Threedom - Threevisiting: Is the Nibbler Here?

Episode Date: September 9, 2025

Threevisiting on the Tues: Lauren, Paul and Scott discuss what makes them late, what food they think they’ve consumed the most, an embarrassing airplane story and they play Word Alley Oop! Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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and find the perfect gummy for whatever you're dealing with. And remember to use promo code Freedom at checkout to save 20% on your first order. I'll see you in your dreams. Hey, it's me, Steve Burns, and I'm so glad you're here because you and I go way back. right yeah and uh look at us now like we're all grown up we've got this new podcast where we talk

about all this grown up stuff and there's special guests like jamie lee curtis and bill nye but for the most part it's about you i mean it's always been about you from lemonada media alive with steve burns is coming september 17th wherever you get your podcasts or you can watch every episode on youtube Three, oh, freedom! Freedom, what? Wait, that was so fast. Freedom?

Oh, no. Freedom, freedom! Freedom. Three. What happened there? I don't know. Did you lose your sense of rhythm? I lost my sense of derrhythm.

Here, let's hear you count a four. One time. Yeah, you're missing the two and the three. Am I? Really? Yeah. Do you know what two is? I did it again.

Oh my God. slow down. How many fingers am I holding up? Four. No, this is two. Shit. How about this? Five.

Yeah, but it was one four. Yeah. What about this? 10-4, good buddy. Yes, exactly. Yeah. I can only, my timing is reduced to C.B. I love it.

On the dirty side? I'm, when I was a kid and Smoky and the Bandit came out and C.B. Lingo was a big deal. Oh, man. I fucking loved it. Is that, why CB Lingo was a big deal? Yes.

I think, yeah. I mean, there's no other reason. I mean, cowboys stuff in general, like trucker stuff in cowboy, country stuff in general. I feel like CB is adjacent to Morse Code being cool. Yeah, I guess. Dot, dot, dash, dash, dot, dot. But it makes me think of a Christmas story. He's like he's using his decoder.

Oh. Yeah. Was Morse code? No, it's not Morse code. actually at all. No, it's not. No, but I am thinking about... You're thinking of the Turing test.

Now I'm thinking about Morse code because I'm trying to. Are you thinking about Semaphore? Because I'm trying to. What's Summifor's? Semaphore is the flag. What's semifor? No, but I'm thinking my Wachit Tocci.

Semaphore is my favorite Girl Scout cookie. We would try to do... Oh, absolutely. Okay. But what... So flag language. It's the flag language. Like if you're holding two flags and they do its letters.

Depending on how you hold them. It's for naval stuff. So you can communicate to another ship to ship. It's a lot of good ideas, honestly. You're really hard to an alien who's level. I know, I feel like being over here. Morse code. Like, you're forcing me to only look at you.

Oh, okay. That's not true at all. What are you talking about? You're forcing me to look at only you. Morse code is like, I think, probably the hardest language to learn of all the languages. Okay. Because it's like so dot, dot, dash. It's like there's no very easy.

I'm a person and I do words and those are... That's what I'm thinking about. And so other languages, Italian, that's words. I only learn the word snow. In other languages. You what? You only know snow? So you know it in a million versions of your...

Hold on. Hold on. No. Isn't that a myth that Inuit people have... We don't say that anymore. I'm so sorry. What is it? Inuit.

Thank you. But that's, isn't that a myth? Wasn't that an urban legend that they have 85 words for snow or whatever the fuck? It's not real? No, it's not real. Okay, I'm catching up to speed. This is the podcast where Lauren learns things. By the way, welcome to Threatom, the podcast where Lauren learns things.

I'm Lauren. I'm Paul. And I'm Lauren, too. Look, just like in a little shop of horrors. Oh, yeah. A Lauren too. There were two Lawrence in my workout class this morning. Oh, no.

And I was eventually called Tall Lauren. Oh, but was the other Lauren? The other one was small Lauren, but she was she, should she have been shortly? Lauren? Like, was she so short, she should have been short, Lauren? I never really clocked. I don't really pay attention to height, honestly. I think it's a tall person thing. Yeah, me either. I'm always looking down at the top of the head. Exactly. So what am I thinking? With a lot of women, I don't really clock their height. Yeah. Unless they're extremely short or something. My coworker.

Co-extremely tall. Had to tell me, I think, two years in that she was 5'1. Wow. Really? Yeah. If you met Brianne of Tarth, you would be like, she's tall. Yeah. Who's that? I did meet her, and she was. The tall lady. The big one. woman from Game of Thrones.

Oh. Did you meet her? I did this. Where? We did this. Where was I? It was like a... It was a dream.

I'm trying to come up with any land in Game of Thrones. Oh my God. Well, I've only seen the first and last up. Tar Heels? Fairth Carolina. Doroth, Carolina. Where are you from Dorth, Carolina? I met her.

We did like this like series. It was like a night of one-act plays that I was in. I cannot recall how I got there, who my thing What did you do Plaza Suite? No. It was a new play. Is it a plus a three one-act plays? Well, it's three one-act plays, I guess.

Do you feel like you have a lot of memories of things you've done where you're like, I don't remember anything about that? Like, I was there. I did a play that required me to be talking to a man on the opposite side of a hospital curtain, and that was all we had. And we were reading the play, I believe. I don't think we had to memorize it. Oh, good. And I don't remember anything else. Yeah.

I do kind of love that when you. When something pops into your brain, you're like, what was that? Why was I there? What else happened? How did I get there? Why did I say yes? This is not my beautiful wife. Exactly.

I was caressing him saying that. I did a one act with Rachel Quaintance for agents that I do not remember what it was. Agents of Shield? Yeah, it was for Agents of Shield. That's right. But they need some entertainment. They work hard. They do.

And they're always together. They need other people. Right. I know where we did it. I remember the rehearsal process. vividly, I remember everything about it other than the content of the play, which I guess tells you a little bit about my acting process. What do you remember about the rehearsal process, if not the content?

Just like hanging out with Rachel. Like going to the theater. It's wearing your leg warmers. Yeah. Doing your kicks. Looking in the mirror saying at Showtime. Eating all your pills. Eating them.

Well, we had a topic that we were going to bring up on the show. Is this Lauren's topics? No. Oh. I have a topic later. They'll be Lauren's topics. It's really good. Wow.

So that's... It's actually more of a question for my topic. So it's not really a topic. It's more of a... That's not a topic. So it's not Lawrence topic. Although I guess you could... This is the opposite.

Raise a topic. This is the opposite of how usually goes. Usually people have more of a comment than a question. Yeah, that's true. You have more of a question than a comment. Can I just ask you, you lent that DVD to cool up and it's unopened? Yeah, well, this is a movie that I've seen many, many times. Wait, but did she not open it?

She did open it? No, she did open it, but I'm taking the, the stickers were just sort of, you know. Oh, my God. I return, look, for those of you who wonder what Lauren, what the fuck Lauren is on about. I know, I sound insane. I returned a DVD from Kulop to Paul. And Lauren sees a sticker on it and thinks that Kulop didn't even watch it. Well, because I think that would be a great reveal.

But I, did you ever have, like for Christmas, I one time got a CD opener, slicer in my stocking? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I had so many CDs. I was like, yeah. Oh, yeah. But wait. The question was, because we're talking about how. I was trying to do the JC intro from the life in times of Sean Carter, volume three.

Anyway, go ahead. It went very well. I just wanted to ask because you walked in two minutes late, maybe three. Five. It was totally fine. But Paul was here before you and I was actually really thrown because usually you're here. I thought you were going to say thrilled. Sure, that was great too.

Usually I'm here and we have to do small talk. But you're here. That's how you think of it is what I'm saying. No, that's how you think of it. But I'm saying... That's how you think of it. That's how you think of it. But I'm saying...

That's how I think of it? That's how you think of it. What I'm trying to say is it was very unusual to not see you here first. And I asked Paul... And then he said, well, now Scott has a baby. So there's going to be more chance that you'll be late. Well, was it the baby or did I just leave late? I don't know.

And then that's another question. And then Paul said, I don't have a baby, but I'm always late. And I said, that's just part of your nature. And he said, it's not going to... good. And I said it's fine. You said, no, it's not. And then I was curious, what makes you late? And I want to hear what made you late. And I want to hear what tends to make you late. All right. What I will get wrapped up in little fucking projects in my home. Such as fixing something or like building an extension. Organizing something. Putting an extension in the house.

Yeah. Making a helicopter. Yeah. It's little, it's little projects that I get fixated on, and then it's too late. Yeah. Right? And I wonder sometimes not to be one of those people, but I wonder sometimes if I do have some sort of ADHD. I've been thinking I have that. I've never, I've never, like, tried to get a diagnosed or anything, and I don't, I'm

not going to say, like, oh, I have it. What's that? Let me diagnose it. Sure, go ahead. You're a total piece of shit. Hey, is that medical? Do you get pills for that? I am taking bills for that.

Um, so I, yeah, I, I, I noticed that I will be doing in the middle of doing something and then I think of another thing, like I pass by something that I need to do. And I'm like, I also need to do that. And then I'll be like, no, do this. You can't do both of these at the same time. See, Mike and I just had this conversation because I asked him, uh, because I had heard on another podcast. Okay. So on Elizabeth Lame's podcast, her husband, Andy was diagnosed with. with, I believe, ADD, yes.

Psychic candy, that's right. It was a whole thing where he was talking about some things, and I think some listeners were suggesting some things, and he took an actual test and did the thing. And then he's now feeling much better because he's dealing with it probably. And then one of the things I think that might have been said on that podcast

was leaving cabinets open, and then there was a cabinet open for the 50s. You're supposed to do that? Yeah, that's a sign. All your cabinets. And there was a cabinet. Yeah, it's a poltergeist therapy. There was a cabinet.

Like cabinets are being launched open a couple times within a couple days. And I said to Mike, do you have ADD? I heard that this is a thing. Right. Because he was leaving cabinets open? Yeah. But now I find that I leave them open fucking constantly. I used to never do this.

And he's like, and then he, every time I have one open, he's like, do you have ADD. And I'm like, you just stop asking me that because I didn't mean it. But I now think I kind of do because I get really flittery one thing to the night. I want to like, if I'm on a computer and I'm doing something. Basically, you're doing something in a cabinet. you get distracted, you leave it open and you go to something else. Is that the theory?

And then I'm like on my computer and I have a thousand tabs open and then I'm doing something then I switch to something else and then like four hours later I go back to the old tab oh yeah I was going to sign up for that thing I had like no memory of it.

My thing is a combination of Was it your only fans? Yeah, I was going to sign up for it. My only feet fans. Here's my thing. I think it is a combo of the getting fixated on things which may or may not be ADHD, who knows. also part of that is procrastination on things I should be doing

for no reason whatever reason where it's like you know you have to do this thing you have to send these emails you have to contact these people whatever you have to organize this thing and I'm like yes I know but I'm going to do this other thing that is of not pressing importance at all at all right but here's one other question do you feel like the 80 first of all ADDA is probably becoming one of those terms like OCD where we were saying it when it's totally inappropriate.

We may be saying it incorrectly and it may be minimizing or stigmatizing the people who actually. Or like just using it like it's a word and not like an actual diagnosis. Right. But do you think that maybe, and I'm like, what am I talking about? Just kidding. Do you think that maybe? Anyway, see you later. Do you think that maybe you could finish my sentence?

Computers, internet, social media, lowering our. tolerance for a task. Maybe. But it might be also that that just is a, is it, it's just another thing to get lost in as opposed to it being the cause of something. Right. It would be a book or it would be whatever. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. Or hoeing your garden. Right, which I love to do. I love it. Oh, I miss it. Since I got a laptop, I don't hoe my garden. I know. And your garden's so unhoed. It's like so unhoed when people, I can tell people are thinking it when they walk past. Yeah. Lauren, to answer your question, I was thinking about this this very morning. Why you're late?

Well, I had something before we did this today. Okay. And I ended up being eight minutes late to that. And I was like, I knew that I was going to be late. Okay, I hate being late. Yeah. It really bothers me. And I stress out as I'm going to the thing.

Interesting. It feels terrible. I stress while I do it. And today this morning I was like, but here's the other thing. I also don't like being early. So I always try to time it to where I arrive right on time. I try to do that too. So what usually happens is I very rarely ever show up early to something,

but I'm often like two to three minutes late to things, right? Yeah. So today I was eight minutes late to- And was it an appointment? It was a, yeah, physical therapy for my tender, tender foot. Being eight minutes late to that is stressful, I would say, because that's eating into your time. Here's what's great, though. anything involving any medical professional

you can get there a half hour early you can get there an hour late you will still wait for a minimum of 30 minutes right interesting well the physical therapy there it's a tight ship well it's on a boat it is this is that's why I mentioned semaphores

because they're telling me how to flex my foot with it semifores are the best cookie but but here's the thing I don't like being early so I will fill up my time with just like reading something on the internet or whatever until it is time for me to go and then suddenly something else will happen and it'll make me two minutes late or something so today so today I was like generally taking my time knowing how long it takes me to get ready for physical

therapy and then something happened and I was like man I wish I'd hurried before but then I had to remind myself it doesn't matter if you're late because you're paying for this and they just waited for me you're the boss and they did and so I was trying not to stress did you guys No, no one even cared when I was in. But see, I had times where I'm late and I didn't get scolded or, like, told I can't do the thing. I might be a ghost. I arrived late to physical therapy when I had to do physical therapy for something. And it was like, I had just done it totally wrong on my calendar and I showed up 30 minutes late.

And then they were like, we can't see you. And I was like, I cried. But I was, hold on. But you were going to cry anyway. Yeah, probably. It was right there. Well, you were in love with your therapist as well. I really needed to see her.

But I feel like I, I think I'm often like right on time, if not two minutes late. But I, what I'm usually late for is like literally, I always have like wet hair. Like, it's always like down to the last second. Yeah, I'll take my shower at the old. That's what you're known for. I am known for it. It is your thing. I will just putter about until the last possible minute, then take the shower, arrive with wet hair.

Yeah. Because I've just, instead of, because I feel like it's a waste of time to be cleaner early. I just feel like. I don't prioritize it until it's like, okay, now I have only this amount of time. I'll do that. But I'm trying to get a little better. And I think also my acknowledgement of my easily distractedness, not necessarily ADD, is just that I'm trying to be more on top of it.

So I last night was journaling and I was like, let me just try to center myself a little more in my day. And then part of it. Can I read your journal? It's so good. It's hilarious. It's so funny. I try to be funny my journal.

I'm trying to impress myself. But I realized, like, so part of my morning is, like, I will be up with Holly for hours until Mike wakes up. He has insomnia. He tends to sleep. So he sleeps in a little bit. See, I have insomnia and I have to wake up early. Yeah. We've made this our routine.

You know, you could have that deal. No, because Coolups is like, you're taking the early because I like to wake up late. And there you go. Yeah. But that's how your, that's how your situation is. But I also have insomnia, so I'm up in the middle of that. That's how your situation. is working.

I'm complaining about it. I fucking hear you and I'm like, you can do something to change that. I don't know what. Well, I got physical therapy at 8 a.m. now you're out of the way. Now I'm forcing to go up to get up. So you also have to get up.

And so does she. One of your therapists said that to you. You can do something about that, but I don't know what. Yeah, you can. I know it's possible. I know you could do something. But so I get up first

and then I'll be with Holly and I get her dressed immediately and do all of her things. things for her. And then I'm like, it's like later in the morning and I'm like in my robe being like I'm sloppy doppy do. Like I just feel like I. That's a great spinoff of Scooby Doo. So I'm like I've started to go, I'm just going to, I'm going to do everything for myself and make her just deal with that. Which now, she's old enough to do that now. So it's like, I'm just like, you play in the bathroom while I do all my things and actually get dressed. You play with a hair dryer in

the bathtub. Well, and I, she does love a hair dryer. Go splash around the toilet. Oh my God. She fell off the toilet this morning. She was just trying to sit on. it to turn on the lights. Did the shit just go everywhere? She's trying to sit on it to turn on the light. Because the light switch is right next to the toilet. Oh. And she's now into like turning on and off.

She doesn't think taking a shit. Turns off the lights. She has no connection to the toilet being where shit goes. Oh, really? No, yeah. She just thinks it's a chair. I don't think she goes in her diaper. Oh.

Yeah. You forgot about, you forgot about diapers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's 15 months. I'm not trying to get her to squat on a potty. She doesn't know what's going on.

But she was sitting on the toilet. Can you potty train earlier? like, say, at a month. A month. Actually, people, I saw a TikTok type thing of someone with a three-month-old, and you just basically have to, like, hold them over the toilet, like, constantly throughout the day. Sounds good. Hey, I got to quit my job.

It's a whole night. Toilet training, my infant. The comments were insane on that, as you can imagine. But anyway, just to make it. I pretty much just camped out of here in the bathroom all day long. To make it clear, she fell off the toilet into the garbage can, which was actually going to It was totally fine. She was, she just like, her butt first into the garbage can.

It was like pretty cute. Some, yeah, and it's just like Mondays. Yeah, totally. Be nice to me. I'm having a hard day. But I just, I've been doing that for a few days and it's made my life feel better. So if anyone out there, you know, it's like prioritized yourself. Oh, okay.

I'm doing everything for her and then I go, now it's time for me to do my thing. Yes. And I want to do that, even if it's annoying to you for five minutes and then whatever. Maybe someday you get dressed first and she's sloppy do. Yeah. Well, today I did that because I got dressed before I went into her room. All over her house. What did you say?

I'm at face, but I said house, chocolate cake all over her house. You're insane. Wouldn't you like that, though? You have a brain tumor. I might have, but that sounds good, doesn't it? Chocolate cake all over the house. Anywhere. Just go, just nips and grannies.

Just grabbing it everywhere. Yum, yum, yum. That reminds me, I know I've told you this when I worked on Kelsey Grammer Resents the sketch show. that they would put, craft service would put little dishes of things all around. Oh, that's right. Yes.

For you just to find it. We can't do that anymore with COVID. No, thanks to COVID, you have to wear gloves to eat a peanut. And you have to walk up to. And wear a peanut to eat one glove. This is true,

though. You have to walk up to crafty and tell them what you want when they serve you, which makes you stop being like, I'll have 10 Reese's peanut butter cups. Yeah, exactly. You should do it the way you'd normally would do it though and just go up and ask for one.

Snacks. Yeah, true. A better cup at it. Yeah. Can I have five bags of fritos to take home? I know. That's so what of it is. I miss that.

Can I get a palette of Tejava iced tea? When I worked at Marie Calendar's restaurant roundup. Yeah. There was a, there was a waitress who would just go around like grabbing little parts off the cookies on the bakery tray. Excuse me? Just nibbling on them all day. That's so nasty.

We called her the nibbler. And she was just always like. She was just always like. reaching into the cookies and taking off like a little bit and like all throughout the shift. I should call the police now? You're going to call her the nibbler. Call the police on her.

Exactly. The cops. You imagine 30 years later. We got to complain somebody's been breaking off pieces of cookie. Break me off a piece of that cookie. I just called 911 and say help. Help get three calendars immediately. Oh my God.

This lady's nibbling. Oh, can I do reality recap? Yeah. There's a fun new show on Netflix. called, not sure of the name. Watched all of it. Don't work. Oh, buying Beverly Hills.

It's starring Maricio from Real Housewives, the husband of Kyle Richards. He is a real estate mogul who I'm obsessed with. Why? Did you say he's the husband of Cal Richards? Kyle Richards. Okay. Who was in Halloween as a child. What?

She was a child in Halloween, the movie. Do you remember the movie Halloween? I remember the holiday. I remember someone filming it once. What child? I'm trying to remember. There's a little girl with black hair and braids. And she's, like, sitting alone in the house watching TV at one point. And then she's, she's one of the main kids that, um, what's her name is.

Man, that's so funny. I don't remember the kids at all. Jamie Lee Curtis. Um, yeah. I remember a guy in like, he had a really white face. Yeah. That was a mask. William Shadder.

Yeah. William Shadner. Yeah. So the show is really good. It's about, um, a real estate agency called the agency in L.A. And they sell really expensive, beautiful homes. So if you like watching. homes. That's fun to look at. And then what's fun about it's the family business because

Mauricio has hired two of his many daughters to work there. And then there's some conflict with that. There's a lot of non-relatives who worked there, of course. Those are the only two relatives. Oh, he mentioned his dad working there too. And we never saw him. So I'm like, I need more about that. Love the program. What is just him like in a wig and a big pushy mustache? I would like that too. The thing about like million dollar listing, which is another version of that. Yeah, which I love. Which is, I enjoy, but then one day we were watching it and this guy we knew, and they were trying to sell like a $30 million house. Well, the houses are insane. It's just, but they're trying to sell this $30 million house. And then suddenly they're

like, okay, well, we have one person who's really interested in it and the stakes are very high. And the guy walks in and it's our friend. And he doesn't have $30 million. And you're like, this is an actor. He's just a friend who did a favor to them. Right. And then, and then, and then we kept seeing stuff like that we're so we're like oh we know we know that like suddenly a tough agent comes in to look at you know with to look at the house and we're like yeah but sorry but but yeah of shield of shield yes thank you for the clarification she comes in to like look at the house for supposedly on behalf of their client and cool up goes no I know her she works for the other one you know it's like every part of it is fake they're just staging the Truman show falling apart

They're staging every interaction. Because how many times do I have to be told that? I don't care. I know because I like looking at the houses, but they are state. It is fun. Well, it's like when you know house hunters is like the famous show in the world. They know where the houses are already. They're putting out the house food.

Call it coyote hunters. I read a blog about that, which I'm sure we've talked about. They already know. They bought the house. I love blogs. Sometimes just empty someone's house just to show it. Yeah. Well, whatever the house is that's

is the one that they always pick because that's the one they bought recently. Yeah, it's really annoying. Everything is fake on reality TV. But I like this show. Except the romances. Oh, and then on... And I was reading into some of it going,

is this part fake? Is this the story? I don't really care. I like the characters. Then on America, what is the one where it's like it used to be plastic surgery and then they turned it into houses?

Oh, extreme home makeover. Yeah, extreme home makeover. It was like, move that bus. Then it's like, your mom looks like a totally different person. Wait, what? Oh, were you fucking? Yes, it started as extreme makeover. So it was people who thought they were really ugly, would go and have like,

they would have like 10 plastic surgeries at once and we were covering in a hotel for like six weeks or more and then go, maybe months. And they would change like every like their body, their face, everything about them. They'd have full like they get implants in their face. They get structural changes. And it was not a feel good show necessarily. It was actually just really sad. It sounds like this impossible to feel good. But I remember actually this because I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

watched as a kid, which is also fucked up. And I remembered this thing about teeth, but now I know that it must be veneers, but it always confused me until more recently. I had this memory of them sort of putting on blue light on the teeth and, like, moving them into place. They just put veneers on. They just whittled them down to shards and put caps.

And that part of it is so scary. Yeah. But anyway, it's not. They're whittling your teeth down to little pegs. It wasn't really a feel good. Oh, I know about that process. It wasn't like a feel good show, but then it's such a weird spinoff because they,

they turned them the home edition into a big feel-good family show. Oh, yeah, wait, wait, but it was the same show. No, but it's a spin-off. Extreme makeover, extreme home makeover. Oh, okay. And now Extreme make-over doesn't exist anymore. No, because I think they realize it's so toxic.

Like the kids and the dad and, you know, whatever, like the husband and the kids or the wife and kids. The cousin. They'd show up at the end, see the reveal. And see the reveal and go like, oh, you're beautiful. But they look so different. There was no, there was no gradual acceptance of the change. Right.

So it's like you're just seeing your mom. They go away. They're in bandages for six weeks and they come back. But so the home one, I read some article about like, oh, they do a really shitty job. And then they raise the value on the people's homes so much that people can't pay the taxes on the home. And they then lose the homes. Yes. But so I was like, huh, that's interesting.

And then people I knew started being the, like my, in my old apartment building, the, what do you call it the person that you pay the rent to? Landlord. Yeah, no, they, no, they, they, they, they, they, they, they don't own the building, yeah, the manager. Thank you. We got there. Um, she was not a designer and then she, like, was suddenly hired as a designer on that. I'm like, are you a good designer? She's like, no, I'm an actress, but I'm just like.

Okay, well, that's why they made the rooms look, oh, this kid loves cats. She loves baseball. Yeah. And everything's furry. Look, it's cat intestines, a cat heart. It was, it really was. Gastric acids. That sounds fun, actually.

But I, like, here you, you know, like, here, you. Your bed's a slide. It's like he has to grow with the room. Yes, it's all fake. Anyway, we have to take a break. We'll be right back. It's back to school season. School season, little boys and girls.

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I'm Dr. Susan Swick, a child and adolescent psychiatrist, and I'm also a mother of four. On my new podcast, Talk Aboutable, I'll hear from parents about what's keeping them up at night, and we'll figure out how to tackle it by talking about it. From Lemonada Media, Talk Aboutable is at September 9th. Follow wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Before we get into Lawrence topics. Yeah.

As you know, the only... Is this Paul's topic? It's sort of an... It's a part two of reality recap. Yeah. Oh, okay. The only reality show that we watch is Southern Charm. Okay.

That's what we drink while we're watching. It's a terrible show. Right. And the people are extremely boring. And we keep watching it. By the way, someone lift that and you... it as a commercial for this show. Freedom.

It's a horrible show. The people are extremely boring. Oh, what happens? Cord came out. Oh, my God, emergency. Call 9-1-1. Boom. Is the Nibbler here?

Is who here? Listen to me, Dibler. Batman shows up. The Nibbler. Put that cookie down. So, it's all it's all the I sort of get reality shows now because we have three friends who also watch the show good so you understand why it's fun to talk about yeah so we text each other and stuff like that

but can you believe but here's the thing is that I because it's all just horseshit when I find myself when I'm watching it even when we're texting each other and I find myself thinking like making a judgment on someone's actions or whatever. Right. I'm like, they fucking got me. They got me. Yeah, they tricked you. That's what's fun.

And by the way, you do it about scripted shows too. Like, oh my God, why would he do that? I can't believe we'd do that. But, blah, blah, blah. Like, it's like. But, yeah, but I mean. But you're only watching the reality shows because it's real. Like, if it was like, hey,

the idea of being a voyeur on these idiots is, you would never watch a scripted show featuring these people on Love is. wine, for instance. No, but I think there's some... You know, doing the exact same storylines. Yeah, I mean, I don't have to defend it. I just like it.

This is an interesting idea. A reenactment... You take a season of a reality show, then you have those people... Reenacted. Act a scripted version of it. We're like sets and stuff like that. And see which is better.

See which is better. I would love that. And you do like, you know, like you shoot it exactly like a scripted show rather than a reality show. Yeah, I like that idea. Like things like Abbott Elementary, same thing. I mean, I thought that was a documentary.

I really did. Well, because they spoke to the camera, explaining our feelings. Lauren, what's your Lauren's topics? It's not really a topic. It's a question. I think I need a new category, a new, like, segment. Lawrence queries? Yeah.

Okay. Lab questions? I like that. Lab questions. Okay. Here's my lap question for you. Yesterday. And I wonder, I also wonder have we talked about this.

Okay, that's the first one. By the way, probably yes. If you're listening, please send us the spreadsheet, of things we've talked about. Yes, we need it. Was the nibbler new? We needed it, my precious. We hates it.

Her name, Maria. Why do I still remember it? At Marie calendars? And I only worked with her two months. And I remember her name Maria? Because she rubbed you the wrong way, eating all the public's cookies. Also, there's a song about that name that really makes it sound like it's great. Yeah.

It was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. How did you solve a problem like it? Santana song. Maria, Maria. Does you have a song about Maria? Yeah, Whitecliffe sings it. So good for him. Yeah, good for him.

He's finally back on top. All I know is Smooth by Santana featuring Rob Thomas. Oh my God. I really don't like that song. I'm no offense to anyone. What? No offense. I think he played like so much when I was.

It's about his wife. That fucking. That episode of that episode of. He felt her once. That episode of Bejillion with the smooth running throughout it is so funny. So, where any time the word is mentioned, the guitar sting happens in other stories. It's really funny.

My question is. What do you think is the food you've consumed the most in your life? We have not talked about this. Because I was eating, I had bought. It's making me sick to think about it. I know it's disgusting. Because I'm like, I've eaten truckloads of fries. Truck loads. I love fries and I ate them all the time growing up nonstop.

So it's like now if I don't eat them as much now. Yeah, even if you go to a fast food place and you order not a burger, you're having fries usually. Oh, fuck yeah. If I'm having a milkshake, I'm having fries. I mean, like, maybe lunch meat. Wow. What lunch meat? Bologna?

I don't know if I can narrow it down. You fucking baloney bastard. Hey, I don't like it. Oh, my God. No, because of the region it's from. You don't like the bologna region? Oh, no. Why do we say bologna and spell it like that?

It's actually really annoying. I think it's because Americans are stupid. Probably. But I also wonder, are bologna and bologna, is there a difference between them? Well, there's no packaged, there's no packaged thing that says baloney on it, right? No one ever smells it. Well, when we were in, my baloney has a first name. When we were in Italy, we were talking about this because Florence is not, by the way, I'm speaking out of my ass now.

Oh, good. It smells like, you're shit in here. But Florence is not the, is not the, the, the, the, it's Ferenze. It's Furenze. See. Right. But we, but if you. look at it on a map it says Florence and that's because like we are when we're trying

to say frenzy we say flora florence oh because we're trying to say we're trying to say it we're trying to say it is up that way so it's like Napoli what is this theory you are talking out of your ass so what about bologna because we try we're not trying to say balagna I would say balagna if I was looking at that well people say lasagna and it's not lasagna it's lasagna it's lasagna oh it's beautiful thank you so you think you've been You think we're trying to wrap our mouths around a foreign word. I'm saying the reason that we translated that way, like, Napoli, Napoli, is like, it's Nubbley. Napoli.

Pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza, what do you want on your tombso? It's just, is, is English people trying to say this word that they, that they don't have the, the tongue sounds for. Well, I think they also, in those days, I think they just decided. did what the name was as opposed to trying to say it. They heard Italian people saying it and they go like, oh, Florence. Yeah, that's probably what they're saying. And then they put it on a map. Mr. Charles Atlas puts it on a match.

Then he lifts up the whole world. Yep. Kicksand in someone's face. Hey, he goes so. Read his own book. Do you think you've eaten truckloads of bologna? No, I haven't. You love bologna.

Specifically bologna. What do you mean? Probably the one lunch meat I've not. What do you've eaten truckloads of? I guess that's my real question. I don't know. Like, like,

like chips. Deli hammer, oh, chips for sure. Yeah. Potato chips. Oh, no. Poker chips.

Oh, got it. I eat poker chips. I didn't like them at first. I didn't like them at first. Yeah. But then after a while, I learned to differentiate the,

the denominations. Wow. The way you said that was almost like another language. Which one? What denomination is the tastest? Oh, 50. Yeah, definitely. Oh, it's so good.

Has it thick? It's thick. Two seats. Yeah. You know, the poker chips, depending on how much they are worth. Yeah, it's like pods. The thickness increases. That's why you want that giant just like.

Pogs are delicious. Yeah. I would, you know, it used to be burgers until maybe I was 30. Because I think I had one or two like every day. You got a couple trucks of burgers and then. But I think when you. If you say fries, I think you're probably right. Would all the burgers I've eaten fit in one truck?

What size truck? Well, I'm talking like a moving band? Like an 18 wheeler? Like, yeah. Eastbound and down, 18 wheels rolling. We want to do what they say can't be done. We got a long way to go in a short time to get there. Where eastbound is watch old bandit run.

Have you ever seen that movie Smokey and the Bandit? No. I just watched it maybe. four years ago for the first time. I'm interested, Lauren, in hearing what you would make of it. Yeah. Would you even understand what was happening?

Is it black and white? Because I can't see that. It's not black and white. You can't see, what do you mean? You're the opposite of a dog? I get bored. Oh. No, it's in color, but I wonder if like,

because it had such a cultural impact. Yes. Because you're old enough to kind of remember. Oh, yeah. Can please Google this? I don't really feel like I have any sort of idea. Smoking in the band. Bert Reynolds.

You know who he is? Sally Field. You ever seen him nude in Cosmo? I've seen him laying on the floor. Yeah. Laying on the floor. In my house. Smoking.

Oh, yeah. Okay. I'm familiar with this imagery. Okay, here's the plot. Sally Field, who I was just on a plane with the other day. Oh, my God, the worst thing happened to me. What? Oh, my God, it's really embarrassing thing.

Oh, do you tell me this first? No, I want to hear this. Are you sure? Yeah. Okay, wait. So, first of all, I was behind Sally Field. I realized at the end of the flight, she was being very kind to everyone and had a beautiful, beautiful little little dog.

Oh, she's a really sweet lady. Anyway, so anyway, I got some unfortunate news about a friend's family. It was like just, but I was kind of processing this information just to give a little backstory as to why what happened happened because I was a little distracted. And I was on. And you had to fly the plane because the pilot passed out. This was at LAX. Yeah, I did do that.

And I just said that every time on the plane just to see what happens. but I was on the escalator going down to baggage claim and I had my suitcase I will also note that I was using my worst suitcase it has the least ability to stand okay can I ask you this I actually hated I couldn't reach my other one there's a lot of backstory I'm just giving you because why do you still have it this is I'm actually thinking it's time for it to go

I'm telling you it is no no it is I have better ones but I my worst suitcase other ones were behind something heavy and I was like fuck it I'll just take that one I was kind of a whatever, who cares? I wasn't thinking about it. And it was only two days. It was kind of like, who cares? Okay?

I know, I know you care, but it was kind of like... Anything else we need to know as set up? No, that's it. What airport? LAX. So I was on the escalator going down to baggage claim. Which, I had my suitcase on the escalator. Which you just announced your candidates for presidents.

See? I was on, I guess it would be, I was on Air Canada. I guess it would be Delta. International? Tom Bradley? Yeah. Dang. No, but I don't think it was.

It was Delta. Terminal 5. Terminal 5. Oh, wow. Did you park there? Were you being picked up? I was being picked up. Scott.

Okay. Which is part of it. I know what you're doing. I'm interested. I'm interested in her whole travel thing. I couldn't wait to get home. I'm standing on the escalator. I decide to pull out my phone while on the escalator to look back at these texts.

Were you doing like a Trump thing when he came down the escalator and he was like, Mexicans are rapists? No, no, no. I was standing and I was doing my, I was being proper. And I, you're being proper. But I pulled out my phone. for a second to look at the fucking text regarding this actually serious thing

that I was dealing with and my bag decided to fly down the fucking joggum, jacong, jacong, jacong. It was flying. I mean, just sliding down. Was there anybody ahead of you? Yes. Oh, no.

So there's this woman off to the side and there were a couple. Did he hit anyone's handstrings? Down a bit further. Streams? I start yelling, watch out, watch out. I'm screaming.

Okay. I'm screaming, watching. I don't have headphones on or anything. I'm very present. Hamstrings. Thank God in my headphones on. You're in the moment. But I, but I was like,

look out, look out. I would have headphones on at this point. I did not. I was just there. And then I was just screaming. Oh my God, watch out, watch out. It, so here's what happened. It went horizontal and the handle was up.

Go, whoa. So the handle hit her, hit this woman in her ankle. Handstrings. And the bag was stuck horizontally in the escalation. in the escalator. So I was down there, I was, I ran down after it. Yeah. And I'm trying to pick it up, but it's like, I can't get it out from the rubberized

things on the escalator. And her leg, which she's not helping me at all. And she was saying, how? No, but I think she was processing how she was going to make me feel like shit, which she did very well. Good. So she, I'm sitting down there. I'm so sorry.

Oh my God, are you okay? I'm like apologizing profusely. I'm like, I'm humiliated. I was literally saying, I'm humiliated. I'm so sorry. I'm trying to put my back. I get it. I'm off.

escalator with her. I'm like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I'm like, are you okay? And she starts limping. Now, I do think that wasn't, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Because it was, she was whacked by a plastic piece. I don't think it was a limping situation. Did she see you and say wrong missing? I had a mask on again, thank God, because there was a lot of people watching this happened. Yeah, TMZ posted up. Oh my God, it was, honestly my heart races. It was so embarrassing. I felt like such an asshole. And she kept going, I was like, are you okay, okay? She's like, there's nothing you can do. There's nothing you could do. And then she was, she worked at LAX. She was like, you people do this all the time. You people. You

You need to hold onto your bag. And I was like, I've never noticed my life. And I trust me, I'll never fucking do it again. Like, it was just like, I don't do this all the time. This is so unlike me. My bag actually is an asshole, too. This is my worst suitcase. Don't you understand?

It was a rounded suitcase that kind of toppled. And I did let go of it, but I usually can let go of my suitcase. I'll never let go of it again. She was like so mean to me. And I understand why I deserved it because I felt horrible. I was like, you know, just I don't know how to fix it, but I wish she was mortifying, yeah. And she just was not letting me, you know, I think if I got hit,

and so I don't know if this is a good or bad quality, but I think I would have been like, it's okay, don't worry, it's fine, to the person. Like I know it's a mistake. When someone takes their bag out, it's falling out onto my head. And I've been like, it's okay, it happens or whatever. It's an obvious accident. Of course, I didn't throw my bag on the fucking thing. But she didn't let me, she didn't let me get away with it at all.

Yeah. But she didn't make you exchange information. No, she just went to some working, you know, know person place a door that a worker can go into like go into their little clubhouse and then i couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there because i was so embarrassed and i was just like let's go go go go go go go and then sally field looked at you and said way to go well because she was right so what part of what happened before this is that this one woman kept trying to race ahead of me and it was really annoying and so i eventually took you're trying to box her out with your suitcase so sally gets um

the smaller escalator before this you know and this other woman like has to get on so i like let her go, and then I just go, I'm just going to walk down stairs. And then instead of doing the stairs, I get onto the escalator and then drop my back on that woman. So I think Sally went to a secret Heidi hole where they let celebrities go. She was being taken by a person who was escorting her somewhere. So I think she was being taken to a special thing. Yeah, yeah.

But I, yeah, I was just honestly, isn't that horrible? It is really horrible. And I'm sorry that that happened to you. I truly, and I hope you get rid of that fucking soon. Can I say, I'm going to fucking get rid of it. Yeah. Can I say it doesn't sound that bad. It was so embarrassing.

I can't even tell you. Scott. I have an update about the Florence thing from our producer, Matt Aproducer. It was called Florentia in Latin, then Fiorenza in old Italian, then Furenze. The names foreigners call it by, like Florence in French and Florence in German, are closer to the original, probably because they were mostly used in writing. A similar case is the city of Cologne in Germany, locally called Cone.

Yeah, but he just made that up. Like he didn't get- Matt wrote that? Yeah, he just wrote that. He wrote, he wrote on a piece of paper and then he did a screenshot. He so used to writing like papers for school. He doesn't know. This is just his opinion.

Yeah, you got me there. Can you tell me something embarrassing that's happened to you once? Once? Because of that situation, I was so embarrassed. It's like an embarrassing thing. God, to narrow it down. Yeah. One.

Yeah, just one. I mean, me. What comes to mind? Me waking up screaming on the airplane. Oh, what was that? I think I've talked about that. That's terrified. That's where I had a bad dream that the people, that someone was like looking, old men were looking at me.

And I woke up and I saw two men next to me because I was in a middle seat. And I screamed that they were them. And you said that's that. The entire plane. No, I was like, ah! That's them. And the entire plane looked at me and I said, whoops, sorry, bad dream. And they just, and the guys just like tried to make me feel like shit and shook their head like, man, that's not how a civilized person with that, how, you're not, you're not culpable for anything when you're in your dreams.

Totally. And I, I mean, like, I totally give it to that woman that I injured her and he was unexpected. She was just standing up. And this happens to her all the time. And it probably has happened to her. If I worked somewhere, something would happen to me all the time, too. If you worked somewhere. Man, that really puts things in perspective.

Like people, look, if you work somewhere, something's going to happen to you. Yeah. A lot. Wherever you happen to be. But you don't work somewhere and nothing happens to you. No. Things happen to me at home. Yeah.

Do I get mad at my house? You work there. I remember in my early 20s, I used to drink and drink and drink and drink. And drive. No, thankfully. Oh, that's right. I did not drive. Yeah, that really was lucky for you.

But I was in, it was a real stroke of luck. I was in Wildwood, New Jersey, performing at a place. called the comedy Casbah, which was legendary for having the worst audiences. And you would do a week there. And did they say you'd have to go rock the Casbah? Believe me, they played that at the, I think, before and after every show. Oh, good. But it was, so it was a week-long gig, two shows a night for people that were not going to enjoy what you did.

And you stayed in these sort of apartments that they had above the club. and then you could be, it was actually, it was a fun gig except for that weird hour or two hours of the day that was the reason you were there.

I feel like being a stand-up is so, you could just go stay somewhere. It would be great. So hard in that sort of way. Actually, it was nice to stay at the, like the rooms that they had were nice. Well, that's the thing.

If you didn't have to do comedy, and someone was just like, hey, come stay at this room. Why is it the worst when you have to do the thing? You know? This is the eternal question. I know.

Okay, so go on. So I was at a, bar afterwards and I was so drunk I think me and whoever I was with we were doing Dr. Pepper shots Like you drop what is in a It's like whiskey being dropped into a Dr. Pepper

or something? No it was probably the Wait so what is Dr. Pepper up to do with it? It tastes like Dr. Pepper whatever I forget what the shot is that you drop into the beer but it makes it taste like Dr. Pepper. Oh, sounds good. Yeah, a little too good. And so I was

of course So it's wearing, you know, a blazer and a tie and a fedora. And a teddy underneath. Just for you. Scott? What happens on tour, stays on tour. And I was staggering. Did people still say teddy?

Staggering back. It's like a relic from the 80s. Staggering back to the, to my, where I was staying. Like, I could not. walk in a straight line and I heard and I'm in my early 20s and I hear these kids across the street say oh no hey look at that old drunk and I knew they were talking about me that old drunk to be so drunk that you can't walk straight but to have the wherewithal to know you're being made fun of by teens that cuts through yeah oh cut through we have to take a break

We'll be right back. No, before you're embarrassing. I want to hear a real new. I said it. You said he told it before. I don't have anything new. Give us a fresh embarrassment. Or GtFO.

Kind of take a break. Bye. Bye. I'm Hussein Mn Hajj, and I have been lying to you. I only pretended to be a comedian so I could trick important people into coming on my podcast, Hussein Minhaj doesn't know, to ask them the tough questions that real journalists are way too afraid to ask. People like Senator Elizabeth. Warren. Is America too dumb for democracy? Outrageous.

Parenting expert, Dr. Becky. How do you skip consequences without raising a psychopath? It's a good question. Listen to Hassam Minaj doesn't know from Lemonada Media wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. And guys, I'm going to need your attention. No. I'm listening. No, you're not. Sure I am. You shrugged you. your shoulders sarcastically like like of course i'm not listening i know i'm listening you just waved your hand at me like you to dismiss your very words i'm listening to you oh my god okay it's time play a three cheer everybody loves it we're gonna do it if you don't like it go fuck yourself yeah this is

the part where some people turn off the podcast of the as they've told as they've told me people just term. They told you this. But others. Well, who would tell you, a tweeter? A tweeter?

Was it Elon Musk? Yeah. Oh my God. But other people would say this is their favorite part. Okay. It was so funny when everybody started changing their name to Elon Musk on Twitter. And then he was like, I'm going to suspend any account for don't explicitly say their parody.

That's why he said that. Yes. What a shit. He's a big dumb baby. I think I. I really want to delete my one issue because I'm not going to pay

the $8 a month I'm simply not going to Oh my God no No I don't since 2008 I want to delete the whole thing But I want to keep my name Just to have it be Reserved as mine

Yeah yeah yeah yes Who cares though You know what I mean Who cares It honestly doesn't matter I don't care about What you're talking about You don't think that's worthwhile

No I just don't care about Oh okay That's kind of how you feel all the time When I got rid of the checkmark I was like You got rid of it? Yeah. When?

A while ago. You chose to not have it? You wrote to Twitter, right, to say, I don't want the checkmark. I wrote to Twitter and nobody wrote me back and I was like, and then I heard somebody say, oh, you just change your screen name and change it back. And I did that, and then the checkmark was gone. Well, wait. And you, because you got a lot of annoying replies, I'm sure, because you have a lot of followers.

It's not, well, that has not changed. But you still have a lot. You just viewed it as a status. Although I haven't looked lately because there might be a bunch of bots that were following me. They're gone. I have no idea. but I it's that I the checkmark became this this weird status thing to people because they want to really take you down they want to take you down they were like oh look at you blue check mark yeah they dismiss a thing that you say so no it's gonna really turn it on its head in an interesting way for every asshole to have yeah exactly it's so dumb still have mine as a press time sure who cares why not keep it don't keep it I think I'll just let it do its thing I'm never going to put a credit card in that situation no if anybody pays for it they are ridiculous Oh, I forgot to tell you, it's one, two, eight, four, nine, six.

I forgot to tell you. We usually tell each other our credit cards. That's our little ritual before we've been recorded is we recite our credit card numbers to each other. And our mother's made the name in the street we grew up on. All right. Let's play three-cher guys. Okay. Okay.

I do it. I do it. There's a little fellow named Tim Ward. Oh, my God. The three-cher submitter? Yeah. He got all saucy and he said he won one night he was like drunk as hell. Oh, he was in his cups.

And he was like, I know something good that I'm not in his cups. That's a good one. Yeah. It's a good one. He submitted this. It's word alley-oop. Word alley-oop. I know regular alley-oop.

Can I also just as a side note when you say, I like weekend water that you guys say. Yes. And I like your merch. Thank you. It's very beautiful. Thank you very much. What a, give me a compliment. Weekend water comes from Jamie.

I like your merch. That you're wearing from Marvel. Weekend water comes from Janie's mom. Oh, she made it up? Yes, her grandson. Because I didn't know if that was like a Southern phrase or something. Her grandson was reaching for her drink, her cocktail. And she said, no, no, no.

That's, that's Nikki's Weekend Water. Wow. I really thought that was something I just didn't know. Now you know? That's really good. I love that it's a really personal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's extremely personal.

I need weekend watercups now. Okay. Here we go. This is called word al-A-oop. Now, we're going to text each other a word. Fun. The person on the left. I'm on a very strict plan, so how long is this game going to go?

Do you mean with your... How strict is your... Well, I don't want... This is going to run into money for me. Do they punish you or... They punish me. Oh, okay. So it's not a money thing.

No, somebody comes to my home and shames me. You do 10 cents a text. Ten cents a text. I remember when it was like that and my dad would get mad at my bill. when I was in Hoy school. Just at your bill, not at you.

No, you're just screaming a bill. He actually told me to go away. Yeah. Okay, we're going to text a word to each other. Yeah. I'm going to text Lauren.

Individually, not on our group. Just any word. No, no, no. Any word. Any word. All right. Wait, so you're texting Lauren.

Yeah. I'm texting you. Paul. You're texting me. Yeah, exactly. Um, all right, we're texting each other a word.

I have texted Lauren. I've texted Scott. Same, Paul. Okay. We each have our word. Now, we're going to do a scene, an improv scene. Fuck, I knew there was a catch. I thought this was the whole game.

I thought I just had a text a word and I get to your home. I thought this was so much fun. It was small fun. Well, you usually only text one word at a time anyway in your text. So wait, what are we supposed to try to do? Yes. Okay, we're going to do a scene. We have to say that word.

Okay. In the scene at some point. Easy. Okay. Now, afterwards, if you use your word, no, everyone's going to use their word. Imagine if you can guess. I can't get it out. You can't figure it out.

How do I say it in a sentence? We have to guess what the word was. Oh. So you're trying to. So you don't want to horn it in there really obviously because that's what it was. Right. So we all have our words. All right.

Let's do it. But here we go. Okay. Well, indubitably, indubidably, indubidably, people think that libraries are free.

Are they not? They are. It's just that they take a little bit of your soul when you go. Hi, guys. Hey. Hi, we're just talking about libraries.

Oh, indubitably. Unrealistically speaking, all things considered. Hmm. All things are considered? So you... You consider that? You contend...

Yeah, NPR. Her contend. is that libraries are not free? I think that they are free monetarily, but they're not free in the sense that they steal a little something from you and keep it on the shelf. Like what?

Just a little bit of your essence. Because when you borrow something or return. Do people really go to libraries these days? I just, I don't even know. I think a lot of older men. Older people, but they've fallen out of fashion lately. You're saying grumpy old men. Yeah.

Oh, the grumpy old men. Oh, I rented that from the library. You can rent that. that at the library, yes. Grumpy senior citizen. But wait. But if you go to another place of business and you buy something, you're not leaving, well, I guess you are leaving something of your essence. If you go to the supermarket and you buy a grape,

you pay a bunch of grapes. Could you buy one grape from what would they say? I'd like to try. Yeah. Because it's whatever, whatever a pound. But yes, please do the math for me. I will have one grape. You have to hope that the person checking you out is in a good mood and, you know, indubitably. Indubitably. Indubitably delightful and not feeling, you know.

You have to hope they're delightful. Not feeling, not feeling annoying or annoyed or sort of, sort of horn feathered and can tinkerous, you know. Horn feathered. Yeah. Horn feathered. Horn feathered. Hmm. Horn feathered.

Horn feathered. I'm not familiar with that term. Are you the librarian, by the way, lady? Like, you know, just you're, you're feeling like, you know. Lady. Are you the library? I am the librarian. Do you need something? Yes. I thought we were just having a nice talk.

Oh, you have to use the rest of it. It's the only way you talk. Go to the down the hall. Do you see the exit sign? Go out there and take a piss in the alley. Ah, she got you. Now, I want to rent grumpy old men too. Oh, okay.

Well, that's something. Grumpier old men. I think we have that. We only, as you know, We only have sequels. And they are... Yes, this is Library 2, is it not? Yes.

You need to go to Library 1. It's like Chili's 2. It's just a little T-O-O-O-U-O. The Dirk, too. Yeah. And you have your own song that you sing for people's birthdays. Is it your birthday? It is my birthday.

Can I see your ID? Yes. Okay. It says you were born on this date. This is a fake Agents of Shield employee card. But it's my real birthday. Oh. I'm only to sing it.

All right. I'll start over Pardon me, I sneezed And I may do so again Hitch I'll start over Do you start over Every time we sneeze

Yeah If you could just rain it in It's allergy season If you must sneeze Simply use a receptacle Okay Have we all said our word I have

I have Okay Okay Now we Obviously I know your word So Paul you have to guess Lawrence. I have to guess yours. And Lauren, you're guessing. No, I guess yours. I gave Paul. Yes, right. Okay, but I'm really

fucked. You're, oh. Because I really, I'm trying to think what's I have my guess. Paul, I'm guessing essence. Wrong. Whoa! I have no guess for you. You have no guess. You were not paying any attention. Well, I was getting really caught up in a lot of things. So you have no guess. Try to guess my word. I mean, I want to say and do That was my red herring, if that's the right word. I want to say it was either horn or feather. No.

No. Okay. You don't know. You really pointed to it. Can tinkerous. I tried to bury it in a lot of other. I think I buried mine pretty disgusting. I think you did because I don't know.

Mine was fashion. I never would have. Yeah. Yeah. I said it when I said libraries have fallen out of fashion. That's very well done. So none of us got any points. It's a hard game.

You don't know what, want to know where it was? Oh, yeah. What was it? Grape. Grape. Yeah. That would have been my second choice. Well, because now it would have been, because it would have been right.

Yeah. After hearing. Fashion would have been my first choice if I ever had one. All right. Do you want to go the other way? Yeah, yeah. I'll try it again. Okay, so I'll text.

It's the other way. I'll text Paul. We need to make the rule. No, make the word a little bit. We don't have. No. No, no, we're, okay. But it can't be like the.

We don't have to do anything but die. So I'm texting Scott? Yeah, you're texting me. I'm texting Paul. And I'm texting you, Lauren? Yeah. I mean, obviously, like, you're the one texting the word. So if you make it really simple.

Right. Then no one's going to, you want to make it as hard as possible for the person to say it, I think. Okay. Okay. I've texted mine and I've received mine. Oh, wait. I've texted mine and I've received mine. Wait.

Wait, did anyone text me? Yeah, I got it. I got it. Hello. Hello. Come on in. Hello. Come on in.

Okay. Look, I get it. Thank you for coming to a parent teacher night. Thank you for having us. It's all right. So you guys, who are, who are you the mother and father of? I'm sorry, am I assuming you're a couple? We're wife and husband and mother and father.

Okay. Of. Jarnan. Jarnan. Jarnin. He's named after the Jimmy John Sandwich Emporium. Oh, great. Speaking of Jimmy.

But we didn't want to get sued. My name's Jimmy. My name's Jimmy. That's so weird. Really? What's your last name? John. Well, you're going to get sued.

I'm superintendent of John. Yes. Okay. Wait, you're the superintendent of schools. I thought we're going to meet with a teacher. No, no, no. I'm straight to the top. Okay.

Wow. No, I called you in because we've had, we've had some terrible, terrible things happen to to Jimmy. Oh, no. Don't you feel the dread in your heart? It's like, oh, it's time is running out. It's so... I have to jump into the ocean

and hear the bad words in the alligator's mouth. I hate hearing the bad words in the alligator's mouth. Yeah. Why can't he just eat you and be done with it? Why does you have to say all those things? He wants you to hear the tick-tick-boom of his cluck. Yeah. Well, here's the thing.

It was so crazy that this happened on parents-teacher conference thing. What is it? He's dead. What? I'm sorry. We lost him. To be clear. this is our monkey Jarnan.

Yeah. That we send to this human school. Yes. And I love the outfits you pick for him every day. I just want to put a monkey in clothes. Well, you know, I dress him first and then I dress myself. That's, see, and you're so, and I'm allowed to sleep. And now he has insomnia.

I sleep like a baby. I go to bed at 3 p.m. and I wake up at 10 a.m. This is why I look so sloppy-dop-do. Because usually I'm well put together. I'm standing tall, handsome. Exciting, sexy, and lie. My friend SPAM Risk is calling me. SPAM.

SPAM. SPAM. SEPAtha risk? Here's the issue. He got into the laboratory. Oh, no. He was working in the lab? Late today this afternoon.

Okay. And we did experiments on him. Wait, so what happened was you killed our son, the monkey? Yes. look let's stop calling him our son I feel like with this bad news it's kind of just taking it to a different place I'm trying to make him feel worse

but he's our pet because he's a worker he's our pet okay I'm your pet I can hear everything you're saying well then I wasn't talking to you I was saying my mom so wait anytime you right now you're talking to me

so you assume that he should not be listening to you are you talking to me wait Bobby D I don't see anyone else here besides Bobby D are you undercover it's me Bobby D I'm undercover

what are you researching What role are you researching the role? Oh, what role? Yeah. I'm researching the role of a parent, of a monkey. Oh, my God. Is there anything in this movie for me? I mean, I'm sort of an amateur act.

I teach the drama club. Well, I have nipples. Does that make me a casting agent? No, let me tweak those. Hey, what the fuck is going on in here? All right, have we all said our word. Where's Jarnan? I don't believe you. Have we said our words?

Why, we want to see Jarnan and then we'll end the game. Jarned. Show us Jarnan. Have we said the word? Show us Jordan. I have said it. Okay. I've said it.

All right. So I'm guessing Lauren's. Yeah. I've forgotten everything, by the way. I know. I don't, I do not know. I'm really hard to do. Guessing Plank.

That was right. Yeah. I'm guessing sandwich. No. Do you not say sandwich? I don't remember saying sandwich. I did say Jimmy John's sandwich shop, but it's not a sandwich shop. Okay.

What was it? We do a guess for Scott. I have to have to guess Scott. You don't have a guess. because it's like really hard. I don't have a guess because I don't remember anything that's like...

I know, same. It's like... It's almost like we can't... It's almost like we both can't hear you. You didn't hear him. I was acting too much after I got out my word. I was like, I don't care anymore.

When you're in character? What was it? My word was lithe. When did you say why? I don't even remember you saying it. I was describing myself. Oh. I was saying, yes, that I'm usually...

I'm sorry I'm sloppy do because usually I'm standing tall and sexy in line. I was what, ah, I didn't hear that word and I actually thought that moment was when it was happening. It was the last word I said in that little. Is it sexy? Oh, interesting. There was something about how he was doing it that just made me think something was going on.

So you have no guess for me. What was your word? You said laboratory. Oh, how about I give you a hint? I tried to really emphasize that. How about I give you a hint? But that was not it. He initiated so that he could get his word out.

Superintendent? Yes. So superintendent. you initiated my same parent teacher conference. And I was also trying to stop him. I was trying to make it a different location. I was like, boss,

boss, but I got it in there. Yeah, I was trying. I got it in there. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus.

Are you all right? I turned up my volume super loud with my knee accidentally and you were guys were shouting him. Okay, we have to go. It was a fun.

This was fun. I enjoyed that game. It was a fun game. It's a fun game. It's a fun game. Yeah, thank you to. Tim Ward? Tim Ward,

I believe. Yeah. The Tim or Tom. Um, who cares? No one ever knows. All right. So here's the deal. What is it?

If you want to follow us on social media, we're at Freedom USA on both Twitter and Instagram. Okay. Yeah. Okay. We should change it to Elon Musk on Instagram. Yeah. Okay. And then if you want to listen to old episodes of Freedom, we're re-releasing all the old episodes.

We're calling it three visiting. on the twos. Because it's happening on Tuesday, so this Tuesday will re-release another episode. Is it three visiting? Do you think if we had a producer who could tell us for sure what it is?

No, we don't have one of those. We just have... He wouldn't say a word. We have Matt is making up shit about Italy. Anyway. Anyway, Italy, we love you. Our health care system is broken in so many ways. We have a health care system that's supposed to be taking care of people

that is making it literally more difficult for people to put food on the table. So this season, we'll dive into the challenges head first while also thinking about how we can find a better way because we all deserve better. Uncared for Season 3 from Lemonada Media. Available August 6th, wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Lena Waithe. Legacy Talk is my love letter to black storytellers,

artists who've changed the game and paved the way for so many of us. This season, I'm sitting down with icons like Felicia Rashad, La Red of Divine, Eva DuVernay, and more. We're talking about their journeys, their creative process, and the legacies they're building every single day. Come be a part of the conversation. Season 2 drops July 29th. Listen to Legacy Talk wherever you get your podcast or watch us on YouTube.