Threedom - Threevisiting: I'm Like the Sopranos

Episode Date: February 10, 2026

Threevisiting on the Tues: Lauren, Paul and Scott discuss doing book reports, funny voices and listen to some voicemails!  Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Mint Mobile. Every group has someone who assists on doing things the hard way. I hope that's not me. That friend who's still paying for a subscription they forgot they had. Could be me. That one refusing to update the phone because it still works. Okay, not me. A little colder.

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Availability, speed, and coverage varies. Additional items apply. See mintmobile.com. Hiya, Julia Louis Dreyfus here from the Wiser Than Me podcast, among other things. And I've got a bit of a hot take. Our relationship to our food can feel disconnected. We don't always know how or where our food is grown. And if we throw food scraps in the garbage, we don't think about where it's going, or at least we try not to.

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Yes. Amongst others. And also, uh, topsy Turvey, one of my personal favorite tones. Yes, Topsy Turvey, she's great in that. Does her own singing. Yes. My name is Babu, Frick. I, and I have to confess, I did her singing.

I don't know what to do. I did her singing for that role. You never told me this. Yeah, she called me. I knew her personally. She's my best friend. I don't know. Did I ever tell you this?

No. I'm the one who'd said, you got to do this Star Wars movie and call yourself Babu Frick. She came up with the name? No, I didn't. came up with the name. Oh shit, you're right. Yeah, anyway, I did all of her singing.

Why? La la la. Oh, my God, it's like she's in the root. She's got a beautiful voice. She's got a beautiful voice. She's got Babu-Fric eyes. What a weird song. What a beautiful.

Hey, welcome to Threatom. You know us. I have a lot of Go There's a sweet surprise She's got Benny Davis eyes Betty Davis eyes

There's no alcohol She's got Betty Davis eyes Now dog She's got the Betty Davis eyes Now dog And I can't see Was he talking

Snoopy when he said that Yeah of course he was When Snoopy became in person For a day Yeah That was weird Oh it was a very unsettling peanuts. Because I didn't like how he didn't

he didn't look like a normal penis. No, he looked, well, he looked like a human, but he still had those long ears. Right, but they were like his skin tone. Yeah. And people were like, did you have gauges at some point? And he's like, no, this is just how they are. Were we talking about Snoopy and the Red Baron? No. Ever?

I mean, probably once. The Red Baron stuff is the most boring stuff. Well, of course it is. He's like in the war. You're like, let's make it modern people. Why would a fucking little dog be fantasizing about flying a plane of World War War? I'm not even talking about the why would he do that or whatever. I'm just talking about how boring it is.

Like I watched the, I feel like it was the Thanksgiving special or something. And there's a whole long riff where he's pretending to be. It always bored me to tears. It's a big part of Thanksgiving, pretending you're in a war. Do you think it was for the parents of the children at the time? Maybe, but it just shuts the plot down.

Like there's no plot moving forward. It's all just like, it's like dream sequences movies. Charlie Brown is the plot. Yes. Let's move it forward. The intricate. stories. I'm like, is the great pumpkin coming or not? And follow the question, is he real? It was the great pumpkin one. Okay. Do you know what? When I was a kid, it really bummed me.

What happened, Lauren? You dropped something? Stop the presses. I dropped my lotion cap. Can we get the late edition? It puts the cap on the lotion. And then I don't want to get the hose. So I do put the cap on the lotion. When I was a kid, it bummed. It gets the hose again. It hurt last time. Yeah. It's much stronger than you think. Um, was he just, was he whipping the hose? at her or he was turning the hose on her. I mean, she was in a hole. So it's like how the water pressure. That movie is scary.

Is it still? I haven't watched it in a long time. I only saw it for the first time a few years ago. I thought it's good. Madman, what did he say to you? It's creepy. Jody Foster. What did he say to you?

So creepy. I saw an interview with her where she was saying he did something unexpected. I can't remember what it was. Chiquet? Anthony Hopkins. The way he pronounced Kianti. He like he basically did something scary that wasn't planned in the thing that she really had a real reaction.

Was it the tongue thing? Yeah. Wow. I think it was. I can't, I can't duplicate it. I think it was the tongue thing. Don't ever do a tongue thing with a woman. Thank you pardon.

Yeah, you've been, you've been told. I'm like the soprano. Okay, DJ Collette. Scott was told to stop. He was told him never. Don't ever do that. I'm the opposite of Michael Douglas. Don't ever do that.

You'll get cancer from doing this. Jay Collet when he was like, I'll never eat a pussy. And then the internet was like, you're stupid. Your songs suck and you're stupid. You really picked the wrong hill to die out of your DJ. Why did Paul Stanley come out with a statement on, oh, God, it just means me mad. I don't know who that is.

From Kiss. Wait, my sound dropped out. Statement on what? He's say, he's like, these tongues don't. It's like, who is asking Paul Stanley for this? Everybody shut the fuck up. Shut up. Shut up.

Damn it. God, you don't, no one needs to know your opinion. We just don't care. And your opinion is garbage, by the way. Yeah, it's garland that it's garbage, but it's like, no, he put out a statement. It's like, you simply have no reason to talk about this. It's like on my official letterhead to me, as Paul Stanley. No one gives his shit.

He's letting you know. He needs to be kicked. From the desk of the Star Child. Was he the Star Child? He's Star Child. When they put the makeup on every time. Is Ace Freely the Star Child? Ace freely is the space man.

Paul Stanley is the Star Child. He's got to be the star child. Do you feel like the makeup ever got old for them? Like where they were like, and we're painting their faces again. I used to hate doing theater and having to put it. Because I did Kiss makeup for Jesus Christ Superstar one production. Oh, I forgot about that.

And it's just such a pain in the ass. Yeah. I did Kiss makeup for something once and it took so long. Wait, you were in Kiss for one night. Yeah. It was your drummer for one night. Wait, what were you going to say before we talked about everything else that interrupted you? Oh, the great pumpkin, Charlie Brown.

It bummed me out when the great pumpkin did not show up. I know, I know it's a thing, but like, come on, go by once. I didn't want to learn a lesson. I wanted to see the fucking great pumpkin. Sometimes those can be really, like, heartbreaking films. Absolutely, yeah. A lot of nostalgia is so crushing that it's just, oh, I mean, there's so much enwee in the Peanuts universe.

Awie. Yeah, there is. The movie Snoopy Come Home, I remember that in the book, We're both about dogs who were lost for months. Oh, no, you know who has a funny story about Ribsey is TIG? She, I'm going to tell the story wrong. So whatever, but the gist of it is that I like your confidence. She did.

I'm going to tell the story wrong. She wrote a book report about Ribsey for like many years at school. Like anytime she had to do a book report, it was about Rizzy. Yeah, there's a point to the story, of course. Well, that is kind of genius because you're, your elementary school teachers are talking to each other. Like at a certain age, it's like, yeah, you're in high school. I'm probably telling that story is so wrong. No, but why not, why not just use it for like third grade, fourth grade, fifth grade, sixth grade?

Another one. Another one. Another one. No, I don't mean eating pussies. I, of course, famously in junior year of high school did a book report. We had to do a book report on Black Like Me. Yeah. And the teacher gave me a failing.

rate on that said I did not prove to him that I wrote the book you wrote it you wrote the book wow like me someone in our class wrote the book and we all had to read I had to guess who wrote we all knew that we wrote it it was like mafia and I was like I wrote it he said you did not prove to me that you read the book did you prove it to him like after that and say well look I don't know how to prove it to him I was like I did the report what I how I wasn't vague I didn't know I had this teacher once who's my journalism teacher, which makes you wonder why were we even doing this project, or we had to, we all had to like, I guess, well, we had to report on the groups of wrath. We were just like, but he assigned us like as groups, like a section of the book. Like I just had to read the middle

part and someone had to read the end. Then we'd each present our part of it. But it was like, I don't know what happened. It was like a horrible, it made no sense. That's a bad assignment. I'm trying to, I'm trying to figure it out from a journalism angle. I don't even know if there was any connection. Bringing it back to peanuts from, for, for my. newspaper class, there was an editorial about spanking in school because it was still happening at the time for some reason. And I drew a cartoon for it, which was Charlie Brown, like, bending over the table being spanked and going, good grief. And my journalism teacher, like, held it up in front of the class and said, all right, everyone, what is wrong with this? And someone, like, raised their hand and said, it's copyrighted.

And he went, exactly. There's no way we can publish this. In my mind, I'm going, he's wrong. And it is wrong. Yeah, the parody is not the same. Yes, the, that's the whole, the whole point of it is you can use copy. It's fair use. No.

It just made me so, man. It's not true. It's not true because Thomas Nast, the famous political cartoonist. Oh. The reason he drew everyone so fucked up is so he wouldn't get sued. Because they were originally who? They were, well, the blondie characters, Dagwood and Blondie? No, no, no.

He would draw like boss tweed, but he would be, it would be a gross caricature so the boss tweet couldn't sue you. Oh, wow. He was like, because if you sue, you have to admit it looks like you. Right, right. Yeah. Yeah. I'm that gross looking. Yeah. That's me obviously. In the corner. I am a big round man.

Who is boss tweet again? The teapot dome scandal, my dear boy. I don't know that much about that much about it. I was famously caricaturized in Mad Magazine as part of Orange is the New Black Count. That's very cool. I look hideous, but it's perfect. That's great. Hey, I meant to tell you

on our last episode. Someone had me signed their book, Zatcher Jacket. Nice. Nice. Nice. Good stage name. Nice. I like that. Zatcher jacket. Hi, I'm Zatcher. I'm Zetcher. Zetcher. Jacket. Zetcher jacket. A man, barely alive. That was just a real moment in time, everyone. Do you remember?

I remember the introduction to the $6 million man. Steve Austin A man barely alive I was imagining a man in a tuxedo introducing the six million every week

It's like that episode of Cheaters I'm so glad you're here Tonight we present Yet another episode of the Six Million Million Dollar Man This time he may be encountering a mythical creature whose shoe size is rather large

Did you Did you see that episode of Cheaters that I'm talking about where the producer came out in a tuxedo. You've told me about this so many times. I can't remember if I saw it or I just envisioning it from me telling you. I just feel like saying, have you seen that episode of cheaters?

Like there's five million and they're all the same. It was a, no, this one is not the same. I love watching cheaters. Because it was like a special episode of Cheaters. It was like the 100th episode or something. And so like the producer came out in a tuxedo to introduce it and then said, and it's a brand new era for cheaters because the old host, I forget who was old and who was.

Joey Greco was one of them who I met once in a garage And the other guy was Greco Joey Greco Joey yeah so one of them was One of them got fired and the other one was replacing him so it was One of them could only tell the truth So it was guy in Tuxedo introducing a very special episode

And then they filmed the new guy Introducing the footage but they only had the old guy doing the footage The most confusing like three host show of I've ever seen. It's crazy. But it's a good episode and you have to watch that over and over again. Yeah, I just love it. You got to say, I wonder if it's on YouTube.

Does it always end the same? No. Does it always end the same? One time, no one cheated. And they just kissed. They were so insulted, both of them. Like, how dare you insinuate this? Oh, my God.

Have you ever been on cheaters? And we'll go around the table. You know, taking it, we're moving it from our personal lives. Don't you kind of love when there's some hot goss going around? Why do you know some? No, I'm saying like, but those moments when it's like something's crazy happening, and you're like, oh, this is insane. I like it when I'm, there's a certain remove from the goss.

Yeah. That I enjoy. No, yeah. It's better when you don't, when you're not enmeshed, of course. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you don't give a shit about the people. Yeah, yeah.

When you care, it's sad. Yeah. I think when you care about the people, but not enough where you would be part of it. Does that make sense? Like you're like, you're not their best friend, but you're close enough. You know them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you've hung out with them enough to be like, oh, that's juicy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But not so much of the goss is. Yeah, well, that's true. What if it's real gnarly?

What if they're in love? Who, the people? You know what I don't. I hear some gossip. Someone's in love. Oh, my God. That's crazy. That's fucked up. By the way, I saw Elvis yesterday. And the funniest part I'm in. to tell you, Paul, is where Tom Hanks is like, and then we were in movies, we had fun.

I just thought, I couldn't watch the movie without hearing your impression of him the entire time. Pretty accurate, right? Pretty accurate, but he just like at one point, he goes, I got him to, I got the Elvis to be in movies. We had fun. Wow. That framing device is so strange.

Did you see it? I, well, see as an interesting word, because. Thank you. I had about eight screens open. This was the eight screen experience. You saw that running time. You're like, I need backup. I'll be shopping for 10,000 things on 10,000 different tabs.

And I'll have my phone open and yeah. I watched it in Denver. That's one of the things to do when you're dead. Yep. That's amazing. Wait, what the fuck were we talking? Gossip. Oh, gossip.

Why, do you have some goss? No, but we're just talking about how it's exciting. Do you have a blind item? I have a blind item. No, but I probably mentioned this show, normal gossip. It's a podcast. Yeah. I like it.

It's the host has, people submit, like, gossip from their lives. Like, and then they just change all the names. Yeah. And then they talk it through with a guest, like, so this happened at this person's workplace or whatever. I feel like every newspaper now is doing something like the ethicist or ask Carolyn hacks or whatever, because they're always coming up on my Twitter feed. But I read one yesterday about a guy who went into his wife. wife's phone and looked at her messages.

Don't do that. Don't do it. But every message that she was sending to her friends were about how much she hates him. So he's like, well, that's good. I wish he was cheating on me. Yeah, yeah. That's like, it's good to get to the bottom of that. What a loser he is.

Oh, that's so sad. He's been, he was fired. And now I've had to pick, like, it's been a financial drain on me. And he's like, no, I was fired. Yes, but the money we got from selling our house, She hasn't taken a hit. So he's like, what do I do? Because obviously I shouldn't have gone into her phone,

but now I know she hates me. So I'm supposed to sit here and take it. That's really rough. I think you just have to say you went in her phone. Yeah, that's what everyone was saying. Because you were suspicious of something. I think they were saying it's not equal. Yes, you did a bad thing, but it's not equal.

Like her hating you. You shouldn't be in a relationship. That's the lead story. Yeah, you need to like settle that. Yeah. Yeah. But it always gives the other. person an excuse to go like, well, what are you going through my phone?

That's true. That's a, that's a tactic. Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely a tactic. It's a good one too. It's very good. And it works.

I use it all the time. And it's great because you're right, you know. I use it whether or not the phone is involved. No, because you can always say, well, why were you going through my phone? And chances are they probably were. Yeah. It was to see if you thought I was a loser. I felt like you hated me, so I wanted to make sure.

That's soft. And I feel like obviously he was going through. her phone because he knows something is wrong. Yeah. Yeah. You don't just do that. Yeah. Like, oh, I think I might want to go through someone's phone.

Yeah. That is so chilling to me. Like if I were to discover, yeah, come upon messages like an affair or something like that would be like. Yeah, I know. I mean, I know someone that's happened to. Oh. That you guys don't know. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. We don't know anyone. No, but I mean, I wouldn't be saying it if you did. Yeah. Is it? No, it's the worst. Jane Seymour?

Yes. Okay. I had a feeling. No, but it's so scary. From wedding crashes? Was she Dr. Quinn, medicine woman? Yeah. What a funny descriptor.

Medicine woman. Like, was it? They didn't have a term for it back then. Can't call her a doctor. No, you're not allowed to. Everyone would go like, no, no, no, where is the actual doctor? She's a medicine woman. Medicine woman.

They still do that to this day, Scott. What? My gynecologist is a medicine woman. Really? I just talk, I say that about her. Your gyno? My gino is a medicine. Now, a male gynecologist, that's just a creep, right?

Well, it's that Mel Gibson sketch. That's rough star. Is that SNL sketch? Remember, he was like, whatever his name is, male gynecologist, and everyone wanted to go to him because it's Mel Gibson. Right, right, right. Takes on a different meaning now. Yeah.

I just thought of something I can't say. Yeah, let's move on. I thought of a joke I can't make. But the fact that you thought of it means you're a bad person. Oh, no doubt. Don't worry. I've gotten myself low. They can take it care of.

So are you on Twitter still? And did your check mark go away? Yeah. Yeah, my check mark went away. I think I still, I was going to give it up after the book came out. But I also, I don't know, it's the only way to get news. But it is so bad. The worst people now are just, I don't know.

I don't feel like it's the only way to get news. I should be more just on the news app. Yeah. How do you get your news? Mainly I get my news from Hudson News. That's my trusted news. Oh, I go to Hudson News. I get my groceries there.

In the morning. I hate that I have to buy a plane ticket, but it's worth it. I spend a thousand dollars on four bags of snacks every day. Yeah. I never take a flight and so I'm on several watch lists. But I will say I did used to get all my news from Twitter. Also, you've taken flight lessons. I love taking flight lessons, but I'm so scared of planes.

I should do the flight simulator. Most do look fun. They do look fun, actually. The three of us should take a flight class. No fucking chance. We'd never get up in the plane. Oh, you just go on a simulator. You just go on the simulator and go wee!

Yeah, that sounds cool. That does sound like fun. I don't think they just let you hop into that part. I like to go wee. All the way home. Oh. Oh, you know. All the way home.

All right. Speaking of home, let's take a break. Okay. Yeah. Let's go home. Never return? Bye.

Amazing. Every group has someone who assists on doing things the hard way. I hope that's not me. That friend who's still paying for a subscription they forgot they had could be me. That one refusing to update the phone because it still works. Okay, not me. A little colder. I used to be that person too.

Oh, it turns out it's not me. especially when it came to overpaying for wireless. Then I switched to Mint Mobile. I'm so glad I did. Stop paying way too much for wireless just because that's how it's always been. Mint exists purely to fix that. Same coverage, same speed, just without the inflated price tag. It's the premium wireless you expect unlimited talk, text, and data,

but at a fraction of what others charge. And for a limited time, get 50% off three, six, or 12 months, 12 months is a year. 12-month plans of a limited premium wireless. Bring your own phone a number, activate with an e-sim in minutes, and start saving immediately. No long-term contracts, no hassle. With a seven-day money-back guarantee

and customer satisfaction ratings in the mid-90s, it's pretty high, gang. Mint makes it easy to try it and see why people don't go back to their old carrier. My experience with Mint Mobile has been great so far. I'm constantly on the road for work. God damn, that's true. and I've found that no matter where I am across the country,

I'm still able to connect with friends and family. The service from Mint has been just as good as any of the big three networks. Plus, same with a ton of my wireless bill. That's more money in my wallet for room service and extra dessert because I know how to treat myself on the road. Ready to stop paying more than you have to. New customers can make the switch today and for a limited time get a limited premium wireless for just $15 per month.

Switch now at mintmobile.com slash, Freedom. That's mintmobile.com. Dot clom. No, not dot clob. Please don't go to a dot clom. Unless you wouldn't be on the clam internet. That's mintmobile.com slash freedom. Up front payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for 12-month plan required. Equivalent to $15 a month. Taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only. Over 50% gigabytes may slow when network is busy.

Capable device required. Availability speed and coverage varies. additional items apply. See mintmobile.com. You all know, big clothes, guys, so when I talk about clothes, you better listen. A well-built wardrobe is about pieces that work together and hold up over time. And that's what Quince does best. Premium materials, thoughtful design, and everyday staples that feel easy to wear and easy to rely upon even as the weather shifts. Oh, winter is coming eventually.

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Free shipping and 365-day returns. Quint.com slash freedom. Only 18 states require sex ed to be medically accurate. And relationship classes? Let's fix that. I'm Shan, an A-S-Sertified sex educator with a Masters and Psych. And on my podcast, Lovers by Shan, we make learning about love as mind-blowing as making it. Celebrities and fascinating people share an intimate story.

Then we uncover the lesson for all of us. Watch Lovers by Shan from Lemonada Media on YouTube or listen wherever you like your podcast. And we're back. For people who don't know, during the breaks, we each go to our separate homes. Yep. And then we reconvene three, four hours later. Four hours later, yeah. Yeah, we just...

Yeah, we like to just kind of spice it up, a little bit, break it up. I, you know what, I had to do that last night, come down from the high of the show. We had a fun show. Yeah. And then I, even though I knew I had to do this in the morning, I stayed up a little later than that was.

Oh, I stayed up late last night. Did you really? Coming down, yeah. How late? I stayed up a little past midnight. I mean, that wasn't a two a... That's when we're going to let it all hang down. Yeah, yeah.

But I was, you know, what I was doing is I was catching up on one of my favorite shows, a million little, things that I somehow, because you know, sometimes Hulu doesn't tell you, doesn't show you what you've been watching. Yes. And if you forget, I was, I was like, wait, I'm like five episodes behind. I just thought there wasn't an episode. And so I, I have been, I caught up last night. Oh my God. The series finale. I'm going tomorrow or tonight to a live event, a million little things because I was on the show. And so I got invited to this thing. But it's the finale, the series finale. Wow. Which is a series finale. I'm going to solve. I'm going to solve.

The episode, the most recent episode before the finale is so emotional and soul crushing. I don't know what this show is. Oh, it's a great show. It's on ABC. It's, say no more. I love it. James Rodei Rodriguez, Alison Miller. We got a lot of great people.

Have you ever seen that show 100 big things? Yeah. Yeah, I love that one. This is like that, only it's tweaked slightly. Well, if there's more things I'm interested, but if there's, not big than I don't think I'm interested. I thought the same thing. Okay.

It's interesting. Okay. All right. I'll check it out. But anyway, because they knew that they're going to end the show, which you know, it's always hard when a show doesn't know they're going to end and just ends abruptly. They're taking us out of nice. Everything I've ever been on.

It's a nice emotional journey towards the end. And it's really, it's breaking my heart. Oh, but in a good way. Yeah, yeah. It's really good. Somehow heartbreak feels good. good in a place like that? Yeah.

Now I understand at the event, they've hidden a million little things all around. Yeah. We're not allowed to leave until we find all a million. Yes. Yeah. It's got to be a group effort. Yeah.

Well, there's no way I can find a million by myself. Exactly. You can find how many things in a day, would you say? Ten. In a 24-hour period. To find? Yeah.

A full day. No sleep. Yeah. How many things could you find if you didn't go to sleep? Ten. Ten. Yeah. So if you did go to sleep,

How many? With some rest, maybe 12. Wait, so you would find more things if you slept for eight hours in that 24-hour period? If I'm rested. If I'm not rested at all, I'm not looking at all. You know, it's like I just stop looking. You start to zone out. How many things can you find in this room right now?

Ten. Which, so it's 10 every time. Guitar, TV, frame, guy, guy, guy. Window. How's Window? How's Window? Mace Windo? How do you know who Mace Windo is? I haven't seen him forever.

I've seen every Star Wars film today, my boy. How is he doing? Oh, he's doing really well. He's thriving. Did you watch Andor? Probably five. I was curious about it. I don't think I watched Andor.

Oh, I think you'd like Andor. Really, I'm not going back for more. Do you know what? I didn't. I did not think that Grogu could get cuter. And then on this latest season, he started doing little gurgles. I know. He's in the gurgling's

I fucking love him. I love him. He gets me every time. I love that little guys. I think he's not going to get me. He gets me. Oh, he's such a cutie pie. Do you know my feeling about the Star Wars shows?

The only one I have not really, the one that kind of was like the least enjoyable for me was Obi-Wan. Right. But the rest of them, I... You find something. I enjoy them. I would rather than make them than not make them.

Yeah, agreed. You know what I mean? Sure. Because maybe I'll get to be on one at some point. I would like it. God damn. I see there's a bunch of comedians on there. Yeah, Kathleen.

Kennedy, if you're listening, we don't think you're going to get fired. Kathleen Kennedy, if you're listening, I love you. Oops. Put me in whatever. Put us in, whatever. I honestly think I'll play a laser bean. I don't give a shit. I put in the work to be put in Star Wars at this point.

I've. Oh, really? You were forced to watch the things that we watch for pleasure. And I talked about it. Please, put me in this thing. I don't care about it. No, but I would like it if I was on set. Well, sure.

Absolutely. That's different. You go like, I kind of have an appreciation. for this now. Yeah. I think I, now I see how the, how the soup is made.

I, especially through the eyes of my character, Blorth, Flover. I got you two, Bloorth, Oh,

when's the last time you stayed up for 24 hours? Oh, I think, I think when we were doing the, the all night shows

at UCB, the, the 24 hours. I don't even know. I know that when I was younger, it happened multiple, That's true.

I guess when I was like in college that happened. But it seems unfathomable to me now. Yeah. And it's so unnecessary. I remember one night like in my, I was probably in my 40s or something. And I had an early flight, but a late night the night before. And I was like, I'll just stay up. I'll just stay up and go to the.

Always seems like a good idea. I could do it. Oh my God. I stayed up. It was like two more hours. And then I was like, I can't do. I know. So I got like 45 minutes of sleep.

And it's stuck. That's one R&M cycle. In college or whatever, it was like fun to stay out all night. And the sun's coming out and you're like hanging out. It's all fun. Yeah. It's not fun now.

I have a fond memory of one night working at the local comedy club in Philadelphia. How local are we talking? Local to Philadelphia? I can walk to it from my house. Okay. At the time. But it's not local to us right now. No, it is not.

Because it's in Philadelphia? It's in Philadelphia still. Right. I think it's still open under a different name maybe by now. Joe? Yeah, it's just called, oh, it's called Thomas. Oh. This was the Funny Bone in Philadelphia.

And I was hanging out with- I don't like, by the way, when those clubs are called Funny Bone. Because it hurts when you get- I know. It hurts when you get, it's not like, ha-ha, it's so funny. Yeah. It hurts. It just reminds me of getting hit there.

I don't like when it's a name that's sort of, it's supposed to be comedy. adjacent. Yeah. Helium. Yeah. Somehow that's tangentially related to... You suck helium to be funny.

You saw helium to be funny. Or like what's laughing gas? What's the... Nitrous oxide. That would be a great name. Nitrous oxide? Doing nitrous. N2.

Is that what it is? I think it's at 02. Oh, I hope so. Um, no. No. But so I had a little... I had a little fling with one of the waitresses at the club.

Hell yeah. Nice. Oh, no, no, no. Nitrous dioxide is N-O-2. Does the die mean? I think that means the two parts. So I think N-O would be... What does nitrous dioxide do?

Anything fun? It makes you cry. It's crying gas. It's one of a group of highly reactive gases known as oxides of nitrogen or nitrogen oxides. N-O-X. Okay. What? Are you okay?

Bye. No, I'm just reading. That is felt like you guys just. froze. We were on a Zoom. Am I? I'm dying. It felt like that in my brain too. So here's what happened. So me and this and a few other people in the wait staff, we, this club went through many changes of management, right? And so there's one period where this person did not give a fuck and we would stay there and drink all night, right? And so I remember leaving in the morning. I didn't know where that was coming from.

night. I remember leaving in the morning and then walking down the street with this young lady and the fancy gourmet grocery store that was two doors down had just gotten their bread delivery. It's fresh bread and we fucking took a bagette out of this bag. This nice warm, fluffy baguette. Did you pay for it? No. We were like street urchins. Wow. Wow. That's romantic. It was like Paris, but you were in Philadelphia. Way. Way. Wawa. That's so romantic. That's the kind of thing marriages are built upon. Like, oh, remember, like, I don't want to, I don't want to break up with you because remember that magical morning where we did get married.

Yeah. For 45 minutes. No, it's like seven years. Hmm. And I kept bringing up that bread story. She's like, I don't eat carbs anymore. She wanted to break up with me. And I was like, remember, bread?

Bread. Bread. We found the free bread. What time of day was it? Dawn. Dawn. Yeah, that's fun. It's always darkest before then.

Yeah. That's weird. That's really weird. That's a pattern. There's something going on there. If it happens three times, yes. Yeah. It's definitely a pattern.

Yeah. It's definitely something. Yeah. It's definitely something to notice. Yeah. Here's something. Hey. Jay.

You've been noticing things, Joe? What's the? The sunlight when it comes up in the sun. Did you hear the sun came up again? Thun came up in the east. It went down last night. I was like, that's never coming back up again. Sun came up in the east.

It went down in the west last night. Then it comes back up in the morning. Who was it? Was it? Never come back up in the morning. Who used to do that? The two voices, Chris Lillian. It was Chris Lillian.

Yeah, yeah. So funny. Like the real part. Yeah, you'd be like, out of the voice down here. Yeah. How's the good names. Yeah. I love that when

like and Homer Simpson has that where it's like two voices where it's like oh do do do you know or pee pee Pee Berman that's the other one or Pee Berman

blah blah blah I was like Jiminy Glick does it as well oh my God where he's like I have to Jiminy Glick is that voice is one of the

the hardest things for me to not accidentally when I'm doing a character that I haven't done before because it's so funny it's so it's so like your character James Glick

Yeah. Yeah, that's one where you kind of tend to go into that. You really go into it there. He interviews celebrity. Wait, you're wearing your Dorito shirt. That's right. You said you'd never wear that in public, and I guess you're not in public, are you? This is absolutely not in public.

Yeah, no, you said it was a private recording. So he's wearing his Rito shirt, so he doesn't dirty up his good shirts, when he sees people in public. Do you ever, when you're dressing? He was a Rito shirt to be by us, other shirts. To be by them. When you're dressing, do you ever take into consideration, oh, what happens if I get arrested in these clothes?

I don't think about that, but you know what I think about a lot is if there was like an earthquake or something in the middle of the night? I sometimes think like I'll go, do I put on shoes or do I just drive in sandals? And then I go, well, what if I get arrested? Then I'm wearing sandals in jail. You look real junkie. Like Nick Nolte. You should keep running shoes under your bed for earthquake.

That's what you're supposed to do. Under my bed? Yeah, like an old pair of... An old pair of gym shoes. Why old? Well, because you don't... If there are ones you want to wear every day, then you put them back under your bed every day.

It's like you just kind of toss an old pair under there. And then if there's an earthquake, you go, oh, shit, I have my shoes right here. What about some new, like, Air Jordans or something? Fine, put new ones to have a really nice moment when the earthquake happens. What about the ones they make the movie about? Yeah. Can I put those through?

Yeah, you can. Yeah. I actually have a lot of shoes under my bed. Great. Yeah. So you might have some like nice dress shoes you're throwing on with your pajamas. Yeah. So you're bad.

Absolutely. Your bed is super high and it's on top of a big sheet tree. And these are all boots. Yeah. Yeah. They're all thigh highs. What have I started wearing thigh eyes? Yeah, you'd hardly ever see guys wearing thigh eyes.

That would be wild. Unless you're why Captain Jack Sparrow or something. Or Paul Stanley, him again. Oh my God. What else are you supposed to do in case of an earthquake? I don't know, but I thought there was going to be one the other night because my dog was like hiding in a weird spot. like in a blanket being like,

like all scared. And nothing happened. Yeah. It just means your house is on it. Yeah, I mean, it's either that or there was a firework, which can happen at any point.

Yeah. Why are the fireworks happening all the time around here? I think people just like to have fun, but you know what I hate is when they shoot one off? You don't you hate when people do a firework in the daylight? You're like, what are,

so you're just making a huge boom for no reason. I was walking to Dynasty. There was some show. It was still daylight out when I, when I was getting to the theater. And as I was like turning the corner, I heard what absolutely was gunfire, like a block away.

Oh my God. It was fucking crazy. And I was like, and I'm looking around like, no one else seems to be bothered by this. Oh my God. It was really scary. Yeah.

But then I just walked at regular speed. Yeah, they were like, he doesn't care. I guess it's fine. I don't want to get. I don't know. I inspired them.

Yeah. I don't want to get shot. I really don't want to get shot. That's something I really don't want to. I guess if I had to rank them. I really don't want to get stabbed with it like a butcher knife. Then underneath that is shot. Well, no, shot in the head is above butcher knife.

Okay. Then like shot in the head and live? No. Are you talking fatal, fatal? I'm not just talking fatal things. I'm just talking things. Well, where are you both yawning at the exact same time? I was, you know, I was burping, dear boy.

Oh, I was just. I want you to yawn and you to burr. I was farting. Okay. Um, I, I don't want to get shot in a head. My ranking is if I'm going to get shot

and die, shoot me in the head. But what about the open casket? We're all going to weep over you. Put a hat over my face. Like I'm taking a snooze. A Philly's hat? Yeah, just like I'm taking a snooze in a hammock.

Also bury me in a hammock. That would be so cool. If you went to a funeral above ground barriers. No, if you were, I wonder why. But if you went to a funeral and the corpse was in a hammock and just like pose like and being like laid down down down down.

You'd love it. You would talk about it forever. Baseball game and a transistor radio. Oh my God, you'd love it so much. I mean, that is kind of cute. Why not? Right?

Cheaper than a casket. Yeah, yeah. It is. How like, have you priced hammocks these days though? Yeah, I mean, I think you, you can definitely get a hammock for like 150 bucks. Meanwhile, caskets. Caskets, thousands.

So expensive. Thousands. And what are we doing by spending money in that way. I know. We don't think we have a choice and we're crazed with grief. Yeah, I understand the like,

the way it looks is nice and stuff. The people who upsell caskets, I don't know. Yeah. Oh, by the way, new, speaking of slimy people. Yeah. My mom got scammed twice in one day,

the other day. It's like, and what happened? Mother Ackerman. And I do an okay job of telling her of like, hey, these things you've done, I think I told you about the something came up on her computer, which said your computer is frozen.

She believed it and called the number and all that kind of stuff. Anyway, well, with my mom, whenever she asked if something's real, like an email, I'll be like, read it out loud because you will see how this is not real. I know.

Like, yeah. So this, this one was your Verizon. Someone's tried to put a thousand, tried to charge a thousand dollars to your Verizon account. Call this number. Oh my God.

So she does. That one, that one's kind of a good scam on it. I know. Is it a text message? Yes. And she has a Verizon account. So she called it and all this kind of stuff.

And then I said, okay. You should just call Verizon. That's what I said. I said, mom, don't call that number anymore. Call the number on your bill. Yeah. And she did. And they said, oh, no, this is a scam.

Yeah. They took care of it. But then on the same day, she gets a call saying, Wells Fargo, your Wells Fargo account is whatever, whatever. She doesn't have a Wells Fargo account and said, I don't think this is mine. They said, well, give me your Social Security number. No. And she does.

And it's like, what are you? And they go, nope, you're right. You don't have a Wells Fargo account. It's like, come on, man. Fuck, now she has to change her social security number. Yeah, that takes forever. It really does. They get mad at you.

That sucks. The people who scam old people, it's just, and it's really rotten business. Here's part of the problem. Businesses in general like Verizon or Wells Fargo, they're so confusing now. Yeah. You know what I mean? They're not helping because they want you to overpay. Yeah, it's honestly confusing to pay your bill online.

Or to leave something, they want to make it difficult. Everything is so confusing now that scammers prey upon people knowing that old people are just like, I don't know, I have auto pay on this and not, I don't know. I can't tell the boys from the girls. I don't know. It's so depressing. It's fucking sucks, man. And yet I think we're going to fall victim to it as well.

I think about that all the time because at what age do suddenly we fall for it? Yeah. Well, I had one recently where I thought I was being scammed and I don't think I was, but I just couldn't continue because I was like, if I am, this is stupid. It was about serious XM because my, my membership, whatever, it was ending. And I was like, I don't want it anymore. And I like, they were calling me nonstop. And then I was like, I don't, I'm just, I don't need it.

I have this other thing. Blah, blah, blah. Then they call me back and they're like, do you want it? And I was like, actually, I kind of do because I want to hear my friend's show. And I realize my app won't work if I don't have this anymore. So I do kind of want it. And they're like, okay, great. I was like, I'm sort of like, I'm glad you called me back.

And then they were walking me through this thing. And then they wanted my credit card. And I went, wait a second, is this really real? I just started to panic and think it wasn't real. And then I was like, this seems like a scam. I'm just going to go online. They're like, no, you can do it over the phone. They'll be through a different thing where like, I won't see your number.

It goes through a different. If it wasn't a scam, it's them trying to like get the credit for. Right, right, right. So then I was just like, no, no, no, let me just. I was like, and then I was like, I have to go. No one should ever answer the phone. That's why I told my mom, I said, mom never answered the phone. Yeah.

There's a, because I think the Verizon one was them calling. I was like, the simple solution, she's like, well, I need to know for like doctor's appointments because they're, they don't. No, the doctor's not trying to scam you. No. Well, you know, and sometimes it says the name, like it said serious X-O on my phone. So I went, oh, it's them again. And the first time I was like, stop calling me because you call me so many times. And this time I went, actually, I do want your services.

So it was like, I kind of was always answering for some reason. I got scammed last year. First time in a long time. I was looking for, I was looking online for a specific Philly's hat that was sold out by the time I learned of its existence on the official like new era site or whatever. And so I've been looking for this off and on like for a while and then found this site. And it had like that one that I was looking for and some other ones that were sort of out of print, you know, items. And so ordered a couple and then got an email back that said, you know, your orders confirmed and everything.

And then so much time went by. And I was trying. Three summers. I tried to go, this was three summers ago. The calendar pages are blowing off. I went, I went to go back to the website.

And it just, like, the page just kept loading and loading and then eventually timed out. And I was like, oh, no, did I get fucking scam?

And I looked up the shop. And it was like, yeah, this is probably a scam. Then, like three months after that, that website sent me another email saying your order is still being processed.

Oh, come on. Just leave me alone. I haven't tried. I haven't even, I've just, I haven't reported to you. I've said goodbye to that money. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had one that I got scammed with during the pandemic that was like, I saw this. The whole pandemic is a scam. True, true. But there was like this Instagram ad, I think,

and it was like this really squishy big seal pillow. Oh, you've told us about this. Anyway, the one that I was so excited. I still see that one. It arrived and it was a carnival toy. Yeah.

Yeah. I couldn't stop laughing. The one I've started to notice, and we've noticed it because Paul and I just did some shows in New York, which sold out, thankfully. But people on Twitter are now saying, like, hey, does anyone have, want to sell their ticket to the show? And then, like, several people got scammed because people search for that.

And then they say, I have tickets, DM me. And then they pay them 80 bucks or whatever. I noticed this on Facebook because when I, I was promoting my first. And none of them follow me. And I always, and so I've taken to try to write back to everyone going, these people are scammers because so many people have fallen for it and contacted me saying, I got scammed out of $80 trying to come to your show. It's definitely, if you're doing something like that, make sure you're in like a group or something. You're not just throwing it out to the world. No, but it was like this, my Facebook, my like public Facebook page,

I posted about my show. And then I noticed somebody was like, hey, I have three tickets, but I can't go. It doesn't anybody want them. And I was like, okay, that's normal. That happens. And then it was like happening like a spam amount of people saying like I bought these tickets and unfortunately can I go I bought these tickets and unfortunately I'm fortunate and I was like oh this is fake and then I went it's a fake thing. But it was such a believable scam because that is how people do sell tickets sometimes. Another one that I can't figure out is the I'm paying $5,000 to anyone who DM me this it's like how is this and it's happened so much on Instagram now. What do they think they're doing? What does people are going like give me that I think this is what it is because this is what happened on my my mother-in-law.

It's like you won $50,000. You just have to pay us $2,000 in Apple gift cards. And as a deposit and we'll send it to you for the shipping or whatever. It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense. All right. Speaking of not making sense. We got to take it from talking heads are here.

We got to get out of here. David Byrne is banging on the door. Hello, I'm James Corden and on my new show, this life of mine. I sit down each week with some of the most fascinating people on planet Earth. From Dr. Dre to Julianne Moore to David Beckham to Cynthia O'Revo to Martin Scorsese to Jeremy Renner to Denzel Washington to Kim Kardashian. We talk about the people, places, possessions, music and memories that made them who they are. These are intimate conversations full of stories that you've never heard before. This life of mine premieres October 21st, wherever you get your podcasts.

Okay, we're back and we haven't done this. In a minute, but you want to... It's been a wild, old friend. It's been a wild old friend. You want to play some voicemails? Yeah. What's the voicemail jingle again? It goes a little something like this.

If you ever leave a message but nobody calls you back, you left a voicemail. Do do, do. If you ever say a thing and all you hear is a beep, you left a voicemail. If you rambled on and on and no one interrupted you, you're not on. Freedom, you left a voicemail. Wow, it's getting shady. Yeah. All right, this is from hell.

I don't know, but they'll say who there. Okay, great. Hi, gang. Long time pig, first time piss. My name is Anna, and I'm calling some advice. I am horrible at dating, especially at noticing red flags. Can you name any red flags I should be on a little. look out for any that may be you've ignored.

And some examples of green flags, I am in need of help. Oh, my God. Thanks. Love you. Bye. That's a great question. It is. I would say the first thing that comes to mind is it's not cute to have to teach someone everything. What do you mean?

Like, I think there can be a thing where you're like, oh, I'm like, oh, this guy doesn't know how to do this. Let me show him how to do it. Yeah. Let me. Like how to drive? No, like sort of social. cues or cleaning things or like just how to treat somebody or like like you're fixing someone is not

that's a red flag absolutely yeah you want and if enough people say I'm not I'm not going to deal with it maybe they'll fix themselves yeah for the yeah if you're a grown up you want to date another grown up yeah you don't want to date somebody who's but it's so common to be like sort of charmed by someone's or like think like oh I'll fix him and then what happens is you do that and then the next person gets a better version So true. Just ask my wife. The guy waiting to be her next husband. I feel like there's so many.

Hey. There's so many people who stack like app dates now and do six and a night or whatever is in there some way to look out for that. Oh, is that? That's not something that was around when I was doing. Wait, people have told you this? Yeah. That's nutty. It's like they do, they just roll like they'll do a half hour drinks with one and then schedule.

And sometimes they always. I actually totally, I totally get why that's a good idea because it's from what I hear from my friends, like online dating is so horrible. And then you're like, you waste your night getting made up. And then you're like out with one person and you go home and you're like, that sucked. So I understand going out with a bunch, but that's not cool because then you're kind of just. You're not focusing. And you don't really care about any, right? I mean, it's like you're not.

Yeah. That doesn't feel. I don't know why anyone would ask me about dating advice. So I'm not even going to. I would also say if somebody is talking a lot and not listening a ton. Yeah. People, you know what? Here's what it is.

Somebody who doesn't ask questions. Yes. It's hard because you're trying to seem cool. So sometimes you, the impulse is to talk too much about yourself because you're wanting to go like, see, I'm a good person to date. But, but yeah, really I. Asking people want to be asked about themselves. People want to be asked about themselves.

So I wouldn't even talk about myself at all. I would just like go. but then you seem evasive. Yeah. Well, yeah. Like a drug dealer. What do I do? Don't worry about that.

Ideally, let's not talk about me. Let's talk about you. A drug dealer, no further questions. Ideally, it's a give and take and if you're not feeling a give and take, then it's probably not a good idea.

And I think it's a red flag if you can't tell if they like you. If you're going out with somebody, I don't know. And people do that a lot. Also, if someone doesn't, this is what I did once. If someone doesn't show up for the first date,

that they set and then they apologize and say oh no I'm so sorry I didn't show up but let me make another day like just didn't show that happened to you no I'm the one who did it what the hell

you're a walking red flat oh my god all right well that's enough for you all right green flag somebody's nice yeah green flag they like you they're fun they're cool they're nice also if they have a real hot bod oh yeah if they're jacked to shit

absolutely green flag green flag. Yeah. It's actually a red flag. Do you, does, you know what? It can't do. All right.

Hi, Scott Paul and Lauren. My name is Amanda, long time, this time, et cetera, et cetera. I'm just calling to ask, what is your sliding doors moment, aka,

what is the moment where if you made a different choice, everything in your life would be completely different. Okay, thanks. Bye. Oh my God.

This question bums me out. I know I have so many. I mean, because it's like, don't you kind of associate that with something negative that happened? Like if I hadn't done, if I had just done that.

No, I think about the opposite about all the good things in my life. Like how precarious it all was. That's the way to do it. Yeah. That does seem better. I could have easily crashed and burned.

Meeting Koolop was such a crazy, you know, version of like, this had to happen, this had to happen. It's like if I tried to happen, this had to happen. Yeah. It's like if I tried to replicate. If I had to go back in time and live my life over, I don't think I would ever use it.

Like my favorite movie about time. Yeah. So good. Which one? About time. About time. About time. Have you watched that?

You should do it in your podcast. I'm not going to do it, but you should do it. What do you mean you're not going to do it? You happen to do it now. But with my celebrity crush, Donald Gleason, of course. That's right. Joanna Gleason? Donal Gleason?

You know, Joanna Gleason from Into the Woods? I don't. No, but that. Roger Rabbit? Oh, okay. That are even like, getting into comedy, I think it was such a random thing. Yeah, I had a teacher who was like, you should take improv classes.

And I was like, if he didn't do that, I guess I wouldn't know what would happen. Like what if you had not said whatever funny, hilarious joke made him go like, oh, she's pretty funny. Yeah, well, that was just a culmination of everything I did. But yeah. If I had not done the musical in my freshman year at high school, Oliver, I would not have met the guy who became my comedy partner, caught me into stand-up. The little kid who played Oliver. Yeah.

Oh, well, I like, he's actually 40 years old. Actually, when I, when I did the show Clipped, I was up for another pilot and I chose Clipped because it was picked up and the other one was. Right. And you wouldn't have met Mike. And I wouldn't have met Mike. If I hadn't taken that miserable job on real time with Bill Marr, I would not be married to Janie.

Wow. How did that connect? Because one of the friends that I made at that job knew these other. people that I was invited to like hang out with them on their regular Sunday night thing. Janie, well, she was having a sort of fling with one of these guys. But she came in one night and that's how I met her. Wow. And so I would not have, if I had not been sitting on a stool off to off camera watching in real

time, real time with Bill Maher, I would not have met my wife. No, actually, I'm realizing there was even more risk with my story that I basically got two pilots. We didn't know what would happen with either one of them. But one of them I'd only be in like seven episodes out of ten. And one, I would be in all ten. So, okay, I'll pick that one. We didn't know what to get picked up. Then it did.

Then it was a full year of waiting for it to be shot, the next episode to be shot. And then I got to know Mike during that time as a friend, which was also so, that was all just so random. Normally that would be a very disappointing situation. And I didn't, you know, think anything of it at the time. but I never do, do we? Yeah. I think if I hadn't gotten into comedy, I'd be a movie star. Okay.

A famous one. A famous movie star. Yeah, as opposed to those movie stars that are. Yeah. If you just stuck to drama. What if you were an infamous movie star? Yeah. All right.

Here's another one. Hi, guys. My name's Rachel. I'm from Canada. I just wanted to know, by the way, I love you guys. Thank you. I just wanted to know what comedians you guys would want to listen to. on a podcast because you're my favorite comedians and yeah i just want to know who you think is funny

thanks i hope it made sense thank you that's a nice that's a nice question as always my mind goes blank um well i listen to a lot of comedians on podcasts yeah i know i guess that's i feel like i do too i love naomi kparagon's podcast couples therapy i like brian sophy and jesska chaffin ask rana i like smartless i like those guys um they're not comedians Well, I would say Will Arnett is almost a comedian. Almost, but not. Yeah. He said he's not, I guess, on a recent episode.

He's right. All right. Todd Glass, I would say. Todd Glass. I just like, I like hearing his voice. Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah.

Arden, Marine, and Brian Safi have a great new podcast that Paul was just on. That was so funny. Lauren was on as well. Yeah. They made us eat a discussion. Every comedian has a podcast. That's the thing, but who do we like? Every comedian has a podcast.

creature character. Do you remember that? Kids and all? All right. Every comedian. But who would you, who would you want to have one who doesn't? I would like Martin Short to have a podcast. Yeah. Oh my God. Yes. If Martin Short and Steve Martin had a podcast together every week. Yeah. I would listen to that. Just talking. I would just yeah. I don't want them. I don't want them. I don't want them ever to have a guest on. And I don't want them to have to do writing or work. No, no. They just show up and do what we're doing right now. Oh, a freedom with the two of them and Selena Gomez? Yeah. That's exactly. Exactly right. That's what it should be.

It actually is a lot like this show, too older guys. Yeah. Well, I think only murdering building was based on us. Wasn't it? It was,

I think. Yeah. Do you know the older I get, the more I find jokes about being old to be so funny. Good. I've been rewatching Dr. Who?

Like, I started from the beginning, from the 60s. And I, there's some, there's some episodes on Blu-ray. There's some seasons on Blu-ray where they've,

like, restored or, like updated some of the effects but only a little bit which is really funny right but they do this thing called behind the sofa where they have the original cast members watch the episodes and just comment comment wow it's happening um not goggle box what's it called here um free goffa the the people's couch uh where they watch tv but the old cast members you sounded like an alien when you said that about it's not goggle box what do you call it here what do you earth people call it We, of course, watch Gogglebox where I'm from.

Well, Gogglebox is a British show that they remade here as the people's couch where people, it does like different groups of people watch the same TV show. I love that. Yeah, I really enjoyed that show. Like they have 90-day fiancé. Do they do that now when they watch the show and comment on it? Yes, yes, yes. Yeah.

And the old people making jokes about themselves being old and close to. death is so funny to me. Yeah. It's so funny to me. By the way, I wanted to say when I was in Chicago meeting fans, I think like a maybe a 14-year-old, I mean, he's probably listening, so I'm sorry if I gaze your age wrong, but a 14-year-old fan came up and dabbed for me. Nice.

It was very funny. It was like, hi, a big fan. Wow. That's awesome. That's fantastic. I laughed. That's cool. That's cool.

It was fantastic. Look, if you see us, dab at us. If you see us, dab at us. If you see me. I hear you see me, please throw me a dab. There's another one. Hi, Lauren, Paul, and Scott. This is Becca from Milwaukee.

When I was about six or seven, my teenage cousin told me that people with flat feet cannot serve in the military because they are very ticklish. And if they were captured, the enemy soldiers could just tickle them until they revealed U.S. military secret. I believe this for a very long time. I think it was in middle school before I finally realized it was a lie. It's not that long. My question for you is, what is something silly that you believe?

when you were a kid or something that you maybe briefly fell for as an adult that you really should have known better. Thanks. Love the show. Bye. Oh my God. I feel like I have so many. I know. Yeah, I can't think of one, you know. I love. I remember for me, a humiliating moment was getting an argument with a classmate when I was in eighth grade that England and Great Britain were two separate places. And then had to go in front of the class. Like we were arguing and the teacher called us up and said, what are you guys talking about? And I was like, she thinks great Britain and England are the same country. And then I had to, like I was made a spectacle of in front of the class.

Wow. Perfect. Yeah, yeah. I can't think of one or off top of my head. But I've definitely made many, many mistakes in my life. Yeah. I have lots of regret. Would you like to apologize?

I'm really sorry for everything wrong I ever did. I forget who I heard talking about this kind of thing. I love this kind of thing where it was somebody who was talking about a podcast about a thing that they were told when they were growing up that there was this. There was like a pool that had sharks in it and you had to go like retrieve something for the pool. I don't know. It was like something that's so fantastical and it wasn't until he was relating this that he realized. It was like, oh, yeah. But what about the pool without the sharks?

Like this was really, there was a really dangerous thing in my hometown. Right, right, right. Yeah. Yeah, like those kind of lies. Yeah. I don't have anything like that. Other than... You've always understood everything

and you've always know what's real. I feel like other than like sex stuff, when you're first learning about sex stuff in like slang terms, I remember someone talking about someone's bush for a while. And I was like, what are they talking about? And someone said, oh, it's when you drag someone into a bush and you kiss them.

I thought that's what it was like, oh, okay. She gives great bush. All right, here's another one. Hi, Pretel gang. This is Keeley. I wanted to know if you guys could swap hairstyles with any famous person. Real or fictional. Oh, fictional.

What would it be? And why? Bye. Oh, my God. There are so many women who have amazing hair. Yeah. The Rachel. I would love the Rachel.

Same. Yeah. I think we probably all get the Rachel. I probably get the Rachel. I always hate having wavy hair. So I was always so jealous of people with like straight hair. Like your Tom Cruise's or Alec Baldwin's or whatever. I always was too.

Who could have who could like do all these. You know, the fact that Tom Cruise got to have different haircuts and all the mission impossibles like, oh, he can have long hair and it doesn't look ridiculous or he can do, he can shave his head. You know, it was always very, I was always very jealous of that. I, my hair has lost a lot of its. It's wave. I used to have, my hair was like kind of almost like curly. Hmm.

And now it's much straighter. You're like Tom Cruise now. You're this generation's Tom Cruise. Yeah. I mean, not if people are saying it that, yes, fine. Yeah. Who's got hair that I really like?

Oh, you know who I noticed had really good hair in an interview? Ew. Riley Keough. Oh, yeah. She's got just like nice, thick, long hair. Who, she's related to Elvis, isn't she? Yeah, she's. Great grandda.

Or no. Granddaughter. Granddaughter. She is Lisa Marie's daughter. Yeah. She has great hair? I just noticed it in an interview. I had never really seen her in anything.

And I was watching her on like Seth Myers or something or I don't know what show, Fallon. And it just was so pretty. I would swap hair with Lauren. Yeah, that would look good on you. It would have to be a swap, though. You'd have to take my hair. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't you want my hair?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't you want my hair? No, I don't. I would suck. Just for one day. That would suck. I would look really gross. One day where you didn't have to leave the house or anything.

If I didn't have to leave the house, then yeah, I would just film a bunch of cameos as you. What's the shortest your hair has ever been? In high school, I cut my hair like chin length. And then when I was little, I also had that same. But like when I, like, high school was when I did that again. And I had it like that for, or like kind of like midneck for a while and just never brushed it. And it was just wavy and like did whatever it did. I liked it.

Yeah, it was very low maintenance as a person. Well, yeah. Then I let it grow. And then I was like, yeah. Do you have outfits where you're like, oh, I only have five minutes before I have to leave? Do you have like classes of outfits where it's like, oh, I have a half hour. I can wear anything or, oh, shit, this is what I wear when I only have five minutes. Are you asking because of what I'm wearing now?

Oh, he's yawning, but it's almost laughed. No, I wasn't. Okay. No, I wasn't. And farting. Um, yeah. Growing up. Yes, but it's, you know, I just throw, I just kind of probably wear what I

wore yesterday if I've been in that situation. Yeah. You know, what about you? Do you? Yeah, there's like shortcuts you can take. Yeah. There are shortcuts. I wear yellow bikini.

What is that the same thing? No. Okay. All right. Well, be. Shorts. Look, I wear yellow bikini. We're out of time for this.

Okay. Um, well, I got to go. Lauren, I know you have to personally. I do have to go. Listen, if you want to leave us a voicemail, call us at Hague Claims 8. If you would like to send us a fun three-true to play, write to us at 3MUSAGmail.com.

And if you'd like to hear ad-free versions of the show, go to stitcherpremium.com or CBBWorld.com. We love you. Look, we love you. You're our pisspigs. We love you. We'll never stop loving you. We love you, you know.

On June 11th, it's my next installment of a very good time. Cast TBD. steal a ticket don't steal it and you can also watch on the live stream here's what you do if there's two of you have one person go and then they open the back door that's fine Philadelphia Varietopia is coming to underground arts

in your city so please come out and see that it's going to be a lot of fun Friday and Saturday the 16th the 17th of June tickets are available at paula of tomkins.com slash live I have nothing oh the book by the comedy bang bang bang book you have a lot You have a lot, man.

I'm tired of talking about it. Okay. But it's too early to say that. Honestly, I would love if people bought the book because I think everyone who's bought it just really liked it. That's nice. It turned out great. Turned out great.

Yeah, good. All right. Goodbye. Bye. Want to listen to your favorite Lemonada shows without the ads? Subscribe to Lemonada Premium on Apple Podcasts. You'll get ad-free episodes and exclusive bonus content from shows like Wiser than me with Julia Louis Dreyfis.

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