Threedom - Threevisiting: Big Dog Gotta Bark

Episode Date: August 22, 2023

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul and Lauren discuss someone taking a bite of Lauren’s dessert, their frustrations with social media and play Choose Your Own Adventure: Assistant Edition. Follow us on social media @threedomusa. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail at 424-252-4678 (HAG-CLAIMS-8).

3-0! 3-0! 3-0! Hi everyone! Psychopathic music. Psychopathic music! For God that's what we do. He went 3-2-1, I went, uh-huh.

And then you guys shouted three okay Neil Armstrong and then I pretended to forget to make you feel better oh that was nice she forgot the second one I forgot the second one and then she mounted me the same thing I mounted her which was I forgot I remember Bill Cosby we didn't I forgot remember I do remember Bill Cosby. I forgot how to hear him say, because I'm raping. I'm the one who's the most recognizable dicker. Was it Noah who forgot? Who was it?

Noah, I forgot. What's a Cuban? What's a Cuban? What's a Cuban? I forgot. What is the Fetal Bert? It's from Cosby Show? No, it's from one of his record albums.

I memorized all of his routines, and I think I even did one in church once where I did like the red one in church. Why would you do that? You got to have been church. You were like, I'm speaking in tongues. Remember when the dentist was playing around in your mouth, you're like, I'm trying to talk here. You're bottom lit. You have a leg Jesus. That is great. Give us a chocolate cake. Shomp, shomp, shomp. Go for it, Liza. So many fun impressions out the window now.

I know, it's so bad. Just to talk about Michael Jackson, and I think we always love to. We love speaking about this man. Can you believe the radio still play? I'm like, I realized. You know, remember how on a previous episode I said, I was saying that I can enjoy a person's work, even though

they're bad people. And then I, on an even more recent episode, I said I heard at Michael Jackson's song that I couldn't enjoy it. Yeah. I'm back to enjoying it. Oh, that was so brief. It was out of reach. How would you handle?

You coward. You traiter. You. What's your personal record of not being able to enjoy Michael Jackson's song? It was that one. How long? How long did you go? I, it was probably like a good week or two. And what song was it?

I believe it was don't stop till you get enough for something. And I was like, You're trash. I'm trash. I'm like a Jackson is canceled. Come on, I have so many good memories. Money plus years of us hearing about it. But finally, if you're seeing good memories. I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories.

I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories.

I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories.

I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories. I have so many good memories. Oh, I wonder it can't be there must be a live just this could all blow up but also it never happens live. Yeah, I want to be canceled just to see didn't name Judy dense just say today that I'm cancel. Hello, I'd like to be content. I'm canceling. They keep renewing me.

And so to me. No, she said that like we can still enjoy Kevin spacing and Harvey was she's like, what are we gonna never watch a Harvey Weinstein And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat.

And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat.

And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And so I'm too neat. And then go boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, It should be more for sex in this. How are they having sex? She looks like she wants to do it. And why does Dan this? Why does she give him money for the hat

when she could just have sex with him for what movies? Is that Mrs. Livingston buys a hat? You ever saw that? What a beautiful Maggie Smith, Bill Nyee. Not the science copy? No, it's not. Oh, what's your sign? Thank you.

You're good actor. I actually would like to sell this movie. Oh, okay. So Bill Nyey, who else? Let's see Colin Firth. Oh my God. He was in there. And how many hats do they have?

Adrian Stevenson. Jessica is the only one who buys it. She wants to buy a hat, but she's- She wants to. Oh, well, she do it. This is a good story. This is a little- I don't just spoil it.

Well, I need to know if I'm gonna make it. Yeah, this is a little legitimately good idea. I don't know what to do. Commit to this on the mic. Okay,'t just spoil it. Well, I need to know if I'm gonna make it. Yeah, this is a little legitimate, like a good idea. Commit to this on the mic. Okay, do it off mic. Here, we'll turn them off. Thank you. She, um, she robbed a bank. What?

To get a hat, how much is it? She doesn't, she doesn't share much things cost. Really? Why isn't she rob a hat store? I don't, I don't, I can't think of the characters in Idiot. I feel like I want the audience to judge the- No, why would she just a hat store? I don't, I can't think of the characters in Idiot. I feel like I want the audience to judge the hat. Still the hat, not the big rock.

She's still the hat. She's not the Spain be able to get the UK cop in the push. She's a strange pitchman. You guys doing built costumes? Yes, we're doing built costumes. What the two are doing? This isn't the right fit for you.

We're talking about the hat. I couldn't get a signal in the parking garage. Your hat's too small. You're too small. And click. We're back on. And click. And click.

And click. That's what I think of what I think of Caton and Hot didn't move. And click. But click. You know, you know how he keeps talking about have you ever seen it? I've never seen it.

Who's the dude with the cast? Who's the dude with the cast? Who's the dude with the cast? Who are you yelling to? So brick, brick the entire... This is a phone. We don't know. A guy named brick, he talks about the whole time about how like he needs to drink enough

until he finally hears the click and that's when he can relax. You know what I mean? That's like death. No, no, it's not death, it's like the end shit face. It's finally I'm shit faced enough where he doesn't care or like everything like finally feels like he's set. So he just like, he spends the whole time going

to click, the click, the click, you know, arguing about the click and then finally towards the end of the thing he drinks the thing and he goes, oh, the click. Are you serious? Yeah. So stupid. I think that's what happens after about 25 years.

Just during Adam's time. Since I saw it. Are you, you're not talking about click starting out of sale? Oh, no, and I'm not talking about the Kanye West clicks on either. I saw 10 seconds of click the Adam Sandler movie. Really? What happens at it? He just drinks the color of his face.

Oh, the remote. Why did you do the? What's 10 seconds? Like, to be a different. I was literally walking through where it was playing. Was it a movie theater? Yeah. It was a revival house. It was the new Beverly.

They were showing a fistful of dollars and click. Well, I thought his new comedy special was really funny. It was great. I haven't seen it, but you know what? I saw a murder mystery. The movie did with Jennifer. Yeah, I watched that. I fuck. I haven't seen it, but you know what? I saw murder mystery, the movie, that was Jennifer Fannigest. Yeah, I watched that. I fuck, I can't believe I watched that.

Well, you know what's insane? So it was- I was watching it when I was visiting my family recently and my brother was like, oh, that murder mystery movie, it's like choose your own adventure. And I was like, the band-staff? Well, he said that.

Oh, he just assumed it was. Well, he got mixed up somehow because of the fun time. Or he thinks all movies are choose your own adventure or he's controlling them. He's asleep and has a dream. Or he's like, he just assumed to it. Well, he got mixed up somehow because of the time. Or he thinks all movies are choose your own adventure or he's controlling them. Well, he's asleep and has a dream. Or he's like, he's a liar. Yeah, well, he said that.

He's like, I think it is. He's like, well, no, I don't know what I think it is. And then we were watching it and I was like, nothing's happening. And it was like so disappointing because the whole time I was thinking, I'm an eventually get to like choose a thing. I liked it though.

Do you see that Beyonce Twitter thread? Yeah, I got fired, but only at the end. You got fired? You know the Beyonce thread. No. So it's this thread where it's like. It was like your Beyonce's assistant for a day. Do you do this or that?

And don't get fired. So like if you choose the wrong thing, it leads you to it. It's like basically one of those like quizzes where you follow a map, you know? Right, but I didn't, I guess I'd never realize you could do that on Twitter. It was very clever. I know it was very clever. Yeah, it's very clever. I got so far. So

far. So how do they, how do they do this? So it's like you, you know how you thread tweets. Yeah. So if you choose one on the thread, then its reply will tell you, okay, you did the wrong thing. You're, you're, you've been fired. Or if you choose the right thing, then its reply will send you off onto another thread. I would just cheat. Yeah. How would you cheat? And as you buy Twitter.

If you want to try to do it right now, is that any boring? Buy it from Jack. Hashtag Paul or at Paul. Here, some people want to get rid of the Nazis. I want to get rid of everybody. That would be me. Just me on there.

Okay, here's my time enough at last. Here's my opinion of Twitter. Yeah. It would be great if you just took out the people being able to talk to each other. Here's what I want about. Here's what I want on Twitter and Instagram. No talking back, no like-so-read tweets.

This is also Mike. No. What? This is what you require of Mike. Yeah, no talking back, no like-so-read tweets. Like-so-read tweets, don't be thirsty. And that's in the kitchen as well as the bedroom. This is what you require of Mike. Because we'll talk about, no likes or retweets. Don't be thirsty. And that's in the kitchen as well.

It's the bedroom. I don't keep any liquids in the house. It will be retweets me all night. Well, but he shouldn't be thirsty. Yes, exactly. Don't be thirsty. Don't be thirsty. Don't be thirsty.

Don't be thirsty. Don't be thirsty. Don't be thirsty. Yes. Okay. And I also want, no one to see it. And I also want Instagram to have no likes, no repost. And I want no one to see it. So I want Instagram to have no likes, no put reposts, and I want no one to see it. So I want private pictures.

You want a photo album. I want a diary and a photo album. And I want to interact with nobody. How can we make this happen for you? Don't you kind of wish they would just delete all of it over? I honestly wish the entire internet sometimes would be deleted because I see, you know, just it's fair.

It's just so crazy how like brainwashed, I don't know, I'm sounding like a conspiracy theorist here. Oh, no, but I just love this. I just like, you know, when you look at how weirdly, um, alt-right, like a lot of video game people are and it's just like everyone just start over and go like, like I like things, you know, the Star Wars fans are crazy now and the video game fans are crazy now and everyone is crazy. Like I think I think, I think they're always crazy, but none they can talk.

No, I don't think we were crazy. Like I think, I also think that it's not so much, it's not so much, there are certain people that really are unstable, right? But I think that it's just easy to do. It's easy to get outraged about stuff. And it's easy to get matter about a thing that you know. But when we were mad about something, we would never go like,

someone needs to listen to me, other than like a friend. No, no, no, wait. You certainly wouldn't talk to someone the way people talk to each other online. Sometimes I will look at, you know, Ryan Johnson, the Star Wars director. Yes, I do. Sometimes I'll look at his replies and I cannot fathom being a person who waits around eagerly for him to tweet anything so I can call him a piece of shit. Yes.

It's like that's their lives. It's so lame. And it's just such a waste of everything. It'll be very cool. If there was a period of time, I think we're like, some news outlet deleted comments from nothing, like maybe the New York Times or something. I think everything should be deleted. Everything should be deleted nothing like maybe the New York Times or something. I think everything should be. Everything should be deleted.

Everything should be commented. Doesn't help. Yes. Yeah. Why do I need to read an article at someone research and then read what some dumbass thinks about it? Yeah. I don't want to know. It's also the same fights over and over and over again.

Yeah. Well, don't even get me. Mommy, daddy. Oh, don't even get me. Story. Don't get me. Story on it. Story on it.

Story on it. Story on it. on that story. I had it with, and this is my, I will take some culpability in this because I made a comment about Louis CK. And then man, I got so many people that are searching his name and trying to do it. Either searching, or it gets tweeted in there, whatever. But it's people that, what's so crazy to me is, it's a guy who admitted he did this horrible stuff

and then he went away and then he's like, I'm just gonna come back now. And it's like all I'm doing is making a joke about him being a creep. And people are like, but now it's like people are like, fuck you! He got consent or I've even seen people use the word allegations and it's like, he said it happened.

It's not an allegation. Like, it's like, he said it happened. It's not an allegation. Like, there's no- What do you care? No. You like him? He's doing great. But he should be happy. I think it's interesting that you're getting that too

because I've seen a few female comedians tweeting about him and getting like such hateful responses back. I'm just a little bit glad that it's going both ways. Oh yeah, oh, no believe me. But it's so nuts to see people wave back. No one's threatening to rape me, but. Yeah, yeah, like, but they're have happened. I think there is. Look, I'm not counting it out. I will say that there is, oh, there is good with the internet. I

get, you know, I don't know. There's so many cool people. Well, first there are like some of our fans like, I was just a, what's your name, Emily Ward? Do you guys know her? Like, she's so supportive. Hello, out there, Emily. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She came to cluster family. Yes, I saw her too. And she's so supportive in like, you know, that, so I, what I did, if like a couple of

years ago, I think, is I just deleted anything. Well, first of all, this is, I did this before. I deleted all of my Twitter posts, but I was just like, I am now only going to write positive things on the internet. Like I was just like, who cares about, first of all, every single person wants to be snark, the snarkiest and the most clever and the, you know, and no matter what their skill level at it, you know,

like you look at everyone saying, sir, this is in our bees, like they're the first person to ever make that joke or whatever, but everyone wants to be the funniest. So I was just like, who gives a shit if I don't like a TV show and I wanna make a crack about it? I'm just gonna put positive things out there on the internet.

And so then, and then I deleted all my Twitter posts because it's like, what is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? But also, I was thinking, one thing I do is What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for?

What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for?

What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for?

What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? What is this all for? Don't even trust me funny. I'm sure it's just like I'm bored. I'm When Twitter wasn't like a joke site. Yeah, right. It was just like hey My eight thousand. Yeah, I'm bored now Yeah, but I muted like a bunch of word a bunch of like really hateful words Yeah, so that I never see any tweet that's at me or anyone with like the word

Cont or like, you know, just that's a hateful word Why don't you worship it? with the word Kant or just like. That's a hateful word. Well, no. Well, I know you worship at home, but. But I just feel like it weeds out probably a lot of negative things I could be seeing. And I could probably add like 20 more words to that and have a better time. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. It's great. I just can't fathom treating people the way people treat each other. It's just I feel like I have fallen prey to it of making snarky comments about things or expressing myself in that way about- You're also a professional comedian.

Yeah, but- And you have a list to do it. But I am, I found myself being susceptible to that sort of Twitter attitude, you know what I mean? And I've stopped myself so many times. Like in the midst of composing some dumb joke, I'm like, who needs this? I don't know, that used to be fun to like

live tweet the Oscars or whatever, back when it was only like 5,000 people or whatever, looking at what you said. And it was fun. And it was people are like, stop, you're flooding my feet. Right, yeah, yeah. But now it's like, now why be another person who's trying to be funnier than whatever people are trying at?

Well, I also think we've passed the point where being funny on Twitter leads to something. I think there were a few years ago, people were getting jobs from that. I don't really feel like that's still as much of a thing where they're like finding new writers from their Twitter. I think it was only Rob Delaney. And she'll be Farrell maybe.

Oh, she'll be. Yeah. They're like, you people who like. You're looking in Queen. Yeah, I think it was only Rob Dilleyne. And she'll be Pharaoh maybe. Oh, she'll be, yeah. They're like, if you people who like. Looking in Queen. Yeah, a few people like popped at the top. And they're like, yeah, sure, but that was still like five years ago. Right, yeah, exactly. That was a time where like people were kind of being plucked for that. And now it's such a like hate.

I do like, I like the, I honestly haven't gotten to the point where I turn off comments on Instagram yet, like you have Paul, but I, I still like posting something funny and seeing people like go, aha, that was funny or like good to see you on here or whatever. It's just everything that comes with it is so. Yeah, I honestly, I, I'm so happy that I turned off those comments on Instagram.

Yeah, let's talk about that. Talk about it. Because now it's common. If anybody comments, it's, pulse comments. It's talk about it. Because now it's common. If anybody comments, it's post-comment. It's talk about it. It's people post-comments. Talk about it. I was trying to find it.

Talk about pop music and I finally found it. Talk about post-comments. It's like it's the mixture of comments that I get now from people that I either know really well or just kind of know from work or whatever are a mixture of people saying nice, sincere things or a funny thing that, you know, like either they, what a funny thing the picture made them think of. Or if they add on a joke to it, it's funny, you know?

And it's fewer comments, it's less noise and it's really enjoyable. And that's why I'm saying Twitter should be, is the only people who can comment to you or the people that you follow. Then how fun would it be? Well, that's what I have done. Is that on Twitter?

They can comment, but I don't see it. Oh, I see it. But if I go looking for it, which I often do, that's like an ugly, yeah. I see that's my fault. That's my fault. We've comments of boredom, aren't we? Well, it's a curiosity. It's a curiosity. Yeah, I see that's my fault. We've comments of boredom or yeah. Well, security.

Yeah. It's security. You know it's my dear boy, but I'm not a cat. I thought I'd be saved. So, anyway, I'm sorry that we're complaining about social media. I feel like I do it so much. I complain so much about it. I know.

This is a huge part of our lives. I know that's part of the problem. I also am like what's going on. I want to know what's huge part of our lives. I just mad this part of the problem. I also am like, what's going on? Like, I wanna know what's going on in the world, and I know that's the, now that's the excuse people use for Twitter of like, you know, I just wanna know. I wanna be like, one of the first people to know if Michael Jackson dies.

Right, but you know, I went to, to save my plan work. I was like at a very low point with it where I was really frustrated, and I literally was, how do I finger over the delete your account button? Yeah. Delete your account, by the way.

That was a way. I'm funny. If it goes away. Then, a minute later, I say delete your account. And I was worried about that. Sure, this is an RV. I was worried that someone would use my name and make an account then.

Oh yeah, you just gotta keep your account. But then I just need to have way up. Delete the app. You just delete the app. Wait, how are you and Mike doing with your password? and make an account then. Oh yeah, you just gotta keep your account. But then I just need to have a way of power. You just delete the app. Wait, how are you and Mike doing with your password? Horrible. Horribly, horribly. If you haven't heard this episode,

they each have a timer on their phone of hell. They can only use the internet for an hour. And they keep each other's passwords. They keep each other's passwords. They keep each other's passwords. But we both gave each other the password eventually. And now I just bypassed all the, and I told him last night you have to reset it.

I am out of capacity. I'm out of capacity. Yeah, and it makes me feel nauseous. Like I think I'll look at it for so long that I'll be like, I hate life, I feel bad. And I'm like, this isn't healthy at all. And it's not even, I keep it in point to what I'm looking at that's making me do that.

It's just the feeling of it all. Like, so our podcasts, our podcasts, the same thing. What do you mean? Like, I don't know, do people, should people not listen to these? Who are they?

What am I saying? Well, first of all, yeah, what are you saying? Because I can't, it's very different because this is a full conversation. Someone just posting a picture of themselves, like basically naked or something, and then be going, okay, so then I saw that,

and then it's like, some, you gotta be further, right people. I know the reason. Who's naked? And then there's like, people posting, like, you know, negative things, or braggie things, or whatever, and then I just go, I can't even breathe, like, it's just too much.

Okay, what are you, I have a whole, I have a question. Oh. Earlier, did you do an impression of Dana Carvey doing an impression of Regis Fri just, I did, yeah, right, I'm back in control. I have a question. Earlier, did you do an impression of Dana Carvey doing impression reaches for you? Yes, I did, yeah, all right. I'm back in the trail. I wanted to make sure I didn't scream that.

Oh yeah, that was great. Oh yeah, that was great. A lot of impressions on this episode. We got cars. A lot of that. A lot of that. We're doing Regis. That's two.

That's one of the, you know, and those are number one and two with the bullet. I have to do more every other time. This is maybe the few as we were at. Are you doing anything, Lauren, that makes you happy recently? Yeah, let me think about it. What makes me happy?

Hey, what'd you do up in San Francisco after? What would I do? Yeah, because we just did a show up in San Francisco and I left right after the show to go home, but you stayed the night, right? Yeah, and I would wait, what flight were you on? Because they told me there wasn't a flight where I could get out early enough after our show. What?, but you stayed the night, right? Yeah, and I would wait, what flag were you on? Because they told me there wasn't a flag where I could get out early enough after our show.

What? What? Corinne told me that. No, she did not. That's why I stayed overnight. She said you won't be able to make it. Did Corinne stay overnight as well? What flag were you on?

What time? It was to Burbank, maybe where you going back? Yes, I was to Burbank. I was just wondering, my- I don't know. No, she didn't go. But she said you wanted to stay Sunday night, not Saturday night. I didn't want to stay any night.

I didn't want it to leave. Oh, really you wanted to fly in Sunday and leave, not Saturday. I didn't want to stay any night. I didn't want it to leave. Oh, really you want to fly in Sunday and leave Sunday? Yeah. I don't know. Okay, we'll have this conversation off my... I ran into Corinne at the grocery store. What? What was she buying?

Just to defend her. She was in the first vegetable section. Frozen, the produce. Produce. I want to defend Corinne and not throw her under the bus. I'm just saying I'm sure I miscommunicated at some point, but I goal was to leave. Okay, all I ever heard was that you wanted to stay Sunday night. No, I was alone in board.

I, what'd you do? So I, after the show, I went shopping and ate. Sounds boring. Well, I like going over there. You're a woman, you be doing that. Oh, yes, I must. And then I went back to the hotel and then I decided to go get dinner at a place near the hotel and I ended up really

talking to people. I mean it was not my- Oh yeah, okay. So- This is not how I operate, okay? I don't go to a place and then meet new people and chat with them. I don't want to do that. But this happened to me. So you- so what I heard from your social media, so this is your fault that I know this. Is that someone ate some of your dessert, but I-

But you did not say how the conversation started. Okay, so I was seated at the bar at the restaurant and I was between two men, not ideal, the other chair that was available had a problem on it, so I was like, were the two men there before you sat down? Yeah, and they're not together. And I sat between them.

So you thought. Yeah. And the one to my left was with another guy. And then I was like ordering food and he kept leaning over and being like, what'd you get? You know, like that kind of thing. Okay. Did you get a sense that he and the other guy were together or did you get a sense that he was like shouting you up? It didn't strike me either way. It just seemed like he was definitely wanting to talk to me. I don't know that he was hitting on me. I have a bad sense for that too.

I've been hitting on you for like 38 episodes. Okay, I didn't get it, man. Man. I started this podcast, so you would fall in love with me. Okay, well, it's failing. So. Scott, I'm sorry, I really thought it was gonna work. So you were in on it?

Yeah. We came up with this plan while playing basketball. Men. Okay, so the man to my left, I didn't feel sexual, unless it's him, but it also didn't feel like, not, he didn't feel, it didn't seem like he was gay. I didn't feel, I didn't get the vibe that he was dating the man next to me.

They were colleagues. Okay. Or friends. Sure, but they were both wearing business clothes and I was like, they just said, Yeah, friends don't do that. Yeah. And he had braces.

They got a dress for friendship. Which I just think is a great detail. Wait, so he had braces. The guy, the other guy, the odd man. No, the one who was speaking to me. Okay, he had braces. Wait, he was. The really confident man was with braces was.

On his teeth or his legs. Neg legs. Good question. And he was the other thing. Wait, wait, wait. So he was, yeah, he was not one of the business suit guys. He was. Oh, yes.

Two-piece suit guys. So he's his only friend to talk to you. Yes. That is kind of it. That's why I thought they were co-workers or something. He's your race-faced mother-finger. Because he had enough of him. Yeah, so he was going, what'd you get?

And then I was like, oh, it's Margaret. I need to keep him. What'd you get? And then he's like, is it good? And I was like, is it good? Then he didn't order that. I thought he was like debating whether he's going to order that. Like, he won, no, he just wants an open.

Then he leans over and says a couple, you know, he says something else to me like, wallowing the pizza, you know, whatever. But I was like fully texting somebody. Oh, like the way you were with that pizza? Yeah, I was like not, I was going like, ha ha, you know, but then turning it up. Like, it was being nice, but not, oh, you know, you know, but then turning it up. Like it was being nice, but not,

oh, you know, welcoming it. And then I thought, because it got so out of control. Then he said, then I ordered, no, then, okay. What's the guy on your right up to? The guy on my right is on a sort of iPad thing that's like standing up like a little tablet. And it wasn't an iPad, it was like a Microsoft's face. It was a tablet, yes, so he goes,

he kind of like commiserates with me a little bit about the guy talking to me. Oh, okay. But I, but he, but that's his angle now. And then I thought I'm commiserating with you. Yeah. Or guys terrible. And I thought he was gay, but I wasn't sure.

And then I was kind of like, okay, trying to just like be on my phone. I decide I have a drink and I have another drink. And then I decide to order dessert. I get these Italian donuts and I was asking the bartender like what they are really wanted to understand because I don't know if I really wanted it and whatever and it's like it's donut holes, blah, blah.

They explain it to us, what are they? It's donut holes that are basically like, there's more to be stored. I know exactly what they mean. I don't know. And it comes with a bourbon dipping sauce. Oh, that sounds good. Which you need to know about. So the braise face. They have the little dons. Some don't. The braises man le bourbon Caramel dipping sauce. Oh, that sounds good. What you need to know about so the brave face. They have the little domes

Some time the braces man lean over to me So I Got it. Okay, so I thought he said so that he said hey Listen show. Oh, does it what show you got? Don't hurt your dear. Did you get a thrott cello? He talks about how those sound really good. He's like, don't sound good. He's like, really good. That was sound good.

I was like, yeah, I was like, totally. I don't think I said you should have one. I think I was just, but I was a little tipsy, but I was like, yeah, they're great. I don't know, you're just a conversation. Then he says, a little bit later, he turns to me and he goes, and give you advice. You're doing it.

And then I said, what? And he said, I'll give you a bite. And he was saying of whatever he ordered. Some dessert. Oh, are you sure? Yeah, he's gonna stick. But I think he met the cake. And then I said,

I'll give you a bite of my dick. What would you like to do? I'll tell you some of my dick. Or like a sandwich. So I was like, oh, what's the difference? How hot dog would be the tip? Right. And a sandwich would be like, sure. Oh, if I had a sandwich sideways.

You don't buy the sandwich sideways. I guess I love it. Well, you mustn't. A sandwich is square. Not always. Bon me. I can't believe you flew out right then. I would have totally just tried it.

I'm sorry. Yeah. What time was your flight? Wait a minute. Do we finish the story? not always fun me i can't believe you flew out right then i would have totally just a rick yeah time was your flight wait a minute no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I'm not sure to buy it, not against Karin or anybody. I feel like I'm spending my time. It was full, so it might have been. Me and that's why. And I got it about a long time ago. Maybe she said there was nothing available. Listener, I know you're with me.

Okay, so the desserts come out. Paul, you're annoying. I am? Everyone here is annoying. That's part of the show. The desserts. It's big, didn't it? The desserts come out.

Brace's guy tells me. So he wears desserts at the same time? Yeah, and so does his friend, and they get two different things. And he's going, I just love sweets. I could eat sweet salty. The first thing I want to have is a sweet. Then I go. I want to have a sweet.

Then I said, because he had kind of talked about having a bite. Okay, and there was this whole bite conversation. I'll give you a bite. So I said, and I got a couple of these donuts. There were way too many. There was no way I'd finish them. And there are donuts you could just take one. So I said, and I got a couple of these donuts. There were way too many. There was no way I'd finish them. And there are donuts, you could just take one. So I said, do you want one? Then at that point, they both get very,

oh no, we could never about the donuts. We're colleagues. And I said, I said, truly I'm not gonna finish them. I just ate this whole pizza. There's no way I'm gonna eat, they had kind of balls. Yeah.

And he takes one. Fine. But he can enjoy it. And he takes it with a fork, even better. I'm gonna eat. They had other animals. Yeah. And he takes one. Fine. But he takes it with a fork, even better. I'm like, don't shoot. I'm gonna slap this car. I'm gonna slap this car. But then he's like, can I dip it? And then I was like,

you gotta lick it before you dip it. I said go for it, because so far at this point, it's a straight donut that I has not touched anything else, touching the same thing. And you've had your germs in there, presumably because you've done.

I haven't even had one yet. You haven't even had one. Oh, this is awful. He's before me. He does it, he dips it. Fine. It takes a bite. Then the guy to my right starts to like really

commiserate with me and he's like, oh my, I was like, wow, I was like, we got really close just not on what's happening. You know, I was kind of like going with it. Yeah. Then I'm talking to that guy. Then Braceface comes back and double dips. Dips this mother's.

The victim, doughnut. Uh-oh, not the other end of it, where at least you could say my mouth never touched it. And then it falls into the sauce. And it did the exiled. Which is now contaminated forever. And then it doesn't, then he can't get it out. He's like trying to get it and I was like,

whoa, I was like, and then I was like, we've lost control. I don't dip ever again from this point forward. I didn't really like this sauce anyways, fine. Then the guy next to me is like, I had to give them a bad review. Really? Why don't I bourbon?

But then the guy is like, the guy to my right gets real involved with me, and then we're talking for like 40 minutes. 40 minutes, you talk to this guy? I know that's a time, but it's probably 40 minutes. 40 minutes? You talked to this guy. I know that's a time, but it's probably 40 minutes. Good, been three. Who knows? Was it a good conversation? It was fine.

There were some things about it that I thought were good. Okay, robot. Well, he mentioned, he basically knew I was an actor, so I thought it got started, which was also part of the problem because then it's like, it's hard to get away. Yeah. I tried to shut down, but that didn't really work. All right, robot. And then he's like, it's hard to get away. I tried to shut down, but that didn't really work. All right, robot.

Then he's like, I guess why I'm here that I tell my family, I told him all about County Bingming. He loved the other. Oh, wow. Oh, I'm into this story now. And he won him a best. And I told him about the show, and we just did a great show.

You should take it to Shark Tank. I'm telling you this. And he did, he. Well, Mr. Wonderful say. He actually had some improv background. And he started telling me about Well, Mr. Wonderful say. He actually had some improv background. And he started telling me about it, but he actually did know what he was talking about. So I was happy because it wasn't just someone

who's talking out of their ass completely. Or like, I took a class one set of work event. Yeah. So he's telling me about his improv stuff, and then he tells me he's a magician. He's also a musician. He also knows Jeff Tweedie's son and was going to send me a bootleg CD

of a Jeff Tweedy stuff that was never released. I would have had to email him for that so I didn't feel comfortable doing that because then I would continue the relationship too much. Yeah. But I wanted that. So if someone wants to send that to Earwolf. If you also have that,

or if you know who this guy is from all of these clues, I have his card in my bag. If you're Jeff Tweedyedy son and you're listening. He was nice though. But at some point he mentioned a girlfriend and then I was like, oh, and the other problem was, and this was the big thing. He kept grabbing me.

And he did it so many times. He grabbed me at my hip. Oh, what? He grabbed me at my arm to make a point. You know, he'd be like ripping. He ripped my side. That's not a thing that people do. No, and I was really, and I was really like, wow, but I, part of it is like, because I was like,

having a few drinks and feeling pretty happy. I was like, wow, I didn't like that, but I also am not in a mental state to go, hey, man, you know, you heard the click. Yeah, I was honestly, I had heard the click and I was feeling it. And I was like, I was already in my mind in my hotel room watching TV. Like, I was like, that's gonna be great when I get there. I had a friend I barely knew who I sat next to at a dinner and she would shove me every single time she talked to me

and I was getting so mad about it. She'd be like, no, and shove me and she'd go, no, I think, or the people who tap you anytime they want to talk to you. Oh, God, stop think, or the people who tap you anytime they wanna talk to you. Oh, God, stop it. I had a fucking guy do that and I finally said to him, hey, you know, I can hear you. Like when you're talking, I don't have,

you don't have shit in my ears. You don't have to tap me every time. Then of course it became a funny joke and he did it with the dog. Oh, no. Wait, what's the end of the story? What did Braceface do? Did he try to get,

do you try to give you the card or what? No, it was, it pretty much wrapped up because they left before me. I hope so. And yeah, I don't know, I really don't know what, I guess I just ended with him dipping and dropping and then he going like, all right man.

All right, later bro, but you dropped later. Oh, then he tried to give me a bite of his dessert and he also tried to give me his friend's dessert. And I really had to say no a lot. Yeah. Because it was also like a cake. And I was like, first of all, I was full. Like there was a lot happening.

But I was like, I don't want to do this. Yeah, yeah. You're like at some sort of like dessert, manajatwa. I know. It was so shocking though. Do you guys end up talking to people when you go, like if you were in a bar. I have to be in a really good mood. I think it was it. I was like in I'm a wizard, Manajatwa. I know. It was so shocking though. Do you guys end up talking to people when you go, like, if you were at a bar.

I have to be in a really good mood where I was. I think that was it. I was like, in a good mood. But here's the thing also, is that it is so rare for anyone to just strike up a conversation with a man who's by himself. Yeah. And Janie's told me so many stories. Oh, like.

Oh my god, you should have heard the one I had. Trying to read a book somewhere. Like, but this, I think I've been asked also, what are you reading, what is it about, whatever. And it's like, I'm sorry, but that's not what I'm reading the book for. I didn't come to show you what I'm reading. Yes, I'm reading the book so I can read the book.

Right. And you should have brought a book. Why don't you go with the book I'm reading. Yeah, hardly ever happen. I'll tell you the title, the end. That's all you go for the book I'm reading. Yeah, hardly ever happens to me. I'll tell you the title, the end. That's all you get. Hardly ever happens to me.

And I will say on the flight back that you missed, there's a woman next to me. And I sat down and I gave her a polite hello as in, like, this will be our last interaction. And then I sat down and she turns to me and she's drumming her fingers the entire time and then she goes, I hope she'll eat. Yes, she'll ask of you to. I heard this story. She turns to me and goes,

I hope this thing flies. I'm like, okay, I put on headphones. I'm not saying this. I'm speaking of talking to people that you don't know. Yes. I was at the gymnasium recently. I've been exercising. How good for you. I need to get back into it. Yes. Now that I've finally finished the movie, by the way, Lauren's in the movie, we haven't talked about it.

Yay! It's true. That's the only thing I can say about who else is in the movie. The less said the better. But now that I'm finished, I can finally get back into the supplement. I'm glad to hear that you have. Yes, it's been very good.

I got past the first guard or two or the heart. I'm like, I'll pass the guard. I will not renew that membership. I'll guard. You have to attend. I got to attend. You have to attend. I got to attend.

There's a small gym in my neighborhood. That's everything I need. It's great. Just, you know, side to beef. Yeah, it's got the box where I sit in it with just my head sticking out. And then I turn the heat up. Yes, some kids always turn it up to danger.

I asked them not to do this, but it's locked. I can't get it. So I was on the elliptical machine and I get a text from our old friend Marilyn Rice Co. She says, a friend of mine is at the gym. He's a fan of yours and he wants to say hello. Oh. That's psychotic.

And I said, absolutely not. And I said, okay, I'm going to act mean to him. So he comes up to me. And I'm like, as soon as I heard he was there, I'm gonna act mean to him. So he comes up to me. And I'm like, as soon as I heard he was there, I started like fucking going crazy. Because he knew you're being watched. Yes. And so he comes up to me.

I just see this guy in my peripheral. And I feel like he's there for one second. And I turn and I go, what? And he said, okay, and he turned and start walking I'm like I'm so sorry I'm just look at my text I said I was gonna be me told me no he didn't like it and I don't blame on my felt bad yeah it would scare me he would we had a nice little chat but I

could tell like this was not this was not good Well, you know, sometimes big dog got a bark. All right, look, we need to take a break. We'll be right back. We're back. Hi, we're back. Daddy, we're daddy, we're back. Hi, we're back. Daddy, we're, daddy, we're back. Oh, woman. I'm telling you, we're back.

This woman is in charge. I am in charge now. This woman wants to make as much as the men. Do you know what I'm speaking of? What's that? Well, you probably make more way more than us. Oh, good. You're in the mud.

You're in mud on the show, though. We actually do get paid more than learn. It's weird. Isn't that strange? And it was our decision. We decided to go back to basketball court. Okay. They've been doing it longer, they get more.

We were shooting oops. We were shooting oops, we were like, hey bro, what have learned? Fell in love with me. I got paid for it. This is getting weird. For the first time. Finally, I knew we'd get there.

I knew we'd get weird. I'd a therapist say that to me one time. What? I knew we'd get there. I knew it would get weird. I'd have therapist say that to me one time. What? I knew we would get to this point today. Really? Yeah, what point do you, where you at? Oh, I was crying. Oh, okay. She was like, or he?

She was like, today Paul's gonna break. I'm gonna get him. I'm gonna get him. I respected it. I respected it. I respected it. Well, maybe was it a buildup of several sessions or was it you came in hot on this session? It was about, it was about,

I can't keep it hot man. I was like, I got problems and I'm gonna talk about it. Is that a new red jacket? It is. It looks nice. Thank you. It was like, feels new, it feels great. Is that a spot button?

Is this making you uncomfortable, this discussion? No. I was like, feels new, feels great, feels. Is that a spot button? Is this making you uncomfortable, this discussion? No, I was trying to change a subject. I know you don't believe in therapy. Actually, I do. Basically. Basically. No, this is a super ego button.

And I was going to say, that's how I know these guys because of the internet. Well, I did that. That's how we met. I know we're on 10 tantrums and almost my fault, but how do you, how many times, how often do you cry in therapy or did you when you were going or do you still? Um, I haven't, I haven't gone in probably two years, but I'm looking for a new therapist. Cause you solved all your problems. But then I developed new ones.

Oh no. I think I'm a werewolf. I don't know, I don't know. I'm going to, I'm going to supernatural werewolf. I don't know, they're not me. I'm going to a supernatural therapist. Oh, that's cool. I want to go to some, I mean, I'm doing well, but I would like to go to somebody who's closer to where I live. Because this therapist is very close.

What's your address? My address is 123. Apple lane. Apple tree wave. It is annoying to drive far. My therapist is not totally inconvenient if I'm coming from somewhere else, but the way home is always inconvenient. It's like always a bad traffic time. Yes, because it's going back the wrong way.

Yeah, and then I feel like, oh, I just like got so, you know, got everything out there and now I'm in traffic for an hour. Yeah. I want to be home immediately. Yeah. So get in my progress. Go to sleep. I do inner therapy, which is I have arguments with myself in my head.

What works like a charm? Absolutely. Absolutely. That's all I want. How often do you cry? Or in your life? In and out of therapy. In life, I don't think I cry that often, but you know what's funny?

I was thinking about this the other day because I was listening to a podcast called hysteria, which I really enjoy, which is hosted by Aaron Ryan. That host voice you do like. Yeah, that would I do. Okay. Oh yeah. But she it's a great it's a great podcast and it's all women panelists. And they were talking about crying and how often you cry.

And I know that for women, you know, there's a way that women talk about crying and the release that it gives and how they feel after they cry. And I realized, I don't know if I ever feel better after I cry. Do you know what I mean? I don't know that I ever feel like I got that out. You know, now I can move on. I think I feel better after saying something

that I've been internalizing that I don't know. For sure. I don't know that I feel better after crying. It's interesting. I mean, it definitely release. It's like, if you're at that point, it'd say it, but if I could say without crying, I would prefer it. release, you know, it's like it, it, I make cry while I say it. But if I could say without crying, I would prefer it.

See, I say things while I cry. I'm on the other end of the spectrum. Oh, okay. You cry while you say things, and I say things while I cry. Oh, that's interesting. So you're like, why? What is happening?

No, like giving directions or... Oh, my boat with a coconut. Oh, my boat with a coconut. Oh, my boat with a coconut? That's directions. It's one of the arguments you have with yourself. How do you get there? Up my boat with a coconut. That's interesting.

I mean, I cry probably like a couple times a week, at least like in terms of like tearing up, but not like sobbing. But I get choked up over sentimental things often. Me too. Me too. I get crying out of sadness or frustrations. Yeah, crying out of sadness or frustration as me. I had one once, yeah, I had one recently and that and I was like, oh my god, this has gotten serious. Like because I, it's hard, it's hard in terms of like, you know, just personal life or whatever. It hardly ever gets to that point with me. but I was just like, oh boy, I feel bad about this one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, it's good to cry. I mean, I do, that's interesting though. I feel like no one's ever articulated like that about like why men might not cry as often, typically as women that like you might feel better like using your like communication to get out your feelings.

And that might be give the release that the emotional ways of lying would give a woman. Here's what I think is that, and this is just off the top of my head that I think that because men are allowed to express themselves more freely in various ways, and they're allowed to have negative emotions that someone are-

But someone say that men are not allowed to express themselves in certain ways. Well, but they're allowed to express things, they're allowed to express things like if you're angry, if you're frustrated, whatever, and women are... Big dog got a bark. Big dog got a bark.

Little dog women. They're not encouraged. That's right, all cats are girl. They're not encouraged to indulge those emotions. And I think that it's, the only thing I could relate to is being when I was a kid as a middle child, I was frustrated all the time that I felt like

this person's being listened to, this person's being listened to. I'm not being listened to or I'm not being taken seriously and it drove me fucking crazy because you feel like I have no one in this world that will hear me and see me as a person, you know. And so that's, I remember crying a lot as a kid out of sheer frustration of like you're

not listening to me. Right. This is the, this is what happened to me. This is the way it is, whatever. You know, it's a lot of, if you're met with, I don't care who started it. And it's like, it's really important that you know who started it. Yeah. Like that's a big part of what's happening right now.

Yeah. You know. And your experience as a kid is like, if he's always allowed to start it, but never gets in trouble, then what is the point? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. When you're a parent, I wonder. You're a parent all the way.

When you're a parent, you're a parent, all the way from your first cigarette to your last die each time. They're both jumping around the room. I truly wonder... Snapping. You little tick delivery that you gave. They're both jumping around the room. I wonder if because I wonder if when you become a parent you will start to just go like,

I don't care who started it. Or whether it will be important because that was what was important when I was a kid. Well, I think nowadays, more people are focused on really listening to kids. Like I think across the board. Like of course there are always parents like that who are paying attention in that way.

But like, it feels more appreciated on the internet at least for you to be like, well, what happened and how do you feel about it? Yeah, well, you know, what's also interesting is is because the arguments that my brother and I were in as a kid, it was always like, well, he started it, but I bet there actually is a start to it before that, like if you dig even deeper, you can go, well, yeah,

but the reason that the person that everyone agrees started it, did it is because you actually started it with some sort of passive aggressive thing or something, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, but that's good to figure out if you actually want to like, I don't know, help your kids. Right.

Really want to do that. I think that's the truth. Well, if you're gonna make passive aggressive comments and you're gonna react violently, you can't coexist. It is funny that people of certain, like modern generations that had old school parents are now so afraid of being those firsts.

Right, I think that's why. It's why. And I don't fucking mind them. But I think the pendulum's being so hard to be like, I don't wanna be like my mother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I think every other generation is like that. You're never gonna escape it though.

Like, I feel like I understand the desire to say, I not going to scar my kids. I'm not going to have I'm not going to give them any reason to resent me. It's like it's going to help. Yeah, they'll find a way. Yeah. I think if I were a parent of two kids, life finds a way your friend. I would yes, Dresmer. That's my friend. I would. It's part of the the JP family. The movie. Yeah. I would maybe like make my kids if they were arguing a lot, I would force them to have a rule of like, anytime you get into an argument and make me mediate, we're gonna end it with you guys having to do a full on,

like, lip kiss for 60 seconds after that. So you're a demented. That is, this is the best. No, but you're gonna have to hug each other. Not a lip kiss. And go. No, that's for 60 seconds because I've ever heard no it's not because that you won't be able to stop laughing during it because it's so ridiculous

I wouldn't even touch my brother when I was growing up like it wouldn't even hug Also, what is someone heard about that? Kids would be gone Yeah, you're anytime we fight and they would stop fighting because they would know that they have to hug each other. Yeah, I would say it's funny. You're scary with how twisted you are. I would say make them make kissy noises at each other. Yeah, and blow kisses to each other. That's actually that is better. They better grab each other by the hip. They're gonna say, okay, now once we've solved this argument, you guys have to make up by blowing funny kisses to each other. That would be funnier.

That's funny. I do like that where you're like, and you have to say I love you. I love you. I don't know, I'm back to the make-yeah, it's sort of like. Wow, what changed? I think you're actually really gross. Actually. Actually. Yeah, I never really thought about it. When you're actually really gross. Actually.

Yeah, I never really thought about it. When you say actually, you mean like, I hate to be an actually guy, but actually you're really gross. You're sick. Yeah, twist it, man. Yeah, twist it. Paul, you're never having children. Nope. Monologue, please. I was... can I get my lighting?

I didn't hear you. I didn't finish the episode. I got, because I was listening to my computer, but I was in a sperm cast, Molly Hawkeys-Pawke. Do you have to say the name? Look, I gotta say it. Molly Hawkeys is an improviser who has a podcast about her journey to become a parent by herself. And so every episode is,

she's either interviewing people to be sperm donors or she's- She's literally interviewing people to do it, right it or she is interviewing friends. I haven't gotten the call. Well I know why. Take the note. She doesn't want to kid- to kid- to kid- each other. And or she interview is just friends about- I think that he was just genetically bad-sought to them. Anyway you and Janie were on together just talking about your choice to not have children. Yes, truth. Do you have to leave a cup fall when you leave or what?

Okay. I was not invited to be a donor. Oh, okay. No, I didn't want to say anything about it, but it was a little insulted. The journey from where I am, and I feel it's fair to talk about because, yeah, absolutely. She is a podcast about. She got. Paul's podcast. Talk about. She got pregnant. Paul's pregnant.

Talk about. And then she miscarried. And then so in the episode you were on, I think she was currently pregnant, but it was only. It was not long after we recorded that she miscarried. But fastened, she's sharing all this because I'm like, it's such a personal journey. Yeah. But I'm sure it's demystifying for a lot of people. And I'm sure it's very

empathetic for a lot of people who are in similar or similar or similar path. But yeah, we, you know, Jamie, they got married both kind of on the fence about it. And then we just tipped over and to know like it was just, was there ever a conversation where you're like, I got it, it made something. I'm, no, it wasn't. Because we didn't talk about it. Talk about, dude. Shh.

Shh. Shh. We, it's kind of a dude level. We did it. I was gonna laugh. I was gonna laugh. Hey. You remember you screamed at us?

Okay, I'm not a guy. Oh. That was. Well, I screamed to you in a comedy way. That was. It was really funny. The greatest moment in the three-dimensional history. It was great.

I was. I was just urban. I laughed just as much listening back to it that I laughed in life when it was happening. We would periodically talk about it, but it was always like, I was maybe you're doing it. Hey, I'm in Rome, babe. I'm in Rome, babe. We have frequently discussed it, but it was always a very brief discussion. And we just both were kind of on the same page. Like, I don't think so. It's both were kind of on the same page like I don't think so

It's not great to be on the same page. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. I mean you have to and it's I think we were I think we've lucked out in that Neither one of us went through a like a Change of heart where it's like this is suddenly very we need to do this And the other person didn't want to do it, you know, which would have been right? I know that's really hard for really hard for people when they're just suddenly like hey We need to do this. And the other person didn't want to do it. Which would have been hard. I know that's really hard for people when they're suddenly like, Hey, by the way, remember that thing we were on the same page about?

That's huge and like changing. But it's like, we love kids. And it's just a trade-off. It's like life is a series of trade-offs. And there's certain things that by not having kids, we get to live a certain way that we really love. And it's not just all about like being able to leave somewhere at a moment's notice. It's also about our lives at home and what that's like. And I think that if we had kids, I think we would do an okay job. I don't know. I think she would

be better than I would be. Right. And I feel like, yeah, I really, I don't know. I think she would be better than I would be. Right, and I feel like a lot of. Yeah, I really, oh, for sure. She would do better than you. Yeah, you want 100%. She'd do better than Paul. That's not a mystery. She'd do better than Jane and Paul.

That's probably true, too. That's probably true. But yeah, I, when I think of myself, when I think of myself as a parent to a child, it really, I get so anxious about how I would be and how I just feel like I would let that kid down. That's a hard, I don't know. I sort of, I worry that,

because I like just kind of being by myself, I worry that I'm gonna be like. It's weird you got married. Like, no, I mean, I like being a cool up, but I worry that- You learned to like it. Yeah, but no, I worry that I would be like, hey kids, love you in the morning and then like,

see you later, see you at night, you know, which is not that bad, but- There's plenty of dads like that. Yeah, I don't like that. Good dad. That's good. I have the feeling that you would be very interested in your child's life.

Yeah, maybe. Yeah, I probably would. Yeah, you would. I don't know. You'd be surprised. How interesting are they? Or maybe, maybe it's like once they would be like a certain age, you'd see them as almost a peer

and then you'd be so happy to have a child. Well, I mean, peer is like, I mean, what have they achieved in their lives? They are going to be low achievers. I thought they were like dead. Like their lives? They are gonna be low achievers. I thought they were dead. Like their ghost children? Did you say a peer? A peer?

Oh, you would talk to them like they're peers. Yes. Oh, I thought they would appear to you. Like, operate. Yeah. They're holograms. You can buy those. We've, okay, Japan.

We know you've been there. I know we've talked about this before, but I feel like, what I really, what the way I am now, because I have all this leftover love that I could not give a child, is that I want to be the father of adult children. Yeah.

I want to be proud of my younger friends. Right. Yeah. In a very paternal way. How old, how old's too old for that? For, like, is there a cut off Like 30 because I'd be realistic that you were parented But like people people young people that I know in their 20s and stuff like that. I I do I tend to do want to take

Like graduation pictures with them and stuff. Yeah, no, I do. I want them to give me presents for father's day I will do you have nieces and nephews? The tons. I'm a great uncle. But isn't that great? Then you get to have those kids be people that you can... But they don't live here. They don't live here. And it's funny because we all... My sister started having kids when I was still young. So they don't really feel like my nieces and nephews were...

Right, because you weren't in that position of I'm an uncle. So they don't really feel like my nieces and nephews were in the position of, I'm an uncle, I'm gonna know what that means. Yeah, you were in like your 20s or whatever. Oh no, wait, I'm sorry. At the latest, like I was in my teens when they started having kids. Oh, you were a uncle, oh yeah. How old is your oldest,

nephew or niece, and how young is the youngest? Oldest is in his 30s. Damn. And the youngest is. Daniel? Daniel with the 30s. Ahem, Daniel. back at the game with the ideology. The youngest is in college. Oh, that's okay. And then you're saying the 30

year olds are what they're having kids. They're having kids now with great uncle. Yeah. Wow. I love being an aunt. It's nice. Yeah. My nephews are coming to visit and I'm taking them to Disneyland. Wait, where are you going? Friday. I will not be there. Oh, good. Are you gonna go to Star Wars land?

I, you know, I don't. Is there an overrun with some? You're gonna go to Star Wars land. I'll talk to you off, Michael. Okay, tell me some tips. Look, we need to take a break while I tell her these tips. We'll be right back. Hey, welcome back.

What? We just decided to do something insane. You know, we always have a feature at the end of the show. You know this. And it's a feature. the end of the show. You know this. And it's a feature. We've never tried to hide it from anyone. We have. What are we trying to office gate this?

No, of course not. We're not trying to office gate. Office space. My favorite film. We've been in love. I'm watching office space. That was a different one. Differentisans of things.

We've been in love. I'm watching office space. So we were just talking about the Beyonce, choose your own adventure Twitter thing. And Shevon over here said, hey, what if we played that as the three-church and we thought, well, that's not going to be good. Not going to be good. Not going to be good. Wouldn't be prudent.

So, but I said, you know what, I would play one about your life, Shevon. And then I said, wait a minute, that's a good idea. Shevin, why don't you just pretend you've hired us and give us choices of what you want us to do all day. I'm really excited. And one is right and one is wrong in your mind. And if we pick the, and, and. And one of us, we choose what we're gonna do,

and then you say what's right and whoever was right gets to continue. Yes, to continue. And we all have to write it down, right? We all have to write it down. Okay, great. So, uh, so, Shevon, why do we have to write it down?

No, we don't. Well, because we have to be, uh, okay, we have to be honest. We'll be honest. Okay. We're only gonna, it doesn't matter if we're, we don't know the answer until he says.

Oh, I know. Oh, gotta go. We can all choose something. We don't know if it's me right or wrong. Okay. Well, then he has to be honest. Yeah. Yeah, he has to be honest. We can lie, it's much more. He's, he's, but are gonna say, oh, gotta go. We can all choose something. We don't know if it's me right or wrong. Okay, well then he has to be honest. Yeah, he has to be honest. We can lie as much as we can.

He's, but he won't, we're saying. He honest. You're saying you don't want him to just have me win because he hates you both. Yes! Why did he hate me? He ain't just, huh? Yeah, man, I can see I'm just hating Scott.

I just said it to make Scott feel better. He's a nice one. Hey, I'm gonna show it become show you guys don't like me. Episode one. I like you, Scott, I love you. All right. I'll love you and that's enough for both of us. Oh.

Don't you see it? I guess I'll have to love you for both of us. Why are you always nagging me? To make me fall in love with you again. I'm working. I'm working. Okay, ready? No.

Okay, kind of. Okay, ready? No. Okay, so basically starts in the morning. Okay, so when you've hired us all, as you're... Waking up in your four-post bet. Your girlfriend. You need three assistants. On the corner of the halo.

Okay, hello everyone. Oh, work started. He's awake. You better get in there. The boss is awake. He's awake. You better get in there. Boss is awake. He just said, he was a bit of a feds and hello everyone. I've been staring at him for six hours waiting for the wake.

I know, I have a fever like he's got an intercom. He's in his room alone. Yeah. There's loudspeakers. I'm sure no intercom. He just says he wakes up and says, it's a perfect issue. This is hello everyone.

And then we just heard faintly from the other room. We sleep with our ears and it's a wall. Boss, boss, we're here, we're here. Boss, boss, boss, boss. I'm asking Mori, we love you. We love you. We love you. We love you, boss.

We love you. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss.

We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. We love you, boss. You need help rather buying a car Help buying a car or we need to go to the mall Okay, I'd like to help you buy the car. I'd like to go to the mall. I'd like to go to the mall Okay, well, you actually have to go buy the car Oh We got a lemonade we got fired we might be able to get our jobs back later in the thread. Why did you fire us? That's part of this Oh, I just got fired. We got eliminated, we got fired. We might be able to get our jobs back later in the thread. Why did you fire us?

That's part of this. Oh, I have to explain. Well, the mall's close today. I should have known that. We would have known, mall's close on certain days. We should have known. It was a trick. Is it Christmas?

The car dealership is open. The 70s. Okay, good luck. The entire mall is closed. But car dealership always. They're open on Christmas. That's big car buying day. That's right. You get those big those. Yeah, that's at the mall. The club. Like, some days I'll open up a Christmas present. It'll be like $30,000. It's like, what am I going to buy? If you get fired on the new boss and then

we'll rotate. Oh, okay. So it's a more content for that one. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So we're at the car dealership and the options are a convertible or a motorcycle. Hmm. You know what boss? I think I know what you want. Yeah. You want a convertible. Yeah, I do. Yeah. Oh, you're killing it. You want to feel the wind and you beautiful thick hair. Mm-hmm Okay, so now they're arguing the you are you're trying to get the price better. That's right. Um lower Yes, lower better lower better's higher to me That's why you're are you selling us the car Go ahead. Okay, so this is the car show. Yes, I'm like going to car, so what are the options for your young friend here, your

assistant? How much are you charging for this car? Oh, so I'm giving the two options. I know, so you can either do a two year lease with option to buy or you can outright buy it right now. I think you should do the lease because you're gonna get tired of this car. You're gonna want something flashy. You're in a couple of years, like, come out with a new model. I can't.

You can be driving around in some stale, old fucking convertible. It looks like Scott's my assistant now. Oh! Wow! I've always wanted to say this. Fuck you! Okay, so you have fired. Actually, it means I'm the new boss, but Kevin, you can be one of my assistants as well. Oh I've always wanted to say this fuck you Okay, so you have fired actually means I'm the new boss You're the new boss. Kevin you can be one of my assistants

Okay, okay, that's nice of you Hello everyone Good morning boss. Good morning boss time for breakfast Now do I want a banana on the go or a sit down pancake breakfast. Well boss, you're so busy. I think you just want a banana on the go. Plus it has all that potassium. I think you're sick of always having to have a banana

on the go because you're so busy and you actually want someone to make you a sit down pancake breakfast. After being shamed in Japan about your banana peel, you're sticking to a sit-down breakfast. Well you're both fired and Scott. Yes!

I've always wanted to say this. Fuck you! I'm very busy and I have to go. That's why I ate the banana in Japan. So. Okay. We're in the car. Yes we are.

You're driving That's my road runner impression by the way. Do you like it? No, I have to get to my audition. Oh, okay Should we run lines in the car while you're driving or should we get there a little early and I'll sit in the car I'm working it by myself while you pace around the block This is so obvious, but of course we need to get there early so you can do it by yourself. Well I tired myself out I guess pacing around the block. You're still I. I knew it. Sure. What choice do I have now? Something really embarrassing? I crushed it. It only took two minutes. I'm back in the car.

Now, we need to run errands. Lauren is loving this. Being my boss. Your options are we go to Target and you put me in the cart and push it around the store. I hate you. Or you drop me at home and you go to target by yourself with my list.

As much as I know, you would love being pushed around the store and saying, we we we as I do it, I know you have a lot of stuff you want to do at home and you want to not be around me all that much. So I'm just going to drop you off at home. This is so you're killing it. Okay. You want to do at home and you want to not be around me all that much. So I'm just gonna drop you off at home. This is so you're killing it. Okay. You've dropped me at home. Bye. You go to Target.

It's a little bit later in the day. Cut two. It's dinner time. The options are. It's not weird in the day. It's skipped over lunch. Oh wait, that's lunch. That's lunch.

The options are you get me Chick-fil-A through the drive-through, or you have me, you set me up with a meeting with someone you think I should meet. And what? And it's someone you think is important, but you don't really explain and you and it's like just go me with them. And we have to have a fancy. So is either Chick-fil-A or this maze. So is either Chick-fil-A or being an insane person. I'll pick the Chick-fil-A. You're right.

I think you'll enjoy that. And it's good because you pick it up so they don't know that I'm going there. Yes, so you're not photographing it just I am. Yes, exactly. Uh-huh. Which a little better night. Oh, this is going so well. Okay, the next thing that has to happen in the day is, um, I need to take my dog to get

a haircut. Do I want her ears trimmed short or long? Well, being as your dog, oh, if only I knew the breed. It's a huge problem, my assistant. Being your dog is the breed that it is, you obviously want to keep it that yours long. You're fired.

Fuck you. I prefer them shorter and they often keep them longer and it makes yours long. You're fired. Fuck you. Yeah. I prefer them shorter and they often keep them longer and it makes me annoyed. Okay. Well, you got to now tall as the bus. Hello, everyone. He's awake. He's awake.

He's awake. He's awake. Why is he wearing nothing? I have to do all my things that I do. Well, he went to bed wearing clothes and now he's naked. He's sleepwalks. And I take my pajamas off. I can hear you. Well, he went to bed wearing clothes and now he's naked. He sleepwalks. And I take my pajamas off. I can hear you.

Sorry, hello. I have to do all my things that I do. But first, clothes. Now, do I want you to dress me in a fine Italian suit? Or do I want to walk out there in my pajamas? I would say you're in a one where the fine Italian suit or do I want to walk out there in my pajamas? I would say you're in a one-on-one with the fine Italian suit. You always look so great every day. Why would you want to look like you're phoning it in?

The suit, yeah, same. I think that you're a big fan of Downton Abbey and you love how all those people are dressed by man servants. So I'm going to go with the suit as well. You're a big fan of Downton Abbey and you love how all those people are dressed by man servants So I'm gonna go with the suit as well You're all fired. Wow. I don't want you putting clothes on me. I'd rather go out my pajamas. Wow Okay, that was one. Yeah, I know help Later bitch. This is what I needed Scott. You're the boss Hello everyone A little later bitch. This is what I needed. Scott, you're the boss.

Hello, everyone. He's awake. He's awake. He's awake. Good morning, good morning, boss. Guys, do you think I should run 20 miles or should I lay in bed jerking it in front of you guys? Oh, her.

I think you should lay in bed jerking it. I want to know what goes down. And I think you don't want to run 20 miles if we're being honest you'd rather landbed in jerk off. I'm gonna give it to you straight. Yeah, you should run 20 miles. Fuck you, you're fired. You're waiting. You're waiting. You're going to be fired. You're going to watch him jerk off. It's a loose, loose. What do you get a pick? I really you see we had I'm here. You're gonna be fired. You want to watch them jerk off. It's a lose lose What do you get a pick? I really need to Stay I need someone here to just have the same story as me

Stay in bed do it you please all right here I go Okay, cut to the next so no Is a luncheon Okay, so wait. That was it. All right, I'm done. Thank you. You just rubbed your dick against a silk sheet. I just need someone to watch me jerk off and that's it for me.

All right, guys, time to do my other things I'm going to do all day. And I still have two assistants. I, I found out last night when I parked my car that one of the lights was on that said that I need to have it checked. Should I just not pay attention to it or should I Uber somewhere and you take the car into the place? I think you should Uber, it's just safer. I wanna make sure that you don't get harmed

and I wanna take care of all the things that are kinda tedious like getting the car fixed. I think you should Uber and I highly recommend bringing some headphones because I know you love avoiding conversation and I'll take care of it as well. Lauren, you're fired, she's wearing your hired. We've been heaping over.

He suggested the headphones. I still picked the right thing. No, I wasn't gonna pick Uber, because I don't like the Uber, but then he suggested the headphones, and I was like, oh, you're right. I thought we were supposed to say true to what we believe when you were in doubt.

I would have fired you both because I was like, I don't want to Uber, but then. Okay, fine, Kevin continues, go on. All right, I've just do a bird to work. Shevin, hello, are you at the car dealership? Yes, I'm here. Where are you? I'm at work.

He's omniscient. What's going on with it? Kevin, just hear his voice in the screen. What's up with that light? It's Kevin, are you at the car dealership? What have gotten I need you? What have got to you? Kevin.

That'd be helpful. Noah. Who are you at the door? Noah. What do you know? What's a cubit? Okay, next problem. What's going on with the light? Wait, you're supposed to just ask.

I just have a conversation with them before I get to it. What's going on with the light? You left the lights on, so there is issues with the battery, but they're fixing it now. Okay, do I want you to come back, leave the car there and come back and feed me my meal by hand because my hand kind of hurts right now, and I don't want to pick up a fork. Or should you just stay there and make sure that this actually gets done correctly? Well, I know you don't want to eat your own food. You'd rather have someone feed you. And I feel like you're just going to send me back to the car dealership anyway.

So I'll feed you. Get over here, my big boy. Wow. Okay. Wow, he continues on. Oh, that was so good. He just be paying. And he's so good. No, no, no, no.

Yeah. He's missing. Just mashed bananas going against his chin. I think this is how you eat. Oh no, the police have just called. Cool, I've been murdered. Oh, whoa. Do I want to find the killer?

Oh, like this one. Myself or do I want to let the police handle this? I feel like you really like the police, so you want them to take care of it. That's why, because you really like somebody. Who gave you the idea that I like the police? Fuck the police and fuck you, you're fired. Wow. Kevin has your chance. Some you've always wanted to say.

Yeah. And by the way, if you say this to be for real, you're fired for real. I'll see you tomorrow. Okay, thank you. That's the ultimate test. That's the ultimate test. I fired him, but he's gonna show up tomorrow Really mean it cuz you know that was fun. That was good. That was fun It was fun. We found a new feature. I thought my was my was I was unclear when I was the boss was I clear or not? I think that was actually the biggest problem for you is that as a boss You're not clear about what you want. Yeah, we all got we lost our job because it's more like a clear

Yeah It was supposed to be a choice of either, you personally dressing me. I got that. Or, okay. I didn't get it. Oh, okay. See, I wasn't clear. But I thought that you wanted that.

You seriously don't want anyone personally dressing you. Oh my God. What if you, I always think when you see that in some old movie or Downton Abbey or whatever, it's the weirdest fucking thing. Well, that was a thing. You always come in late in the process. Like the royal family.

You always come in late in the process in Downton Abbey though, so like it's a little better where I go, oh, that would be cool because you're always there on the finishing touches. Is there a jacket? Yeah, it is. And I had to have a girl dress me because I was wearing period clothes

from back in the day. Yeah. And I had so many layers that were really heavy and like a buttress and like all these different things and boots that had like a bustle. A bustle, I mean, what's a buttress? It's like a bridge, it's some fillable. I was wearing a bridge.

Oh my God, I gotta see this movie. I was wearing a bustle, but you know, and then like boots that had to be like, linked with like a tool and like there were buttons all up the side. And it was, I mean, it was fine, but it was really uncomfortable. And they all sort of like zipping you

in as tight as you can possibly take and like, oh my God, I think it would have been more of a- So you didn't like the person dressing you? No, I liked her. She was nice. No, I don't mean that. You don't like the situation. Oh yeah, no.

I felt like it's really awkward, but I would never have been able to get into the clothes by myself. But what if they were nice, comfortable clothes that someone was putting on you? No, that's weird. They're slipping me into sweatpants. It's like a baby.

I think I would love to see a down-navied type thing with the sweatpants. They just lay on the bed and put their legs up. Jim shorts. Yeah, yeah. All right, we gotta go. This was fun. This was fun.

This was fun. This was fun. What a blast. I enjoyed it. Same. All right. See you guys next week. We love you. I love you. I love you.

Tone. you