Threedom - Threevisiting: Covered In Bugs

Episode Date: January 7, 2025

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss shaving, parades and Peloton before playing Movie Trailer. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi, I'm Reshma Sajjani, founder of Girls Who Code. Look, I'd consider myself a pretty successful adult woman. I've written books, founded two successful nonprofits, and I'm raising two incredible kids. But here's the thing. I still wake up wondering, is this it? And if the best years are yet to come, when's that going to start? Join me on my so-called midlife, my new podcast with Lemonada Media, where we're building

a playbook for navigating midlife, one episode at a time. Each week, I'll chat with extraordinary guests who've transformed their midlife crisis into opportunities for growth and newfound purpose. At some point, we all ask ourselves, is there more to life? I'm here to discover how to thrive in my second act, right alongside you. My so-called midlife is out now,

wherever you get your podcasts. What do weddings, Instagram, and toxic relationships all have in common? They take your money and you can't get it back. 16 grand, somewhere in there. Gone. There's no legal solution for the fact that you married an asshole.

Welcome to The Dough. I'm X-Maya. We're diving into the stories surrounding the moolah baby. The good, the bad, and the unexpected. Yeah, we talking about it all. The Dough is The good, the bad and the unexpected. Yeah, we talking about it all. The dough is out now wherever you get your podcasts. Freedom! We are Freedom! It's really loud up in here. Geez, I mean, just getting here was half the battle.

Getting here was half the battle. It's very true because these are still difficult times. Well, you know how they say if you made it into the gym, that's 90% of your workout, you know? That's not true. That's not true. I would say it's 10%. But I mean, or it's 90% of your mental just like getting, I don't know.

I understand what they're getting. They say you miss 90% of the shots you don't take. I miss 100% of the ones I don't take. Lauren, you got to get that better. I only miss 10% of the shots that you don't take. I miss 100% of the ones I don't take. Oh Lauren, you gotta get that better. I only miss 10% of the shots that I don't take. Wow. Not bad. Yeah, when I don't take them, I'm sinking them. Wow.

Swish, swish, swish, swish. Making them one after the other. I hired a boy to take my shots for me. Wow, that's so old timey. Well, I'm old and it's time for me. But we're's so old timey. Well, we are here. I'm old, and it's time for me. But we're here, we made it. We had technical difficulties, but we're up. We're together, we're listening to each other.

Scott, can I stop you right there? No. OK, too bad. So anyway, we made it because I'm going to do it. You had technical difficulties. You do not have consent. You had technical difficulties. You did. have consent. You had technical difficulties. You did.

This is how Scott sounded on Zoom. Lauren had some. This is how Scott sounded on Zoom. Lauren had her usual. Bop, boop, beep, boop, yammy, yammy, yammy, yammy. We're just taking Lauren's normal. I didn't have real. Like not knowing how to do anything.

This is like baseline. That's fucking bullshit. I was trying something new, okay, so you would hear me better. Don't do that. Don't do this to me. Don was trying something new. OK, so you would hear me better. Don't do this to me. Not on my things. Don't do new things. That's no new things. That's our motto for this year.

A little late. Not in 2022. No new things. Do the old things. Yeah. Do do the old things. Don't do the new things. Do do do do do do. One is silver and one is gold. But I think going back to the old things that we didn't do in 2021 and 2020 would be nice. What were the old things that we didn't do?

Well, we didn't do all the good stuff. Yeah, all the good stuff. I'm planning. Cheat on your wife. Why didn't we? Oh, I thought you meant on this podcast, but you mean in life. So many people had a hard time cheating during this time. Yeah, I feel bad for them.

That's people have not talked about it enough. I feel bad for the philanderers, for the low down dirty dogs. You can't get out. You have to have been for the two timers. There have to have been millions of people who are in the middle of secret clandestine affairs that either had to cut it off or were still sneaking out around you know behind the backs of people you know. There had to have been. When we want to hear your stories write it.

Call us. What if we pivoted to a hard like salacious love line sort of vibe? That sounds good. Josh said that he would set up a Google phone number for us. Yes. To call each other? Yeah. Because I'm afraid to give you guys my number. Yeah. To have people call in with, you know, things they want to say. Bullshit. Same ideas. Bullshit. I don't really want to hear from anyone. I don't want to hear it, but I want to hear it. Anyway, welcome to freedom.

I'm Paul F. Tompkins. I'm Lauren Lapkus. God damn it. Now, who am I? Wait, Paul, when'd you get that Joker mic? Paul is talking to a mic, a purple and green mic with a yellow stripe that looks a lot like his flower on his jacket lapel.

That's really nice. The flower on my jacket lapel. The joker's flower. Oh. I didn't know you can make it so customized. I went to a place called Colorware and I got this mic made there. It's just a regular mic, but they paint them

or do something. I want that. I'll send you the link. You requested those colors. I requested those colors. These are my professional colors. Spontanation colors. Yes.

Ah. Varietopia, Spontanation. The Joker. Oh, so you use them across the board. Yes, they're like Mardi Gras colors. Yeah. But at night when you're the Joker. And now when I'm the Joker, I wear the new Joker stuff. I don't wear the old Joker stuff. But you paint over the mustache like Cesar Romero. Yes, of

course I do. And Paul, your hat matches your Mike's hat. It does. It's true. Look, it's a little we're wearing the same microphone. Do you think of your microphone as your mini me? Yeah, I talk to it and into it. First, I say, I'm going to talk to

you now. And then I wait. And then Dr. Evil talked to Dr. Evil talked into many me. Why didn't he? Why didn't he ever tap his head and go, hello, is this thing on? I bet he did. Yeah.

How many? Oh my God. How much footage? Unused as Austin Powers footage. That could not be used. Oh, there's got to be so much. Just bad improvs, bad riffs. I guess when like, when his hair would grow into stubble, it looks more like a microphone

like the dots on a microphone. Sure. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah, because otherwise I can't picture it on a microphone. Do you think Mike Myers ever requested a Verne Troyer? Hey, do you mind not shaving tonight so when you come back in tomorrow, I can tap you on the top of your head and say hello.

Is this thing on? He wouldn't look like a true mini me anymore because Dr. Evil didn't have stubble. Now do you think Verne Troyer shaved his head every night? No. I bet it was every morning. I bet it was every 24 hours he had to shave his head. Why if you're not shaving? That seems like a lot.

Lauren, do you shave your legs? What kind of disgusting question is that? We finally got there. Yes, I do. I wrote down, Paul, when we first start doing the show, episode one in an envelope. That's right. When will Paul say, ask Lauren, when does she shave her legs? I said, you're crazy.

I'm never going to ask that. It's disgusting. I was off by two episodes. Thankfully he didn't say, he didn't ask me when I shaved my legs. He just asked me if I do. I don't want you to ask me when, cause that's way too personal. Okay. I wasn't going to, and I didn't.

Good. Can I ask when you do? Yeah. So when do you shave your legs? Um, in the shower. And when? you shave your legs? In the shower. And when? I shave. I shave.

I shave. Every six days, my dear boy. I shave my face in the shower. Oh wow. With a little mirror that's attached to the wall. A little mirror that's attached to the wall. Yes, it's not in a spring, but it's just suction cupped to the glass. I put it on the glass and, um, it's, it's one of those fogless mirrors, which of course

means that it fogs up every time. Yeah. I've tried maybe probably six different ones over the course of my shower, shaving career and they all fog up. I remember when I went to Japan, the hotel first hotel I stayed in there had a fogless mirror. Like the one section of the mirror didn't fog and I was very amazed by that. I've never really seen a quality fog.

They know how to do it. Yeah. We don't have that. We just, we cut corners here and your fogless mirror fogs up. Oh my God, every which way. I love shaving in the shower. Why?

Because you're naked? Yes. And it makes you feel more like God? And I can't stand in front of my sink without clothes on. Wow, why? Well, it's one of Janie's rules. What if there's a camera in the mirror? I can't see past the mirror to the shower.

It's because you have the steam in there. It's easier to do, you know what I mean? You don't have to keep like- It opens up those pores. It opens up those pores. Those pores, honey. I shave my clock's face every week with a feather duster. What are you- God damn it.

What? Stop. But do you dust your own home? Shut, are you mentally ill? Yeah. Are you so crazy you do you dust your own home? Are you mentally ill? Are you so crazy you're dusting your own home? I dust the outside. It's more that he calls it shaving the clock's face. If you know what I mean.

I'm dusting. I dust the outside, someone else dusts the inside. I shave my whole house. Dust the outside. I shave my house every few days. You have to do that every hour, would you say? Yeah, pretty much. Do you keep it clean? An hour later, more bugs.

Wow. Covered in bugs. Just covered in bugs. Have you ever been covered in bugs either of you? No. I think that would be horrible. Joe Rogan's in the news, let's talk about fear factor. No I've never I've never been like caught in a swarm of bees or anything I know that's happened to people where they like they threw a rock at a wasps nest or something and then they all came out. Oh well that something like that did happen to me. Oh no, tell us, tell us, tell us Lauren,

tell us a new story. I might've told it before honestly, I wouldn't be shocked. I think you probably did, but go ahead. Well, one time when I was in fifth grade, I was at my friend's house and there was this giant pile of wood chips in front of her house, like probably five feet tall.

And... Was this down in the holler? It was it was just huge. Oh, look at all those nice wood chips you got. Must have been take a long time to build up a collection like that. Yeah, one by one over the years. But we think she would have gotten them like three or four at a time. The anniversary is another chip.

Anyways, we were running up and down and it was really fun, like just running as fast as you can to the top, running down the hill. It was a blast. And then we each noticed that we were getting a little like, kind of like, it felt like a little splinter or something was hitting our legs in our jeans. Or like a bee sting. In the moment, we thought it was little splinters from the wood chips. And then we realized we were running on a yellow jacket hive and they were all in our clothes

and busting us. Whoa. And so we like ran in the house and we were like taking our clothes off like, ah, running around and her mom was like, what's going on? And then all these bees were coming out. It was crazy. God damn.

How many stings did you end up having? I don't really remember how many stings I actually had. It wasn't, it wasn't like I was covered in stings. It was more that a lot of them got me through my clothes. So it wasn't really official, but then they were in the clothes and that was just scary. It wasn't official. The judges didn't count those. No. It's weird how they know to show up at people's houses

when they get stung by yellow jackets. What would be the worst thing you could be in a casket with? Like on Fear Factor, like they put you in a little box. Probably Lord. Casket. Yeah, that would fucking suck. Another dead body. What kind of like, on Fear Factor, Yeah, that would fucking suck. Another dead body.

What kind of like, on fear factor, like what would they put in that would really freak you out? Um, probably bugs are bad for me. Like spiders. Yeah. What if they put like bats in there? I think I'd be okay. They'd probably chill.

You'd be okay? I think I'd be okay. As long as you didn't move around all that much. Yeah. They would, they'd chill with you. They'd realize. Oh, do you didn't move around all that much. Yeah, they'd chill with you. They'd realize.

Oh, do you have to be wiggling the whole time? You have to be vibrating at a frequency so they can pass through. Sorry, I was doing a little Rush Limbaugh tribute and he was jiggling all around. Do you remember when he made fun of Michael J. Fox? No, but what an asshole. He was a bad person. Wow. It's good he's dead. No, but what an asshole. Jesus. He was a bad person. Wow.

It's good he's dead. Switch over to making fun of Michael J. Axon. Who is that? Guys, I gotta go. I just remembered. I have a very important appointment. Michael J. Axon. You guys gonna watch that Bill Cosby doc?

Watched it. You already watched it? Yeah. Paul, Paul asked for it early because he really just wanted to get it. So this would be funny. Yeah. Give me, give me an advanced copy. It's going to be all about his comedy.

Yeah. There's like some comedy in there. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's wild, especially for somebody of my age, and I don't know how far it goes in successive generations, but somebody who was a huge part of the fabric of society in a positive way when I was growing up. And it's a very, it's like a really well done, very well researched and presented and emotional documentary. It's really worth watching. Like good emotions? Yeah, I'm happy. I'm gonna check it out. But there's also a documentary. I came out so happy he was released from jail.

On a lighter note, there's a documentary about the N Just Like, the filming of N Just Like That. And I will be watching that. Oh, I'll watch that. Behind the scenes. Absolutely. Do they take it all the way up to erasing him out of the season finale? Well, the podcast, I listen to the podcast every week that talks about each episode. It's the W's room podcast.

And they actually will address that on the episode that I haven't listened to yet because I haven't watched the episode yet. Oy, oy, oy, oy. Waited to find the season finale. She's gonna be like, oh, he was a creep. No, no, they erased him out of, like I think she, in the first cut or the original cut,

she was like remembering him. You saw clips of him or something. Oh, and then they remembered they're our old clips. We don't have to shoot with him because there's extensive footage of him as this character. Why was he called Mr. Big? Cause he was like a big shot. He had like a lot of money and he was like,

He rode around the back of a town car. The man. Yeah. So it wasn like a big shot. He had like a lot of money and he was like, you're on around the back of a town. Yeah. Yeah. So it wasn't a penis thing. No, his penis was never discussed as never. She said, didn't she say he had a micro penis, but she still loved him. She said that in her vows in the first movie, right? She turned out to the audience and said that

He's got like that I couldn't help but wonder What I need a microscope? That's a small one That's really does you hear about micro penises or micro peni and you're like, okay, I can still see it with the naked eye No pun intended, guys. Gosh. Well, my eyes are always naked when I'm fucking.

My eyes are always naked because my eyelids don't work. Wow. And that seems really painful. It sucks. And I can't, I've not slept in 10 years. Eyelids are the sweaters of the eyes. So you can't sleep? Can you really not sleep without eyelids? Couldn't you just put something over your eyes? But that's right on your eyeball.

Like a scratchy blanket with like the cups. Well, but then you're just looking at the inside of them. Yeah. But I still think you'd fall asleep eventually. Eventually your eyes would roll back. You could put a book in where? In the eye mask. When the eyelids of the mask. When you close your eyes, do your eyes roll back or is that something that like little kids think?

Or are you a little kid? Because it sounds like you think it right now. No, they just kind of like dart from side to side very rapidly. Yeah, I instantly whenever I close my eyes, I instantly go to rim sleep. Every time I blink, I have vivid dreams. Watch this. Ah! I had a nightmare.

What about winking? Do you have half a nightmare? Just the setup? Ah! Ah! Ah! I dream I'm falling falling but just from like sitting height. I dream I'm falling. What's that song?

Is that a parody of the... Falling by Alicia Keys. I don't know that one. I had an idea that Weird Al Weird Al should make a baby album because I like... He should just make a baby. He did. One? I love you. Weird Al should make a baby album because I like- He should just make a baby. He did.

He already did. One? I am. Make a new one, Al. You put out albums every three years. I come up with a lot of songs, a lot of parody songs about when I'm, you know, doing baby related activities and I just think,

oh, Weird Al can make a fortune off of this shit. Yeah, by selling records, you can make a fortune now. What are some of your greatest hits? They change so frequently. It's like nothing sticks around long enough for me to even. Okay. Yeah. What song is that too? I really did think you were starting one. Because babies have to be changed. I truly, I switch it up so much. They don't stick, you know? Sometimes I thought I should record these, I should write them down. They're fantastic, they're amazing.

And then I think no one gives a fuck. But are these parodies or are these originals? Sometimes they're original and sometimes they're parodies. Like you know, like here, give me a song. I'll just do one. Okay. Madonna's Lucky Star. Okay. You might have a poop in there. Okay. Because you smell like a poop and you do so well.

Okay, then it falls apart. So it is exactly what I thought. Yeah. You know, they might be giants giants have a couple of kids records. Oh yeah. I got to get hip to that. My dear friends might be giants who never met me. Paul is like, I'm trying to adjust my microphone so I can be comfortable

and seen at the same time. You are seen Paul. We see you. Okay. Avatar. Ooh, I can't wait for those sequels. Oh, man. Where are you going to be opening night? In the ground. By the time there's no chance.

Man, I that that movie, people were going so crazy over it and I went and saw it in 3D and it was so bad. I've never seen it. Me and my two friends I went with, we all took naps at different times. It was like we were doing shifts, like we were on the watch.

Absolutely. Oh, I just watched all of Yellow Jackets and I loved it. It's good, right? Is it because you stepped on them when you were a kid? Oh wow, connection. Did you think it was about you? I did, I was like, is this going to be a documentary about when I ran over that hive?

It's really good, though. I waited a long time, but then the best part about waiting is that you can binge it all. True. That's very true. The whole cast is so good. What is going on with your cuckoo camera? I think he said. Maybe don't acknowledge it because no one else knows

that it's happening except you. But you're laying out, you know, you're not talking the way you normally do like steamrolling us. And yeah, it's like I'm able to get my thoughts out and I feel stressed. Um, I don't like my thoughts. I'm able to say only Scott is not doing his job. I have heard you on your podcast with Jamie tell her not to call things out like that. And I think he's got a point, but I still understand why she did it. But I wouldn't talk to her that way. Well, because you have the same thought process,

so, and you're both wrong. Great. I love Yellow Jackets, of course, huge Melanie Linsky fan. I love Melanie Linsky, I love Juliette Lewis. I love all the new people that I wasn't familiar with. There was a lot of great acting on that show. The young lady who plays young Jackie on the island, we call her, we all, the first time

we ever saw her was in a show called Sweet Bitter. And so when we see her, when we refer to her on this show, we just call her sweet bitter. She reminds me so much of somebody that I can't figure it out. Do you know what actor she reminds you of? It was driving me crazy. Her raspy voice. No, I don't. But what should be the audience surrogate for anyone who hasn't seen it and doesn't care? Yes, you want to move along is what you're saying

Okay, what about the what if where the silver surfer became the Incredible Hulk? Something everyone understands Yellow jacket is good Scott. You ought to watch it. I should there's just so much time in the day I gotta you know, there's so much time that you just there's too much time I just can't get started off would like itop would like it too. You should watch it together. Yeah. I know. I know. Do you guys watch any shows together? Both of them.

Just everyone's TV to themselves. No, yeah, we had a lot of stuff we were watching, but we either, well, you know, it's also award season. So I was watching a lot of the 2021's great cinema. A lot of movies that you could confirm they were as bad as you thought they were going to be, that kind of thing. I just got a screen that I'm excited to watch,

which is King Richard. Oh, it's good. It's good. That looks good. Yeah, I liked it. We saw it on HBO. Oh, it's on HBO? It was. HBO Max.

Oh, I was gonna say this whole time I've been watching it. The maximum, it's the maximum amount of HBO you HBO Max. Oh, I was going to say this whole time I've been watching. It's the maximum amount of HBO you can have. It's the most HBO you can get. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. They really crushed it with that, huh? But if you don't want spoilers, don't go on ESPN.

Oh, like where? I see what happens to those girls. They're still talking about it. I liked it. I thought it was a lot different than your typical kind of biopic like that. I thought it was much more interesting and well directed. Cool. I'll definitely be checking that out.

Well, well, well. Well, well, well. The Bachelor is carrying on. I also have to watch terrible movies every week for my other podcast. I know. Isn't it hard? Definitely be checking that out. Well, well, well. Well, well, well. The Bachelor is carrying on. I also have to watch terrible movies every week for my other podcast. I know, isn't it hard? Now, see, you understand what it's like

to be on newcomers now because it's hard to watch a lot of stuff you've avoided for a long time. You actively avoided all of these movies to some extent because the ones you're watching are all really popular. Yeah. For the most part, right? Adam's Family. Well, we just watched I mean, that's part right. Adam's family. Well, we just watched.

Well, we watched that flash dance, whatever, like all those kinds of, well, we just watched the next karate kid. Why that huge shouldn't be come on because Connor Ratliff really wanted to talk about it. Wow.

I would not call that a movie blind spot. I know, but here I am wasting two hours of my life watching it. I said this on the show, it came out Friday. I actively was mad and was pacing around the room. Wow. Like that I'd gotten myself into this situation. I have felt that way watching Lord of the Rings and Star Wars stuff, like where I'm

just like, some of it I have found myself surprised that I liked and then other stuff I'm like, this is this part's going on forever. I can't believe I have to do this. What's going on? It feels crazy. I actually we're about to bring newcomers back, but I haven't we haven't announced what it is yet. But I was going to have to watch a movie last night and then it got canceled. And then I was like, I don't have to watch that. I don't want to watch that. I was like, so happy.

It's just a great feeling. The episode got canceled. Is what you're saying Yeah, we are we're gonna go for I know what movie it was and you you should be excited about watching it Mike said I'll probably like it too. Yeah, I think you'll like it. I don't I just don't know anything about it Yeah wedding crashers. Yeah, we're doing the wedding crashers Series so it's like stops at one It's like we watch the first one and then we watch like home movies of weddings being

crashed and then we bring on guests. And then just car crashes like that Honda. So many times I've been like out of town doing a gig and in the hotel there's a wedding reception. And I always, I've never done it, but I was like, I could probably just walk. I'm wearing a suit. I could walk in there. Right.

You really could. I feel like we did it once we were at, oh yeah, we were at, I think, Brian Poussane's wedding at a certain venue and then we walked. He didn't invite you to his wedding? No, we were there, we were already there. Yeah, yeah, I got it. And then we walked into a different wedding

that was at the same venue. I get jokes. I get jokes. I get jokes. No, I wasn't invited. Guys, did you see the get jokes. No, I was invited. Guys, did you see the Honda crash? No, what's that? It was everywhere today.

Did you see the Honda crash? Which Honda? There's a video going around of a guy on like a freeway or a highway, and there's a car kind of like trying to get around other cars and he's taping it. And he's like, kind of goes around and tries to get in between them and can'ts.

And then he goes on the side of the road on the shoulder and goes around them and then spins out and crashes and like flips the car over. And meanwhile, the people narrating it are like, ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, wow. Serves you right. But now look, I understand that impulse.

Sure. You know what I mean? Yeah, totally. I mean, like I used to talk about how there should be an app where you put in someone who cuts you off in traffic, their license plate number, and it gives you like a ping alert when they get into a car crash and die so you can laugh. What?

You haven't shared that with us before I don't think that idea. So I understand the impulse so I just wondered where you stood on it. You more than anyone I think. I think you understand a lot of impulses we might not understand. Are you talking about this video because you were the one that filmed it? Oh yeah. Okay, we'll watch it.

Oh geez. We're doing an accent. We'll watch. Oh no. Swedish accent. Anyway, it's a spectacular crash. Okay, I'm sold. And now all survive? But people are on either side of the issue.

People are like, people are saying that no one should be taking glee and watching this guy crash because, you know, he could be seriously injured. Well, I tell you what, I need an update on this guy's condition. And when he is in the clear, I'm going to laugh at it. update on this guy's condition. And when he is in the clear, I'm going to laugh at it. Okay, good. Guys, I got into a car accident just the other day. No, you're pretty lady. Pretty lady. You didn't know what to drive. Okay, check this out. I'm at a supermarket Supermarket, he's gonna wrap in the lights He's gonna do the beat and he's gonna wrap it I was in a bonds parking lot Okay, so I'm at a supermarket parking lot. I'm parking I by the way

not five seconds earlier I had Seated the right-of-way in order to let some people out of the parking lot and turn in front of me like a good boy. You're a good boy. Wow, that was really caring. I was driving very carefully and slowly. As you should. Not on my phone or anything like that.

So you were perfect. I made a left into a parking spot where there was the, there was a car parked in the one on the left, a car parked in the one on the left, a car parked in the one on the right. This is typical. Very typical. And that can be how it appears in parking lots. And you've been trained from your driving training

to know how to park in between these two. Certainly. You got on the driving train. So I used all of that training. That's right. I used all of it. I searched deep down. You tap back into what you learned in class.

Because every time I do anything in a car, I act like it's the first time I'm doing it. Smart. That is smart. So you're scared a little. So I made the left into the parking spot and when, and I'm going like, you know, two or three miles an hour or whatever. When I'm 80% in the the car on the passenger side,

without looking, swings her door open. No, she had been sitting, I think she'd been sitting in there for a while because her brake lights weren't on. Like she hadn't just got there. I think she was like reading her phone or whatever and then just like swung the door open. And I crashed right into the edge of the door.

Oh, that's a really weird accident. Dang. And it made a major indentation in my passenger side. Major indentation. Of my best friend's ride. And so it was shocking to all of us, because Gulop was in the passenger side. She was like, oh!

Yeah. I could barely understand what was happening. And then the driver was like rattled and shocked. And so here's my issue. So I back up for your wife to yell. I back up. I let her close her door and then I go back into the space. I let her close her door and then I go back into the space. My issue is that, because I have an old car, you know, that has some dings already and stuff like that. Oh my God, I can't wait till we get to the issue. I basically, if she had said, oh my God, I'm so sorry,

I did that without looking, I would have said, you know what, let's, don't even worry about it. Let's just go about our day. But instead she was either she thinks she's not at fault or she's been trained not to admit fault. So she just like does not say anything about how careless it was or anything like that. And to the point where I started going like, am I crazy? Like,

was that my fault or something? And cool up goes into, to, you know, make sure everything's okay and goes into start shopping while I'm dealing with this. So I'm like psyching myself out almost going like, but wait a minute, like, is it my fault or something? Or have my senses betrayed me? And so we, Is this a dagger I see before me? Out, out, damn spot. So we exchanged the information and all that, and then we both have to shop in the same place, which is very awkward anytime you're in there.

That is awkward. But so yeah, so then I asked Kulapa, I was like- You just keep circling the aisle at the same time, and you pass each other in every single aisle. I literally was like- Creeping along this- We were in the same aisle at one each other and every literally was like creeping along. We were in the same aisle at one point and I just was like forget it. I just went to a different aisle.

Well you could just crash your cart into her and go, uh, now what do we do? Now who's at fault? So I asked Cool Up, I said, was my perception of that different than yours? It seemed to me like she just swung that door open without looking and she's like, oh, definitely. She did not even notice you and, you know. So yeah, and now it's all up to the insurance. Like, you know, it's all up to the insurance.

That's so annoying. So what do you think? You gotta let go and let insurance. Yeah, go ahead. If you had said, oh, don't worry about it. Was there any damage on her car? There were like just, first of all, it was a Mercedes Benz. Okay. So that's why she's worried. That's why she's worried. So she had like, she sent

me pictures of it. They're just like minor scratches on it. She definitely wants the money. She wants that to be paid for. Yeah. I would say, I would say she wouldn't be the type of person with that situation. If her car was like really shiny and fancy that she's not going to go and whatever. Right. Do you know what I was thinking about today? Because I was in traffic and a guy and Alexis just like drifted into my. What's that? Candy. What I was thinking about. Yeah. Yeah. Ray Romano's child.

I a guy and Alexis just drifts into my lane. It's on the highway. No turn signal. Life is a highway. That's right. And I'm going to drift into your. School is you. And I thought, like, why is it that the people that are driving the most expensive cars

never use turn signal? They're always rude, huh? Yeah. Well, it's like, wouldn't you, if you had a fucking expensive car like that, wouldn't you be like, hey everybody, look, I'm moving, don't hit me. Yeah, I think so.

It's bananas. I had a mutual friend talk about this because he's from the East Coast, he's from New York City, or he lives there at least, and- Sorry, mutual friends with us? With Paul and he was saying I'm winning He had an interesting take on it because he was saying like When you're in New York City, no one uses turn signals. Mm-hmm Because everyone is just trying to eek into like, you know, there are no there basically there are no rules

Yeah, you know, I mean like lanes don't mean anything. Everyone's just kind of trying to like fit through this very narrow. Yes. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy that the traffic is terrible because there are no rules. Yeah. So he's like, who cares about it out there? But in, in Los Angeles where we are, it's just very annoying when people treat it like it's New York city and just roving all over the place.

It's always stressful. I mean, you can always tell when someone's about to do something like that though. It's like that weird feeling like when you just see a car and you're like, yeah, this person's like, this person's about to like cut me off or something. Or like they, they want to get into my lane, but they didn't see me there.

They were just going to go and like crash right into me. And then they do. And then you see, you know, it's like, it always, it always, you can tell those cars. And also a lot of those cars, whenever you, I feel like the thing that happens a lot is where you get cut off by somebody and they have like a huge indentation inside of their car and you're like,

yeah, you need to start putting on a turn signal. You do whatever you want. People. Ugh. Oh, people. People! You can't control them as much as you want. Everybody needs to get it together out there. Because obviously the three of us have it figured out. And you are the problem, listeners.

Here's my question for you. Oh, is there another card? Well, I had one other part to the story, which was when I pulled out my insurance card, you know, like, yeah, when I haven't gone into an accident in like 10 years, I've only heard your voice. I've never seen you, but, but when I pulled out my insurance card, you know how they send you like to a year and you have to constantly replace it.

I had three in there that were all old. They send you to a year and you have to constantly replace it? I had three in there that were all old. They send you to a year and you have to constantly replace it. Yes, because they, they expire every six months. You know what you should do? Get the app. Cause actually I now feel like, I feel secure knowing I have the app because I often think, I bet you I have the expired one in the car. I don't know what's going on. Well, I had three expired ones. And so when I was showing it to her, I was like,

oh, here's, this is the policy. I just have the old cards, but it's up to date. And she was like, first of all, she was British. And she was like, it's out of date. But what does this mean? How will you? Like trying to intimate that like I was suddenly at fault for the accident or something.

Yeah. I was like, it's the same policy number. Just take it down, ladies and gentlemen. And like you have paid it, so it'll be functioning. Was it Meghan Markle? Yes. I knew it. Oh, sure. Doing that sick ass British accent.

It's like, we know you're not from there. I was going to ask you a random question. So random. Okay, go. Would you rather be a news reporter? Okay. Here are your three options. Well, that sounds awesome.

You could be a news reporter on like, uh, it could be as local or as nationwide as you want. Or would you rather be like a host of like a morning talk show, which could also be local or national, like today's show, or would you rather be like a sports announcer? I'd like to be a sports announcer knowing nothing about sports. And would you like to do that locally

or on a national level? Oh, national, the big international. The biggest platform available. International football game? Have everyone be mad at me the entire time. I'd just be asking about the rules every single. I would like to be a local sportscaster. Really?

Because I would rather learn about the other sports that I don't know than get up at fucking 3 a.m. to host a morning show or travel all over the place doing reporting? No thanks. Oh man. It's so stupid when people make you like, you know, unless someone's doing a live remote, it doesn't count as news anymore. So someone's just standing outside of a building talking. Like who gives a shit? That's so weird actually when you think about it. I was watching the local news the other day and there was a woman who, someone's just standing outside of a building talking. Like who gives a shit? That's so weird actually when you think about it.

I was watching the local news the other day and there was a woman who obviously they don't read the copy before they do the news. Right, there's no time, they're jamming up the news. It's a cool read. But it sounded like this was her first time reading. Jamming on the news. Right, jamming on, speaking of Cosby.

But just the way, like, you know, I can understand some people being like, oh, okay, I didn't quite put the emphasis on those words. Because I hadn't read the copy before. But you know, they're good cold readers. She was just reading every word with the same emphasis. Like she was totally lost in it. Keep it safe.

Yeah. That is odd. No one knows who started the fire when the firefighters arrived on the scene. I thought you were singing Billy Joel for a second. No one knows who started the fire. When the firefighters arrived at the scene. Okay, we need to take a break. Okay, good.

Bye. Do you guys promise to come back though? Yeah, I guess so. I promise. Okay, because you've left me holding the bag several times. This is the last time. No, I swear.

We've started doing an episode, we do about half hour of it, and then we come back from breaking. You guys aren't there. Look. No, I swear. We do about half hour, I come back. Half hour for me, half hour for you.

What, for me, what for you?. One for me, one for you. That's right. I'll do it. I'll be there. Okay. We'll be right back. And if these guys better be here. Struggling to make healthier choices or stick with your goals? You're not alone.

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important disclosures at acorns.com podcarrosh. Okay, we're back. Okay, so that was my first ethics question. My first, am I the asshole? By the way, I was not the asshole. I treated her very kindly. I texted her when she texted me the pictures of everything. I texted her like I hope you have a great or a better rest of the day. I love you. I miss you. I'm in love with you too. I'm so glad we got to meet. May we finger bang. Wow, it was just so awesome meeting you today. And I'm so happy my wife went into the store so I had a little time alone with you. So I'm not the asshole right? You could have been sweeter. So this is my second ethics question.

Oh. It's ethics. Okay, now Lauren you probably know that my internet was out for all weekend for four days straight. I do know that. That's stressful. Yes, because you said Lauren can you lend me some of your hard copy porn? Yeah. And lend me 800 bytes of your internet, please. And I didn't specify that my internet was out, but you might have figured out what I

asked for your box of porn. You know, if I'm coming for your porn box, my internet is out. Yet again. Okay. So I've regaled you with tales of being on the Peloton and how I have a streak at this point of over a year. You have not. I guess you maybe said that.

Or maybe you forget everything that I ever talk about. I have no recollection of that whatsoever. I do know that you were riding a bike with your eyes shut. I know you were riding a Peloton with your eyes shut because you don't want to look at the teacher Do you think it's a sin? I've talked many times on this show about... No yeah, you did a bunch of Pelotons in a row My teacher is pretty, I can't look at her

Because God will be mad I don't want to think anything, I don't want to have lust in my heart Like the ol' Jimmy Carter, see? There you go. We're making Lauren old. We're making Lauren old. Oh, it's like podcast that makes you get old like the beach.

Yeah. Freedom is the old of podcasts. My beard is so long. On your knees. How long would it be? My knee beard. Your knee beard. Your leg My knee? Your knee? Your leg hair beard?

Your knee beard because your knee doesn't really get hairy. It's like right under your knee and it would be like having a little beard. My knee gets hairy. Is it really? Not like the same as the leg, but there's hair. My kneecaps are pretty bald. Let's check our kneecaps. Everyone and everyone listening, reach down and touch your kneecap to see how much hair it's on.

Reach down, touch kneecap. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do You know what's weird is that your leg hair only grows so long. Yeah, it should grow like down to your ass. Even your eyebrows start to get nuts after a while. You know what I mean? Yeah. My leg hair is growing up to my ass. I gotta shave. So what happened?

Okay, so I've had... You went to your... snuck in your neighbor's house and you stole their internet. No, I've had a streak going on the Peloton, but my week was, I was gonna get on, my week was just about over when my internet went out. And the Peloton doesn't work without the internet?

And it went out through the rest of the week. It went out through the rest of the week, so- Oh, that's a long time. My streak was, I was not gonna be able to keep my streak going. Wait, wait, wait. I have a question. I don't understand. I've never used a Peloton.

There's no like, um, not online setting where you can just record your score or like your ride. Don't, I don't know. They won't let people cheat. You can't enter it manually. No, but I mean like a, where you would just press go. I know that I have a friend who, I know I have a friend who like, doesn't take You can't enter it manually. No, but I mean like where you would just press go and you'd just start writing and it wouldn't be on wifi. I know, I have a friend who like doesn't take a class.

He just like goes through the countryside or whatever, because they have that setting, but I didn't have internet to do that. That's fun. Like I don't, I think if I had turned it on, it would have said like, you can't connect or whatever. Cannot connect, results invalid. It sounded like you at the beginning of the Zoom. Aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris aris ar, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, going to not have keep my streak going. And I've been proud of my streak.

Yeah, it should be. It's something that keeps me going of like some weeks where it's like, well, I gotta keep the streak going. Yes, exactly. So I'll at least get on once this week or whatever. So I, instead I still, I had, my phone was, you know, not connected to the internet. It's just like phone connection.

I went on the Peloton app and I just let a 10 minute long class play without doing the class. So my streak would continue going. Now, am I the asshole? Is this a true streak? I think that's fair, given the fact that you have, you did ride or no, you didn't ride. No, I didn't ride that week. Oh, then no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, have, you did ride. Or no, you didn't ride.

No, I didn't ride that week. Oh, then no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But I don't want my streak to go down to zero. It doesn't seem fair. I know, but wait, so you did it, you put it on and how many days had you not ridden according to the Peloton at that point? It would have been the entire,

it would have been, that was the seventh day. It would have been an entire. Oh, but so if you put in the 10 minutes, that means your streak continues? Because it's, you did it every day? I took a class that week, so my streak continues, even though I just let it play and walked away. I think this is a classic,

I'll allow it, but watch yourself counselor moment. Yes, yes, watch yourself. Isn't it too comfortable? There should be a middle ground where I say, hey, I need to put my streak on pause because I'm going out of town or I'm out of internet or something like that. Hey, there are circumstances.

I want to take this all the way to the top of Peloton and just really appeal. There's got to be an appeals process with these streaks because these were circumstances beyond my control. Can I say, here's what be an appeals process with these streaks because like, you know, these were circumstances beyond my control. Can I say, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna do this Miracle on 34th Street style. We're gonna find out where to send

postcards and letters to Peloton. And I'm gonna dress up as Santa. Yeah, you don't have to, but. And I'm gonna be the little girl too. Okay, like I have like a carnival act. It's like one of those Halloween costumes where it's sideways. Those are only done on TV shows, I feel like, where it's like, someone does half on one side and half on the other. It always feels like a TV show.

TV shows on Halloween, like... We've gone there. I think they sound good at Weimar, Germany. If you're there, see some sort of cabaret. So what's your idea? We get the listeners to flood, flood Peloton with cards and letters saying, please add a feature where you can pause it if you're going out of town. Yeah, that's true, because that would be really frustrating. You can't travel with that fucking thing.

You know what I mean? No, I mean, I understand being upset that your streak was messed up because I have this Apple watch now that I had a Fitbit as I famously told everyone about and I was really into it for two seconds. But then I got an Apple watch for Christmas and it's way better. I got an Apple watch for Christmas. Yeah. And I love it.

And when I forget to wear it, when I go on a walk, I am pissed. Yes. Because I'm like, I didn't take any steps. Absolutely. I'm like, you still took the steps. I want the average to be accurate. Now, here's a good feature of that watch, because I got one for Christmas one year,

is that if you start exercising and you forget to register the exercise, if you're like 10 minutes in, it'll say, hey, are you doing this exercise? Can I ask, are you murdering someone or are you? Well, first it asks if you're murdering someone, you say no, and then they say, are you exercising? And you say, yes. And then it records the exercise

from the moment it assumes that you started, like 10 minutes ago, which is good. Because when you don't get credit for your exercise, it fucking sucks. I really hate that. And I like when my rings close, quote unquote. Yeah. So you get those fireworks. All right. It's like, you did it, Lauren. Actually, I make it call me King Lauren. Mine calls me Lord Tompkins.

Wow. Yes. Of course, you put a rank higher than me But yeah when you The the most shameful thing is when you you don't exercise or really move much in a day and you close the stand goal It's like you stood up ten times today congrats. Yeah, it's a little rude They're just trying to give you something I'll take it. I wish the Apple Watch is connected to the Peloton, but they don't know it's connected to the knee bone So if you were on the Peloton you have to say Apple Watch start my workout

And then you have to go Peloton start my workout. It's like everyone's involved They don't coordinate with each other like other smartwatches do. Unfortunately, it's the differences. Then it's like you have two dates at the same time, like on a sitcom. Like on Three's Company? Yes. For sure.

Have you ever had two dates at the same time, Paul? No. What? I was like, I'd never have one date at a time. One date every couple of years. Well, I wasn't that bad. That's not true. There were a few years where I wasn't that bad.

There were two years that I had where. The lean years. 23 to 25. The lean years. 2023 to 25? I'm assuming that. My frame of reference for the sitcom cliche of two dates at the same time and having to rush back and Forth is the Brady Bunch. That's what I think of Who was it? It was Peter or and it was a Halloween thing where he had to dress

He had two different costumes that he had to get in and out of What do you think when you think that do you have a sitcom that you think of? I think of Therese Company. I guess I just think of like everything ever. There must have been a Save By The Bell. Whoa! My brain sees everything at once.

Save By The Bell, hmm. Yeah, definitely feels like something that would be covered on one of those shows, but I can't think of it right now. What a sloppy ass show that was. Say by the bell? Yeah. But he could stop time sometimes. Sometimes he couldn't. Like, if you could stop time, there's so many times he could have used that ability.

If I could turn back time. Everyone despised Screech, yet he was invited to everything they did. That happens. Yeah. That was the writers' nature. Everyone has a friend that you absolutely cannot stand. You're like, well, of course we're going to invite him to this party. Well, you feel guilty. I mean, we always see him, so we're always all seen together. We have to invite him.

Do not speak ill of the dead, Paul. Yeah, he died. Oh no, Dustin Diamond, shine on. Shine on you, Dead Diamond. You crazy diamond part one through five. Oh no. I know, a troubled fellow. Troubled fellow and perhaps getting our kids

into show business is not the right thing to do. Well, you know, there's enough- Unless you get them directly into porn. There's enough cases of it working out and there's enough cases of it going poorly that it's just like anything in life, you just don't know. Exactly, and maybe if you're good parents, your kids will be normal and be able to act.

And maybe if you're a piece of shit and you're just exploiting your child, you should go to hell. Yeah. I look at like Haley Joel, who seems like he has, he has a nice head on his shoulders. His parents seems to teach him well and his sister. And they seem fine.

Absolutely. But that seems sometimes to be the exception. I don't know. Lauren, are you going to- No, I, first of all, I'm putting Holly into TV and film as soon as I start to do that. Is she covered by UTA? I'm submitting her on casting notices

all every two seconds. I hope she joins UTSM. Oh my God, I don't plan to put her into that, but when I think about that though, the risk of that, I honestly think it seems like there's more cases where it's okay actually. So we kind of hear about the ones where it's crazy and you focus on them,

like people where it's kind of gone downhill, but it seems like there's a lot of people who feel that. I think it's when you're on something successful, that's when it's bad. It's dangerous, yeah. Because then the come down in your 20s is really steep. So you should always be like reading scripts and going like, no, this is too good and throwing

them away. Yeah. Well, like Mary Kate and Ashley, they like just pivoted to be successful business women. Yeah. They're just two weird trolls who smoke all the time. That's me. I don't think they're trolls, but they do smoke a lot. Yeah, they do smoke a lot. But I mean, you know, they're busy New Yorkers

They got to a certain point where I was like, okay now we don't have to do that anymore and we can just do this That's what I'm hoping for with this show That you you don't have to do that anymore and you can do this. What is that break down to? One day man. I'm not gonna be here when we come back from a break. Oh, dude, I'm halfway out the fucking door, dude. The second I get that chance. I wish I wasn't trapped in this podcast. We made that deal with the witch.

Why did I sign a 30 year contract? Do you remember that? It was an SNL opening. Is that from The Simpsons? Oh yeah, wait, was it Phil Hartman? No, it was Tim Meadows. He was on it for such a long time. And it was like somebody came back, somebody who was in the cast came back to host and

like, Tim, you're still here. And he's like, yeah, I love it. And then they move off of the group moves moves off and they say on Tim he starts singing this song why did I sign a 30-year contract that's too long oh he's so funny he's very funny another great dude god I never get never see him anymore I know we reached out to him to do wild horses I wonder if I'll say yes I hope he will he's great he's usually a pretty game for yes. I hope he will. He's great. He's usually pretty game for stuff.

He's, and he's, man, he's just the best. I'm such a huge fan of his. Mary recently did a show with him at Largo. So that's how we met him. There you go. There you go. It's really funny in those Will Ferrell and Molly Shannon, like New Year's Day parade event.

Yes. That's such a great gig. It's such a great gig. I went to it the first year they did it. Because we got to we got like really good seats because they were broadcasting right from the start of the parade. So basically Funny or Die was like, hey, if you want to go, this is like the best version of going to the to the tournament of roses parade you'll ever have because we're going to give you free parking. No one's allowed to park anywhere near there, but you can park near there. And you're right there at the start of the thing. And we were literally below Will and Molly as they were doing it. They were facing the

other way from the parade. That's fine. Can you hear them? It was so we could hear them. So it was like Will shouting every once in a while. But but it also is just really fun to watch the parade like as it start, like everyone as it started. And then when the parade starts, like all of the big pageantry with like

singers and stuff like that, they're doing it right where you are. That's a Rose Bowl parade in Pasadena. The Tournament of Roses, the Rose Parade. Or yeah. The Battle of the Roses.

War of the Roses. War of the Roses. I drove over there like the day after something this year. Oh, you missed it. Yeah, I know. And I was just screaming, where's the fun? Do you know what? I don't know that I've ever. Sorry, go ahead, Lauren. No, I was just going to say that I didn't realize how big of a production

it was in the town, like that they had all those bleachers set up, like running down the main streets and then all these like fences put up across people's yards so that people wouldn't walk on them or sit on them. It's crazy because you buy tickets for even just like to be able to put like a lawn chair in a certain section even, you know? And they have to really enforce it.

So like I kept like going towards the beginning of the parade. And as you get closer and closer, people are like, ah, you know. And I'm Sean, the chair police. In Evanston, for the 4th of July parade, people put their chairs out on Central Street. Yeah, so we were talking about this. Weeks advance days. And then my high school boyfriend put the chairs out

like months in advance. It was like a joke. And then it got in the newspaper. It's funny. Yeah, it was good. boyfriend put the chairs out like months in advance as like a joke and then it got in the newspaper. Funny. Yeah, it's good. I have never seen the beginning of a parade. Oh, well, I definitely have for the Fourth of July parade. It's a huge, I love seeing that. I love a parade. I really do. I love watching a parade on TV. Mike thinks it's the most boring thing ever. So I have to just do it by myself. But I love.

I really want to get big enough to, and I won't, but to- Be a giant float? Yeah. To play Norbit? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha of the Hollywood Christmas parade. What's that? It's the one out on Hollywood Boulevard. I mean, I could put it together, I guess. I've never heard of it. They don't televise it, I assume. No, they do, they do. Yeah, yeah.

I've never seen this. I lived up from Hollywood Boulevard, and that thing used to be the bane of my existence. Because I would forget when it was happening. Right, that and the marathon, where the two things would fuck your life up. Yes, yes, yes. But I watch it, and it's like the worst celebrities.

And you just really wait because, you know, back in the 50s or whenever it started, it would be people like Bob Hope and stuff like that. So it's like- Tab Hunter. You just want like good celebrities to be in it. But then- That's all you want? So I was watching it this year, but I think there's some sort of weird right-wing cabal

who is involved in it because everyone doing the parade and hosting it and everything is like Eric Estrada, Dean Cain, like all of these weird- Jordan B. Peterson. Yeah, it's all these weird super right-wing people. Steve Bannon. That's interesting. I think it might be like a religious parade right-wing people. Steve Bannon. That's interesting. I think it might be like a religious parade or something like that. Q was there.

Which makes sense why there aren't like good celebrities. It's probably put on in conjunction with some, you know, church or something like that. Might be the Salvation Army. Do they have something to do with it? Oh, maybe. They suck. But then they also have these weird magicians doing close-up magic like during the breaks. They didn't have normal ones?

They had weird ones. Close up magic at a parade? Yeah. This seems like really not great. That's not okay, man. There's a guy on a float. He's like, I'm on a float doing close up magic. See, quarter.

And everyone's like, you're just holding it. What coin is that? A bunch of magicians, like as many magicians as would be in a marching band, marching doing magic tricks altogether. Oh, they're all doing the same trick? I would love to see that actually. That would be great. Do you think people are going to the Magic Castle right now with like masks on and being like watching close-up magic with a mask on?

Yeah, well we're actually, I'm going there very soon. You are? Yes, I received an invitation from a member of the Magic Academy. I haven't been in forever, yeah. Yeah, I haven't been in like four years, five years. You gotta wear masks unless you're eating or drinking. One thing that I always thought was kind of odd about that place is that they required women to wear a skirt. Yes. I think that's really weird. They require men to wear jackets. And skirts.

Yeah, but like, if you are someone who doesn't want to wear a skirt, it's like a really weird thing to have to do. Well, they have modified that. Oh, okay. So as of like, six years ago, you had to to make it yeah, we're gonna wear like a formal suit Yeah, okay. Well, that's good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't I didn't like that. I Don't blame you didn't do anything about it. I wear a fucking skirt and I shut up You took it

But now you wear a skirt sometimes right? No, I don't mind wearing a dress But I but I mean not all my friends like to yeah, I had friends who didn't want a skirt sometimes, right? No, I don't mind wearing a dress, but I, but not all my friends like to. Yeah, I had friends who didn't want to do that. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it was just like, it used to be a deal breaker. And now it's it's a little easier to deal maker. Yeah, it's a fresh maker. Do do do do do do do.

All right. We have to take a break. Promise me you're gonna be here guys Good catch Lauren. No, I don't need to take that Bye for now If you're editing this please cut before it pulses back to you. Struggling to make healthier choices or stick with your goals? You're not alone. We all know it's tough to create lasting changes in our lives, especially when it comes to eating and exercise habits. That's where Noom comes in.

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Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. See Mint Mobile for details. We're back. I know I am. I just got it. I got an email. This is the subject line. I get emails all the time. Oh, sorry. What? What is it? You deserve this?

You deserve this, Scott. Oh, are you gonna get punished? Or you think it's gonna be like a treat? It's just someone trying to sell me something. You deserve this. Sometimes the... oh my God, I had the craziest one actually the other day. This actually takes the cake.

Is it from cake takers? No, but a couple years ago, I bought a fucking squatty potty from this company called ****, okay? And I just noticed, I guess I'm on the email list, I never really noticed this. Here's one that I got the other day. The subject line is love to and then poo emoji question mark. So love to shit. Love it. Absolutely love it. And then I opened it up because I was like, what the hell are you talking about? Then I scroll down the email.

I definitely need to know more. Then I scroll down the email. I definitely need to know more. And there's a variety of topics they want to talk about in this email. And then it ends with a tweet by their social media. And it says this, deleting a whole text paragraph and spraying your whole instead. That's growth. I was like, what the fuck? What?

Isn't that a disgusting tweet from a company? I don't want them talking about my whole. I know. I was like, who is this? I get what it's for. I was like, who is the tweet for? This is so crazy. They love, we got one of those.

They make bidets. I was like, jeez. They love to spell it out. Like it's called Tushy first of all. There's a setting on it that says B****. Like yeah, I know what it is I think we should bleep out the name of the company every time we say it. Yes. I agree. I Don't want you free. Do you think it should be called something more generic like, you know

Shit hole pushers Not even about shit or anything. I would call it. Oh just like the spray. I would call it this bidet Not even about shit or anything. I would call it. Oh just like the spray. I would call it this bidet bidet bidet I just have to say one more thing I open that email and I was I was personally offended and I say things that are worse than that every single day But I couldn't believe that they would send that to everyone on their list. Yeah Who knows who's getting that? What if there's a Duke or a president?

alright, I Who knows who's getting that? What if there's a Duke or a president? All right. I've talked about this on Twitter, but I once bought a plaid cap from this tartan shop online and they have emailed me, I'm going to say every other day for five years. This is what's so crazy. I just started going through some of those and unsubscribing because I feel like I put up in spam, it still doesn't work, whatever. And I still want to unsubscribe, I want to be off the list but I will look at that and go the options would be like email me every day email me once a week email once a month are you sure you want to go and it's like I don't need to hear from you every fucking day Recently with my dentist where because I've left a dentist because of this

The the dentist I went to before this dentist But his emails. was, was, would, when, when they were trying to confirm an appointment, would call me, text me, send me a postcard and send me an email. Even after I had confirmed through one of them. They would, and so this dentist

And you have, and with the implication that you had to answer each one? Yes. Yes. And they would follow up if you didn't answer each one and be like, why have you not, you know? And so I just left this dentist, but it started getting that way. And people canceling appointments for dentists must be a huge problem with the amount of emails and messages they send.

Well, also because you make the appointment six months ago. Yeah. And they always go, are you available Tuesday the 14th? I don't fucking know, it's in six months. But I've started getting there with this dentist where I'm like, I love you, but I don't need to hear from you literally every two days. Every two days now.

Yeah. The old dentist, it was just when my appointment was approaching. Now it's every two days, they're like, hey, great new deal on this or like for those of you who don't have a cleaning scheduled, we have one opened up today. You know literally every two days. That's not me dude. I don't like that. That's not my relationship with my dentist. No my eye doctor was telling me I needed a come in for a checkup. Fucking glasses? Yeah. They said it was time for my Mr. Magoo.

And they looked at me fucking. Time to not be a Mr. Magoo, dear. They texted me and I was like, okay, I'll get to that at some point. Then I get like multiple emails, multiple texts, a phone call, all this stuff. It's getting so intense. You have to come in, you have to come in. I'm like, it's up to me whether I take care of myself. you need to let me go I don't want to live and then I went online I finally made an appointment and you're allowed it like says all these dates are available but then like it says

none of them are we actually click on them and then I just put in my like top choices of dates which was three random days and I put them all after two o'clock and then they're like your appointment was set for a date you didn't pick two weeks later at 8 a.m. I was like so what you don't even need my input just give me an appointment just tell me what my boyfriend who's just not listening to you yeah it does feel like that it's very abusive it's three true time guys I'm sorry I do want to talk more about this I fell for the scam of- I wanna talk more about this. By the way, I fell- I honestly could talk about it for hours. I fell for the scam of when you go into your eye doctor

and I bought glasses in the place on the way. Oh, that's a big scam. How much were they? $1,400? They were somewhere in the hundreds and hundreds of dollars and they're like, oh, your insurance will pay for it. And then I needed new glasses after I broke my glasses and wanted some new ones.

And they're like, oh, well, you don't have enough insurance money to pay for it. Yeah, because you made me buy fucking sunglasses on my way out. It's never enough. I just had to get new glasses and I was getting, I brought the frames. I've just refilling my old frames

and it was still so much money. And it's like, hey, if you want to see, it's going to cost you. I know it's so expensive. It's fucking insane. Seeing should be a right. They always like try to get me to buy my contacts there and that's so much more expensive.

And then I go, okay, I'm gonna get them on 1-800-contacts or something. And then when they do, when you do that, they're like, okay, it's still a billion dollars, but then you get $200 back if you send them this rebate, which you never fucking remember I swear I have gotten the rebate thing and I never do it and then I still end up spending the same amount of money So it's all a mess. For people who remember how to do rebates and stuff like that. I really respect you. Yeah

That's Janie. Janie's great at that stuff. I think my skill comes in when I go like I don't want to pay a monthly subscription Automatically with my credit card or something. So I'll put an alert on my calendar. Yes, yes, yes, yes. It's great. That's the best. It's great. But then I love those subscriptions.

I love to subscribe to things. I love subscribing, but I hate to pay. I went through a bunch the other day and I was like, Coolop, do you really need this? It was like Instagram repost for $10 a month or something. I know, no, the repost app I use used to be free. And then they just made it $30 a year. And then I was like, you know what? I do use it a lot, but this is some bullshit. This is some bullshit.

This is some old bullshit. Well, everybody, it's time for a three-ture. Here's some new bullshit. This is, yeah, hey, another old bullshit? Get on with the new. All right. It's time for a three-chir. Here's some new bullshit. This is, yeah, hey, another old bullshit? Get on with the new. All right. It's time for new business. This is a three-chir submitted by Faith Nicole.

So close to Faith No More. Do you think it's the best Faith No More using a bad name? So close. And really, really close to Faith Hill. Faith Hill. Yeah, they might be. Faith Hill's the actress from 1883. Do you think Faith Hill has like a, they call me boom, they call me boom, they call me.

Yes, when a famous person gets their assistant to put together a montage of all their different roles. I just like the ones that ended up being like, they call me entrepreneur, they call me mom. It's like, you're not understanding the assignment, sweetie, to quote everything. I haven't seen those, that's fucking amazing. There are so many that are just like, You're not understanding the assignment, sweetie, to quote everything. I haven't seen those.

That's fucking amazing. There are so many that are just like, you're just, and I also think you can't really do it if they're all names we've never heard of. You can't just be like, Joyce, Marissa. I'm like, we don't know these characters. These are not kind of characters. I want it. I loved it when Drew Barrymore did it.

I loved it when all the A list, when I really knew what they were talking about. Kyle McLaughlin. Then it trickled down. Got out of control. You know, I don't know what to say. It's just crazy. You see the one that Tony Danza did? It was just Tony over and over again.

No, it wasn't. He couldn't do one because he's been named Tony so many times. You don't know what we're talking about. Scott, please be more online. It's great and healthy. How could you not? Please be more on. How could you not know? Faith Nicole! Okay, I guess you only follow who you follow. Fall into pieces. Faith has submitted this game. It's called Movie Trailer. You are creating the audio of a movie trailer. One person is the trailer narrator

and the other two are acting and creating the dialogue for the scenes as the trailer plays. So for example, the narrator says, this fall, a family movie to warm your heart, then the other two must make a dialogue from the pretend movie that fits with the narrator has said. That's fine. It's fun. It's exactly the kind of thing we do. Could the dialogue kind of go like here's a little bit of a scene, another little bit of a scene, another little bit of a scene, not just one long scene, because it'd be like a trailer. Yeah, like a trailer. Yeah, okay, great.

Yeah. I love it. Great. Paul, why don't you narrate the first time? Okay, I will. And don't just say this fall, a family movie that warms your heart. Fuck.

Yeah, because I already started writing a scene for that. That's cheap. I've been typing, I've done two drafts at this point. I mean, I saw this earlier today. I just sold it. I wrote the whole thing. All right. In a time long after our own,

on a planet we've never been to. Hey. What's up? What's up? Well, I came here to get your milk money. Oh, well. Did you hear where it says that fits, that fits what the narrator's describing?

I think that people will still be saying, hey, what's up? They'll still be having milk money? It doesn't mean what you think it means. Oh, shit, okay. Let the trailer continue. Let the trailer play out. This is the hook of the trailer. I'm sorry, I paused it.

That's how you get the people who are existing now on this earth to want to watch it. What is that? And play. I'm here to get your milk money. Here you go. You told me you'd be paying more. Beedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedleedlelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelele It's your best friend. Oh my god, I haven't seen you in years. Cobbing! Grrrr!

Hey! I'm here to get your milk money. Oh, here you go. But when a streetwise robot gives her a hard time. Hey there, Jack. Not again, not again! Unfortunately, I'm gonna get you down to the flip flop. I need a little lettuce for my tomato.

Oh, God, you know what? My family can't tolerate this yet again. You've got to stay away from us. I'll kill you if you don't. But are they warnings? I am not alive. But are they enemies or frenemies with benefits? Just this one last time. Proclamation. But are they enemies or frenemies with benefits?

Just this one last time. Proclamation, I enjoy fucking you. They've got to team up to save the planet from certain destruction. Hey, hey, everybody go get that alien. Let's grab him in the net. Declaration, I shall assist you in this matter. Whee! Whee! Exclamation. Let's grab him in the net. Declaration, I shall assist you in this matter. Wee!

Wee! Exclamation. Was that the teaming up? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a little vague for the trailer. Sure, you don't want to get the whole thing away.

Well, also we're doing a lot of action, you know, that you can't see in the audio. Oh yeah, I was writing him. Yeah. Yeah. And maybe, yeah. Oh, yeah, I was writing him. Yeah. Yeah, and maybe face a fate They've never faced before Well, we actually reached the end of the world. What are we gonna do?

Perhaps if we take one more step, we will plunge into another universe Another universe Exploding now it goes into that thing where it's like one big word comes on the screen this summer action. Oh We but will Never not again have Been Flotted any Not again! Have. No! Been. Plotted! Any. No!

More. Period! Action-y. No! Then. Oh god, I'm so tired. You. I'm dead.

I'm dead too. Have. Oh, I'm alive. I'm dead too. Have. Oh, I'm alive, sorry. Ever. Mom. Even. I'm your mom? Thought.

No, she's behind you. She's right behind me, isn't she? Do. Yes, that's what I'm saying. Think. Wrap it up. Turning around. About. Oh my god, I gotta what I'm saying. Think. Wrap it up. Turning around. About.

Oh my God, I gotta pee. Imagining. This trailer's almost over, I swear. Ever. Oh, and I forgot to tell you, we're all in a gang. Artie Fentango. Hey, how's it going everybody? Michelle Bebeborg.

I wouldn't think I would be playing an alien, but this time I am. Terror has an old name. Buh. What? What? What? Give me that milk money.

Geronimatron 2000 in theaters this summer. That was fantastic. It was fantastic. Wow. I think we have time for one more. Sure. Can I narrate? Sure.

Can I finish? Can I narrate? Can I narrate? Skinny as a needle. Sorry. Skinny as an eagle. Sorry. Skinny as a needle. When the summer hits New York, love is in the air. I know you're so sad.

Will you let me talk for a second? Sure. Hey, that's why we went down here to the park. I can't believe I'm alone again and it's almost pumpkin time. Hey, you know, when those leaves start falling down off the trees, you know you gotta hook up with someone. I know, but how? Two guys meet on the street not knowing what lies in store. Anyway, so I was telling her, hey, watch out for that bus! Whoa!

Accidents can't be controlled, but they might make your life exactly what you want it to be. How long have I been in the hospital? 54 years. What? We're old men, buddy. No, let me see that mirror. They had the love of their life while they were in a coma the entire time. You've been in a relationship this entire time

with a nurse. What, don't keep me in suspense, how did it go? She loves you, buddy. You got married. But everything took a turn for the worse when that poor woman he loved so much got into the hospital herself. Oh no.

Anyway, so I told her hey look out for that bus 54 years later she woke up. How long have I been in the hospital? You're not gonna believe this but 54 years. Yeah, the narrator said I had a feeling and Her husband still wants to taste Wait you were just born when we started Why was I talking to a baby about love dream pumpkin season Love still finds a way, no matter how old its participants may be.

I now pronounce you head in a jar and head in a box. This summer, the ultimate rom-com. I love you. Yeah, what? Hey, I'm sorry for interrupting. That's all right, I was just saying I love you. But you two heads have to, we need to separate you. What? But we're in love and married!

I know, but we only have one chair. It's coming soon to a theater near you. Love in a jar. You could just put me on the floor, I don't mind. You don't have to put me on a chair. We don't want to ruin the floor. Bow wow wow wow wow. Is my jar leaking? Unfortunately, yes. You're going to want to ruin the floor. Is my jar leaking? Unfortunately, yes, you're going to be dead within the hour. Starring Marissa Tomei. I legitimately won an Oscar. Oh, hi.

And Paula Tompkins. In my first film role. It's love in a jar. Hey, that door's a jar. I'm sorry. You racist. Nothing personal. Get him.

Oh we did it. Thank you Faith and Nicole for that fun game. We will do that one again for sure. Before we go, I do want to shout out a couple of our fans that Josh alerted us to. We asked recently on a recent episode, we want to know who our oldest fan was. We heard from one person, HD Model, M-O-T-OTYL, who is 66, 67 on March 10th. Happy birthday if this is coming out around then. It's not. And they wrote to say that they are our oldest listener and sent a picture of a very adorable dog named Ned, who is sleepy. But then we got another email. I'm sorry to say HD, but Kari Matsumoto wrote to us.

Hi, Freedom, I've never written fan mail, but I couldn't help it. On one of your recent podcasts, you were wondering how old your oldest listener is, so I had to write, I'm not that old, just 70, but I'm a cool 70. Nice. There you go.

So Kelly is our oldest listener thus far. If you see- 70. If you can be 70, yeah. And you can prove it. And you have to prove it. We know these people aren't liars because of the way they typed.

But if you- We do not accept photo IDs as proof. No, we do not. We need to see like old photographs that have not been photoshopped of like you with Hitler or you know, just like you holding a newspaper that's really old. Yes, you jumping out of the Hindenburg. But if you got 70 beat, we'd love to hear from you. threedomusa at gmail.com. We're threedomusa on Instagram and Twitter. And we love hearing from you, thank you.

And I think we're gonna get that phone number set up soon. Because why the hell not? Why not? Why not? We'll figure out what you can call us about. Yeah, don't just call us about random stuff. Please don't do it. Hear your ideas.

Yes, there has to be some sort of theme. You can't just call to cry about your breakup. No. That's a good theme though. You know what? Actually call us to cry about your breakup. I like that. And you'll win a date with one of us.

Tad Hamilton. That's right. The secret member of freedom. Well, everybody, we thank you and we love you and we look forward to you listening to us next week. Yeah. Give us some reviews. If you want to hear ad free,

if you want to give us ad free, it's at Stitcher Premium and also cbbworld.com. There you go. It's a good deal Premium and also CBBworld.com. There you go. It's a good deal. You can't go wrong. All righty. Peace out.

Peace out. As we say every episode, peace out. Pizzucchi out. Oh, I want a pizzucchi right now. Who doesn't, girlfriend? Hi, everyone. Gloria Riviera here, and we are back for another season of No One Is Coming to Save Us, a podcast about America's childcare crisis.

This season, we're delving deep into five critical issues facing our country through the lens of childcare, poverty, mental health, housing, climate change, and the public school system. By exploring these connections, we aim to highlight that childcare is not an isolated issue, but one that influences all facets of American life. Season four of No One Is Coming to Save Us is out now wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm June Diane Raphael.

And I'm Jessica St. Clair. And we would like to invite you on a hilarious and heartfelt journey each week on the Deep Dive. From navigating the chaos of motherhood and family to exploring the depths of grief and loss, we are just two best friends who process life together and with you guys. Discover our secrets to finding joy amidst the madness and get ready for unfiltered conversations about life, love, and everything in between. And nails, we talk a lot about nails.

Now, community is everything to us at the Deep Dive. We believe in the power of connection and the strength that comes from supporting one another, and we would love to have you with us. So be sure to join us every Wednesday on the deep dive from Lemonada Media, wherever you get your podcasts.