Threedom - Threevisiting: Mr. Golly’s Whiz Bang

Episode Date: February 4, 2025

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss magical coincidences and tasty treats before playing Negative 20 Questions. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi, I'm Reshma Sajjani, founder of Girls Who Code. Look, I'd consider myself a pretty successful adult woman. I've written books, founded two successful nonprofits, and I'm raising two incredible kids. But here's the thing. I still wake up wondering, is this it? And if the best years are yet to come, when's that going to start? Join me on my so-called midlife, my new podcast with Lemonada Media, where we're building

a playbook for navigating midlife, one episode at a time. Each week, I'll chat with extraordinary guests who've transformed their midlife crisis into opportunities for growth and newfound purpose. At some point, we all ask ourselves, is there more to life? I'm here to discover how to thrive in my second act, right alongside you. My so-called midlife is out now,

wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Coolop Eulisak. And I'm Soojin Park. And we're your aunties on Add to Cart, a podcast all about the things we buy, the things we buy into, and what that says about who we are. We're real life friends who love to talk about what we're adding to cart. Sometimes that means trying the latest snail serum to slather on our faces, or a sweater that screams one third ugly.

That's right, Soo. Each week we dive into honest, oftentimes TMI conversations about what's taking up space in our shopping carts and in our minds, be it products, trends, or something for our auntie book club. We also bring guests on the show and take a peek into their carts because the things a person buys or doesn't says a lot about them.

We like to think of ourselves as aunties to all, fun, slightly unhinged, and always ready to share some sage advice and a good product wreck. Add to Cart is out now, wherever you get your podcasts. Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!

Freedom! Oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy. Oh boy, freedom. Oh boy, oh boy. Oh it's freedom, oh boy, oh boy. Oh boy, I can't wait to listen to my favorite podcast. I can't wait to talk and make the episode. Was there a time, like in the early 1900s,

where if you said, oh, boy, like a parent would scold you, like, don't say that. Oh, like it was cursing? Like it was common? It was common, yeah, something like that. Oh. Interesting. Yeah, like, say, oh, well.

Like in the Music Man Man where it's like, they're using words like swell. Yeah, and Mr. What is it? Mr. Golly's whiz bang? Mr. Golly's whiz bang? I think it's Uncle Somebody's whiz bang. Okay. Uncle Billy's whiz bang? Something like that. You know Hugh Jackman

starring in the Music Man? I know, with a friend of mine is in the musical as well. Really? Really? Hugh Jackman? Remy Aubergine. Well, I didn't want to say, but. Best friends. Remy Aubergine. Wow.

Oh, from Star Trek. No, that's René Aubergine. Oh, that's right. This is his son. Oh, his son. Yes, René has passed on. Cool. Not cool.

Not as cool as you'd think. I was saying cool that it was his son. But he did die doing a crazy stunt, so that's cool. Is that true? No, it's not. Oh my God. If every single person in the world is like, Oh, I'm think. I was saying cool. Although I bet it was his son. Every single person. But he did die doing a crazy stunt. So that's cool. Is that true?

No, it's not. Oh my God. If every single person on Earth still was alive. Yeah. Would that be cool? No. Like we'd be living with cavemen? We'd be so crowded.

And there's a lot of people we don't need. We'd be living with cavemen. How many people have died? Okay, why start there? It's gotta be within the thousands. What came before cavemen? There was some, who was the missing link? Well, there's her.

It's like those fish people. Lucy. Fish people. Lizard people. Thumbs down. The lizard people are still here. Can I share some good news? I'm one of the lizard people.

The Bible? Yeah. The word of God. Are you going to tell me he's risen? No, I'm not going to tell you that, but I am gonna tell you that. I'm gonna tell you that. Well, you already know my good news, but I just wanna tell the listener that, you know, my neighbors who thought I had called animal control on them, which I did not do and neither

did Mike. Yes, good to reset it. Okay. And what was the situation again for those who haven't heard or weren't paying attention? The neighbor who I had said hi to in the past multiple times. Right. Walked up to my store with a big dog. Every single time.

Knocked on the door and then basically said, someone called animal control and I, like she didn't wanna say I think it to you, but she said, you're the only one I don't know. And I'm like, well, probably one who does know you is who called it because they know what you're doing and I don't know you and I don't care. But anyways, long story short,

ever since then I've tried to say hi again. I've actually, and I've wanted to say, I didn't call, I just want you to know I didn't call. You were saying you might do that, like knock on our door and say, hey, I feel like there was a misunderstanding. I really wanna do that because I was feeling really, I hate, I feel like they don't look at us.

Say there's been a misunderstanding. They don't even look enough so that you have a window to say hello, you know what I mean? Like you see them outside. And our properties are close, it's like, you know, I see them a lot. What are they like a foot away or? A one inch.

One inch away. Oh ho ho ho ho. No, but no, they're not like that, but they are often right out front. I can see them. I think about that sometimes when I was in apartments and I would have an upstairs neighbor and I'd be like, that person is literally

like three feet away from me. Yeah, that is weird. When I'm standing there. They're just like circling you within a couple feet radius. Well, anyways, I just wanna say, so I've been wanting to like get the guy's attention and say, hey, and just even say hi nicely and not even do radius. Well, anyways, I just wanna say, so I've been wanting to get the guy's attention and say, hey, and just even say hi nicely and not even do anything. And then I also wanted to go,

just so you know, we really didn't call. I feel like you might think we did whatever. And then I was kind of going like, God, I wish they would move. That'd be so awesome. And then we were having this conversation and we were like, they never would. Why would anyone move?

But what are the odds? What are the odds that the people I hate are gonna move? And then, a couple days ago, I saw a person putting up a for sale sign in front of their house and I leapt to my feet and took a picture. Was it Mike doing in front of their house? He wanted to do something nice for Valentine's Day.

I got so excited and I texted him the picture and he was like, holy shit, we're so happy. And so now my fantasy is when I see them to go, oh my God, I'm so happy you're moving. By the way, I didn't call Animal Control. Yeah, by the way, I didn't call them, but I will now. What if you just lied and said, yeah, I did do it, goodbye. Yeah, I mean, I don't...

I call Animal Control all the time. I don't want that on my knee. I'm gonna throw eight bases with them. You felt the animal from home alone. Anyways. I'm so happy. I'm so happy for you. We're happy for you. Thank you.

And I really hope, like, maybe a nice family moves in. When you texted us, it just was like, Mike's family moves in? Maybe a nice family moves in. Oh, oh, oh. Mike's family moves in. Although, yeah. Mike's family, not a nice family. The day you told us, it just was the highlight of our week.

It was the best day for you. I smiled for the rest of the day. Yeah. I thought so. Can I tell you something? Janie and I love to look out our window and talk shit about the people that we see. It's so fun.

It's really fun. Yeah. We like to start, we like, it absolutely is based on nothing, but we'll see somebody we've never seen before on our street, and one of us will say, who the fuck is that? What the fuck is that moron? What's she doing? It's so much fun.

Anytime I see anyone with glasses when we're driving, I'll go, fucking nerd. And she'll do what? She'll laugh. Fucking nerd. What was the coincidence you were gonna tell us? This was fun. Oh boy. Can you were going to tell us? This was fun.

Oh, boy. Can you say I know about this already? Yes. Okay. I got an invitation from our friend Eva Anderson to go to the Magic Castle because she's a member. Her father, Harry Anderson, of course, was a member. Tell everyone a little bit about the Magic Castle

so that they understand, because I didn't know about this. Well, now I famously talked about it in my stand-up hour, Driving and Crying. Everyone stop this episode. Crying and Driving. Which is the band?

I believe it was... Drying and Climbing. I believe it was Driving and Crying. Derbing and Curbing. And... You're an enthusiabur. And it... You don't remember what derb means? You don't remember what derb means?

I feel sad for you. I taught you, I taught you. What was the whale penis? What was derb? I don't know what derb is. Derb, well derb, dork. Is it deeking? Dork is the whale penis.

Is it dork? No, but derb is sucking, peeing, it's... Oh, god damn. But, but, I got a message. Only if you're in penis. No, but derp is sucking peen. It's a... Oh, God damn. In Chicago. But I got a message. Yes, only if you're in Chicago. I got a message from someone that I grew up with.

There's one for every city. It was... Yes, I derped so much. It was like that was local. In Philadelphia, it's perbing. Anyway. And so the Magic... Yeah, well, the Magic Castle is a...

I'll take it from here. I thought you were skipping over it. The Magic Castle is a private club in... It's a private club. It's a private club. It's a private club. It's a private club. It's a private club. It's a private club. It's a private club. and so that well the magic as well as a is a i'll take it from here in but you're skipping over the magic as well as a private club in uh... in los angeles

it is the where the uh... the members of the academy of magical arts uh... hang out they perform they do shows there you get invited by someone it's invitation only but it's easy get the invitations uh... you get invited to go there and you can have dinner and watch all these shows and everything, it's really fun. Pause for a second. You say it's easy to get the invitations,

and it is, I've been a few times, but how am I getting these? I don't even know, it's like someone goes, I know a magician and I got a ticket, do you wanna come? It's like you have to know a magician. Yeah, but you know what, it turns out you kind of- I'm out, and for this reason I'm out. You've never been? No, I've been. Of course you've gone. And I know Eva, of course. Oh, yeah. out you kind of- I'm out, and for this reason I'm out. You've never been?

No, I've never been. Of course you've gone. And I know Eva, of course. She's a comedy banking writer. But there's always somebody that you're just a couple degrees away from, you know what I mean? But of course I say that because we're in showbiz,

but obviously everyone there is not necessarily in showbiz because the place is packed. Like people really, it's a fun time. And there aren't that many people in showbiz. Oh, it's what, in the hundreds? It's always a busy, fun time, and there's like, you can walk around and there's magicians doing little performances

like for a few people at a time, or you go into a room and it's like a big show. Yeah, there's a close-up magic room, which is like 50 seats, and you're all very close. Yeah, it's really fun. And like if you're sitting at the bar, like somebody will come over and start doing tricks for you or whatever.

And it's really like if you, but you must give yourself over to the spirit of it. You know what I mean? You can't be a cynic about it. You can't be like, oh, I know how you did that. No. I love magic because I really very rarely have any idea what just happened.

Yeah, I like to say I'm not, I'm never somebody who tries to figure it out. I am somebody who just likes to wonder how did they do that I'm never somebody who tries to figure it out. I am somebody who just likes to wonder, how did they do that? I'm someone who tries to figure it out just because I used to do... Or I've, like, investigated Trace. You're a liar. Yeah.

Well, Derek Delag... Guadio's... Delag Delgadio. ...Gadio's show, like, I was fascinated with it and started trying to figure out how he did certain things. I did enjoy that. Oh, I figured all that out. What is that streaming on? That was good. As it was happening.

That was on Amazon or in Hulu? Hulu, I believe. Or something. Yeah. But that's a really great show. In and of itself. Yeah, that was interesting. So we got invited.

Now initially, we were going to go with Scott and Coolop. Yep. And our friends Tatiana and Brendan. Oh, so you almost got to go. Oh, I was so excited to go. To do anything. But then guess what? Coolop got the... We almost got to go. Tatiana and Brendan. Oh, I was so excited to go. To do anything. But then guess what?

Coo-Coo got the cove. Coo-Coo got COVID. Coo-Coo got the cove. And they could not go anymore. Can't believe it. And so we then invited our friends Nate and Tawny, and they could go. So we all go together. we're having a good time.

We all go down together. That's right, we were in Vietnam. Vietnam, yep. This was the Vietnam. Oh, the Magic House was in Vietnam, I forgot to say. In the 60s. And so we're at the bar before we're gonna go see the shows and everything, and I notice that Tawny

is drinking a weird drink. I say, what are you drinking? She says, it's an espresso martini. And I don't like it exactly. Okay. And I said, what made you drink that? And she said, Kevin Bartelt, our other friend, he loves them and he gets them all the time.

And so I thought I would try it, but I don't like it. Mmm. It seems like a really specific taste. It's indeed good. I bet it would be good. I'm not a fan of coffee booze drugs. I'm not a fan of coffee at all, but I still think they do mixing it with- I'm not a fan of liquid.

Oh, you got a problem, honey, because you need to drink it every three days. No, I eat ice. Then you are a fan of liquid and you don't even know it. What? Those are solid. Science. Science!

She blinded me? Good heavens, Ms. Akamoto! You're beautiful! I don't, why didn't we ever get to see her? I wanna judge for myself. I know, I'd say she's probably a six. I mean, it's objective. Like, Thomas Dolby standards may be a 10, but for us,

we live in Hollywood. Beauty is subjective, except in Hollywood. I don't know who she is, but I bet she's a two. Is that a motto? She's a science two. She's an LA two, she's an Ohio 10. Ohio, don't get mad. But with an Oakland booty.

Location? Ohio face, but an Oakland booty. Okay, okay, okay, please. The worst of both worlds. And so the evening the news on we watch a lot of shows are having a lot of fun we are in this is right before about to go to dinner in this piano bar which is fun it's right next to the main bar where i can jim the other if you're a good crowd shuffled and that i'm i'm piano at the

magic castle that yeah it's it's a fun piano at the Magic Castle that plays itself. It plays itself and you can request. You talk to it and you go, hey, play this. The idea is that it's a ghost named Irma, and you can request songs of Irma, and Irma will play them. And it's really fun. Irma struck out a lot with us that particular night. Sometimes she doesn't know the song, and she just goes like, bam. Bing-bong.

Yeah. But she knew a lot. What kind of songs were you requesting to Verma? Oh, like songs we were making up, songs that don't really exist. And we're like, you're striking out, Verma! I can't remember what we requested. I remember Nate had one song

that he really wanted her to play, and she wouldn't play. Blue Oyster Cult's Godzilla. I'd love to hear that on the piano. Sure, I'd love to hear it at all. I do not know what that song is. Oh, you never played Guitar Hero back in the... Do you know what? The only time I played Guitar Hero,

it was the Beatles version. And it was so fucking fun, because it's the only time I could ever... I bought it, never played it. I could ever do... I could ever move my hands in an instrumental way and sing at the same time. Which I cannot do it. I don't know why I never played it. I bought it.

Oh, it's so much fun. You bought Beatles or you bought the whole thing? I bought the Beatles. No, Cool Up and I played Guitar Hero one and two and had so much fun with it. And then we bought the Beatles one and I never opened it. Somebody gave me their entire- Do you still have it?

No, well, no, it was the last, I think it was the last video game I ever played. I basically was just like, you know what, I'm wasting too much time on this and never played video games again. Someone gave me their entire Guitar Hero set, including the drum kit. Speaking of the drum kit-

And I just played it like four times. Speaking of the drum kit, please don't speak. Put a pin in this story for a second, while I'm reminded of it. Yeah. Reality recap, yeah, love is blind. Oh, shit! This season is hot, hot, hot, everyone. Okay, so Love is blind. Oh, shit! This season is hot, hot, hot, everyone.

Okay, so love is blind. I just wanted to bring up- This is what you interrupted this story. I just wanted to bring up the woman who was like- What? Oh, the guitar hero? Yeah, they're gonna move in together and this guy is very neat and very fastidious.

I like him. And she's like, well, where are we gonna put my video games? And he's like, away? He goes, no, I'd like to leave them out. Nick is, I feel like he's such a good person in the relationship. And she's really sweet, but then she has so many insecurities.

Insecurities. And she's always going, my flaws, my flaws. I'm going, shut up about your flaws and just see what goes. He loves you. He loved you when we even saw you. I would love it if she was actually saying, -"My flaws, my flaws." -"She literally says,

"'My flaws.' I have so many flaws, my flaws." -"Because of my flaws--" -"No, but I want her to say, -"My flaws, my flaws!" -"She practically did." But she was like, "'Well, I gotta leave the drum set out.'" Yeah, I know, that was so funny. And then she made him put on a hot dog, or a corn husk costume,

and she put on a hot dog. And she's like, I answer the door like this at parties, so you just wear this around? But she seemed fun in the way that Coolop has cool microphones. Hold on, I have to interrupt you before I forget this. Yes. Great Jonathan Katz joke. He said, I was just in New York.

I hadn't been there in a while and I was in an elevator. And the elevator operator says, call out your flaws. And I said, I'm impatient with the elderly. Nice. Nice. I like it. Yes, nice. I like it. Great. But I just- No, I thought that was, I thought I was whimsical. That was where I started to like her

in the way of like the way- No, I did not, Mike said the same thing. Cool Up has fun, but- He didn't mind it. He didn't mind it, but then he- You guys acted like I said a racist thing in the way you reacted to that joke. Really? No, I liked it.

In the, interrupting your reality recap. Just because I gave you a big thumbs down? You were laughing and you gave me a big thumbs down. And I went, I'm offended, fuck you. That's what I texted you. You text so fast. I know. I liked your joke.

We were just in the middle of talking about this costume, but above all, you were in the middle of talking about something else. That's right. Which we do want to hear the rest of it. The only thing I do want to say about him is he's like, no, just put him away. What are we, 12?

Yeah, no, he's not a weird, but I also understand not keeping your video games. Who has the video games? The girl. She has the video games and she talks like this, oh, I wanna play my video games. I wanna play my video games. Well, they're all from Chicago, so they all talk like this.

Yeah, they all talk like me, sorry. She's probably seven years younger than him or something, which is also part of it. He's going like, I'm kind of in a stage where, but his place was kind of childish too, I would say. Yeah, he didn't have the greatest place. And then she was like, hey, sometimes- Did he have like a ball pit?

No, but he just had like a, his room was sort of like a boys' room, you know? Wasn't like, I wouldn't say it was the most- Race car bed. Adult room. No, Shane had the only nice place. Shane grew on me in the weirdest way. And then by the end, I was like, he's what I thought he was.

It was just a... An alcoholic. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, all right, so. Speaking of alcohol, do you remember the seed I planted about the espresso martini? Of course, it's all I'm thinking about. I just remembered that.

I could practically taste it. So, like what, 90 minutes later, we are in the piano bar with the ghost pianist. Whom should walk in? But the aforementioned Kevin Bartelt! Wow! He was just getting there with his significant other and their friends!

Wow! We conjured him, now Tawny was not supposed to be there! Whoa. She orders this dumb drink! Imagine if I had been there, I wouldn't have been conjured him. Now, Tawny was not supposed to be there. Whoa. She orders this dundrant. Imagine if I had been there. I wouldn't have been talking about him. I always talk about Kevin. I talk about him all the time.

Because we need to talk about Kevin. Yes, because normally I'm talking about him, people are like, who is that? I don't understand. And you're like Chef Kevin. But I mean, so the timing of the evening. Chef Kevin, of course. Chef Kevin, of course. Who knows?

Because we got there in stages. We weren't all there at the exact same time. So we were in the bar for a different amount of time than we would have been had we, who knows? If you guys had been there, maybe you would have gotten there earlier than Nate and Tawny, because they're coming from further away. They were the last people to arrive. Something like that just doesn't,

it's not a coincidence. It's fun! In my opinion. It's fate. At the end of the night, we go out, we're waiting for our cars. And you beat the shit out of Kevin? We wanted to get, oh man, it was satisfying. I was like, I'm sick of talking about you.

We are getting a, they have like a step and repeat. They used to do, as I famously talked about in my standup special, they used to do pictures at the table. They would go around to the table and charge you way too much money for a picture of your group. But now they just have a step and repeat charge you way too much money for a picture of your group. But now they just have a step and repeat outside and you get somebody to take a picture of. They need a dedicated person to do that.

So they're doing it on your cell phone? Yes, so we asked one stranger, they did a piss poor job. You gotta focus up. If somebody asks you to take a picture. Exactly, and the guy offered, he's like, you want me to do it? Yeah, this is an important thing. Don't fuck around with it.

Yes, this guy, he did a terrible job. Are you gonna propose to one of us? There's like a box there and I'm just gonna show us. Yeah, you have a box next to us, next to you. It's like a leather. Yeah, are you gonna propose to one or both of us? Don't look at that. Okay. Don't look at the box.

Okay. At first I thought it was a pencil sharpener, but then he laid it down and I thought it was a ring box. Now I think it's meant to be a watch box. He probably brought a pencil sharpener. Um... So, you're out there getting your photos taken. So, we're out there. The first guy takes a picture. It sucks.

Fuck this guy. Our cars are about to arrive. Somebody else comes. We see somebody else walk out. We're like, oh, quickly, can you take a picture of us? She goes, yeah, absolutely. She took a picture of us. It was great. And then she says to Tawny,

who is the star of Star Trek Lower Decks, by the way, I'm the production coordinator on Lower Decks. Another weird Tawny-related coincidence. Wow, Tawny's out there in these streets just talking about people, meeting people. She's manifesting these coincidences. It was a fun, magical Tawny evening. I love that.

I'm so glad you had such a good time without me. Yeah, and I'm glad I wasn had such a good time without me. Yeah, and I'm glad I wasn't invited at all. Let me ask you this, because this is something you should know. I probably would. You would not have gone. But can you, how much can you do with the baby now?

Can you get somebody to look after the baby? Do you have a regular sitter now? Can you touch the baby? Can you play with the baby? Can the baby talk to you? Can you reason with the baby? Yes, absolutely. I don't have a sitter yet, but that's my big thing that I'm working on right now. But I also just-

Why don't you just do it? Babysitter? Yeah, I've definitely been doing that for- Go back to your old job. I've been doing that for so long. Mike pays you to watch the baby. But I, and I love being around her all day long, but I-

But when the nighttime comes. Well, I want to party. I do get very tired at night, but're right. Well, I wanna party. I do get very tired at night, but I just offered for my friend that I'm gonna watch her daughter tomorrow night when she goes on a date with her husband. I just thought, oh, why haven't I offered this to her?

And then she said she would do the same. So I definitely have somebody for at least one fun one. Yeah, baby squad. Yeah. Great. Cause we were talking, you've never been to our house. Yeah. And it would be nice to have you guys over for dinner.

Oh, we would love to. But even for that, you could bring Holly if you wanted to. Well, I think that would be fun. Then the ideal thing would be to do it a little earlier. Oh, that's no problem for us. What, 8 a.m.? Yeah, like a dinner at, I don't know, 6 a.m.? It's a full Thanksgiving dinner at six AM. That'd be great.

We love eating early. Yeah, I do too. Especially going out to eat early and then you have like the rest of the night. Yeah. It's like you've had this- To sleep? Yeah.

Man. We eat, we go to a restaurant at six, come home, we're home by eight, we immediately go to sleep. Did I tell you about the Magic Castle when I went and we went to the close-up room, and the guy, the magician kept doing fake fuck-ups, you know how in a- Yes, yes, yes, yes.

He kept doing a like, oh, is this your card? And then you'd go no, and he'd go, huh, maybe because this is, and then he'd do an even bigger thing. Yes, yes, yes. So he kept doing those, but then he also was actually fucking up the tricks, half the time as well. Smart. So he kept doing those, but then he also was actually fucking up the tricks half the time as well. Smart.

So it was like- That's good, you never know what's what gonna happen. So he just, and he had a friend in the crowd that he kept talking to who was another magician or something who just like, he kept doing all these asides too, like, oh, I didn't do that one right or whatever. And then at a certain point he like fucked up a trick

and he goes, and the person didn't say the right card that he had prepped to be the card that was right. And he's like, and he goes, hmm, someone's getting something special in their milkshake tomorrow morning. What the fuck? I don't know, I've never been able to understand it. Well, it might've just been some ad lib

that didn't make sense. I think that's exactly what it was. What do you think he meant though? I think he meant nothing, and I think he was trying to talk. Was he gonna shit into someone's milkshake? In their morning milkshake. Actually, that almost made me gag.

You! But this was to his friend who. I know, oh my God. I was watching something, and I almost threw up the other day, the Penn 15 finale, which I thought was fantastic. But there was a point during it where I actually stood up and almost threw up.

Wow. And if you've watched it, you probably know what I'm talking about. Why did you stand up? Because you thought you were going to throw up. Yeah, I leapt off the couch like, oh my God, I'm gonna throw up. And then I almost threw up and then I had to not look for the next 30 seconds.

And then- And then I had to not throw up. Yeah, and I just focused and it went away, but oh my God, I've never thrown up watching something. That was pretty- Well, tell me what it is then. I can't tell you what it is. Why not? Because if you're watching, if you like the show-

It's a spoiler video. Yeah, you need to watch the show. Well, but when did it happen? Come watch this. Skip ahead. It's a sex scene in the show. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, does a penis go in a vagina?

Cause that would make me sick. No. No. As a devout Christian, that would make me sick. No, no, no, but it's a, Even in marriage. Oh. The show is about 13 year, 14 year olds.

Yes. So it's a disturbing sort of moment. I maybe almost threw up in the... If I guess it, will you tell me? Yeah. Does a hymen burst? No. Pshh.

You know when that happens, it covers the Roman blood. Yeah. Like the exorcist just pshh. It's like something out of Seven. The Shining, the Shining, not the exorcist. Oh my God. Lauren, what's on your shirt? Scott.

It's a Billie Eilish t-shirt that I was sent in the mail for free. It looks cool because it looks like a vintage shirt. Well, I've worn it about 8,000 times because when I got it in the mail for this promotional thing, it was the only shirt that fit me. I recently had a baby and so it was like,

Congratulations. Thanks. It was a good shirt for that to wear around every day. And then, um, he got very weathered. So now it looks like an old, cool shirt, but it's just worn it a hundred times. Yeah. Okay. Thank you.

Scott. Uh, t-shirt plain t-shirt plain t-shirt plain, please. Mm hmm. I'm like an everything t-shirt. I want my t-shirt style ice cream. The everything bagel ice cream. I don't want to sense it to me. No, I'm afraid of that. How is an Everything t-shirt? I want my t-shirt animal style. Have you tried that ice cream? The Everything bagel ice cream from Jenny's? I don't wanna- They have sent it to me. No, I'm afraid of that.

How is everybody getting sent ice cream but me? I know, everyone gets Jenny's in the mail. The fuck? I'm afraid of the- What do you mean, I don't know? Of that flavor. I, I could, I don't wanna disclose how I got this ice cream.

Well, you will off mic. I will off mic. Yeah. Certainly. Cause I want that shit. Yeah, yeah, you should. You deserve it. Thank you. But I wanna try that everything bagel ice cream.

You know, everyone says it's good. Well, come into the house afterwards. I saw fucking Tim Kallpakis got it. Yeah, well, he's one of the greatest Greek American writers, comedy writers. Sorry, let me do more qualifiers. Do you think that's why, of his generation? Oh, comedy writers. Sorry, let me do more qualifiers. Do you think that's why of his generation? Quite possibly.

When I say generation, I mean the exact year he was born. The most talented and underrated Greek American comedy writer of his caliber and generation. It was born between July and September of... Yeah, he did a video where he tasted it and it looked... The way he described it, I was like, that's kind of what I was hoping it would taste like. Oh, a little squirrel. Hi, little squirrel. Look at that little guy.

All right, see you later. What are you doing so far away from my home? He's like, Paul, I ran after you. Hey man, you forgot to fill up the bucket in the bench. Do you fill a bucket with water? No, I fill it with hazelnuts. Oh, oh. Yeah.

Do you fill a bucket with water, Lord? Yeah oh. Yeah. Do you fill a bucket with water, Lauren? Yeah. What do you do? Fill a bucket with water? Fill a bucket with water for the animals to swim in. Big animals try to drink from it. I'm like, uh-uh, no. This is swimming water.

I put up a sign with a dog drinking, and I put a line through it. No. Totally. Like when people put those signs. Like the Ghostbusters? Yeah, like the Ghostbusters, no. People put a picture of a dog shitting. Yeah.

And they put the red circle with the line through it around that. Well, the dog can shit. You just gotta pick it up, right? Or do they just not want dogs to shit at all? No, I think they don't want the dogs to shit at all. They don't want it at all. You try telling a dog not to shit. Well, that's the thing.

It's like, is this supposed to be for the dog? Yeah. Like the dog's like, that looks like me doing something. I shouldn't do that. I shouldn't do that. Yes. Well, that's the thing. It's like, is this supposed to be for the dog? Yeah. Like the dog's like, that looks like me doing something. I shouldn't do it. I shouldn't do that. Yes. Oh, that's a no. Do they understand the Ghostbusters symbol?

Dogs love Ghostbusters because they're scared of ghosts. Well, also, there are those demon dogs in it. And they're like, that could be me one day. Oh, young girl, they call them demon dogs. Demon dogs. I ate a lot in college because my college, DePaul, the logo, the mascot, demon. What?

Devil. Is that true? Wait, demon or devil? Demon dogs were a hot dog. Uh, it was a hot dog nearby. Demon. Demon. There was a hot dog nearby?

There was a hot dog place nearby that sold demon dogs and it was under the El, under the El. We all tried to get it. Under the El. and it was under the L. Under the L. We all tried to get it. Under the L. And it was really fucking greasenest. Greasenest. Was the, I love their books. Was the mascot a demon or a devil?

Well I think it was- Because the devil is like in charge of demons. Hold on, let me look this up. So if it was a demon they'd be having their time card and- Yeah. Let me look it up because. So if it was a demon, they'd be having their time card. Let me look it up because I do think it was, the blue demon, no it's blue demons, that's what it was. Blue demons, wow, that's intense. Blue demons, let me make sure.

Why are they blue? Because devils are red. Because our color was blue. Then they're bad, but blue demons are nice. They just play sports. Are they cold? Yes, they're demons from the Antarctic. Icy, icy demons.

They're the demons from heaven. heaven hell is hot heaven is cold Right. Yes, so everyone's freezing up and so I would sucks. I mean they have those row only a robot Yeah, maybe the halo guy Pete like a heat lamp. I hope so. I don't know. Could you turn on the halo, please? Can we move closer to the halo? Wait, wait, wait, go back. Demons, hot dogs, DePaul, Mascot. Shit. What made you think of hot dog over there?

Demon dogs. Oh, that's what I want to talk about. Are you familiar with devil dogs, the snack? No. What is it? Devil dogs? Yes. Are you familiar with devil dogs? The snack? The snack cake? No, what is it? Devil dogs? Yes. Devil dogs or devil dogs?

Devil dogs. They were like a long cake kind of thing, oblong cake thing with cream in the middle. Yeah, yeah, it sounds familiar. I think they're regional. They were maybe a Drake's cake. And they were- Is it like a ho-ho?

Is that what a ho-ho is? A ding dong. No, it's not because it's not frosted. It's like a ding dong. But no, it's it like a ho-ho? Is that what a ho-ho is? A ding-dong. No, it's not. It's like a ding-dong. Because it's not frosted. It's like a ding-dong. But no, it's not like a ding-dong because the cake is just cakey.

It's not like covered with chocolate. So it's a chocolate cake, but it's so... Chocolate cake! Dry. Coming up. It's so dry. Don't cause me working at a bakery. Three slices.

Chomp, chomp, chomp. I'm trying to just pretend it's not happening. If you mention chocolate cake, it's gonna happen. Fuck, man. That sucks. You gotta stay away from it. I like talking about chocolate cake. Sorry, but if you don't wanna hear about Cosby.

Whew. Oh, man. Did you watch that docu-series? No, I hear it too. I have not. It was really good initially. Yes. We need to talk about Cosby.

Is chocolate cake your favorite dessert of all time? What is your favorite dessert of all time? I know we've covered the M&M's here. Yeah, I mean, ice cream I think is the ultimate dessert. Like it's a thing that I will like pretty much every time. Ice cream is the ultimate, you know that might be true. Like I feel like ice cream, the worst ice cream I've ever had is probably, it depends on the flavor.

I don't think so. Do you know what I mean? But like chocolate cake can be, a bad chocolate cake can be bad. Yeah. Bad cake is the worst. Like bad pizza, even the worst pizza, it's still, it's pizza.

I don't know. It's like sex. You know what I had last night? You know what's really good? I think my favorite kind of ice cream is like Chipwitches. Like a sandwich made with cookies? Yeah, chocolate chip. You mean the kind of ice cream that's in Chipwitch? No, it's like chocolate chip cookies.

Chocolate chip cookies? That's your favorite dessert, not your favorite ice cream. Well, that's ice cream treat that I would get from an ice cream truck. And they sell it at Trader Joe's, and I ate one last night. Is it like a funny Trader Jose or Trader? It's Trader...

Trader Ming? They don't do that anymore. It's Trader Burr. They stopped to do... Pfft. Trader Burr. Because he's from the freezer section. They show like a frozen prospector.

Did they stop doing that? Because I thought that was always so weird. They did, they did. It felt weird 20 years ago when I used to go to the store. There was a funny click-hole thing about them erasing the legacy of Trader Ming. Oh my God. That they were whitewashing it.

So ice cream and- Ice cream is great. If it's like a dense, I love a dense chocolate cake. How do you make it dense? Now I've made you a few cakes in my day. Your cakes are good, man. But how do you make it dense? Now I've made you a few cakes in my day. Your cakes are good, man. But how do you make it dense then? It needs to be set on Mike.

I don't know what determines the density of chocolate cake, but when it's like really dense and the only time acceptable. Like more ingredients? Yeah, more ingredients. Dense but still. If it calls for two eggs, put four in there. Dense but still creamy.

Yeah. I wonder if that actually is the answer. Dense and sweet. Just double every, no. No, that doesn actually is the answer. It's dense and sweet. Just double every, no. No, that doesn't make any sense. It just makes it bigger. No. Double everything.

This cake has the density of a black hole. How do you make something denser? I don't know, man. I gotta look this up now. You're the baker. You're the baker. I'm the candlestick maker. And I'm the whatever, yeah.

Yes. Those are our three roles. Yes. We should change the title of the show. Butcher Baker Candlestick Maker? Yeah. Butcher Baker Candlestick Maker? Butcher Baker Candlestick Maker? Who can say it fastest?

Time to time it. I can. Time to time it, time to time it. All right, time to time it and have it be still, like you can understand what it's being said. Okay. What's the word for that? Um, articulated.

Understandable? Yeah. Okay, Lauren, you ready? that? Um, articulated. Understandable? Yeah. Okay, Lauren, you ready? Yes. Three, two, one, go. Butcher Baker Candlestick Maker. Sorry, I forgot that there was gonna be a go.

There will be no go after one. Okay. Okay, three, two, one. Butcher Baker Candlestick Maker. I hit lap. Jesus Christ. Three. This is like, happens every single time.

Three, two. Jesus Christ. This just like happens every single time. Three, two. Why are we always doing this? Three, two, one. Butcher, baker, candlestick maker. 1.18 seconds. Not bad. Not bad. One second is very small. That was long. Okay, I'm gonna really try.

Okay. I really tried. I need you to... This time I got it. Okay. Three, two, one. Butcher Baker, Candlestick Maker. Yeah.

1.02. Hey. You beat Lauren's time. Do you want me to do you? Please. Oh, do me. Do me, baby. All right, let me find... clock. Okay. Let's be fun to clock. Do me, baby. All right, let me find clock.

Okay. Let me find clock. All right, we ready? Yes. Three, two, one. Butcher Baker Candlestick Maker. 1.24. That wasn't good because I stumbled over Candlestick Maker.

Do you wanna try it again? I feel like I need a second chance. Okay, Lauren, you go. I'm not gonna press lap. Okay, here we go. Three, two, one. Butcher Baker Candlestick Maker. 1.4. Even worse. Okay, here we go. Three, two, one. Butcher Baker candlestick maker. 1.4.

That's even worse. Okay, let me try again. Okay, let me try again. I was trying to be really clear. Okay, ready? Here we go, ready? Three, two, one. Butcher Baker candlestick maker.

1.11. Fuck yeah. Nice, you beat me. All right. Did you beat me? No, you didn't beat me. Hold on, no. Beats me.

No, I was the quickest. You were the quickest. I don't remember what mine was. All right. Ready, Paul? Yes. Three, two, one. Butcher Baker Candlestick Maker. 1.01, the quickest so far. I'm going to start. I'm going to try mine. Ready? You're going to time yourself?

Yeah. No, no, that's illegal. Ready? Yep. Three, two, one. Butcher Baker Candlestick Maker. Two. That sounds crazy. Butcher Baker Candlestick Baker. Two. That sounds crazy. Butcher Baker, Candlestick Baker. 0.90. Yeah!

Holy Siphon, you're the winner. Butcher Baker, Candlestick Baker. What if someone spoke like that in life? Butcher Baker, Candlestick Baker. What if you were an auctioneer? We have to take a break. We'll be right back. Hey, everyone.

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Yeah, do you like your award? It's impressive. Yeah, thank you so much for buying this previously. That was so, how did you? We will have to get an engraved though. How are you steering the conversation into us doing that? If I told you that, you'd know. How did you know I would win?

Well. Because it's inscribed to me. Because we spoke too slowly. Oh, okay, you could. We rigged it. You could have spoken fast. Oh, okay, you could. We rigged it. You could have spoken fast. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Baleigda. Baleigda. Baleigda. Baleigda. Not to mention that Danielle from Love is Blind looks just like Baleigda. She looks like Baleigda. Not to mention.

But now Baleigda looks like a Kardashian. Really? She went through a transformation. Oh really? Yep. I saw a magazine at the supermarket. Really? Yep. I saw a magazine at the supermarket. Congrats Paul! Well there's more. Did they let you read it and pick it up and hold it? Or did they say this ain't a library? I was told this ain't a library. Wow. I had to put it back. Oh no. It was you know some like star people whatever the fuck. They're just like us.

Picture of no star are not just like us. Star? They're just like us. Picture of, no Star are not just like us. Star, they're just like us. Star like the Inquirer? Star, no it was not like tabloid, it was more like a Us Weekly kind of shit. And it was a picture of Kim Kardashian. And do you count that as a tabloid? I feel like National Inquirer is a tabloid. Well that's like we're next level,

we're like bad boy Liv. When they try to be lurid. Yeah. I think there are two, yeah, there should be a distinction between those two types of tabloid magazines. Do you think the people at the Inquirer like have a lot of fun making the articles?

Cause it's basically like celebrity onion. Yeah. You just say whatever you want. I thought it would be fun. Yeah. Jen in tears after Brad says hi. Isn't that the guy though who had all the dirt on Trump and everything in his safe? Oh yeah. Yeah. Okay, anyway. Isn't that the guy though who had all the dirt on Trump and everything in his safe?

Oh yeah. Yeah. Okay, anyway. He declined to release it. So it was a picture of Kim Kardashian and Pete, what's his name? Pete Davidson. Davidson.

And the headline was, How They Fell In Love. And it's like, I think they were famous people who wanted to fuck each other. I have absolutely zero questions. Exactly. How did these two get together? Kanye released a video today, though, where he's like, he's burying Pete Davidson in the ground. At a certain point, it's already stalking, in my opinion.

Yeah, but isn't that a threat? Yeah, but I mean, like... It could certainly be construed as such. Like, if I were Pete Davidson. The whole sending... Which I'm not, which I'm not. For that many flowers is stalking, I don't know. I didn't hear about the flowers.

He's a disturbed man. He is, it sucks. It sucks. It sucks, it's not funny to me at all. It's a real drag. Well it's not funny, it's no. Well some people think it's funny. I know, but that's a really weird, that's a weird.

I liken it to like, we're watching OJ Simpson in real time, but she probably has more security. So she's probably safer, but we're watching another OJ Simpson thing happen in real time with a guy on mic admitting he's like, the first song on his EP, he was like, I dreamt about killing you last night. It's about Kim?

Boing, boing, boing, boing. About Kim? Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, so it's like. That's scary, I didn't know that. It's also rude. Yeah, it boing, boing, boing, boing. About Kim? Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, so it's like. That's scary, I didn't know that. It's also rude. Yeah, it's uncalled for, I would say.

It's ungentlemanly, at the very least. That is scary, I don't like that one bit. It sucks. I don't like it. If someone wants to break up with you. No, this is old, it's all cracked and shit. Oh, I just saw that it was green. Oh yeah, it's green though.

Luck of the Irish. What are you guys doing for St. Patrick's Day you guys do it for St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, when is St. Patrick's Day? It's coming. Oh, I'm gonna get blackout drunk like I always do. It's coming up. I'm gonna go to every bar. Actually, it's coming up. Are we allowed to celebrate it anymore?

Or has that been canceled for us? Like a flower. We are unfortunately still allowed to celebrate it and I wish we weren't. Yeah, well last year, so in Chicago, you know, in Chicago they died. They died the River Green. By the way, this might come out the day that St. Patrick's Day or it might be the week before.

So I just wanna say that. I think it's the week before. We'll never know. Okay. But they died the River Green in Chicago, but I think they didn't do it last year in an effort to deter people from celebrating St. Patrick's Day because of COVID.

Stay home. Yeah. By the way, watching Love is Blind and seeing Chicago. I loved that. The bachelor parties were making me go like, God, it would be great to go to Chicago. Chicago's awesome. But then, okay, so they-

It's a conversation about Chicago. They go to Wrigley's Field. Wrigley. Wrigley's Field. It's not possessive. Sorry. I'm telling you so you don't sound like an idiot. I don't give a shit. So they're in Chicago. Wrigley? They go to Wrigley's Field. They go to Mr. you don't sound like an idiot. I don't do this shit. So they're in Chicago.

Wrigley? They go to Wrigley's Field. They go to Mr. Wrigley's Field. Okay. Mrs. Fields is there. And they have cookies. How do we put gum in cookies? Famous as Amos's is also there.

Oh my God. How do we put gum in cookies? Okay so then. I bet they should. They should shouldn't they? Fucking no, that's disgusting. You wouldn't eat a cookie with a piece of bubble gum on top. No!

You're a better man than I am. That's disgusting. Oh my God, what an unholy font. But here's what I, speaking, oh, I thought you said font, but that's what I wanted to say. What an unholy font. You know, there's a font that the Catholic Church forbids. But that's what I wanted to say, they go to Wrigley Field and I'm like, that would be fun.

But then I realized I don't care about going to Wrigley Field. I just like the font that the sign is in. Well, the sign's great. But you know what? It wouldn't be like I'd be like, wow. It looks so old fashioned and cool. I wouldn't necessarily care specifically that I'm on Wrigley Field.

It's like going to Coney Island. But I would be very excited to be on a baseball field. Actually, I was thinking, this is cool for anyone because even if you don't care about baseball, who gets to go on the field? That's so rare. Well, I've been on the Dodger Stadium field. I've been on...

When were you on Dodger Stadium field? Well, when I was the Bat Boy, I told you about this story. That's right, this one. And then the other day, when the kids get to run the field after the game. I love that so much. I love that so much. Do you know about this? No.

If you go on a special day where it's kids run the bases. How cute. After the game. It's so fucking cute. It's so cute to see these kids running the bases. So you let you send all the kids down and they start running around? You don't, well, you accompany them.

It's chaos. And then you don't run the bases yourself. You can like let them go and then you travel around run the bases yourself. You can let them go and then you travel around behind the bases and wait for them. That's really sweet. But the one thing I would say to anyone who's gonna do it, the line is so fucking long but goes incredibly fast. Because they're running.

Because they're running 20 people at a time around these bases. So it's like- Yeah, it's not like one goes around. It's like there's always somebody on a base. But it was, the line was so incredibly long and we saw so many people going like, oh, this is too long.

You don't wanna wait, right? And Paula Cole said that too. And then- You don't wanna wait in this line to run bases. And so many of the kids were like, yeah, forget it. And then they would leave. That's why it moves so fast.

And then our nephew was like, should we do this? And people around me were like, it's really quick. And so we stayed and literally like 15 minutes, it was around the entire stadium. That's great. 15 minutes later we were in there. To run the bases on a professional baseball field. Major league field, absolutely.

Well, I thought it was really cool. And I enjoyed that Love is Blind was in Chicago because I just liked seeing the sights. I haven't been home in a couple of years now, which is absolutely insane. But the little, the boat going around the river looked fun too. Oh yeah, well actually that's where I worked.

The party boat. Oh, you worked on that boat? Not that specific, I don't think it was that specific one, but I was a caller at the boat, at Navy Rear, boat tour. Yeah. For a very short-lived moment. And what would you say again?

Boat rides, 30 minutes on the lake, 60 minutes on the river. And I will say the architectural tour in Chicago on the river at 60 minutes, it's fantastic. I would love to do that. It's really great. I would totally go do that. Love boats?

Let's go do it today. Okay. I'll book the tickets. Cool Ops coming back into town. I'm going to Priceline. We'll switch places at the airport. I'll just the tickets. Coolop's coming back into town. I... I'm going to Priceline. We'll switch places at the airport. We'll just fly to Chicago right now, get on the tour by... Wait, you and Coolop are gonna switch places?

Yeah. Like a Freaky Friday? Like mentally. Oh, shit. She's already there, so I'll skip the ride to the airport. We've talked about Freaky Fridays before. I think it would suck to be in your partner's, your significant other's body. I think it would be interesting to be in my, in Coolop's body

and to experience getting horny for me. Shut up. What if you didn't though? Oh, no. You'd find out she was lying. No, I would understand it suddenly and go, oh, oh, that's what I see in, that's what she sees in me. Yeah.

But wouldn't you see yourself the same way as you do in the mirror? And then you'd be like, ugh. Maybe, no, I'd see- No, because you've never seen yourself outside of your body in that way. Maybe I'd be like- You've never approached yourself in a room.

I don't want to. Yeah, I don't need to. I'll tell you that. No thanks. I'd punch myself right in the fucking face. You asshole. Thanks for nothing! By the way, I played softball on the field of-

Dreams? When I went to Big Slick, Kansas City. And that was fun. What is Big Slick? That's the charity thing that Paul Rudd and Dave Keckner and all the St. Louis people do. So SLC is why it's slick? I forget why they call it Big Slick. All right, at Salt Lake City. What did I just say? St. Louis, STL.

But we got, no, it was Kansas City, What did I just say? St. Louis, STL. But we got- Yeah, the Big Slip. So then there's no- No, it was Kansas City, right? But Kansas City? I'm not listening. Kansas City, Kansas or Kansas City? I'm trying to make sense of it.

It's Missouri. I didn't make any sense just now. Both. It's both. It's all the Kansas Cities. Yeah. I thought it was- We were in both-

Oh, God. The song. We were in both states for the various things that we did because there was like a celebrity bowling tournament. And when I say celebrity, I'm talking about people like me that I actually apologized to the people for because there are people like Paul Rudd there.

And they were like, no, we're fans of your show. It was so nice of them. But it's great. And they were like, you do that show, hold on. It's like you go into a house, you switch shoes, you talk to the camera, Mr. Rogers. Mr. Rogers. Switch shoes. Switch shoes. Oh, the perfect rhyme Mr. Rogers. Switch shoes.

Switch shoes. Oh, the perfect rhyme. I gotta switch my shoes. A shoe switch. But I will say, so our team captain was really upset during practice. He was really upset that he got me because he went around to, and I won't say who it is,

but he was a celebrity. He went around to every person who was there and said like, how good are you at softball? Oh, no. On a scale of one to 10. Well, I think that's really fair. On a scale of one to 10. And I was thinking, as far as celebrities go,

you're asking me? Right, you're like, I'm a seven. Yeah, so I said seven, I think, and he goes, huh, interesting. And he wrote down seven. And so he picked me for his team. Wait, wait, wait, what did you think he meant? For, like, how good are you compared, like...

Compared to people who can actually play softball? Yeah. No, he was like, no, no, no, no, wait. What did you think he meant? For, like, how good are you compared, like... Compared to people who can actually play softball? Yeah. No, he was like, no, no, no, no. That's what he meant. I'm saying, like, compared to all these people here. But you have no idea... Or to who are playing for fun. But you have no idea whether they're good.

No, but, but what I thought... Either way, you lied. What I thought he meant was, as an idiot who's playing softball, how good do you think you would be at it? Sure. Right, you still be at it? Sure. You still exaggerated your ability. You were like, pick me up, what you were saying was,

put me on your team and make me the star player. No, I was like, I'm not like probably like Dave Kechner, who's gonna be a 10, as far as like idiot celebrities playing softball, that's what I thought. So I was like, seven or whatever. So he picks me, and I guess everyone else was like, I'm a three or I'm a two or whatever, compared to professional softball.

Yeah. So during practice, I'm like whiffing and swinging at the balls and can't connect. And I'm like, wow, fuck. And he comes around to me and he's like, a seven, huh? And I'm like, I'm sorry, I thought you meant like, you know, but so anyway, so, but the greatest thing, my first at bat, first pitch, right out to the outfield

over the heads of the outfielders, I come back around and then I caught like a big wine drive out into the outfield and everything and the guy's like, were you just, were you like playing us during rehearsal or something? It was like rehearsal. Rehearsal. Yeah, I was practicing. I took my chance on good art sports.

What time is rehearsal? For softball? I'm a seven in softball. I love rehearsing. This ball is actually quite dense. But it was the greatest, the greatest sports experience of my life. Now is this double the balls?

How do they make this ball so dense? Did they put extra ball ingredients in here? I wanna know who said that shit to you. I do too. And I want to know who the other celebrity was. Who the other celebrity was that what? Wait, whose name weren't you going to say? That's what I meant.

That's what I meant. Oh, OK. Oh, wait, so I thought that was just a regular Joe. No, that was a celebrity who was like the team captain of one of the teams. Off mic, I'm going to guess who it is. OK, yeah. Yeah. So I have an idea. Yeah. Oh, that was a celebrity who was like the team captain of one of the teams. I'm gonna guess who it is. Okay, yeah. Yeah, I have an idea.

Yeah, oh, I bet you do. Oh, you bet I do. Oh, I bet you bet I do. So those are the two fields. I think that I've been to angels. Well, I don't think I've ever been on any sort of thing like that as far as I can recall. But I do think it'd be really cool.

Have you ever played soccer with Ted Lasso? No, I have not. You should. Oh, that I can recall. But I do think it'd be really cool. Have you ever played soccer with Ted Lasso? No, I have not. You should. Oh, that I've done. You should. He's such a nice guy. He's so nice. He'd be so nice about you being as good as- He's so nice.

And the shot is so nice. It makes things nice and it's okay to be nice. It's like comedy about being nice, guys. More than nice, he's kind. Yeah. Kindness is not a bad thing. No. And this is the first I'm hearing of this.

I never knew you could be nice, but you can. I feel, what Ted last saw, what is so funny is there's like, there's first the embrace of it, then there's a backlash against it, then there's a backlash against the backlash. Then there's a backlash against the backlash. Then every once in a while, there's a person that's like, it's fine for you, I like the show,

it's fine if you don't like it. That's like this tiny sliver of people. Here's how I feel about this lately. Let people like things, but also let people not like things. Because anytime someone comes out and says like, hey, Ted Lasso sucks or whatever, which I don't even agree with, by the way, I wanna let that be known, hey, Ted Lasso sucks or whatever, which I don't even agree with, by the way. I want to let that be known. I enjoy Ted Lasso.

Then people like pile on them online and go, fuck you, you're, you know. But you know what? I don't even see so many people saying Ted Lasso sucks, but people saying like, I don't care or whatever, and then people getting mad. Let people just like whatever they like and dislike whatever they like.

Let people not care. There was one, Mary Beth Kester on Twitter said, I've never seen Ted Lasso, but its fans give me... That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, they give me big adults... It was trend... Childless adults going to Disneyland vibes. Oh, I did see that.

Like us, last episode. Yeah, exactly. And I thought that was funny. But the responses to it were about the show, not about the fans. And people were like, you're falling into, I don't think this was a trap, but it's like, you're reinforcing this in a weird way, this comedic take.

If you like Ted Lasso, shouldn't you be nice about someone saying that? Well, and that's what a lot of people noted. Why are you being so mean? The whole show is about being nice, I guess. I've only seen a few episodes, but. It's fine. I enjoyed it.

What do you want from me? It's absolutely, it's a show that is not hurting anyone. No, what the hell, who cares about it? Who cares about, just do whatever you want. Love is blind or Telaasso or anything we talk about. Everyone needs to leave us alone. Leave us alone, don't listen to us. Where is...

What was that kid saying? Chris Crocker? Let's get him back. Chris Crocker? To scream... The Leave Britney Alone guy. Oh, Leave Britney Alone. It's Betty Crocker's son. Leave Betty Alone.

Oh my God, Britney, Britney, Britney, Britney. No, thank you. No, thank you. Let's take a break. This message is brought to you by KolaGuard, a non-invasive colon cancer screening test. Currently, colon cancer is the second leading cause of cancer-related deaths in the U.S. and is on the rise of people under the age of 50. But when caught at early stages, colon cancer is survivable in 90% of people, so screening and early detection are key to reducing overall colon cancer deaths.

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and certain hereditary syndromes or a personal or family history of colorectal cancer. The Cologuard test is not a replacement for colonoscopy in high-risk patients. Cologuard test performance in adults ages 45 to 49 is estimated based on a large clinical study of patients 50 and older. False positives and false negatives can occur. current, Cold Guard is available by prescription only. tiny clips either. There are entire chapters you can listen to. Your next Listen is out November 11th, wherever you get your podcasts. We're back. We're back and guess what?

I have no earthly conception. You don't? Okay. Lauren, do you have a guess? No, I'm scared. Okay. I'm pleased to announce to you. Ta-da-da-da-da! It is time for a threacher. Whoa! Why didn't I guess? In many ways, I didn't know.

Oh, boy, oh, boy! Now, the threacher... Oh, boy, oh, boy! He's bang. That's so cute to me. Oh, boy, oh, boy! Oh, boy, oh, boy! Wow! Do it. Be cute, Scott.

Bang. Oh, come on, man. Oh, no, he's scary. This is as cute as I get. Fucking Amy. But you're a tiny little baby. I'm from New York. You're the baby from Roger Rabbit. Oh, come on, man. Oh, he's scary. He's as cute as I get. Fucking Amy. But you're a tiny little baby. I'm from New York. You're the baby from Roger Rabbit.

I don't even like that. I'm the boss baby. I'm the boss baby. Yeah, I know, it's annoying. He fingered that lady? What the hell? Did he finger that lady? Yeah.

Jessica Rabbit? No, not yet. Of course, only Roger Rabbit fingers Jessica Rabbit. How dare you? Their marriage is strong. There's like, it's like a dirty thing that's in one frame where he walks under a woman. Oh yeah, right.

Oh yeah. Yeah, it's gross. I rewatched that last year. Did they cut it out of? I watched it so many times when it came out and each successive time I liked it less and less. It was like fun, but it was like, I'd only seen it as a kid

and then I forgot the whole entire plot. It was kind of fun. It's Chinatown, but for cartoons. I don't know that movie. Oh. Don't forget it, Lauren. It's Chinatown. I know the quote that we say. Yeah, forget it, two Jakes.

It's two Chinatowns. Yeah, I know that. Maybe it would make more sense if I watched the movie. It's still so funny to me. It's still so funny to me. It's still so funny to me. Oh my God. Okay.

This is a game, a three-tr- excuse me. This is a three-tr called Negative 20 Questions. Submitted by Scott Dancy, and I hope he is Dancy. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. He credits the concept- I hope you're all out there is Dancy. Yeah. Yeah. He credits the concept of... I hope you're all out there being Dancy.

He credits the concept of John Wheeler, a physicist who created the game as an example of how consciousness may in some way bring the universe itself into existence. Well, I shouldn't have gotten high before we started this. Oh, shit. Because now I'm tripping balls. Whoa, man.

One person is the guesser, the other two people each independently select their own person, place, or person is the guesser. The other two people each independently select their own person, place, or thing. Classic Tony question. Is it a, can be a proper name, I wonder? Yes, it can. Oh, OK, because that's a person. Yeah, got it.

That counts as a person. Place also is a proper name. Yes, you don't have to say bedroom. Oh, you could. You could. Keep going. What? That's going to be mine.

What is it? OK, let's not interrupt it so much. Yeah, cause I can't follow. Oh, what? One interruption is too much? It kind of is, it's derailing it. Cause I have no idea what's going on. Yes, because maybe the answer to your question is followed by the next thing I'm going to describe.

Let's see if it was. Let's see if it was. It's not the next, but it's coming up. Okay. Like a flower. Like a flower. One person is the guest, or it's coming up. Okay. Like a flower. One person is the guesser. The other two people each independently select their own person, place, or thing to be guessed.

They do not consult with each other or know the other's selection. The guesser then alternates asking their 20 yes or no questions to each person. Each time an answer is given, the other person must revise their selection so that the answer to the question remains true while staying true to all previous answers as well. Here comes the example! Player A is the guesser. Player B is thinking of a car. Player C is thinking of Frank Sinatra.

Player A to player B, are you thinking of a person? Player B, no. Player C silently changes their selection to a non-person. They choose a pizza. Oh, so even if it's no, you change. Okay, so got it, got it, got it. Player A to player C, are you thinking of something edible? Player C, yes.

Player C silently changes their selection from a car to something edible, but not a person. An edible car. And so, or an edible. Okay, so I wish I could eat a car to something edible, but not a person. An edible car. And so- Or an edible. Okay, so it has to- I wish I could eat a car. So it has to be true for every question that has been asked.

Right, right. So, and then the goal is that we're thinking of the same thing, right? After 20? Oh, okay, so we don't say it out loud. The team wins if the final guess is correct and all three people wound up thinking of the same thing. Oh, I like this, I like this game.

All right, let's do this. It's trippy, I like it. Wait, let me make sure I understand it because I am notorious for thinking I understand it and not understanding it. Do you only get 20 questions or do you, do you only get 20 or do you, can you guess it before 20 are up or on 20 you have? I think if you guess it before, you guess it,

but you only have 20 questions. But I think you should do 20 because everyone has to be shifting theirs for a while. But you get 20 for each person. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you get 20 for each? Oh, wow. So 40 questions.

Essentially. But everyone's thinking at the same time. Like we each have an idea. Let's do it and see how long it takes us and maybe we don't even need the 20 for each. So each person thinks of a thing. Yeah, so Lauren, you and I think of a thing and Paul will guess.

Oh fuck. All right. Oh, that makes it easy for me. Wait, but there's not three people playing? Yeah, but he's gonna guess and we're each thinking of two separate things. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I thought it was that we each three would have our own

and then we all ask questions. No, he doesn't, no, he doesn't think of anything. Fine, but then at the end we all say the thing. Yeah, okay, so just think of a thing. Is it a... And who's this to? Well, I'm looking at Lauren. Okay, excuse me for trying to help the listener.

Okay, sorry, sorry. Okay, I'm gonna ask my question, you're gonna know who it's to. Is it a place? Oh, he suddenly looked at me. Yes. Okay. Is it a place? Oh, he suddenly looked at me. Yes. Okay. Is it

Arizona? No. So you're still on a place. Okay. But it's not Arizona. That has been established. So if- What if I, I'm not that dumb.

If I went, is it Arizona to you? Right, because we're trying to get the same thing. Yeah. Yeah. All right Is it heaven no, I just to give you a little Advice I would get less specific. I know I haven't played 20 questions Yeah, let me ask the questions. Okay, you do this. Okay, okay. I'm Word and you think of a word. Okay. Got it? Okay.

Scott, is it a person, place, or thing? You can't ask that. Scott, is it a person? No. Sorry, I fucked up right off the bat. But I was so focused on making sure. Let me ask the questions. No, I know, that was so stupid.

It's not a person. So change your thing so it's not a person. Okay, it's not. Is it a thing? No. Is it a thing? No. Is it a type of shop? But it's not a thing. Right, that's a place.

Oh, okay. Hmm, hmm. Oh, you're thinking place only means like city? I'm thinking like a place is like something that we can walk in. Right, right, right. No, that's fine, but did we say it wasn't a place? I'm thinking that, I'm on those lines too, yeah. Okay.

Didn't we say it wasn't a place? No, he said it's not a thing. No, it is a place. It's not a thing, it's not a person. So it is a place. It is a place. Yeah, that's the only thing left. It's a place. Oh, okay. Okay. Didn't we say it wasn't a place? No, he said it's not a thing, it's not a person, so it is a place. It is a place? Yeah, that's the only thing left. It's a place.

Oh, okay. God, we're bad at this. Okay. It's a place. Okay, so I'm gonna say, oh my God. I got it, I got it. Oh my God, I was screaming when they were doing this. What was your question?

Fuck you. Is it a shop? No. Is it a city? No. Is it a... This No. Is it a... This is very helpful, by the way. Yeah. Is it a type of learning establishment?

No. Is it a museum? No. Is it an outdoor place? Like a nature? No. Is it a- Hold on a second.

Okay. Is it a place someone- Wait. So it has to be true for everything that I've said. Right, exactly, exactly. So I thought of something I have to throw it out. What were the, I gotta remember the name though. Not a city, it's not a museum, it's not a nature place.

It's not a shop. Right, right, right, okay. Is it a sporting event place? Yes. Is it a baseball field? No. Is it a basketball court? Stadium.

Did you have your thing? I didn't have my thing. You gotta give us a little bit of time. Oh, right, cause I still think you have it in your head already. I wish I could think like 10 things got to give a little bit of time. Oh, right. I still think you have it in your head already. I wish I could think like 10 things. Just have them in there. Yeah. At all times. Okay. So last one was it's not a baseball field. Okay.

But it is a sporting event. Yes. Okay. Yes, I have one. Okay. Is it a tennis location? No. Give it a tennis location? No. Give him a sec. Is it a football field?

Yes. Is it a stadium in Los Angeles? No. Is it a stadium? Hold on, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. God, that was fucking fun. Okay. Is it a stadium in New York? No. You ready, Paul? Yes. Is it a stadium in Chicago?

No. Is it a stadium in Florida? No. Is it a stadium in North Carolina? No. Is it a stadium in North Carolina? No. We haven't been keeping track of the number of questions, by the way. That's fine, that's fine. Let's just keep going.

Is it a stadium in California? No. Is it a stadium in Kansas? No. No, no. Is it a stadium in Minnesota? No. I don't know. Is it a stadium in Minnesota? No. Is it a stadium in Wisconsin?

No. I don't know stadiums. What about states? Other states? They do know states. I am naming all the states. Is it a stadium in New Jersey? No.

Do they even have football teams? Is it a stadium in Indiana? No. Is it a stadium in Iowa? No. Do they even have football teams? Is it a stadium in Indiana? No. Is it a stadium in Iowa? No. I hope we're thinking of the same one. I'm, I wonder if we are. Is it a stadium in Wyoming?

No. I don't know about any football teams. Is it a state? That's a state. I know, but. Is it a stadium in Texas? Yes. Oh, we're not.

Shit. Shit. Um, okay. I, oh, I hope this is, I hope this is it. I hope I'm right. Well, I don't know the name. Hold on. Think of cities. Is it a stadium in Austin?

No. Is it a stadium in Houston? No. Is it a stadium in? Oh, okay. Hold on. Hold on. Fuck.

Austin doesn't have a point. Is it a stadium in- Hold on, hold on, he doesn't know yet, he doesn't know yet. Think of other cities in- I mean, I am, but I'm trying to think of like the names of stadiums as well. Think of the Love Boat.

Think of the Love Boat. Cheerleaders would. Think of the love boat. Think of the love boat. Cheerleaders would be guests on the, with guest stars on the love boat. Okay. Is it a stadium in Dallas? Yes. Is it the Dallas Cowboys Stadium? Yes. I didn't know if that's, the thing is, is like, there's so many, now they're named

after like corporations and shit. Yeah. No, I think it's Dallas. I didn't know what it was called. But what were your first two words? My my oh god, I don't even remember it was a person I think Okay Now we have a sense yeah, do you want me to yeah you ask the question? Okay, should we keep track of the questions? Yeah, I'll count. Oh, Yeah, you ask the questions. Okay. And should we keep track of the questions? Yeah, I'll count, or you count on your fingers like that. I'll count on my fingers, yeah. Count on your fingies.

Okay, I'm gonna think of a thing or a person or a place. It is, got it. I feel like we should count on our fingers the questions that we're asked. It would be easier because we're- Great, okay. And we're supposed to be 20 each? Yes.

Yeah, okay, everyone ready? No, no, no, hold on. Okay. Oh, can I just stop thinking about the example ones? 20 each? Yes. Yeah. Okay. Everyone ready? No, no, no, hold on. Okay. Can you stop thinking about the example ones? It's hard to think of anything. It's hard to think of anything. It's a hard game. Okay, I got one.

Okay. Lauren, is it a person? Yes. Paul, is it a male? Yes. Lauren, you ready? Mm-hmm. Lauren, is it someone who's alive? Yes.

Paul, you ready? No, hold on. Yes, I'm ready. Paul, is it a famous actor? Yes. Lauren, you ready? Mm-hmm. Lauren, is it a movie star? Yes. Lauren, you ready? Lauren, is it a movie star? Yes. Paul, you ready?

Paul, is it someone over 50? Yes. Lauren, you ready? Lauren, is it someone who once starred on ER? No. Paul, is it someone who's won an Oscar? Remember Brad Pitt won for producing seven years a slave. Seven years. How many years was it? 12. That's too much. I agree. Seven years. How many years was it?

Twelve. That's too much. I agree. Sounded wrong. Yes. Okay. Paul or Lauren, you'd need to adjust. Okay.

Can we look stuff up by the way? I know. That's why I'm like, I'm not a hundred percent, but yeah. Okay. Lauren. Yeah. I'm not either by the way? I know, that's why I'm like, I'm not 100%, but yeah, okay. Okay, Lauren. I'm not either by the way. Okay, fine, that's fine, so we could. Lauren, is it, oh, who's won an Oscar? See, you asked.

Lauren, is it someone who had a movie out in the last year? Ugh, no, I don't think so. Okay. Okay. Paul, do you need to change? I don't think I do. Should I look up if my person did? No, I'm good. Okay. You're good.

Okay. Paul, is it someone over 60? Yes. Hold on. Okay. Scott, you have a mere 15 questions left for me. Oh no, 15? Yeah.

I wonder if we are taking the same person. Okay, so over 60 has won an Oscar. Yeah, that's right. Okay. Lauren, did he ever play the Joker? No. Paul, do you need to change? No, I don't. From Jack Nichol Joker? No. Paul, do you need to change? No, I don't.

From Jack Nicholson? No. Paul, is he over 70? Look at that device in your hand. Tell me if he's over 70. But I'm getting a good age range. It's fun to have a good age range. Warren Beatty is over 70. Yes.

He's over 70. Okay. He's over 70. Okay, I have to change. Okay, Lauren has to change. I have to change. Okay, over 70. Won an Oscar. Lauren's changing. So we should turn our backs.

Yes. Okay, got it. She's putting on her bathing costume. Lauren, has he, is he known for drama? Yes. Okay, Paul, did he win for acting?

The Academy Award. No. Oh my God. Uh oh, Lauren has to change. This is hard. Oh boy. Lauren's gotta change it up. Not for acting.

Oh, another little squirrel going up the tree. Hey man. Hey little guy. Do it, I would if I could. Hell yeah, I would. If I could climb that tree, I would. Oh, every day. Get up to the top of that poem. Look out at all my neighbors and be like, fuck you.

Yeah, look at that asshole. So much fun. Well, this is hard for Lauren, because she's got to find an older actor who's won an Academy Award not for acting. He's a dramatic actor who's won an Academy Award not for acting, he's over 70. Yeah.

And I don't even know who this could be. I can't even play anymore. Yeah. And I don't even know who this could be. I like, I can't even play anymore. Yeah. I don't know. Let me... I'm like kind of out. I don't know. Yeah.

I don't even know if I could guess who it is because it's gotta be... I was thinking it was Michael Douglas, but I think I asked a question about Michael Douglas earlier, right? Did he get throat cancer from Cunnilingus? I think you asked that, right? You wake up every day in Texas, though.

You ask, is there anyone new who's gotten it from Cunnilingus? God, I feel like I'm out, too. I can't think of who it is. Paul, just say who it is. Robert Redford. Robert Redford, of course. Okay, I was thinking Daniel Day-Lewis until he just say who it is. Robert Redford. Robert Redford, of course.

I was thinking Daniel Day-Lewis until he had to be over 70, and then I switched to Anthony Hopkins. Oh, but he's won for acting twice. Right, so then I couldn't use that. Wow. Redford won for directing ordinary people. Right.

Okay. And that's it, he's never produced something that, wow. No, no, no, no. He's been nominated, but never won. He's gotten nombed. You know what, this was really- Nombed, not nombed. This was really exciting. That was fun. But we- That was fun, I like it. He's been nominated, but never won. He's gotten nombed. You know what? Nombed, not nombed. This was really exciting. That was fun.

But we- That was fun, I like it. We should move on to that one. We're out of time. We are out of time. We gotta go. We do have to go. We love you. Thank you so much for listening. Please be kind to each other.

Like Ted Lasso would. Love ya. And if you don't like that advice, I hope you die in a fucking fire. Like Ted Lasso is. Oh my God. Oh, spoiler, spoiler, spoiler. Sorry, he dies at the end of season two.

And then he's a ghost that's very positive. Yeah. If you wanna hear, please subscribe to this. If you wanna hear ad-free versions, go to Stitcher Premium or cbbworld.com. Yeah. And we love you, send us three cheers. And if you're hearing it ad-free for the first time,

do one of those videos like parents do with their kids when they get hearing aids. Yeah. Oh, my God. Like, when we take a break and suddenly there's no commercial, you start crying and start laughing. -♪ LAUGHING CONTINUES... -♪ All right. We love you. Goodbye. Bye.

Hi, everyone. Gloria Riviera here, and we are back for another season of No One Is Coming to Save Us, a podcast about America's childcare crisis. This season, we're delving deep into five critical issues facing our country through the lens of childcare, poverty, mental health, housing, climate change, and the public school system. By exploring these connections, we aim to highlight that childcare is not an isolated issue, but one that influences all facets of American life. Season four of No One Is Coming to Save Us is out now

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