Threedom - Threevisiting: Boats Come Into Your Life

Episode Date: July 8, 2025

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss procrastinating and going to the principal's office before playing Jitterbug.  Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Make life suck less with fewer ads with Lemonada Premium. I was whispering. I was doing whatever I wanted and I don't even remember. I was doing like a scary ghost whisper. Great. You were whispering to a ghost and trying to get it to adjust its actions. Yeah. Like stop it. Stop haunting us.

Quit scaring everybody. Can I ask you a question? Oh, yeah, please, Lauren. Depends on who you were talking to. Yeah, because you looked away from both of us. I'm talking to both of you. Shit, OK. I thought you might be talking to the audience.

But my name is Lauren. And what are you here to say? That your name is Paul and your name is Scott. OK. And we're rapping in a whole new way. OK. Okay. And we're rapping in a whole new way. Okay, got all this pressure to rap in a whole new way. But the whole new way is just we talk freestyle. Okay. Yeah.

You don't think rappers sit around, rappers, sit around thinking like, what's a whole new way to rap? They wonder. I had a little tiny burp in the first time I did it. Oh, Foster Brooks time? So it sounded like, you don't think rappers? Like I got emotional talking about rappers. I wanted to ask when you have a task

that needs to be accomplished in your home, such as paperwork or cleaning something or organizing something, are you a procrastinator or do you get right down to business? Oof. Like the minutes it's- Like if you're like, oh, I got to, I just remembered I have to do that thing.

And then you're like, I'll just do it right now. Or do you go like, I'll do it. I'm a procrastinator. I'll do it two minutes before it's supposed to be done, no matter what it is. Yeah. I have found that I will do household tasks that need to be done as a way of procrastinating

doing other things. I do that as well. Oh, interesting. Well, I feel, one thing that I feel is that I will let paperwork, I'll just put it to the side and go, I'll deal with that later. And then when I go to deal with it, like a month later, it's one, it took one second.

Yeah, what paperwork are you doing constantly? I get things- Lawsuits? Like bills or like a, I got like a thing about my insurance that I just got a phone call following up because I was like, oh, I didn't deal with it, which is why I'm thinking about this now. But I set it into my pile of things to deal with. And then I was like, oh, right.

I'm late on like dues payments for SAG, Writers Guild, stuff like that. I'm lucky I don't work, so I don't have dues that I need to pay. Are you retired? I feel like I've been forcibly retired. You gotta pay some guild dues too. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Well the normal, I just mean like the whole like, the DGA keeps emailing me reminder. You know, whatever it is, 2.5% of your salary, you gotta pay it at this point. I'm like, not a problem for me. 2.5% of your salary. Whatever it is, I don't even remember what their dues are. You know how the WGA, it's like 2.5%, isn't it?

Well, I don't know, because for me, it's always like, what's the minimum to stay in the guild? And it's like 60 bucks or something. Right. Right. Because I haven't made any money from writing. But they put me into emeritus status in the writers guild. That means it's like, you're not, we know you're not doing anything, but.

But you still get to be here. Yeah. Can I complain about Writers Guild insurance? Please. Wow. I've been dying for this. And the listeners want it too. So, I've been working for the Writers Guild,

or I've been a member of the Writers Guild for now 20. Proud member. Proud member. I was a member, or I've been in for the writers guild, or I've been a member of the writers guild for now 20. Proud member. Proud member. I've been in it for 25 years. And- I've been a member for 20. 20. And I love it.

At a certain point they wrote to me and said, you have now qualified for insurance for life. Finan status. Yeah, you know, because- Dang. Right? So I, in the back of my mind had been like, oh wow, no matter what happens, insurance for life. Fiving status. Yeah. Dang! Right? So I, in the back of my mind, have been like, oh wow, no matter what happens, at least I

have, me and my family have this insurance. Right. Yeah. So then COVID happens. Everything is shut down. I don't write for two years. Right. They write and go, by the way, we're kicking you off your insurance.

And I go, I thought I had it for life. They're like, no, that's when you retire. Uh, but like you have to actively retire and say, I'm not working anymore. At that point. Yeah, still. But that's what they meant. So and I'm like, but wait a minute, aren't you supposed to protect the writers? Like COVID happened.

It's a pandemic. And no one's working. And they're like, no more insurance. Bye. That's cruel. We they're like, no more insurance, bye. That's cruel. We have a bad, bad system. And I'm here to talk about it because I don't want to talk all about that.

I did a lot of research and I want to say everything I learned. Our insurance is SAG. And it's like the weirdness of, in order to maintain this insurance for your health, you have to work and guess what? Working is not up to you. Right.

And if you are not sick, you cannot work. And if you get sick, you cannot work. It's like, they've talked about changing all this kind of stuff. Like you should just get, if you're a member, you just get your insurance. Yeah. Yeah. No matter what you make one year or what you don't.

Like you have to make $30,000 a year or something in order to get it. Wasn't when COVID happened, really? Something like that. I don't know how I still have insurance. Oh, in the Writers Guild. I was gonna say. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I was consistently, no matter what was going on, I would usually write something in a year. Right, right, right. Yeah, I don't know what it is for a second. I'm curious. When SAG, like I feel like at the beginning of COVID, and they were like, yeah, we don't have any, we don't have any money because some members needed some surgeries. And so that's all the money.

What? You got to be fucking kidding me. Well, this is a problem for people who don't work in job insurances too. When you tie insurance to employment, then you get a bunch of unhappy people who are like, I can't quit my job because then I'm out of insurance. And then I wouldn't, you know, it's just like, let's just make, well, anyway. You do have to make $25,950 to get sag insurance. I know what you're saying out there.

Why don't I just like guest ride on SNL for a week? Yeah, it'll just get done, you know? Like just do a little, just pop onto a show. Guys, let's just, and this is a radical thing I'm saying maybe, but let's just do Medicare for All, please, everyone just gets insurance. Obviously. Everyone just gets health stuff.

It makes no sense. I know that yes, we have the best healthcare system in the world, or the best doctors in the world, because they're competing against each other or whatever, but there's gotta be a better way. I don't want the government coming between me and my doctor. I wanna go to my doctor that's assigned to me

by my insurance. But it already is so complicated. Anyway, sorry, sorry guys. Great start. Great start that we're all depressed about. It's not what I was trying to get going with my question. What was your original question? If you're a procrastinator or you're a go get him guy.

I'm a crass. Yeah. I'm procrastinating about medical stuff right now. Yeah. Because I just don't. Sometimes it's annoying to deal with this stuff. Oh, you mean like you want to go get something checked or? I have to, there's procedures that I have to do just from,

like I have to get a colonoscopy, which I have not done yet. Dick measured. I do that myself. Just to see every year. From the base of the walls? Yeah, I stand next to the wall in the kitchen. Thanks to the door frame.

I think two little pencil marks. Eww. That's disgusting. You have to lie down on the kitchen floor. You lie down, but then you delete your body. You delete your body widths from the mat. Hicks! Well, that's just the crown molding.

Those are the baseboards. Paul, you're as thin as a baseboard. I'm as skinny as a baseboard. As you can see. As you can see, I'm skinny as a baseboard. Oh my God. But yeah, I have to, what else do I have to, I have to get my thyroid checked.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And I'm just, I am supposed to be making these appointments and I just haven't done anything. You know, it's really hard to do. And I also feel like in LA, it's very hard to get a doctor's appointment, but you could see you in November.

Like they've got you so far away. Yeah. It's crazy. But then sometimes I'll turn that down, like even for my dermatologist. Like they're like, we can see you next May. And I'm like, that's psychotic. And then I'm like, I'll go somewhere else. I'll go somewhere else.

And then do you have a psychosis of some kind? And next May rolls around and I haven't done it yet. I'm like, would I have the appointment tomorrow if I just kept it on the calendar? So I just, my new thing is I will take whatever they give me and cancel it upon. And thank them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's the way to go. That's the way to go. Time passes regardless, you know? I do like it when you go into the eye doctor, the tooth doctor, what are they called? Dentists? Tooth doctor. And they make the automatic appointment for you

when you leave and they're just like, and I always just go, yep, I'll take it. And then, and I usually- They go like, what are you doing March 6th, this noon okay? I'm like, I don't fucking know. But then it rolls around and I'm never doing it. Or I schedule whatever around it.

Of course, of course. It's good to know. Instead of just going like, eh, let me talk to you a month beforehand. And then they're like, we don't have anything anymore. I wanna keep my options open. Maybe I'll get to you a month beforehand. And then they're like, we don't have anything anymore. I want to keep my options open. Yeah. Maybe I'll get to ride a roller coaster that day.

It's true. Oh man, that would be so great. Do you like roller coasters? I think I'm done with boats and roller coasters. Oh, I love boats. I'm definitely done with roller coasters. You love boats. I love boats.

Well, not all roller coasters, by the way, I went on Big Thunder Mountain the other day. Oh no, Disneyland roller coasters are fun. Perfect roller coaster, no notes. I'd probably do that. I don't know if I'd go on like a- You held onto your hats and glasses? I did.

It was a great time, but I don't really wanna go on a Topsy Turvy roller coaster, and I don't wanna- Like a loop-de-loop. I don't want boats either, I think we have gotten into that in depth. Dang, I love it. I know, I mean, I know I'll be on boats many more times. What about a boat that did a loop de loop?

I think that would make me sick. Like not on a track on like a water loop de loop. Yeah, I'd do it. That would be so cool. That would be sick. Would you ever water ski? I don't see that in my future. I used to when I was-

Reply hazy, try again. Have you done it? No, I never have. I don't think- I used to when I was young. It doesn't appeal to me. Have you done it? No, I never have. I don't think. I used to when I was young. It doesn't appeal to me. It was super fun. You used to do it?

Really? Yeah, but I thought of that the other day. I was like, oh, I'll never do it again. Right. There are certain, I was talking to a friend of mine and she was saying like, she'll never ski again. I was like, yeah. I mean, it's just like at a certain point.

No desire to ski. It's like, you don't want to sunny bono it, you know, and. Die. Yeah, just things are just too fucking. Thanks for putting to find a point on it. Precarious to do ever again. I like being here about it. Make a little burn out in years. I heard their version of Bills, Bills, Bills today.

It was good. Oh, I think I have heard that. Yeah, I haven't. Automobiles. The audacity. It's called writing. To say automobiles. Automobiles. In a song. Yeah. Can you pay my automobiles? And have it be good. It's good. Maybe we could chill. I think I told you guys this, that we, Janey and I rented a boat when we were in South Carolina. Yes. We did.

We did. I want to do it did. I want to do it again. I want to do it again. Like how choppy though is, is it like on the ocean or? You know what? No, it's the river. That's probably okay for me. But it leads into the ocean. Cause I'll say when we went to,

we went to Italy recently and we went to Venice. Yeah. The great thing about flying into Venice, it's so fun is you, you touched down to the airport and then you, instead of taking a taxi to the hotel, you have to take a water taxi. Fun. Which is very fun.

And it didn't feel choppy to me. They're going fast enough or it's like, they're just skimming over the big choppy stuff. Right. And it's short enough or whatever. It was like 20 minutes or whatever. That's fine. I was like, that's fine.

I'll go, I'll do that again. But then we rented a boat and man, just 20 minutes into it, I was like, I'm more sick than I've been in forever. I- You were doing, like you put your finger on your lips and then the big cheeks. Yeah.

Chipmunk. So I think Cool Up and I were both like, well, we don't need to ever do a boat again. You're gonna end up on boats again and you're not gonna have much to say about it. Because Waterworld is coming true. Boats, boats just come. Just don't you.

Boats come into your life, you have no control. You're like, oh, we're going. Boats come into your life. Because they do. You're going to be like shooting something. I have had to do that on boats multiple times. I go to someone's wedding and like the rehearsal thing's on a boat and then it's like this and that.

You just end up on boats. If something's on a stationary boat in a pier or whatever, or taking like a nice jaunty little- I'm not talking about stationary. A nice little jaunty thing around like a very calm waters or whatever, I don't mind that. Okay. But you're saying that I'm gonna go

on a big stormy night at sea boat at some point in my life in the future. Tyler Henry the medium told me that he saw that for you. What? You asked him about friends? He brought it up. future? Tyler Henry, the medium told me that he saw that for you. You asked him about friends. He brought it up. Wow. Do you mention me? He did. What did he say? I don't think you want to hear it. You gotta tell me now. Did he mention me? Did he mention me?

He said, you have a friend named Paul. I'm getting that. No, I'm. No, he said, Oh, he said that's you have a friend named Paul. And he said, does he, I'm. No, he said to me. Oh, he said that to you. Do you have a friend named Paul? Oh, do you have a friend named Paul? And he said, does he like Snickers bars? And I said, I'm not sure. And he said, well, he's going to end up in a Snickers eating contest. Eating contest?

Wow. How many can anyone eat? But he said it could happen any time in the next 50 years. Probably sooner than 50. It's the last thing I do before I die. You die because of it. It's my deathbed. Before I go.

Let me show a bunch of Snickers on my throat. Oh, you would do it because you're on your deathbed. I know I'm dying and I'm like, I'm throwing down the gauntlet. You know what? How many people have like used their death moment when they're very old or like, you know, like a very old person where the death feels like I've had my time and this is like appropriate to be like, do a bit like how many times jump out this building. But where's my Oscar Wilde? Obviously he did either that wallpaper goes, or I do.

Did you say that? Were those his last words? What a guy. I believe they were, yes. Love it. Love it, love it. I mean, that's hilarious. What was Jack Lemmon's? How long was he thinking that? I mentioned this on another show. What was Jack Lemmon's Tombstone?

It says like, now in, like starring in this or something, like, and it's just blank. Yeah, let me look it up. Was it his or was it somebody else's? No, it was Jack Lemmon, yeah. Jack Lemmon's Tombstone, it says, oh yeah, Jack Lemmon in. Yeah. And then the ground. Jack, I love it.

You like you come up with like funny ideas like that. What funny ideas? And then people go like, well, no, no, you have fans around the world. They're going to want to see your tombstone. They want it to be serious. It's a somber event. Your family members. But he committed. I think I respect that. I do, too.

Yeah, that seems like a great use. You know, we have all these stones taking up space. your family members, but he committed. I think a funny tombstone is great. I respect that. I do too. That seems like a great use of it. We have all these stones taking up space. Eventually we won't have enough room for cemeteries. That's the thing is like cemeteries. Use the cemetery space while we still got it. Do a joke. Let's make affordable housing instead of cemeteries

and let's just burn everybody up. There's that many cemeteries. I mean, Forest Lawn, there's like three here in the area. Forest Lawn is huge. There's, Forest Lawn, there's like three here in the area. Forest Lawn is huge. There's three Forest Lawns. Yeah. I mean, the Hollywood Cemetery is fine. Like, let's leave it to that.

One in every town. They each get one of the most famous people. Only the famous people in every town. Yeah. And they can be born there or have lived there in that post. The Hollywood Cemetery needs to get more exclusive. In New York, where they have a few. I saw some sea listers out there. Yeah, too many randos. Yeah. You have to find in the post. Hollywood cemetery needs to get more exclusive. In New York, where they have- I saw some sea listers in there.

Yeah, too many randos. Yeah. You have to find the good ones. In New York, I love the cemeteries that are really old and just tucked between all the buildings. Like the ones that you see on the way to the airport. No, like in like, Tribeca. Oh, the ones in the actual, oh, right, right, right.

There'll be just like all the really old, those are interesting. They're interesting, but do we need to have them? I think there should be some element of history that's history. But it's all history. But you know, I like an old church. You'll see like grave stones in Manhattan as well. And they're so old that the grandma first dust.

How old are they that even the inscription has worn away and it's just like this green mossy stone. Oh yeah, right. And it's like, what are we doing now? That feels weird, but it's also interesting. It just feels like hocus pocus or something. But I think like. Don't you think it should be 20 years after you're putting the ground, they recycle? That's not long. That's not long. But you know that if they took out the cemeteries in Manhattan, they would just build some ugly condo.

Like, no, you need at least a building that's gonna be like historically interesting or like architecturally. I'm saying what if they didn't just build an ugly condo? They built like a beautiful condo. Of course I wanna help the homeless. I'm not arguing against that. I'm just saying.

But I also think we can do that in general. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think that. But you're a you're a nimby. What's that? Not in my backyard. Oh, God. No, I'm saying like, how about just anywhere where there's a building?

They just do that. Anywhere there's a building, we turn it into a. I honestly lost this one. What do we do? We turn it into a graveyard. You're accusing me of not wanting to support unhoused jobs. No, that part I got.

But you're saying turn... Anywhere there's a building, turn it into a greener. I just think like anywhere you can build a new building could be one of those. So why don't we say... Could be one of what? Unh... Help... What did you call it?

Affordable housing. Oh yeah. Okay. How did we get there? Which building do you say we turn down? Um, what should we tear down? Turn down for what? Oh, there's so many ugly buildings in LA.

I mean, hideous. What's the first building that you would... Hideous buildings here. So this is good because it inspires or it gives incentive to people who own buildings to make them look nice. Yeah, I think here I have a very different argument about building things than I would in Manhattan,

which I think has a lot more historical value. I like the Isle of Manhattan. But here I think the architecture is 90% really bad and from like 1960 or 1990 and it's like really ugly. Right. Speaking of architecture and historical value and Los Angeles, when I visited my sister here in 1984. We've heard this, yes.

No, we don't know. No, I mean we've heard about this story. I'm just putting it into perspective. Which story do you think I'm going to tell? No, no, I'm just saying that we've heard about this trip. Yes. This is probably a new... It's freedom legend.

Yes. That I visited my sister, she lived in Redondo Beach in 1984. It inspired you to live here. It didn't. It seems like it must've been cool. I thought you said that. To live in LA in 1984. I thought that you came here and were like, this looks like a pretty cool place.

No, in fact, the opposite, because I was raised back East where we are encouraged to have a healthy hatred of a place we've never been. Yeah, for sure. And what's your point? Um, we saw, I think we went to, did we go to, what's the, what is the alley where they have these? Is it Santy Alley where they have? Why? It's these. They have like a little alley.

It's almost like it's like a little old Mexican. And now you're trying to get anything. I know it doesn't make sense. It's like a little Mexican town. Oh, on a street in downtown. Yeah. Oh, it's Alvera Street. Alvera Street! Yeah.

And so they had- Famously the street that- You thought it was Sandy Lane. Sandy Lane. Famously the street that they had a major Tejano music festival on the night Cool Up and I got married. Yes.

We were supposed to be married outside and we had to move it inside because loud blaring. Yes. When we were, I remember when Jane and I were pulling up to that and we heard the music, we're like, Oh, this is this. Do you think you'll be able to hear it? No, we moved everything inside and Cool Up was crying because we had planned everything. And then it turned out so much better because she got to make an entrance from that giant circular staircase. It was beautiful. Yeah, it was great. It was so much better because she got to make an entrance from that giant circular staircase.

It was beautiful. Yeah, it was great. It was so much better. That's why they say when one door closes. It closes. Then you have to go inside. You have to get in there. So they had like an adobe.

It might not have been Olvera Street. It might have been another part of town. Describe it because I've been there so many times. This is all I remember, was I had like an Adobe with like, That's Alvarez Street. With like a plaque that explained it. No, that is it.

Yeah, and I was reading the plaque and I went, they spelled abode wrong. Ah, I love it. I love when you're dumb and dumb. And my sister shut me down. Oh yeah, oh good, I'm glad there was a sibling there to really let you have it. She roasted me.

But we learned so much about Adobe, but probably because it's a- You mean Qdoba. Oh, sorry. Or do you mean Photoshop? No, we learned about it because it's a culture, or it's a regional thing. I learned so much about Adobe Acrobat.

There probably wasn't any call to learn about Adobe when you're in Philly, right? No, I'd never heard or seen that word before. I learned all about it. In Chicago? It. One Adobe. You learned about one Adobe?

We did learn about Adobe's. Is it plural? Adobe. Adobe in books, you know, we learned about different... Books. Yeah, we learned about historical facts. Those things you pretend to read. That's just my talking.

We learned about historical facts and one of them was Adobe's. Yeah. We didn't have books in my school. Oh, I'm so sorry. Aw. It was the oral tradition. We had a campfire in the middle of the school room. Where they would teach CRT.

A wizened elder would enter. Yeah. Speaking of Adobe, I feel like it never remembers a password to save its life and that each little branch of Adobe You have to have a different password for are you still on it? I don't have to use it for the docu sign. There's a lot of things to use it for PDFs absolutely sick of passwords

But I can't you know they say for everything what is it Oscar Wilde said if you're tired of passwords, you're tired of life Yeah, I heard you're a wild head. You're a wild man. So many websites Too many websites. Let's start. Let's start too many Login I don't need a login for every store. I buy something from online I don't know it's like stop doing this We should be able to delete old websites from the web Like if you go to let's say you stumble upon a website and you're like, no one has been on this for years.

I get to believe it comes through. But then there are the, there's those old like eight bit websites that are still around for something like the, what was the one, one video game that still is there? I can't remember, but it's like, Oh my God, it's still there. And I just think we need to wipe away. Let's make graveyards on the Internet instead of in real life. Digital graveyard.

You can have like an eight bit of a PDF. If you had an old website. Yeah. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do. Backman, you can sit there and grieve and then the back man goes comes up and there'd be like Arlington Cemetery would be there where like special honors, you know, this on this website, only people who have died in battle. How about this?

Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. What a waste of space. There's nobody in there. That's so harsh. We don't know who it is. There's nobody in there. There's nobody in there. You don't know that.

You think it's really one guy and they're like, we don't know who he is. Yeah, they should do a DNA test on him. You don't know that. You think it's really one guy and they're like, we don't know who he is. Yeah. They should do a DNA test on him. He's part Collie. No. And then the mom gets mad at the dad. Here we go again.

Here we go again. This has all happened before. On my tomb. On my tomb. On my tomb. On my tomb. I like it. I like it. Do do do do do. Do do do do. Oh my tomb, I like it, I like it. Womb to tomb. Womb to tomb.

Sperm to worm. Sperm to worm. Which they have to, I had to. What's my story my dear girl? We had to change that in the high school version. What'd you change it to? Birth to earth maybe or something like that. I can't remember what, yeah it still works. Sperm to worm, that feels intense.

Cause what it, Womb to tomb makes sense, but oh cause worms are eating you. Yeah, because you become a worm. You become more when you die. You become the dirt. It's so funny. Like, yeah, when you're sperm. You start out as sperm. And now I'm a worm.

See, I believe life begins at sperm. Not even if it ever mingles with. There you go. OK, you owe the sin of owning. You must not spill your seed on the ground. That's right. What was that about? Why is God getting involved in that kind of business? Cause he had to see it. It's gross. Like this guy just standing in some field. He's like, look, I gotta watch everything and half the population all day is

jerking off this dude. This dude owning cause spill your seat on the ground. So this guy is like just standing out in the desert, jerking off. Well that, okay. So that's the other thing they've interpreted that to mean anytime you have sex, it's got to be inside a woman. Yeah. That's their excuse to say like,

gay people shouldn't be gay and all this kind of stuff because sex is only used. Oh, I had not heard that. That's how it was interpreted at my church growing up. Really? They were like, you shouldn't masturbate because that's wasting your sperm. Yeah, we need it.

And you can't be gay because that whole relationship is wasting your sperm, i.e. spilling it upon the ground. Ah. The purpose of sex is to procreate. Right. And to do it inside a house. A bedroom. You know what?

You're still spreading this information to people who might not have heard that. So I'm worse than even the church. Kind of. We should just not even acknowledge those things have ever been said and just move on, you know what I mean? No.

I never have known that. And I don't wanna know that. You didn't wanna know that? I think it's just so stupid that I can't really deal with it, you know? And I feel like my life was better before I knew that. Did you even know about that Bible verse? Yeah, I've heard it.

Mike talked about it. Mike screams that when he- Smelling my seed on the ground! He screams it. All right, let's take a break. Burnoo, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no My rights, and in summer we have so many plans to do so many things. But you know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans? Getting burned by your old wireless bill. Can you imagine a Beach Boys song about that? If everybody was burned by their old wireless bill.

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365 day returns that's quince.com slash freedom Hi, I'm Erica Mahoney. You don't know me, but you know a version of my story. Because by now, we've all felt the impact of senseless gun violence. I think a stray bullet flew past me because I hear the whew. It was that horrible feeling of dread. Something's wrong. Four years ago, my dad was killed in a mass shooting. My podcast, Senseless, is about moving forward

after the unthinkable. Senseless from Lemonada Media, premiering June 17th. ["Senseless"] And we're back. I know I am. I'm here. Yay! Yeah!

Yow! Yay! Yeah! Remember? Oh, yeah! Is he still doing that, Lil Jon? Yeah, he has a new home renovation show, not to give you the reality. What?

But it says, Lil Jon wants to do what? That's what it's called. And it's a show where he does renovations. I love it. I haven't watched it. I have one on my DVR. He was an absolute delight on the comedy-bangering TV show. I am only going to watch it.

And it's nothing against Lil Jon. I don't watch these kind of shows. I will only watch it if he renovates at school and puts soda in the comedy band. Fun. I am only going to watch it. And it's nothing against Little John. I don't watch these kind of shows. I will only watch it if he renovates at school and puts soda in the drinking fountains. Yeah, that sounds like it would work really well. It's never been done. Yeah. I can't believe we talked about it for so long.

But no one would ever leave a soda fountain. Did I tell you about the, when I was in grade school, I think we had an assignment or something of like, you have to write an essay of. What are you guys, assassins? We had an assignment. Here's your assignment. She chooses to accept it.

They had to say that every single time they gave out homework. I don't choose to accept it. Oh, I choose, no thanks. So I think this is not me running for office. I think the assignment was, okay, if you were running for- The ghost from Family Circus? Shut up. But I think the assignment was write a paragraph about what you would promise to do in the school or something like that. I don't know what, but I wrote-

I will be a dork. Maybe I was running for office. I don't know why the rest of the story makes sense if I wasn't. Running for office. But I wrote student office. So I wrote- Oh, thanks. I wasn't trying to be the youngest mayor. I thought you were going to be the city comptroller.

I heard that that was pronounced cumtroller, that the P is silent. Cumtroller? Cumtroller. Anyway. CUM Troller? CUM Troller. Anyway, so I wrote a big essay, a big long thing about how when I'm elected, I'm going to make sure that when you go to the drinking fountain, because there's two side by side, right? You look like you're grabbing tits that are just... You're grabbing tits.

You're grabbing tits. It's like I'm in the musical Chicago. I love you, honey. But they're so spread out. There's this part. Does that happen? There's this part in Chicago where a woman is talking about her husband that she killed, how he would work on her like he was working on carburetors. And and so I'm miming twisting these carburetors.

That sounds stupid. Anyway. So I wrote, let me guess Chicago was written by a man. You can tell when you watch that play, starring all women practically in one man, that it was written by a man. That actually does sound like it was written by a man. Tits like carburetors. He's not saying tits like carburetors. She's complaining. She's complaining that her husband, a mechanic.

Ah, you got tits like carburetors. She's complaining that her husband, a mechanic, would then work on her body instead of doing foreplay. Can I just say it was written by two men on the musical Batman? I know. Nevermind. But wait, why? But that's why he said it like that.

That's what's putting all this ink on me. What are you doing? You put all of your hands. That thing's covered with ink. Yes, it's a headphone jack. I don't know. Who did that? Somebody fucking covered it.

It's like a musical prank. It is like a prank. You know what it is? I bet it was inside there. Oh, I thought it was like. Maybe it was one of those eye kaleidoscopes and then you pull it away and you got a whole black eye. I thought it was like a true asshole.

Doesn't wash off. A true asshole sets up a prank that he will never get to see. Yeah. He just knows it's out there pranking away. At least the impractical jokers, you know they're watching. Those guys. So anyway, so I wrote this essay about when I'm school president, I'll make sure that

when you go to the drinking fountain, if someone is already there drinking something and you turn on the other one, it doesn't make the flow go down. It's so embarrassing. You know, you kind of have to dip. Yeah, it's like, yeah, it still happens at the airport. Who's doing who's drinking out two water phones at the same time at the airport? What lunatics are even drinking out of the airport? Hold on a second, guys.

Yeah, you and you. Well, there's? Hold on a second, guys. Yeah. Here's what it is. There's the water bottle filler. Yeah. And then there's a water fountain next to it. And if you use one, the water pressure on the other one goes down. I'm so sorry to hear that. Well, this was the topic of conversation.

This is the topic of conversation when I was called into the principal's office. Holy fucking shit. And explained to me by the principal about why that wasn't possible. Because the fountains are white only. Yes, and they had just recently changed over. And they're like, we can't fix these now.

But they, oh, thank you, Kevin. He's giving me some wipes. Look at Chevin. Thank you, Chevin. We love you. giving me some wipes. Look at Chevin. Thank you. Thank you, Chevin. We love you. Disinfecting wipes. And he was like, He was like, well, this is-

They bought everything at the beginning of the pandemic. Everything here is not a brand name. Like I'm looking at the hand sanitizer that's from France and it's like Germs Be Gone. And those are just called disinfecting wipes. All of it's back in stores now. Germs Be Gone. You can go get clogs.

You can go get the brand name shit, Kevin. Like I don't believe that germs be gone is doing anything. I think these are just leftover from the start of the pandemic, right? That's what I'm saying. This is starting the pandemic. No, but that's what I'm saying.

That's what I am saying. No, but I'm saying. No, no, no, it's leftover from the beginning of the pandemic. Why doesn't Airwolf go to the fucking store and get some of the real shit that actually works? Airwolf go to the fucking store and get some of the real shit? That actually works. Airwolf go to the store, get a loaf of bread, a container of milk,

and a stick of butter. Your lowest rated show, We Have Demand. Yeah. So anyway, he explained it to me. I think actually the office ladies would be thrilled to see a real brand of hand sanitizer here. You don't think they like germs be gone? Germs be gone. By the way, it's not be gone like one word. It's two't think they like germs be gone germs be gone by the way it's

not be gone like one word it's two different words the g is very large and then it says erms be on and then it's supposed to line up with the g so it's erms be on the g is very large with snoop dog's follow-up song too ain't nothing but a g thing g the, what this has in it is ethyl alcohol, 65% W slash W. I don't think these are good when they use the same G for two different words. It's way, they didn't have enough money to get two G's. It's so cheap. Yeah. Yeah.

I can't believe it's called germs be gone. Germs be gone! Hands in the hands of a gel. This is a rapper to you! Gel de c'est fait polament. Guys, my hands are relatively clean at this point. So I'm feeling better. Oh, absolutely.

You'll get your pinky. That's what Robert Durst said. Oh, fuck. Yeah, wow, it took a lot of wipes. I'm on my third wipe right now and I didn't even look at my pinky. It's gonna take a lot of wipes. Anyway, have you guys ever been called

into the principal's office? Is Robert Durst dead? Oh, yes. Yeah, right? Yes. Great. I want to say yes. Great, thank you. Have I been called in?

Yeah. I mean, have I told my epic story? I don't know. No, I have a story as well. It's not epic. Should I go first? Tell me yours. I went, my brother, my older brother and I

went to the same grade school. And I guess he had incurred the ire of our principal, sister, oh, what the fuck was her name? Oh, god damn, I can see her. She had like, she was a- She can see you saying god damn. She was like, have it from hell. I actually see her in the corner right now.

She, she was a short woman. She was a short king. Older woman. She was a short king. And she had she had glasses. She had these huge buck teeth. Oh my God. I had a dream last night that I had a mustache and I was going, oh, should I not have this? I've had this for years. It's like a thick. It was like a thick mustache. Like a Magnum B.I. mustache?

Like a man's mustache. Like Paul's. Like it was a thick mustache. Like a man's mustache. Like a man's mustache. Like a man's mustache. Like a man's mustache. Like a man's mustache.

Like a man's mustache. Like a man's mustache. Like a man's mustache. Like a man's mustache. Like a man thick, it was like a thick mustache. Like a magnet BI mustache? Like a man's mustache. Like Paul's, like it was a thick mustache. And I was going like, oh, is it weird that I have this? I was just realizing, I was looking in the mirror going, oh, I think I should have gotten rid of this.

I've made this a part of my look, but it shouldn't be. It was kind of- No, this is gonna cost me work. Please don't do that. Yeah. And so she was a mean lady. Sister Miriam, that was her name. And I was in fourth grade.

And so this woman already did not like me, right? Because you were in fourth grade? I had a reputation because of my brother. She hated the family. Oh, that's so terrible. Yes, so- Which brother was causing a ruckus? My older brother, and I don't even know what he did,

that she, but here's where, this is why he may not have done anything. Yeah. But I was, in fourth grade, we were having some sort of gym period in the classroom, where we had to like move the desks and stuff. Cause it was raining outside maybe? Maybe, we had a sub, we had a and stuff. Oh, because it was raining outside maybe? Maybe. We had a sub. We had a substitute teacher.

Oh, that's what sub means. I thought it was submarine. We had an unsub. We had a sandwich that was teaching us. And I was wearing a clip-on tie, my uniform tie. Oh, it was a uniform. Oh, I thought you just chose... You were like, I was already in. I thought you just chose, you were like, I was already in the Paul F. Tompkins costume. Costume.

That's what I call it. And so I probably, I was like a class clown and I'm sure I did something else that this teacher was annoyed by, whatever. A sub. But yeah, like who cares? The second offense, yeah. You're not gonna be there tomorrow.

Let it go, sweetie pie. Let it go. You're making this day hell for the sub. So I remember that I took my tie off, and after we moved the desks, and I like tossed it on my desk. And at some point we were all getting out of hand. And the principal came in and said like, what's going on here? And the sub said... Did the sub get word to the principal of like,

you gotta get in here. I don't, I don't, honestly, I don't remember if that's what happened or if we were all just so fucking nuts. I bet that's it. Which I think is probably what happened. And so the principal came in and so the sub is like, they're doing this, doing that.

He was throwing things things pointing at me. What? Cause I tossed my fucking tie. Oh, that's so stupid. And so she made me, the principal made me stand in her office, like the outer room of her office for the rest of the day. Stand. I had to just stand there.

Stand in the outer office. Now keep doing it. So it was standing part of the punishment or they just didn't do it. Yeah. Standing, rest of the day. Now keep doing it. So was standing part of the punishment, or they just didn't do it? Yeah, standing was part of the punishment. Like I just said, stand there. I guess when you're a kid, you can stand a little more easier. That would be worse punishment right now.

I remember having to stand outside the classroom, like getting in trouble and having to stand outside the classroom. Nowadays, it would be like, I loved. After two minutes, it would be like, you've got to get me a chair. It is funny, like the only thing that you worry about then is, oh, my, if my parents find out about this, I'll be in trouble.

Right. But if this is just a punishment that stays in here where I just stand on the hallway. Between you and me? Yeah, great. Yeah. Not bad at all. What am I missing out on? Math?

Did your parents find out? I don't remember. My parents found out about that. And it's like one of those things where you're a kid and you're telling your parent, I don't remember. My parents found out about that. And it's like one of those things where I you you're a kid and you're you're telling your parent I didn't do anything wrong. And I think the assumption is that you're lying. Yeah. Yeah. The assumption for kids right is they're trying to weasel out 100% of the time they're lying no matter what they say. Yeah. Yeah. I think everyone knows that. Yeah. When I was little. Here we go.

Here's the epic story. Do we have time for this? It's an epic. But honestly, I might've told it before. All right, well. At which point. I'll stop you at any point. But the principal was involved, but I didn't go to the principal's office.

But I was in second grade, and I had a teacher who was a witch. And she was very, very mean. Like with the hat and everything? She might as well, she probably took off on a broom afterwards. I wish I would have assumed. Yee he on a broom afterwards, which I would have assumed. I would have assumed she rode a broom

unless I saw her sitting in her car smoking cigarettes every day. Oh no. That's brutal. But she was very mean. My brother had had her and she was also very mean to him. And did your brother say like,

oh no, cause it's a young boy. It was family lore. No, he's older. It was family lore, no, he's older. Oh, he's older. It was family lore that she was mean and made him cry because he wrote a two backwards once. Holy shit. And she went off on him.

And she's like, that's a five. So I was really afraid of her. God damn, why would. And I was like, that's nuts. Eight, and I went into her class, which I had her for math and she was really mean and math was hard and what it was She just a math teacher. Would you teach teachers? Second grade? We did switch teachers. It wasn't we didn't always do I don't know why but anyway, we never do that until

Always which teachers every year. No every year we would do reading teacher. I had math Oh, I see. Yeah, we know we know that's what that is. I was thinking about that the other day It's so crazy that teachers have to be good at all subjects through elementary school. They gotta be good at reading the book. That's all they gotta be good at, come on. But no, I mean, like I was taught fractions. To be effective.

Yeah, it's in the book. Yeah. Well, I, so in my class, we had to do an assignment where I remember the day like so clearly. That'd probably make teachers mad. Yeah, of course it will. That was mean. I'm getting around.

These teachers have magical powers, but some are bad. And I had to get, we all had to get up and go draw on the base of baseboard of the wall or like, you know, some like marker that she had, put a marker of how tall our parents were. What? Laying down. What?

And I just remember being like, so confused. My dad is six, five. So I put the, I put, and I'm eight at the time. So I put the marker halfway. You were eight feet tall? I put the marker halfway down the wall. Who knows? It might've even been accurate.

You know what I mean? I don't know how far I went, but it was, whatever she thought she saw, she thought it was insane. And she made me feel like I was absolutely so wrong and crazy and bad. Gaslighting you. Yeah, and I cried and I went home and I told my mom what happened. I cried and that she made me cry and all this stuff.

Because my mom already knew that she made my brother cry and I'm sure countless of their children, she was just really mean. She went and talked to the principal about it. And then the principal told the teacher, this, that, that. And then I was in a reading class upstairs and someone told me I had to go down to her room

and downstairs in the basement and talk to her in the middle. And so I knew something bad was happening. And I remember dragging my feet and I saw the janitor in the hall who was a really nice guy. And I knew- The one that taught you how to play chess.

No, but I didn't know him like my whole life. Anytime I'd be near the school, he remembered me. He's a really nice guy. He passed away like two years ago. It was really sad. Um, but he, uh, I saw him and he kind of, he was like sweeping something in the hall and he kind of gave me a look and I was like, really, I remember this. I just remember it so clearly because I was so nervous. And he gave you the look of like, you're going into the principal's. Oh, like going into the teacher's room,

like it was like, I was kind of like, no. And like, I remember like walking down the stairs really slow and then I got in the room and it was also felt like another world because like the other class was in there, like, oh, so this is what happens. Oh, this is, oh, after hours. Yeah, it was weird.

And then she brought me over to her desk and she was like, don't you ever tell your mother I made you cry. What the fuck? You should tell your mother that. Well, my mom knows. I don't know if I told my mom that then, but I definitely told her later.

That's insanity. That's the behavior of a lunatic. It's so weird. Teachers can either be like one of the most positive forces in your life or they can be absolute fucking. Yeah. But my teacher who was my reading teacher who I was like in the other class was the

sweetest woman ever. She was so nice and she worked at Burns and Noble in the summer and she was such a nice lady and I always love to see her there and she give me a hug. She's probably still doing that. This makes sense now why you don't know any numbers. Yeah, I know. I just remembered that our school janitor when I was in grade school, his name was George. And then we got a new priest

that was in charge of the priests. Really? Head priest. A new pastor, yeah. And he came with a dog, a German shepherd whose name was George. So then we had to start calling the janitor a different name. What?

And he said, you call the dog a different name. Well, the dog is not going to learn another word. How about Borge? Borge. Excuse me. Borge. He'll pick up on it. So he said we could call him Bud.

Oh, well, that's nice. Yeah. He took to it. All right, but I'm sure, I wouldn't like having my name changed because there's a dog named Lauren, which by the way, Oprah has a dog named Lauren. Oh. Really? So if Oprah comes around here

and is on freedom. I'll go by whatever she says. By the way, we're letting Oprah on freedom if she wants to be on it. That's the one. One of the few. Not Mary Holland. Who have we said? Oprah? Paige. Paige Davis.

That's it. That's it. Yeah. Is that it? I thought there was another one. There was a condition on Mary Holland, like if she were the last person on Earth. No, I don't think there was. Even not that.

But are we still doing the podcast if we're the last four people on Earth? Yeah, we do it because we love it. We make it for Mary to listen to? Honestly, I think it would. She might be glad if she was the last person on Earth. She needs some entertainment. And then she wouldn't want to be a guest

because she needs a podcast to listen to. It gives us a reason to live. You know? Well, if we're not podcasting, what are we? I also remember Bud once played the harmonica over the loudspeaker. Aw, how nice. And I can't remember why.

It was like one of the, I don't, there were some days in school where it would be like, you gotta go to school, but we're not gonna do anything today, we're just going to fuck around. There should be more days. Like it's crazy that you have to go for nine months, five days a week, and teachers have to fill all that time. Yeah.

That's so nice. There's a lot to learn when you're brand new to earth. I was talking to someone who used to be a teacher. You might get welcomed to earth by somebody punching you in the face. I was talking to someone who used to be a teacher and I was, I was bringing that up of like, that's a lot of pressure to be on for eight hours of the day and do it, do a different thing five days a week for the entire year.

And he was like, I loved it. I was like a performer. I was out there. Well, some teachers are so great like that. No, like some teachers are really good like that though, where they keep it really interesting and they're funny or just cool. And I guess once you figure it out the first year, you can repeat it. Well, once I realized that, the older I got or whatever, oh, they just do it again. They've said this a million times.

Yeah, it's not hard. I mean, it is hard. I'm just saying. Oh, you're the one. You think teachers should be paid less. No, the part that I was going to say, what I meant by that was the part that I'm intimidated by. Intimidated by. It's not intimidating. By me, you're a ruler, teacher.

Practice it. And you have multiple classes a day doing the same thing in high school. True. True to that. I'm remembering two more times I was called into the principal in high school. Oh, and then I got a story for you. I remembered why I had to stand in the hallway that time. Oh, so I don't, I don't remember what it was, but I, I was forced to apologize to my 10th grade history teacher jerk off. Hey jerk off. No, I don't know.

I said something sarcastic or something and, and she told the principal, the principal called my parents. My parents were like, you're gonna go in and apologize publicly to her tomorrow. Publicly. Like in front of the class or whatever. And so I had to do that, which is just like, let me do it privately, come on.

Yeah. Yeah. And let me not do it at all. What about that? I mean, are you cool with the kids hearing the great thing that I did that I have to apologize for? Well, good, as you're going. So then the other thing was I used to do,

I used to do the trivia question in the announcements every day. Yeah, of course. Aw. And if you- We all know this. It makes a lot of sense. This is crazy that we allowed people to do this.

Did you pick out what the question was? Yes. So what it was, was when I was a senior in high school, by the way, I was only there for three classes in the morning, then I went to the art school afterwards, but somehow, because I was a senior in high school, by the way, I was only there for three classes in the morning, then I went to the art school afterwards, but somehow because I was interested in broadcasting, they let me do the trivia question.

And I forget what the prize was, but every single class, if someone knew the answer, there could only be one per class, they would run as fast as they could out of their classroom to get to be the first person To where is fun where we did the announcements and then that should be what jeopardy is if they said what and they were correct They got a the whole class got a prize or whatever every single day I love that and they have they have to stop doing it because people were like running and hurting themselves

And each other I'm pushing Stuff like that to see it. That sounds fun. I like that. I would like people out of the way and stuff like that. I'd love to see it though. That sounds fun. I like that. I would like to go back to high school just for that. Just for that. Just to do that in the morning. You would have to do it at 7 a.m. or 8 a.m. or whatever. That's fine. I get up so early. I'd like to go back to high school and do all the plays again. Because I think it'd be much better.

Oh yeah. I could kill. I'd like to do the actual classes and then. Yeah. Oh, I was going to say, so I was called into the principal because, ouch. I'll be right here. Because I did the, I did the trivia question of what was the name of the girl who kicked the bucket in the recent poltergeist three. Kick the bucket. You mean died? I said kick the bucket in the recent Poltergeist 3. Kicked the bucket? You mean died? I said kicked the bucket. Oh.

And they were, and it was too soon, hashtag too soon, cause she had died like the week before or something like that. Jesus! Wait, the real person died? Yeah, the real person, yeah. Oh. Before we turned into a trivia question.

But you're saying in the movie she died. Oh, you're saying, oh, oh. Like what was the name of the girl who kicked the bucket in the recently released Poltergeist 3? Oh, what a horrible question. That is really insensitive. Pretty bad.

And, but they were really mad. I said, kick. You are also public apology. They were really mad. I said, kick the bucket. Yeah, because it's so insensitive. And was treating it cavalierly, right? So I got called into the principal and they were like,

you are going to read an apology on the announcements tomorrow. And I was like. That's like, I was like, OK. And then I wrote the most sarcastic, like flowery apology and delivered it very archly and insincerely. And they were very upset that they allowed me to do that. They didn't like look at it beforehand. No, they looked at it and read OK, like, oh, OK.

And then I am so sorry that I said, kick the bucket. I never should have said that. It was something it was so it was something like a situation like this should never be you know something and they were and they were so mad about how I delivered it that they kicked me off the announcements. Oh wow. Was it worth it Scott? No, I loved doing it. Bill Maher after 9-11. Yeah. I said that, do you want to want me to be like Bill Maher after 9-11? Do you? And they said, what is, no more. You'll see.

I was like, have you watched DC cab? All right, so seventh grade. Seventh grade. I have the teacher, Sister Melania. Also Melania, I love that name. It's a beautiful name, it's a beautiful name. Yeah, isn't that weird? That's the only other time I've heard that name.

Yeah. Two great Melanias. Two of the best. Also I was remembering the only time we had these desks, which were like usually you have the flat desk and you put your books like underneath on the little shelf or whatever. We have the kind of flip.

This is the only time we had those. But it was like a chair with a shelf under the chair? Or you mean the part under the flat part? With a salad bowl. Like you slide yourself right underneath where you write. Yeah, we had those, but this is the only time I had the desk that you opened it up and it was like a bowl that you put your stuff in.

I love that. Do you ever put your glue in the, it's probably a generational thing, in the pencil holder? We didn't have glue when I was a child. I just feel like, I don't know that everyone's doing it forever. But you put the glue, especially the bright green turquoise blue clear Elmers that was like very 90s cool. Put it in your pencil holder part, then you close your desk,

then later you can peel it out and it's a big gel. Oh no, that sounds like fun though. It was really fun. I wish I'd thought to do that. We should do it right now. So I'm there in seventh grade and the teacher, Sister Melani, she's walking up and down the aisle talking about about whatever she and I already had a problem.

She also didn't like my brother because my brother was always hiding a book on his lap during class. To hide his boner? I'm literally asking. To read. No, to read, he was reading a book. Oh, oh, oh my God. I thought you meant school book.

I remember when I discovered quote unquote, Kurt Vonnegut when I was in high school and I was like, I thought every book was so amazing. And I was in, I remember reading in chemistry, like I had in my lap, breakfast of champions. And I was like, I thought every book was so amazing. And I was in, I remember reading in chemistry, like I had in my lab, breakfast of champions. And I was like, this is the best thing ever. I just remember ignoring my teacher and it was so amazing. It's the best.

You sound like a grand balloon. To be reading a book instead of learning about something else is like just, it's great. Like that's like, I feel like. Oh yeah. You should get a, you should get a pass for if you're like expanding your mind in a different way. Yeah, like this is still a book. Yeah, it's great. Like that's like, I feel like you should, you should get a, you should get a pass for if you're like expanding your mind in a different way. Yeah. Like this is still a book.

Yeah, it's still, this is still a book. So she pretty doesn't like me. She, and you're, and to be honest, I probably gave her a reason not to be honest. You don't like yourself. Oh my God. No, I'm the last person to do that. So, um, one point she's going up and down the aisles and she's, who knows what she's fucking talking about. To make my little friends laugh, I'm miming with a pen,

I'm gonna stab her in the butt. That is funny. And then guess what happened. You actually stabbed her in the butt. You did. Yes, I did. I love it. She, this, I- Did it go in the hole? No. Yeah, it went completely in the butt. I love it.

Did it go in the hole? No. Yeah, it went completely in the hole. I like jabbed her, and like the world fucking stopped. She wheeled around on me. I can see her face as clear as day. Like she was like, this can't have happened just now. And she looked at me and she went,

get out. And I went outside, I just stood outside for the rest of the day. And then- The rest of the day. For the rest of the day. And then when everyone else was leaving, they all left and she came out and said, come in here. And she sat, she sat at her desk and I sat at a desk in front of her and she said,

never do that again. And that was it. Oh, she never said it. Like I didn't have to tell. Did she forgive you? I don't know. Again, like you would have been out of your mind. I think maybe it was too hard for her to explain to someone. I don't know. Like this kid pokes me in the butt.

He stuck me in the ass with a pen. I'm a nun. Yeah, what is going on here? I remember once we had a funny, this is in 11th grade I think, we had a funny English teacher who was really old that we, we really liked and she was funny, but she was so old and she was stern,

but also thought we were all funny or whatever. And I remember like, we dared my friend to go up to the pencil sharpener, take off his pants and go up to the pencil sharpener in his underwear. And so he did it. And with the pencil sharpeners right next to her desk. And he's doing it and we're all just like laughing so hard. And she did like a triple take and she's like, get back there. And she like started laughing.

It was like, get back there and put your pants on. And we all laughed and she laughed. It was a great moment. I love when it's all fun. It was a great moment. Yeah. Absolutely. Speaking of a great moment, we gotta go. Hey, I'm Reshma Sajjani, founder of Girls Who Coded Moms First.

I consider myself a pretty successful adult woman. So why is it that in midlife, as I'm Reshma Sajjani, founder of Girls Who Code and Moms First. I consider myself a pretty successful adult woman. So why is it that in midlife, as I'm about to turn 50, I feel so stuck? Join me as I try to find the answer on My So-Called Midlife from Lemonada Media. I talk to experts and extraordinary guests about divorce, exercise, menopause, sex, drugs, and more to understand what we're going through and how to make the most of it. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. An Australian hiker travels to the American West to walk a wilderness trail. Wasn't afraid to be out on his own.

But Eric Robinson vanished in the high Uinta Mountains. I remember thinking, Eric, what were you thinking, mate? I'm Dave Colley. Join me on my podcast, You went to Triangle, where I travel the world to answer the question, what happened to Eric Robinson? Follow You went to Triangle. That's U-I-N-T-A, Triangle on Apple podcasts

or wherever you listen. And we're back. You know, Jack Lemon. I wasn't asleep. And John Lennon have very similar names. Yeah. Almost to the point where John Lennon should have been in the odd couple. With Paul McCartney and work out their differences that way.

And then the Beatles would be back together and everything would be cool. Let's do a three-chir. That was Fettuccine Alfredo. Can we do- Oh, it's garbage. Can we do Jitterbug? Yeah, by special request of Lauren, we're gonna do Jitterbug.

Great. So as we all remember, Jitterbug is the game where we sing the beginning of the song, Wake Me Up Before You Go Go. By FWAM. And it starts with FWAM. Jitterbug. Oh, we did. Jitterbug.

Jitterbug. And then we just fill in with another word that fits the syllables. Anything that fits the rhythm. Jitterbug, okay, who's starting me? Well, we're gonna say jitterbug three times. That's yes. And then who goes, who starts? You go. Okay.

Jitterbug. Jitterbug. Jitterbug. Masonry. Strawberry. Air supply. McCartney. The count.

McCartney. McCartney. Is it because the middle syllable is stressed? I think the syllables have to hit the same. That's jitterbug. That's how I say Paul McCartney. But I said strawberry. I didn't even see what I just said.

You just said McCartney. We gotta do it again. Okay, here we go, ready? Who's doing this then? I'll start. Okay. Jitterbug. Jitterbug.

Jitterbug. Jitterbug. Jitterbug. Jitterbug. Jitterbug. Jitterbug. Jitterbug. Jitterbug. Jitterbug. Jitterbug. Jitterbug. Jitterbug.

Jitterbug. Broadway show. Medicine. Medicine. Medicine. Area. Area. Area.

Area. Area. Aspirin. Aspirin. Aspirin. Aspirin. Aspirin. Carpet spray.

Carpet spray. Aspirin. Aspirin. Aspirin. Aspirin. Aspirin. Carpet spray. Astronaut. Morocco. Baseball bat. Baseball team. Juliet. Turn around. Romeo.

Banana split. And we gave you Morocco. I panicked. Morocco. All right, I'll start this time. Morocco. Yeah. I never know. I can't. The first jitterbug I can never do. Ready?

Jitterbug. Jitterbug. Ow! What? Jitterbug. Why are you all injured? I keep hitting my. Jitterbug.

Scott's fingers are snapping. I'm moving my arm. I can't are snapping. I'm moving my arms. I can't snap this much. My fingers have all frozen up. Don't you mock me, Shevin. I see them in there behind the glass. Let's do a little claps. Okay.

Jitterbug. Sounds weird. Jitterbug. Jitterbug. Run till that. I'll fist you both. Oh, what? I'll fist you both. Deep.

I thought you said I'll fist. Deep. I'll fist you both. I'll fist you both. I'll fist you both. You'd have killed us if he had the chance. I'll fist you both. He'd have killed us if he had the chance. He'd have killed us if he had the chance. I'll fist you both. He'd have killed us if he had the chance. I'll fist you both.

He'd have killed us if he had the chance. Jesus Christ. I'll fist you both. OK, new round Scott starts. New round. We have to get to like 10. Jitterbug. Plug.

Jitterbug. Jitterbug. Jitterbug. Disinfect. Jitterbug. Disinfect. Dirty rag. Lightning bug. Lightning mug. Lightning crash.

Powder the man. What? Powder the man? Are you thinking of Portugal the man? Are you thinking of powder all grown up? Powder man! Powder the man. Cause he got hit by lightning.

Powder the man! Powder was a teenage boy, was he? I don't know how old he was. Powder was a teenage boy. Powder, I want him to qualify because he was younger than man. Yeah, I'm sorry. I thought he was 18. He was old enough to vote and buy cigarettes and get in the army. Oh my God. Well, that feels like a great way to wrap it up.

That's right. That's a fun one. Thanks everyone so much. Obviously call us at ha ha la impu and leave a message and follow us on Twitter. I mean, I mean, uh, I mean, uh, truth social at three USA and write to us at three USA at gmail.com. And if you want to hear the also, do we ever look at that email? I don't know. I've never looked at it. I guess if you want to hear the full archives of all of

our past 100 or so shows, as well as listen to ad-free episodes of this show, listen at Stitcher Premium or at CBBworld.com. Dat corn. Dat corn. CBBworld dat corn. Bye! Parents, we know the childcare crisis is not just another headline. It's a daily struggle playing out in millions of homes across this country.

I'm Gloria Riviera, and this is No One is Coming to Save Us. This season, we're demanding a childcare system that actually works for kids, parents, and educators. We mean free, birth to five, full day, nearby, easy to apply. No one is coming to save us. Season 5 from Lemonado Media, out now.