Threedom - Threevisiting: Matrix is My Doo-Dah Bones

Episode Date: August 19, 2025

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul, and Lauren discuss reading and being cursed before answering some listener questions.  Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock the THREEMIUM archive on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Freedom It's Freedom It's the last freedom of the sea time. It's the last dance Last dance. Oh my God, you know what that always instantly reminds me of When Donna Summer played

We're saying last dance He played Urkel's aunt on Family Matters. What? Aunt Myrtle or something. And then she... Merkle? No. Oh, it had to be...

They really fucked up. It's not Merkel? No, it's not Merkle. No, it's not. What the fuck are we doing? It's not. But she came, she's like a nerd, and then she gets on stage and she goes, last dance. And then she's like, did I do that?

Yeah, exactly. And she sings the whole song and is really fun. Wow, that sounds so good. Probably her crowning achievement. It sounds so good. It was, you know, it's what I was. I remember the most. Hey, welcome to Threatom.

This is our final episode of the season. Important little end of sentence there. And perhaps any season. Could be. Could be. This season of our lives. Yeah, of course. You know, to everything, there is a season, turn, turn, turn.

From the Bible originally. A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together. Of course. Who are these guys with all these stones? And why do they want to keep them? You know, and why are they trying to cast them? In what? The casting couch for stones?

Come on, guys. Not on my watch. Can you imagine if to be a stone you had to do an audition? You had to self-tape. Oh, boy. Self-tapes. The bane of my pandemic existence. Scott, what's that self-tape you did?

Never done one. Never done one. This is why I do not work. Nice. Because you're an offer, are you still offer only? I'm still stir-stile. Stur-style. You're still-stir-style?

I'm still-stir-old. I'm a stir-style. I'm a midnight talker I did a cartoon recently which was very fun to do and whoever it was I just got offered it so I did it and I was waiting for it

and they're probably listening right now but I was waiting for like why I got this part and at the very end after I was done everyone was saying oh my god you did such a great job and the creator was like I really love you talking you too to me I was like there it is yeah thank you for the job Love it.

Thank you for the job. Love it. God bless you, podcast fans who come into positions of power on TV shows. Love it. That has happened. Lots of animated shows. Yes.

God bless you. God bless you every single one. God bless and keep you. Yeah. Really appreciate it. Is it cool that I have my sunglasses on? I think it's cool. You look great.

You know, so they're also prescription. Yeah, I are. You were talking about. Just like Tom Cruise and Risky Business. Those are prescription. That's why you wore them on the poster. So he could see the people looking at the poster? Yeah, so he could read the title below him.

why he wore the one of the poster. You were talking about the map at the mall was hard to read with the mall. Yes, and was these sunglasses too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were talking about the map at the mall? This was on Doff Boys. The Doff Boys.

I was on Doff Boys. And he went to a hot dog on a stick at the mall and he couldn't read the map because his glasses were tinted. And of course, the map is a screen that is not friendly to that. Yes, and so I couldn't find the lids. You're trying to find lids.

I wanted to go to lids. And you just ask every single person. Did you get that hat? Excuse me. Where's the lid? No, because I never found it. I really did look. I walked all around.

I think I know where it is. You could ask anyone who worked in the mall and they would tell you where it. I kept thinking I was going to find it. But you didn't. But that mall is huge. No, I didn't. And then I gave up. That mall is like a maze.

That mall is a maze. Which mall? The Galleria. It is like you turn a corner. It's crazy. And it's like, yeah. And you keep thinking, okay, this is the end. And then you like walk a little first.

And then there's like a hallway where there's a bunch more stores. I want to. Scott, that song is not good. Artistically? Artistically and morally. Do you know what song we're talking about? No. The doors?

The doors. Based on the... The doors knowledge is limited. The classic Oedipus Rex. Uh-huh. Father. The whole song is based on that or just that part? I don't know.

I just know that it was like shocking that he went, Father, I want to kill you. Mother, I want to kill you. Mother. want to. It's shocking. It sounds disgusting. It's gross.

Well, it depends on your mom, I guess. It proves he reads, though. That's nasty. It proves he reads. What does he just thought that? That's nasty. What if he didn't read it? He was just his own new thoughts.

And that's somebody said, oh, like Oedipus Rex. And he's like, what? Edipus, who? Who did it first? That band was popular because he's a model who read three books, right? The Doors of Perception? Yeah. Edipus Rex.

And do you think you read all of them or do you think you read the back of the book? Good question. What was the third, though? Because he has to have a song based on another book. Yeah. Do you think if you never read like your brain starts to die in little parts? I think we're, our brains all start to die every day, right? Oh, no, I don't think so.

You don't think so? You got to stimulate it. It's growing, growing, growing. I'm reading this book and I was thinking of recommending it to you. What is it? It's this. See spot run. Do you like...

Oh, I think I know some of those words. It's great, because I learned a lot of words because of it. Yeah, like Dick, Jane, et cetera. Yeah. Dick, Jane, et cetera. All the words. Yeah. You could use those a lot.

But let me ask you, because I don't know, we probably have talked about this in the past, but do you like fiction? I love fiction. Andrew Sean Greer. I also like some nonfiction? Andrew Sean Greer is the name of the writer. Wait, I know this. Yes. Is it less?

Less, which I loved. But I'm reading a book of his short stories called How It Was For Me More More More More. me. Oh, I definitely want to read that. Yeah. It's so good. He's such a good writer. I loved less. And the sequel to less is coming out this month. I know. It's coming. Oh my gosh. Even less? Scott, you might like less. More than less. I don't know like what you. But it's a, you know why I would say this. It's because it's a, it's a, it just sucks you right in and it's a pretty quick read. It's a great read. It sucks you right in. It's so good. It's such a good writer. Like turns of phrase. What do you like to read? Bless you. Bless you. God bless you're so. I don't know what I. I don't know what I. I don't. I don't know. I don't. I don't. I don't. I I don't know what I like to read. What's a book that you like, honey? Don't say comic. The Bible. Well, of course, that's a great book.

John 316? It's a book of books, which is great. I don't know. I like, what's the last book I read? I think I read like six when I was on vacation, but I didn't read Casey Wilson's in front of her, and she's mad that I still have never read it. Oh, I read it.

She's like, you were reading books in front of me and not my book. But that would be a lot to be reading her book in front of her. She wanted it. But she would want to know what you were thinking. People who write a book about it. themselves? They want you to read it in front of them. True, true, true. No, he's nodding.

Oh, this part's good. This part's good. Yeah. I do have to read that. I don't know what I like to read. Okay. I have to have read something. I have to have read something.

I classically buy books at the airport when I'm going on vacation. Like, ooh, this is going to be a good one. Ooh, like a Richard North Patterson. Never read them. No, no. I mean like. Memoirs. No.

I just got gifted a memoir. Which is who's? Who? Santa Claus. What's his name? From Happy Days, actually, the unauthorized autobiography. Happy Days, Anson Williams?

Ron Howard's. Oh. What's it called? Memoir. And my mother-in-law gave it to me. And it sounded interesting. I'm actually excited to her. I'm sure it's interesting. I love celebrity memoirs.

From Opie to that. I'm actually thinking about a podcast about such topics. Have you heard about, I think it's Chelsea DeVantas has a podcast about celebrity memoirs. Let's not talk about other podcasts, because we're about to take a break on this one. We don't want to have people listen to other ones.

Anyway, I heard her on yet another podcast, Deep Dive, and I thought she was really funny. And I was like, oh, this sounds like my kind of podcast because I love celebrity memoirs. But I don't have time to read all of them. And some of them are fluffier than others. And maybe you just want to hear some talk about it. What do they do? They summarize then? I don't know.

I haven't listened. That's rude to the book. But they read and they talk about it. Well, you are rude to books by completely ignoring them. I remember hearing a conversation between two people that I knew, who, were both saying that they do not like to read fiction books because what's the point?

Because it's all... So why do you watch movies or TV shows? Exactly! Why do you think thoughts or have dreams? That's how I felt after Precious. Because Precious is set up like... Based on the novel Plush by Sapphire? But it feels like a true story

where it's like, oh, this is based on someone's real life. But why does that bother you? But it's filmed like that and then all these terrible things happen, including AIDS. And then at the end it's like, you read it's just, fiction. It's like, well, yeah, I could write someone having a bunch of terrible things happening

to them. That movie, I might have said this before, but that was like one of the first times I hung out alone with my sister-in-law. We went to see Precious, and we were both like, ugh. I was like, this isn't really a fun-eye outings. Mariah Carey's mustache in it. A mustache? I don't remember. Don't you have a mustache in it? I don't know. Are you thinking of Super Mario Bros? Oh, that's right. Super Mariah Brothers. Super Mariah Brothers. Super Mariah Brothers. So we got to make that meme Now it's a race to make this meme

We gotta make that meme Did Leguze? Did Johnny Legs have a mustache In that movie? He should But I don't believe he did He didn't, did he? I'm kind of seeing the poster of my mind Can I say when people

And I think they're all from New Jersey When they say Mario I think that's simply not the name Like Mario Lopez? What did I say just now? No, you said Mario Okay But people say Mario

And I think it's the only couple of people I know From New Jersey Maybe other states say it But I'm like, that's not what the name is. Why are you saying that? You know what's weird is my... Right? Yeah, so it's like saying if somebody's name is Stephen and you call them Stefan.

Right. Here's the one I can figure out. My friend Corinne, everyone always, when they read her name, goes, Karine? What? Come on. That's insanity to me. That is insane. But everyone does it.

Yeah. Corrine? That's really weird. Very strange. Two ends. Very clearly two ends. It's also not a name no one's ever heard in their life. I know.

I don't know about that. It's more unusual, but I'm saying... Yes. I, you could kind of guess Karine probably isn't it. Yeah, it's very, it's very odd. I can't figure that one out, but everyone doesn't. I would probably guess Kareen first or like something like that. Maybe it's Kareen or Kareen.

No, it's never Kareenik. No, it's either Kareen or Karin or Karin, but never Kareen. Of course you did. I can see that. Which joke did you like? No, I liked Parker Lewis Can't Lose the TV show. Yeah, sure you do. Because Corinne made me think of Koren Nemik.

I don't know what that is. He played Parker Lewis and Parker Lewis can't lose. Where is he now? great question he's right behind you he may have passed on I'm looking now and it looks like he did not oh thank God he's 50 and he's fabulous he's honestly really good looking

and he yeah he's doing and I would leave Mike for him I'm checking to see if you're available Parker Lewis can get it yeah nice doing great doing great good good the opposite of dead He's 50. He's alive. He's great. Well, somebody's dead, and I can't remember who it is.

Let's go through. Let's go through everyone. Adam, Eve. My grandma. They're dead. Adam Eve, Steve. Kane, Abel. Abel before.

Abel can able. Never forget. I played Abel on Lucifer. That's right. Classic TV. Never forget. Did I watch it? I don't remember.

Oh, you should watch it if you haven't. You don't need it. You would remember if you watched it. I think I did. I don't know. See, this is the thing. I don't even remember. if I watched you in Lucifer. How am I supposed to remember a book?

You don't know what books you like. It's true. It's true. Can I tell the listener that I ate 99% of that hamburger cake? Yeah, which was a ton of frosting. It was a ton of frosting. Guess what? I feel horrible. And then you offer me a bite so kindly and I said, I can't eat that right now because I thought I'll have to shit frosting.

I wish we shit frosting instead of poop. But then we think it, we would think it was. disgusting. No, but then we wouldn't put it in toilets. We would, like, just eat it. Oh, you wish it was literally frosting? I wish it came out like a soft serve. And it was, like, colorful.

I wish it was like rainbow. Yeah. Okay. So if we're made in God's image. Yeah. God's shits? Yeah. He has to eat like God gets hungry.

Like, ooh, I'm starving. Yeah. Come on. Come on, God. This is bullshit. Yeah. What if he loves it, though? Because that is part.

It is fun. eat things. Maybe he's like, hey, I want in on this. But he has to shit? No. God, there's no way Maybe he apparates shit like the Harry Potter characters did. Oh, God, I hope so. But there's no way the supreme being has to like eat food

and go to the bathroom. Everyone says rain is when God pees. Not everyone says that, dear. I've actually never heard it. I think I've heard it twice and the second time was also from you. What is God shitting, though? Is it mudslides?

Yeah, that's right. That's right. That was him having really bad die-dye. Di-di. D-di-da-da. My dog, Georgia, has had die-dye for now two weeks. Oh, no. Outside, inside.

What's going on? No, outside. Okay, that's good. It's not uncontrollable. Oh, yeah, no, it's controllable. It's just like. Soup. Yeah.

From soup to nuts. Sorry. Sorry, Paul. Give us your die-d-d-dye stories. I was already going to throw up from eating that cake. When did we start, by the way? Josh said, never pressed record. Because we're supposed to, no, we've been bad little children and we've been taking our breaks at the wrong time.

So the past six episodes, we've been trying to take them at the same time. What? We need to take one right now. All right. Oh, wow. Jesus. Let's go to a break. We'll be right back with more freedom.

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The longevity industry is booming. Everywhere you turn, you're being sold some supplement or superfood to extend your life. But what if I told you that the real secrets to living a longer, happier life are much simpler? And there are things that you can start doing today. I'm Dan Butner, journalist and founder of the Blue Zones. In my new podcast, I sit down with extraordinary people to uncover surprising secrets to living longer better. Listen to the Dan Butner podcast wherever you get your podcast. The first two episodes premiere on Thursday,

August 21st. And we're back. And we're back. We took a break too early. Yeah, isn't that weird? Did you feel it? Listener? Did you feel how soon the break was?

It was too soon. Didn't I say seems really soon? Too soon. Didn't I say that we were doing the wrong thing? And then we did it anyway. Didn't I, didn't I see you crying. Letters to Cleo. A, B, C, D, F, G, H, I, J.

Remember? Oh, Dib, da-da-da-da-da-da-a-da-a-l. Remember when Gilbert Godfried, rest in peace, got in trouble for doing tsunami jokes. He got fired from Affleck. Oh, I thought he got fired from Affleck for doing 9-11 jokes, I think, on 9-13? I think it was tsunami jokes right after it. Oh, wow.

And I tweeted, and I debated whether to tweet this or not, because I was like, I don't know. And I went ahead. head with it thinking, okay, if I get in trouble. And you're like, more like Gilbert got fired. I know, but I was like, when it comes to these kind of jokes, two tsunami. And I was like expecting a lot of backlash and then no one even responded to it. Yeah. Yeah.

Anyway. Well, that's, that's a mori. That happens to be a morric. Did anyone else watch all have claim to fame? No, I only watched that first episode and then I've been too busy. No, no, I like to. Oh, that's the celebrity relatives thing? Yeah.

It was, you know, perfect, perfect. I just hope that show doesn't get too popular, so my relatives don't go on it. Yeah, that'd be really awkward. I was, I really thought it was the, oh, now Lauren's yawning. Finally, we knew we would get there. I didn't want to be. We knew we would get there eventually.

I really didn't want it to be called out. But yes, I did expel air. Only air. I was looking it out of the mouth to make sure. I fart at the same time. And of course, and of course you're correct. But I really enjoy this little headline. Well, the headline is Gilbert Gottfrey fired as Affleck Duck after Japanese tsunami tweets.

Then there's like a subhead that goes, offensive Japanese tragedy jokes. Get Affleck Duck voice fired. What a roundabout way to say it. When they already said it. And they also assume, more clearly. We don't know who he is. Now that he's gone, he was worth it. And then look at the picture they chose for him.

I mean, come on. This is on purpose. They choose an unflattering photo. See, that's not right. It was worth it, though. Like, all things being equal, he should have made those jokes. You know he looks like in that picture. He looks like the guy.

I didn't realize it kind of look like. But maybe with that face. This Calvin Klein model. Don't even worry about it. I'm not going to say it. I don't want to offend anyone. Lauren, did you have posters on your walls? No, I wasn't allowed to.

I've talked about this. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What else have we talked about? Just wallpaper? I had, like, nicely framed art or something. Art? Art. Like a clint of art.

A clint. Picasso I don't know I had some art And then I On the back of my door I would like Put up some things

But did you have posters? I had posters for sure I don't remember I had like You're like Pamel Anderson And those I put that Who's a nine year old girl

Ew I had the two posters I remember Farrah Fossi Right off the bat I wish I had a poster Of Fonzie

Wow That's good And I had from Dynamite magazine. Yeah, I used to love Dynamite. A 3D poster of a werewolf. Oh, and did you put on the glasses? Of course I did. Hell yeah.

And then I couldn't sleep. But honestly, your room sounds like a TV set. Like, it's like, well, hang up the fons and a werewolf. It's like all sort of like public domain. Yeah. What part was sticking out of the werewolf? His claws were reaching out. He was like leaping forward.

His tongue was not sticking out. Okay. He was more, he was more about the fangs. He wasn't like, yum, yum, yum. Do you feel like they thought about Fonzie every day? Or do you feel like it sort of became like background noise? I thought about Fonzie every day. Every day I think about Fonzie.

And he would, it was hanging on the wall behind my bed. Yeah. So I would like wake up, I would turn around and I would salute Fonzie and begin my day. And did he ever wink back or something? Every time. Wow. Every time. And I had to go to therapy for all.

A long time. Yeah, of course. And I would never, I would never change my story. I said, he winks at me every day. Did anyone ever walk into your room and you were underneath Fonzie and they would talk to Fonzie and then go, oh, oh, wait. I'm sorry. No, Paul. Every day.

Wow. Every day. Every day. Every day. Yeah. Even Sundays? The Lord's day. Twice on Sunday.

What? Shit. Lauren, what are you thinking about? You're lost in thought. I must have had a Star Wars poster. I was thinking I should go back to therapy. Me too. Girl, same.

I don't know. what crossed my mind, but something you said really. He mentioned going to therapy and then you started thinking about therapy. Did you say therapy? Could there have been a connection? Yes, I did. That's so weird. I don't know what to say.

I truly had like a couple little thoughts and then went there and then I think I was hearing you but not fully absorbing. Somehow my background noise seeped into your subconscious. We could do therapy for you. What did you say about therapy? I said that I went to therapy every day when I was a child. That is. No, I did hear that.

For insisting that Fonsie Winkton me. I did hear that. We could do therapy for you if you want. Yeah. We should find out why my brain does things like that. Just bring, tell us one of your problems right now. No, no, no, no. What if you went to therapy and you played this episode for the therapist?

Yeah, and how I see how I didn't hear, but I did, and I didn't know how I got there. Am I a murderer? But it was extremely clear. I, my therapist had to stop, had to say, you have to stop asking me if you're a murderer. Wow. Because that was my number one question every time I went in. Speaking of, great, great new show. I would just like tell her.

Am I a murderer? I would tell her any of my problems And then I'd go Do you have to call the police for that? And she'd go, no I would end every session by saying You're not going to tell anybody, right? Just make sure

You're going to be cool about all this, right? God, what have you actually did that to a therapist Every single session? How long would it take them to say? To fire you. Okay, stop, stop doing it. Yes, I can't see you anymore. I just can't hear that fucking joke.

Are you caught up on the patient? Yes. With my crush, Donald Gleason. More like the impatient. He's doing great. I haven't, I won't watch the first two, but I loved it.

His accent's amazing. His accent is so good. Which accent is he doing? American. Yeah. No, I can do that. But he's doing that.

I have been doing that my entire career. I honestly, I didn't even recognize him with his look, you know? The look changes him so much. It does. Sometimes I'm...

What's you wearing floppy hair? Disappointed when he's not like himself. Yeah, it is like floppy dark hair. Yeah. And it completely changes his appearance. It does. Yeah. Because he's a red hair.

Love it. But he's great. You like that, what's that Netflix show where he's, Black Mirror? Yeah, oh, yeah, he was great on that. Oh, that's one with Haley Atwell. Yeah. Oh, Haley Atwell. She was Peggy Carter, Agent Carter.

Peggy. Dot Carter. Oh, well, then I do know. But see, I watched that more recently. Situation. I didn't know that. That's right. She's a crush of mine. I should rewatch someone.

I could hear it in your tone. Yeah, I know. I thought I'd spell it out. Did you see that movie The Incredibles with my crush? Elastigaral. I know. She could bend every which way. Ew.

He said it. No, you did not. This is going to be the last time we ever hang out with each other. Oh my God. We're trying to have fun while it lasts. Because we're, we're probably going to get canceled. If we do a new show, like if we do another season, should we like change it up or keep it just the same? Let's, let's take it to the calls.

Like, if I'm not here anymore and it's just you guys. It's like 10 minute episodes. We'll do calls. Okay, so if you want to hear it changed, call us right now. Call us right now. And we record a season in two days? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

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Yeah, this is Threaton. Who's this? Threatom? Who's this? Freedom. Yeah, this is Threatom. Who's this? No, freedom.

Hang up. Freedom. I can't hang up. I don't know where the button is. Threatom. Yeah, this is Threaton. No, I don't know where the button is. You're a freedom.

Your name is Threaton. Threatom. No, this one's lit up. And your name is Threatom. Pritum. Oh, wait, we're getting another call. Sorry. Hey, hold on a second.

I do know how to hold it. Don't you're on. Yeah, Freedom, you're on. Hi, I was just calling because I heard you guys were taking suggestions of what you would do next season. Well, yeah, I guess we are. Honey, are you on the phone with Freedom? Wait, are you in the same house? Oh, my grandma's calling you, too.

Brum, brim, brum, brim. What the fuck is that? Hello, dude. She was already on the line, but. This is my witch next door. Hello, dearie. Yes, hello, witch. Any interesting spells?

Thinner. No, you didn't touch my face. Don't you want to be thinner, dear? I remain fat. Don't worry about it. Don't you want to be thin, not dear. Hey, can I get some of that thinner? Oh, if there was like another guy on the street, like, hey, I'll take some of that.

Hey, I'll take some of that. Hey, I'll take some of that thinner. Thinner. What kind of curse is that, thinner? My doctor told me to get cursed. I would be curious to watch the trailer for that now and see how the CQI... Let's do it!

I don't want to watch it all again. Let's do it. Let's watch the trailer right now. All right, here we go. Ready? Hey, Josh, can you pull up the trailer for thinner? In a world where everyone's fat. I'm fat and I'm going to stay that way forever.

There's one witch. Oh, no, you don't. Who said that not everyone should be fat, but everyone minus one person. Hey, what are you doing? Finer. The end. This movie is A whoops

30 second fall We ran out of money The Fablemans Yeah the Fablemans I'm What the fuck is the Fables I meant to tell you guys I'm one of the Fablemans

No let's watch the ads Let's watch this ad for this show that was canceled Has this already been Oh my Lord Why is this so loud I go insane All right, spelling film Was this Aaron spelling?

It kind of Okay, guys taking his food out He's a big fat, so he takes He's wallet out Before he gets on the scale He's obviously wearing a clump suit Wait, I didn't know it was like comedic at all It's not

This trailer feels It looks silly, the Oh, it's Joe Mantegia's in this Hey, you could taste to Chicago Wait, you ever How come you so fat? Deep dish criminal minds

I love the idea that you know fat people talk with food in their mouths all the time this is horrible yeah it really is so now he okay so then he like hits this old woman in the middle of the car in the middle of the street

I truly thought this when I was little this was like the scariest thing I ever seen is this Archie Bunker? So silly that's not Archie Bunker it's Michael Constantine he was on room 22 yeah this diatron

Okay, so now he's getting thinner. Wait, this is like goofy. It's goofy as hell. I'm so thrown. Can this be interesting to him? There was a close-up of a little wrinkled voodoo doll. This is getting out of hand. I'm just the gun to put it back in a hand.

Oh, and then Joe Mantegna goes on a gun rampage? This is incredible. I can't watch this. There's so much noise. Turn it off. Turn it off. Turn it off. Let's remake this movie.

It truly was... Here's what we do. Silly and rude. Here's what we... They're using fat suits in this. In our version, the three of us play the fat guy at the same time.

I think that won't be in fact-up yet. With one of our heads poking out. And then we take away a person for each time we get there. Do we each get like equal screen time though? Yes, of course. So the head's different. Yes.

Same makeup. Yeah. And then what we're just like hugging around each other's fine. Like we're in a horse costume. Don't you want to do this, Lauren? Yeah, this is really fun. Finer.

I curse your thinner. If you could be cursed, what curse would you want? If you could be cursed, what curse would you want? I don't think that's possible. Like... You have one in mind for yourself? What if you could... What if I could curse you and make you a horse?

I would not want that. Okay. Would you? Well, wait, would I have the same brain? I would have my own thoughts. I think that's worse. You'd have your own thoughts, but everything that related to people in your...

human brain related to horses now. So you would remember things as if they were horses. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would remember things as if they were horses. Yeah, so you'd remember everything in your life. So like when I think I went to school, I would think I went to a horse. Yeah. No, if it was, if you were a horse, you'd picture in the time where you learn how to count on your horse, horse, horse, horse, horse, horse.

Okay. Okay, Lauren's out on that mentally. You guys are interesting. Getting a little weird in here It's kind of a little weird Well, what curse would you want? I don't know. Give me one.

Would you want to be like Every time you open your eyes, they bleed? Yeah. I want it. I want that one. Give me. Or do you want it to be like a curse like whenever you think a sinful thought,

everyone hears it? Oh, yeah, I want it. A sinful thought. What's the sinful though? Like eating for dessert? Yeah, yeah. You're like, I got to have that cake. Oh, my neighbor's wife.

Ooh. I covet her. Can we just say, if you're a server out there in a restaurant and you bring the dessert cart around or the menus or whatever, stop saying that things are sinful? We don't want to hear it. I want to hear it. Wow. I want to feel like I'm defying God.

How often is someone pushing a dessert cart up to you saying it's sinful? How's this chocolate cake? Oh, it's delicious. It's sinful. I like when they say it's decadent. It's like the fall of Rome. You would just say this. It's good.

It's chocolate. Everyone loves chocolate. But it's not always good. No, no, no. Chocolate is not always good. Good note, Jonathan Gold. When chocolate is bad, it's not good. When is chocolate bad?

When it's, if a cake is dry. If a chocolate is old or? Baker's chocolate. I actually had a, I bit into a chocolate bar. that was gifted to me yesterday and it was almost like baker's chocolate it was like 99% cacao it was like 85% it was just too dark like it's too much cacao i i could sometimes do it but it's very thick too so it was like really like eating a baker's chocolate bar how thick should a candy bar be thin it should in my opinion it should be about like this thick i think rule of thumb wow

like the bible really so no thicker than a thumb a candy bar that's right what about rollo's are rollo's thicker than your mom asshole my dad's favorite rolls Rolos are the fingertips Rolos are the fingertips Rolos are the fingertips of the candy world

Rolos like a knuckle Rolos are the E.T.'s finger of the candy world Can we agree on this at least? East T's finger he loves his pieces Did your dad eat Rolos

often or only on special occasions or you kind of always have somewhere on the house? I don't think we did not always have candy in the house but at like holiday times like Christmas when there was chocolate in the house.

house, he would eat all the roll. My sister, by the way, makes these great peanut butter candies that are in the shape of peanuts. And they're so delicious. It's a candy. They're like a peanut. They're like creamy. It's like chocolates almost, but they're peanut flavored. But peanut?

And they're in a mold of a peanut. Peanut mold? It sounds good. It sounds good. You're saying that has mold on it? So at Christmas, you'll give us. us some. I hope so.

They're so delicious that it's just, it's bad. You can't have too many of them in the house. Is it sinful? No, it's like peanut. It's good. Is it kind of the thing that kind of gets you sent to hell?

Do you think the devil would imagine you eating them and go, he-h-h-h-h-h-ha-ha-ha-h. I mean, My plans. One of the commandments is about eating them. One of the ten. Number nine's like,

those peanut things, your sister makes? Stay away. Don't do it. Boyed it a little bit. Oh, Hey. Don't do it.

Don't do it. Don't do. Da-da-d-di-da-di-da-di-da-da-da-da-da-de. Your own accent coming out. Do, yeah. Did you start talking like a Chicago person when you were just there? Actually, I did find my accent coming through. Ah, I love it.

Yeah, because also everyone was from Chicago. So, it's here. That's your jacket. Definitely said stuff like that, for sure. Did you say it on film? And people were like, I know we're filming this in your own time, but, like, tone it down a little bit. I'm feeling kind of depressed. depressed.

I need a hoagie. Did you grow up with hoagie? I didn't have, you know what? Well, like the bears sketch on us and then they say hoagies and grinders. The bears. The bears sketch.

They say grinders? Huggies and grinders. I thought hoagie was just where I grew up. I never ate that, so I don't know. I just meant the word, dear. No, I know, but I'm saying I actually don't really know. It was never in your Lexington, you never ate it. But it was in the Chicago.

I can't think of words that I don't eat. Yeah. I ate so much fucking pizza when I was home, though. It was kind of getting out of control. Pizza for breakfast. Pizza for lunch. Pizza for dinner. If you have pizza on a bagel, you can have pizza anytime.

I have heard that. I didn't have any bagels. I think it's a myth. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not true. It's a great song. You can't have it when you're asleep.

You want to sing it? Can you eat when you're asleep? Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening. Pizza at supper time. Okay, wait a minute. When pizza's on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime. Pizza in the morning, sure, I get it. Pizza in the evening, yeah.

But then what's the difference between evening and supper time? Let's talk about lunch. It's regional differences. Okay. Some people's supper is lunch. Some people supper is dinner. Whether the weather be hot. Wait, some people say supper is lunch?

No. Yeah, I don't think so either. You're a liar ball. I went to a restaurant last night and the menu said supper. We said no lying on this show. When did we say that? Remember our first episode. We were like, everything we say is going to be true.

All right, first episode of freedom. Well, what are you going to do, Paul? Well, we're definitely not going to lie. Everything you say should be true. Agreed. Fuck. Dude, Josh pulled that clip up so fast. Feener.

That movie sucks. Also, you know what? Stephen King actually kind of sucks. Hey, I don't. I don't think she don't know anything about it. I don't think he's that good. He was good for like a good 10 years. But even the stuff that's supposed to be so good, I don't think it's that good.

I know, but it's good. Every ending is terrible. I know, but it's hard to end things. Like, look at this episode. But it's hard to end things. It's hard to end things, but like. I think if you're making something like that, you should find an ending. The ending of it is so bad.

It's terrible. He shriveled up into oil or something. I can't remember. What? He dribbled up into oil? Shribled up. Oh. It turns out he's a big.

alien he's an inter-galactic spider or some shit he blew up into all those bugs something like that yeah his head got really big he should just swap endings with his other books so it's like okay christine yeah he dribbles up into oil he dribbles up into oil yeah that makes sense yeah christie yes he dribbles up into oil yeah coo joe happens to be a big alien cojo he dribbles up into oil he dribbles up into oil uh fire fire starter yeah she goes to prom and blood gets spilled on her yeah she dribbles up to put out the fire This all makes sense, Steven. The trailer for Carrie, by the way, gives away the entire movie.

Yeah. Like in an age where I didn't think they did that. Thinner, he gets thin and he escapes from jail with his best friend. I sort of hate trailers for that reason. Oh, I thought he just would go through the bars because he got so skinny. Yeah, that's true.

He doesn't need the poster. See, this makes more sense, Stephen. Oh, my God. You know, do you like to watch a trailer for something or do you rather? I say away. Although I did watch the Secret Invasion trailer. What's that? But I stayed away from Mandalorian. Yeah, if it's something I'm kind of excited to see or if I've heard it's really good, I really don't want to see anything.

If it's somebody like whose work that I always enjoy, I will not. I try to stay away from everything. If it's a hype trailer? It's fun to watch trailers. Oh, I watched a great movie. What? The worst person in the world. Have you seen it? No, I still haven't seen it. I want to see it. I loved that movie. I've heard it's really good. It was honestly, it reminded me of when I was in college, I would go to the art house movie theater. like, I just saw a movie called Once and it's going to blow your mind, you know? One. But it was like that.

It gave me that feeling again, which I haven't had since I was much younger when I was more impressionable in that way. And this was just like, it was just great. I just loved it. It's wonderful. And it's Norwegian. And what I loved about that was that the language was very unfamiliar to me. So I was very swept away.

I felt very real because I wasn't playing anything out of it. And you watched it with no subtitles. Yeah. And I was just going, this is, this seems real. I like doing that because you can. just put your own plot on. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I just turn everything on mute and just do whatever I want. Hey, what's going on over here? Oh, this is crazy. I'm mad at you. You're the worst person. I bet there's, I think you're terrible. I bet there's somebody out there who just has the TV on mute and does that all the time. Someone, I bet, puts the TV on mute and does this podcast over it.

That seems good. That would be good, right? In case that's happening, let's do some movies right now. Let's do some movies. So put on ET right now. Hi, my parents are divorced. An alien should visit you. Oh, my God.

What? Did you curse me? Alien. Alien. Alien. Alien. What a curse. An alien will visit you.

Once. He never came back. Once. Not twice, but once. But he never eat. He never fucking came back. We don't know that. He freaking was back with his mommy.

he was he had such a bad time on earth he never came back i thought he was an adult he's back with his mommy i thought he was an adult too was he not the novel mom looking for him the novel goes into it isn't there an alien mom on the board on the surfboard board the ship who's like come back listen the alien like goes into his home plan the alien no the book goes into his home plan let me see does the book go in his home yeah what's their chief export Hey, it's that person I was talking about. Is E.T.'s mom on the spaceship?

A special visitor. A special visitor. Is E.T.'s mom on the spaceship? Is E.T.'s mom on this spaceship? Everyone, calm down. I'm looking for E.T.'s mom. Is she on this? She looks like E.T. but with boobs. Remember when E.T. dressed up like a lady? It doesn't look like that. E.T.'s mom's nipples light up like the finger. I'm not getting

a lot of info. Oh, you're kidding me. What is the top hit for? Is D.T.'s mom on the spaceship? It's all about the mom from E.T. Oh, D. Wallace Stone. Oh, D. Wallis. Yeah, DeWallis Stone. Great Flintstone's

name. You've got to admit. Where's the stone? I'm only seeing D. Wallace. Well, she... Well, she fucking got married and she became D. Wallace Stone. To who? To Sharon Stone. Roger Stone. You don't remember this? Sharon Stone and Roger Stone married her. I don't remember this.

It was the first legal thruple. It was the only legal throuple. Oh, Scott. You're so naive. Thruples aren't legal. Oh, sometimes. If you know the right people, they are. I don't think so.

Well, she's married a third time to skip belia, skip laelia. Skip layup. Skip to my loo. Skip balo. Skip to my loo. It's a fake. Skipelabla. Someone writing a basketball movie.

Skip, bye like that. Bye like that. Okay, look, we have to take a break. Okay. Bye. Are you waxed? No. I'm unwaxed.

Hi, guys. I'm Sophia. And I'm Sistine-Stine Stallone, and this is unwaxed. We are less judgmental than your best friend. Way cheaper than a therapist. And less painful than a wax. Join us every Tuesday where we discuss dating, bettering yourself, and hilarious stories.

So listen to Unwax from Lemonaut and Media, wherever you get your podcast, or check us on on YouTube. YouTube to see the video version. And we will see you next Tuesday. Bye. Hi, I'm Jessica St. Clair. And I'm June, Diane Raphael. And we are two friends trying to survive the chaos and celebrate the joy that life throws our way. And we do it every week on our podcast, The Deep Dive. Sometimes we dig into the deep stuff, like how I communicate with my dead best friend. And sometimes we give bad advice based off a TikTok I saw. And we're not going to apologize for that. Absolutely not. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll hire a psychic medium. Join us,

won't you? Listen to the deep dive wherever you get your podcast from Lemonada Media. And we're back. And we're all back. I wanted to say we're back. And you did. Oh, okay. Yeah, I heard you say that. Just now? no i thought it was before it's weird because i don't know what you guys were talking about but then i had this thought that i wanted to say we're back yeah yeah and what's funny is that when you say i wanted to say we're back it's that you're saying it in the in the desire i said it like because i wanted to say it whereas i'm not sure why it might have come out of your mouths maybe you was some sort of do you understand the words coming out of our mouths i do um well i heard we have a voicemail

I heard that too Can we listen to I didn't hear that I heard a rumor That I'd like to hear what it says I heard a umbrella Okay so we get We have a voicemail

We get voicemails at our At our number Ha ha ha la in poo Ha ha la in poo Dut Dha la in poo Reach out and touch me We also learn that

Ha ha ha la impu is also wrong right Yep Oh cool All right Let's listen to this voicemail Let's all look at it

Here we go Okay if you could have one skill Starts with okay Okay Like in the Matrix What would it be? What? If you could have one

Was this edited down? Okay Let's listen to it again Let's talk over it less But still talk over it Okay Okay What's he talking about

What are you doing? What is he doing? Why start it with just okay? What is he talking about? Okay let's hear one more time Let's hear it again Because we were talking You over part of that

Okay Wow Blah, blah, blah, blah. Scal, la, la, la, la, la. Skill, skill, scale, scale. Matrix is my doodagh bones, all the doodah day. What does he mean by that song? Matrix is my doodagh bones.

All right, but for that, should that be the title? Josh, cut our, cut our mics. Cut our mics. I will listen to this voice. Okay. La-la-la-la-d-d-da. Oh, injected in your head like in the matrix. Oh, injected in your head.

Ew. Okay, I got it. I got it. I would have it be the skill of how to inject people with skills in their heads. Because then you'd always be hired. Always got to be done. You'd always be part of the economy. Wow.

What? You're obsessed with the economy. You wouldn't do it to people for free? I mean, for starving children, yes. Okay. How to catch fish. Wait, what is it, though? Because I've never seen The Matrix.

Sorry. In the Matrix, which is... Should you do? Scott hasn't seen, but about you? You've seen the Matrix? Yes. And so what happens is? Just loosely, don't give it away. It's computer land.

You know that cut out in the corner of me with my... But there's a hole where my mouth is? Yeah. This is like that, but in the back of the head. So they put in whatever they want. Yeah. They just stick in a thing. Just an idea, a skill?

Yeah. So I guess I learned how... He all of a sudden he knows how to do. Great, okay. Mine would be that I would That I would, yeah, I would Oh, that's cool. I would like to like know what is in every book that I touch

and like know the knowledge. Well, it's not, they're not downloading magic into your head. They're downloading like a skill. That's not a skill. Oh, okay. Then I guess. Okay, well, I've never seen it, you fucking morons. You know what the word skill means though, right?

Okay, so my skill would be that they could fucking cook, you asshole. I guess my other idea sucked. Have you been cooking at all? Well, I did fall off when I was in Chicago because I wasn't able to cook. And your mom was there. Well, and I, we were just ordering food all the time because I was working. Yes.

But I am. Big Macs every day. Going to be back. I was into it before. I'm getting back now. I'm hanging back. Should we cook for each other and just swap meals? No.

Okay. I'm not confident enough about what I'm doing. You would save time, wouldn't it? No. What? I guess the driving back. Yeah. And also, you're cooking.

Yeah, no. It's way too much. For me, it would absolutely be piano. I wish I could just play the piano. I feel like we talk about this all the time. We do, and I never do anything about it.

I know, but I don't either. No, I wish I could play an instrument. By the way, my... Change mine. Too late. I don't want to cook! Nope. A friend of mine, I was talking about the piano

and she, the day after I had this conversation with her, she like came to me with a plan and an email about like, okay, I've looked up this teacher, this teacher, never wrote her back. Is it the same one that was going to teach us tap dance? Sometimes when people try to really help you, it shows you how much you don't care.

Yeah, and it shows then that too. And you're like, well, noted, never again. I'm going to dinner with her very soon. And I'm going to have a lot of answers that I have to give her. Here's how I'm going to handle it, by the way. Ignore it. I'm never going to do that. Yeah.

How's that sound? Is that rude to her? Let's hear another voice now. I had somebody reach out to, well, we didn't know what Scott's skill was. And touch faith? Do you have a real owner no? It was probably piano. I've said it on a million of these episodes.

Or maybe lead guitar. Lead guitar. I'm sorry. I won't play back up. Brett promised to help me set up an electric guitar rig. Oh, yeah, that's right. I remember that. You're going to stare at that.

I'm a witness. I'm a witness to that. I was a witness. I was hoping he was going to promise to buy it for me. But instead, he just said, I'll set it up if you buy it. Kevin T. Porter of Good Christian Fun asked me, he texted me on it. I have not responded to him yet, but he asked me. Oh, good.

He asked me. I'll show him. I bet that made him feel good. He asked me if I ever thought about taking piano lessons. And I wonder if that means he would, he is volunteering to teach me piano. He does play piano. Does he mime along with it when he watches Bruce Springsteen concerts? Yeah.

I bet. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And Nils Lofgren gets so mad. He's like, that's my job, motherfucker. He can see him. He's like, are you making fun of me? Because he makes a dumb face, too.

He's like, but he's really doing the fingering. I didn't get, you know what I mean. I didn't get back to Kevin about a Bruce Springsteen email that he sent me for probably a week. And I felt really bad about it. This one's going on three weeks probably from it. Uh-oh. It was during the tour, though. Do you want to take some?

time and write him back right now. Yeah. Okay. It's pretty his glasses on. Lots of birthday text rolling through over there for Paul. We see his phone lighting up with the green. It is fun. And I respond to them at the end of the day.

Oh, that's nice. Like it's over, asshole. You're a little late. I didn't see this until the end. 12-01 on September 13th. I'm like, what is this? You missed my birthday. Reach out and touch.

Okay, should we hear while you're doing that? Should we hear the next voicemail? I'm asking. Should we? Yes, absolutely. Hey, guys. Oh, hey. So I got a question for you.

Let's say that after you die, you get to live out one day as any person and from any time that you'd like. That's my answer. Ludicryxian. John Malkovich rules apply. And if you pick someone that speaks another language, you automatically know and understand that language. and after this day is done you get eternal nothingness who do you pick and when do you pick this is madeline by the way thanks madeline so you want the eternal nothingness so i was saying being john malcovich rules i recently watched that movie for the first time all the way through

and i really loved it um so you had seen parts of it before then um i had just seen yeah a little parts of it but uh don't they like when they Paul by the way is responded with one word they come out of the shoot. That was June 30th, that text. Oh, my lord. And you're just saying one word and not even apologizing for how long you took me. Oh, no. Did he send you another text but since then or no? Many. Yes. And you responded to those? Yeah. Oh, well, then's not as weird. That's not as weird. You're just ignoring. He wrote back to me immediately. Wait, he wrote back already. Yes. Glad we finally circled back to the important things. Um, but in being John Malkovich, when you, when you're, like, portled out of him.

This isn't a movie podcast. You're all wet. Jesus. Wait, really? Oh, wait. Oh, you end up on like the highway and you're like, ah. Oh, that's, oh, I thought it pretended ludicrous. No, ludicrous.

I don't know if you end up all wet. Has he ever been wet, do you think, ludicrous? I would assume he's taking a bath or two. It's weird. The idea to live out a day as someone else. Yeah, it's like, if I died, I would do that. It's like, if I died, I think I don't. want to probably be me again and see some of the people I love. But I guess if I had to be

somebody else. What if you could be one of the people you loved? That's weird. I think I would choose, it has to be someone you're not related to you and it has to something you don't know. I think it has to be a celebrity. But wait, so in being John Malcovic, are you, you're not controlling John Malcovich. You are as much as you can. As much as you can. Yeah. But you're kind of like in the backseat, right? Yeah. Yeah. I guess I would pick if that's, if that's the idea, I guess I would be Peter O'Toole and like a time when he was on stage. Ooh, cool. That's an interesting answer.

Like doing a fantastic play somewhere. I would be the person opposite Peter O'Toole on the stage. Fun! Yeah. Same time, though? Exact same time. Okay. And I would try to upstage you.

I would be Madonna on the Like a Virgin tour. Oh, that would be so fun. The crowd going wild for me, Madonna. But to be like one of the Beatles or something? Oh, yeah. Would that be fun to be one of the Beatles or are they just annoyed all day? Imagine being in the show. Didn't you should get back there?

Yeah, true. They quit touring because they didn't like it. So that would be bad to do that right. Probably at the beginning. I bet it was pretty cool. They liked it for a long time. They're like, this is fucking great. Okay, what era of the Beatles would you then, would it be like Shea Stadium or would it be in the Cavern Club?

I don't know what that means. God, the Cat, well, the Cavern Club was when they just started out. They would go to Germany. And they would play like five hours. that's in a basement. And they were like, I don't think I would choose that. Fucking teenagers

just having the time of their fucking lives. I think I would choose that. But then what about a person from history? They all had a cough, though. Why would they were doing? I don't, I wouldn't choose that.

I'd be Jimmy Carter. The peanut president? Running for re-election. Wow. Jesus Christ. Yeah. I'd be George Herbert Walker Bush. Can you pick up on the Prime Minister of Japan?

Can you pick a day, though, like a specific day? Or is this like, It sounded like. To come. Like as someone who is alive now. Okay, Ebenezer Scrooge. Is this what we'll be or what may be?

Here's what I think. What we chose is what the rules are. Okay. I like it. I'd be Jesus Christ. Okay. So which day are you picking? Day is crucified.

There's got to be a little efficient day. Gotta be. Oh, man. I'm so hungry. It would be. I'd be like water into wine every single day. I'm so hungry right now. I guess I'd be someone eating their best

dinner they ever had wait were the loaves and fishes and the water and wine the same wedding or was that feels like it was two different days like he's showing off almost like do you think that the people of the wedding when they got the loads of fish they're like hey what about the wine do you think the Bible's all one day

the Bible takes place over 24 hours Adam is kind of like a before Adam is created yeah and then John sees all those crazy by 6 p.m. Jesus is on the scene the following takes place

Jesus on the scene. Jesus on the scene. Jesus on the scene. Would anyone be us? Did I get that right? Yeah. Ew. No, don't be me.

Don't be me. No, don't do that. You wouldn't like it. Stay out of my head. Get out of my head. What are you guys going to miss the most about not doing the show? Or about doing the show. What?

What are you going to miss the most about doing the show? You're going to miss the not being able to do the show. I guess. You're going to miss this a lot. I'll miss our fun silliness together for sure. Yeah. Yeah, probably to. Probably.

Maybe. Are you going to miss all the references that we make being old men that you don't get? Yeah. I'll have to, like, turn on the news or something. And I'm going to have to turn on ABC family? Yeah. News. To watch all the 90s sitcoms.

Yeah. Hulu has a lot of them. Do you remember how much you hated the news when you were a kid? Oh, my God. I was so mad at it. I'm still not a huge fan. listening to like the news was on a lot when I was home and like the one local news one story after the next of just really a murder was murdered a murder carjack this person died this was

sad and on this side of town another bad thing happened it was like you know if you watch this all the time you might think and if you work for the local news you are worse than garbage I believe it was fraser crane who said if it bleeds leads I believe all those stories do lead in Chicago. Well, it's a depraved town. Yeah. And you'll notice they have the strictest gun laws, and yet they have all the gun crime. I've made a point.

Yeah, but the news is like... I do, I kind of like what... We watch local news sometimes. Wouldn't it be interesting if there was literally an unbiased news network? Don't they talk about how... Never happen. They originally the news was supposed to not sell advertising, and it would have been so much better for the country.

Yeah. The company I call it. The company we live in. The company of the United States for America. But you know, but because then they allowed everyone to sell advertising on it, then they compete for ratings. And they're enslaved by corporate masters. Yes.

But imagine a world where the news had no advertisements and then they were beholden to no one. Like the newsroom? Yes. Will McAvoy making a speech. Imagine if you were flying a plane on 9-11 And then... This is how you want to end the show? This is a newsroom reference.

No, not on 9-11. When was it? It was when Osama bin Laden. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're trying to get you to land the plane. They're trying to get you to land the plane. And then someone finally just knocks on the cabin door.

I'm not trying to get you to land the plane. You're stuck on the tarmac. Oh, yeah. He's like... Maybe start over. I would be that guy. I auditioned for. that scene.

Doing what? I was supposed to be one of the passengers on the plane. Going like, hey, shut up, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, dude. And then, Hey, dude.

This was your idea. Hey, dude. Maybe don't. It's like, would you please read the words that are on the script? Hey, dude. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Let me try again.

Hey, dude. You better know. You better shut up. What if you went into an audition? It just did that. Would you ever get another audition? One time, it has to work. Yes.

And they go like, this is crazy, but I love it. Hey dude. Hey, dude. Hey, dude. Hey, dude, don't do that now. We cannot afford this Beatles song. Parity, you can, you have to pay for it. Weird out of it, pay.

Yes, he does. Hey, dude. Oh, no. This is my ranch. Oh, what? Why are you talking about a ranch? Dude ranch. Oh, okay.

Okay, it's making more sense, but still, this is not part of the script. Hey, dude. I guess I'm going to miss this. Should we play one last three-eacher? Yeah. Okay. For all the time's sake. This is count your words.

Submitted by nobody, apparently. We do a scene and we're... Submitted by a ghost. We're... First of all, pick a number between one and ten for Paul. Okay. All loud? Yeah.

30. Three. Okay, three. I heard 30 as well. Okay. Pick a number between one and ten for me. Seven. Okay, I'll pick a number between one and ten for Lauren.

Nine. Oh, okay. And... A really high number choice. You're less one. But not the highest. No, no, nine. Nine, nine.

Sounds good. What's happening? So we're going to do a scene... Nine-99. Dial nine-nine-nine-nine. Nine-nine. Nine-nine. If you're in London, England.

Yes. It's one degree in here. I suppose to say that. Could be zero. Of Kevin Bacon? Is he walking through the door? Kevin Bacon is right outside the door. His Instagram is fun.

His Instagram is fun. Yeah. Yeah. Don't follow it. Okay. Do you say don't follow it? I don't follow it. It's not of the command.

Don't follow. Don't follow this. Please, please don't follow him. We're going to do a scene and we can only say the amount of words. Every single time we have a line, we can only say the amount of words that we said. Wait, which one did I? If I had seven, you have nine, you have three. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Hello, my good friends. It's so hot. I can't believe how hot it is. I'm dying. Yeah, for sure. Are you wearing a sweater, Paul F?

I'll answer for him. He is wearing a sweater. Yes, I am. Take it off then because it's hot. Hmm. It's hot, sure, but he can wear whatever chooses. Whatever chooses, that doesn't make sense either. Well, I'm fine.

Let him speak. He hasn't had a chance yet. He just spoke. Are you not listening? I am listening. Look, I have something I want to. Hey, shut up. Say, the way the world is working is bad.

Things are bad in the world. Yes, they sure are. I want to make. a change. I want peace. Okay. Kill yourself then. It'll take care. Hey, that's rude. No, he's right. I'll do that.

I think that's... What I was talking about. Oh, no. Oh, no. Lauren. Goodbye, sweet princess. It's been so nice. I'm... One last thing.

I want to say is... Go on, speak. Never continue freedom without me. It won't be same. We promise to only do episodes with two... Well, I don't. She said, Scott. So we should still do.

the show. Yes, of course. Okay, bye. I'm going to bed now. Bye-bye, you. Eternal bed. Eternal bed. I'm joining Lauren as well. No, you too? Me too. Goodbye forever. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

Hashtag me too? Hashtag me too. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. Wow. Just me. The end. Wow. Poignant. Pointing.

Pointes. Pointe. Point. Thank you, nobody, for that great. Heener. Well, everyone, thank you so much for all the fun we've had this season. Yes, we love you. Thank you for listening and giving us a chance.

And by the way, to get all together. To get all together. To get all together. When the new season comes. If and when. I think I'm going to have an exciting topic to talk about. Are you still counting your words? Wow.

I'm going to use the Lawrence Topics feature, if that's okay. I might let you, it depends. We'll see. We'll see how I feel that day. I think our next season is going to be our biggest one. Our biggest one yet, if we do one. If we do one, it'll be the best it's ever been. If we don't, it'll be horrible.

So I got, I got some I really want to get off my chest. Okay. Well, I think people are going to have to wait months. People are good, who knows how long it's going to be, but I'm, I will debut talking about it on this show. And if we don't, so you're not going to talk about it off, Mike. No.

And whenever we're back is when we're just going to grunt at people. And if we don't, I mean, like not talk at all. If we don't get another season, will you ever? I will never bring it up. Never bring it up.

The only way to hear this is if we get another season. Yeah. I hope we do. I've been keeping something in reserve for this show. And is it about Lauren or it's just you're going to use Lauren's topics. I'm going to use Lauren's topics because Lauren's famous segment. It was so popular. Yes.

It's a big segment, but it's kind of mine. Like I'm, look, I might share it. I'm just saying like it is my segment. I kind of you have Scott's minute. You had Scott's.

Scott's minute. So wait, if Scott guest hosts, I think we did have Scott's minute at one point. If Scott guest hosts Lauren's topics, are you going to hold a grudge against him like Johnny Carson did against Joe Rivers? No, I won't.

It's okay to have a man do my topics. It's not going to make me feel. Can I mansplain whatever I'm talking about during your topics? Yeah, it's your people will be aware that I had nothing to do with it. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

What do you think is going to happen next season? For like anything I'm going to announce, or I want to talk about. Yeah, what do you think we're going to talk about? Do you think we'll tell? What stories do you think we'll retell? These are good predictions. I think I'll probably tell stories that I've told before.

I think that might happen. And I'll probably talk a lot about, you know, just my life and stuff. Great, Paul. What do you think is going to happen? Well, my goal is to repeat zero stories in the next season. Whoa. I mean, that's a big challenge. I really do want to encourage the listeners out there to create a freedom wiki where if we

start telling a story, Every story we've ever told. Yes. And if we start telling a story, going, did I ever say this? We can look it up on the wiki immediately and go, oh, I did. And also put how many times we've told the story. But I think it has to be a code where it's just like two words that trigger the idea of the story. Because I don't want my whole story.

It's all typed up online. No, no, no. You just need to do like the headline of the story. What is there a Freedom Wiki? I don't even know. I don't know either. Look it up right now. If I could stop typing three from, that would be helpful.

Apparently not. Well, in any case, we have to be. We appreciate that you've stuck with us for this entire time. Lauren's taking stuff out of her bag because she's mentally done. She's pushed the mic away from her face. I just, I need you guys to know that the new season is going to be so amazing that if we get to do it, it's going to rock everyone sucks. It's going to be very different. Yeah, it's going to be really different.

Oh, my God. There's going to be so much different about it. I didn't hear the first part of what you guys said because I was looking at my phone. Yeah. But I agree with the last part, which is it's going to be very different. I will have new stories, I swear. There's a list of three churs. Yeah, I found there's a wiky.

We do need, somebody's got to add to that page, the stories that we've told more on more than one occasion. Or just every story we've ever told about our lives. It's a lot of homework for everyone out there. I think it's okay. But there's some weirdo who wants to do it. All right. Well, thanks guys. Thank you.

We love you. We'll see you next season. Keep the faith, babies. We hope to see you soon. Bye. Bye. It's easy to feel helpless these days, so take a break from the bad news and hear from people who are doing good things to address big problems. We care about abortion access. We care about slowing down and reversing climate change.

That's the approach we need to these long-term systemic problems. We need the fixers. Feel empowered to take action. Listen to good things from Lemonada Media. Available wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Erica Mahoney. You don't know me, but you know a version of my story. Because by now, we've all felt the impact of senseless gun violence. I think a straight bullet flew past me because I hear the... It was that horrible feeling of dread.

Something's wrong. Four years ago, my dad was killed in a mass shooting. My podcast Senseless is about moving forward after the unthinkable. Senseless from Lemonata Media, premiering June 17th.