Threedom - Threevisiting: Honey Bee Same as Bumble Me?

Episode Date: July 22, 2025

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss puzzles and commercials before playing Actor's Nightmare. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Want to listen to your favorite Lemonada shows without the ads? Subscribe to Lemonada Premium on Apple Podcasts. You'll get ad-free episodes and exclusive bonus content from shows like Wiser Than Me with Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Fail Better with David Duchovny, The Sarah Silverman Podcast, and so many more. It's a great way to support the work we do and treat yourself to a smoother, uninterrupted listening experience. Just head to any Lemon

Nata show feed on Apple Podcasts and hit subscribe. Make life suck less with fewer ads with Lemon Nata Premium. Yab! Freedom! Bap bap, bap bap, bap bap, bap bap, bap bap, bap bap. Freedom! Freedom! That makes the name of the show. Oh, that is the name of the show. And we are the people that make the show happen. My name is Paul.

I'm Missy Misdemeanor Elliott. I'm Missy Misdemeanor Elliott the second. And I'm Missy Misdemeanor Elliott the third, coming at you live. We are a family of Missy Misdemeanor Elliott, and we are proud to give you this podcast. Put us together, we're a felony. That's right, three misdemeanors,

three strike these strikes. Have you ever been stung by a jellyfish? Uh, no, no. Do you want to? Yeah, I've desperately. Because I have one. I was gonna say, I was gonna throw one at him. Well, I just want someone to pee on me.

Apparently that's not the solution, just everyone knows. I recently learned that that actually doesn't do anything. So stop doing it, you freaks. Who was the person who suggested it in the first place? A prankster? I gotta piss on you. That'll solve it.

In your face. I mean, I really read that. It's not a thing. That's wild. I shouldn't say I really read that because- Here's the thing, Laurie. I really read that. I have no idea where I heard that.

Say a jellyfish stings you. Okay. Ouch. That's wild. I shouldn't say I really read that because I really read that. I have no idea where I heard that. Say a jellyfish stings you. Okay, ouch. Okay, there's nothing around for miles and miles. Someone says like, look, let me try the whole pissing on you thing. You're telling me you're gonna say like, no, I read it's not a thing.

I'm in horrible pain. I would let someone piss on me for sure, just to see if it works. Who would you let piss on? Mike should. Well, if it was, it depends on who I was with. If I was Someone piss on me for sure, just to see. Who would you let piss on you? Mike should. Well, if it was, it depends on who I was with. If I was with someone that I reviled, I probably wouldn't want them to piss on me

because they have that over me. Why would you be with someone you reviled? Well, maybe we got lost on a road trip and we're stuck in the middle of nowhere, we fell in the ocean and I got a jellyfish thing and then I hate that person and I'm so sick of them and then they go, I'll only piss on you and I go, I'm gonna fucking kick your ass.

But someone. This is like for a movie, then they go, I'll only piss on you. And I go, I'm gonna fucking kick your ass. But someone- It's like for a movie, it's great. I feel like a good movie. Someone that you're like, feel medium about like, oh, they're not my friend. Mike Pence. I'd ask them to put their piss in a cup and then I'd pour it on myself.

I'll take care of this, thank you. Well, can your own piss not do it? If that's the case. It's not always easy to get the piss to where it needs to go. That's such, well, for a man, it's a little easier, dear. Well, I guess if I got stuck on my ankle, I could just pee right on that.

Yeah, fine. But if you got stuck on your hand, you could pee on that. What could you not pee on? No, my hand can't reach. Oh, no, you've never wiped. I love this game. What can you not pee on? I couldn't pee on my own butt.

I couldn't pee on my own back. What can you not pee on? I couldn't pee on my own butt. I couldn't pee on my own back. What if you're upside down? I guess I'd have to hang upside down, pee, hope that it runs the right way. If you were trapped by someone who kidnapped you and they hung you upside down, you would have to pee on your own back. To get the jellyfish thing off?

No, no jellyfish thing included. No, to gross them out so they let you go. Yeah. She's crazy. Well, can roast them out so they let you go. Yeah. Like, she's crazy. Well, can we talk about my bee sting for a second? Ah, yeah. This is old business. The one that happened a month ago?

Let's get into old business, and then we'll get into new business. I was having a delightful time at Disneyland. You got stung at Disneyland? That's the worst. The bee was on, I kind of felt something on my hand and I looked down and a bee was just kind of living on my hand. Like a yellow jacket?

A big, big, big fluffy, but not a bumblebee. It was just like a fluffer. It was a, it wasn't a. I feel like you're inventing a category of bee. It was a thick bee. Oh, thick with two Cs? Yes, two Cs and two Es. And I started slapping it onto my nephew.

I was like, I was like trying to get it off. And like using him as like leverage to kick it off my hand. And then it was literally sticking its fucking ass into me as I was doing that and stinging me. And it was horrible. And it really- Did it sting you more than once?

No, it just stung me really hard. And then the stinger was in my hand. This is why you always carry a flower. I guess it's a bumblebee. Did it have the little ball on the end? I don't know. That's the abdomen? You always carry a flower because that way you can

lure the bee to the flower. You're right, I should have done that. Yeah. Anyway, it was kind of dramatic. But everything was fine. But it's one of those flowers that squirts water so that when it lands on it, you just squirt it. It's the bee, it's humiliating.

Oh, that's funny. And shrinks. So does it shrink down? I guess even smaller than a bee. What is smaller than a bee? Nothing. I get they have one thing. Why?

A dime? No. The idea that bees, that bumblebees, Thinner. They can, Thinner. The idea that bumblebees, their big move is to sting, but then it kills them. I know, they're so dumb. It's like, just fly away, dude.

But is that not true of all bees? No, I don't think so. Really, I thought all bees died of this. I thought yellow jackets can sting you and be like, ha ha, goodbye. See, I sort of think that's why it was a yellow jacket that I killed in my home recently. Because it looks different, it looks really evil.

It had a really evil energy. I had like a yellow jacket on it. I'm gonna Google what a yellow jacket is, because I thought, I told you the story of when I was running on those wood chips and I thought I went on those wood chips. And I thought I got stung by a million yellow jackets. Do you think the show will pop up first

in your Google search? Well, I typed in yellow J-W-C-K-R-Y-E, let's see if it goes. Okay. And it said yellow jacket. Now here I'm looking at it. It's, yep, yep. That's definitely, definitely what I got. That was like a line up. Because you know why?

Definitely yellow jacket. It's like five bees standing in front of you. Because it's got this sort of evil, evil. Yeah, I hate them. This evil energy to it. I hate them. It looks so mean. They love soda.

It's sticking its fucking butt out. Oh my God, they love soda. I hate it. When we were in- They love soda? Look and see if they can stay and remain alive. Because I think they can. Okay.

When we were in Thailand, we were in the middle of the night. We were in the middle of the night. We were in the middle of the night. We were in? But wait, look and see if they can stay and remain alive. Cause I think they can. Okay. When we were in Thailand, we were in our hotel room and we pulled the drapes and right outside the window, hanging from the above balcony was the most giant, probably as big as your torso, like hive. It's big as my torso?

Yeah. That's multiple feet. Can I just say? It was, but bulbous, unlike your torso. Thank you so much. Hey. Wait, wait, so real quickly. So is a hive hanging outside the window?

Honey bees die after stinging. No other bee. Now that actually pisses me off. That's so. I need to see a picture of a honeybee. Okay. Honey, so what is it about the honeybee that makes them die?

Because they're filled with honey? They're so full of honey, they're like, kill me. Please kill me. I beg of you, kill me. Put me out of my misery, I ate too much honey. I felt like that. I don't make it, I eat it. It was definitely a honeybee that stung me at Disneyland.

It was furry, it was kind of fluffy, and it did die moments after. It was on the ground writhing in pain. In agony. Missing its stinger that it wasted on my hand. Then what about, so a bumblebee can sting you and keep on living, or is a bumblebee just another name? A bumblebee can take care of.

I thought a bumming bee, I thought a bumblebee was the same as a honeybee. Well, that's what I'm asking right now. Yeah. If you would ever listen to me. I'm crying out for your attention. OK. Look, honeybee, I said honeybee same as bumblebee. Actually, I put honeybee same as bumble knee. OK, what came up? They're different. Honeybee looks like this and a Bumblebee looks like this. Huh, this and this?

Honeybee has sort of a yellow, but it's more mixed brown, sort of like black. Bumblebee straight up, very thick yellow, very thick black, very thick yellow. And very fluffy indeed. Like the sweater that Sting wore in Newcastle. Honeybee looks a little meaner than the bumblebee. I can't, those pictures, first of all,

they're very far away. Okay, bumblebee. Is the bumblebee the one that does the pollen? They look similar though, they do look similar. But the honeybees sort of muted colors. Scientists who listen to this show are so upset right now. Honeybees have muted colors. Yeah, why are you bothering me?

Why would you ever listen to this show? Like the bumblebee is more black with pops of yellow, whereas the honeybee is like kind of brown because the yellow is mixing into the black. Yeah, fun. Yeah. So I got stung by- And I don't want any of them around me.

I got stung by a honeybee because I remember the stinger in my arm with like the little ball on it that was its abdomen. Yeah, that's so gross. It's gross. I've been stung by a bee- It's actually sick. Sick. Three times, I think. gross. It's gross. I've been stung by B. It's actually sick. Sick.

Three times, I think. Really? In my life. Only three. Only three, once when I was 10 or so. And you don't know at that point if you're allergic or not. So they tell you to go to the office, go to the nurse, school nurse.

What does the school nurse do all day? Are they busy? You know what they do all fucking day? They put ice cubes into brown paper towels, put them into sandwich bags and tie them up to be ice bags. I really wonder though, like you have to be there and on call in case some shit goes down. I'm sure there are people coming in all fucking day.

Do you know how many times I went to the nurse just complaining? Four? All the time I go like, my head hurts because I don't like math. You're abusing the system, this is what I mean. My head really would hurt. What percentage of a school nurse's cases

that they take on are fake? Like kids trying to get single. But my head really did hurt. 50, 75. But only because I hated it so much. I'm gonna say 95%. 95%, right? Think about that in your job.

I don't think I ever went to the school nurse. First of all, in my grade school, I don't know that we had one. We're kidding, I was there all the time. But think about that being your job where 95% of the people you talk to are bullshitting you. Thank you for accepting my statistic immediately. I know, well it's kind of sweet of them

to humor the kids. But you gotta know, every time someone walks in, they're like, fuck, here comes another lie. If I were a school nurse, I would send the kids home every single time. Yeah. What do you give a shit? Like they cut their finger, I'd say, here's a bandaid.

You also should go home. Yeah. But what, okay, at what level? I don't care. They made their decision. I'm child free by choice, baby. I'm child free by choice. At what level of care are they?

Child free by choice. Child free by choice. CFBC, child free by choice. It's a community. It's a committee. A community of lonely people. It's a community. It's a committee. A community of lonely people. It's a dedicated world. We have each other.

We get together and we talk about how great it is we don't have kids. You'd have sex. Yeah, okay. We also have sex with each other. Yeah. And try to make babies. Everybody, yeah, and it never happens.

We're all lying. And we're desperately sad. You're right. So at what level of care are school nurses authorized to give? They're allowed to do surgery, they're allowed to do brain surgery. They can make incisions, but they can't close them up. But like if someone cuts off their hand.

I think they call 911. 911. 911. Go to the school nurse. Your fucking hand got cut off. In shop class, there had to be a school nurse just sitting there waiting for people to cut their Oh man, I used to. Go to the school nurse. Your fucking hair got cut off. In shop class, there had to be a school nurse just sitting there waiting for people to cut their hair. Oh, great.

I did wood shop and I made a few things that were really wonderful. I was really good at it. I made a puzzle. I made- With the jigsaw? You know what's great about a puzzle? Is that when you make it, it's always right.

Like it's not like good or bad. It's like you just cut it however you want and then yeah, it fits together. That's somebody else's problem. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I made a little box to store things. How many pieces of the puzzle, sorry. How many pieces in this puzzle?

I bet you it was probably nine. That's so funny. You know, like a little, well you're working with the jigsaw. I never got to do it. I never got to do it. Yeah, well yeah. You have to work with the jigsaw. I never got to do it. I never got to do it. Yeah, well, yeah. You have to work with the jigsaw to make a jigsaw puzzle.

That's fun. But she didn't say a jigsaw puzzle. I can still smell the wood shop now. I made a wooden Sudoku. What about those puzzles, you know, where it's eight things and a nine whole thing and you, you know, slide puzzle. Oh, that's fascinating.

You know what I like? There's this game that we have that's really fun. I would like to recommend it. Sure. It's called Color Coup and it's like Sudoku, but color. So it's basically a, it's a, I'm gonna be like that guy explaining baseball. It's a wooden tray that has little scooped out

little divots and basically wherever there would be a number on a Sudoku, there's a hole. And you put a colored ball and you can't have the same color going in the same, you know what I mean? Is it the same amount of number on a Sudoku, there's a hole. And you put a colored ball, and you can't have the same color going in the same, you know what I mean? You have to have- Is it the same amount of squares as a Sudoku? It's very, yeah.

Nine per box. Yes, and then nine boxes. Interesting. And it's really fun. I actually don't like Sudoku, but I like this. So do you start with colors already in there, or you have to construct? It gives you puzzles,

so you have to set it up to look like the picture, and then you have to solve it. Now, I wasn't listening to how this game was played because I was thinking of something else, which I want to share with you right now. That's fine. This was a thing that I forgot to include in the description of Finnish baseball. Okay.

This is, wow, from a previous episode. Yes. Which episode was this? We're still in old business. So the batting helmets that they wear look like the helmets that they put on babies when their heads need to be reshaped. In Finland?

Yeah. Wow. Maybe they all, I mean, Finland, Finnish people have soft heads in general. Maybe they know more about how it should really be. It's part of their national identity. Yeah. If you're listening to us from Finland, we apologize.

This is his. I don't apologize for my accent work, which was flawless, I'm assuming. Yeah, of course. Lauren, what are you thinking about? Color Coup. Why do you like that instead of Sudoku because it's colors instead of numbers? That's the only difference.

I don't know, for some reason, well, I've never really, I've only tried Sudoku a couple of times and felt very like I don't really get what I'm doing here, I'm messing it up. It's the exact same as ColorCube. I know, but I actually, I was looking at ColorCube yesterday and going, maybe I would be good at Sudoku if I could do this.

Yeah, you probably would, because it's not addition or anything like that. It's literally just doing exactly what you're doing. It is, it's just that- Is Sudoku numbers? Yeah. Yeah, but you're not adding them together. I've never done it.

You just need one of each in each row and a line or whatever you call it. Yeah, in each're not adding them together. You've never done it. You just need one of each in each row and, and, and a line or whatever you call it. Yeah. In each box and in each line. Vertically and horizontally. Vertically, horizontally and box. Wait, this game has boxes, lines and rows? Yeah. I'm out. Yeah, it's too many. Which one would you prefer they get rid of? Boxes. I think the boxes, yeah. Lines and rows. Because it's like everything's very contained.

You know, and it's like, why are you in a box? It makes me feel bad for the numbers. I do feel bad. But I love the game and it's a fun game. And I would recommend it as a fun little like, you know, sort of put it on the dining room table, like revisit it, come back, or sit down for a night of fun with your, you know, friend.

Is this a game in a box? It's in a box. I think it would be hard to put it down, walk away, revisit. Like if I'm doing a game, I want to finish. I agree. Can I finish? You know, I also used to really love doing puzzles. I was looking at all my puzzles that I was obsessed with pre-pandemic and pandemic times,

and I was like, that's a different world for me. Yeah. You're no longer into puzzles. Well, with a baby, not only are the pieces crazy, they'll get lost, they'll put them in their mouth. I don't have the time to sit there and do it. And when I'm done at the end of the day, I don't know if I can do a puzzle. You wanna be playing the xylophone.

I wanna rage out. You wanna blaze up, absolutely. Smoke yourself out. I wanna play all her toys because she was hogging them all day and I was like, I didn't get to do it. Oh no. Does she have a favorite toy?

She really is into musical instruments right now. And then she likes to crawl around like holding things. So she likes to hold, she'll get attached to one thing at a time, but like she loves water bottle tops, like from like my reusable water bottle. And she also I also- That one goes to it to be fair.

I got her like a bunch of big magnets that she could safely play with on the fridge at her height. And she really likes that. What are they of? You told me she spelled out the word Satan, right? Yeah. She used these animals and spelled out the words Satan and it was actually amazing.

Snake, ass, tarantula. Ass. It made a lot actually amazing. Snake, ass, tarantula. Ass. It made a lot of sense. Bark, bark. I'm trying to think of an N animal. An N animal? Nerve. Nerve damage. There's gotta be one. I used to have a book. Narwhal. I used to have a book that had you know. Narwhal. I used to have a book that had, you know. A children's book. A children's book for every letter had one. Every letter had one.

And then I bet you for it was Narwhal. I remember a book when I was a kid that I saw, it was advertised on TV and my mom got it for us and it was a book that essentially was like pictograms to help you memorize the state capitals. Oh, Mike and I worked on that during the pandemic, actually. Did you really? Yeah.

How'd you do? We got to a point where we knew them all and we knew where all the states were, because there were some states that I just have never really retained exactly which one's which. What's the capital of California? Sacramento.

Whoa, she does know all of them. I know. What's the capital of California? Sacramento. Whoa, she does know all of them. I know. What's the capital of Chicago? Illinois. Capital of Chicago. But here's the thing. I remember that book and it was very, like the idea is it would be an illustration and then like a little sentence that was like a story that would help you remember.

Like a mnemonic device. Yes, so like I remember there was for Indianapolis, there was a, it was a picture of a flagpole with like a Native American laying on it horizontally on the top. And like the part of the sentence was, an Indian taking a nap on a pole, no less. So you would remember Indianapolis. Look, it worked, because you remember it.

That's the only one I remember! I don't remember any of the other ones. Because it's honestly the weirdest thing they could ever do. Native American poets. I remember these commercials. I loved that book, though, but I'm mad that I don't remember. I wish you still had it.

I wish you would give us copies of it. What did you give us copies of recently? The Book of Lists. Oh yeah, the Book of Lists. Paul. What, Paul? Wait, I wanna say. I can't remember every gift

everyone gives me. Do you ever remember these commercials? I don't think that you would remember them, but. So I said this the other day, I was like, Coolup, did you give me this? She's like, I don't know. It's like, you forget. Yeah.

There was this commercial when I was growing up that was called, it was for, I did not say it like that. You did, I almost said know. It's like, you forget. Yeah. There was this commercial when I was growing up that was called, it was, it was for a, I did not say it like that. You did. I almost said the same thing. Commercial? Commercial. You said commercial.

Commercial. There was a commercial. Commercial. There was a commercial. There was a commercial. Commercial. There was a commercial for this French learning tape called Muzzy, I think.

And it would be like this. It's sort of a cartoon of these little like, and I was like, un, deux, trois. I was like, I'm learning French. And it's like you would watch. It sounds familiar. Yeah. Un, deux, trois.

Keep going, keep going. And I just remember it. And I would play all the time and I would think, oh, Muzzy. And I never once it. Great, continue. And it would play all the time and I would think, oh, muzzy, and I never once, of course, had the opportunity to use it. But you would think of it as fondly like a friend. It was just like a comforting commercial. Let's see if I can find it.

All right. I think I've talked to you guys about Chiz and Bop. Chiz and Bop? I hope so. Chiz and Bop was a, and for the listener, Chiz and Bop. If I've talked about this before, sorry. Take a break, take a breather for the next two minutes. I'm assuming it'll be two minutes.

It was a way of counting. Two minutes later. Where you would put your. Chiz and Bop. You would put your hand on the table and somebody would give you like a long multiplication or like a long math problem like this times this minus this divided by this whatever and so these kids would be like tapping their

fingers on the tables on the table to come up with the answer. I never quite understood how it worked but it was a very brief thing that was supposed to like like the commercial was as if this is gonna revolutionize everything. And it did not really catch on. I sort of remember this where, and the tapping of the fingers was part of it of like, okay, if you tap this, because you have 10 fingers usually. Well, eight and two thumbs.

Can I play the Muzzy commercial? All right, here we go. I thought you were taking a picture of me. You were holding your phone and saying, yes, you, you're all this. Just we, la, june, fi. Jesus Christ. Yes, that's French they're speaking, and no, these children aren't French, picture of me you're holding your phone jesus christ yes that's french they're speaking you know these children aren't french they're american and they've acquired their amazing new

language skills i bet they're french the remarkable new video yes that's french that's making children develop by the british broadcasting corporation you imagine growing up with that as your mother children learn a second language second language four delightful videos quickly become their favorite tv show as your mother, children. Second language. Second language. Shut the fuck up. Where's your jokes? Four delightful videos quickly become their favorite TV show. There's no chance.

Learning another language becomes fun. It becomes fun. You'll be amazed when your children begin speaking and understanding their new language from the very first day into this unique method. Muzzy now comes with four videos, two audios. What did it come with before? You know you're introducing this for the first time so don't act like there's a lot of

information you must be now comes with four videos two cassettes a parents guide so you can understand what your kids are saying about you a pack of cigarettes all right look we have to take a break bye Take a break. Bye. Hey, summertime Sam. Yes. Can I tell you something? Is it summer related? Yeah. Last summer, I had the most unforgettable octopus dish at this tiny seaside spot while on vacation.

It was smoky. It was tender. Smoky, tender octopus. Yeah. That summer. It was totally out of my comfort zone to eat it. But I feel like I've craved it ever since, you know? That one meal made me realize how much I love trying chef-created food that's a little unexpected. Oh, that's like me in a beach ball.

You ate a beach ball? Yep. Okay. I was skeptical, but now I crave it. Okay, sure. Well, that's exactly why I'm hooked on Cook Unity. The meals are crafted by real chefs full of bold flavors and creative twists and they make dinner at home feel just as exciting as

discovering a hidden gem on vacation. Do any of the recipes ever involve peaches? I would imagine they could. You like peaches? That makes me feel like summer. Peaches are kind of like beach balls but of the fruit. Peaches are beach balls of the fruit. Anyway, Cook Unity was made for adventurous eaters with countless global cuisines from 160 plus award winning chefs. The globe is round like a beach ball. That's right. Their roster of all star chefs includes Food Network alums,

James Beard award winners and acclaimed restaurateurs. A French word. My favorite meal, corn on the cob and watermelon. Oh wow. And they're delivered right to your door and they're never frozen. You know, one of my favorites that I've had recently is the chicken teriyaki with char broccolini broccolini broccolini. Broccolini.

From Chef Esther Choi. It's so good. Anyway, get what you're craving. Try the freshest, best tasting meal delivery made by your favorite celebrity chefs. Go to cookunity.com slash freedom free or enter code freedom free before checkout for free premium meals for life. That's free premium meals for life

by using code freedom free or going to cookunity.com slash freedom free. Terms and conditions apply, summertime Sam. Go to cookunity.com slash freedom free. Terms and conditions apply, summertime Sam. Go to cookunity.com for details. I'm gonna eat a beach ball filled with iced tea. Burn-oo-noo-noo-noo-noo-noo-noo-noo-noo-noo. If everybody had a ocean. A what?

I don't know. Hey, summer though, am I right? And in summer, we have so many plans to do so many things. But you know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans? Getting burned by your old wireless bill. Can you imagine a Beach Boys song about that? B- that. Anyway, while you're planning beach trips, barbecues and three day weekends, your wireless bill should be the last thing holding you back.

And that is why I made the switch to Mint Mobile. All plans come with high speed data. Does that make sense to you? It does to me because data is what I call data. And so when I say they all come with high spade, high... You know what I'm talking about. When I say high spade data, it's high speed data, right? They all come with it.

They come with unlimited talk and text delivered oned on the nation's largest 5g network ditch overpriced Wireless and get three months of unlimited service from mint mobile for 15 bucks a month Look, I did the math People were like you do the math. So I was like, okay. Yeah. Okay. I'll do the math Switching to mint mobile would have saved me hundreds of dollars a year on my wireless bill if I had just done it 80 years ago. $100 a year for 80 years? I'd be sitting pretty right now instead of doing this ad. Well anyway, this year, skip breaking a sweat and breaking the bank.

Get this new customer offer and your three month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash threedom. That's mintmobile.com slash threedom. Upfront payment of $45 required, equivalent to $15 per month. Limited time, new customer offer for the first three months only. Speeds may slow above 35GB on unlimited plan, taxes and

fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. Y'all know me. Scotty D. Yeah, I'm not into chasing trends, right? The chens chase me. The trends chase me. I'm all about the stuff that fit right, feels good, lasts. That is why I keep coming back to Quince. Their lightweight layers and high quality staples have become my everyday essentials. Quince has the kind of stuff that you will actually wear on repeat like stuff like you know breathable flow knit polos or crisp cotton shirts and

comfortable lightweight pants that somehow work for both weekend hangs and dressed-up dinners and you know the best part? Everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands. By working directly with top artisans and cutting out those middlemen. We hate the middlemen don't we folks? Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups and Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I got some of this quince stuff the other day. I've been wearing it on the outside of my body.

I got one of their quince's 100% European linen relaxed short sleeve shirts. I mean, I'm kind of like why didn't I get the long sleeve this is so good breathable perfect for the hottest of days look at quince you're gonna want to stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from quince go to quince.com slash freedom for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q U I N C E dot com slash freedom. You're going to get free shipping and 365 day returns. That's quince.com slash freedom.

And we're back. And me thinking about that animal book. Me thinking about animal book. Reminds me of Zee Zebra. And it reminded me of when I went to the doctor with my mother and this doctor, it was a children's doctor. And-

Pediatrician. Pediatrician, sure. Good one. I had a ton of, like you'd go in every office, had paintings of zebras for some reason, I guess, cause they're whimsical. To delight you. To delight you.

But they were not. They're pretty delightful. They were not like fun children's pictures, like brightly colored. They were like literally like oil paintings, like well done paintings of zebras and stuff like that, you know? Like.

That sounds nice. Stunning. And you're complaining. So that sounds nice. Stunning. And you're complaining? So I just remember- They were well done paintings. If the kids would say that to the doctor, these are well done.

These are actually, these are not like for my level. These are really for a higher level. These are wasted on me, frankly. But I just remember we waited so long for the doctor that I was trying to come up with riddles and I was making my mom laugh so hard. Oh. Because like, and I was making my mom laugh so hard because like, and I remember one of them being, um, why did the, because it was some

zebras going on, probably Noah's Ark or whatever. They were like going up a ramp on a boat. I was like, why did it was all in all zebras Noah's Ark. Hey, we're gonna have an all zebra flood. Fuck all y'all. It's like zebras and that's it. But one of my reals is why, why did the zebra go on the boat? My mom was like, why? And I said, because it wanted to.

That's a good one. And she like cried, laughed. That's good, that's like comedy. Aw, that's cute. I think there's something very sweet about that and that your mom was going like, this child who I brought into the world has made me laugh. That's what she was thinking.

And I am the first of many. Here's Chisenbob. He will make so many laugh. Hi. Hi, I'm Chisenbob. Debbie and Brad, they're going to show you an amazing system for calculating math called Chisenbob. That's a Korean word, which means finger calculation. Oh.

It can turn a child's fingers into a calculator. You got to use better branding. Okay, Brad, here's your problem. Three times nine. Than Fred McMurray? Well, yes, Chisenbop is a Korean word, but don't use it here. What's the answer?

32. That's right. 10 years is a little bit different. He said third and two. Three times seven. I feel like I did this, or I figured it out or something when I was a kid. You never figured this out.

Can I see the video while you play it? I feel like this is also based on Blackjack card counting. You know how card counting is like, it's not like you're sitting there going like, oh, four queens, three aces. It's like a math. I actually don't know how a card counting works. I actually don't either, Rain Man. It's a math. You fucking got him. Why don card counting works. I actually don't either, Rain Man. It's a math.

You fucking got him. Why don't I drop some matches on the floor, you freak? Shit. Definitely Rain Man. Definitely Rain Man. Definitely Rain Man. Definitely Rain Man. It's like you go minus 10 for every Jack

or every face card. It's like you're trying to get to zero all the time. I had never quite figured it out. I think the reason I don't understand is because I immediately glaze over when it's explained to me. Yeah. Well, that's everything. Yeah, to be fair.

I'm dumb. Chis and bop. Chis and bop. It puts a chis and bop in the membrane. I think I can use that for the jitterbug game. Yeah. I feel like I saw that. Chis and bop are better than jitterbug.

Figured out exactly what it was. I'm gonna try to figure out what the thing is. Wait, hold on a second. Lauren, this is new business. Are you proposing that fromisenbob better than Jitterbug. Figured out exactly what it was. I'm gonna try to figure out what it was. Wait, hold on a second. Lauren, this is new business. Are you proposing that from now on when we play Jitterbug, we instead call it Chisenbob? Yes. All right, I second.

Scott? And I think we should call it Chisenbob by Muzzy. That's the name of the game. Yeah, Muzzy doesn't come into play. But we do Chisenbob in a French accent. Chisenbob by Muzzy. Chisenbob. Yeah, the Muzzy doesn't come into play. But we do Chiz and Bop in a French accent. Chiz and Bop by Muzzy. Chiz and Bop. Okay, here's what-

Chiz and Bop. Chiz and Bop. Here's the Chiz and Bop system. I'm not good at French accents. Scott, we need you to vote on this. I abstain. Present. All right, well, the majority has it, so-

So it's Chiz and Bop by Muzzy in a French accent. Chiz and Bop by Muzzy is the name of the game, and then we chant Chiz and Bop in a French accent. There you go. Yes. Okay, here's how it works. You have two hands on the table. Okay.

Your left hand. Knows what your right hand is doing. Yes. So it can't wash it. The four fingers are 10 and your thumb is 50. Your right hand, the four fingers are one. I've already lost. Each finger 10, 10, 10, 10, and a 50.

And then a 50 for the thumb. And then on the right hand, it's one, one, one, one, and then a five. The thumb is a five. The thumb is a five. And then basically you put- Except the thumb was 50. On the left hand.

On the other hand. I forgot about the second hand. So basically like- Focus on your Chisholm, Pop Sun. When you get a question, whatever fingers are on the table, you then count it out, like you put the corresponding finger on the table. Let's try it. You put the corresponding finger on the table.

Give me just this plus this. Okay, ten plus ten. Ten plus ten? Is this card counting or Chisenbob? This is Chisenbob. Okay. Twenty, because I have these two 10. Also I know that 10 plus 10 is 20.

I have these two 10 fingers up, but give me something. 20 because I know that I have two fingers. Give me this plus this plus this. Okay, wait, it's 15 plus seven plus nine. 15, you're fucked. There's no way he's gonna get this. 15 plus seven, 15 plus seven plus nine. Oh shit, how do you do this?

I don't hear the Chisenbop thing. How do you do the seven and the nine with your Chisenbop? You have to go piece by piece. You probably go 15. 15, so I put the 10 down in the five. You put the 10 down into the five. And then plus seven, but I don't have enough.

But I'm sorry, how does that help you understand it? To get the rest of that dive. Because whatever fingers you have on the table at the end of the problem. At the end of the day. But here's what it is. Is what the answer is. This is terrible.

No, because you're still adding it up at the end of the fucking day. You're still going 10 plus five. I think it means like one finger is like the first 10. This would be 10, 20, 30, 40, 50. So then if I got two at 10, I'd put down my pinky and then I would know that that's in the 10s. This is how they get you to buy it

because it starts arguments. Yes, we gotta buy it. If it was 20, I'd put down my second finger. I bet in the break in between episodes, we can figure this out and we can be amazing at it. I'm gonna Google Chisholm Buck. I remember in long division how hard it was for me when I was first learning it.

Yeah. Hard, like I, my brain just shut short division. You're like, hey, Chisholm is also called finger math. Yeah. It's a Korean word. It's a Korean word meaning finger math. Finger calculation. But I, but have I ever used long division?

Probably. Really? Me plus you divided by Janie. I don't trust that. I don't trust that. This is stressing me out. What Chizimbabwe? You don't seem stressed out actually. We're going to, we're going to figure out Chizimbabwe.

Low level, low level. You're going to teach it to Holly. All right, Holly, it's time to learn not only what numbers are, but what Chiz and Bop is. I can't wait till she has like a favorite stuffy that she carries. I know, she doesn't have that yet. I'm trying to push one, but it's not working. Yeah, so.

She just like looks at it and looks at you. Yeah. She will hold a stuffed animal for like moments, but like not, she won't care. So she's not invested in stuffed animals, like as friends? She likes them to be around and she likes when they kiss her and stuff.

When they kiss her? But she doesn't. When you make the animals, yeah. Oh, when you're, okay. Yeah, they don't do it themselves and she likes You didn't like catching them coming to life. to hold them for like a second, but she's more like,

she actually likes to care on hard objects. I loved the footage of everyone saying happy birthday to her on her first birthday. Oh yeah. And she was just looking like, what is, why are you doing this? Why would anyone do this? She truly was so confused

and she did not eat the cupcake. The first time is confusing. That was so funny, she would eat the cupcake? I know. Second time they get it, right? Yeah, that's funny. The second time they're like,

oh, this happened a year ago. Yeah, we'll see. And the second time they realize this is for me, this is about me. Yeah. I don't know. And third time it's like old hat, it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

where's the cake? Fourth time it's like, yes. Fifth time it's like, I think I'm actually into this. Sixth time. Sixth time it's like, wait, what was this again? Seventh time, I'm into it again. Eighth time, I'm getting older, I'm kind of aware of my mortality. Ninth time. Ninth time, just like the first time. Yeah. Why was this again? Seventh time, I'm into it again. Eighth time, I'm getting older. I'm kind of aware of my mortality.

Ninth time, just like the first time. Yeah. Why is this happening? Double digis, we're in baby. Yeah, and at that point on, That's the thumb year. That's when you really take ownership of your birthday and you make it happen.

Yeah. Yeah. You took your birthday and made it happen. Man, birthdays. You just had one. You weren't gonna suggest selling your birthday. No, no, I know better than that. That's old business.

Lea Michele is joining Funny Girl on my birthday and I thought that's a birthday. That's a birthday. When I saw September 6th on the poster, I thought that's a birthday. That whole story is so crazy and the fact that Lea Michele and Beanie Feldstein have the same agent is wild.

I just learned that. Yeah. Like as details of the story kept coming out, it just got nuttier and nuttier. Well, Beanie's completely ignoring it on social media. She's acting like. She's taking the high road. Should we be talking about real people?

I'm just curious what's going on. I'd love to know more. There was actually an article about it, but I had to sign up to read it. I went, fuck this. I'm so sick of that. I love that. That immediately your interest evaporates. Yeah. When they're like, you gotta sign up?

Didn't like, no. Don't make me sign up. Do you watch an app before a video? I just, I'm just waiting. I think it's my first time going to your website that month. I should get it for free. If I go again, have me sign up. Speaking of commercials.

Oh boy. I wanna shout out my favorite commercial running on the MLB app right now on MLB network because you know they, baseball games as we've discussed are very long. Baseball games are very long. And they show you the same ads over and over and over again. Like on TV or at the stadium? No, on the MLB network. Oh, oh. You're watching on TV. And sometimes you don't notice it,

it's just wallpaper just fades in the background. If something has a song, it can be extremely annoying. But every once in a while you get one that's like, I don't mind seeing this a thousand times. And there's a commercial for, I believe it's for Kia and it's, uh, skeletons going on a date. It's these cartoons. They're very cute cartoon skeletons and they're going on a date. Do you think a skeleton needs to date another skeleton or could they date a

human? They'd be like, look, we both have the skeleton. It'll never work out. It'll never work out. Do you think that the person who made it up was like skeleton Kia? Skeletons. Okay. So it's skeletons. Skeletons obviously. And they had forgot to do their homework the night before.

Yeah. And they got into the meeting and they're like, oh fuck. So is it two skeletons? Kia, Kia, Kia, Kia, skeleton, skeleton Kia. So first they come up with the commercial, then what it's for. There have been times where like Mike is watching. Call Kia, please. I need 15 generic commercials on my desk tomorrow.

There are times where Mike is watching basketball and I'll come in and I'm like, oh, what is this commercial? Oh, weird. And he's like, the fact that you don't know this commercial, you're so lucky. He's like, I've seen this five trillion times. Same thing on basketball.

But then it's also, depending on what team you're watching, you might get different, a different, there's an overlap of the same commercials. Are they regional? Is that what it is, the regional kind of thing? Well, I don't know, because, no, they're not. They're not tied to the region of the teams. They're just like, you know, for all different things.

And so, like, my friend Julie lives around the corner from me, and she's a Red Sox fan. And so we talk friend Julie lives around the corner from me and she's a Red Sox fan and so we talk all the time about the commercials that we're sick of and the commercials that are okay. And so I'll say like she hasn't seen the Kia Skeleton commercial. Huh. What happens on the day? She's like, I haven't seen that one yet. They go- What are they, Bone?

I get it. Very smart. Lauren. Very smart. That's the kind of riddle I would have wowed my mom with the pediatrician's office. Oh, your mom would have fucking cracked up until tears came running down her eyes. Do the skeleton's bone. It's three skeletons and one is kind of a butler. Three on a date? Three some? One's a butler. Yeah, he's a chauffeur and a butler. He drives the skeletons in the Kia. And they're in the backseat, so it's an Uber situation.

Well, but here's the thing. They get takeout from a drive-through. And they're in the backseat, so it's an Uber situation. Well, but here's the thing. They get takeout from a drive-through, another skeleton of course. What the fuck is this commercial? Is it takeout bones? Is it like a filet of fish and it's a bone? No, they're not eating skeletons. Keep telling me, but I have to Google what they look like.

They're very cute. Are they wearing hats or clothes? One of them is, yeah, we're wearing clothes. And so one of them. Oh, it's sort of like a, how do I explain this? Dia de los muertos. That is what I was gonna say. Almost a sugar skull, but they're not decorated that way.

They're very cool looking. It's sort of like a Pixar-ish. Yeah, exactly, exactly. It's like a more cartoony than cocoa. So it's a commercial for this fast food place? No, it's not, Scott, and you know that it's not. for this fast food place? No. It's not Scott. And you know that it's not. I know.

But I wanted to seem cool. That was pretty cool. That would have been interesting if you had. So they go and they get takeout and then they drive to like a place where they're like a sort of a hill that's overlooking a city. Oh, like make out point. Beautiful. Yes.

And the chauffeur now, he sets up a table and a tablecloth and everything, sets the table for them, and then they sit down to have their little picnic. And there's no talking. And do they kiss and they have no lips? Do they thank the butler or? I don't think they kiss, they do not thank the butler, it's his job. The thanking him with a paycheck.

Thank him with a paycheck, that's right. That's what the skeleton money is for! So. Do they pay with threads instead of money? Like, is everything related to them? Do they pay with threads instead of money? You know, is everything the bear? Why are we getting into the nitty gritty

of how skeletons get through the day? Well, I wanna, this is world building. We don't see the unit of currency. I mean, they have a very short amount of time to establish this world. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And are they in a real Kia?

It's less than a minute. Or it's a cartoon as well? It's a cartoon as well, but it looks real. Is it see-through? No, it's not see-through, Scott. So what if I want the one from the commercial? You have to live in the cartoon world. See, that's a tough sell.

What so far only Brad Pitt has been able to do? What if I want the Skullsons' pets? I guess send away box tops? Did you ever send away box tops. Did you ever send away for a little monkey? Oh yes. Do you ever get one? Oh wait, I see monkeys. I did not.

Oh, you know the little teacup monkey? No, you could send away for those. Teacup monkey. Oh, back in the long day ago. Let me look it up. Did you ever get the x-ray glasses? Back in the long day ago. I never got the x-ray glasses. I of the leg, there you go. I never got the x-ray glasses.

I was always fascinated by them though. I know. That picture made it look incredible. We all know they don't work. Of the guy staring at his own hand. Yeah, but it basically, what is it? It's just like makes everything. Yeah, look, darling pet monkey.

1899, that must've been expensive at the time. This squirrel monkey makes an adorable pet and companion. Almost human with its warm eyes, your family will love it. Ew, what a weird selling point. These young monkeys grow about 12 inches high, eats same food as you, even likes lollipops. Simple to care for and train. Free cage, free leather collar and leash,

free toy and instructions included, live delivery guaranteed. For instructions? Only 18.95, express collect, mail checker money, Free toy and instructions included. Live delivery guaranteed. Free toy? Only 18.95, express collect, mail check or money order to 18.95 to Animal Farm. Send monkey to zoo. Here, there's a lot of these ads. So did anyone get one and was like had to have a monkey?

Let's find out. Everyone got them, they flushed them down the toilet and now they live in zoos. When Comic Book sold live monkeys. This was in the early 70s. Hold on. So this is before when Harry met Sally. Yeah.

Yeah. That's your demarcation of time. Okay. So it's B. 1980 is pre 1988. Okay. It's BWHMS. Got it.

HMS Pinafore. I need the wifi cause this is really going slow, but anyways, in the 70s. Wait, it's Harry metMS Pinafore. I need the wifi, because this is really going slow. But anyways, in the 70s. Wait, it's Harry Met Sally Pinafore? Do, try to get on it and I'll send you the- It's working, it's fine. Okay. Okay, so for comic book readers to the 60s and beyond, the ads for mail order items were sometimes just as intriguing

as the superhero action they interrupted. X-ray goggles, sea monkeys, of course. Well, they'd be on the last page, they weren't interrupting. Um, and then this is, in 2008, a man named Jeff Tuthill told comicbookresources.com his sordid tale of a mail order monkey mishap. Ew, sordid.

Oh no, so he spotted the ad for the live monkey. He got the monkey. Okay, so it came in a little cardboard box. I mean, I'm saying small. This is a live monkey. It was probably the size of a shoe box, except it was higher. It had a little chicken wire screen window in it.

There was a cutout. All you could see if you looked in there was his face. He carried the monkey home and brought it to his basement where he expected to join his menagerie of rabbits and gerbils. Rather than settle in, the monkey began using the plumbing pipes as a jungle gym. What?

The monkey began gnawing on his arm like a drill press. Can I pause? What? He had 28 stitches. Can I pause here one second to say just having gerbils and rabbits is not a menagerie. It's not at all. In a basement it's not.

What do you consider a menagerie? I mean. At least three animals? I would say at least four different animals. At least four? Yes. I'd say 10. Oh my God, I gotta read this to you.

You admit me. No, you don't. Okay, go ahead. Okay, so he had 28 stitches from the thing eating him. The drill press bite. Surprisingly, his parents allowed him to keep the monkey, which he named Chipper. Books and trial and error gave him some rudimentary knowledge

of how to care for it. Peanuts and seedless white grapes were appealing, bananas were not. Chipper also enjoyed writing on the back of the family's border colleague, cowboy style. Who the fuck is sending, who has all these monkeys to send people? When Chipper was about five years old, he died suddenly.

Oh God. He suspected a possible wasp sting, but could never be sure. Did he interview all the wasps in the neighborhood? This is one that was for, Oh my God. And anyway, people say that they, the defense council says they, sorry to bother you. They need an insane amount of.

Okay. So, Oh, one more thing. One more thing. Where were you? So this was a big, this was a big moment in the sixties and seventies where 173,000 squirrel monkeys were imported to the US from Peru and Colombia where they would be sold via private dealers or comics and magazine ads, including the war and horror publications like Creepy and Eerie.

So people were just selling these by the boatload. Wow. And the buttload. Oh my God. So one time this guy had a monkey that he got from a comic book and they kept it in a crib and the aunt reached her arm in between the bars of the bed to soothe the an aunt to soothe the animal's nerves. But where where an arm could go in, a monkey can come out said Tate and out comes Pepe and a monkey who believes he's about to go to

the next beyond and go to the next beyond in pan... Go to the next beyond in panic, jumps out and to escape, bites the first thing in front of its eyes. And what is that? That is my aunt's pendulous breast. This guy's a creep. Pendulous breast? Come on, dude. Okay.

So you're telling me you never got a monkey from a catalog? People say buttload because somebody was dumb and didn't understand that it was boatload, right? Well, are you serious? It's the same way people say butt naked instead of buck naked. Yeah, maybe. Butt naked's accurate. But there is a butt load of something. But butt naked. A butt load of something does exist. It's not, it's dumb. Butt naked's funny. I don't think so. All right, look, we have to take a break. No, we don't. Yes, bye. An Australian hiker travels to the American West to walk a wilderness trail.

Wasn't afraid to be out on his own. But Eric Robinson vanished in the high Uinta Mountains. I remember thinking, Eric, what were you thinking, mate? I'm Dave Colley. Join me on my podcast, You went to Triangle, where I travel the world to answer the question, what happened to Eric Robinson? Follow You went to Triangle. That's U-I-N-T-A, Triangle on Apple podcasts or wherever you listen. And we're back, it's three chair time. And we're gonna play, oh, what is it called? It's

Oh, what a beautiful morning. Oh, what a beautiful day. I've got a beautiful feeling. Everything's going my way. I've got a wonderful feeling. Everything's going my way. It's called Actors Nightmare. And we played it a few times. It's where, and we're playing it today

because we're here in my office and I have plays here. And it's where- Scott's office is full of plays. Full of plays. He's always working on a new one to perform. It's infested. He has little nights where he sets up, he puts a cover over the pool, makes like a stage,

and then he goes out there and puts a little show. I feel it, just a minute. Yeah. Then puts the cover over it. Yep. It puts the cover. I don't wanna get the cement dirty. You don't wanna get the lotion.

It puts the cover or gets the lotion. He gets the lotion. This is where we do a scene where one of us has a play in their hands. Okay. And we, one of us reads lines from the play and then the other two are supposed to improv around it.

And I don't know whether we're- And we'll see if they do. We're just gonna pick up- Or just one. I think it's one-on-one. One-on-one. Well, why don't we do a two-on-one? It sounds messy, but okay.

Let's do it. Okay, I don't care. So I just opened it to a random place. Am I supposed to just do one character? I'm sure I am. Yeah, just pick one character. Yes. All right.

Okay. And then I don't know how, okay. Well, I- Do we switch off? No. I think one person should just- We've done this on stage before, and I think all three of us did it.

We did it in Toronto. The one time. But I'm saying, do we switch off? So if you are the one reading the lines. No, I think just, I'll just jump in whenever. You guys, like- Okay. Yeah, all right.

All right. No, you start the scene. I'll start it. Yeah, I dare you. Comrades, right, Martin? Absolutely, I never say anything otherwise. Hey, don't speak for me. I'm Martin.

And you see what I mean, Martin. He's special, right? Yes. I'm not special, I'm unique. You are special and I love you. Gravity, decency, smarts, his strength is as the strength of 10 because his heart is pure and he's a Roy Boy 100%.

I was gonna say that the fact that you're a Roy Boy, you love Roy Orbison and you wear those sunglasses. I love him, well I love his sunglasses. You have that bowl cut. I can't see his eyes and I like the mystery. Joe's a married man, Martin. No, when? This is exciting.

Recently I married my cousin. With a wife, she doesn't dare go to DC and so Joe cannot go and keeps us dangling. Oh, I forgot your wife can't go to DC anymore because of January 6th. Well, because she's my cousin. We've seen that kind of thing before, haven't we? These men and their wives.

Yeah, I mean, January 6th was a big day. Look, so that's her birthday, so she wanted to do something really special. Sure, so you stormed the capo. Yeah, well, I watched from the car. So she wanted to do something really special. Sure. So you stormed the capo. Yeah. Well, I watched from the car. Aw. Yeah. Now?

Not now. We're talking about January 6th. Now. January 6th, idiot. Are you fucking kidding me? Aw, fuck it. Yeah. All right.

It's not today. Now you're coming around. Reed, came today. Oh, the mail. Okay. So you have a bill here. Wow. You bought a lot of porn on Amazon.

You have printed bills sent to your house. You're telling me. Wait, and FedEx said they tried to deliver a monkey to you, but you weren't home. A letter from the New York state bar association, Martin, they're going to try and disbar me. Oh, are they? Congrats.

This is, you wanted this for the longest time. Why Martin? Cause you were wearing those gorilla suits to court. You were trying to get fired and disbarred and you really hated their job. And the whole establishment, their little rules. They were. Yeah.

You have to break them in order to get fired. Can't, can't get disbarred without breaking a few rules. Because I know no rules. Because I don't see the law as a dead and arbitrary collection of antiquated dictums, thou shall, thou shalt not, not, you know, because I know the law is a pliable breathing, sweating organ because, because. Oh, see, I disagree. I see the law as all those things that you just said

that you don't see them as. I see the law as one thing. What do you see it as? It's the thing that kind of controls us in the best way. Like I love it. Like I feel like because I know the law, I know what I can and can't do. Yeah. Well, there's that.

Yeah. So you agree. Okay. So I don't know what you're fucking talking about. I'm deeply ashamed. Well good. Because you're an idiot. You should shrink down to the size of nothing. Not so damp, please. Sorry. You deserve that dampness and more.

I'll deny it was a loan. I got a damp ass pussy. Oh my God. She's got no paperwork. Can't prove a fucking thing. Oh, I can deny it was a loan. I got a damp ass pussy. Oh my God. She's got no paperwork. Can't prove a fucking thing. I can prove it. I'll tell you what you can do. I'm about to be tried, Joe, by a jury

that is not a jury of my peers. Okay, who is it? The Disbarmen Committee, genteel gentlemen, country club men, I offend them to these men? I'm what, Martin, some sort of filthy little troll. Hey, hey, well, I mean, I do go to a country club and you do live under a bridge. Ah, well I would.

No, you do. No, you do. Very fancy lawyers, these disbarment committee lawyers. Fancy lawyers with fancy corporate clients and complicated cases. Right. They're not so fancy. Can we just go to dinner? I feel like it's like, what are we debating?

Yeah, we're gonna be late for our reservation. No, of course not. Without the light of the sun, Joe, these cases and the fancy lawyers who represent them will wither and die. You need to eat dinner. Yeah, you're going nuts. A well-placed friend,

someone in the Justice Department say can turn off the sun. Turn off your brain for a minute. We want to eat and hang out with you, our friend, who we know so well. We don't care about your job. I know you're going through a hard thing, but just let it go. Let's have some everlasting breadsticks. Cast a deep shadow on my behalf.

What are you fucking talking about? Make them shiver in the cold. Oh, okay. Yes, now I get it. Literally, we have to block out the sun. Okay, it's fine. Let's do it. If they overstep, they would fear that.

Yeah, I see that. He's talking about the servers at the restaurant? Yes. Like if they, like, you know how sometimes when they sit down with you to take your order? Yeah, it's a little too much. Yes. Yeah. They fear that.

You do. I do, yeah. Thanks for the backup. Shh, shh, shh, shh. Careful. Rude. Oh,. I do, yeah. Thanks for the backup. Shhh, shh, shh, careful. Rude. Oh, he's losing his mind. He's hungry. He is hungry, he's hungry.

Unethical, unethical. He's hungry. Would you excuse us, Martin? Sure. Take a walk, Martin, for real. Yeah, I said sure. You know what? I read something online, like a tweet or something,

and somebody said that they thought hangry meant horny and angry. So they were always like, why are people telling me that they're hangry? Is this your husband? No, but it is something that- Take a walk, Martin. The best I'm gonna do is turn around and close my eyes.

Unethical. Are you trying to- I hear you. Are you trying to embarrass me in front of my friend? We're not more friends than I am friends with him. Do you know what I mean? So it's not like- Boy, you are with him. Do you know what I mean? Like, so it's not like I'm embarrassing you.

Boy, you are really something. What the fuck do you think this is? Sunday school? I don't think that at all. Hey, if Joe thought it was Sunday school, why would you curse in front of him? That's rude. This is gastric juices churning.

This is enzymes and acids. This is intestinal is what this is. I've been saying. You're hungry. You're angry. And you're so hungry. You're hungry, you're angry. You're so hungry. You're horny and angry. And you think you're what? I'm Martin.

That's what I think. Above that? I'm not above Martin, I am Martin. Above alive is what? Dead in the clouds. Above alive is what? What does the sphincter say? I'm sick.

That doesn't. You're sick. You're hungry. You're hungry. They smell I'm hungry. You're hungry. They smell. I'm weak. You're hungry. They want blood this time. Oh God.

Okay. Look, I think you should let them disbar you. I think you got to let it go. We got to do something else. You know, you always wanted to be an elephant trainer. Just try it. How hard could it be? Oh, Martin's back.

Yeah. He turned around and closed his eyes for a second. Joe. Joe. What? Huh. Amen. Oh, not the Sunday school thing again. I know, he's getting religious.

Yeah, amen. That's the end. That's the end of the play. Angels in America. Is that what that was? Yeah, Angels in America. Angels in America. Roy Cohn is.

Oh no, he's the worst. He's terrible. And I cut out a few words that he. That began. Oh no. he's the worst. He's terrible. I cut out a few words that he... That began... Oh no. That began Pacino playing these historical figures. Yeah, like...

Paterno! And Dr. Death. What's his name? Do you wanna do one, Paul? I have a different play. Yeah, give me that play. Okay, here we go. I'm tossing it to you.

Oh, good toss. You got it. You got it. Lauren, how did you or Paul, how did you feel two people doing it at the same time? I thought it was good. Yeah, it was fine. Alright, it's fine. Lauren and I will be playing. He's gonna open to a random page and pick a character and Lauren and I will be the improvisers. What are you doing here, Bob?

Oh, I'm sorry, I broke into your apartment because I was looking for the diamonds that you keep. Sorry, I... What? The diamonds, you know, your big, I guess it's like a velvet bag. Let me look at it. I gotta know, I gotta look at it to know do I want it. Oh, I'm sure you want it. They're very valuable, but oh and I bet you're wondering who this is. Hi, I'm his kid. Yeah, I couldn't get a babysitter. My name's Rendino. Rendino, couldn't get a babysitter, sorry. Anyways, I'm pretty chill. It's embarrassing for us both, but

please, I beg of you, don't take us to prison. I probably want it what I'm saying is what I'm saying if it's worth anything. Yeah they're priceless diamonds I mean that's why we're trying to steal them. The question is but what it's just like everything else Bob like every other fucking thing. What's your name? What's his name? I was at the RIV why? What's his name? Horace. Horace do you have anything I can play with like? What were you at the RIV? Games. What's his name? Horace. Horace, do you have anything I can play with? Why were you at the RIV? Games. Is Fletch over there? Yeah, he was there. Don't ask. Why were you at the RIV? Without my permission. Teach? Teach was there? Not teach. I told you you were not supposed to go anywhere with teach. Teach took me there. What the fuck does that mean?

Well, he's kind of a bad guy, to be honest. On the back of his motorcycle, I bet. Yeah, he's got that mullet in the motorcycle and he's really cool. And you just hang on to the back of the mullet? Yeah, I just grip it with both hands. What date is it? That don't mean shit.

It's June 1st. Come on. I told you that you couldn't do this in May. Come on, Bobby, what's important in a coin? I mean, look, honestly, the president? What condition it's in. Oh, okay. Okay, so who cares?

Hey, I got two quarters here. These are, um, 1982. Yeah. They're both 1982s. They're shiny as all hell and they're been used. Uh, I haven't been in circulation. I got them straight from the dealer. The book is like, you use it like an circulation. I got them straight from the dealer.

The book is like, you use it like an indicator. I mean, right off with silver pieces, so on. Oh God, he's talking about coins again. Yeah, look. Okay, here, why don't I just, I'll just distract him. Distract him. Look at my belly roll. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

What do you want for the coin? $2. It's not that much of a markup. Okay, we'll look it up. Sure, look it up. I mean, it's like it's a quarter. It's two quarters. I only got to the corner. I'm out of shape. Oh, God, Dad.

Jesus. You got to help me out. Should I distract him? Yeah, do a dance. Okay. But you got an idea, Bob. You got an idea you can deviate from. I mean, yeah, it's kind of my little take on ballet. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Don't talk to my, first of all, she's a woman, not a woman yet. Well, yeah, that's not true. Yeah.

Oddities, Bob, freak oddities of nature. What are we talking about here? The silver, the silver's maybe three times face. You want 15 cents for it? I said $2. I feel like 15 cents is kind of low balling. Also, okay, what do you want for it? $2.

Yeah. It's a quarter. Let me see it. Look at it, it's shiny, never been used, never been in circulation. Yeah. To look in the goddamn, forget it, forget it, don't let me see it. Okay, I'll hide it behind your ear.

Woo, look over there. That was impressive. Where did you learn magic? I learned it from watching YouTube. I was gonna say, I do magic all the time and you've never, ever wanted to watch me do it. The book gives us ideas, Bob.

The book gives us a basis for comparison. What are we talking, the Bible? We're human beings. We can talk, we can negotiate. You need money, what do you need? I'm out, who cares? I want the diamonds, but you caught us. I'm not selling you in the quarters, dad.

It's over. What do you need, Bob? Take us to jail, okay, Horace? Take us to jail, we want to go to jail and sleep on a bed in a little cell. We're gonna play cards. Okay. Oh, is he like one of these old guys who wants to play cards all the time? What was your name again, Rivington?

Uh, random, something like that. Look, he's gonna take us to jail if we don't play cards. Final. We'll play a game of cards. We'll play Go Fish. Solid Chair. Okay, Go Fish. Go Fish. Teach and me and, Go Fish. Go Fish. Teach and me and Fletcher.

What time is it? Teach and Fletcher are coming over. I don't want them hanging out with her. No, it's fine. Let them call her. What fucking time is it? It's 10, 15 a.m. God, you fucking did.

Bad time for a heist, I gotta say. Get a phone, get a watch. But we knew you would be at church. Do you know what time it is? 10, 15 a.m. Damn right, you're late. Well, I mean knew you would be at church. Do you know what time it is? 10 15 a.m. Damn right, you're late. Well, I mean, you're a little early. Usually you sit there praying

for about an hour after church ends. Your watch broke? Yeah, well, I don't wanna tell my dad because he just got it for me. I just got you that watch. That was an expensive June 1st gift. I know, I put it under the car and let it roll over it. When did your watch break?

Yesterday. So you had it for 364 days and it just broke? Yeah. Well, you look at it. You wanna know your watch broke, all you gotta do is look at it. Well, I mean, yeah, I guess you can hear the crunch sound too.

Yeah, you gave it to me last June 1st. I broke it yesterday. Yeah. Why not? Are you high right now? I'm hang yesterday. Yeah. Why not? Are you high right now? I'm hangry. Okay, you're horny and angry? Well, look, I can take care of one of those.

Ugh. The angry part. Let me give you your antidepressants. You're going around without a watch. So what? Who gives a fuck? They're not that important. Well, it's just, it meant a lot to me.

No, it didn't. You got it from the Apple store. Yeah. I thought you were gonna give it to your children and they were gonna give it to their children. It's not an heirloom. I understand it's expensive, but whatever. I'm paying you to do a thing, Teach.

I expect to know where you are when. Are you talking to Teach on the phone right now? Tell that little shit. I don't want him hanging around my daughter. I love Teach. There's no fucking nerves involved in this. Teach. Give Teach a message.

No. Give Teach a message. No. Give him, tell you what, if I see him, I'm gonna spank him. I don't like it. I'm sure you don't, Horace. Yeah, he's not gonna like it either.

Horace, do you sleep in this room? Leave him alone. I'm not gonna leave Teach alone Horace. Yeah, he's not gonna like it either. Horace, do you sleep in this room? Leave him alone. I'm not gonna leave Teach alone. He's leaving, he's bothering my daughter. He's trying to- Leave him alone. Okay, you're right. He's not that bad of a kid. Look, I'm just scared.

I'm scared, Rivington. I'm scared that you're growing up too fast. Watch me grow. Wee! Oh my God, how did you do that? You're 10 feet tall. I'm growing out of the house. Bloop, bloop, beep.

Let me grab onto your hair. Yo! He came in. Who, Teach? The end. The end. It was so long before Don had another line. All right, here's the problem with the three.

What book was that, or what play was it? This was American Buffalo by David Mamay. Mamay. And thank you for respecting all the pauses This was American Buffalo by David Mamay. Mamay. And thank you for respecting all the pauses and ums and uhs. Yes, of course. The problem with three people is that it becomes, here's what's better about it being two people,

is that you're forced to make it more of a conversation. Right. So then when the other two people are having their own conversation, that has nothing to do with the other person, then it's not as much, I feel like it's not as much fun to follow. Do you want to do? Let's do one more.

Let's do one more, but I only have two plays here, but I can try to find them. I thought your office was filled with plays. They're in the, they're over there and I'd have to walk, but I'll- I'll walk. Here. Yeah, it's gotta be a different style.

Okay, okay. I am, I will say walk. Here. Yeah, it's gotta be a different style. Okay, okay. I will say I am starving. Well, we're almost to the end of this episode. You made your bed. My stomach is growling. You got here too late. You're right. Did you not? You're right, because I would have been- If you had gotten here 20 minutes earlier.

We'd be eating lunch right now. You're right. That's a fact. Facts, dear. But I had to feed my daughter. Okay, I'm gonna throw you, Lauren, I'm gonna throw you this one. Okay. Okay, here we go. Wait, I found one!

He found one! We love it! I didn't catch it. Um, thanks so much. Here's how it can work with three people, I think. Okay, how? Is if the two people who don't have the play trade off responding. Oh, okay, let's do it.

That's funny, I was just thinking about this play last night. What were you thinking about? Okay, how? Is if the two people who don't have to play trade off responding. Oh, okay, let's do it. That's funny, I was just thinking about this play last night. What were you thinking about? I used it in something I wrote. Sure, Chicago. What did you say the thing we have to do? We're just gonna switch off.

We'll switch off responding to you, yes. All right, let's find the beginning. Oh, you're going to the beginning? Well, the beginning of a scene. Oh, okay. Exciting. So I can kind of start a, it might just be one long, oh, here we go. I'm not reading that word.

Oh, sorry. This is another David Mamet play, by the way. Okay. You fucking build it. Men come. Okay. But it's harder to do than you're thinking. You're absolutely right. I mean, I have an opinion too.

I think that it's actually easier. They have... Say it. They have stinkies. Look, when they build your business, then you can't fucking turn around, enslave them, treat them like children, fuck them up the ass, leave them, defend for themselves. No. No, you're absolutely right,

and I want to tell you something. Before you tell me something, I want to call HR. I'm really uncomfortable with this. I want to tell you what somebody should do. Well, what somebody should do. Well, what they should do is figure out a way to build it faster. Someone should stand up and strike back.

Who, like the Empire? Somebody. Me? Should do something to them. Okay, well look, I feel like this is getting punitive at this point. Something to pay them back. Someone, someone should hurt them. Murray and Mitch. No, that's what he meant getting punitive at this point. Something to pay them back. Someone, someone should hurt them.

Murray and Mitch. No, that's what he meant by punitive. Yes. Yeah, I'm uncomfortable with this kind of revenge kind of business dealing. How, how? Do something to hurt them where they live. You're scaring me right now?

This is very scary to me. Someone should rob the office. Whoa! That's what I'm saying. We were, if we were that kind of guys to knock it off and trash the joint, it looks like robbery and take the fucking lead leads out of the files. Go to Jerry Graff.

Jerry Graff, is he the guy he's got? He's like really short and he's two feet tall. He's always smoking a cigar. What can we get for them? I don't know. Buck a throw, buck a half a throw. I don't know. Hey, who knows what they're worth? What do they get for them? I don't know. Buck a throw, buck a half a throw. I don't know. Hey, who knows what they're worth?

What do they pay for them? All told, must be three bucks a throw. I don't know. I had a million of them once and they paid me five dollars. So I don't think they're as valuable as what you're thinking. The Glen Gary. The premium leads? I'd say we got five thousand. Five? Five thousand leads. That's a lot for Plaid. Yes. Yeah, no, I agree. I mean, you said it, yes. And I'm saying it right after you.

Yes, indeed. Graff, well, because I worked for him. Oh, that's right. You had the little apron on and the paper hat. No, what do you mean? Have I talked to him about this? Yeah, you worked at the corn dog on a stick place, the hot dog on a stick. No, we're just.

We're just. No, it was corn. It was corn dog. We're just speaking about it as an idea. It's funny, cause it's a hot dog on a stick, but it's actually a corn dog. You think it would be like corn dog on a stick, but instead like you don't get there

and get like literally just a hot dog on a stick. Yes. You know what I mean? Yeah, she agrees. So you agree that you worked there? No. So you disagree that you didn't work there? No.

So you agree to disagree that you didn't work there when you worked there? As a robbery? No. Oh, I see. So you, you never took anything, not even one free hot dog? Hey. Everyone takes a free hot dog. Not actually, no.

Oh, wait a minute, no, no, no, it wasn't a hot dog on a stick, it was Orange Julius. No, not actually. It was Orange Julius on a stick. What did I say? You haven't said anything about it, I just, we're looking at those old pictures of you that you showed us.

Yes. You wouldn't tell us. I said not actually. The fuck you care, George, we're just talking. George is just asking to clear up your hot dog business. Yes. Yes, we sell hot dogs. I think it would be instructional for us to know how many you sold per year. That's right, it's a crime.

It is a crime and it's also very safe. So you did steal hot dogs and you got away with it. That's right. I want hot dogs then. Have I said that? You kind of implied that you could get steal hot dogs and you got away with it. That's right. I want hot dogs then. Have I said that? You kind of implied that you could get us hot dogs. Did I say that? Yes, I mean you may as well have.

Is that what I said? It's heavily implied in what you did say. What did he say? He'd buy them. I mean, yes, I bought them because you caught me stealing them and you made me pay for them, but I didn't want to. Yes.

I would also buy them. I would buy hot dogs, yes. A buck a shot. I feel like you can get them cheaper at the market. However they are, that's the deal. A buck a throw, $5,000 split it half and half. If they're cooked, a dollar seems reasonable. If they're raw, I'm going to say 75 cents.

Yes, 2,500 apiece. One night's work on the job with Graf working the premium leads. That's too much for hot dogs. 2,500 apiece. Is that what I said? It's what you literally just said. 2,500 apiece. He would take you on, yes.

You want me to fight him? I'm not going to. This is my dear friend. I'm not going to fight him. Yes, it is, George. Yes, it's a big decision and it's a big reward. It's a big reward for one night's work, but it's gotta be tonight.

Don't I have a say in whether or not he fights me? What, what? The leads. Oh, you want me to fight the leads. That's right. The guys are moving them downtown after the 30th, Murray and Mitch after the contest. That's right.

Murray and Mitch are the leads in the play. Yes. And you want him to fight them. So that we can take their place. after the contest. That's right. Murray and Mitch are the leads in the play. Yes. And you want him to fight them. So that we can take their place. You. Me? Now I'm doing it?

You. I don't think he should do it. I mean, I'm so much stronger than him. You have to go in. You have to get the leads. I'm very scared of both Mitch and Murray because they're so handsome. Yes.

I mean, they're Broadway quality actors. I know it's just community theater, but. It's not something for nothing, George. I took you in on this. You have to go. That's your thing. I've made the deal with Graf. I can't go.

I can't go in. I've spoken on this too much. I've got a big mouth. The fucking leads, et cetera, blah, blah, blah. The fucking tight ass company. All right. If this deals with George, that's one thing. I don't wanna be part of this.

I don't wanna take on Mitch and Murray. They're too handsome. I'll get nervous and start stuttering. What will they know, that I stole the leads? I didn't steal the leads. I'm going to the movies tonight with a friend and then I'm going to the Como Inn. Why did they go to Graf?

I got a better deal, period. Let them prove something. They can't prove anything that's not the case. I thought you wanted us to beat up Mitch and Murray. You want us to steal that, like, kidnap them? Yes. Oh, that's... I think that's a crime.

Yes. Well, I don't see how you profit off of this. Oh, yes, George. Uh... Okay, so I guess the ransom is how you'd make money? Listen to this. I have an alibi. I'm going to the Como Inn.

Why? Why? Place gets robbed. They're gonna come looking for me. Why? Because I probably did it. Are you gonna turn me in? George, are you gonna turn me in? No, I'm not gonna turn you in. I'm gonna turn myself in, because I'm out.

I don't want any part of this scheme. They come to you, you're gonna turn me in? Yes, I am. They're gonna come to everyone. Okay, sure, but look, I don't wanna star in this Broadway, you know, revival of Funny Girl that much. You wouldn't, George. That's why I'm talking to you.

Answer me. They come to you, you gonna turn me in? Me? Because I already said that I'm going to. Are you sure? He's sure. I'm sure. We're all sure that we don't want any part of this.

And listen to this. I have to get those leads tonight. That's something I have to do. If I'm not at the movies, if I'm not eating over at the inn, if you don't do this, then I have to come in here. Okay, so it seems like you're going to the movies and then we're supposed to kidnap Mitch and Murray

and then you need an alibi? I don't understand this. And rob the place. We're gonna rob the backstage funny girl revival of all their props? And they take me, then they're gonna rob the backstage funny girl revival of all their props? And they take me, then they're gonna ask me who are my accomplices.

Well, but I mean, we would not be the accomplices. We would just be doing it because you're at the movies. Absolutely. Well, now that you say it out loud, I think this plan is good. Seen. Ha ha ha! All right, that's it.

That's it. We did it. We did it. Listen, Freedom USA. Hungry. I am. And horny and angry. And we're all horny and angry.

We're at freedomusa.gmail.com. If you want to write to us, send us something. We are also, haha la impu on the phone. If you want to leave us a voicemail. We are Freedom USA on Twitter and Instagram. And if you would like to listen to ad free versions of this show, you can go to Stitcher Premium or CBBworld.com.

And you know what? Just keep being awesome. You guys are so awesome. We do love you, it's true. We love you. You're awesome. We just want you to listen to us. And listen, we're about to eat,

so whatever you're doing, why don't you eat at the same time? And then it's like we're eating together. Yeah, it's like we're having lunch. It's like you want- Eat too, Brute. Goodbye. Hi, I'm Jessica St. Clair and I'm June Diana Raphael and we are two friends trying to survive the chaos and celebrate the joy that life throws our way.

And we do it every week on our podcast, The Deep Dive. Sometimes we dig into the deep stuff like how I communicate with my dead best friend and sometimes we give bad advice based off a TikTok I saw. And we're not going to apologize for that. Absolutely not. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll hire a psychic medium. Join us, won't you? Listen to the Deep Dive wherever you get your podcasts from Lemonade Media. It's easy to feel helpless these days.

So take a break from the bad news and hear from people who are doing good things to address big problems. We care about abortion access. We care about slowing down and reversing climate change. That's the approach we need to these long-term systemic problems. We need the fixers. Feel empowered to take action. Listen to Good Things from Lemanata Media, available wherever you get your podcasts. problems, we need the fixers.