Threedom - Threevisiting: Mrs. Pachinko

Episode Date: July 2, 2024

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss fast food, bad haircuts, and prank calls before playing Listen To Me. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail at HAGCLAIMS8.com. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Well, well, well. That's great singing, I like that. Well, well, well, well. SpongeBob style. SpongeBobby style. SpongeBob style. Hi everyone, welcome back to Freedom, the podcast with me, Scott Aukerman and no one

else. Wait a minute. This is the podcast about chain restaurants and Scott talks about them at length. I'm Lauren Lapkus. Hi, Paul F. Tompkins. Oh, sorry, are we stepping into Joe Boy's territory with restaurant roundup? You know what? I'm Paul F. Tompkins.

Okay, good. You wanted to get that clean. So, Scott, Paul and I For a drop. Paul and I did our show the other night and we were discussing Lapkus and Tompkins, first Monday of every month. We're whittling down everyone until finally

it'll just be Lauren. Just by herself. Yeah. But we were discussing fast food and we realized we haven't really talked about that on it here. And Paul was like, well, it's cause we're not doughboys, but I am curious what your favorite fast food place is. Oh, okay.

Yeah, we're allowed to talk about that. We're allowed to talk about it. We're not taste testing them. We do that with M and M's. No, we only do that with candy. And yes, we call ourselves the Doughboys, but who cares? The Doughgang. That's just a private thing.

I think currently In-N-Out is where I go to. Currently? For burgers. But... I love In-N-Out. It could change at any moment. It really could. Who knows what's happening?

But, you know, I don't know. I've liked Carl's Jr. over the years, but it's really iffy, like if you get a cold burger or not, you know, so. Well, this is what I was saying that I have been into in and out lately, I've just been treating myself and, but I don't consider it fast food really, because I think of it as healthier slash more natural,

but I think I'm making that up to make myself feel better. And what I said to Lauren was, anything that you can order from your car is fast food. And it's $5 total for the whole meal, which doesn't really bode well for how great quality it is, I guess. I don't know. It's a little more expensive.

Well, if I got a hamburger, I just get a hamburger and fries and it's like a little over $5. Right, right. Well, with the lines being as long as they are, is it really that fast? That's a good ass point. You know? I don't eat fast food much anymore,

but when I do have a craving for it, I would say- Don't eat fast food much anymore. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. Mr. Saturday night. Oh wait, that's the Billy Crystal parody. That's right. I, when I do- You don't know what's going on.

When I do get a craving for it, I think it's either McDonald's or Kentucky Fried Chicken are my things. I like the chicken nuggets. They've gotten better over time cause they made it with real, cause they started, well, they made them with real chicken, make them with real chicken now.

And before it was pink goo. Yeah, it was just chicken goo. Which I would eat, even after I knew that. Is that what comes out of a chicken's butthole? Yeah, when chickens lay eggs, there's this pink goo that surrounds it, and they would just deep fry that. Yeah, it's like the chicken placenta.

This is a real question. Do eggs come out of the butthole? No. The chicken. They come out of the cloaca. No. The cloaca? Cloaca. Cloaca. Flo bro-naca? I think that's what it is, right?

Butthole-aca? Kuchuka? Um, it's all a mystery to me. Like- Yeah, it's God's plan. Uh, why eggs are what they are. Uh! Uh!

Yeah, so, wait, guys, I'm so proud of myself that I knew what a cloaca was. Right. It's the posterior orifice that serves as the only opening for the digestive, reproductive, and urinary tracts of the brain. Really? So you get the trifecta in there.

It's poo, pee, and eggs. Wow. That's why sometimes your eggs have a little bit of poop or pee on them. Yeah. I hate when I get a pissy egg. Can I send these back? I'm sorry.

I don't mean to be a pain, but these eggs are covered with piss. I actually got it. I think there's an egg in my fridge right now that has feathers on it. Really? What? Like a little bit.

What? And it's making noise. It's going peep peep peep. Yeah. Well, hope is the thing with feathers. Wow, is that tattooed on your lower back? Yeah, of course. Little target practice. Does anybody get stuff on their middle back?

Seems like it would hurt, wouldn't it? Do you remember, Paul maybe more than Lauren, but when- My President Nixon? Yes, of course. I do. Do you remember when people started getting tattoos? Yes. In the 90s and how just how...

I'm remembering it now because I remember in a script that my friend and I wrote together, there was like characters were having a whole conversation about would you date a woman with a tattoo? This is back in 93. This was you and your friend Jerry Seinfeld. Yes, of course. And he was like, I don't know.

But yeah, it's so strange how just commonplace it is now. I guess in 30 years, anything can become commonplace. But it seemed to happen relatively quickly, I think. Yeah, I remember when tattoos became, like right before I moved to LA. No, I'm going to say like, I remember meeting a, I had a friend who had a bunch of tattoos and at that time, that was very unusual for someone to be to have multiple tattoos. And this would have been like the early 90s. And what's the perception of that

person at that time? At that time it was like, gosh, uh, are they going to want that for the rest of their life? I do remember, I do remember one of the people in my church growing up had a big, he was in the Navy or he had been in the Navy and he had a big anchor tattoo. He could sail the seven seas. Sure. He had a big anchor tattoo on his arm, and that was like sort of scandalous. That's classic. Yeah, it was popular. But it was sort of scandalous in the church in a way of people going like,

well, obviously he's not supposed to have that, but he was in the Navy before he joined the church. That's interesting. For me, it was like definitely at that, at that time in the early, I would say in the early nineties, it was sort of a, uh, almost a subculture thing of like, that's, that's a certain, that's a certain, uh, uh, you know, uh, to, you know, social circle or whatever. I can't think of the term, but that's, that's, I guess culture is a certain culture that gets a lot of tattoos. You didn't see a lot of, especially women with tattoos,

unless it was like in the punk scene or whatever. They weren't normalized across. And she was a musician. Yeah. So it was like, that was who had tattoos. It wasn't normalized across fashion or fashion photography yet, you know? So it was whenever you'd see like someone I would work with at one of my previous restaurants,

would come in and have like a back tattoo or whatever, you'd go like, God. Put your shirt on. We're in a restaurant. Not to mention your pants. But it would just be like, God, you're 18. Is that really something like, you know, should you be making that choice?

And now of course it's like, anyone can get a tattoo and who cares? I feel like the thing right now is like, anyone can get a tattoo, anyone will get a tattoo and they'll get, a lot of people I know in my life have gotten impulsive tattoos that they don't like and then they cover with another tattoo. So it's just like, there's kind of no risk

it feels like at this point. I mean, I don't know. Back then it seemed like a judgment risk, like people would judge you. Yeah, nobody thinks anything of it now. Yeah. Didn't like Starbucks employees back in the day had to cover up their tattoos and stuff? Well, Disneyland employees- Tattoos, piercings, things like that.

Disneyland employees, they just are now are allowing them to uncover them. Really? I hate this woke culture. Oh my God, that quote. allowing them to uncover them. Really? I hate this woke culture. Oh my God, that quote. I wanna see the pirates doing sexual assaults. You know who does the pirate, lady pirate. You know who does the pirate.

You know who does the pirate. It's Gray Griffin. She does the lady, there's a new female pirate that was added a couple of years ago. I didn't realize he'd added a lady pirate. At Disneyland. It's about time. You know, lady pirates are underrepresented.

Now, when do you remember lady pirates not being a thing? Early 90s? At Disneyland, when I worked there, you had to keep your hair, you know, a certain length and above the ears and all this kind of stuff. And you couldn't, you know, show any of your tattoos and you could leave your hat on. Yeah, of course. And they made you keep your animal head on all the time, even when you were just hanging

out. You can take off the bottom. But they, they just last week when they reopened, they now are being more inclusive for people of different hairstyles, which culturally, you know, people want. That's important. Yeah, exactly. So and in tattoos, they're letting that be expression and all that kind of stuff. So now by inclusive hairstyles, does that mean,

that means black people, right, are allowed to wear their hair the way they like? Pretty much, yeah. Because I think that's, well, but I mean, that's historically, that's what it is. It's like, this is not a professional hairdo. It also would have to mean, I think, people who are wearing wraps.

And so I don't know what their policy on religious. It's so weird to not allow that stuff when the whole premise of like the place is all these different worlds and different cultures and different sects. You know what I mean? Like it's all like, they got a whole ride about it. I was thinking about it about Disneyland because when I worked there in 87 or 88, that seemed like the point where suddenly they started being more inclusive

across the board, like as a company, you know, where, yeah. No, it just seemed like they started having like, this is a bold step forward for us. We're now allowing dorks to work here. I don't even mean it. I'm just kidding. Or even say it. But I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding around. I'm just kidding around. It was really good. Side note, I don't know if you ever told your rare bearer story on the podcast. This was the first time I met you was when you did Ask Cat and you told that story. Oh, yeah.

I was like, oh, I'm going to tell you a story. I'm going to tell you a story. I'm going to tell you a story. I'm going to tell you a story. I'm going to tell you a story. I'm going to tell you a story. I'm going to tell you a story. I'm going know if you ever told your rare bearer story on the podcast. This is the first time I met you is when you did ask at you told. Oh, yeah. Uh, I mean, OK, so I used to work at Disneyland. This is not part of restaurant roundup because I know this is no food. You serve food at Disneyland.

This is not part of restaurant roundup. This is job roundup, which honestly, we haven't really gotten into with you besides restaurants unless you only worked at restaurants. No, no, I had a bunch. Uh-oh. So, but I'll just talk about Disneyland for this one. Regrets, I've had a bunch. So for Disneyland, you know,

I grew up probably three miles away from it. So I would go to it. That's close. I would go to it every year. You know, I was going to it when I was a little kid when they had e-tickets and all that kind of stuff. Oh my God, I can remember. What's an e-ticket? Electronic.

Oh, yeah. It's like e-juice. Or anti-cigarettes. I love e-juice and I love cigarettes. No, the e-ticket, I mean, have you heard, oh wow, that's an e-ticket experience, that like cliche or like, whoa, this is an e-ticket. No, that's what, special?icket experience that like cliche or like, well, this is an e-ticket. No, like that's what special?

Yeah, so Disneyland for those of you who aren't steeped in Disneyland lore, around 1982 or 83 or 84 or something. 85 or 86? You. 87, 88, 89, 991, 92, 93, or whatever. When you bought a ticket for the park,

you could go anywhere in the park. But before that, you were, when you bought a ticket for the park, you could go anywhere in the park. But before that, you were, when you bought a ticket for the park, you were given a coupon book, okay? And they had, and the coupon book had a certain allotment of E tickets, a certain allotment of D tickets, a certain allotment of A, B, C, D, E, right?

And E tickets were- I want the A ticket, you know what I'm saying? No, but apparently you don't. Because you want an E ticket experience. Every ride had a sign that said what ticket would get you onto that ride. And the best rides had the E tickets, right? So you could get on, like the A tickets were worthless.

You could get on like the train that goes around the whole park. Fuck that. Right? So, but everything good, everything in fantasy land or, you know, space mountain and all that, they were all E ticket rides. And you could buy extra books,

but you couldn't just buy E tickets, right? So you would, if you went there several times, like I would go every single year with my parents, you just had a stack of A tickets like sitting in your collection that you would never spend and then the ease You wouldn't like take one day and ride the train for 24 hours Well, yeah for 24 hours. Yeah Once you get on once though, you can ride as long as you want. That's so it doesn't really get rid of They let you sit on the train all day if you want.

Yeah, yeah, because there's three stops to it and they don't know when you got on or got off. So it's like literally you could sit there and just go around the train the entire time. I feel like there was only three stops. I would begin to know when that person got off. Do not give one shit. You'd go, I think you've been on longer than the three stops.

But so yeah, I grew up going to Disneyland and having the ticket books and all that kind of stuff. And so I was always very fascinated with it. So, and I always wanted to work there and I would always sort of like look at the, how, you know I sort of do that with every place. I kind of look at the design and look at how, you know I like go, oh, it must work this way. Like the shift works this way.

Like these people are coming on now and these people are going on. So like when you go to Olive Garden, you're like, I think they come out of that back room. And then. I think, I don't know. Maybe they come straight out of hell. That seems to be their portal.

Whenever they take the paper, they go back through that hole. No, but I used to, when there was a restaurant called Love's that we used to go to in Pointe Park. The diaper-themed restaurant? Love's? Diaper-themed? Oh, I get it. Okay, so, and there was a commercial,

I don't know whether it was local, but it was a chain where it was like, when you're in Love's, the whole world's delicious. What? That can't be true. What? Yeah. And it was a barbecue place. The whole world's delicious. What? That can't be true. And it was a barbecue place.

The whole world's delicious. It was a barbecue barbecue place. Why go to love's then? Well, it's like that kind of makes you think like when you're at love's, you're thinking, God, everywhere else is so good. And it had a heart. Its logo literally was like a

Valentine's heart with cursive loves. It's a cute sign. a Valentine's heart with cursive loves. It has to be. It's a cute sign. I feel like I've driven by on a, you know, road trip in the middle of nowhere kind of thing. We used to love going there. That was like the special night

that my family and I would go to. Yes. And it would be great because like I could get a half a chicken, not a full half a chicken, but an order of half chicken, half steak, a barbecue, you know, like it was just like, I loved going to, I love going there, but they had one of those things up in the restaurant of the electronic sign or panel

that had all the numbers on it that would light up to all the numbers in the world. So it would be like one to 30, right? Of like your ticket number. Your ticket, exactly. So like suddenly it would light up and I would just sit there while I was eating and because you know, it would take so long to get the food

and you would get there really hungry and it would just take forever when you're a kid, you feel like? Yeah, it sounds bad. So I would try to guess which number was ours and I would be like taking a look at the, whenever like a number would light up and our waitress would hurry back to the kitchen

and it wouldn't be ours. I'd be like, okay, so is that, she must have the numbers 15 through 20. So if any of those light up, that means our food is lighting up anyway. So I've always been fascinated with like how places work. So I really wanted to work at Disneyland just cause I wanted to know how it worked.

And there were all these- But isn't that a buzz kill? Not for me, no, I love it. Yeah, to me I'm like, I kind of don't wanna know. Like sometimes when I know too much, I'm like, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Comes the garbage picker-upper person and then it takes away.

Right. Cause there's that whole fantasy with Disneyland, which I guess isn't, I think it's not real, where they say that all the garbage goes underneath and gets emptied, but then I've seen people empty the garbage. I'm like, what? Well, there's all these.

Like the garbage goes under the street. So that the trash cans are never full. Under the street. Exactly. And then cans are never full. Under the street. And then they're always being removed underneath. But I don't think that's true because I've seen them be overflowing, and I've also seen people empty them. Yeah, exactly.

So I don't think that's true. That also seems wildly impractical, even for Disneyland. But I think it's a great idea. But there are these legends that you hear about, and some of them are true, like the graveyard behind the haunted mansion that no one can see. But there was are true, like the graveyard behind the haunted mansion that no one can see. And, but there was always the one about the-

Can I beg your pardon? There's like a little graveyard behind the haunted mansion that's not accessible to the public. Like a real graveyard. It's not a real graveyard, but it's like a fake- But people are buried there. Yes. Well, you know, that's the one where you're in line

and you can see the graves that are like, I died is like the name of the person or something. These are ones I've never even seen them because you can't see graves that are like, I died is like the name of the person or something. I, these are, these are ones I've never even seen them because you can't see them unless you work there or go on a special tour where they let you see them. But it has like animators names on it back there and people who worked on the ride and stuff. There's an interesting podcast about the horrors

and deaths at Disneyland. Yeah. And it's really grim, but Billy Jensen, I listened to his episode and it was really interesting. So I don't know how do you find it besides searching that, but it was fucked up. There are certain things like the basketball, the underground basketball court and stuff like that,

that you hear about. And so anyway, I really wanted to work there. So I, and I was in theater, I was in musical theater and through the sort of grapevine of musical theater, people were like, okay, well, if you want to work at Disneyland in the parade or in the, as a character, auditions are coming up. And so-

And wait, Paul, do you care if you know how something works? I mean, I guess it depends on what the thing is. I'm not, I'm not constantly trying to crack the case. Do you care if you didn't... Do you want to understand how Disneyland is functioning, or are you just like happy to be there? I guess... Ooh, is there a third choice?

LAUGHTER I mean, yeah, I don't need to know the... You don't want to go to Disneyland? No, I've been to Disneyland many times. But you don't love it? It's never my idea. If it's somebody else's idea, I would go. I have an idea. Let's go to Disneyland. I really wish we could go. I'm so sad that it's all fucked up.

I've always had fun when I've gone there. I know, but it seems scary to go when it's so pandemic. It's not the full experience. A lot of people are not going. Actually, they're only taking reservations now, and I was reading that a lot of the reservations are going unclaimed because people, if they're gonna pay that much to go, they want the full experience because there's no parades. There's, you know. Yeah, that's no fun.

I wanna go when it's good. Yeah. So I went to these auditions, which were, they combine it into parade and character. And I quickly found out that the parade people were a higher class, or they were viewed as a higher class of people. I should say so.

And only the best people got accepted into the parade, but then the rest of you could get into characters. And it was like- Now, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. By best people, what did you have to demonstrate to be one of the best people? So the audition was basically a dance and movement audition, which is something that I'm not like incredibly comfortable doing, at least at the time. But I... Now you're very free.

But at the time I had gotten into plays and stuff by basically like doing dorky shit and not not looking good doing it, but like being funny at it, you know? Right. You sold it. But you had to do a choreographed dance and then you had to do a freestyle movement kind of stuff. And so I went and did it and I actually got a callback, but they said not for parade, for character.

So I said, okay, and then they did. You'd be good if we covered you from head to toe. Yes. Yes. So they took my height and they I eventually actually got the job and it ended up being one of the worst jobs I've ever had.

Checks out. It was like Marie Callender's. It's like Calendars is fun because it's like everyone is your age. You're all just like you get drunk. You eat out of the dumpster.

I get it. Hit on by tons of women. It's like... The lady who dressed like a banana. Yeah, that was good. But as a character, you are, yes, you're covered from head to foot. One thing that I didn't realize is because I'm 6'2 and a half, the types of characters that I would play

were all of the super tall, cumbersome, uncomfortable characters. So what, like Goofy? Goofy is okay because Goofy is not taller than what you are. Meaning the worst ones were like Brer Bear and Little John from Robin Hood because they are in the eight feet variety, which means they're like two feet taller. That's too much. Yeah, they're two feet taller than you. and Little John from Robin Hood, because they are in the eight feet variety, which means they're like two feet taller.

That's too much. Yeah, they're two feet taller than you. But it's so great, you know, for the experience, you know? But if you're a little kid, like six feet is tall, and then like a fucking eight foot tall bear. You gotta be compared to Goofy. Yeah, it's like you gotta think about the other people. It's like you got Mickey. Who, no gotta think about the other people. It's like, you got Mickey.

Who knows what I mean? Who gives a... Is there any little kids gonna be, wait a second, you're telling me Goofy's a tall? They're the same size? Speaking of that, that picture of Biden with the Carters is like the weird... I keep staring at it. I'm like, this is the next kid using? Well, that's what Biden looks like, Bear.

It's so confusing. It's wild, that picture. Am I supposed to understand that after you're president, you start to shrink? You have to live in a tiny house. Obama is three feet tall at this point. I'm truly just so confused. Like, I can't even, I zoomed in and I was like,

I still don't understand the perspective. Like they're not far enough in front of them that it would be that. It looks like apparently it's a wide angle lens thing. Right. If you if you're shooting with a wide angle lens, depending on the outside of the of the lens, are will appear bigger. Yeah, it gets stretched. And the Carters didn't want to move their chairs so that they would be in front.

Which is so funny to me. Like, I know our chairs are here. We'll just take the picture here. I don't blame them. I don't, yeah, I don't want to move my chairs either. They shouldn't have to move their chairs. They're old. They're a million years old. Yeah.

Their little feet are dangling off of those chairs. Secret service should move their chairs. Even the size, even them in their chairs was, seemed proportionally weird. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot going on. God, I pray they're still alive by the time this airs.

Good. Well. Well, what, do you a lot going on. God, I pray they're still alive by the time this airs. Well, well, what do you have something to say about it, Lord? No, I'm saying there's something negative that's being said. It's just that they have big chairs and they're small, big chairs, tiny bodies. Nothing negative about that. I hope, I hope they stay alive and the people won't come after us for making fun of these million year old people. Should I continue with Disneyland or no? Yeah, I just want to hear the story about what happened to you when you were Brer Bear and you got... Okay, well anyway, so Brer Bear was the one that I ended up having to do the most

and it was just such a drag because first of all, it's super hot. It was there, I was there, it must have been the summer of 88 because I saw... Back in the summer of 88. Because I saw... Back in the summer of 88! The one plus to this is they were having a 50s rock and roll festival that summer over at Videopolis, which was the dance club. So you got to look at the cool saddle shoes?

No, no, they had actual... Yes, I was just interested in saddle shoes. Brayer Bear had a duck tail. Poodle skirts. No, they had actual musicians from the like 50s musicians doing sets there all day, like doing music sets. So I got to see Roy Orbison right before he died. That's right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which was a big hassle in and of itself because you- They have to get his body out of the park. When you sign out for the day, when you clock out, they give you 15 minutes to leave the park before suddenly... You have told this before. Yes. Okay, maybe I just, okay.

Well then, well, you know, who gets his banking on that one? Maybe I just told the 50s down here. Anyway, Brae Brae was just a fucking brat. You've told the part about Roy Orbison that you only have a certain amount of time. But you got overheated and lost. Yeah, so I- Is that a separate story?

No, no, I mean, they're all part of the same story, but it's essentially, it's super hot in it, it's eight feet tall, and all you have is a cinch, like Velcro strap to strap it to your body, which means your waist is bruised by the end of the day. And it's hitting the front and back of your head constantly giving you a headache. And all you can just see out of its neck essentially, right?

And I hear that they have them like with fans nowadays and it's better, but back then it was just brutal. So anytime I would be, I would look at my schedule and that's the other thing, they're not even giving you a full-time schedule. Like you'd get it and it would be like 15 hours that week or something and you'd have to like go around and ask people for their shifts and stuff.

So, but I would hate it when I would see, I would call in and hear that I was Brer Bear on the schedule. It would just be like, fuck, can I be Captain Hook today or whatever? Cause those- You were sometimes Captain Hook, Oh, cause Captain Hook has a head too.

I was picturing you- Yeah, and you know, you're just wearing essentially pirate clothes, but they're just clothes. So it's not hot and all that kind of stuff. So it's- And Captain Hook is regular human sized. Yes, and he's fun. Like you can play around.

He's fun. And I would get compliments when I was Captain Hook by our handlers. You would always have handlers who were watching you. And I would always get compliments because they would write up how you did out there. And I would always get compliments of like, man, you were very funny as Captain Hook today. That was really good.

And they would always write it in my file. What were some of your gags that you would do as Captain Hook? I remember I got there, the early shifts were not my favorites, like where you'd have to go to the Disneyland Hotel and do the breakfasts and stuff. But one early shift I got was right when the park opened. And I remember it was basically going out there and entertaining the people who are behind the rope or the cordon that they have set up, that suddenly at 9 a.m. they lift and everyone like runs

to go, you know, try to be first on whatever ride that they're gonna have to get on. Yeah, they have their e-tickets, yeah. So you're sitting there basically entertaining the crowd before they get in. And I remember that being really fun for some reason. I remember when they lift- What would you do?

The one thing I remember is when they lifted the... When they lifted the rope and people started to run, I did kind of a, like, being overwhelmed by the people, fish swimming upstream kind of thing. That's funny. That they thought was funny. Another thing that was fun that we used to do was when I was Brer Bear and my friend was Brer Fox is we used to hide behind, there was a certain place in New Orleans Square over by Haunted Mansion where you could, and by pirates, where you could hide behind a corner

and essentially- And have sex with each other? And have sex with each other. No, jump out and scare. You could pretend to get caught having sex with each other. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh have pants. And you have to be completely silent, right? Yeah, you can't, you can't talk. So we would, we would I made noises for the effect for the audience to understand my character.

I just wanted to be clear for everyone. We would jump out from behind a corner and scare someone. And it would use the first time it would just be one person. They go, ah, and then laugh. And then you, you'd go like, shh to them, do the shush sign. And then they'd go, ah, and then laugh. And then you'd go like shh to them, do the shush sign. And then they would watch you scare another person. And by the end of it, by the end of like 10 people, a big crowd would gather there,

watching you do the same scare for people. That was really fun. At one point, my friend who played Brer Fox, he said, hey, come out here on this balcony, I wanna show you something. And I went out on the balcony, closed the door behind me, and there's no doorknob on the door. And essentially I was stuck up there,

my entire shift waving at people from the balcony. That's funny. What the fuck? And that was funny. That's kind of good actually. It was preferable than walking around, honestly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the one day that Lauren,

I think the story you were thinking of is, is we used to have essentially the shifts were, you do 10 minutes on, 10 minutes off, 15 minutes on, 15 minutes off. You would never do more than 35 minutes. That's not bad. Yeah, so because it was just brutally hot out there in California in the summer in these costumes. So 35 minutes was the longest

you were supposed to do. And what you would usually do is you'd be backstage and you'd come out your entrance and exit and entertain people by that entrance and exit and then go back the way you came when your, when your handler would say, okay, that's 35 minutes. But every once in a while, there were these shifts that they called walkabouts or something where you had to start at one entrance and your shift was you walking to another backstage area in a different land.

So you would start on Main Street and then walk and entertain people as you were walking. I've tried to catch a few people that way. Cause I went home, I took my nephews to Disneyland. I was very dedicated to getting their autograph book signed. They didn't really care that much about it. But when I was little, I really cared about that. And I still have my autograph book from when I was little.

And so I was like, I want to get as much, anybody we see, I'm getting it. But they're, they're on a mission to get away from you basically. And I would be, I mean, I'm a grown woman chasing them, going like, I got to talk to you. Like, you know, I need to go. My nephew's like in a stroller, like, I mean, I'm a grown woman chasing them, going like, I gotta talk to you. Like, you know, I need you. I gotta talk to you.

My nephew's like in a stroller, like, you know, a block away, kind of being like, who cares if this happens? And you could have just taken a pen and signed it goofy. No, because it's about how they do it individually. Each one has their own signature. But yeah, so those were only supposed to take you the 30 minutes or whatever to get from one place to another.

Um, and your handler wouldn't come with you because they were just hanging out by the entrance. So the handler would greet you when you got to the other entrance, but on this particular day in July of 1988, super fucking hot, it's like a hundred and something degrees, I'm sweating so bad. Yeah, maybe two, maybe three. How about 103? No, probably not three.

Joy here 104. Look, it could have been 110 how it felt inside. But I got lost in the park. I couldn't find where I was supposed to go. And I got lost and I was out there for 90 minutes, which is so much longer than you were supposed to do, especially back then. And I'm just dripping sweat and kids are doing what you were doing, Lauren, which is like trying to

grab me so I don't get away and because they want to take pictures and I'm like blurry eye just like stopping and trying to wave and take pictures. That's really scary. And I found myself and if you know the geography of Disneyland, I found myself out by it's a small world and I was supposed to go to New Orleans Square, which is so far- Here's our Reddit thread.

Who fucking knows how everything is in Disneyland? One of these people is talking about fucking Disneyland all the fucking time. Eat shit. Here's you. Who, here's our Reddit thread. Boo! Why didn't you-

You made fun of me, even though I'm defending you. All right, now you defend her, Paul. Hey, leave her alone. Oh, okay. Anyway, so I'm out in the middle of, it's a small world, and I've just basically given up. I'm just standing there in place while kids come over. I'm waiting for death.

I'm just looking for an exit. I can't find any exit. And suddenly someone grabs my hand and says, there you are, Bear Bear. And I look to my left and says, there you are, Brer Bear. And I look to my left and it's a handler. And they'd been like on a mad search looking for me for- That sounds so fun for them. For the last hour.

Yeah, because I'd never reported back to where I was. Like if I were them, I'd be like, oh, this is exciting. We have like a day happening over here. Like he's missing. You don't know if you're gonna be like, you're gonna catch you with your head off drinking a beer or if you're like face down in like the moat or something. I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often.

People just taking their head off and going, fuck this and like throwing it like Kobe Bryant style, taking their jersey off. Like that Jet Blue guy who stole the two beers and went down the slide. That's pretty great. Where is he now? Man, I hope that's pretty great. Where is he now? It's man

I I hope he's somewhere wonderful. I hope he's I love that story so much. I Love him such a good guy Yeah, anyway, so that was it. So I was that was one that was probably when I was like fuck this job I don't think I want to come back to it Which was as easy as never calling in to get your schedule ever again I'm sure right I I What's so funny to me is that you're playing this character?

That's from a canceled movie like at that point They definitely at that point had been like they locked that movie away. Yeah, definitely Yeah, even though they were still making Splash Mountain and all I kind of stuff. Yeah, so what is the context for kids when they see Brayer Bear like, oh, him? You have no context for that. And I don't think, it's like one of those things where you just go, oh yeah, he's from one of those movies. Like you just like kind of put him in there with like the Robin Hood sort of characters.

I, in my mind. Right, right. Wait, I have an update on the JetBlue guy. He lives between Mexico and San Diego and he had a job at SeaWorld as of 2019. Oh no. Mmm, okay. Do we like him still? I don't know why you would go work at SeaWorld after that documentary came out. Maybe because of his prior work experience.

They were like, we'll hire you. You can have two beers every shift. I also did not like, by the way, that Disneyland at the time would only let you bring two people into the park per year. In my opinion, when I was working there, I was like, let me come back here. Oh, and by the way, I would only be able to come back twice a year and just like. As a guest. I was like, let me in whenever I want.

I fucking want. You should be able to be there every day. But the thing is like, you know what would happen is that the employees would start fraternizing. Like you'd go around and you'd go see your friend or at that ride and you'd be like, I'm not working. What are you doing? And they're like.

What are you doing? Hey, I know you're a person in there. Yeah. You're just ruining the illusion for everyone else. Hi Ron, you say to Mickey Mouse. By the way, I also worked at Knott's Berry Farm doing security during their Halloween haunt, which is an entirely security, yes.

Hey, don't do that. Excuse me. So this- Don't touch the ghouls. I would have just quit because this is the summer of 80 or this is October of 1988 as well. Back in October of. 88. So I would have just quit that.

I remember it was 88 because I had just learned how to get a good haircut. And I saw someone from my high school who was like. What the fuck? Well, so my dad, my dad cut my hair my entire life, right? Because he, cause he didn't want to spend money on haircuts and instead, so he bought clippers. I need pictures. Okay. I barely have any pictures of me by the way, growing up. Why? Because we didn't have phone cameras

and so it was like a big deal to put film in the camera. Right. And he was an armed forces guy, so he gave me the high and tight pretty much for a while. And then growing up in the 70s and 80s, the bowl cut was the thing. So he basically just put a bowl over my head and cut around it and shit.

A literal bowl cut. Yeah. And- That sucks. And then I also was afraid of barbers. So if he ever did take me into a barber, then I would be very frightened that they were gonna cut me and all this kind of stuff.

So I think around maybe 16 or so, I discovered like a Supercuts opened by my house. And I was like, let me see what this is all about. And I went in and it was like, oh, but I didn't know how to describe what I wanted, right? But they were like, just judging by what you're going with, we can know how to fix this. But it still was not good, right?

So I spent all of high school with basically- Yeah, Supercuts isn't- Not great hair. And then when I turned 18 and I went to college, my the guy who ended up being my best friend cut hair and was like, oh, like, yeah, why is your hair so bad? And I was like, I don't know what to ask for. And why is your hair so bad?

You know what I have to say? So I listen to Deep D deep dive the new podcast from Jessica St Clair and Diana Raffaele and I really loved it and and I it's one thing that I've noticed about their friend group which includes cool up but who else is in that group like Danielle Schneider Casey Wilson Laura Kindred one thing I really like about that group is that it feels like they're really honest with each other. Like about stuff like that, like where it doesn't really matter, but they'll say, like, um, Jessica's telling a story about some like really sentimental event they

had. And then Casey had like a braid on top of her head and she was like, I'm sorry, I can't do this with like that braid on your head. Like, and she's like, I slept with it. I'm trying something. I'm just like, yeah, it's not good. Like, and I just think that's so funny. And I love that. And I love like that kind of honesty. I like that they all trust each other enough to say those things. And it's not I appreciated it because he was cool. And he had good hair. And he was like, so why, why is your hair the way it is? And I was like, well, I don't know what to ask for.

So he said, well, like, is there a picture or something that you, like, of someone that you think has good hair? And I remember pulling out a picture of the band Crowded House of Neil Finn. I was like, can you do something like this? He's like, yes, that's so easy. You're just like, it's shorter on the-

Can I look like Music Man, please? The Music Man. Can I look like a rock star, daddy? I also did not have a decent haircut until I was about that age, because my growing up, my aunt cut our hair next door and she cut all of our hair. And so there's, you know, my school for free and stuff like that. No, she would charge. Was she really?

No. Oh, OK. No, she would charge us. Would she really? No. Oh, okay. And then I went to like a bad barber, like just a local barber for a while. He's like the bad lieutenant of barbers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he cut my hair. Exposing his penis? Yeah. And then I visited my sister who lived in Los Angeles in 1984. Wow. And she took me to get a haircut.

What? Sushi. Sushi. That was very big in the Los Angeles in the 80s. Is that something you had when you went there? It was not. No, I was not. And so she helped you be cool.

Like I think getting a haircut on vacation in a cool city is such a good idea. Did she teach you how to? I could not believe what my hair looked like afterwards. I was like, oh my, this is... But see... It was amazing, it was a revelation to me. Here's my, here's the thing.

I feel like it's easier, well, it depends on who you are and your whole vibe. I'm Paul. Okay, well knowing you... And your whole vibe is... But I feel like you're able to... Cool, but reserved, judgmental. I feel like you'd be able to maintain that.

Like you'd be able to make it look the same or maintain the style. I would get haircuts in high school and they'd look good when the person did it. And then I just would make no effort to brush my hair, put anything in it. I didn't know how to blow dry it, right, or something. And so it just was like, whatever all the time.

And I feel like that's part of the problem. It's like, I could get a good haircut. I had the resources, but I didn't care or know how to maintain it. Yeah. But were your parents trying to help you with that? I feel like my parents basically gave up and never were like,

never thought anything like that was important to me, even though it is important, like you're. Yeah. No, my mom, my mom cared about it. She would be like, why don't you brush your hair? That'd be like, no, or whatever. She did teach me how to do my makeup and stuff. And that was good. And so I, I mean, you know, I'm sure it was fine. It was just, I was more like casual, you know, I didn't really care. But I also see like these girls now, I mean, there were always people like this,

like there were always like those girls who like had everything put together and they looked like cool. But like, it feels like now it's like, maybe because of social media, you have more people to look at. And it's like YouTube makeup tips and stuff. Yeah, and you can watch a video like,

how do I do my hair? How do I put on makeup? How do I do? And like anyone has that available to them, which is kind of amazing. No, that's one of the better things about the internet. But don't you think that then all the kids look so cool now that you're like, this seems wrong?

I'm not looking at them, so I have no idea. Okay, well, it feels that way to me that kids all seem like really put together. And I'm like, where are the kids who like are dorks? Like, I guess they're not posting on social media in that way. It is always weird to me. And you see it a lot in LA because you know people

who are rich and the way they style their own kids. Yeah. You see like a little kid that looks like a fucking adult. Who has like gel and like cool hair or something. He has like clearly a very expensive haircut and like super expensive looking clothes. And it's like, this seems abnormal to me. I was the one-

It's so strange. One thing I have been doing recently is watching, I've become fascinated with Instagram videos from like virtuoso kids playing electric guitar or bass and doing like incredible Metallica solos and stuff like that. And I was looking at one yesterday with this, like I couldn't quite tell how old he was,

but then when there was a full body, he was like super short. So I was like, is this kid like 10 or something like that? But he had the fucking coolest haircut and was wearing cool clothes and he's shredding on the guitar. And I'm just like, who taught him all this? I followed a six year old girl in Australia who's a skateboarder and she's like amazing.

And she does like fucking full on moves, like, you know, flipping out and flying back into the bowl or whatever the hell it's called. And she's amazing. And I'm like, what is that about? How do you... Well, there are, yeah. There's a...

Being a prodigy is one thing, but who then on top of it teaches them how to have cool t-shirts and haircuts? No, she looks cool. And I mean, she's six and she's obviously her... But I mean, your parents have to be really, especially for something like that, where it's really risky doing skateboarding stuff. You have to be really chill to let something like that, where it's really risky, like doing skateboarding stuff. Like you have to be really chill to like let your kid fly in and out of a, you know. Or a terrible parent. See, I follow a toddler who smears Nutella on her face.

I do follow that toddler too, and I love her. She's so, her name is Mai Ahin. We've talked about her before. She is like, she, her parents, she puts food on her face a lot. Yeah, it's really funny. It's really funny. But her mom gave her Nutella and she was just like, she was eating it. Like that kind of thing where, like Winnie the Pooh eating honey, where she's sticking her whole hand.

That's how she eats every meal. Yeah. But then she just started putting it on her face. Yeah, I love it. I think it's so cute. But it's like- It's adorable. No, yeah, I don't need everyone to be a prodigy.

I mean- Yeah, right? I wish I was a prodigy growing up, jeez. I don't think I, yeah, I don't think I excelled at anything particularly when I was a kid. Instead I had to wait until I was 20 to be great at everything. Okay, we have to take a break. We have to take a break.

When we come back though, I'll tell you the surprising conclusion to the Knott's Berry Farm story. Wow. Here's what I was surprised about. That story's not over. Here's what I'm surprised about. All I said was I worked there.

How much more could there be? All right, we'll be right back. Hey, Paul. Hey, it's me and Lauren. Hey, I have a sock on the door. So what are you doing here? Excuse me. Do you need the sock? Don't be gonzi.

Okay. Hey, hey. Who is she? Just hide under the covers. Who is she? Don't worry about it. Hey, we wanted wanted to ask you does anything motivate you to cook more than having a question about my motivations Does anything motivate you to cook more like having high quality ingredients on hand? You know what get ready to be surprised nothing does Nothing motivates me more for that and guys. I've been cooking a ton recently because of butcher box Really?

Yeah, really? I never thought I'd be able to make pulled pork all on my own I could pull it probably because you know my parents didn't think so either But with butcher boxes pork which is raised crate free by the way I was able to make these incredible sandwiches For our famous barbecue Wow You make your own sauce. Well, we were all shocked you made them by yourself. We didn't believe you. We started kicking your butt. All my friends were shocked. Yeah. I got beat up.

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And as promised, here is the exciting conclusion of the Knott's Berry Farm story. So I was hired to do, I was hired, basically I did the same thing where you go in and do a cattle call kind of audition kind of thing for, uh, for Knott's Berry Farm Halloween Haunt. And you're hoping to be a monster. I have to tell you something. There's a video that is so funny and I've talked about it in another show. Um, it's a, it's, I talked about wild horses, but it's a YouTube video of people auditioning

to be scary at Knott's Berry Farm, or Knott's Scary Farm, or whatever. And it's like the Halloween thing. And it's the funniest thing ever. It's, I mean, it's like- Need to see that. It's so long. Do they give them masks or anything, or is it just like- No, they're like, so walk up to this X on the floor

and just, you know, scream. And they're like, ooh! It's like, it's so good. And then some people take it like really seriously. It's just bizarre. I love it so much. I don't know why I didn't get the job to be a monster unless I was too, I mean, it seems like,

because my best friend got to be a monster. So it was very bizarre that unless he got the job as a monster and was like, hey, they're still looking for people. And then by the time I applied, they were like, we only need security people at this point. You probably just had that brayer bear energy still with you.

You probably just keep causing so tough that they were like, you could do security. Actually, maybe they heard about you from Disneyland and like, this guy's gonna get lost if you put a mask on him. Well, so my friend, he was a monster in Kingdom of the Dinosaurs, which was an old ride at Knott's Berry Farm. And so he was wearing a mask.

What monster was he at Kingdom of the Dinosaurs? Well, Kingdom of the Dinosaurs, every ride was obscured and made Halloweenified. So it wasn't Kingdom of the Dinosaurs during Halloween Haunt, but that was the ride. What was it? I don't know. They would put like witch hats on the dinosaurs? Yeah. They had to share one and just pass it around.

So he was a monster in Kingdom of the Dinosaurs, and I was line security in front of Kingdom of the Dinosaurs, where I would basically, like essentially- Oh, you would like let in the hot people. Essentially Halloween Haunt is just people trying to skip the mess. You're good. Any girls here? You, you, you. We need more ladies in there.

Sorry, bro. Honestly, Paul, it's not that far off from that, but it started as because everyone just wants to cut the line constantly. Absolutely. And so you're constantly just going like, hey, and people coming up to you going, they behind me, they just walked into the line and you have to go over and go like, get out of here. So that's basically all I did during Halloween Haunt,

but my friend was working as a monster inside the ride that I was working at. So what he would do, and he's like this, he was this incredibly good looking guy, right? Whoa. Sure. And so he would, basically what would happen is, if a car would come through with hot women who are our age,

he would take off his mask to show that he was handsome, jump in their car, and then chat them up, whichever one he was interested in, and say, hey, let's go out. My friend Scott is working as a line security guard out at the front of the ride, so go give your number to him and he'll pass it on to me. Right? That was his system. I don't know why I acquiesced to it because I never benefited from it. I, the one time that he ever asked me if I wanted to go on a double date, I went to his apartment and, um, the two girls arrived and we sat down and we talked for a while and then he said, okay, let's go. And I stood up and the girl who was supposed to be on the date with me looked at me and said, oh, you're coming too.

So that was wow. She thought she was on a double date with her friend and this guy hoping to threesome with this really good looking guy. Probably is my friend Arthur Fonzarelli. Maybe she thought she would just win out So all right. Yeah, look at this So so I would basically be fielding Dates for him. I do remember he had a Vespa scooter. He had a cool like mod Vespa scooter and got it I'm pretty cool. I gotta say he I'm jealous one time. He had a date with him. Give him my number

I'm pretty cool, I gotta say. I'm jealous. One time he had a date with a- Can you give him my number? He's in Chicago now. Let's see how hot he is. He's a lawyer in Chicago now, but he had a cool Vespa scooter, and one time that was too,

like the girl that he asked out lived an hour away off the 405 freeway, and so he needed me to drive him because that was too dangerous to take the scooter on. So I drove him and sat there while he took the girl into the bedroom. And I just watched, I remember watching the bangles walk like an Egyptian video. I mean, I definitely had a couple moments in my life

where I was just waiting for people to fuck. I feel like, I can't remember exactly what happened, but I just, I know that happened to me where I was like, I'm in a car and they're over there doing something and I just have to wait for my friend to get out. Or like, just so weird. I've been on, I've been on in situations like that where I'm like waiting for my friend

to close the deal on some girl. Because you're all pooled or. And you know it's not gonna happen, you know what I mean? And it's like, this is, what am I doing here? I show Ferda a friend on a date once, and this was when we were adults, but she was visiting here and she met a guy online.

And then I drove, I think what happened was he came to my show or something, like they both did. That's how they like met up. And then I drove them to some like second location and then picked her up at the end. It was so random. Wow. Yeah. So random. The things we do to have sex. I wanted her to have sex. What can I say?

Well, the final punchline of the of the Knott's Berry Farm story is that we were only working there for that month, right? For all of October and your last day was Halloween. And so my friend and I, my monster friend and I called in sick on Halloween, which was like the guy- That's insane after you've been doing that for a whole month. The guy answering the phone was just like so pissed and just like, uh-huh, you're sick.

And we're like, oh yeah, I can't make it tonight. And then we ended up going to the park because we. That's so, that's so kid like, you know what I mean? Like, we're not working, but I want to go hang out. Yeah, because we found the entrance where if you dressed in all black, they assumed you were a monster, the employee entrance, and they would just not check anything and just let you through. You know, what do you mean you found that entrance?

One of the guys was doing that for a job. Yeah, but you were supposed to show that you were working there. Right. And there was a specific entrance where you could just walk in and it looked like you already had checked in. Yes, anytime you went through the park,

you had to, but there was a specific entrance where it was just, if you dressed all in black, they assumed you were a monster. And so you just walked right in. and so we just hung out there all night and I was just so I didn't want to go by Kingdom of the Dinosaurs because I didn't want my supervisor to see me. Of course not. But you did.

I mean obviously. Yeah I think I did. There was a story that Josh Molina the actor told about he was in A Few Good Men on Broadway. And... I worked with him on The Big Bang Theory. That's right! And Ken Marino was his understudy in that play. And so The Run was like, you know,

it was a very successful show and it ran for a long time. And so, um, Josh wanted to let... I think it was like coming to a close or something, and Josh wanted to let, I think it was like coming to a close or something, and Josh wanted to let Ken get a chance to go on stage. Oh, that's nice. So he told him, I'll call out sick until you can go on. But then Josh went to the play to watch him, and he fucking got busted by the director.

What? Cause he wanted to see how he did. He like went and second acted the play. Oh, jeez. And he fucking got caught. What did the director say? It was something like, Oh, you feeling better?

Like something like that. Oh, I better close my door. Oh no. Leaf blowers need to be made illegal. They have been in some States, but I truly hate them. I hate watching. I was thinking about them, how I used to be so mad

in my old apartment whenever a leaf blower would wake me up and I would just be banging the window. Like it has to be illegal to do this before 10 a.m. 10 a.m. was my cutoff at the time. But it's like, it's because it's so bad for the environment. It actually like produces so much gas and then they just blow the dirt around and then like half time you just see them put it

into a pile and they don't do anything with it. It's like, what is this? Why are you moving piles of leaves from one area to another? What have we become? Dirt don't hurt. Just let it build up a little bit. Actually, I had a neighbor incident happen.

Whoa, okay. So- Now we're talking. By the way, the reason I brought up a neighbor incident happen. Whoa, okay. So. Now we're talking. By the way, the reason I brought up my neighbor incident before I never got to, I think, was basically, I think it was the result of you guys shouting in my backyard for months. Anyway, go ahead. Do you think that's why they were mean to you?

Yes. You guys shouting in my backyard. Yeah, I wanted to put the blame on you. Well, we would do it like once a week, every once in a while. It wasn't like that much. But it's your fault. OK, whatever. OK, what's your neighborhood? OK, so basically, because of the pandemic, there, you know, we don't drive that much or 55.

There's a car that we have that we left on the street that was not doing anything. It's one place. It's chilling. It's truly fine. I haven't thought about it much at all. And then the other day, or this was like a couple weeks ago now, I was walking to my car, which was parked in a different location and I passed by that car and then I was like, oh, there's a piece of paper on it.

So I went over and got the piece of paper and it said. Hey bitch. Dear asshole. Yeah, and by the way, this is a street where there's no restrictions. There's no reason for this to be an issue. There's plenty of space. Although it is illegal to leave your car parked

in one place for, I forgot what the period of time is. Well, okay. But it didn't seem like it's actually an issue because- Right, there's plenty of parking everywhere. Why would this- And we have moved it. It just, it doesn't, we don't take it that often or anything, so whatever. Right.

But then there's the notes like, please move your car. I need to clean my front. Huh? The pussy? And then it said, um, your car has been here for one month. And then it had my license plate on it as if I didn't know that that's the car

that they put the note on. This is the proof. Yeah. And then, and then it said, PS, 422 is Earth, which I think it means Earth Day. Earth Day. 422 is Earth. And then it's keep clean. And I was like, nothing I'm doing is not clean.

This is not unclean. This is not bad for the- To park a car? I mean, it's legally parked. It's even better for the earth than moving it I mean, I don't understand but so But so I had noticed it on 420 and the note was left on 418 So I moved the car instantly and I was like I'll literally never parked there again. Whatever. It's fine

Within a day she had this woman the way, is kind of notorious already. We're already having a lot of back and forths about various things that I'm like very confused by. But she had cleaned the front with there's like a small pile of leaves where the car was. I guess I was really bothering her. She moved her car into the spot and then put two green trash cans to block anyone from parking behind her. Oh, what a, I hate that. I mean, and I was just like, the pettiness is pretty stuff. So she just wanted her parking spot back

and she's using Earth Day. I think that's it. Yeah, and I was like, I don't care about any of this. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I annoyed you so much to see a car sitting there. But there are other cars that are also there all the time. Like there's a car on my street that has Ivy growing out of it, that has been there for, like, I mean, a very, very, very long time. So like, you should leave the same note on her car and with her license plate number on it. Just scratch up my license plate number.

But anyway, I just kind of think it's amazing when people get really, because I've had a nice interaction with her and then I wasn't sure if she knew it was my car or not, but then we think that she does know that it is. Yeah. Old people are all, they all get crazy, don't they? No. What's the crazy cutoff? Oh, there is no crazy cutoff, my friend.

65, no, like when does every person become crazy? Like no one past the age of what, 70 is sane anymore? It's like, that's okay, I don't agree with that, but I feel like, like I would never do that. Oh, another crazy thing happened. Here we go. Okay. So this was kind of exciting. This was kind of an exciting one.

So- Lawrence crazy things. This woman lives across the street from me. And I've, I met her briefly and she seemed really nice. She's like in her forties, I would say. She seems like a very pulled together person has a nice house. Like I never really thought twice about her. She comes and knocks on my door with this big dog. And I was, I was a big dog was with her and I was in the shower,

but Mike had seen that she was knocking on the door, but didn't answer it. Hey, you were like, could you repeat that I was singing? So Mike saw that she was at the door, but didn't answer it. Cause he was like, I don't know what she wants. And I don't want to do this. He's a coward. Yeah, he's afraid he can't.

He didn't, he just was like, whatever. I'm sure it's not. Mike had crawled into a kitchen cupboard and was like, somebody's afraid he can't he didn't he didn't he just was like whatever I'm sure it's Mike had crawled into a kitchen cupboard He was like somebody's at the door Maybe he was busy. I don't know. I'll give him some sort of credit Okay, so then I get out the shower and like we're hanging out and then like a little bit later When did you dress? I'm nude this whole time and then she And then she comes to the door. I love a post shower nude hangout. It's my favorite.

She comes to the door again with a dog. And so then he's like, well, don't answer it. And I was like, I'm going to answer it. And he was like, don't answer. I was like, we got to know what it is now. She's coming here twice. Maybe there's something serious or something. I don't know.

And so I go up and the problem is with masks is that then suddenly we're losing half of our like, you know, ability to be a nice lady. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like I'm like, I'm trying to show that I'm like a nice person. You're smizing like nobody's business. So, but so in the meantime I had to, I wasn't nude, but I did have to put on a robe and I had my pajamas on. And so then I, I go and get my robe, I get my mask, by the time I get all that stuff, she's gone. But there is a note on the door that says,

it's your neighbor so-and-so. I would like to talk to you please. And then her phone number. But she heard me open the door. So she turns around with her dog and comes back. So then I was like, is everything okay? Cause I'm like, what is this note? Like what's going on?

I mean, I can't even imagine what this is about. I can't, yeah. And she's like, well, someone in the neighborhood called animal control on me and complained about my three dogs. And I said, is it illegal to have three dogs? And she said, I was like, I didn't do that. I don't know. But I was like, is it illegal to have three dogs?

And she was like, I don't know, but I'm a dog trainer. And so I have different dogs. And somebody called, and you're the only person And she was like, I don't know, but I'm a dog trainer. And so I have different dogs and somebody called and you're the only person that I haven't. I don't really know that well. So I was just seeing it. And I was like, well, I definitely didn't do that. I was like, I don't care what you do. Like you could live or die right now. It's hard with the mask because I was trying to be like, I would never do that. But it's almost like with the mask on, it feels like I'm lying because I'm over animated

to show that I would not do that. I would never do that. It's like I would mate. She's like, save it for the Razzies, honey. I didn't win, by the way. My point was that she, when I said she's like very pulled together, it's like, I have seen various dogs going in and out of her house. I've never even really noticed that they were different dogs

and I've never thought about it because it's not like she seems like a hoarder or something. But now, so she went away, but she didn't seem to believe me. There was definitely a moment of her kind of going like, well, and I was like, well, let me know if you figure it out. Like I truly was like, I don't know.

And then she left and I was like, well, let me know if you figure it out. Like I truly was like, I don't know. And then she left and I was like, she thinks I did that. And now, and I'm so curious who did it. And I'm like, it's either Earth Day lady or it's somebody who like, I think just doesn't like her. It's gotta be Earth Day lady. Right? There's always a one person who's constantly involved in drama in the neighborhood.

It was the woman with half a brain in my old condo She would she poured bird seed into our porch and she vandalized someone's car. That was me. Oh I did the bird seed. Oh, no, why would you know? No, did you think it was her? I? Wanted to this whole time. No, I wanted you guys to have a bunch of birds. Oh, no I've thought it was her this whole time. No, I wanted you guys to have a bunch of birds. Oh, no Did you get them? She just poured half of her brain onto the porch She's not a poor lady She like intentionally vandalized our other neighbor's car and she got into like screaming that she was insane But oh wow. Yeah, that's what I mean

It's still unfortunate. What a shame it is to lose. Oh wow. Yeah, that's what I mean. Like, it's still unfortunate. What a shame it is to lose one's mind. Sure. Of course. But if you, if one loses one's mind, I hope you would come out on the, uh, the spectrum of being happy all the time instead of being. That's the ideal, isn't it? We love that.

I don't think that happens as often as you'd like. Unfortunately. I, I will just say one last thing about her is that now that I'm aware that this is a thing, I'm trying to count the dogs. So I'm like, every time I see her leave with a dog. Come and count all my dogs. I just wanna know.

And then my other friend was like, she probably has nine dogs that are in there at all times. Like, because it's like, she framed it like, why would they call on my three dogs? Well, yeah, so anytime anyone has a framing, it's always three times worse. Well, you know, it's like, she's setting it up to go like, there's no reason, it's only three. It's like with you, you're like,

I parked there for two weeks. Yeah, you were parked there six weeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, that's probably true, because honestly, I don't know how long the car had been sitting there, and I don't care, but I mean, yeah, I mean, yeah, that's probably true. Cause honestly, I don't know how long the car had been sitting there and I don't care, but I mean, yeah, I'll literally never do that again. I don't want to have these sort of interactions, you know?

My dad used to get really mad at me for parking. And this is something that he, this is another in a series of like getting mad at me for something that he never told me was a thing. Like, but when I started driving, he would get mad. If I would sort of park where there was not a car length behind me up to the driveway, cause he's like, now only two cars can fit in

where three cars used to. And he was like really upset with me about it and getting really mad. instead of just going like, oh, hey, by the way, this would be a polite thing for you. It's just like, why are you parking? You're always parking this way. Like, I don't know. I'd never thought about it before of like, oh yeah,

I guess that that is like more of a polite thing to do. But now it's something I think of every time I park anywhere. Sure. Well, it worked. It got results. Well, a way to make a dog behave is to beat it I think we talked about this on our group thread is that an actual expression yeah and I think it's not an expression that seems to just like a belief system yeah it doesn't like mean something else.

You know what I mean? Yeah, it's not a colloquialism. It's like, well, you know what they say. If you come into my house, I'll punch you in the fucking face. Real e-ticket ride with those dogs. I think we mentioned this on the group, our group, the text thread. And Janie and I talked about it on our podcast, but I was the victim of a prank call recently.

Oh yes, I've heard this. Where a guy called up, called my cell phone and said he was a neighbor. He was a neighbor and he said, my wife saw you and your wife walking your dog and the dog shit in front of our house. You don't have a dog? No.

Right. And next time, just clean it up. And I said, oh, I think your wife is mistaken because we don't have a dog. And the guy said, look, just clean it up next time, okay? And I said, we don't have a dog. And the guy said, look, just clean it up next time, okay? And I said, we don't have a dog. Like this guy, I will say this guy masterfully pushed a button in me by saying the same thing over and over again in a condescending way.

Like he was not calling me a liar, but he was just saying, look, just- Wait, we don't need to play these games. Just clean it up. Just clean up your dog. Oh my God. And so I, I'm go, you know, it's's like it's like gaslighting where I'm going. I start to go crazy.

Yeah, I have a dog. I'm telling you, I don't we don't have a dog. And the guy just keeps telling me to clean it up. And it escalates to the point where he's like, he's he says, like, why don't you come outside or something? And I'm screaming at this guy. And so I say, fine, I'll go outside. And I go outside thinking we're going to talk to each other. And the guy is nowhere to be seen. He's like, and I said, where are you?

Where are you, Jerry? You said you were going to come outside. You're like, homicidal. I'm not coming out there. And so he keeps saying, look, just clean up after your dog. And I'm like, we don't have a dog. And then at this point, at one point, the neighbors dog start barking and he goes, Oh, you don't have a dog. What are those?

What are those dogs that are barking? And I said, it's the neighbors dogs. And he says, Oh, maybe that was it. And I'm like, you fucking idiot. But how do you call this a prank? Well, because he called back. Because he called back. And this to me is the, it's a very amateurish prank call because there were no peaks and valleys to it really. And the guy had a perfect ending and then he called back. Like the perfect

ending was, Oh, maybe it was those dogs. So he called back and I'm like, what do you want man? And he's like, listen, my wife wants to talk to your wife. You know, and I said, I'm not gonna, I'm not going to put my wife on the phone. And he's, he, so he keeps going on with the same thing. And I was like, okay, Jared, what do we look like? You know, if you saw us on video, what do we look like? And he says, well, you have a dumb little mustache and your wife is pretty cute. And I'm like, well, I mean, now you're just insulting me.

Like, what is the point of this? He goes, well, just let Liz, well, no no my wife is pretty cute. No she's cute. And I said but I mean pretty cute. No she's beautiful. No she's gorgeous. Okay Scott But I can tell this guy doesn't want to give it up So I'm like letting it of course my wife is beautiful. Yeah, he starts with dumb little mustache Yeah, so I said what do you what do you want and he goes let my wife wants to talk to your wife and I said that's not going to happen and then he says oh he says oh wait wait wait my wife said my wife said it was your wife it was your

wife who was shitting on the lawn hmm and I was like, and then I realized, and yes, I should have realized earlier, but I was like, oh, oh. Did you say, oh, this is a prank? Yeah, I just said, oh, okay, I get it now. And I said, did you get what you wanted? And he goes, yeah. So, but I heard, didn't you say something to the effect of you found out definitively? Yes, because.

How did you find this out? I tweeted about it and another comedian that we know called me up. This is like somebody we don't talk on the phone. Okay. And he said, did you get prank called by this guy? And I said, did you get prank called by this guy? And I said, yeah. And he said, he did the same thing to me, not the same exact prank, but the same guy called me. And what I've been doing is I've been calling him back

all the time to the point where he's begging me to not call him anymore. Oh, so do you have his number? Did his, no, it was a- Oh, I have his number, yeah. But it was a fake number, wasn't it't I think it was a spoofed number? Yeah, I have no idea where this guy's like a Google number. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he could be anywhere But I like it was very Like when I think back on it

The signs were very clear that he did not live in my neighborhood and did not know like anytime I asked him What street do you live on is like I'm not gonna tell you, you know And it was like it didn't like this when I look back on all this the story falls apart very quickly So what lesson do you live on? He's like, I'm not going to tell you. You know, and it was like, it didn't like this. When I look back on all this, the story falls apart very quickly. So what lesson did you learn, Paul? Never pick up the phone. Well, here's the thing, because he called once

and I didn't recognize the number. And so I didn't take the call that he immediately called back again. And I was like, oh, somebody's trying to get a hold of me. Yeah, something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it wasn't, it was a crank call. So he got me. I hope he gets his, I hope he enjoys it and got his jollies.

Wow. I guess the idea is this guy puts them up online and then he takes them down once. Like a lawyer says, you better take that down. Oh my God. Because it is illegal. We live in a state where it's illegal to record people that they're concerned with. Yeah. Yeah. That's why crank anchors has to be in Vegas. Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh, um, yes, yes. Oh. I told you my, I mean, it's better than getting scammed. I told you my mom was scammed recently on a phone thing. I think so, that sounds familiar. But if she gets scammed a lot,

maybe she does have them before. Well, she, the guy has been calling her back. And keeps, keeps. Please forgive me for scamming you. No. I'm in love with you. Essentially she, she clicked on one of those websites that like your computer is frozen

and you have to call a number. You know what I mean? Oh yes, I remember this. Yeah. And then she calls and she gets, she like grants them access into her computer and then they all this kind of stuff. And then she pays them in order to, anyway,

so the guy though has been now calling her on the phone to try to re-engage because that's what they do is if they find someone who's given money once, you know, they may be likely to give it twice. So she's just been like, you know, declining these calls all the time. It's just so, it's so, such a bummer for old people to like fall victim to this kind of stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. So mean. Well, it goes, and not to do reality recap everyone. I'm so sorry, but- Reality recap. Yeah. Jen Shaw from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City was just arrested for having a telemarketing scam system that she was getting tons of money from people, old people.

Yeah. It's so bad. Have you heard those tapes of the, of the, like, scam artists? These boys, they're very jerky. I can only just, I laughed so hard on that, that first Jerky Boys tape. Oh, absolutely. It was one of the funniest things I've ever heard. Yeah. But yeah, the like, anytime they bust one of these scammers

and then they play their own, the tapes of them back to them, it's just crazy how terrible they're like yelling at these old people going, give me the fucking money. You know, like at a certain point, at a certain point the civility drops and they need to close the deal. And they're just like, go to your, go to your, open up your

bank website right now and give me this fucking money or I'm going to, you know, and then they play them. Does that work though? Yeah. Like they're, and so they play these tapes for these scammers that they've caught and they're just like sitting there going like, yeah, that's bad. Yeah. I shouldn't have done that. Yeah. Yeah. I shouldn't have done that. Yeah. Yeah, I did lose my temper there. I wish I had been more measured when I was talking

to that old lady about getting all of her money out of her bank account and giving it to me. But are there things, okay, so like people have tried to scam me even recently and I- What's the reason? Scam scott. For a second, I'll go like, is this real? And then literally all you have to do is Google like a few words of it and then it'll come

up like, oh yeah, this is a fake thing. But are there, when we get older, are there going to be things that we don't understand that we're like? That's a good question because we, I mean, we, we are of age, uh, with modern technology and knowing how people exploit it. And so like, you know, if I get a, I guess it's like how convincing someone can be as an actor, because if you get a robo call, that's like, your social security number is about to expire.

You're like, okay, I know this is horseshit. I know your social security number doesn't expire. You know, your auto warranty or whatever. But if somebody is a good, I mean, scams really depend on, are you a good enough actor to convince the person that what you're saying is true? Right. You know, and like, that's why I think the robo calls are, they can't get that many people with those calls.

But they work, like I read about them, they work enough to where it's worth it for them. Right. Wow. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's essentially it's free money. I mean, all you have to do is set that thing up. There's very little effort involved, right? But I wonder what could happen that would,

I mean, obviously the ones where they send you a fake email from one of your places to get your password, that like anyone our age falls for those sometimes. But like what could be something that we would fall for? I don't know. I mean, maybe they'll invent it in the future where it's not like- Yeah, probably.

I mean, it might get just more believable where it's like, they know the company that you actually are registered with and they have some more information or something. This is AT&T and you have a phone line with us and blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, or whatever. And then it's like true. And so you're like, oh, right.

Okay. Yeah. I don't know. It's so scary though, that you can just get old and not know what's going on in the world anymore and people can take advantage of that. I mean, I do feel like the generation before our generation is like in the worst position for that because

Technology like sped up so much and they were not really taught all of that stuff. So like yeah, that's Way harder, right? I mean unless there's a huge leap in the next few years where we're unable to like keep up with it Which seems deep fakes deep fake. That's a pretty good one You'll get a face time from your niece or whatever. And it's not your niece. And she's saying I need all the money. She's like, I need all the money now.

I'm in jail. It's me, your niece. Give me the money. All right, let's take a break. When we come back, we'll do a three-chair. All right. Hey, hey, hey, huddle up guys, come here. Hey!

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We're back. We're back. And listen! And now what? Yes? No? I think we're going to say the same thing! What are we going to say? We're going to say it's time for a three-year. I love Future! No, no, I mean it's time for a three-year. Scott, what did you say?

Nothing. It's time for a three-year, of course. Actually, this little bit is a perfect segue into the future that I've chosen. What it is? that I've chosen. So this one is called, listen to me. And it's submitted by Angela Vivacqua. One observer attempts to listen. Angie Lifewater. Yeah, wait, we talked about her at our show. Yeah.

Because you said that name. Yeah, she. She commented during the show. She watched our show. Yeah, okay. I got to it faster. One observer attempts to listen to both other players who are simultaneously telling their own stories.

Stories last one minute, then the observer has 30 seconds to summarize everything they were able to gather from both stories. Everyone wins, there are no losers. I like that. Yeah, it's good for you. Other than I would like you guys to lose and for me to be the winner, but I was not.

Scott, that's not in the spirit. How dare you say such a thing? Ho, ho, ho, ho thing? All right, sorry. Hothothothotho. Are you gonna listen to us first, Lauren? Yeah, I'll get my timer ready. Get the old timer and say. Wait, what's happening?

Who's going first? You're both gonna tell stories at the same time and I'm going to summarize what you said. Okay, all right. And I only have 30 seconds to do that. Yeah. You have one minute and go. I was walking down the street just the other day and I came across this very very short person

They were about seven feet tall which is short for a tall person I guess what I was trying to say is and this is this person came back in the days when and yelled in my ear and said hey there's a treasure chest in your ear with wheels on it I was like dig around in there and see what in your ear. I was like, well, dig around in there and see what you can find. So I was going around the neighborhood and it was fine to go to and from places. But like I did sometimes walk up steps to trick or treat. And I had the darkest glasses on and roller skates and a sign around my neck that said blind. And of gold. Apparently it was a lot like Doctor Who's own box where it was bigger on the inside than it was on the outside. And we were suddenly rich. And so we spent all day in like a montage

where it was like a shopping montage like you'd see in Free Woman where like, you know, snapping the ring box at me and me laughing. And we bought all of these possessions and we gave them all away to charity. Okay. That was really hard. I have 30 seconds to tell you what I heard. Okay. So Paul had a Halloween costume that was like something over his head. And then he also had a roller skates and it made it really hard to go upstairs. So he had to like walk sideways up the stairs

and down to like do the trick or treating. And it was really uncomfortable. And Scott met a short person who was seven feet tall and then they had a ring box and snapped it like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Wow, you missed the entire middle. I got really confused. That's 30 seconds.

Okay. I'm wondering how people listening to this will. Me too. I mean, I guess you can focus on one person. Yeah, you focus on the family. Well, that's the thing. I was trying to focus on both. And I often think I'm good at doing that.

You know what I mean? Like in life where I'll be like, I'm hearing everything that's happening right now. And I was like, no, you're not. Okay. Obviously I'm horrible at it. Can I listen to the two of you? Yes.

Do you want me to keep time? I can probably do it. No,'m horrible at it. Can I listen to the two of you? Yes, do you want me to keep time? I can probably do it. No, I'll do it, because actually I found that a little distracting when I was listening. All right, go ahead. Okay. Go. I remember when I was in eighth grade,

I went to Catholic school and our teacher, her name was Mrs. DeChico, and she was a, what we call a lay person, she was not a nun, and people wanted to have brand new rides and lots and lots of excited. So what people did was they were bringing their school field trips onto roller coasters and would let the kids scream,

and they started recording these screams and using them for a scary, scary haunted house. But the first thing they would do was they would record the teacher telling them to something that would allow us to question our beliefs of God and what God's plan is and all this stuff. The recordings were a way to find that there was this teacher was abusive and she didn't go to jail, but she was just trying to get to the script.

What I'm trying to remember is, did she just play it? It's kind of confusing that they actually took this out of context like this. This was in 1962. Or did we do song by song? Turns out this woman is still in prison to this day and she has slowly, slowly, slowly lost her weight and she's now over.

She was a cool teacher who reached out to me years later. Okay. Okay, so here's what I think. Paul, you have a teacher. Here's what I think! Okay, you have 30 seconds. Paul, you had a teacher who was a nun named Mrs. Okay, you have 30 seconds. Paul, you had a teacher who was a nun named Mrs. Pachenko or something,

or maybe she wasn't a nun, I can't remember, but she played the Jesus Christ Superstar cast album for you in class, and it was a very moving experience. You don't remember whether it was song by song or whether it was all played at the whole time. Lauren, there was a period in the 90s or something when people were making new roller coasters all the time, and then they switched them over to being Halloween themed roller coasters and someone videotaped people's reactions to being on them, which was illegal.

No, that's totally wrong. I mean, I made it up. It was just a rambling story. But I the who it was was a woman a teacher told the kids to scream on the rollercoasters and they recorded the screams But they also recorded her telling the kids to scream and then she went to jail for her whole life And she's still in jail to this day, and she's slowly losing weight Okay Paul was that close with you you were pretty close. I think you were probably you heard Jesus Christ Superstar You started paying more attention to me But no I know well Lauren was going so slow and barely said anything.

So I was able to really concentrate on you. Lauren was kind of like pausing after every, cause I was making it up. I guess I'm telling a real story. I do like the idea of a nun named Mrs. Pachinko. But I do think maybe this is a hint because telling a real story is easier to follow. I followed Paul's story better than I followed Scott's. So let's now, now Scott and I will tell a real story. Okay? Okay.

And you have one, we have one minute. Let me think of any real story. Oh well, okay, well let me start over. Yeah, please start over. Let me think of any real story. Okay. I'm ready. I'm thinking. Laura's not ready.

Oh, Lauren's doing it with me. That's right. Oh, she went into her memory palace. I know. I'm really, I, why don't I know anything that ever happened? Okay. Okay, go ahead. So when I was working for the Orange County register, there was a year where we did Noises Off as the play.

And I was really excited to audition for this because I actually thought that I could get into this play if I had never gotten into any plays at all. So I auditioned and I was, what I would consider a really good audition. And there was this one teacher who was in charge of this play and he was really, really specific in particular about who he would cast. I did not get into the play at all. The cast was actually only like six to eight people or something like that. What I really wanted to do, but then I remember that the play never ended up happening. They canceled the entire show and ended up doing a different show. I can't remember why that happened, but the show they did was way more esoteric and less

fun. But I did go watch it and I think ultimately I still feel like it still feels like, Oh, what do I have to do to get that kind of thing? Why was it that they rolling up a newspaper that and those realizing that the World Series happened to have a certain time every single year and not just a random. for Noises Off, but she did not get it. And they ended up not doing the show at all for some reason. They did something more esoteric. And Lauren did not understand why some people got picked again and again to be in these shows and other people did not. Scott was talking about the captain of the newspaper delivery squad.

You would go over to the captain's house, roll the newspapers together. And reading the newspaper of people calling Reggie Jackson Mr. October is when Scott realized that the World Series happens the same time. Yeah, I mean, really good for me. Really good. Maybe it is easier when people are telling actual stories.

What if we do two fake stories? Two fake stories? But both to Paul because he was so good and he did it so well. Okay, so we'll do it. It's the real test. So we'll do two fake stories to Paul and see was so good and he did it so well. Okay. So we'll see. It's the real test. So we'll do two fake stories to Paul and see how good he actually is. Okay.

And that'll be the deciding factor of nothing. Okay. Okay. And. I remember when I was not a paperboy. It's not a good thing. I went over to my friend's house and I was just rolling up newspapers for fun. And they will just kind of cower in fear. And I saw that there was a story about Reggie Jackson.

And they were calling him Mr. Fed. And I was like, hey, what's going on? How did they change the world? Seriously? Anyway, my friend took a wrench and hit me in the back of the head and said, hey, man, why are you staring at this? Actually, it was scary. You might go into your parents' room or you might go outside.

Doing your calisthenics. So I said, okay, fine. I'll do jumping jacks. I did 30 jumping jacks at least. It was probably more like 130, but at the time it seemed like 30. And he was like, okay, finally you worked up a sweat. It's me, your neighbor. I had a neighbor.

Let me try to grab you. And so he started to cry about it. So he wrapped his arms around me and I wriggled loose like a little eel. Now when they woke up in the morning, I was a little bit. And I squirmed all across his yard and then he took out a shovel and he tried to chop off my head with the shovel because he literally thought I was a garter snake. And I was like, no, no, it's me, it's me, remember me? And he said, oh, you know what? Okay.

That was a little tough because Scott was way louder than Lauren. And you were telling your same story but different? Yes. It wasased his story. He read it, actually, with Mr. February. See, none of that was real. But then he went out and he started, he was ordered to do jumping jacks, and so he was doing that.

Lauren started out with a sort of dissertation about nightmares that then eventually became a story that I couldn't hear that well, that involved a neighbor and Lauren saying, it's me, it's me. Well, you're forgetting about the part where I wriggled free like a little eel and he tried to take off my head

like a garter snake with a shovel. Well, what you missed was that- That was too gruesome for me to recount. Oh, okay. There was a kid who had a nightmare who was so scared that he went over to his neighbor's parents' house and said it was them.

He got in bed with them and the parents got arrested and they're still in jail to this day. Wow. Well, that was fun. I enjoyed that. Me too. And everybody won. Everyone won.

There were no losers. I think that one goes in the pantheon. That's in the win. We'll do that one again. That's in the pantheon. Guys, we wanna thank you so much for listening and guess what? The gibbets are available.

The gibets are up! We have them. You already know this. You already know this. You already know this, but we got them sent to us just the other day and we were so excited that we all- We didn't know what to say. We all bought individual new pairs of Crocs.

And now we all have white Crocs. So we'll march out for the summer. So those gibets will pop! Those gibets are gonna pop. So they arrived, I immediately put them in Janie's crocs. She was very excited. She was very excited by it. And they look very funny and cute.

Go get them. Go get them. Send us a picture. And we'll see you next week. Okay. Bye. Bye. send us a picture and we'll see you next week. Okay. Bye. Bye.

Bye. What do weddings, Instagram and toxic relationships all have in common? They take your money and you can't get it back. 16 grand somewhere in there, gone. There's no legal solution for the fact that you married an asshole. Welcome to The Dough. I'm ex-Mayo.

We're diving into the stories surrounding the moolah baby. The good, the bad, and the unexpected. Yeah, we talking about it all. The Dough is out now, wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm June Diane Raphael, and I'm Jessica St. Claire. And we would like to invite you on a hilarious and heartfelt journey each week on The Deep Dive. From navigating the chaos of motherhood and family to exploring the depths of grief and loss, we are just two best friends who process

life together and with you guys. Discover our secrets to finding joy amidst the madness and get ready for unfiltered conversations about life, love, and everything in between. And nails, we talk a lot about nails. Now, community is everything to us at the Deep Dive. We believe in the power of connection and the strength that comes from supporting one another, and we would love to have you with us. So be sure to join us every Wednesday on the Deep Dive from Lemonade Media, wherever you get your podcasts.