Threedom - Threevisiting: Boop

Episode Date: November 12, 2024

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss game shows, Beauty And The Geek and Roommate Reminiscence before playing Wedding Planners. Send Threetures and emails to threedomusa@gmail.c...om.Leave us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:01:01 Did you say boop? No, you? Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!
Starting point is 00:01:08 Did you say boop? No, did you? Boop! Did you say boop? No. Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!
Starting point is 00:01:15 Welcome to Freedom! Boop! Did you say boop? No. Did you say boop? Somebody said boop. Someone said boop. Did you say boop?
Starting point is 00:01:22 Did you say boop? Did you say boop? Someone said boop. Did you say boop? Did you say boop? Someone said boop. Say no So much it boop and we're not leaving until we get to the bottom of this It's gonna be a silly day today today today Silly day we're goofing around as Lawrence water water ball says, Lauren's ball ball. You're my water ball. I drink water out of a ball. I take a squishy Nerf soccer ball, I get it soaking wet and then I suck it,
Starting point is 00:01:51 string it into my mouth. It is sopping. It's heavy as hell. It's a billion pounds and it is changing shape. Did you ever be, did you ever be in a pool? Did you ever be in a pool? Boop. And get the
Starting point is 00:02:10 Get the nerf ball sopping wet then hit someone in the face with it That's really mean that's terrible I'm saying I did it exclusively. I'm saying when I was young that seemed to be a thing I'm not saying I did it exclusively, I'm saying when I was young, that seemed to be a thing that everyone did. I was the only one who ever did this. Exclusively. Now I flipped this over, this hourglass,
Starting point is 00:02:28 then you flipped it back and I wanna know why. Well, I thought that we would flip it in order to time how we were doing on the episode. But so. And I thought that you flipped it too early. So I was trying to get it on. But so now it's like, okay, five minutes and then we'll flip it back.
Starting point is 00:02:39 Yeah, so every five minutes flip it back and then at the end we'll know how many five minutes have gone by. Yeah, that makes more sense. Thank you. Boop. You know, is it really an hour? I didn't say boop.
Starting point is 00:02:48 Did you say boop? Are these inherently an hour? It depends on how much sand is in. Are these intrinsically an hour? That one looks like an hour to me. It looks like an hour. Feels like. Smells like.
Starting point is 00:03:03 Sounds like. Smells like. Sounds like? I think there are hourglass size that are a day. And there are some that are minutes. A day? Yeah, don't you think? How big would that be? That would be big. The ones from the board games are a minute, dude. So it would be a minute.
Starting point is 00:03:20 A minute glass. There should be an hourglass. So 60 times that, then 24 times that. There should be an hourglass. It's just one grain of sand, but it's on a time release thing where after an hour, the platform that it's on- It just drops out. And it just one-
Starting point is 00:03:32 It's like on Ellen's Game of Games. Okay, on Ellen's Game of Games. We've talked about this eight times. Have we? Have we talked about Ellen's Game of Games? Yes, we've talked about it. Who is Ellen? Do they fall far? Because there's a shadow flying in the air.
Starting point is 00:03:47 They don't. You've told me they don't. I asked you at least twice on this program. Okay. But who's Ellen? DeGeneres? I think I boop. Did you say boop?
Starting point is 00:03:56 I didn't say boop. Boop. No, you said boop. I did not say boop. Oh my God, boop. Oh. I did not say boop. Oh my God, boop. Oh.
Starting point is 00:04:08 Ellen's Game of Games. And so around, she's also producing a new show starring Dex and Kristen. Oh, thank God. And they are doing a games with families. I think it's- Or something. The Manson family?
Starting point is 00:04:21 It's done? Oh, I saw one episode of it, I don't know. The Manson family makes the Adams family. Look like the... Sly and the family stone. The Walton family. Sly and the family stone. I had a friend who was on a game show years ago.
Starting point is 00:04:35 Congratulations, Paul! For having a friend or for having a friend who went on TV. This person was on this. I don't have friends that aren't on TV. That's probably true, right? It probably is. Did you say boop? I don't have friends that aren't on TV. That's probably true, right? It probably is. Did you say boop? I didn't say boop.
Starting point is 00:04:49 She, this is my friend Annie Savage from the Thrilling Adventure. Oh yes. I've met her. She was on a game show? She was on a game show, this is years ago and she was eliminated at one point and she fell through a fucking trap door.
Starting point is 00:05:02 Wait a minute. It is shocking. We've, we've, we've must've talked about this because. No, we didn't talk about this. Because I, I dated a woman who was on that very same game show, I believe. What show was it? I think it was called Trapdoor. I don't know if it was, it was on, it was on Game Show Network.
Starting point is 00:05:17 You're lying? I'm lying. Boop. Boop. And, and they've, I, we haven't talked about this because it was crazy. You dated a girl. We talked about that. We've talked about that for sure. This was 20 years ago. We've talked about this because it was crazy. You dated a girl. We've talked about that. We've talked about that for sure. 20 years ago. We've talked about that.
Starting point is 00:05:28 At least. Same. And we... I should hope so. You've been on cool out the entire time. And it was a thing where they fall through the floor and they just fall like- Legends of the hidden temple.
Starting point is 00:05:42 It's Nickelodeon show. You guys wouldn't get it. Fuck it. How do you know I wouldn't get it. Fuck it. How do you know I wouldn't get it? Sorry, do we need Mary here? I glazed over because you spoke. Anyway. Because any woman spoke.
Starting point is 00:05:54 I can't hear women. I have auditory processing issues where if you're a woman, I can't hear you. But yeah, they only fall like four feet. Yeah. That's pretty far. It is far. Or maybe two.
Starting point is 00:06:07 Have you ever done a truss fall? They fall into a shopping cart and it hurts. And then they're on supermarket sweep and Leslie Jones is pushing around and she's screaming. Because they can't move. Is that what she does on that show, pushes everyone around? No.
Starting point is 00:06:18 Wait, have you guys ever, whatever I just asked? I don't know! Ah, ah, ah! Look, I need you guys to keep track of what I'm saying because I can't do it. Ah, ah, ah! Ah, ah, ah! Have you ever done a trust fall?
Starting point is 00:06:30 Oh, oh. And no, I'm not gonna suggest we do one now. I think we're never doing that. I would never trust. It seems like something that you do when you're in elementary school. We did in high school. We had to stand up on this like really tall storage thing
Starting point is 00:06:42 that was like probably five feet tall. No! And stand up up on it and then everyone would put their hands interlocking like In two rows, you know seems more than trust back I know seems too dangerous That was my class called adventure ed and we were we had a wall like a rock climbing wall in my school And you could climb you'd climb the wall, which was really scary. And then we went on a rock climbing trip. Were you tethered to something? Yeah, it was all like, on, play, play on, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:08 I learned all that stuff. I beg your pardon? And we had a, there was a, I forgot about this. There was a, like, what do you call it? Optical course in the sky? What, heaven? The solar system. Watch out for that Pluto. There was a very tall gymnasium. Heaven the solar system
Starting point is 00:07:33 There was a very tall gymnasium this was where my adventure ed class was and we would did you say adventure ed? Yes There's a very tall gymnasium Like a rock climbing class, but then you would do these trust exercises because it was part of getting used to like climbing on the wall. This sounds like a rich person's high school. But it's public school. Wait, but this is also separate from the other trust falls?
Starting point is 00:07:54 No, but it's the only school in town. In a rich town. It's the only school in town, baby. But wait, is this a separate- It's the only public school in town. Look how I'm talking. Lauren. Only high school. Polish talking. Only high school. Was this a separate? Only public school in town. I'm talking. Lauren. Only high school.
Starting point is 00:08:05 Paula's talking. Only high school. Was this trust fall separate from the one where you got on office equipment and fell down? Yeah, the same class, but we then would, there was an exercise where you'd go up on this obstacle course that was hanging from the ceiling. So it was like rope steps, you know, you can't,
Starting point is 00:08:22 you have to go. Yeah, yeah, rope ladder. How far off the ground are you? Pretty far, I'm not good at feet, but. At summer camp too, we were. 12 feet at least? Yeah, 12 feet up in the, like it was stretched between trees and stuff like that. Yeah, and then you had to do it blindfolded.
Starting point is 00:08:35 No! With a partner guiding you from below, telling you what to do. No, this is not legal. I'm sorry to inform you, you've been crimed. And then on my, on the camping trip, we went on where we went rock climbing, which sorry to inform you, you've been crimed. And then on my camping trip, we went on where we went rock climbing, which was horrible for me, I hated it so much. But the camping trip was awful
Starting point is 00:08:50 because we had to build our own tent with our little team of friends. From scratch? I don't- Process the material. No, it was definitely a real temp, something happened to mine. There was like a storm and mine was called Slantytown
Starting point is 00:09:03 to begin with because we messed it up so much. Then it was pouring rain and I slept in the truck, the teacher's truck. With the teacher? No. He had all this. With his arms wrapped around. There was just piles of wood.
Starting point is 00:09:20 Piles of wood? I'm remembering, I'm remembering. There were piles of logs or something in his truck bed I'm remembering, I'm remembering. There were piles of logs or something in his truck bed and I got in there with two of my friends and we slept on the wood soaking wet all night because we had gotten rained out of our tent and everyone else's tent was fine, they could sleep in it. No.
Starting point is 00:09:38 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So you were sleeping on top of the wood, but under what? A truck top. There was, okay, it was a covered. It was a back of a truck, but it wasn? Truck top. There was, okay. It was a covered. It was a back of a truck, but it wasn't a truck, like an empty open bed. Yeah, okay.
Starting point is 00:09:50 Got it. Anyhow, bad times. Bad time. And did you have to rock climb the next day or had you already rock climbed? That was the last, that was the, it was only one night, I believe. Did you, I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:10:00 Did you say boop? I didn't say boop. Boop. I feel like Josh is adding these boops in. Is this, is, yeah, are these in post? I'm listening back to the episode now and I I didn't say boop. Boop. I feel like Josh is adding these boops in. Is this, yes, are these in post? I'm listening back to the episode now, and I can hear all these boops. And I'm hearing them.
Starting point is 00:10:09 Yeah. But I'm not hearing them when we're talking. No. Me neither. And we've all been asked and we've all answered, that we have not said boops. Because no one said boop. Every time that I've said, whenever I said, did you say boop?
Starting point is 00:10:18 It's me when I'm listening to it recorded later. Me too. Right, yeah. We put those in in post. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. We, okay, my. We put those in in most. Yes. Yes. Okay, my school didn't have anything like that
Starting point is 00:10:30 because we were just simple country folk. But we did have the parachute. And boy, when the parachute came out. Oh, I love the parachute. That's a great thing. What do you do with that again? You put one of those red bouncy balls on it and then you play some sort of game where it's-
Starting point is 00:10:42 Everyone sits around holding a little piece of the parachute to keep it open. Then you bounce a ball, keep it up in there, or- Or? When you were little, did you play this game where you would- Stop pointing at me! Come on.
Starting point is 00:10:53 Where you would flap the parachute and then switch spots. Like some people- Yes. Where people go under it or- You crawl under it and- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And go to their side and it just- It just goes to their side!
Starting point is 00:11:04 That sounds fun, why don't we do that? We should bring a three person parachute. Nice haircut, I already said you got a haircut, but did I say it's nice? I don't know, but it looks nice. You did say it was nice, but thank you for saying it. I don't know, I thought she walked in and just said, you got a haircut.
Starting point is 00:11:16 That doesn't imply that it's nice or. And I went, mm, okay. So that's the way you're gonna go. So that's what you did. I guess one of your nice I heard what I wanted to hear It's actually a really good haircut. Thank you. I'm also styling it differently style it that way from now on You get this is the one time It works, buddy
Starting point is 00:11:41 It's working. I like it and for the listener out there, you can see it in the picture. Hell yeah. Just say, in fact, pause this right now. Take a look at this picture. We're listening back anyway, so why don't you pause it. Did you say, did you say boop?
Starting point is 00:11:54 I did, I mean, I said pause. I heard you say that. Because I was saying pause the episode. I heard a boop and I thought you said boop. Oh, okay, no, it wasn't boop. So anyway, is there a problem with my muffins or are you guys gonna finish this? I had half of it.
Starting point is 00:12:07 We're on mic now, what are we, you? You brought three muffins for four people. I thought it was rude. One's for Josh. I already ate one inside. Oh, three muffins for three people. I emailed him and said he could have a muffin. You emailed him a muffin?
Starting point is 00:12:18 Yes. God. I would love that though. Oh no, I have to have something. If you could email muffins. Hey, why don't we start playing mafia on Facebook again? Mafia? Do you play Farmville? No, I never did Farmville.
Starting point is 00:12:32 I think I did mafia or something like zombies. I think I did for like- Oh my God, that sucked. It got very irritating very quickly. I think I did it for one millisecond and then there were too many alerts. That's our quote. That's our tagline. It got very irritating, what? Very quickly.
Starting point is 00:12:49 There we go. The New Yorker says. It got very irritating. Coming in at number 11, three dumb. You know, they don't write, they usually don't write bad reviews for podcasts. Have you noticed that? Cause there's so many.
Starting point is 00:13:02 Cause there's so many that they're trying to elevate, you know, ones that don't get a lot of, and they're saying this one's good or whatever. The rest they're pretending don't happen. Back in the day, Bang Bang used to get bad reviews. Like when they would review it every week. There's not enough. Like AV Club and JTS.
Starting point is 00:13:15 But nowadays you can't get bad reviews. I would love to see a bad three-dom review. I would not love to see that. What? I would probably go to iTunes. That's true. Never look at that stuff. I didn't even know where it is.
Starting point is 00:13:27 I'm just saying, you just can't. So wait, I had half of this muffin. Break your ball. I thought I was being kind. Yeah. Because I thought you brought three muffins for four people and I was like, I can't. So you're like, so Lauren will eat the other half
Starting point is 00:13:40 of that one. Or I don't know how we were gonna divvy it up. Oh, you didn't bite into it, you ripped it. I ripped it and I was like. Okay, it's for you. Okay, I don't know how we were gonna divvy it up. Oh, you didn't bite into it, you ripped it. I ripped it. Okay, it's for you. And I was like, okay, thank you so much. I'll have that in between things. Great.
Starting point is 00:13:51 If you know what I mean. I just wanted to make sure they didn't taste like butt. No, they, I mean, they taste like a butt if a butt tasted like a beautiful, delicious chocolate chip muffin, which sometimes it does. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like. Tastes like ass to me, and that's what I love.
Starting point is 00:14:04 I'm like, I'm like, I'm like like ass to me, and that's what I love. Oh, no. You're corrupted. So Lauren, why are you out of town so much? Okay, well. We're taping this at three in the morning. I know. We picked Lauren up from the airport
Starting point is 00:14:19 and we started recording right away. I went out of town for two weeks to do a movie in Georgia. Oh, that's right, you're a movie star. And then I did another movie in Georgia. One, two Georgia movies? Are you in a Marvel movie? And then I'm going to do a short film. Are you Daredevil?
Starting point is 00:14:34 Are you in Walking Dead, the movie? I don't know that I can say what it is only because I don't know if there's a rule. Oh, I do know I signed an NDA for one of them. The other one I- Which one? Do not resuscitate. That tricked me.
Starting point is 00:14:47 Yeah, so do not resuscitate the movie. I had to sign a do not resuscitate because I'm in this movie. They just made you make life choices. Yeah, it was weird. If I get hurt on set, please do not resuscitate me. But my first trip with Holly was the first one. We went for two weeks to Georgia. How did she like it?
Starting point is 00:15:04 She did really well. How about your friend? Yeah, she's like this little tiny little friend that moved into my house. She's so small. Is she the smallest roommate you've ever had? Yeah, yeah. What's your smallest roommate?
Starting point is 00:15:20 Some six foot five. But we'll go around the table. My smallest roommate of all time? Okay. Of all time. My other smallest roommate was named Amy. How small was she? She's probably five too. Should we do roommate roundup?
Starting point is 00:15:37 Wow. Let's do roommate roundup. Yes! Wow. Whoa, this is incredible. We stumbled across this. We've never done roommate roundup. We've never done roommate roundup. We've never done roommate roundup. I had roommates, of course. Of course.
Starting point is 00:15:51 But who was the smallest before we get into the roundup? Well, maybe we should go through them one at a time, and then we can... Going way back? The smallest? So we go through them one at a time, and then we say who was the smallest at the end? At the end, yeah, because I'm not going to be able to remember. Let the audience decide who they think is the smallest. Yes, but from the way we described them.
Starting point is 00:16:07 Guys, I gave mine away. Yeah, so you're out. All right. Did you have any other roommates? I had a lot of roommates. Well, let's go through them. Should we go around in a circle and do the first roommate and then the second roommate of each person?
Starting point is 00:16:17 Yeah, this could be a long game. Let me ask you this. We don't have to do it all right now. Are we counting siblings? No. No. We're not counting siblings. It's once you move out. Are we canting Rom- Canting. Are we counting siblings? No. No. We're not counting siblings. Once you move out. Are we canting, are we canting,
Starting point is 00:16:27 Canting. Are we canting? Are we decanting? Counting romantic relationships? Yes. Yes. Okay. All right.
Starting point is 00:16:34 Okay. Yeah, cause that's, that might be a great deal of the information we have. Should we all do our first roommate? Yeah. Yes. Okay, Paul, first roommate. Her name was Lori.
Starting point is 00:16:44 Her name was Lori. She was a showgirl. Was this the older woman from the Pats and the Belfry? Yes. That's correct. Who is that? Refresh my memory. He was dating an older woman. This is my first serious little friend. Yeah, you guys had sex. We never made that shirt. You never made that shirt. We never made the shirt we got yeah It's a shirt. Oh, yeah, but you never made the shirt together, which is like when you both get in one shirt and fuck We made a shirt We never made the shirt, you know what I mean Let's get getting our big sure honey I love clothes did you say boop never I
Starting point is 00:17:37 don't think I've ever said in your life in my life yeah well I haven't either yeah all right so first one was Laurie from hats in the belfry. She was I was from ads in the belfry She was from a place called the last wound up Which was a wind up TV show This really is just like eccentric weird sounds like you're both characters on pushing daisies, and I'm not I work at The Last Wound Up and I work at Hats in the Belfry. We only are in funny Philadelphia specialty stores.
Starting point is 00:18:12 Those were the two on the same street, by the way. Well, that's too much. They were on the same street? They were on the same street. Oh my God. Just a few blocks from each other. Did you guys meet on the street? Just about.
Starting point is 00:18:22 Did you meet on the street? Middle street, middle street. I saw her on the street. I'd. Did you mean on the street? Minisheetsminisheats! I saw her on the street. I'd never done anything like this before. So you were like, you're making my tongue roll and my eyes bug out. Yeah, the top of my head flew off. Streamers came out.
Starting point is 00:18:35 I have dollar signs in my eyes. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You need a COVID test. Thanks for covering for me. Sure. Sure. Um.
Starting point is 00:18:45 Um. And then. And then. Blah! It's nice and wet, don't worry. Um. Disgusting. I have paper towels here if you'd like to flamant a one.
Starting point is 00:18:56 The other night I thought I had a cold for like, 20 minutes? 40 minutes, something like that. And I was, first I thought, oh I feel a cold coming on. Then I was like, is this breakthrough COVID? I don't know what that feels like. Yeah, you always, something like that. And I was, first I thought, oh, I feel a cold coming on. Then I was like, is this breakthrough COVID? I don't know what that feels like. You always gotta think it is. And then you remembered you smoked for 30 years.
Starting point is 00:19:11 30, come on. 40, 20. Oh no, you had to go up. I don't know, I don't know when you started. I started when I was 10 years old. Maybe. I thought I had COVID the other day, but it was because I had been screaming all day.
Starting point is 00:19:24 Oh. In the movie. In the movie, in the movie. Oh, thank God. Okay. At Holly. Yeah. Go to sleep. God fucking damn it. You said something very sweet on a text thread. What did I say? You said that I love you, Paul. That was private. I'm in love with you. You're exposing me. Yeah, that's very sweet. When a friend says, I'm in love with you.
Starting point is 00:19:48 I love it when a friend says that. That's sweet, but it's a problem. You said that you miss Holly when she's asleep. Oh, yeah. I think that's so sweet. Why are you guys texting without me? That being said, I am speaking to a sleep consultant next week to try to get her to sleep through the night
Starting point is 00:20:09 because everyone I know, their baby sleeps 12 hours and this is not how we're operating. I feel like that's rare. They're all doing it. Are they lying? No, I think they've done the sleep training thing a little bit. Right. Okay.
Starting point is 00:20:21 But I was kind of avoiding this because I didn't know how I felt about it, but now I feel pretty good about it. So we'll see. What is the sleep training thing? Basically, well, we hired somebody that my friend used for this, who she talks to on the phone every day
Starting point is 00:20:31 and kind of says like, do this, try this, blah, blah, blah, and then until it all works. And there's also books for this and stuff. And I started reading the books and I was like, it's too many words. I'm going to sleep now. Yeah. That's the plan, make me read the book.
Starting point is 00:20:44 Well, what it was, was I was gonna do it from the book, but then I thought, I feel like it's so specific to each baby, like what we're doing throughout the day, how I'm doing this. I would like to talk to somebody so they could say, oh, stop doing that thing or whatever. Why don't you buy one that is addressed to Holly? That's better, yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:59 Yeah. Does she exercise? Is she on the Peloton or anything? She, you know what? And I was gonna buy a used Peloton and they sold it to somebody else. I was so fucking pissed. Do you want to buy mine used for new price
Starting point is 00:21:10 and I'll buy a new one? So wait, are you saying that the way I styled my hair before you didn't like it? No, I'm saying it looks really nice. It just looks really nice. No, I don't know. I'm struck by it. I don't know what it is.
Starting point is 00:21:21 Yeah, I'm struck too. I'm in love with you. But anyways, this woman will just basically, what you have to do is like, it's a whole, I mean, I don't know what her exact rules are, but from other friends I've heard like, you put them in, then they cry. Then you go and say a script and then you leave.
Starting point is 00:21:36 And then you come back into the script. You have to say something? Like you're kind of going like, a script? Like saying the same two sentences. Do you have to memorize your lines? Yeah. You gotta be off book.
Starting point is 00:21:44 And then eventually, I kind of started doing it a little bit and it's kind of working sometimes, but she doesn't really nap much. the same two sentences. Do you have to memorize your lines? Yeah. You gotta be off book. Eventually, I kind of started doing it a little bit and it's kind of working sometimes, but she doesn't really nap much. So anyway, I won't force. She doesn't nap much. She naps like 30 minutes at a time. And what I hear is they could be going
Starting point is 00:21:54 like a couple hours at a time. Just a couple times a day. I usually have her going down every hour or two for 30 minutes. Just be nodding. I thought babies love naps. This is what they live for. This is why you hire a sleep consultant,
Starting point is 00:22:06 because it's not working out. Dang, I'm sorry. She does want to sleep. She just like gets upset when I leave, and then it's a whole thing. Right, she misses you when she's asleep too. Yeah, it's kinda goes well with it. It's very sweet.
Starting point is 00:22:17 Paul, tell us about this woman. Yeah, Heather. This was Lori. You saw her on the street. Oh wait, where did I get Heather? You saw her on the street. Oh, Heather's my first roommate. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.
Starting point is 00:22:24 Jeez. Do you think they know each other? Is your brain broken today? So I saw her on the street. We've never. I saw her on the street. Oh Heather's my first roommate. Ha ha ha ha. Jeez. Do you think they know each other? Is your brain broken today? So I saw her. I am so tired. I have to say I am very tired. Oh because of the Holly situation. I've been up since 5.30 and then I tried to sleep
Starting point is 00:22:35 when she was sleeping and only that's 30 minutes each time. And I couldn't get up. Wait a minute. I think I'm on the same sleep schedule as you. Are you? Do you have like a. I'm having sympathetic sleep schedule. Wow.
Starting point is 00:22:45 Without even realizing it. You're sleeping synced up? I sleep even though we live in different places. So you wake up at 5.30. I wake up and fall asleep whenever you do. Okay, so you're getting poor sleep. Let's simplify this. Just whenever you're awake, I'm awake. Whenever you're asleep, I'm asleep.
Starting point is 00:22:58 With my Fitbit, I get zero steps, but I do know that I sleep very poorly. So I'm getting a lot of information from that. You do know that I sleep very poorly. I stayed up too late lot of information from that. I do know that I sleep very poorly. I stayed up too late and woke up too early. It's just that simple. It's bad. It's bad. I did that too, but I was able to get back.
Starting point is 00:23:13 As the Beatles once said. Get back to where you once belonged. What are you doing? That's beautiful. Lauren put her hands up as if she was being robbed. Get a load of this. Get back. Get this. Get back. Get back.
Starting point is 00:23:25 Get back. Get back to where you once belonged. Have you watched that Deckmunt? Or do you have it? All of it, loved it. Yeah, great, loved it. Great, I'll check it out. Absolutely loved it.
Starting point is 00:23:35 I'll get around to that one. I'm just watching Dexter. I saw, oh, that's when I realized I was the monster. I love Dexter. Maybe I'm not the monster after all. So you met this woman. I saw her walking up the street. Roommate roundup is taking four fucking woman. I saw her walking up the street. Roommate roundup is taking four fucking ever.
Starting point is 00:23:46 I saw her walking up the street. Maybe we just do one on this episode. I think so. I was very struck by her. I thought, what an attractive young woman. She turns into the store. And you've never done that before? Yeah, it was my first time.
Starting point is 00:23:58 That was my sexual awakening. Wow, a woman. 17 years old, puberty did not happen. But so you walked right up to her and you said, will you let me move in with you? Yeah, I said I'm looking for a roommate. I'll bring the hats, you bring the wind-up toys. Can I?
Starting point is 00:24:13 Let's make lots of money. So she walked into the store and I walked in. Wait, what is that theme song to? Shark Tank? Is it? Probably. Is it? I don't watch Shark Tank. It's a bad boy song. No, no, it was from Beauty and the Geek.
Starting point is 00:24:28 Oh, okay. You've got the looks. I've got the brains. I've got the brains. Let's make lots of money. Let's make lots of, donk, donk, donk, donk, donk. And it was a reality show. Don't care, but they don't.
Starting point is 00:24:36 Nate Dern was on, who was the. I do remember that show, but how did they make money? Nerds dig pots. I know. And then they fuck, And if they get paid. Well, I guess if you stayed a couple, you got money or some bullshit, or they do challenges and all sorts of stuff.
Starting point is 00:24:51 How many actually stay together though? None of course. All of them. Oh, I really misjudged it. Hots with nerds, it's unbelievable. It's StarCross lovers. That's why it's good TV, man. Were any of the nerds like,
Starting point is 00:25:03 I just didn't like the hots? Of course. You know, of course that's true, because sometimes hot people are so stupid and fucking annoying. I know, but you overlooked that because you want to have sex with them. I don't know what you're talking about. Did Mr. E participate in this show? Who is that?
Starting point is 00:25:18 The pickup artist? Or was that a different show? Mystery. Mystery. Oh, that was a different show. You really pronounced it very... Mr. E. I've never heard it said it aloud. I'm. But you really pronounced it very... Mr. E. I've never heard said it aloud. I'm just responding to how it's written.
Starting point is 00:25:28 Mr. E. Mr. E had a big hat and he told me to wear a big hat too. He was peacocking and he said, you must peacock. No, that was... Pecock! I forget what show that was. So you went up to this woman. That was the game.
Starting point is 00:25:41 The game. The game, yes, based on the book. Based on the book Precious. So I, I haven't heard that in such a long. By Sapphire. Based on the book Precious. It's Push. Push, remember hearing that?
Starting point is 00:25:56 Based on the novel Push by Sapphire, but I liked based on the book Precious. Based on the book Precious, which is based on the novel Sapphire. It's the photo novel. Bush. Bush. I was with my friend John.
Starting point is 00:26:09 Oh my God, I love that. We were in the process of dropping out of college. I wanna say it all the time. You wanna say it all the time? How were you in the process of dropping out? Were you like going to the- We were like, we were going to fewer and fewer classes and just hanging out together and not going to the class.
Starting point is 00:26:27 Can you stop jangling that? I'm sorry. It's a very attractive piece. It's a Wishbone bottle opener. You love that. You know what? I do love it. I'm gonna try to think about where I got that.
Starting point is 00:26:39 And I apologize. I am making a noise. Boop. So- Oh my God, boop. Then, did you? Nevermind. I didn't hear it away from you. Boop. So. Oh my God, boop. Then, did you? No, I didn't. Nevermind. I didn't hear it either. Nevermind.
Starting point is 00:26:49 Yeah, I didn't hear it. So my friend John and I were walking down the street and I said, let's go in the store. Let's go into this store. It's got such a funny name. I'd like to see what's going on in here. I didn't even know what the store was at that point because we were still walking towards it.
Starting point is 00:27:02 Sure. Oh, meaning you didn't know what the sign said? Didn't know what the sign said. So you just saw a store and you thought you'd go in it? I saw a pretty lady and I did know what to say. Oh, I see. Let's go in that store. Oh, okay. So you were like, hey, what if we went into this store?
Starting point is 00:27:17 Exactly. Played it real good. Right, right, right. I totally would do that. And so I walked in and she was behind- When I was little. I mean 19. You'd walk into stores. No, but I'd be like, I'm going to pretend I'm doing something. So she was behind like a big wound up Jack in the Box? No, she was behind the counter. Oh, okay. And I started talking to her. What if you saw her and then you went into that store and then she's nowhere to be found
Starting point is 00:27:45 and then you wound up the jack of the box and she popped out and was like, ha ha! Yeah, what if that? Huh. I saw you looking at me! What would I? Then would you still wanna have sex in the shirt with her? Or not?
Starting point is 00:28:00 We would've shirted. He always needs the shirt. So I started talking to her. He can't come without the shirt. Oh God. In the process of talking to her, I broke a toy that was on the counter. Oh no.
Starting point is 00:28:14 What are you doing? My neck started to get stiff, so I am popping it. You're punching the air. Yeah. Ow. This guy's nuts. I'm crazy, I'm fighting the wind. He's out of his mind.
Starting point is 00:28:25 He's like Don Quixote, tilting at windmills. Well, you read that in Spanish class, which I feel like is challenging. Well, see. I can't imagine having to read. Miguel de los Jardantes. A book in Spanish. Sancho Panza.
Starting point is 00:28:39 It was hard. In Espanol. Yeah. What's windmill in Spanish? You think I know? It came up so many times in the book. I know, it did. That's hard. Huh? In Espanol. Yeah. What's windmill in Spanish? You think I know? He came up so many times in the book. I know, I did.
Starting point is 00:28:50 He's always going to that windmill. He's always going inside of him, being like, check out this, the square footage in this thing. I can power my TV with this. If I was on The Bachelorette, I'd fucking hear. That's the one thing that you can think of when you think of windmmill. That's all I know Is do they come up a lot on no?
Starting point is 00:29:09 There's just a couple who fucked four times in one windmill and the dad And the guy's dad was like yeah, that's my boy. He was like yeah Son, that's so nasty to care about your kid nasty to care about your kid. John Kerry reporting for duty. Oh my God. And how'd you convince old Linda to be your wife? You are really lost. So while I was talking to her, I broke this toilet that was on the counter and she-
Starting point is 00:29:38 You broke the toilet. I was talking to her. I was yelling through the bathroom door. I was shitting so hard. I broke the toilet. I said, can I use your bathroom? It's an emergency. I said, can I use your bathroom? I said, can I use your bathroom? I said, can I use your bathroom? was shit so hard I broke the toilet. I said can I use your bathroom?
Starting point is 00:29:48 It's an emergency. I started talking through the bathroom door. Part of your plan was to blow up the fucking toilet in the wind up store. She liked how straightforward I was. The store is four inches long. This guy's got swagger. There's one toilet. It's one of those toilets you have to hold down
Starting point is 00:30:07 for a real long time and you don't know that the first time you flush it. Oh no. Then nothing goes down and then you have to wait for it to refill. That's not, I don't wanna talk about this. Come on. Don't you hate that?
Starting point is 00:30:16 So. When you're somewhere and it's like doesn't flush? Yeah, I hate it. So. Oh god, that's funny. We, so I broke this toy. She was making fun of me... Are we allowed to give reviews to our own bits?
Starting point is 00:30:28 People have not talked about that enough. Yeah. They don't talk about it enough. Like, there's a certain amount of discourse about it that you think is not as much as there should be. Nobody's articulating what happens when you flush an old toilet, it sort of pulls one piece of toilet paper down,
Starting point is 00:30:49 but not your shit, and then you wait to flush again, but you're waiting so long. In front of a fucking brick facade somewhere. How about me, I want you to stand up now. This is your first five? And you're waiting for it to go down, and then everyone's banging on the door, and then the end. Everyone.
Starting point is 00:31:05 All you're saying is what happened. Is this someone's house? Like a standup would maybe like have a metaphor. I'm getting to it. This is a setup. Okay. It's just like when, when, oh God. Oh no.
Starting point is 00:31:21 All right, I wanna hear the rest of this story. I would actually like to see this then. I'm so, oh God Oh, no, forget it. I don't got nothing. Oh, why did I say I would do this? So I broke this item on the counter. She made fun of me in a very funny way. It's hot.
Starting point is 00:31:38 It was very hot. Hey, you piece of shit. It was very hot. Yeah, it was just that funny. Hey, you piece of shit. That's hilarious. Yeah, it was just that funny. Hey, you piece of shit. And so I went back in there again, I think a few days later or a week later, something like that, and I asked her out on a date.
Starting point is 00:31:55 Wow. What'd she say? She said yes. And where did you go on the date? How'd you move in together? We went to, okay, what order should I? Do mine first, do mine first. We, what was your question again? Where'd you move in together? We went to, okay, what order should I? Do mine first, do mine first. What was your question again?
Starting point is 00:32:08 Where'd you go? I can't remember the name of the place. It was someplace on South Street where we both were. And it didn't have a funny name? No, not- Yeah, you didn't go eat at like, two in the pan is worth one in the cup or something. What do they serve there? Only pan. Two in the pan is worth one in the cup or something What do they serve there? Only pan two in the pan is worth one in the cup
Starting point is 00:32:33 Why did I agree to this? God I'm so terrible at stand up. Oh my god. Do I still get my ten dollars? You wish why did my friends make me? So it was a restaurant? It was a restaurant. We ate on a patio. Was it called Marie Callender's? No, if only.
Starting point is 00:32:53 Cafe Cordial? Oh my God, there she goes. She's shuffling off this mortal coil. After a Marie Callender reference. Last day that we ever saw a Lord. I just was about to spit my water out. Why didn't you? It's your house. Cause I don't want to in my water out. Why didn't you it's your house? Cuz I don't want to my own house. I do it in yours
Starting point is 00:33:11 So um Scott just say boo Scott did you just say boop let me check Testing my mouth out to see What do you eat on the first date That was like testing my mouth out to see let me check Nope What do you eat on the first date? Shit, what were you thinking? I don't want to shit later. I'm gonna eat just this one thing. Yeah So wait so so I don't remember what we ate. This is a million years ago. My parents remember what they ate on their first date. What else do they have to remember?
Starting point is 00:33:49 But he also didn't marry her. That's true. Wait, you only remember if you marry someone? Yeah. The first time Jenny and I had dinner. I can tell you exactly what we had. Well, because it became important because you're like. I do know where we were. Cool. I've been. Where do you where do you sushi and tap a restaurant where the
Starting point is 00:34:08 Sushi waiters tap dance. No, I was gonna say that is a joke. Is that the truth? That is the truth? No That's really stupid. They've been closed. They've been closed a long time It's a sushi place. They tell you the door we still go into it We still go into it all the time. Jumped into the ocean like fish. Oh my god. Tup, tup, tup, tup, tup, tup. Bye! All the way to the BCH.
Starting point is 00:34:28 Well we still go in there all the time because it's right next to the comic book store I go to. What is it now? It's Rockin' Sushi. So it remained a sushi place. I think that Mike and I ate at a burger place in Silver Lake that's now closed. Jenny Rockets.
Starting point is 00:34:43 Called Ache or something. Mmm. Ache or something. Mmm. Ache DJ, the band? It was good. It was good. So, so, so. This is only my first roommate by the way. So this is your roommate?
Starting point is 00:34:58 I know, this isn't good, I have like 10. We have, we're gonna, this is gonna take forever. We counted romantic relationships. That was the first time I lived with a stranger. How long? That must have been exciting though, to move out of your parents' house and then suddenly you're living with some old broad.
Starting point is 00:35:12 Well, first she had a roommate who we did not like each other. Oh, so that was your, that could have been your first roommate. That's always rough. Well, I stayed over her place more and more and then her roommate was annoyed. But we're technically talking roommates, which means you had two people be your first roommate. I don't, no, I don't think so because I didn't live there.
Starting point is 00:35:38 We eventually moved in together into a new place. When her roommate was out. Oh, okay. Okay. So that person does not count as a roommate. Oh my God. That was a close one. That would've been scary. But she was the kind of person where- Was she making it very clear, like get the fuck out of here? Yeah, pretty much.
Starting point is 00:35:53 One time she and I were alone in the apartment and I was washing the dishes because I was very paranoid about being there alone and just like hanging out or whatever. That's nice. Like watching TV or whatever. But why didn't you leave? With my undershirt, with a beer. So you're doing chores. But you lived there or you were like hanging out or whatever. That's nice. Like watching TV or whatever. But why didn't you leave? With my undershirt, with a beer.
Starting point is 00:36:06 So you lived there? So you're doing chores. I'm doing chores. You were just hanging out. I was just hanging out, either she had given me a key and so either I was waiting for her or she had just left or something. Gotta say, if I was the roommate, I'd hate this too.
Starting point is 00:36:16 Yeah, I don't like this. Of course. Just some guy, you know, just fuck outta here. Yeah, some rando. It's me though. I know, but you feel not good. No, she did not like me and that made me not like her. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:26 Which seems fair. Yeah, that is fair. So I'm watching the dishes and she goes, look, I don't like you and you don't like me. I don't think I've ever had that convo with anyone. I'm thinking like, why is it, then why are we talking about it? Like, what is the-
Starting point is 00:36:39 But what was her solution? It boiled down to like, let's just be polite to each other. It's like, I thought that's what we were doing. That's what we were up to right now before you opened your yap. Maybe she was just hating the tension so much of the situation that she was like, let's just acknowledge that it's bad.
Starting point is 00:36:53 And that way we can all just be polite. I would respect it more if she was like, look, I don't like you, you don't like me. So let's fix this, let's hug. That wouldn't fix it. That would have been nice. You know, wouldn't fix it. Let's hug, let's drop it all.
Starting point is 00:37:02 What if she pulled out the big shirt? Oh. Oh, well, you'd have to go in. That would have been nice. That wouldn't fix it. Let's hug, let's drop it all. What if she pulled out the big shirt? Oh. Oh, well, you'd have to go in. I'd have to. It's just what it is. That's how you trap me, by the way, if people don't know. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:13 So she fell by the wayside. Did she stay at that place and your girlfriend moved in with you? I think she moved out first and then my girlfriend and I got a different place. Okay, and how long were you roommates? This will be the last piece of information we need. We were roommates for one year.
Starting point is 00:37:31 One calendar year. And you broke up on your anniversary. Yeah, on our anniversary. I said, surprise. All right, well, that's a great first roommate. What did you get to your anniversary? Did you celebrate it and then break up? I don't remember.
Starting point is 00:37:45 Well, your anniversary would have been, it would have been the anniversary of you living together, not your anniversary of. Right, so that means they would have celebrated an anniversary and then gone, this isn't working. Actually, you know what? We did not live together. We were together for about a year
Starting point is 00:38:00 and we lived together for a little less than a year. Okay, this is different. So you were together for about a year, meaning you broke up before the anniversary, meaning you didn't want to buy her an anniversary gift and so you broke up with her. Scott, you've figured me out. Wow.
Starting point is 00:38:13 I'm a famous cheapskate. You're petty and you're small. You're spendthrift. I'm thrifty. Yeah, you gotta start a new relationship, it's cheaper. Yeah, and I did, many times. Yeah. That was the apartment where I famously,
Starting point is 00:38:30 we had like a loft bedroom. Oh yeah, you're famous for this. This is the loft- Oh yeah, I saw your Netflix special about this. Yes, and so I'll just do the special verbatim right now. Yeah, great. There was a light switch for the upstairs bedroom and there was a light switch for the downstairs hallway and there was a light switch for the downstairs hallway
Starting point is 00:38:45 and so I was going to turn them off and on simultaneously. Because you were scared of the dark. Terrified. Yeah. And that has not changed. Please don't turn the lights out anymore. Yeah. How often do you run up or down stairs in your-
Starting point is 00:38:58 Alone or in pairs? Like, do you get scared at your house and like run around a corner or something We can carry a segment When I was little I would get scared of the basement and so I'd like run up the stairs like things were definitely gonna Grab my ankles as I was right Every once in a while at my own home. I will have a moment of, ooh, of just being like, what if there was a ghost? And then I'm like, no, there's not.
Starting point is 00:39:29 Lauren, did you say boo? No. She said ooh. I heard her say that. I think I said ooh. So wait, so you turned these lights on and off? I touched both switches at the same time and completed the circuit between them.
Starting point is 00:39:43 Oh no! What, was it like really old? And I was like frozen there and I was like, ugh. You were electrocuted like a cartoon. Wait, wait, wait. You can see my skeleton. Why did this happen? Because I was touching these two switches at the same time.
Starting point is 00:39:59 And so I was connecting them. Which nowadays you could probably still, you could do that. I think probably you could do it, yeah. But back then, they hadn't figured out light switches yet. I mean, technically I don't know, I could not tell you the exact physics of that or whatever. Right, yeah. You can't?
Starting point is 00:40:14 I won't. Okay. You have to earn it a little bit. Please, will you please? I'm saving that for Freedom's anniversary. Yeah. Remember, we'll be first date. What did we first date on their first show?
Starting point is 00:40:25 Well, we have a record of it. Oh, that's right. Yeah, it's true Yeah, that's right. That's the record Submitted to the Library of Congress. That was a great first roommate. Thanks We have to take a break and then we'll get to Lauren and I's first roommate. This is an exciting segment! This is a roommate special. Roommate roundup, and I hope they're not listening. Oh. I hope they are. Okay. Are you still in touch with her? I'm not.
Starting point is 00:40:48 She came to a show of mine in Philly, a handful of years, like 2007, 2006, something like that. She and her husband came. I was blown away. I hadn't seen her in forever. So she didn't tell you she was coming? No, she didn't. I want to know more. Was she out there
Starting point is 00:41:02 in the front row kind of like sexing it up? Yeah, of course. Like, member of these. Ma'am, you're being very just, whoa. She, I was doing a signing after the show, like merch signing. Oh, and she came up to you. She was like, send my tits. She came up.
Starting point is 00:41:14 I signed this one tit of mine. I signed her tits first and then I saw her face. My tits are up here. It's not as squalid as you make it. All right, we're gonna take a break. My tits are up here. Hey, my tits. We're gonna take a break. It's a wrap. Hey, what? We're gonna take a break, we'll be right back.
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Starting point is 00:45:56 We're back. Whoa, we're back. And now it's time for more of Roommate Roundup. Roommate Roundup. Okay, well mine first. Should it be Ro be roommate something else? Should there be a song? I thought it was-
Starting point is 00:46:07 There should definitely be a song. I thought it was inspired by restaurant roundup. So I know, but I think that's- Well, reality recap. Reality recap, roommate, restaurant, roundup. Roommate. Roommate. Reminiscence. Review.
Starting point is 00:46:17 Roommate review. Do we want to burn review on roommate? I don't like review, yeah. Cause we're not reviewing them. No. Roommate. Reminiscence. Reminiscence. And then it goes like this. Roommate. Reminiscence. Reminiscence. And then it goes like this. Roommate, reminiscence.
Starting point is 00:46:28 Roommate, reminiscence. Roommate, reminiscence. Ruminate on that. Wonderful. Beautiful. I like it. Wonderful. My first roommate was at college.
Starting point is 00:46:40 Now I lived in the dorms for one year. This is before you were a babysitter? No, I've been a babysitter since I was 12. Oh, okay, before you were a movie star. Yes, this is when I was in college. So I was a college student babysitter. Get to the bar where you break the toilet. So day one.
Starting point is 00:46:58 Minute one. I moved into the dorm at DePaul University. Dormitory. And I lived in University Hall, if anyone cares. Isn't it funny that you later would have a great friend who's DePaul? You da man. And I was randomly assigned a roommate
Starting point is 00:47:18 and this is this person. Could you request one if you knew people beforehand? Yes, and you know what, I didn't, I had a guy friend who was a close friend at the time who went to the same school, but I don't think I had any female friends that I could have lived with. But I remember thinking about other people I knew
Starting point is 00:47:35 who did that at different schools. Like, they're not gonna branch out. Like I had this idea that it was good to live with a stranger. However, looking back, I think that would have been really cool to live with a friend and have a great time. And just know who they are and not go on. Although the other side of that is it could have
Starting point is 00:47:51 maybe damaged the friendship. Yeah, yeah. Like who knows? We'll see when it gets to my roommate, right? Oh, okay. It's fudge. Well, my first one, so then her name was Heather, and she was a nice girl from, where was she from?
Starting point is 00:48:04 I wanna say- Hats in the belfry? Minnesota. Hats in the belfry in the silver spoon. And she was a nice girl from where was she from I want to say Minnesota Man on the moon Neil Armstrong, yeah We lived in a very small room it was smaller than the room right now Definitely probably half the size. Maybe, I mean, a half. Oh, no. It was really small. 3 quarter.
Starting point is 00:48:29 I had a loft bed with my desk under it, and she had her bed with the desk next to it. And could you pick or? Pick what? Loft? I paid to have a loft bed, actually, because I wanted to maximize my space. Yeah, yeah, sure.
Starting point is 00:48:41 So I could have a chair. So it was extra. Yeah, it's nice to have a chair. And I had a little mini fridge. Yeah. Did you share the mini fridge, or was that all for you So I could have a chair. So it was extra. Yeah, it's nice to have a chair. And I had a little mini fridge. Yeah, and I- Did you share the mini fridge or was that all for you? We must have shared it. God, I hope so.
Starting point is 00:48:50 I can't imagine that I would have. But that makes a mini fridge an even more mini fridge. Yeah, it does. When you're sharing it, we had a microwave on top of it. When you have a mini fridge. And- Do they call that a order? It's a micro fridge.
Starting point is 00:49:01 Micro fridge, yes. Within the dorm, it was like a suite, but it's not really. It was just that two rooms were next to each other and they shared a bathroom. Everyone had to share a bathroom. With two other girls. So four girls nude in one bathroom? We were never nude together. The first day I met the two other girls and we were getting along fine.
Starting point is 00:49:25 And then they asked me if I was going to church and I said, no. And then we never really talked again. Oh no, oh no. Really? Was it a religious school or? Well, DePaul is a Catholic school, but I don't subscribe.
Starting point is 00:49:39 My mom went to DePaul, it was just like a... Okay, so they thought everyone there was gonna be religious and then you come in and you're. And I'm a heathen. Right. But I don't think, not, it was by no means. But you became famous, so is it related? You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:49:51 Like the three of them aren't famous. Yeah, I sold my soul. And then, oh right. Well, yes, because they live a godly life and Lauren lives here in the town of pedophiles and sin. Right. It's true, but they were all very nice though, but we just didn't connect. And then Heather was my roommate and she was also very nice,
Starting point is 00:50:07 but she had her best friend who she chose not to live with. She chose not to live with her. Why did she say? I don't remember why they didn't live together, but I knew they regretted it very quickly because they always hung out nonstop. And then it was like, I was just like in the room. You know, so you'd want me to not be there, of course.
Starting point is 00:50:22 And I was weird. At a certain point, could you say like, we could just switch. It never crossed my mind. You know, I didn't understand how anything worked. I was my first time doing anything. What if you'd gone up to Heather's friend and said, look, you don't like me, I don't like you.
Starting point is 00:50:35 I don't like you. I should have switched to be roommates with whoever she loved, but it would have been way better. Excuse me, but she was kind of like obsessed with going to like Cubs games and the DePaul basketball games. Oh, all the Chicago shit. And I didn't care about any of that and I was doing my improv life with my older friends, you know, all my 27 year old male friends who were Yeah, totally weird and you know, great, but. They're telling you how cool you are. You're actually really good.
Starting point is 00:51:11 I was. No, do you think that, I would never know you were 18, like you're very emotional. You're like an old soul. So disgusting. But anyways, she, you know, it was one of those things where we just never really bonded.
Starting point is 00:51:27 And there was one night where we got a note on our door and I was, someone had to, I think they gave us, people were giving out awards. Like someone just made them up and it was like cleanest room or something. Okay. And we got that. Oh, you guys got cleanest room. Oh, that's nice.
Starting point is 00:51:41 I was raised for the worst. Yeah. No, but I was really stoned. Biggest dumb shit. I came home, like worst. No, but I was really stoned. Biggest dumb shit. I came home, I was really stoned, and she didn't know that. It's a two way tie. Most stoned. Most stoned tonight.
Starting point is 00:51:52 She didn't know, and I was like, I was extremely stoned, and we got this note put on the door, and then I opened the door and we saw it, and I couldn't stop laughing, because I thought it was the funniest thing ever. For cleanest rooms? Yeah, because I was like, what the hell?
Starting point is 00:52:05 Did you know this was happening? No, and it was like a random note on the door that said, you win cleanest room. OK. It's really funny. All right. I would like a note like that on my door. Can you say so, note?
Starting point is 00:52:17 But then she started laughing, and we both couldn't stop. That was like one positive memory I have of the time. We both were just laughing really hard at how weird it was. I can't remember the last time that that's happened. That's the absolute best thing of the time. We both were just laughing really hard at how weird it was. God, that's the, I can't remember the last time I know. that that's happened. That's the absolute best thing in the world. Yeah. That you got in a note?
Starting point is 00:52:30 Yeah. When you can't stop laughing, it's the best. When you and someone else cannot stop laughing and you just keep like, reigniting it. It is the best. It's the best. And she came to see an improv show with her friend and they were both like, Supportive. No, they were both like, cool or like, you know trying to be hot like going to the bars like they
Starting point is 00:52:50 Lifestyle is very yeah. Yeah, it was where they would do their makeup for yeah Yeah, and a half before going out. Yeah, I can get way Do it for an hour and 20 minutes. Yeah. No, but they would get like fucking hammered from my memory. Okay, and And I would get very stoned and go do my own thing. Now that was a different life, but being around people who are really drunk is really different, you know? I never really cared for drinking that much.
Starting point is 00:53:12 And they would just get wasted, don't yawn. And- I didn't. And, what was I gonna say? Oh, they came to my improv show. And then I was like, I solidified my status as a weird person. Do you know what I mean? Did they yell at Dildo Factory at any point?
Starting point is 00:53:28 I don't think they did, but I think it was, then they just saw my life a little more and it was too much. But now I wonder if they see you in huge movies and go like, oh, that makes sense. Yeah, she actually, I Googled her like a couple years ago and she was married and lives, she was in the news because her-
Starting point is 00:53:47 Murdering someone. Her wedding happened. Her wedding happened like during a tornado or something, like a weather event. She got dirtiest room. And they still got married and it was like torrential downpour. It was like a news story because it was interesting.
Starting point is 00:54:01 This wedding was ruined, but also interesting. And she lives in LA. What? Wow. You guys should get together. You should be roommates now. Have a movement in a field. Full circle.
Starting point is 00:54:11 Yeah, she was perfectly nice. We just never spoke again after we, you know, moved out. You should be roommates. Mm, don't talk about looking in your eye. Like, is this a good idea? What if, okay. No, what if though, you guys will be roommates. Hold on, hold on.
Starting point is 00:54:24 Okay, okay, we're joking about butt. No, because I think this is not a bad idea for a television show. You put a loft bed over your bed. You put a celebrity, you make them live with their first roommate. How is that a good idea? For a week.
Starting point is 00:54:36 For a week. That's a horrid idea. I think it's not for a week, I think it's for, you don't know how long it's gonna be. It turns out it's a week, but they think it could be. It could be like three years. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the amount changes based on how you perform in the games
Starting point is 00:54:50 that you don't realize you're playing. Okay, so you can get out of there earlier if you succeed in the games. This is a good idea for a show. This is a really good idea. This is a good idea for a show. Do you think, okay, so- Oh, wait, we didn't put this,
Starting point is 00:55:02 so it's been five minutes plus, it was empty for like an hour, didn't put this. So it's been five minutes plus. Grrr. It was empty for like an hour. Okay, good. And then- All right, another five minutes. Here we go. I've been watching the real world reunion. Oh, I watched that.
Starting point is 00:55:15 Okay. I didn't finish it though. What was that on one of the networks? The New York one? Or the, it's Paramount Plus or something? It's Paramount Plus, but yeah. Are they reunioning all of them? It's the first ever people.
Starting point is 00:55:24 No, they're doing every season. Oh, they are? That's what I was asking, Lauren. So they reuniting all of them? It's the first ever people. No, they're doing every season. Oh, they are? That's what I was asking, Lauren, shut up! I watched the first one. I just started watching the second season with the LA cast. Which was what, LA? Hmm, I don't really remember that.
Starting point is 00:55:34 And it's making me depressed because it's making me realize that human beings essentially don't change. Well, the first one, I thought that was kind of a nice takeaway almost. Like how some of them were still how they were. There was something kind of nice about that. Well, what's nice about it with the first season is that their spirit hasn't been broken by the world
Starting point is 00:55:53 or whatever like that. It's like, oh wow, they're still fun or whatever. But everyone in the second season, they always fought and they kicked out people and all that. And they're exactly the same and having the same arguments. And it's like. I don't think you can go by that though. I think people can change if they want to change.
Starting point is 00:56:09 But don't you think if you saw someone that you yelled at 20 years ago, you'd still want to yell at them? Oh yeah. You know? I don't think so. Like there's people that I didn't get along with that I'm like, I don't think I'd still act the way I did,
Starting point is 00:56:20 but I would still probably be like, well, I don't think I'm gonna get along with them right now. Right. I mean. I'd be nice, but I'm saying it's like, yeah, you wouldn't be looking to strike on a friendship with them. Mean to me. And I'm like, I would think that if we did this show together, which we should, um, this show that we're doing, no, the show, the show where we know the show, where we live with our first room. Wait, we're doing it. Yes, we're all doing it. We're the pilot
Starting point is 00:56:43 with other people. We're not producing. Wait, who's your first roommate? We have to get to this because we don't have time. What I'm trying to say is- We've barely spent time on yours, Lauren. I know. What I'm trying to say is that I think the stakes would be lower because when you live with someone when you're 18 or 20 or whatever, it's like everything is so important and it
Starting point is 00:57:01 feels like the stakes would be lower. But then I watch the real world thing and everyone is fighting immediately. And so it's like this, but maybe it being on TV, the stakes are high. Exactly. But they were on TV and it was like, they were on TV together and they had a lot of, their life went certain ways
Starting point is 00:57:16 because they were on that show together. Yeah, exactly. They were put on TV at a young age. Who was your first roommate? But my first was, I was 20 years old. I went up to theater school and it was my friend Brian. We were friends in college. We'd been friends for two years at that point
Starting point is 00:57:33 at Cypress College in the theater department. And he got accepted into the theater program and they really wanted me to go and I just sort of let it slide and was like, yeah, I don't know. And then I forget what changed. Now what were you thinking you were going to do at that point?
Starting point is 00:57:53 I don't know. If not theater. No, I knew I was gonna do theater, but I didn't know if I wanted to go up to the school. Go up there to the school in the sky. Yeah, to the great big school in the sky. The gymnasium. With the big rock wall. But. Like a hobo song. With the big rock wall with the big rock wall. But like a hobo song.
Starting point is 00:58:07 But the big rock wall, big gym. And they all went down to live a big day. But they accepted him and then the fact that he was going kind of made me go like, oh, that would be cool to go up there with him. We could be roommates. Okay, and then they called me and were like, hey, you know, they really, they thought they had a full class,
Starting point is 00:58:33 but they really want you to come. And someone just dropped out and they really would like you to be there. So I was like, okay, I'll go ahead and do it. You laugh, my ladybug's picnic. So he and I decided to be roommates and I remember my dad drove us up with all of our stuff in his red pickup truck
Starting point is 00:58:52 and I was in the cab. All your comic books flying out the back. No, Dr. Fate, number 30. I was in the cab and Brian was in the actual bed of the pickup truck on a four hour like. It didn't even have like one of those little shitties. No, on the 101. This is 1990.
Starting point is 00:59:09 I mean, everybody. But why didn't he just drive in a separate car? He didn't, I don't think he had one. Or like someone else could. I don't think I had a car. I don't think he had a car. But he sat for four hours in the truck bed? Yeah, if you can believe it.
Starting point is 00:59:20 I mean, and it was legal back then. Yeah, on, yeah, just being in the back with all of his stuff, Like on the freeway. That sounds horrible. God damn. So we got a two bedroom apartment. And you shared one? Huh?
Starting point is 00:59:35 You guys? We shared a bedroom, the other bedroom was just for fun. Was our gym. Yeah, our gym. So the only bed, I didn't, I think like, I didn't know at the time that you could buy just like a cheap bed or whatever like that. So the only bed I had was the bed that I was sleeping on at the time, which was a big sofa
Starting point is 00:59:52 bed pullout, which is incredibly heavy. And so at least it's super comfortable. So and it wasn't comfortable. And so we put it in my room and then it was so big and wide when you put it out, it filled up the entire room. So I was like, so I just ended up sleeping on the couch in the living room. You didn't just fold up your own thing
Starting point is 01:00:13 into a couch and sleep on it? No, I didn't. Plus I think I was depressed because I was like, in this school where everyone- That was obviously self-tested. Where everyone hated me. It absolutely sounds depressing. I was in the school where everyone hated me.
Starting point is 01:00:25 He and I were not getting along. Why did everyone hate you? Because, because- I mean, I see why, but- Hey! Everyone hated you. The teachers, I mean. Oh, even worse.
Starting point is 01:00:34 And so, I think I was depressed and my friend and I were fighting all the time. And so he ended up just going like, fuck this, moving out. And that was my first roommate. Wow. As we lasted two months together, or anything like that.
Starting point is 01:00:50 Reality, or wait, roommate, what is it? Reminiscence. You remember the song. Roommate reminiscence, roommate rem, sneeze, reminiscence. Roommate reminiscence. I did it because I wanted to, not because you told me to. Roominate on that.
Starting point is 01:01:04 Did you say boo? I didn't say boo. Something like that. Roominate like that. But he's a great guy and he's- Did you become friends again after- Yes. And I think, I mean, we don't keep in touch really, but I believe he's out there in Texas. Probably still alive. Yeah, yeah. No, I- Not sure.
Starting point is 01:01:11 I believe I was on a Zoom with all those people recently. I think he was on it. I think he was on it or maybe he wasn't, but I can't remember. But he's occasionally written me in- I believe he was on a Zoom with all those people recently. I think he was on it. I think he was on it or maybe he wasn't, but I can't remember. But he's occasionally written me in-
Starting point is 01:01:21 I believe he was on a Zoom with all those people recently. I think he was on it. I think he was on it. I think he was on it. I think he was on it. I think he was on it. I think he was on it. I think he was mentioning that, yeah. I think he was on it or maybe he wasn't, but I can't remember. But he's occasionally written me. I believe in a thing called Zoom. Listen, if you were on that Zoom, let us know.
Starting point is 01:01:35 If you're on that Zoom, please let us know. We have to take a break. Not just the one guy, anyone who was on that Zoom. I wanna know more about the Zoom for sure. This has been a great roommate reminisce. I think so too. I gotta say. Really good.
Starting point is 01:01:47 Three great roommates. If you had to live with her for a week, would you? If I had to, would I? You have no choice. Or would you kill yourself? You have no choice. I would not kill myself. I'd try to make it work.
Starting point is 01:02:03 For a week? I can't do this for a week. It would be great So is that the question at the end of every roommate? Could you live with them again? Yeah, could you live with Heather again for a week? I mean sure I could she's just some girl She lives out here in LA. You probably have a lot in common. I'd be fine living in a shared space with her for a week, I'm sure.
Starting point is 01:02:29 As big as the place that you originally lived in? Oh, that's it. Oh. That's it. Could you live again with those people? Because I could, because it was a nice big two bedroom apartment. I would not be happy in the small space.
Starting point is 01:02:42 Okay. I would not be happy. I don't wanna share that space with anyone. And you share the bathroom again with some other strangers. That's bad. With the same two girls. They only come to use the bathroom. I'd be really wanting to tie them to houses.
Starting point is 01:02:52 They're always in there when you want to get in. I should look them up if I could figure out their names. That would be the one thing that would be helpful. I know the first name of one of the, oh no, I have the first name of both. Mary. Julie and Sarah. Put it into Google.
Starting point is 01:03:06 I'll figure this out. Put in Julie and Sarah roommates. Julie and Sarah, my old roommates, sort of. Julie and Sarah, I shared a bathroom with them. Yep. All right. I don't even remember ever like crossing paths. Almost like we, in my memory,
Starting point is 01:03:22 it's like we all were able to utilize bathrooms separately and it never interrupted each other. I don't know if that's true crossing paths. It's almost like we, in my memory, it's like we all were able to utilize bathroom separately and it never interrupted each other. I don't know if that's true, but. All right, we'll go to a break and we'll figure this out. We'll be right back. It was a great memory. Boop. Boop. Boop.
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Starting point is 01:04:22 Real Noom users compensated to provide their story. Individual results may vary. Not all customers will medically qualify for prescription medications. Compounded medications are not reviewed by the FDA for safety, efficacy, or quality. Hey guys, after this, we're done. That's what she said.
Starting point is 01:04:39 Lauren. Lauren, who? Who said it? She did. She said that. You? No, someone else. You guys don no someone else you guys don't even know We don't even know oh
Starting point is 01:04:53 Hey, that's actually no wait that was that's what she said that was everything. All right. That was so unpredictable This is this was thinking about you can bring unpredictable fun to your fingertips with that's what she said second edition from moose games Oh, your favorite game is back with all new outrageous situations that will keep everyone laughing just like Paula's right now. Let me tell you about how you play this because I'm so glad you brought it up. Match wacky red setup cards with funny blue phrase cards to see who has the dirtiest sense of humor. With 400 new innuendo filledfilled phrases, it will be you, Lauren. That's what
Starting point is 01:05:26 she said. Second edition offers hours of cheeky adult fun. It's perfect for friends giving birthday parties and wine nights. That's what she said. Second edition's unique combination of spicy setups and hilarious phrases guaranteed no two rounds are ever the same. It's like the gift that keeps on giving. And with the holidays approaching, or here, let's be real, or here, let's be real. I mean, the holidays are here. Let's be real about it. Here. Let's be real. Yeah. Or here. Let's be real. Might we actually suggest gifting?
Starting point is 01:05:55 Yeah. You know what? We played this the other night and we'll definitely be bringing it out again. That's what she said. That's what she said. It was so fun. And we're going to find what that's what she said. That's what she said. It was so fun. And we're going to find what that's what she said. Yep. Where you can find it, which is at the target.com or the amazon.com. That's what she said.
Starting point is 01:06:13 Amazon.com. That's what she said. Target.com set. That's what she said, second edition. You guys don't even know. You don't even know. And we're back and it's time for a three-chur. Oh boy, Paul, a three-chur.
Starting point is 01:06:30 Scott, I know you love it. And Lauren, I know you love it too when you're not on your phone. But what everyone loves. I'm turning on the air. What everyone loves. But you were on before you turned on the air too. So?
Starting point is 01:06:39 But right then I was doing something to help you. Three-churs, everyone loves them. We love them the most. Could you email him some tissues, by the way? Do you need a tissue really bad? No, I can make it through the end of the episode, I guess. I had my trough. And this time we're gonna do a three-chair
Starting point is 01:07:00 that we haven't done before and everybody's gonna have fun. Oh my God, I wanna have fun. I'm excited. For the first time in my life I want to have fun. I'm excited. I want to be someone. This is submitted by Adam Pasulka. Don't we can't talk over the names. Adam Pasulka. Pasulka boop. Pasulka boop. Now that time I heard somebody say Pasulka boop. I swear I heard somebody say Pasulka bo Boop. I swear I heard somebody say Pisselka Boop. Did Josh put that in a post?
Starting point is 01:07:26 Nobody did that. This is submitted by Adam Pisselka Boop and it is called Wedding Planners. One player approaches the other two who are competing wedding planners. We're not gonna approach each other, we're sitting here. Approach though. Big mistake Adam.
Starting point is 01:07:42 Mentally. Yeah, we're gonna mentally approach each other. First player tells them both the theme of their wedding and the other two take turns pitching on theme ideas Example if it's a pirate themed wedding the bride and groom have to walk the plank great. That's great All right, and then and then the person picks which one they like I guess Whatever. Okay, let's do it Like like wedding planners. No, they don't pick the one they like. We have to, the wedding planners have to take turns.
Starting point is 01:08:11 I just wonder why it said competing wedding planners if there's not gonna be the result of a competition. Well, for sure someone says, I pick you, game over. Yeah. Game over, man. Yeah. Okay, I'll be the customer. Okay. Wait, wait, wait. I'll be the customer. Okay.
Starting point is 01:08:25 Wait, wait, wait. I'll be the... Should it just be a team of wedding planners? And then we pitch ideas rather than it being... Okay, we could do that. It doesn't need to be a competition. Three chairs don't need to be a competition. Actually, that is one of the main rules of three chairs.
Starting point is 01:08:36 They don't need to be a competition. We would need someone to suggest a theme unless one of us just suggested a theme. I think one of us will suggest a theme. One of us will run in. An approach. An approach. Okay.
Starting point is 01:08:48 So one of us will have to run around the block a couple of times to really- A couple of times. Just to be method about it. To work up a lather. That sounds good. All right, who is the person getting married? Scott.
Starting point is 01:09:00 Scott, and we're the wedding planners. Okay, well- But I thought you said we're all wedding planners. No. Not at the same time. You just said- No, no. He said to what's- wedding planners. No, not at the same time You just have no no I see it's a team. I guess it's a team up. Oh, what if when you said? Okay, um Braven Braven our first client is here. Thank you Landry. Let's do it. Let's remember what we said of the mirror to each other
Starting point is 01:09:22 We got this Okay, hello. Hi. Welcome to Braven and Landry. Hi, you must be Land, no, Braven. No, I can't handicap. This happens all the time. I'm Braven.
Starting point is 01:09:37 You're Braven. And I'm Landry. And that's Landry. Okay. And we want to make you the best wedding of your dreams and all you need is a themes. I need someone to get married to as well. Well, you don't have that yet?
Starting point is 01:09:47 So you're planning that far forward? This is great. No, yeah, I don't have anyone to get married to. So you're single? I picked the date. What's the date? It is August 2nd, 2029. You haven't really picked it?
Starting point is 01:10:02 Have you really picked it or not? What did I just fucking say? Hey, can I tell you something? Just because I was gonna protect Landry you're standing my way Listen let's all let's all take a step major step back. Let's all go to the movies. Let's all go to the movies. And that's the theme for your wedding. It's not.
Starting point is 01:10:27 But I want it played at my wedding as my bride walks down the aisle. Okay. So we can definitely do that. We'll download that from YouTube. Okay. We have a- Will YouTube still exist in 2029?
Starting point is 01:10:38 Oh, I can't imagine it would not. It's not that long. YouTube read. So- Okay, here's the theme. Yes, give us the theme. This is great. It helps us a lot. Noah's Ark. Noah's Ark. Noah's Ark. long. YouTube Red. Okay, here's the theme. Yes, give us the theme, this is great. It helps us a lot.
Starting point is 01:10:45 Noah's Ark. Noah's Ark. Noah's Ark. I love a biblical. We haven't done a biblical in such a long time. Well, the first one we did was Virgin Mary. Was the Virgin Mary getting married? No, this woman got knocked up.
Starting point is 01:10:58 Yeah. She wanted to make it. Pretending she didn't have sex with. Yeah, she wanted to make it like it was a... Shotgun wedding. But anywho, so what's, okay, so you wanna do a theme of Nora's arc. Nora's arc.
Starting point is 01:11:13 So it's Nora Ephron. We're gonna marry a girl named Nora. It's gonna be Nora Ephron theme. I like this. That's the arc, two by two of all the characters of Nora Ephron movies. That's right. Two Dan Keaton's, two Alec Baldwin's,
Starting point is 01:11:22 let's go, let's go, let's go. So. What movie is that that you're talking about? I think Baldwin's let's go. Let's go. Let's go so They might be right you're right, sorry, but we're gonna have to make sure that no Nancy Myers characters are in this wedding I have to go to a different wedding planner. None taken. No, no, no, and I never will make that mistake again in this moment Here's what's going to happen. Okay? in this moment. Here's what's going to happen. Okay. The wedding.
Starting point is 01:11:45 Nora Ephron. Picture this, Nora Ephron is the efficient. Yes, we can make it happen. Holograms. Really? I thought she had, okay. Like the Tupac? Yes, it'll be Tupac and Nora Ephron. No, but actually it's gonna be more like
Starting point is 01:11:58 when Kanye had Kim Kardashian's father in a hologram. Oh, actually I would prefer that it was him. Okay, we can do that. Can he mention pee-pees? Sure, why not? Can you mention him a couple times? As many pee-pee mentions as possible. Okay, good.
Starting point is 01:12:12 Then I think you're gonna be very happy. He kind of has to say that every time. That's his new thing. It's the way his mouth works, move. It's his new thing. When he was alive, he never mentioned pee-pees as far as I can recall. No, it's just understood. But now he's known for saying pee-pees. Now he's known for catchphrase. So the hologram.
Starting point is 01:12:28 Wasn't that thoughtful to have the dad say pee-pees? The hologram of, yes you're going to bring someone back to life from the dead and this is what they're going to talk about. So the hologram of Robert Kardashian. I love you and it's okay if you pee-pee. That's right. And the setting. Or quote unquote make pee-pees. Thank you. Okay so Robert Kardashian, what's the setting- Or quote unquote, make pee-fees. Mm-hmm. A big pee-fee. Thank you. Okay, so Robert Kardashian, what's the setting though? The setting behind him is levels of an old boat
Starting point is 01:12:53 with troughs of hay on every level. And every human eats out of the troughs. Exactly. So- Whoa. You basically push everyone's face into them and say, eat whatever's in there. Some of them have animal poop in them. Okay. Cause animals don't know what they're doing. Right. Okay.
Starting point is 01:13:09 So a horse will back up to a trough and let a big shit drop in it. So it's just kind of like, Oh, I was going to eat that. My little grains. I was going to eat. Does the wedding party get its own trough or it's just luck of the draw. If you get no, if you want the way she's in the trough, it's up to you. If you want the wedding party to get their own trough, they get a feces free trough that no one will put your face into.
Starting point is 01:13:27 And what's great about this is it goes from the wedding to the reception immediately. You just turn around. Well, because the troughs are right behind you. And it's a boat, it's not that big. Yes. I mean, it's big enough to contain two of every animal. Is it an actual boat?
Starting point is 01:13:41 Are we having this on the water itself? It's actually what it really is, if I'm gonna be really honest with you. Please, can we just be totally honest from this point out? Because I feel like it's weird that I've come in here and you guys are lying about certain things. No, no, no. One of us always tells the truth. One of us always lies. I'm the one who always lies. Landry always tells the truth.
Starting point is 01:13:57 I wish it was the opposite. And I'm looking at you and I can't lie because I see your budget. I see your budget. It's very low. You passed that piece of paper over to us and said, look at this. It was a hundred dollar bill. Here's what's gonna happen. And then written underneath it said,
Starting point is 01:14:10 I'll give you half of this. So we're gonna get 50 bucks to do it. So what's good, I'm gonna call a lot of favors. I'm calling a lot of favors. A lot of favors. Great. So one of my favors is from someone I know who works in set deck.
Starting point is 01:14:19 And he's gonna make- That's setting decoration. He's gonna make an arc, but it's flat. It's very Truman Show-esque. It's just a flat front of an arc. It's gonna make a arc, but it's flat. It's very Truman Show-esque. It's just a flat front of an arc. It's gonna look 3D when you look through the windows of it. It's gonna look like it continues on. It doesn't at all.
Starting point is 01:14:32 So this isn't really even a boat. I'm gonna have your family hanging on with handles behind each window to look like they're on the boat. I'm gonna say, relax, look like you're standing on something, but they're gonna be hanging with their arms. They don't like to be told, relax. Is it possible for you to? Is it, but they're gonna be hanging with their arms. They don't like to be told relax Is it possible?
Starting point is 01:14:47 Fans or not, they're not Frankie says fans at all Frankie unfortunately doesn't say relax Yes, so they they kind of have a thing about that. Yeah, they have a thing about that So I could you figure out something else for them to say we want to thank you there Well, I thought it was a problem. They have something said to them. They're saying I'm saying it to them because I want to need them to relax. Landry is Frankie in this scenario. OK, no, they don't.
Starting point is 01:15:13 Landry says relax. They don't like any words with X's in them. Oh, I have a calm down. differently. RELACKS. Perfect. OK, that's a great compromise. That works within your budget. And then all I want to say about this wedding. You sound like Tom Lennon. I got that works within your budget? Okay, and then all I wanna say about this wedding.
Starting point is 01:15:25 You sound like Tom Lennon, I gotta say. Who, me? Yeah. Are you rich? I've never, look, I do okay. You get a big cake, big cake. How big is this cake? This is the big part because for me,
Starting point is 01:15:38 if I got a bit of a sweet tooth, if I don't leave this wedding satiated. What's your wife's name? Nora. Well, I have no idea at this point. Well, Nora, we'll call her Nora though. But she can change it to Nora if that's important leave this wedding satiated. What's your wife's name? Nora. Well, I have no idea at this point. Well, Nora, we'll call her Nora though. But she can change it to Nora if that's important for the wedding.
Starting point is 01:15:49 I like this, I like this. Yeah, it's very important. The cake is gonna be made of styrofoam. Now you won't wanna eat it, but the frosting will be real so you can lick it. Before I kick it? Exactly, so here's the thing. It's a huge, huge styrofoam cake covered in real frosting.
Starting point is 01:16:04 You make a big show of it. You and your lovely Brian Nora. Are you sure you're not Tom Lennon? I'm not, I swear to God. I drove here to Tesla, but it's an old one. You wearing a brown uniform? I would say it's taupe. Why are you wearing those shorts?
Starting point is 01:16:18 It's summertime. Okay, so. It's not summertime. It's summertime somewhere. Maybe in Australia, are you from Australia? Well, that's where I'm from. That's my accent. You're from somewhere. Maybe in Australia, are you from Australia? Well, that's where I'm from. You're from Australia.
Starting point is 01:16:26 I guess that's true. So you and your wife, Nora, make a big show of like scooping up a big piece of the frosting. Why is Kerry Kenny next to you? He's a friend. And why is there a film crew filming you that says Comedy Central on the side? That I couldn't tell you.
Starting point is 01:16:42 Okay. So it's just a quibi. So. Actually, I should say something else. So it's just a Quibi. So. I actually should say something else now, right? Formerly Quibi. Oroku? Who knows anymore? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:16:51 I checked all the cash in the safe. Anyway, so. Since I brought it up, no, you sound more like it. No, I can't. Come on. We're trying to help you. So you scoop a big handful of frosting off, you lick it, and you say,
Starting point is 01:17:03 this is for everyone in just a few minutes, and then the Styrofoam cake is wheeled away and everyone forgets about it. Oh, okay. I love that. This is good. I love you. How does it end though?
Starting point is 01:17:15 We're a couple, you know. Oh, you guys like sexual or? Well, no. You hadn't been until. He's never said I love you, and I've never said it back. We've been friends for years. But God, I'm excited.
Starting point is 01:17:23 And I think we just look at it in the next level. I'm very excited. Congratulations. Thank you. This should be your wedding. Well, that's a good idea. This is too cheap though. Oh really? What's your wedding gonna be?
Starting point is 01:17:32 Our wedding? Maybe I can pitch on that. We've been planning it for years. We just never knew it was to each other. Exactly. Let me slide this piece of paper over here. This is the same piece of paper I slid to you. That's right. Get out of here.
Starting point is 01:17:43 Okay, bye. And we end that game with a little thing I call boop. And you did say boop. Just that time. Okay, so the other ones were in front. Those weren't real. Oh boy. Did we do it on time?
Starting point is 01:17:57 What do you think? Yeah, I think that's it. Josh said, yeah, he didn't say anything. Wow, I think we did it, guys. I think we did it. That was fun. I think we did it, guys. I think we did it. That was fun. I think we did it. That was fun.
Starting point is 01:18:07 It was fantastic. I don't know how we're gonna do another one. Because. This is the last episode. Of all time? Yeah. You just said you didn't think we could do another one. So I take it you're right.
Starting point is 01:18:16 I didn't mean to call it. We've always said if any of us never wants to do this again, we'd stop immediately. We are done. And we could use as vague wording as we like. Yeah, I'm out. I'm out. All right vague wording as we like. Yeah, I'm out. I'm out. All right, bye everyone.
Starting point is 01:18:27 Oh wait guys, you gotta hear our outros. Yeah. You gotta hear our outros. Follow us on 3DimUSA Instagram. Do we have a new intern? Follow us on interns.com. Follow us on interns.com. You can.
Starting point is 01:18:40 We may or may not have an intern by this point. I'm still interviewing people and it's not going well. We do need, what time of the year is it as people are hearing this? December. What day is it? We do need Christmas presents. The one as big as me.
Starting point is 01:18:53 So go get the three of them on cpbworld.com, it's no ads. And also Stitcher Premium. Stitcher Premium, it's no ads. Here it's free, it's fine. And the ads are fun. I think it's December 16th, you had something you want. Okay, so Christmas is coming up. The geese are getting, you know, let's fine. And the ads are fun. I think it's December 16th. You have something you want. Okay, so Christmas is coming up. The geese are getting, you know,
Starting point is 01:19:07 let's just say they're not skinny. Oh, we don't say that anymore. We don't comment on geese's appearance anymore. We just eat them? But the geese are hot. The geese are hot. God, their tits are good. Those geese breasts.
Starting point is 01:19:18 With two Cs. So yeah, we might have a Christmas intern to help us with our Christmas stuff. I need one. I've interviewed a couple people who are kind of Christmassy, and I'm just not sure. They're not Christmassy enough? Or too Christmassy?
Starting point is 01:19:34 I need them to jingle all the way, and I just don't know if they can. Oh, they've jingled half the way. Okay. There's a lot of tests and interview steps. I can't get into it here, because then the next people will be prepared. That's right. Exactly.
Starting point is 01:19:45 You gotta catch them on a weird. Well, check us out over there on Instagram, threedomusa, subscribe to this show, listen to it wherever you can. Rate and review. Yeah. And if you want to submit a threacher, write to us at-
Starting point is 01:19:56 Go fuck yourself. Well, first do that. Yeah. And then while you're doing that- Gofuckyourself.com Go, it's right near interns.com. threedomusa at gmail.com. Yeah. We love Americaterns.com. FreedomUSA at gmail.com. Yeah, we love America.
Starting point is 01:20:07 We love America. That's the one thing, I don't know if we've talked about it in this episode enough, but we love America so much. I think we've been downplaying it and I think we need to upplay it. We love America! It's kinda out of fashion maybe to love America, but we fucking love it.
Starting point is 01:20:19 It is the loneliest number that you ever do. Boop. Boop. Josh, did you say boop? Hi, everyone. Gloria Riviera here, and we are back for another season of No One Is Coming to Save Us, a podcast about America's childcare crisis. This season, we're delving deep into five critical issues facing our country through the lens of childcare, poverty, mental health, housing, climate change, and the public school system. By
Starting point is 01:20:53 exploring these connections, we aim to highlight that childcare is not an isolated issue, but one that influences all facets of American life. Season four of No One is Coming to Save Us is out now wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Lupita Nyong'o. My new podcast, Mind Your Own, is a storytelling show that navigates what it means to belong all from the African perspective. We're going beyond the headlines to dive into nuanced, intimate stories from Africans around the
Starting point is 01:21:26 world. I'm so excited to bring this show to you. Listen to Mind Your Own on Amazon Music.

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