Threedom - Threevisiting: Boff
Episode Date: April 8, 2025Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss childhood rumors and singing at weddings before playing Celebrity Style. Send Threetures and emails to threedomusa@gmail.com.Leave us ...a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Hi, is this an okay time?
It's your girl Dylan Mulvaney and I am inviting you to my weekly cocktail party and my brand
new podcast, The Dylan Hour, brought to you by Lemonada Media.
Life is stressful and there is so much darkness in the world, I think we could all use a little
bit of trans joy.
So join me every week as I interview some of my favorite A-list celebrity friends and
gurus and of course the dolls
while we sip and spill the scalding hot tea. So put your worries aside and join me at the
Dylan hour. You can listen on Apple, YouTube or wherever you get secret message. Freedom!
I've received it and I dislike what I read.
Hey, it's secret.
Freedom!
Yeah!
You got louder as you went on.
Yeah!
We're doing an episode.
My name is Lauren Lapkus.
My name is Scotty Lapkus. My name is Scotty Lapkus. My name is Paulie Lapkus.
And this is Freedom Lapkus.
My name is Paul and I'm here to say
I'm happy to be in the studio today.
Oh.
My name is Lauren and I'm here to say
I am happy to be in the studio today.
I am the king of the forest.
Forest.
If I were on a podcast. to be in the studio today. I'm the king of the forest. Wolf of the forest. Goodbye.
We're on a podcast.
Do you know that actor was allergic to the hair?
Burbar?
Yes.
No, it was not.
And it killed him.
No way, because the woman's allergic to the silver.
No, I'm kidding.
I'm playing off of that.
Fucking hell.
He was allergic to hair in general.
Buddy Eption.
Buddy Eption.
Buddy Eption.
Buddy Eption.
Buddy Eption.
Buddy Eption.
He got fired because you couldn't
hang with the show of a paint.
Well, well, well, can I just say,
we're back in Earwolf, it's, I haven't been here in years.
And this is the inevitable come down episode,
the second one we're taping today.
Sophomore slump.
I might have more to say this time.
Whoa, please hit us.
But I might not.
That bathroom here, I went and pissed in it,
and it has that quality that is so scary.
The pee or the bathroom?
Also, before we started, she said,
I'm gonna save this story for, but she started with,
you know that bathroom here?
As if we've never been in it.
Yeah, we're here now.
There's one bathroom and there's one toilet
and that's all it is, okay?
But it's what I call a worst fear bathroom.
What does that mean?
And I call it that right now and I just made that up.
I coined the term.
Wow.
And now everyone's saying it.
And everyone's talking about it and they can't stop.
But the toilet is so far from the door.
That if anyone were to open the door, they see you.
You couldn't slam, yeah, you couldn't picture a door.
There's no quick shutting.
There's no keeping your arm on it to make sure
cause you can't tell if the lock works or not.
All you can do is just yell no.
And then it also just yell no.
And then it also says,
No.
Please, in all red letters,
please do not flush a million exclamation points.
I'm like,
Do not flush?
The exclamation points are after the word flush.
And then it says tampons this, that, that, that.
Oh no.
Should be a colon.
So I'm not supposed to flush now?
So you didn't?
And you know, a lot of these,
I don't know if you guys noticed this,
but a lot of-
I heard you say that through the door.
I know, I screamed it.
And this place is soundproofed.
And this is my bathroom.
You have a bathroom.
This is my bathroom stand up,
but have you guys noticed?
You have a bathroom.
You probably haven't noticed,
because you're not women,
but in a lot of bathrooms,
they're having a lot of fun.
We go in the same bathrooms.
But they're having a lot of fun
with the women's tampon flushing signs.
Oh, they are?
What are they saying?
They're getting sillier.
Like, there will be a sign that has like a dog,
and it says like, do not flush.
And then it's also like, or tampons.
Like, you know, it'll kind of.
I don't get it.
The dog.
Like, don't flush a dog.
And don't also don't flush your tampons.
It gets your attention.
It's not the same typical.
Is this stuff like, that time of the month?
Well, don't flush it.
Well, you know, by the way, you're
not supposed to flush tampons anywhere, not just
in certain buildings.
That's actually very bad.
You're supposed to keep them. You're supposed to keep them in a box.
For your granddaughter.
Did I ever tell you the story about the girl that I went to middle school with
and there was a rumor that she kept her used pads in a drawer in her dresser?
No.
Tell us about the story.
Whoa, you already did. I told it.
Was it true? I don't know.
But I know who it was.
If you are that girl, please get ahold of us and let us know.
The Freedom USA at gmail.com.
I could understand doing it if you were hiding that you had your period,
you didn't want your family to know or something.
I don't know, maybe if you're Carrie.
We're going to throw them out later.
Or what if you wanted to just keep them for research?
Yeah, just see how does the blood change in my luteal phase.
It might be a phase.
My menstrual phase.
Remember when I went through that menstrual phase?
That was so mean.
Such a weird two years of my life.
Whatever I did it, whatever.
Your menses.
My menses is red.
RIP my menses.
Tampon robot.
Tampon robot, tampon bot 3000.
My menses is red.
Uterine wall shedding.
Alert, alert. My bedzies is red. Uterine wall shedding.
Alert, alert.
Exterminate, exterminate.
Lauren, tell us another story from when you were young.
Okay.
Please let it evolve tampons.
I'm not weird.
Please.
Well, did I ever tell you the one? This one's pretty crazy. There was a rumor. Rumor has it. Please let it evolve tampons. I'm not weird
There was a rumor rumor has it I might have told us before but you'll remember if I have this is as
This is a feature on the show. It's rumor has it
This was a rumor that basically this kid had sex with this other kid. I mean, essentially we were in middle school.
So yeah.
And middle school is how old?
Six to seventh grade or sixth to eighth grade.
You could be anywhere from 12 to 14.
83.
Like the Christmas song.
From one to 92. Yeah. Hahaha.
Hahaha.
Anyway, so
when, because this is a
gross story. Okay, good.
I'm not scared.
Rumor has it.
They didn't know what was happening,
they put band-aids on her vagina.
And then the other part of the
rumor was that
Kids are insane what kids are so fucking it's
That the dead film putting the band-aid
It's really sad that I I don't know, you forget that those things that happen in school,
it affected somebody.
I know.
To be the object of a rumor.
Oh my God, I know.
Why do people start these,
okay, so I remember when I was in middle school,
I was dating this woman.
No, you weren't.
And I remember she came to my church one Sunday night, I was dating this woman. No, you weren't.
And I remember she came to my church one Sunday night, right?
And then she had a best friend and we were all friends, right?
Like the three of us, but I was seeing this woman.
And then one day I got to-
Why is it woman? It's not a woman.
Because she's a woman now.
It feels weird to say I was-
But you were a kid and you had a kid girlfriend.
Okay, so we were 13 or 14.
I used to love those books.
Kid girlfriend.
Kid girlfriend.
Oh, I used to pretend I was the kid girlfriend.
I used to love the kid detectives.
Well, they rode off into the sunset I think.
So her, I got to-
Their skinned mother.
I got to school one morning and the girl
I was seeing like just shot me the dirtiest look and
Wouldn't talk to me and I was like in the morning in the morning. Can you believe it?
She hadn't had her Senka yet.
She's been waiting on this all night.
So I was like what's going on and it took like all day for her to finally say like, you spread this rumor about me blowing you
in the church parking lot.
Boy, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Ay, ay, ay, ha chi mach.
And I was like, I did not do this.
I don't know what you're talking about.
And it finally like, after we followed-
Why don't you do it and then the rumor will not be-
It's not a lie.
It will just be true.
Go down on me in the theater.
And then I'm in, puffed out off.
And we finally trace it back to her best friend.
Whoa.
So called.
Who said that I told her that.
And then she finally admitted that she spread it
because she was jealous that this woman
was spending so much time with me.
Yes.
Wow, look at this story.
She was trying to paint you as a bad.
One girl was so jealous of the other girl
that got to date Scott that she spread a nest.
This is just me bragging.
No, but-
About 13 year olds?
Why do, why do, you creep.
Why do people start rumors?
I know, it's so wild to actually come up with a lie and just say like somebody did
that about that story that I told. And it's just so insane. It's insane.
I mean, but it also happens with adults with like celebrities,
but I don't feel like it happens. I feel like pulling it out of your Richard Gears.
You know, yeah, but I feel like like in a social group that's always couched,
like I heard this. Yeah. But who's the person who starts it?
I think a lot of times rumors that are like
That not that one not the hamster the when I was I think that I think that started by the way
No, I'm gonna talk. I think that's what happened was that started hello
I heard the gerbil thing is a sexual fetish game, and then someone said gerbil looks a lot like the word gear
is a sexual fetish. It's a telephone game. And then someone said,
gerbil looks a lot like the word gear.
Put it in there.
And then it was telephone.
This theory is, where both things got in?
Where someone heard that person say,
wow, gerbil looks a lot like the word gear,
like Richard gear.
And then the next person heard it and said-
Yeah, G-E-R, like you pronounce it gear-ble.
Gear-bles.
Yeah.
But the next person heard the previous person say
Richard Gyr and this Gyrbol story.
Gyrbol.
This Gyrbol story.
This, but this, I'm fascinated by this.
That somehow because Gyr and Gyrbol share letters.
The first three letters.
That they would both make it into,
that's not how telephone works.
You know what I'm fascinated by?
Seahorses. Zoom in on one of You know what I'm fascinated by? Seahorses.
Zoom in on one of those puppies.
I'm fascinated by hamsters.
Heimsters, I wish I said that.
Heimsters.
Why am I doing this?
That's twice in a row now.
Why do you live like this?
Why?
I can't imagine being you.
I simply can't imagine.
At a time like this?
It stinks.
It stinks, it's smooth.
Who are you, the critic? Oh, remember the critic. It stinks. Yeah stinks. It's small. Who are you, the critic?
Oh, remember the critic.
It stinks.
Yeah.
Hey, we all remember something.
Yeah.
I love it.
That doesn't usually happen.
Yeah.
I used to like that show.
Yeah.
I want to revisit it, I guess.
It has its fans for sure.
Yeah.
There's a cult following for the critic.
Yeah.
Yeah, Lovitz or Lievitz.
That big, big podcast. Yeah. It was John Lovitz upset.
His name's not love it. No, I'm saying it was John Lovitz upset.
Well, John Lovitz apostrophe. Yes. I'm saying was John Lovitz with a Z upset that I'm sure he was.
Yeah, because that dude stole it. I'm sure I say, I don't think that he was?
I don't know.
No, you can't say that because I'm sure that he was.
Do you know who's mad?
Lyle Lovett.
Yes.
And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
What if Lyle Lovett had a podcast
and then he talked about the Julia Roberts marriage
in the first episode and then he's like,
ooh, I'm out of stuff.
Lyle Lovett has a podcast where he reads. Dead eyes, but he doesn't know how to continue it. Yeah, he's like, ooh, I'm out of stuff. Lyle Lovett has a podcast where he reads.
Dead Eyes, but he doesn't know how to continue it.
Yeah, he's like, if only Julia Roberts would be on this show
and say why she divorced me.
His podcast is where he reads old issues of People magazine
from when he was in them with Julia Roberts
and it's his recap podcast.
Or not, fuck it.
Jeez.
Lauren, boy.
Fuck.
Swing and a miss.
Tough room.
Sometimes you just say stuff.
Boy, is that true, girlfriend.
The adjunction becomes a tagline to freedom.
Sometimes you just say stuff.
Sometimes you just say stuff.
Sometimes you don't.
Do do do do.
Do you remember those comments?
You do.
Mouths don't.
Because.
Sometimes you feel like a nut.
Sometimes you don't.
Bonk.
They would cut it out sometimes. Sometimes you feel like a, sometimes you don't. Bonk. But they would cut it out sometimes you feel like a,
sometimes you don't.
Why would they not say it sometimes?
Because they would show it.
Because nut is an offensive term.
Yeah.
They were way ahead of everybody.
That must have sucked when everyone started calling
testicles nuts back in the 70s.
That would have sucked when people called testicles nuts.
They waited as long as they could.
And then the 70s came around like, let's just do it.
Why do they call them that?
Cause they're like walnuts?
I think so.
But there hasn't, I think so.
There hasn't been a new term for testicles in a long time.
Oystos.
I feel like we ran out of stuff in the 80s or whatever.
Like let's figure one out.
There's gotta be other things that they-
All right.
I think we just got tired of talking about them.
No, I'm not.
Call them little spheres.
Little spheres. Little spheres?
What about marbles?
I think that's already been done, right?
Marbles are very small.
But like a bag of marbles is like a really different thing.
Bag of marbles.
Oh, my bag of marbles.
My bag of, what are the big ones that are for like shooters?
Yeah, what do you call them?
My bag of shooters.
Let's do that.
Let's call them shooters.
Let's call them my bag of shooters. But isn't that. Let's call them shooters. Let's call them my bag of shooters.
But isn't that confusing because the penis
is sort of the shooter of that area?
Well, all right fine.
Janie's got a gun.
Hey.
Paula's got a point.
You fuck, thank you.
Is it too confusing?
My bag of shooters.
It's so confusing. My bag of shooters.
Ow, me bag of shooters.
I love it. My bag of shooters.
I Lyle love it.
You Lyle love it?
Yeah. Okay, okay.
I'm Julia Roberts in this situation.
This is a bag of shooters.
But she famously doesn't love him anymore.
What if she does?
Oh, then he's the one that got away?
Yeah, and she's just like, he never called me back.
That's why we broke up.
He never called me back.
He was like, my phone was disconnected one day.
This is your Julia Roberts impression? No, that's Lyle Lyle. Oh, that's why I love it. Oh, oh, well that sounded exactly like him. my phone was disconnected one day. This is your Julian Robertson friend.
No, that's not what I was talking about.
Oh, well that sounded exactly like him.
My phone was disconnected.
My phone was disconnected one day.
My goodness, I was shopping for photo ties.
We have to move on from a little bit
because my bit didn't work.
No, Lauren, your bit was great.
We loved it.
Other names for balls?
You wanna go back to that?
Names for balls? No, I'm done with that too. I? Do we go back to that? Names for balls?
No, I'm done with that too.
I think we should go on to something random.
All right, what do you got?
Random.
Something that Paul wants to talk about.
Oh, come on, you're the one who wanted to move on,
now you throw it on Paul?
What's your favorite gold spring in front of you right now?
Probably this one.
Kaiser Soze.
Like a really bad Kaiser Soze. Yeah, I remember the guy's name was Coffee Cup. I've never seen that.
Does he name himself after him?
You've never seen that?
You gotta come on Scott hasn't seen for a special Lauren hasn't seen.
If you know, yeah, you know the ending.
So if spoilers for anyone who has not seen this OK movie.
With a great, great actor.
What's it called? Yeah. Great cast.
Oh, you're talking about one particular.
You may know him from my favorite Christmas Eve actor.
It's called Usual Suspects.
The Usual Suspects.
Pardon me. The Usual Suspects.
It's called Usus.
Usus. Yeah, this movie is totally sus.
And it turns out, you know, Kevin Spacey's playing this drip.
He's been interrogated by...
Being interrogated by...
Who?
What's his name?
Oh, Chas Balmantary.
Chas Balmantary, a Bronx tail.
Yeah.
And so he's giving all these details, blah, blah, blah, blah.
About this caper that he and a bunch of people were involved in.
And then they let him go
Because he's been talking about this dude Kaiser sozay who is behind it all yeah, huh?
And if this guy's name is normal or something what is normal?
It's close his name is verbal kint oh right yeah, okay?
Sounds like um what earnest?
went to jail for. Ernest P. Warrell.
Vern.
Hey, Vern.
And so, hey.
Kempt.
Vern.
Hey, Verb.
So.
Hey, Verb.
Hey, Verb.
Know what I mean, Verb?
Hey, Verbal Kempt.
So it turns out, after they let him go,
Chaz Palmincieri starts looking around his his office and he realizes all of the details and
his story, all the names and everything have come from things that he's just
looked at. It's basically a ripoff of the Brady Bunch.
Yeah. Why would have it?
George, George, George, George, George, George, George,
I have a boyfriend. His name is George.
George Glass is about to come.
George Glass.
And then she wears that wig.
Do you know, I'm old enough
that I watched that show in prime time.
Wow.
Whoa, I never saw that.
It was a big deal.
I was a little kid and me and my cousins
would gather together to watch it.
Your cousin Oliver?
All of your cousins?
We added a cousin later because we were losing ratings.
Yeah.
The family was not doing well.
I remember watching a certain episode of Happy Days and I would watch...
Episode 104?
That should not be named?
I would watch...
Episode 598?
I would watch Happy Days reruns just to watch a thing.
Yeah, sure.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
So, but I remember, but I remember there was an episode
where Joni was gonna pose naked
for Playboy or something like that.
Some photographer.
I think that was an episode in your mind.
Yeah, and I remember I watched it
when it was out.
I remember she was talking to me saying,
Scott, should I do this?
So I watched it when it came out
and then when the rerun came on,
I started watching it.
And I remember, did I talk about this on show?
You've told this story before, yeah.
Fuck.
But I can't remember the ending.
So my dad walked in and before the whole nude part came on
and he was like, isn't this a rerun?
Why are you watching it again?
And I was like, I always would watch the reruns.
And then suddenly it got to the posing nude part.
He goes, I see why you're watching this again.
He thought you were a creep.
Why do people want to humiliate children then you know started a rumor
that you were a creep yeah and that I blew him in the church parking lot that
is it was in the church yes second year on I defile you God man there were so many weirdos at that church though. No fucking kidding. Yeah
Yeah
But that's what happens when body starts slapping doing the wild thing
Body starts slapping. Yeah, it sounds uncomfortable. Did anyone ever say boff or was that just used?
Yeah, boff.
But they actually said it.
I think I heard people say boff.
I think I only know it from when they bleep out the F word
on television in an 80s film and they put in boff.
Wait, they would bleep and put in a word?
No, they would just talk over and say.
They would bleep it and then an announcer go boff.
Did you boff her?
Did you bleep off?
Did you, you say bop, okay?
Did you bop?
Like as fast as.
When you say, did you, I say bop.
Yeah.
Ready?
Did you bop her?
Did you bop her?
Did you bop her?
Did you bop her?
Did you bop her?
Okay, and then when I say, oh my God,
you totally say bop.
Oh my God, you totally, oh my God, you totally, oh my god, you totally.
And when I say, what's it like to, you say buffed.
What's it like to, what's it like to.
What show is this?
Malfunctioning robot who wants to have feelings.
What's it like to, what's it like to... Malfunctioning robot who wants to have feelings. What's it like to...
Did you...
Her...
Her bop?
Just get stuck.
Can you imagine if they had to do it where a guy had to press a button every time you go to sleep?
Every single time you had to do it live?
Fuck it, we're doing it live.
What's your job, honey? I press the bop button.
I have to... first of all, I have to guess... I'm a BB operator. We're doing it live. What's your job, honey? I press the boff button.
First of all, I have to guess.
I'm a BB operator.
When it's happening.
You get a sense for these things.
And I was his wife who didn't know what his job was.
Well, thank you for finally asking.
Where do you go, honey?
I go to a boff.
Where do you boff?
Where do you buff? Where do you buff? Okay, look, we gotta take a break.
We'll be right back.
Hey today's episode is sponsored by Acorns.
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Yeah, the little nuts that squirrels.
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It was Bain. Yeah. Saying take control of your money? He said take control of your city.
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Sail away.
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Sail away.
Orinoco Flow.
Orinoco.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, I can't go out tonight.
Orinoco Flow is in town.
And it's red. Orinoco Flow. out tonight. Orinoco Flow is in town. And it's red.
Orinoco Flow, red.
My Orinoco Flow is red.
Exterminate.
My Metro Blood is red.
I sang Enya at my aunt's wedding.
That must have been really bad.
You just stood up and went, Enya!
True story.
Did you just have it go?
If anyone has any reason why these two should not be married.
Scott literally. Scott stood up, grabbed his shooter sack and said,
Oh, can't say where the love goes.
Grabbed his shooter sack like Michael Jackson.
Where the love goes.
No, I sang, uh, on your shore.
I'm sure you did. a with a harpist.
Did everyone cry?
Did she make it sound like almost Enya on your shore?
But she names things that you could you could say by accident, like Enya Shore.
Enya Shore. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
I think so. Like all of her titles are stuff that people go like.
Enya Noco Flow. Is that her name or is that a song title? Yeah.
But it was a request, it was by request.
Well, of course.
From my aunt, not from the crowd.
Oh, not like the fans?
Well, you voted and here it comes.
I'm gonna say this Enya song.
What was the name of the song?
On Your Shore.
On Your Shore.
I remember it being like,
How did that go?
It was something to the effect of like
a boat metaphor of two boats coming together.
I don't know.
I don't remember.
I feel.
Is that how you sang it?
All right, here, I'm gonna find it.
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
I'm gonna find it and you're gonna be sorry you ever asked.
I sang at a wedding one time.
I had to sing, this was at the request
of the bride and groom,
when a manves a Woman.
When one man loves one woman.
Yeah, they were very Christian.
And how did that go?
It went fine, but I had never really paid attention
to all the lyrics of that song before,
and it's a grim song for a wedding.
Oh, yeah.
This is a Hennessy app that's playing before.
That wasn't you?
Okay, here we go.
When a man loves a woman. Does she always have environmental sounds in her songs? I don't know whether this is the video That wasn't you? Okay, here we go.
Does she always have environmental sounds in her songs? I don't know whether this is the video because the video starts on the ocean.
This is what you sing.
I've not heard this song since I sang it.
And this is how you sounded.
Is that her or is that the cover?
That's her.
Scott does not see how this is humorous that you sang this.
Yeah, I know.
Scott's very sensitive.
I sang it in this actual key.
That's what I'm saying.
You're going, ooh.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Ooh.
So you grab your shooter sack.
Oh, don't sing.
Oh, don't sing.
Oh, don't sing.
Oh, don't sing.
Oh, don't sing.
Oh, don't sing.
Oh, don't sing.
Oh, don't sing.
It's taking off.
I think this is good.
I don't like it.
Because you're like, oh, here you go.
Oh, oh, better grab my, oh, here you go.
Better grab my shooter sack.
Here you go.
Auntie, do you mind if I grab my shooter sack?
There's something that I have to do.
There's something I have to do.
I very much want to perform this song for you.
Oh, wait.
Oh, no.
Why is it so awful?
I know. Shoot. OK, so this is the 80s. What was it? Why is it so awful?
I know.
Okay, so this is the 80s.
Was it?
It was 89, yeah.
And she was like a yuppie at this point.
She was a hippie on her first marriage where she...
You were talking about Enya?
No.
I would never talk about Enya.
She's like Bruno.
Keep Enya's name out your mouth.
No, my aunt got married...
We don't talk about Ea. No, no.
Can I tell you that I
can't remember how any of those songs go?
Except Bruno. No, even that one.
I forget how it goes. Oh, I only can
remember that one and I don't know
why.
My aunt was a hippie. I remember
being seven. Mine was a hippie?
My aunt was a hippie. I remember being
seven and she got married on a cliff to a dude with super long hair. Oh, look like Jesus. Hippie stuff. And
I remember like peering, getting to the edge of the cliff and like looking over it and
everyone going like. And he was down there? And he was down there and she's like, sing
me in 14 years. Sing me. And then she was a yuppie in the 80s and she got married to
like a finance guy, I think. Also with long with long hair and no he was famously had the Larry David horseshoe
Like the Gordon Gecko slick back. He had it shaved into his head
Yeah, well I say famously because he's a guy who had the diet coke pressed to his bald head when he fainted at the altar
What a nightmare full They didn't even give him full strength coke to hold on his head.
Yeah, I know. You think it was like, no, pour the caffeine version down his mouth.
But then then in the 90s, she was into line dancing.
She got into country and she married some other country dude.
Is there a third one? Yeah, there's a third one.
And then I think maybe she went on to.
I like the like total shift. I love it.
I love it when you like you. everyone should change their personality every decade.
I love total shift by any.
Do you remember the Ashburn Comedy Festival?
I do. I went a couple of years.
I went many years. I was bumped by Dave Chappelle.
Well, get in line.
I I was there one year and I don't think it was my first year.
15th birthday. It was my first year there.
50th birthday.
It was my kitchen year.
I said, I don't want to go to the Aspen Comedy Festival.
I was asked by E Entertainment Television.
They were doing a lot of stuff at the festival and they said,
we want to have you out on the street doing stuff with people and blah, blah, blah.
And it was so...
Pull up on the street. Deedad and blah, blah, blah. And it was so- Polo's on the street.
Deedadedee da da.
It was so sloppily produced.
There was no like plan or anything.
It literally was just talk to people, whatever.
We're gonna go into this bar
where they do country line dancing.
I feel like there have been so many times in my life
where I'm suddenly doing something like that.
I'm like, why is it on me to figure out what this is?
There's also nothing I hate more than man on the street.
No, I don't like that either. I hate it. It's so nothing I hate more than man on the street stuff.
I hate it. It's so uncomfortable.
Especially if you're the man.
Yeah, because it's always...
Dog?
They always... Well, no.
But it's always like, go up to them and ask them.
It's like, no, there should be a producer that's setting this up.
Yeah, exactly.
So it was so awkward and uncomfortable.
And then I remember I got back from the festival
and I called the person that had booked me to do it
And uh, I was like, oh, yeah, um, when do I get paid for this? And I asked just like that
And this person started yelling at me yelling at you. It was like what we never agreed to pay
You said you know, there was no and it was like, oh they were like waiting for that fight
Yeah, and it was like so not a fight. Yeah, you just thought like you were getting paid and you weren't.
And you're like, OK, don't you have to be paid to be on camera?
I think so. Yeah, I think it's the law.
But I don't know if they I don't think they used any of my stuff
because it was just like it was bad. Right. It was bad.
What a disaster. Oh, so it was a disaster.
It was so bad. He was yelling at you for that
rather than the payment thing.
The Yeller was a woman.
The Yeller was a woman.
Old Yeller was a woman.
It was a woman.
I actually knew it was a woman.
Did you say she or did I just make that up?
I can't remember.
But you do make things up a lot.
I love to do it.
Rumor has it.
Rumor has it.
Are we back to rumor has it?
You got more rumors?
Let's see, let's see.
Look at all these rumors
Rumors. I'm trying to remember if there were any rumors that we knew when I was a kid. There definitely are more
Were there rumors about neighbors that you remember like oh that house the person who lives in that house Well, I told you about the one. Yes, I remember. The hell Christmas card. Well the lady who came by your house, right?
That's the same person. Yeah, although my mom did tell me I told that story wrong.
Yeah.
She listened to it and she was like, no, no, that's not what happened.
But going to mess it up again if I don't revisit that again.
Yeah.
She actually said, God bless you.
So you were way off.
No, yeah, I don't remember.
I told something wrong about that, but it's better the way you told it.
Yeah, I love how I told it.
I thought it was great.
The truth.
I thought it was fantastic and fascinating.
Yeah.
The story that I constructed,
I thought was very interesting.
And I thought it was quite true.
I remember once I was working outside my house
and the garage was open and we had a big ladder
and I was like doing something on the ladder
and the neighbor came over and said,
Hey, does your dad want to sell that ladder? And what's coming out of the witches? And I was like,
I don't know, the witches, the old one. No, I never have. No, it's like this. It's like a boy and
the girl that you're in this witch. She's like, you want to pet the kitty? Like, it's like, kind
of like trying to get you to come to me. Does your dad want to sell your ladder? I want to pet the kitty? Like, it's like, kind of like trying to get you to come talk to me. Or, here's my snake. You want to see my snake?
And then the kids like, oh, but it's like, why were they talking to you
when you're on the ladder?
It just feels very dangerous.
What if you were on the ladder and somebody said, hey, have you ever
fallen off a ladder while you're about to?
Has anyone ever pulled the ladder off from under you?
Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
Kick, kick. So I kick.
I can kick. I'm 50. I'm 50.
So I went to so I went to my dad. I
read her book, which I love. I can't
wait to read it. By the way, it was
great when she turned 50. Molly Shannon.
Oh, yeah, she was great. I used to I
waited on her once at Chin Chin. She's
the sweetest after she was on SNL.
And did she say anything to you about
wanting to be your girlfriend?
Yeah, I'm assuming that's where the story is leading at.
I believe so.
All of your stories do.
She's great.
So I went to my dad, I said, because I said I would,
I said, I'll ask my dad.
I went to my dad and I said, hey, the neighbor-
And you're as good as your word.
Yeah, of course.
Said, hey, the neighbor wants to buy the ladder.
And my dad was like, yeah, well, anything's for sale
for the right price.
You know, he kind of said something like that.
And I just kind of took that at face value.
Even a woman's maidenhead, daddy.
Because it's also like you can get a ladder.
Yeah. Store.
This is before Home Depot was where they're definitely for sale.
You don't have to ask. Yeah.
Well, how did your dad get one?
Oh, good question.
I don't know. I think he made it out of steel.
He didn't see one of someone else's driveway.
Like, there's one ladder in America that moves around. I don't know. I think he made it out of steel. He didn't see one of someone else's driveway.
There's one ladder in America that moves its way.
It just moves around.
Yeah, as needed.
Do you think that would bring us together as a nation?
If we all had one ladder and we had to share it.
If there was one home ladder.
Yes.
Like professional people that made it obviously.
I needed it like a week and a half ago.
I think we need one per neighborhood.
I think one in the country is enough.
Yes. One per nape.
I agree. It's also a waste to have so many ladders.
It is wasteful.
With the environment.
The landfills are full of ladders.
People get them from Easter, but then they don't want to keep them.
Of course, but that's how you get out of the landfill.
The animals are choking on ladders.
Sea turtles are climbing up and choking.
They're gagging our backs.
Fish climb up the ladder, then they're in the air.
Yep, and they can't get back down.
Much like Sam Panky.
So I went back out, I they're in the air. Yep. And they can't get back down. So then they- Much like Sam Pinky.
So I went back out and I started working in the attic.
What?
He couldn't get up the stairs.
In our imaginary story that we told last episode.
Okay. You got it.
Anyways.
So I went back outside and then the neighbor came by
and goes, hey, did you ask your dad about the ladder?
And I said, yeah, he said that anything's for sale
for the right price.
Oh God.
And he went, oh, okay, well, I mean,
what's the right price?
How much does he want? And then my dad heard me talking to him and he came out and my neighbor
was like, so I hear you're interested in selling the ladder for the right price. And my dad
had to be like, Oh, I just said that as a joke. My idiot son doesn't understand.
I'm not a wheeler dealer.
Yeah. He's like, no, I don't want to sell this ladder. This is my important ladder.
It's our family's ladder.
Our family ladder. You dare to come ladder. It's our family's ladder. Our family ladder.
You dare to come into my house where my children sleep? My son climbs on that ladder. As you've
seen. Did you have an attic growing up though? I had an attic and I used to climb up that
ladder and spend the whole day reading books up there. We did not have an attic, but I
was big on climbing out on the roof of our house. Oh yes. Which when I think about it
now is very dangerous. Very dangerous. My brother and I used to do that and jump off the roof
onto our backyard grass a lot.
Oh, ours, our roof was too high to jump from.
Oh, so was ours.
But high enough to fall from and die.
Yeah.
Oh no.
We had to work up there a lot.
But I used to, there was one, so you could,
in the back bedroom of the house,
you could climb out onto this sort of flat part.
But then I would climb up then onto the slope,
the slanted part of the roof, which was shingled.
So the shingles, you could give you
like a little bit of perches, you know?
A little bit of traction.
A little bit of traction.
But it was, when I think about it now,
like I should not have been doing that.
No.
Yeah.
Why would you go out there just to look at the stars?
Yeah.
See how they shine for you?
It just felt cool.
I would make wishes, of course.
Of course.
Yeah.
On shooting ones or just all of them?
All, everyone.
What was that pair of?
Just in case.
I'm spreading the odds.
Do you remember a wish you made as a kid on a star?
Did it come true?
On a candle?
I hope a pretty lady falls in love with me. I'm sure I made that wish, for sure.
And it came true.
I hope an attractive woman will fall in love with me
as I was eight years old.
In 35 years.
Or now, I'll take it.
Like in Blank Check when the woman kisses
the little kid on the lips.
Ew, what?
Yeah.
What, Blank Check, the movie?
Blank Check.
Podcast? The film Blank Check. Someone kissed Connor on the lips. Ew, what? Yeah. What blank checks the movie podcast?
The film blank check.
Someone kissed Connor on the lips.
There's a little, there's a little boy in the movie.
What's blank check again?
Is that the Melanie Griffith one?
No, this is a, it's like a Disney movie.
And this kid gets, he gets a blank check
because he gets hit by a guy on his bike.
And then the guy gives a big check.
He doesn't have time to sign, he doesn't realize.
He doesn't fill, he's gotta go, he's gotta go.
And then the kid goes, it's blank.
Yeah, for whatever the bike is worth.
Whatever your fucking bike is worth.
And then he types in the computer
and makes it a million dollars.
Whoa!
And then he buys everything in the world.
Whoa.
This is actually not a bad idea.
And then there's these people coming after him,
and it's like tough situations.
People like who want the million dollars for themselves
or people that the original guy sent after.
I can't remember how good.
Or just like fans.
Kind of important.
Fans of the movie.
He details I'm forgetting.
And then at the end, there's like a bad lady.
Oh no.
But she's like tough and they go on a date
and then like.
Oh she's tough but bad.
And they think that it's like, he thinks it's like a thing.
And then at the end she like kisses him on the lips
and he's eight.
Whoa, hot.
And he's like, it's awesome.
Like it's a good moment.
And I'm like, this is a sick scene.
This is a sick individual.
The woman who had to do that, poor thing.
I know we've talked about it before.
All for money?
But they should make a sequel to Big
with Elizabeth Perkins and Tom
Hanks yes they did make they did make that one with what's that little girl's
name they did it with them hold on it's called what's the movie called anybody
you know I'm talking about a little little no no no what I'm steward little
I'm saying same characters in the reverse situation in that one the woman Little. Little. No, no, no. What? Stuart Little.
I'm saying same characters.
It's the reverse situation in that one.
The woman becomes young.
Yes.
I don't want that.
What I want is them playing their same characters and then they meet again.
Oh, I love that.
And then, but the aging will be off.
He would be younger than her.
But he would be younger than her.
He has to be 20 years younger than her.
20 years? Yeah, because he's 13. He's, be 20 years younger than her. 20 years?
Yeah, because he's 13.
He's 13. Then he becomes 33 or whatever.
See, this is a problem with your
Colin Hanks, then.
OK, great. Solved.
But Colin Hanks and Elizabeth Perkins from from Barry.
Yeah.
She's in Barry now. Yes, I know.
I'm very much glaring at? Because I wanted to break that.
I love it.
That's where I get all my entertainment news
from all of Tompkins on The Freedom.
She's a fantastic actress.
Exclusive.
I love her.
I love when she shows up in something.
Me too.
She's great.
She's great.
Well, did I tell you about when my dad,
like he called me,
this is after I started working in Hollywood semi-regularly, and he called me and goes,
hey, can I take you to lunch?
And you said anything's for sale at the right price.
At the right price.
Yeah.
But I thought it was a serious thing.
I was like, my mind first went to, oh shit, what did I do?
How old were you?
Probably 35.
I was like, well, what did I do?
What am I in trouble for?
Then it was like, oh no, there is something wrong? So he's like,
we can meet in the middle. Cause he was coming from orange County and I'm up in
the valley. I think at the time he's like, we'll meet at that Denny's like,
you know, where the one on one first starts or whatever.
So you're thinking this is really bleak. Yeah. So like, Oh no,
we need to be in the middle.
Five dollar eggs. Let's not meet her in a nice place.
He takes me to lunch and I'm the whole time I'm like, oh no, we need to meet in the middle. He's like $5 eggs. Let's not meet in a nice place. He takes me to lunch and I'm the whole time I'm like,
oh fuck.
Take it to lunch.
Dibbidibbidi, dibbidi, dibbidi, do.
I got moons over my head.
So I'm like, what's going on?
And he just wanted to pitch me an idea.
Oh no.
Which was.
It's about a dad who has a terrible son.
No, he's like, so you know how like TV reunions are all kind of big right now.
I think there should be a happy days reunion.
But, you know, Ron Howard, he's such a successful drama director.
He should direct it as a drama.
And I was like, Dad, I don't know Ron Howard.
And I don't know how to get this to him.
And I'm sure they've already thought
about these kinds of things.
I would watch that though.
I don't think they had thought about that.
Now little did he know that I would work
with Ron Howard a few years later and get to know him.
Did you pitch him the idea?
I never pitched him that.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I know. I can't believe you didn't tell him that. I should have told him. Because they actually still are doing those reunions.
Yeah.
They won't stop.
Although the Boz is gone.
One more, one more, one more.
The Boz?
Oh.
Uh huh.
It's the Boz.
Tom Bosley.
The Dad.
Right?
Yeah.
I can't believe I didn't immediately know who you were talking about.
I can't believe I did.
Who'd you think?
Brian Bosworth?
Is he still with us?
Brian Bosworth?
Oh no.
I don't know. I don't know. I don't immediately know who you're talking about. I can't believe I did. Blonde spiky hair. I believe he was in a movie.
He starred in a movie once.
Yes.
Something with cold in the title.
Ice cold.
I think it was ice cold.
Wasn't ice cold.
Do you want the answer?
Yes, we do.
He's alive and he's 57.
He's alive, he's alive.
And what was his movie, Ice Cold?
That's the answer we really want.
Stone Cold.
Stone Cold.
The Flintstones. The Kramery. Stone Cold. The Flintstones.
The Flintstones.
Stone Cold, the Flintstones.
Man, I wonder if they saw the movie Stone Cold
and the Flintstones and they wouldn't have
to change the title.
I bet they did.
They're like, hey, you going to the new
Brian Roxworth movie, Stone Cold?
Oh no.
Oh no.
Okay, let's. Beep, beep, Stone Cold. Oh no. Oh no.
Okay, let's. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
I guess we need to take a break.
Ow, I hit my elbow.
Oh no.
That's a good reason for a break.
You're humorous.
Gotta go to the nurse.
Yeah, I gotta go to the ear wolf nurse.
Oh no.
And I have to call my parents.
If they give me medication.
All right, we'll be right back.
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All right. We're back everybody. Okay. We're back. We're so back right now. We're so back
and I'm so excited because we're doing the game that I have suggested twice. Kp hasn't
gotten back to us yet.
Is called.
K.P. we're waiting to hear from you.
K.P. why didn't you get back to us
in between these episodes that we tape back to back?
It doesn't have a name and fact this game,
but it can if we come up with one together.
Why don't we name it?
Bag of shooters?
If you can game it, you can name it.
The game is one person thinks in their mind.
One person, I wanna call it one person.
One person thinks in their mind. A celebrity. I wanna call it one person. One person thinks in their mind.
A celebrity.
I wanna call it a celebrity.
And then the other two people.
No, wait.
I wanna call it the other two.
Ask questions.
Scott?
About what the celebrity would be
if they were another thing.
Like what kind of candy are you?
What kind of shoe are you?
And then you have to guess who it is based on those clues.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it's called celebrity style. And when we guess?
You get, they'll tell you if you're right or wrong.
And does that, that takes up our question.
And then are we good?
Yeah, but it doesn't really.
Are we good?
Does that make us good?
It doesn't really matter, like, if you're going like,
what makes us whole?
It's me, you, me, you, me, you.
It's just kind of, I mean, we should,
but it's not a big deal.
It's more just getting, you want to guess.
It's more about the experience.
It's not about winning.
Yeah.
So who wants to think of a celebrity first?
Obviously you do.
Oh, I actually didn't.
You have stars in your eyes.
Okay, fine, fine.
You, they're just like us.
Okay, let me think.
Oh, you've thought of the perfect person, I can tell.
Oh my God, Lauren is smiling.
We love when Lauren smiles when she thinks of a celebrity.
She frowns the entire episode, but then when she thinks of a celebrity. She frowns the entire episode,
but then when she thinks of a celebrity,
she suddenly smiles.
She's in her happy place.
The lights came on in the room.
I remember one time Lauren was smiling and I said,
who is it?
And she went, we'll learn it.
Okay.
She's got it.
One second.
Oh, apparently one more second.
I keep like moving on to different people in my head
because I'm just not sure.
Move on!
Let's see.
What's the Sunday in the Park of George?
Never seen it.
Oh, it's so good.
You gotta rent it.
Never heard it.
You gotta rent the PBS, the great performances.
I can do that?
Yeah, it's on iTunes.
I can do.
You, Paul, out of anyone should.
I will do.
Yeah, you please do.
Oh wait, Sondheim died, right?
Yeah.
Eh, not interested anymore.
Oh, okay, yeah.
So you were only into people who are so-
I only like to watch stuff where I have a chance
to tell the creator what I thought of it.
Okay, so is that Zuzu from It's a Wonderful Life
just recently passed out?
Never seen it.
Okay.
Okay, I'm ready.
Was she the last person?
I don't know.
I wonder that about Wizard of Oz sometimes.
Is the last person who ever worked on that film finally dead? Have we kept track of that?
Like we kept track of like Civil War? We also kept track of like the Munchkins
and everything for a while. Oh yeah sure. Yeah okay. You got the person? You're talking about like who's the last grip? I'm ready.
Yeah. The last grip. The last grip. All right so we these are not yes or no?
No you can you're asking a question of what I would be if I was something else.
Got it.
And that kind of thing.
If you were a rug, what kind of rug would you be?
I would be like a sort of shag rug,
maybe with like a palm tree design or something.
This is Robin Williams.
It's gotta be Austin Powers.
Who played Shaggy?
What's his name?
Ask more questions.
What's his name from the Scooby-Doo from Matthew Lillard.
It wasn't him.
No.
All right.
If you were a-
By the way, I made a it wasn't me Shaggy joke on the comedy bang bang anniversary episode
that blew by you.
Good.
And I felt betrayed.
I haven't listened yet. I'll see. Because I feel like I sort of remember. If you were
an automobile, what type of automobile would you be?
I would be like a tan, like Oldsmobile. Hmm. Yeah.
It's an Oldsmobile.
Okay.
And what kind of carpet again?
Shaggy. Shaggy.
With like, like a sort of pink shag rug
with like palm tree design or something.
Maybe that shag rug,
but just something sort of like that.
Yeah, okay.
If you were a college sweatshirt,
what college would be on it?
It would be possibly, it would be like Sarah Lawrence.
Oh.
Is it crazy if I just guess?
Yeah. Just guess.
Florence Anderson.
No.
What?
Shut the fuck up.
Who, me?
Yeah. Your guess is worse.
Fuck you. Fuck you.
Way worse than that guess. What, my guess Your guesses were way worse than that guess.
What, my guess was worse?
Your guesses were way worse than that guess.
Matthew Lillard is worse than Florence Henderson.
In every conceivable way.
In terms of how wrong you are.
And also just as a person.
I worked with him on Good Girls, he's fantastic.
He's great. He's no Florence Henderson.
You see him in Twin Peaks?
He's amazing. No.
Keep going.
No.
If you were, if you were.
Let's end this.
If you.
It's a good game if you fucking play it.
Ask more than you shall guess.
If you were an alcohol, what kind of alcohol would you be?
I would be, I'd be a late night glass of schnapps.
Woo.
Woo.
Woo.
Woo.
This woman's obviously a drinker.
Lauren, I mean, she knows her alcohol.
I don't even know what that is, but I feel like no one would say that.
If you were a sport, what sport would you be?
I don't care about sports. I wouldn't be a sport.
I might be...
Wait, so is the idea that the celebrity is choosing to be these things?
Yeah.
Okay. All right. That's interesting. I mean, that's how I'm... It just wants to give you the idea that the celebrity is choosing to be these things? Yeah. Okay.
All right.
That's interesting.
I mean, that's how I'm...
Okay.
It's just supposed to give you the idea of who that is.
Okay.
I'm going to call the other wild horses and see what the rules are.
Yeah, okay.
Go ahead.
All right.
Like, for example, we did it around where it was like I was Reese Witherspoon.
They're like, what kind of shoe are you?
I'm like a high heel.
What kind of candy are you?
I'm a rainbow pack of Skittles.
You know, it's like you kind of give the energy of the person.
I get that.
But the sports thing, you could have given me
the energy of the person as a sport,
and you chose not to.
The sport is competitive.
They're all competitive, they're sports.
TV watching or something.
It's like she wouldn't, it's like I can't.
She! I didn't. She.
I didn't say he.
You said she.
I did.
Yes, that's what I said that you said.
No, I said she.
Oh, my headphone cut out right.
I'm ending this.
This is a disaster.
This is a disaster.
Keep going, ask more questions.
Let's salvage it.
Okay, shut up.
No, but that's the key part is that you're not asking any.
When I did, you said no. that's not true. Keep going. I
like how you hung this up by denying the category and then you tried to make it our fault for not asking questions come on if
you were a
My turn asshole. Hmm
If you were a shoe what you would you be be? A sensible pump with a half inch heel.
Aerosols brand or something comfortable.
If you were some sort of creature in a haunted house maze,
what creature would you be?
Great question.
I would be someone who pops out and punches you in the face.
Tatiana Ali.
No. Andowed. No, but you're in the face. Tatiana Ali. No.
Andowed. No, but you're in the right field.
Great.
Field of acting?
Of people.
Okay, if you were a crop in a farmer's field,
what would you be?
A tall stalk of corn.
Okay.
If you were a type of landline telephone,
what would you be?
An 80s phone that's like cream colored
with one of those big rubbery like things on the back.
If you were a kitchen utensil, what would you be?
Wow, it was my turn.
A knife to cut pie.
Yeah, how do you like it? You guys, two in a row. You think I don't keep talking about these things? No, I didn Wow, it was my turn. A knife to cut pie. Yeah, how do you like it?
You guys, two in a row.
You think I don't keep track of these things?
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
A knife to cut pie.
A knife to cut pie.
A knife to cut pie.
If you were a knife to cut pie, how sharp would you be?
Really sharp, the sharpest knife in the jar.
Is this Gwyneth Paltrow?
No.
Buhk.
Are you listening?
She wouldn't wear a sensible heel.
I don't know.
You said a whole bunch of other dumb shit that I thought was her.
Okay.
If you were a jade egg, if you were a spice in a spice rack, what spice would you be?
Like something really spicy, like chili peppers.
That's pretty spicy.
If you were a person who was walking around Universal Studios
and was approached by Jay Leno to appear
on his hilarious segment, Jay Walking,
what question would he ask you?
He would ask, the question he would ask
is about something to do with Ronald Reagan and-
Is this Nancy Reagan?
No.
If you were Jay Leno delivering his monologue
in his night show and he said, here's something,
what would that something be?
It would have to do with a fist bite.
If you were
Janet Reno.
No. Fuck.
If you were, although I was close, right?
She's tall.
Physically.
Okay.
She was in the eighties, right?
I don't know, she was more nineties.
If you were a character in Back to the Future,
who would you be?
Somebody's grandma.
Somebody's grandma.
I don't think anyone, I think all famously in that movie,
everyone says, by the way, my grandmother's dead.
Yeah, I think it's, I guess I'd be Christopher Lloyd's
girlfriend in the part where he's as old as he could be.
Married Steenburgen?
No, I don't know.
I don't recall that character.
I feel like I have another guess.
Yeah.
Are you Penny Marshall?
No.
Hmm.
But again, you're in the right zone.
Are you Penny Lover that Lionel Richie sang about?
So you will not walk on by.
Speed round.
You can't just say speed round and make us go faster.
What color are you?
Color wise, not like a race.
Dark blue.
Oh, thank God.
If you were a section in Ikea, what section would you be?
A comfortable chair that matches a couch.
That's not a section, that's an item, but okay, I'll take it.
Couch section.
Couch section, good, good, good, good.
Or patio furniture.
If you were a celebrity, who would you be?
Patty.
Be Arthur.
Yes, we got it. Do it again. Yeah, because I wanted to show you how fun it can be Patty be Arthur
Yes, we got it again do it again, yeah because I want to show you how fun it can be when it's good
You oh when you're the person in turn. No, I just mean that one was a bust, but we'll try it again I've sucked it sucked. Yeah, pick someone and maybe a little
Be an apology
Who do you want to be the person with the celebrity? Who do I want?
Paul.
You want Paul.
Okay.
I'm the person with the celebrity.
Yeah.
Paul pick a celebrity and smile when you do.
Okay.
What it helps if we said if the person was living or dead
to narrow it down.
Okay.
This person is unfortunately dead.
Oh no.
And now I'm about to think of the celebrity.
Yeah.
Why work backwards like that?
What do you mean?
Think of a person first.
No, I have, but I smile.
Oh, you have.
Oh, got it, got it, got it.
Yeah.
I was instructing my brain to think of them.
Hmm, okay.
Okay, you're both on your phones?
This is not a good start.
I'm looking at dead people.
Janie texted us.
Janie texted us.
What kind of hat are you?
He has a hat on.
You're just looking at him. It doesn't matter, Kaiser. What kind of blue hat are you? He has a hat on. You're just looking at him. It doesn't matter, Kaiser.
What kind of blue shirt are you?
I'm going to say like a...
I love that you guys are talking about me.
What kind of ripped body are you?
I'm going to say...
Who came in?
I'm going to say like a knit wool hat.
OK. OK.
What kind of dinosaur would you be?
Hmm.
I'm gonna say like the one that just eats leaves
from Jurassic Park.
What kind of house are you?
I'm like a cabin, like a nice sturdy cabin.
Okay, what?
Are you Nick Offerman?
No. OK.
What sport in the Olympics would you be?
It was the person's alive, right?
No, the person is dead. Oh, no.
Oh, I already fucked up. OK, great.
Well, yeah, didn't Nick Offerman know?
That's what I'm saying. I shouldn't have guessed.
I thought this is where we find it heartbreaking entertainment news.
What was it?
Olympic.
What kind of Olympic sport would you be?
I'm a sport guy.
No, none. I wouldn't be any.
Lauren's yawning at her own game.
I feel like, um, like track and field, like, like, yeah, like running.
Okay.
No, if you were a door, what kind of door would you be?
How many types of doors are there?
Well, you could describe what?
Maybe a small mouse door.
I'd be, I'd be like a, a wooden, a wooden door, like on a craftsman or something like a, like a oak mouse door. I'd be like a wooden door.
Like on a craftsman or something?
Like a oak door.
Yeah.
If you were a book.
That would match the cabin.
If you were a book in the library,
what book would you be?
Oh, heavens.
Maybe a book of maps, some sort of atlas.
Charles Atlas.
Or a nature guide.
Nature guy.
Are you guessing nature guy?
Yes. He's still alive.
Shit. What kind of animal would you be?
Kind of domesticated animal.
Oh, domesticated.
Um, I think like a like a yellow lab.
OK, you're very classic man.
Yeah. If you were at Redford. No, he's still lab. Okay. You're a very classic man. Yeah. If you were at Redford,
No, he's still alive.
Yeah.
Oh, he's good.
Unfortunately.
If you were a day that someone went to the zoo,
what date on the calendar would you be?
Oh, an actual date?
Yeah.
I'm going to say May 3rd.
Interesting. Interesting.
You're fucking with the game.
I'm fucking with the game. Don't fuck with the game. Fuck with the player.
If you were an attitude, what kind of attitude would you be?
Positive.
Oh. Are you Abraham Lincoln?
No.
Damn it.
Are you an actor? I. Damn it. Are you an actor?
That is so not common.
Sometimes.
When you're not dead, you're an actor?
Sometimes.
I would describe this as impossible.
I'm sorry to everyone involved.
Um, are, are, when, oh gosh, okay, if you were a, if you were a sitcom, what sitcom would you be?
Hmm.
There was one called Out of the Blue.
Yeah, what was that?
It was about an angel living on Earth,
played by Jimmy Breslin, no, not Jimmy, Jimmy Brogan.
Jimmy Brogan.
Famous for his crowd work.
Okay, interesting, Out of the Blue, an angel sitcom.
Do I know who you are?
Yeah.
Okay. That would be terrible you are? Yeah. Okay.
That would be terrible if you picked someone.
In fact, this person was mentioned not long ago
on this very...
Ah!
Tom Bosworth.
Tom Bosley?
Brian Bosworth?
Neither of them.
If you were, okay, this is gonna crack it.
Yep.
And yeah. I believe it. If you were a member of this is gonna crack it. Yep. And yeah.
I believe it.
If you were a member of the Showtime Lakers,
which one would you be?
I unfortunately have not kept up with that show.
And if you had a name, what would it be?
John Denver.
Oh, Rocketman on high.
That's hard.
Did you sing Rocketman on high?
Rocketman on high. Let's High? Rocket Man on High.
Let's go visit Rocket Man on High.
In the church, Rocket Man, we pray that you will deliver us from Mars.
It's cold as hell.
This game is hard because it could be anyone in the world.
Maybe we don't have the group mind for it because Wild Horses was zip, zap, zapping.
Yeah, but you also probably only think of a very narrow group of people.
Oh yeah, we can only think of people
who've been in one direction.
No, you know what I mean?
Like you all have similar back.
Yeah, we were like Tom Cruise, Reese Witherspoon.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think the categories probably have to be narrowed down too.
That's kind of what I was saying at the beginning
is like, should we pick a more ubiquitous person?
Yeah, but we didn't want to listen.
Yeah, John Denver was not one.
No offense.
Although if I had asked if he was a football team, sorry you could have said
The mountain the Denver Broncos and that would have been so fucking good
Rocky Mountain High, High Colorado
Rocky Mountain High
We did it again everybody. Did you get guess John Denver out there everyone?
Did you guess John Denver? Did you guess John Denver out there, everyone? Did you guess John Denver?
Did you guess John Denver?
Did you guess John Denver?
He wasn't mentioned on this episode,
he was mentioned on the previous one.
Did you guess John Denver?
Rocky Mountain High.
Did you guess John Denver?
Although, I did not say this episode.
No, I know you didn't.
Oh, okay, just to be clear.
But I wonder if people were thinking,
who was mentioned?
Who was mentioned?
Did you guess John Denver?
Let us know if you did.
Let us know in the comments on Instagram,
on the Freedom page.
But don't be lying.
There's a space for comments underneath this podcast.
Just put it right there.
And don't say, I guessed John Denver.
Just say, I guessed it.
I guessed it.
We'll know what you're talking about.
Yes.
And we'll find your comment
no matter where it is in the world.
We see you when you're sleeping
and we know when you're awake.
That's right.
A booty, booty, booty. Bo's right. A booty booty booty.
Booty everywhere.
A booty booty booty.
Bye bye.
Bye.
I'm sorry I pushed for that game.
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don't know but I like it sir sir could you please
I think he's a little hey sorry about that who wasn't that guy took your
place for a minute yeah that little crab and we liked him better that crab do
that