Threedom - Threevisiting: John Squibb

Episode Date: July 7, 2026

Threevisiting on the Tues: Lauren, Scott, and Paul talk about pottery and lost dogs and play Jitterbug. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/shop Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lemonado. Yeah. Who was the first person to do a vocal run like that? And did people lose their minds? They're like, hey, the song's over. You shouldn't be doing that. Because singing used to be like this. I've got a flower for you.

Where do you take my arm? Okay, but going even further back, do you think caveman sang? Yeah. You think for sure they did? In three-part harmony. Yeah. Wow. Why do we even think,

Why do we think they grunted? Why do we make, why do we put that gravelly grunt on their voice? We know what they sounded like. One, two, three. Wasn't there that video of the, what King Tut sounded like? Wasn't there a Jesus one too? That video. So funny.

I loved every variation on that. Hi, I'm King Tut. It was so funny. But have you seen that video where they have the caveman skull and they tried to determine what the voice was sound? like. And so they have this like vocal experty dude or whatever that they're saying, okay, now pitch it higher

than the guys go higher. It's more like received pronunciation. British two. What? What? Are you playing a game? God. So he asks them to pitch it higher. The person, the anthropologist was looking at the skull and saying,

it's like somebody who's like a linguist. And knows skulls and how voices would come out. Here's how it would, you know, reverberate throughout the scholar or whatever. And so this guy that's good at, you know, duplicating sounds. I guess he's just like an actor, you know, but he's like very proficient with his voice is following the instructions. And he's just saying one, two, three. And then adding in the adjustments as they're giving it to. And eventually it sounds like, one, two, three.

And that's what cavemen sounded like. That's what all cavemen sounded like. Yeah. Amoff! Hey, look, everyone! One, two, three! There should be some band that samples that as the intro to their song. There should be three bands that sampled that.

Yes, that's right. There should be eight bands that sampled that. There should be nine bands that sampled that. I think all bands should sample it. If nobody samples it by tomorrow, they need to stop being a band. Music has ended. Catastrophe! In an edict issued by Lauren Lapkis, no bands have taken up the challenge.

Hey everyone, welcome to Threatom. My name is Scott. My name is Lauren. My name is Paul. That's right. That's what your names are. Yeah. I was wondering.

It's been so long. What is the longest you've gone not knowing somebody's name that you would see regularly? Oh, still. Oh, decades. Yeah. Very long. There's one person in particular that I think of that I started seeing when I first got into comedy and I know he must have come up to me and introduced himself at one point. And then it's just like it would be.

Very rude to ask anyone what is now. Absolutely. It's so weird when it goes that long and you don't even overhear it from somebody else. I know. It's never said. Yeah. Yeah. I've definitely got a few of those.

Too afraid to ask. Yeah. I'm not one of them, right? Your name is... Wait, don't listen for a second. Okay. Is his name? Now.

Is his name Dallon? Dalen. One, two, three. I'm like pretty sure it's something like that. Okay, you don't know either? No, I've never known. One, two, three. He says something at the start of the show every time.

Yeah, but I don't, I tune out. I know. I think it's Dailen. Dailen, okay. Hey, guys. What do you guys? Nothing, Dailen. What?

What? What did you just call me? What would you say that? Dailin? I, the last time, where was I? I was. on a set and I was saying Paul occasionally acts in shows.

This was not acting. I was appearing as myself. This is on After Midnight. Okay. And I was, I decided. It's called After Midnight now? Yes, called After Midnight. I did not catch that somehow.

It's technically called At After Midnight. That's right. At Ftter Midnight. And I, look, I used to be great with names. I never forgot a name or a face. And then just as time goes on, you just keep meeting people. I used to never forget. either. I used to know everyone's name in their whole deal.

You should meet all the people you're ever going to meet by the age 25. That's interesting. Don't you think? And then you just cycle through them. That should be like a Tuesdays with Mori kind of book. Yes. In one way. You should meet everyone you're ever going to meet by the age of 25. And then it's a book about how to live your life.

So fast. And people would be clamoring to give it as a gift. Then it would go into many printies. Do you want a ghost right this one? Give it to people. Wait, are you an actual ghost? Yeah. Oh no. How did you die, Paul, in between the last episode? Bortem.

Yeah. And we didn't even pick you up off the ground. Because I miss my friends. Oh. Nice, nice baby. So the thing about, there are certain situations where maybe you see the same group of people every month or something. Sure. There are situations like that.

It's like just long enough where it's like I've forgotten everybody's name that I met. Right. and spend a day with them, had a great time. Maybe I never expected to see them again. My brain just deleted those files. Sure, you don't need that kind of thing. I took a pottery class recently for six weeks. Tell us everything.

Congratulations. Thanks. I'm really cultured. Did you make anything? I did. But here's what I did is I was saying everybody's name all day long on the set. Oh, okay. Like Tom Cruise.

Exactly, my old scene partner. But it does work when you say, actually, what they tell you is when you meet someone, you should say their name back to them because that, actually will do a lot to cement in your brain. Yes. If you don't say it out loud, you're really not giving yourself much of a financial. But I think everyone you talk to, you have to assume you're never going to talk to them ever again.

See, I think on a set, everyone should have name tags, and I don't mean that in a... I think so, too. We used to do it on a bajillion, and it was great. Yeah. It was great. Because then you really just know everyone's name. Yeah. And after a while, you didn't need the name tags.

Yeah. Yeah. Pottery class. So Mike, it took a pottery class. Pottery class. Lauren took a pottery class. Get on the head and fell in her ass. Pottering glass.

Made a bowl, made another bowl. Now I got two bowls. That's a good sock. I first took the class. So I'm in a little group called Class Club with two other friends of mine. You're in class club. I don't know that one. And we do a different class every so often we've done a cookie decorating class.

We did a sewing and mending class. Just one offs. Cookie decorating class seems like. you're just going to eat the cookies so why bother it's fun oh it's fun and they're all one-off sewing and mending class yeah i did a shan and mendes class hmm where you put sean and mendez together yeah and then what came out and then he appeared what was like whoa what did you say you put sean and what came out charlie pooth who is that again sure he's a sean mendez type don't you roll your eyes at me it's just i can't explain it everything what a disrespectful child

he's your elder and we also did a pottery class and just a one-off and then we liked it enough that we decided to sign up so it was me so you re-upped well so yeah

so the class one of our class club members wasn't there for the for the pottery class but it was me and Mary Holland and Lauren Ashley Smith By the way for new listeners Mary Holland will never be on freedom yeah she'll never ever

She's mentioned a lot She'll never be on the show Because freedom is the three of us If she came on No one else. It would throw off everything. We would just stop talking. Yeah, maybe Paige Davis eventually.

Paige Davis, did we cut her loose? She wanted to come on. I think that we absolved her of her responsibilities. It was past the sell-by date. And then it was Reggie Smith. She doesn't know that she doesn't want to. That's right, Reggie Smith of the Indiana Pacers. We're waiting to hear from him.

We're waiting to hear from him. Yeah. Yeah. So you re-uped your pottery class and what happened? So, okay. So the class. My class club is Mary Holland, Carrie Barrett, and me. And Carrie couldn't come to pottery, but we had Lauren Ashley Smith come with us.

But then we decided, you know what, let's sign up for six weeks. And Lauren couldn't do it. So then we had Mary and then Carrie and her boyfriend, and then me and my husband, Mike. And we took this class. And it was really fun. It was downtown. And there were different. But kind of the thing of, you know, you're seeing these people every week.

I did learn everyone's name within that. time period, I only know two out of three now. You know, it's like that kind of thing. So there, meaning the people you didn't know in the class, you learned their names. Because is there a lot of interaction? Not really, but it's a lot of like walking by each other and being like, hi. And, you know, some small talk of, I learned a bit about their histories. Some people talk more, though. You know, in a class environment like that, there are some people who are going to just talk to to everyone or the person next to them. Yeah. I was really focused on trying to learn this. skill, which...

How are you as a potter now? I made some things that turned out okay, but I think my feeling was, I don't care. You don't care enough to make them... And I never went on my free time, because you're allowed to go to the studio and, like, practice. And it just was a lot for me to go do that.

I was like, I just didn't really have much time. And then I also just didn't really want to. Because everyone thinks pottery, oh, it's going to be so great. You know, like, I've seen ghost. Oh, wow. Like, someone's going to come up behind me. It is really fun. I'll see a man sucked to hell. There were certain parts I didn't like.

I was sucked to hell once. Oh, my God. This is so good. That's so nasty. There's like so many steps. And so each week you're learning kind of a new step. By the way, now that you're a second mother, are you like now approved? I'll never ever talk about dick sucking again.

In a negative light. No, only positive, baby. There's so many steps to pottery. Yeah, what are the steps? Take us through. Oh, God. One. Got to get some clay.

Put the clay on the wheel. You get the clay. Two. You weigh it. You need it. You need it out, which has a word I can't think of right now. And then to get all the air bubbles out. Yeah, yeah.

That seems like the most annoying stuff. Then you make these like balls that are about the size that you want and they're right weight. And then you- Warren, by the way, is miming cupping. Cpping like Hagrid's balls. What about working on the shot? I don't want to. Wait, so you were a potter like a Harry Potter?

Yes. And then you, wedging, that's when you get all the air out of it. I kind of like that part. And then you like put it on the wheel and you do all this. There's so many steps. So much to it. It's like, can't you just walk into a store and buy this? You could.

But wait. So the first lesson you enjoyed enough to take a second lesson. Oh, yeah. Well, the first lesson is just you make a bowl. Like they kind of like lead you through it pretty quick. Like you don't do all the steps. Right. And they kind of...

Because they want to hook you into that feeling of like, look at the bowl I have. They do touch your hand in a way that makes the thing come to life better. Like it's like, oh, here, just put a little pressure here. Oh, no, it's a bowl. Sounds pervy. Oh, I'm amazed. Yeah, it's really horny. And then I made this cool...

So what I said. Made two bowls in the class. Two bowls. Suddenly I think I'm a bowl master. Two bowls lapis over here. Then I have to make them myself. You know, it's kind of different story. But I did have fun.

There's parts of the end, trimming and things. I don't like. How many bowls did you make after the two bowls that you made with assistance? In class, I think I ended up, I threw a couple in the trash that were honestly just... No, that's wasteful. I was like, I'm the kind of person who will keep this for the rest of my life. Right. So I better throw it in the trash now.

I do not want this. And there are enough that I made that are like usable to put some nuts in or some balls and just different things. Some gonads. Testes. People just drop by your place and put their testicles. particularly is yeah I do think you want it yes wait so the first Mike made an ashtray that was a really good for his friend in a

the first week you make a bowl and they they sort of cut corners so you can get the feel for it that's that's a separate class that's like your one-off class okay so that's a one-off and then you can sign up for this so I would say first week you're starting from scratches if you never took that class because they don't care if you took that class they even say that they don't you're so if I understand you said that the first class they you do end up making a bowl and with their assistance. And then they glaze it for you.

But they skip a bunch of steps. I like glazing. And then sure. Sure, we all like glazing. Yeah. Who doesn't? And then the next lesson, they're like, oh, you think you made a fucking bowl? Guess what?

It's a piece of shit. You don't know how to wedge. You don't know what you're doing. You don't know what anything is. They break you down. Why don't people just take the one-off's classes because you leave there with two good bowls? Because then you don't actually know how to make anything. Who cares?

But what I will say is that by taking you. the class. One thing I learned is I like doing the activity, but I don't like listening. Yeah. Oh. In case you guys haven't picked up on. The freedom story. I really felt like I was at school sometimes and I was like. That's the worst part of school is feeling like you're at school. You know what you're going like, I could be doing anything else. I chose this. Yeah. And I'm wondering why. And I've looked into, I've looked into college classes just for like certain subjects that I, that I go. I have to. And they always tell me to leave. Yeah. I open.

You physically look at the door like, what's going on in here? They're like, get out of here. This is the ladies locker room, though, to be fair. I just do locker. What is this gym class? No, I've looked into community college just to see like, oh, plug it up, plug it up. Could I learn more about history or whatever? But then that's the fear is that I'll just feel like I'm back at school again where it's like, I'm not interested in this.

I think there's two things at play here. One is it's, I think it's very rare to be a captain. teacher of adults, right? Number two, I think it's very hard for adults who don't have to be in school anymore to, to like sit still for this shit where it's like, I don't, this is more steps than I thought it was going to be. I liked when they would set me free to do my thing and then give notes and help me and what, that was all really good.

So then I've said, like, okay, well, I like reading books. Maybe I could buy a book on the subject and I'll learn more about it. And then I can't find the right book. Okay. You're also never going to read that book. No. But I can just die without knowing this stuff. There are some people who love being students.

They love taking classes. Mike is an autodidact. Oh, really? He does love to learn. That's an Abraham Lincoln impersonator? Yes. And he's really good at it with a big, big hat. And he...

Could you... Excuse me for just one moment, Lord. Where did that come from? I don't know. It has no connection. First thought, best thought. I was really racking my brain. It just sounds like it, doesn't it?

He loves to learn and he's always learning something. And it's very cool. and he, but even he was, I think it's admirable. It's great. He was a little bit like, when's pottery going to end? But he was getting good at that. The auto-didact himself? Well, because somebody else was did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He did have a lot of fun when he got to go on by himself and just do it. Do you think that he's good enough at things where like he could just go into a, like a pottery class without any teacher? And by the end of it, he would have a bowl and be like, I don't know how this happened, but I made a bowl. No, it's pottery's not. I wanted to a huge stage. Putter is really specific. It's amazing when you watch the teacher

because they'll just like create something out of nothing. It's like amazing to watch people who are really good at that. But when you're trying to make something, you can fuck it up so easily. It's like you really need someone to explain the basics before you can. I mean, I think before you can start. I also took puttering in high school. We had it at my school.

I did it at a, it was a sort of like program at our local playground. Yeah. That had like an arts program. Me too. Yeah. And all I remember is making ashtrays. I made like a bunch of ashtrays.

I made a money bucks. And it's like no one smokes at our house or anything like that. They smoke in my house. Oh, okay. But isn't it weird to be like a seven-year-old child and then everyone going like, here, make an ashtray. Yeah, yeah. Those are the days.

But those are easy because they're flat. I get a seven-year-old child to make you an alibi when you're cheating on your wife. Whoa. Don't I go too far? No. Not far enough. I got to hear more about this. But yeah.

I don't know. Ashtrays. I had one in my mom doesn't throw away anything either. I just remember it was there for years and years and years. She has like old tissues and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. That's weird. All the garbage. She should, she's got to throw that stuff away. I have all the pottery made in high school, which is horrible. You got to bring it in for us. Yes, really good. Please, we want to see it. And I have every like card and letter up to a certain point. We want to read all of them. Once I got to a certain age, I went, you don't need to keep them off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. It's hard to throw away cards. It feels, yeah, especially when like someone, even if someone writes something really nice, I sit there, I look at it, I ingest it, I take it in, and then I'm like, I have to throw this away now. Otherwise, it will just sit on a desk forever. I'll keep a card for, I still keep many cards, but I try to go, let's whittle this down.

Have you ever had like a box of old stuff and you look through it? And there are things in there and you're like, I don't know what this is or why I've kept it. Yeah. like a ticket that just says ticket on it like an ornamental ticket you're like I don't fucking know no I have like I found a lot of today I probably talked about this college papers that I found I think I told you guys this but that's stuff I was like why am I saving it but then I didn't even throw it out once I found it to go to college again because it's kind of funny to look at it's yeah absolutely that stuff for sure what I did the last place when we moved out of I found a lot of that stuff and I just took took pictures of it all I think I even sent you a picture of something that you sent to me in like 1995 and I I sent it to you. That sounds familiar. Yeah. You should take pictures of them, print the pictures out, like the size of the thing and then like put it in a box. All right, we have to take a break. Man, I love it when friends come over for the first time and they look around at my space and they

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Super fast. How quickly can you say it? I have stuff I want to get into. So just this. I have something I want to get into. No, I actually don't. Did we do a thing where we tried to say something very quickly? Yeah.

See who could say it the past? We timed it. Oh, hit lap. It was the butcher bicker cano stick thinker. Put your picker, candlestick maker. That was slow. That was so slow. But very enunciated.

Put your baker. You need to do another taste test. If Janie gives me a card or a nice note or something, I cannot throw it away. I save everything. I can't do it. It depends on how. It depends on how detailed. It is.

Yeah. If there's a whole page written to like a whole side of the card. I can read all that. I hear you. TLDR. If a friend writes me a thoughtful card, I keep it. if it just says Merry Christmas signed by so-and-so it's in the trash

Oh yeah I would I... But if a friend gives me a tough Even a friend's card I can eventually part with But if Janie I can't throw away anything I have a couple of things that were written to me From people I barely know

That I have kept That I keep looking at going like Should I respond to these? That's the part that's where I'm not supposed to write back To a Christmas card No no it's just like a nice note That someone sent me that I'm kind of like This could be the end of it

Or should I respond? And that's why it's why it's Both of these things are just sitting on my desk. Should I respond is why I have over 1,500 emails in my inbox. See, I think... You should, by the way. Went back some of the earliest ones, 2017. You still had it in your inbox?

I can't look at this. I wonder what the earliest in my inbox is. Oh, my God. It's whenever I got email. It's no... You just are deleting emails? Oh, no, I mean, in my inbox. Inbox, inbox.

Inbox. As unread. But my old box. Would I? Would I? My outbox. What are we called? It's a parallip.

Inbox, inbox. Parallup was a joke my friend's dad told me. Oh, absolutely your friend's dad told me. Yeah. For sure. It was really specific to my experience, but then everyone knew it apparently in this room. So it's not. It's a joke.

It's a joke. Yeah. It made the rounds. It made the rounds. My Gmail is very full, but I delete years at a time. You delete years at a time, right? I'm always afraid someone's going to get a hold of me six years later and be like, hey remember me and then I'm not going to know who they are.

So I always need to refresh my memory of who they are. Do you see them like coming out of a shadowy alley? Yeah, it's usually Batman. Remember me. I used to like to have every email because then I would search. What if Batman said remember me? Let me look you up in my Gmail. You know what it was handy for?

Batman at Batman.com. Oh yeah. I would absolutely pretend not to know who he was. You know what it was really handy for when you had an audition in person in the way it used to be. And then you'd search and go, oh, I did meet this person already. No, that's a lot of what I would like. meeting people. And just reminding yourself that you've met them.

Yes. Yes. Exactly. I, um, yeah, I now just kind of go, let's just let the dice fall where they may. The dice are falling. The bodies at the floor. Let the bodies hit the floor. I thought about setting.

I, I really want to set up my, I thought about some bodies hitting the floor once. Yeah. It was a beautiful. Can I say one more thing about deleting years of emails? Yes. So I also used to say like, like, like, say, hold on. Can I also say, you made it sound like you were keeping up to date with your email.

I am. But by. But you're letting years accumulate. No, no, no, no. I read and responded to every email. And then when they're in my, you know, all-mail section. Oh, yeah. I'll delete years at a time.

I'll go, okay, let's just get rid of 2005 to 2007. Let's just get rid of 2007. I can't do it. Gotcha, got you. I can't do it. There are old, like, romantic email, you know, things that I go. That I've sent you. I had revisited, you know, in a few years after that, whatever.

like look back and make oh what did it be right was like i don't want to see that you you feel like them being in your inbox is like poisoning something i just don't care i just don't care it's not that i'd rather save a physical card but i also throw those out from people like that all right pa what were you going to say i feel like i'm mediating a what was i going to say a couple's therapy oh i want to set up my i've been threatening to do this for years but set up my twitch channel because I do like all the things that you can do on Twitch. And one thing I thought would be fun and motivate me is to do like a maybe a weekly thing where I just stream myself answering all the emails in my inbox or deleting them.

And you're going to read out loud what they are? I will give information that is safe to share. So you'll say this one's coming from someone talking about some money that I owe. Yeah, I'll give the dates for sure. You're like, this is from 2017. I owe this guy $50. I'm not going to reply. Do you guys owe anyone money?

Like, meaning, like, are there people in your life? Like a friend or somebody. Like a friend from, even from like two decades ago or something like that. Oh, probably. Man, I never paid that person back. Probably. I'm sure that's happened. I have guilt about people buying me dinner and then me never buying them dinner.

Really? Sometimes I really don't like that imbalance and I feel really uncomfortable depending on the person. Other times it's fine. But sometimes I don't like that. Hmm. I remember when I feel sort of like I owe them or something or that it was weird that I didn't pay or something.

But they offered to pay. Yeah. Yeah. My old roommate I... Just weird interactions. My old roommate I definitely paid everything. You know what it boils down to? Just weird interactions.

Speaking of a roommate roundup, I definitely paid my last roommate that I ever had. Was it roommate Roundup? Yeah. Didn't we do a room? We're never completing that. There was restaurant roundup. Oh, okay, roommate. What was the roommate one?

We did do roommate recap or something. We were going to do all of our roommates. Yeah, we started. We got like three in or something. We got pretty far, but then I felt. But my last one, my last one I ended up paying everything. So I like, wipe the slate clean. But there are things like when I was up doing theater at a certain theater company.

And they would, they would let you stay with like a nice couple for like a few weeks. Like the phone bill. that I like ran up, you know, calling my girlfriend or whatever like that and then never pay, you know, like skip town before paying and stuff like that. They're a little, little like. You should find them. Have you ever, have you ever lent money to someone knowing I'm never going to see this money again? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A black mamba? Oh. It's poison. Oh, no.

Okay. Guys, I wanted to tell you something else that happened. Oh. I know that I alluded to this on our text chain, but for the listener, they haven't heard. this exciting story. You've heard my stories about finding lost dogs. Yes. I had a great interaction recently where we found a lost dog with someone who was in Hawaii

and the dog was being taken care of. Acting surprised. And we coaxed the dog out. I'm just half listening. And it was very frightened. And it was so good because I'd had previously I'd had two, rather three experiences previously on Dogfinder. I had three experiences.

I had three experiences with finding lost dogs that were, the people were not very generous or gracious. Yeah, yeah. Two of which were down the street. And I've talked about these on preview shows where I've found this scared little dog outside of this person who lives down the street for me's house. And I've knocked on the door and I've said,

is this your dog? And they go, yeah, fine. And then they grab the dog. and I've always been like... They need their dog privileges rescinded. Yes. And I've always been like, okay, twice, to find the same dog twice, it feels like this is now your fault.

Because how many times did you not find it, that it's just... Exactly. That's how I felt. Okay, so during the break in between seasons of freedom, I'm walking down the same street. I'm walking my own dogs. Hollywood Boulevard. I see the...

Street of dreams. I see... Stepping on stars left and right. But don't step on me. There's Chuck Woolab. There's Mimi Van Doren You know

Like these are the stars That I'm stepping on out So anyway So I see the woman That I've returned the dog to twice And she is packing up her giant truck She's got balls And what

What was that Why did you say that End like that Why are you laughing right now? I'm laughing because I shouldn't have said it She's got balls She's got a big truck Just a woman with a big truck

truck she's tough see the truck nuts is that what you're talking about she got truck nuts sure she needs truck crotch truck crocs she needs truck crocs so she's loading up her truck and i see behind her with dogs i see behind her the dog that i've found twice i see this dog looking up at her not on leash and looking up at her quizzically and i'm thinking does she know that dog's there is this a situation where she's let the dog out and he's not we've wondered who did it Yeah, but the Baha men, it turned out were the culprits, but... They let the dogs out?

Them. Them. Baha, man. Do you think the dog was playing a prank on her? That could have been it. Yeah, so I'm just, I'm across the street. I'm trying to ascertain what the situation is. This dog is looking out about her.

She's not giving the dog the time of day. Can you describe the dog? Because I have a picture in my mind of what the dog looks like. He's very tiny. He's brown. He's got like long fur. This is what I was saying. This is what you were thinking of?

Yeah. Why do you think this? You've seen it? No. Okay. I just, he's, he's been visiting me

in my dreams. I never, you know that? Yeah. You saw me. Yeah, I've seen you in the corner,

skulking. Saw me in your dreams? Yeah. Oh. When you describe the dog looking at her, all of a sudden I had a picture of the dog.

I pictured a black and white dog with like ears that were like, huh? Huh? The ears were saying that. Yeah, they were like,

well, so she gets into the truck. The dog is sort of, trying to get her attention goes behind the truck. The woman starts her truck up. Jesus Christ. The dog is directly behind the truck, off leash. I run across the street.

I'm waving my arms with my dogs on my leashes. So the dog are flying all around. Yes, it's chaos. So I'm waving my arms to try to get her to stop before she runs over her dog. She is not even looking in a rearview mirror. Great. starts to go backwards, then a screech like sees me waving my arms.

She gets out, she's like, what? And I say, your dog is directly behind your car. She's like, what's your obsession with my fucking? You're about to run over your dog. She gets out and goes, oh, my God, and comes over and as she's going over to go pick up her dog, this dog then attacks my dogs.

What? And starts to bite my dogs. This is pure chaos. who are on their leash. I'm trying to, I'm like trying to get my dogs away from this dog who is now chasing them and biting them. And she's like, the woman is not going over and pick up her dog because it's like she doesn't want to get in the middle of it or something. So I gently as I can, I'm using my foot, which is my only appendage to like sort of like tap the dog back to back it away from my dogs. She eventually goes and grabs it and is like, oh man, sorry about this.

But ever since we got another dog, this one's acting out. Is the dog in the yard? No, it's a squirrel that had a huge something from a tree. Really? Or pine cone, maybe? We're overlooking a tree here in the studio. Sorry. You can see a tree.

I love a squirrel. It's raining hard. So she's basically saying she got another dog and now this dog is acting out. So she has two dogs that she's treating this. It's really bad. The other day I was thinking about this experience I had, which I'm sure I've told you. But this was like 10 years ago. I was just driving in like on the west side somewhere in some random streets.

But you know where like things start to intersect and it's crazy and busy and like big, big intersection coming up off of some like residential streets. Yeah. Who? I'm just driving along in this little. Oh, I forgot you were a country pumpkin pole. Oh, so there's like trucks and cars and they go on these things. And high buildings. What?

Tall building? Yeah. Taller than one story. High. What word did you say? Sybuli? City life. Sybuli. Cibuli. Cibulei, of course.

Cibuli. And I just see, I'm just driving. I just see this little tiny baby head walking down the street. I could only see the head. Baby of what? Of a person. Of a person? A baby's head? It was like a toddler. I could see just the top of their head from my car. It sounds pretty cute. Just walking down the street towards

huge intersection alone. So I pulled over. And this is not an episode of old enough. No. This child has not been sanctioned to do this task. And I got out of my car and went and helped this baby and walked back. And the mom was on the phone unloading groceries in her driveway and had not noticed. Oh, that's chilling.

No reaction. It was so weird. Like I was like, your baby was just down the street by the corner here. And then she was like, okay. And she's like grabbing groceries. I was like, that's. Drop the groceries. It stuck with me forever

Because I was like But you get it now Yeah Sometimes it's just water off Yeah If I hadn't gotten out of the car I'm like what would have happened Like it was just so scary

What if you had said Not my problem Right Can you imagine Like Spider Man If it's like babies day out Like he's just Just babies just narrowly missing

Construction beams And yeah It could have been funny Can I say That fucking baby's day out Great great movie It's a rip off Mr. Magoo And they won't admit

It is They won't it Oh my God They don't Oh my God, they don't admit it. Yeah. I have to say, I want to address this. We will have talked about this already on another podcast, but on my other podcast, the

neighborhood listen. People send in, we read posts from next door and we use them as improv. You guys have both been on the show. And sometimes we, you know, we encourage people send them in if they have an interesting one. And somebody sent one in that unfortunately turned out to be. a good chunk of a sketch from I think you should leave. So someone sent in a fake next door.

They did not realize it was fake. Oh, and they didn't realize it was the premise of a sketch. Exactly. So you guys did improv based on what ended up being the premise of a sketch from I think you should leave. Yes. What was it? It was. The 55 hamburgers?

No, it was not. But that figures into this tale. Oh. It was they're planning a baby shower and what should we bring for the baby shower. and Tim Robinson is like, what about like, you know, a bunch of fedoras? What about, you know,

I got a thousand little plastic meatballs. So what's the next door of it all? Like they're like, my neighbor was talking about this. Somebody posted in like, because there's a for sale, for sale in three sections. For sale.

For sale. If you got something for sale? So somebody said, I'm selling a thousand plastic meatballs. It looked like little pieces of shit or whatever. And we were like reading this post like, this is too good to be true and it turns out it was. It was too good to be true.

But then people were saying like how could they not know? Like they quote, I think you should leave all the time. It's like we quote one sketch. I don't remember every. Oh my God, he admitted it and 55 emperors. I don't remember everything. Maybe I remember a sloppy steaks sketch.

I forgot about that. So you just said it. I don't remember that one with the meatballs. I remember the meatballs. I watched it again and I didn't remember it. It was brand new to me. They go really fast. The episodes are like 15 minutes.

and you're like, you're not going to memorize. You just kind of have like one part that sticks out. Here's what I find interesting, though, is like, I think it would be interesting to watch a sketch show where a premise is given to two different teams. Yeah. And you see how they both write the sketch. And it would be wildly different and it would be,

they'd be two totally different sketches with the same premise. I think it would be really interesting. Which is kind of what happened here because the guest was Drew Vude Singh and then he had to, he didn't catch it either. And then he had to come up with a reason why. this guy had these things and was trying to sell them and the wording of it and everything. Yeah. And that would be a fun live show.

Yeah, it would. It would be a fun live show. Nobody steal this. Wait, wait, you get the premise live and you have to write the sketch in front of everyone? Like, yeah,

like I feel like, no, no, no, including lunch order? No, like there's other things that happen during the show, but like people get sent off to do that task and then they come back and

and perform it. Yeah. Yeah. Or they come back from the previous week. And then you have the previous week perform. So then why is it live? Yeah, everyone lives in this place, right? Right.

So they know each other. Or it's like, okay, it's improv and... Okay, okay. We're like... No, but improv is kind of similar where you could like... Well, like, one team leaves the room and you give the team the same opening line or whatever. And then and then and then... And then...

And everybody could do it, everybody have fun doing it. Yeah. And people would pay to get in and we'd all be rich. And we're going to make... Oh, my. So much little money. So much money. So much little money.

It's going to be flowing out of my coins. That sounds like an I think you should leave. So I made so much little money. Guys, I got to go back to the dog thing and just ask, ask, two questions. Yeah. One. Me meeting you. Does, yeah.

One who. Me questioning you. One who. Two, where? What? Does anyone, I don't want to be a narque, but does anyone need to get involved in this, in this woman's dog situation? I don't really know what the deal is with that kind of thing. That seems like she...

Doesn't sound good. It sounds like she lives like really carelessly. A careless life. Okay, here's my other question. I was sort of after all this where even the dog is biting my dogs, I'm kind of like, if I ever see this dog again, what do I do? Do I save this? If it's the exact same thing happens, you got to ice him.

You got to ice him. No, but if the exact same thing happens and I see this dog is about to be run over, I'm probably going to have to go save the dog again. But it just feels like it can't happen four times. I don't like I respect. It sounds like it could. I really respect the saving of dogs on the street. And I have many friends who are passionate about this.

Also, I'm not special. There was this dog in my neighborhood. It was like just a puppy. And it was in this just in this yard, front yard with a fence. And like I could tell these people didn't care about this dog. That always makes me sad. All it had to eat was a ball. And I was like, I'm going to save it.

Yeah. It was a Rice Krispy ball. Wait, that's stealing. Hmm? She stole a dog. I mean, I took it out of the yard and now it's mine. Did you give it a ball? Yeah, what is it eating now?

Well, food. Okay, what shape is this food? What? Mashed potatoes? Yeah. Is it spherical? Yeah, balls of mashed potatoes. You can't only get those mashed potatoes.

Why don't they call them ice cream slash mashed potato scoop? Do you get that I didn't? I'm being dumb. Yes. I didn't think. I always get it. Of course we got it. But I was going to say you're now the worst one.

But he said Rice Krispy ball, which was not the premise. Yeah. Wait. The purpose was the dog was playing with a ball. Yes. And I was dumb enough to think that was its food. Yes. I liked it.

I enjoyed. Thank you. I thought it was very clear. I was trying to build on it. There was no confusion. He gave me a little confusion. I know. I'm trying to protect him.

Don't protect him. Protect him. Protect me, Lauren. You're both being protected by what I'm saying. He got it. He did a good job. He got it. You did a good job.

He did a good job. We all did a good job and I'm proud of us. Yes. And we can do it. And we can do it. All right, we have to take a break. And we're back. Oh, boy, are we?

And man, is it time for a three-cher? It surely is. There has hardly ever been a time that's been more time for a threacher. As sure as the earth spins round and round, it is time for a threacher. Is the earth spinning around and round? I think it stopped actually. Did it stop one day? I think the Earth stopped.

When? I think like in the 60s. Oh, when we went to the moon. Oh, fuck, that's right. Oh, we pointed the space laser at it and it stopped. Oh, I didn't hear that part. Yeah. What?

Oh, yeah, yeah. We pointed the space laser at the moon and then that made the Earth stop. No, from the moon. That's where we kept the space laser. And then, bz. Guys, can we see a threacher? Sure. Well, it's time for it.

I love to when the Earth spins around. Wink, wink, wink. Jitter, but. Yes, this is Lawrence for Quest. This was originally submitted by Yoni Gordon. Yoni Gordon. Yoni Gord. All right.

So you're all familiar with the song by Wham, UK, called Jitterbug. No, it's not called Jitterbug. It's called Wake Me Up Before You Go Go. Yes. Wake me up before you go, go. But it inexplicably starts with people snapping their fingers and saying jitterbug. Man, I tell you, the first time I heard it, I was confused, and then I was like, I don't know, it just makes sense. The first time I heard, I said this is inexplicable. The second time I heard, I thought this is explicable.

Yep, and you explict it. I did. And you know what? It makes the sun shine brighter than Doris Day. That's right. So our world is better for the fact that this song exists. Agreed. That's so sweet.

You know, agreed. We like to play a little game called Jitterbag. If only the tyrant Napoleon could have heard this song. Have to say words that fill the song. syllable count of the word jitterbug in the time allotted. We're going around in a circle. We're going around, I would say clockwise, although Paul, as discussed on this show, you don't quite know what that is.

He doesn't understand. No, when we're sitting in this configuration, I do not know what clockwise is. Yes. Meaning to your, it'll travel to your left. That's, I don't get how you don't know. Like, imagine Scott's. Oh, you don't? Imagine Scott's midnight and you're three.

I'm after midnight. Okay. Watch me on CBS. Yes, 1230s. Okay. Does that do anything for you? No. What are you, dear?

Three? Yeah, I'm supposed to be three. It's 12.3.9. Okay. What don't you get? I get it. No, you don't liar. Fuck you.

Hold on, hold on. Paul gets it. And you get that he gets it. Yep. Okay. I understand. I respect. I like that we're doing this now.

This is good. We need the third person in an argument. We need to de-escalate the situation. We have to fill up 20 more minutes, Lauren, so you rushing us to play jitterbug is not going to make it go any faster. It's possible. It's possible. It's possible for a plain country pumpkin and a prince to join in marriage. Oh, what is that from?

Cinderella starring Brandy. Oh, Brandy! She's a fine girl. Is that the Rogers and Hammerstein version? I don't know. well why don't you why don't you go home look it up and come back hold a second hold a second no Lauren doesn't know and you understand that she doesn't know it's not her fault okay yeah you're right good this is good this is good this is the way we can keep the show going

otherwise this might be the last episode we come back for two episodes and then we're like I've never seen any of those those televised um thingies that where they do the Disney things my ex-girlfriend was Cinderella in this version I believe My ex-girlfriend was Cinderella. That's what I'm talking about, Brandy. She's a fine girl. So it's not the Rogers and Hammerstein version. However, I do want to Google that.

I do believe it is the Rogers and Hammerstein version. But she was not Cinderella. Who was she? Brandy was Cinderella. What are you talking about? Are you pretending that your ex-girlfriend was Brandy because Scott? I'm saying my ex-girlfriend was Cinderella in a stage version of the Rogers and Hammerstein fucking Cinderella. Now who's going to mediate me?

Cinderella, Brandy, 1997. Why, is that long ago shit? Doesn't say a word about Rogers and Hammerstein. Okay. Let me do a better research. Oh, it does say it on the poster. Oh, does it? Right above the name.

Right above the name of what? Cinderella. Cinderella is, yeah. Rogers and Hammerstein Cinderella. Yep. Yeah. So it is that. And Whitney was in that?

Was she the fairy godmother? Whitney's the fairy godmother. I got Whoopo, we got Wuppie Goldberg, we got Bernadette Peters, we got Brandy, we got Jason Alexander. Who is the original one? Because I think it was written for TV. Was it your girlfriend? Shut up. I just don't know, okay?

I don't have all the answers. I'm going to look it up. Okay, Rogers and Hammerstein Cinderella. The first version of it, it was written for television, then adapted to the stage. It was originally broadcast on March 31st, 1957 as a vehicle for Julie Andrews, who played the title. Of course, Julie Andrews.

Why wouldn't you have her in it? You know how many people watched it when it was broadcast? 27 billion million, trillion billion billion. Very close. 100 million people. That's so many. Can you imagine that many people watching anything now? Jesus.

It was subsequently remade in 65 and 97. The 65 version was Leslie and Warren. Oh, nice. And then the 1997 version, of course, Brandy Norwood. Leslie and Warren was in Clue. Clue? I think she ran for Senate. Ms. Scarlett?

Did she really? No, I don't know. It's just names sounds like something. Elizabeth Warren. Yeah, that's why. And then there was also Leslie Ann Down. That's right. She ran for Sarah.

I don't remember what she did or what she was all about. She was an actress, right? I hope so. It's a good life. It is a good life. If you can make a go of it, it's a fine life. Even just doing like random little under fives. Oh, yeah.

Even random. Oh, you mean my career? Yeah, you've had a good life. I had a good life. Paul, you are so self-deprecating, but you have such a great career and you have so much more fun to be had. That's beautiful. I have had a great career. I've had a lot of fun.

I guess it's like, but there's always the worry of like, oh, it's over. No, in fact, I am going to make a prediction. I think you're going to get on a show and it'll be the first actor ever to win an Oscar for a TV show. Wow. Oh. That started out fun. And then I realized this guy's crazy.

Oh, you think I'm crazy. Fuck you. You're crazy. No, I think you'll be on a show at some point. It'll be a popular show. That happens all the time. I think I'll be an old man and be on a show. That's good.

I think so. I'm fine with that. To be a sassy grandpa. And it'll be like a June Squibb situation or something like that. Oh, I'd love to be a male June Squibb. John Squibb. And you'll be, yeah, John Squibb and he has Squibbs. He's shot every episode.

I should change my name. Yeah. To John Squib. I think it's a good stage name I think it's been so long since I've had an audition that the turnover has got to be that it's all new people Yeah So I could be a new guy

Yeah You're just John Squib now John Squibb I'm John Squibb's X Yes I have spent a lot of time Treading the boards That's why we probably haven't met before I'm always treading the boards Just back and forth

They're by the way Speaking of a John Phil in the Blank I was reading a nice children's book Okay That is a segue way you could really apply to anything. Yeah, why not? Reading a nice children's book called Good Night

Gorilla. I don't know if you have... Holly loves it. Great book. Yeah. Beautiful illustrations. I looked up the author who's Peggy Rathman, I believe. She's married to John Wick. What? Isn't that crazy? That is crazy.

I look up a lot of authors when I'm reading these books because I'm like, okay, let me guess if they're British or not. That's one of the ones I like to play. You can tell from the photo. But a lot of times they aren't, but they'll have mum. or something. And I'm like, why is it mom? Canada.

They do mom and Canada? Yeah, and Massachusetts. Is that so? Why in Massachusetts? I don't know. Interesting. That's how Mitch says it. Yeah.

And is that when you're saying mom or you know how they say mom for ma'am as well? They say it mom. They say mom. Yes, mom. Mom. Mommy. Now, is that just, are they saying mom or are they saying ma'am but pronouncing it? They're saying ma'am, pronouncing it.

And when that guy says mother about his wife, he means to say mom. That guy, you mean Mike Pence? Yeah. Oh, my God. I honestly couldn't remember his name and I was happy. Yeah. Honestly, if we could memory wipe ourselves the last eight years, it would be so much fun. And then we could do this show over again.

All the stories would be new. Wait. Oh, no. What we're talking about? Well, we were talking about jitterbug. Mommy, Gitterbug. Massachusetts. Massachusetts.

Okay, well, we're talking about Jitterbug. We were about to play it. Originally submitted by Yoni Gordon, and then we've talked about the song, how it goes Jitterbug. We're going to go in a circle clockwise, and we're going to go. I know what that means. We're going to start with jitterbug and then we're going to go clockwise

and we're going to have to say things and phrases that fill up the jitterbug. The meter. The meter. And it has to work. It has to work. It has to work. It has to work. But it can work. And we can do this.

We can do this, but it has to work. And it can. And it can. No, I swear. It can. No, I swear. But it's not a guarantee. Come on.

We can do it. That's a guarantee. Let's do it. It has to work. That's up in the air. It has to work. Okay, here we go. What do we say?

Jitterbug first or we snap first. Snap first. Okay. Jitterbug. Jidabug. Who goes first, by the one? I will. Jitterbug.

Here we go. Pretty pick. Rose and Krantz. Gildenstern. Got to. Got to. The Hamlet Boys. Parking lot.

Meter made. Traffic cop. Orange juice. Milky squirt. Diner food. Coffee cup. Coffee mug. Hot tea mug

Hershey bar Chalkin stick Hershey squirt Lauren's laughing so much I don't think she can continue Keep going, keep going keep going

Hershey squirt to me Yes Diet squirt Butterball Fancy hat Turkey leg Gravy boat Candy DMs

Tatermash Frenchie fries Large fries You're out. I'm out. You're out. It's good. Diet squirt after Hershey squirt.

Really was. Like a diet squirt. It's so weird that that's a soda that exists. It is. Diet squirt. Squirt. And diet squirt. Yeah.

I have to have a diet squirt. For the squirt lovers out there. Honestly, anything that exists, it's kind of weird that it does. Squirt. You know I'm high. Don't do this. Okay. I'm sorry.

Paula's always high during the show. I'm always high and I don't want to have a bad trip. I've never had a bad trip. And I tend to keep it that way. You're high 24 hours a day. 24 hours a day. So you're always on a good trip? I always.

I love being high. I love being high. Well, guys, that's going to wrap it up for us. If you want to submit a threacher to us and we pray that you do. Oh, my gosh. If you were ever to submit a three-cher, we would be so happy. Now I lay me down to sleep. Pray this Lord my soul to keep.

Oh, nice little burp. Is that a preggie burp? Sorry. Pragy burp. Babadip. Babadook. Oh, Babadook's a good one. The Babadook.

I should have said that. What is the Babaduke when you saw him? You were like, ah! And he was like jitterbug. I'd love him. That would still be really scary. By the way, not to be that guy, but it is pronounced Babadook. Babadook.

It is? Because it's supposed to run with book. Yeah. That was very confusing the first time I thought. Absolutely. Yeah. It's like, what? This is a book.

Because you want to say. Oh, the Babad Duke. Babadook. Babadook. Babadook over here. Babadook over here. Oh, Babadook. It's supposed to rhyme with book. Yeah, because in the book, in the actual book, it rhymes with the book.

Yes. Bobababook. Bababook. Bababook. Bada book. Bada bada bada bach. Bada bada bach. Bada bada duc.

Excuse me. Mr. Papa duke. I hear. I'm sorry to come to you. Have you the one with the babadook? He came over me to say, he said jennibook. but if you want to submit a three-cher, here's how you do it.

Write to Freedom USA at gmail.com. Oh, two, one, three, four. Oh, two, one, three-four, what's that? That's from Zoom. Well, commercial. What was that? Boston Mass. Right to Zoom.

Oh, the show is. Yeah. We're going to Zoom, Zoom, Zoom, Zoom. Zoom. We're going to Zoom is, zoom, Zoom. Not to be that guy I've ever pronounced Zum. Oh, no, not again. And also if you want to call us, occasionally we'll take phone calls on the show.

Yeah. Not live. You leave us a voicemail. Yeah, leave us a voicemail. We have to verify that the message is okay. Leave your social security number. Leave your first pet's name, the street you grew up on, your mother's maiden name. Which becomes your slut name.

Your slut name is your mother's maiden name and your last four digits of your social security. My slut name is my first name and my last name. Wow. I'm a slut. He's a slut. I praise you. If you want to leave as a voicemail, what is that number, Paul? Hague claims eight.

It's so easy to remember because there are a lot of hags in this world. And they all want to, what do they want to do? They want to claim things. And how many of these things do they want to claim? As many as possible, eight is a good number. Eight is usually enough. I like that we've never tried to just say the numbers. No, because we don't remember them.

What if they were literally like 4, 4, 4, 4, 5, 55, 5, 5. That would be great. But unfortunately, it's hag claims eight. I'll leave those people alone at 4, 4, 4, 4, 5, 55, 5. Shout out to all the hags out there. I love you. And all the things you're trying to claim, you'll get them. All your warty noses and whatever potions you're making.

So call Hague Claims 8 extension, oops, I'm late, and leave us a message and maybe we'll hear them on this show. Who knows? Maybe. Maybe you'll waste your time. It could happen. Yeah. I would imagine there are hundreds of measurements.

messages. Yeah, but I've never logged in. Because we hardly ever do it. I was going to say stranger things have happened and then I realized stranger things did happen. That's right. When I say I've never logged in, someone has and has been listening to them. If you can imagine it, it's been done. Yeah. That's right. There are, there's a parallel universe out there where everything exists. Multiple parallel universes where literally anything that could ever possibly happen in that anyone has ever thought up. That's out crowded. That's like what it is here. By the way, we haven't in the new season, we haven't said hello to our piss pigs. I just want to say hello to the piss pigs.

Oh, any piss pigs that have found us here, we're so happy. We're so happy that you are. If you are a new listener, again, we've said this before. We have to say it every time. We did not pick this. No. This was the listeners of the show voted to call themselves this. Yes.

The name for our fandom is piss pigs. and I don't know why they did it. They had, we weren't even aware of the election necessarily. It was, it was a poll that we weren't consulted on. No. We came to it very, very late. And just at the last minute, we're sort of like, should we really be called this?

And by then it was too late. We were getting so many emails. Why aren't you calling us piss pigs? Please do it. People were saying, and then I saw people were upset because they couldn't find the voting. It was closed. It was closed by then. And we had no opportunity to.

don't bring it to us. We didn't make the poll. Somebody out there made the poll. But we are bound by its results. I mean, if that's what they, because we love our listeners. I'm not going to be called. We love our calls. We love our goals.

Exactly. So, piss pigs it is. They love it. I always say like fans. It's like people don't identify that way. They're more than that. Yeah. Yeah.

You're our piss pigs. Yeah. So we love all of you. And we will see you on the next episode of Threatom, which is approximately one week away. Yeah. It's been. It will be. Jitabai.

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That's QI-N-C-E.com slash freedom for free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash freedom.