Threedom - Threevisiting: Computer Says What?

Episode Date: June 11, 2024

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss driving, murder mystery dinner theater and Mare Of Easttown before playing Alphabet Skip. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail at HAGCLAIMS8.com. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi, Freedom fans. If you're anything like me, and I really hope you are, got a world full of me's, that would be so amazing. I would love it. You wouldn't like it all that much, but I would love it. Anyway, if you are anything like me, even the tiniest, tiniest iota, you care about where your comes from, especially when it comes to quality cuts of meat. And that is why I want to talk to you about ButcherBox. Okay, ButcherBox, I got one yesterday. It's so exciting when it comes in. They deliver 100% grass-fed beef, free-range organic chicken, pork-raised,

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and use code threedom. Welcome to The Pink House, Sam Smith's new podcast with Lemonade Media. The Pink House is about the people and places that make us who we are. It's inspired by Sam's childhood home in England, literally called The Pink House, which was a space of such warmth and love that it allowed them to feel safe enough to find their voice. Now Sam is sitting down with their friends and a variety of queer icons to talk about their unique ideas of home, identity, and how they've found their own place in the

world. From Elliot Page's childhood bedroom to Laverne Cox's first NYC apartment, each safe space holds stories we're excited to share of belonging, chosen families, and the journeys we take to become who we're destined to be. The Pink House is out June 13th, wherever you get your podcasts. Freedom! Freedom! Yeah. Yeah. I meant to say yeah, but it turned into a yay. You're a freak.

I feel like yay is the upgrade from yeah. It's like yeah plus. Yeah, like they started with yeah and they were like, how do we make this better? Yeah. Yeah. Do you think anyone in their life has unironically said yay?

Yeah, I say it every fucking day. I mean, when it was first invented, like did someone say it and someone transcribed it and said, man, I gotta put that into the dictionary. Like did someone say yay? When somebody. Like, did someone say, yay? When somebody said, yay, did someone else overhear it and say, I got to put this in the dictionary. That's perfect. Transcribe this?

Transcribe. I sent away to Burels. It's a palindrome, you know, it's one of our wonderful people's court and yay. One of our wonderful palindromic expressions. My name is Lauren Lapgus. I just want to tell you something. Um, when I go aheadindromic expressions. My name is Lauren Lapgus. I just want to tell you something. When I- Go ahead, I'm listening.

My name is Paul F. Tompkins. My name is Scott Ackerman and I am listening. When I first came to LA- Also I'm Frazier and I'm listening. I tried to- I'm also singing. So salad and scrambled eggs. He sings that?

Yes. Yes! Did you not know that? What? This is a Freedom Bombshell! Lauren, I'm so happy we're breaking this news to you. I don't know if I knew that, but that sucks. That is Kelsey Grimahar.

That's all right. I don't know if I knew that, but that sucks. I really know him. It's bad to hear new sucky info. You know what, like he was a huge character on Reality Recap, yeah. Yeah. On Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Oh, was he really?

His wife, Camille Grammer was on. Isn't he the ex-husband of Camille? Camille! When he was married to her when she did her first season. Would he appear on the show? Yeah, and he's like, I'm going to do a Broadway show and I wanted her to have a thing,

so it's good that she's doing this. And then he gets divorced with her within this season. And he's been cheating on her in New York the entire time. Whoa. Broadway? With Patti LuPone. Yes. He went for an older actress. No, who was he with? A young woman.

Oh, that makes sense. Well, that's my point is that he went for someone very young. So anywho, I was just going to tell you guys that when I first moved to LA, I tried to get a job as a transcriber person. Really? For reality shows or for just transcribing things that people would send? Like, hey, listen to this audio thing.

For shows, like it was the test. So someone I knew who, I knew someone who did it. Get your story straight. Okay, hold on, trying. Do I need to separate you? Can I have a glass of water? I don't feel so good. This is a long.

Someone get me a sandwich. I knew somebody who did this job. And so, and it paid like decently. I remember, I feel like it was like 15 bucks an hour. A lot of like UCB improvisers did this for reality shows. Okay, well, I didn't know that. This was before. I don't remember who.

Cool Up did it a little bit. Well, I didn't know that this was before. I don't remember who did it a little bit. Oh, weird. So the woman, I went to this woman's like office slash house and she gave me a DVD to transcribe as like my test. And I had to like download this software. And the DVD was like of some A&E show, like, you know, like someone who's like, I can't stop picking out my hair. Like whatever. I, I transcribed it and I think I really did. Trickle, trickle, telemedia. I'm trapped in a wig store. And I, uh, I thought I did a really great job. Everyone thinks I'm high lately.

Cause you went. Is that true? Yes. Well, I keep laughing weird and also I posted that video of me crying, dancing to Chicken in the Corn, which I don't think Scott has probably seen. Oh, I haven't seen it. Crying like in a... In a bathroom. In a bathroom.

Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Got it. Anyways, I didn't get the job and I don't know why. Huh? Wait, wait, you were gonna say the test. What was the test? I did the test.

I put the DVD on. You transcribed the show. I transcribed it. I thought I did a really good job. I'm a very good typist. But was it not fast enough? I don't know. She just never called me back. I like went and gave it to her and left it.

And then I just didn't get the job. And it was probably at a point where I wasn't being particularly, I didn't really care, I guess. I was kind of like, well, I'm gonna beg for it. You were still babysitting in between that movie starring. Yeah. Yeah, but I just remembered that.

It was a weird little thing I tried to do and I didn't get it. Interesting. What's the weirdest job you've ever had, Paul? I mean, we've talked about the hat store. We have gone down in deep detail. Of every job? Every job.

Have we talked about my medical reenactment? No. No, we sure haven't, Scott. Well? Did it take place at a restaurant? Well, I was working at Baker Square at the time, but I needed extra money. Okay, so now I have this in the context. That's really helpful, Red Boots.

I was in Santa Maria, California, alternating working for Dean Witter and Baker Square, and I needed a little extra money. Now, Santa Maria famously sucks, is that correct? Well, Guadalupe does. Guadalupe does. He's gonna double down. That's right, that's right.

Which, by the way, I was listening to Del the Funky Homo Sapien the other day, and he mentions doing a show in Guadalupe does. He's gonna double down. That's right, that's right. So. Which by the way, I was listening to Dell the Funky Homo Sapien the other day, and he mentions doing a show in Guadalupe, and I remember I was living in San Maria when I bought that album, and I thought that was very funny that he mentioned the next town over that sucks so bad. Well, maybe not everyone thought it sucked.

Okay. So I was hired by the local nursing school. They needed actors. So they put a notice. They just saw you and they were like, you must act. You have got the look about you. This was the look. A dumb dork.

You look like you could have something caught in your ass. We need you to. You look unwell. This was the Santa Maria nursing school? Something like that. Yeah, I don't know. Some nursing school. The local nursing school. Yeah was the Santa Maria nursing school? Something like that, yeah, I don't know. Some nursing school. The local nursing school.

Yeah, the local nursing school. So they put a notice up at the theater school I was at for actors, and they said, we will pay you $10 for about two hours work. And. And then there was a stampede. At the time. But you were like, sweet.

Because I mean, something like that, you're like, I'm getting paid to act. $10 sure before. Now I can call myself an actor. But it wasn't like, it wasn't a full time job or anything. So it wasn't like a big time commitment. It was like, hey, come over. Come over here on a Saturday. Well, it was like, I already had three jobs.

It's $10 and we expect you to be here Monday through Friday. $10 every two hours. They don't tell you it's $5 an hour because then it went to sound worse. I wouldn't take $10 for two hours if it were a regular job is what I'm saying. Of course. But like, on a Saturday. Scott, I have other jobs I haven't mentioned actually

now that you're reminding me of these acting jobs that I had that were weird. All right. I also made up some jobs while you're reminding me of these acting jobs that I had that were weird. All right. I also made up some jobs while you were talking. So get back to me. So I went, I went, I agreed to do it. My roommate and I agreed to do it and we got there and they said, okay, well, basically what we're doing

is we're giving the nurses their final exams and they have to practice on really, on real life people. I think you have told us this, but keep going. I've told it to you on this podcast. I don't remember this. It's coming back to me, but go on. So I- I don't know if it was on this podcast.

I was the person who they said, okay, you are going to be in a wheelchair and the nurse is going to adjust your wheelchair and they have to do all of these things, including they have to lock the wheels on the wheelchair. That's like the most important thing that we're checking for them. So they don't go round and round.

So that you suddenly don't like, you know, drift out of the room, roll out of the room or whatever. So that was the thing that I was doing. And then my roommate was supposed to be in a hospital bed or he got into a hospital bed and he was, they were going. He wasn't supposed to be in there? Yeah.

Yeah, and they were gonna check his ID. He jumps right in the bed. Oh, la, la, la. But they were gonna change his bed pan. They were gonna like mime change his bed pan. Did he have to put poop in it? No, so they were, it was all gonna. Did he have to shit in it?

Yeah. Did he have to put piss in it? It was all gonna be mime, but they had the real bed. They weren't doing space work. They didn't have, they didn't, they weren't miming old town style, old town, our town. What is that channel? Old town, our town.

Old town, our town. When bedpans. Old town slash our town. When you have a bedpan and a hospital bed, is it in the bed? Well, they, they give it to you and they go, here you go. Slide this under your hand. See what you can do with this.

I mean. Good luck. I don't your ass. See what you can do with this. Good luck. I don't get how it works if you were like someone who couldn't get out of bed. How, where does it go in? You turn on your side and you do it. You poop in it? Yeah, you poop in it.

You let nature take its course. I don't believe this. You should believe it. I don't believe it. You think it's scary? I tested these nurses and they're out there doing rogue bed bands, if not. So the thing that they were checking for my roommate was, do they pull the curtain to

give him privacy? Because otherwise then everyone can see what's going on. And they're pointing, this guy's shitting. And so for the two people that did both of our tests The guy who did mine did not lock the wheels and the guy who did my roommates did not pull the curtain And so I got to watch my friend pretend to take a shit into his bed and he was mortified Because I'm sitting there literally next to him watching this and laughing out of the entire time He wasn't naked. What's this hospital where they would be? You'd be right next to this guy's bed because I was in the chair

I was in the room next to him in the wheelchair in the okay, but that's too in the curtained room next Well that you talk to our hospital system our health care system putting all these people so close together But it's a matter in my opinion. Everyone should get their own room. Men shouldn't be nurses. And this is the proof. Yes. I fully agree. It's a woman's job. Just like all cats are girls and all dogs are boys. All doctors are boys and all the nurses are girls. That was $10 well earned. Well, I was just reminded from that story of a job I had when I moved out here

that I don't think I've mentioned on the show. It was a murder mystery dinner theater show. Have I told you this? Whoa, oh no, no. Oh my God, okay. Where to begin? I'm so excited right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, where to begin?

Okay, so my boyfriend at the time was a part of this thing. And it was. Kelsey Grammer. Yeah. And he sang the opening song. I'm going to do some theater and why don't you do your little reality show.

He was like, let's go to Long Beach. So I did it sometimes. And he would do it like every Saturday. I did it sometimes. And I started like, you know, participating. On your own or they were? No, with him and like, and then there were other people something other people from like improv community

were a part of it. And then other than that, it was like people that I I don't know how they got to be a part of, I guess just actors. So I would have different roles throughout the time. So some- Because it's dinner theater. Yeah, so you have to pretend that you're a dinner-

Oh, I thought you have as many roles as you wanted. Yeah, you can also have as many. No, you usually get one role, it's bad dinner. You got paid roles. So- Don't fill up on bread, you gotta show it to me. So the role that I typically had was that I was there alone, but my sister was supposed to, yeah, I played dumb bitch.

My sister, it was, it was, it was, my sister was supposed to show up, but she was late. And so I was kind of by myself. And so there's this whole part at the beginning. It's such a nightmare. So you're like a diner. You're playing a diner watching the beginning. It's such a nightmare. Oh, so you're like a diner. You're playing a diner watching the show. Everyone pretty much is, except for two people who were always men until like way later

into the whole thing, but they were the detectives. And so they'd come out and have like the comedic sort of performance where they go through the script and kind of like. So everyone was in like a dining room in this place. Yeah, you're in like a banquet hall at a hotel. Got it. Oh, I'm sorry, sorry.

So the idea is you're at this dinner and then all of a banquet hall at a hotel. Got it. Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. So the idea is you're at this dinner and then all of a sudden there's a crime. Someone gets killed. Right. And then, and then. Lock the door. Exactly. And then it's like, we have to solve this.

And so everyone's trying, all the people at the table are trying to figure out who the killer is. Oh my God, completely. All the people at the table are trying to figure out who the killer is. I feel like I got like 60 bucks a show. I don't know if that's even true. It sounds good, but I don't know if that's true. Sounds good to Scott, sure.

No, but it was so many hours. It was so many hours because you have to drive kind of far to do the show. And then you had to get there really early. And then, you know, it was just a long, that was a long thing. So I was usually by myself. It was a nightmare for me, honestly, especially at this time in my life, because I feel like I have gotten more comfortable being weird in public, I guess. But

at the time it was like, it was like 23 or something. And I'm like, Oh man, I have to like, walk around these people and pretend that I'm here by myself. But so there's like a cocktail hour and my character would have to be a part of that. And there's like the sort of questionnaire you're walking around kind of like filling out with people. Like it's kind of an activity. And I- Do they know you're working there at the time

or do they think you're just some dumb asshole like them? Ideally they think I'm a dumb asshole. Okay. So they think that I'm just- What? And I'm like- Like them. And my sister is not here and I'm waiting for her and she's not here. And so we go through this whole thing and you know, some people will talk to me and then they start to say like,

I think you're in it or you know, whatever. Like there's like times like that. And then I... That's one thing I hate about these things is no one wants to be tricked. So they're always like, I think you're a thing. Like just go, just have fun. I know. Don't try to outsmart it.

That's like when you go to a magic show, oh, I know how you did that trick. Yeah, it's so stupid. So, and this is as good as a magic show, honestly, cause it was such a good trick. So I would be at the table with like eight people or something and waiting when there's an empty seat next to where my sister is supposed to be. So then I have my like an alibi or whatever my

story and, and we sit there the whole time to talk to these random people the whole time. It's really like being at a weird wedding. Like you're just like with strangers and then in the middle of it. Okay. Then at a certain point, the detective asks someone, you know, for a volunteer and I raised my hand. A lot of people for a volunteer. And I raised my hand, a lot of people do, of course, and I raised my hand, then I get picked. And I say that, he basically, I say I'm an aspiring actress. And then he has me do a scene. I know it.

Yeah, he has me do a scene with another person from the audience, so like a regular person. Why is the detective your inspiring? To prove making you do scenes. It's like, there's all these little performances that like people get up and do talents. So someone would be like, I auditioned for American Idol

and then they would like sing and it'd be horrible. And everyone's like, oh, you're so looking like, you know, like, so that was- What a strange show. It was really weird. I guess the bottom line is, what is the pretext for getting people to do these performances? This is what happens. So, okay, wait, I'm misremembering some the pretext for getting people to do these performances?

This is what happens. So, okay, wait, I'm misremembering some of it. She just wants to skip over your question, Paul, and just get to what happens. What's the pretense is that they're like, let's see if some talents, so some real people get up and do stuff, some actors get up and do stuff. Yeah, why is there a talent show in the middle of a murder investigation? That doesn't normally happen, Lauren. I guess it's just to break the ice or some shit.

I don't know. Always an important step in a murder investigation. I mean, it can hurt. I will not try to argue that the scripts were good at all. OK, this is like really. No, I'm not asking you to justify it. I'm just curious what the detective would say. I don't really remember.

But they would be interrogatingating people it'd be like So be like who do you think? Part that we're having trouble with is then going into the talent Where are you from who are you here with that kind of thing and it leads to some sort of like everyone's smile Someone stands up and does something weird or like whatever. It's like it's silly. Okay, so It's silly you should said that at the top. So. I get up and now I'm trying to remember though

because I think. Yeah, no shit. I'm trying to remember. Shut up. I think, I might have had two different parts, but there was one point where I had to get slapped by another actress who was in the cast. So.

I don't like this already. So I know, I know. So the scene was like, so I think it must have been that I was doing the scene, this acting scene, and then they'd have another actor get up, and then they'd be like, okay, we're gonna read these scripts or whatever. And she was slapping me.

And then during the rehearsal one day, she slapped me so hard that it really hurt. And I was like, really upset. During the rehearsal? Yeah, yeah. And it sucked. and so that's just a side memory. But so Yeah, but it was it was really it was really weird and then I don't I mean and then I get killed Okay, so basically there's a slap the lights go out I scream and then

When the lights come back up you're dead Yeah lights go out, I scream and then... When the lights come back up, you're dead? Yeah. Yeah, of course. I mean, if it doesn't happen that way, I'd have some notes. There's the lights go out. Lights come back up and then someone runs in

and stabs you and runs out of the room. I have a stab wound, I'm remembering this. I haven't thought about this in like 10 years. Did you apply a stab wound to yourself in the dark? There's like something under the shirt or something that was already laid. I can't remember how it all worked. So you ripped off part of your shirt.

You revealed. Yeah, something happened. And then I- Yeah, something happened. Then the lights go out again, then I like take it out or whatever. And it's like, what then? And then that was always kind of good

because I'd be done really early. But the other part about it sucked. Could you go home or did you have to bow at the end? I usually had to stay because my axe was in it. So then, well, what I'm remembering about how bad it was is that I really wasn't good at screaming yet. Like I feel like... I think there was a period of my life where like, I could not scream.

I could not, I could not laugh. I could not act scream or act laugh without it being like really challenging for me for some reason. I don't. Yeah. You did it earlier in the show. That wasn't when I accused you of being high. Yeah, that was fake.

Um, but I. There of being high. Yeah, that was fake. But I- There it is again. But I, my scream I think was so bad. Like I'm like, I'm just thinking about how funny it must have been because I feel like I was like, ah, like- That's not bad. No, that was good.

I feel like it was like, ah. Like I feel like it was like, ah! Like. That's not bad. No, that was good. I feel like it was like, ah! Like I feel like it was like, nah! Nah! Ah! Don't murder me! Anyway, anyway. So I did that for a bit, but it was pretty pretty good. I mean, I've always wanted to do one of those shows.

My friend did one of those shows. He did it in a big mansion with like 12 rooms and everyone would follow whomever they wanted in the cast to whatever room to go look at what they were doing. And my friend was the butler who no one ever followed. And at, at some point in the night, at some point in the night, everyone was watching clean shit was supposed to be led into a bathroom up at the top of the mansion,

where he was supposed to have committed suicide. So basically, like, at a certain point, everyone follows all the cast members. He goes upstairs, gets into the bathroom, and then, like, lays in the tub like he's committed suicide, and everyone comes in at a certain point in season. This is the butler. This is the butler, yeah. He's like the boring guy.

And then he told me that in one show, one performance, one guy just really wanted to follow him and that had never happened to him before. So he just like, he's sort of freaking out like, what am I supposed to do for this guy? So he just kind of like, I usually smoke. Yeah. He just kind of like clean silverware, wipes up things for a while. And then he's like, well, it's getting time to where I have to commit suicide. And he had never done this before. But he just gets into the bathtub in his clothes and then- With the guy still watching?

With the guy just sitting there in a small bathroom, just looking at him. And then- That's so rude. Then he turns, pretends to turn on the water and then takes out pretend razor blades and slits his wrist and then just lies there. And the guy just like sits there watching him. So goofy. So unnerving. Wait, you know what? I just was listening to midnight snack. Michelle, no, yeah, I was, but I was thinking about something else. I was listening to Michelle Collins podcast, midnight snack. And she had on this guy,, I was, but I was thinking about something else. I was listening to Michelle Collins podcast,

Midnight Snack, and she had on this guy, Jeff Morrow, who has a cookbook coming out. I'm not trying to plug the whole thing, but just because that's his story it is. He was in- It kinda sounds like that though. He was in Tony and Tina's wedding in Chicago. Do you know this show? Oh yeah, yeah.

I've heard of it, yes. I've never seen it. I've never seen it either. It ran forever, right? Probably still running somewhere, yeah. It was out here, I think. It was in New York too. In New York as well, yeah.

So he was in that, and he eventually became Tony, but he was saying that like... He worked his way up to Tony. He did. He was the wedding. He was a waiter first. Then he was Tina. Then he was guest number five.

But he was saying people like would always try, like there'd be like drunk guys who'd be trying to get you to break character, so if you'd go to the bathroom, because they'd have to go to the bathroom in the same place as everyone, because it's like, they're part of the same wedding. It's like a whole point. That's fun. And then be like, Hey man, do some coke. Like what's your deal? Like tell us whatever. And then he told a crazy story

where they were doing like, they were just dancing. You know, it's like a, it's a full wedding. It's a play where it's an interactive. They do a full wedding and it's everyone's the guests at this wedding. This is, is the ceremony included or is it just the reception? So the ceremony. There's a ceremony, it's like a church and then like a built in stage within Piper's Alley

where Second City is in Chicago. And then, then there's like a reception. And this man was dancing with one of the bridesmaids and then he died. Ooh. He was only 40 and he had a heart attack or something and died. And then people, all the actors knew it was real, but everyone else kind of thought it was part of the show.

So it was like a good five minutes before like anyone was really reacting properly. They should, you should just stop a show. I mean, Paul, this happened to you, right? Someone had a heart attack during your show. Yes, but had a heart attack. Yeah. When I was in, I was performing in London and the guy had a heart attack during your show? Yes, but had a heart attack. Yeah, when I was in, I was performing in London and the guy had a heart attack.

A show is not more important than giving this guy proper medical attention. Of course they got, I mean, the actors, the cast was calling 911, like it was happening, but the people around thought it was part of the thing. And then he died and then like they broke, you know, for a little bit to like deal with us And then the guy the boss did make the show go on

He was like people can get their money back if they want But we're gonna the show must go on and he was like it's just cuz they were too cheap to give everyone their money Yeah. Oh, yeah That's always the show must go on was a saying that was started by tight wads who ran the entertainment industry So wait Paul, were you doing standup? Yeah, I was doing standup. And then someone was- In aerial London.

It was pretty much halfway, at the halfway point of my set. And I heard this guy, I heard somebody in the audience go, ugh. And I honestly thought like, oh shit, this guy is gonna echo me. The reviews are in. Yeah, I really, I honestly thought it was a shit, this guy's gonna use her in. Yeah, I really honestly thought it was a reaction what I was doing and then I heard some like some like like urgent, you know talking and

More than your normal heckling And somebody said he's he's I think he's had a heart attack. And so the, we stopped the show, lights came up and I was like, this was a moment where I later was haunted by it because I realized this is who I am in a crisis. I did not know what to do. And so you ran all the way, but to your hotel. No, but I was just like kind of standing there like trying to like seeing what was happening, what was going on. And then it was the staff who were like... Trying to assess the situation because you you're in the middle of a thing.

You can't quite tell what's going on. Yes, but I felt like it was a weird thing where, okay, I'm on stage literally, there's lights on me with a microphone. I feel like I should be doing something situation Yes, but I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. And so somebody came up to me and said Would you like to should we why don't we pause the show? Why don't we stop and clear out the audience? So you were so yes, that's a good idea Like this this person this person from the staff is feeding me

what to do, like in a gentle way, like as if I'm in shock, which maybe I was, I don't know. You're also in your Paul F. Tompkins character. Yes, which I hate to break in front of people. It's so weird when you do. I know, that's the thing. I mean, we see it whenever the mics aren't rolling. People are already freaked out,

and I don't want to freak them out more. So this person is just kind of telling me like, maybe you should tell them that we're going to stop the show. And they're like, folks, we're going to stop the show. So we stopped the show and I go backstage, paramedics come in, they take the guy out and then I'm sitting backstage and I'm just like, I don't know what happens now.

Contemplating your own mortality. No, I think at that point I still thought I was gonna live forever. Oh, okay. This wasn't the thing that changed your mind? No, no, no, no. I was like, well, of course he dies. I'm the main.

So I'm the main character. So somebody comes backstage. I'm number one on my call sheet. And says. Everyone's number one on their own call sheet. It's a great lesson. Isn't that fucking true? And that's what the magnet says on my fridge.

So someone from the theater came backstage and said, do you want to, do you want to continue the show? And I said, should I? They said, yeah, the audience is, is still, they're up in the bar. Like they're, they're waiting, you know, to come back in. And I was like, okay. And so everybody came back in and I continued the show and it was fine. It was so, it was such a weird experience. Didn't someone write this week there that it was one of the best shows they'd seen or one of the most unique shows Yes, somebody somebody

Said it was it well, they said like it was it was they they were nice and said it was a good show But they said it was like an unforgettable experience that right, you know The show continued and that it was good. Like everybody was, I think, wanted to, you know... I think people wanted to enjoy themselves because of this horrible thing. It's later than they think. And then I asked... And he lived, which is different.

I think that he did. I asked the theater, I said, you can like... You know who that was, right, based on the reservations. We can figure out... Yes, can you... We can make sure that I didn't kill him with my comedy, right? Or confirm that I did, which would feel so powerful. But they never told, they never got back to me.

So I don't know. I'm assuming that the guy lived. My assumption is he did not. I'm in between. I think he's immortal. I got to see him being carted out and he was conscious Did he give you the old? Thumbs up. Yeah, he gave me a Terminator thumbs up like very slowly

Sideways so his thumb could be the last thing that is the last thing the Terminator does right in number two Yeah, he gives him the thumbs up from molten lava What let's do a newcomers episode right now, I will do that probably I Mean there's I guess there's not a lot to cover there's four movies in a TV show. No, there's more than four There's a bunch of Terminator movies. There's five? Yeah. No, there might be like seven. There's Terminator one, two, and three.

There's the recent one. There's Genesis, there's blah, blah, blah. There's boo, boo, boo. There's BBB. Five movies. Five movies in like two weeks. Terminator BBB? You gotta see it.

You gotta see it. The Terminator lives in a park, a state park, and he's always stealing picnic baskets. All right, we need to take a break. I know. Yeah, obviously. Hey everybody, it's Paul. I don't know if I've told you this about me, but I'm tired all the time. And so I thought, why don't I try AG1 and see if I feel any different.

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I had a side memory as well of someone slapping me in a dramatic setting in that movie that Scott and I talked about previously where I could not drive. And you found out recently they cut that scene out. Yeah, when I was digitizing all my old tapes and stuff. We all laughed at your driving at the premiere. At the premiere.

That made the director say, hmm, I should cut that out. I think so. I think so. Because the version that I had did not... Because I looked for it. I wanted to find it and post it online, but it was not there anymore. That's too bad. It's a real shame. it's a real shame.

It's a lost comedy history. Well, we're keeping the memory alive. And that's true. There was a guy in it was a mob movie, right? So I'm in the mob. I'm an accountant for the mob and the guy who's playing the mob boss. At one point, we were in this scene where he was. I know what he was going for.

He was going for. He was going for a very mob movie kind of thing where he's gonna like pat my cheek like this, you know what I mean? Yeah, like you're a little bambino. Yeah, but instead he stiff arm, just slaps my face, like leaves his hand there. And it's like, that's not a thing that anyone does.

It's feel like you do it more than one take or no, he did a one take. And I was so mad. I was so mad, like, because he didn't, he didn't prepare. And he was just like, it just came over me to do that. And I was like, Oh, no. Yeah. First of all, that you can not come over you to do it. Cannot.

You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. There's more takes. So if you have that idea, do it later. You're not like this guy was not such a great actor that it was like, I was in this character. Right. But also, that's not it. That's not a thing that anyone does. So this this instinct that you have is wrong for many reasons.

It also sucks because you are being a professional have lines to do after that. Yes. You need to make them make sense with whatever he's doing and that may not, the lines may not make sense because you're so fucking pissed at what's... Yeah, it's a completely jarring thing. Like the character would have been pissed at this. Yeah, a completely jarring thing that was not in the script. It's like you can't just go rogue and decide you're going to do that. Yeah. You know, that's so rude. It was, it was a trauma for me. I'm sorry.

Did it stay in the movie? I don't think so. I don't think so. I probably because I ruined it with my seething rage. And Jimmy Dore was in that movie as well. Jimmy Dore noted political pundit Jimmy Dore. In that movie. I don't get it. Oh, it's okay. You're better off. I wish we were in the same room so I could slap you. Wow.

Yeah. Scott. I'm going to let that hang. You crossed a line. You crossed a line, man. I'm going to let this hang. Ugh, he pulled out his little dick. His teeny tiny dick. I'm trying to think if I've ever, I know I've been hit,

but I'm trying to separate it from my brother. I know there's women who hit you versus. I know I've been hit, but I'm trying to separate it from my brother. I know there's women who hit you versus. In a professional setting. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if I've had it happen besides that one time, because that was pretty memorable. But it was, it was all just like, it's the same thing as what you're saying.

How did the woman apologize to you? Because the minute you get hit, the lights go out and you have to scream, right? So did she- No, it was in rehearsal. It was rehearsal, yeah. Oh, that's right, okay. So we were just in another room. Lights on.

Yeah, and she just did it and then it was like, ow, and then it really hurt and I almost cried, I think. And then my face was probably bright red. And she apologized. Yeah, I don't really, you know, I remember like, I remember stepping into the hall because I was gonna cry. Right. So I don't really know. I don't remember what happened next. I don't remember who she was. I remember like very vague details

about her but did she play the slapper? She did. Did you get the doors? The slapper is here. Did you guys watch the slap that show when it was on? I do. We watched We watched the Australian one. Oh, is it better? No. There's like different bell choices.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. The slap. Slap me. That was such a crazy show. It was, I can't believe they adapted it for American television. Like somebody said, we got this property. We are, we have to do

this. It's basically there's a party and someone like a neighbor slaps someone's kid, right? Because they were, they were misbehaving and then it tears the neighborhood apart. I'm assuming it does, it does. Because you're not supposed to slap someone else's kid, only your own. Yes. You must slap your own kid. Do not slap other people's kids, but slap your own kid for all the times you want to slap other people's kids. Tell your friend I did this.

Were you spanked, Paul? No, I was slapped by my mother once. Oh, I guess I was too. I remember my dad once tried to, when I was like, maybe an eighth grade, something like that, 13 or 14. And my dad got mad at me and he tried to like twist my ear. He was, he was an old man. And that's the kind of thing that old people would do.

Right. Yeah. From the 1860s. His face, he had, he was so furious with me and it did not hurt like the ear thing and I had to I had to stifle laughter because I Realized it would be devastating for him Give me that give me them lobes My dad I think I've said this before my father used to call us when he was mad at me and my brothers

He would call us damn swine. Wonderful. So weird. Damn swine. But not your sisters? No, they were precious in his sight. Is that true?

Kind of. It's kind of true. Yeah. But did you deserve it? Never. I was a beautiful boy. I did nothing wrong. Scott, what'd you do to get slapped?

Yeah, what'd you do to get slapped? I don't remember what I did to get slapped. What'd you do to earn it? So there were definite spankings and there were belt spankings. We're not talking about last weekend. Yeah, oh, I'm sorry. Not, we're not talking about last weekend. Yeah, I'm sorry. Oh, shit.

He makes cool up slapping with the belt on his ass. There was a constant, there was a constant thing where my brother and I were about the same age and we, neither of us ever wanted to admit that we had done any of the wrong things. Now, admittedly, it was usually him. Now you love it. But. I broke that. But it was pretty common to be like,

okay, well, we're gonna have to punish both of you until one of you... Jesus. Fesses up. Until one of you breaks. And my brother, I gotta say, he was pretty good about never giving it up that it was him and letting me take the belt. Wow.

Wow. He had a, he never broke. He never broke. I think I remember breaking at one point going like, oh, I did it before. So that he wouldn't get punished, but I'm pretty sure that he never did. But yeah, I was also thinking the other day

that I was thinking about the one time that we must have been five and seven and we were at the library and my mom didn't pick us up. And I don't know how long we must have waited, but to us, it seemed like an eternity, but I bet it was 10 minutes before we were like, well, we better walk to my aunt's house, who I know she lives around here somewhere.

And so we could use the- Let's just start walking. So we walked and we got lost. And then eventually my mom pulled up and she'd been driving around the neighborhood just looking for us. And eventually she pulled up. Does your shirt say say leave Hillary alone?

It says leave Philly alone. Oh, okay. Hey, speaking of Philly. Keep piling on Hillary. Speaking of Hillary, no, uh, speaking of Philly, Paul. Yeah. Did you watch mayor of East town for the accents? Yes, I did.

And how are the accents? Bad, right? What is that, a show? Yeah, it's an HBO miniseries. Kate Winslet is playing a detective in a small town near Philadelphia, and she is going for the accent. She's going for it. I'm going to watch that. She's going for it

Only on certain words like yeah, yeah What is water water water water? There's certain like she's she's doing the o words because those are good signifiers, but the thing is There's other words that she's pronouncing Just like the way she's doing her flat American accent. You know what I mean? Yeah, and so it's worse than if she wasn't doing it at all. Yeah, because no one else is really doing it that much either, so it's like, it's one of these why bothers.

It's a lot of the peripheral characters are doing it and they're doing a good job. Like actually, Juliet Nicholson was doing a good job. Oh, okay. And Gene Smart, of course, who is terrific and can do no wrong. Of course, one of the finest American actors. Yeah. That's such an interesting accent.

Not good for England, but. I once did a short film in Utah and the girl who picked me up. This was after babysitting? Yeah. The girl who picked me up at the airport. This is a transitional period. This was, this was when I was moving from babysitting into film. Into TV.

I was just doing short ones at the time. I was doing into TV and then I did some shorts. But this girl who picked me up at the airport, it was like just like a low budget thing that my friend was making, so he just like had random people that he knew helping out. So some girl just picked me up from the airport. Random.

Her accent, she's from Salt Lake City or like around there, but it must have been like a small town. It was so, I couldn't understand a word she was saying. It was like, she was, it was like, she was Amish or something. It was like a very odd accent, like nothing I'd ever heard before. And I had to like work so hard to have the conversation and not say like what, like every time she said anything, but I can't even begin to like do an imitation of it. It was just like very, water feels like it's in the same family,

but like every word was like weird like that. Watery-o-y-o-y. Yeah, there you go. That's actually sounds like. Like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The Orange County accent where I'm from was just all like beach kind of like, Hey, what's up? Hey bro. What's going on? That's how everyone talked. Yeah.

Coronavirus is a scan. Dammit. Bruh. Why is it like the people in that area don't wanna believe this shit, because they're all Republican? Probably, yeah. It doesn't help when the major news source

is saying it's a scam every night. Yeah. Are you talking about Fox or are you talking about some local Orange County thing? No, mainly Fox News. Yeah, it's very conservative, right? Down there. Down there it is, yeah, which I don't.

Down there. Down there, I don't know why that is other than it's just kind of like. They believe COVID is a hoax. Down there. I guess anywhere that there are like majorly rich homes, there's a pocket of that, but I don't know. I mean, there is in Beverly Hills.

Right? Black gold. Yeah, actually, speaking of, a little bit of reality recap again. Reality recap. Yeah. Yeah. Josh Flagg, who I mentioned on a previous episode,

was filming, he lives in Beverly Hills. I'm sorry, who, honey? He is one of the realtors on Million Dollar Listing. Okay, thank you. The show that parodies bajillion dollar properties. He is gay, and he, which is an important part of the story, because he would go to, I never went to an anything as a kid,

he would go to Trump rallies that were like in his neighborhood, like in Beverly Hills, and interview people on Instagram, and just ask some questions. And so I had to assume that he thought he did not agree with them basically, right? Based on what I know about him. But he also is really rich. So it's one of those things where like, I don't know, maybe he's, and he was interviewing this one woman who was so bananas and she had so much plastic

surgery and she was like just saying, you know, all the horrible stuff, supporting Trump and whatever and Then turns out she ended up being at January 6 I wish I was there she I wish I'd been arrested. It was pretty crazy. It was like a full circle thing Goddamn all those people. Yeah, there's so much Just the the sheer amount of video damn all those people. Yeah. There's so much just the sheer amount of video of all those people. Like they're posting themselves so ridiculous. It's one of the only like just breaking the law for the clout for internet cloud. Yeah. It's so funny. And it also speaks to like people that have lived their life thinking there will never

be any consequences for them. Like that they can do whatever they want, including break into the fucking Capitol and film themselves. I'm trying to think of any consequences that have ever happened to me in my life. Let's see. Really got slapped. I got slapped that one time. I got hit by the belt for something I didn't do.

Laura, did you ever get spanked or slapped or anything? No, I have a vague memory of one spanking, but it's been denied. I don't think it was really denied by home. It's been disproven. Yeah, I mean, it's one of those things that I was like, that happened. And then it's like, no, it didn't. Like, you know, it's just like, I don't think it's not it's not my family's policy. So I might have, that happened. And then it's like, no, it didn't. Like, you know, it's just like, I don't think, cause it's not, it's not my family's policy. So I might've made it up. But I-

To be cool. Yeah, to be cool to myself. But no, I didn't get slapped or spanked. No. Must be nice. Were you, were you given timeouts or times out? I don't really remember having timeouts. I-

How were you ever punished? You seem to have no memory of being punished. It's like you ran wild in that house. But you guys, I have no memories of most stuff. I feel like I just don't remember. That's right. You don't remember any of your childhood until you were what, 14 or something? I don't remember it. Didn't you say that on a previous episode?

Oh, because you hit your head that time when you were jumping off the bed. Yeah, I hit my head three times, really. Have I told all three concussion possible stories? I believe so, yes. Okay. Concussion possible stories. Maybe that woman never checked out. Did that woman slap the memory out of you?

I'll slap the memory out of you. I just don't, I don't really remember being, like I remember being punished, I do remember being punished as a teenager, like got into a car accident. Oh, what's the car accident and then I was grounded. I'm sure I've told this because it's a crazy story. I was, it was July 3rd. This was the origin of the cop trading cards. Yes.

Oh yes. Okay. And then I eventually had, I met that man thrice and then I earned the card. If you don't know what Lauren's talking about, listen to a previous episode, anyone, anyone. It comes up on every episode. I basically, I had an encounter with a cop three times, the same cop.

And then he gave me his trading card. Just like in the Dickens story. He was really nice. Um, and, but no, but I, for that first car accident, I got grounded. I wasn't allowed to go out for fourth of July and you know, weeks after and whatever. And I mean, it was, I felt horrible. It was mainly that I just felt horrible. I don't, I don't really need my parents to like, you know, scream at me much. I was like, this is, I feel awful. I ruined the car and it was like so stupid.

Was it totaled? It wasn't totaled, but it was like $3,000 of damage. That is like 30,000. Totally pushed in. I was just lucky to know, but he got hurt because I hit the back of, um, I hit the back door of a car and there were two people in the front seats, the older people. So it was sort of like almost T- were two people in the front seats, the older people. And he- Oh, okay.

So it was sort of like almost T-boning them in a way? I did T-bone the back, basically. Whoa. And it spun them around? They spun around and their fruit salad flipped onto the husband's lap. My fruit salad. But then he came out and comforted me.

He was very nice. They were both fine. The woman got out of the car and walked home because they were like a block away from home. She was that mad? Oh. She was like, I'll just go home. And then he gave me a hug and I don't know, it both fine. The woman got out of the car and walked home because they were like a block away from home. She was that mad? Oh. She was like, I'll just go home. And then he gave me a hug and I don't know, it was fine.

Did he smell like fruit? It was very sweet. He smelled like fruit. Do you associate the smell of fruit with that old man hugging you? Yeah, I really do. Anytime I smell any fruit, I think about that old man. When I was a nude driver, I was in a-

Nude driver? Yeah. You know, I told you new driver, I was in a- A new driver? Yeah. You know, I told you about this. How much did you get paid for that? We've never heard this story. It was $10 a day. And I would drive around nude. And a day could equal ending on a time.

I would drive around nude in stoplights. I would turn to the car next to me and say, hey, look in here. Eww. I had had my license for just like months and I was crossing this, like this crazy wide intersection in, it was like in West?

Philadelphia, born and raised. Maybe near downtown. And I had dropped Janie off somewhere and what's really weird is we had a, Maybe near downtown. And I dropped Janie off somewhere. And what's really weird is we had a, because at that time we shared her car. That's right. You were telling the story and you said, I just learned to drive and I imagined that you were 16 years old, but now I'm realizing this is real.

That's right. Yeah. I was a 40 year old man. You were 40 when you learned how to drive? Yeah. Yeah. I was a 40 year old man. Okay. You were 40 when you learned how to drive? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, um, we had had this big back and forth about, should I drop her off or should she just take the car? And she kept insisting, no, no, no, you drop me off and then you can have the car for the day. And I was like, I don't need the car for the day. Why don't you take the car? Where did she want you to go?

I don't know how the car? Where did she want you to go? You. I don't know how to answer that question. Well, like it seems like she's trying to give you the car to get you out of her hair or something like you have the car for the day. You go some places. She was allowing him to take it. No, she had to go someplace. Okay. So she, she, she, I would have been out of her hair regardless.

Okay. God. I was really not sure how to answer that question. Where did she want you to go? Well, Cool Up assigned Scott a location every day. We have tracking on our phones, so she makes sure I'm aware I'm supposed to be. Go sit in Gelson's parking lot. Until I get, until I feel like seeing you again.

God, you just have to sit in a parking lot so often when my mom would go on, on... Safari? Safari. Shopping chips. She would just drop me off in a parking lot. Oh my God, waiting in the car was always such a thing. I mean, I also just, but then being, dragging your ass through the mall also really sucked when you were a kid.

Eastman Drugstore. Ugh, this is so boring. The parking lot of Eastman Drugstore. I just always, and I would go, can I come in with you? And she'd say, no, because then you're going to want to like, want me to buy something for you. So it was Eastman Drugstore. That's the detail I was waiting for. Okay. So I tried to cross this intersection. I did not see that there was a stop sign. And so I am just, I am what happened to me. I am flying through this intersection and this young woman was coming perpendicular.

She did not have a stop sign. So she was going, we were both going at like a good speed. She fucking slams into me, T-bones me, but it was my fault because I was not supposed to be there. And so we both got out of the car. We're like super shaken up. Like the airbag goes off all this shit in hers and yours. Uh, I, I can't remember if she had an airbag or not, but, um, I will never

forget that feeling of like the shock of what happened and then slowly, like. My, my body had tensed up because like I remember hearing the sound of her slamming on the brakes and turning and seeing her, like seeing her slamming on her brakes and like turning her face away because she could see the impact coming. Yeah.

And so I get out like, you know, open the door, there's like glass falling and shit and She starts screaming You know, oh my god. Oh my god, and and then she starts going did anybody see this did anybody see this and I'm like Look, this is my fault. I'm not gonna There's no I'm not gonna try to pretend already Yeah, you don't need witnesses. You don't need witnesses. This was my fault.

Well, she could see that I was okay. We were both like walking around, you know? And I was like, that feeling of, I have to tell Janie that I wrecked her car, you know? And she was I called my friend Ken, who came in, who came and picked me up, who was great. And like I was fucking in shock. Like that car was destroyed. Janie's car was destroyed. And so I was destroyed.

Sorry. I know I wanted to. I was I know. Look, I can't blame you guys. I understand. Do your fault for marrying her. Oh, tell me about it. I wanted to marry somebody with a different name, but my parents wouldn't approve. Also, you had to because of this car.

This is part of the deal, right? You wreck her car, you have to marry her? Yeah, that's what made us get married. Oh, wow. There was a preacher right there on the spot. We signed a pre-pre-pre-nup, what they call a three-nup, and so that was various stages of our relationship. All members of Freedom have a three-nup?

Of course. Yeah, we have a three-nup between the three of us. So how did Janie take it? Freedom! Three-nup! Well, of course she was like, I'm just glad that you're okay. You know, and I had such guilt over it. And she never, ever, ever, ever indicated that she was upset about the car being.

Yeah, out of anyone I know, I almost like, anyone I know personally, if I could wreck someone's car, it would be hers. Cause I would think she wouldn't get mad about it. I'll tell her that, I'm sure she'll appreciate it. I mean, that's very nice. It is. Well, she's a nice lady.

She, she, I think that of anyone in the world, she'd be the most concerned that, Oh, Oh, what a horrible situation. I don't care about the car. What a horrible situation. I'm glad that everyone is okay. Yeah. And then I even giving a second thought to the car. Yeah.

And then not even giving a second thought to the car. Yeah. Although there was a previous incident when I... We were, it was very tense when I was learning to drive and she would be in the car with me. And it's her car and I'm driving. That has not changed by the way. Teaching you, right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, like, do you feel like, how confident do you feel now?

I feel like I'm a very good driver now. Oh, good. Yeah. I think I'm real. But I, it's been like, you know, 11 years now or something. Yeah. I think I got my license in 2010. Yeah. Um, it's hard to be a passenger in a car when someone... Period. But, you know, it's, I know that I'm stressing Cool Hop out

when I get stressed out by someone almost hitting us. Yeah. Yeah. And me going like, ah, or something like that. Oh yeah, I did that too. You know, but it's like, so, so I tried to talk myself out of doing it, just going like, everything's going to be okay. You don't need to make noises or whatever, you know? But it's like, I don't know what the solution is.

It's hard though, cause you have no control. So you're like, so what's gonna happen? Like, do you even see that? Like, you know, and you can't help, but say. And sometimes you do help where you're like, hey, there's a person you're about to hit. But then- But I feel like that's,

but I feel like that gets said to me a lot. And I'm like, I see them. Yeah, that's what I feel like too, is like, yeah, I see. Yeah, I'm looking at them. I am perhaps because I've been a passenger for so long. I'm an excellent passenger in a car. Wow. You just take a Xanny and.

Take a Xanny and punk out. I club the Xanny than any. Time for a future? What? Is that what you were gonna say? No, I felt like there was something I was going to say and I can't remember. You were going to talk about Janie and the car and how you got home. Yes. No, no, no.

Oh, okay. Ken just wrote me. So when I was learning to drive, Ken was my friend who picked me up after the accident. Listen to these stories. I'm here, I'm here, I'm here. Ken Jennings from Jeopardy. So when I was, when I stole my permit and I took driving lessons, I did not let, I had many people offered to teach me how to drive and I was like, no, let's stay friends.

So yeah, oh God, that'd be way too much pressure. It would be, it would be ridiculous. Plus, you don't have the safety of the car. If there was a movie about your life, the song Under Pressure would be playing. Wow, there was a montage of you driving. Exactly. But it would also be- It would be in the trailer, but not in the movie.

Would be dangerous to not have that extra brake on the driver's side, you know, on the passenger side. Yes, yes, yes. And my man Edgar, he taught me how to drive. He did a great job. Wow. Should all cars have that extra brake? Yeah.

That would definitely cost so many accidents because you're hearing clots coming. All cars have two sets of brakes, two steering wheels, two horns. Wouldn't it be fun if you didn't use the steering wheel, if you just like honked the horn whenever you wanted? Like Maggie Simpson? That wouldn't be abuse, would it? I don't think so. So we were, so we're on our way home. We're in an argument of course, because we're stressed,

we're both stressed out by me learning how to drive. Yeah. And so I am, I turn onto our street and then I have to make a left into our driveway. And she says, she's telling me to slow down. And I'm like so mad that she's telling me what to do that I do not slow down. And I turn, I'm gonna show her like how great I can do this.

And I turn sharply into the driveway and I hit the fucking curb. That would feel so dumb. It's such a hard hit. It's such a hard hit. It is such a hard hit. Did it stop the car cold or did you go up on the curb? Oh, no, it's not like I hit the as soon as I hit like, bang, I hit the brake. And then we sat there and then I had to like turn around and say,

that was my fault. And I'm very sorry. And of course, I will pay for the damages to the car. And it was like a few hundred bucks that I had to pay. It was mortifying. I was humiliated. That's like 40 wheelchairs. Oh my god. Alright, we'll be right back.

All right, we'll be right back. Tired of not being able to get a hold of anyone when you have questions about your credit card? Well, with 24 seven US based live customer service from discover, everyone has the option to talk to a real person anytime, day or night. Yes, you heard that right. You can talk to a human on the Discover customer service team anytime. So the next time you have a question about your credit card, call 1-800-DISCOVER to get the service you deserve.

Limitations apply. See terms at discover.com slash credit card. Are you a pop culture connoisseur with strong opinions? Join us on Pop Culture Debate Club, a new podcast from Lemonada Media and the BBC. Each week, two pop culture experts battle it out to convince me, Aminatou So, that their opinion reigns supreme. What is the greatest sports movie of all time? Who made the most delicious on-screen meal? Tune in every Thursday to find out.

Pop Culture Debate Club is out June 27th, wherever you get your podcasts, from Lemonada Media and the BBC. -♪ BASS GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING -♪ B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B And we're back, back, back, back, back, back, freedom. I want, I want, I want, I want, I want the knife. What? That's from the Golden Child. The movie with Eddie Murphy. Yes. Edward Murphy. The only thing from it that I remember is him

going up to a pole that has like a. A knife. No, he's trying to get a magical knife. I do remember that, but he goes up to a pole that has like a knife. No, he's trying to get a magical knife. I do remember that. But he goes up to a pole that has like a spinning part of the pole, and he kind of treats it like a record where he's scratching. Oh, sure, sure, sure. I want the knife. Really makes me want to see the movie.

That sounds pretty funny. I think that was the only funny thing, but I could be wrong. It's been, I believe I saw it in 1988. Yes, sir. Frank's house. I remember when that movie in 1988. Yes, our friend Frank's house. I remember when that movie came out. What haircut? Oh, okay. I remember when the movie came out because Eddie Murphy wears a little leather hat that then became very popular at hats in the Belfry. Really? Yes. There was a direct correlation after that movie. Yes, yes, yes.

Because it was in all, he was wearing this hat in the poster and everything. Yeah, yeah, I remember that. Wow, so everyone wanted that hat. Everyone wanted that Eddie Murphy hat. I wonder if, like, if I were a huge movie star and I knew that people were gonna wanna imitate whatever way I dressed,

I would try to get a piece of that before the marketing came out. You know what I mean? Like I would- The idea of you putting on a little leather hat and being like, everyone's gonna want this because I'm wearing it. I did it the other day.

So I better get a piece of it. I bought thousands of hats and no one wanted them. What about those monkeys? Didn't they steal your hats? Oh, that's right. David Jones. Not Mike Nesmith. He already had that. I think that might've been one of the last concerts I saw. No, I saw the monkeys, the surviving monkeys.

Bauhaus was the last, but definitely the last thing I saw. Surviving Bauhaus. All right. We have a three-, cause it's three-cher time. And this is the way we do things, and we like it that way. We would not change it for a million dollars. Although if you had a million dollars, contact us. No, we would change it for a million dollars.

If I had a million dollars. If I had a million dollars. Well, there's not a third one that I can sing. That's not a bad, Berenice Levy song. Berenice Lacey song. That's a good song. Impression.

Be rich. It's good. All right. This is a song. This is a feature submitted by our biggest fan, Josh. Oh, Josh loves us too much. Josh, we joked about that before, but this actually does come from Josh. This is a suggestion for a game that he made. And it's a good game. And we've joked about it before, but he actually does come from Josh. This is a suggestion for a game that he made.

And it's a good game. And we joked about it before, but he actually is a super fan. He loves it. I know we've made jokes about it, but Josh showed up at my house one night. All right. This is called... I know I sound like I'm kidding, but I'm actually really scared. This is a game called Alphabet Skip And here's who plays alphabet skip. We do. And here's how it goes. Pick a letter of the alphabet at random. Begin a three person scene using say an occupation as a suggestion where no one is allowed to

use any words that begin with that letter. If someone messes up, they have to retake their last line without using the offending word for an extra challenge. Every 60 seconds pick another letter at random and no one is allowed to use any words that begin with any of the letters selected. What I would suggest since Josh is here is he picks the letter, he picks the occupation and after every 60 seconds he shouts out a new letter

and he catches us if we Okay now we don't often Allow their voices. I know is he going to be voiced, but he immediately texted I can do that He is well, why don't we pop open our chat and he can put it in the chat? Okay, that's good. We refuse to have his voice featured on the show Yeah, preserve the sanctity It's no good Josh. It's not it's nothing against you. It's just that this is against your voice Josh let it be known that I want your voice to be heard, but the men are silencing it Well, he's another man. So what are you worried about? We let you blab on all you want The computer said it's okay, I understand.

The computer said. The computer talking, the AI, that is Josh. How funny that computer said okay. All right, so Josh, give us a letter and an occupation. Letter B. B. Occupation? Scheme instructor. Scheme instructor. Here Letter B. B. Occupation? Ski instructor. Ski instructor. Here we go. Okay.

Hey, Paul. Hey, Scott. Thanks for coming to work today. It is my pleasure, my friend. I guess you want to know how to ski downhill. I do, I do. It's something that I don't currently know how to do and I would like to learn.

If you're going to be a teacher, whoops. Gotcha. You're out. No, he has to retake his last line. Oops. If you're going to perform the role of instructor, you must learn how to ski downhill. Agreed.

This is what I want to do. So, let it be. Let us commence. I certainly will. Okay, put these on. Excuse me, excuse me. Hi. It's Ding Dong. What's up, man? Hey, Ding Dong. Ding Dong, is it too late for me to join this lesson? I mean, this is more of a teachers teaching teachers kind of lesson.

Well, the problem is I really have to get to the bottom. The problem is I really have to get to the lower portion of the hill because I left the part that's the opposite of the top. Yeah. I left my husband down there and he's crying. Okay. New letter S. That's too, oh, that's too bad. I can teach. No, now it's S. S, we're in a room with an S yet.

Oh, I thought we were doing the additional challenge, which was- Oh, it's an additional? No B, no S. Oh, okay. That's what I say in my home. No B, no S, not on my watch. No bull, no shit. I can teach you put these on.

Well, what? Me? The two of you. Do I put them on as well? Yes. And what are these? My dear lad. These are the implements we will use to go downhill. Okay, I'm putting them on.

These go on our feet, is that correct? Oh, of course. So what would you call these? Oh, no. What would you call them? You said an S word. Well, what would you call these? Thank you.

I would call these dingaroos, but I'm crazy. Are they named after me? No, ding dong. God, we love you, but no. Ding dong with some players. Why do I, why do I, you know, why, why are you constantly in my vision? When you don't know how to do this, this task. Are you talking to me? Hey, Robert De Niro, no, I'm talking to ding dong.

Hey, Robert De Niro, no, I'm talking to Ding Dong. Ding Dong. Um, you know, I feel like, I guess I just spend a lot of, oops, I guess I just am here a lot because oops, I guess I'm just here a lot due to the fact that this is a place where I find community. Wonderful. that this is a place where I find community. Wonderful. May I ask, because I have a terrible memory. Certainly. Where are we trying to get to

and what method will we use to get there? We're trying to go downhill. Gravity, oh, we have a new letter D. Gravity will- Just under the wire. Perform the task for us. And all you have to do is put those on and let gravity perform the task.

So- Just so we're, just in order to be clear. Yes. In order to get clear. Sure. Are you a hell's even? Yes, I was going to ask but I can't say the word. In order to get clear. For clarity sake for clarity for clarity. Yes. For clarity. What am I putting on my feet? These implements of gravitational force. Mister, what is your job? I am an instructor.

Of? Of this very thing we're doing. Which is? You know it. We all know it. The American people know it. all know it the American people know it Robert Dole Now they're on your feet, I'm going to push you All right, here we go. Huh! Ah! I'm sorry, I haven't learned to scream yet. I haven't told you how to scream either.

Ah! We're doing it, we're doing it! Ah! We're going! We're plummeting, we're plummeting! Here we are. Well. I guess that was fun.

We reached the portion of this hill, which is the opposite of the top. True, and we did it by means of- No, no, no. Gravity. We did it- No. With-

No, did. We accomplished it. And accomplished it. With these long sticks. No, long board, long, long boards. Yes. Long planks, long planks. Yes.

Tied to our feet. It's like walking the plank with these attached to our feet. It's like the plank is walking itself and we're just along for the ride. In Russia, a plank walks you. The end. Guys, a plank walks you. The end. Guys, we love each other, especially Ding Dong.

Can't say your name. We love each other, especially Ding Dong. Can't say Ding Dong. Oh, Josh. Wow. Thank you so much for steering us. Wow, Josh. Wow, Josh.

Josh? Applause. He says applause, or the Wow, Josh. Josh? Wow. He says applause or the robot says applause. The computer says applause. Well, that was fun. That was fun. Computer says what? Computer says no.

No. It's a sketch from Little Britain. But but, oh, computer says no is a sketch from Little Britain? It says no, yeah. I mean, I know what you were saying and just I was doing more of a Wayne's world. I mean, I know what you were saying and just I was doing more of a Wayne's world. I mean, I know what you were saying and just I was doing more of a Wayne's world. I mean, I know what you were saying and just I was doing more of a Wayne's world.

I mean, I know what you were saying and just I was doing more of a Wayne's world. I mean, I know what you were saying and just I was doing more of a Wayne's world. I mean, I know what you were saying and just I was doing more of a Wayne's world. I mean, I know what you were saying and just I was doing more of a Wayne's world. I mean, I know what you were saying and just I was doing more of a Wayne's world. I mean, I know what you were saying and just I was doing more of a Wayne's world. I mean, I know what you were saying and just I was doing more of a Wayne's world. I mean, I know what you were saying and just I was doing more of a Wayne's world. I mean, I know what you were saying and just I was doing more of a Wayne's world. But, but, um, oh, computer says night is a sketch. It says no. Yeah. I mean, I know what you were saying and just, well, I was doing more of a Wayne's world computer says what.

Well, we had a good end to this episode. When? Right now where we did computer says what? Yep. It's awesome. Um, I really want, I'm going to heat up a piece? Yep. That's awesome. We accomplished. I'm gonna heat up a piece of pizza. Oh wow.

Maybe I'll do the exact same thing. Okay. Maybe I'll do the opposite. I'll cold up. Last night, we did a show last night, so we were going wild horses. Lasagna. And Janie, as soon as the show was over,

I looked down on my phone and Janie texted me a picture of a pizza that she had ordered. Whoa. And said, I gave up. I just ordered pizza and I was fucking thrilled. That's the best. It was instantly like the perfect thing.

Oh, I can't wait. It's so awesome. It's so awesome when food is there waiting. Yeah. Yeah. Food is there waiting. Okay. Well, we. Food is there waiting. Okay, we'll be loving you guys so much.

We hope you guys have pizza. We hope you have food waiting for you. And by the way, you know what else is waiting for you is gibets in the store. That's right, the gibets are now available to purchase. They're now available. Three day gibets. They're now available.

Put them in your holes and fill the holes. Gibbits. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I sometimes wish I'd never been Crocs at all. Carry on. Gibbits. I don't let you down.

We'll not give you up. So get those gibbits, you fools. And follow us at FreedomUSA. Yes, on all the platforms. Wherever you wanna follow us. Yes. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. weddings, Instagram, and toxic relationships all have in common. They take your money and you can't get it back.

16 grand, somewhere in there, gone. There's no legal solution for the fact that you married an asshole. Welcome to The Dough, I'm X-Maya. We're diving into the stories surrounding the moola baby. The good, the bad, and the unexpected. Yeah, we talking about it all. The dough is out now wherever you get your podcasts.