds like fun.
Starting point is 01:05:37 It is fun. On a New York in October. Oh, what a blast. Autumn in New York. God, that would be crazy. I would love to do that. It's pretty sexy. All right.
Starting point is 01:05:47 Pitya sucks, go to my Instagram to see what shows I'm doing, and that's my update. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. That's great. Thank you. Goodbye.
Starting point is 01:05:57 Bye.

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