Threedom - Threevisiting : Mark Mothersday

Episode Date: October 29, 2024

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss Big Brother, Rocky & Bullwinkle and Paul's new segment Paulality Court before playing Portmanteau-tally Awesome. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hi, I'm Reshma Sajjani, founder of Girls Who Code. Look, I'd consider myself a pretty successful adult woman. I've written books, founded two successful nonprofits, and I'm raising two incredible kids. But here's the thing. I still wake up wondering, is this it? And if the best years are yet to come, when's that going to start? Join me on my so-called midlife, my new podcast with Lemonada Media, where we're building a playbook for navigating midlife, one episode at a time.

Each week, I'll chat with extraordinary guests who've transformed their midlife crisis into opportunities for growth and newfound purpose. At some point, we all ask ourselves, is there more to life? I'm here to discover how to thrive in my second act, right alongside you. My so-called midlife is out now, wherever you get your podcasts. Freedom! Was that one or two? Freedom! You guys both threw up during that one. Sorry. Sorry.

It's time for me to purge. That was a lot. Oh, you purged at a certain time? It's the purge. It's the purge. It's all day we purge. I see. I see.

We misunderstood the assignment. Oh, God. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Freedom. Oh, my God. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Freedom. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Welcome to Freedom. Welcome to Freedom. Welcome to Freedom. Welcome to Oh God. Hi everyone, welcome to Freedom. Oh my God. Hi everyone, welcome to Freedom. Oh my God. Oh my God. Sometimes I can't remember if something is a thought

that I've had or something I saw on Twitter. But I was gonna say. That is bleak. What's your thought? I feel like, I feel like. Let's, hold on a second. No, let's not. I need to. You're not sure if it's a thought you had

or something you saw on Twitter. Here's what I can't remember. Did I text this to somebody as a joke or did I see this on Twitter or did I tweet it? Am I drill? I don't get it. Nevermind. What is that from Cars?

Yeah, it's from Cars. It's from Cars. The character, Drill the Tail, from Cars. Famously on Twitter. That's right. My drill. I don't get it. I'm just repeating. You're so online and you don't get it?

Yeah, sometimes I don't get stuff. I gotta say, when you had your baby, I expected to never hear from you again and you are constantly texting. I'm very available. Wait, is that a thing when people have babies they don't text anymore? I'm so on my phone all day.

I would imagine you would have like retreated from the world a little bit, but instead. We thought we'd get a break is what we're saying. Oh my God. I feel like I retreated in a different way than that. Ooh, tell us. Just physically, I feel like I retreated in a different way than that. Ooh, tell us. Just physically, I feel like I retreated. You got smaller?

I hope that's to continue, but- Oh, I don't mean in the old bell department. The bell? The old bell. Bell. Oh my God. You mean you've receded like your gums. Yes, much like my gums, I've receded.

And anyways, whatever, who cares? I just wanted to say, I feel like the only thing I wanted to say was that I can't remember if I tweeted this or not, is that company, like if you are a social media person for a company at this point. God, I hope to be at some point. All you have to do is go,

they understood the assignment, and post like a picture of someone in the product you're selling, and then that's it. True. Wait, but I guess I don't even know what the original thing is. You don't know what- Misunderstood the assignment? You don't know what understand the assignment is?

Is that a meme of some sort? Drupid Taylor says it in cars. Oh, okay. I misunderstood the assignment. That's Mater. Oh, I'm sorry, who's Drupid Taylor in cars? Drupid Taylor says it like this. I misunderstood the assignment. I thought he said sounds like this. I'm a soldier soldier, I'm a soldier.

I thought he sounded like this. Misunderstood the assignment. No, that's Paul Newman. That's famously Paul Newman from Giant. Whatever. He played the same character in Cars. Yeah, he was a giant in Giant, and he's a giant car in Cars.

Giant, one of the scariest movies I've ever seen. When that giant shows up. Oh my God, I would love to see Paul Newman in giant battle, the attack of the 50 foot woman. Why wasn't he an iron giant? This is good point. Also, you know James Dean was a giant, right? Yeah, but wasn't Paul Newman?

No. He should have been. He's in hood. He should have been though. Will you agree with me on that? I will agree with you on that. And HUD was a giant, so he should have been in there. What's that movie with the big white thing?

Also cars have hoods. Moby Dick? Big Hero 6, is that what it is? Big have been in there. What's that movie with the big white thing? Also cars have hoods. Six. Big Hero 6. Is that what it is? Big Hero 6, yeah. I love that movie. Big Hero 6. Never seen it.

Big Hero 6. Can you imagine eating a big hero and walking through Santa and Tokyo? Big Hero. Also, hero is a sandwich. This is wild, guys. Oh, that would have been great. Then I wouldn't even need to say Euro.

I took so much arsenic before the show. I'm high. So a Euro is a sandwich and a Hero is a sandwich? Euro is a pandemic. What? What? Why are we all talking at the same time? Because this is freedom.

Oh, right. And welcome to it. I'm Paul. I'm Lauren. I'm Scott. Hi, welcome to another episode. Thanks for, I hope you had a lovely. Thanks for I hope you had a lovely.

Yep. Hey, we want to send out a big thanks to everyone who hopes you have a lovely. Ohfft. Be honest. Hey, we want to send out a big thanks to everyone who hopes you have a lovely. Well, hopefully. Oh my God. I thought there's- What were you gonna thank them for? I was gonna say, thank you for listening,

I hope you had a lovely holiday, and you interrupted me. And you can interrupt any sentence the other person says. Hold on a second. Hold on a, oh, huh. You can interrupt. You didn't interrupt. Oh my God.

You didn't, huh. Oh my God. Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. This is like a cursory. This is like, oh, huh. You can't interrupt. You didn't interrupt. Oh my god. You didn't huh. Oh my god. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. This is like a curse. This is like a, oh, oh, oh. That's actually good. He didn't interrupt it. That's a really funny way to make fun of someone.

Just say half of their sins back with, oh. This is good. This is good. This is what you wanted. Oh my god. You hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving? Yeah, thank you for listening to us on Thanksgiving. Hope you had a nice holiday.

We're back in the flower patch. Yeah, I like that. I like that too. What are you guys doing for Thanksgiving? What did we do? Cause it's over? Yeah. We're doing two days.

We're doing a two day celebration. That's so many. Wow. It's like going to Disneyland and then California Adventure right next door. Is that what you're doing? Yes. Are you doing this? No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, it'd be so fun. I've been thinking I wanna go to Disneyland. Not right now. What's the best day to go? What's the day that nobody wants to go? Well, here's the problem. Christmas. Right now it's so bad because

I feel like everything's different with the pandemic. There's all these different rules. Have you tried to go with Kai or anything? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, well, what are you doing for Thanksgiving? Why are you having two? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Well, my-

It's a bit funnier when someone trying to get on the bit very quickly before they go into their own thought. Anyway, so my sister's a nurse, and she- Hello, nurse! She sometimes- I was thinking of it, I just said it. That's what people say to her when they see her. Yeah, it's true.

She sometimes has to work on the actual holiday, but she gets the next day off, so- Black Friday! She and my parents are coming- She gets the holiday for Black Friday? Yes, she gets Black Friday off. So she can go celebrate- To celebrate Black Friday. Yes, exactly.

But she gets that day off, so they're coming on Friday. So we had nothing to do on Thursday, so we're going to get together with a- We're gonna get together with a friend. So you kept it a secret because you- Kept what a secret? Oh, great. Now they're drilling. Speaking of drill- So the killer.

But you went, we're gonna get together with a, we're gonna get together with a friend. I realized my mouth was not working. Oh, okay. But you were gonna say Ariana Grande. I thought it was someone special. We're getting together as Frankie and Ariana Grande. Wow, the brother and sister duo we all know and love.

I didn't know about this brother. He was on Big Brother. Did not see it. He's the brother from Big Brother. Celeb Big Brother, I would imagine. Yeah. Or is that how he became a celeb? No, no, he was on Celeb.

Or was he? I don't know about Big Brother. I don't know. Me neither. I don't know. I feel like I never got into that show, but I have seen it on TV when in London, where I feel like they have it on like a constant stream. It's always on.

Which is cooler to me. Slightly off. I also got into- You can watch that here in the States, the constant stream. When I was in London years ago, working there, I got into their version of Last Comic Standing, which is so much bleaker than our version.

Why is it so bleak? They were all living in a house together. And people were just getting drunk and depressed. There are a lot of like drunk late night talks like in this fake backyard. It was really, yeah. If you hear noise in the background, it's because there's a monster here.

Yeah, we're trying to kill it while we do this show. It's the final battle. Yeah, and then after this, we win. Yeah, It's the final battle. Yeah, and then after this we win. Yeah. And then we're big boss. When do we win? When do we win? We win the credits of the video game.

That's such a bad prize. It truly is. They should give you back the video game. I've never come close to beating a video game and I don't care. What video game have you most enjoyed in your life? Mario Kart. Do do do do do do.

Yeah. Of course. And when I was little, I was, no, I've never like beaten it. Like I play, I don't even know what you have to do. Play every level and then- Every level and beat every level. I'm not as familiar with Mario as well. And is Mario Kart a game that you exclusively play with other people?

No, you can play it alone. But when I was little- You can beat it by yourself. I'm hearing No, you can play it alone. No, you can play it by yourself, yeah. But when I was little- You can beat it by yourself. I'm hearing both you can play it alone and you can play it by yourself. You can play it by yourself and by alone. You also, without other people- You could do it solo. What life is there?

But anyways, when I was little, I was really good at Bowser's Castle and I could beat my brother's friends at Bowser's Castle. Whoa! Now, your brother, famously older than you, so you're talking about older boys? Yeah, or maybe they would let me. Oh, because they were so cute.

I don't know. Can we get, I want confirmation on this. I'll get into that. We need him to tell us if it was real or fake. We'll see if he even remembers that. He'll remember. It feels special to me. He'll remember. All right. Yeah, he'll remember. We'll find out, we'll that. It feels special to me. He'll remember. Yeah, he'll.

We'll find out. We'll find out. Bowser. Is he Mario adjacent? You don't know about Mario. I don't know any of the lore. Princess Peach. I know. So what happened was she got taken to the castle. Someone's going to do nasty stuff to her. They got to get her out with the flagpole just in time. I know Mario and the Donkey Kong world from the video game Donkey Kong, but I know very little about the intervening years of Mario.

You know about Urkel from when he was on Family Matters, but I know about Urkel from when he was on Full House. What? So Paul knows him from the most famous thing. The show that's on everyone. I meant the opposite. Yeah. No, but Donkey Kong was the original.

Donkey Kong's before Mario? Yes. That's where Mario comes from. I need to eat a hat. What? Ha ha ha ha. Cause you told someone that no way was Mario from Donkey Kong. Well, I just, why would I have said that right now?

You almost did. I mean, I feel like I did is what I'm saying. He's jumping barrels. I mean, I know, but I thought he was a friend of Mario. That big monkey up on top of the building. Yeah, the one that controls all of our actions. If I were to now think through my brain, I would think, oh yeah, he was in that documentary about that guy who played video games.

That's right, King of Kong. And that was before Mario. Do you know I saw the villain of that documentary one time. Oh yeah, who was that? In San Diego, Billy something? I feel like I saw it recently. Billy the coin. Billy the coin, that's right.

So the villain of video games. Yeah, two holsters with coins. Just filled with coins. Oh, okay. I thought he was the villain of the documentary. Billy something, right? What the villain of video games. Yeah, two holsters with coins. Just fill the blanks. Oh, okay. I thought he was the villain of the documentary. Billy something, right? What the fuck was his name? But he was a coin in your mind?

No, because he had coins. Because he had coins. Going to play. Fastest coin in the West. You know, Billy the Kid didn't have kids in his whole story. What have he done? How do we know?

In a gun fight, I'm like, wah, wah! That would scare anyone off. And then they're distracted, then he pulls out a gun and kills them. Right. That'd be cool. I'm like, wah, wah! That would scare anyone off. And they're distracted, then he pulls out a gun and kills them. That'd be cool. I was doing a show,

it was Comic-Con adjacent in San Diego at Dick's Last Resort. You were doing a show at Dick's Last Resort? Me, Nick Kroll, I forget who else. Why? It was brutal. Why would, who asked you to do it? And why did you accept?

I did not know what Dick's Last Resort was. You didn't know what it was? Until. Is it like a bar? It's a place. It's a disgusting restaurant. But it's like a slimy like the theme is the the beach. Yes. But also the theme is like one of those places where they're rude to you in a funny way. They're rude to you and they throw toilet paper everywhere.

So there's just toilet paper all over the floor. That I didn't notice. Maybe they weren't doing that this time. They were like literally just throw it across. All the waiters like throw it across the room. So it's like have it be like spiraling. It's so gross. Did you know that Bob Odenkirk used to work at Ed DeBevix? Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. I remember going to Ed DeBevix. I'm sure I've told this. The nicest guy in the world acting mean to people. I'm sure I told you this before.

His meanness was different than everybody else's. Hey, I don't want to be a jerk, but can I talk to the manager? I think he was really being mean. That one really hurt. He said something pretty cutting. That stuff really got right to my core. Hey buddy, this is just bullshit what you're doing. I'm searching back through. But he would be at Antibivics looking at the TV

when SNL would be on to see if any of his jokes got in the update. Really? Yeah. Wow, that's really cool. It is cool. It's like a movie moment. It is like a movie moment. You're like, glancing over like, that's my joke.

And then someone's like, table five just threw up. God damn it! Entire table. The whole table threw up. Or the table itself. Go be rude to them about it. So I was doing the show and then he walked in. Who, wait, who?

Oh yeah, we're back to Billy the Coin. Billy the Coin. Billy Mitchell. about it. So I was doing the show and then he walked in. Who, wait, who? Oh yeah, we're back to Billy the Coin. Billy the Coin. Billy Mitchell. Billy Mitchell. Oh, that guy, I remember him. Of course he's wearing an American flag. He has really long black hair and a black beard in case you can't remember.

And I made the audience observe a moment of silence for him when he passed by. Did he lose or did he win? I can't remember. He was the guy who supposedly allegedly cheated or no, the main guy cheated. I think the main guy cheated, right? I haven't seen it since I went to America.

Allegedly. Allegedly. Is that Bill Cosby correcting someone about his crimes? Exactly. Allegedly. Please, I beg you. God damn. By the way, in Michael Jackson news of you. God damn. By the way, in Michael Jackson news. They're like, oh my God, always news.

There's no news. That guy from the January 6th. Yes, that's true. Was found out because of his very specific Michael Jackson tour jacket. That's what he wore. Instead of camo or like a tactical vest. He wore that too though.

You guys, did I tell you my brush with Michael Jackson fame? No. That happened. You had a brain with Michael Jackson? No Michael Jackson fame? No. That happened. You had a brain with Michael Jackson? No, my brain, yeah. It happened. Brain, brush with fame, Lauren. I'm not stupid.

I thought you called her a moron. Lauren, moron. Jesus Christ. No, it wasn't. Did people call you moron? No, they didn't. What the fuck, will they? I hope not.

So what happened was, and I think this was at least a year, if not two years ago, Paris Jackson tweeted, she took a Snapchat, she put a filter, remember the filter that could make you a woman, man, child, baby? We tagged it to you. Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember that.

Yes, I'm a baby, yes. She was using that with her boyfriend and then tagged the picture of him as a woman and said it looked like me. She wrote, she tagged me. Whoa. Or she didn't tag me, she wrote my name. Whoa. I sort of remember this.

And that was really big, that was a big moment. That's what people called you a moron? Nope, that you're mixing stories together. So do you think Michael Jackson ever thought that would happen? I think when Michael Jackson died, one of the things he was hoping would happen was that Paris would get a boyfriend. They would use a Snapchat filter. As he was falling to hell, he was like, hey, help.

They would use a Snapchat filter and then put it on Paris' boyfriend and then he would look like Lauren Lapkus. And at the time I was, I was a mere babysitter in New York City when he died. I remember where I was walking down the street. This is like a week before you were in the movies. Yeah, a couple of weeks, yeah. But I was walking down the street and my friends said Michael Jackson died.

Mike, oh yeah. I think I got a text to my razor phone. I was at a concert, the bird and the bee. An afternoon concert, if you can believe it, in the middle of a field. Yeah, because it was daytime when I was walking down the street. Yes.

Do you know where you were? No. Wow. I don't. At an Arbitrium, and I remember- Arbitrium? Arbitrium? Arboretum?

Arboretum, arboretum, arboretum. Arboretum, arboretum, arboretum. Rock, rock me, arboretum. Come on and rock me, arboretum. In 1986, Arboretum was open to the public. No, I was there with Cool Up's sister and in another desperate attempt to make her like me, of like, hey, this is a cool, fun thing to do, right?

Oh my gosh. She's staying with us this month, by the way. Does she still dislike you? No, no, no, she likes me now. She's like almost 30 now. I can't think of a dorkier thing. It's kind of cool. You wanna go to Arboretum? You wanna go see Bird and kind of cool. You want to go to the Arboretum?

You want to go see Bird and the Bee in the middle of the day in the Arboretum? I'll go Bird and the Bee. There we go. No, I remember we went to see Conan on the Tonight Show because I lived in the middle of the day. Oh, you were really making it happen for her. I lived over there and just me and her.

You're like, let's go play the Price is Right and then we're going to go to Disneyland. And she's like, I don't like you. Let's go to the Walk of Fame. We walked there from my place, which is not that far. Disneyland and she's like I don't like you. Let's go to the Walk of Fame. So we walked there from my place, which is not that far. I would say a mile. And she was so upset with how far it was. And I asked her about it the other day.

I'm like, hey, remember that time that I took you to the Conan O'Brien Tonight Show and you complained and were upset with me the whole time? And she goes, it's so far. Okay, not letting it go. And the music guest was Bird and the Bee, is that correct? And you're like, we're gonna see Bird and the Bee again. They're at Conan now. I'm assuming they're your favorite. I feel like was Natasha on it because Natasha was on the Jay Leno Tonight Show when I went and I think she was on the Conan Tonight Show when I went. Natasha from Boris? Yes, from Boris fame. Why are you always saying Natasha is only famous

because of a man? Because I can't think of her last name. Were they married? Romanov. No. No, that's Black Widow. Have they made a new bowling ball? Have they made a bowling ball?

A new bowling ball. Have they made a bowling ball? A new bowling ball. They did with Robert De Niro. Where he was like. He was like, my name's Boris, you see? Moose, it's Moose. We're all doing facial Robert De Niro. Where he was like, he's like, my name's Boris, you see? We're all doing facial Robert De Niro. I'm with the squirrel. I liked Bollinco when I was little. I did too. Did you want to have sex with him? He was sexy. Fucking weird. He had a good body. He was, he had a great body. He was very sexy. He had a great body. He was very second political. He was a butter face. Also those antlers, they're not doing him any favors.

Too big. I liked that show because it can be too big. It's size matters. It does. It's not the emotion of the antlers. I liked that show because it felt very like it was geared at grownups as well. There was a lot about it. I didn't understand. Yeah. And that's the stuff. I thought when I watched it, I don't get this, but it's good.

You're like, this is for grownups. I think you go as a six year old. Sure. The piano. I've never seen the piano. What's that about a man who can't speak but plays the piano? It's about a woman who can't speak, you sexist. Yes, the piano player was a woman. The woman who has a woman? It's a logic puzzle. And that's why everyone loved the movie.

Because they're like, ah, I learned a lesson about myself. Finally. Yeah. But you get to see Harvey Keitel naked in it. Totally nude. And Holly Hunter. Well, okay. What are they doing? Just looking at each other? It's at separate times.

Okay. Yeah. And how old was Harvey Keitel when this took place? He seemed a million years old, but he was probably 35. Exactly, yeah. He might be 40 now, for all I know. And didn't you see him nude in the Bad Lieutenant as well? Oh, sure, and he's jerking off at the girls in a car.

Absolutely. The hell? Is that the good Lieutenant, Lauren? He had like one year where he was just like, if I ain't nude, I ain't doon. Can I get nude? It was his idea every single time like, if I ain't nude, I ain't doon. Can I get nude? It was his idea every single time. Hey, what if I got nude?

If I ain't nude, I ain't doon it. Most actors are just like, if I ain't nude, I ain't doon. If I can't be naked, I'm not your dude. You're not getting a single frame of me. What? Why wasn't he naked in Sister Act?

Why wasn't he? They could have put the habit on his dick. I heard that they were all nude under the habits. What? It's too hot if you wear clothes under there. It must be so freeing. All nuns are nude. I would like to wear dresses.

What about you? Nun stands for nude underneath. That was a close one. That was a nail biter. I got there. Real squeaker. We should have ended the episode right then. You can see how it. That was a nail biter. I got there. Real squeaker. We should have ended the episode right then. You can see how it's off the top of my head.

I've never worn a dress. I have worn a kilt, which is very comfortable. Yeah, it's comfortable, right? Yeah. You know what? I'm going to wear it for our dinner. What's better, jeans or dresses? No, thanks.

Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. What's better, jeans or dresses? Jeans or dresses. What would you rather wear, Lauren? You have experience in both. At this point, well, because- In this economy?

Because I am- Under Biden's America? Because I'm still recovering from having a baby. I haven't really worn jeans in a very long time, so I kind of would like to wear jeans. Because you don't wear baggy jeans. You, anytime you wear jeans- I wear skinny jeans.

You don't wear ginkgo. But I, none of my old jeans fit, but I got some new jeans and they do fit But I haven't worn them yet But I have been wearing a lot of dresses like this whole past year from being pregnant So I'm excited to to finally stop doing that. Is it because you like to wear jeans better? I prefer jeans and a t-shirt as my sort of outfit, but it just hasn't been a possibility I'm such a guy. Would you rather wear rather wear shorts than you're wearing a backwards baseball cap?

But you're gonna wear jeans than shorts, but I like shorts, but yeah, why what's what's preferable about jeans to shorts? Yeah, we need less body showing To whom the public although I like shorts, but you, but it has to be pretty hot. I'm staying around the house. Oh, around the house, I'm wearing sweats, babe. Yeah, man. So you're just sweats, really? I'm not wearing jeans at home.

Janie and I wear what we call soft clothes, which is not necessarily, it could be sweats, it could be pajamas. We wear puppets a lot of times. I was talking to them yesterday. We'll just cut off wear puppets a lot of times. I was talking yesterday. We'll just cut up all puppets and make them clothes. I was getting my haircut yesterday and I was talking to, we were talking about Christmas presents and my friend said, you know, it's, she has two boys.

Your friend who cuts your hair. Yes. She said. You weren't getting a haircut with a friend. No, no, no. She was. Side by side. Yeah, I consider her to be a friend. They get the same haircut. And not a peon who's forced to touch my hair for much.

Well, I don't always go to the same person. Right, I have the same person. So she was saying it's very difficult to shop for her boys as they get older because they get more and more specific. And I was saying like- Yeah, boys. I like to shop for my boys. But I feel like that's easier in some ways because you're like, oh, they like this, this, and this.

Well, I just, and I said, I remembered one year in particular where I got a present where if it had been one year earlier, I would have been happy. But I was like upset with, not upset with it, but it was a ventriloquist dummy. And I think I was like 14, right? And it was like one year earlier, it would have been good. Will you please tell me what the dummy,

was it like a Jerry Mahoney? Was it Charlie McCarthy? What was it? It was not a Charlie McCarthy. What is Jerry? Not a known quantity? I think it was known, but not one of the famous ones. Jerry Mahoney was the ventriloquist dummy

of Paul Winchell, who also developed an artificial heart. Show me a picture. Oh. Interesting, he worked on developing artificial hearts and he also did ventriloquism. First, the ventriloquism. What a silly little man. But he would do a voice for the heart, of course,

when you would put it in. He does a dummy heart? Yeah. Okay. I'm fake. But this led, this by the way, led her to saying, oh my God, I had a ventriloquist dummy and I got really good at ventriloquism

and she hadn't thought about it since then. And she's like, oh my God, this is all rushing back to me. I got really good at ventriloquism and I like did it for a year and then I have, I was like, have you told your family about this? Have you told your kids and your wife? And she's like, no, I have not even thought of it since then. What did she try to do it? No. Well, I said next time she comes in a month, I'm gonna need her to brush up on it.

Well, you'll bring your dummy. Yeah, I think it was a Jerry Mahoney. I think that maybe it was. Was it a knucklehead Smith? I just wanna tell a story. I'm not sure, yes, tell one story. When I was in second grade, my godmother got me. This is your one story for the season.

We all get one story for the season. Oh, shit, it's not worth it. But when I was in second grade, she got me a, and she was a much older woman, she got me a- Much. So much older than me at least, I was nine. She got me a windbreaker style jumpsuit with Aladdin on it. And I was so upset.

And then I had to go to the bathroom and put it on. The Disney Aladdin? Yeah. Because it seemed like for babies. Or because it had a boy on it. No, it was just dorky. It was not cool. However, I would wear that now.

Yeah, you were nine. Nine doesn't seem too old for that. Am I wrong? It's not completely off. Like I'm sure she went to Coles and was just like in the section and it made sense. She likes Disney stuff. Sure.

And then I was like humiliated. I remember going into the bathroom and having to put it on then I was like humiliated. I remember going into the bathroom and having to put it on. My sister one year got me like a full outfit of like, I guess how she thought I should dress. Oh wow. Like as an adult? Yeah.

What was it like a Raiders? It was probably my early 20s. Raiders jacket. Were you like, was she thinking, oh, he'll really appreciate like free clothes. It's like, as a gift. Maybe, he'll really appreciate like free clothes. It's like as a gift. Like maybe. Yeah.

She probably, yeah, probably. Yeah. She got me. It was the 80s. I don't think I was in my 20s yet. I was probably still living at home and it was like at the time, this was a popular thing, like fabric that would have, it would be like flecked, like like sort of tweety sort of flecked with, you know, whatever.

That was the pants. Then it was like a sort of- Sounds cool. I, you know what? I would wear those now, if I had them. Yeah. Then it was- We know what we're getting you for Christmas.

I'm getting a Aladdin windbreaker. You're getting flecked pants. I feel like it was like a turtleneck shirt. I get it if you invent really quick stuff. And then a crew neck sweater of like a real ski lodge kind of pattern. It sounds good. It wasn't good.

But honestly, it's a great outfit. Now. Now you should watch it. I don't like crew neck sweaters. You should watch it now. Am I crazy? Oh, you don't. Am I bad?

You don't put a button down through a crew neck? No, I don't like it. I like a V-neck sweater or a cardigan. Okay. Okay. That's fair enough. Fair enough. I'm just giving you guys hints

because Christmas is coming up. It is. So don't get him a crew neck, everyone. I want- Everyone. I hate chopping for presents for anyone, but- It's kind of nerve wracking. Well, that's why Cool Up gives you a list as we know from from ad to cart.

Oh, did she mention this on ad to cart? Oh my God, the shit she said about you on that show. Oh boy. You gotta put a stop to this. But I remember one Mother's Day when my dad was like, you gotta go get your mom a present. Mark Mother's Day? Yes.

From Devo? From Little Biv Devo? But so. You got, wait, what? I wasn't listening. He was, my dad was like, you should- What the hell wasn't listening? You should really go get your mom a present

for Mother's Day. And I was like, okay. And I didn't know what to get. So I- How old were you? 14, something like that. So, and nothing was open, cause it was a Sunday. So I ended up going to like the gas station

and just like going like, okay, what is here that I could buy? So it was like, here's a gallon of gas. Mom. It was like, that would be good. Actually, she would have used it. I would take that. But it was like, you know, those, uh, uh, uh, Coca Cola cozies, you know, like they were really beer cozies probably, but like, Oh, here, mom, this will keep her drink. Cool. It's like stuff I obviously got that day at the gas station. Did you wrap it? It's like a car. Probably not, I'm horrible at wrapping.

To the point where now they would much rather I not even wrap gifts. Even now, you cannot wrap a gift well. I could if I took the time, but it's such a waste of time, I just hate. You think it's a waste of time. I'd probably be the best at it. You know what?

You'd be the best if you put time. Scott, you your future tripping because you're thinking about the rapping being torn I know that's sad. So you're not putting your focus into Scott. That's sad. It's sad You make me sad just live in the moment and you'll give him a beautiful gift You know what? My uncle is a fantastic gift rapper It's actually the point of most of the gifts is how beautifully and ornately wrapped they are. My sister is great at it. He'll just put like a pair of his own socks in there. And like.

But look. But it's always, the presentation is amazing. Now I, I'm a decent rapper and I used to, when I grew up I would help my mom wrap presents and put my finger for the bow and do all that. Spit some bars. Yeah. Presents are the presents,

the presents are the presents I get. Okay. Or it shoved me down so hard just now. She just went, yeah. Yeah. I heard you. But I was wrapping Christmas gifts last night just to put them under my tree.

Oh, bang. For my baby. I have, she doesn't know. She doesn't even know that you're a thing. She doesn't know that Jesus Christ was born. I just have given her some presents so that she has one under her own tree. And then that's for tradition.

Will she get jealous that it's a different baby's birthday? Yeah, I don't know if I'm gonna tell her. Yeah, don't tell her about Jesus. Could she go her entire life without ever hearing about Jesus? Probably, except for if I stubbed my toe. Oh, I know I couldn't, honey. Except for your step toe?

If I stubbed my toe. Jesus Christ! Step toe instance? I have, guys, I have a new- I know I couldn't honey except for your step toe. I stubbed my toe I have guys I have a new cove in tow. I have covered My choice COVID Coveto is the thing Aaron Rodgers supposedly has shut up Well, I like his balls getting big. No, no, it's literally your toe. It's a symptom of, it's like a long-term symptom of COVID.

What? Your toe hurts? Where your toe swells up and your toe like really hurts and it hurts to wear shoes. No, that's balls. No, it's not. Oh no, sorry, that's from the vaccine.

I apologize. Yeah, that's, your balls swell and then you get the vaccine. If you get COVID, your toe gets big. Yeah. Either way, you can't wear shoes. Exactly. Real red Flintstone over here.

Shoes. Paul, can you wrap gifts? I think that I'm very good at it until I do it. And then it's never as, like the wrapping is never as snug as I would like it to be. Here's what you gotta do. As a bug in a rug. You put, you-

It's got the very thing. You put the paper down, pattern side towards the carpet. Put paper down. Put the present on it. Of course, I already do that, go ahead. Fold the paper over, but then crease. Crease it along the edge of the present. He doesn't know this.

I didn't know about the crease. That keeps it from flopping. You crease it very tightly, then you tape a piece of the tape and the piece of the paper to the present. Then it keeps it really tight. Then you get the other side of the corner to go paper to the present. Then it keeps it really taut. Then you get the other side of the corner to go really tight. Then you go around and go really tight. I'll try this crease method.

It's gonna work. I'll try it. Because that's the only thing I'm not doing. Scott was gonna roast me until he realized it was actually a good tip. Classic Scott, roast until he realizes. And if Paul didn't know, I'm sure listeners didn't know when Christmas is in Hanukkah coming up. The goose is getting fat. The Jewish goose is getting fat too. Actually, it's already Hanukkah. Christmas is in Hanukkah are coming up. The goose is getting fat. The Jewish goose is getting fat too.

Yeah. Actually it's already Hanukkah. It is already Hanukkah. It's already in the old Jews hat. I sent my brother and his family. You smacked who? I sent them. What's happening with everyone's ears?

It's just Scott I think. He's hearing a lot of things I'm not saying. I sent them a big blue Christmas tree with Hanukkah ornaments. Whoa! And it should be getting there, but like at least I think I did two of Hanukkah. By the time this drops?

Oh, okay. So I'm really excited. I checked to make sure he would want that and he was into it. He was into it, okay. What about the wife? We didn't check with her, but I think it'll be a fun bit of Hanukkah cheer.

And then they can put the Christmas ornaments on it cause the kids celebrate both. Are they both of the faith or like originally or did one convert? No, his wife is Jewish. He didn't convert, but they celebrate Jewish holidays and the kids are Jewish. Okay.

But they celebrate Christmas because my family goes hard on Christmas. Yeah, they go ham. They go ham. You gotta celebrate if you wanna. That holiday ham, that's clever, Scott. I like that. It is, it is really clever.

Well, we gotta take a break. We do have to take a break. How'd you know? It felt like it. It did feel like we were really running out of gas. I didn't feel that way. We need to do our- Not me, brother.

I was talking, you're like, this, run us. I don't know, I felt myself not talking for a while. Other people were talking. I'm really just being disinterested. I felt like we were running out of gas. That's okay. When we come back, I have a new segment. Oh, this is incredible.

Oh, shit. Okay. We have to take the break right away then. Here we go. Struggling to make healthier choices or stick with your goals? You're not alone. We all know it's tough to create lasting changes in our lives, especially when it comes to eating and exercise habits. That's where Noom comes in. Noom isn't about quick fixes or strict diets. It's a flexible, psychology-based program that helps you build healthy habits that fit into your life. With Noom, you'll learn how your mind works and why you make the choices you do.

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Spark something uncommon this holiday season with incredible hand-picked gifts from uncommon goods. Are you talking to me? Yes, Paul. Of course I am. Hey, Paul, you know how finding the right gift can feel impossible? Well, that's where Uncommon Goods comes in. They specialize in unique items from independent makers, making it easy to find gifts that are thoughtful and truly one of a kind. That sounds good. I know what you're saying. What are two items that really stand out?

Yeah. Okay. Well, there's how about this? The 45 second omelet maker, because who doesn't want a fluffy delicious omelet in under a minute? Well, wait, if you're shopping for a foodie friend, don't even say anything. The savory and sweet pretzel and beer cheese kit is a guaranteed crowd pleaser. It's perfect for cozy nights in. I...

What'd you buy? Hold on, I wanna hear what he has to say. I like the sound of that. Okay, great. When you buy from Uncommon Goods, you're not just giving a great gift, you're supporting small creators and sustainable practices. Plus, they donate with every purchase, so your gift can make a difference

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Get 10% off your first order site-wide with code WISER at OCEAMALABU.COM. And we're back. We were just talking about The Upside Down and how fun it looked. Do you remember when The Upside Down played- Everything was wacky. Yeah, The Upside Down played the sunken place in softball. I have a new segment, guys. Oh my God, I've been waiting. I've thought of this on the way over. I have a new segment guys. Oh my God, I've been waiting.

I've thought of this on the way over. I'm clapping to cover my chewing. It's working like a charm. I'm chewing to cover my clapping. What's wrong with you? Like a rutting pig. This is where we discuss moral issues. And it's not called morality court

because that's already a thing. Okay. That's a thing already? Okay. Yes, so it's called polarity court. Okay. Polarity court. Play the jingle.

And- Uh oh. Polarity court, polarity court. They need to find what what answers are coming. Now play the real jingle. Yeah. Polality court, polality court, how many pennies can you fit in a jar? That one didn't make sense.

Are you sure there's not a third? Well, wait, you haven't heard the segment yet. There might be a third. Polality court, how many ounces are in a court? Perfect. Nope, and there's another one. Oh, okay. Paul Aladee Court, if you can guess how many ounces

are in this court, you'll get a prize. That's very close. Paul Aladee Court, you have to guess how many years a man has left to live, and if you are correct, he will die thinking of your face. Here's- I think there's one more. Oh, ballality court, ballality court.

We're all going on the tennis court to play ballality court. Get the tennis pros over here cause we wanna play ballality court. And now for the real one. Polality Court, pa-doot-and-doot. Polality Court, pa-doot-and-doot. We're gonna talk about things that are moral and we're gonna do it in a court, pa-doot-and-doot.

There we go. Here's our issue today. We've all seen bodies switching movies. Yeah. Yeah. Let's say you switched bodies with a non-family member. You switched bodies with a friend. It seems better, just in terms of- Like a good friend or-

Yeah, it's a good friend. Okay. Yeah, a good friend, yeah. Okay, so sort of like the one where Ryan Reynolds pees? Yes, but- Okay. What's that one? It's called P, P-switch.

It stands for pussy switch. They go to a big factory. Penis switch and pussy switch. Yeah. Depending on which character. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. So, you switch bodies with a good friend.

You're in the body for like a week. Okay. Something goes wrong. This is my question. And you know you're going back? Or you're working to try to get back for like a week. Okay. Something goes wrong. This is my question. And you know you're going back? Or you're working to try to get back if there's a plan? I think you know you're going.

For this exercise, yes, you know you're going back. Okay. But you have to, of course, take care of the body that you're in. Sure. If you're in the shower, do you look at your friend's naked body? Paul. Oh. You gotta clean's naked body? Paul.

Oh. You gotta clean it. Paul? Yeah. Yeah. Not a doubt in my mind, absolutely. And this is a woman to you and a man to us? I don't care what it is. I am going to look because it's the body

I'm working with now and I think I should know what's going on. But you know you're only gonna be there for a week. I have to go to the bathroom. If you and I there for a week. I have to go to the bathroom. If you and I switch bodies, of course you have to go to the bathroom. You have to go to the bathroom. But I'd be touching it.

I'm not looking at anything when I'm going to the bathroom. Of course you're touching things. You can't avoid that. Other than my phone. You don't look at any? Yeah, I'm not looking at my body while I'm in the bathroom.

You never look at your body in the bathroom. What about the shower? You take a shower, you wash your body. We're talking about the bathroom. But you're looking in the bathroom. You never look at your body in the bathroom. What about the shower? You take a shower, you wash your body. We're talking about the bathroom. But you're looking at the bathroom. She introduced the bath, the shower is in the bathroom. And I'm addressing it. I'm saying if I'm gonna be in the shower,

I'm going to. Shower in the bathroom? Look at my body I'm working with, and if I'm gonna take a shit, I'll probably just glance down while I'm doing that too. I wish you wouldn't. So this is, because I wouldn't do that to you. It's not you and me. That's what I'm saying, it's us. Let's say it's us.

Which I did earlier. You did? Let's do it clockwise. That's how it started. Let's do it clockwise. I'm in Lauren's body. I was picturing it being very vague. That's an address that changes all the rules. Okay. Oh no, let's do a counterclockwise.

I'm not looking at shit. You're in my body. I'm not looking at anything, buddy. I'm using a stick to wash my ass and a stick to wash my dick. A stick. A stick. Washcloth on a stick.

A stick. I think I wouldn't get out of bed that entire week. You would try to be in a coma? Wouldn't get up. I would go into a medically induced coma. I'd say, wake me up when I'm out of this body. Hey, this is an unusual request, but I accidentally body switched with a friend.

It's only gonna be a week. Can you please put me in a coma? Is that something you do? A bond request. I kind of, pathetically, I would look at everything. When it gets to me, who is it really? And it's like, I feel like I'm violating you. Yeah, no.

Is it weirder that we're two men? Like what if it was your- I think if I was like Mary, I think either of us, I would say whatever, doesn't really matter. You practically have the same body. But if it were me and Scott, I would feel like I'm not gonna look because we're not those kind of friends.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, you're like, so you're just, you're in the shower going, not looking down, not looking down. I don't know, I'm looking in the mirror once. I don't know how, I know where everything is. I don't know if I'm looking in the mirror once. I know how, I know where everything is. I don't have to be like, but you-

Looking off in the distance watching my body. Would you put stuff in front of the mirror? Do you have your eyes closed the whole time you're in the shower? No, but you know what? My mother used to close her eyes in the shower. What? Cause she was, she had like a water fear.

Oh. What? Yeah, she was afraid to swim. Yeah. Okay. And to swim. Yeah. Okay. And I, this was like late in her life. I said, did you ever used to swim? And she was like, no, I'm terrified to swim.

And I said, really? And she goes, I closed my eyes in the shower. So she hates water. But I wondered now, was she, when she said it, it seemed serious. Or was she saying it like, I really, that's how much I hate swimming. She was being sort of just facetious. No, it sounds serious. Or hyperbolic. I don't know. Like when she said it, it did not that's how much I hate swimming. She was being sort of just facetious. No, it sounds serious.

Like when she said it, it did not sound like hyperbole. It sounded like she actually closes her eyes in the shower. Because she's worried that she might drown in the shower. Like she was like, I close my eyes in the shower. She doesn't like water anywhere. I close my eyes in the shower, Paul. Coming out of the sink. Mom?

She took me over. How did you do that perfect impression? Don't look at your body. I closed my eyes in the shower, Paul. Coming out of the sink? Well. She took me over. How did you do that perfect impression? Don't look at your body. Wait, wasn't it with you on my old podcast, Spontaneous Nation, you and Tatiana. Yeah, we all are not good at swimming and we said we were gonna take lessons. She also had a thing where she had a fear

of like something coming out of the shower head. Oh yeah. Like a shark coming out of the shower head. And I feel like you also related to that. No, that doesn't- Just the swimming thing. Well, snakes coming out of the toilet, what about that? I don't like to think of that.

I'm tired of these motherfucking snakes coming out of the motherfucking toilet. And biting your butt? In Australia, there's a risk of something like that, have a big old tarantula coming out under your butt, that kind of thing. Did I tell you in Costa Rica how the lizards just like sleep right above you?

You did. I don't like that. And you didn't have a mesh net over you? No. I don't mind, I know what they're doing. They're not gonna fall on you or anything. It's just like, you look up there and go, you could fall on me.

It is rude. It's gross. It's rude, that was the height of rudeness. It feels like camping when you didn't sign up for camping. Yeah. What? It's like camping when you didn't sign up for camping. Yeah. What? It's like camping when you didn't sign up for camping. Forget it. So whose body would you look at?

A famous person, of course. Oh yeah, like a famous dude, like if you were in Ryan Reynolds' body. If you're in Brad Pitt's body, I'm looking down. I guess I would, yeah. Just to know what they're worth. Like a stranger, sure. Because to them, to you, that kind of person

is just a commodity. They're just for sale. That's right. They're just on display. And yeah, sure, I'll look. A soulless collection of light. Shining on a screen for my amusement. Yeah, I'm gonna look at that dick.

I think if it were someone like Ryan Reynolds or Brad Pitt, who had a great body, it's like, that's the only time you're ever gonna be in a body that's a great body. Wouldn't you like be? You gotta look down. I would not put on a shirt for sure, ever, for the entire week. No.

I just would be everywhere without a shirt and being famous. It's like the only time in your life you're ever gonna feel that good. Also, I would give everyone the impression that I'm super approachable, knowing that I'm not gonna be in that body. Yeah.

Hey, hey, I wanna talk to you because I'm famous. Are you a fan? Sit down! Hey, come on over! Let's be best friends! Cool. Yeah, so I don't know, I wouldn't look at you, I wouldn't look at you. But like an opposite sex famous person,

a person that you're attracted to, imagine that. I'd look at any, I pretty much would look at anyone's body except for if you're saying, would you look at my, I'm gonna say no. Thank you. Would you, okay, how about look at my, I'm gonna say no. Thank you. Would you, okay, how about this? You switch bodies with a famous woman that you're attracted to. Okay.

That you were attracted to. Do you then as the famous woman go try to have sex with yourself because you wanna have sex with the famous woman? I know that the famous woman is now in my body. Yes, well she- Not going to have sex? Well, I know the famous woman. I know that this No, but she wouldn't ever want to have sex with you because of What you're like, but now she's you now. She's you and suddenly you're her and she's like, well now I'm attracted Well, now I get to fuck myself. Yeah, honestly would be it would be interesting to see what it would feel like Yourself like to know what other people feel like to have sex with yourself. Like to know what other people feel like

when they have sex with you. Other people. Sorry honey. She doesn't listen to this. You would know what person feels when you. How one feels when having sex with me. But you would be mad if like that, if say it was Angelina Jolie or whatever.

Say she, yeah, okay, I know, but like younger. She's not my favorite. Younger, you asshole. Oh no. But so say it's Angelina Jolie. No, it's like, yeah, it's like Jennifer Aniston, like, you know, the personality, she's fun, she's gonna be around, she's light.

She takes over your body. Are you upset if she has sex with Janie? Wow. Cause she's unattached, she's not married. No, I think that's fine. What? And by the way, you guys, my wife, you guys know each other.

It's not like you just woke up in Angelina Jolie's body. Like Angelina Jolie is, she's in Paul's body. Oh wait, no, no, no, now we're friends? And she's so attracted to Janie. You're friends with Angelina Jolie is, she's in Paul's body. Oh wait, no, no, no, now we're friends? And she's so attracted to Janie. You're friends with Angela Jolie. That she wants to fuck her as Paul. And she cannot hold back, she's like, I gotta use whatever body I'm in and we're doing it now.

And then they have sex. My wife is very attractive, so I get it. I'm not saying she wouldn't be attracted to Janie, I'm just saying, if you're in the other body, your two body switch. Would she do it as revenge? Right. Because she thinks I'm responsible

for the body switch. This is how he should be doing it. Do you think she's, like say Angelina Jolie is horny all the time in her old body. Okay. Let's just say she is. Is she horny when she gets into your body? Or does your body sort of send signals?

I think horny, I'm very low-tick. Like it's through the floor. I think that horniness is a state of mind. So I think that, yes, she would still be very horny. She's just like, look, I gotta have sex with someone and this is the only person willing to have sex with me. Or maybe Janie's like, no, Janie's going like, because she doesn't know that the body switch happened,

and she won't be convinced of it even if she did not. And Angelina Jeleno, such a good actor. Angelina Jeleno. Angelina Jeleno is such a good actor. Angelina Jeleno. Jay Leno. Angelina Jeleno. Angelina Jeleno.

Such a good actor. Angelina Jeleno. That she's able to do a flawless impersonation. No, even if she's acting a little funny. What? Even if she's acting a little funny as well. Even if she's acting a little funny as you. She watches your old standup tapes, she does. Janie's kind of going, you seem different lately.

It's different. No, honey. This is classic body switch stuff. You're kind of serious tonight. Let me loosen you up and then Janie gives you a massage, but it's Angelina Jelena. And then they do it. The thing that happens all the time, of course,

the massage. Yeah, well she's going, loosen up, honey, loosen up., honey, listen up honey here. Let me come up behind you Angelina. Jelena is going He would have it on the anything Africa yes Missing yeah, they're my house Get something. I broke up with Brad Pitt. Michael Jackson's in the news. This guy's weird. Bill Cosby apparently.

Bill Cosby apparently. Bill Cosby apparently. Alright, we need to take a break. All right, we need to take a break. I think there's a reason they call it a health journey, right? It's because these things take time and any program you're on should not be selling some one size fits all fix to all your nutritional questions. Weight Watchers has been the trusted authority

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Join us on Pop Culture Debate Club, Are you a pop culture connoisseur with strong opinions? Join us on Pop Culture Debate Club, a new podcast from Lemonada Media and the BBC. Each week, two pop culture experts battle it out to convince me, Aminatou So, that their opinion reigns supreme. What is the greatest sports movie of all time? Who made the most delicious on-screen meal? Tune in every Thursday to find out. Pop Culture Debate Club is out now wherever you get your podcasts from Lemonada Media

and the BBC. It's time for a three-cher. And you know what that means. I'm going to read something. I was just staring at you so dead-eyed. Like I felt it. Yeah, I did too. It was chilling. Like I was thinking, I don't even know what I was just staring at you so dead-eyed. Like I felt it. Yeah, I did too. It was chilling. Like I was thinking, I don't even know what I was thinking. You're like a great white shark

and just rolled, that milky white membrane rolled over. Oh, then you hear that terrible high pitch screaming. This is a game, three tricks, excuse me, excuse me. Lauren just spit all over me by the way. I did? Aw.

All the way over there? COVID. I guess we are those kinds of friends. COVIDian. Let's look at our private. Sorry for the COVID. COVID-toe. Sorry for the COVID-toe. Pfft.

Did it again? This is submitted by Zach Siegel, Zach Siegel. Spitting on someone is really from the olden times. It really is. It's a highest form of compliment. When a flak of spit can touch your friend, that was the days before the masks. That's a, you spit in the chef's face as a compliment.

You would take, you would leave one piece of food and then you would throw it at him and spit in his face. Oh my God. I'm having trouble forming words, guys. Me too. Sometimes I worry that it's a cognitive issue. Okay. I'm not even sure I used that term correctly.

I think you did, right? Yeah. There's maybe a neurological issue. Could be. Your brain is winkling up into a prune. Actually, it's getting smoother. Zach Segal, Portman Totally Awesome.

Do you see? I do. Portman Totally Awesome. It's a memory game in which the players build on a collection of words slash phrases by adding on a portmanteau-tally awesome. It's a memory game in which the players build on a collection of words slash phrases by adding on a portmanteau, a word that builds on the last sound of the previous word. Not technically what a portmanteau is, but okay.

No, it's not. The addition doesn't need to make sense as a coherent thought. Each player repeats the entire collection of words or phrases before adding their own, which gets more and more difficult as it gets longer. And now we're going to start playing. Okay. Wow.

Paul's taking off his glasses. That's how serious he is about it. He wants to really think. I'm so serious, I don't need to read anymore. Right. Wow. Eyes are getting worse. Eyes are getting worse.

At some point they level off. But those are some good glasses you got there. Thank you, honey. Are those readers or are they prescription lenses? These are prescription. These are progressive lenses. Oh. I have progressives as well.

Transitions. I was told- No, transitions are- Oh, that's what I thought you meant. Glasses, sunglasses. Progressives are- Because they are tinted if everyone out there doesn't know that. They're purple tinted.

But progressives have three layers, top, middle, bottom. I can guess. Yeah, I think so. Well, I think they do. I mean, you look out the middle, but I don't think there's a special layer. There's like two prescriptions. It's like distance and then close.

Yeah, there's two different- It's like bifocals, essentially. Okay. Yeah. But I was told, I was told Paul that like very soon, because at my last appointment, they were like, yeah, getting worse again, huh? Well, you know, in about a year or something, like it'll just like level off. Oh, I mean, mine has gotten worse my entire life since second grade.

I have horrible vision. But I think you're younger than us too. I think he was saying like at the certain age. I think he might be younger than me. Andy Daly. Have we ever talked about that? I feel like you might be. I'm not sure.

We should nail this down at some point, but we don't have time for that. A lady never shares her age. Andy Daly's distance vision corrected itself. Wow, that's nice. He wore glasses for years and years and years. And then one day I was doing a podcast with him and I showed up, he wasn't wearing glasses.

And I was like, what are you doing? Not a glasses day I see. You're a glasses guy. He's a glass day every day for this guy. Yeah. Then all of a sudden, no glasses? Doesn't make sense. Must feel really freeing for him.

I bet it does. I bet it does. So if you have glasses to only see distance. Oh, I'm confused. Some people have glasses to only see distance. No, but that makes sense. I can only see very close up. You are farsighted. No, you're nearsighted. I'm nearsighted.

Which means you can see things that are near. Only very near. Right now I wouldn't be able to see your faces. With no glasses, can you read? Um, I have to- Hey, hey, faces. With no glasses, can you read? Hey, hey, hey, with no glasses, can you read? The book has to be an inch from my face. You know, I had a family, there was a family friend. You had a family? I had a family one time.

We had this family friend, he was the organist at our church. Organist. Yeah, hey, yeah. He was the organist at our church. Organist. Yeah, hey, yeah. He was the organist at our church, he was a friend of my mom's, and it took me many years to realize this was a bad dude. He was like a horrible racist.

Oh, that type of bad. Yeah. There's a lot of bad people. It was like, this guy was horrible. Find their way over to the church. But here's why I thought of him, because he wore glasses. And sometimes he would hang out at our house. He was over for dinner a lot and stuff.

He would take off his glasses, and he would hold a newspaper like an inch from his face. Why was he at your house? Because he had nowhere else to go, I guess. But he was, wait. He's a lonely creep. On what day? On what what day on what day? No, he would be our father's but he would be there my mom would invite him over

He's there all the time. He was there a lot. He's there a lot and he would read the paper one inch from his face Yes, one inch and but why but why didn't he have glasses to help him read the paper? He did have glasses, but he would take the glasses off and he would hold you know They were up an int from his fucking face. He was a fucking racist weirdo. He was a racist weirdo. Ah, God. When we were doing, I had never had glasses

and when we were doing the comedy bang bang television show in between takes, I would always like- Oh yeah, I remember that show. You were on it a couple of times. Yes, that was fun. The show was a TV show and it was funny. That was fun. I would always take out my phone and I would be reading it

and I'm holding my phone up like as far as my arm will allow, like as far away as, and I would be reading it and just going like, oh yeah, and people would go, do you need glasses? I go, I don't think so. This is just like how you- This is normal. This is how everyone, like,

this is how everyone reads on their phone. Everyone's on their phone. This far away at the time, holding it at the extreme length of their arm. Just sending a text. But I'm at the point now where I have to do that with menus where you like hold it. You just have Jeannie hold it up

and you walk across the room and go, okay, I'm gonna have the pasta. Why do they make restaurants dark? Why do they make restaurants dark? You know, but shouldn't they, if it's gonna be that dark, shouldn't they come around and go like, oh, here's a flashlight by the way.

Oh, you don't like that little tiny candle on the table? Let's play the game. Okay. Who would like to start us off with a word? I would. Do it, I dare you. Are we going clockwise? Yeah.

That's gonna tell everyone out there what position we're in. Wait, hold on a second. What, how do we determine what's clockwise? I'm six. From the position of the tongue? So you're six. Okay.

Then that makes me what, three? Everything's clocked. There's no determining. It is what it is. But here's- You'd be 12. You'd be nine. Because if I'm looking at a clock

and then I have to go like that. No, no, no, no, no. Paul, are we high right now? I feel like we've had this discussion before. Paul, we're sitting in a circle. So that means there is a clockwise or a counterclockwise. I had this, Janey and I had-

Don't avoid the subject. We had this type of discussion. I can't, it was something exactly like this. So you've tried to learn this a lot, but you keep bringing up past times. No, but this time I was the one who understood it and she did not. What is there to understand?

I'm not quite sure. I'm having trouble. Like if I look at a clock, I can say what's clockwise. Look, look forward. If we're here sitting here in a little circle, I'm not sure what is clockwise. Like left is clockwise. Yeah, a clock's hand goes like this.

If the clock is down on this. I go like this. Sorry you couldn't see that guys, it was great. It was so, it was amazing, how'd you do that? Nah. No, if the clock's on the table, flat on the table, the hand goes around this way. Yes, that I understand. Always, yeah.

Okay, so this is clockwise. Unless the clock is face down. So if you're six, then I'm nine. He's 12. And he's 12. He's basically three. No, I'm three. In attitude. There's no 12. Yeah, it's more like- This is one of those clocks with no 12. It's more like 6, 11, three. In attitude. There's no 12. Yeah, it's more like- This is one of those clocks with no 12.

It's more like six, 11, and five. But it's actually one of those clocks where all the numbers are wrong and it's like, whatever. Six, 10. W-I-P. Six, 10 and two. Six, 10 and two. Okay.

Six, 10, two. Okay. The first word is washer. Washer, good word. I can add onto that, I think. Sure. That's the last syllable in Washer. Just tell them you want to say the same thing.

I'm going to say Washerod Brown. Sherod Brown? Yeah, Senator. From Ohio, right? Sure. Washerod. Needs to clear his throat. Washarod. Brown. Yes. I'm going to say. Brown is the first part of a word? Oh yeah, it is. I know how to do it. Washarod. Me too. I got one. Washarod Browning. Washarod Browning.

Washerod Browning. Ing. I know one. I can think of one. Hold on. You're smart. Washerod Browningland. You're smart. You're beautiful.

You're so beautiful. You have it all. Washerod Browningland. Browning what? England. England. England. Washerod Browningland and Cher. England. England. Washerod Browningland and share.

No, wait, Washerod Browningland share. I feel like we picked words that make no sense. Glanshare? And share. England, Engle, and share. Landshare. And share.

And share? Sunny and share. That's not a word. It's a phrase, which is allowed. Portman, totally awesome. And share. And share? Sunny and share. That's not a word. It's a phrase. Which is allowed. Portman, totally awesome. Not sure.

Submitted by Zach. Washer what? Wash your butt. No, you're wrong. What? Okay, it's... What did you say? I said washer.

You should be worried about what I said. Washerod, Browning, Glens, and share. Not Glend and share. I have no idea what England and England share England share. Oh so you're using and and then you're using it to make the phrase and share of a phrase of a different phrase. Yeah that's exactly what I'm doing. Well alright. And I did it. Wash your rod Browning- He's a squirrel. I'm giving kisses. Glenshare screen.

Washerod Browning-Glenshare screensaver. Washerod Browning-Glenshare screensaver. W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W- Share screen, say very funny TBS. Still going. You were allowed to not use TBS. He's still in the game. Sorry. I just started thinking about that Eric Clapton song that has BS in it.

Oh God. It's so lame. It's so lame. I'm gonna take this BS no more. How weak. I was trying to fit that into it, God. It's so late. It's so late. I'm going to take this BS no more. How weak. I was trying to fit that into it, but. You can't. I can't.

OK, so what is it? It's TBS. No, very funny. We can't tell you what it is. OK. Washerod Brown England share screen save very funny cap. OK. Cap. Okay. Washer Odd Brown England Share Screen Saver V Funny. V Funny?

You mean Bridget Jones? Cap. Ric Horn. Bridget Jones V Funny. What was the last part? Ric Horn. Capricorn. Ric Horn.

Ric Horn. Who's this Rick Horn? Who's Rick Horn? I feel out of touch. Why is he wearing so many caps? Wash-a-rod Browningland share screen save very funny Capricorn on the cob. Okay.

It is nice though. Washerod Brown England share screen say very funny capricorn on the cobblestone. Washerod Brown England share screen say very funny capricorn on the cob. Sherrod Brown England share screen, say very funny Capricorn on the cob. Oh! Uh-oh!

Cobblestone! Close one. Cobblestone, stoned. Wow. Lazy. Should we have done this show high? No, this is from our trailer. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wait, D doesn't do anything for you. Cobble stoner snacks. Stoner snacks. Stoner snacks. Famous phrase. I was trying to lead us into our, what we said in our trailer, in our fake trailer. I'm so high right now.

Should we have done this show high? See, there we go. Yeah, wow, that was good. We did it, we made the trailer true. That's gonna be our- The rest of it. The rest of it will come true as well. The rest of it will come true. And one episode at a time, my dear boy.

The prophecy. Okay, wash a rod, brown gland chair screen say very funny cap. Brick corn on the cobble stoner snacks. That made it worse. Geebs. I can't do it. I want to. I can't do it. Stoners.

Paul, do you concede defeat? Stoners. Paul, do you concede defeat? Give me one more moment. One more moment. Accidents will happen. Wow! There we go. Washerot, Browning, Glenshare, Screen Say Very Funny funny Capricorn on the cobble stoner snacks.

It dense will happen is mightier than the sword. Nice. Oh fuck. Wash your own. It's Kim Cattrall. Wash your own brown. Share. ScreenSaver, everybody. That way I fucked up.

Okay, that didn't count. Washerod Browning. Land. Share. That didn't count. Wash your odd browning land share screen savery funny cap. Recording on the cobblestone or an accident will happen is mightier than the sword in the stone. Back to stone. We're back to stone. Yeah. Mm.

This game could go on forever. Washerod Browningland share screen save very funny. Cap. Bet. Ricorn. Capricorn on the cobblestone knee. What? No. Yeah. Uh-oh.

Let me try again. Yeah, start over. Maybe don't say anything this time. Okay, don't fuck with it. You messed me up. I thought of that little guy and I got so happy. He's a great little guy. From the other, from the Black Lodge.

That gum you like is coming back in style. Twin Beaks? Yeah. I know you're saving it for the next season of Newcomers. We decided what we're doing by the way. Oh. And it ain't that.

Washerod Brown England Share. Come on guys. Washerod Brown England share screen. Say very funny Capricorn on the cobblestone or snacks the dance will happen is mightier than the sword. In the stony, Tony, Tony. Okay. Okay.

Wow. That's good. Thanks man. Is it Tony, Tony, Tony? No, Tony, Tony, Tony? Tony, Tony, Tony! It's all exclamation marks. What am I thinking of though,

where it's like Tony, Tony, Tony? That's it, but it's Tony, I'll spell differently. Oh. That's your, but it's Tony else spelled differently. Ah! Ah, that's your silly ass. Wash your rod, Browning, Glen, share, screensay very funny, Capricorn on the cobble, stoner, Snack-cidents will happen is mightier than the sword, sword in the stone.

Adding words. Tony, Tony, Tony to no basis. Okay. Washer odd Brown England share screen savery funny cap for corn on the cobblestone or snacks will happen it's mightier than the sword and the stony Tony Tony to no basis. Turds doing it for themselves. Boy, we have a holiday specific last syllable.

Right? Here we go. Well, don't just give them the answer. Washerod Browningland share screens say very funny cap. Uh, record on the couple. Stoner snack sedence will happen is mightier than the sword in the stony, Tony, Tony.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I can't remember. Oh, he's out, but now it's your turn. Just do it. Washerod Browning, Glenshare, Screen Save, Very Funny, Capricorn on the Cobble, Stone in the Mersenac, Sedentral Pen is Mightier than the Sword in the Stone, Did you find it that way yourself?

I did, yeah. I did. To no base. Sisters are doing it for themselves on the shelves. Okay. Ah! Elves on the shelves. Okay. Washerod Browningland and sharing, hold on. Washerod Browningland share screensaver-y funny cap of corn on the cob

or stone or snacks. Well then so what happened is my little sword in the stone, Tony Tony to nobate sisters doing it for themselves on the shelves in the sleigh. Shelves in the sleigh? Elves. What?

Is that about Mrs. Claus? Elves. Elves in the sleigh. Elves. What? Is that about Mrs. Claus? Elves. Elves in the sleigh? The famous phrase? Well, and share, I would argue, is it a famous phrase? Sonny and Cher, come on. But and share. But it feels like you would have started with Sonny,

with like, if it was Grand Sonny and Cher. It feels like that. Elves on the shelves. All right, Scott wins. What? We all lost. We all Cher. It feels like that. Elves on the shelves. All right, Scott wins. What? We all lost. No, hold on. We all lost.

The listeners really lost. Well, they lost because they listened to that. Um, all right. Oh, I see what you're saying now. Well, I think it's time to wrap it up. Yeah, a lot like those Christmas gifts that we were talking about earlier. But this time, do it right.

I'm gonna do the crease method. Do the crease. All right, well, we just want you guys to know we'll be here next week. So if there's something else consistent in your life, at least there's this. That's right, I'm gonna do the crease method. Do the crease. All right, well, we just want you guys to know, we'll be here next week, so if there's something else consistent in your life, at least there's this. Do the crease.

Do what? Do the crease. I was just giving our listeners some hope. Some hope, finally. Man, if they need it from us, this is some sad shit. Look, we're in the middle of December. You can tell by how cold we are. December, I'm cold.

Bert and Ernie. Try to remember. Capricorn on the cobblestone. The times of December and Christmas came. And we were happy. Oh, you know this? I do. What song is it?

I do, what song is it? Bert and Ernie, Capric record of the Cobblestoneers Next stage will happen, it might even have the sword in the stone Ten chocolate cakes And then he falls down. Ten chocolate cakes and pains! I don't know what you're talking about. From Sesame Street! There was a baker, there was a baker and he would hold like a bunch of pies or whatever.

Did he make gay cakes? He refused and they canceled from the show. Gay cake mental piece. 10 chocolate, 10 chocolate cream pies. And he was at the top of some stairs. 10 chocolate cream pies. And he would fall down the stairs and get the pies all over him.

That's funny. When I was a kid, I remembered it as like a flight of stairs. 10 chocolate green pies. Then he would fall down the stairs and get the pies all over him. That's funny. When I was a kid, I remembered it as like a flight of stairs. 10 chocolate pies without a face. And in actuality, it was like three steps. 10 chocolate pies in your face hole can be a pleasure. Bye everybody. Bye. At Lemonada Media, we are on a mission

to make life suck less. That's why we are so excited to announce the launch of our newest show, Good Things, a podcast we specifically created to highlight people and organizations who make our world a better place. Hosted by a rotating cast of our favorite Lemonada hosts and special guests, Good Things highlights incredible organizations that are solving our country's most complex issues. From working to improve the American foster care system to fighting to increase diversity and inclusion initiatives, this show shines a light on the fixers out there

who are working to make good things happen. Good Things is available now wherever you get your podcasts. Hi everyone, Gloria Riviera here, and we are back for another season of No One is Coming to Save Us, a podcast about America's child care crisis. This season we're delving deep into five critical issues facing our country through the lens of child care, poverty, mental health, housing, climate change, and the public school system.

By exploring these connections, we aim to highlight that childcare is not an isolated issue but one that influences all facets of American life. Season 4 of No One is Coming to Save Us is out now wherever you get your podcasts.