Threedom - Threevisiting: Perabo (Live from Just For Laughs)

Episode Date: November 21, 2023

Threevisiting on the Tues: Dem Threedom Boys perform live from the Just for Laughs festival in Toronto! They discuss gift-giving, how they want to be buried and play Actor's Nightmare. Follow us on social media @threedomusa. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail at 424-252-4678 (HAG-CLAIMS-8).

3-0! 3-0! 3-0! Yeah! Hi! Yeah! Toronto! Oh!

Toronto! Yeah! Toronto! Toronto! Toronto! Toronto! Toronto! Yeah!

Why are the house lights up? This is weird. They want to see the house lights up! We don't want to see these assholes turn the lights off. Did you say do the hustle? Do the hustle! Everyone now. Hi, Barabbo. Hi, Pablo. Can you not hear anything that is happening because I'm going to get nervous that we're going to be like, wait what the whole time?

Could we turn the monitors up during every show? We do this everywhere we go. Here we go, this is much better, thank you so much. Hello, Barabo, it's so great. Hello, Barabo. Hiper, Barabo. Coyote Ugly.

Oh, I remember that. Can't fight the moon lights. Can't fight the moon like the moon Loddy be my head up sick it okay I Saw the movie coyote walking with freedom. My name is Paul if Tomkins My name is Lauren Lapques! And I'm Skala Kermann! And who here loves Spotify? Yeah! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!�ed Oh! Oh! Oh! Spotify. I love Spotify. No, Lauren, you know what I'm saying? I love Spotify. No, no, no, like I literally pay for premium. Um, many of yours are good. I love Spotify. Hello. It's fine. Before you get into your Piper Perabo, Opus, my Piper Pervorabo. I just caught on to what we were talking about. Okay.

Can I say that as a compliment to this incredible crowd, we heard from the stage matter. Someone was talking about you. From someone at the festival that you were the most well-behaved crowd they've ever seen. Three damn fans are so well-behaved! It's so nice. We heard that you guys made up and enforced your own rules about the line and what should

happen and who should go where. And you all agreed. That makes us look good. So thank you very much. Thank you very much. Alright, so welcome to Freedom. This is the show where we talk for an hour. Paul, you were saying about now,

who remembers Kyle? No. No, no, no, no, I was in character. You have to understand. I was not literally. I was not literally Dwarf. I was doing character. And that was one year ago that you were doing that. Is Tim Caway alive or dead? Dead.

He has X's for eyes. But we love him. We love him for it. We love him for it. We love him for it. Both ways. We love him for it. We love him for it, right? We love him both ways. We love him alive. We love him dead. That's not something you can say about a lot of people.

It's true. He hasn't been dead long enough for us to know how much we love him dead. I think he's off to a great start. Who do you love dead the most? My answer is Michael Jackson. We got to him! Yeah, I want Bill Cossy! The shortest amount of time!

We gotta get Cossby! We got him both. This is it. Touch him on power to not do. No, we have to mention them every episode. Oh no! I don't like it! But I still may answer. Oh, fair enough.

I'm not going to take that away from you. So Paul, tell us about Piper Parabo. I'll tell you all about her. Is it Parabo or Parabo? Uh-oh. What somebody here said Parabo. Is she here? She's like, it's Parabo.

It's parable. I watched at a double feature at my friend's house. Can you call it a double feature if you're hanging out at your friend's house? Two movies came on. Yeah, we watched two movies in a row. Can I not call it a double feature? I mean is it me or is it him? We watch you're saying it like it's some sort of curated double feature that like Another one we had put we had control over it

So it was coyote ugly coyote ugly and battlefield earth. That makes no sense. I watched them back to back. We started watching the movies at 10 p.m. and my friend did not make it through all of battlefield earth. She just went off to bed. I was like, was that first? First myself out. No, we watched all of coyote ugly Ugly and then a substantial amount of battlefield

earth. That's not a double feature. Why is it not a double feature? You watched one movie and then another one was on and you all left. No, no. We did not all leave. There was two of us. We selected the movies. In advance. Yeah, you selected them. You threw two movies on. You didn't select them. That is selecting, we knew which movies they were. We didn't reach into a pile of DVDs, and just like aim at the DVD player. Did you have like a DVD party or everyone puts a DVD into the bowl?

And then leaves with whatever. Then you go to the brimstaff. And you have to talk to a person who brought the quirky Ramana or something. Yeah, but you also get their DVD player. Yes. You go to their home, you have sex with them, then when you leave you take their DVD player. Yeah. I want to do any work as people don't have DVD players.

I want to tell you something. I watched a double feature yesterday of the new- A real double feature! Yeah! It was the news and the view. I watched a double feature yesterday of the new- A real double feature! Yeah! It was the news and the view. I'm gonna slowly end up on top of this. Okay, so we had a big discussion about-

Oh, but let's get- This was huge. I wasn't gonna get into it Scott, but let's get into it. We had a big discussion about the seating arrangements before the show. Well, because we knew you wouldn't be able to see right here. And then we said, we don't care. And I said, good.

I said, I want every fourth person to not be able to see because of stage equipment. How do we think about this? Does this look awkward? How do we think about this? How do we think about it? When we think about this, how do we think about it? I think hard about this. I think hard about this.

I think soft about it. Now, Scott feels, and if I may, and I will not, Mr. President, I'm blow up my spot. Oh, God, I'm nervous. Scott feels that the lower chairs are not as stage-friendly in terms of the picture that is presented on stage. I feel like we look like a bunch of lazy fox. Just chilling.

When we should be entertaining you all! But I feel like... And what he feels is more entertaining is a sitting-on barstools. Which I got to hit when I sit out loud. It's pretty entertaining. Which I got to hit when I sit out loud, it's pretty entertaining. So Lauren and I have been begging him, begging he's got for the comedy bang bang shows. Please can we sit on comfortable chairs? And he said no.

Yes, he's in his nightcap and his, uh, nightchurch. He's got stuff in the handle. I throw open the sash. He throw open the sash says no. No, yes, he's in his nightcap and his Night shirt is I throw open the sash he throw up his is that says no close the sash One time he threw out his pot of pee pee on us Wasn't just Did you say pot of pee pee? You call it pot of gold? I'm rich! Every morning, I get rich and rich here.

So for this in the vault for me, for this show, we said, you know what, it's our collective show, not comedy bang bang. So they outvoted me. We outvoted him for these comfortable chairs. You know what? I feel great about it. Yeah.

And they're all... This feels good. They're couch wedges individually. They're couch wedges individually! I love that. Do you think they stay here? Are you saying together they make one couch? I don't know, but they're each...

They do. Oh, wedge of a couch, if nothing else. You're saying this. So it was not her saying it. You're saying this. No, no, because they're all corners. It's impossible. It's a good point.

Although I, from what I understand, maybe there's some pieces that were taken out of it? Hey, from what I understand, maybe it's a triangle. Well, from what I understand, the couch used to be way bigger now. It's little. Just because you guys don't do any prep before the show and I have to take care of all the stuff. Wow. You want a fight?

What do you mean you had to tell them we want to chit sit on a comfy chair? That was the prep. And then I heard a lot of information about these three things we're on. And you told us, none of it. Do you want me to be the chair guy for me, Ellen? For live three-dips?

For what? For live three-dips? Yeah, I'll be the chair guy for me. You'll be the chair guy, yeah. I'd like to continue having no responsibility. Done. Great. Works out.

Perfect. So double-feature story time. Wow. I thought it was over. I thought it was over. No. You thought that was over. No. You thought that was the whole story? It was so gripping.

How dare you. I did think that. Oh, dare you. So we watch. Is this person mad? I want to know. Which one? The people right behind these monitors.

I feel bad. Which person? Who's the mad? You? Are you mad? We person? Who's the mad you? Are you mad? We're going to find the mad person. Who's mad is? Come up here and fight us.

Who's mad? Dun-n-ee-dun-ee-dun. Dun-n-ee-dun-ee-dun. Wow, that's, oh my God. You should be an impressionist. Go around a little parties and perform. Really? Do you think so said the Joker?

That's Michael Jackson? Oh no. Oh no. Johnny Carson with Attic. Johnny Carson, Michael Jackson, Joker, to Neesh Market. Where's my Wawa? It's a Neesh Market. So tell us the story.

The song, the movie coyote ugly contains the song, can't fight the moonlight. This is what the main character played by Piper Peribault. It's all she wants to do. She wants to be an artist and make the crappiest music of all time. Hey, I liked that song. You liked that song? Yeah, I liked that song. You liked that song? Yeah, I did.

What was it about that song that grabbed you? Oh, the sluts danced to it. Hold on a second. Don't shame those sluts. Don't have shame those sluts. That's what I liked about it. I'm not shaming them. No, I don't know.

I mean, it was, you know, a fun jam. I got it on lime wire. Sure. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it was, you know, a fun jam. I got it on lime wire. Sure. Yeah, not Spotify, sorry. Eww! So, a week later, the same friend and I are in IKEA. You guys were close. You know what, Lauren? We aren't. Wow. Is it

Janie? No. She's my best friend. My best friend's Rob. Just some guy. I'm sorry you didn't get to marry him. You're best friend. Yeah. I married Kool-Up instead. Ha-ha-ha. We were in IKEA and um... Who was looking for what? Break it down. I was looking for a bug. I cannot remember what was being looked for. I might have been looking for the entertainment center that I put together and then worried about for a solid eight years of my apartment.

That it was going to topple? Yes, that it would crumble because I had pieces left over. And I was like, I cannot break this down and start over again. This is it. I think they sometimes give you extra pieces. No. No. That was also the time that I, early in the process of putting this thing together, I realized I had done something wrong and I had to dig out one of those wooden dowels that I really

smacked in there, like it was in there good. And I had to get it out to start over the process. And I didn't know what to use. And then I thought, the perfect tool, Swiss Army knife. So I am digging this thing out. And somehow I managed to shut the knife on my finger. No. And it went deep enough in that it looked like a

novelty gag, you know what I mean like oh, oh, it caught my finger where it was like it was in there and I just stared at it for a while like This is not good and then I took it out and there was so much blood so much blood and I believe you're supposed to leave it in. And go to the market. That's what she said. Who? You? You said that? I said, I believe you're supposed to leave it in.

The first time someone fucked you. The first time I had sex, yeah. I believe you're supposed to leave it in. And still, but out in the repeatedly. This is my belief. And you can't make fun of people's beliefs. You can't. You have to respect them. You do.

So we're in the Ikea and we are on our individual shopings. And then the song can't fight the moonlight comes on in the Ikea. And I knew I have to find my friend and we must acknowledge that this song is playing and so whatever I was doing it was like where where where she where she and then I went out and in the aisle she walked out the same time and we were both doing this just pointing at the ceiling. That's awesome. It was a wonderful moment to everyone at the IKEA and it looks like you guys are like,

thanking God for... But I mean, we're not moving our heads the way you, you're misrepresenting this, Scott. And so for the listener, I want you to know, Scott's misrepresenting what happened at the IKEA. I rest my case, your honor, this man. Am I the judge?

I would actually like to do a segment where you settle. You looked at me so seriously just like, are you a judge or not? Are you settled arguments though? You're talking like goes up to a dump truck, are you a judge or not? Are you a judge or not? Are you a judge or not? You don't need a settler or a gunman's soul. Yeah. But John, like goes up to a dump truck, are you the judge? Let's do it. Remember that book?

Are you my mother? Yeah. It's a sad book. Yeah, that's very sad. There is a very sad book. Most children's books have some kind of point. What was the point of that? Did it find its mother?

I've read it so many times. I don't remember the ending. I'm assuming, but now, you ask me, I don't know. I don't remember either. Does anyone know what happens? Yeah, I'm a brother. He finds them... Okay.

If this is a parable person, a parable. Yes, he finds his mother. Find his mother. Jesus. God. Jesus. God. Damn. But I remember as a child, that book bummed me out so much because this little tiny adorable duckling

just walking up to various machines and inanimate objects saying are you my mother? What's that book? We're like it's like the mom is holding and hugging the baby and then at the end it's like he's a man and he's holding his dying mom. Do you know what I'm talking about? What? What is that? What is that? Right up, right up, right up, right up, right up, right up. What is it? That fucks forever. That fucks forever. That fucks forever. That title is terrifying.

It's so sad. And it's like the mom. Well, what you talking about Spotify? The mom's like holding the baby, and it's like, I love you forever, I love you forever, I love you forever. Oh, it's blah, blah, blah. And then at the end, like,

he's holding his own mom, and she's like, old and dying, and he's like repeating the same poem. Ugh. Ugh. Wow. It's so weird. It's so weird.

The last line of that book is, how do you like it? He's up and holding a grudge since he was a baby. I hate this poem. You helpless, invalid. Is it because the giving tree was so popular and it had that sense of on we at the end? There were a lot of knockoffs of the giving tree. I feel like I never read that book.

Well, let's act it out, okay. I'll tell you what I know from it. Do you want to be the tree or do you want to be the jerk? You're the jerk? No, I'm not. You're the jerk, yeah. I'll be the oblivious asshole. So wait, he, okay, I actually don't even know how it goes. Well, you're about to find the fuck out.

Oh, yeah. And then, you'll judge it. Oh, good. I have, okay, I'm gonna set my judges seat. Ah, well, kid. Oh, look, a fucking tree. Hey, I do what I like. I play around here. I take a little nap or whatever.

Give me that apple. So long, asshole. That's what I love you. Yeah, I know. Of course you do. I'm adorable. Then later, the guy's like, hey, I'm a teenager. I'm in love.

I got a nice, fu, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck No shit, stupid! LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Later he comes back, he's a man. Hey, look who it is! Uh, I need a house now, so, uh, I'm gonna chop you the fuck down. Really? Ah! Ah! He needs a house. That's for the one stupid?

I love you. I know you do! He chops down a tree to make a house. It's not over! Oh, shit. Oh, I'm an old man. I know you do! He chops down a tree to make a house. It's not over! Oh shit. Oh, I'm an old asshole.

My time is very short on this earth. Well look, a fucking stump. I just sit on you. Well, I'm dead and so are you. They both die. Well, the tree. Tree's dead, but we got chopped down. Old guy, we can assume. Can't live forever, yeah.

Yeah. So what am I supposed to say? Judge it, judge it. I think it's fucked up, dude. That's just, the verdict is in. Yeah, I don't like that. They were subvertic.

How about the keving tree? 50 years later. Yeah. Victor's in. I don't like that. They're in Shivertect. About the giving tree. 50 years later. Yeah. Speaking of gifts, I was going to tell you the story. I sent my grandma a birthday gift this week. Gift or gift? I almost had to say a birthday gift. I sent her a gift.

She couldn't see it. It was wasted. She has poor vision. Honey, my gift's stalled. Is it a still or a gift? It just stalled out. So, this gift has stalled out. This gift, this gift. It's stelling out. Okay, so she's 94. You're not gonna clap, come on guys. Yeah, come on now. She's gonna understand.

What's the point of us doing this live if you're not gonna applaud at the applause props? Yeah, my grandma's 94. It rocks, it rocks. It rocks. But old people rock dude. I know They're here tonight cheering. Oh, it's all senior citizens. I don't know to be surprising as we find out that's our It would be incredible I would be so delighted to just walk out everyone is 80 to 100 now that soap operas are all being canceled your our favorite thing

You're consistent and you always make Michael Jackson jokes. It's the same show every time. See, I'm the only place to hear Michael Jackson songs. Okay, so I sent, I often will send her a card with money and she loves that. But I... What, how much are we talking? I'll send her $100. That's $50,000.

Oh, wow. But she likes that. She likes to go to Walgreens and buy stuff. She likes Walgreens gift cards. But I was late this time with sending that kind of forgot. And so I wanted to send her something. Did you say you forgot her? Did you say you want to be a big fan?

No, no, so I sent it really early. I sent it. You send her $100, and then she goes, but she goes and buys Walgreens gift cards. No. She would prefer I send her Walgreens gift cards or cash. As per her wish. One.

Do we have new rules here? Do we have the song new rules by any chance? We were playing it right before the show It'd be great to hear it at this point of the show if we had it Yeah, we could say her but her birthday rolls continue on so I you can just play it you can interrupt Lauren Yes, at any point should it should you find it on the computer? Please don't interrupt me if I'm talking and you find it If I'm talking please don't interrupt me, but Lauren is cool. So Lauren said to us. She's very cool I'm just really you find it. If I'm talking, please don't interrupt me. Please interrupt me. Lauren is cool. So Lauren said to us, it's cool.

She's very cool. I'm just really cool. She's laid back. So I sent her a box of chocolate cupboard strawberries, though, just a treat, you know? And I get the concept. Yeah. And but I sent it.

So it would arrive three days before her birthday, while my aunt was in town. So I knew she could share them with her. I had a, it was thoughtful. And I thought, oh, look at there early. I get even more brownie points, because it arrived early. She's very obsessed with receiving gifts. She will always act like she's not.

But if you don't send her something, she will guilt trip it to everyone. Like, and Lauren didn't remember. So it'll be like a thing. So I, she will guilt trip it to everyone. Like, I'm Lauren didn't remember. You know, so it'll be like a thing. So I'm always on top of it. Wow. Yeah. And I hear about it about other family members.

I'm like, I'm not going to be that person. I'm going to send it really early. I call her on her birthday a few days after the strawberries arrived. And we talk for five minutes and it felt like 15. And the entire time she just complain. Oh. No. And the entire time she just complain, oh. Oh. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. One, send $100 oral Walgreens gift card please. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything.

I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything.

I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. Thank you. Thank you to them. Thank you. That was exactly as we rehearsed it. Oh That was really cool. I oh, I got to get down. That was like a brisk walk. It was Her race racing. Okay, um, so I you're having a chilly conversation receive the strawberries and she was like Lauren Don't send me those. They're so big. There are- That's what she said.

She said, there are six of them. That's what she said. Yes, that's what she said. They were black. They were dark brown. Chocolate. And I was like, what somebody said to you? Black chocolate.

And then I said, well, I thought you could share them with my aunt. And she was like, well, I thought you could share them with my aunt and about what she's like, she only ate one. Actually, she only ate half of one and I ate the other half and I said, well, how about my other aunt who lives near you? She came over and she ate one. And I was like, well, that's fine.

And she was like, there are too many. And I was like, just throw them out. I just thought it'd be nice surprise. It doesn't matter. It just all about them. You're gonna get sick, right? Yes. And then I was like, then she's out. I just thought it'd be nice a surprise. It doesn't matter. It just all about them. You're sick, right? Yes. And then I was like, then she's like, and I called your mom. And I said, Lauren, should not send me these.

They came in a box with ice around it. And then your mom said, how about you give them to your neighbor? And I said, he doesn't like chocolate. And then she said, how about your other neighbor? and I said, he doesn't like chocolate. And then she said, how about your other neighbor? And I said, he has diabetes. You can't. And I said, grandma, and I kept it interrupting her and going,

it's fine, like I don't, I just, if you threw them out, it doesn't, you know, I don't, it's okay. And then she's like, and your mom said, why don't you break off the chocolate and eat that part? And I tried,

but the strawberries aren't gonna last. Like, she was just, it was, I was like, I'm punished for sending this. This is a nightmare for her. I'm like, I should be getting so many points that I've three days early. It's like, it's like excessive and stupid to find a dream. But you get a position instead of the money. Yeah. Okay.

But it's all about being on time. And then my other cousin, I guess, at another holiday sent her chocolate, and she complained about that because there were only, there were four in the box, but the box they arrived in was so big. And she said, Mr. Costor, $60. And it was like,

aren't you glad people are sending you shit? I think you should only give someone something that they would use money to buy. As a present. Really? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Great. What is this again? You should only.

You should only. You can get cool up like groceries. Yes. Gas. Grass. Ass. No one writes for free. That's right.

But it doesn't like driving. Do you have ever have the experience of someone like complaining so much about it? I was like, how can I say when my biggest takeaway from the story is? She knows that her neighbor doesn't like chocolate. She knows them all well. It's a tight community.

It sounds like it. I don't know, it drove me nuts. I got, I was going through old stuff yesterday because we're moving. And I looked into my desk drawer and similarly, there was a gift in there, and it was three years old. I saw the data on it. It was three years old. It's a Cartier gift certificate. I don't know who gave it to me.

That's fancy. It's stressed me. I literally started hyperventilating because I was like, what am I supposed to do with this? It's fancy. It's dressed me. I literally started hyperventilating because I was like, what am I supposed to do with this? How much was it for? I don't know. It has to be a lot to go to Cartier. They're like, here's 50 bucks to Cartier.

You can't get anything. I don't remember if it was like a gift from a person or a robot. Robot or a... Did God give me this? A wearable... Who is it from? A Terminator?

I don't know. You started shaking and hyperventilating. I honestly was like, this is too much responsibility. I don't want this. Can I have it? Yeah. That worked out. Oh wait, no, I'll give it to Kool-Up.

What the fuck? Oh, that was a close one. Oh, you want the fuck? What the fuck? You're gonna give it to me now. You're'll give it to Kool-Up. What the fuck? Oh, that was a close one. Oh, you want the fuck? What the fuck? You're gonna give it to me now, you're gonna give it to your wife? I asked first. Does Kool-Up even know about this? No, no, but I...

It's from your mistress. She's like, buy me something nice. Come on, Daddy. I'll give you a gift card. You spend it on me. I'll give you a gift card. You spend it on me. I don't get how this works. It was right next to a Bardson Noble gift card that my parents gave me four years ago or something.

Do they exist anymore? I don't even know. Yes, do you? Are you one of those people who doesn't use gift cards? It sounds like it. Exactly. I'm giving you two examples. I get to use the gift cards in a drawer.

What kind of judge are you? Well, benevolent. I have a friend who never uses gift cards and they just pile up in a drawer at her house. I'm like, if people give them to, I want that. Like, I'm not about using a gift. Who is? I don't understand. I, I, that's the problem is I'll put them in a drawer

to do it later. I want to use them. I would definitely use them. They're as good as cash. Yeah. You should go on bn.com and get yourself a nice book. I will. It's a good idea.

Why don't you put your gift cards in a bowl by the door? OK. So when you're walking in the house, do you need a gift card? I actually carry all my gift cards in a teeny little pouch, and I'm not kidding. In your body, right? And it's in my stomach. Yeah, so it's like, it's a skin flap. I shit it out when I want to buy something.

Thanks for that sound. Casey didn't know. Yeah. Do you like gift cards? Do you feel like they're impersonal? What's your take? I don't like getting gifts. What? I don't like getting gifts. What?

I don't like getting gifts. Really? Yeah, I don't. Why? I've reached, I feel like I've gotten to the point of my life where if I want a thing for myself, I will buy it. Yeah. You know what I mean?

And my wife, Janie, and I will exchange gifts very rarely. We do it on. Well, you don't like this story. We exchange gifts on Christmas. He hasn't liked any of the stories yet. We exchange gifts on Christmas, and that's mostly it. We bet. Some anniversaries, yes, some birthdays, yes.

We barely exchange gifts, Janie and I. We barely exchange, barely. The fuck? All right, I'll give you some gifts. Youie and I, we barely exchange, barely. The fuck? All right, I'll give you some gifts. You don't get my wife gifts? You get my wife gifts? Take it the other way. No, cool up and I think we have just started saying

like let's just not get anything for each other ever again. It's, wow. If you're married, it's sort of like you get to a point where you're like, we're going to keep doing this. No, and not only that, but three times a year. Yeah. What Valentine's. Christmas Valentine's and anniversary. What about birthday? Oh, and birthday too. I forgot about that one. About same Patrick's Day. What about Fourth of July? Our nation's birth date. I like gifts.

Yeah, I'm weird. But I'm sure that, I don't know if we're allowed to say that you have a husband, but I'm sure that I've said it a bunch. But I'm sure like he's really good about the people who can hear someone talk about something or notice something in a window and go, well, that's really cool. And then months later, it shows up. I mean, he's definitely good at that. I'm fucking good at that.

You are. I know that about you. Yeah, I'm great at it. So what have I talked about in January, Michael Jackson? He got you on my damn two soaps. Whatever. I would love that. Michael Jackson. He got you on Madame Tussauds, whatever. I would love that. I got you Michael Jackson's bones.

Made of, oh God. That's a good point. How would he like it? Like what? Well, he had the elephant man bones. What? You don't know this? No. I don't know that he had them. He tried to buy them. Well, what had the elephant man bones. What? You don't know this? No.

I don't know that he had them. He tried to buy them. Well, wait, what is that? The elephant man is like that person who... LAUGHTER He got bit by the elephant and the full moon happened. And you got the proportional strength of an elephant? I don't think I really know what that is.

The elephant man was a... Let's act it out. I believe David... LAUGHTER I'll be the tree. Here am I. Anthony Hopkins looking for an elephant man. But he's real. Yeah, he's real guy.

OK. Ah, tree, pardon me, tree. Do you know where I can find a man who is whole-hidious? People call him the elephant man? Try over there. Thank you, tree. I love you. Beat me to it.

So cut two. Smash cut two. Over there. Smash cut two. London Carnival Freak Show times. David Merrick is this guy who has, I can never call, he's got elephant tises, I guess. Elephant Titus.

He has a huge head, an included mouth. His bones are all kinds of fucked up. And his balls, he's put, oh, the balls on this guy. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, a little circuit by this kind of doctor. And then he became... Michael Jackson wanted his bones. Yes. This is disturbing. Yeah. Really? That's the only disturbing thing I've ever heard about.

What? And then so he died and Michael Jackson was like, one, please. LAUGHTER Well, he's... LAUGHTER He died many, many, many years ago. Well, he's... He died many, many, many years ago. Oh, like early 1900s? Like the late 1800s, I think.

Oh! I believe. Please don't get mad at me. I'm doing my best. Let's talk to Parabo. Well, how am I doing? He's like, it was 1892. But he could not sleep until he got the bones. I gotta get those bones. I can't sleep.

I told you to think about those bones. Once I have that, I won't have any more strange designs. If I can only get those bones, I'll be cured. If I could only arrange those bones, so they were bendy-gover. I was gonna say that about his wax figure, but I had that. I could arrange it like that.

Yeah, you would. Why did the bones fucked up or were the... What did they do? They were great. They were perfect. This is a real question, the elephantitis. Yeah. It's just skin, you think? Is it like a swelling of the skin where everything is fucked up or do the...

Are the bones gnarled and twisted as well? I'm gonna say, as well. As we're gnarled and twisted, he had... He may have had more than one issue. But his skeleton was on display somewhere, I think, in a medical college, and Michael Jackson wanted to buy them. That's so cool.

I mean, look, say what you want about the guy. That's cool. I love that. I love it. I love that. I love it. I love that. I love that. Is there something that you would do if you got that famous mic?

Who's Bones You? Who's Bones You? Hey, who's skeleton you want? If I could get anyone Skeleton? Yeah! Don't say Danny DeVito because that's mine! Um... Imagine it!

Whatever it's so much, I was like, what's that skeleton? That's Danny DeVito! How much do you think it would cost? I bet... I actually bet! What's that skeleton? That's Danny DeVito. How much do you think it would cost? I bet. I actually bet. If you donated to his favorite charity, yeah.

Danny, here's the deal. You're not going to live forever. Nobody is. Nobody is. No shade. No shade. No shade. I will donate $100 to the charity of your choice. That's a grandma birthday gift. I will donate $100 to the charity of your choice.

That's a grandma birthday gift. I will donate a charity of certificate. I'll donate a charity of certificate. I'll donate a charity of certificate. If your neighbor likes chocolate, I will donate six chocolate covered strawberries to him. I bet you could though, if you've paid enough before they died, you could reserve someone's

bone. Can I get yours? How much? $20. Seriously though, how much would you prefer? If I have to get your bones, I mean, to get my bones. To get my bones. To get my bones.

To get my bones. To get my bones. To get my bones. To get my bones. To get my bones. To get my bones. To get my bones. To get my bones. To get my bones. To get my bones. To get my bones. To get my bones. Any sort of issue, you know, with how you display them, like, are you just allowed to do whatever you want with?

I could do whatever I want. But what kind of issues would you have? Well, you know, some sort of claws in the contract about, like, you can't do anything. We're like, Don't make me look like a dinosaur. Don't take my bones apart and put them in a different configuration.

I would need to have the ability to fuck with the bones. It's so fun if I can't fuck with the bones. Okay, okay. Okay, so I would be willing to pay five thousand dollars. That's true, probably, yeah. Can I say this? This is disgusting that we're talking about money when we're friends. And I feel they should be donated to me. It should either be, yes, of course, you can have my skeleton or you can't. But the idea that money would change hands. You're so tacky.

Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. I need the bones for free now. Now? It's an emergency and I need them. For Halloween, it's coming up. It's right around the corner. The kids are going to want to see the bones.

Come on. Just stand there. Where are they going otherwise? What do you want to happen? Cremation? I want cremation. Let's get into it. Yeah.

I want cremation, but I think just the idea of all these cemeteries is so weird. Yeah. Isn't it just all these dead bodies littering the earth? Stacking up. Stacking up, rack them, pack them, stack them. And give them. But if you wanted your bones, if you wanted your bones separated.

You mean, I want them to carve the flesh off my body. Right. Incinerate that. I would want it to be like they dump acid on you, like itchi and scratchy or something. And you're like, I run around for a little while with the sound of a xylophone. And then all the buns go, yeah. You won't be buried in the casket. I don't think I think I used to want that and I don't think I want that anymore. Yeah, that's your ego talking.

Yeah, man. That was everyone to see you. I think I just want to be burned up and scattered. Scattered where? As I was in life. The usual place is the ocean, the library, church. Are libraries filled with cremated action? They will be.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. What did I hear? Apparently, on Disney's Haunted Mansion ride, they periodically have to clean out people's cramines. Yeah. Because, oh, yeah, did you know about that when you worked there? I did not know about it when I worked there. What was the coolest secret about Disney

that you learned in your time as Bray or Bear? Well, they sit you down at the beginning, and they tell you every secret about Walt Disney himself on your first day of working. There was a basketball court that I went that's like underneath that inner heart. You could play in character? Yeah. Oh, I was fucking love that so much.

You have to play basketball on your break. You cannot take the suits off. Did you see the video of like Maleficent like roasting Peter Pan? Did you guys see this? No,ficent, like roasting Peter Pan? Did you guys see this? That's like I did see that, yeah. It was so weird. She was like, they were going back and forth like a long time like roasting each other.

I feel like they really hated each other. Nobody was enjoying it. No, the kids were like, I need your autograph! And she's like, I bet you can't see your shadow. He was very sassy and weird. They were doing full-on roast jokes, like he was saying how old she looked, and I forget what she was saying about him.

Yeah, I wasn't memorable. It was just so mean to talk. It was just something that shouldn't have happened that someone put on video. Like most things. But then there was like BuzzFeed's 32 best Maleficent Roasts or whatever. It was like...

Lauren, what do you want done to your body after it's dead? Yeah. I don't know, man. I think I always wanted to be buried in a casket, and now I'm interested in cremation. Yeah. You're interested. I'm interested. I'd love to see the process. I'd love to sell you a package.

I just watched all of six feet under which is so devastating. And yeah, I think that's kind of what made me think it'd be better just to be cremated. Honestly. If I could, if I could have anything, I would be embalmed and put on display somewhere. Is that true? Yeah. I don't know. I would be happy. Margot? It would make me. Like a, like an Egyptian... You're just there next to the open piano.

Well, when I was a kid, I read, did you read the book of lists when you were a kid? No, what's that? The book of lists was a sort of, it was a collection of lists. It was like a trivia book. And it was a big hit in the late 70s, early 80s. When I was kid I was fascinated by it. Before my time. What's that?

Before my time. Sure. Sure. I don't think us generation Z millennials had that. You were just born. So one of the things was, one of the list was the weird dispositions of certain people's bodies.

What? And there was this guy, well like things that people that weren't just buried or cremated, like their bodies were something, like a weird thing happened with them. There was this guy named Jeremy Bentham, who was a British, I don't know if I can't remember he's a politician.

Yeah. What? Philosopher. Philosopher. Two people leaving. And he what? It got too real. We'll get up and dance to new rules again if you'll stay.

Please stay, please. Please, we love you. I'm cool with it. Didn't work. He was a bomb then put on display at, I believe, in a college, right? University. A bridge.

It might have been for all I remember. I was a child. But so that stuck in your mind as a kid, and you were like, I want that. I think when I was a kid, I don't for all I remember I was a child. But so that stuck in your mind as a kid and you were like, I want that. I think when I was a kid, I don't know that I thought I want that. But I was certainly kind of fascinating that you could go into a place behind glass versus dead person.

That would be so weird for the family. But it'd be very cool if you were an ancestor of that person and you got to see them. I, here's what I think would be even cooler, is long after anybody even remembers who I am, that I'm like in a bar somewhere. Yeah. Like it's a weird curiosity.

Does it never rot? No, I guess it does. I think you could be stuffed. Couldn't you like an animal? Sure. Because they do that. I had a friend who wanted- That's legal.

I had a friend who wanted to stuff her dog after her dog passed away. And she was planned on doing it and then chickened out of it and it was just like, I just can't do it. I think I'm gonna do it herself. No. Do people do that? Right. Does anyone here know anyone who's done that?

I don't know. The silence finally. Wow. That was actually interesting. It was another polite example. What were those two people that left? The silence finally. Wow. That was actually interesting. It was another polite example. What were those two people that left? They're about to talk about stuffing our dog.

They just got a call from the taxidermists. The taxidermists. We're going to get in here. He's ready. Ooh, I could go. I close in 10 minutes. It's so disgusting what they do, they pull out all of the guts and replace it with like newspaper.

It's not newspaper. It's magazines. It's like good glossies. They go around to every dentist's office and they pick up whatever magazines are there from three years ago. Why does it have to be that? Why can't, what? Does it have to be dad?

That, but no, but it has to be dad. Don't do this. Don't do this, dad. Why does it have to be dad? What? What? Why does it have to be dad? What?

What? Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Did you save any fur from your pets? I have a fur from my cat that died. Oh. Oh, OK. I saved a blanket that smelled like my dog. Do you couldn't leave it night?

I was going to put it in a vacuum packed bag. And then what? 50 years open it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Dear astronauts, this was called a dog. Seize smell. Tell a bit, civilizations, that this is what my dog smelled like. What's going on with UFOs, by the way? I know there's a bunch of them right now. Tomorrow we're all supposed to store Mary a 51, isn't that right? Oh. Yeah. Is that tomorrow?

It's tomorrow. Shit. We're fucking here. What are we supposed to do? We're fucking here. What are we supposed to do? Get the truth? Yeah. What is it supposed to do?

Get the truth? Live the truth. Me and Tom DeLonge. We're going out there. That Blink-22 guy tweeted it and they were like, that's illegal to share or something? What? That's what happened, right? Didn't the Blink- illegal to share something. Area 51. What? That's what happened, right?

Didn't the Blink-Win-A-Me-2 guy share? Oh, yeah. The UFO picture and then Area 51 was like, or whatever. Well, they said government was like, this is bad. They said that we don't know how you got this. Oh, this is bad. I only read tweets for the news. They said, we don't know how you got this.

You shouldn't have shared this, but yes, these are unidentified flying objects. Cool. Which doesn't necessarily mean spacious. No, they just mean they can't identify what it was. Frisbee, they can't see. What is that? We have a blip on the radar.

It might be a Frisbee we can't see. It might be a weather balloon wearing a beard. It could be. I think I really believe in aliens like a lot. I just decided. I honestly don't know. Yeah, I don't know either. So now I'm like, yeah, for sure.

I feel like logically, it makes sense, but I don't know how much we have been visited by them. I just love that we're obsessed with one image of what they look like, and we don't come up with any other options. We're like, they're basically us, but they have big eyes. There are a couple options. There's people that see.

Yeah, the most important thing is about little green men for a long time. And now it's just like gray. The grays. Yeah, the grays. That's your classic alien right there. Yeah. B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B Oh! Can you act it out for me? Yes, I can. Scott. Oh! Oh!

Oh! I'll be the tree. Did I do un-richer dry fits? Oh, tree? I'm a regular suburban guy. A sealator. I love you. I don't have time for that.

I've got to get in my car. No! Brideless! I'm going to. A see-later. I love you. I don't have time for that. I've got to get in my car. No, bright lights. What's going on? I might have my face is sunburned. I go home to my wife.

Hi, Treves. See my wife. Have you checked over there? I was about to. Listen, tell her I'm going to start making weird shapes in my match potatoes. I love you. I love you, yes, I know.

This is a joke, sir. I can see this shape, the shape, the shape. Then I see it on the TV. Devil's Tower, Wyoming. I gotta go there. And he goes there and then there's aliens. Oh wow. That's a brief summation.

And so was he drawing the shapes out of his control? Like it was like, I can't help it. He was compelled to do it, he was compelled to do it. And then he leaves his wife and children. To fucking alien. To go. We don't assumeably. I mean, that happens off screen if at all.

He goes off with them at the end, so he probably... He has to. Once he decides I'm going to check this out, I'm gonna go to this place that I feel compelled to go to, we never see his wife and children again. Like, they leave him because he goes nuts. I'd like to think that he gets on the spaceship and he like takes a look around while he's taking his pants off.

Like, all right, we doing this? How does this work? What's the etiquette here? Then they pull out the anal probe and he's like, uh oh. He's like, I thought I'd be doing it to you. Okay. I think it would be a great sequel though,

is for that character to come back now. Yeah. And what happened? What happened? to come back now. Yeah. And like what happened? What happened? And Piper Parabo is involved.

Parabo? Parabo? Parabo? Parabo? Parabo. All right. Wow. You don't think it's time for a

preacher? Yeah. I think it might be. I do. I think it might be time for a preacher. What do we call this one? The forgotten play or something.

It's called the forgotten play or something. Yeah. It's called without a script. It's called after nightmare. That's what it's called. After nightmare. And this is the game where one person It's called, without a script. It's called, After's Nightmare. That's what it's called. After's Nightmare.

And this is the game where one person has the lines of a play and the other person doesn't, and they just make up their side of the scene. Should we do it two people in one person? Do you have a three person scene? No, let's do one in one because it's better. One in one is better. So what is it?

So what is it hard to hold the book? What does the other person do? This game is natural, this game is fun. This game is best when it's one on one. The other person. Are you my lover? You wear a rubber? You guys.

Lauren, you missed it. Everyone was so scared of AIDS. We're not scared now. No one is. The other person watches and judges. Judges? Yeah, they should be a judge. Do you know that commercial? I'm sorry.

There's a commercial for a prep where I don't know if you guys have it here, but it's, it opens up with a couple of women saying, I'm on the pill. I'm on the pill. And then it's a guy saying, I'm on the pill, but it's not the pill you're thinking of Yeah, it's like well if you say the pill That's been taken Yeah, cuz that could literally mean anything. Yeah, so I'm not the idiot here It's not the pill you're thinking of well, I am yeah, you could you called it the pill What this is I just saw a billboard on the way here that was like, you know the name.

Just ask for it. Viagra. Ah! It's like, you know the name. You limp dick motherfucker. I know. I think if I- Just say it, maybe it'll get you hard.

Don't you like, I mean, I shouldn't ask you guys, because who knows, I don't want to get into it. But I would- Go ahead, ask us, ask us. Go ahead. I'm just saying, if I needed it, I'd be want to get into it, but I would ask. Asco, asco, asco. Go ahead. I'm just saying, if I needed it, I'd be thrilled to take Viagra.

Oh, yeah. I'd be like, woo! Oh, no, I think, I might. I might, I might, I might, I might, I might, I might. I think people that take it are extremely thrilled. Yeah, I think it looks dope. Just take it, who cares? But it's funny that they decide to shame the people.

I think it's more like, don't be afraid, just ask for it. But it comes off like very prideful. For sure. Who are you? You know the people. I think it's more like don't be afraid just ask for it. But it comes off like very prideful. For sure. Who are you? You know the name. To not say my name. Just say my name. I'm my Agra! Say my name, are you fuck? I'm Agra! It's cool. It's really cool. It's cool. I love that pew. Okay, so how do we play this Lauren? Do you want to be the reader first? I'll be the reader again I'll do you want to go first or should I go first as the actor in the nightmare? What you guys are closer to each other? Why don't you okay? Should we? I believe so, as I am already. And I'll judge.

Yeah, you should purge. I should purge? Yeah. To judge? Yeah, it's the judges' chair. Okay. Be the tree. Be the tree.

That would require holding his arms for a long time. All right. All right, I found a two logical reason why he shouldn't be the tree. I found a two logical reason why he shouldn't be the tree. I found a two person scene. OK. Why are you upstaging me right now?

Oh, oh, oh! Is that bad? Yeah, it's the term upstaging, someone. I'm judging. Can we do the scene, please? Do you want to enter? Should I enter? Should we both enter at the same time?

OK. And we'll be surprised that we see each other. I'm not seeing please. Do you want to enter? Should I enter? Should we both enter at the same time? Oh, this will be surprised that we see each other. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Well, ma. Oh, sorry.

I thought you would be pleasantly surprised that you saw each other. Do you want that? We can make that a challenge. Yeah, I know. What if I could give a note? Yeah. I mean, I want you guys to find out yourselves, but if I could just make a humble suggestion. Maybe you're not terrified.

Oh! Oh! Well, Ma, the day has come. You're losing one of your chicks. You're going gonna kill yourself? The groom's up, shaving himself. Only they're ain't an awful lot to shave. What did you shave him last night? I told you, you should always shave him before your big day. Whistling and singing like he's glad to leave us every now and then he says, I do to the

mirror, but it don't sound convincing to me. Wow. You think he's, you think he's, doesn't really want to leave? I mean, I'm a little worried about that. He's getting married in a minute to you. I was remembering my wedding morning, Julia. What? I think you just said something I would say.

I was the scariest young fella in the state of New Hampshire. Well, yeah, she was a mean lady. I'm glad you got out of that and you're back home living with me, but now you're gonna leave again and marry your brother. I thought I'd made a mistake for sure. When I saw you coming down that aisle, I thought you were the prettiest girl I'd made a mistake for sure. When I saw you coming down that aisle, I thought you were the prettiest girl I'd ever seen. Well, you know, I was the first woman you ever saw,

and it makes sense. Your eyes, I imprinted right on you. Yeah, the only trouble was, I'd never seen you before. Do we have to harp on this? I went away for a little bit. I was there for a lot of your childhood. Why Julia Hersey, French toast. Don't call me that.

I will smack the teeth right out of your mouth. How'd you sleep last night, Julia? Hard as a rock. Call me ma. Yes. I get a shock every time I think of George setting out to be a family man, that great gangling thing. What?

Oh God, you're so horny. You get a shot every time you think about it. I tell you, Julia, there's nothing so terrifying in the world as a son. The relation of father and son is the darn-dest, awful, wartest, wartest. Hey, you said it. Look, I know you hate your dad, and that's why you're gonna marry your brother. It's safer. He's your age. There's a lot you haven't, almost. They'll have a lot of troubles, I suppose, but that's none of our business.

Everyone has a right to their own troubles. Yeah, I mean, you're talking about the town. They're going to be upset. I mean, no one's found out yet, and I'm surprised you kept it a secret. I saw your Instagram. Julia, do you know one of the things I was scared of when I married you? You did call me mom. So yeah, I guess one of the things you were scared of when you married me was that it was

incest or bad. I was afraid we wouldn't have material for conversation more in the last just a few weeks. I was afraid we'd run out and eat our meals and silence. That's a fact. Well, you and I have been conversing for 20 years now without any noticeable bearing spells. Look, I don't, I've decided I don't want this. I was on meth and I went for it.

Get away. Okay, what? No. You're marrying your brother and that's that. Only day of the year, Rebecca hasn't been managing everybody's business up there. She's hiding in her room. I get the impression she's that. The only day of the year, Rebecca hasn't been managing everybody's business up there. She's hiding in her room. I get the impression she's crying.

Well, she's sad. She's always been in love with you. Your cousin, Rebecca? Good morning, everybody. Yeah. You know, why don't you go put your tux on and get ready for your new life? Only five hours to live. Why don't you go put your tux on and get ready for your new life? Only five hours to live

So you are gonna kill yourself and see That was from I was from our town Jordan Wilder judge. What do you think I judge that to be terrific? Wow? Okay, so now you're going to read or what? You want to do read. OK. And I'll judge.

And I'll be the other person. This is waiting for Godot. My time you'll be OK. OK. Okay. Okay. Now how do we want to, how do you want us to find each other? I would love for you to be expecting each other and then disappointed that you're not there, but then suddenly you see each other. You're in in IKEA.

And you're pointing up at the radio. Yeah. All right. How they've changed. I know. It seems like yesterday that they were different and now they're different in a different way. Those two. I know. Just the two different way. Those two.

I know. Just the two of them. No more. It's a manageable number. Haven't they? They have, I believe. Changed. Yes.

Those two. Likely, it's certain. I mean, didn't you see them? I saw them earlier. Changed. Yes. Those two. Likely, it's certain. I mean, didn't you see them? I saw them earlier, and you know, they looked good. Yes, you do know them. No, I do. I saw them, and I know them enough to say that they looked good.

We know them. I tell you. You forget everything, unless they're not the same. All right. I don't know what's happening with you, but you're making it like I'm the crazy one. And I'm telling you I know them. I saw them.

They have changed. We just talked about it. That means nothing. I too pretended not to recognize them and then nobody ever recognizes us. What is this I too bullshit? We're not on the same page here. Unless they're not the same. Are you fucking kidding me?

Unless they're not the same. They are! Approach my child. Yes? What do you want? You call me over here! Approach when you're told, can't you? What is this mind game?

Well, you approach. What kept you so late? I want to step! Well, what is it? What is step? Well, what is it? What is what? Let him alone. Okay, man, you know, I'm just trying to live my life. And who is it? Mine? No, it's mine. It's my life. I'm afraid of what? Of us?

Answer me! I'm not. You know what? I'm a little bit afraid of you. I don't know what's going on with you. And I feel like you're trying to pick a fight with me. I'm unhappy. A joy.

I'd forgotten. Forgotten what? I've seen you before, haven't I? Yeah, like, now. You don't know me? I thought I did, but... It wasn't you came yesterday? Yes, I came yesterday and we had a very similar conversation

to the one that we started having earlier just now and now I don't know where we are. This is your first time. Doing... Words, words. No, no. I know lots of words. I know lots of them, and I've used them for almost all of my life.

Other than like the first couple of years, I would say I've been using words constantly. Is that all? No, that is not all. couple years, I would say I've been using words constantly. Is that all? No, that is not all. Because what you're doing is I think is very undermining. And you're trying to make, you're like gaslighting me or something.

You work for Mr. Godot? Now we're getting somewhere. Yes, of course I do. What do you do? I do his, he's got like errands and you know, people to call and stuff like that, you know, busy work. Is he good to you? He's all right, you know. He's very particular about his birthday, like what you can and cannot give him. birthday, like what you can and cannot give him? He doesn't beat you.

Not anymore. There was a strawberry misunderstanding that has been sorted out. Whom does he beat? Oh, whom? Seen! Oh yeah. Oh yeah. How do you judge it, Scott?

That makes about as much sense as the actual play. Well, I have to confess that it became a three person scene halfway and then I just switched character. Okay. Hopefully there was a two person scene in there. If not, you can use the Thornton Wilder book, which has two other plays in it. I think I found one. You found one.

Okay, now how do you want us to approach each other? I want you to walk like crabs. And do we notice each other these crabs? The crabs see each other and they're happy. He doesn't know. Oh no, the CEO. Hand of the storm.

Such peace in the air. Where's the doctor? Oh. You're here for the doctor. Yeah, he's running late, so it's probably going to be a few minutes. Sophie. Do I have a name tag on? How long are you going to go on being short with me?

We've done no harm to each other. Why should we be enemies? Don't you feel enough? Look. I can guess. He's just, he has a few more patients that he needs to see, but I can move you up to the top of the list because I know he wants to see you because of your condition. I did too.

Good. Yeah, I mean, that works out with all my heart. Well, he wanted to see you. That's the reason he called you in. I think that he, I mean, I don't want to, you know, tell you what he's going to tell you, but I think he has some bad news for you. No, he's still setting up. Weak at a time, we don't speak to each other. God only knows why. What's this? That's the, those are the, the starbursts that we keep in a bowl over there just for, you can

have as many as you want if... Drink with me. Like, do you want to meet up later? Is that what you're asking me? I get off in about 20 minutes or so. Root or Shraft. Out of the same glass. Will you kiss me?

This is so sudden, but to be honest, I've seen you come in here every single day. I don't know what's wrong with you. The doctor won't tell me, but, and daily, there must be something really wrong, but I'm really attracted to you. So, yes, I will. Woo! Why are you crying? Shh!

Now, I feel like you're sort of negating my feelings about this. I'm crying because I'm so happy that I finally found love. Shhh. Shhh. There now. Oh, Lord. I'm crying too. You were angry with me because you think I married your father for my own convenience.

If you believe oaths I'd give you my oath on this, that I married him for love, I was drawn to him a famous man of learning. I was captivated by it and it was real. The love was not real, but I thought it was real. At the time, I thought it was real. And I'm not to blame Sophie, but since our wedding day, you haven't stopped accusing me. Wait, you're the woman who married my father?

You did. I saw it in your eyes. Your cleverness, a special size looking on. I married my own father. Why don't I remember that? You mustn't look like that on people. It doesn't suit you. And we must trust.

How can we live if we do not? Look I trust you. I definitely trust you that I married my own father and then you married my own father. And now you're in love with me and you want to drink with me out of the same glass. But what does it all mean? Why are we doing this? Yes. Oh, I see.

I see. I know the answer is all along. Is that what you're trying to tell me? Yes. I know the fact that this is all just some sort of sick twisted game that you're playing with me. Is that it? No. Okay. Okay.

So this is a sick twisted game that I'm playing with myself. I'm punishing myself. Is that what I'm doing? What a school girl you are. Seen. Beautiful. Thanks, Chekoff, preacher. I was a preacher. Preacher. Thanks, check-off.

It made no sense. Yeah, this is a good spot. Feels nice and very. This makes us approachable, I think. Guys, we're running out of time here. We are. We are. We got the light. I think we're out of time. I think we are, because the light out of time here. We are. We got the light. I think we're out of time.

I think we are, because the light's been going for a few days. I literally have one minute left. Wow, how do you want to fill it? Let's count to 60. One, two, three, four, five. New rules six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 36, 38, 36, 38, 34, 36, 38, 34, 36, 38, 34, 36, 38, 34, 36, 38, 34, 36, 38, 34, 36, 38, 34, 36, 38, 36, 38, 34, 36, 38, 34, 36, 38, 34, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 38, 36, 38, 38, 36, 38, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 38, 36, 38, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 38, 36, 38, 38, 36, 38, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 38, 38, 36, 38, 38, 38, 36, 38, 38, 36, 38, 38, 38, 36, 38, 36, 38, 38, 38, 38, 38, 38, 38, 38, 36, 38, 38, 38, 38, 38, 38, 38, 38, 38, 38, 38, 38, 38, 38, 38, 38, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 16. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, Joe.

Thank you, everyone, to the Queen Elizabeth Theater, thank you to James L. 42. Thank you. We love you, everybody. Thank you, Joe. Thank you, Joe. Thank you, everyone, to the Queen of Elizabeth Theater. Thank you to James L. 42. Thank you. We love you so much. Thank you for coming to this show. Thank you, Maraud. Thank you, Maraud. Thank you.

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