Threedom - Threevisiting: Moontears

Episode Date: February 3, 2026

Threevisiting on the Tues: Lauren, Paul and Scott talk about commercial jingles, airplane bathrooms and play Mirror Mirror.  Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Mint Mobile. Every group has someone who assists on doing things the hard way. I hope that's not me. That friend who's still paying for a subscription they forgot they had. Could be me. That one refusing to update the phone because it still works. Okay, not me. A little colder.

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Mint makes it easy to try it and see why people don't go back to their old carrier. My experience with Mint Mobile has been great so far. I'm constantly on the road for work. God damn, that's true. And I've found that no matter where I am

across the country, I'm still able to connect with friends and family. The service from Mint has been just as good as any of the big three networks. Plus, same with a ton of my wireless bill. That's more of my wireless bill. in my wallet for room service and extra dessert, because I don't want to treat myself on the road.

Ready to stop paying more than you have to. New customers can make the switch today, and for a limited time, get a limited premium wireless for just $15 per month. Switch now at mintmobile.com slash freedom. That's mintmobile.com. No, not dot clop. Please don't go to a dot clom.

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Additional items apply. See mintmobile.com. Hiya, Julia Louis Dreyfus here from the Wiser Than Me podcast, among other things. And I've got a bit of a hot take. Our relationship to our food can feel disconnected. We don't always know how or where our food is grown. And if we throw food scraps in the garbage, we don't think about where it's going, or at least we try not to. One way that I get back a little of that connection is by using my Mill Food Recycler.

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Can I sing a song? Yeah. This is inspired by my travel mug. All right, let's hear it. For people on the go, there's wah-wah food market, fast, fast shopping night and day. Let me see that. That's a really, really good, fucking, Mug.

Thank you. Now, it looks super 80s. I love it. It's so cool. It's so cool. I'll take a picture of it. Can I throw it away? Can I throw it away?

Wait, what? It's so good. I want to throw it away. You want to pose with it? I don't get that. Take a smiley picture with your mug. Dib-B-de-de-D-D. Got it.

Take a smiley picture with your mug. Take a smiley picture and take a smiley picture and take a smiley picture with your mug. We will all go out to meet her with her mug. With her mug. We will all go. go out to meet her with her mug We will all go out to meet her We'll all go out to meet her

She'll be riding six white mugs when she comes Mugs Mugs Mugs! That was the jingle for Wawa No, I thought you made it up. When I was growing up. That's good. And it's funny how jingles Yeah.

They have their sound for a certain era. Yes. That's why you know what? But nothing gold can stay. Doe boys do that game where they like play the fucking commercial. And you guess what year it was from. Okay?

That's why I'm swearing. By the production style? How are you supposed to know? They watch. What about months? They play. What day it came out? They play the commercial and then you hear it and you go, it's

1984, bitch. That seems impossible. Honestly, I'm really good at it. Name a commercial and I'll try to play. Okay. Okay. Name a commercial McDonald's. Which one?

There we go. Well, that's, if I say which one, And then I'll know what year it was. I remember this game. You'll know it from what commercial it is. Okay, here we go. Because you can kind of tell like that sounds like it's really crispy. Okay, first we have to get through this redfin ad.

I'm going to say this was 2023. Big Mac with a savory filial fish. Well, filial fish. My goodness, that looks good. Okay, then give us. Give us. Oh, wait. You're making a McDonald's menu.

That changes everything. No, this is from this year, Brian Cox. Yes. By the way, does he have gambling debts? Why is he doing? I've never heard that. He's doing 500 commercials. I was going to go way in the past.

Then I heard that music and I want, that's current. Phenilfish. No, but see, this is what happens. See, if you have, if you're in his position, you get your ear. You get offered a bunch of stuff that's so easy to do. Why turn it down? Why would you not do it? You just get millions, billions, billions, millions to give to your grandchildren.

Yeah. Yes. The grandchildren. The grandchildren excuse. Who will inherit a burning cinder in the sky. Yeah. Totally. Totally.

So you love that mug and you take it with you. I do. This was a gift from my brother and sister-in-law. It's really nice. And I cherish it. Wait, we're giving brother or sister-in-law gifts now? Well, yeah. Shit.

Maybe. Just, hey, thanks for being my brother-in-law. Thank you for being my brother-in-law. I did you hear my little hitch where I was like do I want to commit to this? Yeah yeah you were like I go home. I think yeah. I like to stop midsong and leave. I genuinely like almost want that.

I don't drink coffee but I can put some water in. Can someone start a go fund me for Lauren to get this mode? At the end of go fund me was it $21? Uh, higher. 25. Yeah. You looked it up after you got it. No.

I don't know. Let me look at it. How much they spent? Food markets. How much they spent on this? Is that a coffee? I would say coffee tumbler. Tumblr?

Travel mug. Travel mug. Okay. What's the tumbler? Thermos? Yeah, thermos. It's a thermos. $16.

Nice. On eBay. Used. I know things. Ew. I don't want you. Oh, wait, right from Wawa? Right from Wawa.

Direct from the source? Yeah. I don't see it on their site. Shut up. Maybe they're not selling them anymore. Wow. Limited edition. More, this is even more valuable.

Yeah. They have a whole bunch of ones, but not that one. But I really appreciated that they got me like the retro one because this is what I grew up with. And that's really good. And you loved going into Wawa. I still do. And so that was that what the coffee cups looked like when you were there? I think so, though at the time I was not drinking coffee. But this is definitely what their logo was. This was the vibe. Yeah, I went to Wawa a few times with you and another time that I was there. You took us through one in, where was it? Philadelphia. Philadelphia. And you were just like you were cock of the walk.

You were showing us around. Everybody recognized me. Hey, Paul's back. I think I have this thing in my head where I sometimes think Philadelphia is a state. Like I just,

it just sounds like one. It does. It's almost more famous than Pennsylvania. You know, like how much other stuff in Pennsylvania? You know what I mean? It's Hershey, of course. Pittsburgh.

Okay. Pennsylvania's cue rating is pretty low. What's cue rating? It's like what people think of it. In a nutshell. But yeah, you're right. Pittsburgh and.

Philadelphia are like more famous than Pennsylvania. Yeah, I think, I think it should be Pennsylvania, Philadelphia. It's not one of those places that has a state identity. You're right. And like New Jersey has a state identity. Yes, exactly. Like Pennsylvania, you go like, I'm from Pennsylvania. And I guess I'd wonder if you were Amish.

Yeah. Is there a huge Amish population? I do wonder that. Honestly, just by, I'll reveal the answer at the end of this episode. Okay. I've wondered because of just how scared you get when I turned on the lights. Scared.

Hey. It tells me I'm a witch. Well, I was okay. You know what I have that? No. What I have that with is New England. I'm like, no, New England is a region. It's not a state.

Well, that's because of like New England Patriots and stuff like that because they're trying to like, they're trying to like, oh, we're the football team of like eight states. You can have like the Midwest Cougars. Is that what it is? Wait a minute. I like a Midwest Cougars. You don't know.

Me. Yeah. Okay. So I was in Chicago this weekend. Is that your jacket? Is that your jacket land? Oh, you had your humanities performance? Yes.

It was very nice. I met. Talk back. I did a two-hour signing afterwards and I met a lot of people who said. But you don't know sign language. Are you one of those fakers? He's so offensive. I've been faking it where I've been faking that I don't know it.

Oh. That's interesting. That's actually hard. It's hard. Like trying to speak faking. English, not easy. Zip-Zap-Zabab-Boo. He did.

Didn't sound like English. But it sounds like English. That's just English with the next. Beis our Gingish. Newt Gingrich. Do you think Newt Gingrich was when someone was trying to speak English bad? Be your summer English. We name you Newt Gingrich.

I always think New Gingrich is a state, too. Yes. Newt Gingrich. Have you ever heard that song? It's an Italian song where they're mimicking what English sounds like. Yes.

Oh no, what is it? What song? I cannot pronounce it. It goes like this. But Americano. No, I don't find it. It's good. Okay, so I was in Chicago

and I was doing a signing and a lot of really nice people and a lot of people said like, oh, I love comedy bang, bang because of the book. But they were saying, but freedom is my favorite. podcast. Oh. Oh, we met a piss pig after our show. A lot of a lot of piss pigs. Oh my God. Only one person who said, I don't like being called a piss pig. I said, well, you voted for it.

Yeah. And he said, I did vote for it. I don't know why I don't like it so much. This is what I don't understand. Yeah. You guys voted for this. That's the thing. But see, sometimes the thing, you know, even with like the president, for example, you'll vote. Yeah. And the person you didn't vote for. Well, a lot of people were voting for piss pig to vote against the other nickname. Right, right. Well, that one was worse. Much worse. Sweeties.

Yeah. So it's so worse. Sweeties. Oh, God. But no, we met a delightful piss pig after our show a couple weeks ago. A lot of people wanted me to call them a piss pig when I made the book out to. Aw.

But I love our piss pigs. Really cute. I also met an artist, Amy Trummer, who gave. What is this magic? The three of us some. Wow. Okay. So wait.

That she made. This is based on the title of one episode. Oh, bother where art, though. It's mixing up Winnie the Pooh and Oh, Oh, Brother Where Art Thou outfits. I think this is amazing. It's tremendous. It's basically our heads on George Clooney and who else said that? Friends.

George Clooney and friends. That would be so great of movies just were built. George Clooney and Friends. John Turtero. Yes. And then Tim Blake Nelson. Tim Blake Nelson. John Turtero.

Our heads on their bodies, but then wearing hats from Winnie the Pooh. wearing Winnie the Pousas. I didn't know if I didn't know what it was. I was like, I've never heard it said like that. What if I insisted? It's John Turtero. I'm half Italian. It's Turtero.

She gave these to me and said, will you really take these home with you? And I wanted to prove on Mike that I would. Dang. He's as good as his word, Amy. They're in our hands and soon to be in the trash can. Oh my God. I'm kidding.

No way. Wait. I'm putting this in my bed. I have that. You're going to sleep with it. Yeah. I found that song. You're going to cuddle.

Oh, okay. Wait, wait, wait, here, here. You got the ox? Yeah, you guys talk. Hurry, yeah, yeah. I have it right over here. Hurry, yeah, yeah. Lauren, we had a fun time last night. Yes, we did. We did a fun show, the Untitled Improv Show at Dynasty Typewriter. Every Sunday.

Yes. You can go to that. The monologist was Doug Jones, the tall, thin man who does all the monsters. He also, I know him best from Hocus Pocus. Of course. It's Billy Bathgate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. Wow, with the last name, too. He was great and his stories were really fun. His name is not Billy Bath game.

I know. Oh, okay. I thought it was. Here we go. You're the cold maize and say one, freezing, calling in Aston-N-I-2-0. You're the cold-maids and say one, freezing, collie-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-tude-all. All right. Isn't that almost haunting?

Oh, yeah. Fake English. Yeah, here it comes. So this is Italian people doing fake English. Yes. Okay. Reminds me of the same. Is this the fake English?

Yeah. Do you understand it? No, this part right here, that's the fake English? The horns? Yeah. That's what they think we sound like. Now I did years ago at, on my variety show, I did a phonetic version of this with Maya Rudolph. Oh, really?

Wow. I had listened to it a million times and just wrote down what the word sounded like. Wow. I used to have to do that when I was in a band for covers we would do. Sure. You'd have to like get one line, jot it down, rewind it again. Again, make sure you got it right. I remember doing that for girls on film, which is like so hard to understand.

Two minutes later. Now you just look it up. Yeah. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Everything. Oh, kids have it so easy now.

They can just look up whatever lyrics they want. Hey, you dropped your dongle. King. Your dongle's out. You drop this king. It's your, your dongle. Yeah. You dropped your dongle king.

But a lot of people were saying that they love freedom because of the chaotic energy and it makes them feel like what they're own head feels like. Oh my God. I actually really like that. I like that. I relate to that. That gave me a chill. Yeah. Yeah, it should. But it is. I mean, this show is pure chouse. Pure chouse. Absolutely. It's your chouse. I love a little little chouse. In the morning. In the morning. In the morning. People are still doing that sometimes. I love the smell of in the morning. I know. It's so old. I love the smell of. It's so old. It's from 19. pigs in the morning. When did Apocalypse now come out?

79. Something like that, yeah. So it's been now 44 years. We have to stop saying. Gotta retire it. Some people are still saying, where's the beef? That's crazy. But I mean, that doesn't bother me so much.

Okay, you always say that. Well, because of Clara Pillar. Look, I love the lady as much as the next guy. It keeps her alive. I feel like when we say it. No, you're right. You have to think that us talking about her all the time. her ancestors.

No, her descendants. Your ancestors might be listening. The ancestors are all listening. Oh my God. Are they, maybe they're all around us. They're all in the walls. No,

her descendants have to love it, right? Yeah. They have to love it. I think we need shirts that say where's the beef. I think we do our next, I think we do our next photo shoot. I think we do our next photo shoot in shirts that say, where's the freedom?

No. No, or where's the Piff's pig? Oh, where's the piss, oh, it gets better and better. Yeah, where's the threedom? Where's the piss pigs?

So we have to turn around. Where's the freedom back says, where's the piss pigs? What if the shirt said, where's the beef at? Yeah. Where's the beef at? That's not copyright.

A lot of people would think it's beef fat. Where's the beef fat? Beef. Where's the bee fat? It's like meat's foot oil. Fat. Fat. The face.

Me. Be. Yeah. Lauren, you're wearing a hat today. I am. My hair's a little out of control. It's out of control today. What's going on?

I just, you know, I woke up. It looked crazy. I didn't have time to deal and I put the hat on. Oh, I wanted to say, okay, so I was in Chicago speaking. Right. Why I was late today. Because I finally opened up here at seven after. Wow.

And I was in a few minutes. You were a few minutes after that. But so I was, so I zoomed into Chicago for just a day. day. Oh, it was just a day. Yeah, it was just a day. Yeah, it was just a day. I had the zoomies.

I ran around the venue. I ran around the country. And then there was like, don't worry, he has the zoomies. You just got to let it out. So yesterday, I had a nice leisurely morning, got up, had, you know, ordered room service breakfast and then then went to the airport for a 1245 flight. Civilized. Left at 11.

It was nice. Took a taxi. Got to the airport. And TSA pre-checked. all no one in line it was so beautiful put my phone down on the on the scanner and the guy said are you at the right airport oh that has happened in chicago did not realize i mean it's been so long it's been so long since i've traveled because we always drive through there that there's two airports there i know well real quick pop in is that one time i was taking my cat i was flying my cat to l a before i moved officially and your cat told the taxi driver the wrong airport no one so i was this is this one time i was I was in the car with my dad and had my cat in this bag that was too small. And it was like that was kind of chaotic already. She was like losing fur by the second, just like freaking out.

And like, and like, and then we're like almost to the airport. And I go, they don't have Southwest at O'Hare. It's a fucking Midway. And then my dad's like, oh, they do now because that's where I went. Southwest at O'Hare? At O'Hare now. Oh, they never used to. It was always Midway.

Interesting. Yeah. Well, that was how I knew I was wrong. And then my, um, my dad. knows the city. So we actually got there in time. You got there in time? Well, I was like, he goes, I said, oh, what do you think I should do? And he was very nice CSA agent. And he said, well, it's about a 40 minute drive.

I said, no, I'm not going to make it. He said, well, go back down to Southwest. Go back home. Go back. And see if they'll change it. And see if they can change it. So I basically turned into a 14-hour odyssey. Why was that so crazy? Why couldn't you get it? get on another, what happened? They just didn't have anything. Everything had a super long layover. And there was no chance you would have made it to other.

No, because I was, I went through security probably at 1205 or something. And it was a 1240. Yeah. Yeah. So I basically just like hung out in two different airports, Denver and O'Hare, just like watching movies on my iPad. Sure. So long that my ass really hurt from just sitting down. Yeah, did you have to get an ass massage when you got back?

Yeah. So anyway, I got here really late last night. Wow. So it took you all of 14 hours. That's crazy. Yeah. It's insane. It's actually mentally ill.

Legitimately insane. It made me hate the fact that I went there. Well, it does make it super annoying. You were trying to pop it and pop out and suddenly you're doing this bullshit. Yeah. That's hard. I have gone to the wrong airline where for whatever reason. Oh, if it's like, sometimes if somebody else is doing the travel for like, you know,

festival, gig, whatever, every once in a while, it's two different airlines. Yeah. Right. And so on the way back, right. I just go to Delta and it's like, no, it's American. And then it's, you may be fucked. It's humiliating. It is humiliating.

It is humiliating. It is humiliated. That's the worst part about it. I felt emasculated. Yeah. I felt like less of a man in front of everyone. Yeah. I think everyone knew when they saw you watching your movie.

They're like that pussy. It makes you feel like a little boy. A little boy is a little boy who's being punished. Yeah. Like you don't deserve the responsibility of an adult. No. Because you fucked up your cab ride. And now I'm taking away your skateboard.

Yeah. That sucks. It sucks to make a mistake. No Xbox for you. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. What's that? No soup for you?

What is it? What is that? No, it's like this thing. Okay, wait. How do you describe it? Lauren, how do you describe it? Okay, so on Friends, they had this. thing. There was this guy

who... The naked guy? It was not him. It was his neighbor. Naked guy neighbor. And he had this obsession with soup. But he would have this like dominatrix come and tell me couldn't have soup and she would like slap him and say no soup for you. Oh, like across the

face. Or the ass. But this was like prime time. She would put soup into like plastic baggies and slap him with the plastic baggie of soup. Yeah. That actually sounds kind of nice. It does. It sounds good. hot. That sounds good. Have you ever been to like the Russian massages where they slap you with like branches? I have not. Oh my God. That does not appeal to me at all. It was fine. Have you ever been to

the Korean spa and then they like they get scrub you down like a seal? No. Basically it well, do they make you bark like a seal? They do. Um, no, it's like the place that I would go in L.A. before the pandemic. Um, it's like a, uh, like the women are all, the women who are doing the massages are in like on like a broad. Massage. Um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um. Um, They're in brawn underwear? Yeah, it's, it is that. Like, it's not a bathing suit. It's like a bra and underwear.

Why? Because they are going to get all wet. They're, like, dumping water on you and scraping you down with, like, salt. And they just like scrape, scrub this shit on your body. And then you have all this. Bathing suits. Yeah. Bathing suits are the bra and underwear of the sea.

I don't know, but it's not bathing suit material. Like, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, I do. You get around sea with sea. Right. No, I know. Yeah. Yeah. But I've heard about this.

Well, I guess the cotton underwear is more breathable. So maybe it's like they just like they just, change a bunch of times a day. If you're wearing a bathing suit all day, every day and getting wet, that's not good for your vagina. You know what, fair. But just like, put a best thing for your vagina. Put a trash bag over your clothes.

Wear a crop top and shorts and put a trash bag over. And Daisy Dukes. Yeah. Now you're talking. Yeah. Yeah. That seems good. And high heels.

All right. We have to take a break. Okay. Mobile. Queen of the universe. every group has someone who insists on doing things the hard way. I hope that's not me. That friend who's still paying for a subscription they forgot they had.

Could be me. That one refusing to update the phone because it still works. Okay, not me, a little colder. I used to be that person, too. Oh, it turns out it's not me. Especially when it came to overpaying for wireless. Then I switched to Mint Mobile. I'm so glad I did.

Stop paying way too much for wireless just because that's how it's always been. Mint exists purely to find. fix that. Same coverage, same speed, just without the inflated price tag. It's the premium wireless you expect unlimited talk, text, and data, but at a fraction of what others charge. And for a limited time, get 50% off three, six, or 12 months, 12 months is a year. 12 month plans of a limited premium wireless. Bring your own phone a number, activate with an e-sim in minutes, and start saving immediately. No October contracts, no hassle, with a seven-day money-back guarantee. and customer satisfaction ratings in the mid-90s,

it's pretty high, gang. Mint makes it easy to try it and see why people don't go back to their old carrier. My experience with Mint Mobile has been great so far. I'm constantly on the road for work. God damn, that's true. And I've found that no matter where I am across the country, I'm still able to connect with friends and family. The service from Mint has been just as good as any of the big three networks.

Plus, same with a ton of my wireless bill. That's more money in my wallet for room service. and extra dessert, because I know how to treat myself on the road. Ready to stop paying more than you have to. New customers can make the switch today and for a limited time, get a limited premium wireless for just $15 per month. Switch now at mintmobile.com slash freedom. That's mintmobile.com.

Dot clom. No, not dot com. Please don't go to a dot clom. Unless you wouldn't be on the clam internet. That's mintmobile.com slash freedom. Up front payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for 12-month plan required, equivalent to $15 a month, taxes and fees extra, initial plan term only. Over 50% gigabytes may slow when network is busy. Capable device required.

Availability, speed, and coverage varies. Additional items apply. See mintmobile.com. You all know, big clothes, guys, so when I talk about clothes, you better listen. A well-built wardrobe is about pieces that work together and hold up over time. And that's what Quince does best. Premium materials, thoughtful design, and everyday staples that feel easy to wear and easy to rely upon, even as the weather shifts. Oh, winter is coming eventually.

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That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash freedom. free shipping and 365 day returns. Quint.com slash freedom. Hello, I'm James Corden, and on my new show, This Life of Mine, I sit down each week with some of the most fascinating people on planet Earth. From Dr. Dre to Julianne Moore, to David Beckham, to Cynthia Arrivo, to Martin Scorsese, to Jeremy Renner, to Denzel, Washington, to Kim Kardashian. We talk about the people, places, possessions, music, and memories that made them who they are. These are intimate conversations. full of stories that you've never heard before.

This life of mine premieres October 21st, wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Wow. What a break that was. So much happened. It's a really good break. Woo! We had a race.

Oh, man, we ran around. We all got the zoomies. Now I'm tired. Here's what was great, though. It was a three-way tie. We broke that ribbon at the same time. Well, yeah. So Kulap was holding out a ribbon with two hands.

It was actually kind of tricky how she was doing it because we just ran right into her. I felt bad. Yeah. Yeah, we knocked out two of her teeth. I know. She's dealing with it now. And I'm not too worried. I'm not too worried either.

Because it's not your problem. No, and she seemed fine. She really, you know, she didn't want to make it our problem. Yeah, they're the two front teeth, which are the easiest to replace from what I understand. Why do you think that is? You can order them in bulk. So the dentist has a bunch of them in a drawer. Got it.

And they're just chicklets, right? Yeah. The good thing about using chicklets for teeth is that when you're, your breath is bad, you just chew your teeth. Exactly. Yeah. And then you just replace them with you. It's cheap. When I was a kid, I loved chicklets.

I loved the way they looked. They were very tactile. Yeah, but I loved the name. The flavors. I like biting into them and they're like, they're crispy. Yeah, crispy. And then suddenly gummy. I love the word crispy.

Crispy. Yes. Yeah. And I love things that are crispy. Like what? Let's run them down. Fried chicken. When I was, when I was, when I was,

absolutely. It's what I think of when I hear the bowl. were crispy. When I was a slang word crispy. Oh, what was it? That you would basically say, like,

if you, if like you were high, someone, you'd be like, Oh, yeah. If you what? Like, if like it was like,

you burned kind of thing. Like before that, like, crispy. Yeah. We got to start doing that on this show. I don't know if that was,

tell me if that was local or universal. I think it's universal. I think it's universal. Well, maybe not the universe. Do you really? I think it was relegated to Earth. Nationwide.

Okay. Good point. Good. Good catch. I think it would probably just Earth people said it. Yeah, we'll see. I don't think Neil Armstrong ever said it when he was on the moon. He might have said crispy if they asked him if he wanted a crispy sandwich.

Hey, when you get back in the rocket. Mission control. This is mission control. Do you want a crispy sandwich up there? I think he said crispy. We're going to send another rocket up there with a crispy sandwich to you. And instead of saying yes, he said crispy. Like it doesn't make sense.

That's right. He has to say crispy. Yeah, he has to do. So maybe it's more like, excuse me, what do you want for? Do you want some sort of chicken sandwich? Yeah. And make it crispy. I get sad when I think about him still being up there.

I know. It's so, it sucks. We never brought him down. Why didn't they plan more? They didn't have enough gas. No, it was truly they forgot.

They thought there would be gas stations on the moon. Because I saw this documentary about this. They thought they brought him back. And when they looked back in the back seat, he wasn't there. Nobody was in there. No, I mean, nobody. Important. There might have been ghosts.

There might have been some people. They didn't, they might have named them. I don't know. But yeah, he wasn't there. Nobody above the line was back there. Right. And so people forgot. And they didn't have, as you said, they didn't have enough fuel to go back and get him.

Well, he said that. Don't put that on me. As Paul said, as Paul's point, you don't like it enough. That's why you don't want credit. Paul made such a great point that they didn't have enough fuel. Lauren? I did not say that. I did not.

And in this documentary, they were saying he's. How long was this documentary? Like three minutes? About three minutes. He's been crying for the whole time. Moon tears. But the moon tears, they come out like gems. That's the name of the documentary.

And they make little stars. And that's actually, when you see the big dipper, it's, it's Neil's. Yeah. Neil Armstrong's tears. You didn't know his last name, did you? I knew it. I know who knew. This is how you can remember it.

Because he had such strong arms. Yeah. He pulled himself up to the moon. Okay. Neil Strong arms. Yeah. There you go. That's also Popeye's real name.

That's also Popeye's real name. Oh my God, I got these little... That when he enlisted in the Navy. I got Holly these little when I was pregnant I bought these vintage pants for a two-year-old that have Popeye and olive oil on them.

Is she finally big enough? Yes. Wow. I noticed when I found them in the closet and I pulled them out and the elastic was all crusty because it was old. And so I took it to the dry cleaners

to have them replace the elastic. And for weeks, the woman, I thought they for sure lost these little pants. They're so tiny. And I kept being like, I'm popping in to see if my pants are ready. And she's like, oh, I'll call you, I'll call you, I'll call you, I'll call you. And she kept putting me off. How long does it take to do something like that?

Literally five minutes. That's the kind of the question. And then I had also- Tell the story, but I have a theory of what happened. I had also given her a big blanket. She's like, you pay when I find the, oh, not fine. She's like, you pay when the pants are ready. I'm going in, I'm calling.

I'm checking out. I'm almost being like really annoying, but I'm kind of going, where the, just tell me you don't have them. Just tell me they're lost. I have to mourn this loss because these are so cute. Yes. And then they appeared out of nowhere. She never called you?

Repaired? No, she called me the next day. She said, I'll call you the state. She called me the next day and says, I have the pants. They're ready. And then I said, great. I went in. She, do you, I want to hear your theory because I think I know what happened.

Okay. Okay. But she did repair the pants. She did. And they're great. And they look so cute. My theory is that she didn't know what to do because she thought the pants. the pants were for you.

And she thought she's like, I'll never get elastic big enough. She's like, how do I tell this woman? How can we stretch on her? They want to go on her foot. Yeah. And then one day, she happened to see you pushing Holly in a stroller.

Yeah. And it all made sense. Yeah. The first time I came in, I didn't have Holly. The second time I came in, I did have Holly. Yes. Oh, thank God. There you go.

What's your theory? My theory is she thought they were brown. And she was saying to, They were brown? Well, she remembered them as being brown. She sent them off in a bag to somebody else to do it. She kept saying, look for the brown pants. They couldn't find them.

I called the day before she found. Look for the Popeye pants. But the day before she called me back, I called her and said, I'm looking for those pants. They're red, their little pants. They're red, red, red, red. Then she next day she finds them. I bet she's colorblind. She thought they were brown.

And Popeye blind. Wait. Is the direct cleaner her a dog? Yes. Oh, well, there you go. And she licks them clean, but somehow dry. You want to see the pants? Well, because they're not going to have it.

I didn't realize these were Popeye pants. I didn't threw them in. Really cute. They're very cute. Do we get handed these down? She has so many. You can borrow them. I'll want them back.

You will have to go through the same process that Lauren went through. Pop-pie pants in an E-T shirt. Yeah, I know. She was really killing it that day. Wow. She was already wearing that when I got home from the dry cleaner. I said, let's get these pants on. I think Emmy is,

Emmy feels enormous to me where she's wearing one-year-old clothes. Is she wearing one-year-old? I think so. Oh my gosh. I hope she's a big fat baby. I mean she's so cute. I don't mean fat necessarily. I just mean she seems.

She seems big. Yeah, I mean, she might be. I don't know. Do you think she'll be like Paul Bunyan size? I think maybe. At least big blue box. Head. What does that mean again?

I mean, it's bigger than 98% of other kids. Like out of 100 kids, only two would have a bigger head. than holler or be taller or whatever right i believe that's how i would explain percentile wow i've never known what i meant i guess i just yeah i guess i've just come to that conclusion that's what i think it means okay yeah yeah yeah because emmy is is in the 90s on height and weight yeah but 80s for for head which i think it's good because i've been seeing a lot of like big-headed babies out there yeah yeah yeah yeah when do we stop measuring things like that like do we know what percentiles we're in we should measure each other's head

Yeah, because at this point, right. Get a big protractor. I found out that I have kind of a bigger head than I thought because I bought this hat online and then. Oh, I guess hat size is one way to do it. Yeah. It required a measurement to pick out which size. And I was like, I have no idea which one I'll be.

I know what my hat size is, but I don't know what percentile that fits be. But I mean, you know if that's a big head. Yeah. It's technically, it's a large. Yeah, because my hat was large. Because you were going to give me some hats, but I had too small of a head. Was that it? Maybe mine was bigger than yours, I feel like.

I think so. Mine is seven and three-eighths. Yeah. I'm, uh, oh. Oh my God. You almost reached up to my hair off like a hat. I was wearing a hat all day yesterday in the airport. And so I like,

what if you pulled your head off? I would. And looked at the neck hole and like, oh, it's about a seven and five-eighth. Yeah. Where is my? Where is my hat? Where is my hat? Oh, a fucking monkey came down from the tree.

Oh, I forgot. That was silly. Yeah, I measured. my head and it was bigger than average, I guess. We were not average. It just meant that I had to get the medium-large size as opposed to the small mediums. Wait, why did you get this hat? What was the backstory on this?

I wanted it. I wanted it. I covered it for about a year. What was the hat? It's like a, what's the word? It's like a bucket hat made of. Pilgrim hat? What's the word?

Like a terry cloth? No, no, like a basket. Okay, Jesus. Jesus Christ. It was a kang? A cangle? Rattan. Straw?

Yeah. Rattan? It's not a cangle. I'm not Samuel L. Jackson. You're not El L.O. Coolie. No, your Kangles. Hello, Cool, Jay, where's the bucket? Samuel Jackson, where's the cap?

He doesn't wear the bucket anymore. Unless he's doing it. You're the one who brought him up. I didn't picture him in a fucking bucket. I pictured him in a paper boy hat. Who? Samuel. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

I know. He wears what we used to call a Jeff cap. Why is it called that? I don't know. Because your friend Jeff used to wear him. We always called them that. That was like a universal thing. We were called Jeff Caps.

I always called it a paperboy cap. They're officially called Jeff Cap, I think. What? Really? Yeah, because I'm looking it up. There's a Brooklyn-style Jeff Cap on sale. Ask why. Filly Jeff Cap.

Ask her why. This sleek six-panel duck bill shape. Google. See, the six panel, yeah. No, it's a, it's a, there's a ton of just Jeff Cap. The thing, these types of caps have so many. We can be different names. Flat cap.

Flat cap. Officially called, but... I think I might have known that, but I feel like we'd call it a paperboy cap. But is that also right? Well, there's Newsboy. Newsboy. Newsboy is common parlance. That's probably what I mean.

Whatever is right is what I mean. Newsboy cap, skipper cap. Smart. Skipper cap. In Wales, it's known as a die cap. In Scotland, it's a bunnet. Oh, my God. Scotland.

You did it. That's pretty cute. I love paddy cap in Scottish and Irish accents. Well, that's racist. Yeah, it is, isn't it? It is. Yeah. Paddy cap.

Well, maybe they're talking about like patty cake. Maybe. Because it is, it is, that hat is convenient to wear during patty cake. Yeah, because you don't have to hold it on your head. Well, every other hat you have to hold, yeah. It gets a little awkward. I worry you're wearing two hats that are too big. for you. Really? Because I'm holding them all the time. Yeah. Well, when the wind comes, I'll either blow away or they do. Yeah. Yeah. Well, what are you going to do? What are you going to? What are you going to freaking do? I saw, I don't know if you saw this TikTok. What? My sound just went away. What? No. Paul, we can hear you. You can't hear yourself.

A mutual friend. A mutual friend sent this to me and maybe to you as well. This woman was saying, I lost my hat in the wind. and it went so far into the sky. And she's describing how like it, the wind whipped it off her head. It was a big wide-brimmed hat. And then she shows a picture of the hat, which is indeed a very wide-brimmed straw hat. And then a video of this fucking thing is,

it is traveling. It is so far in the sky. And she zooms in and it's just going higher and higher and higher. How did this happen? This is like Dorothy and, I think it was the perfect, like, shape. Yeah. And, and, uh, uh,

wait. That's so sad. And wait. Why don't they do that? Because airplanes right now are just sitting on the ground. They should be floating, floating, floating. High, high, high, high. Oh, wow.

When are airplanes going to get better? God. I feel like what, what are your beats. You know what they're not doing? They're not updating the seats. Yeah. Well, I feel like, every time I go in an airplane, I'm like, oh, look at these new updates.

How about this? They're taking away TVs. Oh, we're talking about coach. They're taking away TVs. They're taking away. No, I feel like I'm so sick of this. They want you to plug your phone in and put it in a little holder. I'm like, I don't want to drain my mattery.

I don't want to watch the movies you offer me. I feel like planes now other than Southwest all have TV screens. They all have plugs. Yeah. They're all really good. No, this is not true. This is not universally true. first class is very different than coach.

No, I was on American Airlines the other day, and they were like, every single seat has power and television. I've been thinking about switching to Delta as my main. That's my main. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my main. A lot of people seem to love the main. Yeah.

Come on, join us. I think I should. I think the credit card is the best. I saw somebody in, it's horny on Maine. In New York, we were having drinks after a Broadway play. Was it Rudy Giuliani? It was not Rudy Giuliani America's mayor. What play did you see?

I saw Leopoldstadt, Tom Stoppard play. Oh, that's right. I saw Kimberly Akimbo, by the way, and Lauren, you would like it. Really? And I think you would like it, Paul. I told you this already, though. So I saw a little snippet of it on the Today Show when they were. I don't know why.

I don't watch that every day. But, yeah, I happen to catch that. It's okay. No, okay. Well, you looked at the date and you were like, oh, it's today. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That is how I knew when it was on.

But there's something about, performing a Broadway song on any show that makes it seem really lame. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just too close. You want a little. You want to be at least 50 paces back. Yeah, everyone's extremely talented. The ideal way to watch a Broadway number removed from the show is, of course,

the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. Oh, my God. Do you know, out the street, and they're just freezing cold. 100%. They're lip sinking. I love watching that. Yeah. And I love when it's not quite right.

It's always so fun. Oh, it's great. Yeah. They have, they're lip-syncing, but they still have to wear the costumes that they wear in the show. Yeah. No, regardless of the temperature. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. But I guess dancing around sort of raises your body temperature. It lowers it actually. Does it really? Yes. I never knew that. New studies. New studies.

Dancing around lowers your blood temperature. What are you going to have? I was doing a parody of true story from the real world credits. Oh, that's right. True story. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Some of those planes are,

there's still some old planes rattling around. No, there are, but I love it. Don't have the power. Have you ever been on one where they go? This is the first flight

of this plane. No, congratulations. What the fuck? I don't think I want to. I've been on that. It's thrilling. The maiden voyage? Yeah.

And you're like, they have so many new things and you're just like, oh my God, look at this. Look at what? What are they have? M&Ms for everyone. Okay, what flavor?

Is it the coffee flavor? They have video games everywhere. Oh, my God. Video games are from Scottish. Coke in the water fountains. I had my plane. The toilet's full of piss. Oh, I had, okay.

Two plane experiences, first of all, on the flight back, I only do this on the flight back from wherever I am. Okay, we were just in New York. On the flight back, you take your shoes off on the flight there. Come on. I keep my shoes on the whole. Yeah, right. I took my shoes off on one of them because it was just too itchy.

Constantly scratching. Yeah. You wear those wool shoes. Yep. With moths in them. And no socks. I allow myself my treat, which is a giant bag of M&Ms. Peanut butter M&Ms.

That's right. Not the giant bag. A trash bag. I like this. I like this. I like this sort of like ritual that it's on the way back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that.

Yeah, yeah. And as you sort of like, that's my treat for doing the trip. Yeah. Kind of, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was a good boy. It all worked out. And I found the airport. Yeah.

Unlike this asshole. Nobody yelled at me. But on the way, on the way to New York, somebody had, I went to the restroom and somebody had befouled the seat. Oh. That happened to me. Such a nice way to put it. Yesterday where I go.

You like that. I get off the first plane. I just, no, I walk in. There's two, there's two open ones, two open doors. Yeah. Both with shit in them. I'm just like, guys. What?

But here's the thing. No, don't you just go. One was, one was. one was diarrhea and one was a circular ball. Come on. What's wrong? Don't ruin those for me. What's wrong with you?

I feel like here's the issue. Has anyone who's listening to this? Taking a fucking shit and then just walked out. Right now. Just walked out. Here's the issue. You don't try to flush. Self-flushing toilets.

They think it's going to do it. They think it's gone. I never think. They walk out. I never think that. Stay and look. I stay and I look, babe, and I will press the button if it's not going. Do you think people think they're self-flushing toilets on airplanes?

No, not on airplanes. In the airports, they have, when you like stand up, they're self-flushing. So I think people don't even give it a time. People don't even look behind them. No, no. I think people are just so fucking gross sometimes. Like people are just like. Did you say like Kitty Carlyle?

I'm thinking of this Dennis Miller joke. Okay, let's work. That's this vaguely familiar. where like doggy style or something she's it's very sexy when she looks behind her shoulder like kitty carlyle in the gun smoke uh oh i thought it was like a uh like an astronaut giving you i remember it as like an astronaut giving you the thumbs up like all systems go maybe well okay you look that up please find that but so here's this i want to know what's the mental state i am waiting i'm waiting for the uh for the light to go off so i can use the bathroom and i see somebody all i see is

Dennis Miller obituary. He didn't die. I know, but someone named Dennis. He said. Hey, just want to let you know, I have this ready to go, Mr. Miller. Someone who's saying that they, what just closed down? BuzzFeed News, that they should all publish their, like, death drafts for like Trump and Listicols of people who've died.

Like, why not? Yeah. Remember when Deadline Hollywood published, accidentally published, the Pence has COVID story? Yeah, yeah, that was exciting. That was great. And you know he did. Yeah. He did at that debate.

How did they accidentally write it? Because everyone knew he had it. Because I'm saying, like, that means it happened. Yeah. Yeah. Just, I'm just writing it. Okay, so here's what happens. I mean, besides, they do pre-plan.

So I'm in the aisle waiting for one of the bathrooms to open up. Yeah. One of the bathrooms, the light goes off. And this woman, like, furtively leaves the bathroom. Oh, no. This is a bad sign. Don't be furtive when you're, oh, my God. Casual.

If you're leaving a mess. Be cash about it. Whistle. Just, let's go. Whistle the circus song. So I go in there and the seat is befouled. I'm sorry. A lady went in there and I went in there and what did you do?

Pee-P all over the seat. If only. Oh no. If only. This is on the flight to New York. That person needs to be like you need to. Execution. Citizens arrest.

That is now. To not clean that up is so aggressive. Isn't that an air marshal on board? It's so aggressive. You know there's only one to two bathrooms available for everyone. You know that no one's cleaning it during the flight. Yeah. There's not like a guy that comes through a mid-flight cleanup.

So did you leave the bathroom and say, here you, hear you, this woman? Well, that's the thing. I was like, I got, I'm not, I'm not taking this burden on myself, but I don't know, I, you know, I do my business and then I leave. So you're not touching this. When you say do your business, you sat right down in it? I just I just laid down on it for a second Just put your head down and take a little nap Yeah

Now wait So I'm like washing my hands I'm like please don't let anybody be Think it's you Yes Of course And so of course There's a woman waiting

When I open the door That's why you have to clean it a little That's why before you do your thing You have to say to the flight attendant I'm sorry someone just I'm not doing shit about this No no no no but here I wanted to say to the woman like

Yeah I didn't do it It wasn't Oh, because she wasn't like waiting right there. It was like, I opened the door, nobody was there. Great. And then she like turned around the corner and went in there. It was like, it was a jump scare.

Who was a jump scare? So wait, do we think that the woman before you was the one who messed it up? Judge it from the way she left. Yeah. It made me think that. Now, was there poopoo on the seat? Yes. That's so crazy.

What did you think I was saying? Well, it's almost like could be period blood. Could it be there's like. Oh, Jesus. No. Well, who poops on a seat? a monster. Like I'm like, like if you, if you have,

somebody who has no spatial awareness. Right. Blood can end up on the seat. Sure. Not good. Not good. Pooh, I'm like,

you're just standing the shit then at that point. You're just hoping. She may have. Yeah. Sit down. She's worried that there's germs on the seeds. So she's just standing above going like, I'll just drop fucking monkey juices on this shit.

So I tell you about when I was at ComicCon and there are so few bathrooms, like public bathrooms there. And so it's like, like, you know, guys long line. And I was like, oh, God, I have to do a duky. And so you're waiting there for a stall. You're waiting for a stall to open up. Oh, no.

And this guy comes out of a stall. I'm waiting right there by it. He gives me a look like, I'm sorry. I clock it, but I go into the stall. It is just such a mess in it that I do a complete 180 and I go right in front of him as he's washing his hands. You threw up? I dry heaved.

I was just like, I was fucking flushed. When people drive, I want to dry heave. Yeah, of course. Yeah. It's great.

No, it's gross. So, so this woman goes in and then I'm like, fuck, man, she's going to think that I did that.

And I swear to God. And she's going to recognize it's the best week ever. Did you have a mask on? I did have a mask on. That helps. But she came out. But it was a Paula Thompson's mask.

She came out. Yeah. It's just his face. She came out and I feel like she immediately knew where I was sitting. She like looked right at me. No. Yeah, yeah. That's, this is terrible.

So, there's got to be a better way to do this. You have to alert. I think I should have said like, hey, maybe wait for the other one. This is the person before me. But if you use that one, know that it was not my fault. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like had the whole.

It wasn't me. No, I know because you're going to have that conversation a hundred times in your head while you try to go like, That wasn't me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was so mad at the person who did it. But the amount of times that I... Give us a description. Maybe I could draw her.

I'll do an artist's rent. Well, I only saw the back of her head. I just pictured that drawing of the... She was running away. What it looked like? So it was fast. Brown head. Fast.

Remember that drawing of that laparcon? That someone drew as like a... Is this it? Let's see. Oh my God. Oh my God. It looks just like one of the Pac-Man goes. It does.

Is that her eye? The fact is the Pacman. She did not have that condition. Maybe one of the minions. But I want to know, I feel like women maybe do this more, I would guess, because I end up doing this a lot. I'll clean pee off the seat that's not mine. Yeah. Because it's so gross to me that even as I'm, and then I'll make sure I clean my own stuff.

I'll come in even when I'm not using the bathroom and an airport. I'll just tidy up. But I think like men can be just to generalize. Well, I was thinking I've not cleaned a place. but I have invited people in there to assess the situation. Right. Like, I've gone into a stall and it's messy, and then I'll call somebody and say, what do you think about that?

What would you do? If you are me, all right, we have to take a break. Okay. Hey, everyone, it's Leah Greenberg. And Ezra Levin. You might know us as two of the lead organizers of the No King's protests. We're also the co-founders of Indivisible, the grassroots movement organizing against Trump's regime. And this is What's the Plan?

Your weekly guide to the state of our democracy and how we fight back. This is not Can Talking. It's a real live discussion space for the pro-democracy movement. We wrestle with strategy together. We take your top-voted questions in real time. And we talk about the most impactful actions we can take right now. Democracy is a participatory sport. The fascist win when we sit on the sidelines.

What's the plan is about how we get into the game? What's the plan available Friday, January 23rd, wherever you get your podcasts? Subscribe, recruit, discuss, organize, and win. That's the plan. And we're back. And we're back. It's time for a little thing we call three churches. And this one was submitted by Area Man.

I guess he's probably from Florida. Mirror, mirror. So my three-true idea is called mirror mirror. Two of you play talking mirrors. One can only tell the truth and one can only tell lies. The other person is trying to figure out who are what they are by asking the mirrors questions. The mirrors cannot answer with a simple yes or no. So it doesn't have to be a celebrity.

It could be anything. It could be a... Well, maybe we should make it a celebrity. Yeah, let's make it celebrities. The answer gets 10 questions for each year. Rather than somebody who went to school with. I just mean like a flat. The asker gets 10. Oh, okay. Like 20 questions. Like an elephant. Yeah. The asker gets 10 questions for each one.

A flower or elephant? Holding a flower. Oh, I like that. It's almost like Dumbo. Yeah. And I just finish reading. No. The asker gets 10 questions for each mirror before they must decide who are what they are and cannot ask the same question multiple times. The two mirrors decide the identity of the person. This step has to happen first. So I should have put it earlier, but oh well. Okay. You could have just gotten back. Jesus. Oh my God. Okay. The mirrors win if the question asker guess is wrong. The question asker wins if they guessed their identity correctly and which mirror is lying and telling the truth. So we'll other than that, have fun with it. Also start each question with mirror mirror on the wall. No. No, we're not going. That'll take forever. So we're, so the very first question we'll do that. Sure. So we'll get it going for area man's sake. Yeah. We'll do this three times and I'll count up the points and we'll see who wins at the end. How's that sounds like fun? You get a point if you guess it right. And, You get a point if the other person does not. Yes. You get points every time. Equal amount of points at the end.

You get points no matter what. Okay. So, Paul, you're going to be the guesser. And Lauren and I are going to decide, do you want to text me or should I text you? You're texting, you text me his identity. Yeah. And then you text me whether you're a liar or.

Okay. Well, you send it first. Yep. Okay. Okay. Got it. Got it. mirrors mirrors on the wall

a question I have for you that's my call okay you mirror hi be I a man or a woman a woman

you mirror be I a man or you can't do that you can ask the same question twice otherwise then you know mirror hey don't ask me ask her I have to switch off

No, no, no. Mirror. But this is my second question. Yeah, no shit. Yeah. Be I alive or be I dead? You be dead. Mirror.

Yes. When did I die? You're not dead. Mirror. Yes. Did I get married? Yes. Mirror.

Who am I married to? You are. Ben Affleck. I'm Ben Affleck? No, you're married to Ben Affleck. I thought you just gave up. You are Ben Affleck. Mirror.

Who did I used to be married to? You've only had one partner. Okay. This seems impossible. Keep going. We'll see if it's impossible. It might be. It might be.

It might be. Okay. I'll tell you if you know who's lying and you know who's telling the truth, It's easy. Yeah, I know that. Keep going and you might get, it might get more clear. I'm trying to figure out how to determine that.

Right. Maybe you could say like, maybe. I'm remembering the myth now. Okay. Okay. How does it go? If I ask the other mirror. If I ask the other.

I feel like this is, you're trying to game the system instead of. That's how this works. He can ask whatever he wants. Okay. You know this. I know the myth. I don't know. That's how they figured it out.

I know. All right. Well, keep asking some questions and you can work on the myth as you go. Oh. No, no. Just keep going. It's going great. It's going great.

It's boring to me. I'm not bored. That's good. I'm glad. Yeah. Mirror. Hmm. Am I holding a phone?

There you go. Motherfuck. Was that gaming the system? Yeah. I feel like it is. mind. What else you're supposed to do? I feel like these questions should be

celebrity based, but anyway, go ahead. Next round, we'll see what happens. Let's just try to get through the first round. Okay, if you have a better strategy of question asking, I'm interested. I'd like to try. It might be horrible. All right. Mirror.

Who am I married to right now? Her name is Jessica. Her name is Jessica. You're sure last name. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. What did I have for breakfast? Seems like you could ask me questions about celebrities

and to help narrow down knowing that I'm lying. Mirror, what did the celebrity have for breakfast? Shit! Okay, that's not true. Okay. Mirror, do I have any children? I believe you have two. Mirror.

Am I a person? No. Mirror. Am I young or old? You're middle-aged. What? You'd say old? Yeah.

All right. I guess I don't know how old he is. Mirror, what's your favorite movie of mine? Top Gun Maverick. Mirror, what's your least favorite movie of mine? I don't know. I wouldn't be able to pick a least

because I love everything you do equally. Mirror. You can narrow down who the person is. Yeah, I know. Ask a question about the person. By the way, aren't we running out of questions? How they're known.

Oh, yeah. How many? Is there a limit? You're only supposed to ask 10. Oh, okay. You must be at 10. Who's your guess? Ask me like a really like basic question about this person to kind of like narrow down.

Like 20 questions type question. Like are you a TV or, you know. Yeah. Am I a movie star? Um, you've been in movies. Um, that's not what I asked.

You've starred in films. You've started in B movie. Not really. Yeah. Am I Jerry Seinfeld? You are. You are. you know that when you just look at yourself in the mirror.

All right, let's try it again. You're going to guess? I'll guess. Keep track of the amount of questions. Well, also, I feel like we need to go back and forth because with the asking several of me. Right, right, right. Just you plan. You plan.

I'm going to do it. All right. So do you want to say the person and I'll say who's lying or not? Sure. Okay. And dead silence comes over the pod as Paul types out. the person that Lauren is going to embody. Meanwhile, I am texting

which one of us is lying and which one of us is telling the truth. We are ready. We're ready. Okay. Okay. Who are you starting with? I'm starting with Paul. Hello, Mirror. Hi.

Am I a movie star? Yes. Hmm. Hello. Hello. Am I a woman or a man? You are a woman. Okay.

Hello, Mirror. Hello. Am I, do I tend to do, no, let's see, am I considered a comedic or a dramatic actor? Dramatic. Okay. Hello. Hello.

Welcome. We know you have many choices for mirrors. I'm so glad you chose me. Okay. Do I, am I alive or dead? You are dead. Okay. And when did I pass?

You have yet to die. Hmm. And do I, what's my biggest film? Gross or culturally. Culturally. I guess culturally. Jurassic Park. Okay.

Am I Laura Dern? No. Am I Laura Dern? I'm not allowed to ask that? I don't think you're allowed to ask until the very end. Yeah, everyone seemed to know that rule when I tried it. Okay. I'll let you go back to...

Okay, I'll ask a different question. Paul's mirror for a different question. This is question four. But you said I'm dead. You saw one. And what else is this? I know. I'm kind of confused.

If you do want knowledge more, you must ask me question four. Am I married? I don't know. Is my dad Bruce Dern? Yes. Okay. But that doesn't make sense because you said I was dead. So I'm not Laura Dern.

Okay. Okay. So you're telling me truth. If the game is still alive, you must ask me question five. Okay. What's my biggest, what's, have I done sequels to movies that I've done? Yes. Okay.

Um, Uh, does, Does, does, does, is, am I, am I a man? No. Okay. Is that 10 questions? No, that's five. It's only five.

Five apiece, yeah. Okay. Also, I think you asked that already. I suppose. Well, but I asked him twice. And I, also she's trying to keep track. Yeah. I'm trying to, who's lying?

Yeah. Well, that made it clear. Um, If you want to get your kicks, you must ask me questions. Okay. Thank you, brother. I'm enjoying. I'm glad you're enjoying.

Am I, am I, what's my big, what's my, what's my role that people most know me for? Hmm. An interesting question. How do I answer without giving it completely away? Describe the role. The name of the role is Bruce. The name of the role is Bruce. Did I stutter?

Bitch. Okay. Okay. You don't know if I'm married. Back to me. Okay. Do I have children? I don't know either.

That's not helpful. Why is this person so mysterious? If you want to get to heaven, you must ask him question seven. Okay. Do kids today know who I am, or is it more like an older generation? be more familiar with this. Kids today, no of you, yes. Okay.

How old am I? Am I? Well, no, am I? I don't know. Okay. How old am I? Mid-aged. Okay.

This is impossible. I'm a man. I'm a movie star. My dad's not Bruce Dern. Knowing I'm lying, you could, like, narrow down. I am. I'm trying. I'm the way it works is he will all he will always do one thing and I will always do the other I got that I got that also we're mirrors oh okay um um uh am I funny you're asking me about my funny uh I would I would say you're very known for being funny uh and your roles do not have any light humor in them okay so it's the opposite

it. I'm known for not being funny, but I play a lot of humorous parts. This doesn't mean fucking sense, you're the one who fucking asked it. Okay. Um, um, oh God.

If your heart's not full of hate, you may ask me question eight. I think her heart's full of eight. Um, am I involved in political stuff? Yes. Yes.

Do I play a political role, like a character that's in politics? Of course you do! Okay. Who the fuck is Bruce? This is question nine. Okay. Aren't you going to say anything, mirror? Is it my turn?

Yeah, question nine. If in fact you're feeling fine, you may ask me question nine. So her heart's not full of hate. We've established that. And maybe she's feeling fun. Well, what's the last name of my character, Bruce? Almighty. Maybe look in the phone book.

What? That's not honest. You got to be honest. The name is synonymous with items of heraldry. Bruce Paper. That's heraldry, the newspaper? What's heraldry? Bruce paper.

You could ask me what the definition of heraldry? What is the definition? You're going to tell me the wrong one. It's the definition of heraldry. What's the definition of heraldry? It's not the system of which coats of arms and other memorial bearings are devised described and regulated. Or colorful ceremony. Bruce Flag?

I don't fucking... Okay, this is your last question. Who am I? You can't ask that. Okay, fine. Has Paula Tompkins or Scott Okman ever met me? I can only say one of them has not. Okay, that's not really, Paul.

I was talking about me. Okay, and last question, why are you such a fucking asshole? I don't know. That was hard. Paul, I see it from your side now and I see it was really, really hard. Who was it? It is Mark Ruffalo. Oh my God.

Bruce Banner, the Incredible Hall. I never, ever, ever would have gotten that. However, I don't think he's, I don't know if he's married. I don't know if he has kids. He might have both. I think he probably is and he probably does. He probably has both, but we don't know too much about his personal life, but he is political. Well, I'm a fan.

He's not funny, but he's played funny stuff. Yeah. as of the Hulk, he's sort of funny. Yeah. The thing is about this is that... He's married to Sunrise Coney. What? He pulled Sunrise Coney. He has

three or four kids. He likes to fuck. He loves it. No, maybe two. He hates it. Maybe three. He hates it. He's okay. I think the questioning needs to be more along the lines of like 20 questions or something. That's how I do.

parameters on it. Yeah. Because when it's just like any question, it's so. So like yes or no you're saying? No, but I, well, I mean, we could switch it to yes or no's. Mm-hmm. I don't know. I just don't know.

I feel like using the lying person to try to narrow down stuff is just as important as using the I do. I know, but I think it gets really confusing really fast. I think you should try one. Let me try one. Because you'll see how confusing it is, but I think we should make it only five questions. each. Let's just kind of, it's slow through it. All right. Here we go.

Let's fucking fly through this. Have you guys? Okay, so I'll text Paul a name. And if I'm only getting five, you can't be totally obfuscating the answers. Right, okay. Be as clear as like Banner. So I'm going to send you a name. Name being sent immediately. Name has been sent. Name received. Okay. Status received.

Okay, begin. Oh, begin. I'm going to Lauren first. Okay. Hello, Magic Mirror. Hi. What do you want to ask me? Am I a man?

Nope. Hello, Magic Mirror. Hello. Am I a movie star? Absolutely not. You said, I can't, I can't keep dragging me. It just happened. I am a man.

You're a woman. A woman. Okay. Am I married to a famous person? Yes, you are. Am I in Marvel movies? All of them. Okay, I know it's like.

There has been anyone who's been in all of them. Stan Lee much. Not the latest ones. God, what if it was Stanley? So I know I'm a movie star who's married to a famous person. I'm a woman who's... Am I married to Ben Affleck? No.

Am I known for rom-coms? Am I known for action films? You've done some that would be considered, but I wouldn't say that's the main. Okay. Am I a dramatic actress? Never. Okay, this is my last one.

Okay. Have I been nominated for an Oscar? Yes. I think we can keep going because it's going faster with the way we're doing it. Yeah. Oh, we can keep going.

Yeah. Okay, so this is my fifth to you. How old am I? Am I? Sorry, am I, am I over 50? No, you're a spring chicken. This version is, it is better. Am I over 70?

Oh, God. Let me, you know, I'm telling the truth. So let me just see. Let's see. Nominate? No, you're not. Okay, so in between 15 and 70. If a mirror looks it up, there is poison in your cup.

No, no, not poisoning my cup. Don't drink it. Dramatic actor who has done, but I know Merrill Streep is not married to a famous person. between 50 and 70 Oh, nominated for Oscars, known for drama.

Oh, man. Ask another question. Yeah. Have, were my movies popular, most popular in the 90s? Oh, absolutely.

Were my movies most popular in, The 21st century? No. Okay, 80s then, I would think. 80s dramatic actor. Fucking shit. Have I been nominated for an Oscar more than once?

Oh, yes. So just once. Can I give you a tip? Yeah. Ask more about the movies because I think the word you're using is wrong. Okay. Am I a dramatic actor?

Yes, but it's a very specific, you're known for a very specific genre. Oh, okay. Is the genre that I'm known for with my movies? Is it animation? Absolutely. What is, oh, does it actually, yes or not? What is the, what is the genre that I'm known for? Ah, okay.

Were my parents famous? No. Did I just win an Oscar this year? Am I Jamie Lee Curtis? Yes. Oh, okay. Good to end on a success. Oh, my gosh.

All right. And that's how we played that game. It grew over time. the points. I think it was zero and one. Yeah. It was, uh, one, one zero and then one zero. So I have, I have three, Lauren has one. Paul has one. Okay. Well, it's over. So it doesn't matter. Yeah, who cares? Well, um, just because you have three. Losers clean up the game. Uh, okay. I'll wipe it all away right now. Um, listen, if you would like to send, if you would like to send us a three chair, why don't you

send it to why don't you USA at gmail.com Why don't you do that? If you'd like to leave us

a voicemail the kind we're going to listen to on the next episode the next episode. Wanted to call us why don't you call us at

Hague claims 8 Hague claims 8 and the hag will claim the eight the hag will claim the eight and you can follow us

on social will claim the USA and listen if you want to hear ad free versions of the show, you can listen on Stitcher Premium or CBBWorld.com.

That's right. And hey, we all three wrote some stuff for the CBB book, the comedy bang, big book, which is out now. And a lot of people have been getting signatures with the three of us. Yeah. And also, you know, someone brought one to the show last night, which is something you can do. If you want to come to one of our shows and we assign a book. That's right.

Yeah. Yeah, why not? And listen, I don't, this comes out when? Thursday. Okay. folks in Los Angeles I don't know why this is happening but there's still tickets left

for my May 14th show at Lodrum it is Varietopia it's a great show we got great great guests It's probably because that's the season finale Succession and no one wants But it's not I thought it was What?

But then there's still four more after that The season finale is the 28th Not four more but the season finale is the 28th Oh how many episodes are they doing this year? I think it's like 10 It's either eight or 10 I can't remember But I thought I looked

when I first looked it up, I thought it was the season finale. Oh. And then I looked it up. But that was the wisdom of the fool. Again with like slightly different wording and it's the 28th. It was like, Hey, stupid. When is the season?

Yeah. Quit fucking around. When is the season finale? Stop to join with me. So here's what's going to happen. We're going to have a great show with great guests. And then immediately afterwards, we're going to screen the that night's episode of succession.

So you can have both in one place. And if you've never, watched a show like that in a group setting. It's actually kind of fun. We're not going to be like mystery science theatering it. We're just going to watch it together. You'll laugh together. It's a lot like watching a movie where like when you go see a movie like Fast and the Furies, you're not seeing there roasting it and shouting at the screen. And it's a that lodge room has like a big screen. It's going to be fun. It's a Nimex there. Go to well, Scott, don't lie to them. I'm the mirror who always lies. Go to Paul F. Tompkins.com slash live and come on out to that show. It's going to be a lot of fun.

Lauren. When is this coming out? Thursday. Wow. So Thursday, I guess what do I have going on? You know, I just don't know. Just do whatever you want. Okay.

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