Threedom - Threevisiting: Simp Lee Marvelous

Episode Date: June 10, 2025

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss accidental texts and astronauts before playing Pitchmanteau. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Oh, God! God help me! God help me! God save me from freedom! God bless the TV! God bless the TV.

God bless the TV. God please bless the TV. You never think to say it, but there's so many people in the TV. And you use it all the time. Yeah. And it needs God's blessings. No, you guys are so right. I never really thought about it that way.

When you turn the TV off, it's cold for the people in it. Yeah. They're cold. They're asleep. cold, they're asleep, but they're awake. They're a skeet, but they're awake. They're a skeet, but they're awake and they're aware. They're fat, but they're skinny. It's very ironic. Don't you think? I do.

I do. Yeah, well, what did I come down to? I haven't got it all figured out just yet. That Caleb Heron post that you shared. Yes. Was so funny. Now here's, I didn't see it. I'll never see it.

No, you will see it. Oh shit. Oh, you're gonna sit right down and watch it right now. All right. What? Is that the pronunciation of his last name? No. Okay, cause I was like, I actually,, I actually like he was on my podcast.

I asked him and I think I'm saying it right. OK, take it easy. Take it easy. Lord, easy. Pickle up, talk a little cheap, cheap, cheap. But a lot of people. So I saw that I retweeted. What are we even talking about?

You responded to the retweet. Ha ha ha ha ha. Yes. Because you enjoyed it. Laughter. Then you de-empt it to me. Oh, I definitely didn't mean to do that. I meant to post it on my story, which I did do. You slid into his DM. I think I did. Or maybe I just sent it to you. I puzzled over it. Cause I was like, why is this? What? Yeah. I also did. But I know, but you know, it's weird.

I also sent Mike a DM of something and he was like, cause I was like, oh, did you see that thing I sent you? And then he was like, oh yeah, the earrings or whatever. And I was like, what? Yeah, you DM this to me. I didn't mean to do that at all. I meant to send it to my family probably. Oh, so you think I'm part of your family?

This is so sweet. But I was just thinking of you as I was doing it. Do you spell family, pH? No, but I think I was probably going, oh, who's PH? I get it, okay. But I was probably still thinking of your name as I was typing what I thought was another name.

But I did that to Mike and I sent him something and I was like, what? What am I doing on this phone? Like I'm not even paying attention. Like random people getting random messages. But that was a perfect standup bit, I thought. It was so funny. It's so funny.

He's talking about being a teacher and how he likes the bad kids and this kid makes fun of him and it plays out very wonderfully. Yeah, it's great. Wonderful. Quite a kicker. I wouldn't try to reenact it. No, please don't.

Obviously. Although I'd kind of enjoy it. I mean, I could try. From memory? I could try. Okay, let's see what you got. Bebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebe years or so and it was inexplicable and I read it several times and I realized, oh, he didn't mean to write to me. But it was something like, hey, how do I, he was like, hey, how do I get this taken off or something? It was like as brief as that. And I was like,

what is this? And so I wrote back, I said- Like a picture of a mole. I just wrote back something to the extent of like, my man, I don't even know what you're talking about, but it's so great to hear from you. And he was like, oh, sorry, I meant to send this to IT at my company. And then I was like, he goes, but how are you? What are you up to?

I was like, I'm looking for a job in IT if you hear about anything opening up for someone who can't do something. And that producer was Robert F. Oh, awesome. Bugaboo. But the kicker to the story Robert F. Oh, awesome. Bugaboo. But the kicker to the story is then. Oh, there's a kicker.

He wrote to me then accidentally five more times that day. That's crazy. That day. That day. He needs to focus. And each time. You're one to talk. The first couple.

The first couple. Five times? First couple I wrote back like, hey, it's still me. And he's like, what is happening? And then the successive times he was like, why am I doing this? He would like follow it up immediately. That's absolutely bonkers. That is bonoodles.

Yeah, good to hear from. Oh, I was gonna say, how many times do you think people have used that as a way to like, inadvertently slide it to the DMs or somebody like send them something quote unquote by accident. Scammers, this is what they do. But I mean, what about people who are trying to date somebody where it's like, oh, I wish I could talk to that girl,

which I say, I'm like, oops, I meant to send this to my friend, how are you? Yeah, how have you been? I didn't see, yeah. Oh, that's a good one. Hello, Joanne. I heard about the promotion, dear. Joanne.

If someone texted you that, but it was your friend. And you're like, oh, I think you went to send us to Joanne also, are you OK? I, um. Paige. Joanne. She always turns the tables. I, um, I've done the accidentally emailing someone

that, when you mean to forward the email to someone else and comment on what the person said, I've only done that once. And it was to a producer I was working on with on a movie that we were trying to get made. And they sent me the tiniest criticism and I thought I forwarded it and said, well, I don't know that I agree with this. And I instead responded to it.

Oh no. And it was like the least dramatic version of it. Because you're able to go, oh, I'm kidding because it was a very minor note that you gave. Yeah, well no, she knew that it was meant to go to someone else and she's like, hey, you sent this to me accidentally, but nice to know you don't agree with it.

And I was like, oh, well, I don't really, but. Oh yeah, that's awkward though. But it's so. That is awkward. It's so embarrassing. I mean, email snafus are just so embarrassing. And when you're like, you wanna text a friend about somebody else, I'm like,

I will focus on the name I'm sending it to. Oh yeah. And I'm like, I'll read it out loud. And then I'll read the last messages we sent just to be like, this is who I'm talking to. Yeah, right. Because that's the worst. I did that once and it was, I got out of it.

It was not too damning. It was open to interpretation. Yeah. Right? And so I was able to wriggle out of it, but it was like ever since then, I have been so, so, so, so careful about that. It puts the fear of God into your heart. The F-O-G.

The fog. That's what John Carpenter made a movie about. The fog, the fear of God. The fog. The fog. The fog. The foggy. Yeah. Dr. Foggy. Oh, Dr. Foggy.

Oh, Dr. Foggy. Oh, we love you, Dr. Foggy. We love you, Dr. Foggy. You are a dada. Okay, Dr. Fauci was a dog. Yeah. It would be Dr. Fow-doggy. Oh my God.

Right? No. We all agree on that. Dr. Fow-doggy. Come on. We all agree. I would think it would be Dr. Bow-wow- that. Dr. Fow Doggie. Come on. We all agreed. I would think it would be Dr. Bow Wowchee. Dr. Fow Wow.

Lil Bow Wowchee. What about if Scott O'Cron was a dog? Dr. Dog Food. Dr. Dog Food would be me. That's it. What? Yes. That's it.

Lord would be Dr. Dog House. Okay, what are you? You tell me. Dr. Dog Shit Bag? That's right. Okay, so I'm Dr. Dog Food. Dr. Dogshitbag? That's right. Okay, so I'm Dr. Dogfood. Dr. Dogshitbag. She's Dr. Doghouse.

You're Dr. Dogshitbag? Yes. That all makes a lot of sense. And we're all friends because we all met in med school? Doggy med school? No, we don't know each other in that world. We don't? Oh no, I don't want to live in that world.

We never talk about work. We never talk about being a doctor. I went to Johns Hopkins's. That's where you went to school? Yeah, in the dog world. Oh. Why are you bragging about what you did in the dog world? Because I can't brag about what I do in this one.

I really hate when people talk about what college they went to a lot when they're an adult. I'm like, who cares? Yeah, it has no bearing on us. As a college dropout, I could not care less about people. Well, I mean, look, this is because of our industry as well. Like it probably it probably affects other industries of like, oh, you went to. Oh, right. It means nothing to us.

Yeah, to us, it's definitely a job where it matters where you went to school. But I still think bragging and sort of because those people who are bragging, no one's just saying it about some random school they went to. It's always like Ivy league school. And then they're like saying it over and over again. Well, the people, the whole, the whole Harvard thing of like, oh, I went to a college near, what is it? What's it that they say? I went to college near Cambridge or something like that. Yeah. Right.

The whole bragging in that way without bragging. I went to school near Cheers. Yeah. I went to school near the Bull and Finch Pub. Yeah, it happens with a lot of schools. And it's really, I mean, Harvard's a big one that you hear a lot. I went to school near the Marathon bombing. Not to brag. Right on top of it.

I never understood people's connection to school after school is done. Yeah. Until, um, I guess it really depends on the, this is an experience I can understand. Janie went to a very small school, high school. It was an all girls school. Sexy. Yeah. And it was so sexy.

Sometimes I think that would have been so great. Yeah. And it was a small class. So she's very, she feels very connected to them still, even though they don't, they don't like talk all the time or whatever, you know what I mean? That'd be hard to talk all the time. No.

We tried on this show. We tried on this show. We're like, you've been through an hour. But yeah, I understand that. It's like, you've had this, it's a totally different thing. When people are saying. So they go to reunions and stuff like that. What I'm talking about had this. It's a totally different thing. When people are saying. So they go to reunions and stuff like that. What I'm talking about is people like basically name dropping

their own history. Oh no, I know that. Yeah, that's absurd to do. For an adult to be doing that is, that's pathetic. Although I realize I talk about the action school I went to. Which is college. Well, for stories. Well you're talking about stories.

You're not walking out to people saying. Saying, oh by the way, you may want to hire me as I went to. I'm a graduate of artsy fartsy you. Literally 30 years ago, I'm realizing. Ew. Can you believe it? This is our anniversary. This is our anniversary of you doing that?

Of me graduating. You graduated? I thought you didn't. I graduated the acting school, not college. Does that make sense? No. We would get college credit for everything, but I never graduated. I graduated the acting school, not college. Does that make sense? No. We would get college credit for everything,

but I never graduated. I never got a degree. Yeah. Sorry. You think you're gonna go to DeVry? I might. I have looked up college courses here in town. You have talked about this, and what's stopping you?

You don't wanna do it? Interest? Yeah. Why are you looking up the courses? To see if there's like a course that I would like. If there was something that jumped out at me, I would maybe go like, oh, I might do that. What is it, like once a week you have to go to these things? I have no fucking idea.

I think generally, yeah. Yeah, that sounds fine. Like what day? You can do it online. What day? Every, you know, you kind of pick a day based on what works for you. Can I say the idea-

That doesn't work. The idea- That doesn't work for me. I need structure. For some reason I've gotten into a, I've gotten to a place in my life. I meant you would just pick a class that works with your schedule. Right.

Oh my God. I've gotten to a place in my life where trying to schedule something on a weekly basis seems impossible. I would pretty much agree with you on that. Like a thing that I want to do, as opposed to like an obligation. Yeah, like I have a couple of writing projects

and I meet with each of those people to write once a week. And it's like, that is hard to maintain. Like it's like, it takes a lot of time and energy and focus and it's good, but it's like, you have to really build it into the planet. What if it's at night? Well, I'm doing that tonight. Even that too. I'm actually writing at night tonight because I was like, maybe. What if it's at night? Well, I'm doing that tonight. Even that too.

I'm actually writing at night tonight because I was like, maybe this will be- Right at night? Yeah. I'm gonna do it after Holly goes to bed. That's my idea is we're gonna meet on Zoom. It's impossible. And write at 7.30.

What if whatever you write she ends up dreaming about? Wow, that would be so amazing. I hope not. Why? Because it's vulgar. Oh, you don't want a vulgar child. Yeah. God hates a vulgar child.

Truly. What are the things that God hates the most? Okay, God hates, he's, look, number one with a bullet, Beelzebub himself, even though they used to be best friends. They used to be buds. But that happens. That's how it goes. That's how it goes sometimes.

That's how it goes sometimes. That's how it goes sometimes. He hates it. It's none of our business. Also, it bails about the devil, he's too good at what he does. So it's like it burns, it chaps God's butt. How bad does God feel that the devil can tempt people

into doing things? I know. And it works. And it works because that's the thing is like, God's like, hey, none of you have to sin. But then the devil comes along and is so good at tempting. He's like, because no one wants to be gay, right? The devil just, it's too good.

The devil just tempts people. What if you were gay? And so tempting. We, you know, in my life, I think I've talked more about God and the devil with you two than with anyone in my entire life. I hope so. Well, I think doing that episode more about God and the devil with you two than with anyone else. I hope so. I hope so.

I think doing that episode of Good Christian Fun, I unpacked a lot of trauma during it. Oh really? You mean trauma? Trauma. Trauma. Really, did it come out on air or did you realize it later? I think afterwards I was like, oh wow, that's stuff I haven't thought about in a while

and it really fucked me up for years. Yeah, it'll do that. Yeah. Did I tell you guys, I'm not sure if I've told this story on air before. Oh, please tell it. But the story of when I appeared on an episode of God, the Devil and Bob.

Do you remember that cartoon? I remember that cartoon. Who was in it again? Robert Downey Jr. That's right. Yeah, pre-Iron Man. Pre-Iron Man. So it was in 90s?

Before his big resurgence. Yeah. Maybe early, early aught Man. So it was in 90s? Before his big resurgence. Yeah. Maybe early aughts. Oh wow, was that recent? He was still kind of in trouble at the time. Yes. But I think it was Alan Cumming, Robert Downey Jr. and I forget who else.

But I was hired to be a guest actor on this show. The idea is three. Did you audition? I did not audition. This is just an offer. Congratulations. This is an offer. Never gotten anything from a voiceover audition in my life.

Me either. It's a really weird. Or any audition. Feels like you just sent them into the ether. Just shoot me. The only thing I've ever gotten from an audition. A gold member. Oh, a gold member, yeah.

Come on. All they did was look at my butt. Ooh la la. Sex. T-shirts now for sale. T-shirts for sale? I don't even know if they're moving at all. Yeah, we haven't checked in on that.

We've only posted about it once. Wait, which one? Did we even like... No, not ours, it's for... Just wait till December though. That's when they're real Christmas time. It's the Comedy Bay major, ooh la la sex. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

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That'll really work out. Okay, I'm looking at the picture. Santa will bring it down the chimney. And it looks like almost, almost like, it's like, oh my God, you know what it looks like? What is that cartoon? What the fuck? I don't know what you're trying to say. Oh my God, it's like, oh my God, you know what? It looks like, what is that cartoon? What the fuck? I don't know what you're trying to say. It looks almost, almost.

I was gonna say it looks almost like Bitmojis. Then I was gonna say it looks like, what is the name of the show? And I think Kevin's gonna be able to help me. And it was like a family where they were like always in the jungle and stuff. Jungle family. It was on, it was like the wild.

Jungle wild. Tarzan jungle.. Jungle family. It was on, it was like the wild. Jungle wild. Tarzan jungle. Tarzan family. Nickelodeon. Nickelodeon show. The Nickelodeon show. Monkey dad. The wild thornberry.

Marv thornberry. The luxurious people. The wildsons. It was the wild thornberries. And it is honestly a very similar drawing style. The wild thornberry.. And it is honestly a very similar drawing style. The Wild Thornberrys. Maybe it was the same guy. I'm curious if it's the same guy.

Yeah, I'll find out. So I got hired to do this. I am one of three people that escaped from an insane asylum or whatever. And so we're all crazy characters. We have our individual personalities. And so at the table read, you do it and it's real funny. Did I audition for this?

I did audition for this. Wow, you're a liar. Because at the table read, one of the other actors who was in my little triptych, he had the line right before, he had his first line right before my first line. And he did the same voice that I auditioned with. No, what?

What? Like the same kind of character that I was doing. And then, so then immediately I'm like, I gotta mix this up somehow. And we go right from the table read to the record. Whoa. And- That's from the table read to the record. Whoa. And that's stress. Nobody, nobody mentioned this.

Nobody mentioned it. Nobody. I feel that someone who worked on the show should have said. And I had a friend who worked on the show who never said anything about it. And I'm like, you guys know what's going, you know what's going on here. Yeah, this is awesome.

Because the audition I think was, I feel like it was an in-person audition because this is before you could just send shit in. Like even before, but even before COVID, you could record stuff at home and send it in. No, and I sort of prefer the in-person. Of course. Because then I could direct you.

But those days are over apparently. But you know, I couldn't believe that nobody was saying, instead they're giving me all this direction. Like, I'm fucking it up. And I'm like, but this is how this character is written. Like I'm definitely doing it. I'm doing a, it was like there was a logic to the voice that I was doing.

But someone stole it. Yeah. And he didn't know. You know what I mean? Like we weren't there together. Did they ever say to you like, no, just do it like the way you did in the audition. And then you sound just the same way that he did or no?

No. Or you just changed your voice and no one said anything? I just kept trying to change it up. I, I, it was really hard. Also there was the third actor, I will not say his name, but I'll tell you off air. Oh boy, this is juicy. Was a- Gotta be someone good.

Was a comedian, an older comedian has been around for a while. This guy was so distracting during, cause we were all in the same room. This was so distracting, because we were all in the same room, this very rarely happens too, we were all in the same room, recording at the same time. And this guy, whenever he wasn't talking, he had a notebook and he was drawing it and he would show me stuff or whatever

and it's like, we're working. What are you doing? But he never stopped talking when he was allowed to talk. In between takes you know, takes or whatever. He would just be talking, talking, talking. And then we would roll and he would like be showing me notes and shit like kind of like, you can't do this.

It's like school. So how did you, so you didn't get fired? They replaced me. They did. They let me record the day and then they got somebody else to do the voice. No one ever said to you what happened? No one ever said a fucking thing. And then did you watch it and see, oh, they did the voice that I did.

Never seen it. Never seen it. Wow. And then why did this come up in your mind? Just because we said we were talking about God? God and the devil. Got it. And Bob?

Bob was the only one not mentioned and I was like, I got to get him in there. I got a story about this guy. Why did, do we, are we going to start asking that? Why did you think that? No, no. The reason I asked is because I've been listening to the whole story through the prism of he wants to talk about something that fucked him up the way, because it came off of me saying religion had fucked me up. And so I was like, okay, what has fucked Paul up? And said it was, no, just you heard the word God. Yeah, that was the worst experience of my life.

It changed my whole personality. That sounds really bad. Wow. So you're listening to the story. Like, how does this relate to me? Well, no, but to like usually when somebody goes, oh, did I tell you this story? But you forget about the interruptions that happen. Pardon the interruption. Why are we farting? Pardon me. That's my question every episode.

If someone said pardon the interruption and then went, that'd be funny. My friend used to say, my friend used to fart and say, pardon my dust. I thought that was funny. I'm sure I've talked about this, but my friend called farts, blowing dust off a turd. And I thought that was like the funniest shit. It's so gross. All right, we'll be right back. Ryan Stangler. Some of us.

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off your first purchase. First purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot com slash freedom code freedom at checkout bombas.com slash freedom and use code freedom. And we're back. And Lauren is here. I'm here. It's like you could just. Be present. I am present. Lauren, be present with us. Lauren was Googling.

She loves a goog. I love a goog. She loves to goog. She's like, she's so inquisitive. That's why we call her Goo Goo. Goo Gel Me. Goo Gel Me. What if a pop singer came out and said their name was Lee? That's why we call her Gugu. Gugelmi. Gugelmi. Gugelmi. What if a pop singer came out and said their name was Lady Gugu?

Oh my, that would be fucking awesome. I think that's the way to be. I would love that. I think that someone should do that and it should be really good. Oh yeah, I'm Lady Gugu. Yeah. And no, it's not a parody or anything, it's just that's my stage name. I think she's fine.

I'm not really familiar with her music. I've just always been Lady Gugu and she got really famous, but I was like, well I'm not gonna change my name. What if it was Gugu Mbatha, what's her name? Gugu Mbatha Ra? Is it Faith Merkerson? From Law and Order? Gugu Mbatha Ra?

Yeah, is that her name? I don't know who you're talking about. She's a great actress, who you may know from Cloverfield, the third one. Oh, well guess what? I hope that's not what you're counting on me to know her from. Her name is G third one. Oh, well, guess what? I hope that's not what you're counting on me to know her from. Her name is Goo Goo?

Goo Goo, yeah. Cool. That's a great name. Yeah. It would be very cool. Oh, you may know her from the morning show where her character committed, you see the- Oh, that was her. Yeah, she was good. Scooakide.

Goofy side. Oh man. That was a dark movie where Goofy kills himself. Oh my God. Oh no, I just can't take it anymore. I don't think it was canon though. Like it was like they did that. No, no, no.

It was definitely an alternate universe. It's an aberration. Oh, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren. Scott, Scott, Scott, Scott, what are you doing for your birthday coming up? I'm going out of town. This episode will probably have already aired at that point, I believe. Don't send me birthday wishes.

Where are you going? Barcelona, oh. Oh, can I come? They never asked that. I'm going on a little trip up north a bit. Nice. With a couple of friendlies. That'll be great.

A couple of mutuals. Are you going to friendlies? Yes. A couple of mutuals. Oh, get a Fribble. And this- Fribble? Yes, they bullied us into going on this trip. For your birthday?

Well, it's not in celebration of my birthday. It was like, there were two- Even worse. There were two windows. Hey, pick one of these windows and you're going on this trip with us. And is it like a 4th of July trip? No, it was just a, let's get out out of town trip So you'll be back for the fourth Yes, actually Paul and I are going to something on the fourth. Oh, what are you gonna do? Oh my Christ? That's right

Don't make any other plans. I can't tell you because I don't remember what it is. We're doing okay, but I know that we're doing it We're going to the Hollywood Bowl, my dear boy. What are you seeing? We're going to see, I think it's Lady Goo Goo. It's made. I know, is there no impression on him? We're going to Steve Martin and Martin Short. Oh, that's right, yes. Oh, that's fun. Very excited, very excited.

I love them together. I'm very excited again. Yes, on July 4th with fireworks. That's great. I was saying after watching their special on Netflix that you and I should figure out a thing. Yes That would be fun. We never did it. Well, we did do kind of something at that that Oregon festival to or no Washington yeah, the Gorge in Washington. Yes. Yeah

Sasquatch Sasquatch Sasquatch festival and we did it it was more of a, it would have been more of a theater experience, I think. It would have played better in a theater rather than a tent with a bunch of- Oh, I did a horrible, horrible show. Not like two in the afternoon, two in the afternoon. 102 degrees out. On the last day of a festival when people are in a tent

trying to get out of the sun. That was my slot as well. They're super high and they can't focus on anything. Yeah. But it was fun, but where we each did separate things and then we did things together. Yeah, we did things together. Yes, just the two of us.

That was fun. Wow. So are Cool Up and Janie going or is it just a boys night? Cool Up and Janie are going. We're going to not pay attention to them. No, we're going to say, after everything that Steve Martin and Martin Short say, we're going to turn to our wives and say,

you probably don't get that. It's kind of a guy thing. This is real guy comedy. I'll explain later if I feel like. I saw Martin Short. Morton Short. I love Martin Short. I saw Morton Short.

I saw Morton Short. You saw Morton Short? And Stav Norton. I don't think you should be telling that on the show. I saw Martin Short up in Vancouver at the Vancouver festival one year, the last year ever for the festival, the year we all got stiffed.

That was a mess, that thing. Yeah, and I felt- Did he pay anyone? No. Martin Short might've gotten paid, and that's why- If anyone did, he did. Yeah.

Oh. And I felt so bad for him because he, it was great, loved it. And I felt so bad for him because he, it was great. Loved it. And he finished his show and as he's taking his bow, the organizer of the festival rushed on stage because he wanted to present him with this gift or whatever. And the applause immediately died down. Yeah, because it sounds like an emergency's happening

or something. Yeah, but everyone was like, he, oh, oh, something else is happening. And so he got he didn't get his big applause at the end. It was like some piece of shit art thing. Yeah, it was like a painting a local artist had made for him. And he was very gracious and he was very much like, oh, thank you so much. How nice. But you could tell it was like, dude, you I'm taking my bow.

Yeah. A wait till we do die down, then hand it off. As the cheers are happening and you walk off stage. B, throw that in the trash and never let him see it. C, give it to him off stage. Yeah. D, go fuck yourself. D, never let the person paint it. Go read D again.

E, don't pick up the phone. The phone ready to go. Don't pick up the phone. Is that new rules? Yeah, I don't remember. Was it new rules? New rules. Don't pick up the phone. Is that new rules? Yeah, I don't remember. Was it new rules? New rules. Don't pick that phone.

No, it can't be new rules. No, it's a new rules. Yeah, sure it can. It's new rules. It is? That's Bill Mars thing. No one knows that. Can you imagine a world where people are like,

you see Bill Mars new rules last night? Or to go like, hey, wait, you can't name your son next to Bill Mars. I mean, I don't know that I would. It's like when Maroon five came out with like the Red Pill Blues or whatever their album was, and everyone was like, Hey, do you know what being red pilled means? And they didn't know. And it was way too late in the like albums were all on the way to the presses and stuff. And they're like, we did not know and we can't change it.

I still haven't seen the Matrix, but I've picked up a little bit on what they mean. They were basing it on the Matrix. They were like, we just like the Matrix. As were the other idiots. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Oh, there's another meaning of red-pilled? Yes. Yes.

I only know the Matrix. Look it up and get red-pilled yourself. Well, I don't think it's gonna be good. You should see the Matrix, the first Matrix is really fun. First one is great. Someone did just tell me that and I will... The second one you can watch just for fun action sequences and then turn it off having seen.

I think the freeway thing is good. Oh, okay. Yeah. So long. I looked it up and I understand. I know, but then just watch the freeway. Well, does anyone want me to read it for the people who don't know? No, the freeway thing is so long.

Or am I really in the minority here? But only... You say just watch, make that the movie. Yeah. that should have been the movie and should be called freeway matrix to its 20 minutes long It's called freeway Matrix it's just called freeway the latest matrix movie included like cannon from The video game the matrix like, everything that they did matrix related was considered Canon for that universe. And so it was like, I had no fucking idea what was going on in the movie.

Cause I didn't see the third one. Yeah. I liked the idea of it. And I liked the first, the first act. What was the idea of it? That the mate, here's what I would have done with it. Yeah. Okay. So the,, so that basically, because it starts with Keanu Reeves

like in an advertising job or something like that. Yes. And he's a death jockey. No, he's the guy who made the Matrix video game or whatever. Yeah. And I like the idea of basically the Matrix has recaptured him and convinced him that the Matrix experience was all just like something

he thought of as a video game and then he has to fight his way out of it but here's the tough time I have with that is that sort of that's all off screen yeah right no that I prefer the whole movie be off screen so then it's just like a minute long and somebody's saying like here's a crazy thing that just happens yeah and they describe it and then credits. You like that. You'd like minute long movies. I love a minute long movie. As long as it just gets right to the point. And then it would take two hours of credits and I'll read all of them. Yes. Out loud. Let's let's let's take MLM back.

Instead of multi-level marketing, make his minute long movies. Yes. And let's take MLK back. Minute long. Okay. What are we taking it back from? Oh, that was the other thing. Are you saying it's bad? That was the other music related thing that came out when Justin Timberlake put out a song called

Take Back the Night. And everyone was like, everyone's like, hey, you know, that's actually not something you should probably be singing like a sexy love song about. And he was like, oh, I didn't know. I didn't know that that was a thing. I'm like, you would never. And no one called him on and no one would ever call their song. Take back the night like no one has ever thought of those words together like he's like, but wouldn't like the people who worked on the song, which is probably 15 to 20 people.

That's the whole thing about Red Pill Blues. Someone in the chain of command fucked up. And so wild to think how many people are involved in a project like that. And not one of them has the courage or said, it's the courage or yeah. Or the courage was like, should I say something about it? Yeah.

But I feel like I'm missing something here. Let me just. Okay, I feel that way too. Red-pilled. I feel like I get everything. Cause someone to have their perspective dramatically transformed, especially by introducing them to a new

and typically disturbing understanding of the true nature of a particular situation. That's, yes. They are talking about conspiracy theories and claim they have been red-pilled. Origin, the 1990s, with reference to a scene in the film The Matrix, in which the protagonist is offered the choice between taking a blue pill

that will restore his ordinary experience. What you're not getting is the specific type of person who says they've been red-pilled. Yes. Conservative internet users to favorably describe their own sociopolitical viewpoints. Got it. But the best is that I think the earliest origins

of it being used in that way can be traced to a guy. A guy who was saying he was red-pilled into understanding that women control, actually are in control of everything. And he realized it because his, something about his mother making him take diarrhea. All right. This is so funny to say like,

women are actually in charge of everything. And would that be something I would know about as a woman or would I, or is that, you know what I mean? Like how does that work? When it's like something like that, like a conspiracy theory like that, how would you know about that? Like I guess like his, when you believe, if you believe something like that, like a conspiracy theory like that. How would you know about that as a woman? Like I guess like his, if you believe something so insane, do you think that all women are walking around

secretly knowing that we're in charge? Right, exactly. But we're not telling you. Yes, exactly. You won't admit it is the thing. You won't admit it, that you actually hold all the cards. I love that idea. But it all really comes down to, it's like, I'm mad at my mommy.

And also women can deny sex. So that means that they are in control of everything. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. That's everything. That's everything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They run the world. Girls. Men can deny sex too. Yeah. But only to other men. We can't deny it to women. Nope. Get real. Okay. You're right. It's just too good. Those shirts are available at bobswag.com. Bob swag. Hi, I'm Bob swag.

Won't you buy some t-shirts from me? The god, the devil and bobswag.com. Oh no, I got replaced on the T-shirt. What conspiracy theories do you believe? A bunch of them. So I guess if we'll just get into it. But it is true. I don't really think I really get on board with most conspiracy,

I hear about them kind of late, I feel like. I'm like, oh. that's a good thing. I had a friend who was really trying to tell me about the 9-11 being a controlled demolition. Yeah, I definitely have heard that. That's one of those conspiracies. There are certain conspiracies that I don't believe, but I can say, yeah, I get why people would believe that.

That one's too crazy to me. Yeah, I don't know. It was a fucked up time. Most of them are like, so many people would have to be involved and no one can ever keep a me. Yeah, I don't know. It was a fucked up time. Most of them are like, so many people would have to be involved and no one can ever keep a secret. Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the thing that always trips me up is like,

no, there's no way that anybody, we would, something that colossal could never be controlled that time. Involving so many people, yeah. It's like people can't even meet at the White House, you know, without someone leaking it to the press. You know what I mean? Like the first time anyone ever got a group together and saying like, should we take down the World Trade Center?

Manu Bolw went to the White House, everybody knew about it. Yeah. My favorite, I think, is the moon landing, that the moon landing was fake. Yeah, that's a bizarre one. Because, I mean, at this point, I guess, anyone involved is dead, right? No.

Well, no. Is it Buzz Aldrin? Is he still alive? I thought he was recently alive. He was on Dancing with the Stars, wasn't he? What? What? How'd he do?

How'd he do? How'd he do? How'd he do? Did he win? He crushed everything. He's alive. He did the moonwalk every single time. He's 92 years old.

Interestingly, he's been married multiple times, but he got divorced most recently. He's been married three times. Old divorces make me sad. I know, me too, because the most recent one was 2012. It was like 10 years ago. Old divorces make me sad all the doodah day. He had a wife from- Gonna get divorced, I am almost dead. So he had his wife Joan Archer from 1954 to 1974.

So that's 20 years, including the time when he went to the moon. Okay, that's a good one. Then he had a marriage for three years, 1975. One year after his divorce, and then 1978 ended. And then he waited 10 years and married Lois Driggs Cannon. And then she and he got divorced in 2012. Wow.

It makes me wonder why, like why at eight, like is it just, you just hate it? And not to judge anyone, anyone who wants to get divorced should get divorced. Well, they were married for almost 20 years. I think everyone should get divorced. Anyone who even the thought crosses your mind, should I get divorced?

Get divorced immediately. If you're married, get divorced. No, they were married for 14 years. And it's like, if you, that's, that's not too. At 80 though. Like why are you? But she's younger, no, she was born in 1929. Who wants to move again?

No, they were both old. That's really what it comes down to for me. She's almost 100. Maybe it's just you're miserable. She's almost 100. Maybe it's just you're fucking miserable of like, I just cannot take. Oh, she passed away, but okay, got it.

Yeah, I got it. And then they got divorced? They got divorced, she passed away six years after they got divorced. And then they got divorced? They got divorced, she passed away six years after they got divorced. Maybe she got to have a lot of fun without him. Who knows what his deal is. I'm gonna live it up. I wanna see how he did on Dancing with the Stars.

I'm back on the market. Hello boys. I did watch the season. I'm on Ryla. Show us a picture of him. He was 10th place of the woman. Yeah, I wanna see this us a picture of it. He was 10th place. Of the woman. Yeah, I want to see this hot little piece of ass. Let me see this hot senior.

Oh, Ruka, Ruka. Yeah. Wow. I don't know what I was expecting, but that's still surprising. Well, here she is younger. Oh! She had a bit of plastic surgery later, but it seems like there she didn't really. Yeah.

She's cute. She's got all those medals on. Who wouldn't fall in love? Who wouldn't? With a moon man with medals. But when you go to the moon, that's the best thing you're ever gonna do It's all literally downhill from there. Yeah, you know, so it's like it's like you're hitching your wagon to a star in decline Oh, that is poetic shit, you know, I mean, where would you go in space?

The Sun I mean like the moon seems like one of the easiest things to do because it's not, we know there's no life there. In terms of the closest, the only you can reach here. So people know what you're talking about. That place. Yeah, I want there. It's the only thing. It's the only thing we can land on right now.

Right. As human beings, probably can people go to Mars? Should Mars Rover? Yeah. as human beings. Probably. Can people go to Mars? Should people go to Mars? I think there's a Mars rover. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think that we can go there yet. How long does it take? Is that the voice you did on Bob the Devil in God? I know.

I know. Is that the voice you did on Bob the Devil in God or? How long does it take to get there? Isn't that a problem? Yeah, it takes years, I think, right? Yeah. To get to the moon? No, to the moon it's like 20 minutes.

30 days. To Mars. When we have looked this up before. If you go, yeah, if you go, you're not coming back. If you go to Mars. From Mars, because it's a- I'm gonna look it up because people are screaming out there.

It's not hospitable. I don't give a fuck, let them scream. Let them scream. Who's screaming? Martians? They're like, it takes us 20 minutes. They scream so high-pitched. Eating their shit potatoes?

Shit potatoes? Matt Damon. Matt Damon. Oh, right. Hey, look, it only takes between 150 and 300 days. So if you go there, you're never coming back. I swear to God, I heard that. Why is it taking such a, why is there such a wide range?

Oh, I guess it's because if you were to, when they're talking about it in terms of like colonization or something that you'd have to go build the infrastructure and everything and you couldn't, you know. No, nine months. Fuck, that's a long time to travel. Yeah, all in all, if you want to make it a round trip, all in all, it would take about 21 months as you need to wait about three months on Mars to make sure Earth and Mars are a suitable location to make the trip back home.

Dang! I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think anyone should ever go there. I don't think it's necessary. If you do, bring a copy of Date Night. I think you should wait to go until we can get there faster. Just even like, let's shave off two months off of that.

I think it should take five months max to get anywhere. Yeah. And then if it takes longer than that, you shouldn't go. If anything takes longer than five months out. It should be like making a ocean crossing. How long did it take them to get to America? Columbus, how long was his trip? Oh, I don't know.

And he got lost too. So don't factor that in for this dumb ass. He thought he was going. Columbus, how? He sucked as an explorer. Yeah. Yeah. How long was his trip?

Okay. How long was Columbus' trip? He just put in how long was his trip and Google was like. Columbus, do you mean? Columbus? Do you mean our Lord Jesus Christ? Well, he journeyed for 33 years on earth.

36 days. That's not long at all. That's not long at all. Anyone could do this. I'll do it today. You're a survivor longer than that usually. You're really upset about that. Fucking idiot Columbus.

Well, I feel probably got scurvy and stuff. Yeah. Scurvy, it's tough. Just take your Flintstones vitamins. Scurvy, it's tough. Just take, take your fluid stones vitamins. Scurvy. It's tough. Scurvy. It's very tough.

You got the heavy sense. You got the old standby. Got to get more. This is the lines from modern romance when he's all drunk and he's like talking about how he needs to get vitamins. And he's like, he's out of everything. And then he has a giant tub and he's like, I got E, I got E, the old standby.

And then he opens it up and there's nothing in it. And he goes, gotta get more E. What is that? Albert Brooksman. Ah. Has the most funny lines of any movie. Oh great. Oh great. Oh great.

Well maybe we'll watch it some day. Maybe you will. I've seen a couple Albert Brooks movies and I'm into that. What if you and Nicole did Albert Brooks movies as the next scene? Oh yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Cause you could do Finding Nemo. I wanna go back to Tyler Perry. You go back to him? Just go back to Tyler Perry. Yeah, we've only did 10 episodes. I feel like we could get a lot more done with Tyler. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right, we've only did 10 episodes. I feel like we could get a lot more done with Tyler. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. All right, we're wrapping up this segment. Oh, in the way we always do. Which is take a break? Which is we each draw straws. Yep, and decide who's going to throw us a break. We'll be right back. All right, so I've cut up three straws.

All right, here we go. I got this one. And I got this one. Oh, Paul. Uh-oh. Wait, let me see your straws. OK, let's put. I got this one. And I got this one. Oh, Paul. Uh-oh. Wait, let me see your straws. OK, let's put ours next to each other. OK.

OK. This is not looking. Does it go from the top or the bottom? Yes. OK. Got it. OK, I guess it's me. Yep.

We'll be right back. OK. OK. This is an ad by BetterHelp. Men today face immense pressure to perform, to provide, and keep it all together. So it's no wonder that 6 million men in the US suffer from depression every year, and it's often undiagnosed. It's okay to struggle.

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I talk to experts and extraordinary guests about divorce, exercise, menopause, sex, drugs, and more to understand what we're going through and how to make the most of it. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back and it's time for a three-chur. I can't believe it. I really can't. I can't believe it's three-chur time already. I'm a bit surprised, but I'm also totally on board. Do you remember the cereal alphabets?

Yeah. Do they still make it? Those are really good. Why were they good? I don't think they do. They were just a sugary little alphabet. You know, I always liked to chomp into a different shape and they had a lot of different shapes.

26 to be exact. Do they do all 26? Oh yes, you could spell stuff in your cereal. Do you know that sometimes I- This is a commercial. Confuse the amount of letters in alphabet with the amount of teeth in the human head. How many teeth are there?

Because I never remember that. I believe it's 32. That's my guess actually that I had in my head. And how old was Jesus when he died? 33. It's because he was one tooth missing. They used to have more teeth back then. Yeah.

Oh. And you would live to the age of your teeth. Did he lose a tooth every year on his birthday? He loses a tooth every year on his birthday. And so by the end, Jesus had no teeth? No teeth. Wow. That's why they crucified him., Jesus had no teeth? No teeth. Wow. That's why they crucified him.

Look at that no teeth sound a bit. Yeah. I'm counting my teeth and it's not adding up. I'm counting my teeth and you're using your tongue to do this? The most precise tool? It is for some things, my man. Oh, shit!

What does that mean, what does that mean? It's a sex thing. Ooh la la. Ooh la la now. All right, well, guys, it is time for a three-chart. Oh, shit! What does that mean? What does that mean? It's a sex thing. Blah blah. Blah blah. Guys, it is time for a feature. It does make sense. Oh, you counted 32? Well, I counted 8 on one side, 8 on the bottom side, and then I thought that equals 32.

I can't make my tongue thin enough to like... I can make my paper thin. I was really just focused on that. That's too thin. Yep. Like there's one. I'll give you a paper cut with this tongue. It's on multiple teeth at the same time,

but I'm going, okay, that's one, that's two. That's about five teeth. Yeah, that makes sense. That seems like 14. Yeah. Part of my tooth has crumbled away by the way. What? Oh no. It didn't hurt.

I was eating- That's crumb-believable. I was eating a little. Were you eating a chocolate chip Sahoi cookie? I was eating a chocolate chip treat. Whoa, that's crumb believable. And then I hit something that was supposed to be like a soft batch chocolate chip, but was not. Whoa.

And I was like, what is this? And I pulled out a piece of tooth. One of my molars. It didn't hurt at all. Do you have to get it repaired? I'm gonna find out. I go to the dentist tomorrow. Let us know, keep us updated.

I was gonna go to the dentist earlier, but then I got COVID-19. COVID gets in the way of plans. It really does. You know, we used to go to the same dentist, did we not? Oh, that guy, Larchmont? Yeah. Oh, that guy.

And he would, yes, you didn't like him. That was bad news. He treated me bad. guy. And he would, yes, you didn't like him. That was bad news. He treated me. He treated me bad. Yeah. But he would always ask about you when I was there. And then because because I got the recommendation from Bob Odenkirk, he would always say, how is Robert doing?

And I was like, you don't know him. How's Robert? I do to you. know him. How's Robert? I do to you. He did a he put a crown on and then it fell on King. He said you dropped this king. No, you dropped it.

And it came off like almost immediately as you're saying good. And then I was like, hey, this thing, you know, you gotta put it back on. And he like rushed me through. So like gave me anesthetic, did not wait for the anesthetic to take place. Yes.

And it was like, hey, My mouth hurts. This hurts a lot. Hurts donut. He was bad. Yeah. I stopped going to him too. Yeah, good for you.

But then I went to another dentist that a friend of mine went to and one of the hygienists there would confuse us for each other. Like ask me, Hey, how's Lisa? Lisa. Oh, I thought he was confusing you with Lisa. How's Lisa? I'm like, anybody was asking in the third person. Yeah. Was, wait, was it Wendy from Wendy and Lisa? Yeah. Wow. Wendy Melvain.

Melvain. All right, let's play this three-chir. And he would say Wendy and I would say, yes, Lisa. Is the water hot? Yes, Lisa. Do you have a sensitivity to hot water? Yes, Lisa. You need a Rook and Owl.

Do do do do do. Lauren's just smiling pleasantly. She does not know. This is cute, guys. I don't get it, but I like what I'm hearing. You love it. I love it. All right, this is a three-jerk cult.

Oh, I actually took a video of I Love It, I Don't Care that I went to Sunday, and I forgot. Oh, well, remember that. Oh, please do. People were dancing to it? Yeah. Oh, I love it, I don't care that I meant to send you that I forgot. Oh, well, remember that. Oh, please do. People were dancing to it? Yeah. Oh, I love it. Yeah. I don't wanna say that.

This was submitted by Krista, and this is called Pitch Manteau. Pitch Manteau, which is a portmanteau of pitching and portmanteau, I believe. Okay. Okay, so. An elegant portmanteau. This is a lot like structured,

like switch it and pitch it in a way. Here's what I like about the three-chart. Yeah. There's five ingredients. Yeah. Pitch. This is like our Taco Bell. One is pitch.

Yes, exactly. One is a portmanteau. One is switch. And one is song. And one is guessing. What is song? And one is improv. Song is big ingredient.

Yeah. Okay, but this. Song is big ingredient. Yeah. Okay, but this- Song is big ingredient. So the one person is pitching to two people, but the way they figure out what they're gonna pitch is separately the other two people that you're pitching to send you one word.

Fuck. And then you have to put the two words together and pitch that. So it's not like you're making a portmanteau of the two words, but you're using both of them. Oh wait guys, sorry. Spam risk, I gotta take that. Oh, I love her.

Put them on the mic. Hello. This message is provided by the administration of energy savings. Okay, go ahead. The state has now set aside $1.3 billion. Oh. Your home is eligible for up $1.3 billion. Oh. Your home is eligible for up to $10,000.

Whoa. For clean energy upgrades. Wait, out of $1.3 billion? Fuck off. That's chump change. Why do you get me all excited? Yeah, you got to go for the whole $1.3. Jesus Christ.

How about a million? Yeah. Why is that such a thing right now? So many spam calls. I don't know. I don't know, but I get them three times a day and the exact same one of the $1.3 billion. Let me tell you something.

My auto is warrantied like you wouldn't believe. Oh my God, I got one today about my car warranty. Well, I hope you got the warranty. Well, I sent them my social security number and $5 million wire transfer. In Apple gift cards. Yes, and it all should be working out. Okay. We'll get a new warranty by the end of the cards. Yes, and it all should be working out. Okay.

With a new warranty by the end of the day. The scammers are starting to leave me alone. Oh good. The text scammers. Just like Britney. Chris Crogger yelled at them. Which is, it's, you know, it's bittersweet because I did enjoy messaging with them. Yeah.

And there's never a satisfying conclusion they just kind of like stop. They peter out because they realize you're not a. Like the days of you go to hell are. Well I had one recently on WhatsApp and I was pretending to be a guy and then at a certain point the girl or whoever asked me about my WhatsApp picture or something,

which was like, it's not me but it's something else and then they were like, oh so who's that? And then it was like this kind of like, it felt like, it's not me, but it's something else. And then they were like, oh, so who's that? And then it was at this kind of like, it felt like they were trying to go, well, then who's that in this picture? And then what's this? And then they're like, let's take this off WhatsApp and text on the phone.

And I was like, oh, they're trying to get me to the next level. Yeah. I didn't have it. That's major. I just blocked them and moved on, but yeah. The last one I had on WhatsApp was pretty good. Hi, how's it going?

We haven't talked in a while. We should catch up soon. Great opening. I wrote back, things are pretty good. Thank you. I got a judge to declare me legally immune to COVID and will probably be interviewed on the news soon. How are you?

I miss us. Oh, I'm pretty good. I miss both of you too. How are you today? We were just talking about how long it's been since we did the fun night of entertainment together. All three of us having so much fun. I'm okay. Although I've just tested positive for COVID-24. Somehow I skipped two COVIDs. How are you? How many COVIDs? Yes, we are. How is your wife? Is she going fine?

She's going so fine. Thank you. We were worried she wouldn't be able to go as fine as she is, but she worked hard. How are you? Oh, yeah. Happy for here that she is going so fine, thank you. We were worried she wouldn't be able to go as fine as she is, but she worked hard. How are you? Oh yeah, happy for here that she is going so fine. I am fine, thank. How about you? I just as a positive for COVID-25.

I can't believe how many COVIDs I'm racking up, but I don't feel too badly other than loss of touch. Oh, I'm really sorry for here that. It's you on your profile? Thank you for your kind words. They fill my heart with light. My profile is me and always will be. Is your profile you?

Oh yeah. Yes, I am me. Oh, so maybe that's part of the scam they were asking about my profile. Yeah. Yeah, they're, yeah. Thinking foe. I haven't gotten that far yet.

Thinking foe, have we talked before? Oh, this is wonderful news. We are both who we say we are. Oh, we have spoken before. We are good friends. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, we are good friends. Such a good friends. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. We are a good friends. Such a good

feeling. Oh yes. May I know your name please? Robert, Robert and Emma. Yes, I am Robert and Emma. And your name is? Mia Bella. Such a lovely name. What does it mean? It's mean beautiful. Ah, my name Robert means mechanical man with a few letters changed. Do you ever look at the stars and think that there is life out there? Yo, yeah, really? Who named this Mr. Paul F. Tompkins? Oh no. Have I been hacked? Who hacked you? This Paul Thompson guy, he's hacked me almost 10 times now. Are you trying to tell me a story? Yes. It's a story of fraud and triumph.

Shall I go on? Okay, go on, man. Okay. This starts about 25 years ago in Colorado. I was quite the ski bum back in those days, skiing and fun doing my way up and down the state for as long as the snow stayed on the ground. One day, I get an email from someone I've never heard from. The email said, written down, I am you whatever I want. Mia, I'm sure you can imagine I was perplexed. It was signed Mr. Paul F.

Tompkins. Oh yeah? Since then, every few years, this guy hacks into my computer phone and pretends to be my dear friends like you Mia Bella. It's humiliating. I am beta male to him. Like me? Okay, beta male. Yes, we have established previously in the thread that we are friends. Anyway, what did you want to scam me about? Yo, what's up? It's still me? Where do I scam you? Right here. Let's do it. Do I need to scam you now? Yeah, you are sure you want me to scam you? Are you ready? I thought that was the whole point. And then some, some like GIF that I had to download, but I wouldn't download. I'm scared to look at that. Is it the scam? Let me ask Emma if it's safe. Oh, you want to know about Emma? Is she safe? She is my wife, which is canon. I feel like you are trying to retcon the thread.

Then she sent me an office gift, which is clearly Brian Bumgarner laughing. Emma just yelled across the room. Do not click on that. Anyway, Mia, do you think we've caught up enough? Can we caught up more? Mia, I can't. Emma's furious that I spent so much time catching up when our house has been on fire this whole time. Great to chat with you. And sorry, the scam didn't work out.

Then he writes, who's scam you, dear? And I wrote, not this again. That was too long, sorry. I loved it. It was good. I don't care. Okay. Wow. I loved it. It was good. I don't care. Okay. Wow.

I mean, it's perfect to read on a show like this. You know, you're spending so much time doing it and engaging with them, but maybe you're wasting their time unless it's an automated thing. That didn't seem automated. That seemed like at some point it was like a real person. Sort of a GIF I feel like is next level to the AI.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And saying, okay, beta male. I don't think a robot would do that. Do you? I don't know. Do you remember that AI that advertised on Bang Bang that was trying to be a thing and then it just suddenly closed up shop

and I felt like I had to grieve for her. Yes. It was like Zia or. Oh yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you remember Smarter Child? Didn't anyone ever? Ew, what?

It was like, if you spent a lot of time on AOL, this was a, just a bot that you could chat with, and it was called Smarter Child, and it would just respond, it was just an AI that responded. Show me your underpants. It gets to it within two minutes. I love talking to it.

Two minutes. Is your parents home? Let's play a special game. Are we gonna play this or should, or is that the episode? Let's do it. I feel like, oh, okay. Let's do it.

We got a couple minutes. Okay, we have some time. Okay, so Lauren, why don't you pitch to us and Paul and I will text you separate words. Okay. I'm pitching what? You basically just put our two words together. So the example that Krista used is if I text poop

and Paul texts spoon, then you have to pitch a poop spoon. Ew. Yeah, anyway. I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. So I'm going to text you a word and Paul is going to text you a word. Did it. And- I slammed my phone is gonna text you a word. Did it.

And- I just slammed my phone down, which is not smart. Got it. And here's mine. And then you're gonna pitch us this product. Did we do this one before? I don't believe so. This is a new one.

Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Wow wow wow. Oh my God. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. This person has their own theme music. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Wow wow wow. Oh my god. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. This person has their own theme music. Dun dun. Hello sharks. Oh.

We're not. We're not. Sorry, there must be some confusion here. You're not. No, this is not Shark Tank. We're people. Oh my god, I've been standing outside those double doors for like an hour.

I know when we. I told you if we got double doors, people were gonna think it was Shark Tank. I know, he wanted the single door. And he wanted triple doors, and this one's a couple of eyes. Okay, well, um... What are you here for, dear? What do you have, honey?

I have a product pitch, if you're... Oh, this is perfect! That's what you do? Yes, that is exactly... We're not shark tanking. We listen to pitches. We don't buy pitches. We listen to them. Okay, well, I guess I could just practice it on you. Yeah, sure. No, that's part of our business. Okay, well I have the most important thing

that everyone in the whole world is going to need very much to do this fast. Oh, dang. Okay. And now. This is huge. This is huge. Yes.

If everyone in the world, I mean, that's a huge market. Yeah. That's the whole market. That's, I mean, can they use it over and over again so they have to keep buying it? can they use it over and over again? So they have to keep buying it? Can they use it over and over again? So they have to keep it. It does it does it wear out? Is it like a single use product?

Single use. Tell us what it is, champ. Like a tampon is what I'm trying to say. That's what you're trying to say. Yeah. Like you just say that is a tampon that everyone in the world needs to use 12 times a year. I feel like you just say that? Is it a tampon that everyone in the world needs to use 12 times a year? I feel like you're approaching this like a guessing game. But it's a pitch.

Well, no, I'm saying that's the kind of product that I want to buy. Why? Because not only does every single person in the world need it, but they need it over and over and over again. You can keep making money. I don't know that everyone needs tampons. Not every single person.

I'm not saying that everyone in the world needs tampons. I'm saying that half of the public who- I'm gonna step outside and you guys can finish this. The private sector. I'm just stepping outside and you guys can finish this. Goodbye. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Come in through the other door now.

Okay. Yeah. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Hi, we're Shark Tank. You are? You came in through the right door. That's right. Okay, great. You came in through the right door. That's right. Okay, great. You came in through the Shark Tank door this time.

And you're Robert Herjavec, and you are obviously Mark Cuban. Mr. Wonderful. I'm Simply Marvelous. No, that's not Mr. Wonderful. I'm saying he's Mr. Wonderful. My name is Simply Marvelous. Oh, your name's Simply Marvelous?

Yeah, simply irresistible. I'm a simp. I think Lee is marvelous. Yeah, he's the marvelous Miss Maisel as well. Simp Lee Marvelous? Yeah. I simp Lee is marvelous. Yeah, he's the marvelous miss Maisel as well simply marvelous. Yeah, I simp Lee marvelous Is Lee marvelous out there good Lee Lee marvelous is I would love to meet her the father of Lee majors, right Yes, that's right. Okay It's like it gets worse each time.

Is somebody's stomach talking or is this someone? That was a gurgle in my throat. It's rude to point that out. No, it's not like I heard a conversation. I know, it's a gurgle in my throat. Did you hear our conversation before you walked in here though? No. Oh thank God.

Oh thank God. We were talking about personal stuff. We confess to a lot of gurgles. I'm just gonna set up my board here. Oh, look at that. Oh wow, look at that. Wow. Look at that. You're very prepared.

Is this about karate? Are you going to kick that board and break it? I'm not going to break it. I need to keep this. So if you do karate, please don't break this. I'm only a yellow belt. Can I try? Is that a little Shrek?

It is a little Shrek. So he's my little mascot here. And I'll just use him to kind of demonstrate. Hey there. You're an all-star. Oh, wow. It sings. Yeah. Usually it does it more. It Hey there, you're an All-Star. Oh wow, it sings. Yeah.

It usually does it more. It just sings the first part of All-Star, okay. It usually does it again. Shaking it again. No, it's not singing. I think it's broken. Yeah. Did I break it?

Maybe I'm a black belt. I paid so much money for that. How much? Oh no. Are you okay? Why do you think you're a black belt? Did you karate chop it? Well, I've been a yellow belt, but yeah, I karate chopped it. It stopped singing. Wait, let me just try it again. Hey no, you're a black belt? Did you karate chop it? Well, I've been a yellow belt,

but yeah, I karate chopped it. Let me just try it again. Hey, no, you're a black belt. Okay, he did that, great. Oh, it's saying, hey, no, you're a black belt. Wow, thank you. I thought I was. Okay, so my idea is something everybody needs.

So you ever have any messes in your house that are just all sorts of crumbs in your bed, like crumbs of cookies and crumbs of anything else you eat? I mean, I have a problem. I don't kick my wife out of bed for eating crackers. Okay. So yeah, this happens to me a lot. So there's a lot of cracker crumbs. I sleep on a bed of crumbs.

Yeah. Okay. I go to the supermarket, I go right to the Crespo aisle, and I just bags and bags of Progresso bread crumbs. Yeah. Okay. And I sleep on that. And you know what? It's very comfortable.

It's pretty comfortable. I slept on it once when I was house sitting. You didn I sleep on that. And you know what? It's very comfortable. It's pretty comfortable. I slept on it once when I was house sitting. You didn't tell me that. You slept in the main bedroom. Where'd you think I was gonna sleep? Yeah, where'd you think I was gonna sleep? The couch. When I'm house sitting for you?

Yes. For a year? The bed is personal. For a whole year. I'm supposed to be on the couch? I have daydreams on that bed. What do you do on the couch? I stare straight ahead.

Okay. I'm sorry. I apologize. So this is a, this is a crumied. A what? It's a crumied. A crumied? Crumied?

Yes. Do you have an accent all of a sudden? No. So you're saying crumied? Yes. Okay. You're saying crumied. Crumied.

You are saying crumied. Yes.iod. You are saying crumiod. Yes. And what is that? And basically what it is, it's this little brush and it's really a small broom that this little Shrek could hold if he would. That's too small for a broom. And he, and he, you know, the little Shrek.

That's like a large brush. And the Shrek will kind of come into your bed and kind of just. Why are you just talking and not paying attention to anything that we're saying? Shrek, Shrek will go into your bed and he'll just sweep up all your crumbs into a little pyramid and then it goes right between the pillows of you and your spouse or whomever is sharing

your bed with you that evening or nobody if nobody. What if I have a gooma? That's fine too. It's alright? Uh huh. Like morally. No moral judgements. And then in the morning you know you're able to document that for Instagram

and, um... Wait, so the, so the crumb brush that Shrek holds turns the crumbs into a pyramid of crumbs. Yes. And then you put them on Instagram. Between the pillows? He will place it between the pillows. He places it between... Well, those aren't pillows.

You can Instagram it. You can Instagram it. You can Instagram it. Oh, and you can Instagram it. And then show your pyramid. So it's kind of like a... Show off your pyramid of chrome And this is something that everybody know your pyramid and that way people can go. Oh actually had way more than you have seen that hashtag

Yeah, that's what it's the hashtag is about because I was trending that was trending Wow. I know it was trending It was really huge day for us, but it was huge. Yeah. Yeah, so And Shrek is a part of it. He is attached and he will show up at your house. He'll sing the first part of his song. If he's feeling like it, will he do more than, Hey now, he usually does. Hey, now you're an all star. Okay. Well, that's pretty good. And you don't get upset. I try to get him to do more and he really pushes. How much did you pay for this? You said you paid a lot of money.

So I've invested in my company already quite a bit. Just when you say that, you just have bought this Shrek thing. Getting the Shrek. Because you don't even seem to have the implement. Yeah, you don't have the crumb of a bid or whatever it was called. It's not only a figure. I mean, he will stand there and he will do this

once you go to sleep. So you haven't invented the pyramid, you've just bought the Shrek thing? It's not inventing a pyramid, he makes pyramids out of crumbs. But you haven't invented the pyramid, you've just bought the Shrek thing? It's not inventing a pyramid, he makes pyramids out of crumbs. But you haven't invented the brush, you just bought the Shrek. He has the brush, it's there.

It's more about how he- That's just like a doll's brush. He builds pyramids. So it's a sentient doll that gets sent to your house. I will talk to him later about that. He's not a doll. Wait, he's alive? Yes.

I just wish you would stop calling him a doll. He's getting very offended, but. I beg your pardon, Shrek. Let's see if he'll sing. You're an ogre. Hey. I thought you said that he was gonna sing, hey now you're an ulcer.

I thought he would. And he just says hey with two different voices. Do it, buddy. He's doing like Tibetan throat singing. Hey dude, this is the time where we're going to sell this thing and actually get all our money back. The million dollars I paid for you from the dollar store. Yeah, that.

I didn't know they sold million dollar thing. It just says dollar store. It doesn't say one dollar store. Sing a little song. Come on guy. Moon River. What? Shut up. Moon River. What?

Shut up. Moon River? That's not the Shrek that I know and love. Singing Moon River from Breakfast at Tiffany? He's a big Sex and the City fan. And I said, what about Breakfast at Tiffany? Okay, so I'm just going to pack up shop here and leave, because it seems like you're not interested in crewmates. We don't buy anything.

We told you that from the beginning. Please don't leave. We're lonely. We're so lonely. You're just two lonely simps? Yeah. But don't sim anything we told you that from the beginning, please don't leave we're lonely Two lonely simps yeah Lonely beta cucks we got blocked by marvelous Wait Shrek stayed stayed. Shrek? Shrek.

Hey now, you're an old star, get your game on. Oh, Shrek. Shrek, you said more. Hey, you're an old star, get your game on. Let's play and all that glitters is show. Shrek, Shrek, clear your throat. Clear your throat, Shrek. Holy shooting stars, break the mold.

Oh my God, I forgot Shrek. Oh no, we don't play. Please leave him, please leave him. We can't leave him here. He's a clear throat. He sang almost the whole song for us. Oh Yeah, right scam artists What is it time for scam now? It's time for a scam. Hey now, there's a scam now We did it and that's how you play. I forget. Pinchmanto. Pinchmanto. Yes. Pinchmanto. Pinchmanto.

Submitted by Poopspoon. Thanks, Poopspoon. Thanks, Poopspoon. And please submit Pinchmanto and Pinchmanto. Oh, that's a new game. That would be great fun to play. Pinchmantis. We're going to have to pinch a praying mantis. Ohis That's a good game, but you get fined $50 if you do. Mm-hmm, but that's how you play the game Okay, freedom USA Twitter and Instagram three new say gmail.com Haha, la in poo is the phone number. We love you. If you want to listen to ad free versions of this shit

Why don't you go to stitcher premium or cbbworld.com before going to fuck yourself. That would be great. And if you go to, if you go to fuck yourself, have fun, fun doing it. It doesn't have to be a bad thing. All right. We'll see you next time. Fuck yourself. Bye. Can I hope you fuck yourself? Bye. Parents, we know the childcare crisis is not just another headline.

It's a daily struggle playing out in millions of homes across this country. I'm Gloria Riviera, and this is No One Is Coming to Save Us. This season, we're demanding a childcare system that actually works for kids, parents, and educators. We mean pre-birth to five, full day, nearby, easy to apply. No One Is Coming to Save Us, season five from Lemonado Media, out now.