Threedom - Threevisiting: Squish Factor

Episode Date: April 2, 2024

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss Croc Talk, Paul's jobs and VHS porn before playing Taboo Word. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail at HAGCLAIMS8.com. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This episode of Freedom is brought to you by Makers Mark. You may not know that Makers Mark co-founder Margie Samuels was the designer and genius behind the original label. And it's Women's History Month, so I would like to shout out another amazing woman I admire, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who hosts the show Wiser Than Me, which every episode is amazing, also here on the Lemonada Network. And I am honored to be a part of a community of strong women, and I want to pass it on. I got a fun, personalized label bottle from Makers Mark. So cheers to you, Margie, I want to pass it on. I got a fun personalized label bottle from Makers Mark. So cheers to you Margie and cheers to you Julia. This month order a free label and let a spirited woman in your life know just how special she is to you. Head to makersmark.com

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Freedom! apply. See terms at discover.com slash credit card. Do we do the same thing? Well, I did a question you did a declarative statement. Yes, yeah exactly Freedom. Oh Freedom. Welcome to Freedom. Say it as quickly as you can. It puts the freedom in the basket. Freedom. Freedom. Freedom. Freedom. Freedom. Welcome to Freedom. I'm gonna crack. What are you chicken piss? I'm cracking open my piss bucket. Scott is drinking a big bottle of piss. No, it's an iced tea, strawberry,

apple, green tea. That looks fancy. Fancy. Don't let me down. Is that a lyric of don't let me down? No, stop thinking of it. Don't let me down. That looks fancy. I was thinking of that song. What is that? No, I know what you mean. Come on. Da da da da. The National Anthem? Don't bring me down.

Don't bring me down. There's so many don'ts and lets and brings and tastes. I just got into Kate Bush, and I feel like an asshole. Why didn't I know? And why didn't I know? Oh, yeah. And then I thought, well, some of those, first of all, some of it's a me. I mean, I just love it. Well, didn't you, did you get in through the Futureheads?

Because didn't you say... That was initially how I got in because... They did a cover of Hounds of Love. And I knew that song for some reason. I don't know why. And then... You sent it to us, I believe last November saying, have you heard this? This is great. No, but I've known that song forever. But then I figured you guys would know the Kate Bush version.

And so then I didn't know if you would know that version. But then I, and I kind of been aware of Kate Bush. Yeah. But I mean, I've been aware of Kate Bush, but I have never dipped my toe. Yeah. And then I did. And then I'm like- You gotta do that too. Well, doy, it's like, of course,

I joined a new song influenced by, you know, you could just like see the trails and I felt like I was an idiot. Who didn't know? You saw the Bush trails. You saw the Bush trails. For some reason, I am not a huge fan. I have all of her records. I put her in these playlists. By the way, I just was listening to Add to Cart where Cool Up is talking about your collections and how you, I mean do you know? No, I don't. What'd she talk about? She talked about how you collect an artist even if you don't care really about every

element of that part. You want to have the whole discography. Yeah. And she was crying. Yeah. She was actually screaming. There's no room in our house. I mean, I want to find my ways in,

because there have been all sorts of people. Like Bruce Springsteen, I was not a fan for the first 25 years of my life. I would be like, oh, he's corny or whatever. And then I heard a David Bowie cover of It's Hard to Be a Saint in the City. And I was like, that's a good song. And then I went back and investigated.

And then that opened it up to me. Yeah. I mean, so how long did it were your investigations? Well I got my forensic. I started pouring dust everywhere. Five years later, I cleaned up. I like tunnel of love. By the way, we are back in the backyard and it's a windy day and you can hear the wind,

I feel like. I'm certain that the wind will be heard and then Josh will say, no, there's no way. Josh, that fool. No, I'm pretty sure I can minimize this. Josh, that's you. Did you get any new croc fairies? Sometimes the wind will sound like Sia. Oh yeah, did you get any new croc? No new Sometimes the wind will sound like Sia. Oh yeah, did you get any new croc ferries?

No new, no, but there is some croc. I have a croc announcement. Okay. I... What is it? You didn't buy the croc balls, did you? I was gonna say those croc testies. Please stop sending us.

Oh my God, stop. Please stop, we've seen them. What's the other thing, please stop sending us? The chili dog thing? Chil- fucking sucking on chili dogs. We've seen them. What's the other thing? Please stop sending us the chili dog thing. Fucking sucking on chili dogs. We know. I'm going to confess though.

I haven't clicked it. I finally clicked it. Oh my god. I will not. Did you get a ticket? I won't click it. I did get a ticket. I thought it was supposed to be one or the other.

I didn't think it was both. No, if you click it, you get a ticket. I didn't think it was both. I didn't think it was both. Oh my darling. Don't let me down. Don't tag me down. Don't tag me in the fucking chili dogs motherfucker man.

Even that guy's going, I don't know why they keep tagging on these people. Who are these people? Okay, my croc announcement. I was... It's a croc...what? Croc announcement? Yeah. I wanted to find a rhyme, but. What's a, a pro-croclamation?

Okay. Pro-croclamation, I like it. With a croc jock. A croclamation, that makes more sense. All right. A croclamation? It kind of does. So I-

Hate to break it to ya. Hey, better you hear it from me. That makes more sense. Scott's getting mad. I'm not mad. He's getting furious. He's clutching his piss bottle so hard. I'm not mad.

I already drank all my piss. I got a lot of straight energy. I don't care. By the way, for all these weirdos who keep writing to Paula and I saying stop interrupting Lauren. I interrupt. Case in point. You went just as much.

I literally interrupt all the time, but here's one of the things that I think is really heightening it. And then we can blame Josh for this for fun. Sure. The clips that Josh is posting, choosing to post for us, are ones where I am being talked over heavily.

And it's- That's just what he's into. He loves it. It's fine, but yeah, it's gonna highlight that. Okay. Well, anyway. Look, this show was built on interruptions and it will die on the road.

Scott cannot make a croclamation due to the fact that- Look at how long ago I said I had a croclamation. Oh my God, what is it? So, Cool Up was on a Zoom and asked me if I would pick up something that we got delivered from a courier. Okay, so I... It's legal here, you can say what it is.

Wee, baby! So I was tracking the courier and it said, oh, hey, put on a mask and all this stuff. So I went out... I went out and she parked. Oh hey, that was the alert. Put on a mask and all this stuff. Oh yeah right. Put on a mask and all of them. So she parked right in front of our house and I opened the gate and I went out and she was handing me the stuff.

It was a couple of things. Brick of hash. And I looked down at her feet. What? And she was wearing Crocs with charms on them. And then she saw- Jibbits. She saw my Crocs. Wow, Jibbits.

And she said, hey, I like your Jibbits. And I said, well, I like yours too. Oh my God, it's a love connection in the time of COVID. We're having an affair. I felt like we part, oh sure, yeah, of course. It is, I think gibbits are bringing the world together. I just felt like we were in a secret club and I was like, why did I wait so long for- But Paul didn't get the ones with the holes

and I still returned mine and haven't bought ones that I like yet. I know, I feel like I'm the only people and I've literally worn them every single day since- I feel like I'm the only people. I feel like I'm the only people and I've literally worn them every single day since I feel like I'm the only people I feel like I'm the only people You've worn them every day. I need really good ones But what's in your way darling?

Well the problem was that the glitter ones were too hard and possibly a little bit too small So I feel like I have to really investigate. I want the really squish factor, right? You want that squish factor? Yeah What do you want squishing? You want the really squish factor right you want that squish back yeah what do you what do you want squishing you want the inside okay hmm I want it to be super hard and rigid inside. Come on, piss man. Hey, drinking the piss. Hey, you're listening to Freedom, this is the piss man. Are you drinking the piss? I'm drinking the piss.

Do you remember the song we made up in our show? I want to try to remember it. Na Ga Da. Na Ga Da. Na Ga Da. We got on a Na Ga Da thing in our last livestream and it turned into a song. I was a potato and Lauren was a cookie.

I don't care why you don't want to do these shows. Um... No, I think it was that we were both Barbie and Ken. That's how it started. And then we became yes. Well, anyway, listen to that. It's called Watch It, Not Listen. Sorry. And it's only five delores if you go online. Yeah, you can do that, right?

It's okay for me to plug that here. Sure, Why not? But in the first ten minutes of our show Well, I thought you would like the song if we could remember only been ten minutes Really? You're over we can end now. I'm getting around. I'm getting around. I'm getting around. I have a good time. The shortest episode of Three to Remember. I have fun. No guys. We know we have. No. Sit out here in the elements. It's always fun. It's always fun. That's right We don't to convince each other of that. Okay. No just because we're saying it over and over again doesn't even don't believe it It's really always fun, right? It's always fun. It's always fun

But you know, okay, so I can't find my Crocs, but I just I do like clogs I have a pair of wool clogs that are so okay Okay, but all you've said is... Wool clogs? Yeah, with a cork sole, halflinger. All you've said is that you need them slightly bigger and slightly softer. What is standing... I mean, they don't... You know, I don't know what's standing my way because Nicole Byer has about 20 pairs. She was tweeting the other day she has her beach pair, her outside pair, her inside pair, her shopping pair. It's like...

I saw that she said she accidentally wore her inside pair outside and she was very upset with herself. Yeah. I like the idea of having them just for inside. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't know that I would, I mean, I walk the dogs with them,

but I don't know that I would ever wear them anywhere else. Well, because you don't want to ruin your whole sex life. Do you have slippers? Do you have slippers? Do I have slippers? Do you have slippers? I have, well, okay, I have sandals that I've worn all summer. It's not slippers. And then I segued into the crocs when winter came.

Crocs? The crews. Wild thing. Man, man, you break my heart. You break my heart. crew. Wild thing. These are just as good as crocs. Crocs are just as good. Okay, I got them on Holla Boulevard. They're called crocs. The crocs cost too much. By the way, is this croc talk? This is croc talk. Okay, good. Officially. Josh, play the jingle. The croclamation is part of Croc Talk. But when winter came, and winter was upon us. Okay, Game of Thrones. Meaning like 60 degrees.

But for some reason it gets super cold. No, it does get cold. In my office, which is not part of the central, it's like an ED, what are they called? ADU. ADU, yeah. So it has, it basically just has like a ED, what are they called? E-H? ADU. ADU, yeah. So it has, it basically just has like a, port, not portable, but.

Porta potty. It has a porta potty. You're in a port, It's an outhouse. You're in a porta potty. Your office is a porta potty. 10 miles away from your house. Like, hey, step in, I'm Fonzie.

Yeah, you're like Fonzie, yes. But so it just, it was freezing and I, and so I was wearing like multiple pairs of socks and Crocs, I mean socks and crocs together? You're doing it now? Yeah, I am. What does it mean? I don't know.

Double rainbow all the way. But Paul didn't want to get the one with the holes so he couldn't have the gibets. I didn't need the gibets. I don't need- But I don't believe you because you love- You love accoutrement. But you love the gibets of life. I love the gibets of life.

If anyone were a gibet, it would be you. What? You're a gibet. You're a gibbits of life. Like you love- I love the gibbits of life. If anyone were a gibbit, it would be you. What? You're a gibbit. You're a gibbit, come to life. But you- Oh my God. Oh my God. This is what we need.

We need freedom gibbits. Freedom gibbits. Yes. We need to have freedom gibbits. We need to make these. But what the- Holy shit. What the- But this episode's gonna come out before we get them on sale.

Oh no! We need to help Josh. Something to look forward to. Josh, get them made so that people can buy them right now. Yeah, if we could get three of them gibbets, that'd be really good. That'd be really good. Okay, so here's a few designs. Okay. Actually, because you could have a full freedom croc

Yeah. You know, view. So it'd be like one of each of our heads, one of the three of us together, one that says freedom, and then you'd need like five quotes, like Croclamation. Croclamation.

You need a pretzel in there, somewhere, a helicopter. Cause you could get a helicopter, this would be written. Spanking pen. Probably restaurant roundup. You need to fill one Because you could get a helicopter. This would be written. Spanking pen. Probably restaurant roundup. You need to fill one whole crop with the names of all the restaurants in Scott's way.

Which by the way, I want to hear where you guys worked. I already told you I worked two places. I know. Then you got famous. Baby sitting in the movies. Yeah. But Paul has had interesting jobs. We talked about tower video a lot. They're interesting. I've had interesting jobs. I mean, we talked about tower video. They're interesting. I've had day job.

Well, you worked at the hat store and we've heard a lot about that. Worked at the hat store. I worked at a comic book shop for a couple of months. Comics and Belfry. Every store in Philly. I worked on Belfry Row when I was first starting out. There was a place called Comics and More on South Street in Philadelphia. What was The More? The More was like action figures and shit. That's exactly what you would expect.

Exactly. I've told you about this store that I went into. It wasn't like also we refill prescriptions. The store in Santa Maria which was Beads and Things. You worked there? No, I went in there because I was putting up posters for the Wizard of Oz. I can't remember. Ignored.

But, yes. Ignored. Ignored. But I went in and it was... How about this? Instead of ignoring something, we have to say, ignored. Ignored. All right, we'll do that.

Oh, that's another gibbet. That's a gibbet. It's instantly caught on. It's not a proven gibbet. We got to test it, workshop it. We'll see if it catches on. Only proven gibbet. That's a gibbet. It's instantly caught on. It's not a proven gibbet. We gotta test it, workshop it. We'll see if we catch a sun. Only proven gibbets.

So I went into- Sia is a gibbet. Sia is a full gibbet. I bet there are Sia gibbets. That was a monumental episode. A lot of people commented on Sia. Sia apologizing. And by the way, just real quick, I just want to say somebody said that I went to a cocktail

party during COVID and I don't remember that happening. What? So fuck off. What? People commented on Sia. Sia apologizing. And by the way, just real quick, I just wanna say somebody said that I went to a cocktail party during COVID and I don't remember that happening. So fuck off. What? Well, cause they were like saying that we talk a lot

about how people need to follow the COVID rules and that we break them. Which by the way, not everyone can follow them. So I, you know what I mean? Of course we meet, don't mean. There are people out there. That's never who we're talking about. No, we're talking about a-holes.

But I didn't go to a cocktail party and I don't know what you're talking about. So get off me. I don't know if you go to cocktail parties when there isn't cold water. I don't do anything anyways. That's not true, but I feel sad, but I don't go to cocktail parties.

We did have one in this very backyard where we were all- Is that what we meant? As far away from each other as we are right now. We were literally so far apart, we were screaming. And we just, oh, which by the way. We were so far apart, we could not have a single conversation. So we all just sat in that conversation ourselves.

We had to, yeah. Which by the way, I wanted to talk about this and we'll get back to Beads and Things and then get back to comics and more. But we had been talking about Smash Burgers on a previous episode. True. And that was a big, big topic online. It was a big topic and Paul didn't understand. So what did I do, Paul? You made Smash Burgers for me and Janie. You did? I did. Since when are you like the fucking burger fairy? These are our COVID confessions.

That's so nice. I made smash burgers for you guys. So how did you deliver them? I didn't bring them over to his house. They came over here and ate. And we ate super far away from each other. That's very nice. Was it good?

It was delicious. It sounds really good. So the smash burger kit, A plus, I think. A plus on smash burger kit. I live with a vegetarian. That's a gibbet. Oh, that's right, you do. So it's hard to be invested in making myself a hamburger, but I do.

Because he forbids meat in the house, right? Well, because it just feels like a lot of work for just me, but it sounds good. Was he always a vegetarian, Mike? Yeah, since he was a good teenager. Do you find yourself eating vegetarian more because of that or? Yes, I do.

I don't eat as much meat as I would otherwise, but I, I'll go out of my way to get it. I'll get that meat. What's that mean? Yeah, I'll get that meat. I'll get that meat. Take out and whatnot. Oh, take out and whatnot.

But I don't cook meat really. What's the whatnot? We're talking about like in more. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so back to beads and things, the things are pool tables. What?

What? No. That's truly unhinged. What? What? The things were pool tables. But I'm sorry, if you want a pool table, you're not gonna go to beads and things.

No, it was bizarre. The most high priced item in your table, you're not gonna go to beads and things. No! It was bizarre. The most high-priced item in your store, you gotta call your store that and then sell beads as like impulse buys. Maybe they thought... Who's impulse buying beads or a pool table? Those are both really... Guilty of both.

Oh my god, should I get into beading? Did you ever see my beaded pool table? It's beautiful and loud. It was really hard to play on. I feel like maybe that's because they knew if it was just pool tables, no one would ever go in there. No one would ever, yeah. Although if you were shopping for a pool table and you were looking in the yellow pages, because this was 1991 or something, and you saw in the pool table section it said beads and things,

would you even call them to see if they had pool tables or would you say that's a mistake I absolutely call them out of curiosity and say well I just need to know I call every store and ask them that every day Forget it! Like there was gonna be more. Leave me alone. You know what? It's your loss, guys. That was actually a really good bit that I had.

Forget it. So Paul, when you worked at Comics and More, did you work there because you were interested in comics at the time? And were you one of those types of employees who was helpful in that respect? I was somewhat interested in comics. I would say at that point in my life, the only comics that I was acquainted with were through my older brother who collected comics when we were young.

But I did not, I never really collected them myself, but I thought, oh, this would be like an okay place to work. Right. And it wasn't. Oh, why? I worked, the people thought, oh, this would be like an okay place to work, you know? Right. And it wasn't. Oh, why? I worked, the people I worked with, there was one guy who was just a dumb guy who... It's his name, Phil. Is he still alive? I don't remember his last name, but I think I remember...

No, I don't remember his first name. Don't say it. But he did not like me instantly. Was this coming from the hat store? Yes, this is after the store's hat store. So you were wearing a bunch of those hats. You had like an air of pretension, sort of like hat man.

Yeah, I came in with a bunch of hats and then- Unlike Batman. I got my comeuppance because a bunch of monkeys came down from the tree. They all took my hats and I couldn't get them back. Wow, that's frustrating. Lauren, it was so frustrating. And then I got fired from that place because... Oh, so you got fired. I got fired. I was late. I was five minutes late twice. And the second time it happened, the manager told me, I don't want to fire you, but if I don't, the assistant manager

will rat me out to the boss and then I'll get in trouble. So I got to do this. So I'm like, what the hell? Okay. So what's the big problem? And I really want to understand what's the big problem with arriving five minutes late to a comic book store if you're not opening it? I don't know.

Yeah, exactly. And I wasn't opening it. You're probably taking someone's shift, right? Like you're replacing someone. I don't. And they have to stay the extra five? I don't think so. I think I was probably coming on. I don't know, but it's fucking five minutes. Yeah, I guess I could fire you guys from

freedom for being five minutes late. That's why I'm asking. We could fire you from freedom. Oh really? Yeah. Try it. Okay. Oh my god. Let's try. You're fired? No. Okay, hold on. You try firing me. You're fired. Fuck. Oh I did it.

Oh no I'm fired. You're rehired. Oh thank God. Okay good. At a discount? At a discount. Well that's so so this had nothing to do with the guy who hated you. No, that was just another guy. That was ancillary? Yeah. So, why was it so bad though, other than they just fired you after being late twice? Well, it wasn't fun. There was one guy who had very bad breath. He was a close talker. The guy who was the guy who would have ratted on me to get his superior fired was obviously not a great guy.

The wind, the wind. This umbrella's gonna eat me. No umbrella. There's an umbrella above Paul that is blowing around and shaking, but I think it's steady. I hope so. It's very scary today.

I did have a daydream on the way here of an umbrella flying at me and then me ducking and rolling. Wow, you're really did have a daydream on the way here of an umbrella flying at me and then me ducking and rolling. Wow. You're really athletic in this daydream. I know. And then in my daydream, you made fun of me, but I did protect myself, so I felt that it

was worth it. This is why you were driving? A lot happened. Speaking of ducking and rolling. Don't you think about stuff like that? It's meaningless? No, of course. Speaking of ducking and rolling. Don't you think about stuff like that that's meaningless? No, of course not, yes.

But that seemed like an elaborate daydream for driving. It was like 10 seconds, but it was- So 10 seconds where you were not paying attention to the road. Absolutely, but sometimes I think, I think I do this a lot where I'll have a thought like that and I go, well, if that happens, I'm psychic. Yeah, how many times does it ever happen? I am psychic about a couple of things.

Okay. People calling me, people following up on emails, and people texting me. Like, I'll be like, I'll think about that, oh, I haven't heard from that person about that email in a while, and then I just get an email. Like, that happens a lot. So I feel like I have brain waves that are like connected to the phone.

To the internet. Oh, okay. The phone. I have known anytime someone has called me to tell me that someone has died. I've always known immediately. That's why they were calling. Yeah. Do you think it's a tone thing or you're just like, they're calling it weird times though, right? No, no, it's not that it's, it's, it's, it's not like they're waking me up in the middle of the night.

It's the few times that it's happened. It's happened like three or four times, and every time as soon as I answered, as soon as they said hello, I knew. And I don't think, it could be just a tone thing, but... But you just felt it in your gut. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Although I, this, me too, technically, like once...

Hashtag. ...Kulap and I were in Paris and my mom called me and I left a message and I knew something was bad because she knew we were in Paris. And I was just like, okay, this is bad. And it was. But then every once in a while, like, my mom will call and have that tone and she'll say, hello, Scott, and I'll say'll say hi what's going on and it'll be something so trivial it will make me so mad that she used that tone. That happens to me too because I often think that's what's happening and then she's like what's going on? I'm like okay what? I got all scared. What's going on?

Does your mom usually call you Scott or does she call you a little term of indulgence? What does she call you? No, she calls me Scott, I think. Hello, Scott. Yeah, that's her. Hello, Scott. It is your mother. It is the woman who is half of your DNA.

This is your legal mother. Ah, the sun just... What, the sun popped out or what? It was just like, I don't know, something shifted and it was just blinding for a split second. Sorry. It'll be down behind. It's fine. Look, we may be going into dark times on one of these episodes, so that'll be exciting.

Threedom After Dark? Right? That'll be exciting. Anything can happen. Anything can happen. We really let our hair down, we get dirty. So wait, so Paul, hat store, comic store, tower video.

No. Wait, pause, pause, there's a lot of stops. Tower video was here. I had a bunch of jobs in Philly. But wait. I'm just listing jobs you've had. I'm not listing them in order. Stop, don't do it, don't do it. Did you have a high school job?

A high school job was that we discussed earlier was that pizza place that I worked at for like three days. Was it Tim Kalpakis's dad's place? And then had to, yes it was. He has a pizza place? Yeah, he had, he doesn't anymore. I had to take the time off of the school play and the guy was like, yeah Yes, you don't have a job. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah Okay, so pizza place then hat store pizza place that have store then comic store in comic store then Beta only video beta only Wow. It was called that or that's all they had the both

It was all that but they sold pool tables. Wait, Bet is that, is your beta and more experience how you got the tower video experience? It's called beta only, not beta and more. There was no more. Sorry, sorry. But is that how you got the tower video job? Is it because you had beta and more? No, I would imagine.

Why do you keep saying beta and more? I don't know why, and I also don't know why you would need video store experience to work at a video store. But did you? Is that an entry levellevel job or something? Yeah, you don't make the videos. Quentin Tarantino ended up. But you said you only had seven customers? Yeah, for the beta store, yeah. We had the same seven people that would come in.

Oh, oh, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, of course they wouldn't come in every day. This is well documented. I think I'm in every day. This is well documented. They came in every day. This is well documented in my fabulous stand up hour laboring under delusions. If seven, the same seven people came in every day, then you know it's a front for something. It would be very weird. Every single day, there's the exact same time the same person comes in and they order,

they get a video. It's just weird. Were all of their interests the same? Like they all just were popular movies or was there one guy who was always porn or? I don't think we had any adult films in the store. No beta porn. No beta porn.

Did you guys ever go in the porn room at a video store? I did when I was 18 and I was like, oh, I can do this now. And I remember just being ashamed. And then I went in and the woman saying, are you 18? And he's saying, yes, ma'am. And she didn't even check it. I was like, oh, I could have been doing this

for a couple of years. But it seems so hard to rent a porn as a kid and then figure out how to watch it. And it just seems like too much work. Well, okay. You're still discovering your body. Ew. You're growing hair in places you haven't had it before.

Well, especially if you don't have a VCR in your bedroom. Like you have to watch it in the common room. Do you have to wait for everyone to go to bed or something? Everyone to go to bed and then you have to turn this super low. And then it's like, it's way too risky. It's way too risky. Yeah. It's bad. risky. Yeah, it's bad. Porn is so much easier.

I wonder if kids are like, Yeah, they are. inundated with porn now. And is that good or is that bad? I think it's bad. It's great. Oh, you think it's bad? I feel like kids can do anything they want now.

It's bad. But isn't that better than having incredible shame about it and having to hide it? It doesn't mean you won't feel that. But you're going to be like, once fingering and then like one second later you're like AHHHHH! It's better for you to have to just kind of figure that out over time. Should porn be illegal until you've had sex for the first time? Yeah.

So it's not an age thing. One thing that I hear about a lot that never occurred to me is that people... The penis goes in the vagina. Yes and I was like what? I've been going around the back. They both do the same thing. Never occurred to me. That people who were who were brought up with you know, unlimited porn, essentially, access to porn, that it fucks them up in their relationships, in their sexual relationships, because that's how they sort of learn what sex is.

And so they think it's supposed to be like porn. Covered in body oil and with choking. What's that? With a stepsister? I just actually saw this Instagram reel today of this very religious person that some of my friends check in on every once in a while. Like, you know, we'll send the little like,

oh, here's what she's up to right now. Someone you know or? No, no, no, it's like a sort of Instagram famous religious person and She married this guy like last day, but they I think what it was was they had never kissed until their wedding So then they posted like a video of that Maybe youtubers and then now they're on Instagram, okay? Anyway, it's kind of fascinating and they have a baby now. It's just like how

They kissed really hard Anyway, it's kind of fascinating and they have a baby now. And it's just like, how? They kiss really hard. And, but she posted today or recently about porn being like, if you have a porn problem. And so it's like, it's basically like a video that's going like some music playing. And then she's like silently acting out stuff while like words pop up, you know,

like basically TikTok format. And it's like porn is a bad addiction that ruins the relationship between man and wife. And like, and if you have a problem with porn, like you can fix it and move it. It's like, it just, and then she's like kind of like bopping around, like smiling, like pointing at the words, like pointing at her Bible.

It's just like super weird. Read this thing. But just like porn is, it was all the reasons why porn is like really horrible. Well, here's my counterpoint. Is that a counterpoint? I can guess. Sex is mysterious. I remember when I was... Sex is fun. Sex is best when it's one-on-one. Exactly. But you, um, so... So that's supposed to stop threesomes? I never saw, I never saw like a, an actual porn where it was like insertion until I was 18. Mazel Tov.

And everything before then was just like weird Centimax movies that I could see or whatever. With the penis next to the vagina. Where it's simulated and everything is slow motion and saxophones are playing. Where there's like a lot of buds. Softcore, yeah, softcore porn. So I remember the first time I saw a porn, I was like shocked that I was like a lot of butts. Softcore. Yeah. Softcore porn. So I remember the first time I saw porn, I was like shocked that I was like, oh, I

didn't even know porn was porn. I thought it was- There's the front. Yeah. But I thought it was like Playboy where you don't see anything and it was simulated or whatever. Yeah. So I was like, oh, but then it actually was like, oh, so that's what you're supposed to

do. Oh no. I mean, I think that's like, it's like fine in an educational sense, but like, it's so, it can be anything. And that's, I think there's so much now that like you could click on something that's like really scarring. Yeah, totally, totally. I mean, like the amount of things I've seen on accident that are just like terrifying,

it's like, ugh, like, you know, and being a little kid and having no way to process that. Yeah, maybe there should be like a porn site that's good for teenagers. Wait, I'm not pitching this. I think this is really bad. No, but I will say I took a human sexuality class in college when I was 19 or something. And you tested negative.

Ha ha ha. And I took it because people were like, yeah, basically you just watch porn in the class. And it was like, essentially just this teacher showing movies and talking about various things. And then the only thing I remember from the class... Every class begins with, get a load of this. Get a load of this load. Oh my God. The only thing I remember from the class, and I failed it. You loaded this load. Oh my god. The ignored. The only thing I remember from the class, and I failed it, and I failed all my classes.

Because I just ended up not going to class anymore. Yeah, that'll do it. But all I remember is him talking about a dude he knew who had a huge dick. The teacher? Yeah, or someone he'd read about or something and he said just imagining this teacher. Yeah. So I knew this one guy had a huge dick. That is so disgusting. But he was saying like you know everyone talks about size and how like they you know they brag about size or whatever but I actually know someone who has a

very large penis and you know what he has to do every time he has sex or the first time he has sex with a woman and he clicked out the lights and he's like he has to do that because otherwise they'll get too scared. Like whose story is that? This is a college course. When the lights came back on he was nude. And it's me! Check this out.

That's such an insane, like also to act like that's like a real problem is like so stupid. Wait, you don't think it's? Oh, I'm learning more about your husband. All right, we have to take a break and we'll be right back. This episode of 3Dem is brought to you by Makers Mark. You may not know that Makers Mark's co-founder Margie Samuels was the designer and genius behind the original label. And now in honor of Women's History Month, Makers Mark has partnered with the talented artist Gail Ka Baker to hand paint a beautiful label, which you can personalize with the name of a spirited woman you know, someone who makes an impact on you or in their community. In honor of this Women's History Month, I want to shout out an amazing woman I admire, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who hosts the

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45% alcohol by volume. Copyright 2024, Maker's Mark Distillery, Incorporated, Laredo, Kentucky. Ah, Lauren, spring has sprung. Spring has truly sprung. Wow, what does that mean to you? Well, I mean, for me, I like to get out there and I like to enjoy the weather.

I like to sort of, you know, I like to be active. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Get out in the sunshine. What going for a run? Sometimes I like to run, but man, I'd love to. Oh, my gosh, who's that? Oh, my gosh. Oh, no. Oh, it's me. Hey, guys. Oh, hi.

Yeah, I was reading a funny comic strip. Oh, that's Henry. Yeah, I remember Henry. He's bald. He doesn't have a mouth. Yeah, sure. Anyway, we were talking about it being spring and the things we like to do to enjoy the weather. Oh, for me, what I love to do is I love to get on my electric e-bike and just zip around the town. and just to zip around the town. You know, I've heard they have an amazing variety of models built for riders of all abilities and the fact that it's never been easier to fall in love with writing again. Uh, Scott, everything you're saying is true. And what I'd like to do is tell you and you, Lauren, and I guess everyone listening, since we are recording this,

sure. Go to electric bikes dot com electric e-bikes. You forgot. Yeah. The thing is, is you have to go to electric e-bikes. You forgot. Yeah. The thing is, is you have to go to electric e-bikes.com. Can I tell you what happened in my mind? Yeah. I was thinking electric and I was thinking, okay, I have to remind people that there's no E at the front. And so you spent all of me to completely skip all E's. It's a common mistake, but here's what the address is.

Electric e-bikes.com and you'll discover ebikes that start at just $799 with the xp light and look can i be honest with you yes please i want to share some feelings okay i hope this isn't weird it's a safe space i love my electric ebike just owning it has made me so much more motivated to get out there and get some fresh air. I use it all the time. Well, they're a great way to get around offering up to 150 miles on one charge through electric's unbeatable long range options. Go full throttle into spring with electric e-bikes, the number one selling e-bikes in the nation. Get your adventure started at electric e-bikes.com and please mention the freedom sent you in the post checkout survey. That's L E C T R I C ebikes.com.

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the service you deserve. Limitations apply, see terms at discover.com slash credit card. And we're back. Yay. Yay. Oh wait, my thing came unplugged. Uh oh. No, no I'm gonna better.

Yeah, I can still hear you. It's my headphone. Oh, it's your headphones came unplugged. Headphone came unplugged. Headphone came unplugged. Headphones came unplugged. Welcome back to 3DM. We never introduce ourselves, but I'm Scott. I'm Paul. And I'm Lauren. Yeah, man.

Then I worked at Tower Books. Oh, so it's Tower Records getting kind of... Was that after video? This was after Beta Only. Oh, okay. And is this in LA now? No, this is in Philadelphia. This is in Philly, Tower Books. How fast did beta things go out of style? They were out of style in the 90s. I mean, like how, wasn't it a very short time that

they were? Yes, it was, for sure. I mean, it was, I remember DVDs came out in like 95. That's when I first heard of them. So it was like, already. But DVDs were after like laser disc, weren't they? came out in like 95, that's when I first heard of them. So it was like already. But DVDs were after like laser disc, weren't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but laser discs were still around

because I used to go into a laser disc store every Tuesday to see the new DVD releases. Do you have a collection of laser discs? No, I never did laser discs, but I did DVDs and Cool Up used to call it, I was making my rounds. I would do it on Wednesdays, usually, where I would go to the comic store and then go to the DVDs, the LaserDisc store for the DVDs.

And there were my errands, you know, picking up whatever. When I worked at Tower Video, they still had LaserDiscs. Yeah. They probably didn't until 2002. If you lived in Philly, you would be one of the seven customers at Paul's Beta store. But no, I mean, in the 90s, no one had Beta. No, it had already been crushed by VHS.

You guys keep talking, I'm gonna move this. Yeah, you guys are both. No, I'm gonna move this umbrella for Lauren. Thanks. Aw. And then yeah, when I worked at Tower Books, that was, this was also on the same street. This was on South Street.

I worked up and down the street. And so when you would get fired, you'd just go down two doors and knock on the next one and be like, can I work here? Yes. Tower Books, unfortunately, I had to quit beta only because I had been, uh, I was, I was getting so many standup gigs. And so then, um, well, that's a, that's a successful moment. Yeah. But then it dried up and, uh, I had to get a day job again.

Tower books was my last day job before I moved to LA. And how old were you when you moved to LA? I was 25 years old, 25 years old. And that felt old to me to be moving here. I guess I was 23. Oh, 24 maybe. Oh, that's great. That's great. When you moved from. Oh, 24 maybe. Oh, that's great. That's great. When you moved from...

Can you just stand there? You were 23 when you moved from Chicago to New York? When I moved from New York to LA. Oh, okay. I was 20... Yeah, something like that. 23, 24. Oh my God, this is...

I think you didn't do anything, unfortunately. Do you want to take this umbrella? Because I'm freezing. You want to switch spots? All the shade in the world. We have our covid friendly microphones. Exactly We're doing it right. Well, I could just ignore it'll just go away eventually I mean now all the umbrellas are just piled around paul. Put your sunnies on Yeah, put those sunglasses on i'm back back, and I did nothing to help. When I worked at Tower Books, that was the time when Howard Stern was on the rise,

and he had written his first book, Private Parts. Oh, yeah. And we held an event at Tower Books in Philadelphia, which was, of course, a huge deal, because he humiliated John DiBella, the host of The Morning Zoo. What'd he do? in Philadelphia, which was of course a huge deal because he humiliated John DiBella, the host of The Morning Zoo. What'd he do?

John DiBella is the host of The Morning Zoo. It was the number one show for years and years and years in Philly. They would do the same jokes every day. The same like fucking sound cards and everything every single day. And then when Howard Stern entered the Philadelphia market, he... So he's from Philadelphia? No, no, no.

But his show was syndicated. His show was syndicated. So when it came to Philadelphia, he made a big show of saying, I'm going to crush this guy John DiBella. Just like Arsenio did about Jay. That's so mean. That's right. I'm going to kick Jay Leno's ass. That seems different because he was already really successful, Jay Leno.

Like a local news, or a local zoo person feels mean to just shit on. No, Jay just. Oh, it was, yeah, it was insane. It was ridiculous. But what, is it the same? No, Jay just got the Tonight Show or something. Oh, okay.

I think he just took over from Johnny Carson. Oh, so that is kind of mean. And so Arsenio was like, I'm gonna kick his ass. That's right, yeah. That's hilarious, did he do it? He did not. I think he stopped his show a year later. He only did it for a year? No, Arsenio had been going for like a few years prior and so that's why he thought he was gonna kick Jaylen's ass. And then people said I thought you're gonna kick Jaylen's ass and he said I didn't say when. It's 22, it's gonna come. Have you watched the Wendy Williams documentary,

side note? No. I have to watch this. Okay, anyways. I call her Wendy O. Williams, is that okay? Why is that? Because of the plasmatics. That's right.

They were on SCTV once. Yes. Yeah. So Howard Stern himself was there. It was a huge event, lines around the block to get in and get your book signed by Howard Stern. Well, that would be very exciting. If I was in Howard Stern, it would have been.

Oh, I like Howard. But I wasn't. But he wouldn't do anything like that now. There's no, like at the time it was like, okay, I'll do this thing because I want to sell my book. Trying to get something public. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. But he like, he made JohnBella like Apologize for being on the air like he did it was This whole theater of humiliation of this guy that DiBella went along with it was it was crazy It was bananas. That's funny. I like it. It's good

So wait so so books... So books! Did you take books as well or no? I bought books with my employee discount. You can also borrow books. Do you remember a book that you bought at that time? Fuck. I remember buying...

If this is the right time, I remember buying the biography of Dean Martin that Nick Tosh's wrote. Oh yeah, I read that. Yeah. Yeah. It's all about, or it ends, doesn't it, with Dean Martin watching someone he was in a movie with doing a commercial for adult diapers?

Something like that. Oh my god. And thinking like, how did we sink so low or something like that. And this is all like the author imagining that's what happened. Imagining Dean Martin's thought process, yes. And I remember, I really liked that book. I wonder if I would like it now. Yeah, I read that in the Jerry Lewis one.

They used to be side by side on my bookshelf. Oh, I was thinking, he also wrote a Jerry Lee Lewis one, Nick Tosh's, in a similar vein of like imagining being inside And that ended also with him looking at someone doing an adult type of commercial Who's Jerry Lee Lewis? He's saying, Jerry Bowsavon! The Kid! Goodness gracious!

I looked over and I see him physically flinch! Revolts by that He was the killer! He set a piano on fire. Jerry Lee Lewis, or no, who am I talking about? Dennis Quaid. Dennis Quaid played in the movie. Did an insane portrayal of him in the movie. Who should we get?

How about somebody who's two feet taller and cannot sing? It's just gonna do the craziest accent. I wanna watch that. It's crazy. Yeah, I saw that in the theater with- Was the movie Great Balls of Fire? Yeah. The movie's Great Balls of Fire.

But a friend and I- Had me Great Balls. A friend and I snuck into the movies to see that movie. Really? We were like, we got there early. We were like, nobody's in. Let's just go in now. Because there was nobody at the ticket counter.

Oh, yeah. And Scott saw it at the Arcadia Cineplex number four. It was a four, 12 showing. There was a woman with a baby and there was another man. I saw it on cable. But we hit on the floor. What? On the disgusting movie theater floor.

That is. We were like sitting there and then we heard a voice and we're like, oh, get down. Get down. Get down. Oh my God. I missed being in the gross world. I miss being in the gross world. You what? I miss being in the gross world.

I know, I know. My friend and I used to sneak into so many movies that we were gonna write a book about. They put up a wanted poster? Wanted, two losers. The movie made it. We were gonna write a book and call it two-fers about how to sneak into a movie after

and all the thought processes. It's like one page long. No, we had so many theories on how to do it. Theories. And I remember we would look up, and this was mainly at the Arroyo Grande 6, but we would look up which theater it was playing at and we'd go, oh my God, we got a straight shot because there was one particular theater, the big one, that had an exit door that led you, The big one. That led you not outside, but to right there

where more theaters were. Wow. And you could just walk right in. That's good. Yeah. I'm sure I've told you this. My family famously insisted that we all see, when I was in the movie Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny,

my family insisted we all see that when I come home for Thanksgiving. Oh my God, this happened to me with Holmes and Watson at Christmas time. I had already seen it. I didn't need to see it again. They were like, no, no, no, we're all gonna go together as a family.

I go there with Janie and with my future brother and sister-in-law. We get there first. My family does not show up What? until after the opening credits. Oh my god. They had gone to another movie.

Oh. And then we're stealing this movie that they insisted we all see together. Oh my god. Do it the other way. Yeah, if you're gonna do it, but also leave me out of it. Right, right. So did they miss your part? No, they saw my part Yeah, if you're gonna do it, but also leave me out of it. You're right They miss your fart. No, they saw my part and nobody said nobody's anything about it

Yeah, they didn't say I'm in it a few times. Oh you're in it. Yeah, I mean too. Yeah. Yeah, they didn't say anything No, the one I remember my mother called me and said That I got I got home when I got home, when I got home, there was this message that she left me while I was flying home that said, you know, I was thinking about you in that movie and I think I figured it out. Everyone else was so crazy and then you were not being crazy

and I think that's what it was. So I'm like, I don't know what you. That's what it was? Yes, I think what she meant was, that's why I thought you were not good in the movie. Oh, no. That's insane. You're underplaying it for comedic effect.

Yes, I'm playing a deadpan character. I don't think I've ever seen that movie, but I feel like everyone loves you in that movie. Like they distinctly remember you. Also, Paul was in the series as well. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Playing the same character. Oh, okay. That's fine. I'm in two scenes.

Like, yeah. But I feel like people like really remember that. Yes, they do. They do. Because there's a big speech at the end and then I turned in the devil. I thought you were the devil. Yeah.

It's already spoiled. I told you, my mom, the first time I was on Mr. Show and this was just as an extra part. This is the season two best of where it was the fake infomercial. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And we were and and so Bob and David always were like, hey, let's get some friends who won't mind us not paying them. And so we were all up in the up in the seats and and my mom and dad

unbeknownst to me, they didn't say they were going to do this, but they didn't have HBO. So they rented a hotel room to go see it. And then they called me the next day and said, said they did it. And I went, oh, OK, well, what do you think? And she goes, well, you've gained a lot of weight. Oh, and I said, OK, well, what do you think of the show? And she goes, well, we turned it off after 10 minutes. Oh, my God.

We saw what we needed to see. I was reading about, actually, I was listening to a podcast about Kathy, the woman who made Kathy comics. Kathy Guys White. Yes. And it was all about her, I think it was a podcast the longest shortest time. And it's like a podcast about children, I think, because this podcast

was all about her having a child by herself in like her, I don't know, 30s or 40s. But at the time nobody was really doing this and blah blah blah. But she's successful, she draws and writes Cathy. Yes, but she was talking about, and by the way she's like really cute, like it's very funny to see her because- Oh she's not like an act? Yeah, yeah. She's not an act at all.

I think it's funny to like have that character be so associated with her. Is she a dime? I'd watch her shop for bathing suits. Exactly, exactly. To think Cathy periodically has to shop for brogslips. And it doesn't go well. That's actually not a bad catchphrase. I watch her shop for baby sleeves.

Well that's literally what they do on The Bachelor. It's like, try these on and walk out. Wait, what? It's like the woman shopping. It's always like, hey, here's a great date where I'm going to take you shopping and you're going to try on several things in product B. It's like my nightmare. Do you think it's because of pretty woman? Probably, yes, because the reason why it's good for the woman is that she comes home with 20 bags of clothes that she got for free

And plus jewelry Big mistake Yeah, yeah, and they get tons of stuff And the other girls are always really jealous of like, she got $20,000 worth of stuff and all we did was we rode horses I mean it's true, it doesn't really, it doesn't ever make sense. Why did they get that one person to go do that? Well they do it in order to cause drama. Well I know, but it's just, you know.

I thought that's what the alcohol was for. I guess I'm jealous. Alcohol. But my point is more that she told this story about visiting her daughter at college, like her graduation or something, and she was like so proud of her and just thinking like how amazing it was.

And she saw her across the campus and she was like, she's so beautiful. And she's like, and then I walked right up to her and said like, you need to brush your hair. And it's just like funny how she's like, I couldn't control myself. Like even though I like, how it's just like, that's what moms do.

Like, she was describing like the way she felt and how all she felt was proud. And then like she walked up to her and was like, that's incredible. Just said something like, you need to change. That's incredible. That's weirdly comforting to hear. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I think it's because I think it's so true. It's like, that couldn't have been the only thing your mom was thinking about that. But then it's like, the one thing that comes out is like, I think she has awareness of it later because the one time I've seen them this year was when I had to go down and take care of my dad because my mom had an operation.

So I went down and we just got into a, like my, right before I left, we got into a big fight because I went to pick up her pain medication, and I went. And you took all of them before you got home? Yes. Scott. It's so you. Oh, you're so selfish.

And I sold half. No, I went to the pharmacy she doesn't normally go to. Oh, I remember. And she was upset. And she was upset at me. And it was a big fight. And I was like, mom, I know you like things the way you like things, but you got the pills.

What's wrong? Anyway, so like two days later, I got a call about it. I'm sorry I said you were fat. 20 years ago. I'm still waiting for that one. No, but that's funny. Sorry, wait, so two days later she called. She just called and said, apologized,

and said she knew, you know, so I think you have awareness maybe in your mind while it's happening, I have no idea. Well, maybe when my mother and I are reunited in heaven, I'll get all those apologies. So you think you're going to heaven. Interesting. No, I don't. And she's not either, she's in hell.

She is with an atheist and that is a no-no. But don't you ever think that, like don't you ever kind of know you're doing that? Like I feel like I know I'm doing that sometimes. Like I know- I love those moments, yeah. I know there's a part of me that's going, stop saying this. And

then I'm just going, I gotta say it. I gotta be annoying for whatever reason. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. I hate it though. Cause like I truly, I'm going to stop. Like I, I do it to Mike. Like there's just, you know, random things that I can't even like, what is your thing? He deserves it though. Yeah. Like what do you mean? Like, like what is, what is your technique of like, I can intensely pinpoint what my mom's technique is that drives me up the wall. So when Cool Up does it, I'm always like, that's my mom.

Oh yeah, and I do one that's like his mom and he's like, oh my God. Yeah, what is that? It's like making, it's like, I kind of, one thing I do a lot is that I ask him to just do stuff right now. Like, I'll just be like, can you empty the dishwasher? And he's like, I'm reading.

And it's like, well, I want you to do it. I don't know. I know it's stupid, but it's like, I do that a lot. By the way, emptying the dishwasher, that's, you know, obviously during COVID, everyone's learning how to divvy up chores better and all that kind of stuff. But I just realized the other day,

I had been putting it off for hours and hours. And then I started, I was like, all right, let's do this shit. And I put on music. I was like, let me put on some music and it'll pass the time better. By the end of one song, it was done. I was gonna say.

Well, that's always my argument. I go like, it'll take two minutes. And like, I'll be like. But can't he finish the page or a chapter? Of course, of course. But like, and we were talking about it last night because we were FaceTiming with his friend Joey. And like, I said, oh, can you move this?

How's he doing? Is he still in LA? Yeah, he's trying to be an actor. Can you move this thing to the other part of the house? And then he's like, Joey's like, why don't you do it? Like he's then he's like Joey's like, why don't you do it? Like he's on FaceTime and he's like, why don't you do it? I'm like cuz I don't I want him to do it And he was saying that his girlfriend does that a lot where she's like Mike's girlfriend girlfriend will be like do go do this thing for me and like he's like if you want to don't you do it I'm

Like because we do because we want everything to he's like, if you want to do it, I want you to do it. I'm like, because we do so. Because we want everything to be equal. Well first, yes, it's like, I think. Or at least you want it to be. My response was. Like, I do 70% of the stuff, I'm just asking you to do 30. But yes, my response was like,

we do so much that you don't even acknowledge that is being done, that makes everything great. Yeah, yeah. And all I want is for like, me to not have to do these things. And then they're like, we do stuff too. And it's like, okay. We work out.

That takes hours. It does feel like I do believe that there is an imbalance of that stuff and with most relationships. And it's not to the point where I'm upset about it. It's more just like, that's why it comes out in that way, which is a mom-ish sort of thing to do.

And so it's annoying. And so that's why it comes out in that way, which is a mom-ish sort of thing to do. And so it's annoying. And so that's triggering for him because of his mom. Yeah. Does that particular thing. And so it's like, so maybe if you didn't do that particular thing, you could get away with, like, a bunch of other shit. My newest thing that he likes now, that my way of fixing it

is that I'll say, when you feel like it, can you do this? And then he's like, thank you for saying when I feel like it. And then it's like, great. So then, and then I just do. So not even when you get a second, but when you feel like it. Yeah. If you ever feel like it.

If you ever get up off your fat ass. Sometime today, could you do this or whatever? And it's like, then I can take it off my plate and my head. Yeah. That's good. But let me, on the topic of the dishwasher, I would much rather load the dishwasher than empty the dishwasher.

No, it's yucky. The emptying is crazy how little time it takes though, Paul. I know, but here's the thing. You don't know where stuff goes. No, I do know where stuff goes. And that's the problem, is that when you're putting the stuff in the dishwasher, you are, you're putting together a little puzzle, which I like,

I like that part of it. When you're putting things away, it's like, gotta go over here, gotta go over here, gotta go over here. There's a lot of walking. Whereas if you're, if you're at the sink, it's not even the walking, but it's like, I wish if everything from the dishwasher went,

if I could do the puzzle right in front, like on the cabinet, if it were the puzzle right in front, like on the cabinet above me, if it were the same thing in reverse, that would be fun. What if you kept all your dishes right above the dishwasher? Scott, I'd love nothing more. But I'm largely, that's not the way cabinets work. Some cabinets could be right above the dishwasher. Some cabinets could be, we could do that,

but then the thing is you have, the way it is in our kitchen is, we have a cabinet that is like, there are two shelves that are accessible and then there's one shelf that we have to stand on something to get to. Like Janie? She can stand on her back.

Or she stands on me. Yeah. One way or the other, somebody's getting stood on. Yeah. So we could get, we could get, and that right now is where our glassware and our coffee mugs are. We can't get plates in there too.

You have to stand on something to get your glassware? No, no, no. There's a shelf above that's like seldom used things. Yeah, yeah, I was gonna say that. I feel like you should move the glasses. Interesting. Anytime you want a glass, you gotta get out of step ladder. Somebody's gonna spot you.

Your eyeglasses, that's where you keep those. Yes, I have so... Where are my eyeglasses? I can't see. Check the kitchen cupboard. I'm eccentric, an eccentric millionaire. I read an interesting article the other day and perhaps you guys read it, but I thought it was...

We already talked about porn. I thought it was helpful in these times, which was a person who was getting really depressed during COVID, during quarantine. Me? Saying, nope, not you. Is it about you? Weirdly enough, I checked the byline,

I was like, this has got to be written by Paul. The first line was, I'm a depressing piece of shit. I'm famously a depressing piece of shit. But they were talking to their therapist and they were like, there are days where the dishes are just stacking up and I cannot, I just can't get off the couch to do this. Yes. And the therapist was like, well, because he's like,

I can't rinse them and then load the dishwasher. And the therapist was like, just run the dishwasher twice. Oh, yes, I did them and then load the dishwasher. And the therapist was like, just run the dishwasher twice. Oh, yes, I did. And I really liked that. And the person was like, well, you're not supposed to do that. And the therapist said,

we're in the middle of quarantine, like take care of yourself. Just run the dishwasher twice. And that saved so much of this person's mental space. He was like, okay, I'll just run the dishwasher twice and it'll get clean. And it just made them feel better. And then it was a metaphor for a larger thing of like,

do what you need to, you know, run the dishwasher twice in whatever area of your life you need to run it. Absolutely, yeah. That was a great article. That was a great piece. Do you feel like, do you guys both go to therapy? I have to go back. I have a... It's like Lost. I... Lost was my therapy. I have to rewatch it.

Oh my God. Sometimes I feel like the smoke monster is after me. I, yeah, I went for a long time and it was extraordinarily helpful for me. But lately, you know, I've been needing it again and especially with the last year has been really fucking tough. When you stopped going Did you tell your therapist or did you just kind of start going less and less? I I believe it was a while ago. I believe we had a discussion about it

Yeah, you know And then I just felt like I because I felt like I was kind of hitting a wall with therapy It was like I was I was going but I wasn't really getting anything out of it I felt like I was just kind of saying the same things over and over again. Yeah, right. And... Because you were going weekly and not much... I was going weekly, yeah.

Not much would change. Yeah. Well, it's hard during... I feel like during this time, because I go, but I go once every two weeks now on Zoom. But I feel like usually I just focus on like one problem that's like weighing on me or whatever. But like I, it's, it just is kind of weird during this time because like nothing's really happening. Then the, whatever the problem is,

is way bigger than it probably would be if it was a normal time. Like if I'm like having a problem with a friend or something that I'm like, and it's like, this isn't really that big of a deal, but right now it feels like it. At the very beginning of quarantine, like right before it started,

I tried seeing a new therapist. I got a recommendation. And it was such a, this, this, it made me realize how I really lucked out the first time I went because I got somebody that I clicked with right away. And then this guy, he was like, he was a nice man. But there was something about his style that was very, how to put this? Because it was not, it was not- He's listening right now. It was not ill intended. I wasn't thinking.

Why would Paul say that about you? He did say it was a big fan. He goes to therapy. Day one he was like, I love freedom. Nice. It came off kind of condescending. Like he was talking to me like I was a child and like borderline.

And it was like, I know he doesn't, I know he's not talking down to me. I know this is just his style, but it's not working for me. Yeah. Well also probably because you don't like being talked down to in any area of your life. So when someone.

Well, there's like five areas of my life. I love being talked down to in any area of your life. So when someone... Well, there's like five areas of my life I love being talked down to. Wait, my picture on Zoom is from between two ferns where I'm playing the trumpet in the boat. And it's like... Can I say something about that before you? Yes. You do not have the rights to that photo.

I know, I felt like that. I've never told you this, I don't think, but when... I liked that scene. When, yeah, you were good in the movie. It was really funny. No, when things would get really tough on that movie because there was, the post process was very difficult, I would watch that scene where you would say,

you got this. And it would cheer me up. Oh, that's very sweet. That's sweet, what about my scene? That's very sweet. It's- Well, I just sweet. What about my scene? That's very sweet. It's... Well, I just wanted to say that my picture on Zoom is like a still of me like blowing the trumpet

and it's just silly. Cause I just felt like, whenever there's that moment before people see you. But in therapy, it always feels weird when it pops up because it's like so silly right before I go in to see her. This is who you're dealing with. But then she said, she was like, I love that picture of you, it's so sweet.

It's so, and she was talking about it. And then it became clear, but she thought I was a little kid. A little mentally challenged girl. She thought it was me as a kid. I was like, that was, oh, I was like, that was like two years ago. And then it's like a joke in a movie or whatever.

And she was like, oh my God, I thought it was like a sweet picture of you as a kid. I was like, nope, that's me now. Wouldn't you love to return to that innocent child blowing the trumpet? If you could talk to her, what would you say? Like, oh, God. All right, we need a second to break. Oh, guys, guess what? What? Chicken butt.

Oh, yeah, I was going to say chicken butt. Then I have two things. Oh, OK. What's the first one? First one, chicken butt. OK. Second one is this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You're kidding me. No, I would joke about it. That's so interesting, because I was wanting to ask our listeners, how is your social battery doing these days? Are you feeling drained or a little burnt out?

Well, Lauren, it's so weird that you would ask our listeners that because I was going to say it can be easy to ignore our social battery and spread ourselves thin. It's really important to step back and figure out the right amount of socializing for us. That's weird because what I was going to say was therapy can give you the self-awareness to build a social life that doesn't drain your battery. Well, that's really crazy because I was going to say a good therapist shows you how to set boundaries, strengthening that muscle so you're much less likely to agree to things you maybe don't have the energy for. That's so odd because what I was

going to say next kind of relates to what you were saying which is if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It is super convenient, flexible, and fits right into your schedule. Are you ready to get goosebumps? Okay. Because… R.L. Stein time. I was going to say you can do it all from the comfort of your own home.

You just fill out a brief questionnaire to get match with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. This is gonna sound crazy, but I actually have a code that would help people for this. What, what, tell us. So you can find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. You just visit betterhelp.com slash freedom today to get 10% off your first month, okay?

That's better, H-E-L-P dot slash three down. Oh, that's how you spell help Founded by Sabrina Zohar do the work is a no BS growth minded online community Podcast and coaching platform for people seeking growth in their dating lives and personal relationships There's a reason do the work is in the top.5% of podcasts globally and had over 6 million downloads in its first year, all with a 4.9 star rating on Apple and Spotify. Finding a love that matches your self-worth takes work, and Do The Work podcast offers clear and actionable steps

toward doing just that, supported by board-certified and licensed psychologists. They cover topics that help listeners understand anxiety in dating, identifying patterns and why we choose certain partners that aren't good for us, confident ways to respond to confusing situationships, and more. Do the Work is more than just dating advice. It's support for everyone searching to come back to their authentic selves and empowers listeners to make relationship choices from a whole, worthy, and confident place. Work with Sabrina at sabrinazohar.com,

on TikTok at Sabrina Zohar, or on Instagram at Do The Work Podcast. And we're back and it's time for a Three-Ture. Yeah, so shut up everyone. You guys have sent us three-churs and this one was submitted by Josh. Super fan Josh. Super fan Josh. Add it back at it. He loves the show so much he decides to edit it together. He's gotten most of the three-chur on the show.

This is called Taboo Word. Fuck. Taboo Word. Fuck. Taboo Word. Two players secretly decide on a taboo word by texting each other the taboo word. Then all three of us begin a scene prompted by the suggestion of a common household item. Wait, I missed a crucial element. I don't understand. So we're just, we're just, this has nothing to do with the taboo word. Just we, like, say Lauren and I decide on a word that's taboo.

Penis. So say it's penis. We're not allowed to say penis in the scene. Good. But we're trying to get Paul to say it. But we're trying to get Paul to say penis. But the scene is about anything. The scene's about anything, but this says it's prompted by the suggestion of the common

household item. Yes. Penis. it's prompted by the suggestion of a common household item. Yes. And if the scene ends without anyone saying the taboo word, the third player wins. Okay, so it's like, oh my God, if you want- Maybe we time it. Wait, have you guys watched The Hustler on ABC? Yes.

I love it. Yes. It's basically mafia. I just heard about this show, yes. Flash, Secret Hitler, or whatever, but it's very fun. But that's kind of the rules, like they have to convince one person and then two people in the audience at home Do they know who the hustler is? No. No shit. So you're like playing along I swear I'm wrong. Like sometimes I'll pick the person right away and then other times I get it wrong the entire time

It's very fun. It's fun So Lauren should you and I do the taboo word first? Yes. And then, okay, so why don't you text me the word that you think it should be taboo, and then we will start. We're not allowed to say it. We're not allowed to say it. We're not allowed to do that. And then, Paul, do you want to say a household item item and we'll start the scene? And we'll time it.

You know what? I do. And I think I got to say dishwasher. Dishwasher. It's so on topic, you guys. We'll do five minutes. It's in the Zitgeist. It's in the Zitgeist, you guys.

It's in the Zitgeist, you guys. You guys, I could not help but say that we did know that this was going to come up because we weren were talking about We'll do five minutes and we're gonna we're gonna try to get Paul to say within five minutes if we don't he wins Okay, all right here we go ready and go Hey guys, I really need you both to step it up as roommates. Someone's got to do the dishes.

I can't be the only one doing the dishes. Well, I have to say Paul and I, because we share a room, we should only do it half the time and you should do it half the time because this is a two bedroom apartment. We're paying for one room and so are you. So it should be half and half. Do you guys use half the dishes? I use half of all the dishes in the house. We eat on the same plate and we just put a tape. We use half of half the dishes.

Can I just point out like let's look at all these dishes that are in the sink. They have food on them. Like what is this? This is like just disgusting. Well this is I mean. Well that one I'm still eating. What is that? We have an unusual diet. It's crepes. I'm sorry. Okay, what was I saying? We have an unusual diet.

What was I saying? Well, we're from France and we only eat crepes. We're from France. There's chocolate, I mean, what else is in here? We do savory crepes, but we also do sweet crepes. Yes, that one has chocolate, raspberries, some creme fraiche. Also, I mean, there's mint sometimes and also other fruits.

Christopher, mint. Crippin' Ploss. He came over once. He was discovered in a crepe? Yes, he was in a giant crepe. He and his schoolmates had been taking a tour of a crepe factory, and he fell in. What was in the thing that he fell into?

In the vat, the crepe vat. There was creme fraiche, chocolate, maple syrup, I think raspberries, and flour. There are kiwi, there was kiwi. There was kiwi, there was cantaloupe, there was- Not by the way, cantaloupe. It was thewi, there was Cantaloupe. There was- Not by the way, Cantaloupe. Cantaloupe. It was the Us Three song, Cantaloupe.

That's right. There was- Ah. I was singing the Cantaloupe song. I wanna hear what my roommate is gonna say. There was also, I think, some Hanukkah gelt was in there. I thought you were gonna say something else. De-foiled.

What did you think I was gonna say? fish Gafel to fish there was pineapple there was there was Jamaica All of the I mean there were plantains there were Bananas I thought I said that earlier, did I not? No, but were you going to say it before he interrupted you? I was going to say Bananas.

I know, and you see, we would have gotten it so much sooner. Did you know we were trying to lead you into saying a certain fruit? I didn't know if it was a certain fruit, I knew what the object of the game was, yes. mean did you feel like I was guiding you towards a fruit no not necessarily good we did play it well yeah you did a great job

all right who wants to be the taboo to you this time I mean yes we do with whom with you with Paul oh who was to be the taboo to yes the taboo to yes I guess me and you. OK. Do you want me to text you a word, or do you want to text me a word? I want you to text me a word. Did you text the last word?

No. OK. OK, so I'm texting you a word, and then... I am waiting for the texted word from you. Lauren, what are you doing? I was just looking at my phone. OK. Beep, beep, ba-dee, beep, beep, ba-dee. I got it. So Lauren, do you want Lauren, what are you doing? I was just looking at my phone. Okay. So Lauren, do you want to do you want to say what the household item is? I do. Okay. The household

item we are working with today is couch. Couch. And I'm going to time it and I'm going to start the timer now. Well. I'm so glad that we got up off the couch and went to this restaurant. It's so nice to be out and about. It's so good. I love it. I love it.

Hello, I'm your waiter this evening. Ah! Waiter, waiter. I know. Obviously. You just wanted it to be over. I just really wanted to get it. Like it's a disgusting restaurant. Did you know that's what it was?

I just figured it was. It's not going to be anything to do with couches or being at home. So nice to get off the couch. And it wasn't waitress. And go to this restaurant. Oh my god. That made me really laugh. So nice to wake up, get out of bed, live our day and then go to this restaurant.

Okay, Paul, you text a word to Lauren and I will be the household item person. All right. Paul is texting the taboo word to his, the other half of the taboo too. Or in lacus. Alright. And the word has been texted. But I have not received it. And now I have it.

Okay, and Scott, would you like to give us the household object? Who's gonna be starting the scene? Household object. I will say ceiling fan. Okay. Oh, I'm gonna start the timer. I think we're gonna need a stepladder. Oh yeah, well it's hard to get the dust off of these things. Yeah.

Hi guys, I bought a stepladder two weeks ago. Oh fantastic, are you coming to share it with us? It's in the other room and you're going to have to come with me to get it. Why, are you scared doing this? Yeah, I am. Oh, I know why you're scared. It's the haunted room. Oh, because of that thing you saw.

Yeah, it's the room where I swear I saw a ghost. Right. What did it look like? It was green and it had ectoplasm. It was eating a bunch of hot dogs. It had a hot dog cart. It was round. Right, right, right.

A lot like classic slimer, AKA onion head. Classic slimer. Onion head, yeah. He's eating hot dogs, you said. You know,head. Onionhead, yeah. He's eating a hot dog, as you say. You know, it wasn't real, Scott. And we really need to address this because this has been hanging over our home for the last few weeks now. It's a big thing that we're just not talking about.

I swear, anytime I pass by that room, I feel a chill. I feel like it's 30 degrees colder in that room. Well, there's a chill in this room because you have this problem with seeing quote unquote ghosts. I swear if you just come there with me, you'll see a ghost too. Look, can we just stop pretending? Let's go in the room and see. Come with me guys.. Come in the room. All right. Why did you make that noise?

Because when I'm walking, it muffles the sound of my steps. It sounds like you have two peg legs. That's really insensitive because you know that I have... They're not peg legs, but they're like Oscar Pistorius blades. I don't want to get into this again. I do actually. Here's the thing. Look, look, look.

Hold on a second. No, no, no the one that you don't want to talk about? Oh, me? Yeah. Like what's taboo to you? What's, what is taboo to me? Et tu taboo? To me, what is taboo is the taboo. Oh my God.

Absolutely. From, from what you call it, Black Eyed Peas. Right. I don't want to talk about him. Oh, right. Look, look, look. I don't want to talk about him. Oh, I saw in Cougaroo? Is that true? Yes.

You know what I'm gonna- And the employees said, hey, man, love your music. And he said, I'm just on my grind, you know. I'm gonna take a different tactic here with Scott because I don't want to look for Slimer. I don't think I'm gonna see Slimer, but I'm gonna close my eyes and try to see if I can feel Slimer.

Oh, that's a great idea. I will do that too. Okay. Okay, I feel a big, big fan. A big fan, it feels like a leather fan. What are you kissing? Hey, don't, if we close our eyes, don't start kissing us.

I'm sorry. Oh, that is not cool. Wait, you feel a big leather fan. Are you touching an elephant? The minute she said that I was like, oh they're trying to leave me the elephant Both sides win. I know I didn't win. I know I didn't win, but I did the same thing. I like I like it when we when it comes up. They won.

I know it's fun. Oh, my God. It is fun. Yeah. All right. It is. Oh, it is fun. Lauren, do you want to send me? Uh, yeah. The word. And then Paul will be. I know it's fun. Oh, it is fun. Lauren, do you want to send me? Yeah. The word. And then Paul will be...

Oh, I know it's Greece. Of course. Greece is the word. Is the word. It used to be bird. Bird is no longer the word. The word is now Greece. The word has been sent.

Great. Paul, do you want to have a household item? I do want to have a household item. I want to have a household item with you want to have a household item with you. You want a household filled with items. I'm going to say remote control. Remote control and start. Hey, can you pass me the remote control please?

I want to watch a movie. Which one? We have like 10. Like Barb and Star, go to Vista Del Mar. No, no, no, we have 10 remotes. Oh. Which remote do you need? The one for the, the Blu-ray player or the Betamax. No, no, no, we have 10 remotes. Oh. Which remote do you need? The one for the Blu-ray player. Or the Betamax, no, give me the Betamax.

Okay, all right. Ooh, hold on. There you go. Thanks. Do you like this movie? Well, I haven't seen it yet. Well, watch it, it's really funny. I hear good things, okay?

I'll watch it with you. No, it's one of my favorite, I love these guys. So you've seen it already? Yeah, I've seen it, it's one of my favorite movies. Ding dong. Oh my God, it's ding dongdong. Hi ding-dong. How are you? It's good we're just watching barb and star Can I hang out? Ding-dong. Yeah

Have you seen this movie? Yeah, I saw it. Did you like it? I loved it. Yeah. She's so funny. Which one? Not Annie, but Kristen. Not Annie, not Annie. Not Annie Mumolo, but Kristen is funny. The other actress. Yes. What?

Kristen is funny in it, I think. I think they're both funny, but I think Kristen, she's playing a dual role. She's really funny. Kristen Davis is in it, I think. I think they're both funny, but I think Kristen, she's playing a dual role. She's really funny. Kristen Davis is in this? No. Yeah, what's her last name? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Take care of this! What are you talking about? I gotta get plugs? No! Something a little more dramatic!

Okay, okay, you guys, I'm in school, I'm learning about the Tories and uh, something and I need something to help! Don't freak out! Don't, you know, uh... Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't... Don't flip't don't don't don't flip your lid Well, we have three minutes to go All right I almost said it the very first time I to pay. I thought it was just subtle enough because it's.

I almost said it the very first time. Well, that's what you should do. You should follow that instinct. All right. I'm going to text Paul. I'm going to receive the text. Oh, great citizen update. US surpasses 28 million cases of COVID-19. That's psychotic. All right, Lauren, do you want to come up with a household item?

The household object that we're working with right now is called. Is called? Pillow. Pillow. All right, and go. Boy, I had a crazy dream last night. What was it?

Was it eating marshmallows? Eating marshmallows? Not eating marshmallows multiple. I was a crazy dream last night. What was it? Was it eating marshmallows? Eating marshmallows? Not eating marshmallows multiple, I was just eating one gigantic marshmallow, yeah. Yeah, you know how I know. Well, how do you know? Cause you were saying marshmallow, marshmallow, marshmallow all night.

Oh no, am I talking in my sleep again? Yes. Oh boy, oh boy. Not only that, but you walked into my room to talk about it. How do you know? Cause I, well, I was gonna turn on the light but we didn't pay the bill yeah hey eviction you're not trying to get it you try to stay

away from it anyway ding-dong Not even being in the scene, but just like a third person. Hey Ding Dong, why were you hanging out with those other dudes today? Hey Ding Dong, we're jealous! We hate it when you don't hang out with us! Well, they had something to offer me. What's that, Ding Dong? Were they watching Barb and Star again? They gave me DVD copies of Barb and Star.

They gave you multiple DVD copies of Barb and Star? Well, sorry, we can't watch it. Okay Why did it okay? Turn off everything all your stuff and go No electricity Were you trying to say it kind of No, you know what we should try again not right now But maybe on the next episode is that game or you bring the stuff to the picnic because I think we were okay It's fun! It's fun when you say it. All right, one more. No, you know what we should try again? What? Not right now, but maybe on the next episode is that game where you bring the stuff to

the picnic. Because I feel like we were doing it wrong. Okay, we did it wrong. We should talk about that. I definitely did it wrong. I can't remember what it was supposed to be. We learned something afterwards that made it make a lot more sense and made it seem maybe even fun.

We're going to play one more. Paul's going to text Lauren and I'm going to say the household item. And then we're gonna end the episode, so. So get ready for that, okay guys? Get ready for the end of the episode! It's gonna be winding down soon, okay? Yep. All right, did you? I don't wanna hear crying later when it ends

because we told you. Did you receive the text? I got it. All right, and spatula start. Ugh, I love camping. I got it. All right, and spatula start. I love camping. I like it. I'm... I loathe it.

Wow, we all three have the feelings. We're like the three bears of camping. Yeah. Well, it's so- Where's our Goldilocks? Ha ha, anyway. Ha ha, ha ha. Ha ha, ha ha.

Ha ha, ha ha, anyway. Well, guys, last night. What happened? Did you hear that sound? I heard that bear that came into our tent. Was it a bear? Yeah. I don't know if it was a...

Are you sure it was a bear? It came into the tent? It came into the tent, it poked us sleeping back. The tent were all in together? Yeah. You guys didn't see it? I'm sorry, it wasn't a bear. It wasn't a bear?

Well, I wouldn't have made out with a bear. Oh my God, Ding Dong. Ding Dong, where were you yesterday? Because it seemed like you were never... How were you late to the camping trip? I was here, I just, I met... Why did you bring all these copies of Barb and Star? Wait, listen, I was in the tent last night with you guys, we were all in the tent together, the big, big tent, and there was that rustling in the trees and rustling in the leaves and then that some, not a bear came in and I made love. Yo!

Wait, so whatever came into our tent last night made love to you? Yeah. I remember it's a big shadow. I guess I assumed it was a bear, but... Maybe it was Satan? I don't think so because when I said hail Satan He just grunted

Hmm made it more into it. Huh? Satan would have been like, thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, that's crazy Anyway, what do you want to do today? I don't know but we should try to figure out what that thing was cuz I fucked it Agree, I don't I'd like to move on from this topic. Okay, fine. So what do you want to have for breakfast? Hash browns. Okay, that's it? That's it, that's all I want. All right, fine.

I'm not gonna list a bunch of stuff. That's what you're asking. No, I'm absolutely not. All I want is hash browns. I'm actually not asking for that. You can list as much food as you fucking want. Okay, eggs, hash browns, milk. Eggs, milk, chocolate cake.

Oh boy. For breakfast. That really came back to haunt me. Oh, my God. What? Ding dong, what is it? Ding dong. What's that place? You're our best friend, ding dong.

But you disappear for days on end. Do you see that track in the ground? Those footprints? Yeah, I see them. They look to be a size eight Nike. Is that what you think? Yeah, cause I'm looking at it. Cause it looks a little fantastical to me.

You're looking at your own foot, stupid. Oh no, damn! What's up, plans? Now I got it. Dam-dong? Damn, Daniel, you're looking at your own shoe. With the white kicks. The pumped up kicks.

Well, this is crazy. I don't know what you think it is. Why don't you tell me what you think it is? I think it might be like some sort of mountain man. Mmm. Yeah. So a mountain man came in our tent and fucked you? The brawny paper towel man or Nick Offerman.

Yeah, I'm just glad he found me and not either one of you guys, because it was awesome. Thanks for taking the bullet. Oh, wait, you're glad because it was awesome, not because you sacrificed yourself for us. And I would have been jealous. Ding dong. What's up, players?

I don't know, you are mysterious. You disappear for days on end, we don't know where you are. You're like a mythical creature. Yeah, sometimes I do find myself wandering the woods in the middle of the night, hoping to be caught in just a glimpse by someone who isn't sure they saw me. Anyone want a drink? I have some Sprite here. Nope.

You're like the Loch Ness Monster. It's 8 a.m. Yeah, I don't want any soda. You don't drink soda, what, before noon? I'd say noon is a good time to start. From noon to when? Noon to six. Soda time. Them soda hours. 6.01 to 12. Please soda don't hurt us. 6.01 to 11.59. Half a dozen of the other. Sure. I feel like you guys should go track whatever this is. I mean, I'm not interested. Well, what, have you ever heard of anything like this?

Yeah, all the time. Like what? Well, there was this, I saw this movie, Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny, and there was this crazy monster at the end of it. Which, what, what? Yeah. What was the crazy monster?

It was the devil, Dave Grohl played him. Was it small? After Apollo 10. That's a religious figure, that's not a monster. I think he's a monster. Was it small? Yeah. What was the crazy monster? It was the devil. Dave Grohl played him after the polyptych. That's a religious figure. That's not a monster. I think he's a monster. Was it small? I remember there was another monster in that movie.

Yeah. That's true. Jack Black? No, come on. Just because he's famous? He's nice. He's nice. Kyle, though.

Yeah, Kyle. Just say it, Scott. Sasquatch? No. Abominable snowman? No. Bigfoot? Yes.

Okay. That sucked. We had fun and then it was rude. There was eight seconds. I could have just. Sprite? Oh my God. RC Cola?

A sprite is a mythical creature. Yes it is, I know, I know. Speaking of three-tures, well guys, that was fun. I enjoyed that. I enjoyed it too. I enjoyed it too. Oh, there goes the alarm. Well, time to go everyone.

Time to go! Everyone go to sleep. See you later. Stop drinking soda. Good night. Good night. Good night. Bye. Do you ever get hit with a cringey memory

of your 13 year old self out of nowhere and suddenly you're panic sweating and laughing at the same time? Don't worry, don't worry, we all get that. It's because being an adolescent is one of the most visceral shared experiences we have as people and we want to talk about it. Join me, Penn Badgley and my two friends, Nava and Sophie, on Podcrushed as we interview celebrity guests about the joys and horrors of being a teenager and how those moments made them who they are today. New episodes of Podcrushed are out on April 24th, wherever you get your podcasts.

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