Threedom - Threevisiting: Little Miss Butt Blaster
Episode Date: September 23, 2025Threevisiting on the Tues: Lauren, Paul and Scott talk about a person on an airplane, tasting things with bad flavors, and play a game whose name they can't remember. Send Threetures and emails to thr...eedomusa@gmail.com.Leave us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Freedom!
Did I say freedom?
I think you said it.
Freedom!
That time I didn't say it.
Well, I know I've put it every single time, except for this one.
Freedom!
Oh my God.
She actually did not say it.
She predicted the future.
I'm getting goosebumps.
I'm getting goosebumps.
I'm getting goosebumps.
What about goose flesh?
It's so gross.
goose flesh.
We've talked about that, right?
I don't know.
The story of that ban, she gave me goose flesh.
Now I'm in my head about, have we talked about everything?
There's something I ever wanted to know.
I have something.
I'm sorry to tell you that we have.
I think I have something I think we haven't talked about.
I'm Lauren, by the way.
Hey, I'm Scott.
I'm Paul and I'm intrigued.
Okay, so this is a test for men.
Just for men?
Put your hand in front of your face.
Touch of great.
Yeah, it's just a man.
Put your head in front of your face.
Okay, so.
I have a question for you about a pronunciation thing,
but I don't want to, I don't want to show you the word.
I don't want to tell you about it.
Interesting.
So it's a gynecological, um,
Pussy.
Um, procedure.
Mm-hmm.
That women get yearly.
Okay.
Hysterectomy.
It starts with a P.
Is it PAP smear?
Uh-huh.
Well, how do you say?
I say PAP smear.
I know.
No, I don't.
I don't.
Because two people said that in the last couple weeks and I was like,
And they were both men?
Yeah, and I was like, men think it's pap shmere.
They think it goes on a bagel.
It's the only time they hear the word smear.
Is smear?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so they think shmere is smear.
I think they do.
Interesting.
Shmere the queer.
A terrible game from our youth.
All right.
Well, then I guess that was it.
Was it homophobic at the time?
I never thought it was when I was a kid.
I always thought it was the odd person.
We have talked about this.
I know we've talked about it.
I know we've talked about it.
That links.
I know we have.
It was an episode long discussion on a very special freedom.
Now, wait, speaking of the hand in front of your face test,
when I was a kid, I remember,
maybe I was a teenager, prime age when you're like, am I gay?
And you're trying to figure out, like, what if I think about this?
Does it do anything?
Oh, interesting.
That kind of thing.
And somebody said, oh, look at your fingernails.
And so it's the, and.
Oh, it's the how you hold your hand.
How you hold your hand.
Yeah, I've heard that.
Like, because women will hold their hands out and look at the nails, like, with their fingers raised.
And men will curl their fingers in and look, I beg your pardon?
You know how in glorious bastards they could tell that someone was a spy because he said,
I'll have two drinks.
He did this way?
Was it because he's a better?
I don't remember that.
It sounds dumb as shit.
Yeah, because Germans do it this way or something like that.
Can European count with the thumb first?
Yeah, yeah.
And he said, I'll have two more drinks.
And they immediately zeroed in on him and said, you're a spy.
It's a pretty good test.
Pretty good test.
If you're making it up.
It's a pretty good test.
That should be the number one thing in spy school, though.
Is the finger raise?
The finger raise.
Remember where fingers go in different countries.
Yes.
Like this one, for instance.
That's really rude.
In certain countries, the middle finger is number one.
They start with that.
Yeah.
You go one, two, pinkie.
Second middle.
Double birds.
Then you get to.
the pinkies out there for four. So if you really
want to get away with your spying, you go
to the bar and you say, I'll have two beers
your metal fingers up.
Or just don't hold your fingers up.
Yeah. Why don't you just say two, please?
So wait, how are your fingernails
when you did that? How are they?
Which way do you look at them? I think
I looked at them the lady way
and I was like, oh no.
Better get to it. Then I forgot about it.
And I just remembered it the other day.
I was like, oh no, I got married to a woman.
Oh, no.
The only way to really know is if you, if you try it out, right?
That's not true.
No.
Speaking of men, we.
Oh, boy.
Those rascly dogs.
What are they up to now?
This is a new segment.
Paul's men talk.
That's right.
Ladies, take a breather.
Uh-huh.
Wait, women can't listen to you talk about men?
No, I'm talking about men to men.
Oh, okay.
Well, women won't be interested.
Women won't be interested?
I don't think so.
All right, let's test it out.
All right, look at your nails.
Okay.
If you're looking at them with your fingernails up, don't listen.
Okay.
We were on a, we went to Las Vegas.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
This weekend you saw a concert, I don't want to say.
We saw Miranda Lambert's Velvet Rodeo.
Why didn't you want to say?
Because if you wanted to keep that pride that I didn't want to say.
Is that a personal thing that happened to you?
I don't think of it that way.
I try to be more restrained about what I say on a mic every once in a while.
Every once in a while.
You will say basically anything to us, but you won't share that he went to a Miranda Lamber because in case that's private.
Other people's things I don't want to say.
No, it's true.
It's true.
It's his journey.
He went on.
So how was that?
Thank you for respecting that.
On the way there, we were boarding the plane southwest.
Well, what I love about that is you can board from the back in the front and better.
at Burbank. It's true. About Burbank.
Can you exit from the back?
You can. Depending on
when you land back at Burbank.
That's right. My back is exit only.
So you don't put
TP up there? In your bum hole.
Mr. Grinch.
It's just a dry wipe.
It's just a dry wipe.
Are you glad I told women
not to listen?
Yeah, I'm on this men talk right now. I'm entertaining
the men.
So here's what happened. We had separate
Real they are a sneeze.
We had a sneeze.
Should we tell people what's going on right now?
I'm signing the fucking book for all of you people.
I'm signing my pages right now and I'm trying to do it while talking and I think I'm doing a great job.
You're doing pretty good.
Paul did half the books and Lauren.
He did so many.
He did so many.
Here's the journey.
I'm doing a, a small portion portion.
Here's the journey with those books.
From Star Wars.
Scott.
Like a portion.
Come on, Matt.
Yeah.
So Scott asks me, emails me and he says,
would you like to sign some books?
You don't have to do it.
Would you like to do this?
And I said, yeah, I'll sign a bunch of them.
But I said it like you had to do it.
Yeah, because mine was more like,
you will sign them question mark.
So then, Corinne.
The baker.
What's that?
The baker.
You call her the baker?
I forgot about the baker.
Yeah.
So the Baker said, but cut the previous part of the D.
Yeah.
Um, beep it.
So the Baker, uh, says, he left the room, by the way.
Scott has, oh, great.
He doesn't care what we say.
Wow.
He doesn't care.
Shevin, we miss you.
She, so.
Wherefore are the she?
Okay, you don't have to chime in quite so much to prove you're paying attention.
So, um, so the baker says, the baker says, uh, okay, I'm going to drop off five book, five boxes of
books. And I was like, Jesus Christ. And then she showed up with the five boxes and I carried them
inside. I'm like, God, damn, this is a lot of books. And then I opened the box. And it's not even the
book. It's not books. It's end papers. So it's a billion papers. Yeah. It's a billion pages.
It weighed as much as like 25 books or something. Oh, it weighed like books for sure. What I'm picking up the
box. So I really, I laughed and I texted Lauren almost immediately. I said, look what happened to me.
And then I was like, ha-ha, you suck.
You have to do that.
And I don't.
But, Paul, you did four boxes in the first night.
Yeah.
Because he's a good pupil.
Yeah.
I mean, I can definitely get lost in a task like that, for sure.
It took me less time that I thought it was going to take me.
Because I did twice as many as you.
Of course you did.
Of course you did.
Anyway.
Okay, so you went to Vegas.
You saw Miranda.
Went to Vegas.
We get on the Southwest flight.
Here's what happened.
We're on separate reservations on the same flight.
So we can't check us both in at the same time.
Pretending your strangers.
So you meet on.
Oh, is this seat taken?
And we're both wearing trench coats with no clothes on.
You always fly southwest so you can, like, try to find each other.
Yeah, exactly.
And you're like, oh, miss.
Are you in the same boarding group?
We get by joining aisle seats that we start making out furiously across the room.
And your trench coats come open.
Yeah.
And you're raging hard.
That's right.
Tits come out.
You didn't know where it was going.
So I see that the early bird option is available for you pay a little money.
Oh, yeah.
You could save a seat.
Yes, exactly.
Which is exactly what happens.
So you, because do people get mad if you save the seat?
You're not, you're not technically allowed to do it.
But when you're in A, no one's trying to sit next to each other yet.
And then you have a minute.
You have a minute before people are trying to really fill those middles.
Also, we do, she was in group B and she was like towards the end of group B.
Beginning of B is great.
End of B, bad news.
So B for bad news.
That's why I call it that.
She, um, uh, uh, also we, we,
always do adjoining aisle seats
instead of sitting right next to each other. Now, why is
that, sweetie? It's just easier.
It's just easier. Well, because
no one has to be in the middle. We both like the aisle seat
anyway, and nobody has to be in the middle. And you're not
jammed up on each other. Other than
if you have kids and you need to pay attention to them,
do you have to sit next to each other anywhere? I don't know.
To whisper about the flight attendants.
Also, we went to a restaurant. This is fast-forwarding. We went to a
restaurant, great restaurant called
Oh, was it a Taste of Siam? I forget
the name of it, but it's so good.
And we saw in Las Vegas.
I can't remember where in Las Vegas, but in the city.
We didn't, okay, good to know.
All right.
Well, so it's some sort of Chinese restaurant.
It's not a Chinese restaurant.
It's a Thai restaurant.
Get it right.
Yes.
And we saw multiple couples sitting on the same side of a table.
Oh, yeah.
Which I never.
Pop likes it.
That's early relationship stuff for me.
Yeah.
It's a treat for her when I allow her to.
Well, that's sweet of you to do.
I find it very weird.
And even when we're meeting another couple
and we will sit on the same side
to wait for the other couple,
I'm like praying,
please let them get here
because I don't want people to think
for one of those couples.
Wow.
It's just weird.
Why are you?
Because your knees might touch.
Look at each other.
It's like weird
to be sitting side by side.
It is.
Like your pilot and co-pilot of the dinner.
But it can be romantic.
Like you're kind of like canoodling.
You know, let me feed you a little bite.
In cold places, of course,
we will wear a big sweater together
and sit next to each other.
Yeah, one, you have a sweater with four arms.
Exactly, exactly.
So, wait, so we're getting on the plane.
Okay, yeah, go back.
I get on the plane first.
I save a, I put my backpack, put my backpack on the seat next to me.
Oh, perfect.
On the seat across from me, I mean.
So, oh, that's harder.
Yes.
That's harder.
You're trying to save an aisle.
People want the aisle.
I thought you were saving a middle.
So this is where.
No, no, no, saving an aisle.
This is where it's getting really, dicey.
Exactly, exactly, exactly.
But to people, a couple, get into,
needs row they sit down so the aisle is still open okay right that works so she finally gets on finally
and she's got a roly bag and now of course there's no room in the overheads and so above my
my overhead my my seat there's a bag that's sideways right and so I go to turn it the other way I go to turn
it the other room and then I hear this little voice oh was it a rat was it a mouse I wish
it was a big it was a big baby who'd grown into a
man, but was still a baby.
Oh, a little bitch style.
He's a couple, he's a couple rows ahead.
Oh, what's he going to say?
He's a couple rows ahead even.
He doesn't even put it above his own scene.
I can't.
I hear this guy go, it doesn't fit that way.
Put it back.
Shut.
And I'm like, what?
I turn around.
And also, you'll come to that.
You'll come to that conclusion if that is true.
Yes.
Like, shut up.
So I, I, I, so he sees me trying it.
And Jane, but anyway, so I, so I,
I turn around and I see him.
Did you edit out where Janie yelled at you?
You cut something out of the story.
You were like, oh, anyway.
No, no, no.
I skip to head.
You're doing it for length.
So I'm telling you I was out of order for a second.
We're all out of order.
And that's out of balance.
Sorry.
Life out of balance.
So I turn and I see this guy and he says, this podcast.
It's major score.
So I look at him.
him and he says again, it doesn't fit
that way. Turn it back. I'm sorry.
Are you little luggage, please?
This is where I chuck his thing off the plane.
And I say, I say, okay, man.
So, okay. Pardon, he's saying, put it back
because you're touching his suitcase or no,
his suitcases are nowhere near yours.
No, this is his suitcase.
Okay, so that's why he's mad.
Okay, I'm just making sure he has a reason to be chiming him,
but he doesn't really, he still doesn't.
He doesn't have a reason.
He still doesn't, but I'm saying it's his item.
Yes, it's his item, and he's very protective of it.
and who knows what's in there
he's that was kind of
Janie's theory
last dildos
he's going to a convention
oh that's still do
I never for a second
thought that it was about
what was inside
I'm sure it's not
it was just like
you don't text my stem
no I'm sure it's not
so I say okay man
we just you know
we're looking for room
to put this suitcase away
and that happens every second
on a flight
and so Janie then has to like
go back behind herself
and put it in a in a
overhead bin a few rows away
And so then more people get
So Janie sits down
More people come on the plane
Somebody tries to do the same thing
With this guy's bag
Does he yell at them?
Again, he's watching this thing like a hawk
It doesn't fit that way
Put it back
You think you would relax
No but I think now he had to do it again
Because he's shown that he cares
Then Janie tells me she reveals
She finds out from the people
Ahead next to her
That he did it before Janie got on too
And I didn't notice it
So this guy's just been watching this bag
So the entire boarding process
Are like, this guy's an asshole
Yeah, exactly.
Because also what you should do
If that's your bag
Is let it be fucked with
Because you look like
You're wrong for bringing the wrong size bag
And don't just make it
Exactly, you have to say
At what point do you get the
Here's what you
The flight attendants
Then the authorities involved
Well eventually, I mean this guy
This guy got his way
He is his wife
And he's sitting with a woman next to him
She says nothing right
Of course, she's like
I'm stoned silent forever
Because my husband is a prey
My husband is in charge.
The Bible tells me so.
Yes, my husband is in charge.
So at the end of the, so we land and at the end of the flight.
I was so worried that story, you just were going to fly around.
You were worried we were still on the plane?
And now you're on the plane too.
So everybody's getting their luggage.
And then I'm talking to Janie and then I hear somebody say, excuse me.
And I turn around and it's the guy's wife.
And she says, could you get my bag, please?
And I say loudly, oh, this bag?
Is it this one?
And people are fucking laughing.
It is so, it's so satisfying.
The one that doesn't fit the other one?
Yeah, exactly.
I can touch it now.
Yeah, exactly.
Oh, my God, that's amazing.
So then, uh, Janie, did he ever look?
He, no.
It bugged Janie so much.
It stayed with her for such a long time.
And for me, not quite, but it was like, I'm still thinking about that guy.
but to me it was
it was so funny
because his voice
was so pathetic
the put it back
was really
was really what made me laugh
he was trying to be
so,
and so Janey was like
a bunch of things
were going on in Vegas
that weekend
there was a rodeo
convention
yes
and there was also
a big
where you go buy ropes
and stuff
I
yeah
you buy ropes
or a
or a bunch of
different
rodeo people come
to do one
you can buy a bunch of
sheep that are already on their side.
How does this work?
Make it easy to practice.
Yeah, there was like a rodeo event in town.
Okay.
And so I've never seen so many cowboy hats in my fucking life.
It was incredible.
That's really, really, really scary.
I saw, like, a guy who was like a classic bow-legged cowboy, little old guy.
Little spurs?
Absolutely.
Yeah, the whole bit.
Wow.
So this guy, this little baby man, was wearing a USC hat because USC was playing somebody.
Oh, I saw her tweet about this.
And so she said, in the moment, she was like, I hope his fucking teen loses.
I hope USC loses so bad.
And then they did.
They were crushed.
She cursed him.
She cursed him.
She's got powers.
Yes.
They were on our return flight as well.
No.
And what happened?
Wait, and were you just there for the concert?
We were just there for the concert.
Yeah, we were there for two nights.
Did he do the same thing?
He did not do the same thing that we heard.
We were much further away this time.
Okay.
And, but we did see that.
We did see that we fucking, they got on first and we looked and there was the bag sideways again.
I don't like it.
And what did it fit?
I don't know, but then this happened.
Janie was trying out a new suitcase that was like a slightly bigger carry-on.
It was still a carry-on.
And then when we tried to put it in our overhead, it didn't quite fit.
And you had to do it sideways?
It ended up being sideways.
Whoa.
Okay, I'm sorry.
That is perfect.
Yeah, it was perfect.
You're a hypocrite.
You're an asshole.
But I think the,
I think the flight attendant turned it sideways.
We didn't do that.
Oh, okay.
So we,
because you,
we put it in.
We put it in and I feel like I got it to where it did close.
But then I think there was room enough
that the flight attendant just turned around.
But I,
when I saw it,
when we opened it up,
it was very funny to me.
That is funny.
Well,
contents may shift during the flight as well.
Well,
that is something that's same.
Man, that's so true.
That's what my tattoos.
says. Can I say I ate something? I got a bunch of air airplane based tattoos. Oh, just from the
trip because you were so excited. There's another one like right on my pelvic bone that says low and tight
across your lap. Ew. Ew. Look, before you get. My pelvic bone is fine. Okay. We have to take a
break before you get into what you want to say. We're going to take a break. We'll be right back.
Get ready to embark on an unforgettable journey where the
worlds of fantasy, sci-fi, gaming and more
come to life like never before.
Okay, I'm ready. You said to get ready. I packed everything.
Are you are ready? Yeah, I'm ready now. Okay. What are you talking about?
Yeah, what are you talking about, though? Because I'm ready now.
All right, you figured it out. That's right. I'm talking about
Comic-Con the Cruise. Oh, this is...
Comic-com the Cruz? What? This is more than a convention, folks. You'll get to meet
and interact with fan-favorite celebrities, enjoy intimate experiences you won't find
anywhere else and skip the endless lines found at other land-based events.
Okay, let me guess.
This happens from January 30th to February 3rd, 2026, and you're sailing from Tampa to
Nassau on the Celebrity Constellation.
This four-day luxury cruise fuses your favorite parts of the Comic-Con community with
unique, interactive, and immersive experiences designed exclusively for fans like you.
Four days at sea where everyone is welcome and every event is open to all.
It's the ultimate fan adventure.
I remember hearing about this.
There's going to be epic theme nights.
There's going to be cosplay, panels, workshops, and late night conversations and parties.
This is everything I go to Comic-Con and San Diego for.
It's a floating community.
Yeah, floating community.
Where you can truly be yourself.
Food, accommodation, and entertainment are included.
The only thing you have to do is show up, have fun, and connect with your kind of people.
Learn more and see the full 2026 line.
up, including host Felicia Day and a slew of talent celebrating fantasy, sci-fi gaming, and more.
Head over to Comiconthecruise.com slash freedom to book your cabin and use Freedom.
This is the code.
You'll get $250 off per cabin on new reservations.
This is incredible.
That's a good deal.
See you there.
Ahoi.
Cooler temps are rolling in.
Do da, doda.
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I got to ask you about their denim.
Okay, well, their denim's durable.
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What about leather jackets?
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Sounds good.
What makes Quince different?
Hey, everyone.
Oh, hey, well, they partner directly with ethical factories and skip the middlemen, so you get
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Can I hear some personal experience from you?
Because I'm still a little skeptical for some reason.
Well, one of my favorite pieces from Quince is their 100% marino wool all-season short-sleeve tea.
Now, I've been trying to incorporate more natural fibers into my wardrobe, as I'm telling you
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and wool totally fits the bill.
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The perfect thing for this in between season.
Now, I've been wearing mine so much.
I just ordered one in another color.
I want to keep it classic and cool this fall.
Do you have any suggestions?
You should do that with long-lasting staples from Quince.
Go to quince.com slash Threatom for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.
So that's great for you spell it.
365-day returns is amazing because if you're like me,
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Yes.
And you miss the window.
Like 200 days in, you might be like, I got to return.
Honestly, I've done that before.
That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash freedom.
Free shipping and 365 days returns.
Quince.com slash freedom.
It's back to school season.
School season, little boys and girls.
But you know what's not on the syllabus this year?
Tell me.
Getting schooled by your old wireless bill.
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And GB stands for gigabytes.
And we're back.
Yes.
Can I just say that I think if one of us has a repetitive task to do, it really helps out the others.
Because actually tell stories.
I got through that story in record time.
Can you believe it?
That's so unfair to say.
Maybe I need something to do.
I feel like I interrupted a lot.
I think we should all, but not as much.
Okay.
Oh, believe me.
You still interrupted.
Have we ascertained with the problem with showing?
Shut up!
But I think I, here's the thing.
We still have interruptions.
It's just not as much.
It's manageable.
And so if one person.
person has to do something and we take turns okay so for the next show I have some for you
to sign as well um I want to tell you guys about something I ate because you said that it stuck
with Janie for a long time that that thing happened with the guy I had was it one day I'm sorry
hold on a second so when you brought that box in and Lauren said are these for me to sign and you
said no that's something else is that what you meant I'm having Matt sign them okay but but
I wanted some that the he could sign them now what is he doing he is doing him oh oh
I wanted some of the two, I want to apologize.
Oh, my God.
I wanted some that the two of you signed together.
Is that so wrong?
To a, to, I wanted some freedom ones in there.
My apologies to a producer.
A producer, Matt.
I ate something yesterday that's, I did too, big deal.
Okay, you're playing me, I see.
That stuck with me for the whole day because it was, the aftertaste was so nasty.
Oh, no.
That I almost threw up.
And my life.
It's something you've never eaten.
before? It was something I never had. It was a, okay, so I bought, um, I bought at Whole Foods just randomly
these keto cups. I don't care about keto. I don't know, but I thought it was like a healthy peanut
butter cup. It was like, hazelnut butter and a chocolate thing. Yeah. And I was like,
whatever. I'll try, I'll try about it. And I ate it. And I was like, it's hazelnut
butter, which I've never really had, I guess, in a thing. I don't even know if I've ever had that.
And that was a little bit odd. I was like, okay, it's a little chalky. It's a little, I'm not sure about
this.
the aftertaste was like
I guess not
if you've ever had
I recently had to drink
I was playing a game show thing
where it was like you ate things
you didn't know if they were going to taste bad or not
and they were like tainted
and it was it tasted
What a game show
Like expired?
No it went no no no
Tainted with a flavor
Is that what you would say?
No maybe flavored
Yeah
Tainted sounds more like spoiled
Well because it's gross
You were risking your life
It's bad
It was like
flavored with that nail polish
or that stuff you put on your nails
to not bite your nails.
So when you heard the song Tainted Love,
you thought it was about a nice love?
Like flavored love?
No, I'm telling you
Tainted is bad
because it was tainted with gross flavors.
And they put in the flavor
of like a bitter thing
that you put on your nails
to not bite them.
Right.
Which tastes horrendous.
So I recently had tried that.
The aftertaste of this is that.
It was making me sick.
If anyone knows why it was like that
because I was really good.
Do you want to put that brand on blast?
Keto cups.
They're called that.
Keto or the brandups?
I think so.
I don't know what the brand.
It's called keto cups.
You know, Ryan Gall brought those.
Was it, what a throw up right out?
What were the things we ate in Maine that he has with his kids where they love eating it?
It's like you get a gross one.
It's like a game you have to spin a wheel.
Is it like the gross jelly beans where one?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I don't know if it's jelly beans.
I can't remember.
Yeah, it was something like that.
But they made a game out of it where it's like if you, if you, the wheel lands here,
you have to eat this or whatever.
And it could be the good one.
or it could be a bad one because they're the same color.
And he was like, yeah, let's do this.
And I said, no.
We did it.
Why would I willingly do that?
Yeah.
But it's funny to watch people.
Was it fun?
It was fun, yeah.
And he says he and his kids just really enjoy it.
Yeah, it's for children.
Yeah.
And for Ryan.
What flavors did you get?
Everything I ate was bad.
Like what?
Like I never got a good one.
But, but, but and ass.
Tushy.
Battles.
Battles.
battle battle battle battle battle the battle that's where Batman lives
come Robin let's go to the battle
I think I'm going to what I mean I don't think I'm going back there
go to the battle hey shout out to the Gotham Knights video game which I've been playing
oh how is it nice isn't it supposed to be good it's the thing
do you play video games I just got a Matt knows this I just got a switch
due to Nick Weiger and his insistence I have a switch
now this is the movie that I haven't touched it in here
Yes, it was, yeah, I got that.
I got the DVD.
Matt, didn't I see you on Animal Crossing Island?
Yeah, we had fun.
I've been moving my arms and she sort of moves the same way sometimes.
Oh, fun.
Yeah.
It's really great.
So why do you get a switch?
What are you going to play on there?
I have been playing Mario Kart and that's about it.
And then Matt was like, yeah, here's my username.
And whenever we're online together, we can play together.
Incredible impression.
He's never online.
You're never online?
I see them online sometimes.
Scott always looks for you.
I see, I look for him.
I see Matt a lot.
I'm so lonely there.
No friends logged on.
I will often see Matt was recently on like I just missed him.
Yeah, was recently, sure.
It makes me think, does he bail?
He sees me pop up there and he's like, I got to get off here.
Yeah.
Oh, this guy's logging on.
This guy from work ruining my fun time.
Yeah.
But I don't really love all the fighting type games like Gotham Knights.
I don't either.
The thing is like this game has a couple like bosses that are really hard.
The Joker?
Joker hasn't appeared yet
Joker's not there
King Cupa's in it
King Coupa's in it
That'd be cool if they like
Donkey Kong is in Gotham Knights
I someday I hope that
Ready Player 1?
So that Mario can battle
Batman
I hope they fall in love
Yeah oh that would be cool
Why are we just having people fight
Shout out to the Chippendales movie
It's actually really fun
And they do mix all the little worlds
Together on that
Right
Kumail's Chippendale's movie
No Chip and Dale
Yeah you see a Paul Schrader
Paul Snyder
who murdered Dorothy Stratton.
He's there with the guy from Clockwork Orange.
They're having fun?
This is content for me.
Chip and Dale, the movie written by Dan Greger.
By Dan Gore, Gregor, yeah.
Almost said Dan Gore.
Hold on.
Oh, I did say.
Doug Manned.
Great people, great movie, wonderful times.
I really enjoyed it.
I had a lot of fun put up for Holly.
She was having fun.
Oh, good.
Is she able to watch TV?
We let her watch some screens, screams, screams sometimes now, so she'll watch.
watch. She's watched Frozen. She kept looking back like, oh, she was so excited.
What did she think about the wickedly talented Adela Zine? She thought she was amazing.
You know. It's always funny to me. I love it. That was one of the best moments in TV history.
When he pauses, he stretches out wicked as long as he can. And he's like, please let it come to me.
Please let it come to me. But if I were him, I think I would have just mouthed the world.
And then pretend that I was on a trapdoor and just disappeared.
Get into talented.
Just disappear.
You know what, though?
You could tell he's a real star because nothing.
No blowback.
Nothing happened.
Nope.
It was just funny.
We just like that.
We all like him too much.
Did he ever apologize?
I think you should have.
He's really good.
I think you should apologize to her directly.
Do you ever say, I hope like when she walked up, he was like, hey, I'm sorry.
I bet he sent her something the next day.
This is a good follow-up story.
We know where are reporters?
I bet he walked up there and he was like, how close was that?
That's the man.
Don't tell me, don't tell me, because I just, I feel like it was close, but I'm not sure.
I'm just like, how close was it?
That's the way to play it.
That's the way to play it.
If you fuck him somebody's name, was that close?
Yeah.
I almost got there.
Instead of just groveling apology.
I do think like really rich celebrities are out there sending huge gift assets.
He must have, he bought her a plane.
Like, who did I see?
somebody like Cheryl Lee Ralph from Abbott Elementary I believe received
Celebrity you can think of no but I'm saying she received flowers from Oprah
Oh and Oprah had to give her flowers a huge trunk opened up and like these big flowers being delivered to her house and it was like so amazing
Wow like a trunk of where's our flowers Oprah what ban whatever I don't know why is that weird
Why is that weird? Wait she got her a car I'm picturing this well someone would bring him up filled with loose flowers
They were beautifully arranged
Anyway, whatever
But I'm just like
They must be doing like
People with like billions of dollars
Just saying
Wait but why did
Oh she just because she thought she was great
Not as an apology
Right after she won the Emmy
Right right right
No no no it wasn't apology
No
So in any case Holly is able to watch
Keep signing
She's watching a little bit of screens
She loves Bluey
What's Bluey
Bluey is an Australian cartoon
It's really sweet
Bluey I know what Bluey is
I don't know what Bluey looks like
And I kind of hope I never
Oh, okay. Bluey's actually...
I've never seen a picture of it.
It's the only show we were letting her watch for a while, because the episodes are seven minutes,
and it's really cute and sweet, and it makes the adults kind of, like, feel something.
It's like, just they're very sweet episodes.
I'll be the judge of that.
The dad is, like, the best dad ever, and the mom's sweet.
Mr. Feelings.
And it's like about a little, these two little girl dogs, like they're like, shepherds.
Like, they're like, you know, Australian wood dogs or something.
Like, I don't know what they are.
They're not domesticated in real life.
Are they like the Tasmanian tiger?
I don't know what they are, I guess.
But they live in a house in the show, and they're very cute.
And they just have little imaginary situations.
I had a screen on the other day, and I went, and you let, you let me see.
A little miss butt blaster.
She looked, seemed like she was looking at it.
Little miss butt blaster.
This is what you call your daughter?
Okay.
Yeah.
Oh, it's your house.
She had some real butt blasters.
Real butt blasters today.
Yeah, I mean, she's a baby.
Yeah.
Food boys.
It's not like, you're talking about it.
This is one thing about her.
She shits all the time.
Yeah, it's like, D'I.
So do I.
I was thinking today.
Call me little miss or big miss butt blast.
Big Miss bloodbaster.
Big Misses butt blaster.
Thank you.
I was thinking today that she's two months old.
Aw.
Okay, just six of these is a year.
Yeah.
If I can get to 18 of those.
Because you're afraid of diapers.
No, just like being rid of the response.
If I can get to six more of those and then 18 of those, then she'll be out of the house.
Oh, out of the house.
Pottie trainer right now.
I thought you're saying 18 months.
I thought so, too.
No, no, just six of these two month things.
And then if I can get through that and then do 18 more of those, she'll be.
Yeah, then you'll just be hanging out, doing whatever you want.
I'll get there at some point, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Are you feeling a little wild because, like, two months ago, you were able to do whatever you want all the time?
It's a little bit of that.
So is that kind of like a crazy adjustment for you?
Or are you feeling like, whoa?
Yeah.
Or is it your life exactly the same?
I had a friend who, yeah, was like, my life's not going to change.
Oh, well, that's stupid.
I remember you told me.
Unless you have, like, all the help in the world and you don't do anything.
No, I mean, it is a little bit of an adjustment where, like, especially in the first
couple of weeks, a couple of weeks, you're like asking permission if you can go to the
bathroom to your spouse.
Like, sometimes we still do that.
You raise your hand?
We're still like, I'm going to take a shower.
Is that okay?
Is that okay?
Does that bother you right now?
Not really, but kind of.
If it's such an adjustment, why don't you call the Adjustment Bureau?
That's a good point.
All those hats?
Yeah.
They're just behind your walls.
Was that the premise?
The premise was sort of like set where it's like the world is a big set, essentially,
and you can cut through the backstage of the earth or whatever.
Really?
Maybe I didn't see it.
I didn't see the whole thing.
I saw part of it on a plane.
When we're together, will you just ask us if you can go to the bathroom?
Just to make it kind of cohesive with the rest?
But right here.
Yeah.
Honestly, if you did, I think that'd be hilarious.
You would not.
Imagine.
It would be one of my best stories.
It's funny.
It's funny to think about, like, go to the bathroom.
Would you be on my side about it?
No, but it would be so funny.
I'd be like, he said he was going to do it.
Then he just started shitting in the middle of the room.
I really want to do it if you laugh and you're like, and I loved it.
Go to the bathroom as a phrase.
I'm going to love it.
Or at least, like, new.
Can you guys still hear me?
What?
Go to the bathroom as a phrase.
Because you go there.
It used to.
And then at some point, somebody was like, I went to the bathroom, but right here.
I was in the bathroom of my pants.
In high school, I always thought it would be really funny to just say, I'm going to pee right now and then start peeing.
But it was like, how hard would that?
You always thought that would be very funny.
It was that a conversation that we brought up a bunch of times.
Like, what if, like, could you do it right now?
Like, if everyone's like you and just go like, uh.
Guess what?
If you're in a movie, you can piss at any time.
There's always scenes in movies of like some bad guy, like.
pissing on a guy he just killed or something like that.
Yeah, Huey Lewis pisses and shortcuts.
What was I just watching?
Is that true?
Where, wait, hold on.
What show was I watching where this guy's walking on the street?
And then he pisses in the street and his friend blocks and then the cops roll up.
Wait.
You just watched it too.
Yes.
Because I do feel like it was something.
Someone's, say it again.
Someone's pissing in the street.
Shit.
Reboot.
It was reboot.
It was reboot.
Paul Reiser.
Paul Reiser and Keenan.
I really like that show.
Kagan, Michael.
Key. Yeah. Keenan Ivory
Wayans. Yes. Keenan
Winston, Jr. Okay. Keenan
and Kel. Keenan Thompson, yeah.
Kelly Lee Ripper.
Kelly Lee Ripper.
Ripper. Jack the Ripper.
You ripa dis suit. I break a you face.
I'm enjoying reboot, though. I'm like, I want to be on a show like that.
That sounds fun. Well, why don't you get cast in something?
That's the big question.
Put me in the reboot of the reboot.
I just want to put it out there in case there's any casting people listening.
I'd like to be in more TV shows.
Hey, I'll say that right now.
I'm available to work on television.
Hey, my schedule is clear.
I can't tell if no casting people listen to this or all of them do and go, uh-oh.
Just to make sure every week, like, nope, nope, still not good.
Still on the naughty list.
All right, we have to take a break.
We'll be right back.
Good.
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And we're back.
And it's time for a three-cher.
And this is, I forget what it's called.
Doesn't matter.
We can name it a different thing every time.
Yeah.
Let's call it.
It's our show.
George.
No, I'm going to call it.
No, not George.
Let's call it George W. Bush the third.
Yeah.
We call it George W.
Virgin.
Oh, boy.
George W. Bush.
0.5 because it's like half, then half, then half.
Yeah, I love that.
How many of you signed four?
I know.
I'm starting to get with my brain cells.
From huffing all this.
Look at that stack.
From huffing shuttle art permanent marker.
Where did you get those?
Never heard of that brand.
I know.
They're actually really good.
They're good, but I thought I was ordering sharpies and they are not sharpies and they run out of ink a little quicker.
Well, good thing you have 55.
Yeah.
Okay.
So this is a game where we do a scene in one minute and then we have it and do a scene in 30 seconds.
The same scene.
We try to do the same stuff.
Then we go to 15 seconds.
Then we go to 8 seconds, 4 seconds, 2 seconds, 1 second.
This is fun.
So the first one that we do is a min-along and we just...
We just let it ride.
It's about whatever...
Matt, we need a suggestion of your favorite thing to do when you're alone.
Be honest.
Not on mic.
You text it to us.
Also, in case you are hearing this for the first time this game, everybody loves it.
So you should know that.
You should know that going in it.
And you have to love this.
Or else you're not real.
I'm just saying, like, if you don't love it, something's wrong with you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, when does this episode come out?
In curiosity.
It comes, I'll tell you.
I believe it comes out December 15th.
Okay.
Wow, the aides of December.
I'm going to plug a show that I'm doing.
I'm going to plug one that I'm doing too.
While we're waiting for a map.
Is yours after, yeah, because yours is after the 15th.
Oh, you should, yours is more important to plug.
But mine's a month later.
Lauren.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Well, because it's sooner.
Well, Varietopia.
is happening in mere days, the 18th of December at Lodrum and Highland Park.
It's going to be a really fun show, special surprise guests, people that have not done
the show before, but I'm thrilled to have for the first time, and we got weird stuff planned,
comedy, music, it's going to be great.
Tickets at pauloftomkins.com slash live.
Thank you.
I'm doing my first own show at Dynasty Typewriter.
It is an improv show.
I'm compiling a group of improvisers, and it'll be different.
every month if I do it again, I'm assuming I will.
They each have their strengths and weaknesses.
Well, of course.
Everyone does.
I'm hiring this person for this weakness.
This is like, in ocean.
This show is January 14th and you should get tickets now.
I haven't announced it yet and I haven't announced the cast, but it is really good and I'm very excited.
Fantastic.
It's going to be so fun.
And I guess we're not rescheduling our super.
But we need to do our two-per.
Well, as I was saying it, I'm looking at going, we need to do our own show again.
Well, because it happened to me.
Where was I?
I was out of town or something?
Yeah, it was just at a bad time.
Yeah.
But no, let's do it again, obviously.
That's always fun.
But I decided to branch out and do my own thing because everyone was doing this.
And I was like, you know what?
It's really fun.
It's really fun.
It's really fun.
All right.
Let's start.
Here we go.
Ready and go.
Hi, guys.
I'm glad you're here.
Yeah, I was here before you.
Yeah, but I'm showing up and I'm saying I'm glad you're here.
Becaboo.
I was actually in the closet.
Oh, I'm glad you're here.
I was here first watching both of you arrive.
Okay.
Yeah.
Now we're all here.
Yes.
Yeah, you are late.
I know. So I'm glad you're here to tell me that I'm like, of course we're here.
Look, start the meeting. We've been waiting for 20 minutes. How do you know that she's been
waiting for 20 minutes? She's got here at the same time. She said she's been hiding in the closet.
I saw her hide there. I have a bed, pajamas, toothbrush, and my glasses all in there. So it's been
a whole night. Hard bristles are soft. Oh, Shaft brishers.
Begging for pardon?
Shaft bristles.
Shaft bristles. Anyway, why did you call us here and then get here 20 minutes?
both fired.
No.
But I love working here.
I know.
I love having, I love having
we work here.
We love calling people and begging them
to sign up for our underwear mailers.
I know, I know.
And you guys are my two best employees.
And why fire us?
I keep a little we ran at a time.
What a great scene.
What a good scene that was.
A fascinating scene for the ages.
All right.
So now, can we do?
How are we going to cut that in half?
Oh, I can see.
All right.
I can see how it'll go.
I'm glad you're here.
Yeah, I know.
I was here from the beginning.
I've already been here in the closet the whole time.
You're late.
I'm the person who called the meeting.
You're 20 minutes late.
I know, but that's why I'm glad you're here.
Is it worth saying I slept here with my glasses, my toothbrush?
Soft bristles are hard.
Shaf brishers.
What?
Shaft bristles.
Shoft bristles.
Shoft bristles.
Anyway, why are we here?
Well, first of all, I'm glad you're here.
I don't know if I said that.
Yes, you did.
So many times.
But secondly, you're fired.
No, we love it here.
I know, and you're my best employee.
Well, that was really good.
All right, 15 seconds.
Here we go.
And go.
I'm glad you're here.
Why?
Yeah, we've been here for 20 minutes.
In the closet.
Sleeping with my toothbrush and my glasses.
Soft or hard?
Sharp britchers.
Okay.
Well, the reason I called you here is you're fired.
No, we love working here at the under our mailing company.
I know you're my best employees.
So I love having you here.
No.
Then why are you firing us?
Well.
There's a little old thing called firing.
I, to be frank, I was trying to hit, I was trying to hit the start button for a few times.
So we had a little extra time on that.
Oh, my God.
It felt like ours.
What a bombshell.
Okay, here we go.
Eight seconds.
And go.
Glad you're all here.
Well, we've been here for Jimenez.
Where have you been?
Soft bristles are hard.
Shock brish.
Well, you're fired.
What?
No, we love it, sir.
I know I love you, but I'm firing you because.
Why?
Uh-huh.
All right, four seconds.
Ready and go.
Glad.
Peekaboo, why?
Shop brishels.
Fired.
Underware mailers.
No, we love it, sir.
We actually got more in there, but I thought.
All right, two seconds and go.
Shaf brishers.
I'm fired.
Peacaboo.
Why?
One second, and go.
Fire.
Fire.
Hi.
That was good.
That was good.
Let's do one more.
Yeah, we should do one more.
Should we go to two minutes?
Oh, fuck, no.
I feel like with the one minute, everything afterwards is gravy.
Yeah, let's go to two minutes.
Let's go to two.
Everything's just pure gravy, flowing off the dish.
We didn't use math suggestion.
We didn't?
No, we didn't.
But it's funny.
It's like a little prank.
We played on him.
Text us something personal.
And then we'll just ignore it.
Okay, here we go.
suggestion was, do we want to say?
Watch TV.
Now that's our suggestion for this one.
All right, here we go.
Hey, um, I just bought a giant.
What?
A giant.
What?
I bought a giant.
A person?
Yeah.
Is that slavery?
Dude, you're slave owner.
No, that's not good.
But it's like, just like a person but bigger.
Can't you?
They can't talk and shit.
Well, I mean, giants only say fee, five, foe fom.
They also smell the blood.
Burlbin.
This is exactly your problem.
You can't just be buying giants and think they're going to live in our two-bedroom.
What are we supposed to watch?
TV.
Wait, so was he going to perform for us?
Yeah, I trained him.
What a cut.
You bought you already trained him?
How long have you had this giant?
For about three hours, I think.
And you've already trained him to do what?
Okay, so what?
Is he a robot or an idiot?
Good question.
Is he a robot or an idiot?
I think he's a little bit of a bit of a giant.
I think he's a little bit of a giant.
both, honestly. Bottom half robot,
top half idiot. Now I'm intrigued. Okay,
bottom half robot means we could fuck.
You could fuck a giant?
Well, I wouldn't want to do it. Or an idiot.
You can't fucking idiot. You don't want to take advantage.
Yeah.
Well, anyway, I'll look, look, look.
You have to pay double rent if you're going to have a giant
live here. Exactly. Well, he's not
going to be in his own room. He's going to be in my room.
That's part of the party. He's going to be eating my
checks mix and he's going to be stealing my beans.
Where did you get those beans?
by the way.
I bought them from someone in exchange for a cow.
Wait, you bought the beans.
I sold our cow.
No.
No, not our cow.
Robert.
Robert, our roommate.
But I milk him every morning.
I know.
I milk him every night.
I milk him in the afternoons.
No, he's going to do it morning, noon, a night.
That guy's been milked.
It's a male cow shouldn't be milk, if you're being honest.
No, they shouldn't.
She gets really upset at any time any of us get near him.
Yeah.
But he likes it at the end.
Yeah.
Well, when he's drinking his milk.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He loved it.
Well, are we out of milk?
Yeah.
That was fun because I don't remember a word.
Okay, so that was one minute.
I remember one word.
I remember one word.
Or sorry, that was two minutes.
That was two minutes.
Okay.
Thank you, too.
This is one minute.
Here we go.
And start.
Booy.
Hey, guys.
Come in here.
I bought a giant.
A giant what?
No, that's it.
Just a giant.
You bought a giant?
Yeah.
That's like slavery.
Wait, you can buy a dog
He's a different species
Dogs can't talk, Brillbin
You can't buy
He barely talks
He just says FIFO Fum and whatever rhymes with it
He smells things
Well, that's not annoying
Well, okay, I'll send him back
But I mean, what else are we gonna watch?
TV
Come on, Brilbin
You don't want to watch him?
What did you do?
You trained him already?
Yeah, how long have you had him?
Three hours
And three hours?
He's either a robot or an idiot
Yeah
I think he's a little bit of both
He's a robot on the bottom, idiot on top
He's a robot on the bottom
We can fuck him
You can't bug an idiot
Idiot? Well, I don't want to take advantage.
Okay. All right. Well, he's going to have to pay more rent.
Yeah, you're going to pay double. Why? He's going to be in my room.
Yeah, he's going to eat all my checks mix.
Steal all my beans. Wait, where'd you get all those beans?
I got them for training the cow. Robert. Robert, you traded our cow?
Yes. I love that cow. I love milking him every morning.
I milk him every night. I milk him in the afternoon.
Who's going to milk him morning and night?
That was actually. Perfect. It was perfect.
All right, 30 seconds. We should actually transcribe that scene because it was really good.
I think we should write it and make it a movie.
That's a feature
That's definitely a feature
All right, 30 seconds
How many have I signed 100?
30 seconds
Here we go
Hey guys, I bought a giant
A giant what?
Just a giant
That's slavery
No it's not
You can buy a dog
What?
You can't
Anyway
We can watch TV
Yes
Well, you don't want to watch
I've tried them all these things
Well how'd you train him so fast
Three hours
How'd you train him so fast
I just did it but hey
He must be a robot or an idiot
Is it a robot or an idiot?
You can't fuck him if he's an idiot
No, we don't have a cow anymore.
What?
No, robbers!
For beans.
But I'd like to milk him in the morning.
I milk him at night.
I milked him in the afternoon.
I was going to milk him morning and noon at night.
All right.
15 seconds.
We're really sticking the landing on this one.
Here we go.
I'm having a great time.
Go.
Hey, I bought a giant.
Giant, just a giant.
I bought a TV.
Can we watch it?
Yes, I'd love to watch a giant TV.
Any of them.
Well, you're going to pay you.
Big Bang Theory?
What is your?
Or an idiot.
Bazinga.
After we said we were sticking the landing.
Eight seconds.
We did not stick the beginning.
Here we go.
Hey guys, about a giant.
Slavery.
No.
Tee.
Beans.
Cow.
Robert.
Milk.
Morning, noon.
Afternoon.
Gone.
No.
All right, four seconds.
I think the worst part is when we hold waiting for the thing.
Four seconds.
Here we go.
Giant.
Slavery.
No.
Robots.
Idiot.
Robert.
Morning moo-moon-moon-night.
Morning-moon-moon-n-night.
All right, two seconds.
Giant.
Cow gone.
Cow afternoon.
Morning and night.
And one seconds.
Cow.
Milk.
Oh, giant.
You just cut to cow.
You skipped your whole deal.
Ah, fun.
Ah, fun.
That was fun.
That was fun.
That was fun.
D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-L-L-D-D-D-L-D-D.
Hey, everybody, thank you for listening.
This is Threatom, in case we didn't say it at the top.
Yeah.
And I hope you're out there having a good holiday season.
Yes, if you're listening during the holidays, if you're not.
It's the holiday season.
And we'll D-Doo.
And Hickory Dog, don't forget to hang up your side and just coming down the chimney down.
So, yes, again, those shows, Sunday, December 18th at Lodge Room.
Tickets are available at pauloftomkins.com slash live.
January 14th at Dynasty Typewriter, I believe it's a Saturday,
and Dynasty Typewriter.com.
There you go.
Great.
You have us.
Friends.
Isn't that something?
Yeah.
And we're all going to go out this week, so I'm happy about that.
Yes.
We are.
We're having dinner together.
It's going to be very fun.
And Mike and I have never been to Tamo shuntary.
Oh.
Never?
Yeah.
This is great.
This is great.
Is everything like beans in a pot?
Everything.
Okay.
They're famous for it.
Like metaphorically.
But the menu has a million.
items on it.
Beans in the pot.
But whatever you order, it's beans in a pot.
Yeah.
Great.
If you are following us online, it's at Freedom USA.
And if you, you know, on Tuesdays, we're doing our very special.
Three visiting.
Three visiting on the twos.
We're re-releasing all of our previous episodes in order on Tuesdays.
Does anyone know why we're doing that?
Because they don't want to be behind the paywall.
Oh.
I think it's great for everyone who doesn't want to pay for the paywall.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
But if you want to hear ad-free versions, you can hear them at Stitcher Premium or at CBBWorld.com.
And that's it for this episode.
We love you.
Thank you for listening.
We love you.
We'll see you next week.
Bye.
A 15-year-old girl who chewed through a rope to escape.
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new leads that could solve these cold cases. They could be a victim that we have no idea he killed.
Stolen voices of Dull Valley breaks the silence on August 19th. Follow us now.
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