Threedom - Threevisiting: His Acting is Beautifully Portrayed

Episode Date: October 6, 2026

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Lauren, and Paul discuss going to the bathroom, purchases, and mice holes before playing One Word Story. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/shop Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Threat! Are you okay? Something wrong with Paul. Yeah. There's something right with Paul. Yeah. The freedom. The freedom is right within him.

Hey, welcome with freedom. I'm Paul. I'm Scott. I'm Lauren. And listen, before we get into anything else, new business? New business. New rules? What do we do new rules at the beginning of our show?

Should we do minutes and treasury? Oh, minutes and treasuries. God, when you were in a club and you had to be the treasurer. I know you had to be the secretary. That was the worst. You had to write down everything. No, I like being secretary. We talked about this, I know.

Have we? I was secretary. We talked about this. Why did we? I don't know. Because I ran for student council in fifth grade for secretary and I got it. We did not have a government in our grade school. So it was anarchy?

It was pure anarchy. It was like the purge. I'm the only one who survived. It does make you wonder what the fuck we were talking. about because we had no power. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What were we meeting about? I know.

We didn't have like a, like in high school, we didn't have like a model UN or anything like that. We didn't have student counsel and I remembered recently that I was on it in senior year. Oh, really? What, in what capacity? I was just. You counseled the students? Yes. When they needed advice.

You were that guy. I was that guy. We could do a way with, you know, because school? Yeah. In work. All right. We just share everything. No, you're obsessed with this.

We're just, we share everything. You want everyone to have money, one dollar amount at birth. That doesn't mean they're going to share everything. Oh, you wanted everyone to have a one ration of... Stop listening to these episodes. You have an unfair advantage over us. I know, there's something really different about listening to it versus being in it. So true.

I hope so. It's not fun. I texted you guys the other night that I was listening to most recent episode. It was just, it starts off so frenetic and insane. Yeah, I think we're doing it right now. This feels like a slowed down version, though. Yeah.

But here's a new business. Okay, we've already had 10 topics in four seconds, but yeah. I needed to, I needed to. I was on, I was on, I was on after midnight. Ooh. And needed to be on that. I needed to be on that. Your unquenchable thirst for fame.

And that'll do it. And now I'm famous. Yay. I had an idea for a joke that involved speaking in minionese. And so I've never seen any of those movies. That's all I knew was banana. We were just watching one of them and Mike looked up a lot of minionese. I saw that on his Instagram.

So I watched clips to get some, you know, quotes. We also, by the way, Mike can just be an expert in anything. You should have just asked Mike. He speaks Minanese. Well, I didn't know this at the time. I know, but you can just assume that Mike knows anything. I don't want to talk to him. I looked at some YouTube clips.

I looked at some YouTube clips. I fucking fell in love with these minions. These minions are funny. I've always said it. They're funny and they're adorable. There's no way around it. One of the greatest cartoon creations of the past few decades as far as I'm concerned. You know, but you want to push against them.

You want to push back. Well, when I saw the one in the thong, I was like, come on, guys. That's sick. That shouldn't be happening. It's like having Calvin piss on something. Yeah. It's like these are I get. It's depraint.

Really. Because Calvin fights for all of us. He is the voice of reason as well. Yeah. So if he's pissing on something, we're all pissing on something. Oh my God. When you see his face when he's pissing, it's like he means it.

I like the stickers where he's pissing into a toilet. It's like, hey, good reach. Like nice. He's like a foot away from it too. And he's looking at you. But the last few drops, you know, go on the floor. When I piss, I don't look at anyone. You don't look at anyone?

Nope. What if there's a mirror in front of you? Blindfold? Okay. I don't even want to see it a reflective surface. I don't want the water. I don't want to see my face. I don't want to see anybody else.

I lock eyes with a person next to me at the urinal. There was a guy that I knew in Philly of like my early stand-up days who had a bit that involved saying when you are a man going into a restroom, you either look straight ahead or you lock eyes with the guy next to you. And I'm like, what? Like he's saying this like we all do it Yes I saw him do this bit a million times I'm like we all not true Like locking eyes is not one of the options

No It's nothing I mean this weirdo probably does You try to look away You like just look down What's going on Is there you try to hit the bee I said give privus twice And I meant privacy

In privates Is there as much shame Title for women in the bathroom When you fart and poo. Yeah, right? If you're in a stall, it's not ideal that you have to take a shit and somebody's in there. It's like, yeah. That crosses all genders.

Yeah. But I think. Because I just wondered if women are like, look, we all have an agreement. It sucks in here. Let's just make noise or whatever. I think it should be that way. Whereas it's not that way for guys. Actually, what's his name?

I feel like it is that way for guys who shouldn't be. Eric Griffin had a funny. I don't know which I prefer. I remember seeing. There should be apologies. flying left and right in public bathboards. Pardon. Sorry. Sorry. Pardon. I remember Eric Griffith. I used to go watch stand-up with because I had some stand-up

friends a while back and I would end up at the comedy store, which was always an interesting evening. Where I started. Yeah. And Eric Griffin had a bit that made me laugh so hard at the time. But it was like all about how women should just go in the bathroom and just go, it's a good bit. Great bit. Like it's what you're just saying that like, well, we're in the bathroom. Like, that's all just like let it out. Like, let's go. And then he was just doing much noises and I couldn't stop laughing.

I think every establishment should have just one-seaters everywhere. Even if it's a stadium, you should have like 51-seater. You know, what was it? I saw something about the Taylor Swift concert that like the bathroom lines were amazing because there were many more women than men's. They just kind of overtook the men's room and then the lines were zipping through because they had so many more. And that's the dream to be a man and suddenly like 20 women come into the bathroom and you're like, whoa.

Well, okay. No, the dream. I'll take shit. You know what they should do is have like a trough for piss for women. Yeah. Why not? They do for men. Were you just squat over it?

Yeah. Then we all just get around. And then we could all go faster. Yeah. You talk to each other. Yeah. Because there's so much like. How's your piss going?

Going well. How's yours? Great. Thanks for asking. Well, I'm done. So much you guys have to do. Back to the culture. You know, you got to like.

We got to take off our rompers. Yeah. There was a guy. Move your spanks to the side. There's a hole in the spanks. That's right. Oh, there's a hole in the spanks. I mean, Paul, you've been in this situation where you're out of a urinal and someone comes.

A uteril. Or you're out of a uneral. You're getting into a uterus. And some guy comes in and just takes his pants all the way down to his ankles. The hell's wrong with that guy. Yeah. I don't know. It's really strange.

It actually feels like a riskier move in terms of. getting pee on yourself. Yeah. Or getting assaulted. Well, I don't, okay. I don't see it as a move to pull down your pants to save yourself from getting pee pee on your pants. I don't know.

I don't know what the psychology of it. I had a, it sounds like something a little kid does because they don't know any better. Right. But these are gross men. Exactly. They never stopped doing it. Yeah. I had a pair of trousers that had like kind of a short zipper.

And so I would have to open my pants to do it. And I was always self-conscious about it. I'm not one of those guys. I'm not one of those guys. Like, it's a short zipper. It's a short zipper. Super. That's the science.

Short zipper. Mary David. It's not a pick. I got to catch up on that. I only watched the first couple apps. Of Seinfeld? No. I only watch the first two Seinfelds.

Curb your enthusiasm. The first episode of this season, Tracy Olman is so funny. She's so funny. It's so great. Why didn't they have me back? Who did you play? You played, wait.

Lawyer. I know. El's L. L. He thought I was... The wickedly talented L-ZEL. He thought I was Jewish, but I was secretly Swedish. Oh.

My last thing was Berg. I feel like a lot of these characters are just one-off jokes. He's laughing at them. People really liked that character. I know, but he's just sitting there, like, writing his little jokes on a script going, ha, ha, ha, this will be so funny. It's famously improvised. I had a great audition for that show.

I didn't get it, but... That's surprising to me. I always felt sad. I didn't get to go. You should have been on that show. Yeah, I was told I'd be on it a couple times and then it didn't happen. Love when that happens. I know.

But I, my audition, I'm writing apart for you. I got to audition with Larry David. That was fun. I did not audition with Larry. Yeah. Yeah, that is fun. I just got offered it. Wow.

They were like, we don't want to save. Straight offer is such a small role. No, Adich. No, Jeff Garland just gave it to me. Oh. And then let me be in his trailer. What was your part? I was in the parking lot or something?

In the, the chicken episode. The chicken episode. I'm a cop. You played the chicken? I thought you were a cop. I was a cop who told. I thought you were cop in this.

I was a cop in this. I was a cop and then I made Larry laugh in one take where I was like he started asking me questions about what was going on. I said, sir, do you mind pulling up your window please? And he's like, like it was an official. He's like, I don't. And he started laughing. because it was such an insane request. He's like, I don't have to do that.

What are you talking about? That's fun. But it never made the episode. What are you looking at Paul? The hell? Are these people carrying a body? What is going on? Someone coming in their backyard?

Looks like you're bringing a new tree. The hell? Super heavy. Is it a hell is going on here? These dudes are struggling with this. It's a tree. It's a fucking tree. It's my gardener David.

It was a tree. It was a baby. Any more on bathrooms? Do you got more bits on bathroom? Any more bathroom etiquette things? I think we're good. Yeah. What goes on in there, Lauren?

When I go to the bathroom? Is there gossiping? Yeah. Even if you don't know anyone? It's like, hey, what gossip do you got? Yeah, I'll go into like a public restroom and just start talking shit about people to Give me gossip about your hometown. That is a good icebreaker of like.

Use all names. It doesn't matter to me. If you don't know someone and you go in and you have to meet them. You're just like, give me some gossip. Like, I don't have to know the people. I, that's great. Just give me some gossip. That is, that's a great icebreaker.

I listen sometimes to the podcast, normal gossip, which is just. Oh, yes, yes, yes. And it's anonymous sent in. So-and-so did this to so-and-so. It is fun. It is fun to hear that. Because you just, then you get to have an opinion about it. Yeah.

And there's no stakes. I do love when somebody tells me a scandal from their hometown. Yeah. Do you have one? I'm trying to think of a good scandal. I mean, of course, you know about the teacher that was cast in the I brought it up to my friend, a teacher the other day. I don't want to say where, but.

Celebrity Center. Your mentor. Because we were talking about, you know, challenges in the last couple of years in teaching due to, you know, like new standards being set and stuff like that. And I brought that up. And he was like, that is the most insane story I've ever heard even for back then, not like, even now. I thought of something.

I got in trouble back then because... Well, maybe give people a quick recap on what it is. Yeah. Previously on freedom. We did a production of South Pacific at my Catholic high school. And for some reason... Was this on tape, by the way? Because I want to see it.

Yeah. I'll send you to you. Yeah. You have the tape. Oh, that's right. You came across. You were reminded of it because you were digitizing old video tapes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I stick my finger in there. Yeah. Just to wind up the tape? Yeah. Because pencils aren't picking. You were digitizing them. rubbing your digits, your fingers all over the tape. Yeah.

Yeah. And I was giving them my phone number. You're crazy. I know. That tree's really doing a dance out there. Where's it going? Is it going in front of my wind? Oh.

We're all looking at the tree now. They're debating where to put it. It's making me kind of anxious in a weird way. They're moving nature around. Just like where they're going to, I don't know where they're going to put it. Yeah. And you don't seem to know either. That's what's making.

I don't know if I love that placement because isn't that right in the middle of the grass? No, it's very strange. Yeah. No, it's not going there, guys. I think they're maybe... It's not going to. You didn't know they were moving it.

Suddenly you know what's going on. Yeah. I think they're taking these away because they are poisonous. Poisonous. Or dangerous for babies or something. We've been recording here for years. And they're replacing with other stuff. That's, I believe that was one of the things that we talked about.

That does make sense. and now there is some truth to what's going on here. Some history. Now they also may be putting it over there next to a new tree that we put in, which we got donations for. God. Damn it. It has a plaque on it.

You don't care. Why do you have donations for a tree in your yard? Because it, it's like a gift to remember my father with. Oh, well, that's nice. For my daughter. You're the one who should feel bad. You said you didn't care. I asked questions.

But I was a little bit, I was a little bit incredulous. Trying to turn this around on Earth? You screamed, like, shut the fuck up, basically. And I was a little incredulous saying, why do you have that in your yard? So you guys, you guys caught that? Oh, yeah, we got it. I usually don't listen, but I caught that. It was hard to miss.

What in the Spider-Man pen? What in the Spider-Man? It's dots from the spot, the villain in that movie. Oh, dots from the spot? Dots from the spot. Hey, new, down-ted Abby movie. No, are you serious? I don't think this is a good pen.

I've always considered Hollywood the Ultimate Dream Factory. This is a pen that has floating things in it and you're like, oh, what's that? And it's just little black rocks. And you're like, it should be little Spider-Men. If you like the movie, then you know what it's about, then you like it. Okay. Did you see the movie? I haven't seen this one.

Newcomers! No, but I was told this is a really good movie. It's great. All right. Although they hold the ending hostage and say, you got to pay us again if you want to see the ending. Because it's the sequel? Yeah. Some Hobbit bullshit.

Yep. In fact, Frodo just comes up at the end. It's, hello, everyone. We're kind of going to pull a me. You ring. So the quick recap, if for some reason our drama teacher cast one of the other, our Italian teacher in. Oh, I thought he cast himself. No.

No. I've always assumed he cast himself. I thought it was a theater teacher. That would have made even a little more weird sense. No, but it would have been pervy. He's like the only person who could do this is me. But he, he, and we knew from the beginning that none of us were going to be able to play this role. Why?

Emil Debeck. Oh, wait. Oh. No explanation was given. Because he's, because they wanted to do casting that was from the actual country. Yeah. They were paying attention to this far. And none of the students were.

In France and Italy are the same place. Well, he's an Italian teacher. I'm assuming he's French. You just knows Italian. We had an assumption. Yeah. And I think we were just told that we, it was beyond us to play this part. Which is so crazy because everything is beyond high schoolers to play.

Exactly. You're all playing 30 and 40 year old anyway. It's ridiculous. So there's like a, you know, 40 year old man talking to a 17 year old. It's supposed to be a captain in the Navy. Right. It doesn't make any fucking sense. And honestly just makes it weirder.

Yeah. So I, I was very. upset at this. And for the recap, he, he, he, he, he, then this Italian teacher had to kiss the student. Yeah. And they, they didn't try to, they didn't try to, like, they didn't try to, like, fake it like, like, take it like, they didn't like turn his, like, they didn't like turn around so that his back was to the audience or anything.

It was like a full on. And he didn't do the whole like, Ralph Mouth. His male hands going all around his own body. And I'm like, I think she's really hungry. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's fair. That makes sense. But so he just went in and kissed her.

like full on. Yeah, yeah. And of course he stuck his tongue in her mouth. That's disgusting. Yeah, it's horrible. How do you know that for sure? That is traumatic. Because there was two women who played this part, two girls, sorry, two girls who

played this part. Yeah. And they both said that that happened. And they were, how did they feel about it? They were not happy about it. Yeah. That's nasty. Yeah.

Yeah. Crazy. Whatever. There was another, and there was another girl that I knew who was a year younger than me. Yeah, a year younger than me in school and she, this teacher was a sort of confidant for her. And of course he like tried to make out with her as well.

Okay. She was shattered. So this is him petitioning for this role. That's, I, I am realizing that now was that he probably said he wanted to play this part. Because he could sing and everything and where, why else would this ever happen? And maybe. It was so weird. Maybe did he have a secret. relationship with one of them. No, he did not. He did not. He was trying to.

So please go on those. So that was our recap on that guy. Yes. Now on three to me. I remembered that at the time, the thing that upset me was not the inappropriateness of this. Because he didn't get the part. I don't. It was because I didn't, I couldn't get the part. Right. And when they, when they put up the cast list, they put his name as Mr. Blah, blah, blah, his name. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, And that annoyed me as well. So what I did was I opened up the case and I put Mr. and Miss in front of everybody's names.

That's funny. That's funny. And then I got in trouble. But it was too late to, you know, fire me from the show, I guess. That's the thing, though, like in movies they should have, it should be Mr. Cruz. Even Hunt. Absolutely. Mr. Cruz.

Because they do it for assistant to Mr. Cruz. My favorite actor is Mr. Cruz. They should never get first names. Who are you talking about? Terry, Tom? We don't know. I've never got his first name, but I love Mr. Cruz. He's a beautiful actor.

He's a beautiful actor. Beautiful. You mean his acting is beautiful? It's beautifully done. Beautifully portrayed. His acting is beautifully portrayed. All right. We have to take break.

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Enterprise. We're here for that too. it. Hey guys, we're Elizabeth Chambers and Marissa Hermer. You may know us from television, business, and other things. We're talking about the stuff that really matters. Every week we're celebrating women and getting real about divorce, dating, motherhood, sex, friendship, and everything in between. It's honest, hilarious, unfiltered, and proof that this chapter of life is the best one yet. So if you're ready to laugh, feel seen, and join the conversation, come hang out with us. This is The Dash.

Listen and subscribe to the dash Wherever you get your podcast And we're back Hi Are those new spectacles Do you have new spectacles? They're new spectacles Thank you, yesglasses.com

Okay, yes glasses Are they a double monocle? Yeah, it's a double monocle Are they transitions? I mean, where you can look down and see something else. Progressives, yes. Progressives, yes.

You can look and see something else. And Flo sponsors these? Yeah. And are they transitions where you get sunglasses? They're that as well. So it's everything. It's everything. Progtrans?

Glasses? Yes. Glasses.com. I got my transitions, my progressives, my regs all in one. I know. It's not an ad.

I've never heard of it. They are extremely reasonable. I was delighted to find this site. You had to talk to them in order to. Yeah. I was like, can we give me free glasses? And they're like, yeah.

So I have terrible vision. And I recently. How many fingers am I holding up? I'm not, I think you're supposed to sit and spin on that one. I recently was told about this place in L.A. where my friend, my friend had really cool glasses, and she was like, oh, you go to this place, and they'll, like, help you pick your glasses,

and they're all unique. I don't need help. Guess what? That's how I felt. I went and did it because I was like, I always get my glasses from Warby Parker, usually. Yeah. And I always like them.

And I have many pairs. Sure. As do I. The prices are reasonable compared to how it used to be when I was growing up, it would be like $800 for a pair of glasses. Yeah. And if you ever broke them, you'd have to put tape on them because there's no way they're ever going to buy you anymore. So I went to this place and I had a whole fitting with this person.

And everyone there was very nice. I'm not even speaking against the place. Actually, all the glasses were really cool. And I was like excited. And I was like, I did it. And then I have put them in a box that I have never. No. I don't like how they feel on my face.

They're really heavy. Yeah. And I'm really, and I just, I'm really used to like, they should be a lighter, a lightweight. Yeah.

And I, and actually, they're not even that different from what I normally get. They're, it's like, I didn't, I thought I was thinking outside the box and then like, I wasn't really.

And then like, it just was like a huge mistake. And I was so annoyed by it because I was like, I really splurge. But I was trying to treat myself because, I mean, I'm sure everyone has like a purchase they've like never used. Yeah. Yeah.

I just like really hated it because I thought I was making a cool choice for myself. Like I'm like, I'm giving myself a nice pair of glasses and I usually don't go out of my way to get nice glasses. And really didn't work out. I didn't. I didn't. And I probably could have returned him, but I missed, you know, I don't even know. I missed any chance of that. Speaking of purchases that I don't know if I regret or not, I can't quite tell.

Interesting. I didn't tell you guys about the other doctor I went to. which was... Dr. Vinny Wu-Bauts? Yes. And Dr. Turn your head and cough? Who... Doctor everything's going to be all right?

Yep. Dr. Fielded? How many other fictional doctors do you? Dr. T and the electric man? Dr. T and the women? Dr. T. And the women! Hey, did he bring his women?

I don't want to just see Dr. T. today. Dr. T. I pity the fool? Yeah, he got his doctorate. In pitying fools. Dr. T. Pity a pitiful's office. Now if Mr. T was casting something with you, would you put Mr. Paul F. Tompkins or would you let him have that one? Oh, I'd let him have that one. Of course.

What's his last name again? T. No, his real last name. The letter T. Well, I think his, I don't know what his last name is, but his first name is Timothy. So that's why Mr. T is? Is it really? No.

Mr. T born Lawrence to Rode. Lawrence? Lawrence? You can see why he changed it. Mr. T is catchier, easier. to say? A little bit. By the way,

he looks terrific. I had this DVD that I loved so much when I was in college. It was this Mr. T special called Treat Your Mother Right and it's like a Mother's

special that he made. I can remember this. Treat your mother right. Treat your mother right. And he's like standing in a park like dancing with his. With his mother? I think they were like these women.

I can't remember. And then it started skipping and I couldn't. It was a doctor T either? I used to love. Treat your mother right. Okay, I used to love drawing him, by the way, Mr. T. Yeah, I used to have a T-shirt with him on it.

French girls? French girls? Draw Mr. T like one of your French girls. Oh, Holly has a T-shirt with him on it. I forgot. It was my nephew had it. I probably bought it for him. Does she know who Mr. T is?

No. Did you show her Mr. T? No. Will you ever show her Mr. T? Or do I have to show her Mr. T? Off your shoe. What the fuck? Yeah, this is the...

Oh, that's where he is. Of the line. It wouldn't for your mother. You wouldn't be here. Remember when you put down one mother, you put down mother's... Also, you wouldn't look the way you do. Because of genetics. Let's see it.

Can you make the screen smaller? Do you want me to have full screen this? Keep up or pop-ups in front of it. Oh, my God. This is so familiar to me. Yes. This is all a one-er, by the way. This is incredible.

They did, but they shop for 24 hours. They went over. Mother. I treat her right. Oh, miserable groan. I want to feel that soon. This is what you should show her to all. And I felt her moaned and a miserable groan.

I'm going to show her that, except I have to skip past the part where the kids are being mean to each other. I'll let me tell you about this doctor and this purchase. Okay. Can I just say, I love this. the idea of Mr. T watching these children savage each other. Yeah. And only stepping in when they mention mothers. I like to assume that he was running to get there.

And he just couldn't get there earlier. And then he was like, I'll just pick up where you're talking about it. I like to assume he's sitting on a park bench reading a newspaper. Yeah. And then he overhears this. But then he has to run to get there before the second. Oh, no, no, no. But he's a mile away on the park bench.

Yes, exactly. So, you know, I've talked about tinnitus on this show. You love to say it that way. I mean, it's the correct way, unfortunately. And that's why you love it. It should be tonights. It should be tinnitus. Tinnitus.

It's like colitis, everything, you know, but they. Colitis. Colitis. Colitis. Colitis. What's another? Colitis. Colitis.

Appendicitis. Appendicitis. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. I got sinusitis. Sinicitis. So I heard about this new treatment for it. So I went in and I don't know anything about it. I don't want to say what it is.

but I didn't know anything about it. It goes up your butt. And I went in. It's a periscope that goes up my butt and out my ears. It's a periscope. I see the ringing. I see tinnitus. But so I go in and they do all these tests and I'm thinking like, oh, okay, they're going to like talk to me about some treatment afterwards or, or I don't know, drugs.

I don't know what is involved. Do they tap your knee with the hammer? Yeah. A real hammer, too. And did your leg go flying? So they do all the tests and then they take me into a real. room where another person is

and it suddenly started to feel like I was being sold something, which I was. Oh. And which I then bought. But it's this... I didn't see that twist coming.

It's this... The treatment is like, okay, so here's the psychology behind it. We got this oil from a snake. The psychology is that your brain, there's no reason why you should have ringing in your ears.

the brain is when you stop hearing a certain frequency, the brain makes up for it by providing that frequency, only it's too loud, right? So there... I don't get it. Meaning like if you hear... What do you mean when I stop hearing something? Meaning if you have ear damage.

Oh, okay. And you can't hear that frequency anymore. The brain like makes up for it by providing that frequency. Here, you like this? Wee! Okay. So, but so it's a brain, it's a brain problem. That's why it goes in and out.

Yeah, I knew you had brain problems. I knew it. Oh my God, he admitted it. So the, what was that? Oh, it's the power. More power. But, um, so the, the, their, their idea is that they are going to provide the frequency with this device. But they also need to stimulate another, uh, um, some,

they need to stimulate you physically, not just to me here. It's a dual kind of thing. Oh, no. So you've got a happy ending. It's a pocket pussy. So it was, Dr. Feelgood was the answer. No, it's a, it looks like a tiny iPod with headphones. Okay.

I have something to tell you after. You have something to tell me afterwards about a pocket pussy? Oh, jeez. Hold that pot. Please hold it. But so it's like an iPod that. also has a, like, electrical thing that I put in my mouth on my tongue that shocks my tongue as this happens.

Not shocks it. So is it that sort of thing where, like, that sort of therapy where it's, you're distracting yourself with a different thing? Yes. Exactly. Yeah. And supposed to do it for an hour a day. For me honest, I don't have that kind of time.

That's so long. I've just been doing it for a half hour. An hour a day. Yeah. And you're not supposed to have email on or anything like that during you. Email. You're supposed to. No, I have to have my email on.

Butter emails. Butter emails. Actually, that was something I said, there was butter that said emails on it. I've seen that. That's fun. Yeah. We should sell that.

No, it exists. We should still sell it. Let's sell a worse version of it. Yeah. It's just so real butter. I won't just write it with a marker on this. Yes, real butter that says three on it and you can, because people need butter.

What about like a sculpture? A sculpture of an email that says butter on it. Yes, a sculpture of one email. Yeah. What do emails look like? A letter? No one knows. They look like paper.

But if you put them out? If you print them out. If you put them outside. So what happened? You're not really doing it for an hour. So I buy this thing, but they say because it's going in your mouth, it's non-refundable. So if you buy it, you know. This sounds so scummy.

It does. But at the same time, it also sounds real. So this was something you weren't sure. You're connecting this to my glasses in that it was a purchase. You weren't. It was a purchase that I, I, It feels semi-scammy, but then again, this was a thing that I'd heard about that does work, but then I guess all scams are that way.

I know who I want to rip me off. They talked about certain, you know, people who have used it and the techniques. Holy sure. Some real house vibes. And to be, and also to be fair. Mr. T's backup singers. My tinnitus now is no longer constant. Is it because you're doing that?

I don't know. Or I don't know whether I'm just distracted. It was constant before? How are you dealing with that? Yeah. But it's not as bad as some people like Huey Lewis or whatever. He's got to my... That's what it sounds like for him?

No, that's his stutter. So were you just hearing in your head? Yeah, sometimes. Yeah. Especially after recording. That actually sounded cute. I wouldn't mind that. It's a little matter.

Yeah. Looking for the wheel. Have you thought about making, like, visualizing your tinnitus as a little mouse on a little wheel? Yeah. Oh, you have. Yeah. I thought about that. I retract my question.

I didn't do it, but I've thought about that. You know how in cartoons mouse holes are like so prevalent and they're always like a little arch. You got to draw a mouse. I love to draw a mouse hole if I'm drawing a room. Yeah. You have to. But do they exist in real life?

I mean, have you ever had mice? They always make an arch hole. like a little half circle? It's the only way they can do it. Yeah, that's how they get in. Are they sawing these or there? No, unfortunately, they can get into the tiniest hole because their bones squish down.

I love when there's a door on a mouse hole in a cartoon. Yeah, that's fun. That's adorable. It's adorable. And then you go inside and they have a little lounge chair with a little lamb. It's really bold. Like the idea that I'm living in someone, a human's house. Yeah.

I'm damaging the baseboard and the wall. But I'm going to put a door up here. But also, baseboards don't exist in those comics either. It's like they almost intentionally put baseboards on now in order to make sure they can't be mouse holes, right? No. What are you talking about? Here. Here.

In these cartoons? They had baseboards. But you know what I love? I feel like they have baseballs. I love fairy doors. And I like when people put them on a tree. You're right. There are baseboards.

Thank you. I like when people put them on a tree. I have some things like that around my house that I really enjoy. I would like to have more once Holly can really. pay attention to that. I'll be like, oh, there's a ferry in there. It's even more insane that they are with baseboards. I mean, that's a lot of... That looks really real.

That's construction that a mouse did. Yeah. Do you remember the littles, the little people who lived in the house? No. No. You didn't have those? No. In your house? No. But I told you about Lil Bits. Right.

It's a TV show from Nickelodeon that was like about these little gnomes called the Lil Bits. Ugh. Look. If you can't get on more with a little bits, I don't know if I can keep doing this. Should I tell you how much I spent on this during the break? No, tell me now.

No, during the break. Oh, can I guess? You can guess during the break. Here's a purchase I did not. I don't know whether I'm inspired by your views. Here's a purchase I did not make. I've gotten back into watches again, as I've talked about. And so I thought this time, I'm just going to go.

I'm going to get one that tells time. I'm going to go mechanical. watches. I'm not going to go battery operated watches because I really enjoy that. Where you wind it. Yes. You have to go into like a watch repair shop in order to get it fixed. Do you wind it every day? Well, sometimes you have to go into a watch repair shop to get a battery replaced if you can't. Like I have some watch tools and there, but there

are some that are, I don't want to damage the watch with my clumsiness trying to get the back off to put a new battery in there. And you don't want to end up in like the nuclear reactor if you're fixing your watch. No. I turn into Dr. Manhattan. the last thing I want. Mike, I have a clock that's running slow suddenly. What do I do? Is it dead? No.

Take it to a repair shop. Yeah, take it to a repair shop. And they'll charge you $800. So it's dead. One errand. So I guess I can't do that. You know these sites like Timo or whatever? Yeah, I'm so afraid of these sites.

Yeah. We're going to be advertising them, aren't we? I've had success. Timo? Oh, no, I am. Sorry. No, congrats. I've had success with Timo.

I've never tried it. But there was another place. Was this like D.H. Gate, I think. I went there to get a pocket watch. Uh-huh. Because I was looking for, I wanted a pocket watch with some color to it. And you also, you bought a suit you were telling me with like 87 pockets? Yeah.

Yeah. And I need a watch in everyone. Are you aware of this like sort of code on like Reddit type boards or message boards where D.H. means dear husband. What? No. It might be on like weird women's boards Like like like

Like D D D D dear daughter D S dear son D H dear husband So you'd be like It's just like type faster But I find it so off putting Because I'm like Are they saying that their husband is dear to them Or they're addressing their husbands

It's that he's dear to you They're referring to him in some story or other Yeah My dear husband my DH So like my DH did da da da da DH said Right My DH got a BBL

TIFU by CIFU by calling my DH A.H. Yeah. Right. So I go to this. Today I fucked up by calling my dear husband. An asshole?

Yeah. Okay, great. That's a fuck up. That's a true fuck up. To let him know how you feel about it? He won't like that. Whatever site this was, no, Lauren's pulling at her collar.

Don't call your T.H. Whatever site this was, I put in the word pocket in the search bar. Hmm. And I cannot tell you. How quickly. The drop down, but it was like, it was so many descriptors. Oh my God. I was like, Paul, you must meet pocket pussy.

It was like 12, 12 different search things came up. I was like, what the fuck? Like pocket pussy juicy? I didn't memorize it. Oh, you didn't memorize them? Why not? This is a good bit. And I don't want to hear.

I don't want to hear suggestions. Can we get a suggestion from the audience? But so did you get one? A type of pocket. I got three. And they don't fit up my wrists. All right, we have to take a break. You know those pieces in your closet that you find yourself reaching for over and over again?

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This family is on the brink of Civil War. Mobland. The hit original series is now streaming on Facebook. Paramount Plus. We are the Harrogans. Don't know the net? And Google us. From the underworld of Guy Ritchie.

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And we're back. And guess what? What? Chicken butt. Oh, God. I said that too slow. Is it not chicken butt? Is it chicken butt?

It's not chicken butt. So the speed was irrelevant, my friend. Oh, no. Because it is time for a three-cher. What is it three-cher? I'll sell you. I wanted to ask. A three-trure is a game that we play here on Freedom.

Three-cher. And those are not lyrics to scrubs. I don't want no scrubs. A three-ture is a game. Yeah, we do want scrubs. We want scrub. We want scrub. If you're a scrub...

If you're a scrubbing, you want to give us a three-chur... If you're scrubbing and you want to give us a three-ed... Treacher, we don't care. You can be a scrub. They do in the game that you play in the car. Please send us your three-cher suggestions, a game that you play in a car or a parlor game, something like that. It's not like drag racing or your fast and furious antics.

We're not racing for pinks. Please send us a three-chre. Yeah, we're not racing for pink's hot dogs. They refuse to sponsor us. That would be great if they sponsor us. A pink's hot dog? Just a hot dog. They're filming something on your streets.

I told them already. What is it? Did you see Mr. Cruz there? I did not see Mr. Cruz. Mr. Cruz might be doing a stunt, from house to house. I do always slow down a little bit to see if I will know somebody on the set. I know.

Yeah. I know. Why not? I wonder what house. God, this is exciting. We'll find out on our way out. Can you need any more actors? We're all free.

You need background? Strikes over. What can we do? I got eight hours to spare. To be yelled out by a director. So if you would like to send us a three-teacher, please do at FreedomUSA at gmail.com. That's our email. And this one doesn't have a title.

And I don't know who sent it to us originally. We played it before. Wow. Mysterious. But we go around in a circle telling a story. Each of us says one word. However, one of us has the word romance. One of us has the word uplifting and scary. These are like descriptor words.

to what types of words we're going to say. And how we're going to say it or no? We can, yeah. I'd love to say it in that way. Oh. All right. I will take scary. I'll do romantic.

And you get uplifting, Paul. Uplifting. It's like chicken soup for the soul. Yeah, optimistic. I know what the word uplifting means. Let's bring it down. You know, Paul, it's like chicken soup for the soul. Prefix meaning towards the sky.

It's like Tuesdays before. It's like you were like. Have you received two days before you? I mean it to have it. No, I've never seen it and I never will. I hate Mori. That's the thing. I don't want to spend Wednesdays. With him. And you are not the father. And I'm not that father.

All right. Someone posted like a thing on Instagram that was like, my kids were both sick so I gave them a sick day like it's the 90s and they're all watching Mori Povich. I was like, yep. Yep. Yep. All right. So should I start the sentence?

I don't. I'm trying to think. think if I know that many uplifting words. Well, just you'll get there. You'll come naturally and also tell you deliver it. Okay. Because sometimes you'll have to say and the, you know, it's not all. Yeah, exactly. All right.

Ready? Ghosts are. Sexy. That's the title. That's the title. That's the title. That's the title. Unless.

Unless. That's how it starts. No. I'm still continuing. The title is Ghost Are Sexy. Okay. And then you started the story, unless, which is fine. Oh, I thought you were saying that's the title of this episode.

No, the title of this story is Ghost or Sexy. But I think it should be. I think the first word of the story is unless. That's a bold start to a story. I like it. Okay. Unless we. Look.

In word healthily. Mistake. A. Oh, you're cheating. Ghosts. Unless we look inward healthily, we mistake a ghost. That's what I just said. You said ghost?

Yeah. That's the title. Ghost isn't romantic. Unless we. What is it unless we look inside health? Healthily. We mistake a ghost. Is that your final answer?

We mistake a ghost. That's my final answer. We mistake a ghost. Four. Three specters. So dumb. Because. What?

Every. Ghost. Has 10 specters inside all itself. All itself. Okay, so let's get this sentence right. Unless we look inward. Healthily. Healthily.

Okay. The end. Let's just say we fucked up. But why don't we do it again? And I think we'll go a little, try to go a little faster. so we keep track and we also can end a sentence. Okay. Okay.

I mean, okay. All right, so let's come up with the title and let's switch parts. Title, okay. I'll be uplifting. I'll be romance. I'll be scary. Okay. Lovers.

Die. Oh. Happily. Okay, that's the title. Bye. Menon. Okay. Romantic.

That's my. Scary. Who's what? I'm romantic. You're romantic. And the way I'm starting the story is romantic. Graveyards. Can

intoxicate corpses. When? Sex. Decays. People. We die. A Cupid's monster. Is lovely and...

Like scratching your eyes so slowly. And then just said and. Afraid. To... Wait, what was it, Cupid's Monsters? is lonely and lovely and afraid to suck the marrow her breasts. Therefore. However.

Here to four. Ha! Ha! I think it's over. Unknown. Oh, wow. However, therefore, it doesn't make any sense. It's over.

It's over. Okay, man. I'm sorry I said unknown, and it's very scary, like the unknown, the Willy Wonka character. Is that in what? What do you in what? In Willy Wonka? The unknown? In the Willy Wonka experience in Scotland?

What? That one that was like a horrible situation that everyone was? It was painful. Wait, you liked it? I created it. Oh, you're that guy. I created the original character. It's called the unknown.

Yes. That was like how the black top hat was? I didn't see that part. Yeah. The unknown. He's a scary presence. It makes sense if you go to the thing. Because it's a warehouse.

Yeah. And yeah, it would be weird to see that in a warehouse. That story was so insane. It's like, what are people doing? We were talking about it. on a different show, but it just, it gave me, it gave me like actor. It's like the dream where you show up and you don't know any of the lines as an actor. It reminded me of a real life version of that where it's just like,

do you know, I recently had a dream where I, the dream started that way where I had to do a show and I didn't know what was going on. But then in the dream, I caught up and it all worked out. I had one recently where I pulled it off. Yeah. And people were like, yeah. It was wild. It was really wild.

It was never happened to me before. Yeah. I feel like things are turning around for us. Yeah. You're having good dreams finally? Finally. I had, the other night I had dreams that started out so bad. And then by the end of my dream cycle were like absolutely delightful to where I woke up.

I was like, God, that was great. And I was like, oh, what about those horrors I experienced? Yeah. Right. I, I, uh, it was my turn to get Emmy and she, uh, has never done this before and it hasn't done it since. but I went in, she was like, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama. And I was like, you want to see Mama? And I think she had a bad dream or something.

So I took her in to Kulap who was still asleep. And then Kulap had also had a bad dream where she lost her as well. And so they were both like happy to see each other. Oh, that's cute. Me and Mom were sitting here dreaming about acting. I did well in the play. Doesn't anyone want to hear about my dream? I have no connection to my family.

Well, that does it for this episode. Thank you all for listening. We love you. If you would like to write to us, of course, you write to us at 3MUSA at gm.com. If you would like to leave us a voicemail as a sort of conversational prompt for our threemium episodes,

go to the website, hag claims8.com, leave us a voicemail. And then we talk for a little bit on these little mini episodes called thremiums. They come out every other week. People need more information.

Like, how do they get to this website? Like, they need to get to, You go to like your browser. Like service provider. Either go to Safari. Or just open Google and type hagclog.com. Yeah. But before that,

they need to hook their computers up. Oh, you have to buy a computer. Oh, or you can go to the library. That's true. Yeah. What about a phone?

Go to your local library and say, I need to leave freedom of voicemail. They'll know exactly what you're talking about. And they'll say, they'll teach you about the Dewey Decimal system. Then you'll be able to access hagclaims8.com. If all the computers were in the Dewey Decimal system, you're like,

have to find. them that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about that thing right there? Isn't it a computer? Also, look at the microfiche. And kids don't have to learn that anymore? No, they don't. They can. I bet they, I bet they don't have to. I don't think they teach them that anymore. Well, we didn't have to. We didn't have to learn anything. I didn't. Didn't you used to sit there and, like, edit out, like, oh, I'm never going to need this. I'm never going to need this. No, because my immediate thought was, I have to know this for homework or for a test. So I couldn't even project myself that far into the future.

I was like, this fucking sucks. Right. Right. What do you still remember from school? Everything. Tell us everything. Don't tug on Superman's cape. Don't spin into the wind.

Right. You don't take the mask off the old lone ranger. Got it. And you don't mess around with Jim. Oh, right, right, right, right. Yeah. What class was that? That was Jim Croce.

That was Jim Croce. It was Jim Croce. Um, I. I also know that the south side of Chicago is the baddest part of town. Oh, right. Leroy Brown lives there? He's bad, bad. Yeah, he's very bad.

Hey, look, we, if you want to hear our old episodes, all of them are over at CBBWorld.com. All of them. All of them. All of them. But if you want to hear them for free without signing up anywhere, we release them once a week on Tuesday. We call that quite simply three visiting on the twos. and you can hear those every Tuesday and the three-mium episodes we talked about those. Those are every other Wednesday.

You can't say we didn't because we did. And those come out on CBB World and also this maybe Apple Podcast Premium or something. I don't know what it's called. Let's never learn. Lemonade has never written to us to say, hey, here's what it actually is. It's called Apple Podcasts Premium. It's not what you said. Well, that's what I said originally, but then people say that that is not a thing.

Oh, I just don't know. And I'm just going off an oral conversation I had with everyone about this. Okay. And my memory. Yes. Listen to us on Zune Minus. And, oh, by the way, Paul and I are on tour starting next week, I believe, with the comedy bang bang tour. And you can get all of the information at CBBWorld.com slash tour.

All of those dates. We're going to be on the East Coast next week. week, which is very exciting. And look, man, Varietopia is also on tour. Yeah. And I'm doing two tours at the same time. Yeah. Wow.

The shows simultaneously as well. Like half of the stage is for CBB and half the stage is Variety. Are you doing shows in the same cities? Sometimes, yeah. Wow. That's great planning. Oh, never mind. Yeah.

Not great planning. Oh, no, no. Oh, no, no. Oh, no, no. One more night. Yeah. We got to go, I think. Goodbye

Not really What do you want us to keep talking It's a short episode Is it? Yeah What happened? How are you talking? Because we stopped that game

Like within 30 seconds That game felt like we went on Ever Should we play another round? Yeah, I'll do Okay, here we go All right I'll be uplifting

Okay I'll be romantic Okay I'll be scary Okay And Lauren you start This is the title Threatom

Is sexy when hot air balloons oh that's three words actually two words uh when balloons which two are together

hot air is probably hot air is one word do you think it's hyphenated? I think it's halfinated? I think it's hot air balloons let me look hot air balloons hot air balloons it is hyphenated

hot air balloons hot air balloons hot air balloons hot air balloons Hot air balloons. Actually, it's not hyphenated. You turn on the air at the air. Actually, it is hyphenated.

I don't think it is. Actually, it's not right. All right, we have to go. Bye. Bye. Where some see heroes and others see egos. Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes. A fad to some, the future of money to others. We see crypto's trillion dollar swings.

The end of job. or the end of human struggle. We see the endless funds fueling the AI hype. While others follow the noise, we follow the money. Learn more at Bloomberg.com.