Threedom - Threevisiting: Honey, I Shrunk ME?!
Episode Date: February 17, 2026Threevisiting on the Tues: Lauren, Paul and Scott discuss the Grinch, do a taste test, and play ThreeH1 Storytellers. Send Threetures and emails to threedomusa@gmail.com.Leave us a voicemai...l asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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It's morning in New York.
Hey, everybody.
Patinkin. And I'm Catherine Grotie. And we have a new podcast. It's called Don't Listen to Us.
Many of you've asked for our advice. Tell me, what is wrong with you people? Don't listen to us.
Our Take It or Leave a advice show every Wednesday out now. A Lemonada Media Original.
Freedom of the show and that's how it goes.
Freedom is a name. Did you guys notice that I snuck one in before it happened? I did a little, but I didn't.
at the same time.
See, I got you.
I got to re-listen.
I snuck it at the very last one.
Let me rewind.
Okay.
Freedom.
Now hold on.
I heard it that time.
That was before the second one.
I thought you said it was at the very end.
Listen again.
No, no, no.
Okay.
Freedom.
Oh, yeah.
There it was.
Yeah.
It comes so much sooner than you think.
Yeah.
Wow.
Interesting.
Much like, but you know.
The grim specter of death.
Oh.
I thought you were going to say the Grinch.
And then I was like,
The Grinch comes sooner than...
The Grinch comes earlier and earlier every year.
He's kind of like trying to get those trees
because we're putting them up earlier.
You know what I mean?
He's called him the Halloween Grinch.
We're kind of saying it's tree time at Thanksgiving.
He was in our village November 1st.
What?
And like tapping his foot and it's like, dude, we're not that kind of neighborhood.
One thing they don't say about the Grinch is how much he loves other holidays.
Oh my God, he loves them.
Oh, and he's very nice about them.
Like he loves Valentine's St. Patrick.
He's where the party is.
He hosts everybody.
Yeah.
Easter he does hide rotten eggs,
which is just a little funny.
It's like, I'm still me, guys.
I know, I love that.
But he's just so fun about it.
And he wears the ears.
But his Fourth of July parties are great.
He's very patriotic.
I love, well, he loves America.
Yeah, he dyes himself, red, white, and blue.
How can you die?
You're green.
How do you die yourself?
Well, it's like dying your hair.
Yeah.
Because green is a combination of.
You should just ask him.
You should ask him.
Or he's stylist.
Let me call him.
Okay.
Okay, call now.
Hello.
Hi, is this the Gridge?
Yeah, look, I'm in the process of getting ready to steal Christmas.
Oh, it's May.
It's May.
People put on the decorations earlier and earlier.
Anyway, what can I do you for?
How do you, okay, so you're green.
I hear you dye yourself red, white, and blue.
Oh, you know I do.
I'm standing up and saluting right now.
You're standing up and salooning or saluting?
Both.
So you're in a saloon, but you're standing up and saluting.
Look, I'm drunk.
Oh.
I have a drinking problem.
It's only 10 in the morning.
Where you are.
Wait, you're up in the North Pole?
No.
Oh, you're in Whoville?
No, I'm in Hawaii, so it's 7 a.m.
Oh, Jesus.
Can I talk to him?
Yeah, here.
Is that more?
Let me give you the phone.
Grantee.
Lauren.
Okay, so I was thinking it's getting really close to 4th of July.
I do.
Where are you planning to have your party this year?
Because I kind of got to plan if I'm going to fly or not.
Well, my place is a fucking mess.
I know, because the renovations and everything.
The renovation, they're tearing up all the sod in the backyard, so I can't do it there.
So I thought, why don't we just all meet up at a park?
Okay.
What's he saying?
Oh, sorry.
He said for Fourth of July that we...
Okay.
Here on speaker.
Hey, what were you saying to Laura?
Yeah, I was saying this is your Fourth of July is going to be at a park.
No, I was going to kind of argue against that.
Just pushed back a little bit because I feel like...
You just heard about the idea.
Yeah, I know.
And then this is my response.
Okay.
I feel that...
there's going to be a lot of people doing that at parks.
We're not going to have our own space.
What I like is the freedom we have around you to be our true selves.
And I feel like maybe you should rent like an Airbnb.
Okay.
I was thinking a skate park.
Oh.
I've been practicing my alleys.
Me too.
And my kick flips.
Yeah.
And then we can put hot dogs at the top of the ramp and roll them down to the bud.
Okay.
That's fun.
I thought the hot dogs were like a lure to get us to actually do the tricks.
So we could grab the hot dogs on our way down.
No, you're on the auto system for tricks.
Okay.
So we're going to roll them down the hill.
into the buns.
Yeah.
Into the bun.
The buns are waiting on their side.
So I guess we clean the whole thing before or at least before.
Oh, after.
That's actually a good idea.
Well,
probably before and after.
Okay.
Also,
there's going to be a bunch of oily seabirds.
So bring a bunch of dawd dishwashing liquid.
Oh, okay.
That is the one that cuts through the grease the best.
Yeah.
Takes grease out of your way.
Okay.
So we'll do that.
All right.
So which skate part?
Like what state?
It's going to be in Colorado.
Wow.
And you want us to,
we're going to be.
singing proud to be American, proud to be an American.
Excuse me, proud to be an American.
That's right by Lee Greenwood.
So yeah, we're doing that as like a sort of performance.
Are we live streaming that?
Oh.
Can we sing I hope you dance as well?
Can we add that?
Yeah, that's a good one.
Can we sing to you, I hope you dance and then you do a little dance?
Yeah.
And you know what?
We're also going to sing Dominic the Christmas donkey.
Well, that's random.
I know.
I just guess I'm thinking about Christmas.
Oh, good.
But how much you hate it though?
Why would you?
Why do you want us to sing a song about it?
People don't understand.
I'm misunderstood.
I don't hate Christmas.
I love it.
That's why I steal it every year.
It's like he's so excited.
He's mad.
I only want Christmas for me.
Oh, hey.
Turn on you not to stir.
Who texted you?
Tell us what they said.
Someone from high school.
Really?
Someone from high school texts.
What did they say?
Something about, yeah, I don't know.
Getting together.
Okay.
Something about getting together.
Well, he's got a whole secret life.
Yeah.
I'm still friends with everybody I knew at high school.
Who did you know?
Are there is grinch a species or your name?
Both.
So like Yoda?
Yeah.
Yoda's a species and a name.
Scott,
I just feel like we should keep doing the show.
Like I don't mean to cut him off.
All right.
Yeah, I got a joke for anything.
We're in the middle of freedom.
Like we're in the middle of that for Paul.
Oh yeah.
We're here with Paul.
Paul has diarrhea.
He's not here.
Yeah.
He's not here now.
I don't think that's what happened to him.
If I know Paul, he's probably doing something cool.
He has the most solid poops of anyone you know, right?
Yes.
Well, hey Gridge, it's been a great time talking to you.
It's been great.
Oh, did you get my package?
I did.
Thank you so much.
I sent him like a bunch of candy.
Oh, Christmas candy?
All candy from like California.
In Colorado, he like can't, he always says he can't get certain ones.
But I think that it's actually just a ploy to get me to send him stuff or whatever.
I missed it so much.
It's like Reese's peanut butter cups and snickers and so I think you can get it there.
Yeah.
I don't know.
You miss California.
Because of the candy?
I miss California candy.
And Lauren will send me a car package.
I do send them a lot, but I always kind of think it's bullshit.
But I do send it, you know, it's fine.
That's so good.
I've put so many times at the top.
I've never sent you anything.
And I put a palm frond.
You're not one of these people who requires gifts in order to be your friend.
Not at all.
Not at all.
You don't send me anything.
I mean, a big part of that is I'm just going to steal it at Christmas time.
Right.
But I do think your love language is gifts.
It is both accepting them and stealing them.
Yeah.
So getting them two ways.
Oh, Paul's coming out of the bathroom.
Hey, Paul, is your, how's your poop?
Is it solid?
Hey, I got to go.
Oh, okay.
All right, bye.
Hey, Paul, you're back.
Well, I love for all goat heels.
Sorry, I put on my goat shoes.
Are you in some sort of like satyr costume for a play?
You mean you're Sater?
Sater?
But you're afraid to be anti-Semitic?
Wow.
Hey, we were just talking to the Grinch for a really long time.
Oh, I'm going to say it was really long.
You don't be rude.
I mean, dude does not know when to leave the phone call.
He keeps asking me questions about my bowels.
I mean, it was rude to Paul because that just means he was gone a long time, is what I'm saying.
Oh, I see.
It wasn't that long.
You were gone in a totally reasonable.
Thank you.
I'm normal.
Everything about me is normal.
Okay.
Okay.
Good.
You're the most normal person I know.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Great.
You're very average.
Yeah, that's the only thing of myself.
Can I tell you guys something?
Yeah, yeah.
Tell us anything.
So on Friday, Mike set up a fun date for us.
We went to the LA Phil and saw Psycho with the live.
Oh, really?
Wow.
And it was so fun and I've never seen Psycho.
Hey, we're going to need some extra violins tonight.
Yeah.
They really were working overtime.
But we were like in the second row, so we were very close to the orchestra.
And it was really fun to get to watch them up close and kind of try to eat.
I feel like you can't hear the orchestra well enough sometimes in those.
I've never been there.
Oh, okay, great.
But it was great.
This was at Walter Disney Concert Hall.
Yeah.
Oh,
that's fun.
Yeah.
The acoustics are really good.
I guess when you go to the bowl and they have like the bow will, yeah.
Like the orchestra playing with the ELO.
ELO is so loud and the orchestra is just basically like a really low keyboard.
And I'm like, no, I want that thing pumped up.
I feel like the orchestra in those instances is protesting because they're like,
This isn't our kind of music.
Yeah, I think so.
So they're making a big show of their
miming their instruments.
Yeah, they're miming and then they're pointing
at the electric guitars and doing thumbs down.
That's right.
Yeah, I think the only other one of those I've seen
is for that documentary Jane about,
or Jane Goodall.
Hmm.
They had an orchestra playing along with that.
It was like an event for it.
But an orchestra of gorillas.
It was like, it was like the premiere of that documentary or something,
and she was there and then they had an orchestra playing.
Wow.
But it was because it's just random music, it's less impactful to me than to have.
So they did the entire score or they just played a few songs?
I think they did the whole thing.
Do you know what it would be fun is to see like an episode of reality TV with a full orchestra?
Yeah, I would love it.
What I guess do bloop bloop bloop and doing that.
Honestly, that would be really good.
Like the percussion instruments when someone has a question.
Anyway, Psycho is a good movie in case everyone didn't know.
Did you like that whole monologue at the end?
Yes.
I love.
It's out of nowhere.
Yeah.
I love.
We have to explain this because it's the 60s.
Yeah,
they explain why the guy.
If you haven't seen Psycho.
Yeah,
I wouldn't even tell you actually because I don't want to give it away.
Although I guess I kind of already knew all the spoilers just from living in the world.
But you'd never seen it before.
Yeah.
God, we should.
It's like soil and green.
It was so good.
Yeah.
I was like, this is such a good.
For Lauren hasn't seen Mo.
I know.
I have a little,
I have a little Hollywood story.
about Psycho.
Oh, wow.
When the, so Hitchcock had.
The Portly director himself.
By the way, this was, this was an
first thing.
No, this was an answer on the People magazine.
Oh, really?
They were like, what Portly director?
We were like, shots fired people.
If you don't know what I'm talking about on my Instagram
last week, I was saying in it.
It cost a big hub of.
At an Airbnb.
People were flipping out.
At an Airbnb and they had a People magazine board game,
we opened and it had been unopened and it came out in 1984 and it was trivial pursuit of all like entertainment
questions that were very important to people in 1984 that we had no idea what the answers were
it's so funny it's such a dumb idea to make such a specific game like it's right i think they thought
trivial pursuit was like so big we got to get in on this you know absolutely but they they mentioned
they're like what portly director we were like what the fuck is people magazine why is that the first thing
they talk about. How about what famous director?
Yeah, really? Anyway, so that's why I mentioned.
So he is, he's, uh, he wants to have a, he's going over, uh, stuff for sound effects.
Um, for the, different movie.
Different movie. Oh, wait, the Portley director was doing this. Yeah. Okay.
And so he had a bunch of, uh, he was with the Foley people, he had a bunch of melons.
This is for the stabbing sound. Whoa. So he's a bunch of melons, all different kinds of
melons. And, you know, the person.
has a knife
and they're just jabbing it into different
melons and after they go
down the row of nine different
melons
Hitchcock takes a moment and then goes
Kasaba
Who's that mean?
Casabba melon.
Did you think it was a magic spell?
Casabba,
cassaba, cassaba,
cassava!
Squish.
Squish.
What is the squish thing?
I don't know, but I really, I liked that you don't see the people being stabbed.
Like, they didn't even try to do that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was great.
I always think that's a, that's a really cool thing when a director can make it so that you see a thing in your mind that was not.
Yeah.
Although in Scream 5, I did like when the knife went right into the person's face and stuck out the other hand.
That was insane.
But wait, I also have to say, I never understood that Norman Bates was like a cutie pie nice.
guy.
Oh, is that what they're sort of making him out to be?
Well, I think the whole way through you, he's just like, he, then he gets weirder as it goes
on.
But I'm like, I didn't know.
I, I've never known anything about this movie.
So I thought when I hear that name, I think it's like creepy, you know.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Because in the shot for shot remake that Gus Van Zant did with Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates.
Which I inexplicably saw in the theater.
Yeah.
I don't remember this.
But they, the, the additions are very weird because like the, the, the, the,
one of the only additions that they do,
it's shot for shot,
but one of the only additive things they do
is Norman Bates in the first scene,
I think,
jerking off to a hole in the wall.
Yeah.
He's like spying on somebody in jerking off.
Yeah.
But I,
that is an interesting addition.
I don't think I'd seen the original
a long time,
and I do have to say,
when I saw that shot for shot remake,
I was like, wow, this,
I mean, it is very powerful.
You really did it.
Now that I'm a big psycho head.
Yeah.
Psycho, psycho.
You know there's many sequels to Psycho.
I don't know that.
They're not bad either.
I've never seen any.
Yeah, I think they're not bad.
Did they do three?
They did Psycho 2 and 3.
I don't know about 4.
Psycho 4 The Voyage Home?
That's a Star Trek.
Uh-huh.
By the, okay, so we're talking about places we went to.
I wanted to bring this up.
I went, I went to Portland.
That's a place.
He's not wrong so far.
Okay.
And I did the show LiveWire, which they talked about you a lot.
They said you're really great on it.
And they played.
I love doing that show.
The band played the show.
The Threatom song when I walked out.
Wow!
That's awesome.
Hey, that's cute.
And I did not recognize it.
Okay.
But.
Oh, because the live band was playing it.
Yes, live band.
And they were very nice.
I met them afterwards.
And I said, did you notice it was the freedom song?
And I was like, you know, I was so nervous.
I couldn't even hear.
Over the chattering of my teeth.
But on the way back, I get on the plane and I have the window seat.
Nice.
Yeah.
That's all I wanted to say.
Oh my God, it's amazing.
I'm so happy for you.
So I have the window seat and I get to my...
You can lean your big dome piece against that wall of the plane.
That's why you...
Big don't against the wall.
I wasn't going to say that, sweetie.
In no world was I going to say that?
So I get to my row and there's just the guy in the middle seat who is already boarded.
And I give them the customary, polite, like, hi, I'm, you know, in the window seat.
Oh, I, what I do is when I see those people in the middle seat, and I give them,
seat, I go up to them and I'm like, I'm like put my bag over the thing and then I'm getting
ready. And then right as I'm sitting down, I look over at him and I go, like sucks to be you.
Yeah. Yeah. That's a good technique. Choose your seat earlier, stupid. Yeah. So this guy, this guy,
I point to the window seat and I go, hi, I'm there. And he goes, oh, did you want me to scoot down so
you can slide in.
Why would anyone want that?
I'm just like the fucking bulls on this guy.
Oh, I love it.
What a hilarious attempt.
That's so good.
That's so crazy.
Oh, would you like this horrible scene?
Is that what you're trying to get?
Oh, wow.
The only thing better is if he just did it.
Did it?
I was like, oh, it's so sorry.
Let me move to this one.
It was so funny.
I just laughed.
I went, uh, that's my seat.
And he goes, oh, okay.
And he gets out of the road.
I couldn't believe it.
Wow.
It was great.
That's amazing.
That's amazing.
That's amazing.
Amazing stuff.
That is amazing.
So the other travel thing that happened was we went to.
You didn't tell us there was going to be two?
There's two travel things.
All right.
Well, I'm not really ready.
This is not a travel tip.
All I knew was you were going to go to a place.
That's how this started.
You really took advantage of that setup.
So you just wanted me to say what the place I went to?
Yeah.
That's what I was prepared.
for.
So we went to Ohio this weekend.
First.
That's a second place.
Oh my God.
Worse yet.
So you're just all over the fucking...
I land from this experience with this middle seat guy.
I have to go to Ohio 45 minutes later.
Wow.
So that's how quickly.
Yeah.
Wow.
Fast turnaround.
That's a real fast turnaround for going from one place to the next place.
Yeah.
So it's the first time that we've traveled with Emmy.
Who is that again?
She was that little thing in the swing.
Yeah.
are on your way in.
Yeah.
Yeah, because I remember thinking,
I'm glad that swing is getting some use.
Well, I thought Kulap got really little.
A mixture of Kulap and me got really little.
We both got really little combined ourselves.
Honey, I shrunk me.
Honey, I shrunk me?
Well, honey, I shrunk myself.
Suck it to me.
Is it one of those?
I think so.
I know, honey, I shrunk the kids.
Honey, I blew up the kids.
It's honey.
We shrunk ourselves.
Yeah, it is.
You're right.
Scott hasn't seen any of those.
Oh, you haven't seen any of those.
Yeah, you got to do.
whole month of those.
No, but I do like the first one.
Okay, we'll do it.
I'm not available.
Just three episodes back, you were saying you had nothing but time.
That's not what I said.
I said you're looking for stuff to do.
That can't be true.
You did.
I must have been being facetious.
The last time I was at Universal Studios, they had the Honey I Shrunk the Kids ride.
Yeah.
And that was a while ago then.
Yes.
I went to that when I was a, no, it was at, I went to that at Disney World.
But they had Universal Studios.
I thought it was, I thought it was Disneyland.
Maybe it is.
Yeah, it was Disney.
It took the place of Captain Eo.
Okay.
I did it at Disney World when I was little.
It was the only time I ever went to a Disney place.
And we were running around the raindrops going bloop, bloop.
And then the big Kodak films.
Yeah.
And then it sprays you and stuff like that.
Here's what I remember is that it was 3D.
Yeah.
And first I was startled by, they say something is running around.
There's like rats or something like that.
Oh, yeah.
Shoot out air.
your ankles and everything.
And that startled me.
I was like, ah, that was a good one.
And then at some point, a snake is coming out of the screen.
Right.
And I actually like leaned back.
I love it.
It really got me.
You're probably in commercial.
That's why they're promoting it and like their whole audience.
Whoa.
Fat Joe.
When you see a snake coming out of the screen, lean back.
Portly Joe.
Oh, that's right.
That's what he prefers.
Anyway, so we were up in Ohio.
What's just something?
I've only been there for a day, like the day.
I drove up and down.
So I don't, I haven't really got to explore it, but it seems nice.
It's very nice up there, but it was the first time we'd ever traveled.
So a lot of firsts, a lot of setup, you know, figuring out a lot of stuff.
But, and then it wasn't the first time we've been to a restaurant.
No, I know, I know.
Okay.
Because Koolap and I had a date at a restaurant.
on early on.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
But what'd you eat,
liar.
You know our first day was at sushi and tap, right?
No.
I don't memorize these things.
I don't memorize anything that's been saw on the show.
That's true.
Sometimes that we got,
we get mind wiped after every episode.
Yeah.
I like that we're in a hole.
It's split between people saying,
they tell the same stories every episode and other people saying,
I do listen to the episodes multiple times.
Right.
Right. So it's like, so maybe we sound like we're telling it a lot.
Yeah.
Okay.
But sushi and tap.
If you...
Or don't memorize the episodes.
So it's sushi and it's beer.
That's what you would think.
No, it's sushi and tap dancing waiters.
No, it's not.
Yes.
Are you fucking kidding me?
That was our first date.
We've never talked about this.
It was in the valley.
It's now rocking, rock and sushi.
It did not last long.
Oh, that makes sense.
Yeah.
Sushi Dan, rock and sushi.
That's so 90s.
It was.
It was 99.
Yeah.
Isn't it 90s to have.
tap dancing as part of a gimmick of a restaurant.
Yeah.
I've talked about it before, but I remember going to twins, the restaurant in New York where all the waiters were twins.
And I'm like, that's the 90s thing you could do.
I don't know why.
We've talked about how they cover their shift.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you remember Mars 2112?
No.
That was a restaurant in New York that was just science fiction themed.
Oh, cool.
With no, but like not tied to a specific franchise or anything.
It was just like, you know, like, uh, space.
Were there aliens?
Yes, there were aliens.
Not ETs.
There was a restaurant in Chicago that I'm remembering
and I went to as a kid
where you, I think you wear your pajamas
and you got, it was like all cereal.
It was like a cereal restaurant.
Oh, yeah, I've heard about this place.
No.
You're thinking of your kitchen.
I mean, I was in my pajamas
and my doll was in her pajamas
and there's a good picture.
By the way.
I would like to see that picture.
What is it?
E.T.'s extraterrestrial?
Extra terrestrial.
Shouldn't it be other terrestrial?
No, he's so extra.
OTs?
Because he's terrestrial, but he just takes it to the limit.
He's so extra.
He's so extra.
A lot.
I remember hanging out with him and saying E.T.
Could you not be so extra tonight?
Yeah.
He said E.T.
Too extra.
Yeah.
I was like, yes, exactly.
Tonight.
So it's E T.E.
E.T.E.
It's very palindromic.
He loves palindromic.
He does.
Very palindromic, darling.
Oh, it's still palindromic.
E.T.
My name is Adam.
Um, I,
E.T. Padabah.
No, I always remember the book growing up that we had to read.
It was called Hannah is a palindrome.
Oh.
I don't know what it was.
You had to read.
Did they have a gun to your head?
Oh.
No, they did not.
Hey, look, we have to take a break.
Oh, wait.
When we come back, I want to tell the conclusion of this.
I'd love to hear.
The rest.
And then I've got a fun surprise for everyone.
We'll be right back.
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Do you ever find yourself scrolling through headlines,
especially health headlines,
and just thinking that can't be true?
Well, I certainly do.
2025 brought us some ridiculous far-fetched health claims
and some especially terrifying changes in public health.
What's in store for us in 2026?
I'm Chelsea Clinton, and we're back with season two of my podcast.
That Can't be True.
Follow along and catch up on season one wherever you get your podcasts.
And we're back.
Now, previously, we had teased the end of this story that takes place in a restaurant and a fun surprise.
Okay, so what happened in Ohio?
Well, we was everything.
I thought the beginning was we went to a restaurant.
Okay.
So we had been to, we had been to.
one restaurant with...
We'd been to one restaurant with Emmy before, but she, she, and it was where we walked
down to a local restaurant and we had her in her stroller the entire time and she was just
like chilling. She didn't eat or anything. Since then, she has started to eat food. So we took
her to her first restaurant... A fried chicken. Sometimes.
She just holds a big turkey leg.
That's big medieval. Renaissance very turkey leg. So we went to a restaurant and we said,
can we have a high chair
and first time for the high chair at a restaurant
Honestly, I don't even know that I've done that
Oh really?
Yeah, we've only had it
We've only taken to a couple restaurants
Okay
Yeah, so we sits in a regular chair
And she can't even see the table
She just stands on the chairs
And she's saluting
Or we hold her
She wants to move around so much
So I don't know
But yeah
So we
So Kulap takes the stroller out
I put her in the high chair
Coolop comes back in
And I'm looking at the sit down
And we've never done this before.
I'm looking at the situation.
And I think to myself,
oh, those coffee cups that the waitress just filled full of coffee
are probably too close to her.
And as I reach out to push them aside,
she grabs one, dumps it on herself,
and then throws it on the floor.
Was she burning?
It was luckily enough time had passed since the coffee had come.
And she only got part of it on her.
She started crying, but we took off.
and more just scared.
Yeah, it was more scared.
Yeah, we took off.
We'd dine and death.
She was crying, so we laughed.
We didn't pick for this coffee.
It's on the floor.
Shoot and screwed.
I've never heard.
Shoot and screwed.
I don't know for that.
But no, there wasn't that much on her and it wasn't that hot, but it was all over the floor.
And it didn't break or whatever, but it was like, oh, okay.
So we need to move everything out of her way before she ever sits down because the first thing she's going to do is grab the first thing that's in front of her.
Oh, well, Holly broke my computer yesterday.
No.
That was pretty sad.
What did she do?
She, there was, so I had bought myself a treat at Claire V, which is a store that I like.
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
What's the treat?
Like that food?
It was a, no, it's a purse company.
I mean, it's a brand.
They make these fun, like plastic chain link things.
You can like attach to your bag.
It's like a decoration.
I was like, I'm going to get that.
I got that.
And then she was running around with it every day since I got it.
And I was kind of just going to like, that's annoying because that's not like a toy.
Right.
It's a thing you bother.
It's my thing.
But I kept letting her do it.
And then yesterday I said,
what a good pair of you are.
Yesterday I was like,
she really shouldn't be playing with that.
And I did take it away.
And then she had it again.
I should have just put it in the closet.
She had it again.
And then, but then whatever.
It was kind of fine.
And then we were on my computer on FaceTime with my mom.
And then me and Holly.
And then she,
we hung up and I was about to be done with my computer.
And then she just whacked the plastic thing against my screen.
It immediately.
Oh, the screen cracked?
The screen went,
Yeah.
Oh my God.
It was so instantaneous.
It's like, I couldn't believe it.
She didn't even hit it that hard.
Like, it was, she was right next to it.
She was like Indiana Jones did it?
I guess.
And I was.
Have you seen that movie?
I have.
Like a whip?
She used a whip.
Right.
I started to cry.
I cried, which was, I think I was already right there anyway.
And then, um, we're all like.
Yeah, we're all just right there.
One millisecond away.
And then I was crying.
And then I was like, I love you very much.
Did you explain why she was wrong while you spanked her?
I didn't explain anything to her.
I just took it away and then I was just like,
fucking fuck.
And then last night, Mike was like backing it up and the whole screen went black.
Backing it up, meaning his ass?
Yeah, he was just like backing his ass up against the window and then.
You wanted to show you what he was very fucking.
Then the screen went black.
But he's going to get it fixed today.
So we'll see.
Oh my gosh.
Anyway, I was really sad.
But it's like that's how quickly.
That's how quickly it can all change.
And even like she also likes my hair straightener.
I have this like small hair straightener.
And she's like hair, hair.
And then she likes to like carry it around the house.
Again, it's very small and I don't really care.
It's cheap.
But then when it's on and she wants to grab it, I'm like panicking.
Yeah.
So, you know, it's that.
I saw some Instagram video where it was a baby sitting on a, on a sofa and they put like a toy and then some household object.
next to it and the baby would go for the household object every single time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She,
Emmy just wants like anything like,
she wants remotes.
She wants coasters.
We got highly her own remote.
Oh,
you can order one on Amazon.
Does she like it or does she don't want the real remote?
She like,
it worked for a long time at that age.
Like it worked for a while because she was still interested.
If you put it out like somewhere,
but you can put a label on it.
So it's just you don't get confused.
Right.
So it's an actual remote?
We just bought on Amazon for like six bucks, just like a TV remote.
And then...
Does it say kids remote or just a TV remote?
No, it's just a regular TV remote.
No batteries.
And then you just put it down.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a good decoy for a while.
And then eventually she realized that we didn't care about that one.
Yeah.
Oh, assholes.
Yeah.
I'm part of this family too.
Yeah.
It's the grabbing stuff.
So it was a good learning experience because then the next day we went to a brunch.
And before she sat down, I...
That's cool.
cleared everything out of the way,
didn't take anything for granted of, like,
she knows not to grab this.
Why don't you just push her further away from the table?
Yeah, just have her across the room.
Yeah.
That's someone else's table.
Why don't you leave her at home?
Honestly.
I did enjoy it when you mimed that she dumped the coffee in herself.
You mimed that she, like, tipped it over the top of her head.
Like, like, absolutely on purpose.
Here's what I do with this.
Yeah.
It was so.
That's very stressful.
very stressful and scary.
And, you know, the people at the restaurant were very nice, but the people in the restaurant
were all looking at us like, these fucking idiots.
I don't like when people judge each other with children.
I like it in court.
Well, yeah, I love that.
I love that.
Yeah, divorce court.
Working out visitation?
Are you guys ready for a little something called taste test?
I think I am.
Wow.
So I have two taste tests.
It's been a while.
We can save one for the next episode and do one now.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Um, taste test.
You might have already had this.
Taste test.
I doubt it.
Well, I have two different things.
One is a flavor of LaCroix that Mike is obsessed with that I hate.
Okay.
And now it's a test to see whether you like or hate it.
Here's what I, Scott.
Here's what I learned from, uh, uh, you know what I would do.
Yeah.
That's Mike's podcast.
You're not a LaCroix person, right?
I do drink Lecroy, but not, I'm not obsessed.
And I often won't finish a can.
Okay.
Mike made it out like you.
Oh, well, he likes to kind of,
you know, make that the reason I might not like this.
He likes to exaggerate. That's not the case.
He likes to be a big man on his own podcast.
I actually kind of like other. I like, I like
sparkling waters, but. I don't like sparkling
waters. I don't really like sparkling water.
Say this word. Limoncello.
Yeah, okay. Have you had this?
No, but. Janie loves this one.
Mike, oh my God, drinks a hundred. Yeah.
Oh, you said a little bit, yeah.
All right.
Okay.
So, Paul and I both opened it.
We're going to, to propose a toast to each other.
smell smells good smells like a sugary lemon it's pleasant i think it's good you like it
you like it okay so we had people over a couple different times where they tried a different
people and some people said they did not like it and really actually hated it had to muscle
through it and i wow really hate it as well he thought i was going to be very excited but then
now you both like it no it's like lemon with a it's it's not as tart as lemon it's like a sweet
It feels like it has vanilla in it.
Yeah.
Yes.
And that bothers me.
It reminds me of a vanilla wafer.
Oh, and that really bothers me.
Oh, you don't like vanilla.
I like vanilla, but not in a drink.
Let's name the vanilla things you like.
Cake.
Hmm.
Cookies.
icing.
Um, ice cream.
Checks out.
Hey, Jesus.
Yeah.
Sorry, it took me a while to get there.
Extract?
I love extract.
Vanilla extract is my favorite extract.
Bean?
Um, bean.
Um, yeah.
sex
yeah
like sure why not
everyone's wrong
just miss
super plain
as nick
wager would say
vanilla is a flavor
you know
vanilla is a flavor
yeah
I love it
I never appreciated
vanilla
until someone
was talking about
vanilla wayfers once
and saying like
vanilla
because I always thought
it was plain
it was like a
word for plain
but it's it's
I love vanilla
yeah
okay so you love this
I by the way
it's taking
everything I can
to pronounce it
vanilla and not
vanilla
vanilla
vanilla
Vanilla.
Vanilla?
Yeah.
Like, did you also say milk?
No.
Okay.
I didn't, I never heard that until I moved out here.
Malk.
Malk.
Malk.
Do you want the second taste test?
Do you want to save it?
Martin Luther King, of course.
Malk.
Malk.
Milk Boulevard.
Do you want the second taste test?
Do you want to say it?
Because I'm enjoying this one.
I agree.
I can still taste it.
It's an edible thing.
There's a little bit of an aftertaste.
And that's the problem.
Yeah.
It's very perfumi to me.
This is a great tease for our next episode because I was really.
really worried no one was going to listen to the next episode. I know because we kind of obviously
were telling a lot of about stories today. If you thought drinking was interesting, wait till you
hear eating on a mic. Yeah, my problem with sparkling water is first of all, I don't like the
texture of sparkling water. The bubbles in your throat. I don't, it's not like I, it's too wet. I like a soda,
like a carbonated beverage. Yeah. But there's something about mineral water.
Oh, God. He's floating up to the sky.
Oh, no.
Charlie!
I wish I had a roof.
With a fan in it.
Yeah, it just, it doesn't do it for me.
I don't, I find it like it makes me thirstier than...
Yeah, I don't know.
It doesn't quench my thirst.
Well, yeah, I've actually Googled this.
Like, I've Googled is sparkling water doesn't get on chance.
And what did it say?
I don't remember.
All right, let me look it up.
Does sparkling water hydrate you.
But I also don't like it.
like the,
yes,
the flavor carbonated water will hydrate just as well as still water.
Sure,
it's water.
But you're not,
but you're not going to like run a marathon and drink that.
No,
no,
no,
no,
no.
It wouldn't feel like it.
Because you're also going like,
I'm burping.
I'm farting.
I'm farting.
A slightly acidic pH.
A slightly acidic pH.
It's a little poorly.
But I also don't like the,
the slight flavoring.
Yeah.
Because it just makes me want something with full flavor.
Yeah,
yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
And I'm jealous because people love this.
shit. Oh, I know.
They love it.
I know.
I haven't thought about LaCroy because here's something.
Okay.
He's something.
Yeah.
If you read the can, I think it's on the can, not just the box, where it says
innocent.
Innocent?
Is it on the, or is that just on the box?
Innocence project?
I got a fine.
No, it says it on the can.
Okay.
It is an exclamation mark.
Read it.
Where?
It goes like zero.
Oh, you're spilling.
Oh, you're spilling.
Oh, no.
Wait, we're supposed to read what?
Hold on.
I just see the word innocent.
There's no further information.
it basically says like zero calories equals innocent with an exclamation and I always think
this is it says zero okay it says zero calorie zero sweetener zero sodium equals innocent exclamation
oh I see it goes all the way around and I just have a problem with that because I feel like
we're going to in 20 years they're going to go oh and that was a really bad drink for everyone
because like it's just going like innocent yeah and also how does it have zero of everything I've never
understood that. Yeah. Okay. How
how is it possible that something has zero of any of the things?
This is cancer water. That's kind of what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Who knows?
Here's because flavored sparkling water is now the default. Yeah. Everywhere you go.
Yeah. I was at a friend's birthday party on Saturday and he offered me a drink and it was daytime.
So I didn't want to like wine or anything. And I said, do you have like a soda? And he goes, what do you like?
Do you like, like cola?
Yeah, that would be fine.
Would you like a cola?
This is not a conversation that a human being has had with another human being.
It sounds like you're too aliens.
You said, can I have a soda?
He said, do you like a cola?
What kind of soda do you like?
Yeah.
Well, here's.
This would probably explain it.
Okay.
Because he's from Mars.
He comes.
He comes back and he has three sparkling waters because I realize.
He thinks that's cola.
Well, he hasn't, he doesn't know what, he doesn't have soda in the house.
Right.
I see.
So he's like, and he probably doesn't drink soda.
Right.
And so he just goes in.
Was it a cola flavored water?
No, it was not.
It was like, I have these.
And I said, oh, you know what?
I'm good.
Yeah.
So I'll just be dry.
And you knocked him at his hand.
No, I said, I'll just have water.
Yeah.
And he said, I don't have that.
He said, I already made one trip for you.
And then he ordered me out of his house.
Wow.
But then he, he said,
said, well, what kind of soda you usually like?
And I'm like, I don't know, like Coke or whatever.
Has he never heard of Coke?
And then no, no, no.
He has, but he was asking me my preference.
And then like a half hour later, his wife comes in the house with a six pack of Coke.
Oh, how nice.
I know, but I felt her out.
I felt bad.
Yeah.
You don't like Coke that much.
You're like, I don't know.
I was fine to not have it.
Yeah.
Water is fine.
Yeah.
But I felt really bad that they felt bad that they felt bad.
Yeah.
that they didn't have a thing that I wanted.
And now they're going to have this six-pack that they're dealing with for like ever.
No, they tore,
people tore through it.
Oh, really?
People like Coke.
Yeah, I know.
That happened to me, though, the other day when there was a guest here who's like,
PR person was like, make sure there's a Diet Coke for them.
And I get this request like the night before.
I'm like, I don't have Diet Coke in the house.
Like, feel free to bring your own, you know.
Yeah, that's stressful.
You're going to run out to the store.
But you, we should, we all should have at least.
one Coke and one Diet Coke in the house
at all times. Well, my mom loves Diet Coke,
and I do stock the fridge before she arrives,
because otherwise we have to go get it, and then I have to go do
that. So it's like, I got to have it
ready to go. I always have Coke zero
in the fridge. Yeah. The little cans.
I don't always have Diet Coke to be clear. I actually don't
drink so. Oh, no, that was clear. That was
crystal clear. Like the way that you...
Oh, I got it. But you know what? I haven't.
Basically, I stopped drinking Coke
when I was in high school, I mean, in college
because I started getting headaches from the huge things of it
that I would fill up in the food court school thing, whatever.
And...
Are you drinking fountain?
Yeah, because I could get my free refills
and I'd just be like, I'm drinking this all fucking day.
And then I started to get headaches and I was like,
let me just quit cold turkey.
And then I basically never had it again except for, you know, a sip here and there.
And when I have it now, I'm like, this is so good.
Yeah.
First I would have it and go, oh, it's really syrupy.
Like when I first came back and the first one.
But now I'm like if I'm sometimes you're just really in the mood for a Coke.
What would make a Coke taste better?
Like get rid of the bubbles.
I don't think it needs to taste better.
I think it's great.
Just corn syrup.
I love drinking corn syrup.
Oh, I glug that stuff.
Just corn.
I love corn.
Well, I love corn.
I love to drink corn.
There, I said it.
But you know how like you'll drink a, you'll drink a Coke and oh my God, he admit it.
You'll drink a Coke and it won't.
It won't quench your thirst.
You'll be like.
just as thirsty afterwards.
I've not had that experience.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
But they sell it like, it's like, oh, quench your thirst with coke.
I wouldn't say a thirst quencher.
I wouldn't say it is either.
Here, let me look it up.
It's not maybe thirstier.
Does cook quenst your thirst.
Sometimes it does for me.
We've been rewatching, I think you should leave, which is so funny.
And it was actually the first thing I watched right after giving birth.
I like, I beg your pardon?
It was like the first thing I watched after giving birth.
Oh, 10 minutes after?
Well, like, once I was like, recovering in the room, I put it on and I put it on.
and that was, like, cracking.
I think I was, like, so high from everything.
But it's also very funny.
And then we've been rewatching it now,
and it's so funny.
And every, I had forgotten so many funny things from it.
But there's this one with John or Lee where he's at dinner.
And this is like my favorite.
He's like, and he's like, I forgot to lie.
So funny.
Okay, look, sparkling soft drinks.
Okay, look.
Contained between 85% and 99% water,
which means they can help quench thirst
and count towards your recommended daily,
So it's one percent brown.
It sounds a lot like Paul's...
I'm just not buying that.
Paul's poops from earlier.
Shut up.
Hey.
The Grinch was talking about him, not us.
Anything.
That fucking guy.
He's obsessed.
Blame it on the Grinch.
Blame it on the Grinch.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
We'll be right back.
I'm Rachel Bannon.
I'm Ari McDonald.
And welcome to Ari and Rachel unfiltered at Unrivaled.
A show where you give you all you need to know from Unrivaled and more.
This season, we're talking to some of the best athletes.
I'm trying to watch my language.
You good.
Be you.
It's Unfertered.
That's what we're here for.
And coaches in women's basketball, like Paige Becker's and Leeroo.
Hey, it's Paige.
Hi, it's Lee.
And Celebrity Unrivaled fans about games, news, all for the fans to learn more about our journey
and the folks who make Unrivaled the Great League it is.
I'm super unfiltered.
Air is going to be super unfiltered.
because I'm going to force her to be.
We'll also be talking to you and answering your questions.
So tune in every Thursday and find us on social and all your favorite podcast platforms.
And we're back.
Oh, the Grinch is back.
No, he's not.
Because the Grinch, the Grinch is back.
You're singing Lump.
I was like, what?
How is this a parody of Lump?
The bitch.
The bitch.
The bitch.
The bitch is back.
Yeah.
Now, what was that time?
about. Lump. She's lump. She's lump. She's lump. It's in her, she's in my head. I mean,
it's about someone who sits alone in a boggy marsh totally emotionless except for her heart.
I know because I'm like, what is that? Mud flowed up into her pajamas and she totally confused all
the passing piranhas. I just want to say as a child I love this song and that makes sense because it's
definitely a goof troop. Nothing makes sense song for children. Like that's just what that is. But it rocks.
It rocks my cocks off.
Would you say it's a goof troop?
How many cogs do you have?
Well, not anymore.
Oh, okay.
Would you say you have 26?
Yeah.
Goof Troop core?
It's Groot Troop.
It puts the lotion in the basket.
It puts the lotion in the basket and it gets the hose.
If you, if, okay, so if every time you had sex, your penis fell off and you had to grow it back for two weeks.
Would anyone ever have sex again?
Well, I think animals have that situation.
I would because sex is great.
Oh, that's right.
I think you could last two weeks without it.
With your wife or husband.
When you think about how disgusting sex is, the idea of it, what you're doing.
I talked about this on a previous episode that unfortunately Kulap listened to.
And she's like, oh, really?
Sex is disgusting.
No, because you said naked bodies are all disgusting.
Well, yeah.
She was like, and then Jack Hughes commented something about that.
And I think it was in the, like, whole quote or whatever.
And then Kloop was like, this offends me.
She's fine.
But the idea of...
She's fine.
We're still together.
We worked it out.
When you break it down...
Yeah.
Like kissing is disgusting.
Oh, everything.
It's crazy.
You can't think about these things.
No, but it's like, that's why they,
the creator in his infinite wisdom made it feel so good.
Yeah.
And he made us...
That's the thing.
He made us in his image,
which means he has a rock hard cock.
Oh.
All the time.
How does that song go?
How does that song about God go?
What if God had a rock hard cock?
Right.
Cock is better.
All right, Paul, do we have...
Oh, shit.
Do we have a three-cher?
Yeah, we do.
Sorry, guys, we have a three-char.
Sorry, everyone.
Sorry, it's that time of the game.
I mean, show.
It's that time of the game.
It's that time of the month.
We'll have to...
Forgive me.
It's that time of the game.
All right.
This is submitted by Rochelle Collins.
Hey, Rochelle.
And Matt O'Producer, who referred to himself as Matt O'Producer, which I really enjoyed.
I like that just to clear it up, so we're not confused.
He suggested the title,
3H1 storytellers.
Like 3H1
Borytellers?
Is that a parody of that?
Yeah, it's a 3H1 boretellers.
And it's like, you got it.
It's supposed to be like the 4H club?
Yes, that's right.
It's a parody of many things.
Got it.
Wow, it's clever.
One person is a musician at a live concert
telling the story behind the next song
they're about to play.
The other two people have to guess
the real artist on song title
based on the made-up story.
It's fun.
I like that.
Say it one more time because I wasn't tracking.
Okay.
I'll say a letter for the people in the back.
Okay.
Thank you.
Rattle your jewelry.
This is 3H1 storytellers.
Where the fuck did it go?
I got that much.
So you tell the story behind the song as if you're like doing your VH1 behind the music,
storytelling, whatever.
And then we have to guess what the song is based on that.
So you pick a real song and tell the story of it.
Yeah.
Love it.
I'm going to look at my phone to find.
find a song. I'm going to look at Lawrence
phone to find the song she's looking up.
I'm going to look at the ground and just
think about my life.
And how great it is?
Ooh, not good.
Uh-oh. And do we play the song?
I forgot about that. Afterwards?
I guess you can.
I think that would just be a nice transition to the next one.
We could do that.
We could do that.
All right. Do anyone want to go first?
No, because I haven't found.
Yeah, so no one wants to.
Okay.
Okay. Okay, I got one.
This coffee has chickory.
Caramel, I believe.
Oh.
Well, fuck me all to hell.
Do you want me to do one?
Yes.
I'm not doing an impression of the person.
No, of course.
I'm just making that clear because I would give, you know,
I would just add a layer to this.
Agreed.
I thought we agreed.
No impressions.
Do you want to play it when you're done?
Okay.
I'd love to just launch right into that.
Lauren has been given the ox.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
So,
so this song,
it was so,
first of all,
thank you all
for being so excited
about it
because it is one of the
best ones that I've done.
Are you,
are we allowed to talk back?
Yeah.
Hi.
Hi.
Thanks for inviting us to this.
Okay, not anymore.
Shut up.
Did you hear me say I love you?
Yes, thank you.
So this song was a song where it was really just about.
Why are the ticket master fees so exorbitant?
How I wanted.
More than anything to me.
Are you listening to him?
I just had this urge in my body to like move my body, but not only by myself.
So I think that that was something that came to me as like maybe this is a universal feeling that, you know, when when the sun goes down and all these things start happening, I just really want that feeling that when my body moves around the room to the music.
or whatever space I'm in,
I can do that.
So either a room or whatever space you might be in?
Yes.
And I would like to,
ideally my preference would be to do that activity
not solo.
Well, Whitney,
when you say you want to dance with somebody
and you sing it,
what the fuck does that mean?
Oh, this is what she means.
Oh!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha who where why how
Woo!
One of the great woo's.
Yeah.
All right.
Who yeah.
I gave that a fade out.
I turned it off.
Thanks.
That was fun.
I didn't know how else to describe it.
By the way, it made me very happy when I was in Ohio this weekend.
And I heard we were out of market and I heard tears for fears.
outside before we came in on playing on the speaker.
And I arrived right at the moment in where it goes,
do, do do do da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, but ba.
And then the guy goes, yeah.
Do you know that part in the song?
I don't either.
It's one of the greatest, yes, because it's off rhythm, sort of.
It's not, it's in a weird part.
Right.
I love, I just love going.
Yeah.
He's just happy about it.
He's having a great time.
I believe we asked them about that when they were on bang, bang.
All right, okay.
Seriously, Fierce was on bang bang, bang.
Yeah, they were great.
They were on the TV show and the podcast.
They were with the Pye Minister.
Wow, that's cool.
And then when they were on the TV show, a week later, they came up to me and they're like,
we can't stop talking like the Pai Minister.
That's awesome.
I saw them do like a more recent.
There was a video going around of them seeking some other.
Oh yeah, they have a new album.
Yeah, that's what it was.
Yeah.
But it was so fun to see them and they were like so great.
Mm-hmm.
All right.
Are you ready?
Yes.
Yes.
Hey everyone, thanks
So much for coming
You may be wondering why I brought you all here
I think it's a concert
Oh you
Did someone spoil that?
I thought it was a murder mystery dinner
I had to pay
Oh so you got
Oh you got a ticket to a dinner
That's why I'm dressed like this
Okay so you're just the butler
Yeah
But then why are you wearing a full football uniform
It's a backstory for the butler character
We were encouraged to embellish
I think you have the wrong adjun
I actually
I gotta go
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't be here.
Stick around if you like.
If you like my music,
you can stick around because you're already in.
Tell us about the song.
Okay, this is about
a friend of mine.
He's in the arts and he's an actor.
He was in a little movie called The Big Short.
And I just loved his work so much.
I loved the way he chewed gum and he was just so interesting to me.
I said, oh, I got to write a song about him.
So I went and interviewed him and talked to him about his life.
And he had a very difficult relationship with his father.
And one day he was with his father and his father just took his, not his right hand,
but his other one and just swung at him and hit him.
Left hand.
And it surprised him.
Gum.
It surprised him so much.
And then he went on to star in succession.
He's a method actor, and he's incredible.
Jeremy by Pearl Jam?
Yeah.
Yay.
Play the song.
Oh, she had to have forgotten.
We were all forgetting to play the song.
Jeremy Spoken.
Clare.
It's fun to sing in a weird way.
It is fun.
Don't you always wonder with certain singers where you're like,
did you just decide to start doing that?
Yeah.
It's interesting.
Because you hear him talk and he's,
Eddie Vedder's the one.
He heard him talk.
He's like, hello there.
How are you?
Welcome to my child.
Oh, Mountain Talk.
Is chewing gum mentioned in that song?
No, he chews gum in the big short.
Jeremy Strong.
Oh, he's in that?
I've never seen that film.
I don't remember him in that movie.
That's the first place I ever.
saw him. I do remember him. I was like,
how is this actor chewing gum his entire
performance? Oh, I'd love to see that. With his mouth open.
I like watching him.
Yeah, anyway, so
hi.
Hey, I want to thank you all. This is not an impression,
by the way. Okay. I want to thank you all
for being here. Do you do impressions?
Do the Grinch.
Oh, who high?
He's terrible. It's really bad. We know him.
Dude De Niro.
That's not one of the.
Or can you milk me?
Uh, how's your baby De Niro?
He just had a baby.
Oh, I thought you meant how was my baby De Niro impression.
Do a baby De Niro impression.
Are you talking to me?
Say goo-go-gaga.
Babies can't talk yet.
I was going to.
I was going to say,
goo-go-gag-you cut me off.
Hey, listen, I'm so happy.
Okay, thanks for your concert.
Bye.
No, there's more to it.
Oh, I haven't even done the first song.
Oh, wait, put the chairs back.
Yes.
What kind of a concert did you think it was?
We thought was you doing baby De Niro impressions.
Oh, I wish.
And we were excited.
I wish.
Anyway, this next song, which is also the first song, it's very important to be.
It's sort of about time in a way.
When someone tells you what time it is and you think, well, is it that time now?
Does anybody really know what time it is?
By Chicago?
Great talk about Chicago.
But no, I'm talking about my song.
Clocks by Colts.
Play?
The song Paul definitely knows.
It's a song.
I thought it'd be funny if you picked that.
You know, I went to one
recording of Saturday Night Live and the musical guest was Coldplay.
Oh, wow.
Who was the host?
The host was...
Come on.
Fucking John Hamm.
And Coldplay did three songs.
Yeah.
And sometimes we like that better than having
too many sketches.
because the sketches aren't always great.
I would have liked to have seen one more sketching.
That never happens, three songs.
It did.
It's only reserved for huge musical artists.
Like you two.
Paul McCartney.
Coldplay.
I have never noticed that.
Anyway, this song is...
Or Pearl Jam.
This song is about...
Jeremy Spoken.
This song is about questioning things.
Okay.
Questioning time.
It's about being unhappy.
And...
Someone tells you, hey, hold on there.
And you're like, well, I don't want to hold on anymore.
I want things to be better now.
Kat Stevens, is that you?
No, it's not me.
Paul McCartney?
No, I'm not Paul McCartney.
This is weird.
You guys came to my concert.
I thought you would know who I am.
We heard this was an impression of Baby De Niro.
The ticket said anonymous concert.
And we thought it was anonymous with the,
Baby Tenero.
With the Guy Fox mask.
Okay.
Okay.
So time, time, time.
It's about somebody saying, you know, hey, it's going to, you know, what?
You stop, you don't have to wait anymore.
Are you the Bengals and or Simon and Garfunkel?
Two guesses at once?
No.
They sang the same song.
I know they did, but you're wrong both times.
Oh, how about Cindy Lopper, time after time.
How about her?
Who do you like?
What artist do you like?
Oh, I like so many artists, but mainly I like myself in the song.
I'm about to sing, which is my song.
Is it the Kings?
Who does that song?
Pink Floyd does.
No, that's not what I'm thinking.
This song plays with the concept of time in a whiny way.
In a whiny way.
Are you Bob Dylan?
Nope.
Talk more about the lyrics.
This is the weirdest concert I've ever played.
Is it Billy Joel?
No, it's not really Joel.
We're just guessing artists now.
Talk about the lyrics a little bit.
I will talk about the lyrics.
The lyrics involve, you know, who I am, where I come from, who my parents are, perhaps, maybe who my father is.
It's about...
Is this about, is it about a receptacle that you can...
I'm a lot like you are.
Is this about a receptacle that you could put time into...
I'm going to do the songs, please.
I wish I knew what I know.
Hey, you should do the concert.
No, no, my career.
Is this about a receptacle you can put time in?
No, it's not.
This is about...
It's not time in a bottle.
Yeah, I know what you meant, dude.
Is this about a certain feline being in a cradle?
That's what I've been trying to get at.
I couldn't remember it.
Yeah, it's not.
Okay.
That's Jim Crocey.
Let me relieve you both of that bird.
Cats in the cradle?
Isn't Jim Crocey, dude?
Cats the cat's the guy?
Cradle, sir.
He does.
He does.
I thought someone else did that.
No, it's Harry Chapin.
There you.
Oh, okay.
Well, also the version I know is Ralph from the Muppets.
And the Ralph's in the cradle with the sylpspoon.
This is also about maybe going out and you think you're going to find some satisfaction there, but then you don't really make the most of it.
Rolling stones.
That's on you.
Is this icon of pop?
I wish it were.
Let's just hear how that little song goes.
And here it goes.
Wow
How soon is now
How soon as now
I'm
Wow
I am the son of nothing in particular.
I am human and I need to be loved.
Just like anybody else does.
He used to be so fun.
He used to be fun.
Now he's a stone drag.
I like, I like his new character, though.
What's his new character?
The new Morrissey.
Oh, I thought maybe he'd evolved once more.
Well, then we did the feature.
Did we do it?
I can do one more.
Okay, do one more.
Do one more.
We don't want to do one more.
This is a song about time.
This clocks by Coldplay?
Excuse me.
I just finished my concert across the street.
Donko, dinkle, dong,
don't don't dangle, dingle, dingle,
baby, gung, baby.
Where's the Grinch?
Get him out here.
Hey, Grinch, come out of here.
If I could save time in a bottle, the first thing that I'd like to do.
Well, that's going to be it for this episode.
A couple of things.
Yeah, let's say housekeeping.
Let's get out of the way.
Housekeeping.
Are we allowed to play this?
Yeah.
Who's going to stop us?
Chris Martin?
I'd like to see him try.
I saw him one set a concert.
He was huge.
Huge?
Tall and jacked.
Really?
Turn off, turn off.
So he just got.
way hotter.
Divorce is treating you well out.
I guess my Dakota Johnson's down to clown.
By the way, I also saw Keanu Reza
a much sponsor, maybe 15 years ago.
And he was very sweet.
He enjoyed it, and he had his own room.
Oh.
I love it.
Unplugged.
Met him between two friends.
Oh, that's right.
Well, I didn't bring it up either.
That tower video when I waited on.
Yeah.
And what did he rent?
I don't remember.
I don't recall.
You should have written it down.
Yeah.
And kept the paper forever and never got it.
You know what?
I didn't think I waited on him, but I did come up and get an autograph for someone who was a huge fan.
Oh, really?
Yes.
That's fun.
I read a story about him that a person's either mother or grandmother who is like 90.
Is this a riddle?
Is a huge Keanu Reeves fan?
and the person like the son or the grandson.
Get your own people, old people.
Come on.
That's ours.
The son or the grandson was...
You can only be fans of people
that are your contemporaries and age.
Yeah.
Was not really a huge fan,
but he saw Keone or Reeves at a diner or something
and came up to him and said,
hey, my...
I don't do this personally,
but my grandmother is 89 years old
and it just loves your movie so much.
Do you mind if I take a picture of you?
And he was like, do you mind if I call her?
And, like,
chatted on the phone with her for 15 minutes.
Hi, old lady.
How are you doing?
Hey.
Hey, I'm at the diner.
I was eating at the counter and I saw Deanna Reeves there.
Keep going.
He said, he called my grandpa.
So I handed my telephone.
All right.
Look, here's the deal.
If you're going to give us a voicemail,
apparently some of you have been leaving long-ass voicemails.
Oh, really?
Two minutes and longer.
That's what we're hearing. We're never going to listen to them,
but our Matt, our producer has to listen to them.
Yeah.
And he has made a request, please keep these under 30 seconds where you say your name
and then you ask a question and then you're gone.
Yeah.
That's a reasonable request.
You can also throw in a compliment.
Yeah.
And what is the number that people call?
Just call.
Hague claims eight.
Yes.
Now, the other thing he wants us to say,
about three-chers.
What are some of your favorite games to play with friends?
Ooh, good call.
Yeah.
Some, like, car games or hanging around games.
That would be cool to get some of those.
Okay.
We're looking for that classic Ministers Cat feel.
Yes.
Or Botticelli.
Let's bring back Ministers cat.
Remember Botticelli?
Rotatoulli.
What was the name of it?
It was not Botticelli.
It is Botticelli in the version I know, but.
Oh.
I'm going to look up Bata Shelley game.
I knew it is Jackson Pollock.
Oh, really?
No.
There is a Wikipedia for it called Bata Shelley.
Bata Shelley is a guessing game where one person or a team thinks of a famous person
reveals the initial letter of their name and then answers yes or no questions.
Wait, there was some other game we played that had like an Italian name that was not, that was a different game, but was known by this weird name that I'd never heard before.
I don't know.
Interesting.
We'll never find out.
We'll never find out.
But speaking of finding out things, if you want to find out how to listen to ad-free episodes of this show,
listen to them at Stitcher Premium or at CBB World.
And if you have a follow us on Instagram, which is at Freedom USA.
And then if you want to send us an email, Paul, what is that?
Freedom USA at gmail.com.
Lauren, you have anything to add?
I can't wait to see what your guys are going to send in.
That was like Paul Abdul when she sounded all nuts on that news program one time.
I got to look that up.
Oh, it's good.
Okay, we'll look that up in between episodes.
And by the time you listen to the next episode, we'll all have seen it.
I think you're going to say, we'll be dead.
We'll be dead.
By the time you listen to the next episode, we'll all be dead.
If you're hearing this episode, I'm dead.
All right, bye.
Bye.
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