Threedom - Threevisiting: Puddle of Coke

Episode Date: February 24, 2026

Threevisiting on the Tues: Lauren, Paul and Scott discuss contact lenses, do another taste test, and listen to some voicemails.  Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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See mintmobile.com. It's morning in New York. Hey, everybody. Patinkin. And I'm Catherine Grotty. And we have a new podcast. It's called Don't Listen to Us. Many of you've asked for our advice. Tell me, what is wrong with you people? Don't listen to us. Our Take It or Leave a advice show every Wednesday out now. A Lemonada Media Original. Oh, there's that tone, that tone. Did you just hear that? Did you just hear that? Oh, I hear it now. Yeah. No, it's like, no, it's like something.

thing, it means like, it's like an alert. Alert, alert. Do you wonder the wiring test when you were a kid? Yeah. I remember them from when I'm an adult. I had to go get. How did the last time you got your eye checked? Relatively recently.

Wow. I guess I should do it. That seems like a good idea. Yeah. I had an eye examines their day, which of course I do annually. I'm overdue for money. And I had to get my eyes dilated, which is always the worst. Because your eyes right now, they have those dollar signs in them right now.

Yeah. Because you were just looking at. Paul, I'm trying to sell him. I can just see how much I can get. And it's quite a lot. Lauren, I see a big roast chicken. Yeah. So we're at different places.

Honestly. It can be both. Now think about selling the chicken. Oh. Switch to dollar signs for Paul. My eye doctor. My eye doctor told me last year. My eye doctor told me, you better get your eyes check.

I said a ting, tang, wada-a-bing-bing. My doctor told me, your pupils, I'll die late. They're gonna feel sticky. That's my favorite part of getting the drops. It's like sticky in the corner. You like that part. Love it.

Last year she told me. Do you really like it? I think I do. It gives me a weird. I don't like any of the process. But last year she told me that my contact lenses, I've been wearing contacts since I was 14. I have had glasses since I was eight.

Wow. She told me, and I haven't worn the same exact ones the whole time, but I've... Yeah, that would be weird if you wear the same pair of glasses. I mean, my contacts, I eventually started wearing... Or the same pair of contacts. I started wearing dailies many years ago.

And then last year she told me, she's like a new doctor that I was seeing, and she was like, these contacts, just so you know, like do you like these? And I was like, yeah. And she's like, these are like the iPhone 4 of contacts. And I was like... Whoa.

I cannot be seen wearing these. Wow. And it was no one, because everyone just always says, are they okay? Like you like them and I'm like, yeah, meaning though that they're now upgrades?

Now they're thinner, they're lighter, they're better, they're this. And so I got the new ones. And this, because last year I got a different new one, I realized,

oh, I wasn't the one she was talking about. This year I got the right one. And I put them in. Amazing. Really? I can feel the difference. And you feel like your eyes

are being kissed by these contacts. By God. And I also, my prescription. My prescription is very bad. My right eye got better. Whoa. You're right eye contacts?

No. You're right I got better. She said that's because. Contacts. No. She said as you're getting older, your eyes get worse and worse. But then at a certain point, your eye, like around this age even, your eye stops straining and just kind of settles into like what it is.

44 or 42. How old are you? I'm 37. But your eye just. kind of settles into what it actually is. So we just found out Lauren lies about her age. Okay. I'm not one of those, sweet.

But anyways, my eye got 0.5 better. And I was like so proud. That's awesome, man. And I, can you see this? Also, my vision is better. Yep, that's another thing. But I put my context in and I went,

because I've been feeling like my eyes are getting worse. Nope, just had the wrong RX. It's getting better. And honestly, it feels so good. And I'm getting my glass. glasses redone, which I haven't done in years. Oh, my God, that's so awesome. Do you go every year?

I go every year because I have horrible vision, and I'm always worried that something. I also have a floater that's been driving me bananas. You can't do anything about it. It's just there. Do you know, I feel, and I have, I can't believe I don't bring this. There's a surgery, but it's risky. Okay. I feel like it never happens.

What are the risks? Like, you can die or you're- There's a risk that they break up the floater and then you have a million more. And you're going to, it's really annoying. Yeah. Or there's also something else. I'm going to pass on that. Yeah.

That's basically what I said. I have a thing where I feel like there's something in my eye. Something in your eye. I could not identify this song. Oh, the Beatles? Nirvana. Oh, I thought it was Beatles. The Grunge Beatles.

Something in the... You ever see the Batman? I'm about to know more about that. Oh, the most recent one? Yeah. I saw most of it. Yeah, well. No, you know what?

I think I saw exactly half of it. What were you going to say? Exactly half? What were you going to say? Because I remember. looking to see how much time was left and saying, I've already seen 90 minutes of this. Batman, I gave you all I got.

Tell me what you were going to say. I feel, so I feel like there's something in my eye that I can't get out. And it happens, it's not constant, but when it happens, there's just nothing I can do about it. Yeah. And I, now I'm realizing, oh, this is not good. and I should tell my ophthalmologist about it. Yes. Yeah.

Because I go see him a few times a year. A few times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I may have mentioned this before. I have this condition of my eye where there's broken pigment. Yes, you did tell us about it. That could lead to glaucoma. Would you be surprised to know that I do not remember you ever talking about?

I would not be surprised. I do remember that, shockingly. And yet I wonder. And one time I got my eyeball zapped with lasers. So they're trying to keep it in there. Get back in there. Star Wars? Lasers, yeah.

Yeah. They break it up so that it doesn't, um, uh, rub against, it's all gross. Okay. Um,

but yeah, I, it was only recently that I was like, this has been going on for a while and maybe it's a serious issue. Well, yeah, when I had this floater, I got really scared because I was seeing it for like a week and then going

like, like, oh God, what if this is like something. And then I went in and they were just, and you could see it on the thing, which is very validating like when they do like a, you're not crazy. Wow.

Yeah. Like, and there, and then everything. Because everyone's trying to gaslight you that there was no floater. Well, because it seems like it's just a figment of your imagination. It doesn't feel like it's a thing in your eye. Yes. Like that they can see. Yeah.

And so it's very interesting that it's like, no, it's just some debris. Because it's sort of like you see a thing in a slight distance. Yeah. Not that something's on obscuring your vision. Right. Yeah, yeah. But what I have to do is like go like this, roll my eye like I'm nuts. And then it goes, it's good.

Is that why you're constantly rolling your eyes during? the show? Yeah, like, ugh. Yeah, you honestly look more annoyed than nuts. But I have to do that sometimes and I'll be like watching something. I'm like, oh my God. I like to honey, I shrunk the kids myself and get in there and take it out for you. Great. Can we? Do they have that technology? So you're going to bring a mop in or something? Yep. A mop. It's not honey I shrunk myself and a mop. Okay. But he did shrink down to baseball. Okay. Did he? You got to come on the show. What is got my shrunk. Honey, I shrunk. Honey, I shrunk. the kids ourselves and we get like a tiny

like a window washing platform. Yeah, a squeegee. And then so we're up like a attached to your eyelid. Wait, that would feel so good. Yeah. And then we roll it down. Like they get really clean. Yeah.

And then in there you have a golden retriever behind your eye who's very excited to see us. Yeah. Oh, well, yeah, obviously. Like in that one video. That's just kind of what lives in my brain. And then there's the inside out cast is in there too. Not the cartoon characters, the cast. Amy Poller is there.

Okay. That movie, though, the first few minutes, I was a puddle. Oh, girl, I was crying. Puddle of Coke. Oh, girl. I melted into Coke. I was a puddle of Coke. I melted into a pile of cola.

I haven't seen that one. I used to be, I used to be current with all the Pixar's, and there's a few now that I have. Have you seen Turning Red? Turning Red is great. I love that one. I don't think that's Pixar, though. It's not. That's just Disney.

That's just Disney. No, it's just Disney. Disney now is using that style of animation. Okay. But I will say the one thing, like, with soul and inside out and all this, it's like Pixar, they're very interested in like these undefinable concepts,

like putting rules on them. Like, I don't know if you saw soul. Yeah, soul I really liked as well. Okay, soul, you need a patch that, like, it's like, these are unexplainable concepts. We don't need to like, you know, confine them into. Well, it's interesting because.

I think for a movie you do, though, don't you? That's the part I don't like about it. It's like, here are the rules for, to get back your soul. You need five patches. Soul patches. Is that what it was? That's just as valid as any belief system. Well, that's the problem.

They're trying to start their own religion. I don't like it. Because I'm a Scientologist. I have to say, we're going to cut that and use that. I have to say that I... Cut what and use what? When you said I'm a Scientologist to be a quote that will just pull and just use it all the time.

We're going to cut once and use twice. I thought you're going to cut it out of the episode, but then use it like I just said it in real life. No one can ever cut or use that. Okay. But the movie Soul I really liked, and Mike and I were watching that when we were like sobbing. And this was like early pandemic, I want to say, when I came out. I mean, it definitely came out on Christmas when Wonder Woman 1984 came out. Yes.

Okay. Oh, we definitely did that. It was a pandemic Christmas. Because we watched both of those alone. It was the first Christmas after the, during the pandemic. Yeah. And I loved it. But then I, as you're saying this, I'm thinking, okay, if a child is getting education from this about death.

They're going to think that they, when they die, they need. to get five patches. Well, it won't matter then. But I think that the idea that you have an image in your brain of what it looks like, that's a little confusing to me. Like, if let's say somebody they knew died, then they're like picturing the little green world and all these things that are happening in that. And like, I don't know if that is that good at that. How much does the soul weigh again? Six grams? Something grams. 24 grams. Seven grams. Between one and one million grams. We can agree on that, right? Golden grams. Siri, how much does the soul weigh? The soul is worth its weight in golden grams.

The Kia Soul weighs 2,802 pounds. Oh, okay. But even the fully loaded turbo trim tips the scale at just 3,036 pounds. I mean, not bad when you're... Siri, how much does a 1976 Volkswagen Beetle weigh? What do we got? Um... What came up?

Just the value. The value. Siri. Another dimension? Another dimension. Hey. Hey, Siri. Siri.

How much does a soul of a shoe weigh? 1.5 to 2 pounds. Some reason it came up on mine. Siri, how much do you cost? Oh, I got dollar signs. I'm going to sell her. Oh, no. We all have dollar signs in her eyes.

My Siri subscription is about to run out. Oh, no. Yeah. I don't know what to do. Oh, Siri will miss you when you're gone. Hey, guys, I wanted to bring up something that I thought was fun, which is, first of all, I did a cartoon the other day that I've done before. I'm trying to remember the title of it, something like Tender Greens or something.

But I went to it and is very early in the morning. I believe I got there at 845. That's quite early to do a voice record. Quite early to do a VO. Everyone was very nice when I came in and, you know, like getting my info and I was filling out all the forms and the nice young, like probably 20. He seemed to be in his early 20s, nice young gentleman. After he had helped me with everything before I did the record said, oh, by the way, I'm a piss pig. Nice.

And I just laughed. We love your little piss pegs. I was like, it's far too early to hear that sentence. but I like to start my day with that. At my show last night, we, Varitopia, it's, you know,

we have a big band and we had backup singers last night. And one of them. You had a cold play there when you say a big band. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

We had a giant bell that he hit to the hammer. I think it's so funny that like they used to be a band and now they have pre-recorded music and a guy basically has to hit a hammer. That is already pre-recorded. Yeah. Anyway. And so one of the backup singers had not done the show before. And at the end, you know,

I was thanking her for being there. And she said, I thanked her for her service. I saluted her. I presented her with a folded flag. You always carry one around. I always carry one around. And it never touches the ground.

Never. If it does, I burn it. Yeah. But it's always one inch above the ground. Don't you think burning? Oh, yeah. Because it's, I'm edging. You're flag edging.

I'm flag edging. Yeah. Isn't burning it like a little bit dramatic? It's like, ruining something that's so fucking it's like guys you could just throw it on the ground it's fine the idea of flags being so sacred is so funny it's really funny it's a little it's a little yeah and it's only because everyone says they have to be that way yeah but it's a law like of what yeah it's crazy i think it is a law that's stupid someone saw you trip and fall holding a flag in public

i don't think it's a law because i think you can do whatever you want but if you're in the army or navy i don't want to wind up on bad legal takes i don't think it's a law anyway go ahead bad little takes dot dorg yeah it's a dorgization it's a dorkinization so at the end of the show uh you know thank you for doing the show and she said i had a really good time oh and my brother is a really big fan and he told me to tell you that he's a piss pig yeah you have to have that level of hesitation i laughed so hard and i said i'm so sorry you were forced to say that Well, okay, so I did this show in Portland and... We know you flew in a window scene.

No, I'm going to tell a different aspect of this story. Went to a place, something else happened. No, so I did this show and it was with, it was with Jenna Friedman, who I've known for a while. And a musician that I... The musicians here. That I had never heard before, but was really good. And then... Randy Newman.

He loves L.A. This guy, Shepiro, who I guess is an NPR That's familiar A reporter But a serious guy I say it to convey that he's like a serious Like political reporter I think

So he was frowning the whole time I think so Yeah But after the show We're all there to promote I just try it was like It has nothing to do with anything It's totally non-secured

Great Holly We try to get there to learn a lot of names lately And she calls our friend Marcus Marpie Oh Marpy And she always says Marpy. She always says Marpy.

And then when I sing wheels on the bus, she says, Marpy, like I suppose to go, Marcus on the bus says, I love you. And she goes, no, no, no, no, Marpy. Yeah, yeah, Marpy. No, Marpy. Yeah, Marpy. Anyway, I love it.

I like Marpy. Yeah. It's a good name. It's a good name. We're going to work on that. We're working on. We're working up to it. She's at the M's, Paul.

Oh, fair. And she's going to get to P's and then to S's. Yeah. Fair. Mm-hmm. So, so we all are signing books afterwards. Jenna pre-signed her, so she's not there. So it's me and Ari Shapiro.

It's brilliant move. Oh, my God. So it's Ari Shapiro and I signing next to each other at the table. And Ari Shapiro's fans are like coming up and saying like, oh, thank you so much or whatever. And then I got a steady stream of at least seven people and very nice. They're all super nice, gentle people coming up and saying, I just wanted to say I'm a piss pig. And to the point where he and the woman who's in charge of the whole signing are like, what is happening right now?

I love that. I love that. You guys are the best. And people say, will you sign this to a true piss piss pig? Oh, that's so good. It makes me so happy. It's awesome. You guys, we adore you.

I also met a lovely piss pig this weekend as well. And she was very nice. It's very fun. Yeah. Very fun. It really is. What a weird thing. And again, you guys voted to call yourselves that.

That's the thing. I explained that to Ari Shapiro and everyone. I was like, I don't like this personally. Yeah. But we have to abide by the vote because what are we if not a democracy? Well, it's hard. You know, it's hard when you know. And you as a journalist should understand that.

I think when you create something, you can go to places you weren't expecting. And that's part of what it is to be an artist. And I think that we have to accept that you guys want to be called a pisspigs. You can't put the Frankenstein back in the box. Yeah. But you can't put the back. back in the back. You can't put baby in a corner.

You can't? You can, though. Nobody. Nobody does. Nobody does. That's what it. Nobody does. Nobody does.

Nobody does. It's absolutely possible. It's absolutely physically possible, but just nobody does it. Nobody does. Yeah. Why? Why would you? You got to wonder.

I guess it would feel anticlimactic. Like suddenly it's like, oh, look, baby's in the corner. Yeah. Well, because we've always been saying nobody does it. That would look like. I guess I could have pictured in my mind. Yeah. All right. Let's take a break. Bye.

Every group has someone who assists on doing things the hard way. I hope that's not me. That friend who's still paying for a subscription they forgot they had could be me. That one refusing to update the phone because it still works. Okay, not me. A little colder. I used to be that person too. Oh, it turns out it's not me. especially when it came to overpaying for wireless.

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12 months is a year. 12-month plans of a limited premium wireless. Bring your own phone a number, activate with an e-sim in minutes, and start saving immediately. No walked-up contracts, no hassle. With a seven-day money-back guarantee and customer satisfaction ratings in the mid-90s,

it's pretty high, gang. Mint makes it easy to try it and see why people don't go back to their old carrier. My experience with Mint Mobile has been great so far. I'm constantly on the road for work. God damn, that's true. and I've found that no matter where I am across the country, I'm still able to connect with friends and family.

The service from Mint has been just as good as any of the big three networks. Plus, same with a ton of my wireless bill. That's more money in my wallet for room service and extra dessert because I know how to treat myself on the road. Ready to stop paying more than you have to. New customers can make the switch today and for a limited time get a limited premium wireless for just $15 per month. Switch now at mintmobile.com slash,

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Waba. Hey, Lauren, do you have the taste test for us? Oh, yeah. Oh, shit, that's right. Good, because I almost forgot. Um, okay. So the other day, I was... Just the other day?

Yeah. Just the other day. You were walking down the street? Yeah. And you saw a pretty lady? And you didn't know what to say? All this happened. All this happened.

I was at my friend Arden Marines home. And her lover had left a snack. She has a lover? Yeah. She's taken a love. Love her. But it's none of my business to tell you more. You can figure that out in your own time.

Can I call her right now? Sure. And okay, no, she's not answering. She's busy. But so Arden, okay, when I hang in her house, one of the things is that I'm really good at buying snacks. She doesn't eat a lot of snacks or have a lot of snacks. So when I go to her house,

I bring snacks. Okay. But. Do you bring snacks for days or just for your personal consumption at that moment? For my personal consumption? You know, for working on something. I'm going to be hungry. I want to want my snack.

But her dude had a snack there that she was like, you got to try this because you love snacks. You're going to like this. Well, I had one bag of this thing and then I ordered 50 more. Whoa. So the previous previously on Freedom, we had a taste test of something Lauren does not like, but that I liked and Paul was good on it.

I like this genre of thing. And now it's something that I really like and I'm addicted to right now. Okay. This is called Bada Bean, Bada Boom. Okay, these are crunchy broad beans. By the way, what? The listeners may have thought she said Bada Bing. I did not.

Which is, was made famous on the Sopranos. It was the strip club on the Sopranos. Sweet onion and mustard. So we have garlic and onion. We have that one. We have sea salt and we have sweet saracha. I will say not a huge. The flavors are, you know, there's a little bit of blending, I think.

Now these are broad. What's it mean when it says, crunchy broad beans. Here's what I would like to tell you. I didn't know and I felt good not knowing. Okay. All right. I would like you to try it.

I tear down the side will do. You're going to have to take up the slack here. So they're opening these bott of beans. Now Paul's having the yellow bag and Scott is having the blue bag, which is sea salt. You're having sweet onion and mustard. And now what I love, okay, 110 calories. And this is six grams of protein. This is great to throw it in your bag on the,

go now I'll eat them at home um it says broad beans with plant based protein and fiber roasted for crunch and season to perfection yes I did go on Amazon and order 50 bags instantly and they're vegan and I've eaten 50% of them at least um they're so 25 bags well Mike and I are both eating them so yeah he's he got into it right away yeah I probably I've definitely eaten at least 12 bags I would say that's reasonable at the bottom it says vegan then it says non-GMO then there's two circles One has the initials GF. Gluten free. Right.

What's you? I think it's, isn't you, is you co-cher? Up yours? It looks like, go fuck you. Is you kosher? Go fuck yourself. Why do I think that? Maybe K would be kosher.

I think K would be kosher, dear. It means kosher. Ha! Wait! Fuck you! Why is that K? The letter U on a food means that food is kosher. It was processed according to Jewish dietary laws.

Foods that are certified kosher can carry a U in a circle or a K in a circle, star or triangle. A D refers to dairy, so the D indicates the kosher product also contains milk. So if it had milk,

it would say it had milk. If it had milk, if it had milk, it would say it had milk. Anyway, do you like them? I think they're fine. You tried C-Sol off the bat, which I wouldn't say is not as exciting as it gets.

Well, I wanted the baseline. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. These tastes like honey mustard. Snyders? Yeah. I like that.

Yeah. Should we? Can I have a honey mustard? them around. Try another flavor. If you want. They taste like, I mean, they taste like nothing but the seasoning. So it's a success. Yeah, it's good. Here's a saracha.

All of them feature a little cartoon bean on the package, and he's in a different outfit depending on the flavor. This is the good part about it. This is the good part of it. Anyway, I'm totally addicted. I think they're a great little snack. I think it's a great little snack. Oh, good. Hey, wait a minute.

Paul and Lauren are kissing. Gnam, yum, yum, yum, broad beans. I actually prefer the flavorless. I like sea salt too, but I started with flavors, so then when I had sea salt, it was sort of like, oh, it's a departure. Yeah. But if you go the opposite way, it's the Maine.

Yeah, so these, we're having sea salt on Maine right now. That's the honey mustard. Okay, this is the garlic. That's your favorite. This is the only one that I haven't had. Your favorites? Yeah. Sweet syrac.

Oh, this guy's not wearing any. clothes and his ass is showing. Oh, man. I'm reporting him to HR. All the other beans are wearing some kind of clothing and this one's just like, look at my fucking ass. Why have the behind view of the pepper? It's a bean. Oh, it's a bean?

I thought it was the syracia pepper. It's a bean that's disguised as a syracia pepper. Oh, for Halloween? He's trying to trick us. Hallibine. Ah. So it's a fun snack for everyone out there. Yeah, I think it's fun.

Now, we're not sponsored by them, right? Not at all, but I'd love to be a little bit. So this is not an ad? If they wanted to do it. I would totally do it because I would love them to send me a bunch of free Bada bean. How much did 50 cost? I think so I bought boxes of like, I think it was 24, about a box of 24 that was like $24. One box of 24 of one box of 26.

I just mean I got two that were 24. So it's actually 48 bags. I think they were about $25 for this. So it's like a dollar a bag at that point. Okay. So you spent $50 on this? I did. $48?

Yeah. Don't you go to the store and buy? it and spend 50 bucks? I've never spent more than $33 at the store. Wow. At any store. Same. I bring $33 exactly in cash.

That seems really hard. And what sucks is I don't look at the prices. And then, you know, the cashier will ring it up and I'll say, can you take that off, please? Because I have, I just like fill a car. Did I tell you, though, I know I've talked about this, that I had a friend whose father would do that at the supermarket and would, like, they'd ring it up and it would be like $155 and he'd say,

I'll give you a hundred for this. This sounds vaguely familiar. And half the time, he would haggle at the checkout. Half the time they would call the manager over and just be like, okay. Because it was worth it to not have to, it's too annoying to put everything back on the shop.

Because he would go like, if you won't take 100, then I'm going to just walk away. And he would, and half the time he would leave it all there. And walk away. That's fucking. What is that how stores work? I hate that. hate him. But that's how I found out you could do it because half the time it would work.

People can do things that are crazy all the time. Exactly. Really? It doesn't mean you should. People get away with all sorts of shit. That's how I found out you can break into someone's home. And you can't put baby in a corner. I didn't know you could. And now I know you can. That's making me angry. I hate this guy. Well, I'm sure he's no longer alive. If that's any consolation. Yeah. Is that all right? I did talk about my mother dying in a funny way last night on stage and then found out that there was a child in the audience. Did she fall into a bucket of pudding? Did she become a pile of Coke?

What? I talked to my mother dying in a funny way. Oh. Oh, no. Bucket and pudding. It puts the pudding in the basket. You see, it puts the pudding in the basket. We have to reset the sign now.

How many days are you? So Bill Cosby reference. Yep. Click, click, click, click. Zero. But so there was a child in the audience. Yeah. Yeah.

And was it the first time they'd ever heard of the concept? I don't know. I don't know. I'd like to think that it was you who introduced them. I hope so. Yeah. And then it was pointed out to me that I, because I think she's like seven, something like that. She's like a young kid.

And I, when I was pointed out, I just said, well, obviously, I'm joking. The mommies never die. Uh-huh. And this is what comedy is you make things absurd. You heighten them. The idea of a mind-dying is ridiculous. I started watching John Malini's special the other night. And then he also had a child in the audience who was 11.

He noticed the kid and then they had an interaction. But the kid was wearing like a suit like he was. Was he actually? Oh. I would believe that. I know. But then and then, but of course his special like the comment he was making as he was like, this is like not like his other specials where who would bring the kid.

Because it is that question of like if you're a fan, You kind of know where this one's going to go, you know, what topics we're going to cover. And if you're a fan of Paul, you know he's going to talk about his mom. Well, Paul's going to go off the rails. I feel like you're kind of a safe one, though, to bring a kid to where, you know, you're, it doesn't feel like you would offend. It doesn't feel like you're going to say the C word too many times. I feel like when I've had kids in the audience, I'm like saying horrible things. And then I'm like, sorry.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I just always assume, like, because I am not, I will talk, I guess I'll talk about adult themes, let's say. Right, right. Like drug use. Yes. Smoking. Smoking dupes.

Nudity. Brief nudity. Strong language. You show your butt crack. Stroblites. Oh, by the way, you come out with stroll lights. You blast strobelights. Then you have your ass out and you're going, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Honestly, it's a great show. You know what's seen it? Yeah, I'd go. That sounds so good. Fuck, fuck, fuck. By the way, next show, you've got to start with this. So funny. That sounds so...

My pants out just a little bit. Stroblights. So funny, I can't take it. I need that. I'm smoking a cigarette. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Okay, we got all that out of the way. Tits, tits.

All right. And now I'll tell you a little ditty about a time I drove my car. Who here likes traffic violence. But I do, I guess I assume that if you're bringing your kid, you must assume that your kid is cool with this. Yeah. But doesn't that make an ass out of you and them? Absolutely. How do you feel about bringing Emmy to a show when she's seven?

Yeah. Seven? Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Will she be interested? That's the real question. I feel like, yeah.

Well, you don't want to bring a kid to anything. No. If they can't sit still and watch it. We brought Kulap's sister to the Bird and the Bee, a great band. Yeah. When she was 20 and she hated it. So it's like, right, because you have to be like, this is our taste versus your taste. Yeah.

But I always assume also that these little kids are comedy fans. Yeah. And that's what I always assume. And I thought, because I was talking about the Malini thing with my friend because she was kind of like, who brings their kid without? I was going, I could see A, being happy someone took me at 11. Absolutely. Because I liked comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or with my own child, I feel like I might go, yeah, it's a comedy show. Because when you're young, you're just being taken to all, like, the world's worst entertainment, usually. Right, like you're like, we have to go to the opera, yawn. No, I just mean, like, kids' shows are generally terrible. Oh, yeah. And I think that you as a kid can sense it that they're bad, right? Well, at a certain point, yeah, it turns a corner. Eleven, you would definitely be over any sort of kid-based thing.

It would be funny if the opera, like, the performers are like, hey, there's a kid here. Yeah. Stop the show. Let's do it a little bit differently. Should they do kid operas though where it's like... This is opera but for kids. So it's like no more than 45 minutes. It's like kids' pop, but it's like...

Yeah, we're going to just play the hit. We're going to sing, you know, Carmina or whatever. Or is that classical? Carmina Baruna. That's just classical music. Right. So what are... What are some of the like...

Ave Maria? You got your Rigoletto. You got your... Lord of... Yeah, you sing all the hits. But you make them about kids, kid stuff. Kid stuff, yeah. So it's like, I want my smartphone all night, all day as well.

I have my toast today. Oh, you had some toast today? And you wet your pants today? Yeah, great. All classic little kid things. Yeah. Kids have toast, right? Yeah, I give it to Holly all the time.

Do you really? And how do you toast it? What does that mean? Medium brown. No, I mean like what's your stove burner? Yeah. What's my method? Yeah.

I have a toaster. that I was actually influenced to buy by Dana. Really? She posted on her Instagram about this toaster. Dana Zalini? No. Dana Dang. Dana Dang. My cousin in law.

And she posted about this toaster oven called Balmuda. And I bought it quite instantaneously. Well, I was looking for a toaster anyways. And then she was like showing how it works, which is really fun because it has this little, you open the door. And at the top, there's a little slit. Your front door? Yeah.

And then you pour, it comes with this tiny. mug that's like this big an inch. Lauren's indicating a tiny mug. Yeah. It's an inch big. Her arm spread really, really wide. And you fill it with water and then you fill the little

slit hole with the water. Talk slower. There's a kid here. And then it is the perfect. It makes pizza perfectly. It makes toast because it has that little water that kind of adds that humidity to the situation.

Slit. Yeah, and the slit. And And you, everything's perfect. So I make the toast in there and it's delicious. Wow. And what brand name is it? Belmuda.

And now wait. Belmuda. We're not. Laugda. Oh, I want to take you. We're not sponsored by them. And this is not a commercial. It's not.

This is just part of the show. People are listening to. It's not. And you know what? But listen, Belmuda, please send us shit. Yeah, send us like three toasters. Oh, my God. If you set me a thing.

This is a retroactive ad. A piece. A piece. A piece. A piece. A piece. A piece. Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway, I really like it. It's especially great for reheating things because it gives a bad match. So like something has been hot in the past. Like a pizza or a chicken nugget? And it gives it a nice... One chicken nugget? May I have one chicken nugget, please?

It gives it a good texture. It would be... You can't just buy one ever, right? One nugget? Yeah, anywhere, right? I think you have to buy them in quantities of 60. You have to buy them in at least six, right? Did you say 60?

I did. I love a chicken nugget. You know, I love a chicken nugget. McDonald's has those like huge containers, though, where you can get like 20, 40. Oh, sure. Yeah.

There's something kind of fun about that. Not for one person, but if you're having a party. Do you know what? One time I showed up to a little house party. Was it a little house on the prayer? Yeah. Little house.

I've told you this story. No, I don't think so. There was a house party at the little house on the prairie. Really? Everybody was there. Nellie Olson. Wow.

Alfonzo? Alonzo. Alonzo. That was a question on the People magazine thing. It was, what show are these three couples part of? And it was like Laura and Alonzo, Nellie and whoever. Furtado. One,

and Lennie and Furtado. And then another one, and I, as a person who watched that show religiously when I was a kid, didn't even know who they were. Really? Yeah. Wait, what the fuck? Oh, so.

You went to a house party. My friend, it was John Mata. He and I were going here. together. Oh, this was, okay, yeah. This was a while ago. And we said, let's go through the McDonald's drive-thru and get like a bunch of cheeseburgers. Hell, yeah.

And we got. For the party. Yeah. We got like 30 or something like that. Wow. A bunch of them, a few dozen of them. And it was a big fucking hit. I bet.

Especially if you're showing up when the party's been going for a bit. Yes, exactly. Meanwhile, your other friend doesn't even have Coke for you. No. What's up with that? No coke for me, he said. No coke for you. He's the Coke Nazi.

Yeah, when will the soup Nazi be canceled? No, there wasn't Seinfeld New York Times. Just out there being a Nazi? There wasn't Seinfeld New York Times article where they like caught up with the writers and the cast or whatever. And they were like, yeah, you couldn't do the soup Nazi today. Like, wait. Yeah, you could.

Yes, you could. They're saying it's bad, that he's bad about his. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not saying like, boy, we love Nazis. you guys think was the point of this guy. He became a beloved character on the show. Do you remember that gave? I feel like when Elaine married the soup Nazi,

that was a part they probably wouldn't have done. Yeah. Yeah, and converted to Nazism. Do you remember they gave a talk show to the guy that wrote the soup Nazi episode? Yeah. What? What was it? It was a late night talk show. I think he had a couple of shows.

Did he? Yeah. He had this talk show and then a show about cars, maybe? I don't know. You're some. You say, hey, you're something. Only I do so is about cars. But so does Jerry Seinfeld.

How many, how many donuts did Jay show up with at the writer's dog? Two. It really was like, you're a billionaire. I know you don't touch your Tonight Show buddy. What does that mean? What? He doesn't touch it. This is a thing. It's so funny.

This is a thing that he maintains. Yes. And it's like I own. I live off of my. He's like, I'm saving all my Tonight Show money. I'm not touching it. I live off of my stand-up money. What's he saying for?

I think he's trying to say that he's like, I don't know. He doesn't have kids. No. I think now's the time to use it. That's the thing. Like he really said it was like a point of pride and it seems, it's like one of those things you hear and it seems impressive.

And then you think about it and you're like, well, why? Yeah. Why don't you just live a great life with a ton of money? Also, what do I care? I would assume you are spending it. Why am I reading this? But back during the previous writer strike, it was like he decided to go back while it was still going on and write his own monologue, even though he was in the

WGA, which I think is a regret of his from what I read. But I mean, and his whole thing was... In a life filled with regrets. His whole thing was, well, I want my crew to keep working. And I'm like, touch your Tonight Show money. Just give that money to that. Well, because some late night people did pay their crews, right? Didn't Conan do that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some people did. Conan, yeah, Conan did shows and it was very much like an unwritten thing where he was just like fucking around and everything. Yeah. And Letterman, I forgot about this, that Letterman worked out his own deal. Yeah, he worked at his own deal. Because he owns his own production company and he owned his own show.

And basically the deal was, hey, whatever they agree to will, we'll do, you know, we'll do exactly what everyone agrees to. Why isn't every, here's my point. Why doesn't every company do that go? Whatever we agree to, we'll do it. But I don't understand that. Retroactively. He was able to, he was able to keep going.

Because his, his show isn't owned by CBS or whatever, like the big conglomerates. He owned his own show. So he made a side deal. It wasn't being a scab. Anyone can cut a side deal. deal if they want. Like NBC could go cut their own deal right now if they wanted. There were rumors that Disney was going to do that.

The Bobbogger, Disney was going to do that. Yeah. Because, but they feel like if they band together, they'll get more. Much like the writers are banding together to get more. See. This has become a strike podcast. I like that. Yeah.

We have all the information and we're sharing it here. Absolutely all the information. This is the only podcast you need. Yeah. If you're out there looking for info about the strike. This is it. This is it. It's an explanation of why we need writers.

We should have mentioned that up top, I guess, but we're mentioning it now. Right now, the only thing you need to know is about how many donuts Jay Leno. Here's a Randy's donut. Here's the thing. Whatever the amount is, it's not enough. It's not enough because I feel like. I saw 24. I feel like he got out there like day three of the strike because he's like, oh, there's another strike.

I got to be good from the last one. Here's some donut. Here's some donut. Go crank up my car and get in there and crank up the car. Anyway, strike is still going on. We bet. I'm sure by this. I think so.

I think that's safe to say. Yeah. Some like nine days from now? Yeah. I think it's safe to say it'll still be going on. I think they're still going to be strike. We have to take a break. Okay, bye.

Good. Hey, everyone. It's Leah Greenberg. And Ezra Levin, you might know us as two of the lead organizers of the No King's protests. We're also the co-founders of indivisible the grassroots movement organizing against Trump's regime. And this is What's the Plan? Your weekly guide to the state of our democracy and how we fight back. This is not canned talking points. It's a real live discussion space for the pro-democracy movement.

We wrestle with strategy together. We take your top-voted questions in real time. And we talk about the most impactful actions we can take right now. Democracy is a participatory sport. The fascist win when we sit on the sidelines. What's the plan is about how we get into the game? What's the plan available Friday, January 23rd, wherever you get your podcasts? Subscribe, recruit, discuss, organize, and win. That's the plan. Guess what?

Hey, what, Paul? We're back. Oh, shit, really? Yeah. Oh, I... Moran, I'm sorry, you didn't get a chance to guess. That we're back? Yeah.

You're right. All right, we're going to... Yeah, right. Let's hear a voicemail from one of our blessed piss pigs. If you would like to call us, Dial Haag claims eight. And let me sell you something. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something.

When I say something. When I say the name, when I say the phone number, you should say how high? You should say how high? I am saying it in the cadence of a commercial tagline for something called unclaimed freight. And this is maybe a nationwide thing. I don't know. I've never heard of this. But the commercial would go, unclaimed freight.

And then it would tell you like, here's this. that people just didn't pick up and you can buy it. Like what? A boat. One boat? Uh, 30 purses. Wait, someone who's taking a boat on a train? Was this a, did it start off as a train?

It was not a freight train. Oh. This was freight that no one claimed. I was like, just take a train on a boat. I understand that. Well, if you take the fox over first, then it's going to want to eat the seeds. Yeah. So just go to unclaim freight and buy all the grain.

Yes. That's the whole point of that. And if you're the scorpion, be a frog. All right. But it would start with unclaimed freight, unclaimed freight. And then at the end,

it would say it again, Unclaimed freight. And then the guy would come in with, it's great. Wow. So hag claims aid is in the cadence. Hague claims eight. Hague claims eight.

Now you will have that in your head. Great. Congrats. Hague claims great. All right. Here's a voicemail from one of our wonderful listeners. Piss thanks.

Here we go. Hi, Scott, Lauren, and Paul. I was just calling in to ask what each of you would do on the playground at recess when you were in elementary school. Oh, wow. I wish you said your name. Wow, my first thought was bubble gum, bubble gum in a dish. How many pieces do you wish?

What is that? Everyone puts one toe in the middle, the circle. You have to take your shoes off? No. Is this on your WikiVee? You can leave you. use all. This is like to be like,

before you play tag, you're going to start with who's it. Yeah. Everyone puts their foot in. Then you go on each foot. Bubble gum, bubble gum in a dish. How many pieces do you wish?

One, two, three, did you ever figure those out beforehand? Yeah, you start to go like, oh, if it's every other one. It's a bit of it.

We used to do, the one we relied on the most was, uh, my mother and your mother. We're hanging in the ones. My mother and your mother. What's that?

My mother and your mother. were hanging out clothes. My mother punched your mother right in the nose. What color blood came out? Whoa. If it was green. What color blood came out? She's a vulcan.

She R-E-E-N spells green. And you are not the one to be it. Wow. So we would eliminate people and then the last person was it. Wow. It takes up a lot of time. Yeah. But that's fun.

You got a while to kill out there. We also played the ground is lava, obviously. Floor's lava? The ground is lava. They're outside. I hate when I accidentally call the ground, the floor by vice versa.

Yeah. That bothers me. And when I call the sky, the roof. Mm-hmm. The roof's really blue today. Cool up. Paul is fucking with his microphone. If you hear that squeaking, by the way.

I'm not fucking with it. Somehow it's unscrewed. It's not a little mouse technician. If you're hearing that out. Chewed and screwed. I chewed and screwed. I would... Shoot and screwed, man.

I'd play... What do you? Is it handball? What do you call it when you like, you get the dodge ball and you like hit it and it's supposed to bounce and it goes above the little line and then you... You hit it with what? A bat?

No, you're like your fists together. I don't know that. Or you could like do it with your... Some half-bounce volleyball? No, it's against a wall. It's against an actual wall. And so my school had a bunch of these walls with like a little white line painted white line.

approximately yay high and then we would all play this game. And you had to, it had to bounce inside. I guess it's a lot like racquetball, but with a dodge ball. We used to play wall ball, which is like that, but with like a super ball,

you know, or a tennis ball. Oh, yeah. And I forget the rules of it, but there was something where if you did a certain thing, the penalty was you had to lean against the wall with your ass sticking out and then they would throw the ball. They would throw the ball.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. And then somebody would get to throw the ball. If you do that, that will kill. It will kill my career. As long as you have a big sign. Yeah.

On the stage before you get out there, warning this show has strobe lights. Brief nudity. Smoking. Strong language. Smoking. And then you come out and do it right at the top. People will.

That's a really good guy. And then I go into my regular act. I like it. All right. With that out of the way, we could resume. But what the fuck? We were talking about wall balls.

So then somebody would throw the ball at the person's ass as hard as they could try to hurt them. Oh, we would do that with the dodge ball. It's the same thing. Yeah. Interesting. I would play vol or no, what do you call it,

tether ball. Apparently where we were staying in Ohio yesterday, the property had a tether ball. I used to love tether ball. and you get hit in the face with that pretty regularly. And I asked, how was it? Because Kulop and her two friends were playing, and they said it smelled so bad.

Like the balls like waterlog or something. It's nasty. Our playground was... They should make a tetherball umbrella. Yeah. That's all I'm saying. I've been saying this for years. That's pretty smart.

The playground was all metal and wood equipment, you know. And now everything is so, when I take holiday to the park, it's so safe feeling, not completely, because there's still... In a bad way. Well, I think at first I was kind of like, why is the floor, again, ground, excuse me, fucking rubber everywhere that I'm going. But then the times when she's fallen, I'm like, that's amazing. Yeah. Why wouldn't it be that?

Why should we have to have a lesson here? Like it's like, the local playground, like the public playground when I was a kid had, it was all cement. Like everything was cement and metal. It had one of those big gigantic. like triangle things. It was just a piece of metal. Yeah. You're just climbing up.

You're climbing down. It would be a million degrees in the sun. And then we also, my favorite thing was there was a cement, it was a cement mixer made out of cement that you could climb on and get inside. You pretend you were driving and everything. Is that possible to make a cement mixer out of cement? Because how would the first one ever get made?

It's possible, but it's profane. It's against God. It's spitting in God's space. It doesn't make any sense. But I remember getting in the inside of like where the big cone where the cement would be mixed. And it was so cool in there and dark. And it was a very specific feeling.

You wanted to live there for the rest of your life. I wanted to hide from all my pain. Oh, I'm sorry. There's a lot like being in the womb. Yeah, it was very womb like. Yeah. My mother's room was very hard. I remember.

It was. Hey! I lived three doors down from a park. and I remember because there was I was like 3.11 from apart. I was going to say is that way three doors down his name that? Yep.

His of you? I don't blink one eighty two from apart. But it was all sand and I remember like digging around in the sand once and there was a broken bottle and I cut my whole hand. Ew, shit. Yeah.

What if that happened in Dune? Yeah, that would be a great scene. I hear that's in the sequel. He finds a broken bottle in the sand. He cuts his hand. Yeah. He's like, I wish the sand worms.

No, I have tetanus. Um, yeah. What else would you do during recess? Um, you know, chase each other. I sliced. I have a, I have an issue where I, Pepsi'd. I realized. How do you like it?

I like it. Okay. Um, I have an issue where I, I am now in a permanent state of rush, even if I'm not rushed, but I do everything as if I'm rushed. So like putting things away or washing dishes. You want to do that. Well, because you're closer. I just, I'm doing it.

You're closer to death than birth and you're like, what am I going to spend the rest of my life? It's probably that. Probably that. Like this precious little time I have left. I got to get this pan wash. So I was washing a wine glass. Oh. Too hard.

And I fucking, it shattered in my hand. And I sliced. Well, dude, that's like my, with my knife situation. Did you have to go to the hospital? Not that bad. But it was, it was bandaid treatable, but still pretty. No, and it's really shocking when you cut yourself like that. Like you're just doing something random and you're just like,

Ah, treatable, but live a beatable. Okay. It was far made sheetable. Lauren, don't go. I'm here.

Okay, so I do remember one, one recess in particular. You never wait. Terrible terrible, terrible recess for me. Yeah, exactly.

Sixth grade, before recess, like an hour before we, recess. So my friends were like, who do you like? Who do you like? Who do you like? Who do you like?

Oh yeah. And I'd have this crush on this girl for a long time. I'd never told anyone. I was just, it was eating away at me. And they were like, who do you like? Who do you like? And then they wouldn't let me alone because I was like, no, no one. And so finally I said that and they're like, okay.

All right, you're going to ask her at the time, it was go around to go around. You're going to ask you to go around during. at recess. They're commanding you to do this? Yeah, I'm like, no, I'm not. They're like, oh, it became one of those things of like, oh, we'll give you 25 cents to. You can buy a pair of shoes with that.

Keep those new sharkies. So then when recess came around, it became a thing that I was going to do. And meanwhile, this had traveled through the class. And meanwhile, the girls had found out about this and we're trying to intercept her to say this is happening. Oh, no. And I just went up and it like, I was like looking for her.

And I finally found her. I was like, hey, you want to go around? She went no. And I went, okay. And walked away. Did you get 25 cents? And yeah, and I stuck out my hand. They put the 25 cents in my hand.

And I was like just emasculated from the whole thing. But you earn that money. Yep. And I, you know what? I've never touched it. And honestly, that's why. I don't touch my recess money. Yeah, you've only.

I didn't put it in the bank. It didn't have any interest. I just have this quarter over there. You have a deal with those people still where you can ask anyone to go around. Which, by the way, do you want to go around? No. Hey, 25 cents, please. Chiching!

My eyes, they're dollar size. I have quarters in his eyes. They're falling out. Oh, no, they're quarters on his eyes. He's dead. Quarters on his eyes. His eyes. His brain is squirming like a toe.

Do we want to do another voicemail? Do we want to do? Do we have time? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we have time. Okay.

Here we go. Is that the voicemail? Hi, Scott Paul and Lauren. It's Katie calling. Hi, Katie. Hi, Katie. I like to call you guys on my way home from work when I'm just thinking about things. So today I was wondering.

Eyes on the road. 12 and 2. 12 and 2. Do you consider yourself to be more of a dog? or a cat. So now this is not the kind of animal that you prefer, but like thinking about your personality. We got it.

We're not stupid. Stop explaining it. Maybe you guys could answer for each other. She wants us to know which animal we prefer. We get it. I'm sorry. It's not prefer. We get it, Katie.

It's which do we prefer. Oh, wait, what she said? Yeah. She said she's a lot. Oh, yeah. Loyal piss big. Oh, yeah. Loyal piss big.

Loyal piss big. Loyal piss big. Loyal piss big. Katie, thank you so much. I think I'm definitely more of a dog. In what way? I think I have more of a dog energy than a cat energy. I think I want to be,

I like people and want to be liked. You want to be affection? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I think I give affection as well. I trust you. I feel like I have cat and I think I'm a cat.

I think I'm a cat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A cool cat. Oh, yeah. cat with sunglasses. I'm a cat. You're a California raisin

with sunglasses or a saxophone. Wow. I feel like I'm the weiner-snitzel hot dog. Like Yeah. I'm anxious. That makes sense. I'm running across the country. Yes. I feel like I'm one of those cows that holds up the sign that says

eat more chicken, but it's misspelled. I feel like I'm like the swirl and the jamba sign. Yeah. Just like you get what I'm saying. Like I'm just that. I feel like I'm Etna, the insurance company. I feel like I'm the afflif done. I feel like I'm Halliburton. I feel like I'm G.

Remember when they changed to G? What's G? Oh, Blackwater changed to G. Oh, Blackwater changed to G. X, E, yeah. Oh, X, X, X, E. Yeah. Why?

I don't know. They're like, oh, people are on to us. Oh, no. We're not Blackwater. We're G. It's like Minespring. What's mine spring? Oh, Life Spring.

Life Spring changed to Landmark forum. Oh. First it was S, then it was Life Spring, then it was Landmark Forum. Yeah, a lot of rebranding going on in the Got to do it. Landmark. Got to do it.

It's like the Landmark extended universe. It's like the Streep daughters where it's like for it goes from Streep to Gummer to Jacobson. It's like, hey, we're not cashing in on the street. You really keep us off the sense. Even though we look and sound exactly like that. Oh, that is my mother actually. Yeah.

Oh, Merrill? Oh, in terms of who raised me? Yeah. That's right. In terms of why you find me interesting in any of? No, she's great. Of course. She's great.

We love her. We love her. Merrill's one of the great streets. I feel like I'm closer and closer to getting a dog. Oh, my God. If you had a dog, no, you need a dog. This should be the series finale of freedom. The minute you get a dog, the show's over and we just go goodbye.

I don't know why the show has to end, but I think you should get a dog. To pay for that dog. Don't you think it's really fun? I do think of the show is. really fun. Honestly, I was having a bad day today and I had, on the way here, I was like, it would be nice to have a dog, just to have a thing

who's a living thing whose job it is to shit. That's what that's that's the trade on. That's why I don't have one. Honestly, my dog is very excited to see me all the time. She follows me everywhere to the point where I'm sort of going, get a life. Dude, get some interests.

It's like a little bit much sometimes. But it's nice. Because I thought Like, if I was sat and I was like sitting on the couch to have the dog next to me, just sitting there with me. And I feel like you love dogs. Like you really, when you meet a dog, that means something to you. Yeah, it does. And I feel like that's very special.

I don't really feel that way when I meet a dog. I'm kind of like, that's so cute. And I don't really care. Because you have a dog. Yeah, but even before that. And I think you have this strong connection with dogs. Yeah. And you would, what kind of dog would you want?

I mean, I, I, I love a dog that you can. can actually hug like a, like a lab. I think you need a little bit bigger one. Like if it was standing on its high and legs, he would tower above you. No. Like Clifford the big red? Oh, that's too big.

Okay. Oh, that's too big. So like a mini-clifford. By the way, they're underselling how big he is. He's bigger than a house. I mean, the red part, they're pretty accurate. He should be Clifford, the gigantic dog. Yeah.

Who even cares if he's red? I think it should be. He's enormous. I think it's Clifford. He's basically Godzilla, the big red dog. Yeah. The red part to me is the strange part. I love huskies.

I think they're so funny. But they do require, they're a lot of work. Mike had some mooyed growing up. Oh, yeah. And I kind of love that. I think that would be really fun.

They're so pretty and big. And I think they're hypologetic too. Oh, I don't know. I might be wrong. But obviously, you know, you go to the pound and you get,

you get what you get. You don't get upset. You rescue a dog. You like, I love those stories people have of going into rescue place and they look at the dogs and then they have a connection to the dog. They just know.

That's what's going to happen. Do it, do it. I do think when you go into a rescue place, they should force you to, because it's like basically you just pay them and they give you the dog. They should force you to do the rescue whatever they had to do to get the dog.

Like with Molly, our one dog was like a Tijuana trash dog who was in a backyard for two years and was never inside or whatever. Like they should set up a whole thing where we have to sneak into a compound and like literally rescue her with like people yelling at us as we grab her

and like, hey, get back here with my dog. So you feel more like you rescued the dog rather than just it being a business transaction. So you can literally say, and it can be fake and the guns aren't real. They're firing blanks. I'm going to throw something out there though. I think that there should be,

it should be sort of a 50-50 chance that the dog has to rescue you. So that when it said who rescued who? I was just thinking that because in Scott's scenario, it's like, oh no, I rescued this dog. Right. It's very clear.

The dog didn't do shit. Yes. So maybe there's, and you flip a coin to see a dog coin. Which scenario you're going to get a doge coin. Yeah. To see, to see who goes first.

But you're in a cage at one point in the dog like goes up to the cage and tries to figure out how to get you out. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, guess what? No opposable thumbs. Not going to happen. So then you're stuck in the cage forever?

Then you're stuck in the cage forever. Yeah. Okay. At the very least, you should, after you select the dog, you feel like you've made that connection. Yeah. You should then trade places. Yeah. And see, does the dog now feel the same now that they're outside of the cage? And then make the dog go to work for you and say like, see, it's not so fun.

Hmm, that's interesting. Meanwhile, you're in the cage waiting to get fed. That's also not so far. Hoping that someone will adopt you. Yeah. And it's like, hey, see, we liked where we were originally. Yeah. Each one had a thing that was better. That's true. Here's what I do. I go to the rescue center. I look at all the dogs and I say, count your blessings.

Yes. And then I leave. be me right now. Yeah. Happy to podcast. I mean. I have to go sit and bullshit with my friends for two hours. I think you,

I think you got to do this. I feel very excited. This is a summer project. Don't put a clock on this. There's no clock on this. But go visit, like spend the summer going to different things and like, you know,

see you some animals. Maybe. Just for fun. I am now a person who will ask if I can pet your dog on the street. Yeah, okay. You need to do it. I went to the dry cleaners the other day

and there was this dog in the bag. in the back seat was sticking his head out the window. And there was somebody in the passenger seat. And I walked up and said, can I say hi to your dog? And she said, sure. And his name was Nelson. He was beautiful. Nelson.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had a real Nelson personality too. Yeah. Yeah, the person in the front seat was Craig T Nelson. And he said, I name my dog, Nelson. I want people to think we're the band. And he was married to Nelson Franklin. That's right.

Nelson, Nelson. Nelson. Just Nelson's all over. Yep. It's Nelson's all the way down. And you met a great dog. Yeah, I really, I'm doing that more and more now where I see dogs. And Janie's on board for a dog if you were to get one.

I think she would be. I think she would be. Once you took it home. Surprise, buddy. Is there anyone who doesn't like that? Someone's showing up with a surprise animal? That's what's so crazy to me anytime you see that in a movie. It's like, here's a dog in a box or something.

I do think my dad did that one year. He's a lunatic. Like, did not tell your mom? I think it was a surprise to her. We got a Dalmatian. Oh, my God. There has to have had to be there in some conversation. It didn't last long in our house.

Dalmatian. I had friends who got a Dalmatian and they're like, this dog is too much. Why? Run for a million hours a day. It needs so much exercise. My dad would take it on like long runs. Yeah.

And, but yeah, it was really wild. And it was big in our house. Our house was like tight. and it was like the tail would thwap and knock everything over. It was just like, it just was a crazy idea. So we can't have a, yeah.

So it actually was, I've probably told the story. It was given to my dad's friend who had a farm and it went to a farm. So that is true. That can happen. Uh-huh. I know. I asked as an adult though, was that really true? So they still don't trust you with the real answer.

Yeah, yeah. They put him down. They instantly put them down. Our house is not big enough for a real thing. big dog. We'd have to get like probably a mid-sized, mid-sized sedan of a dog. The Kia. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like a...

The Kia Soul. Yes. I think you could have a nice little, um, a little golden retriever. I don't know if we have the roover. Okay, then like corgi size. Yeah, probably. But not a corgi. Corgi is fucking funny. Corgies are funny. Look, if you have

an idea for a dog that Paul should get, just flag him down. Yeah, flag him down on the street. Flag him down. You know what? Actually, yeah. And go, hey, jerkface. He'll know that it's about the dog if you say that. I don't like this. Don't do that to me.

Please don't do that. Do it to Lauren. No, don't love to me. Don't know. So you don't want any contact. All right, we have to go. But we talked about hack claims eight. You know the number.

Yeah. If you want to write to us, send it to Freedom, U.S. at gmail.com and send us like games you like to play. You don't have to make up a game. Yeah. But send us a game you play in the car. Because we're getting endless variations on the same game. Yeah. That we've played before. You can just play that game.

But uh, and by the way, if you leave a voicemail, do it like these two did. Well, the first one didn't say her name, but do it like our last one. Tell us your name and keep it brief. And you can be asking us a question. Wow. Wow. That could happen to you. Wow. You too.

You guys are great. We love you. And thank you for listening to our dumb ass podcast. Thank you so much. Yeah. And get the shirt about how great our show is. Oh, yeah.

That's a fun shirt. The wearer believes the shirt. The wearer believes the shirt. A high holl the merryo. The wearer believes the shirt. Goodbye. Bye. Want to listen to your favorite Lemonada shows without the ads?

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