Threedom - Threevisiting: Man! I Feel Like a Grandma

Episode Date: May 6, 2025

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss curtain calls and flushing before playing Hitting the Post. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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so I could trick important people into coming on my podcast, Hasan Minhaj Doesn't Know, to ask them the tough questions that real journalists are way too afraid to ask. People like Senator Elizabeth Warren. Is America too dumb for democracy? Outrageous. Parenting expert Dr. Becky. How do you skip consequences without raising a psychopath?

That's a good question. Listen to Hasan Minhaj Doesn't know from Lemonada Media, wherever you get your podcasts. Freedom! Freedom! Wow, eye contact, direct eye contact. It is scary. Freedom!

It's scary and it's not necessary. And I do wish I didn't ask for it. Yeah, but you asked for it. It's scary. Freedom! It's scary and it's not necessary and I do wish I didn't ask for it. Yeah, but you asked for it. It's scary, so scary, and unnecessary. It's scary, so scary, and unnecessary. How does everyone's tummy feel? I feel good. Let's catch the listeners up because it's been a week since they... Previously on Freedom.

Let's get chak-chak-chak. because it's been a week since they previously have freedom. Let's get Shake Shack. Shake, shake, shake, shake. That's the clip. We all get Shake Shack. This is Scott, Lauren, and Paul. We all got Shake Shack. And I'm Paul.

In between episodes. And I'm Lauren. We all got Shake Shack. We all ate Shake Shack. We didn't just receive it and then say, let's just record. And then we'll eat it afterwards. A lot of times we'll order food and we'll throw it away. Yeah.

Um, just, just as a flex, but listen, if you don't know what Shake Shack is, it's a restaurant. Yeah. What a fancy restaurant. Yeah. It's fine dining as all shacks are. I think of it as healthy because they have like better seats than Burger King or something.

Yeah. If I didn't make it at home, it's healthy. Yeah. No, honestly, if the seats are so important to your health, because if you're sitting there in Burger King and you're constantly squ If I didn't make it at home, it's healthy. No, honestly, the seats are so important to your health because if you're sitting there in Burger King and you're constantly squirming, and you're like, oh, my butt's getting supported, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

You can just relax at Shake Shack and know that your butt is going to be treated right. The Burger King chairs are so uncomfortable because they want to remind you that you're not the king. You're a peasant. You're a peasant. You're a peasant. You're a burger peasant. I think that's definitely.

You're in the Burger Kingdom. Sure. Well I think when people think of Burger King, the one thing they think is the seats are not comfortable. And that makes sense as to why. They used to try to make it like have it your way. Like they tried that to catch on and it was like, no guys. Then it was like our fries are third best.

And then it was like our seats were uncomfortable. And that stuck. That really took off. Yeah. So anyway, we all had Shake Shack. Doonk, doonk, doonk, doonk, doonk. We had Shake Shack. Bum ba dum ba dum, ba dum dum.

Now, born in a barn. Have you heard? Let us, let's. Born in a barn? Have you heard? Born in a barn and have you heard? Jesus Christ is a mighty bird. One of the best birds in history, right?

One of the best birds. That's how he flew up to heaven. He actually was a bird and everyone's just like, this is a sort of god. Does your hat have a hot dog out of this whole fucking time? No, it's a cheesesteak. It's a Philadelphia cheesesteak.

I didn't even see it. And you could order this hat with onions or without onions, and I order it with onions because that's how I like it. My pants have a hot dog on them. Ew. H.R. Puff and stuff. Puff and stuff.

I'm being molested. Yo soy molested. My ears are being molested. So we all ordered Shake Shack. Let's run down our orders again, Lord. Chicken bites, six piece fries, crinkle cut. It's like you're a prisoner of war. That's it.

Chicken bites, six piece crinkle cut. I had the chicken sandwich and the buffalo fries. I had the aforementioned hot dog, the only person to get it. That's right. They did not send mustard with it, so it was a little disappointing. Was it just plain?

Did you look for mustard in the kitchenette? No, I didn't think to look for mustard. You're a fool. I don't consider offices to be- You have a fool for a client. Yeah, I don't consider offices to be mustard-rich environments. Well, they're catching foolish.

Was it plain hot dog? So it was a plain hot dog. That's how I like it. Oh really? I'm a freak like that. You like just plain hot dog? Yeah. No bun, just right out of the water.

No, I like the bun. You like the bun. I don't like the, right out of the water where it grows. What about butter? Butter, you know, it's actually been, it's a recent introduction my parents were visiting and my mom put some butter on the thing. And I was like, what are we, the carnival?

I really thought it was like next level. You put butter on a hot dog? On the bun to kind of like add like. Oh, well yeah. Before you, before you, oh. To toast it or? Not to toast it, but yeah, that's what, when I was young, that's what when I was young, that's like, that's what my parents. Now we're putting butter on this week and then not to toast it, but just as a condiment,

just as a condiment. Yeah. I've never heard of this. It was good, I will say, but I could feel myself getting fatter. Yeah. Your clothes started to rip. It was like glue for my dad used to put butter. I would turn it off, by the way, or the minute his clothes would start to rip. Anything interesting happen?

It's wasteful. Yeah, exactly. That show Lou Ferrigno. I just like to see that one guy get mad and then go to another town. I realize now I have it backwards. By the way, Lou Ferrigno is in the offer. He's in the offer, yeah.

He looks, he's, what is he, 70 years old? He looks exactly like Lou Ferrigno. He has not aged. He used to be at Comic Con, he looks he's what is he 70 years old looks exactly like Lou Ferrigno He has not aged. It's used to be a comic-con Like at Midtown comics or whatever and he'd be signing stuff and so and you just kind of pass by and go It's fucking Lou Ferrigno and he was I heard that Lauren do you got any of that he's deaf. There you go. Yeah, so my dad used to put butter on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches Oh, no, that's so many layers of gloop. That's a lot of stuff.

He also used to eat liverwurst. He sounds like a mad man. What's going on with this guy? Well right now, he eats six feet a day. So not a lot. Love that show. Right now he's busy pushing up the daisies. But yeah, butter on a hot dog. Two bits. Two bits, of course, yeah.

Butter on a hot dog. So now, I had the hot dog, and I had a smoke shack. Butter on a hot dog. I had a smoke shack, and I crinkle cut fries. And then what happened? And then we all separately went to the bathroom. I did not. I haven't gone yet.

So you went to the bathroom. But you're clutching your side. I'm climbing. You're clutching your side. You're touching your son. You look like you had an appendectomy. I feel good. I like doing this. That was a coincidence.

But my stomach doesn't feel perfect. I'll say it doesn't feel right. It's not just like chillin how it was before we ate the food. It hasn't hit me yet, but I also eat very fast. So the food has not yet reached my guts. So if you eat super fast, it slows down? Right at the bottom of my neck.

Is that your theory? Yes, my theory is- You eat super fast, so the food will slow down as it goes down to your stomach. The food doesn't know where to go yet. It got there all at once. It's like, hey, where are we? All right, let's figure this out.

Wait, we're the whole sandwich? And we're already all here? Let's chill for a while. This doesn't usually happen to us. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha because we've talked about you. Shake Shack if you're listening. Here's the deal. Shake Shack if you're listening. Sean was doing the former president. Remember? Russia if you're listening. Russia if you're listening, yeah.

Who is that? I don't, you know. Yeah, that guy. One of our former presidents. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that guy. Shake Shack if you're listening. So you only do president impersonations now.

Yeah. That's all I do. You're just a, you're the new Rich Little. Yes. I remember seeing him when I was a kid. I saw him on some special, it was like a 4th of July thing, and he did impressions of all these presidents like going back, I think even before, like whoever we had recordings of.

Right. But it's like, no one knows who what Warren, Calvin Coolidge. What the fuck, Calvin Coolidge, no one knows who he sounds like. I get I'll take your word for it. Rich little impression of someone you've never did like Truman like, okay, sure. Well, like we do Lincoln. Who do who do we know?

Lincoln Lincoln. I've been thinking. But that's debatable, isn't it? Who's the first guy that we know for sure that everyone could go like, oh, yeah. Is it FDR? FDR. Yeah. What did he do?

We have nothing to fail. And so you got to sound really far away and statically. We were doing very different voices. I have nothing to fail. Oh shit. I gotta take a shit. I'm trying to stand up like Pearl Harbor the Wolfie. I forgot and I tried to stand up like it's parallel with the movie. I forgot and I tried to stand up. Aw. I broke my foot.

I broke my foot? I broke my foot. But wait, who was after FDR? He had a broken foot. That's why he was in that wheelchair. Yeah. For so long. Don't make me guess who was after FDR.

I can't do this. I memorized it all the way back to 1900 and then I've totally forgotten it. Let's hear it. Well, okay. So you got, you know, the dude who's in there now, Brandon. I'm just kidding. Let's go.

Oh my god. Joseph Robinette, Biden. 45. And then you have... Robinette. Robinette. ...Obammer. And before that is George W. Bush.

And before that is Clinton. And before that is George W. Bush. And before that is Clinton. And before that is George H. W. Bush. And before that is Reagan. And before that is Carter. And before that is Ford. And then before that is Nixon. Before that is LBJ. Before that was John F. Kennedy.

Let him do it. We're doing it at the same time though. I need this. I need Paul to help. Kennedy. Let him do it. We're doing it the same time though. I need this. I need Paul to help. Please, Paul, I need this. OK, OK, OK. Before that was Dwight David Eisenhower. Right. Before that was Harry S. Truman. Oh, yeah.

Before that was Franklin Delano Roosevelt. OK, so then we're back to it. And before that was Herbert Hoover. Because he hoovered up all the money. And that's why, yeah, that's how I he over it up all the money and that's why yeah That's how I was doing it like with little tricks in my mind I want to say before that was Coolidge and then before that was Wilson, but I'm not the order of those guys

Coolidge was I Remember there's like two double letters around Coolidge and that's how I would remember it or something like that But yeah Coolidge was like HH and WW. Yeah, so Coolidge was in the middle Coolidge and but he's got much back and he was He was like 1908 or something like that through 16. I was 19 years old He was 19 years old he was he was just 17 and you know what I mean The new Twilight Zone episode about the Kid President. No. No. What? Twilight Zone? Did you see the one I was in? No. What were you in? Kid President? I was in, yeah, I was the Kid President. Oh, you were so adorable. I know they put a filter on me.

I was in one Tony Newsome and I were in the same episode with Journey Smollett. Tony News. I thought you said Tommy Newsome and I was like. Tommy Newsome from the Tonight Show Band. Right. That has been probably dead for many decades. It's like, you might be alive. I know it's happening. Yeah, we have no idea. Yeah, it was about and Journey Smollett was somebody who, she had this, she wanted to be a singer,

and so somehow. La la la, et cetera. Yeah, and so. So Remy. Of course she did something like that. Yes, and the thing was, the thing was people, she wanted to be like famous. She wanted to be like, have everybody love her.

So then what happened is people were just like cheering and clapping for her wherever she went. And it wasn't about the music anymore. It was just about the feeling of being loved and she hated it. That's how we feel with this podcast. Tom Lennon was in that episode. Really?

Tom Lennon was the host of like a singing competition that she wins. Then I was a talk show host. She goes on the talk show and everybody's clapping so much that she runs out in a fright. Oh. And what did you do? I clapped.

I was under the spell of the Twilight Zone. Yes. Okay. That's really, that's really freaky stuff. It's freaky fucking stuff. It felt freaky at the time because COVID was happening. Oh. As it still is. Yeah.

Yeah. So it was like it is now. So in a way as it still is. Yeah. Yeah. It was like it is now. I want to be away. We're still in. I want to be the last person to ever get COVID. Like it ends with me. Oh, that would be great. Like I just put a period at the end of this sentence. And it'll be like you'll be reported on the news, like in Children of Man.

Yeah. Last guy to ever get COVID. The last person to not get COVID has gotten COVID. It's over. No, I'm meaning no one ever gets it after me. Yeah, that's why I said it's over, man. Oh me. Yeah, that's why I said it's over, man. Oh, I see. That's why I said it's over, man. I was saying I didn't want to be the last person to ever get COVID and then-

No, you want it to be the last person. To ever, yeah, there can be other people out there who have never gotten COVID. But I'm saying the only way that's gonna happen is you are the very last person to get it. You're probably right. I know I'm right. You're probably right, that's all very logical.

Do you think if you were the last person to get it and then that was it, the animals would like take over and stuff? I think they would bow down to me. It'd be like that movie 13 Muggies. All creatures great and small would come to me and bow before their master. Like what one would you wanna do it first?

Which one would I want to have bow to me first? Probably the elk. Why the elk? Because those horns and everything would be so funny. It would be like check those out. Not an elephant? This huge creature bowing to you? He's got to be in the back so he's going to block everyone. He's going to block the field mice and everything if he's in the front. They're fucked anyway. They can see over the elk. Come on. Okay. I want the... Scott, you're kidding yourself. I want the ants and the mosquitoes and the gnats first.

Oh, so size order. Yeah. Smallest to tallest. Smallest to tallest, thank you. Do they all bow at the same time? They all arrange themselves at- Or is it like a wave? It's, you know how anytime you see like,

you're on Broadway and everyone's bowing at the same time. It always happens in the middle and then like goes out to the- It's got much back. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's how I want it. I do know that. Yeah.

So that's what I want, Lauren. Give it to me. Okay, well, I guess we can see what happens. I won't, I guess I- Give it to me, Lauren. Well, I'll be here. I'm not gonna be dead. I'll be here.

I'll just- No, you'll be dead in this scenario. Why, why? But I already had COVID. You're saying the animals are not gonna bow to you until all the humans are dead or just Lauren? Just Lauren. They're like, have you killed Lauren? Cause I'm not bound to you dude. And if you got to chop my head off. Okay.

Hey Lauren, would you, if you grew up on a farm and you had to like kill chickens and stuff like that, we had different approaches. How would you, would you, you know, if you had to kill chickens to eat and all that, would you be cool with that? If I grew up on a farm, I'm gonna go ahead and guess that yeah, I would be. Because it'd be ingrained in me from a young age, so that's perfectly fine.

You'd be a killer from a young age. I always remember hearing a story about my great grandma chopping off a chicken's neck and it would run around. Just the neck. They'd go to... I used two axes and I chopped off the neck. They'd go pick out the chicken at the place. From the big tank.

Bring it home and give it a slap. Give it a slap first. Cross the neck. An axe slap. Oh. With an old knife of sorts. Let me. An old knife of sorts.

And then eat the chicken. You sound like a grandmother right now. Hey, I feel like one right now. Damn, I feel like a grandmother right now. Hey, I feel like one right now. Damn, I feel like a grandmother. Can I tell you that that song is very funny to me? It is funny, but did we already talk about this? I think we did. Yeah, we did, on this show.

Can I tell you again? On this very show. Yeah, please Paul, tell us. You recently have been thinking about it and so we spoke about it. I have an abrupt change of subject. Biddy biddy biddy biddy bidi bidi bidi bidi bidi bidi. Is this Paul's topics?

No, what was my thing? Was it called Paul's topics? Did you have one? I had one. It goes Paul's news. It didn't take off like Lauren's topics. It didn't take off. It's Paul's news.

Let's do it during Lauren's topics. It's not news though. It's Paul's news. You know what? This is a what'd you think? Okay. This is Paul's what'd you think? And you're gonna take our temperature

on what we thought about whatever your thing is that you announced during the what'd you think? Yeah. Okay. What'd you think about curtain calls? Because recently a friend of mine, we were having dinner and he went to see a play. And before he went to see the play, a friend of his said, aren't curtain calls weird?

Like when you actually look at it, isn't it a strange thing that the play is over and then the people come back out? And I was like, I get that. They should do it in movies. Brad Pitt and Sandra Bullock and Jenny Tatum just bow. Why do they want to do it while the credits? Well, that's the thing. I don't think it's weird. Yeah. Like I do it while the credits? But why is it weird? Well, that's the thing. It's, I don't think it's weird.

Yeah. Like I like it as the tradition of the theater. I think an audience would be stymied and would feel unsatisfied having not being able to thank these people live. I think that we're so used to it that it would be very strange if it wasn't there. Yeah.

But this person's point was, if the thing is over, why do you go through this whole rigmarole or whatever? I will say this though, that the individual curtain calls, I think, don't need to happen. Meaning everyone coming out separately? Everybody coming out separately. Somebody gets more applause than somebody else. I think it's okay. I think it's nice to get to clap for the people and have them feel that energy. I do too. And I think if when they come out one by one, that's also nice because they get that moment that excitement of coming out.

It tends to be a competition between them. But I don't like how it builds like, oh, the person with the least part comes out first. Well, you know what I used to- But you always know who is going to get the most applause. What I used to hate was- And they know that. Yeah. So then take it away from them. Scene shows at the-

Or just have that one person come up. But it's also, it's a collaborative, Scott, we'll get to you in a second. It's also a collaborative art form, so I think everybody should bow at the same time. Yeah. Or approximately the same time. To me, like the idea of you're seeing these people

do this in front of you, they've worked on it for a long time, and they're actually there, that I think that's a great moment to have the curtain call between the performers and the audience. What if we did a curtain call after these? We have been and nobody knows. I always bow after every podcast I do. I click, leave the zoom and then I bow.

You bow to your computer. Well I, when I used to see shows at the La Mirada Playhouse, they would always, to get people to come to them, because La Mirada, California, is not a cultural bastion. Yeah, I'll never go there. To get people to go to them, they would cast one famous person. And I remember seeing Ted Lange as-

Isaac, your bartender. Yes, as the drill instructor in Biloxi Blues, Neil Simon's play that Matthew Broderick did on Broadway did he do the play or the movie I can't remember he did the movie too okay so wait did he I don't think so I think he was replaced for that one and then came back yeah yeah I think Silverman did it the single guy Silverman from yeah little partner in crime. So the issue for me is when Ted Lange, who has a showy part, but a supporting role,

these kids, and especially the guy playing Matthew Broderick's role, are the backbone of this show. But then Ted Lange, because he's the biggest star. Is that the pronunciation? Maybe. I don't know. Ted Lange.

L-A-N-G-E. He gets the last bow and everyone and he gets the most applause. And it's all because of fame. Yeah. Fuck that. If I were and I and I saw it and I was like, Ted Lange, I don't respect you anymore, because if I was Ted Lange, I would be saying, let the let these kids have the bow. Yes. I'm going to go first.

Yes. The first of us shall be shall be last. Yes. And let the applause Peter out. Let these kids have the bow. I'm gonna go first. The first of us shall be last. And let the applause peter out. And then I still win. Yeah, cause they wouldn't cheer louder. Save, make the crowd clap for Ted Lange. I think it's insulting to, if someone were to say to me, if I were in Ted Lange's place,

and I sincerely hope I am someday, I would refuse it, definitely. Refuse. Would you refuse it? So noble. So noble. Would I refuse it? Would I refuse getting a ton of applause

for work that I put in? No. But more than, like, you've only shown up for an hour a day, and meanwhile, this kid is there eight hours a day. I would then motion to the kid, and I would say, cheer louder for him. How about him?

That's a way to do it actually. It's like, okay, I know I'm the most famous and I'm getting the final bow, but I'm going to bring him up and go like, no, no, no. It's about him. But how about him? I would, okay, here's what I would do. And it would look, it would make me look great.

Yeah. I would come out at the end, of course, because they expect me to. They expect you to. You can't throw off their expectations. When you're Ted Lange. Yes, I would, of course. Yes, I do the point from can't throw off there. When you're Ted Lange. Yes, I would of course. Yes, I do the point from the love boat.

Yes. When you're a Ted Lange, you're going to have to come out last or else people will be very disappointed. Let's get that out of there. I'm Ted Lange and I will when they applaud, I'll act surprised and then I'll like cross my hands. What about rubbing your eyes? I will absolutely rub my eyes like, can this really be happening?

Then I will start shaking my hand going, no, no, no, no, no. Will you do the Dikembe Motsambo? Of course I will. And she'll wag your finger at them and say no, no, no. At the whole audience and then I'll point at the kid. Individually. Individually. I make sure I make eye contact with every single person in the audience. I wag my finger. Dikembe style. And then when I get hit every single person, I point to the kid and I go, and I started like, are you kidding me? Everyone knows they're on to it. They're like, oh my, he's going to make me. Yes.

They're glued to their seats. But the first person you do it to is probably going to be little bored in the middle. The first person? No, they're going to be looking around to see, like, who's he doing it to now? OK. Because I'm not going to do it in order row by row. I'm going to do it like.

Oh, randomly. But in an order that you've memorized. I will. I mean, I have a pretty good memory for these things. I'm Ted Lange. And I will give everybody the Dekenbe. And then clap at your co-star. Clap at the kid, I'll gesture towards him,

like you should be clapping for him. Then I'll get mad, I'll act like I'm getting mad, like, come on! And I'll start like, I won't. I give them the standing ovation sign, get up there, get up on your feet. And then when they're clapping for him, I'll grab at my heart, like something's not quite right.

And then I'll- Topple to the ground. I'll start to walk off, but just before I get to the wings, I fall down. Oh. And then what? Everyone walks out of the theater while you're still laying there?

I have them close the curtain. And then- Oh, and it bangs on your head a couple of times. No, that's undignified. And then they pull you back. That's embarrassing. He pulled back by my feet. And then do they ever say he's not really dead or he's okay? No, they make the audience wait for news that never comes.

So they're there checking the papers every single day saying is Ted Lange dead? Is Ted Lange dead? And I do it every single night. And your name's Ted Lange. My name's Ted Lange. And that's Jewish and you're not you. Ted Lange, you've been put on blast. If I were me, I would just take the applause. There you have it.

Now Lauren, do you know who Ted Lange is? No, I do not. No, no, I did not. You've never seen a love boat? I've seen enough to know that the little pictures come off in love. Exciting and new. Yeah, I'm going to Google who he is.

Come aboard. We're expecting you. And love, life's sweetest reward. It's an open smile. Oh, the first that pops up is his funeral service. It's an open sore. The Lobo, soon we'll be making another run. I'm sorry, am I following the right name?

The love boat. I don't know. All I see is funeral stuff and funeral information. I don't see the love boat or anything. Have you looked up, what did you look up? Ted LaMau. Funerals in my area? I Googled T- L O N G E.

T what? Okay, how do you spot? L A N G E. Oh, I googled L O N G E. Wong Ted. Now I see. Now I see who Ted Longe is. Well, the other guy died and it was all that there was about that person was their obituary

and a video of the funeral. Okay. Video? Wow. Let's watch the entire funeral right now. Is Ted Lange still with us? Yes, he is. You've been put on blast, Ted Lange. By them Freedom Boys.

Answer for your behaviors. I feel it's so odd how the internet just has these little pockets for people and that's just like that one guy just has that. Internet pockets. That's weird. That's where he goes in his pocket. What was his name again?

Ted Lange. Ted Lange. L-O-N-G? Yeah, E. Nowange. Ted Lange. L-O-N-G? Yeah, E. Now what about Ted, wait. L-O-N-G-E. I was thinking of Ted Lang, but that's the guy we've been talking about.

Ted Lange. Is that how you actually say it? I have no idea. Can you look up pronunciation of Ted Lange? I'm just realizing that the love boat theme was an entire song with a chorus and a bridge. And several verses. Yes.

Yeah. God, the show must've been what, 40 minutes long? Yeah, but you would be so disappointed when you didn't hear it, and you would never not hear it. Exactly. Yeah. What do we got in pronunciation, grandma? Not finding a lot on that front, but I'm going to.

Is there like a YouTube video that says pronunciation of Ted Lange? Lange. Ted Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, Lange, L. Ted Lange. You don't say flange. I say flange. I say flange. Well Ted Lange, if you're out there, look, we apologize, but at the same time you deserved it so. Yeah, you had that coming. But you and Paige Davis come by the show sometime. Are you, you're inviting Ted? Okay, so what's the order?

It's Paige Davis first. Look, I'll invite Ted Lange to this show as long as he doesn't take the last bow. There was somebody else that we said if Paige did it, then we would have this person on and I can't remember. Mary Holland? No, we will... Guys? We're never having Mary Holland on this show.

It must not have been, though. It was somebody else. Because we pledged and vowed. If only we had some sort of like producer who ever listened to the show and said whatever he's doing now. Like a chevron. He's yawning. Literally yawning. Okay, it was for a bit.

Hey man, I don't blame you. It was for a bit. It was for a bit! Okay, Ted Lange, we need to take a break. Hey Ted, we need to take a break. Ted Flange. Flange. We're gonna be back and then we're gonna put someone else on blast and I'm. Ted, flange. Flange. We're going to be back, and then we're going to put someone else on blast,

and I'm looking at him right now. Oh, fuck. That's right. How dare he? This Judas comes back into our sight. Yeah, we'll tell you who we're talking about. I think you've guessed it if you're a real listener. Yeah, OK, we'll be right back.

["KING OF THE IMPOSSIBLE"] King of the Impossible. I have a question for you. Okay, I hopefully have an answer, but if I don't, I'm just going to run out of the room really quickly. Okay, I mean, I would say take another guess if you want me to just hazard a guess. I don't want you to just leave. Yeah.

Okay, well, let's hear the question. I might just leave. Okay, here's the question. You know when a new shirt just becomes your go to? Oh God, bye. Oh, Scott. hear the question. I might just leave. Okay. Here's the question You know when a new shirt just becomes your go-to. Oh god. Bye. Let's go Whole whole shape like himself, that's what happened when I picked up a back. Oh, okay Good, you're just time to hear my personal story. Okay, please tell me something really to get my heart Do you remember what I said about the new shirt becoming my go-to? Oh, yeah, that scared me That's what happened when I picked up a few new pieces, I call them, from Quince.

They're the first things I reach for in my closet. Lightweight, comfortable and always on point. Yeah, I mean, I know from my experience, Quince has all the things you actually want to wear, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts. They also have comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs, of which I do on the reg, to nice dinners. Which I do constantly. Can I just say what the best part is? Please. Everything from Quince is priced 50 to 80 percent less than what you'd find at similar brands.

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Have you? What'd you say? Fudge fudge. Yeah, I know that's where it's made. Yeah, of course. I don't know whether they sell it there, but summer also is just around the corner. Like Lauren was saying. Yeah. You know, folks at Mint Mobile have a hot take. Getting a summer bod is out and getting your summer bod saving.

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Overages is more what I was thinking, but. I'm having a hard time reading today. That's right, but let me tell you, if you're having a hard time reading, or if you're having huge monthly bills and unexpected overages, Mint Mobile is here to rescue you. Woo, thank God.

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code freedom for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O M B A S dot com slash freedom. Go freedom at checkout. Guys, we're back and yeah, we're looking at this treacherous fellow. This snake. The snake in the studio. This traitor who left us. And when he, he said, and I quote,

I'm leaving the show. Goodbye forever. You all suck. If I ever see you again, no, I didn't. I'm paraphrasing. He said, I'm leaving the show. Goodbye forever. You all suck. Goodbye forever. Wait, you're paraphrasing me? Yes.

He actually got on stage and went, goodbye forever and you all suck. Goodbye forever. He did a choreographed dance. He put on an Elvis jumpsuit. Yeah. It was a leotard underneath. It was really good.

Yeah, I mean, it was quality work. I can't say it was good. A Roy Scheider, all that jazz leotard underneath. It was good. And I wasn't paying attention to what he was saying at first because I was like, this is a great moment. He did six costume changes. It was a lot of effort just to be mean,

which was interesting because I didn't take it for that kind of thing. He was drenched in sweat afterwards. Then he did seven curtain calls. Yeah. Where he wanted louder applause each time for himself than he had before. And we gave it to him! Because what else could we do? We're cowards! Anyway, he's here in the booth right now, next to Chevin, our real producer.

Poking Kevin in the ribs and saying, do it this way, producer in the ribs and saying do it this way do it that way If I recall i've tried hard to forget it is josh josh. Yeah Uh, he's here josh. He's acting like a real innocent. Yeah, he's he's shrugging like what else could I do guys? Twisting a finger in his dimple like who? He's singing the good ship in his dimple like, who, me? Who, Shirley Temple? And I did what? He's singing the Good Ship Lollipop right now. On the good ship, lollipop, it's a sweet trip to the candy shop where gumdrops play. On the delta shores of Appamint Bay.

Guys, I've literally gotten 10 spam risk calls while we've been. I think you should pick up. I think it might be serious. All right. Here we go. Hello. Hello. My name is Liz.

What we do is we remove homes. Maybe we can fix and remove your homes. You remove homes? We paint and change floors, change roofs. Could you make my downstairs, my upstairs? Yes, sir. I gotta say, I'm intrigued by this guy's business. Yeah, interesting, interesting.

He didn't bat an eye. He can just switch floors on you. He just launched right into his campaign. Yeah, what we do is. Hello, what we do is. So it's interesting, because he sounds like he has a legitimate business, but it comes up as spam risk.

Yeah. I wonder how they know. Yeah. Because to me, I was like, you should hire him. And honestly, if you could flip the downstairs to the upstairs, that's going to change everything. I wouldn't have to walk up and downstairs anymore. Well, you'd still have to do that to go. To those places that you go up.

I didn't even think about that. But going upstairs would now not be such a chore because you're going downstairs. That's true. Yeah. Could they turn the stairs upside down? Here's what you want to happen. You want it so you're never going upstairs.

So the house can just keep switching. Yeah. And then you're always just going down and down. Like Adam Carolla's garage, where it's just like cars keep. What? Why do you know this and why is that and what is it?

Adam Carolla's garage. I tried to kill myself in his garage. Carbon monoxide poisoning. Adam Carolla's garage. Is he one of those guys that has a bunch of cars? I think so. I think he has like, as Rodney Dangerfield said, he's got a warehouse.

Wow. Rodney, gone too soon. That's really. That's from, you do need to get a room. You do need to get a warehouse. Oh, I thought it was his car. Who's that from? Meat Wally Sparks?

We had so many. Not sure. Meat Wally Sparks? What the fuck was that? That's a movie he did. I think you mean Meat Joe Black? And I think Rodney- Sorry, I'm thinking Brad Pitt.

Was the dad in that? I'm thinking Brad Pitt. Did he get hit by a car 80 times? Yeah. Wait, Meat Wally Sparks, I remember that title. What was it? What happened? Well, we should watch it and livestream it right now.

Yeah. Hey everybody, go rent Meet Wally Sparks. We're gonna do a watch-along. We're going to talk about it right now. If you have to go to like some Russian pirate bay, go ahead. It was a 1997 American comedy film directed by Peter Baldwin.

Who's that? Does that tell you everything you need to know? Oh, Burt Reynolds was in it. Oh, boy. As well as Debbie Mazar. Michael. Debbie Mazar. Follow her on Instagram and her life seems fascinating, really interesting and full. Why? What'd she do?

She lives in Italy most of the time, but she also still lives in New York. She she has Italian citizenship. She like is best friends with Madonna. She has Italian citizenship. Dang! Like is best friends with Madonna and she has an amazing life. She has a beautiful family. Wow. Completely impressed by her. Good for her!

And she's a fun follow on Instagram because she posts a lot of like throwbacks but also current pictures. I mean she really figured it out. Move to Italy and be friends with Madonna. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you could be friends with Madonna. Yeah. Family is everything. Yeah, yeah. If you could be friends with Madonna, would you?

Me? Yeah. I don't like, and that would mean she was equally interested. Yeah. Like, and we maybe had fun together and stuff. Well, I'm not saying that you'd have fun together because I'm just saying the opportunity is there.

You'd be friends, but it might not be fun. Yeah. I would probably try it, but I think I would know right be friends, but it might not be fun. Yeah. I would probably try it, but I think I would know right off the bat that it wasn't a match. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm not, I wouldn't close the door because you just never know.

You know, what about you guys? Would you be best friends with her or like what? I don't think so. Yeah. I think we- I don't think so. We're a good match, her and I. You and Madonna. Yeah.

To be pals. Yeah, I think that she'd be equally interested in all my podcasts. Yeah. Like equally uninterested. Yeah, as uninterested as I am in her music. Yeah, there you go. Oh, equally.

I see. Yeah. And then you just talk about Pee People. Pee People. Pee Pee People. Pee Pee People. Pee Pee People. Pee Pee People.

Pee Pee Pee People. You know, she never changed a diaper. What? That always sounded weird to me. Yeah. One of those people. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No, we're talking about her own. No, she is old now. No, she just goes to the toilet. She goes to... I never changed my own diaper because I never wore one. It's a red hole. I know this came up earlier on an earlier episode, but I went to the earwool toilet over here

and it says, you know, don't flush down sanitary wipes. Yeah, we talked about that before. But then it says, don't flush down toilet paper. What? It says, don't flush toilet paper, put it in the bin next to the toilet. It does not say that. And I looked in the, Paul's going to check.

Take a picture while you're there. I will. It will certainly last longer. Why would it say that? It says, don't flush toilet paper. And so I will! It will certainly last longer. Because why would it say that's so gross? It says don't flush toilet paper. And so I looked in the bin next to the toilet thinking it was just going to have like a ton

of shitty toilet paper in there. But no one's following that. No one's following the rules. Because that's disgusting. It is disgusting. Nobody wants to empty that garbage, first of all. Lauren, Paul's gone. Okay, now that he's gone.

Oh, shit, he's back. What does it say? Okay, this is really weird. Scott was right. Ha! That is weird. Attention, please do not fl- well first of all, three exclamation points. Attention, three exclamation points. Shut that door, Bob. Oh, sorry. Give me that sound proof. Yes, master. Primary. Shit. Yes, primary. primary shit yes primary talk into the mic while you're doing whatever you're doing okay man back in the room shut the door do this do that You're the one! You're the one!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, comma, trash or disposable wipes, please use bin. Kevin, have you ever heard the like of this? Is this a new rule? It's madness, darling. New rules. Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding

ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding I think I should start with that over tampons because it's actually, we're used to seeing signs that say don't flush your tampons. Lead with guys that you can't even flush toilet paper. I would say put the poop in the sink.

Yeah, put the poop in the sink. Put the poop in the sink. One time I was in London and I was staying at a bed and breakfast, which of course is the worst. Cozy, yeah. And the toilet, in the toilet there was a sign you were not supposed to flush toilet paper.

You had to put it in this little trash can next to you. And it was, frankly, disgusting. Oh, God, I cannot imagine. That is so vile. It was horrible. I mean, it was not my job to clean it out, but I didn't like the whole process. But it's your job to open it up and add to it.

Yeah. And add to it. God, I would just never. I mean, I know they- You were hired to add to it. I was hired to add to it. They, I would just never. You were hired to add to it. I was hired to add to it. They must have needed money, but I would... I made 2,000 pounds.

Of poop? You would make 2,000 pounds. I was not eating well. I was going to Nando's every day! Just a poop in it. So stupid. So stupid. So stupid. I'm starting to think that eating greasy fries and chicken

isn't really like good for you. Cause like my energy, my eyes are going. Expand on that. I don't know. It's like, I'm just thinking. Turning fully away from the table. La la la la, I'm gonna take a nap. What happens if we don't look at each other at all?

Yeah. For a while. I'd like that. All right. Okay. All right, we're all turning away. Let's see how it feels. Let's see how it feels. What is called a bat in Improv, where the lights are out and we don't see each other.

Why is it called a bat? Because bats like the dark? I would assume so. Bats don't like the dark, they're just able to deal with it. Bats don't like the dark, bats don't like the dark. Well then why don't they come out during the day, asshole? They do come out during the day.

No they don't, they hate it. And then they take a look and they go, hmm, nah, uh-uh. So they don't like the day or the night? They hate both. They hate being alive, they're suicidal. They don't like the day or the night. This doesn't really feel any different. I don't like it.

No, no, I don't like it, I gotta look at everyone. I like Zoom. I'm gonna zoom, I zoom, I zoom, I zoom. Come on, give it a try. We're gonna teach you to fly high. Come on and zoom. Come on and zoom, zoom. Is the reason.

Is the reason. That makes everything that happens the fetus. Boy, can we talk about Wirtle? Let's talk about it. Well, it needs to be addressed. Now this happened several weeks ago. That's it, we're just getting to it. Yeah, this is cold off the presses.

Okay, this is our segment. Cold off the presses. Cold off the presses. So approximately four weeks ago, Wordle came out and their word, and this happened. Yeah, but this wasn't, it wasn't the word I got. No, because they had switched it by the time

that we did our wordle. But the wordle that they, the word they used for their wordle was fetus. The word is? On Mother's Day. And everyone. Wasn't it on Mother's Day? Yes.

Which is really very rude. Really rude. Should have been fetal. Should have been fetal or it should have been Momma. Momma. Momma with two M's in the middle. M-O-M-M-A. Really rude. Should've been fetal. Should've been fetal or it should've been. Should've been mama. Mama. Mama with two M's in the middle. M-O-M-M-A.

M-M-A is what it should've been. Mixed martial arts. Mixed martial arts, mama. Yes. Why? It should've been anything. Anything but the word fetus. Other. On Mother's Day. F-O-E-T-U-S, fetus.

How absolutely dare they. On Mother's Day, do you want to be thinking about your kids as fetuses? No, you want to be like proud that they've grown up. No one wants to do that, Werdell. No one wants it as a Werdell. No one wants to find that word. You want it to be a neutral word. Shame wordle, shame.

Shame wordle. Something normal like shame or shine or shone. Mr. Birdle or whatever his name is who created it. Josh Wardle. Josh Birdle. Mr. Wardle. Will you stand down to? You should be ashamed of yourself.

Ashamed. Or start painting a picture? I would really love it if he were to. Get a little Billy Bratz. If he were to donate everything he's made off of Wurdle to charity because of fetus. To a fetus, he should donate to a fetus. To one particular fetus.

But the way that I feel. It should be like a Charlie's Chocolate Factory thing. You know my love for you is stronger. Where it's like one lucky fetus gets a million wordles. Gets to come to his wordle factory. Is it just his office, his home office? You is real. I will start by to picture.

Hey, Scott, what's going on? What's up, what's wrong? You just didn't know the song? You feel sad? I didn't know what song you guys were doing. Billy Bragg, Must I Paint You a Picture? I didn't know that song. He felt sad. I didn't know what song you guys were doing. Billy Bragg, must I paint you a picture? I didn't know that song. He felt sad.

I felt left out and I felt like, gosh, what if I never hear another song again? Wow, what a jump. Yeah. Holy shit. What do you mean? Well, I didn't hear that one. Maybe I'll never hear another one.

Hey, I got another cold off the presses, R.E. Werdl. Okay. Yeah. The word today as of this recording was- Did I do it already? Did you do it? Yeah, I did. Yeah, right? Yeah, I did.

You didn't get it. I didn't get it. I did not get the word at all. I felt really sad for you. Yeah, I felt that too. I was so annoyed. Really sad. Yeah, it was depressing.

Because it was kind of like, wow, Paul can't get this. I felt like a deep depression. If Paul can't get this. How's he gonna get through this day, week, month, year? And I think you've seen the answer. But the word was slung, which I tried. I got first, I got SL tried all these SL words.

Then I got SLU tried a bunch of SLU words. What? So like, what'd you try? Sluck? I'll show you. Yes, look. Yeah, he's the slady. It's nice. Let me guess what you put slurp. Oh, no, because I missed the theady tonight. Excellent. Let me guess what you put. Slurp? Oh.

No, because I missed the R was already gone. Okay, so... Wait, what? Sl... Yeah? Sl... You're SLU. All right, it started with smear.

Wait, wait, wait. Then it went to slick. Slick. Then it went to sloop. Stop. Stop, stop, stop. You gotta go slower, Paul. What are the last...

What is sloop? What's the next letter, the first letter? Like sloop, John B.? It's not a conabote, is it? Well, what letter? Because you got a couple letters right in the next line. SLU. So I think you put...

Slut, slump. Oh my God. Hold on. Hold on, we're getting started. Because I was thinking and I couldn't figure out what it was. Slump. No.

No, because, okay. Slut. Slung. Slug. Slung. No, that, because, okay. Slut, slung, slung, slung. No, that's what the actual word was. You didn't get slunk because you didn't get that close. Didn't get slunk. How about because also you don't think I, to be fair, I did not see that word. Like I didn't see it in the letters that I had other words. I can't even think because you don't think of past tense words. Squirrel.

S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-S-L-U-B-B. Really? How about slugs? Slugs is not in there because they don't do plural. I know, but I thought maybe you were just trying something. No, never try plural. Okay. What did you try? My first guess was slush. Then I was like, I don't know, is slub a word? Is a word, wasn't the answer.

Slush. And then I put in sluff, S-L-U-F-F, sluff. Yeah. Yeah. When I hear that word, I think of S-L-O-U-G-H. Me too. But it accepted it. It accepted it.

That's math making. Wordle. That's crazy making. Josh Wordle. Josh. You had Paul at hello. And he. I put in hello, didn't get it.

Didn't work. That's really wrong. That's wrong. And now meanwhile, we got it in hello, didn't get it. Didn't work. That's really wrong. That's wrong. And now meanwhile, we got it in what, three or four? I got it in five, I think, cause I put slunk first. Yeah. It was only my second time not getting it. And I actually was really confused.

I put slunk and then I was looking and I'm going, why isn't it said good job? Why, hey, hey, phone. And you started hitting your phone. It was like, actually you didn't get it. I'm like, what? And then I was like, what? And then I was like, what? And then I looked at my letter and I was like, slung.

Yeah. God be slung. Slung, I always associated with low slung. And so I don't think- Like balls? Yeah, like low slung balls. Do you mean like, what are the shooters? He got them low slung balls.

Shooter sacks. Shooter sacks. Shooter sacks. Who would have turned back? He got some low slung balls shooter sex He got Is that the songs you do on the battleship in the video? Yeah, yeah. Stage. Yeah, it was on a battleship with with like a big. Yeah, with a G string. G string. Yeah. Those assless chappies. Yeah. I got some low slung balls.

Do do do do. I got some hot tea in aze And a tummy in the middle saying it says I'm hungry now And my butt's being low And behind it it boops in toilet, but the paper don't go. That's right. Yeah. The earwolf theme song. It goes into the trash.

The receptionist should be forced to sing this to anyone walking in. And if you need to go to the bathroom and then sing the song and then point down the hallway. Wait, what's this person going to tell? She's singing, I got some low slung balls? First? Okay, you're thinking, when is she going to get to the bathroom? And you start to ask questions, receptionist holds up a finger, keeps singing. If I could reach my balls.

How many verses are there? singing. If I could reach my balls. How many verses are there? It's like the love boat. Oh my God, exciting and new. Oh my gosh. All right, we have to take a break. We'll be right back. All right, bye.

Hey Lauren, this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. I know because mental health awareness is growing but there's still progress to be made. 26% of Americans who participated in a recent survey say that they have avoided seeking mental health support due to fear of judgment. Yeah, I have a fear of surveys so I didn't participate. When people hesitate to get help it doesn't just affect them. It impacts families, workplaces and entire communities. Yep. It's a big chain of badness going down when people don't take care of themselves. And this Mental Health Awareness Month, what we should be doing is encouraging everyone

to take care of their well-being so we can what? Say it with me, chant it with me. Break the stigma! Thank you. The world is better when people are healthy and happy. Therapy has honestly been one of the most transformative things I've ever done for myself. I'm very grateful that I pushed through my discomfort and got a therapist and was able to work through some hard things and also talk about some of the things that aren't so serious. I like to just chill with my therapist. We watch a movie.

I love that. My therapist is my best friend. Okay. Better health. We were just having a conversation. We watch a movie, we try on a movie. I love that. My therapist is my best friend. Okay. BetterHelp. We were just having a conversation. He just was saying that unrelated to anything.

BetterHelp has over 10 years of experience matching people with the right therapist from their diverse network of more than 30,000 licensed therapists with a wide range of specialties. BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. Plus, BetterHelp allows you to easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. We're all better with help. Visit BetterHelp.com slash freedom to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.

Let me spell it. H-E-L-P.com slash freedom. Hey, today's episode is sponsored by Acorns. Oh, awesome. No, no, I know what you're thinking. Yeah, the little nuts that squirrels. Yes, because you love squirrels so much and you eat like them. No.

What is Acorns? Listen, I'm going to tell you. Okay. But I'm going to start with a question. Okay. Was there a moment in your life when you didn't feel in control of your money? Uh, yeah, of course. Have you ever felt too intimidated or like you didn't know enough about investing to

get started? I still don't know anything. Oh, well, I got good news for you. Oh, good. Take it, Lauren. Well, the good news is April is Financial Literacy Month. That's right. They made a whole month reminding you to finally take control of your money.

Take control of your money. Good news is you don't need 30 days. Acorns makes it easy to start saving and investing for your future. Hold on, hold on. Was that Bain? It was Bain? Yeah. Saying take control of your money? He used to say take control of your city. Oh, okay. Acorns makes it easy to start saving and investing for your future in just five minutes. And you don't need to be an expert. Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that matches you and your money goals. And you don't need to be rich either. Acorns lets you get started with the spare money

you've got right now, even if all you've got is spare change. You know, I have always found managing money to be stressful, it's too overwhelming. I know Paul feels that way. 100%. And that is why I love that Acorns gives you small, simple steps to get you and your money on track. They make what once felt impossible, absolutely possible. So you already knew about this. Yeah.

Well, sign up now and join the over 14 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over 25 billion. That's billion with a B dollars with Acorns. Head to Acorns.com slash Freedom or download the Acorns app to get started. Paid non-client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns. Tier one compensation provided. Investing involves risk. Acorns advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. View important disclosures at acorns.com slash threedom. Amen. Amen.

And we're back. We are back. We got, we sang that song 500 times, got it out of our system. We're definitely not going to sing it again. Right Lauren? No, I'm not singing that again. I might not sing it. We perfected it how it was.

Yeah, it was beautiful. It was stunning. The last time we did it, it was incredible. And people from all the other offices came, all the other shows that have ever been on Earwolf showed up to listen to it. From all other offices. They all showed up to listen.

Every show that's ever, it was throwing shade. It was every show that's ever been on. It was the one where people called in on the phone number and just left messages. Oh my God, they all came and they were crying. And they were crying. And they loved it so much. And they were really happy.

They loved it. And they were found and lost and found again. They loved us. They loved us. Anyway. That's all over. That's done now. We're never gonna sing it again.

I know. I know. What we are gonna do is we're gonna play a three-chur. Yeah. And let's, before we play the three-chur though. Not the prayer again. No, no, to Satan? Yeah. No, no, no, no, he knows.

Okay. We gotta talk about. What is a great thing about Satan is that you don't have to pray to him all the time. He's like, I get it. Yeah, he's like, guys, I'm the guy you don't have to pray to. He's opposite everything. He understands.

Please don't pray to me. Yeah. Yeah. No, we got to talk about the other guy who's like Satan. The Beelzebub? KP. Oh, fucking KP. KP.

Okay. KP, frankly, I'm- KP, frankly, is that his name? Yep. You're Paul? Frankly, Mr. Frankly, I am appalled that we have begged you nicely to please adjust your feature for us. And our entreaties have fallen upon deaf ears,

it seems, because we have not heard a word from KP. Nothing. Now, have we taped all of these before he ever would have heard these instructions? Yes. But that's immaterial. The point is we have not heard a word from nothing now have we taped all of these before he ever would have heard these instructions Yes, but that's a material the point is we have not heard from we have not heard from KP No, it's a guy we we knew is KP frankly KP hot dog and our friend IP freely as well IP freely IP loosely

in any case, so new business by the, you know, the next time. The next time we, we do an episode, he may have heard. I hope at this, but maybe not. Who knows? By the time we record again, God, KP, I hope we hear from you. Please. This reflects poorly on you. Yep, not on us. Totally. Not on us. Totally.

No, no, we're great. No, we're good. Okay, so we're gonna play a game that's called Hit the Post, right? Yep. We played it a couple of times before. It's really fun. It's called Radio DJ on his first day.

Yes, and now we each have our phones and we have songs in the phones and we're going to... We each have our phones, we have songs in the phones. We each have our phones, we have songs in the phones. Definitely songs. Definitely songs. So like for instance, I'm hooked up to the dongle right now and I'm going to play a song and then Lauren, who's never heard this song before, maybe she has, who knows, is going to try to guess when the singer starts singing on it and is going to try to, like a radio DJ, talk until literally a millisecond before the singer starts singing and we'll see how close we can get to it.

Okay. It has to be literally a millisecond. Yeah. And we're going to go clockwise, right? So, okay, so this is, I'm going to play this song and this is for Lauren and this is a song and I'm going to play this for Lauren and this is a song, and I'm gonna play this for Lauren, and this is a song, and I'm gonna play this for Lauren. Okay. Here we go.

Everybody listen up, it's the big day. Prom is tomorrow. I want everyone to grab their best dress and their best tuxedo, or whatever you're gonna wear to feel so amazing. So you can dance with your partner. We got two tickets to prom with a limousine and a free hot dog machine. It shoots them out, you grab them in your mouth. We got two tickets to prom with a limousine and a free hot dog machine

It shoots about you grab them in your mouth. They have to go straight down your throat or it doesn't count everybody listen up Let's do it Colin Not bad almost not bad actually you went longer than I thought you were gonna be and I was like, oh she's gonna talk over But no, and he started singing a little bit too late. I think I was pretty good. That's pretty good. Yeah, that was human Tetris. Okay, can I have that? That was human Tetris. Yes, ma'am. I'm gonna hook it up. And this is what's gonna happen. It's Paul's turn. It's Paul's turn. All right. Ready, Paul? Yeah, I'm

ready. I'm Paul. And in three, two, one. Just a reminder out there, there is a lot of traffic right now, but it is not on the highways. It is just on the surface streets. So why don't you get out and walk to work today? We are going to be having our contest. Again, that contest is to have my job.

I'm against it, but what can I do? What can I do? What can I do? What can I do? What can I do? Elton John and Dua Lipa singing Cold Heart. It's a combo mashup of Rocket Man. And I think it's gonna be a long, long time. I think it's him returning to, did he get a number one hit out of this again? I love it. It must be number one. And then really Rocket Man is a part of this as well?

Yeah, wait. And I think it's gonna be a long, long time. I know really Rocket Man is a part of this as well? Yeah, wait. And I think it's gonna be a long long time. I know what Rocket Man is, thank you. You know, Harlan Williams? I forgot about that. And I think it's gonna be a long long time. Oh I see, but then she sing it. Yeah.

She admitted, oh my God, he admitted, she sing it. All right. We can't just listen to this song forever. I know you love it. All right. May I have the dongle? My eye have the dongle, please. It's a good throw, actually. Some would say it was perfect. Some would say it was perfect.

All right, Scott, are you ready for this shit? Is my volume up? I don't think you're ready for this shit. Here we go. Hey guys, I'm back here at work. After my fifth time having COVID, I am back on the air. And I of course had three limbs amputated. I'll let you guess which one I begged them to let me keep.

Yeah, that's right. It's the right arm. It's the one I use all the time to write my name on checks and those Bitter disappointment, I thought there would be one more. Okay All right. Here we go. This is I'm gonna play for Lauren. I Forgot where I was because I was thinking about how my girlfriend just broke up with me Play for Lauren. call in because I'm feeling rough today. Let's hear you on the lines. It's 123456789, that's the number we got today. My social security and the number of the station, let's go! All right people, come on, call.

I'm waiting for the lines to light up and they're not lighting up. I see dead air here, you know, it's all the lines are not, you know, you're telling me that I had the worst breakup story in the history of all, somebody call in with a worse story than mine. There we go, there we go. That was the scorpions with tease me, please me.

That was of course the scorpions with tease me, please me. All right, Lauren's gonna play a song for Paul. Yep. Okay. Dong, dong, dong. Dong, dong, do, do, ah. Dong, dong, do, ding, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong,

dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong,

Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, Okay, start over. Okay, I'll start over. Hold on. I'm gonna do a new song. I'm gonna do a new song because there's no telling what's happening right now. It's like a weird information. Yeah. Okay, everybody, we hope you are in love and loving someone right now. We hope you're holding them in your arms and they are holding you and putting their face in your neck. I do the same thing I told you that I never would. Told you I'd change. She the one I knew I never could. And I know nobody else is good as you. I need you to sing. Need you to sing. Dongle, please.

Bum bing, a bonk, a donk, and a dee-do. You have to give him that thing. Oops, I'm sorry. Give him that thing. Give him that thing. Give him that thing. All right, Paul's going to play something for me. I did the same thing I told you that I never won.

Again, I'm amazed at the amount of sound effects that I have in my music library. Why do you have so many sound effects? It's so crazy. It just happens. I don't think I have one sound effect in my people. You have one sound effect. Come on. In the middle of a song, people. You have one sound effect. Come on.

In the middle of a song, maybe. Everybody has one. All right, you ready? Yep. Here we go. Hey guys, anyone watch TV last night? I know I did. I saw a show about a vampire who made love to a werewolf and boy, the hair went everywhere

and they had a little baby who had the biggest fangs I ever saw. And I've seen some fangs, if you know what I mean. I used to go down to the reptile house down at the zoo, and I used to check out all of the boa constrictors, and they used to squeeze everyone in my family. All of my family are dead because they went too close into the cage and they all got squeezed by all of the snakes. And then... Shit, I thought there was one more. too close into the cage and they all got squeezed by all of the snakes and then

I thought there was one more. And you knew that song. I know. We'll never know. I was psyched out into thinking there was one more. Let's do one more round. Okay. This game is always fun. Bum ba dum ba dum ba dum ba dum. All right. This is for Lauren and I am playing the song for Lauren and here we go. Well, I've done it again. Yes, I did enter into the company's suit stakes and I won. I know it was illegal, but I did win the prize and I'm driving home in a fresh Maserati. They have to catch me on the streets if they want it back.

I love you America. And the systems we've put into place. This is my favorite country. You know what, I don't wanna be fired, so let me say one last thing. I fucking hate my boss. He's a tool, a prick, and a doody doody doodoo. I realize you can just say doody doody doodoo.

You can say whatever you want. That was Daelus all. And that was a Daelus all. That was Daelus all. I'm gonna lasso a tissue, okay? No one knows what that means. The dongle line went around the tissue box. There you go.

I'm gonna lasso a tissue. I'm ready. Hey everyone. We know that today was a sad, tragic day, but we don't have guinea pigs anymore. And that's good, because they frankly were cluttering the place up. And by the place I mean Planet Earth.

Guinea pigs, so long. We won't miss you. Anyway, if you're a kid and you had a pet, you don't anymore. So time to grow up and tell your mom I said hi. Yes. Now that's what I call hitting the post. Yes. And that was Lights Out Words Gone by Bombay Bicycle Club.

BBBC? Wow, can I hit one, I wonder? I think you can. I think you can. Trying to find a good one here for you. Trying to find a good one for you. Trying to find a non sound effect. Let's see, what's this one called, Boing?

Hmm, no. Door Slam, Is that a song? It would be funny if an artist or a band put out an album where all the song titles were they look like a sound effects album. Absolutely. Absolutely. Woman screaming. Actually, this is more like a Morrissey album.

Woman screaming. Man fainting. All right. Yep. I don't know what's going toainting. All right. Um, yep. I don't know what's going to happen here. All right. Let's go.

And here we go. Hey, everyone. We all know what this trumpet means. It's time for me to tell you about my tragic, tragic story that happened to me when I was but five years old. That's right. Everyone thought I drowned in a pool But instead it was a big vat of Vaseline. That's right. I was slimy all over everyone thought I was dead

They pulled me out of there. I was as slippery as anything you would ever see in your life. I went just Called for doomed men right out it's from the bone Tomahawk I thought it was taps at first. This is a song called Four Doomed Men Ride Out. It's from the Bone Tomahawk soundtrack. Jesus Christ. You love Bone Tomahawk so much you got the soundtrack. Because the song, there's a song at the end that tells the story of the movie. It's so fucking ridiculous.

Four doomed men ride out. Oh, well that was fun. Well, we did it. I love that game. That was Hittin' the Posts. Yeah, that was fun. Well, we did it. I love that game. That was Hittin' the Post. We had a great time. We hit them and quit them. I hope you all had a good time listening to us because we're funny and sweet.

Yes. Well, that's our show. Thanks for listening. If you want to hear ad free versions of Freedom, you can go to Stitcher Premium or comedybangbangworld.com. CBBworld.com. CBBworld.com or comedybangbangworld.com, cbbworld.com. CBBworld.com or comedybangbangworld.com. And if you want to call us, and we don't know why you would, but please, what was it?

La la he he. Dial, ha ha la input. Ha ha la input. Ha ha la input. Ha ha la input. Your own personal input. Your own personal input. And write to us somewhere.

FreedomUSA at gmail.com. And FreedomUSA on Instagram and Twitter. We love you and thank you for listening. Love you. And goodbye. Goodbye. Hey, I'm Reshma Sajjani, founder of Girls Who Code and Moms First. I consider myself a pretty successful adult woman.

So why is it that in midlife, as I'm about to turn 50, I feel so stuck? Join me as I try to find the answer on My So-Called Midlife from Lemonada Media. I talk to experts and extraordinary guests about divorce, exercise, menopause, sex, drugs, and more to understand what we're going through and how to make the most of it.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Does your office have an evil donut bringer? Do you have a personal canary in a coal mine? Are you guilty of over-apologizing? I'm Liz Kraft. And I'm Sarah Fain. We're television writers and showrunners and the hosts of Happier in Hollywood, a podcast where we share all the juicy details of our career in television and offer tips and strategies that will help you and us

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