Threedom - Threevisiting: Kind of a Mess Down There
Episode Date: October 9, 2025Threevisiting on the Tues: Lauren, Paul and Scott talk about nighttime routines, how they like their coffee, and play Conversation: The Game. Send Threetures and emails to threedomusa@gmail.com.Leave ...us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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It's morning in New York.
Oh, God.
Hey, everybody. I'm Mandy Patinkin.
And I'm Catherine Grady.
And we have a new podcast.
It's called Don't Listen to Us.
Many of you've asked for our advice.
Tell me, what is wrong with you people?
Don't listen to us.
Our Take It or Leave It Advice show is out every Wednesday,
premiering October 15th, a Lemonada Media Original.
Freedom!
Bye, everybody.
What?
No, it's called Freedom!
Yeah, okay, I'm going to stay.
Yeah, we have to, wait, I have to go right now.
No, stay.
It's called Freedom!
I got a check for this show, and it said threesome.
No.
From CBV World.
For me?
Oh, dear.
With an E at the end?
Yeah.
Wow, dang.
But maybe it was for our threesome.
Oh, that's right.
I was paying you for our three-sum.
Oh, I haven't been paid for that yet.
Oh, okay, it's coming.
I'll throw the money on the bed for you.
The ultimate indignity.
Oh, I left some money for you on the dresser.
Clean yourself up.
Ew.
Clean yourself up.
Hey, I'll clean myself up.
I don't need to be told how to clean my life.
You can clean yourself up.
Nice.
When I worked at Cafe Cordial, this is.
This is Restaurant Roundup.
Oh, my God.
Wait, another story from that time?
There was a...
I would have thought it.
They were exhausted.
I bet we've heard it before.
Okay, okay, fair.
I can tell you no, because I just thought of it.
And I'm thought of it in years.
Well, we've been doing the podcast for years.
That's true.
I was 20...
I must have been 25, 26 when I worked there.
It was a very good year.
I worked at Cafe Courtaudia.
This is Restaurant Roundup.
It's a story you haven't heard.
There was a waitress.
there, maybe sometimes bartender.
There was a waitress.
Sometimes bartender.
And I considered her to be older, but like.
Wiser.
Well, like, I considered her to be a little, like, too old to be.
To fuck.
She was old.
A little too old.
To fuck.
I mean, okay, she was probably 35.
Ew, dried up old raisin.
But she was like 10 years old.
with me and side note there was this article that was like Hillary Duff still looks amazing
yeah yeah yeah yeah there was everyone else online so I felt good about it but at the time
I was 25 and I was like oh she's she's she's like she's like she felt like an 80s like a like a hot
girl from high school in the 80s and you're a 90s bitch yeah of course I love it um but
can you have a poster for on your wall that means so weird hey do you mind
posing for a photograph for me.
You just look like an 80s, like, you know, hot lady.
But she had like bleach blonde hair.
Whoa.
She seemed a little out of date.
Does that make sense?
Yes, it does.
Yes.
But did she have dockers?
Knockers.
Did she wear dockers?
On her knockers?
Dockers on her knockers.
If dockers, if you're listening, you are leaving money on the table.
Dockers, why are you not making bras?
Dockers for your knockers.
I want thick, khaki bras now.
With pleats.
Thick khaki bras.
Oh, my God.
So, Docker's get in touch with us because we got a million dollars.
I will model for you.
You will only make one million dollars.
By the way, you have to pay us $900,000.
Yeah.
Please.
Please pay us.
So it's a 10 brand.
Okay.
So she was nice and everything.
But I've told you about how on the weekends they would have bands play.
They would have the Beatles cover bands.
Yeah.
Um, which every time they would, I can't remember, the Edels, because it was a restaurant.
The four lads or something like that.
I think it was something like that.
But it was, it was like, it was like, they should have called the cockroaches.
Every single time they started.
For a comedy bang, bang, bang, when we, uh, we did our, a parody of a very obscure
60s beach, uh, film with Frankie Avalon.
That's honestly who I pictured in it.
Because I know this from full house.
Right.
And at Funantel?
Because he was in it, right?
I think it had Funnel is in?
Beach Blanket Bingo?
No, it was even more scary, yeah.
But.
Beach Blanket Domino's?
Did they shoot that on a real beach or did they shoot it on a fake beach?
They shot it on a real beach.
But they had a Beatles parody character that Frankie Avalon played called the...
Sorry, I just got a loud environment warning for my...
Oh, no.
Loud environments?
How loud could it be that you need a warning?
I don't know.
They want you to go lay down?
Your environment is too loud.
Hey, Grandpa, you can't handle this.
But it was called the...
Are your friends screaming?
It was called the dirt bug?
It was like a parody of the Beatles.
They were making fun of the Beatles and they called it the dirt bug or something.
In the movie.
In the movie, yeah.
So we did a parody of it and we called me The Beetle.
Great.
Parity meaning you got on stage or you made a video.
No, this is in the television show, the comedy favorite.
Oh, oh, oh, I thought you meant at Cafe Cordial.
No, so at Cafe Cordial, we would have.
have bands who played there every weekend.
And she would,
she wanted to do this.
But it was also like,
people at the bar going,
come on, do this, do this. This was her idea.
She wanted to do that.
There were all these like older gentlemen who like hung out of the bar.
And I think she was,
40.
Yeah.
Probably.
Dude, so weird.
So weird.
These senior citizens would come in.
That's how I felt when I started improv because I was like 19 and everyone was like 28.
And I was like,
Jesus Christ.
What are they doing with their lives?
If I ever get that, it'll kill me.
But so they would always go like, come on, do it, do it.
And so she would give a CD to, I guess, the band or no, no, she would put it on the house speakers.
And it was a karaoke track.
Oh, no, it was just the Joe Cocker song you can leave your hat on.
And she would do the nine and a half weeks kind of strip dance with a fedora.
Would she remove clothing or no?
I think she sort of would go down.
She would like unbutton the shirt and go down.
It was just like, it was very weird in a work environment for that to be happening.
It's almost as weird as Paul's teacher kissing a student in a play.
I've never heard that, sir.
I may have told you this before.
When I worked on Kelsey Grammar Resents the Sketch Show.
You dropped the pee.
It was.
Number of my.
We, there was one of the people from the production.
I forget what job she had.
She was, she was like,
she was not like a PA.
She was more,
she was,
she had a higher status job than that.
Right.
But she was like,
essentially like a clerical person on the show.
Yeah.
And she was like a sweet,
like extremely sweet,
um,
quiet,
but very funny.
Like one of those types of people,
um,
very reserved.
But when you really listen to her,
it's like,
she's fucking hilarious.
She should be in this sketch.
But she was very,
she was very like,
I did suggest that a couple times
But let me stay here in London
and have a good time
Why would it be in London?
It's a long story.
It's why did it happen at all?
It makes it so much more annoying
that you have to be like away from everything.
But it was her birthday.
This was towards the end of production
was her birthday
and we were, you know,
the studio that we shot at had a canteen
and you would go eat lunch there and everything.
It was great.
It was a lot of different productions and stuff
who was.
It was a small,
studio, so maybe a couple other things, but mostly, I think at the time, we were the only
thing that was shooting there. Oh, wow. But they still kept the canteen open. Yeah, well, there's a lot
of people, you know, and so it was also like the, the people, like the, the people ran the studio
and stuff like that were, would eat there. And it was, I really liked that aspect of it.
Was it like the canteen in Star Wars? Yeah, there were aliens. The devil was there.
Was it a hive of scum and I hated? It was a hive of, definitely a hive of scum and villainy.
yeah um and so they hire so at lunchtime for her birthday they hired a male stripper oh
nice and this guy it started out it was kind of funny she has to sit there on a chair
and everything and was a stripper and then it just got so fucking raunchy and it was uncomfortable
for everyone it was like please stop it was like the equivalent of watching somebody
beat the shit out of somebody
like long after they've stopped moving.
Yeah.
It was just like,
this is too much.
A few times.
I mean,
you know,
my brother was in jail for a while.
He was a white supremacist
and I've seen him Kermestop people and then,
but then he renounced those ways.
Oh, he did.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was happy.
I remember being happy.
Oh, you remember that.
I remember being happy
that he wasn't a white supremacist
that were.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
I was surprised with a stripper the other night.
Really?
On stage.
On stage.
On stage.
Okay.
Okay.
Wait, what?
It was, so it was like a bit, but it was, um, I did my friend show Sloppy Seconds,
which is like a podcast hosted by Big Dipper and Meatball.
It's very fun.
Um, and they have on a lot of, uh, drag queens and other types of performers.
And, um, I was the guest, but it was supposed to be me and Nicole Byer.
And we were supposed to play like a newlywed game where it was like, we're, because we host a podcast together and Big Dipper and Meatball host the podcast together.
So it was going to be like, well, who knows their host better?
But then Nicole got COVID
And so she wasn't there
So I teamed up with Big Dipper
Who I went to high school and middle school with
And was my prom date
I don't think I knew that
Yeah
I knew that you were friends
But I don't think I knew that you went back that far
Yeah
Prom date
I was I went to his prom
My junior year and his senior year
And there's a hilarious picture
That I can find
That was just so funny
Because we both look so sweet
And so young and naive
Yeah
I'm like a white dress
It's the 50s
hilarious um and he just like ditched me the whole time and was like dancing with and partying
with everyone and i the best picture from the night is me at the like dinner table at the prom
with my arm around his suit jacket on his chair nobody's sitting um but um so we played but then
at the end of the show they had this plan to surprise Nicole with the stripper
which makes sense and i think she would know exactly how to react of course right yes so they
They had booked this stripper already.
And it was a friend and he was really nice and he was great.
But instead, it was, they were like, okay, we'll surprise Lauren.
And I was, I really, I didn't see, understand that it was happening to me for like a long time.
I was just like, yay.
And then like, then he made me get up and dance with them and stuff.
And it was very, it was fun.
But it was just like, I'm like, Nicole would have been the perfect person.
Yes, of course.
Because she would be like, you know, saying all that.
Were you guys deeking?
Deaking?
Yeah.
What does that mean?
Isn't that, what was it called?
What are you in your school dances when they outlawed it?
Juking.
Juking.
Oh, yeah.
Juking.
I like, though.
I like deeking, though.
There should be a thing else.
Deaking sounds like a penis is coming out.
I'm deeking.
My little thing is deeking at you.
Yeah, we would grind.
Yeah, we would grind.
Yes, absolutely.
I've heard too many stories about women hiring strippers for parties for fun.
and then it being just bad after five minutes.
Like it's fun for five.
And then them just being like,
holy shit,
we have another half hour.
I think it's better to go to the location
where the strippers perform.
Right.
Because then you can dip in and out.
Yeah, exactly.
How much you're involved, you know.
Like chipendales.
I've also heard about they all as they're getting paid
like want someone's number
so they can come back and party.
Like I'm around all weekend.
Like maybe I could get your number.
I could come back and party with you guys.
I will say the guy who did the dance on the show that I was on.
He was like, oh my God, I'm sorry.
I hope that was okay.
He was like so nice.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
He doesn't really, like, do that.
It was like kind of just a bit.
Oh, really?
Yeah, he does like burlesque, I guess.
Oh, okay.
He was great.
It was just very funny because I was like,
and you're leaving Mike and.
Yeah, well, I'm in love with him and we're having an affair.
That's a sweet story.
Yeah, it actually started so cute.
Yeah.
I had a dream last night.
Oh, yeah.
that Mike worked at this super fancy hotel.
Uh-huh.
And it was doing what?
It was me.
I sort of like, I guess like the sort of apprentice concierge.
There was like an older man who was that Mike loved but was also like scared to disappoint or whatever.
And me and him and Gabris were hanging out.
Oh my God.
And I remember one time we were going to use the pool.
Like they had this gigantic hotel pool.
and getting in the pool
You're like one time
So this is like a whole
Like you were there for weeks
It was a long dream
We went to a lot of different places
But I remember that's great
The pool thing was just before I woke up
Like I wanted to swim in the pool
And there were all these fucking people
Like in the way
And I was like I have to swim under these people
So I can get across to the other side of the pool
Yeah that's right under the people
That sounds intense
This is like a white lotus kind of thing
Had you just finished watching white lotus?
No but I was doing that
I just finished doing that.
Oh, white lotus bam, lamb.
Oh, white lotus bam lamb.
I woke, I had a dream.
Like, I woke up so...
Horny.
Yeah.
No, but it was like so...
It just seen this stripper before.
It was so real.
It was just one of those dreams
where it was like it felt like I had been
experiencing it for hours.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It involved a lot of celebrities.
Really? Like who?
Will Arnett, Amy Kohler.
Chelsea Handler
I interacted with
and Jason Bateman
Whoa
I don't know why
I guess I was looking at
Two of the smartless people
I do know why
Because I was looking at a smartless post
Right before I went to bed
So that's why they were there
Chelsea Henry
Probably on my Instagram as well
It's also Instagram influenced
But it was a very real feeling
So they are influencers
But just in dreams
Yeah
Yeah it's working
Wow
That's scary to think about
Spooky spooky spooky
But yeah dreams that feel real
Are so amazing aren't they?
Aren't they so amazing
Yeah
Are dreams why
I love to live in dreams.
Yeah.
Live there?
Only there.
Yeah.
You want to be dead throughout the day?
Yep.
In dreams I walk with you.
That's true.
I last night, I put...
The lotion in the basket?
Because you don't want to get the host.
Of course.
It does get the hose sometimes.
When it doesn't put the lotion on its skin.
Yeah.
Then it puts the lotion in the basket.
Yeah.
I put the dog.
Hey, wait a minute.
Just leave the lotion down there.
Yeah.
Let me keep the lotion.
And I just, and when I run out, I'll tell you.
But if you, yes, if you want me to, oh, Buffalo Bill, I have some notes.
That movie is really scary.
It's great.
Yeah.
It's great.
But I put the, I put the dogs in their crate where they sleep during the night.
Where they get the lotion in.
Who put the dogs in?
You, you, you, you.
Who put the dogs in?
And every once in a while.
Oh, like the song.
Yo, I didn't even think of that.
I was just talking.
Wait.
Yeah.
Have the dogs slept in the car.
Had a dog?
Had a dog such a great just before, Emmy?
Yes, they've always, they always have, yes.
Because Rocky, our previous dog, used to sleep with us for a little while.
And it was a constant me waking up all throughout the night because he would get too hot.
So he'd come out from under the covers.
Then he would go back in and in and out.
Sometimes Franie makes me take her out in the middle of the night.
And I'm like, do you not understand what I'm dealing with here?
I need to sleep.
So eventually we moved Rocky to his own bed.
Okay.
But now we have a-
stay in a bed. And he would stay in the bed.
Yeah. There's a bedroom with posters and stuff. Yeah.
The posters is a fair faucet. Fair a dog sit.
Oh, my God. Wait. There's somebody sort of
notorious. Notorious.
Notorious. Is it Duran Duran?
Who had a room. I'll think about this. For the dog.
Think on it. Had a full room.
And it was like a miniature room. Oh, that's not bad.
Well, that you take to scale. Think about it. Take a long step back to listen.
I'm almost positive. It is a manager.
Oh.
Oh.
Yeah.
Well, I put the dogs into their crate and they have a lot of blankets.
And by the way, Molly will get very scared in the middle of the night if she's not in the same crate as Georgia.
She gets scared in wines because she wakes up and doesn't know what's going on.
And it's like, where is everyone?
But if you put her in the same crate as Georgia, they sleep pretty much through the night.
Occasionally, one of them will whine or Georgia will grab.
like you're in my space and we have to go like and in the middle of the night if it continues
it wakes us up and we have to go shh and they usually stop but so like i i put them in cool up
turned out the light i put on the sound machine and i just heard this growling from georgia and it
happened for a while i was just like shh and then i turned towards cool up and realized it was
her snoring so loud it sounded like she was out within 10 seconds and snoring super loud
Dang.
Yeah.
She usually is like up till 12 or 1230 or something.
Yeah.
She just,
it was 10 p.m.
And she was snoring immediately.
So much that I thought it was a dog growling.
Yeah.
I fall asleep pretty fast.
I don't know if it's a 10 second situation.
But I fall asleep.
I fall asleep really fast.
Like I will be thinking like I hear Mike doing something like, okay, I'm falling asleep.
He's probably going to come in here soon.
And then like I just don't ever remember anything that happens after that.
It's like I fall asleep instantly.
Janie falls asleep pretty quick.
I love to read myself to sleep.
It is like...
Like you'll actually fall asleep holding the book?
Not always.
Yeah.
That's happened occasionally, but usually I'll be like, I realize like, hey, your eyes
have been closed for like 15 seconds, so you should just put this book down.
But Jane will fall asleep reading.
And we both read on Kindles, so sometimes I'll think that she's still reading because
the light is still coming out and she's just out cold.
That's funny.
But it's a kind of thing.
It's one of those sort of pleasures you have that you can.
kind of forget about it until you're doing it.
Yeah.
And I get into bed and I'm like, I'm going to read my book.
I love it so much.
It's so much better than being on the phone.
No matter.
Oh, absolutely.
I'm reading a great book.
Are you reading something you enjoy right now?
Yes, I am.
What are you reading?
I'm reading.
I've finished Les's Lost, which I love.
Oh, I have to read that.
And then I, there are a couple more of those.
I think I told you, I read those Slough House books.
Slough House.
Sloughhouse.
There's an Apple TV series that's based on this series.
of spy novels and I started watching the show.
Is it Swedish or something?
No, no, no.
It's English.
He watches Swedish television.
Yeah, right?
I do sometimes.
I watch, I mean, Danish, you know, I like, I go over all over the world.
Yeah.
But this is a series of spy novels about a place in MI5.
There's like a branch that you go to if you fuck up as a spy and they like shuffle you
off to this place and they just give you meaningless tasks until you're,
retire.
Wow.
And so,
but it's like a great book.
But the book is just,
I put a paperclip in a cup.
But guess what?
Interesting things end up happening.
What?
No.
It's Luff House.
But I started,
but I started watching the show and then like 10 minutes in and Gary Oldman
plays the main character.
It's great casting.
And 10 minutes in,
I was like,
I think I want to read this book.
He's an old man.
Yeah.
And so then I never do this,
but I told.
through all of them.
I read them all in a row.
I just really enjoyed them.
They're like, they're very,
they're very, like,
fun to read.
They're very absorbing.
Great stories.
And so,
um,
I started what,
so there's also a series of,
I got all cut up.
I read all of them.
But there's some novellas
that he wrote also in that world.
And so I'm currently reading
the last two of those that are,
yeah.
That's cool.
Yeah.
I was at my parents' house
trapped at my parents' house
for like a week.
You were trapped in your parents' house.
house?
This is 10 years or so ago.
You can even sing that right.
And they...
And the midget fangs.
Or go further.
That's fine.
They have library.
That's the worst thing he's ever done.
They have books they check out from the library all the time.
So like I was trapped there.
So I just started reading one of their books.
It was a mystery novel and it was like obviously not written very well.
But I was like, oh, let me check out.
And it was a popular series I read of like, oh, these are popular.
I read it.
And I was just like, I had nothing else.
to do and there was one black character and I could not believe this is like a modern book
because everything that the black character said they took out like the INGs they just had
I in apostrophe and that was bad enough and and she was always saying things like show enough
instead of sure enough and stuff like that and I was just like I can't believe this is a popular
book current book and this is a book series and then at one point towards the end
The murderer came out and the black character said,
Feats don't fail me now.
No.
It was crazy.
This is insane.
It was insanity.
I wish I could remember what it was.
But it and it was popular.
Wow.
It gave me such an insight into like middle America of just like what is still acceptable.
But was this like a 21st century book?
Yes.
And was it like Richard North Patterson or somebody like that?
It wasn't someone that big.
It was like a semi-popular.
It was like a woman wrote these like charming mystery.
history novels, and it was a series, and it was just like,
dang.
It was crazy.
I was listening to your podcast, the Scott hasn't seen.
You're welcome.
And that line in the bodyguard, I don't, I saw that movie, I guess, a million years ago.
I've never seen it.
Where he talks about, Kevin Costner says, you know, he always gets killed, the mouthy black
chauffeur or whatever.
It's very weird.
So weird.
Very uncomfortable.
Very strange.
Anyway, speaking of uncomfortable, I'm reading a good book.
We're going to continue doing the show.
Yeah, but we have to take a break.
Can I tell you what I'm reading?
No, we have to take a break.
Cliffhanger, we have to take a break.
When we return, we'll find out what book Lauren is reading that she likes on the
Freedom episode that continues next.
Nice.
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Previously on Freedom.
I'm reading a book that I really like.
I'm going to tell you.
God, I'm sorry.
Lauren, what, but how is your jamba juice, by the way?
It's good.
I haven't had one in such a long time.
You know?
There's one in the airport.
I've been kind of letting myself get a little jamba from time to time.
It's pretty fun.
Yeah, it tastes pretty good.
So the book that I'm reading is called Such a Fun Age.
How to Get a Jamba Juice.
Yeah.
It's right here, actually.
To get a job of juice.
It's called Such a Fun Age by Kylie Reed.
It was the winner of the, or the, it was long list for the 2020 poker prize.
It's really good.
I'm really enjoying it.
Everyone was posting about it like a couple years ago.
You even brought it here.
That's how much you're enjoying it.
Well, I brought it in case I had a chance to read when I was out a little early.
During the show.
Yeah.
I don't blame you.
But I'm really liking it.
I highly recommend fun.
All right.
Yeah.
All right.
It's about this woman who, there's like a rich woman who has,
two kids and she has a babysitter
and so you kind of are,
you're witnessing the babysitter's experience
in her life
and that woman's experience in her life
and then there's a connecting thread
that fucks up their whole
existence and I only,
I'm not far enough to even know where it's going
I'm getting right to the really juicy part
and so I got to just wait.
So it is about Jamba.
It is, yeah, it's about strawberry whirl.
Any boosts?
No boosts
No booths
You get one free boost
But I haven't done boosts since old days
I actually feel like boosts are a placebo
Yeah
I think that's safe to say
I'm reading
War and Peace
Mike actually read that during the pandemic
Of course he did
Speaking of Mike
He did his second
Season of his web series
Yes
And Paul was in it, and so was I.
I was.
And I heard your part was so funny, and I cannot wait to see it.
It was really fun.
Can I say what it was?
No, don't say, yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
But I did hear, like, he walked me through what your whole thing was, and I was dying.
It's so funny.
I can't wait.
Yes.
And I saw a picture of you also in it.
And I'm wearing a beautiful wig.
You're wearing a beautiful wig.
Yeah.
Which is stunning.
And I.
Which is stunning.
I really like how I feel in it.
I get that.
In that wig.
In that wig.
Yeah.
Why don't you wear that wig all the time?
Because it's not attractive, but it's funny.
Yeah.
And it just feels great.
And my character was like an idiot, so it just felt great to have that wig.
It is fun when you get to do a character thing where you have a wig or, you know,
some kind of weird makeup or facial hair.
And it just totally makes you look different.
Oh my God.
Well, that's like why I feel like actors who win Oscars for like,
roles where they're in like a ton of prosthetics
I'm like yeah
Brendan Fraser in the whale
he's maybe about to
that's what everybody's saying
I haven't seen that has it come out
I haven't seen it don't know if it came out
Scott just got a screener I'd like to
watch that I hear
I'm hearing mixed
perspectives on that
right but
some say he's too fat
I'm hearing mixed nuts
what is this box you have here
conversation
We played this game once before.
Oh, okay.
It's for later.
It looked like a little caviar snack.
Oh, I thought that was your headphones box.
No, dear.
Do you think these headphones would fit in that box?
He's an idiot, don't you know?
To be honest, I have not looked above your chin until now.
My eyes are up here.
Actually, if you're staring at his chin, this is great because you go pick him out of a lineup.
This is a great tip.
If you were being attacked.
Oh, okay.
Just look at the chin?
Stare at their chin.
You will not, the face throughout the whole attack.
As much as you can, really process what their chin looks like.
And really relax and enjoy yourself.
Because that's supposedly an easier way to pick someone out of a lineup.
Because when people all look similar that they've gathered.
The chin is the distinguishing feature.
Also, if you have to do like really fast pirouettes, you won't get dizzy.
Yeah.
Focus on the chin.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did you ever take ballet, Scott?
I did.
Wow.
What do you mean?
I didn't expect him to say yes.
Why did you do that?
I went to theater school.
That's not ballet.
First position, third position, fifth position.
I didn't know everybody would have to, it was required.
Yeah, and I didn't like it all that much.
I took it as a child and I...
I don't want to stand on my tippy toes?
Put my whole weight on my dumb toes?
No.
A lot of my physical therapy for disaster.
A lot of my physical therapy for my foot recently has been like very...
From your ballet.
Very kind of almost ballet stuff of like, you know, okay, now get...
into like sort of first position here and do this kind of walk and all like how's your foot
coming along by the way uh it's all right i still have nerve damage yeah same do you think it'll
ever be the same no that's the thing when you when you fuck up your body at our age it's done
it's done you're you're it's over you know that was that was all back ankle you had yep i'm done
i'm over no it's that my doctor says like yeah everything should go away in time so but uh that's
Very bleak.
The nerve damage.
Everything should go away.
You know, I've been rubbing on it is a little CBD.
Yeah, man.
It's 420 for my ankle.
Smokin down to throw.
Smoky and eat and dope.
Oh, soaking old gin and juice laid back with my mind on my money, I'm my money on my mind.
Stephanie Allen's mom has opened a store in, in Palm Springs.
and she's selling all sorts of amazing little wares.
And one of the things that she is selling,
which she created, is this amazing box.
And Stephanie gave me one, and I'm so excited about it.
It's basically a charcutory board, but it's CBD Gummies.
So you get that, it's like a plate with a knife,
and then these beautiful CBD gummies,
and you cut them up.
It's not T.HC, it's CBD, so it doesn't get you stone.
It just makes you feel relaxed.
But so I'm saying you can put it out at a party.
Right.
And it's like just really cute and clever and interesting, and I love it.
Wow.
You can't forget.
You can't control what's put on it after you own it.
Okay?
But the idea is the CBD gummies and I love it.
I think it's such a fun idea.
Isn't that cute?
It is cute.
And she's an artist and she designed the box.
It's all painted and pretty.
I want to get more into that.
You know what you mean?
Like because, well, like, gummies and stuff.
I love box.
Well, you know, like when I see a cat getting in a box, I'm like, oh, that looks so good.
Is he in there or is he not in there?
Call him Mr. Schrodinger.
College boy.
He knows a thing or two about stuff.
Um, but like every, every time I do, like we, we have gummies in the house that we indulge in occasionally.
Janie more than me and then every once in a while, uh, every once in a while I'll have one.
And there it is. There it is. Well, we've been waiting for this.
And you know what? I enjoy it. Sometimes it doesn't work at all. Oh, gummies mess me up.
But when I, when one works, it's like, this is fun. Oh, it's really, like I enjoy this.
Yeah. It's great. And it's like, I, for a.
But I don't think of it as a relaxation thing.
It's not a go to.
He doesn't come to mind.
Like you're more like glass of wine style.
Yeah, it's usually on the weekends I'll have one.
Three bottles of wine.
You know,
the weekends I'll have a bottle of wine a night.
Yeah.
And then nothing throughout the week.
Yeah, I love that.
But I do, I do forget that, oh, yeah, it's legal.
I could just do that.
And it would be, you know, the next day I'm not going to be hung over, you know, watch a weird movie, have fun.
I had a doctor's appointment this week.
Awesome.
Yeah, it was great.
I got a physical, you know.
Oh, okay.
Which actually I haven't done in a very long time.
I feel like...
Let's get into physical.
As a woman, I feel like you go to the doctor a lot, but it's not a physical.
It's like your obesity.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
And that kind of feels like it covers all the bases.
But I, then I don't, yeah.
So I'm like, now I'm like planning to do that.
And they asked me if I, or you don't have to fill out the form with what you drink and if you do drink.
And then it's like I put down marijuana, which is a funny thing because you can't write me.
And then they're like, okay.
And then she's just like this young, it was like a nurse talking to me, but she was like asking me about my weed usage.
And it's like, it's just very funny because it's the same as drinking.
This is not like revelatory.
It's just like it feels like you're writing something illegal.
Like I'm like, oops, I did smoke a little weed.
Sorry.
Judgments.
I'm just trying to be honest with you.
Yeah.
Well, the weird, the thing they, they will really judge.
you for smoking.
Yeah.
Like I found that doctors don't really care about the drinking, they don't, as long as you
just go for the drinking, like, you know, like twice a week.
Yeah.
Just lie and just say twice a week.
But they really judge you for the.
I had a wedding.
Maybe I'll have a drink.
Well, smoking cigarettes.
Yeah.
Smoking cigarettes.
They'll be like, yeah, uh, yeah.
Stop right away.
I had a doctor once when I said how much coffee I drank.
I said I drink three cups of coffee in the morning.
you went, oh, whoa, hey, yeah, you maybe want to cut back on that.
That's a, I mean, although I guess if you go to Starbucks.
So you're being judgmental like the doctor.
Well, it seems like a little bit much.
Well, he seemed, he seemed like alarmed.
And I was like, is that bad?
I didn't think that coffee was that bad.
Well, what is is it?
I don't know.
I drink, now I drink two cups.
I guess it's the coffee.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Yeah, probably.
Do you drink multiple cups of coffee?
I have one cup of coffee in the morning.
That's it.
And I used to, when we lived by.
coffee bean, we would always walk
Rocky. Excuse me. And tea leaves. I'm so sorry
Tee Lee. God. We would walk the dog. It was an excuse
every day to walk the dog. His yo-yo tricks, of course.
Walk the dog, yeah, my yo-yo tricks. I'd walk the dog in front of
coffee beans. I'd make you go to sleep. I would do it for all the
customers. No tips needed and I don't want to
it. But it was always an excuse to get like a big
like coffee drink and
yeah. Well, that seems
It's kind of fun.
If you live right by a nice coffee shop.
Yeah, it was a five-minute walk or whatever.
And sometimes that's why people buy places is they're like, oh, it's just a five-minute walk to a coffee place or whatever.
But first of all, my financial person was like, you know, I see you're spending a lot of money at coffee bean and tea leaves.
Maybe you could cut that down.
This is like you've been having too much avocado toast, you millennial?
Sort of.
It's kind of a weird one to pick on because you just feel like, well, I'm sure you were spending more money in other areas.
Sure.
Did you say to your accountant, can I please have one goddamn pleasure in my life?
Can I get a fucking coffee in the morning for however much it is?
But when you really think about it, it's like, between Kulap and I, it's like $12 a day or whatever, right?
So she's like, maybe you could drink coffee at home.
And then the other part of it is like you're putting 600 calories or whatever every morning at one of those things.
And I talked to another friend who was like, yeah, I was gaining a lot of weight.
And then my friend said, well, you get one of these every single day.
Yeah, yeah.
And so we then just got a coffee maker and now have like I put splenely.
in it and a little bit of fat-free cream.
And it's like...
I drink my coffee black,
which makes it that I don't really enjoy
having coffee out.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I don't...
Like, we found our nice coffees that we like
that we make at home.
And Starbucks black is terrible.
Right.
But the blonde black maybe is better?
Maybe, but still not great.
I'm sorry, Paul.
I'm sorry for saying that.
You got to go to a nice independent store.
Yeah.
They make it and they love it.
A lot of times it's too much.
You know what I mean?
But I also don't like coffee after a certain.
I like coffee in the morning and that's it.
So like if I'm on a set or something like that and say we're going to do a coffee run,
it's like I'd rather drink like a Coke or something for caffeine.
I sometimes feel jealous because I think it seems so fun to have your coffee routine and have like, like when, yeah, when a coffee truck comes to set and I was like, oh my God.
And just sitting at a Starbucks and stuff like, I mean, when we were on tour, I would like every morning, I would.
kind of get up early and just go find the nearest coffee place and get something or whatever.
But it's always fun.
You'd go to what?
To Mass.
Oh, every day on tour?
Yeah, every day on tour I went to Mass.
I would find the nearest Catholic church.
I had no idea.
Do you confess about what you said the night before on stage?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because it's like to entertain people, I say these sinful things.
And then I would have to confess it and know that I was going to do it again.
And, you know, the priest would.
But you need money.
So it's like.
That's what the priest said.
Yeah.
The priest would invariably say, what else are going to do?
Hmm. Hey, speaking of doctors, I told you I got a colonoscopy recently. I told you I got a colonoscopy recently.
I still haven't done it. I got to do it. I know. Now they say 45 and over. Dang. Wow. Have you never done it? I've never done it. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I got to do it. I got to do the color guard. I did the color guard first. I did color guard first. I did color guard first, which is. They make you drink and die and it goes out your bow.
That's the Chris Parnell box. Yeah. Basically, you're going to love this. I am. You're going to love this. You're going to love.
this, Lauren. You of all people, you're going to love this. Okay, I can't wait. You take a shit and
put it in a box and mail it to them. I've done that before. Put it in a box and mail it. And the
results were holler. But you could not pay me to be receiving that mail. Here's what I would. If I were
them, I would always send an angry reaction first. Like, why did you do this? And then like,
immediately like, just kidding. Of course, we know this is. We wanted you. We asked you to do this.
So wait, you did that first. So you literally sent your shit in a box.
Yeah.
So, but that...
What kind of box is it?
Yeah.
So then it came...
What kind of box is it?
It's a cube about this big...
And it's cardboard?
You don't just send it...
Do you have to fill it?
Yeah.
So it's with you for like a month.
Ugh, with you.
Keep going.
Almost there.
But the results came back that there was like foreign matter in there.
Which, which means...
Pennies.
No, cancer, essentially.
Oh, never mind.
So you ate a.
I thought a paper clip fell in.
Yeah, I was going to say you ate a screw.
You ate a screw.
So I was like, I got.
You know the people eat an average of four screws a year?
It's just, when they crawl in your mouth at night.
Yeah.
But wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
You, they call it foreign matter?
Well, that's the thing.
They don't know what it is, but they say we found foreign matter in there.
So I don't like, I looked it up.
I was like, holy shit, do I have cancer?
I looked it up and I was like.
they say just basically these,
it's very easy to get a false positive, essentially.
So you need to do a colonoscopy.
So my doctor called and I was,
and he goes, hey, so your results came back.
He goes, I would not worry at all because there's so many false positives.
You need to get a colonoscopy, obviously,
but because when this positive comes back,
you have to get one,
but just don't even like stress about it at all.
Like, don't put it out of your mind.
Because that could lead to cancer.
Yeah.
So I went and got the colonoscopy and, you know, they give you all the drinks and all,
and you're supposed to fast.
But question.
You could have skipped the shit in the box step because you technically at your age have to do that anyway, right?
No, no, no.
If you get the, if you do the color guard thing and you pass it, you don't have to have the colonoscopy.
Oh, so it is worth a shit in the box.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So there's no such thing as a false negative in the color guard?
I don't think so.
I don't think so.
I don't think something in your actual intestinal tract that is not seen on poop.
I don't know.
Like if there's a little guy in there who's like,
I live here.
You got to get me out.
I'm like trapped in the way.
I'm like a product of you.
I'm not a doctor, by the way.
So I, I, I, people should not.
Sometimes I have to remind you guys that.
I always call you Dr. Alckerman.
Yeah.
I heard on freedom that I didn't have to get a colonoscopy.
Class action suits.
Don't listen to anything we said.
Speaking of a little guy inside a big organ.
I'm sorry.
So I did the, I did everything by the rules.
Like I'm a rules guy
Because you were not at 1600 Pennsylvania
No of course
The rules remain the same
You drank the juice Shelby
I drank the juice I did
I fasted everything that I'm supposed to do
I never seen the movie
But I got that reference
I recently watched it never seen it
Cleanced everything out
Did everything by the book
I was like okay good
This was good
So you could keep your badge and your gun
And then yes
And then also I had the
I had the surgery like
The colonoscopy
semi late in the day
It was like at 9.30, and they were like, you sure you don't want to do this at like five in the morning so you can eat all the way up to?
I was like, so I hadn't eaten for like, you know, 18 hours or something at the point where I got it.
And, you know, they put you to sleep.
During that period, what are you allowed?
Water and that's it?
Are you allowed water?
I do not know.
They have to let you drink water.
Not in the morning, definitely.
I think maybe no water 12 hours before it or something like that.
Jesus.
I can't remember.
but but so I went there I did everything right but you can eat like cheese yeah I mean like a little bit of
yeah anything that starts like as long as you're just snacking yeah okay so I go there and I get it and they put
me under and I go get I go get the thing and I wake up and I'm kind of loopy and I send Adam's got a
weird text and I had a camera in my ass and I thought of you
I haven't told him this yet
That this weird
Like about five hours later he responded
I was like uh no
Never mind sorry
But why didn't you tell him?
I meant to on the last show we did
I'm gonna tell him on the next one
Oh you with the reveal yeah but um but
And so the doctor comes and he goes
Hey everything looks good
And then he goes
Did you do all the stuff we wanted you to do?
I'm like what do you mean?
He goes did you fast?
Did you do all the thing?
Because he goes this kind of
I'm kind of a mess down there.
Wow.
I go, yeah.
I'm going to vomit.
Dang.
I go, yeah.
And, you know, this is your job.
You clean it up.
It's like, you know,
rude.
I take my car to the mechanic and, like,
I'm not cleaning up the oil spills.
Like, I'm not apologizing them.
The story is sick.
What I'm envisioning is sick.
What he had to experience is sick.
And this can't be the first time this has ever happened in a cold
us.
catch you in a lie.
But he wants to shame me or something.
You didn't really do it, did you?
Yeah.
You didn't really drink the stuff.
I did everything.
All right, we have to take a break.
Well, are you fine?
So Lauren can't.
Oh, yeah.
How are you?
No, he mentioned, he said everything looks good.
We'll be right back.
Well, hi, everybody.
It's Julia Louis Dreyfus from the Wiser than Me podcast.
And I'm not going to talk about food waste this time.
I'm going to talk about.
food resources. All that uneaten food rotting in the landfill, it could be enriching our soil or
feeding our chickens because it's still food. And the easiest and frankly way coolest way
to put all its nutrients to work is with the mill food recycler. It looks like an art house
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a garbage can. I mean, it's true. I'm pretty obsessed with this thing. I even invested in this
thing. But I'm not alone. Any mill owner just might corner you at a party and rhapsodize about how it's
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kind of live with Mill to understand all the love. That's why they offer a risk-free trial.
Go to mill.com slash wiser for an exclusive offer. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey guys,
come here for a second. Huddler. Oh, sure. What's going on? Okay, October 10th. Yeah, you mean
World Mental Health Day? I was about to say that. Well, this year for World Mental Health Day, I just
wanted to thank all of the therapists out there.
Well, I want to thank my therapist.
She's thebom.com.
I want to thank the two therapists that I've had over the years.
Okay.
Great.
Is it like half a thank you to each or a full thank you to both of them?
It's a thank you and a half.
My therapist.
One gets a full thank you and one gets a half.
My therapist celebrates my wins.
She asks me questions to challenge myself and she creates a safe space for me
to explore who I am.
I want out of life, and I can even cry with her, which is true.
Wow, you can't do that with either of us.
Nope, you are unfeeling rocks.
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And we're back.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Guess what?
It's three-cher time.
Hey,
you know what though?
Do you have any voicemails?
Oh,
I'd love to hear one.
You don't even know we have a phone number, do you?
Ha-ha-ha-la-in-pooh.
You've been more of a mocking number.
Ha-ha-ha-la-in-boo.
All right, we do have a three-tree here.
While Matt is looking,
a producer is looking.
We have a game that was sent to us,
a physical game that was sent to us
by Zantor the magician.
We played it once before.
Oh, we did.
And it's a game called
Conversation, the game.
About the game.
Just follow the one rule on your card
and have the most ridiculous conversation
you've ever experienced.
Oh, that's fun.
With cards like Only Asked Questions,
initiate another player,
imitate another player,
speak in an appropriate volume.
It's easy to see why everyone's been talking about this game.
So basically one.
get one card, right?
Yes.
And we do a scene.
This is a fun idea.
Everybody gets a prompt,
and then you have to figure out
what the other person's a prompt is.
I think this is fun for Christmas.
I think this is fun for Christmas.
When you're around with the whole fam.
Who gives I fuck about Christmas?
Who gives I fuck about Christmas?
All right.
All right.
So we're passing out the cards right now.
What?
Wait, wait.
That doesn't make any sense.
Okay, wait.
Take it back.
I mean it doesn't make any sense.
My card just had friends.
What does that mean?
I don't know.
That is weird.
Yeah.
Yeah, that doesn't make any sense.
Okay.
I've got mine.
I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to do it.
Right.
Part of the fun.
Yep.
And then we have to guess what the thing was.
Yeah.
Yes, you have to guess what the other people's things are.
All right.
Okay.
Hey, man.
Hey.
What's it going on?
what's it going on how's it hanging what's it going on it's hanging pretty great i have great news
really so you know how i wanted to start my own tower records yes it's opening up next week
whoa that sounds groovy yeah yeah remember when you had that concert that you played at where
you were like i you said you could play guitar but then you actually couldn't yeah it sucked because
the fuzz came and broke it up but darn it i missed that yeah well how was it because you were in jail
it was it was pretty groovy you were
Let's not bring up the dang jail.
But you were in jail.
It was, and I mean, did you ever tell him why you were in jail?
Yeah.
Why did they throw, why, why, why those pigs throw you in jail?
Well, shoot.
I was being naughty with the law and doing things that the law considered naughty.
Ah.
And so they were like, guess what?
You jerk.
Man.
You're going to jail.
And I went there.
Wow.
Wow.
You didn't even smoke any reefer or anything like that?
I did not do anything like messed up.
That's a lie.
What do you mean that's a lie?
You climbed into the giraffe area at the zoo.
The draft area?
The giraffe area.
You said that you could ride one.
You pulled one's tail until it got on its knees.
You climbed on its back.
You held onto the neck and you swung around it.
Over and over and over again.
What the fudge?
That is absolutely not true.
It's absolutely true.
Scott, I'm sorry.
I...
He missed your concert because he was doing something so absolutely absurd.
This is blowing my mind, man.
This is, this is tripping me out.
She's a dang liar.
This is trippy.
I'm not a liar.
I just, I just am saying something you don't want to hear.
Whoa.
This is not how friends behave.
Can't we all just,
like you know join hands and you know kind of like you know the last time you did that wasn't that
a really fun time um you got everyone to join hands across america yeah it kind of turned into a big
thing yeah i was like you know i was like hey man this is just like really putting us into a peaceful
mindset you know what i mean so it was it was really cool to join hands with everybody it was just really
it was really grove crumbs i'm sorry i miss that yeah do you guys feel ready to guess
I feel sort of ready.
You're like...
You can't swear.
Yes.
Or fake swears.
Fake swears.
Yes.
You are hippie.
You're using hippie slang.
Yeah.
And you are telling everyone's secrets?
You're accusing people of things.
Bring up stories about players can be fictional.
Okay.
Can be fictional.
Vincent Can be.
All right.
All right.
Great.
Pretty good.
Yeah, let's give it another shot.
Give it another shot.
are we supposed to disguise what we're doing
so that no one can guess
okay
some of these are different colors
maybe are the ones that are different colors
maybe are the one
oh so this one
category is something
color yeah
there must be some sort of
it doesn't mention that
on the fucking thing
well thanks Zoltar
it's Zantar he doesn't grant wishes
Zoltar
all right we're passing out of
cards. We're all looking at them.
Number one guy.
Got it.
Did Zoltar ever give out any other wish or was it just because little Tom Hanks was such a good boy?
He wasn't plugged in.
It was, you know, it was a dream.
But did he give wishes to everyone who like came over or was it just like, hey?
No, everybody else saw the plug and they were like, I guess it doesn't work.
Yeah.
You know, it's so, I tried to show big to my nephews this summer and they didn't really care at all.
Wow.
Isn't that weird when something's such.
a classic and a modern generation
is just like for whatever reason
they're just tuning out and just going like this doesn't
I know it's like just the wrong time of day
they just don't want to sit down but I'm like
I wish I could just force them to
watch every movie that I want them to watch
yeah well you can
it should be mandatory
also they need to do the big sequel
with Elizabeth Perkins
and Colin Hanks as the grown-up version
of Tomah's and just
see, like, how weird it is.
They reconnect. Yes, they reconnect.
And they, and...
They run at each other somewhere in Manhattan.
Oh, my God. I would love...
It's actually a brilliant idea.
Yes, right? And it's like, oh, yeah, we did fuck.
Because it's not like...
And then maybe she makes a wish of some kind.
You know what I mean? To get younger in his age.
Yes. And then he gets convicted of statutory rape.
No, and she wants to be...
She just wants to be his age, like 40.
Right.
And then it happens, then he's like, I liked you for...
who you were. And he's like, I like 20 year olds.
Yeah. Like, could you
make another wish? Just one more.
All right. Ready? All right. Oh, sorry.
Oh, you didn't look at your card.
I forgot it. Jaws. All right, here we go.
All right, company meeting time.
What? This is the time for the company meeting.
Oh, the time for company meeting is among us.
We are going to, let's just like sit around and everybody
say things that you know you're experiencing here working at jamba and um you know things that you feel
could be improved things that you're loving of course we we like to you know we love to like hear
things that you're loving as much as things that you are you know wanting to change well i would like
to say um you know it's it's such a pleasure to be here among all of you and to be selling these juices
to people that really need them i don't think
the boosts are doing anything. Is that fair to say? That's one perspective. So, um,
hey, Darren. Darren. Yes. Did you hear what Bamba said? Bamba? Um, Bamba. Um,
he was, I mean, he was, he was, he was talking about Jamba Jews. Of course, yeah. I think
anyone could have said, could have guessed that. Um, was I correct? You are.
So I did a good job
Sure
All right
Look I guess I'll just call out the elephant in the room
Darren you don't pay attention to shit that's going on
Your you're thinking your life is more important than ours
It's absolute bullshit
What just among us I agree with you about Darren
What
Darren?
What do you can you hear us?
Yeah
I'm paying attention.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
It sounds like you're lying.
Why?
Because like you literally say, like what?
After everything that, um,
what?
Maybe you should get your hearing check because when you're among people,
you're supposed to be truthful.
Because right now you're saying a bunch of bullshit.
Bomba.
Okay, don't use his name against him.
That is his given name.
Thank you.
Among my people,
it's a fantastic name like Jody.
So it's a little bit uncommon yet known and and light.
Precisely.
Okay.
You categorized it perfectly.
So I want to just draw everyone's attention to the board.
Darren?
Yeah.
What?
Okay.
I'm actually going to quit.
What?
I don't want to.
you won't be among us anymore i don't care about working here so why do you say amo zomba zomba what are you talking about quit zamba i'm samba jamba and i don't want to work here anymore well i'm bombajamba and i need you among us and you're darren jones i'm the only one is not a legacy hire you change your name from darren bowie yeah
That should have stayed among us.
Darren Bowie.
Yeah.
All right.
Do we feel ready?
I mean, I don't know either of you guys.
You overuse the word among.
Not just among, but I...
What else you mispronounce it?
I have to say amung.
Use the word amoon once per turn.
Really?
Yeah, it's like the easiest one to fucking guess.
I only noticed it once.
And you aren't listening.
I'm distracted.
Okay.
That's why you.
You didn't hear him.
Yeah.
And.
Disraggin, but then you went into pure aggression when you were.
What was my?
If you come at me.
I have no idea what yours is.
Yeah.
You're calling a meeting?
You're a woman?
Use filler words like, uh, um, et cetera.
You just sounded like yourself.
I did not.
I added them all the time.
I didn't say them.
I added them all the time.
All right.
One more.
Okay.
Let's do another one.
Another one.
Another one.
Another one.
Huh. Interesting. Okay.
Well, Scott got an interesting one. That's good.
I think, oh.
I think I didn't. Oh, I need to look down where the cards are past it.
Hey, everybody. I want to say thank you so much. I really appreciate you all being here.
I'm so sorry I wasn't earlier.
No, I'm just grateful for your presence. This really means a lot to me.
That doesn't mean a lot to me, too.
Oh, I'm so glad.
I appreciate that because you only turn 40 once.
Do you?
And I guess you do.
Yeah.
And thank God.
And I'm actually, I'm so sorry.
I thought you were already 40.
I know I said that last week.
And I, you don't look a day over 39.
Thank you.
I appreciate that because it makes me feel like I'm, I'm mature, you know, that I give you
You feel different?
And I also appreciate you saying that I look a little bit younger than I am.
Do you feel different at all?
Yeah, you know, I'm really, I'm really just reflecting on life and really I'm so appreciative of all the people in my life, of all the wonderful places I get to go, of all the beautiful smiles that I see.
What about your friends?
Do they share these feelings?
God, I hope so.
I think they do.
I'm so sorry.
And that makes me so zoning out for a second.
That was so rude of me.
I'm really, really, I apologize.
Don't you wish you were paying attention?
I actually do because I really don't know what you were talking about.
That's okay.
I, you know, I just am glad that you're here.
I'm sorry I didn't say that first.
I'm glad you're here.
Thank you.
I should have said it.
Oh, my God.
It didn't cross my mom.
I don't have anything to apologize for.
Well.
No, you don't.
And I appreciate that.
I'm so sorry to bring it up, but you did do that one bad thing.
What did I do?
I'm so glad you mentioned that.
I'm so sorry.
You pooped in the sink.
I didn't.
Okay.
Don't say that.
No, I'm really sorry.
I said it.
I just feel like it's true.
Don't ever spread that rumor about me because I did not do that.
Where do you think it came from?
Just wondering.
Don't you think there are other people that you could implicate with this?
Can I say I feel.
There was foreign matter and it seemed like it was yours.
I feel so privileged to be with people who can be this open.
and I can't believe how lucky I am.
I don't feel that way after hearing what she just said.
No, oh my God, I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable at all.
You didn't?
No, I really didn't.
I'm so, and I'm really sorry if I did.
Don't come at me with these fake apologies.
It means the world to me that you are standing up for yourself.
I really, really wish that I had not said what I said.
I wish you didn't say that either.
I'll take it back.
I'm really, really sorry.
Don't, don't even bother.
Don't even bother.
Please forgive me.
Sometimes.
I do.
Okay.
Oh, see, sometimes conflict is a gift, and aren't we so lucky?
Aren't I so lucky to have the opportunity to bear witness to something like this?
Thank you both.
I'm so sorry to even make you make that speech because I feel like I'm not worthy of it.
I appreciate you saying that so much.
I do too.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. I think that you are overly appreciative.
Be overly thankful.
Okay.
Nice.
You copy what he's saying.
No.
No.
Okay.
You take, what do you think it is?
I don't know.
I think you're apologetic.
Yeah, I'm overly apologetic.
Right.
Mine, I did it.
And I just did it.
And I'm doing it now.
Making intense eye contact?
No, I always do that.
Wait, I'm still doing it.
What?
I have to use a conjugation of do
every single time I talk.
That is crazy.
Matt, you know what, Zantor?
Fuck you.
Zantor, not today.
Not today, Zantor.
Not today, Zantor.
Not today.
Well, that was fun.
That was a three shirt.
Matt, any?
No, let's, maybe next time.
Oh.
Okay, well, you know what?
Great cliffhanger.
Okay.
We'll do it next time.
Um, big C.H.
Look, if you're not listening to us, three visit on the twos, what are you doing with your life?
Every Tuesday, we're re-releasing our old original episodes, like old original.
From behind the paywall.
From behind the paywall for free. And you can hear them and you can like them.
Yep. You can love them. And, um, hey, if you want to follow us on Instagram, it's at Freedom USA.
That's right. We're also that on Twitter. Is that still around? We're taping this so far.
As of this recording, Twitter is still around.
We're so far in advance.
We're about five days in advance, and I don't think it'll still be done it.
When is this coming out?
When are people hearing this?
Last Thursday of December, I believe.
Okay.
Why, Chilove, gave to me.
So if you want to write to us, if you want to suggest a three-chre,
3DMUSA at gmail.com, or give us a phone call at ha-ha-la-in-poo.
Ha-ha-la-in-poo.
And if you want to hear, ad-free versions of this, go to Stitcher Premium or
ComedyB-B-B-B-World.com or CBB-B-B-Wold.
Great.
Great.
Do you have anything?
When does this come out?
Why weren't you paying attention when I just said it?
Because I was on my phone.
Oh, okay.
That's cool.
Last Thursday of December, I believe.
Oh, please.
Okay, my live show is January 14th.
The Dynasty Typewriter, it's sold out, but you can get live stream tickets, which are available.
Please watch.
It's a great lineup.
I posted on my Instagram.
You can see everyone who's playing.
It's John Gabriel, Sean Diston, Jason, Jason, Anzukas, Mary Holland, and Nicole Bayer.
It's going to be good.
I am currently in New York City.
I'm looking for barbecue sauce
And I'm doing shows with Amy Man and Ted Leo
They're doing their host Christmas Christmas show
I love that
At City Winery
So we're there tonight
And then tomorrow
And then January 1st
Oh interesting
We have New Year's Eve off
Yeah
What are you going to do on New Year's Eve?
That's so fun
Probably sit in the hotel room
I love that
Cool
I'll probably get blind drug
Is Janie going to be with you?
No
She was she was
threatening to come up. She'll be in South Carolina. That sounds good. With her mommy. I'll come up
and see you. Oh my God. Sometimes. New York on New Year's. That's so much fun. Yeah, I'm looking
forward to it. I remember one that I spent after the fish shows where I was just really hung over.
And then on New Year's Day, I had tickets for a matinee of follies. And I was so just hungover and sick.
And watching that show was just, uh... Torture? Yeah. Great. All right. So that's something you can do, too.
Goodbye. Bye. Bye. Bye.
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