Threedom - Threevisiting: He's Not a Legal Creep!

Episode Date: October 13, 2026

Threevisiting on the Tues: Paul, Scott, and Lauren discuss game show formats, auditions, and online shopping reviews before playing No More Jockeys.  Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/shop Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lemonada. Hey guys, we're Elizabeth Chambers and Marissa Homer. You may know us from television, business, and other things. We're talking about the stuff that really matters. Every week we're celebrating women and getting real about divorce, dating, motherhood, sex, friendship, and everything in between. It's honest, hilarious, unfiltered, and proof that this chapter of life is the best one yet. So if you're ready to laugh, feel seen, and join the conversation, come hang out with us. This is The Dash.

Listen and subscribe to the dash Wherever you get your podcast. Hi, I'm Zasha Mamet. You might know me from the show Girls. I've been a horse girl since I was six. Not a phase, definitely not ironic. I will talk about horses until the people around me start to worry. So I made a show about that feeling.

It's called OMG Obsessed, and every week I sit down with one of my favorite people and ask, what's your horse? What's the thing you cannot shut up about? So come be an obsessive with me. OMG Obsessed is out now. Follow wherever you get your podcasts. Do you a secret?

Yeah, what's your secret? I wasn't saying words. What were you saying? I was just making noises. We are real. What if people got confused? They don't know what show they're listening to. They think they're listening to Zabadoo Zazoo.

I didn't think about that. Now I feel bad. Yeah. Do you want to apologize to everyone, including us? Do you want to give me 20 bucks? No, I feel bad, but I'm not. Going to a ball time. Do you want to give me 20 bucks?

I do. Great. Here you go. That would be tight. That would be tight. It would be tight to receive $20 for you. On your Instagram, do you receive in your algorithm a lot of cleaning tips? What?

No. Oh, I get tons of cleaning tips. Because you look for a cleaning tip one time? No, probably because I look at them every time I see them. But I, I think, like, you like this, you like this. You like this. You like this. You like this.

There's this one guy who makes these videos that are so intense and who would be like, he like moves really fast like towards a camera and he's like he's like got spots in your mirror and then he'll like grab a lime he's like cut a lime and half and he's like cut a lime and half wipe out of the mirror put a shaving cream and it's gone what like he'll do like 40 in a row and they're all like equally kooky no it's like send these to my housekeeper I don't want to see no there are so many I want to try and I save so many of them and then I never ever ever look at it again yeah what does that have that mirror one what if I There's something going on, obviously.

Because I look like shit. Okay, that's not cool. I don't like when people have that weird energy. I don't like it. It's so cracked out. Like us on this show. Oh, no. Hey, by the way, this is...

Talk about mirrors. This is The freedom. I'm called. I'm Lauren. When was the last time you cleaned your own toilet? Every time you use it. Oh! Because I'd be going to be in there.

There is no way. Hey, hey, kiss him goodbye. I'm ashamed to say I was saying that at my graduation. There is no way you will catch me taking a poo in this bathroom, which is right next to your head. What, you're going to go in the other one? I would if I had to. Reality recap. Yeah.

Last time on vendor pump rules. This is months ago, but I have something I want to bring up about it too. Go ahead. You know what? I don't think we need the qualifier. I don't think we need the qualifiers. I'm just saying we're so far ahead. Look, guys, we have to do it this way.

This way it has to be. I know. Everyone needs to get over it. No one said anything. Yeah. Why don't you wait? Why don't you wait to watch or listen to anything else? So then you'll be caught up with us.

Just listen to these episodes. We'll tell you what you need to watch in order to. Yes. And wait to watch anything. And then we'll say like, hey, we just watched, you know, an episode of Vanderpump that came out months ago. In the episodes, in the episodes. In the episode description, we will say, you should have listened to this six months ago.

Yes. And by the way, we are banking episodes because of my maternity leave. Yes. So there's a really good reason to shut up. That's an okay reason. But there's a scene where the friend group is at some bar in, you know, Hollywood or West Hollywood or whatever the fuck. And Hollywood or Hollywood. Gollywood, Shollywood.

Everyone with their open mirror drew. Adrenochroma wood. And at one point, Tom Scandival, turns to his buddy the worm, Tom Schwartz, and says, I like to take a shit. I know. I didn't like that. I didn't like that. No, it wasn't that. It was people were all like, hey, where were you?

We thought you left. And he leans over and he goes, I actually had to take a shit. No, he announces it beforehand. Oh, okay. I missed that part. So he says it twice in an episode. He's at where? At a bar.

Like the idea. No, that is really gross. The very idea of shitting at a bar. It's, I think it probably happens every second. But I think that he should not have to announce that. No. He shouldn't have to announce that.

I thought you would just say I was using the restroom. He also shouldn't have to tell people afterwards. I know. This is exactly what I was doing. Yeah. I don't think people. Well, he might need to because everyone's like, what's your alibi this time?

Well, now are you having sex with behind everyone's back? I was pooping into the toilet. Maybe it does come up later. where he was fucking someone. And that's his alibi? And that's his alibi. Great alibi. And that's why they included it.

That should be everyone's alibi for everything. If you end up in court. Your honor, I was taking a shit. No, I wasn't there. I was indisposed. It's what I always think of when the thing pulled over for speeding. It's like, I'm having diarrhea.

I'm having diarrhea. Don't let you up for. I'm having active diarrhea. I remember I dated. I'm driving to a pool. You don't arrest me for that. I dated a woman who said like, oh yeah, I just cry for the cops anytime I'm pulled over.

I used to cry. And I mean, this was, I was, I'm in high school or something, but it was because I was actually scared. I was like, oh, it's just a terrible. I had to stop sign. Calm down this. Here's a trading card. No, she was always just like, I didn't, I thought you were following me and I didn't know what was happening. You're like, it's okay.

Just be more careful. I thought you stole a police car and you were a murderer. You were a blues brother. So I, here's the part I wanted to highlight from that. And this is not a Bravo recalding. cat podcast necessarily, but it could be for five minutes. But the part that I thought was really funny was like when he took a piss was when San Deval was like, uh, I did, his voice is so annoying, but it was like, oh man, I just

everyone's treating me like I'm Scott Peterson or something. And then, oh, I saw that quote. Short says, they're not treating like, wait, didn't Scott Peterson like murder his wife? And Sannevall goes, allegedly. Yeah. I don't think you have to cover those bases. he went to jail. You don't have to protect this guy either.

And also, like, you said it's upsetting to be compared to him. And then you're saying, but he was falsely accused. It made me laugh so hard. And then Kulap, who is too good for Vanderpump Rules, is working in her office all the way down the hall. She laughs simultaneously with me. I'm like, you're watching it. Yeah. Kulap's pretending to be working.

And she's just like listening. Yeah. She's like, what is the up to? No, that little scandible. It made me laugh. Does she not watch any of that stuff? She occasionally, she actually did really start liking Bachelor in Paradise. But then I was like, oh, is she going to watch every year?

Then the next season she didn't, wasn't interested. What's the difference between The Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise? I mean, obviously it is a bad difference. It's Fuck Island. All past members like come together on the beach and they form a relationship. The problem with the problem with the best. bachelor is the ratio. If you're in a couple, you can stay on longer. The ratio, you say? The golden ratio is perfect. No, on the Bachelor or the Bachelorette. There's a Fibonacci

sequence. It's 30 to one, right? So the only amount of hookups you can have is one. On Bachelor and Paradise, oh, on Bachelor. On Bachelor and Paradise, there's like 15 and 15, 15 men, 15 women. And so they all fuck each other. Well, because there's actually a million stories going on. There's an opportunity for chemistry because honestly how many of the women competing for the bachelor's heart are actually interested in him you just get you just get like munchausen or whatever yeah you get not home syndrome it is weird munchausen wrong it is weird i never really sat and thought about it before but the idea that you when you're a contestant on the bachelor or the bachelorette that you're saying i'm going to go on the show to meet someone one guy i don't know who that

No, they usually know about it. They usually know who it is now. Oh, because they use a person from the previous season. Yeah, yeah. I hate that. And they always announce it

and they're like, well, I was so excited when I found. I think some people are in the casting process before then and then they find out who it is and they can back out or not. But I don't think anyone backs out. Well, this point you want to be on the show.

Yeah. What about that year Scott Peterson was The Bachelor? That's true. Allegedly. So dark. So dark. So dark. So dark.

So. Gary, don't like it. Yeah, this ride, you gotta be this high to get on. Even love is blind. There's... Even love is blind. Sometimes when they end up together at the end, you'll get one or two that actually get married or something.

I just go, I don't think so. I don't think so. It's so rushed and they have so many problems in such a short window always. But the thing about love is blind is they're using like Texas 8s. you know which god Jesus Christ

where's the bachelor and bachelorette these are L.A. 10s well L.A. 8th Texas 3 what? No um uh

uh wait what's thinking of it oh the first was it the bachelor or the bachelorette at first the bachelor was first because that was

men come first men come first Men come first But that was the big It was like such a crazy idea for a show That was Trista and Ryan Yeah

That was the second one No, that was the first one I don't believe so She was the first bachelorette What's the first one? The first one was this weirdo Who I've talked about many times Saying they might be giant song

When they got into the horse And carriage in Central Park Yeah but what was his deal? What was his deal? Just Google First Bachelor Okay ever Adam Ever

Ever Was he the Adam Firestone or thing? Alex Michel. He has kept a low profile. A low pro. He's kept a low, a GoPro. Since starring as the first bachelor in 2002 after giving his final rose to Amanda Marsh in the finale and opting not to propose. The pair went their separate ways in 2003 after 10 months of dating.

He currently resides in Washington, D.C., and works as a media industry executive. Ew. Amanda, who is engaged to her longtime love Chris, told us exclusively in July 2020 that Alex is married with kids. Wait. Can you imagine? Who said this? The woman that he got together with on the show. So they're still in touch. I guess they're still in touch.

Yeah. He's giving a little profile, but he's like, I should let her know that I'm married with kids. I got to let her know. Yeah. Hey, please tell people I'm a media consultant or whatever the fuck. And tell us exclusively in July of 2020 that I'm married with kids, please. Everyone's interested in the first bachelor, Alex Michel. There was the one, though, who was like the heir to the tire company Firestone.

Oh, right. And he was kind of, I think Andrew, something. Firestone? Alex. Andrew Fairstone. Yeah. Instead of arms and legs, he had tires. I wasn't sure about his name.

Yeah, he rolled around like a transformer. And he was so charismatic. that. He was more than meat say. Because you write him off, you go, well, he's got arms and legs that are tires. Yeah. And it's like, oh, is it because that's his family's thing? And then you get to know him and you're just like, there's more than meets the guy.

That was a choice. Yeah. Yeah. His penis is also a tire. Yeah. And you can't see that because of pants. And that'll run you over, girl. Because he's got tire pants.

With a very worn tread, if you know. I know. He's seen quite a few. He's lost quite a few layers of that tire on the freeway. Of love in a pink adlet. Exactly. Is the Pink Cadillac from Freeway of Love? Pink Cadillac?

But there's also a song called Pink Cadillac. Yes. Are they the same car? Yeah. Because they have the same. Later in the lyrics, they talk about the VIN number and it matches. Is there anything more paralyzing than when you were called upon to provide the VIN number? Oh, my God.

It's too stressful. Where did I put that? Where did I put that? It's too stressful. It's on the car. Well, it's on the car, but then you have to go climb up on top of the car, get your face to the way. window.

You have to scrape you you have to scrape the because it's hidden under there. That's what throw them on the glasses about. It's about monocles. Yeah. Throw them on the glass.

How often do you get your car washed? Put them on. Put them on. You don't have to throw them. It's more polite to throw them. How often do you get your car washed? Maybe once every six weeks or so. That's a lot.

I used to. I never do it. I used to watch my car every month. Like when I'm cleaning your toilet. I used to as well. And I loved it. And then the drought happened. And then I never.

got back into the habit of doing it. Years and years ago I used to do that, but I now do not ever do it. And then when I do, I usually do like a real detail like situation and just like get it all free, fresh and always feel so good. It's like brushing your teeth really hard before you go to a dentist. I love it. So the blood is just flowing. And they're just completely tricked and they think that I have good hygiene.

They're like, ah, go home. I don't need to do anything here. You got me again. You've frosted all the enamel. Bloody mouth. But I, but I I ask because both of our cars right now are like very dirty. Do you want me to give you some information about it? Go outside and go get a little scrub down. I haven't cleaned the inside of my car in quite a while.

Yeah. Because I don't really, I don't leave stuff in my car. You know what I mean? So you're out there cleaning yourself. Yeah, I walk through the car wash. You get all the soap on you and then you rub all over the car. Yes, yes. Like it's a white snake video.

Exactly. Got it. Exactly. I do love the car wash. I remember getting into this conversation with song before. I feel that if your car is like full of trash, you're full of trash. You feel sad about yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Messy bad, messy head. I know that someone who worked with a very famous actor who they would drive a Porsche to work every day and it was just filled with like Taco Bell rappers. Oh my God. I just feel like just taking it out. Is it Mr. Cruz? Yeah, Terry. No, it's not.

Do you think they get confused for each other all the time? T Cruz? T Cruz? They have to be. Yeah. They get each other's male? Probably. Yeah.

Remember when Tom Cruise and Penelopee Cruz dated? Yeah. I forgot about that. They went after Jesus or less than a name. Yeah, but it's spelled different. No. Do you ever have... Not the way I do it.

Penelope Cruz Cruz Cruz. Cruz, Cruz. They should be in a thruple. Yes. They should be in a thruple. Let me ask you this. Three spellings of Cruz. Have you ever had a bad...

Bad mailman. Someone who routinely misdelivers things. You get somebody else's mail. Sometimes we have a guy who's like the weekend guy. The weekend is delivering your mail? See, it's not his main passion.

After the idol, things went bad. He's like, I don't know. That's one of those TV shows that makes me like the person involved less. Like I used to really enjoy the weekend's music. And now anytime one comes on, I'm like, like, from the idol. But I do think all post office deserve a queer eye makeover.

They're all so depressing. Let's get the Fab Five in there. And these people do such important work, sorting mail and doing all these things. And it's always the funkiest place. And I just think it's horrible. I don't mind that about it, actually. Well, there's something sort of nostalgic about it and sort of like calming. But I think if I had to stand in here every day, wouldn't I like it if they put fresh paint on the wall?

Here's the problem. They do it just. It's government building. You know behind the scenes where you can't see. Yeah. It's like a fucking club. They do it often. They got all their posters up.

They do it often enough that it looks 20 years out of date. Whereas if it looked 50 years out of date, it would be charming. Yeah. But they do it too often. But I like it when they like put up horny decorations for holidays and stuff like that. I don't know. Horny decorations. Horny decorations.

Yeah. He likes like little Santa Dix. Yeah, that's what I said. Ascertain what I said. No, what I said was horny decorations. You're right. Yeah. You and your pocket pussies.

I wouldn't put it. Hey! They were accidental. Accidental pocket pussy. Yeah. BP. I, there's a, in my post office, there is a TV screen that is always showing a little dinosaur and the words no internet connection. Wow.

Every single time I've gone in there. And like, why even have it? I don't know. Here's a what. Nobody's curious about fixing that. And a lot of times the kiosks don't work when you can mail it yourself, the self-service things don't work. Here's a what would you do? I went into a doctor's office.

recently. Again. And in the waiting room, there's always been a TV there. This time it was attuned to Fox News. Attuned. Oh. It made me just go like, what is this guy's deal? There's this TV at the doctor.

I bet James Woods was in there before you. Oh. And requested that they turn it to our channel that enjoys. That's a specific tuning. Like usually when you go into a dentist or whatever, maybe there will be HD TV on or, you know, something frivolous or whatever. But to tune your office waiting room to Fox News is really saying a very specific thing. That is strong.

Yeah. Well, here's why I ask about the mailman. Okay. Because there was a package that was marked. Your pocket pussies. Was marked as delivered and signed for. They often write that shit when that's not true. And it said it happened on this day.

It was a Saturday. And Jane and I were home all. Literally all day. We did not leave the house. And so I go to the post office and I say, can you find this package? The guy says he delivered it. I was home. I was in there.

And then it's like a thing of, I don't want to get this guy in trouble. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's not like, yeah, I want that package. But I also don't want to be a snitch. Yeah, I don't want to cause problems for somebody. Was it from a company or a friend or like? There's like a thing I bought on eBay.

Okay. Yeah. And you really needed it. So eBay is. I mean. eBay is difficult because you can't just complain and get. You got to complain to the seller or whatever. Yeah, I said, hey, the mailman said he delivered this, but he didn't.

What are you going to do about it? I know. But no, Amazon does this where they started this thing where they, you can track where the truck is, right? Yeah. Yeah. And so. So there was something that I legitimately needed that night. And.

But plug. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, Paul finally is laughing. I'm laughing because Lauren cracked herself up so hard. I was so excited. I just had to think as quickly as I counted that. Time was of the essence.

But look. But so then, you know, it's like 7.45. And I'm, and the person is down the street from me. I love what it says like two. Stops away. Two stops away. I don't check that that often. Oh, it's fun.

This is something that I really, like, really need. And I was like, A bubble. Six inch buckler. Six inch. Ouch. That's more than a plug at that point. That's at this point.

That's a party. Going all the way into my esophagus. The year ofesophagus is six inches from weird asshole. That's a problem. So all this food tastes like, shit. So it's like, okay, one stop away. and then it says it was delivered. And I'm like, no, I'm here.

And then you see the truck just gets on to the freeway and is gone. And I'm like, you were right down the street for me. But what happened was I think this guy at 8 p.m. is like, that's all for today. And then writes down, he delivered everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had that happen too. Yeah. And it comes the next day.

But I was like, I don't want to get this guy. I really needed that. I don't want to get this kind of trouble. But he was down the street. street and said he delivered it to me and he didn't. No, on Elizabeth Lame's podcast, they were talking about how her husband went out and got something from the Amazon truck down the street that they needed before they left for a trip.

Right. Yeah. And I was like, how did that? But now that makes sense. They knew the truck was over there. Oh, I take stuff off those trucks all the time. Yeah. Trip or no trip.

Yeah. You just go. Trip or no trip. Got anything for Paul? Trip. This is a good game show. Trip or no trip? Trip.

I'll choose trip. Is it? Is anyone watching Deal or No Deal Island? Let's talk about it after the break. Okay. Okay. What a cliffhanger. Remember when Summer meant freedom?

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Yeah. Well, that's why I'm a fan of Zeni. They have these stylish prescription glasses and sunglasses with customizable lens options, and their frames start at under $30. Lauren, you want to tell them how to do it? You just go to Zeni.com, pick out your frames, enter your prescription, customize your lenses, and they ship them right to your door. And they even have a virtual try-on, which is especially helpful,

because I need to know what a pair is actually going to look like on my face before I commit. Scott, are you wearing some right now? Check these out. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. These bad boys, I mean, they're just simple black frames like I always wear, but these look great. They're easy to wear. They fit on my face, which is, as we all know, not a great face. But, you know, it's the kind only a mother would love. But I found two people, my mother and my wife, to love it. Anyway, you would expect them to cost a few hundred dollars somewhere, but I got them from Zeni for a fraction of that. And I'm like, well, maybe I should get a couple of pairs. I don't know. That scratched a pair has done its job. Not yours, Scott. Upgrade today with Zeni. Go to Zennie.com slash podcast and use code Podcast 15 for 15% off your first order.

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Learn more at Bloomberg.com. And we're back. And Paul posed a very intriguing question before that. They got us all on the edge of our seats. Is anyone watching deal or no deal island? And my answer is no. No. And I put it on.

I put it on. I went, what the fuck is going? And they have all these challenges. And I went. In order to open cases? Deal or no deal? is the simplest show. Yeah.

This is a new show. It's not deal or no deal island. It's money island. Deal or no deal inspired. What if they call it a briefcase island? Yeah. Yeah. Why not?

You bring your own briefcase. What if they call it deal or no island? Deal or no island? What if they call an island or no deal? No, that's good. Now that's good. Dealer no deal inspired the CBB sketch Spin to Win, which was there's a wheel with 100 spaces. Do you think I'm fucking James Lipton?

Yeah. I do. Wait, you do? Yeah. My favorite word is fuck. What a weird question for him to ask? What's your favorite curse? It wasn't even his question. It honestly worked great in the... Marcel Peevo. With like older senior citizens answering it or something. And babies. Yeah, I love him babies, swear. Okay, so what were you going to say? Oh, no, spin to win was very funny. It was a wheel with 100 spaces and one said win. One said, um, one said,

lose and every other one said spin again. Because that's the experience of watching. It is what it is. Deal or no deal is just like, holy shit. This is just a coin flip. And the guy up there in the shadow who's like, yeah. Do you mean the banker? Yeah.

The guy up there in the shadow. All right. I mean to tell us about. He's the banker. Tell us about this island. Oh, well, I haven't watched it. Oh, okay. Great.

No, I wondered not if, like, you guys were watching it if anyone literally was watching it. It just feels like taking some, something and making it complicated. I feel like what we what we like right now, what the people want right now is a simple premise. We're talking about traders. We're talking about love is blind. Traders is kind of complicated, but anyway. It's not really though. They add the challenges which are I think unnecessary because I feel like I just like the but I mean you have to happen. I don't care how much money they win. I think that the I think the prize pot should be what it is. I don't think they should be but then they would have no challenges and they wouldn't have enough for for an hour. Well I know that they

need stuff to do, but I'm saying, I don't like that at the end, it might not equal $250,000. It's like $170 or something. I'm like, I don't like that. I would like it if the challenges were more. My point still stands. Yeah, I get that they have to do challenges. But I think the challenges should, maybe you're going to say something similar to this. Let's say at the same time, more oakly. I felt like it should be like where you kind of are starting to question people. Like, it's more stuff that makes you wonder if someone's a liar or not. Well, that's the thing. I wish that they didn't have to go outside and that everything could happen inside the castle.

I wish none of us had to go outside. People who own the castle will not let them outside of those three rooms. They don't let them sleep there either. Yes. But if it was more of a locked room, you know, sort of murder mystery kind of thing. Yeah. But if there were also things that they didn't realize,

like they didn't know how they were going to rack up the money. So if it was like a weird thing that they have to say or do, that Alan, you know, notes like you did it. Yeah. I do think that the traders should be able to sabotage the

challenges and whatever money they prevent from going in the pot they get to keep if they win the game. That's very layered. That's layered. Yeah. That's really deep. This goes against the

Keep it simple, stupid. I know. Shithead. I sort of think... Keep a simple, stupid shithead. It should be like sort of like games where you, it's more about emotions or interpersonal interactions as opposed to run through the forest and grab this flag.

Your emotion? Stupid. I doubt it in one. I will say this. I really like the challenges on the UK version because they're so excited about the challenges. They are when they got to go in that like super into the helicopter. Their reactions. Oh my God.

The season one finale, they were fucking so excited first they got to helicopter. They couldn't believe that. And one girl got to jump out. into the water and she was so excited. If you really want to do it, I'm excited for you. Then they got on speedboats. They were like, they were beaming. They were having so much fun. Wouldn't that be the best part of

your day if you were doing that show? Weren't they all, um, not TV stars? Yes, exactly. That's another part of it. They don't often get to have a crazy experience like that, so it's like super exciting, which is more fun to watch. Yes. But some... That being said, if there's a celebrity trader's and I can

be on it, I will do it. I'll be like the, like, sort of Unknown. Three of us take helicopters every day. The character? Yeah. Ooh, I love that character. From Willie Wonka?

Such a good character. Now, can he. The estate of Roald Tahl said, you know what? We like it. He's great. He's really good. Did you guys see Wonka, the Timothy Sheldon? I did.

Yeah, I liked it. I thought it was okay. And I thought that they were. It's not as good as Paddington or Pannington, too. No. Well, nothing is. Sweetie Pie. But they're made by the same people.

Oh, it could be. So there are pleasures to be. These Wonka pleasures have. Wonka ends. That's the West World. Walka to Lights. But the songs, I've never heard more

slant rhymes in a musical. It was wild. I of course give the definition of slant rhymes for our listeners. Slant rhyme is something that sort of, it's when two words sort of sound alike. They sound enough alike that it's like cookie and boogie.

Like again and begin. Like shoe and kachoo. That's a good rhyme. Actually, that's a good rhyme. Gougoo-go-go-go-go-choo. Like shoe and show. Okay. That's not even, that's not close enough for a slant rhyme, I would say.

I'm trying my hardest. I know, but you're not succeeding. He's trying so hard, but you don't even know. But I thought for as many songs as we're in there, there were very few solid rhymes. I wasn't being attention to the rhymes, I guess, because I was interested in what they were trying to say in the emotion behind it. Wow, it's so intense. Yeah. I was so invested in Wonka.

Young Wonka. I'm like Young Sheldon, but for Wonka. Wasn't he illiterate? Was he? Yeah. And then one of the orphans teaches him how to read or some shit. Oh, I don't know. That's why he signed the bad contract with the inn.

Well, also the contract was too long. It was too long. Who's illiterate? Let's make contracts, by way. Well, Oonka was illiterate. Contracts should be a page or less, no matter what. no matter what it's for no matter how many details you might need to

cram in there anything you can hammer out should be one page you fool you're opening yourself up to the tiniest font imaginable oh shit I forgot about those tiny fonts of course they'll shrink the font of course they will of course they will should we specify font size yeah well this was like my prediction after the strike like one of the things that we got out of the actor strike

was that audition pages shouldn't be more than a certain amount of pages Yeah, man, we won so much in those drinks. But then I was like, they're going to just actually, because usually when they print people who don't audition for things,

when they print sides from a TV show, which is like the pages you edit. It's in like final draft normal font. They'll just, no, but they'll like, they'll have like a blank page that counts as a page. They'll be like one line on a page counts as a page. So it's like, it's eight pages, but it's like, well, it's actually three pages.

Yeah, yeah. Now I'm like, oh, they're actually going to make it crammed into three pages but be more text than we ever had before. It's actually going to be more. I think James L. Brooke talks about his broadcast news. The intro to his broadcast news script, he talked about how he made the margins.

Because the script is way too long all the time and he was constantly getting complaints. So he like changed the margins on his typewriter or something. So that it's super wide. I'm out of it. Yeah. He kept putting the word really in there. Yeah, really, really, really, really, really cool.

Really, really, really fast would be done so quick. For people that don't know, a lot of times you get an audition where there's so much physical action that you're supposed to do. Yeah. And especially with like a self-tape or whatever, it's just like strangle this person. I ain't doing that. No, or like it's like a sex scene. Like there, I've gotten things like that where it's like, so you have to hire your own intimacy coordinator. You're supposed to be kissing somebody or something.

And it's like, so I'll just sit here and then imply that that happened. I'm kind of kiss the air. Yeah. Kiss the camera. Janie got one where she had to be, like, murdered. Oh, my God. What if you leaned in and kissed the camera? You asked for it. Leave a big lip mark on the lens.

You probably would get the top. Yeah, but getting murdered is so embarrassing. Yeah. Like, to have to do that. Yeah. What did she do? Does she just go, ah, and fall down? Or she got murdered.

What? Yeah. Oh, what about that Vincent Gallo shit? Oh, my God. Oh. I know there's so many creeps in the world. Allegedly. So many.

Okay, Tom Sandal. I mean, he can sue me for saying he's a creep. Yeah, you can't sue. Can you sue somebody for calling you a creep? I guess not. Your Honor, my client is not a creep. I'm just looking at it. Legally, he's not a creep.

He's not a legal creep. He's not a legal creep. He's not a legal creep. He's not a legal creep. He's not a legal creep. That's great, twins. Twins. He's not a little creep.

Her military noise. So Paul is done playing the New York Times games that we send each other to score. Yeah. Yeah. So it's kind of we're at this point now because here's the thing. Yeah. Paul may use to send those to each other. Then we found out that you played, so we included you.

Then Paul got bored. He didn't like seeing the scores every day. It's not because I got bored. He doesn't like the L.A. to the old gray lady because he is a Trump guy. And the New York Times is failing. but he doesn't play anymore but Lauren and I and then I once I learned that

I did not send my scores I'm willing to stop Lauren sent me her scores and I was like are we doing this? Well she's doing that so I sent my scores and now here's my new theory when we're twins because that's always the big enjoyable part of it

when we have the exact same order on connections and then in this new one the same score Yeah. I don't like strands as much. Okay, so are you stopping strands? I'm still doing it, but I don't love it. So, not only am I also still getting the connection scores from Scott and Lauren, whilst getting the strands thing, which I've never played, I don't know what it is.

But here's my theory. It's just a bunch of circles. Circles and light bulbs. I don't like how they show the score. I will admit that. If we ever twin. Thank you for admitting it. If we twin on both of those games, that's when we stop.

No. Whoa. Oh, you don't want us to stop? No, I don't want to wait that long. I don't want to wait that long. We'll never twin. We'll never twin on strands. I bet we will.

Because we're just twin on both in the same day. It's never going to happen. What is the idea of strands? It's a word search. But it's so, it's in beta and it's not done. I really have issues with it. I don't like beta. You're looking for.

There's a title to it. There's a title that's a clue. But it's a theme, but it's a very vague. But it's very vague. And then you find. And then you have to find eight words. One of those words goes from one end to the other end. And it is the like a strand.

And it is the category that all the other words fall in. I see. Yeah. And so then the order that you get these in is what you get sent. You get sent just a circle for this is you found one of the words. You get set a yellow circle for you found the spanogram, which is the category. Spanagram. And if you needed a clue, you get a light bulb.

Now, light bulb. And so the clues are, if you find, if you find other words that are unrelated and they add up to a hint. Because why not a magnifying glass? This is a good point. But honestly. It's in beta. Talk to them. But see.

I don't talk to betas. Here's the thing. The clue thing. A true alpha. When you get a hint, it just shows you one of the words. No, no, no. Yes, you're right. It goes there's one.

No, no, no. You're right. That's a great. Great freedom. No, no. You're right. It's not. Here's a hint.

It's this. It looks like. alphabet soup and you're just like, I guess I see a word in there. And then you're like, is that it? And then like you start to piece it together. Well, today I needed a clue. Yeah. Because it was.

Today I'll say, I advise you to get one. And then the clue didn't help me narrow it down. Wow. So I was like, do I get a second clue? So I found another word and it happened to be one of the actual eight words. Just happened to be? Then I figured it out from there. He figured it out.

But I don't really want to keep playing it. And I am losing interest in spelling. I have, I will go to bed not a genius. Okay, and that was not the case. I'm Queenie every day now. I don't care about Queen Vee. Every day? Yeah.

Jesus. But I will go to bed and just go, I just don't care. And then guess what it goes away? It doesn't matter. I didn't like spelling B. Yeah. I lost interest in it very quickly. It's starting to make me feel like I'm wasting my time.

No, I like some things. What do you like? Vanderpump Rules. What if that was a game? What if it was? How many shits can Sandival take? Three. What if we did a shot-for-shot recreation of an episode of Vanderpump Rules?

Okay. I started doing that with Tango and Cash. I beg it pardon? And I did two scenes for Funny or Die, and I lost interest. Was that the thing with those dudes? No, well, Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell, yeah. No, that's not the actual movie. Oh, no, I did it with Casey Wilson and Janine Graves.

as the leads. Wow. I just revisited one of the best Funer-Dye sketches, which is Nick Weger's the Gungum style. It's so good. I recommend everyone

go find it on YouTube. You have to watch past the first minute. What happens in the first minute? Because it's going to suck. That first minute is going to suck. Well, you think it's one thing and it becomes something else.

And it's like if you don't give it the time, you'll think, oh, that's just like whatever. Okay. Yeah. So do this for Lauren, please. It's the one. request she has do this in remembrance of me. That's what I was looking for.

Take this bread and eat it. What? You don't like Jesus Christ? I mean, he's fine. You don't like the Holy Eucharist all of a sudden? What's the Eucharist? It's his body. That's the cracker. Just call it your body. It's the flesh of Christ.

Just say, hey man, this cracker's my bod. It's the little thin chip. The little thin chip. Did you ever have a... It's the little thin chip. There was this... translation of the Bible called, I think it was called the Way

and it had a bunch of like cool kind of 60, 70s hippie people on the cover and it was like a translation that was more hip and more like in tune with what the kids would say. Oh dear. I got to look this up. Oh dear.

What if like before communion here's a picture? If a priest said all the same stuff that you're supposed to say that's in liturgy, right? And then right before it's time for people to line up. He goes, who's hungry? I want my cracker. Let's eat.

Good bread, good meat, good God, let's eat. This was during the 60s. It was living letters in 1962, living prophecies in 1965. Living Gospels 66. Oh, my God, they just kept calling it something different. But I wish there was an example of... There's no sample of the writing? I

There has to be somewhere I mean they sell them on Amazon They're still out there Jesus The 1972 edition Do they give an example A lot of five star reviews Oh my God

Wow Are they all from apostles Here's a five star review Arrived early Well done I hate when people I'm like you're not reviewing The delivery system

You're reviewing the object Exactly Amazon People do that so much came with a broken part. I mean, that's not their fault. Sometimes it is. Well, if it's from Amazon

and you're complaining about Amazon, you give it one star. Because it got broken and transit. Amazon should, before you post the review, have a thing. Are you just complaining about Amazon right now? Yeah. But they could be saying

that it was shipped that way. Okay. That's a bad example. But Amazon, if they're the ones doing the shipping, are the problem. I, fine, let's just say. Unless you're doing a

It was a squirrel. Oh, Paul sees another squirrel. Paul in his nature. I'm a squirrel. He's like a little dog. I saw another one. What if every time he saw what? He just ran barking at the door.

And he always goes, another one. Bumped his head against it. And then I went to bed and I didn't get up until the morning. I'd love that. That's not good. No, it's not. If he bumped his head, he should have stayed awake. Yeah.

To make sure he didn't have a concussion. We should make our, we're talking about the old man. Make our pets stay awake. All night. Yep. Just keep going, hey, hey, hey, slumber party is over. What if you slept as often as a dog? That would be so awesome.

I did my size project on it. So many naps a day. Do you feel like that's sad? You go to that apartment where the guy had all those dogs? Do you feel like it's sad what you just said that it would be so awesome if you were good sleep. He said it'd be awesome. Well, as a person who's always texting you my connections scores at 545 or 4 in the morning,

yes, it would be great to sleep. sleep a little more. Thank God I have my phone on sleep mode. I would love to be able to just take a little 10 minute nap. Of course. You're sleeping. So I don't get the update. It doesn't wake me out.

If it did the first time I ever sent it to you, you'd complain about it. I wouldn't do it anymore. Okay. I think the default setting is no one ever has their texts on at night. That's kind of what I think too. Yeah. And so when people text me and they say, I'm sorry I texted so late. I'm like, I didn't fucking know.

Yeah. Not my fucking problem. Good morning, idiot. I'm sorry you did too. You should have gotten to be. bed. Yeah, the whole sorry for the late text is like, who care? If I'm asleep, I won't get it. Yeah. Go to a nursing home grandma. I guess it's more like if you are awake and you got it. And then that's somehow invasive. Somehow like now I have to deal with this thing at 10.30 at night. Yeah, right.

But it's never, I don't feel like anyone's ever texting me to deal with something. Right. You know what I mean? It's always a very innocuous thing. Like, sorry for the late text. What about that time I wanted you to fix my toilet? Uh, yeah. What do you think is the Super Mario brother? Three. I know. I know. It came over what, 345? You have a Super Mario kind of aesthetic today, by the way, with a purple shirt? You look like you're going to go, did it, deed, deed, deed, ditty, ditty. Do you remember when you sang that at Comedy Bang Bang Live that time?

No. You were, I believe you were being Todd. Oh, kind of. I think I have a video of it somewhere. That's fun. We have to take a break. Okay. We're going to end on this very somber note.

I'm going to go pee now. Do you remember this thing? Okay, Lauren's going to pee on. I'm going to turn the recording. off while you do that. Generous. Thanks. Okay, we'll be right back with a three-cher. You know those pieces in your closet that you find

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And then I recently got a stretch wool blazer in the color of gray malange that I've been wearing around and everyone's been very impressed with me. And they've said, well, look at you, Mr. Fancy Pants. And I love to be called Mr. Fancy Pants. So if you ever see me on the street, go ahead and do that. Find the fall places you'll reach for most at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order in 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too.

And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was freedom. It's the best way to support the show. Thanks, Quince. Hey, guys, we're Elizabeth Chambers and Marissa Hermer. You may know it's from television, business, and other things. We're talking about the stuff that really matters. Every week we're celebrating women and getting real about divorce, dating, motherhood, sex, friendship, and everything in between. It's honest, hilarious, unfiltered, and proof that this chapter of life is the best one yet.

So if you're ready to laugh, feel seen, and join the conversation, come hang out with us. This is The Dash. Listen and subscribe to The Dash wherever you get your podcast. And we're back. And before we play the three-cher, I have been thinking about this for years. What? And I've not been able to find it. But there was a commercial from my youth

about a, for a magic, a kid's magic set. Mm-hmm. And the theme song goes, it's magic, magic, magic, magic. It goes, make us something disappear. Do, do, do, do, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, it's magic, magic. Do do, do, do, do, do, do. Her singing the Super Mario, the Super Mario made me think of it, because that

That song goes through my head quite often. And I've not been able to find on YouTube any evidence. I will say it's magic, magic, but it's so nonspecific that it's very hard for it to be searchable. Did you try magic set commercial? God, that would be smart. Were you just typing the words, it's magic, magic, magic into a browser? I don't know. No, I think I've looked for magic set commercials and they never come up.

I have a vague memory of seeing a commercial for a magic. set when I was a kid and being very fascinated by it. This is probably the 80s. Could have been the late 70s, early 80s, somewhere on that. I would have been early 80s. If anyone can find this for me, please send it to me. Yeah, there's a whole bunch. A whole bunch come up, but I don't think they're the one that I'm thinking of.

Anyway, I would love to see it again. And if you know how to do magic, that's the other thing. Just let us know that too. The time for talk is over. And now it's time to play a three-chum. Okay. This is a three-cher that is, I guess, played on Taskmaster occasionally. It was submitted by John.

No, it is not played on Taskmaster. Well, I don't know. I'm reading what this. Well, you do now because I just told you. I'm reading what this fucking guy tells me. He's an unreliable narrator, this John. You think the person who submitted it lied about where it could be seen? Yeah.

Okay. That's just how you see people. You think people are liars. They are. You intrinsically don't trust. Prove me wrong. All right, let me explain this. Each turn, players name a person plus a category they fall under.

I think we should probably start very kind of like specific and then get, you know what I mean? So it's not just like humans. Starting with humans. So it's like a person plus a category they fall under. That person and that category are eliminated. We can never mention anyone from that category, anyone that fits in that category or the previous person again.

The next person says another person and a category they fall under. We keep going until it is impossible to name anyone new. We can also challenge anyone's answer at any time. How, when we've done this before, and I know that we've been told that we've been playing it wrongly. How do you do it wrong? How did it end? I don't know.

I think we were just like, that seems like enough. Like most three churs. Yeah. Like most things in life, that seems like enough. We tried. Like sex. We're done. Yeah.

And then if somebody, let's say, okay, I'm going to use this example. We tried. You're looking at Paul. That is a great thing you say after sec. Hey, we tried. We tried. It's better than not trying at all. Hey, it was worth a shot.

Hey, we tried. My dick wouldn't go in. My dick wouldn't go in. Wouldn't go in. First to name someone... Okay, here's scoring. First to name someone who falls into a mention category loses. And so I guess we keep...

And are they out? And they're out, yes. And players can challenge anyone's answer at any time, which would mean if they are challenged and they lose, they lose. Right. So I guess it just keeps going until there's only one person who has not lost. Okay. So, okay.

Yeah. Let's say you say Fred Astaire, no more dancers. Sure. But then... Professional dancers, maybe. Because if you've ever danced before, everyone's dance. No, you don't call everyone a dancer. You're a dancer?

You have danced. But then later, if an actor is mentioned... And professionally, I have, so I'm a professional dancer. Oh, my God. But then later an actor is mentioned. Yeah. Fred Astaire was also an actor. No, no, that doesn't count.

You can still say Tom Cruise... No more actors. Because he's not a dancer. You can then say actors... What if it fits the other way around? If you say Freddard... their actor. Uh-huh.

No more actors. And then you say Tom Cruise, okay, then you could not mention Tom Cruise or any other actor. But could you mention another dancer? Yes,

if they don't act. Mm. Savian Glover. Did I win? Let's try it. Let's do it. And let's make Paul last. Okay.

Okay. So Lauren, you go, and I'm going to write down the categories very handily. This fucking stupid shit. Oh my God. Paul, by the way, hates every three-cher

until we do it. That's not true. That was fun. That's also not true. Okay. Tukan Sam, no more cereal mascots. I wrote down cereal as the podcast cereal. Yeah, it's not like it's a word.

What? Cereal is a word. Yeah, but it's not like it's only just a podcast. This guy. It's a word. It's a word. I know dear. Okay.

So I'm saying it's not just a podcast title, dear. Snapcuckle pop. No, wait. Come on. I gave you a very niche topic to start from. Yes, very good. I'm going to say Adam Ant know people with

whose first and last name start with the same letter. Whoa. I just got eliminated. Fuck! Franco Colombo. No more bodybuilders. Mm. Everybody hearing those birds?

Um, Quinta Brunson, no more show creators. No more show creators. Okay. Okay. Okay. Alf, no more puppet aliens.

That's really good. Go on forever. Um, Tom Petty, no more sing. Was he a bodybuilder? No, I guess not. I never saw him with the journal.

Merrill Streep, no more Oscar-winning actresses. Okay. I'm going to say, oh, I can't say him because of one of the previous categories. It's starting. It's starting. Oh, wow. Kevin Pollock, no more comedians. Kevin, are you listening?

Kevin, are you listening? Are you thrilled? Kevin, can you hear me? Mary, Todd, Lincoln, no more. First ladies. First ladies. Fake people? President's wives.

Yes. he made her up um um um i wonder if kevin pollock ever created a show would i have been eliminated no one challenged me anyway

and we've moved on chris harrison no more former bachelor hosts there's only one well no more I'm gonna write that down as a category um i wonder if he's created a show um

we don't know we don't know uh okay I'm going to say Tom Cruise, no more actors. Who is he going to marry? And they wouldn't have to change the last name. Adolf Hitler, no more politicians. Politicians.

Kristen Bell. No more actresses, period. Wow. Wow. Salvador Dali, no more painters. Lance Armstrong, no more cheaters. Wow. Cheaters.

So the hosts of cheaters. They weren't cheaters themselves. They weren't cheaters, no. They were exposing to cheat. But you know the names of all the people There were cheaters on cheaters. I can't say Tom Sandel

that's right. Oprah. No, she's an actor. Nope, she's a show creator. So does that mean you're, no? It could be out. No, no, no, keep going. You corrected yourself.

Louis Armstrong, no more jazz musicians. Has that been said? He was a singer. Oh, that's true. You are eliminated. I am the weakest link. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Okay. C.T. No more reality people. No more reality people. Reality stars. Neil Armstrong. No more Neals.

No more Neals. Whoa. Okay. I can't say him. No, can't say him. Oh, boy. Oh, I'm thinking of her kneels. What's his?

Oh, Francis Scott Key, no more songwriters. And that, even though, because Tom Petty was stated as a singer. He was a singer. Right, right, right. And to my knowledge, he did not put out any albums. Sir Francis Scott Key. Yeah. Maybe you need.

You say Sir Francis Scott Gagin? Was he a sir? I don't think so. Let's look it up. What do we do when we don't know something? We look it up. We live on Earth. Okay, Francis got a game in a second.

He was a, yeah, he's a, not a Brit. Yeah. He wrote the American National Anthem. I thought he was a Dilettante. No. Hmm. Deilat. Not just for fun.

I wrote a national anthem for America. Um, okay. I'm going to say, Frank Perdue, no more businessmen. Businessmen, wow. Frank Lloyd Wright, no more architects. William Shatner, no more Canadians. He was an actor, Paul.

Oh, shit. You are eliminated. I am the week is link. Goodbye. We did it. I didn't see actors. We did it. We did it.

I think we did it right. I think we did it right too. It definitely felt right. And you know what? It felt good. I enjoyed it. Mm-hmm. Yay.

I enjoyed it. I love it. Wee. All right. Well, that's going to do it for this episode. Listen, if you would like to send us a three chair, write to us at 3MOSA at gmail.com, if you would like to leave us a voicemail for our three meme episodes, a little mini episodes, come out every other week.

Go to hagclaims8.com and leave us a voicemail. And follow us on Instagram at Freedom USA. That's fun, right? We need a new intern. Yeah. Yeah. The search starts today. I guess we should get an intern.

Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I know somebody actually if you're. Oh, good. See. Okay. If you.

A guy named juicy. Juicy, what? A guy named juicy. This is from your pocket pussy search. Hey. It's a young guy who's starting out. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Okay. We'll see. We'll see. Um, if you want to hear our previous episodes, the entire archive is over at CBB World. Yep. We also, that's where you hear the three meme episodes every week. Um, but if you want to hear them without subscribing, we put one out a week on Tuesdays.

These are the older episodes. And we call that three visiting on the twos. Isn't that fun? It's so fun. That's fun. And if you want to hear the three memes, they're at CBB World and also Apple Podcasts premium. I'm not going to even. say I don't know what it is. I'm just going to say it confidently now that that's where they're at

and you can just find them there. Or go to Microsoft Word Podcasts. Go to Microsoft Word and type in podcasts. And then see what happens. You'll be happy. And we're happy. We're happy that you're listeners. We're slap happy. We're slap happy. Doobie. I got to go bye. All right. Bye, everyone. Bye. We're some see heroes and other see egos. Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes. While others follow the noise, we follow the money. Learn more at Bloomberg.com.