Threedom - Threevisiting: Ryan O'Needle

Episode Date: May 28, 2024

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss their dreams, Monopoly and Chip Clips before playing Switch It Or Pitch It. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail at HAGCLAIMS8.com. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Are you curious about what drives our buying decisions? Tune in to Addequart, where Suchin Pak and Kulap Vilaisakh revealed the deeper layers behind our purchases. From the whimsical to the serious, they explore it all. Whether it's a debate over a quirky swimsuit or a deep dive into a new life philosophy, they've got you covered with their hilarious and subversive takes. Don't miss out. Addequart from Lemonada Media has new episodes every Tuesday wherever you get your podcasts.

Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Hi, welcome back to Freedom! I literally rocked my socks off. Oh my gosh, we are back. I couldn't even find them. They rocked your socks away.

Yeah. Yeah. Lauren's high, we should just get that out of the way right now. I'm stoned, dude. I was. Freedom from home, I'm st get that out of the way right now. I'm stoned, dude. I was. I can do what I want.

Hey everybody, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. I'm Scott Aukerman. I'm Lauren Lapkus. Lauren is in a very bubbly mood today. She's laughing all over the place. I'm finding things funny today. I think it's terrific. But you know what?

I will say the first few hours of my day, I had no emotion and I barely talked. Oh, what a wonderful life you've built with Mike. I had no emotion and I barely talked. It is one of those things when you start doing a podcast and you realize it's like for us right now It's 1 p.m. And you realize you haven't talked all day and your voice is Is kind of raspy and squeaky because you just haven't used it. Yeah, raspy and squeaky Dora and Laverne and Shirley

Speaking of which What any and squiggy? Michael McKeon Lenny Squiggy Michael McKeon who played Lenny? I didn't even mean to do that I know it's a it's a flawless segue Wow we were talking last episode about how Recent episode about how played out brown eyed girl is independently, he mentions that on Twitter and then all of people, people like tweeting on his three guys.

I see this. Did you, I don't buy it. He's, he stole it from us. It makes you wonder what podcast he listens to every week. Yeah. I wonder. Hi Michael. So nice to be listening and stealing our ideas.

Stealing our shit. That was a really great idea we had and he stole it. It was such a good idea. We're full of ideas like this. And what I do is I put each episode on a jump drive and I mail it to myself. So we'll see you in court and not better call Saul style for real. You have so many packages in your garage. It's all jump drives. Because you can't open them.

What's a jump drive? It's like a little thumb drive that you stick in your computer and you put a file on there and then take it away. Yeah. I call that a flash drive. Flash drive is fun too. I like to say jump drive because it makes it seem like I got, I'm doing it under the cover of darkness. It was way funnier too I like to say jump drive because it makes it seem like I got I'm doing it under the cover of darkness

It was way funnier and I ruined it by asking a lot of questions. No Lauren. No, I don't care I don't want you to retreat back into yourself. I Slept like shit last night guys. Oh, no. Why what happened? I don't know, but I just kept waking up and falling back to sleep and it happened. Oh What you should do is you should sleep Oh tell me what I should do you should sleep all the way through Yeah, I don't know if you've thought about this but you should You should like go to bed close your eyes Then yourself like eight hours in those eyes. Yeah, and then wake up the next day, because you feel a lot better.

Yeah, you would feel better. What, did you steal this idea from Michael McKeon? He tweeted this a couple days ago. The best way to get a full night's sleep is to close your eyes and not wake up the whole time. What if we started taking his tweets and then pretending they were our ideas on the podcast? Pretending they were Lauren's topics.

I'm gonna have to. Lauren's topics! I'm gonna look into what else he says on this website. Can I say I had... You look into it. I had a nightmare the other day where apparently I... Eine kleine Nachtmeier? Yes, exactly. Where, okay, so I was...

I felt someone like come up behind me and... Felt someone cum? Come on! Me. No, I felt, I was dreaming, but then I realized I was in bed dreaming. Right, I realized I was in bed and then I dreamed. Now one of these movie nightmares. Yeah, I dreamed someone slipped into bed and spooned me.

And I was like, oh, did Kulop, what's her name? Kulop? Kulon Gop? Did Kulon Gop me? Did Kulop get out of bed and go to the bathroom? And why would she like? Did Kulop leave her bed in her room and come into my room and start spitting? Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. That, by the way, that was a weird three day phase

during the pandemic where she was like, hey, what if I were to sleep in the other room because you're always waking up? We've tried that just every once in a while. I was like, hey, it's like a vacation where you just get the huge bed. She's like, that bed is comfortable. It's a no go here.

No go here, yeah, you should Jane. He wants to well It's also our our guest bed is it? What's wrong our get I don't care our guest bed is our guest bed is a is a little like Lumpy sack of shit. I was gonna say it was like a little race car. Well, you know Look, we thought we'd have more kid friends Going in from out of town. Not with their parents. No, we thought we'd have, we thought we would host unaccompanied minors who were trapped at the airport. Normal.

We have, it's actually a very comfortable bed, but it's an inflatable, it's an air mattress. So. Not something you're going to retreat to as a treat. No, you can't just do that. And it also takes up the whole room when it's unfurled. Right, right. So... Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Cool-op is spooning me, but okay. And then suddenly Cool-op- Because we have a loveless marriage. Well, no, just it was the side of the bed. You don't have to explain it! We're kidding. Because she would have done it on the other side of the bed, but I was turned towards her.

No, I know about spoon rules, yeah. Okay, so in your dream, the person spooning you was spooning you from the front? From behind. Oh. But I was facing Cool-op's side of the bed, so I was like, that's weird that she would come up behind me, but okay. I like that move though.

Yeah, it's like adding another person to your relationship. Yeah. It's a take on the stranger. So then suddenly Coolop, whom I'm facing, starts moving and she's actually in her actual spot. And so I go, oh no, this is someone who broke into the house. And loves me. Oh no, how do I choose?

Everyone dreads this moment. So no, I started then trying to get Cool Up's attention by screaming. I was like... By screaming. I was trying to scream in the dream, so I was like... And I guess I was doing that in real life as well. I was going... And then finally I like shocked myself out of the dream and I was like, there's no one

behind me. I just told this story in the Wild and I was like, there's no one behind me. And then- I just told this story in the wild horses show we did recently, but I, the other night like- So it's damaged goods. It is, it's used. But a couple of weeks ago I had a- Why are you trying to re-gift the story?

Well, it's just right on topic. I was so scared in my dream and something really scary was happening. And then I was like, I woke myself. I was like, who are you? But I was like trying to scream in my dream. Who are you? And then I heard myself say it and I was like, ew, I was like trying to scream out loud for real.

Did Mike hear it? No, I don't think so. Cause Coolop heard mine and was worried about me. But at the same time, I would have thought that she would have like reached over and said, Hey, you okay or anything like that. But instead she didn't say anything. So I was like, Oh, okay.

I hope I didn't wake her. But then in the morning she was like, what was your dream about? I was like, Oh, I did wake you up. Could he use a little reassurance? You couldn't tell her because she would have gotten jealous. Yes, exactly. That I was dreaming about some other entity. because she would have gotten jealous. Yes, exactly. That I was dreaming about some other... Entity.

Yeah, who knows what it was. I woke myself up recently. I dreamed I was looking at Instagram, looking at this little Korean... That sucks. Hold on a second. I dreamed I was looking at this little Korean toddler that I follow. And she was doing something cute

and I laughed and in real life I laughed and woke myself up. Wow. This is why you're having, your dreams are too funny. That's why you're constantly waking yourself up, Paul. I can't turn it off. I just, my life is comedy. And anyway, my dream, my dream, my dream, my dream. I once went to camp, summer camp.

You've never told us that. And well, I used to go to camp every, every summer for a week. I went to winter camp. It's so I went to winter camp too. Yeah. Where they would try to get, Oh no, we had, we, we, I mean, in, in the church I grew up in, there was summer camp and winter camp.

So summer camp was at this place called Forest Home, which is up like in the Redlands of California. And it's a cemetery. That's Forest Lawn. And so- You guys wanna be buried there? I'm gonna be buried in Forest Home at the summer camp. I wanna be cremated, put my ashes in an urn, tie it to a balloon and set me free in the sky like up

Yeah, exactly. Is that what that movie was? Yeah, it was his ashes Yeah, that kid was talking to a ghost the whole time and he convinced him to put his whole house on a balloon Whatever I can't movie up by the way Everyone loves it because the first what is it 15 minutes or 10 minutes or whatever the rest sucks Isn't it with the rest is like robot dogs and shit? Is it because of the first, what is it, 15 minutes or 10 minutes or whatever? The rest sucks. The rest is like robot dogs and shit. I disagree. I think it's a fun movie.

The dog who's like, hello, or whatever he does over and over again. And then there's that bird who's so annoying. I'm like, bring back the part where I was crying about how they lost the love of their life. It should just be a short, right? It should just be that. I want to see that woman in heaven and what happens then mm-hmm or hell? I think yeah, that's the first the first ten minutes of that movie is like a perfect short film

Yeah, but I do the rest of it. I call it a flick, but yeah Short flick yep short flick I Call it a quick flick. I called a quick bite Um, I call it a quick flick. I call it a quick bite. Okay. Call it a quibi and I want to tell you guys an app that I invested in called quibi. So I went to summer camp and all the girls wanted to kiss you.

No, I actually, I actually developed in on one trip when I was 15, I think. You developed and everyone could tell? Yeah, I was like, we must, we must, we must increase our bust. We must increase our nuts? Our nuts, yeah. That's what the guys were saying. Well, my testicles came in while I was at camp. I was so embarrassed everyone could see. Wait, before the other boys.

I developed a big crush on one of my fellow campmates. And like, you know, and then she told me where she lived. And I was like trying to figure out how long it would take if I could get out there to go see her and stuff like that. And like, it's like, OK, well, it's a 35 minute trip, but I don't drive, so I don't know how this can work. Anyway, I think, I don't think she felt the same way. But there was a, I'm talking about nightmares.

There was a guy who I'd never seen this before. He was talking in his sleep, which I had never seen before, where he was having- Did you hear the secrets that he keeps? I was gonna say. I did. sleep, which I had never seen before, where he was having... Did you hear the secrets that he keeps? I was gonna say. Um, and then he got out of bed and started sleepwalking and then walked into the corner and started having an argument with someone in his dream. And then people came up to him and like, was, were gently going like,

Hey man, are you all right? And he was, Hey, shut up. He shut the fuck up. We're all trying to sleep. Hey there's nobody there shut up dude. And hey seriously shut your fucking mouth bro. There there shut up shut up. And he sort of like shrugged him off it was like ahhh ahhh ahhh. And then calmed down he's like oh realized where he was he's like oh sorry and then just got back into bed and fell back asleep.

Sorry I'm a real weirdo. Oh sorry I didn I didn't realize I was here. I thought I was at my place where I have arguments in the corner. I thought it was an argument camp, which happens in the fall. But that's, I always, I feel bad for it. And then I then one of my previous relationships, I once had a phone conversation with my girlfriend who was awake during the conversation during most of it, and then we were on the phone for so long that she drifted off into sleep, but was sleep talking with me. Where suddenly she was in the office, I could tell where she worked, and I was her boss. And she was like, wait, wait, wait, what are you talking about?

You want me to get the file? And I had, this is in the middle of our conversation, I'm like, what's that? She's like, you want me to- And she had the most generic job imaginable. I was gonna say, I was like, do you want me to get the Johnson file? She worked in an office, like, just as a, you know,

as an assistant or whatever, and she's like, you want me to get the file? And so then I started playing along with her, I was like- Yeah, yeah, get that file. Yeah, go get that file. We gotta open it and see what the papers look like. Please, yeah, go get the file because I was wondering what she was seeing.

So she's like, all right, it's gonna take me a second to get through everything. So she, then in her dream, I could tell she walked in the other room and she was like, okay, I'm looking to, all right, here it is, I got the file. What do you want out of it? I was like, could you give me the phone number in it?

She's like, yeah. And then she rattled off a phone number. And I said, could you repeat that? And she rattled off the exact same phone number. And then like minutes later, I was like, what was the phone number on that file? And she said the exact same phone number. And then you called and that was the guy she was cheating on you with. Exactly.

There's no end to this story. I just, I had a, I had a sleep conversation on the phone with my girlfriend for approximately 15 minutes, which I thought was so weird. My mom used to do that with my older brother who, who does everything that you can do in your sleep. And he would sometimes, he would sleep walk and he would stand like at her bedroom door. I just be just be talking like nonsense. And she would just like go along with it like, oh, okay. All right. Was she asleep or was she awake? Yeah. How would

I know this? Otherwise? No, I mean, I mean, I mean that once as a did he wake her up is what I guess he woke Yes, he woke her up by appearing. I'm saying that's nice talking nonsense. If she was just awake like reading a book That's one thing but if you woke her up and she had the patience to what? Yeah What would be scarier if you were if you woke up to someone doing that or if you were just hanging out and someone I think waking up Although this way that I know has a thing where she has like really bad night terrors where she has to like tell people when she starts dating them like, because

it can happen really randomly even if you like the first time someone sleeps over she might have this happen. So she has to tell like everybody and they're really extreme. Does she say it like mid sex or yeah. She's like, if you say overnight, I mean, but she like, she like thinks something really bad is happening. She's like called the police before she's like run outside with her dog, like just like, but she's completely asleep.

And no matter how many barriers she sets up for herself she gets through all of them I realize this is also the plot to Mike Burbigli's book and movie yeah I mean we're not like selling this so Michael McKeon we should you're listening Burbigli has already done this But his is horrible Rebooted with a lady like they did with Ghostbusters That's right yes Already done this Can I star I don't know if I can trust you. Scott! I can't trust you! Hey, I'm fine.

I know you're fine! I'm fine! We're all fine. We're all fine here. We're so fine, as is from Ryan O'Neil. Do you remember that movie, Paul? Yes, I do. With the, it was about a guy who, I never was allowed to see it, but I saw the the trailer for it

It was about a guy who invented jeans that had clear plastic butt cheeks. Yes What what happened was here's here's all I know you fart and they fill with air Think of Your regular pants What do your regular pets do that? Suddenly they fog up. Well they would fog up. It would be like obvious. Here's what I-

I have thought, this is not, this is really weird, but as a kid I always thought I wish farts were a color so that you could tell who farted. Sure. But- And everyone had their own distinct color. I think it's probably better if that's not a thing. From what I remember, I don't think I ever saw the full movie, but I believe what happens is the way he accidentally invents these jeans is that he is sleeping with this woman.

He gets an erection and cuts a hole in his girlfriend's jeans. No, he's sleeping with this woman that he's not supposed to be sleeping with. And then her husband comes home or whatever, and he has to get out of the house. He puts on her jeans, and they split in the back. And I don't know, I forget how the plastic came into it. What a horrible idea. Yeah.

And then somebody complimented him on the jeans. For being able to see his ass. This is so dumb. I gotta Google this. It's so stupid. It was a whole movie. It was like in early 80s or late 70s, I don't know. I think early 80s, yeah. I mean, these are the plots of movies then. Like it can be that stupid and be a movie.

Ew, the poster is so close. Share your screen, share your screen. Okay. Shash screen. We wanna see it. Shash screen. Here it is, LL has started screen sharing. I don't see anything. Oh no, here it is.

Okay, great. Let's check out, play chess online against the what's. That's one of your- That's Mike's. Okay, so yeah. So the poster is essentially Ryan O'Neill in a tuxedo to show that he's classy.

He's not a creep. He's a classy guy. He's like what we all aspire to be. Absolutely. And then a model who has her back to the camera and she's wearing these jeans that have clear plastic. You also would get like butt acne from wearing these, because you'd be like pressing your ass against plastic

all day with no breathability. In the movie it might have been some, you know, great kind of new plastic. Who knows? That's true. That's true. The jeans stay so fine in kind of like gold and diamond studded cursive writing on the back, which... Yes, I believe that was the brand name of the jeans.

Ryan O'Needle's... Ryan O'Needle? I can't say it. Ryan O'Neil. Ryan O'Needledick over here. Is Tatum O'Neill's dad? Yes. Yeah. And I only really know them from like this episode of Oprah where they were talking,

there was like a whole thing about how like weird their relationship is. There was some story where he hit on her at Farrah Floss's funeral. And she had to say, dad, it's me. That's so sick. I wish I'm rewatching Real Housewives of New York. This is the reality recap.

Reality, reality, reality recap. Yeah. The songs have trouble over Zoom, but we're Mike started the way we're on Zoom. We're not in the backyard because by the way, we're on Zoom. We're not in the backyard. And just so everyone's clear, we're on Zoom. I'm not in the backyard.

But Mike started watching it from the beginning and then I joined in. No, in the backyard. And just so everyone's clear, we're on Zoom. We're not in the backyard. But Mike started watching it from the beginning, and then I joined in because... No! From the beginning? Yes! It's all on Hulu. How many seats? There must be like a million seasons! There's like 12 or something. I mean, we are in season five now. Or, yeah. Oh my God. And... Oh, what was I going to say?

Oh, well, so there's this woman, Aviva Drescher. And her dad's like a sex addict, so there's this woman of hair dresser And her dad's like a sex addict and he's like 80 something and he in the club he's What the 80 or the sex addict? Beach and he she takes off her like cover up and she's got a bikini. He's like, look at that body But his daughter and then she's like, isn't that gross? He said that about me. And then that's it. It's like, like, that's so disgusting. Ugh. I know.

Gross. There was a, I wonder why they leave stuff like that into reality shows. Like I was watching Stanley Tucci's show last night. I want to watch that. It's good. But where is it? It's on CNN. You gotta like- CNN! Yeah, CNN app or something.

But I'm watching it and he goes over to this older woman's house who like shows him the recipe of how to cook this dish. And he eats it and he's like, oh my God, oh my God, will you marry me? And then he's like, oh no, I see your husband's over here. I'm like, I can't believe they left that in the edit. That's stupid.

He asked her to marry him and he's married, she's married and they left it in the edit? That's sinful. I will never watch that immoral show. Okay, even though you're kidding, the amount of things that are left into the edit on Real Housewives from, especially the older seasons are so crazy because Ramona, who's like the meanest person ever where turtle time comes from. That's Beezus's sister.

That's right. She's a pest. Paul wanted to get a turtle time wine glass. And so I did. Not realizing that it has to do with Ramona. I had zero idea until I got it. But she literally says the meanest shit ever. And I'm like, this is awful.

This is still like they left in this thing where she they were at a kind of they were like a speech that this woman was giving about bullying. And it was one of the housewives children, like stepchildren. What were they pro or con? I guess they were. And she had like a tumor in her lip, this woman. And so... Oh, no, it's funny.

I'm sorry. And Ramona goes after the show, she's like, after the speech, she's like, that was so amazing. She's like, she's just so confident. And you think you just stop talking, You're good. Just stop talking. And she's like... And then she's deformed. And it's like, you just said that, and now it's in the show, and now that woman has to see that.

And then I'm like, I think it's actually a problem they left it in because it's just like, now everyone's hurt by this, when this was just something rude that she said in the back room. But I mean, if they were thinking about how this affects us as a society, it wouldn't be a show. They would choose better people to follow around with cameras. I guess I just thought that because there was just a regular person who was offended, who was assaulted by that instead of one of the other housewives.

It's absolutely terrible. You like it better, Lauren, when they're just insulting each other. Like they all signed up for this. Well, because they all signed up. I'm saying that person was just doing a speech. They all went to the sign up sheet, in between classes, signed up for the show. They got the part.

Then they looked at the bulletin board to see who got to be a housewife. Now, the way they do those shows, do they have a sort of way of auditioning people to see if they're gonna work out on the show? Well, because a lot of times the people don't really know each other that well, but they kind of imply that they're all friends,

but they're not really. So it's like they find someone who has a big personality. Or they're all in the same circles or something and they're like, oh yeah, I've been hearing about her for a while. But I wish I was on that show. Sometimes I like watch and I'm like, I would like to be on the show, well, I don't really like watch and I'm like, I would like to be on this show.

Well, I don't really want to be in it, but I would like to be there to go, you are a fucking bitch. Like no one says it. Like they scream at each other at a certain point, but they need to be doing it, like nipping it in the bud like a little earlier, like, oh my God, that's the bitchiest thing

I could have just said. Like shutting them down immediately. Yeah. Stop talking. One of my favorite things about, cause you know, I only watch one reality show which is Southern charm This is Paul's reality recap. This is Paul's reality Recap, yeah And it's it's terrible it's a terrible show it's boring

The people are boring and but what I love is Yeah, that one is boring. I tried to watch that. The people are boring, but what I love is the reality show trope of so-and-so's having a party, and then it's the only people at the party are them. Right. It's the same seven people every time. It's like that on Real Housewives.

They have an event, and it's like, there are other people there who are just filler. But the producers have staged it, essentially. Yeah, and the only reason the event is happening is so they can scream somewhere where it seems inappropriate. And then they all have these interviews where they're like, how nice of whomever to put on this event this week. I'm so excited for it. But they all, and they do that on the, uh, the real estate shows that I watch,

which is just like, okay, well, I really want to check out her open house. And then you notice every other cast member is at this one and they want them to fight at it. What's your favorite house show? The Million Dollar Listing, I think is it. I love that one too. That's the one that we base the Jillian Dollar Properties on, so. Yeah, Josh Flagg, I follow him on Instagram

and I like him a lot, but he has had a very active pandemic. He's doing whatever he wants. Altman, I think I saw on like a refinancing commercial the other day and I was like, Oh, poor baby. Very interesting. I like that you a lot. I just recently watched, Oh, Hey, wake up. Wake up.

It's still, I gotta tell you something good. Still, still reality show? Yeah, yeah, it is, but you might like it. Do you like, do you like home renovation? Yeah Damn it Paul. Well, I've been watching rock the block rock the block. Yeah, it's great. Did you watch the finale? I did of season two. Are you pissed? I was pissed. What the show I thought it was a fairy tale ending You know

No, I I kind of called it early on. I'll tell you Paul, I'll tell you Paul. So Rock the Block is a show. You can watch it on the Discovery Plus app, which I'm always talking about. You can also watch it on HDTV. Won't do it with me either. Okay, and the show is, it's like they pick.

They get these famous, they get four teams of famous designers, and four identical houses on one street. And then they say. So say, they make like crazy. Scott waited until Lauren was just about to start. I can't handle. Here I go. I was gonna say it as succinctly as that.

You weren't. Yes I was. And so the first season, the only way I would have veered off of that is that the first season, it's just solo people who are the hosts of different HDTV shows. The next season, they have a partner.

And that's- What's gonna happen the next season? Suddenly four people? They have a kid. If they'd have just like three men and a little lady. For like one of the rooms. But so they take these houses that are identical and then they are given challenges

like this week it's the kitchen and then they have to do the kitchen and you can change whatever you want. And do you have a budget of like $200,000 or whatever and then for the whole house and then at the end there's a winner and They they tell you who wins based on which house is now appraised for the most money but the show is kind of confusing because what I love about it is the The design element is the most fun part

because they get really creative, they make the spaces really beautiful. And then at the end, it's just based on what you can sell it for, which they go, well, this stuff actually detracts from the sale because it's da da da da. That's what I find so interesting about it because the whole time when the team that won

wasn't winning any challenges, I'm like, well, they should win because they upgraded this house in a more practical way. I felt that it was the least inspiring of them all. Which I just felt like Nate, literally the judges said, Nate and Jeremiah gave the house a soul. And then they go, and the winner is this person. And that concludes Reality Recap.

Reality Recap, yeah. If I recap yeah it's only if I may it's only one reality recap and a yeah okay you may go ahead recap yeah yeah you're right we should put the drop in I guess we should I don't know no I don't think we should yeah I don't know I don't want I don't want my own drop and you're all jealous we shouldn't put it in here

we should put it in someplace else where it doesn't belong yeah for fun I don't want. Oh, really? I don't want, I don't want. Just because I got my own drop and you're all jealous? We shouldn't put it in here, we should put it in someplace else where it doesn't belong for fun. I don't want to peer pressure Josh into playing this drop that we've mentioned 25 times. No, let's not make Josh. No. No. No.

To be fair, Josh is erring on the side of caution because he knows if he did that, we would have roasted him even though it's entirely appropriate. He cannot win. He can't win. Josh knows that he can that, we would have roasted him, even though it was entirely appropriate. He cannot win. He can't win. Josh knows that he can't win. No. So he decides to not even play the game?

Exactly. Is reality recap that boring? Uh. Write to us, write to us at 3WUSA. Do not write to me. Write to Lauren specifically. Write to me and say, Paul, I don't blame you. It is boring. Here's something you guys won't know.

Write to me, Stick Stickly, P-O Box 963, New York City, New York State, 10108. I don't know that. Hey, you were right. It is a commercial thing from Nickelodeon where there was this little popsicle stick named Stick Stickly and he would be sort of a spokesperson for the summer and pop up on the screen. So this is people who don't know that the summer is happening and they're

trying to get out awareness. Wait so Howard Kramer ripped off his whole thing from Stick Stickly? Whoa my god. What's his thing that he... Oh summer. Summer yes. Yeah well I do think Stick Stickly was was primarily a summer character. But he would go out in New York City and do different activities. And then you could write to him and send him stuff and he would read letters and whatever. And he was a popsicle stick with googly eyes right in front of the camera like this. And that's his address. That's so awesome.

Yeah, I think we should write him a letter. Let's see if he ever writes back. When I was a kid, there was on local TV, there would be a number you could call for, I don't know what, but the it was something like civic service or something. I don't know what happened there, but it was the jingle for it was call for action. Green 175312. The jingle for it was, call for action, green one, seven, five, three, one, two. Beautiful. It's so not catchy.

It was really, it's in my head forever. Was it called? I mean, yeah, I guess it is catchy since it's stuck, but. Call two action or call four? Call four action. For some sort of action. Maybe it was like a 311 type thing. Oh, okay.

311 is like 911, but for one type thing. Oh, okay. Three one one is is like nine one one, but for lesser furniture So furniture calls someone left a couch out here in the median I was emergency. I thought it was furniture calling for police assistance. Hi. I'm a sofa I'm meaning someone put a mug down on my arm rest and it's gonna leave a ring. Oh no. Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! What if I died doing the podcast? I know, from smoking. I would be so forever devastated by that.

It would really mess up my life. I wonder if we would ever want to do another podcast ever again. I think we would just because like financially. I could walk away right now. I could press leave needing right now and be happy with my life. You got all those old iPads lying around you can sell. If I but seriously if I died, would you guys be be sad I actually have thought about that and started crying once But also I saw online that people think we talk about death too much yeah

Like common first do you know a huge part of life? It's the opposite of it. I think about it every single day I once I thought about that and I started crying and then I thought, that would be so sad. What about me, Lauren? And then I thought about you doing it and I was like, hee hee hee hee. I get it. I understand.

Honestly, it would really fuck up my shit, so I hope that doesn't happen to you guys in the next 45 years. Well, I think happening on this show, I mean, let's leave it to just happening on the show. Cause it- If it happened on the show, it would be extremely damaging to people.

You know all those people who like die on stage in a comedy club in the middle of their act and stuff like that. When I say all those people, there's been what? Paul Four that I can think of. Four people have died that way? Dick Shawn is the only one I can think of. Dick Shawn died on stage.

Right. When? That's the only one I can think of. This is years ago, like in the 90s maybe? 20 years ago maybe? Something like that? Yeah. But like at Comedy Club, like there was a full audience and...

Yeah. It was like a theater. Yeah. And he died, he fell down and people thought it was a bit. And for a long, long time. That's the darkest thing I've ever... And it was a bit right and for a long long time That's the biggest thing the biggest laughs he got yeah Yeah, he was bombing up to them Dick Sean

But yeah, I mean Laura like of our podcast Lauren is like the person on the procedural drama Sits in their own little room. They're just a computer person. So, okay, so he... Holly Perrette. He died... Kirsten Vengness. At the University of California.

Yeah, that's right. It was a college show. That's right. University of California of Los Angeles? 1987, comedian dies on stage, audience doesn't get it. What a dickish headline. Oh my God. Come on. Manic, physically dexterous, unpredictable, this comedian fell to the floor

during a solo performance in San Diego and never got up. Well, okay, so if he was always doing physical, unpredictable bits, I guess that makes sense. At the age of 63, he had died on the job, but Sean was sometimes so outrageous on stage that more than five minutes passed before anyone dared to check if he was still breathing. That's like if you were a juggler who juggled dangerous

things like chainsaws and you had a fake bit where, like, you cut off your fake arm with one of them, you know? Like, would anyone be able to ever trust it if you actually did it? What juggler would build in a thing in their act where they're bad at juggling? Well, you know how magicians, okay, so I went to the Magic Castle once

and in one of the, in the tiny closeup room, there was this guy who, you know how magicians fake fuck up their act a lot so that they can go, yes, yes, yes. Oh my God. But then, starting from the Magic Castle, you see people like, where you can kind of see they can go, Oh my God, I didn't get your card. You see people like where you can kind of see the trick and then it kind of feels sad. Right. So I'm watching this closeup guy who has these fake fuck ups, but then half the time is also fucking up his act. So he's every trick, he's constantly fucking up and half of the time he's like, Oh, I didn't do that one right.

And there's no punch line to it. So every trick, he's constantly fucking up and half of the time he's like, oh, I didn't do that one right. And there's no punchline to it. And he has a friend in the audience that he keeps talking to and saying like, oh, I messed that one up. And then his friend like laughs really hard at him fucking up. At one point he's like, huh, you're going to find something a little extra special in your milkshake tomorrow. Which I thought was the weirdest slam of like.

Like you have a milkshake every day. Like does this guy have a milkshake and what is he gonna do? Like shit in it or cum in it? What is he trying to say? Yeah, that's. Probably shit or cum. Yeah, definitely what he meant was shit or cum.

What do you, well what else could it be? Poison, laxatives. Poison, of course. Poison. This milkshake's poison. He died from ingesting poison. That would be so great if Bill Biftaville were holding him. Goodbye, I want to talk to you at the same time.

Yes, we all do. I know we're on slight delays on this. I think I'm perfect. That's very, Lauren, I like to hear that from you. I can tell that everything I'm saying is coming in real time. With Bill Maher. Look, we have to take a break.

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I know. I know, you know, I was talking to Lauren. Let me have a private conversation with Lauren. Can you just let us for a second? What if we forgot that there was an audience? Like, we just, we literally just thought we were talking to each other. Wait, is this a show?

Isn't that kind of what it is? I mean, in a way... I'm in the local, though. Elizabeth? Are you guys still thinking about those M&Ms? Those orange ones? Oh, I really like those. I was trying to think of something.

I saw an Instagram of candy the other... or yesterday, and I... I saw an Instagram of candy. I considered sending it to you, but then I realized that it would set us off into eating more candy on air, which I think people don't like. What is it? No, and I get it. But what was the candy? Tell us about it. It was just a bunch of different flavors of a kind of candy, but I can't find it anymore.

But it looked awesome. You know what though? I would say there are 10 people who don't like that we ate candy and thousands and thousands of students say anything about it. They probably liked it. They probably liked it. Because they don't listen to the show. I ate more Cadbury mini eggs and made me feel bad every time.

Oh my God. Well, I just threw them away, Paul, because I love them so much, but I got a bad batch. They were kind of like weirdly stale, but I kept eating them. I was like, they're so good. And I was like, but they're not doing what they need to be doing. They're not the crunch that I want. They're not the right texture. And so I just was like, they're so good. And I was like, but they're not doing what they need to be doing. They're not the crunch that I want. They're not the right texture. And so I just was like, they have to go. I got the last two bags.

Is this what the upcoming Star Wars show is about, the bad batch? Oh wow, I don't know what you're talking about. You don't want to talk about Star Wars anymore? I said, I don't know what you're talking about. But yeah, no, I don't. I do want to talk about Gremlins and the next batch or the new batch.

Okay, well I thought that. I think it's the next batch? Oh, that Gremlins and the next batch or the new batch. Okay. Well, I thought that Oh that gremlins Ghostbusters Ghostbusters Ghostbusters the next batch wait, so they're doing those Things was answer the call. There's gonna be another Ghostbusters, right? Yeah, did you see that little clip with those little stay puffed guys? I'm not gonna watch it. They're just ripping off my man Grogu. I Thought it was cute. You know what, Scott? I think there's something to that. They are saying, make a, make a, Grogu, Lauren.

Lauren, you had a whole show about Grogu. The Baby Yoda. Oh, oh right. I forgot that's what his name was. So it's almost like you watch these things and forget them the second that you stop watching them. I forgot he had a name. And Paul Rudd, is he in the movie, I guess? Yeah, he's in the movie.

Why would you think he's in the trailer? Why would you think he's not in the movie? It's not a trailer, it's a clip. Yeah, it did not seem like a trailer. It just seemed like a commercial for actual marshmallows, to be honest. Look, I wanted them by the end of it. And I liked the whole thing. I thought it was very cute.

And then everyone was all up in arms, you know? Everyone just gets so mad online. Everyone's mad about their Ghostbusters. But I was like, this is cute. And you know, what the fuck do you want? Grandpa's Ghostbusters, Bill Murray. Little kids don't necessarily want to watch the old one. No, they don't.

They want the one where the marshmallow guys are like jumping to watch the old one. No, they don't they want them with the one with the marshmallow guys They're like jumping around in the open flame I want nobody gives a fuck they can remake any movie who can I might have already said this like months ago, but I watched Trolls World Tour and it was like the funniest movie I've ever seen you did you're a big booster of Trolls World Tour This has definitely come up before you're a big booster of Trolls World Tour. This has definitely come up before. You're a super fan. I just laughed and laughed.

I mean, I should watch it again. You really should. So wait, who's in the new Ghostbusters? The new new Ghostbusters. I don't even know. And I think it's about a woman and her son. You. I can't remember. I know, gross. Sex. I can't remember, I know, gross.

Sex. I can't remember who. Is it Carrie Coons? No, it can't be, right? I don't know. But Lauren, Polly Perrette over here is looking at it. I know. Who do you got?

Just Ghostbusters. Well, they just showed me the, okay, so it's called Afterlife, we see. Ghostbusters Afterlife. Who's in it? Tell us, please, don't make us beg you, Lauren. Please! Oh wow!

Is this the one with Finn Wolfhard? Yes! Oh yeah, Finn Wolfhard. What a name. Starring Carrie Coon, Finn Wolfhard, McKenna Grace, and Paul Rudd. Now I was in a pilot with McKenna Grace when she was five years old. And she is now blowing up. She's in every big movie and all these cool. She's always seen a lot of horror movies. This is a big one for her.

Um, that's cool. That's interesting. So it's very teen. It's very stranger things. Right. Probably. I remember seeing a trailer for that. That was not funny at all.

And it was treating the Ghostbusters like it was, like it was a horror movie. Right. Really? Yeah. Like it was very, it was. The Ghostbusters is a horror movie. No, it's not. Come on now. Well, you got to be a horror movie. Right. Really? Yeah. Like it was very, it was- Ghostbusters is a horror movie. No, it's not. Come on now.

Well, you gotta be a little scared. Slimer with all those hot dogs? Ooh. God. Too many hot dogs. His heart. Leave one for the rest of us. So many nitrates.

But I was, when I saw Ghostbusters, I was a kid, but I was old enough that it was not actually scary to me. I will say the library scene at the beginning made us all go, ah! Yeah, it was a jump scare. It was a jump scare. There is this show on Netflix that's like about behind the scenes.

Reality recap, reality recap, yeah. It's not reality, I mean, I guess it is, but it's behind the scenes of your favorite classic films and how they were made. Hmm, with cameras, I bet. Ghostbusters is one of them. They showed how they did that trick with the library. And it was really strings. It does remind me of...

It does remind me of a sketch I wrote for Mr. Show that Bob turned down immediately, which was, it was the Sports Illustrated behind, the making of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. And then it was a really dry documentary about cutting down the trees and making the paper and the printing presses and all that. It's funny.

And he was like, oh yeah, I get it. Words have different meanings. And we never spoke of it ever again. Oh, you should bring it up to him. I should. He's on SmartList this recent episode. I think he would mention it on Better Call Saul. Bob once turned down a sketch of mine by going on at length Uh all the things that were wrong with it and why he didn't like it and they concluded by saying um, so in conclusion

Uh, I hate this sketch and it's trying to kill me and then he dropped it on the floor Wow Well That's fun, it's fun It seems fun to get so mad about something like that. I mean, he said it with a chuckle, but I remember how fun it was when my face got so hot. One thing that I would do in the Bang Bang writers' room is, and this was a Tim Calhoun thing, especially, this is how.

He would put on his jeans with the plastic butt cheeks No, I would I would I would if anyone made any kind of Spelling or grammar or punctuation error. I would make them go back and rewrite it Just for fun like you know, but during the read-, Tim Kalpakis would be like, it would be version six. We would always read the title and what version it was and he'd go version six. And we go, this is the last one. This is the last version.

And then suddenly we'd be reading. I'd go, Hey, hand me you are pair of scissors. And he would go, damn it. It's in like crumple it up and like go back to the drawing board to do a version seven. It was fun. We would have fun. It sounds like a really good time.

It would disrupt the day though. And then time would fly. Well, I would dock their pay for all their, Sure. You would dox them? I would dox them. I would reveal their addresses on the internet for all of this.

We had fun. Sometimes we would all of this. We had fun. Sometimes we would have drawing competitions, that was fun, where we would like, we would make Neil Campbell pose, and then we would all take 10 minutes to draw him. What the f... What the f... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Sounds like abuse.

Just to break up the day. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. No. No, everyone liked it. I heard that the Devil Wears Prada was based on you, Scott. Is that true? He's like, the Devil Wears Gucci. The Devil Wears So Fine Jeans.

I dropped something. What did you drop? A chip clip. A chip clip? Why are you carrying a chip clip? Do you have chips nearby? Because I'm eating chips. Oh! A chip clip? Why are you carrying a chip clip? Do you have chips nearby? Oh!

Man, I remember when I... The first time I was aware of a chip clip and what an amazing invention that was. I really thrive on having like everything like this in my home. Like, I want to have all the things I'm going to need. And I love having... This is my chip clip. Do chip chips work? Looks like a tongue. Looks like an owl.

Oh, I'll look like times. Do you have? Yeah, of course. Especially when they're flying. OK, OK, Lauren, that's scary now. That's scary. Do you? Here's my question. Wait, hold it up again. I'm going to get a screenshot of it. Do do chip clips work

is my question. Because are the chip... Yes, because whenever the chips are out of the... I got it, Lauren. They fricking stale, dude. No, but that, but chips, if you're trying to protect them from air, And I am.

All a chip clip does is like, crumple up the bag in one part of it. It's not sealing it off completely. So shouldn't you, if you're really concerned about your chips, wouldn't you put them into like an airtight container, like a Tupperware thing? Here's what you do, okay? I can't believe I have to walk you through the chip clip.

I can. You fold, you fold the bag over. I know. You press out all the air. Over and over. I know, but I'm saying it's not airtight. And look, everyone gets casual with it. You just kind of crumple it

and you clamp the little thing on it. Right. Crumble and clamp. It's a crumple and clamp. But here's the thing. That being said, I put those Cadbury mini eggs in an airtight jar and they are stale. And they came that way. And so there you go.

So that debunksed your theory. It didn't de-stale them. It didn't de-stale them. So you're talking out of your ass. But the thing is you don't need them to be vacuum sealed because you're not going to keep these chips forever. It's just to extend. You're going to work through them within two days. So what is the... To extend the life of them.

I want anyone who knows about chip clip technology to write to us. I do. Does it extend, does it extend the period and by how long? And would it be longer if they were in an airtight container? Yes, it would be. You should say, does it extend the menses? By the way, someone has written to us to say, menses is a medical term.

Many people, as a matter of fact. Duh! Wait, and somebody else was like, how the Lord knows? I know what the fuck Mencius is. Get off my dick. Dick. They thought, now, people were under the impression that Scott thought it was a cute nickname

for the menstruation cycle. That's not true. That's how I heard it. I think you thought it was, oh, well then I guess you're correcting me. But I thought you thought it was just funny because it was so proper and not like, no, not that it was proper. I've just, I've always heard it in the, in the term of like mothers saying to their kid like, Hey, Oh, you got your menses. Like trying to make it cuter than it was, but people are saying there's nothing cute about the word menses. It's a gross word for a gross thing. We should never talk about it. Honestly. No,

but yeah, menses, I feel like it feels archaic. That's why it's funny to me. Like, it feels like... I just feel like it was like very... It was a lot to say to you on the phone, like, when she gets her menses. It's like, she should have said... When she gets her menses.

I thought it should be when she starts to menstruate. Like, just say it the way it is, but apparently it is a medical term and so hey. Hey, everyone. I shouldn't have laughed. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have. No, you were right to laugh, but.

Oh, it was hilarious. Am I right to laugh? Yeah. This one time. This one time. In this instance. Well. All Alright, goodbye. Do we play a game? Do we have time for a game?

No! Do we play a game? It's not? It's not. No. No. This is just the second seg. I wanna play a game.

No, honey. What was your favorite game as a kid, Lauren? What did you like to play? Oh, wow. Well, I liked Mario Kart in terms of video games. But in terms of video games, I liked Mario Kart. I liked Mario Kart. I liked Mario Kart.

I liked Mario Kart. I liked Mario Kart. I liked Mario Kart. I liked Mario Kart. I liked Mario Kart. I liked Mario Kart. Oh, honey. What was your favorite game as a kid, Lauren? What did you like to play? Oh, wow. Well, I liked Mario Kart in terms of video games. But in terms of board games. Yeah, let's talk board games. We played a lot of board games. We had a lot that were just fun to set up, like hotels. That game was always fun.

Just, it looked really cool. I don't know hotels. I don't know hotels. Three dimensional hotels that you could on the board. Is this just Monopoly? Probably, I don't think I ever understood what was happening. And then I played Monopoly all the time, but I didn't understand what was happening there either.

And I had a game called Ready Set Spaghetti that I enjoyed. What? And I had- That just sounds like cooking. You know what I really liked? That thing that's like, it was like a conveyor belt. You just put penguins on and they go up the stairs and then they go down.

That thing is great. That thing is great. That's what was your favorite board game? I was not a big fan of board games. I liked, I liked, sorry. I liked, I remember liking Clue. Clue has felt like it was like, you you got to really commit and you got to like play it all the way through.

And it was very. But that's Monopoly too. You can't just give up Monopoly in the middle of it. Clue is almost a weird game for kids to play. Like it, I wonder if as an adult, it would be more enjoyable to play. I thought Clue was fun because not, not, I didn't think it was dark or anything like that, but it was just like process of elimination, like figuring out what rooms it was in. It's too much like school. It's like a word problem.

I mean, all board games are school. Shut up! You know what I like? Don't say that! Hungry, hungry hippos. That's cool. That was a little after my time. When I was a kid, there was a game called Don't Break the Ice.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Well, there's the version where you have like the little ice cubes that are plastic or the part where you have the tissue. And there's like, I don't know if this was a different game where you put tissue on it, create like a rink and then they have marbles on it and then you have to put, everyone puts a drop of water at a time until it totally falls apart. I like that.

Yeah. Do you remember Don't Break the Ice, Scott? Yeah, I do. I didn't have it, falls apart. Wow. I like that. Yeah, do you remember Don't Break the Ice, Scott? Yeah, I do. I didn't have it, but yeah. You had the little, my cousin's had it. Also Kerplunk with the marbles and the sticks. Yeah, Don't Break the Ice, you had all your little ice cubes and you had to tap them with your little hammer.

And then it was, it was basically Jenga. Your little hammer. Yeah. It was like an opposite Jenga. No, it's the same principle. It's the same. It's just like sideways. Because you take things away basically Jenga. Your little hammer. Yeah. It was like an opposite Jenga. No, it's the same principle. It's the same. It's just like sideways. Because you take things away in Jenga. In Jenga, do you ever put things in?

I've never played Jenga. Well, no, but it's all about who made it fall down. It's all about taking things away. We have a gigantic Jenga set that I have yet to set up. Does it make you feel small? Well, it's just in a box right now, but it does. Yes. Look at that big box. You gonna have a party and we're gonna play it?

Yeah, we should play it sometime. Vaccination Giant Jenga Party? Yes! Vaccination Giant Jenga Party! Surf music. Get away from that remix. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Vaccination Jenga... Vaccination Giant Jenga Party!

We collected board games at my house, so we sort of like rich summer, I guess. But we had stuff like the Happy Days game, like anything that was licensed, we had. Oh, that stuff, sure. The Happy Days game, stuff like that. Did you have like religious games? No, we didn't have religious games.

My parents loved to play games. Like my whole household is very competitive. Would you say it's a house of games? It's more of a house of cards than a game of Thrones, I would say. But everyone very competitive. My brother and I would play games together and get very... There was like a rule of whoever quit in the middle had to pick up the game because one of us eventually,

usually him, would be like, this is stupid and like storm off. And it was like, okay, well you got to, quitter cleans up the game. And then it was also winner cleans up the game because we were such bad winners that you then had to like humble yourself and clean up the game afterwards, you know?

Because otherwise he would just be like, ah, I'm so much better than you. And my mother would not let that stand. But- I just wanted to show you guys that they have operation for baby Yoda. No, that's not- Operating on baby Yoda.

It's so dumb because it's none of his body parts. It's all just like little gems. Well, no one wants to think. Operating on baby Yoda. It's so dumb because it's none of his body parts. It's all just like little gems. Well, no one wants to think about opening up little baby Yoda. I do. No, I don't wanna open up Grogu. No, leave Grogu alone. Leave Grogu out of this.

I think it'd be more fun if they had his body and then you had to like get his little ribs. They could be hungry. Operation is like really perverted. When you look at this guy who's like so gross. He's wearing hearts on his underwear like, hey doctor, I'm in love with you. Come look at my- I forgot that it's all idioms or whatever. Oh yeah, funny bone and pencil dick and-

The wishbone is so hard. Wishbone is so hard. That's the worst one. I had a Monopoly book that was all about strategy. What a nerd. Oh my God. And I would read it all the time. You read that to...

You'd show yourself to sleep. Flashlight under the covers. And I was... I was studying Monopoly strategies. I remember like one of the strategies was hide your money because there's no rule that says that your money has to be visible in Monopoly. So it was like, you know, take an extra thousand dollars and hide it under the board so that when your, you know, your opponent thinks that you're you're broke, suddenly you break out that thousand dollars. I remember I did that one time. My brother

was like, unfair cheating and threw the board over. And yeah, I always liked it. I liked it. Monopoly, like organizing my money right under the tip of the board, like perfect little ones and fives and tens and twenties. And then I would always be the Scotty dog. And I was always younger and didn't know what was going on. So it's probably the worst person to have in there.

But there's no difference between any of them. Scott, what was your joke? Yeah, I know. I know what was going on. So it's probably the worst person to have in there, but. Well, there's no difference between any of them. Scott, what was your token? I know, I know, but I'm saying I just, I only cared about that. I was, I was the Scotty dog because of my name. And then I think that led my mother into thinking that I liked Scotty dogs. And there was a period of time where she gave me gifts

exclusively with Scotty dogs on it, including making me a shirt with Scotty dogs on it, including making me a shirt with Scotty dogs on it when I was 15. And I, and then she was very upset that I would never wear it to school. And I, I was like, can I get away with it? Can I put a jacket over it? Like I would constantly trying to figure out how to not hurt her feelings about the sky. And you know how when your parents just get that in their heads of like, oh, they like this thing.

Yeah. And then every gift is that, you know, for a long time it was Star Wars. Even after I was like, mom, I hate Star Wars now. After the prequels, I hate Star Wars. Stop giving me Star Wars. I would still get like Star Wars books of like all of their, all of the vehicles in Star Wars and all of the specifications and stuff. Well, you don't like Scotty dogs.

You don't like Star Wars. I don't know what to get you. That's very adorable. It's adorable. And I would wear it now and I'd be like, check this out. But at the time it was just like, mom, I'm 15. And everyone already thinks I'm a dork. I don't want to show up to school wearing a Scotty dog t-shirt and go, my name's Scott. Look at my

namesake dogs on my shirt. Can you, can you all guess what my monopoly token was? You were the thimble. Oh, top hat. Of course, Scott. Think of your penis. Who wants to be the thimble. So that's like my mom did a path test. Oh No, she well she quilts and sews and stuff so she Backstory to the dead. What were you? Okay top at Scotty dog thimble They have a car because I just had these cars I had to play Monopoly on Good Girls and we had a new board and I didn't recognize some of the pieces. Wait, what were the old ones?

The ones you're naming. Right, but there must've been more, right? There were more than four. Probably the Jack. Iron. Was there a Jack? The Iron! Oh, the Iron! There was the Iron, there was the boot, there was the wheelbarrow.

The boot! That boot! Yeah, it sounds like an elf shoe. And then there was the boat, the tug boat or what. Oh, that's right. Okay, nice! And then now it appears that they have... Cell phone. Rubber ducky.

Uh, TikTok. T-Rex. NFT. There's a T-Rex, there's a cat, there's a penguin, there's a duck, you know. A lot of animals. Wait, ducks? How are ducks better than iron? Wait a minute, fucking ducks? Well, how are ducks better than iron? Ducks?

Well, nobody wants to be an iron. That was like the dumbest, worst one. Iron was weird. Why was that in there? Cause it's so like fifties to be like, this is an important thing. The girl can be an iron. It's like not anything. We should take a break.

Okay. Bye. Hi, everybody. It's Paul from 3DO. When it comes time to buy a home, a car or find a new apartment, bad credit can be a big roadblock. Kickoff is a fast, easy way to build credit safely each month. Without the right boost, credit building takes time. Kickoff jumpstarts your credit so you get to your goals quicker. Sign up for a monthly plan in minutes and

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Get your first month for a dollar at Kickoff.com slash Freedom today. That's That's kickoff, K-I-K-O-F-F, without the C. They pass the savings on to you. Get kikoff.com slash threedom. Special offer applies to new kickoff premium customers for the first month only. Subject to approval and only available on getkickoff.com slash podcast. Terms of offer are subject to change. Hi, I'm June Diane Raphael. And I'm Jessica St. Clair. And we would like to invite you on a hilarious and heartfelt journey each week on The Deep Dive. From navigating the chaos of motherhood and family to exploring the depths of grief and loss, we are just two best friends who process life together and with you guys. Discover our secrets to finding joy amidst the madness

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from Lemonade Media, wherever you get your podcasts. We are back and it's time for one of our patented three-tures. That's right. These are games that we play submitted from audience suggestions. And this one. Send us more. Yep. Please send us more.

We are running out. And this one was suggested by Scott Aukerman in an early episode of Freedom, and it's called Pitch a Sit Song. And- Now the way this works, everyone knows. What you do is you take an existing sitcom name, you invert it. Or any television show, it could be a one hour.

Fair enough. Sure. Then you do the opposite of it. Inverted. Or any television show. It could be a one hour. Fair enough. Sure. Then you do the opposite of it as the title and then the person has to come up with... For example, if it was family matters, it would be enemies don't matter. Right. Enemies are irrelevant. The enemies are the opposite of family.

Right. And so then, then then another player has to come up with the theme song. Well that, no that doesn't that player then pitch the show? Okay, the one player says here's the name, then the other two players

have to come up with the theme song. And they have to describe what the show is. It goes like this, it goes like this, it goes like this. The fourth, the fifth. have to come up with the theme song. And they have to describe what the show is. Oh, yes. It goes like this, it goes like this. The fourth, the fifth. One person comes up with the name, the other, the next person has to say what the opposite title would be,

and then the third person's theme song. Well, but the pitch, you guys are forgetting about the pitching part of it. Like the two people have to pitch to the person who gave the original sitcom. They have to pitch the show. So I say to Lauren, happy days. Lauren has to come up with sad. Sad months. Sad months.

And then the two of us have to then pitch it and go, okay, this is a show called sad months. And then we pitched the show. And then at the end, Paul says, well, I really want to hear what the theme song is. And then we sing it, the theme song and we do it over Zoom. OK, so Paul, do you want to come up with the first show? Yes, I do. Happy. Fleabag fleabag. All right.

This hi hi hi hi. Thank you so much for hearing our pitch. Oh my God, it's so great to see you. No, I'm very glad. I hear great things about you two. You're burning up the internet with all of the things that you do. We are a brother-sister writing team, of course. We are a brother-sister writing team.

Oh, I thought you were married. Well, we were featured on Siblings Are Dating and we- Oh, that's why I'm thinking that, yes, okay. We were heavily featured on that. And you know, we came up with this idea and it's been just getting so much traction. It's called Moth Box. Wait, so you've been taking this other places?

Oh yeah. No, we just posted it online. You're last on our list. Yeah, we did pitch to a few places, but we posted it online. This is our safety. This is if the first 20 places turn us down. Right, so when you say it's gaining a lot of traction,

what does that mean exactly? People online love the idea. Completing offers. So you just put it out online for free? Oh yeah. Because we wanna just see what, you know, do people like it. We've already made the show and it's aired already on a competing network.

But that network is going under and so we need to get some more support. It's Quibi, we should to get it's quibby. We should just say it is quibby. Quick bites. Quick bites. Yeah. That's right.

Quick. So melt melted cheese. Yeah. So anyway, it's called Moth Box and Moth Box and we want to pitch you the essentially the the story, the idea, the characters. I want to hear all of those things. So it's about this single old man who lives alone and he is, you know, always... We see his relationship with his wife over the past 70 years, from them dating to them,

you know, living together. Getting divorced. Getting... They. Getting divorced. Oh. They never get divorced. They don't live together for a brief period, but they move back in. Yeah, they patch things up. And then she dies and there's a funeral and that's all done with like a really sentimental montage.

He doesn't tie balloons to his house, does he? He can, if you like that. I mean, at one point, yeah, he does. So what? He'd actually wait. What he does, let me just say my brother, my brother kind of misspoke. What he does is he doesn't have balloons, but he ties gigantic moth wings to the top of his house, which he has stitched together from hundreds and thousands of moths that have died over the years of his relationship. So it's kind of symbolic of the, you know, death of his relationship, and then also the rebirth. Could you not sit on his lap while you do the pitch?

It's just more comfortable for me. It's distracting. It's very distracting. She can stop bouncing up and down if you want. Okay, but if you would stop kissing her neck, I would appreciate that at least. No problem. No problem. So anyway, Stop? You said you would stop. Oh, I thought you said start. No, stop.

You said stop. You've been doing it. Oh, got it. No, I, well, that's why I thought it was so weird when you said start. Anyway- Is it okay if we have sex here? No! Anyway, so Mothlox-

It's part of the pitch. He, he ties these moth wings to his house. They flap up, up and away like the sort of just inherent. Their knowledge. Yeah. They have like muscle memory. Yeah. You know what I mean?

They want to go up and down. It's sort of natural. Yeah. It's natural to want to go up and down, right, honey? Hey, come on. Come on, guys. Okay. But have you ever seen a brother and sister do this?

Stop that, please. This is a place of business. And business is good. So anyway, it's a it's a box with moth wings on it, and it flies up into the sun and explodes. Buy it. And really, what's so great about it is that it's about relationships, it's about, you know, sure bad relationships.

What relationships is it about? Just this one guy and his wife who wasn't around anymore. And so I think ultimately, you know, and then it's all the moth wings to each other. He talks to the camera and it's exploring sort of singledom. And I just I love it. But now I thought I thought I heard someone say that the house flies up into the sun and it explodes. Oh yeah. Like minute three. Yeah. So we get right through that real quick. So the first three minutes we see this guy's life with his wife up to the point where they're 70 years old.

Montage. He, it's a montage. Okay. And he builds the wings out of, he builds gigantic moth wings out of countless dead moths. That takes like 10 seconds. Yeah. And it's honestly to higher love that song, but it's just as quick, just, just

so really clear part of it. It's only 10 seconds. So it's fair use, fair use. Give me a higher love. And it. It's only 10 seconds. So it's fair use, fair use. Give me your love. Give me your love. Bring me your love. And then, and then. And then it cuts off. And then.

So we're at about two minutes and 40 seconds at this point. And then he presses a button, the moth wings start to flap. So it's not muscle memory. There's a, there's a button. No, it's a button to a loud speaker that says, hey. Triggers them to do what they are. They want to do. Says, Hey, start flapping wings.

Via loudspeaker. Okay Be a loudspeaker. OK, be a loudspeaker. And then they're kind of all sitting there going, God, I wish I could flap. And like, they don't give them permission. OK, but does the audience, are they privy to any of this? Any of the the fire? We're sending we're sending footnotes and we're going to send a packet to every house.

And then we're also planning to have like an app that you can sync with the show. I like this. Second screen experience. What it is is talk about apps. It's really exciting because what it is is the app works like a viewfinder and you hold it up to the TV and you see something totally different when you're looking at your phone. So you actually have to look at your phone the whole time if you want to hire time. Yeah. Yeah. Like when you try to see a product in your home via a shopping app. And you can pick. Exactly.

Except this app is more of like what people are saying about the show and about just various things in life in general and like people that you would follow, they're saying things and it's short things. Honey, I think he's into it. I love this. Are you talking about what we're doing physically right now? Yeah, it's getting me going.

I've never seen a brother or sister do this before. This is exciting. But I do. You should check out porn. I'm ready to buy the show and also ready to do something else. But let me ask you, is there a themed song to the show? Of course, that's the first 15 seconds of the show. Okay, let me hear all 15 seconds.

I'll sing it for you. When. When the moth bag leaks. Moth bag. She's getting to the moth box part of it. Don't worry. I'm just sorry. I was just talking about when the moth bag leaks. You got to put it in a moth box part of it. Don't worry. I'm just, I'm sorry. I was just talking about when the moth bag leaks, you gotta put it in a moth box. So the sopping juices flow within the corners of the box. He's alone. Doesn't have no one to call. Son doesn't have no one to call his own. He's a little moth box. He's the moth.

But he, if you see in the footnotes, he can trigger the box to fly with a button. Okay, so that's it. So that's and then the massage starts. The song lays out a lot of the stuff, sure. And then the higher love. Well that's because we know people might go look at the footnotes and people might throw out, they think it's like junk mail or something.

So we just want to cover our bases. Yeah, well, we're putting a Bed Bath and Beyond coupon on the footnotes as well. So people will hang on to it a little longer. So people save it forever, yeah. Yeah, exactly. So, what do you think? I think I am turned on and I do want to buy the show, but in all candor, this is not my office.

My brother works here and he went to the bathroom. Oh, who's your brother? My brother is the person you were supposed to be meeting with, I think. Oh, okay. Do you do this with him? I will now. Okay. And scene. Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho come title, which is, what's the show we haven't done probably?

I mean, not that it really matters because I feel like it's not gonna be the same idea, but let me just think, okay, okay. The Hogan family. The Hogan family, not Valerie's family. Not Valerie. It was just called Valerie. Oh, that's right.

And then it became the Hogan family with Sandy Duncan. Okay. Hi, thanks for letting us pitch to you today. This is very exciting. Do I have to be here? Yes, you do. You're an integral part of the pitch. Dad, I just... Please, shut up.

Is there a problem? There's no problem. Just a father and son having normal father and son interactions. Okay, because I actually... Look, I put you guys at 430 because I'm gonna be walking out the door, so we just want to make this a little bit quick, okay? Dad, I'm late for baseball practice. You're not late. I had you withdraw from the team.

I called and said that you quit. But I'm the star player. I was gonna win the championship today. Now you're the star player of this pitch. All right, the TV business is boring. Do you mind if I play on my phone? I do actually. If you wouldn't mind,

we'd like to get right down to the pitch. We got a show we think you're going to love. Okay. Lay it on me. So what's the title? The title is the Shuffle. The Fuckboy Knife Friends. The Fuckboy Knife Friends. Yes.

Okay. So this is kind of edgy. This is what? Oh, it's streaming. Streaming. Yes. You spell Fuckboy is kind of edgy. This is what? Oh, it's streaming. Streaming, yes. You spell fuckboy without the K, dad. Remember. Yeah, so it's two Cs and an I at the end. I know, I know, I read the pamphlet. So it's spelled F-U-C-K-B-O-Y-C-C-I?

No, it's F-U-C-C-B-O-I, son. Would you stop? Does he really wanna know? No, he doesn't. Yes, well, he'd be'm interested tell me how do you think I am 16 yes good much older 17 go up. This is great son. This is great 17 and a half higher You are killing it 17 and three quarters more 17 and five eighths? That's it.

Now it's. I will be turning 18 in just three eighths. Wow, well you're very accomplished for your age. Congratulations. Thank you. This is my office and it is huge glass walls, stunning, absolutely amazing. And I do have amazing budgets I can offer you.

If you wow me with this fuckboy knife, what? Fuckboy knife friends. It's a story of a bunch of fuckboys and they love to whittle. And they're trying to stop being fuckboys. This part is based on my life. So it's partly based on my son's life. If you buy this, then you're going to have to give me money, too. He's a fuckboy who wanted to become a baseball player. And well, whittling is baseball in the show.

Yes, whittling stands in for baseball. So when these guys whittle, they do it in a huge field. They cover a wide area, like three guys go way back in the field, then there's three guys that are in the middle and then there's a guy that's on a little hill and then there's a guy that loves to squat and whittle at the same time. I love that. And they're all friends, obviously.

And what they do is they whittle things. They whittle things they wish they could fuck so as to not fuck them. I love that. In baseball, what that stands for is when you're going up against a pitcher and you hit a ball. Yes. Look, I followed the analogy. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Look honestly, this, I have to tell you, the market is all about theme songs. So as much as I love what you're saying about this whole plot and stuff, I really think we need to hear a song so I can just know if it's got any legs. Okay. Well, do you want to sing? Yeah, well, I'm the singer of the family, obviously. It's true. I can't carry a tune. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr pictures of Justin Bieber, and we said, this looks like the same guy. Yes, I can see that. I've had a lot of plastic surgery.

Yeah, Evelyn is my name. And so I'm the one who, I have choir practice that was supposed to be after baseball practice. You didn't take me out. Oh God, dad. I've withdrawn you from the choir. Why? Because we're about to be millionaires.

Oh, that's right. And what is the show called again? The Fuckboy Knife Family. Okay. Anyway. The Fuckboy Knife Friends. The Fuckboy Knife Friends. Alright, here we go.

The friends are over here. They're fuckboys. They all have a knife, have a knife, friends with a knife! Did anybody tell you it wasn't gonna be that way? And then they got a knife, and then they went on their way! say, can you see by the dawn's early light? I did it my way. Cha cha cha cha. There it is.

What do you think? That's an expensive song. It's about 20 songs mixed together. There's one last part to it. There's a lady who knows all that glitters. I begged you not to add that. And she's mine. We're still doing it!

Stairway to... just interrupt me if you're gonna buy it in the room. Just interrupt me. To heaven! Keep going. I don't know any of the other words I told you that day! I told you, Dan! Okay, okay, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. She's doing it. She's going to buy it.

I will give you $100 to leave and drive your car to the side of my building. Oh. This is tempting. Do we have to be in the car when it hits the side of the building? Ideally. We...

Ideally, but not as a necessity. I'm just saying it's ideal. Let me ask you, if when we got here, we accidentally drove the car into the side of the building already, will you still pay us the hundred dollars? Yeah. Did that happen? All right. Yes.

And we have a deal. We're shaking hands with ourselves. Thanks for coming all the way to Culver City. Is that where we are? Thank you for seeing us at 3 p.m. in Culver City. And scene. Guys, I think we're out of time. I don't want to... We are, we are, we gotta go.

We are out of time. Thank don't want to... We are, we are, we gotta go. We are out of time. Thank you so much for listening, et cetera, whatever you weirdos do well, you turn this on. We don't care. I don't want to thank them for everything they do. Maybe you're taking a bath while you listen? Oh, I do want to thank you for that.

Thank you for taking a beautiful scented bath. Thank you for taking a bath. Scrabbing from the top until your ass. Thank you for taking a bath. Ba-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-d Let's go fight parts. All right, goodbye everybody. Follow us on FreedomUSA. Goodbye. All right, goodbye. What do weddings, Instagram, and toxic relationships all have in common? They take your money and you can't get it back. 16 grand, somewhere in there, gone. There's no legal solution for the fact

that you married an asshole. Welcome to The Dough. I'm ex-Mayo. We're diving into the stories surrounding the moola baby. The good, the bad, and the unexpected. Yeah, we talking about it all. The Dough is out now wherever you get your podcasts.